Broken Strings
by doolf4eva
Summary: Third Installment for Sorry Ever After. With everything they have been through, Steve and Bethany's strings have suffered the ultimate abuse. In order to keep the world safe, and their relationship whole, the Rogers and their friends need to tie those severed strings back together. But can broken strings hold the weight of the world? Steve/OC. Age of Ultron plot at chapter 22.
1. Made To Be Broken

****A/N: Here we are! Part 3 :)**

 **To everyone who just clicked on this story; yes, this is a three-part story thusfar. And yeah, you can try and start with this story, but it probably won't make much sense. The other stories are long, but at least you'll have something to keep you busy? A bonus for actually starting my stories is that I do update every single week. I'm dedicated and will not abandon my story at the peak of battle. I probably won't abandon my story unless everyone is happy.**

 **To everyone who is returning; WELCOME. As you'll notice, this story begins the same as the other two. With a flashforward. Which means you get a little sneak peak into Bethany and Steve's lives during the** ** _Age of Ultron_** **plot. While it'll be a while until I actually begin to write that, there is a lot of my own plot to develop in the meantime.**

 **Also, for everyone who loves Bucky, I'm happy to report that we will be seeing him quite often in this story. The entire first part of** ** _Broken Strings_** **will continually feature him, as well as Kiley, as they embark across Europe to try and find Bucky's past.**

 **The entire Jen/Jacob debacle will come to a close before the events of** ** _Age of Ultron_** **and that's a promise.**

Chapter 1- Made to Be **Broken**

 _"I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."_

 _~ Iris, Goo Goo Dolls_

* * *

The room was eerily quiet. The only sound besides the whispers of their breath was the ceiling fan, a rhythmic _whoosh, whoosh_ filling their ears. Steve and Bethany had barely said two words to each other since they decided that Jamie would sleep in between them, safe from any harm. This situation wasn't like the others. They couldn't rely on the top of line security system, and the first line of defense. They couldn't rely on someone to alert them if anything was out of the ordinary. JARVIS was gone. And along with him, any semblance of security that the couple had built through those past few months. The Tower still stood tall and strong, and despite being one of, if not _the_ safest building in the world without the Intelligence, it didn't change the uneasiness they were both suffering. But that wasn't the only thing on their minds.

"Are you asleep?" Bethany finally asked, turning her head to look at her husband. It was a moment before he finally responded. "Are you mad?" Was her next question. She had already asked him this before, but after the team meeting, she needed reassurance. His silence said a lot to her, and he had barely said anything.

"No," Steve said with a sigh. "I'm… I'm disappointed."

"That we did it? Or that we didn't tell you? Or because _I_ didn't tell you?" Bethany asked, a heavy weight pressing against her soul, knowing that Steve was disappointed at their actions. At _her_ actions.

"Everything," Steve whispered. "Beth, why didn't you say something?"  
"Because we knew… _I_ knew that you wouldn't agree," Bethany admitted freely. "We didn't have time to debate this. We did it because we knew this would be our only chance."

Steve was silent, quietly processing this information. "So even though you knew I wouldn't approve, you still went ahead and did it anyways?" He had understood earlier, or so he said. But now wasn't about just calming her down and getting to the bottom of the issue. Now was about understanding every little aspect.

"Just because you're a righteous man, Steve, doesn't mean you're always right," She pointed out. "You heard what Tony said. We need this."

"But in the process, we created an even bigger problem at hand."

"Yes, but if it worked… Steve, imagine if it worked. If Ultron woke up and immediately went to work on keeping peace. On transforming the world into one that we would actually be proud to raise Jamie in."

"But that's not what happened."

"But that's why I did this. Why we all did this. You may be content spending the rest of your days in that damned suit, but that's not all there is to life. Okay? When I agreed to help, all I could see was our dream. The one where it's us, growing old, with our children in a big, beautiful house and the last thing on our minds is the dangers of the world. Do you remember that dream Steve? What happened to that dream?"

"It's… unrealistic," Steve whispered. "I don't know if we can get that."

Bethany's jaw clenched as she tried to keep back her own disappointment at Steve's words. Because despite the world they lived in now, getting worse by the minute opposed to their attempts to make it better, that dream was the only reason she continued to push forward. And she thought that was the reason Steve was fighting as well. "You don't know if we can get it, or you don't want that?"

"What does that mean?" Steve asked, hurt by her words. "Of course I want a home, a real home with you and Jamie. But I also know that with HYDRA, no SHIELD and everything that happened with Jen and Theo this year, not to mention you, Banner and Tony keeping secrets-"

"Don't spin this on us," Bethany snapped. "Steve, I don't really know anymore if you would be okay with settling down. In theory, you think it's nice, but you don't-"

"I want that," Steve promised. "I just… I'm tired of expecting something and getting my hopes up. I'd rather look at this realistically. Besides, I thought you were happy. I thought we'd finally found a balance between family and work."

"You know why I fight. You know why I've always fought. But that doesn't change the fact that I want Jamie to grow up without having to worry like we do. For him to live his own life, and not have to live in your impossibly big shadow. I want us to have more kids, and watch them grow up and be individuals, contributing to society."

"Everytime you say you're going to hang up the suit," Steve began, clearly growing frustrated with their conversation. "You put it back on. Every single time. So, I'm sorry if I don't necessarily believe you when you say that you'd give it up permanently."

"Well, neither would you," Bethany spat in return.

"Does that mean you'll help us?" Steve asked. "You'll go after Ultron with us? I'm not going to ask you to stay here if you need to go out there. We've prepared for this. Prepared to leave Jamie here while we right the wrongs, but only if you're doing it for the right reasons."

"I just told you why I'm fighting," Bethany reminded him, but then realizing that she hadn't exactly laid it out clearly. "Look, I made a mistake. I _always_ make mistakes. And not ones that only affect myself. They affect others, they hurt others. This is possibly the biggest mistake I've ever made. I'll take full responsibility for my bad judgement."

"Well, that's good to hear," Steve replied, reaching across Jamie and taking Bethany's hand.

"I need to right my wrong," Bethany continued.

"And then? When this is all over? What do we do from then?" Bethany looked at Steve, her eyes long ago adjusting to the darkness. She could see the worry etched into his face on what was about to happen. For the first time, she could see the weariness taking its toll, but he didn't, for a second, allow that to take control of him.

She knew that Steve loved Jamie. That Steve loved her. God, he loved her. And she loved both her boys in return. But she knew who she married. She knew who Steve was. She knew who she was. They were both fighters. And he was ultimately right. As much as she wanted to be solely a mother and a wife, she knew she couldn't when the rest of her family was out there, fighting the fight that needed to be fought. If Steve put down the shield for good, giving up fighting would be a hell of a lot easier for her. That was the only reason she was able to stay away from the hells of the world right before and after Jamie was born. But all that was changing.

She wasn't sure if they could achieve that normalness they once wanted. That normalness that once seemed so simple. And when SHIELD was still around, it did seem possible. But now, Bethany couldn't disagree with her husband. It didn't mean that she didn't want to raise a family, and actually live their lives together. She wanted that. And she knew that Steve wanted that. But they would never stop fighting. That seemed to be the real issue at hand. No matter how badly she wanted to end it, she knew Steve would never step away, and therefore, she wouldn't either.

"Beth?" Steve asked again. "What happens when this is all over?"

She let out a soft sigh, squeezing his hand. "I don't know. But I do hope we can untangle ourselves from the strings that are weighing us down. The ones that keep bringing us here. The ones that keep us from moving forward. I'm tired, Steve. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of worrying."

"We'll get through this," Steve promised. "We always do."

"Until we don't," Bethany pointed out with a whisper. "What if this time we don't? What if this time, we lose someone?"

Steve sat up, Bethany following him. He quickly brought her into his arms, kissing her temple. She instantly felt better, comforted by his embrace. "We'll get through that too," he vowed. "I'm sorry that this is our life. You deserve better."

"Shhh," Bethany replied, her hands rubbing his smooth back rhythmically. "What I have now? This is more than I ever thought I would get. And I'm grateful. Living on the edge used to be fun. Now, it's a full time job. But I'm grateful for you. For Jamie. For the life we have together, no matter what. But that won't stop me from wanting us to just live happily ever after."

"We'll get through this," Steve repeated, as if unsure of what else to say. "We always do." Bethany nodded softly, pressing a kiss to his neck. She knew if she said anything else, Steve would be able to tell that she wasn't exactly sure if they would.

* * *

 _Five and a half months earlier..._

Steve carefully opened the door to Bethany's hospital room, balancing a tray of mac and cheese in one hand and his phone in the other. He had yet another text message from Jackson. They had reached an understanding. Steve wanted to be with Theo and Jamie, both of whom were only suffering more as the days went on, but right now, it wasn't possible. Jackson was sending him hourly updates, and while they only made the situation harder for Steve, ironically, there was less guilt because at least he was invested.

He quietly moved next to Bethany's bed. It had been a week since the explosion, and while she had been awake for the last few days, there were still burns on her body. She was frustrated with being confined to the bed, but due to Steve's continual begging paired with an untameable exhaustion, Bethany hadn't left the room. Putting the tray on the bedside table, Steve sat beside his wife and carefully touched her sleeping face.

"Beth," he whispered. Typically, he would let her sleep. But it had been hours since she last ate and he wanted to see if she had made any progress.

Her eyelashes fluttered open, smiling when she saw him. "Hey Handsome."

"Hi Beautiful," he smiled, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze. "You hungry?"

"Yeah," Bethany nodded, sitting up, wincing slightly.

"What? Do you feel pain?" Steve asked, a little excited and silently cursing himself.

"No," Bethany promised. "Just a little stiff from being in this damn bed."

"Oh. Well, they said they'll let you leave tomorrow," he explained, handing her the tray of food. He watched as she began her lunch, thinking back to everything that had happened that past week.

As soon as Bethany opened her eyes and smiled at him, Steve felt the broken pieces of his soul stitch themselves back together. He felt whole again and felt like everything would be okay. His entire world was shattered once again, however, when the first thing Bethany asked when she was allowed to talk was where Loki was.

 _"Wha-What do you mean?" Steve asked, sitting down next to her as the doctors left the room. "Beth, he's dead. Or-or did you see him before the explosion?"_

 _"Explosion?" Bethany questioned, brows furrowed. "What explosion? I thought I was hit over the head."_

 _Steve could see the confusion in her eyes, knowing that his hopes of everything working out were premature. "What's the last thing you remember, Beth?"_

 _"Being in Stuttgart," she replied immediately, her voice still a little hoarse from the breathing tube, but showing no indication that she was in any pain. "Under Loki's… influence." Steve let out a heartbreaking sigh, this alone giving Bethany enough information to know that time had passed. "Your hair… and clothes… Steve? What year is it?"_

 _"It's… it's 2014, Beth," he told her quietly, watching as she registered this. At first, she looked horrified, but the emotion was fleeting. The entire demeanour was dropped and she looked like she was at a business meeting, or mission briefing. She looked indifferent._

 _"How did I get here?" She asked, her voice strong, as if trying to piece together her forgotten path._

 _"There was an explosion at Jen's apartment," Steve explained carefully. He tried to hold back all the pain he felt in that moment. Bucky had forgotten his life with Steve. Peggy was forgetting that life as well. Everyone else he knew from his past was gone. And while Bethany remembered the war and their life together then, she forgot the years that meant the most to Steve—their marriage and the birth of their son._

 _"Are they okay?"_

 _"Jen… Jen's out of the country. Theo has been staying with us. Well, right now he's staying with Tony. He's a little banged up, but he's doing okay physically."_

 _"Not… not emotionally?" Bethany asked, confused._

 _"He saw you," Steve whispered. "You… you weren't exactly breathing when you were brought out of the building. Your burns were pretty serious. It-it kind of frightened him. And rightfully so."_

 _Bethany looked down to her arm where it was covered in bandages. Steve said nothing as she began to tear them off, looking at the healing marks on her skin. "Why didn't I heal right away? Why aren't these healed?"_

 _"A lot has happened over the last two years," Steve began slowly, watching as she carefully poked her skin, but made no sign towards being in pain. "We were trying to start our life together, and you-you wanted to age with me. You wanted to grow old with me and with your kids. Our kids. In order to start the aging, we had to stop the healing."_

 _"Is it permanent?" Bethany asked next._

 _"It's supposed to wear off if you don't continually take the injection," Steve explained. "And it seems to be true, it's just taking a little longer than anyone expected."_

 _"It doesn't hurt," Bethany told him, looking up at him. "There's no pain. Is that normal?"_

 _"No," Steve admitted, frowning. "No, that's not. Maybe you'll feel again when you heal completely."_

 _"Yeah. Maybe," Bethany whispered, balling up the bandages and throwing them across the room. Steve watched as the perfect arch fell into the waste bin in the corner. "What else should I know? About the last two years?"_

 _Steve opened his mouth, but struggled. "Let's just focus on you getting better, okay? Your memories will come back and then I won't have to tell you." He took both of her hands and gave them a loving squeeze. "Just worry about you right now, okay? Everyone is outside, waiting to hear how you are, but if you're not ready-"_

 _"Is that a ring?" Bethany asked carefully, her eyes focused on the wedding band on Steve's finger. She slowly pulled her hands away from his, another round of panic flooding through her body. Steve panicked. In no circumstance had he wanted to tell Bethany,_ this _Bethany that they were married for this exact reason. She may have accepted his proposal without batting her eyes, but the Bethany sitting in front of him… she hadn't even said that she loved him yet. It was a_ huge _step._

 _"Beth-"_

 _"I don't want to know," She said immediately, looking up at him. "Either way-"_

 _"Either way?" Steve asked confused. "Wait? You mean… You think I'd marry someone other than you? No, Beth, of course it's you. I know this is all… confusing and overwhelming, but it's been two years. A lot has changed. We've gone through a lot. And yeah, we got married. And it was beautiful."_

 _Despite trying to calm her down, Bethany only looked more worried. "Beth, I'm not expecting you to be anyone who you aren't," he promised her quickly. "I'm not going to push you into being a wife. I know how much you value your freedom."_

 _"Being married doesn't mean I'm not free," Bethany spoke assuredly, alarming Steve. He hadn't been expecting that in the least. "I just- I haven't said…"_

 _"Well, you have," Steve said with a soft smile. "You just don't remember."_

 _"That doesn't make it any easier saying it now," Bethany pointed out._

 _"I know," Steve promised. "Doll, I just want you to get better. Physically and mentally. One step at a time. You can ask questions, but you need to be prepared for not liking the answer."_

 _"If you don't think I'm not going to like it, don't tell me," Bethany requested. "It may drive me crazy, wanting to know, but right now… Right now I guess I'm just happy that Loki is dead and presumably the world isn't complete shit?"_

 _"It still needs work," Steve nodded, remembering just how much this Bethany swore. "But a lot has happened in two years."_

 _"Give it a week," Bethany suggested. "If I don't remember things by then, then tell me. A week of ignorance might do me some good. And I promise I'll listen to you. Eat, sleep, rest. No work, no nothing."_

 _"I'm just happy you're awake," Steve confessed, moving in to kiss her forehead. "I was terrified I had lost you. The one person in this entire world I'm not supposed to lose, and we've called it close too many times."_

 _"Well, I'm here," Bethany reminded him with a small smile. "I may not be in the best shape, but I feel good. And… I'm happy."_

 _"I sense a but…" Steve teased._

 _"Your hair," Bethany explained, lifting a hand up to touch the blonde. "It's… different."_

 _"You don't like it?" Steve asked confused. The Other Bethany had loved it because of what it stood for; moving on._

 _"It'll take some getting used to," Bethany replied, leaning her head back into her pillow. "It makes you look different. Before you were this sweet innocent soul. A real gentleman. Now it's… well, frankly, sexy-as-hell."_

 _Steve couldn't help but chuckle, feeling every muscle in his body relax for a moment. "I was so afraid I had lost you. And to have you now, in no pain and making jokes? God, I love you."_

 _Bethany gave a closed-mouth smile while her eyelashes fluttered shut. "And I adore you."_

A week was quickly sneaking up on them. Steve wasn't ready to tell Bethany about the last two years. Tell her about the heartbreak of SHIELD falling would probably be the hardest on her. But he also knew the entire Bucky ordeal, paired with the knowledge that the Winter Soldier most likely killed her brother… it would be a real toss-up. He figured the truth about Jamie wouldn't be the worst news she received. In fact, he was hoping it would be the best.

"We'll be staying at a hotel," Steve spoke, watching as she happily ate her food. "Just until you get your memories back, or I tell you everything. There's a lot of memories in our apartment."

"Good ones?" Bethany asked curiously.

"Yeah, but just as many bad ones," Steve admitted. "I wish that wasn't the case, but-"

"It's us," Bethany interrupted. "We always find a way to butt heads."

"And then make up," Steve pointed out with a smirk.

"Mmm," Bethany hummed, closing her eyes for a moment. "I don't care how long it's been for this body, my mind is telling me seventy years."

"Listen," Steve began quickly, knowing Bethany well and wanting to steer them out of trouble. The last thing they needed was a nurse walking in on them having sex. Especially since Bethany had been off the birth control since she was in the hospital and they would be starting from scratch. "Tony will be here soon to keep you company. I have to do some things. Some errands. Get food and clothes for the hotel. I won't be gone long."

"Take your time," Bethany assured. "I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."

"See, I don't doubt that, but here we are. With you in a hospital bed," he pointed out. "I'll be back before visiting hours are up."

"And spend another night on the cot?" Bethany asked, her nose cringed with disgust. "Steve, just crawl into bed with me. I like sleeping with you. Even if it's just in your arms. Maybe it'll fight off the nightmares.

Steve studied her for a moment, weighing his options. She had yet to get a night of no nightmares. It was always a mix of things, and even sometimes she would wake up terrified but completely forget from what. But what unsettled her the most was the dreams of Loki that had seemed to be thrust at her on full force. To her mind, she hadn't gotten the closure she had with the last two years.

"Alright," he finally allowed. "But only because I love you as much as I do."

"I know, I know," Bethany teased with an adorable smile. "I feel so young again. With you here. So carefree. I have this dark past tied around me, but whenever you're in the room… I feel so much better. Was I? Before the explosion?"

"You were," Steve promised. "You stopped letting your past dictate your future. You let yourself be happy and believe you deserved it."

"Sounds nice," Bethany confessed.

"You'll get there," Steve assured.

"I don't get it," Bethany spoke with some skepticism. "You seem… upbeat. Chipper, even. I can't remember our _marriage_."

Steve leaned back in his chair, giving her a smile. "Doll Face, I'm just happy you're awake. We've been through more than lost memories." His words were the truth. While there was a heavy weight on her not remembering Jamie, of all things, the possibility of her mind never healing, and more importantly, having to eventually tell her, he kept reminding himself that at least she was there. At least she was awake. He hadn't lost her like he thought he would. She was there, right in front of him, _living_. And for now, that was more than enough.

* * *

Kiley was bored out of her mind. The only source of entertainment she had at the moment was her forefinger pulling down her lower lip and letting it slip out, making a soft _pop_ sound. While it felt like Bucky had left their tent hours ago, it had only been minutes. She was regretting this decision.

Not that she hated camping. She loved it. As a child, she would always set up a tent in the backyard with her friends when the weather was nice enough, and always treasured the rare times her family actually packed up the truck and went deep into the forests. But then, it wasn't like now. Her father would build the fire and there were kids around the camp to play with. Her mother would cook food that they brought from home and there was always marshmallows. Camping with Bucky didn't contain any of that.

Well, they _did_ have a fire. That was the first thing Bucky did when they picked a spot. But other than that, they were failing. The camping spot was only temporary. Bucky remembered forests, or at the very least, trees, and even though he wasn't sure where the memory spiked, he was hoping the surroundings would reignite some sort of memory. Kiley, however, could do nothing more than play with her lips, trying to get the rhythm of the _Jeopardy_ theme.

Hearing a rustle from outside, she sat up and waited as Bucky crawled back into the tent. "Anything?"

"Quick flashes," Bucky nodded, settling on the ground across from her. "But I don't know from when and just as soon as they come, they flee."

"Ugh, I get dreams like that," Kiley sympathized. "Couldn't imagine how much that would suck, being your life and all. What do you want to do next?"

"Germany?" He suggested. "I know I want to go to Italy and Russia, too."

"Are you trying to remember who you were before the fall, or who you became?" Kiley questioned carefully. "Or are you just hoping you'll remember something in general."

"As much as I don't want to remember my time with HYDRA, I need to know what they did to me. I need to understand."

"You'll probably not like the answers," Kiley pointed out.

"No, but revenge won't help me," Bucky spoke softly. "I had the chance to kill one of them, and I hesitated. The world would be so much better without him. Without them all. But I just let him go."

"Because you're not a killer," Kiley said strongly. "You're a good man. You saved Theo and Bethany. If you weren't there, weren't brave enough… you didn't even hesitate to go in, did you? The apartment could have been empty. It _had_ been over the weeks. You saved your best friend's wife, and you didn't even know she was in there. You're a hero."

She could tell that he didn't agree, but she figured that the more she assured him of this, then one day he'd accept it as fact. Even if this plan of hers failed, there was no harm. "Quick question," she began suddenly. "Will we be camping in Germany?"

"I figured we should have our money," Bucky explained. " _Your_ money."

"There's _lots_ ," Kiley promised. "And when we run out, we'll make our own money. I've always wanted to live on the edge, you know. Working for the Avengers, and Bethany in particular these last months, hearing all of their adventures? I got jealous. I wanted one of my own. To look back one day and be proud that I did something dangerous."

"You don't regret this, then?" Bucky asked carefully.

Kiley stalled for a moment. "I'm a little bored," She admitted with a chuckle. "But that's 'cause there's nothing to do. What is your plan exactly? Just wander around Germany?"

Bucky took something out of his heavy jacket and passed it over to Kiley. It was a pamphlet from the Smithsonian highlighting all the raids that Captain America and his team of Howling Commandos conquered during the war. "Figured this was a good place to start. Going to these locations. Ask some questions and do some investigating. Try and find some answers. Anything, at this point."

"Like Sherlock and Watson?" Kiley asked, growing excited. "That would be so much more enjoyable than camping. Not that camping isn't fun but-"

"It's boring," Bucky concluded. "Come out. We'll go exploring. See some animals. But make sure you bundle up. It's getting cold, quickly."

"Okay," Kiley nodded, pulling on a heavy winter coat. "Should we go back into town tonight? Since it'll probably be freezing?"

"Nah, if it gets too cold, we'll just take our clothes off," Bucky said seriously. Kiley froze, not knowing whether he was serious or not, watching as a smile slowly moved across his face and he started laughing. "Is the idea really that bad?"

"It was sudden," Kiley chuckled, zipping up the jacket and pulling on her boots.

"Skin on skin creates heat," Bucky reminded her.

"Well, I know that. But it's never innocent," Kiley explained, not making eye contact. She couldn't bring herself to look at his eyes right now. There was a new emotion in them she had yet to see in person, but had seen many times in the black and white photos in Jamie's nursery.

"It was for Bethany and Steve," Bucky said without thinking, Kiley looking up as his eyes had a glaze over them for a moment.

"Another memory?" Kiley asked, hopefully.

"I-I didn't even remember it until I did. If that makes sense," he whispered.

"Subconsciously you remember," Kiley began. "Like when you saved Steve from the Potomac. You didn't fully remember him, but you remembered _something_. It was buried in your subconscious. Tell me more. About the memory. Maybe it'll spark another."

"Umm…" Bucky started, digging deep. His brow was furrowed with concentration, as if his life depended on this. "She was cold. I don't know where we were or why she was so cold, but Steve tried to warm her up. So they took their clothes off. She laid there in his arms all night, basking in his heat. Nothing more happened. It was only a little time afterwards that they spent the night together, but for real."

"It must have been mind boggling, someone like Steve readily giving into sex," Kiley continued, trying to keep the conversation flowing, hoping that more memories would surface.

"He loved her. He still does," Bucky whispered. "He'd do basically anything she'd ask him. Although, I think he was afraid they wouldn't get their chance again if he passed it up. Bethany's reputation was well known, despite her being fairly conservative at that particular time. She wanted to be a better person. For him."

"That's nice," Kiley commented. "Having a love like that. Wanting to be a better person, not only wanting to do something for the other person, but being _able_ to do it. People are selfish now. It's hard to do something for someone else without expecting anything in return."

"You're here. Now, with me," Bucky reminded her. "That's selfless."

"No, I wanted to be here. Not just for you, but for me," Kiley added. "And it's different in a lot of circumstances. We're not Bethany and Steve. We're not head over heels in love."

"No, but that's definitely the end goal, isn't it?" Bucky asked, eliciting a confused expression from Kiley. "To find love like that. Someone who makes you want to be the best version of yourself, and more than that, you can actually _be_ that person for them."

Kiley nodded softly, watching as Bucky exited the tent, holding the flap open for her to crawl out. She had to agree. Whether someone wanted marriage and kids, people couldn't deny the need to _have_ someone, especially someone who made them a better person. It was a psychological need to have someone else. Love could very well be a myth, but this Kiley knew as a fact.

She didn't really know what the best version of herself was. She did know that there were two sides of her. The work savvy and professional one and the laid back girl from the country who had an unhealthy obsession with tea. She wasn't sure which side was better, but she was definitely curious.

A quick and fleeting voice reminded her that there was only person who had been able to pull out the latter personality, and that was Bucky.

* * *

Arriving back at the Tower, Steve spent a moment surveying the room from the elevator. For the most part, the apartment was clean, but that was the last of Steve's concerns. It felt foreign, and he wondered whether that was because Bethany wasn't there or because some other reason all together. He could hear Jamie crying from his nursery so he decided he would do that first. Then talk to Theo. Then shower. And then sleep.

He had been showering and sleeping at the hospital. Natasha brought him a duffel with his necessities and he had been living from only the bag for the past week. The only time he left Bethany's room or the area surrounding it was when he was getting them food. _Food,_ Steve thought as he made his way to the nursery. While he was at the Tower, he might as well eat something. Bethany could stand the hospital food, but he was getting tired of it. He was in the mood for pancakes, and while Bethany made the best pancakes in the world, he would settle for his mediocre batch.

"Hey," Steve spoke, startling a frazzled Jackson who looked instantly relieved to see the soldier. His hair was standing up straight and his eyes were heavily bagged with lack of sleep. It only made Steve feel even worse.

"Someone missed you," he grumbled, Steve accepting his son immediately and rocking him.

"I'll be here for a few hours," Steve promised. "Go ahead and get some rest. Look, I owe you big time."

"It's my job," Jackson reminded him, but stretching out his back. "But I'll definitely take those promised few hours to sleep."

"Of course," Steve nodded, watching as the nanny left. Steve continued to rock Jamie, hearing a faintness of Bethany's singing from the recording he gave Jackson. "I'll have to get her to sing a new one," he spoke out loud, mostly to himself however.

Steve watched as Jamie began to calm down as soon as he saw that he was in his father's arms. It physically pained him, as a lot was doing lately, to know that Jamie was aware of when his parents weren't around. He always assumed that Bethany held him a certain way, or it was some odd mother-son bonding factor which explained Jamie's almost instant settling down on usual occasions. But Jamie seemed to know who his parents were and had created real feelings. He didn't know if this was normal for a baby, or if his son was just a genius. Although Steve had a feeling it was both.

"I'm here," Steve promised Jamie, kissing his head lightly. "I'm here little man." His little wet face pushed up against Steve's neck, his lips gracing against his father's skin lightly. He stroked Jamie's head, not stopping from his light bouncing until Jamie's hiccups from his crying calmed down and his breathing was back to normal.

Looking down to his shirt, he saw that Jamie had a handful of it in his fist, yet with each moment, his grip loosened, signaling that he was falling asleep. With one thing on his to do list completed, he decided to tackle the second task.

"Theo?' Steve called out when he left Jamie's room. He got no response in return, but he noted that the kid's bedroom door was closed. Jackson had warned Steve that Theo hadn't been faring well, but Steve assumed that once he returned, he'd be able to assure Theo of Bethany's recovery. "Theo?" He asked again after popping a head into Theo's room.

"I'm busy," the kid whispered, slowly playing with two of his action figures.

"Can we just talk for a moment?" Steve asked. "I wanted to apologize for not being here."

"You had to be with Bethany," Theo replied softly. Steve let out a deep breath, happy that the kid understood where Steve was and why he was there. "She needed you."

"Yeah, but you needed me too. And so did Jamie," Steve explained. "I shouldn't have picked Bethany over you two. I should have split my time fairly. And I'm sorry about that. She's doing good though. You'll be able to see her soon."

"I don't want too," Theo whispered.

Steve flinched at his words before quickly recovering and moving to sit next to Theo carefully, making sure not to jostle Jamie from his sleep. "Why not?"

"'Cause she's scary," Theo cried quietly.

"Wha-" Steve began before realization hit him. "Theo, because of her burns?" Theo said nothing, his eyes focused on the action figure in his hand, but his head nodded slightly. Steve couldn't blame the kid. Everytime he closed his eye, he could see his wife's charred skin, peeling and bleeding. It was a terrifying sight.

"The burns are almost gone," Steve promised. "And she doesn't feel any of the pain. Soon she'll be as good as new. Okay? But listen, Theo. Bethany lost some of her memories."

"How many?" Theo asked, finally looking up to Steve. His eyes were watering, and Steve could tell that the kid was exhausted as if sleep hadn't been his friend in months.

"A lot," Steve admitted. "She doesn't remember anything after the Battle of New York."

"She doesn't remember Jamie?" Theo asked slowly.

"No, she doesn't," Steve replied, looking down to the sleeping baby. "But she does remember _you_. So when she comes back, you need to make sure that you're a strong little kid for her. Okay?"

"Okay," Theo agreed.

"And Theo? You know you can talk to me, right? I don't want you to be afraid of Bethany. Or what happened. You're safe now. This entire ordeal has only made us see that we need to start taking the threats more seriously again. When Jamie was born, we all took a break and it's lasted a little too long. But I promise you that you're safe, okay?"

Theo nodded, saying nothing else, but turning back to his game. Steve let out a soft sigh, deciding that for the day, this was the best he could do. But he would need to go and try again until Theo returned to the fun-loving adorable kid that he had grown to love and accept as a son.

Steve's was quickly realizing how many people he needed to help return to a state where they were happy. Bucky was caught between two lives he didn't understand. Bethany had reverted to someone who still needed growth. And Theo, a kid who was full of love and innocence, was now terrified of someone he had once respected and loved. And Steve couldn't help but notice a familiar pattern. All of these people had one person to blame; HYDRA.

When Steve said that they weren't going to sit back and watch any longer, he knew this was fact. They had to suit up and go out and take down the enemy. Staying home with the family wasn't keeping them safe, as proven. If anything, they were being torn apart. HYDRA had taken almost _everything_ from Steve and planned on taking more. They brought out the very worst of Steve's emotions. Pure anger and hatred bubbled through his veins, thinking about everything they had ever done. It was like they had a personal vendetta with the soldier, and it was time Steve fought back. It was time Steve _won_.

* * *

 ****A/N: The picture for this story, after much debate, is simply Bethany holding balloon strings. I thought it was symbolic and shit. I could be wrong. I probably am.**


	2. String of Lies

Chapter 2- **String** of Lies

"String of lies, we always compromise for you. String of lies, you know there's nothing left to do."

~String of Lies, Goo Goo Dolls

* * *

Steve had been gone for hours, but Bethany didn't mind. She missed him, since his presence was calming, but she wasn't about to lie to herself and say that his overbearing was a comfort. In fact, for someone who claimed to know just how much he understood Bethany's desire for freedom, he was failing, miserably. And okay, she understood. It was only a few weeks ago—or at least in her memories—that she had got him back. But even then, she would slip away to do her hair and get dressed. If SHIELD had pulled her away from an assignment before the whole Tesseract thing, then she probably would've said yes.

Probably.

But it was nice to spend a few hours with Tony. His being with her didn't seem overbearing. It didn't seem like he was desperately waiting for her memories to flood back, since she knew that's what Steve was waiting for. And in truth, Bethany was curious about what of the lost two years seemed to be so important to Steve. Yeah, their marriage was a big thing. But she knew about it.

Tony wouldn't tell her anything. Or her fellow SHIELD agents. They all kept quiet, and Bethany knew that they were only following what she wanted. Because she _did_ want her memories back. She didn't like being lost. But she also knew that in two years, a lot could change and she didn't want people just to tell her what she has missed. She wanted to remember for herself.

She was, however, grateful to just be with Tony. They talked about science and mechanics and joked around. They conversed freely, but Bethany knew that Tony was walking on eggshells, trying to hide something from her. She allowed it. She was just happy to talk to someone other than Steve. She cared for him. She really did. And she loved that he was taking care of her, and still concerned for her. But she also knew that Steve's entire life couldn't revolve around her.

Bethany laid down her hand, smiling slightly as she beat Tony's cards once again. He grumbled in defeat, leaning back in his chair. "Best five of seven?" She offered, but only received another grumble.

"How are you so good at this?" Tony asked, clearly annoyed at her success. "You're recovering from multiple burns, broken bones, emergency surgery and a concussion."

"Ah, I see. You wanted to take advantage of my weak state," Bethany concluded, shaking her head with amusement. "I may not look completely fine, but I feel completely fine."

"Yeah, about that," Tony continued, crossing his legs. "I was talking to your doctor. He says that the last of your brain swelling only went down yesterday."

"Okay," Bethany spoke, not following.

"You would've felt it," Tony explained. "You would've felt it all. _Still_ feel the burns. That doesn't concern you?"

"No," Bethany admitted. "Not now, anyways. Despite popular belief, I don't actually _like_ pain. It hurts just the same as everyone else. I just get over it quicker. Pain mostly lies in the fear of it, and not pain itself."

"Didn't you once say that pain makes us human?"

"Maybe," Bethany nodded, not remembering specifically saying that, but admitting that it was something she would say. "And I do believe in that. We don't want to suffer through pain, because it keeps us in line. But let's admit it. I've crossed the line many, many times. Listen, kid. The only reason I'm not worried right now is because of Steve."

"You don't want him to see you in pain?"

"Partly," she allowed. "But with him here… I feel human. I feel whole. And I know it's been two years and we're married and I probably wasn't so head over heels happy with his mere presence before, but just seeing him? I feel _something_. It may not be pain, but it's something."

"You were," Tony began, adding more as a small frown of confusion overtook her face. "Head over heels happy with Steve. It was quite nauseating, really. Sure, you two fight. A lot. But you make up. A lot."

Bethany smiled to herself, looking quite proud of the information. "That's nice to hear."

"That you made up?"

"That we were able to make something as confining and constricting as marriage work," Bethany explained. "When I saw the ring, my entire past floated back to me. Back to the last time I was put in a situation where I was tied down."

"I know," Tony assured. "About your little… mistake."

"It wasn't little," Bethany corrected. "It was colossal."

"Yeah, well we all know. And we all understand why you did it," Tony promised.

"Doesn't make it right," Bethany pointed out. "That all aside, I quickly realized that maybe being married to Steve… I guess it wasn't as scary. It still feels too soon for me, but Steve doesn't seem to want to push me, and that really helps."

"You're not going to dye your hair black anytime soon?" Tony teased. "Brooding with depression and mourning for your once lover?"

Bethany shook her head with a soft chuckle, fingering the tip of her braid, a braid Steve had put in place. "It was brown, for the record. I mean, I'm not going to lie. I miss it. But with Steve here… I feel out of place with it. I literally have a new head on my shoulders."

"But what about emotionally? You made a change of goals and ideas after Steve came back, but it took a while."

"It's… it's weird," Bethany admitted. "Looking at it…" She let out a long sigh, trying to gather her words. "The last thing I remember is Stuttgart. Being under Loki's spell. And despite knowing that he's dead, and that the world survived his terror, that scares me. But I feel good. I-I feel part of my old self. The part without Steve. Fleeting, but I feel it. And that darkness? Terrifies me. It's tempting to go back there, because nothing can hurt you. But happiness? That's just as tempting."

"So you want to be happy," Tony concluded. "You want to be the wife that Steve remembers."

"I don't know who that girl is," Bethany pointed out. "I don't know who I want to be, kid. I don't even know who I am right now. I'm just… gonna go with the flow."

"Well, all I need from you is to be my bad ass aunt," Tony supplied, Bethany letting out an abrupt laugh. "All Steve needs from you is love."

"Yeah," she agreed softly. "That's the other thing, Tony. We're married but… I haven't told him. Or at least, in my memories. In my experience. I haven't told him that…"

"But you have," Tony added softly. "He's heard it a hundred times a day. That's what matters to him. He _knows_. And as much as he wants to hear it from you, he knows that it's true. Even as you are now."

"I want to say it," Bethany admitted. "It does make it easier knowing that up to this point, it's all worked out. That I haven't… fucked it up."

Tony was the one to let out an abrupt bought of laughter this time. "You have. But so has he. You were on good terms before the explosion though. So even though you both have, 'fucked it up', it didn't really matter."

"Do you think I should say it? Just to get it over with?"

"No," Tony shook his head. "He'll know you aren't being sincere, even if you _do_ love him. Look, when you said it the first time, it just came out. Surprised the hell out of all of us, but you let the moment overtake you. It should be like that this time, too."

"Yeah," Bethany nodded, confessing to herself that Tony's words were definitely the best way to go about it. "Thanks, kid. You're really… mature."

"Yeah, well, you were on my back for a while about growing up," Tony informed her. "I've done a lot of growing up these last years."

"Seems like everyone has," Bethany spoke softly. "Natasha, Clint, Bruce. You, evidently."

"The biggest growth belongs to you," Tony allowed. "Without a doubt."

"And here I am, reset back to May 2012," Bethany replied with a sigh. Her gaze was off focus for a few seconds before her brows pulled together, puzzlement on her face. "Hey, where's your arc reactor?"

* * *

"Hey man," Sam said as he came into the apartment. He moved to shake Steve's hand, but noticed that he was struggling with an arm holding Jamie and the other hand holding a bottle. "Need an extra hand?"

"Thank you," Steve sighed. "I don't know how she does it. Bethany. I've been alone with him before but-"

"She's supermom. Plus mothers just have a natural scent that babies love," Sam said, not knowing if this knowledge was supported by actual fact or just a myth. "Hand my godson over to me."

Steve nodded, handing Jamie over. The baby looked like he was going to cry for a quick moment, but when Steve made no move to leave the area, he calmed down. "He knows," Steve sighed, carefully touching a thick patch of curls on his son's head. "He knows something is wrong. And I don't know if I'll be able to leave the Tower again."

"You're gonna have to," Sam said, telling Steve what he already knew. "Bethany needs you too."

"I know, but… Theo and Jamie? They're hurting. They need more than just friends and a babysitter. They need parents."

"Right now, they only have a father," Sam reminded Steve. "When are you going to tell her?"

Steve sighed, sitting down on the couch, Sam sitting beside him. Steve looked at the bottle in his hand, now empty from Jamie's meal. "I don't want to," he admitted. "I don't know how she'll react. The Bethany from 1940? I wouldn't tell her. At all. Because I know how that seemed like the end of the world to her. But this one? We talked about kids, but as a future goal. Some moments, she's dark. Really dark. But others… I don't know, Sam. I really don't know."

"She'll find out eventually. Either way, man. She'll find out. And if she finds out any other way than from you-"

"I know," Steve nodded. "She'll probably react even worse than I'm imagining. I just keep hoping that with every blink, she'll remember everything. Then I think back to all the issues she's had with her mental health, and I get really scared. And lying to her… it's just one lie after another, and you know how bad I am when it comes to lying."

"How are you doing it?" Sam asked curiously.

"With difficulty," Steve admitted. "Lies are hard to keep up with. You just keep adding more and more and more. Just a giant string of lies. I know it's all going to get worse. And she'll find out. And if I keep lying to her, that'll hurt her even more since that was always something she could trust I wouldn't do."

"Focus on the future," Sam suggested. "What happens when she remembers everything and wants to start up on those non-aging needle injections?"

"I don't know," Steve admitted. "I can't… I can't lose her. I can't go through that again. All I could think about was her. And she'll be pissed when she finds out, but I barely thought about Jamie and Theo. I'm guilty as hell now, but-"

"You were caught in the moment," Sam nodded, assuring Steve that it was understandable. "Grief, pain? Man, it does some pretty intense stuff. And in case I'm wrong, this is the woman who went almost seventy years as some kind of badass agent that only exists in sci-fi movies. She knows. That woman in that hospital bed? She knows. She's very aware. It's recent for her."

"I want her to age," Steve continued. "But I also don't want her to get hurt. And it seems like we can't get one without the other. Ultimately, the decision is up to her. And I want to be included in the decision making process, but I don't know. I wouldn't have an answer for her. _This_. This was, in every circumstance, non-threatening. It wasn't a mission. It wasn't a dangerous area, at least to our knowledge. And as much as it scares me…"  
"It could happen again," Sam finished. "No, I get it, Cap. I do."

"What am I supposed to do?" Steve asked, wanting an actual answer.

"You're supposed to be there for her," Sam answered. "No matter what. If she gets the memories back or not. If she wants to age or not. But you also need to be here for your kid. For Theo."

"How am I supposed to do that? Balance the two. Not that Bethany is overly needy, but at least I can control the information she's exposed to when I'm there."

"Dude, just tell her," Sam suggested. "Bring it up casually, and see what she says. But ultimately, you can't keep this from her forever."

"I have to tell her about SHIELD, and the Avengers and Bucky… Not to mention her brother's death," Steve sighed. "It's too much, it'll break her heart."

"Theoretically, having a baby shouldn't be the worst piece of knowledge on that list. It's the best, in my opinion."

"But I still don't know which Bethany I'm dealing with," Steve sighed.

"Then find out," Sam added, as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

"It's not that simple," Steve protested tiredly.

Sam nodded. "It is, actually. How many times do you think you've gotten to know Bethany? Once when you met her. Again when you woke up. And probably all over again when she got pregnant and her entire life and priorities changed. And along that line, she probably changed time and time again. Am I wrong?"

"No," Steve allowed.

"No, exactly," Sam said, looking to Jamie for a moment as the baby babbled. "And every time you got to know this ever-evolving Bethany, what happened?"

"I-" Steve trailed off thinking about it hard, the answer hitting him like a tonne of bricks. "I loved her even more."

"What about the Bethany you returned to did you love?" Sam asked, clearly having an end goal to this experiment.

"That she… she was confident. I mean, she was always confident, but on a new level. I knew she could take care of herself, but I still wanted to take care of her anyways. And this Bethany… she let me. On most occasions. It was like, despite knowing she could take care of herself, she appreciated someone else doing it."

"Anything else?" Sam encouraged.

"She was strong. Not that she wasn't during the war or before the accident, but… strong willed. Mature. Infuriating, but…" Steve let out a sigh, a small smile on his face. "It was nice to see her like that. It was nice to see how far she came. She wasn't this young woman I fell in love with."

"And she was sexy as hell with all that leather and the dark hair," Sam added.

"Watch it, that's my wife," Steve teased, a goofy smile on his face. "Yeah. Yeah, but she still is, though."

"Okay, but what about the Other Bethany, the most recent one, did you love the most?" Sam tested.

"That she was a good mother. And a good wife. That this wasn't something she originally wanted, but you couldn't guess otherwise with how she is with Jamie. That she's not afraid to cry, and equally not afraid to call me out," Steve listed. "It's weird, laying it all out like that. Same woman, but so many differences."

"But which one would you want the most?" Sam asked carefully.

Steve looked to Jamie for a moment, smiling as his innocent son looked up at him, his mouth slightly ajar. His big blue eyes looked back up to him, a smile splitting his face. Steve couldn't help but reach forward and touch Jamie's foot lightly. "A mix of them both, actually," Steve realized. "I don't think there needs to be two different Bethany's. I think what would make her the happiest, which means I would be happy. I want her to cherish her family, and continue to be a good mother. But I also want that fire in her that she had when she still worked for SHIELD. It… it kind of sizzled down."

"So bring it back to me. How do you feel about who Bethany will become?" Sam questioned.

"Excited," Steve realized. "Hopeful. But what are the chances that I'll get that combination?"

"Slim," Sam answered. "But possible. Right now, you need to let her grow. The way she _wants_ to grow. Ultimately, when it comes down to it, what she needs, what she'll always needs is-"

"Freedom," Steve whispered, receiving a nod from Sam.

"You can't be the one trying to force something onto her. But you _do_ need to tell her about Jamie. But make sure you stress that you understand that this might not be what she wants right now. But ultimately, she wanted kids in your future, right?"

"After the Chitauri invasion, we both agreed that kids was in our future."

Sam shrugged, as if that was answer enough, but added some words nonetheless. "It may be quicker than she would have assumed, but I think you can find a way to get her to find herself, while also accepting being a wife and a mother."

"You have a lot of faith in me," Steve said, looking to Jamie as he began to babble.

"I have a lot in faith in _both_ of you," Sam corrected. "I'm planning on sticking around for a while, if that's okay with you."

"As long as you need," Steve smiled. "Although, Theo is in our spare room. I'm sure Tony has a place for you to stay."

"I _can_ stay in a hotel," Sam laughed.

"I mean, if you really want to," Steve allowed. "But having you here would be for my own selfish reasons. Jackson hasn't had a day to relax in a week. I could really use another pair of hands around here."

"Oh, so I see how it is. Basically, I'm your babysitter," Sam teased. "But that's technically why I came here. You sounded so helpless on the phone."

"Is it that obvious?" Steve asked softly.

"You're hiding it well," Sam began. "But everyone knows how much that woman means to you. How much your son means to you. And right now, you have to balance the two _separately_. Not together, like normally."

Steve nodded, looking to Jamie again. Steve put his arms out a little, waiting for Jamie's reaction. When he copied his father's movements, Steve smiled and collected his son from Sam. Kissing the top of his head, he refused to think about all the bad things that could come from this experience. Whatever the future would bring, they would work as a family to find an answer, even if that's what Bethany didn't want. As much as he was willing to give her freedom, to see who she would become, Jamie wasn't just a fantasy. He was real, and he needed his mother. The question was whether or not Bethany could be that for him.

* * *

Steve watched carefully as the doctor explained how to care for Bethany's burns. The woman was exasperated, reminding her medical team that she was in fact a doctor herself, but they ignored her and continued to teach Steve. He knew that they didn't trust her. That she would assume that since there was no pain that there was nothing to be concerned with. Steve, however, understood that there was still a _lot_ to be concerned with. The burns were only one thing. The lost memories another. But with her not feeling any pain, she may begin to question humanity, since pain was a huge factor towards earning that and losing it.

Since she mostly spent the week on her back, Steve was shocked when he saw the extent of the burns gracing her pale skin. He could see where the bookshelf had pressed against her and held her firmly as the fire burned around her. He watched as the doctor sterilized and wrapped her torso accordingly before leaving the room so Bethany could get ready.

"Did you bring my makeup?" She asked delicately as she pulled on some leggings and reached for a fluffy green sweater.

"Yeah," Steve replied, handing her the bag. He had picked out his favorite things; black kohl eyeliner, pale powder and deep red lipstick. All three things she used during the war. As she dug through the rest of the bag, where Steve had only just threw extra pieces of makeup in there since he wasn't sure what they did, Bethany seemed to realize his game.

"So what? You can get all modern and I can't?" She teased, sitting on the bed with her legs tucked underneath her. Pulling over the bed tray, she set up her mirror and began her work.

"You don't even need to wear makeup," Steve replied. "You look beautiful as is."

Bethany gave him a pointed look. "Steve, half of my face is bruised and scabbed. I have to do _something_."

"I brought a hat and sunglasses," Steve explained. "You can cover up that way, if you so please."

Instead, she just ran her fingers through her hair. It was in need of a good wash, even Steve had to agree with that. The reason why he had braided it the day before was to keep it out of her face, but now she seemed to be inspecting it. "The blonde will take some getting used to," she finally said.

It took a moment for that to sink in. Bethany had dyed her hair back to blonde for Steve's birthday, the time she set up an entire 1940's club so she could keep her promise and teach Steve how to dance. She claimed she dyed her hair because she no longer felt dark and depressed as her brown hair had suggested. But Steve also understood that a lot of that probably was because they had spent time away together, just the two of them, and realized that this time, they could make their relationship work.

"I mean, if you really want to, you could go back to brown," Steve suggested.

"I don't hate it," Bethany began. "It's just… weird. But then again, I'm already used to your hair. Well, kinda. I still miss the coif. But nothing time can't fix. And I have enough of that."

Steve nodded, watching as she brushed through it before dividing it in threes, clearly ready to braid it. "No, let me," Steve requested, moving to sit behind her and taking the tresses from her fingers.

"When do you think I can go back to work?" She asked softly. Steve couldn't answer at first. He really didn't know what to say. She had asked where Coulson and Nick were, and Steve told her the truth. They were working. They were doing SHIELD-related things that Steve wasn't privy to know. She had nodded and dropped the conversation, starting a new one about how her body didn't really feel like her own. Now _that_ Steve had a hard time explaining. Because technically it _was_ her body, but a body that was still recovering from pregnancy. She had lost the weight everywhere but her breasts, but her hips were wider and her body had gone through a lot when she was pregnant. It wasn't exactly the same body she was used to.

"I'm not sure," he settled with. In order to successfully lie to her, he was telling her half-truths. It hurt him to lie, but he knew that in his instance, it was for the best. "When you're better. And I mean doctor approved better," Steve continued, thinking about her returning to training opposed to work.

"Thanks," Bethany whispered when Steve tied off the end of her braid. "You said that there's reporters outside?"

"Yeah," Steve nodded. "I know you don't want to know about the last two years, but this you should know. People know who you are. And what you're capable of. A lot of them are confused about why you were even in the hospital. We've been able to push their questions away long enough, but they need to see you. In one piece. Thriving."

"They need to back off," Bethany corrected, making Steve smile. Whether hard-core SHIELD agent or mother of a five month old, Bethany hated the public and the tabloids. Either way, she wanted them to leave her alone. Steve knew that the only reason Bethany told the public about her past and her abilities was, in a lot of ways, for him. She never seemed to _truly_ regret that decision, although it did bother her. Yet, it bothered him too, so he really didn't blame her.

* * *

Bucky watched as Kiley dipped her scone into her tea. She carefully moved the sopping pastry up and down, flicking off as many brown droplets as she could before moving it to her mouth. He gave her a soft smile, but her gaze was focused on the map laid between them on the table.

While the cold hadn't dipped down so low that they had to discard their clothing the night before, the tent that they purchased was small. Kiley had offhandedly said that it was a dwarf tent, but even the Seven Dwarves would be crammed in there. With lack of space, and a _lot_ of supplies, they ended up sleeping right next to each other, arm to arm, leg to leg. When Bucky had woken up that morning, they had both turned to the right, Kiley pulled into a loose ball while Bucky had a protective arm wrapped around her. He stayed like that until she woke up. Neither of them had said anything.

 _Is she thinking about it?_ Bucky wondered for the eighteenth time that day. He was thinking about. It was almost three in the afternoon and he was thinking about it still. From packing up their tent, all the way into town and during their little haggle session with a used car owner, all he could think about was whether or not she was thinking about it.

"I mean, we'll be pushing the car, but it's not like we couldn't just find another way, right?" Kiley asked. Bucky stilled. He hadn't been aware that she was talking. He was so lost in everything that he completely forgot that they were making their travel plans.

"Come again?" Bucky said. "Sorry, I dazed out."

"Yeah, you've been doing that a lot today," Kiley noticed. "Is something wrong? Did you have a nightmare?"

"N-no," Bucky promised. "Sorry, I guess I'm just tired, that's all."

"Yeah, the forest floor wasn't too comfortable, was it?" Kiley sympathized. "I guess we'll find out tonight if the car seats is any better.

Bucky nodded. That was the reason why they wanted the car. It was old. In fact, it didn't look like it had much life left in it. Besides it needed a fresh coat of paint, one of the rearview mirrors was hanging off and they had to use bungee cords to keep the trunk from popping open. But the seats tilted all the way back, and if they removed the headrests, it lined up perfectly with the back seat. Kiley fit across the length perfectly. Bucky's feet hung off the edge, but he didn't mind.

"I still feel bad about how much it cost," he spoke honestly. They had technically got a deal. Bucky was impressed on how well Kiley was able to haggle with the thief, the only word Bucky thought to be correct, since he had basically robbed them blind. But Kiley had drastically lowered the price, and got four brand new tires slapped onto the car.

"We need a way to get around," Kiley reminded him. "Plus, it'll be better than sleeping in the tent all the time. And honestly, eight hundred dollars isn't that bad. We still have a lot of money left. Our plane tickets cost more."

"Can I get you anything else?" The waiter asked as he came back up, another pot of hot water for Kiley. His English was impressive, but it was hard to decipher some of his words with his thick accent, being the reason why all they ordered were tea and scones. Although, Bucky opted for coffee.

"Can I get a to-go cup?" Kiley asked politely. "So I can take my tea with me?"

"Yeah, I'll see what we have," he promised as he slipped away.

Bucky watched as Kiley poured the hot water into her cup anyways, blowing it softly to cool it down. Some people were dedicated to their phones. Other to their country. Kiley was dedicated to her tea. "Might as well get back on the road," Kiley began. "You still want to do Germany first?"

"Yes ma'am," Bucky nodded. "Luckenwalde to be more precise. It says on the pamphlet that there was a HYDRA base there. I figure, either way, something should come up."

Kiley didn't nod or anything, but he could tell by the look in her eyes that she was nervous about what he could remember. She was supportive, undeniably. But she was worried that he would remember something that should be left forgotten and he could understand that. He just didn't know what things were the ones to be forgotten and which weren't.

She looked around the small café for a few seconds before her gaze attached in one direction. "She's out of the hospital," Kiley said, pointing to a television, which was playing the news. It was the same three clips played over and over, the caption being one that Bucky couldn't read, but he could only assume that the reporters were doing a segment on Bethany and her accident.

"Look at her face," Kiley whispered. While her features were majorly covered by a ball cap pulled low and sunglasses, not to mention, Bethany's hand shielding it away from the cameras, he knew what she was referring to. The still evident burn marks on her face. But Bucky had seen them when her skin was still charred, still burning. This was a drastic improvement. He knew that anyone else wouldn't have been able to heal the way Bethany's face was healing.

"They'll probably be wondering why she isn't healing," Kiley spoke, but Bucky wasn't sure whether she wanted an answer.

"She's healing," he provided anyways. "Those burns? They should be a lot worse. She's just healing slowly."

"They're still asking why," Kiley pointed out. "I don't think I've ever seen Steve that angry."

Bucky watched the footage as it started its loop again, but this time paying attention to the soldier. His face was hard, jaw set as he tried his best to get to keep people away from his wife. He had one protective arm around her body and the other pushed out to get some distance. "Isn't there a back entrance? Or a way so they wouldn't have to deal with the mob?"

"Yeah," Kiley nodded. "And they know that as well. But if they're going out this way, it's 'cause they want the world to see that she's alive. That she's up and healing and ready to cause havoc."

"They don't look happy though," Bucky surveyed. "They look pissed that they have to do this."

"They always are," Kiley replied. "And understandably. They don't want to be on display. They want to live their lives in peace. Peace," Kiley repeated. Her tone had changed drastically however. It came out full of cynicism and violence. As if she spat the word, attempting to rid it of her vernacular all together.

He knew that she had nothing against peace. Someone like Kiley _needed_ peace. She was one of the one's who couldn't fight for the peace, but the peace would be fought for _her_. She was too delicate and innocent to be a part of the battle and the terror. No, the reason why she said it like that, and Bucky knew this, was because she was starting to question whether or not peace was an achievable goal for people like Bethany and Steve.

"It's laughable," Kiley explained. "The notion of peace after all of this. They deserve it. _Everyone_ deserves it. But here's the thing with peace; in order for one to achieve peace, others can't."

Bucky had never thought about it that way. But he knew that she was right.

"I want to punch them," Kiley stated firmly. "All of them. I may work for media relations, but they push it too far sometimes. These aren't the Kardashians, who no doubt call the press and tip them off of their whereabouts. They don't have a reality show or social media accounts to document their entire lives. Bethany has the book and Steve the museum, but they aren't seeking attention. Neither were their ideas. And Bethany is using that money for science. Not for herself. God, I want to punch them."

Bucky chuckled at the thought. He knew she would probably end up hurting herself in the process, and he decided to tell her this. She was offended, for a few seconds before she laughed with him. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I do know how to punch though. My dad taught me. And he took me to the gun range a bunch of times. Okay, twice. But it's like a rite of passage in my family."

"So you can punch and shoot a gun? Definitely more impressive than I thought," Bucky noted. "Maybe you'll be the one keeping me safe and not the other way around."

"You don't want me being the one keeping you safe from physical harm," Kiley added. "Yeah, I can punch. But I don't exactly have much muscle on me. And my aim isn't straight. For shooting, I mean. For punching, it's pretty much on point. My go-to defense will always be a kick to the groin, however. Works every single time."

"I'll keep that in mind," Bucky replied.

"I always meant to ask Bethany or Natasha how to do some cool super spy moves. Never really got the opportunity. Or the nerve. Natasha can be scary."

"I can teach you," Bucky offered immediately. "How to punch with strength, how to hold your own. Fighting back, even if you don't make that much of an impact is still better than just letting yourself get punched."

"I'd like that," Kiley said with a bright smile. "No girl _wants_ to be the damsel in distress. And in today's society, they want the ability to kick ass and look good at the same time. Can you teach me how to do cool flippy things? I've always wanted to do cool flippy things."

Bucky smiled at her softly and bowed his head in promise. "I'll teach you to do cool flippy things. But you have to promise me one thing."

"Yeah, of course," Kiley agreed eagerly.

"When you learn how to fight, how to hold your own… Those reporters?"

"Yeah?" Kiley asked, on the edge of her seat. Figuratively.

Bucky looked back up at the television for a moment, watching as the clip played over and over. The annoyance clear in what little of Bethany's face you could see. The frustration in Steve's posture. The fact that they almost lost each other once again, and that another son almost grew up without his mother and that these vultures were doing nothing but push forward like they owned the world.

Bucky looked back to Kiley, his expression stoic. He had thought a lot about himself, pitying himself and being jealous of others in the last few months. But looking around now, he was the one free. He opened his mouth, a small smile growing, but not a pleasant one. One that knew evil, both of people and the world.

This time when he saw Kiley going head-to-head with the reporters, a new vision popped up. "Promise me you'll give 'em hell."

* * *

 ****A/N: Currently working two jobs and trying to secure a co-op position for this fall. It's a lot of time that I can't spend writing, and it's truly heartbreaking. I'll do my very best to get these posted between Wednesday and Friday every week, but there might be weeks where it's priority is very low. Typically, this is number one, so it'll be a hard adjustment for me.**

 **I do have an hour, paid lunch break. I try to write during then, because that may be the closest I'll ever get to being a paid writer, but I do get distracted in the kitchen. Not to mention, am a little uncomfortable with writing smut in the workplace. (My subtle hint of saying that there will be smut soon.)**

 **Currently, however, taking requests into mind. I'll probably do a lot of flashback since I like those a lot, so if you have any ideas, I'm all up for it!**

 **EdwardCullenfan2009: thank you :)**

 **KnowInsight: Theo definitely has the worse of the situation, I agree. I am happy to announce that he'll get some happiness pretty soon. Well, before _Age of Ultron._**

 **Jo: Thanks about the picture! :D**

 **Cotton Strings: Not at all! I agree, Bethany would do a lot differently. This is all apart of my plan to make her strong willed again. I actually really like what I have in store for her. Her relationship with Jamie will not be traditional, but I actually love it.**

 **sarahmichellegellarfan1: fingers crossed!**

 **FeliciaFelicis: The way Bethany gets her memories back will actually revolve around solving more than one plot point and set up _Age of Ultron_. However, just because she gets her memories back does not mean she'll return to being the Bethany that she was. I actually rather like the new Bethany who, for the time being, only exists in my head. **

**greywaters: It is! I tend to remember each reviewer :) I'm happy you like the story and my style! I work hard to make sure that the characters, especially the ones I've created, are as real as I can make them. None of them are perfect, but it's so much fun to develop them. I want people to read POVs from other OCs besides Bethany's and actually enjoy it. I definitely do a lot of research. Luckily, I don't have a hard time finding places to place my characters in. I have an overactive imagination.**


	3. Bound and Broken

****A/N: Hey guys! I made a video of Bethany and Steve that I'm proud off because it elicits the feels. I posted the link in my profile. If you wanna do me and favor and check it out? Please? Pretty please? :D**

 **So there's smut at the end. Smut, smut, smut.**

Chapter 3- Bound and **Broken**

 _"I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn. I'm all out of faith. This is how I feel. I'm cold and I'm ashamed, bound and broken on the floor. You're a little late, I'm already torn."_

 _~Torn, Natalie Imbruglia_

* * *

Technically, they should've been in Luckenwalde by now. But Kiley wanted to stop in almost every single town and look at the, well, _everything_. At first, Bucky was a little annoyed. He followed behind her in solitude, but after the third town, he realized that this was her first time away from the States. That this was her first time for real adventure and that it was actually adorable. Obviously, Bucky wanted to work on getting back his memories. But he was making _new_ ones, and right now, that meant even more to him.

Right now, they were pulled off to the side of the road in some farm-like country, sleeping. Well, Kiley was sleeping. He was staring at her while she was sleeping. Her impossibly long hair fanned around her like a blanket, her knees pulled up to her chest. Something he recently learned about Kiley was that she snored. It wasn't loud, or randomly spaced. They were soft and evenly spaced, and if Bucky could sleep, it would be his lullaby.

He wanted to touch her hair. He didn't understand how it could be so impossibly long and brilliantly blonde. And _soft_. For work, she would wear it in a bun or stick straight in a ponytail. But now that they were off on their adventure, and her flat iron was back home, it was wavy all the way down and she left it hanging around her face, chest and arms.

Bucky considered reaching a hand out and touching it. Just for a second. But he was afraid he would wake her, and he wouldn't know what to say. He didn't know what to think, to be honest. As much as he enjoyed having her there with him, he wondered if it was really the best idea. Clearly he felt something for her. And while he didn't want to say love, he knew that it could build up to that. And that scared him. He was proud of how far he had come since April, but he knew it could all slip away. The path to recovery was harder than the fall back into the darkness.

"But I don't feel like it," Kiley mumbled in her sleep.

There was one thing that Bucky knew for certain. He couldn't let his feelings get in the way of his recovery. That came first. It _had_ to. Everytime he closed his eyes, he saw something that was familiar, but didn't feel like it was his memory. The best way to describe it was déjà vu. The feeling of seeing something before, but not knowing if you have actually lived through it. Or when you wake up from a dream and remembering it, but can _feel_ it slipping away.

Bucky let out a frustrated sigh, his insomnia quickly getting the best of him. Sitting up, he pressed the light button for the clock, curious towards how long he had been lying there, debating everything in his life. He pressed it once. Twice. A third time, more forcefully. It was broken.

Another sigh escaped his lips, immediately lying back down. _Broken_ , he thought. It seemed like everything he touched broke. He looked back to Kiley. He _really_ didn't want to make things bad for her. He really didn't want to _break_ her. In that moment, he wanted to leave her. Sleeping soundly in the car. He'd be long gone before morning. He was good at laying low and being a ghost. He could do that again. Maybe she'd look for him. Maybe she'd go home. But either way, he'd be saving her a world full of hurt in the future.

 _Okay_ , he told himself, waiting for his legs to move. Nothing. _Let's go_ , he encouraged himself. Once again, nothing.

He didn't need to search for why he couldn't leave. He knew. He knew that if he left her, to save her from the future that he could give her, him being there… he would keep her safe. There wasn't much he could do in this world. He had no real talents except being the Winter Soldier. But at least to that degree, he knew that he could fend off _any_ threat. He didn't fail often. And even when he did, he consciously backed away.

Bucky couldn't leave her alone. She couldn't defend herself if something _was_ to happen. And maybe nothing would. Maybe she'd be completely fine. As long as he was there, he could protect her from outside forces.

 _You have a promise to keep_ , he thought. Bucky had promised to teach her how to defend herself. And he would. He would teach her everything he knew, not with hopes of turning her into a weapon, but so when he _did_ leave her, he could be confident that she could take care of herself.

 _A promise_ , Bucky repeated. He was breaking things left and right, and he didn't want to. _This_. This he could help. This he could keep whole. Follow through on his promise. Closing his eyes, he focused on that word. Over and over again. Until some sort of unconsciousness fell over him. He wasn't sure if he was lost in memory or dreaming, but he let it play out. He let it seep deep within his memory, hoping that when he opened his eyes, it would stay.

 _Bucky knocked on Steve's door once. There was no answer. He tried again. He knew Steve was in there. He could hear subtle sniffing on the other side of the door. His best friend was hurting and all he wanted was to comfort him. "Steve, it's me. Please let me in."_

 _That was enough for Steve to open the door. The soldier's eyes were red and swollen, like he hadn't stopped crying in hours. Steve gave a powerful sniff before stepping to the side to let Bucky in. "Steve, I'm sorry," he offered softly when Steve closed the door. It wasn't nearly enough, but it was the only words he had for him._

 _Steve sat down on the bed, cradling his head in his hands. "I can't stop the pain."_

 _Bucky felt for Steve. He really did. The man had stormed out of the abortion house, leaving Howard, Peggy and Bucky in shock. The three of them barely said a word to each other. No one knew what was right and what was wrong. But it was unspoken that Bucky would side with Steve and Howard with Bethany. Their friendship was torn apart by the people that made it so strong. Everything about the war that Bucky actually enjoyed was gone. And everything was changing._

 _"What can I do?" Bucky asked, sitting next to him and putting a hand on his shoulder. "What can I say?"_

 _"Nothing," Steve sniffed, sitting up and looking at his friend. "Nothing will make this better."_

 _"Time maybe," Bucky offered. "Maybe time will give you, give both of you, some perspective-"_

 _"Are you defending her?" Steve asked, completely taken back._

 _"No," Bucky promised quickly. "But you_ know _Bethany. It was only yesterday that you were telling me that something about her was different. Okay? Would the Bethany we know, the Bethany we_ love _do this? No."_

 _Steve shook his head like he didn't want to hear it. "Bucky, she's made it very clear that she wants nothing to do with me anymore. She made damn sure of that."_

 _"What hurts more?" Bucky asked after a moment of silence. "The fact that she did it? Or that she didn't tell you?"_

 _"The fact that I thought we were in love," Steve swallowed. "She never said it, but I convinced myself that we felt the same things. That we wanted the same things."_

 _"I don't know, Steve," Bucky began. He_ wanted _to hate Bethany for doing what she did. For making the best man in the entire world feel the way he did. He wanted to yell at the blonde and spend his time making her life miserable. But he knew that in the end, Steve wouldn't want that. "I think you still love her. And it's because of that… that's why it hurts."_

 _"She killed an innocent child," Steve breathed. "_ Our _child."_

 _"Yeah," Bucky nodded. "Yeah. She's in the wrong. And your anger makes sense. And you need to keep being angry if that's what helps. As long as you speak to me. Tell me what's going through your head."_

 _"Everything that I wanted," Steve began. "Was it too much? I wanted her to love me. I wanted to be with her, to marry her, to have a family with her. I-I wanted to dance with her."_

 _Bucky bowed his head, taking in a deep breath before replying. "Unspoken, broken promises? That's what's really killing you?"_

 _"The last one wasn't unspoken," Steve whispered. "But that's the last thing I'm worried about now."_

 _"Look, Steve. Let's say this is it. You and Bethany never speak again. Look me in the eye and tell me you no longer love her," he waited a heartbeat, but Steve never looked his way. "No. Exactly. You can't. You're trying. But you can't. You'll never forget your first love. Your first partner. And that's okay. But at one point, you'll have to decide whether to move on or forgive her."_

 _"What do you think I should do?" Steve asked, wiping his nose with his sleeve._

 _Bucky offered a small smile, but it fell instantly. "I can't really tell ya, bud. I know that if it was me, I'd want to move on. But you're not me. You're good and forgiving and loving. And you love that girl, Steve. Hating her isn't going to help. But it'll get easier, no matter what you choose. That I can promise."_

* * *

Steve turned his head towards Bethany, taking in her pensive face. They had been lying quietly in the hotel bed for over an hour. Neither had flirted with sleep, but neither moved to do anything but lie there. Steve had been thinking about what was to come. Wishfully hoping that Bethany's memories would flood back and the two of them could go home to their son. Now that Bethany was out of the hospital, Steve's number one concern was the two boys back in their apartment, crying for both himself and Bethany. But even if all of Bethany's burns were almost healed, and she felt no pain, he couldn't leave her now. Not while her mind, her memories and her life still needed to be healed.

If Steve left, and went back to the Tower for just a few hours, Bethany would question it. And knowing her, would begin to look for answers. Something as simple as turning on the television, radio or searching the internet would only give Bethany the truth that she wasn't ready to receive. As much as he wanted to show her the family they had, the family he was so proud of, the Bethany lying next to him now was not the Bethany who went through eight months of pregnancy and developed an undying love for their son.

When Steve had returned from the ice, the Bethany he returned to was dark and cold. But only for a little while. Her appearance looked like she was some fearsome, ruthless woman, capable of anything. Indeed, her resume reflected the same thing. But after talking to her, peeling back the layers and taking her away from SHIELD and the hold it had on her, the woman underneath the dark clothes and hair wasn't much different than the woman who gave birth to their son. She had told Steve that she wanted kids. She wasn't that scared little girl, afraid of commitment and failure anymore. Bethany had grown, matured and more than anything, understood what Steve meant to her.

But despite Bethany having had wanted kids during that stage of her life, the stage she had reverted to, Steve knew that she wasn't ready. Especially to just be thrown into motherhood, not getting to be eased into it like she had. It was a huge step, and anyone would be uneasy committing to it. Steve knew that Bethany was no exception. It took them months of arguing and trying to compromise before Bethany got pregnant, and even then, it wasn't planned. If they had been as careful at that one time as they had been all the times before, Steve knew they wouldn't have a kid right now. The idea would have still been in the air.

But that didn't change the fact that he had barely seen his son in a week, and that Theo seemed to be slipping into some sort of depression. He didn't want to force this life on Bethany when he knew she wasn't ready, but soon he would have to come to terms with his duty to the boys. He just wasn't sure how or when he was going to do it. For now, everyone at the Tower was trying to keep Theo as preoccupied as they could, and Jackson was playing the recording of Bethany singing on repeat, which seemed to calm Jamie enough to get him to sleep.

"Steve?" Bethany spoke softly, but her voice, being the only sound for over an hour, seemed to be louder and actually startled him.

"What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?" He asked, turning on his side and placing a careful hand on her stomach. Her gaze followed his hand, and for a moment, Steve considered pulling it away. He felt conflicted. He didn't know what was right and wrong, and what was appropriate or not.

Steve felt reassured when she put her hand on top of his, keeping it in place. She didn't say anything, however, just kept looking at their hands, even pressing it against her stomach a little. Her face seem to contemplate saying anything. "Beth, what's going on?" Steve encouraged.

"I was just…" She trailed off before looking up to him. He couldn't ignore that she looked tired, which the doctor said would most likely occur since her body was still working overtime to repair itself. But through the beautiful green shine of her eyes, he could also see that she was scared.

"You can tell me," Steve promised.

"I know," she reassured. "Right now I just… I need answers."

"I have answers," he nodded. "Just let me in."

"It's-It's 2014, right?" Bethany asked, Steve replying with a nod. "I'm just gonna assume that we've had sex then. I mean, since you've been back."

"Yeah," Steve answered, with a small smile. "A lot."

Bethany chuckled, resting her head on his chest. "That doesn't surprise me. Was it as good as before?"

"Even better."

Bethany shook her head. "Impossible," she replied earnestly, smiling softly to herself. "What did we use?"

"For birth control?" Steve asked, already knowing the answer. "Uh, a bunch of things, actually. At one point, you had your tubes tied and then we also used pills and condoms-"

"Wait, at one point?" Bethany questioned, turning her head to look at him. "Why not anymore?"

Steve instantly felt stuck. He couldn't very well say she undid it when they got married to show him that she was ready for the next step in their lives. "I wasn't comfortable with it," Steve revealed, knowing that this wasn't a lie. "Where is this all coming from?"  
"I can't feel pain," Bethany answered immediately. "I just… I'm wondering if I'll still feel pleasure."

Steve shifted on the bed, feeling his heart clench. The idea seemed to devastate Bethany. And in turn, Steve didn't want to entertain the idea. "And you want to find out," Steve replied.

"Don't you?" Was her answer, her voice weak.

Shifting his weight, Steve moved to hover over Bethany's form. "Well, I know one way we can test this theory. One way that we don't need any protection. And tomorrow, you can decide what type of birth control you want to use in the future. But right now, let's just do a little of this…"

He bent his head down, kissing her softly. Bethany put her hands on his shoulders, at first lightly and then within a few seconds, as the kiss deepened, her hold on him became a little more forceful. Steve could tell how nervous she was, her entire body tensed up. "Relax," he whispered onto her lips. "Just breathe. And _feel_."

One of her hands moved up onto the nape of his neck, playing with the wisps of his hair. Steve returned the sweet touches by moving a hand up to cradle her face, his thumb moving across her cheek. "Feel that?" Steve whispered, leaning his forehead against her forehead.

Her breath hitched, lips opened slightly and eyes dark. Steve moved his head down to the crook of her neck, laying a soft but long kiss against the column. Her back arched under him and he took her moment of weakness to slide his arm under her. Their worst fears were disregarded as a whimper slipped out of her mouth the second his teeth sunk into her sweet spot. Steve eagerly worked to draw the whimper out longer, turning the sound into a whine and then a moan. First he sucked, then pressed his tongue against her soft skin before disconnecting his lips all together before carefully peppering a kiss on the tender spot. He continued this, teeth, suck, tongue and pepper until her hips pressed up against him.

"Should we continue? You know, now that we have our answer?" Steve teased.

Bethany opened her eyes, wild with lust, giving him a lazy smile. "Pain is a huge aspect of pleasure you know."

"I do, actually," Steve replied honestly. "What I'm gathering is that you want slow, sweet torture before release?"

"Don't stop when I tell you to," Bethany pleaded with a whisper.

"How do I know _when_ to stop?" Steve asked seriously.

"I'll kick you," Bethany offered. Steve chuckled, leaning down to collect a quick kiss. "I just need to know that I can still enjoy this. No pain? It'll make going back to work easier. Not even worth finding a solution if it's not a problem. But this would be a deal breaker. The ultimate deal breaker."

It concerned Steve only a little that the loss of pain wouldn't faze Bethany. He had almost been certain that she had said something about pain making people human once upon a time. But then again, he knew that pain made people do stupid things. He had been trained on how to maintain a clear mind under torture. He had passed. While he didn't know about Bethany, he also knew that torture could last lifetimes for her. Pain was a very different thing to them.

"Help me take off your clothes," Steve said softly. Together, they slowly peeled off the layers until she was bare against the sheets. Steve kneeled on the bed in between her legs, looking at her body, studying every part of it. The burns on her torso weren't as bad as the ones on her back, and one entire leg was free from any harm. But instead of the scabs from the fire, her stomach had a long scar from the surgery. Steve couldn't even remember how many organs they had to work on, but he knew it was a lot. The scar was fading, just a white line, but still very evident against her skin.

He ghosted his hands up her legs and across her stomach, Steve's eyes watching as his fingers touched the damaged skin. Despite barely laying any pressure, he was afraid that she would feel pain at any given moment. But she made no sound of discomfort as his hands travelled farther up. He cupped one of her breasts, weighing it lightly in his hands. She hadn't questioned why they were so swollen. It had been a week since she last breastfed. In the past, she had barely been able to go a few hours before the discomfort appeared. They still had a good stockpile of breast milk in the freezer for Jamie, but since he was starting to eat baby food now, that was his main source of food. When he would stop crying long enough, of course.

But she hadn't said a word. _Although, no pain would make sense_ , he reminded himself, rubbing a quick finger over her nipple, but quickly drawing away for fear of milk appearing. _Still, they're significantly bigger. Heavier._

"Steve," Bethany breathed. He looked up to her face, her eyes closed and head to the side. Her tone was not one of pleasure, but boredom. Steve quickly realized he spent a little too long thinking this through.

"Sorry," Steve whispered, kissing right above her belly button. "Just admiring your beauty."

"Did I put on weight?" Bethany asked carefully, eyes still closed. _So, maybe she_ did _notice_ , Steve thought.

"You like fatty foods, remember?" Steve supplied and she accepted this as answer enough before he let out a sigh. He followed her hip bone down to her mound, looking at the soft curls that had grown in. She usually kept it bare, but after Jamie was born, was too tired and lazy to do it. Steve didn't mind. In fact, he liked it better. It felt more natural.

He trailed a single finger down, tantalizingly slow. He heard her breath hitch as he drew it over her clit, but didn't let it hover, only falling down even more. Feeling the pool of arousal right at her entrance, he swirled his finger in it before sliding it in. Bethany, who apparently had been holding her breath in, released it, a sigh dragging off the end.

Steve curled his finger, rubbing carefully in one specific spot and watching for signs from Bethany. Her knees bending. Legs parting a little more. Toes clenching and then releasing. He relaxed his finger, pulling it out and slipping it back in and repeating his pattern. He picked up the pace a little, but made sure to put more power into it. Bethany's body jolted upwards a little every single time, but she made no sounds of displeasure. In fact, her toes remained clenched. Her hands were gripping the sides of her thighs, holding them open. Her fingernails were digging deep into her skin, Steve afraid she would break it. He continued, in, curl, rub, out, in curl, rub, out, watching her fingers. If he saw any sight of blood, he was stopping, whether or not she could feel the pain.

Having stretched her, he slipped two more fingers in. It was a tight squeeze, but Bethany only made a sound of pleasure. Her lips were pink and swollen, and opened up perfectly for Steve to see. Her clit was engorged, begging to be touched, but all Steve wanted to do was _suck_. Moving to lie between her legs, Steve grunted as his erection was sandwiched between himself and the bed. He moved his hips lightly, gathering up some momentum before finding the pain to be enjoyable and turning his attention back to Bethany.

One of her hands had left her thighs and was cupping the outside of her breast, her fingers itching towards her erect nipple. Pulling his fingers from inside her, he took a hold of that travelling hand, as well as the one that was still on her thigh.

Bethany's eyes popped open at the sudden movement and loss of penetration. "What?"

"Why don't we do something different?" Steve asked suddenly, an idea sparking to mind. But not for kink. He didn't want to chance her squeezing too hard, or milk just building up anyways.

"Different how?" Bethany questioned, brows furrowed.

"Ummm," Steve said, sitting up and looking around the room, spotting their duffel bag. Springing up and across the room, he dug into it for two things. One, his spare belt. Two, her satin sash that she often wore in her hair.

"Steve?" Bethany asked when he turned around, each black item in one hand. She looked _excited_. "What are we doing?"

"Well," Steve began, sitting next to her on the bed. "Give me your hands."

"Since when did you become this… adventurous?" She asked, a gleam in her eyes as she watched Steve secure her hands with his belt.

"Let's just try it," Steve replied, then taking the satin sash and tying it around her head, covering her eyes.

"Hey, you won't hear me complaining," Bethany responded, her voice sultry.

"Alright," Steve sighed, looking at her bound body, completely vulnerable to him. He bent down and carefully took her nipple between his lips, clearing the milky white dot that had grown as her arousal heightened. Pulling away, he ached with how much he wanted her. How much he wanted to dance with her in the most intimate way possible.

Taking in a deep breath he digged deep for all the strength he could. Bethany laid there, waiting, but not pressing him. After a few deep breaths, he moved back down to her core before he lost his willpower. Opening her legs, thumbs pulling her lips apart completely, he pressed a deep kiss onto her clit. Bethany's legs immediately clenched up, hovering over the mattress lightly as a strangled moan made its way out. Steve smiled in victory before kissing the nub again, this time harder.

"Yes," Bethany whispered as Steve licked twice before beginning to suck. The pressure created vibrations that Steve had learned over the years were a quick undoing for Bethany. However, this Bethany didn't know this technique and Steve relished in her experiencing it for the first time.

Incoherent strangled sounds came out of her mouth and Steve calmly reminded her to breathe, his breath tickling her a little. She immediately followed his instructions as he went back to work, sucking lightly for slow vibrations and then harder for more. Once again, Bethany was holding her breath, like she was completely forgetting to breathe. Steve reminded her once again, the loss of vibration causing her to whimper.

"Breathe," Steve repeated with a chuckle with the pout of her lip. "You've said it yourself, it's better when you remember to _breathe_."

"It's too good," Bethany whispered, out of breath.

Steve chuckled again, moving upwards to kiss her quickly. "Breathe, Bethany."

Moving back down, he slipped a finger inside her, massaging her walls as he continued the sucking. Soon, he could feel her walls beginning to clench and he pulled away. He wanted to build her orgasm up and pull away until he knew it was cruel torture instead of pure bliss. She always hated when he did that until the moment of release hit. It was a full blown orgasm with tears and screams and her body shaking for minutes on end. Steve wanted that. And he knew that even though Bethany didn't _know_ she wanted that, he was going to give her that.

"Wha-Steve!" Bethany objected when he pulled away and cupped her mound with his palm.

"Shh," Steve replied. "Just breathe."

"I was!" She insisted.

"I know you _were_ , just keep breathing. Trust me, I know what I'm doing," Steve promised. He moved up and quickly kissed away the white milky tips before moving back down to her legs. His erection was becoming painful, and despite his ability to put Bethany first, he decided to remove his pants, giving his throbbing member some room.

"Steve," Bethany pleaded.

He obliged, picking up his patterned work. Steve could tell how sexually frustrated and _hungry_ she was. On the side of her legs and dripping from her core was her thick arousal, and Steve knew his face was glistening with it. He attempted to wipe some of the excess glisten with his tongue, but when it seemed impossible and Bethany's whines reached a new decibel, he went back to his sucking of her clit while burying three fingers in her.

By this point, Bethany's hips were already moving at their own pace. Steve placed his free arm against her hips, trying to keep them still. He had the strength to hold them in place, but in the past, he had always been afraid that the power would hurt her. Testing out the waters on her new no-pain ability, Steve found that he _could_ keep her completely still without so much as a painful cry. Instead, it was just moans of continued frustration.

He kept bringing her to the edge and pulling back, going fast to going slow, relishing in the powerful clenching to the random beats. He monitored her breathing, her moans, her facial expressions and when it sounded like she was crying from not being able to reach her release, paired with her begging, Steve finally let her fall off the edge.

Everything he wanted, the tears, the screams and the shaking body. He got it all. He removed his arm from her hips, letting them move on their own accord as he placed his other hand over her mound, rubbing soft circles over her clit. He stayed there until her sounds came to a halt, but her breathing was still rapid and her body was still shaking.

Carefully and subtlety cleaning her breasts, he freed her hands and pulled the blindfold off. The look in her eyes was pure bliss, thanking him silently. Steve smiled and kissed her forehead, lying down beside her and holding her close. He could feel her heart beating against her chest, fast and impossibly strong. Tears still fell down her face, but Steve knew they were of overwhelming satisfaction.

Kissing the top of her head, he could see her looking at his underwear, his erection strained against it. "Just give me a minute," Bethany whispered. She looked _exhausted_ , and Steve doubted she'd be able to move, let alone either suck or jerk him off. It wasn't happening. But Steve was okay with that, since he wanted her to reach that level of exhaustion. It was the only downside of her full body orgasm, but even then, Steve really didn't mind.

"No, it's fine," Steve assured. "I can take care of it."

"No, it's not fine," Bethany argued, but her voice was tired. "I wouldn't want that to be me. Have to take care of myself after delivering an orgasm like that."

"Yeah, well it's different," Steve promised. "You can return the favor tomorrow. How does that sound? You watching right now will be help enough."

He craned his head to look at her face. She had a content smile on her face, clearly enjoying the mental image of him working himself. Through her pregnancy, it was something Other Bethany had seen at least once a week, since her hormones would convince her that she wanted sex only to go completely dry half way through foreplay. She would help him on occasion, but more often than not, she just wanted to lay there. He understood that, and quickly realized that her watching him was a great feat.

But this Bethany hadn't seen that. Despite the horrible situation they were in with her lost memories, Steve knew that being able to re-live the firsts was the ultimate pro. There was one first he was looking forward to more than the others.

The 'I love you'.

* * *

 ****A/N: I PROMISE THAT SHE WILL FIND OUT SOON! Watch the video PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE :D**

 **IrelandLover: Soon! Very soon! I wrote the scene today.**

 **Jo: I'm still working out how Bethany will be, but I'm going to take the best side of every Bethany there has been.**

 **greywaters: There will be a hair change. It's something I've had on my mind for almost a year. It was supposed to happen during her pregnancy and then afterwards (like right afterwards), but I've finally decided to do it. It's not as much going to change her in any way, it's just going to be a very complex and touching scene.**

 **KnowInsight: I wrote the scene today :) It'll happen soon enough. Chapter 5.**

 **FelicaFelicis: Haha, don't worry that's what the arc reactor line was for! I agree. Sam will always be the rational one in my opinion. I've decided to write him in more. I really enjoy writing for him. :)**

 **sarahmichellegellarfan1: Thanks, as always!**

 **Cotton Strings: Splitting them up and having two fanfictions following the same story line? I feel like it'll be too redundant. I'm already struggling to keep this story a priority, adding another story that already coincides... Just would be too much work for me and cause more confusion than necessary. My only suggestion is to do what you're doing and skip over it. It's typically 1,000 words out of 5,000 to skip over, so that's still a sufficient amount of reading.** **I mean, I do the same things in the fanfictions I read, so I don't take it to heart. However, Bucky and Kiley right now are setting up the feel for _Civil War_. Yup. You read that right. Not even _Age of Ultron_. **

**fallingforthecaptain: Haha, my sister's response was "Biley sounds like bile and Kucky sounds like yucky. So Buckley since they apparently have a cold." Therefore, Buckley. And you know what? They'll be happier. I was planning to do my thing and make them fight and what not, but no. I've decided that they'll come out even happier.**


	4. A Puppet On A String

Chapter 4- A Puppet On A **String**

 _"_ _Babe, I'm_ _a puppet on a string._ _You could make me do anything right now. Oh, babe. I'm a fly in your web. I'm tangled up in every word you just said."_

 _~Kiss, Jonathan Jackson_

* * *

Steve stood by the hotel room window, looking down at the crowds of reporters by the front door. They were swarming the place now, and finally the police got involved. Not only that, but Pepper hired some bodyguards to help the police in keeping the peace. They all knew at this point that there was something wrong with Bethany, something that they didn't want to share. But, as usual, the reporters were trying to get the answer.

Pepper was using a lot of Stark Industries' influence to keep the public as calm as possible. Bethany's condition didn't affect them, so it frustrated Steve that complete strangers were invested in their lives. Pepper was doing a pretty good job, all things considered. But Kiley's absence was noticeable. They didn't realize how good she was at keeping the media away until now.

They had made contact with her family and learned that Kiley really _did_ make the choice to leave. All they knew was that she was out of the country, and Steve knew she was with Bucky. After a conversation with the team, they all decided to let Kiley do her soul searching if that's what she needed. Only Natasha knew that she was with Bucky, and they decided to keep it that way.

Despite her needed presence, Steve knew that this was what she needed to do. What both of them needed to do. He wished he could get away for a day to find himself again, but knew that there were too many things tying him down.

Steve looked at the door as he heard a knock, knowing it was Natasha. He had seen Clint drop her off, her red hair gliding through the crowd and into the building. She was his relief. He needed to spend time with Jamie and Theo. Just a couple hours with his boys, making sure that they felt safe and happy. He owed them more than that, but this would have to do for now.

Letting Natasha in, she sauntered in and headed towards the unmade bed, sitting on it. "Someone needs to give those reporters a good kick in the nuts."

"And you didn't?" Steve asked, a smirk on his face. "I wouldn't put it past you."

She returned the smirk before standing back up. "I shouldn't sit on this bed, should I? This room smells purely of sex and sweat."

"Is it that bad?" Steve asked, a little alarmed.

"No one will blame you," Natasha reminded him. "Just crack open a window."

"It is…" Steve answered. "It's a small one."  
"Oh, well like I said. No one will blame you," Natasha repeated. "Although, I may blame you if Baby Rogers Number Two comes within a year of Number One."

"You can't make a baby with what we did," Steve replied, pulling out the desk chair and settling into it.

"Oh," Natasha replied, a smirk gracing her face and an eyebrow wiggling. "I knew you two were experimenting, but I didn't think you were that kinky, Rogers."

"What? N-No! Not that," Steve stuttered, embarrassed. " _Not_ that."

"Relax, Steve. I'm just teasing you," Natasha offered.

"Listen, I'll be a few hours," Steve started. "If she needs anything, call me as soon as you can. But I want to spend as much time over there without it being suspicious."

"As long as you have a good story, you could stay there until tomorrow," Natasha replied. "Tell her you're going on a mission."

"I'm not lying to her," Steve said strongly. "No more lies. I know you can lie, and that she can lie, but I can't. And especially not to her. Nothing about this situation is easy."

They both stopped talking as the bathroom door opened, a swirl of fog entering the room before a towel-wrapped Bethany stepped out of the bathroom with her wet hair hanging off one shoulder. "What's going on?"

"I just need to step out for a few hours," Steve offered, moving over to kiss her softly. "Natasha is here to keep you company."

"I don't need a babysitter," Bethany stated, but there was no anger or resentment in her voice. "But I do need tampons."

Steve chuckled, kissing her again. "Okay. Can you wait a few hours?"

"Yeah, I'll just call the front desk and get one from them," Bethany replied. "Umm, I like the bran-"

"I know which ones you like," Steve interrupted with a small smile on his face. "I'll be back soon."

"Alright," Bethany whispered, watching as he first bid Natasha goodbye and then left.

"Well, good thing you got all that pent up sexual frustration out earlier," Natasha smirked.

"How did you know that?" Bethany asked, moving over to the duffel to pull out some fresh clothes. "I doubt Steve would say anything."

"Well, first, it's obvious. You two go at it more than any other couple I know. Second, it smells like sex and sweat. And third, yes. Steve _did_ say something. Kinda. But he does talk to me about your sex life from time to time. Not like, all the raunchy details and whatnot. He's very respectful. But it's usually questions. And he doesn't really have anyone else to go to that won't tease him."

"I'm pretty sure you still tease him," Bethany replied, digging through the bag, looking for some clean underwear.

"Maybe a little. But not in front of everyone, like Clint or Tony would do."

"Point taken," Bethany nodded. "What do you talk about?"

"It's more like his concerns," Natasha explained. "Not like questions or advice. He just needs to air his concerns out every once in a while. He talks to you about it. But sometimes he needs a run through."

"I don't mind you knowing," Bethany added. "It's weird. It's a private thing, but at the same time… I want people to know just how amazing it is. To be with someone and just… revel in how you can physically feel love transfer from one person to another."

"I take it that it was good then," Natasha stated, that infamous smirk of hers pulling at her lips.

Bethany tossed her clothes on the bed before flopping down beside the pile. "It was… It was different. It was amazing, but it was different. I don't know. I guess… I guess I'm used to Steve being a little more… guarded? I was expecting the Steve Rogers from the 40s who was a little on the shier side when it came to sex. I mean, during the end of our relationship, he did become a little more adventurous. And not adventurous like men today, but he actively sought ways to impress me. Now he's just…"

"Experienced?" Natasha supplied, to which Bethany nodded. "And that's a bad thing?"

"Not at all," Bethany assured. "I just… He went from amazing to mind blowing in one session."

"But it hasn't been," Natasha reminded her. "It's been hundreds of times."

Bethany sighed, rubbing her eyes. "I know. It's just… I can't wrap my head around that. It was amazing though. He knew what I wanted before I could tell him. And he kept bringing me to the tip and then edging me down. It was like he knew me better than I knew myself."

"Well, unlike a lot of guys, Steve has spent a lot of time trying to gauge what you like and don't like and how you respond to things. And as your preferences changed, his methods changed."

"That much is clear," Bethany agreed. "I want to actually do it. _Sex_. Not that oral isn't great. But I can't even imagine what it'll be like."

"Be responsible," Natasha spoke strongly.

"I want to get an IUD," Bethany said. "It's the simplest method. I'm still confused why I didn't to start with."

"I'm sure you had your reasons. Your burns look better, by the way," Natasha pointed out.

Bethany reached a hand up to her neck, fingering the healing skin. "The ones on my back are still pretty bad, but that's because the skin was split open before it started to burn."

"Ew," Natasha said in her typical monotone voice.

"Basically," Bethany nodded before letting out a deep sigh.

"Is something wrong?" Natasha asked, knowing her friend too well.

Bethany ran a hand through her wet hair, bringing the tip to her eye view before releasing it. "I don't feel like myself. I feel like I woke up in someone else's body. In someone else's _life_."

"It'll get easier," Natasha shrugged. "You'll get your memories back and everything else will fall into place." Bethany looked at the ceiling saying nothing. "Unless… unless you don't _want_ them back?"  
"I don't know," Bethany whispered. "I know that you all are hiding something from me. Something that's… life changing. And I'm trying not to think about it. Trying not to jump to conclusions, but… I don't want things to change. Things are… good? If last night and this morning proved anything to me, it's that Steve and I are good. Better than good. And having that, and my work and my friends? I don't think… I _know_ that anything different will just shatter perfection."

"That may be so," Natasha offered. "But the fact of the matter is that the change has already happened. You can't make active moves to change it. It would merely be you ignoring it."

"So it's life changing?" Bethany asked, a small wince on her face.

Natasha nodded slowly. "And it's not just one thing. It's a bunch of things."

"Great," Bethany mumbled.

* * *

"Please don't leave."

Those three words completely crushed Steve. A lot was doing that these days. He used to think he was strong, not just physically, but mentally. He thought that he had been through everything and came out on top, that life could only get easier, not walk-through-Hell-and-challenge-the-Devil difficult. Apparently, everything else was just the calm before the storm, and this storm being one that could just wash everything away in a blink of an eye. Steve couldn't help his heart from aching. There was nothing he could do to ease the pain.

It was like Bethany and the boys were playing tug-of-war with Steve. They were unconsciously pulling at him, and _hard_ , trying to get all of him. He could feel the middle splitting, the strings fraying with a vicious _snap!_ He wasn't sure how much longer he could do this. It hadn't even been a week yet. He still had one more day until he was supposed to remind Bethany of her past. But even then, it wouldn't solve everything. For recognition to immediately spark in her eyes, a smile growing on her lips as she remembered her marriage and their son. He knew it was foolish to want that. He knew that if he expected the worse, he couldn't ache any more than he did now.

"Please, Steve," Theo whispered, looking like he was about to cry. He had been at the Tower much longer than he anticipated. _Three hours_ more. Bethany was probably curious to where he was. He didn't have a good enough alibi to confront her with and he was so damn tired of lying about something he was proud of. Their _family_.

"I need to get back to Bethany," Steve reminded Theo lightly as he kneeled down to his level. "She's probably wondering where I am."

"Please?" Theo asked, looking down at his intertwined fingers. "Jamie misses you."

 _Crack!_ There went another piece of his heart. Theo was trying to look strong. Trying to pass his feelings off as Jamie's, and even though the baby was clearly missing Steve and his mother, once Steve laid him into his crib, sound asleep, it was easier saying good night. But he knew that it would be different with Theo. Theo had the ability to stay up and force Steve to stay.

"What am I supposed to tell Bethany?" Steve asked, honestly wondering if the kid could come up with some sort of explanation that he could use. Although, he had to admit, he could very well say that he was visiting Theo, since Bethany knew he was staying with them.

He could picture that conversation _perfectly_. She'd ask why he doesn't just bring Theo to the hotel to see _her_. So they could spend time together as a trio. So Steve wouldn't have to go back and forth. And he could tell her the truth. That Theo was scared to see her. That he was mentally scarred from her physical ones. That the image was burned into his memory the same way the flames had burned into her skin.

He could picture the disappointment and sadness in her eyes. He could hear her argument for doing it anyways since Theo would have to get over it sooner or later. But then he would have to _lie_. Make up some other reason because Jamie was still at the Tower.

"Tomorrow," Steve promised when Theo didn't say anything. "I'll tell Bethany everything tomorrow. And whatever happens, I'll be here, okay? I'll spend the night and when you wake up the next day, I'll still be here. In the meantime, you need to decide when you want to go back to school. If you want to wait until the Thanksgiving weekend is over, that's fine with me, but you'll have to work extra hard to get caught up on your homework."

"Will I get help?" Theo asked quietly, clearly distressed on being so far behind. Steve had been okay with keeping him from school since Theo's burns were still healing and his attitude and behavior had taken a major hit. It was as if the sun didn't shine for the once-brilliant-beaming little boy.

"Of course," Steve promised, giving him the only smile he could muster, one that barely moved his face at all. "Think about who you live with. Tony and Bruce will help with math and science, and we'll all pitch in for English. And French? Do you take French? I know enough French to help. And I think Natasha does too."

"What about Thor? Can Thor help? And Clint?"

"I mean, if they're here," Steve nodded. To the best of his knowledge, Clint had left to God-knows-where once again as soon as he dropped Natasha off at the hotel. It wasn't the best time for the man to leave, but Steve knew he'd come back as soon as they were about to head out. And Thor had been in Europe with Jane Foster for the past few weeks. He knew about Bethany, but they all agreed that since the entire Loki-disaster was clear in her mind, Thor's presence could very well have a negative effect.

Steve's phone started to vibrate in his pocket. Pulling it out, he gave Theo a small smile, ruffled his hair and moved over to the kitchen to answer it. "Romanoff," he acknowledged as he accepted the call. "Is something wrong?"

" _Bethany is sleeping,"_ Natasha informed him. _"I was just wondering if you were coming back soon."_

"Do you have plans tonight?" Steve asked carefully.

" _Not particularly,"_ Natasha replied. _"But you've been gone for hours. I've told her everything you said I could tell her. Which was nothing. Our_ _conversation_ _revolved around work for a really long time."_

"Okay, okay," Steve assured. "I'm coming soon. Can you let her know that if she wakes up before hand?"

 _"_ _Well, she just woke up,"_ Natasha replied. " _Do you want to talk to her?"_

"Yeah, thank you," Steve said with a sigh, running a hand through his hair. He waited for the phone transfer before he heard Bethany answer. "I'll be back soon, okay? I'm just… I'm at the Tower with Theo right now and he doesn't want me to leave just yet."

" _Stark Tower?"_ Bethany questioned, but her voice sounded a little off.

"Yeah-Beth, are you okay?"

 _"_ _Just sleepy,"_ Bethany replied. _"Listen, take your time, okay? Natasha already told me that Theo is still recovering from the explosion. Mentally. So, I understand why you need to be with him right now. Stay the night if you like."_

"Wait, are you sure?" Steve asked, a little alarmed.

 _"_ _Yeah, Tasha and I are going to watch some chick flicks. Just-just stay with him, okay? I want him to get better."_

"Um, alright then," Steve nodded. "Beth? You sure you're okay?"  
She assured him once again, but there was something about her voice that was off. It was strained, as if trying to hide what was really troubling her. And her breathing was rushed. "I'll be back later tonight," he offered softly, waiting to hear how she'd react. "And then if you _really_ are fine, I'll go back to the Tower. Sounds good?"

" _Yeah, sure,"_ she replied. _"I'll see you later."_

And like that she hung up, leaving Steve extremely uneasy. Now he felt like he had to go back immediately and find out what had happened. If Natasha maybe said a little too much. If Bethany's dreams gave her insight on her lost memories.

"So?" Theo asked softly, walking over to Steve. "Are you staying?"

Steve looked down at the little boy, his eyes drifting to Theo's arms. He could see the light pink scars left from his burns, some small scabbing still existing. Seeing those scars on Bethany had been hard, but they were healing with a rapid speed, and they didn't hurt. But Theo's would never completely heal. There would always be a physical scar to go with the mental and emotional ones. And Theo _could_ feel them.

"How are your burns?" Steve asked, opposed to answering Theo's question.

"Scratchy," Theo said, looking down at his arms.

"Itchy," Steve corrected lightly before bending over and taking one of Theo's arms in his hands, looking at it closer. "Do they hurt anymore?"

"No," Theo reported. "Jackson says that I'll always have marks on my skin."

"You probably will," Steve nodded. "But maybe we'll find someone who can help."

"S'okay," Theo shrugged. "They're cool."

Steve chuckled lightly before placing a kiss on Theo's forehead. Even Steve had to admit that if one of his wounds had left a scar, he'd probably think it was cool as well. Physical proof of the adventures he had been through. "Will Bethany's stay?" Theo asked suddenly.

"No," Steve replied faithfully. "Like I said, Bethany is still healing from her wounds, but she'll make a full recovery."

"With her memories too?"

Steve gave Theo a sad smile. "I hope so kiddo."

* * *

 _Steve's room on the SSR base was hot. The air was thick and it was hard to breathe. But Bethany pegged that to being in the small room, making love to Steve. His hands were all over her. She felt_ amazing _. Bethany was on top of him, moving rhythmically on him, her breathing panted. Around them was a romantic surrounding, a light dim of the lights and an old Peggy Lee song floating through the room. Not_ The Way You Look Tonight _, but something else… something Bethany couldn't quite peg._

 _She flipped her long, curly hair onto one shoulder as it began to stick to her neck. She felt rejuvenated and on_ fire _. Every nerve felt each touch and every thrust. She felt as if she had turned into air, her body incredibly light. But suddenly, they weren't alone. Bethany rolled to the side, draping a leg and arm over the body next to her to look at their visitor._

 _Dream Bethany didn't even flinch when she looked up to see Steve at the door opposed to next to her. He looked horrified at what he saw, but she laid there, still feeling the beautiful rise she had been relishing in. Looking to the man lying next to her, he gave her a devilish smile. His blue eyes were icy and sharp, filled with mischief. His skin was pale, not a drop of sweat on him. Even his hair, as black as a raven, looked untouched and perfectly slicked back, the tips resting by his shoulders in a sharp curve._

Jolting awake, she felt a shudder float down her spine. _Loki_.

She felt sick and disgusted. The need to scrub her skin right off her bone _overwhelmed_ her. Looking down at her hands, she was shaking. Bethany raised a quivering hand to her face, wiping off some tears. Her eyes drifted to where Natasha was standing on the opposite side of the room, her back to Bethany.

"-was nothing. Our conversation revolved around work for a really long time," Natasha said into her phone, probably speaking to Steve. Bethany quickly worked to pull herself together, but Natasha turned around before Bethany could stop her shaking. "Well, she just woke up. Do you want to talk to her?"

"No," Bethany mouthed, but it was too late. "Natasha-"

"It's too late now," Natasha whispered, walking over and handing the phone to Bethany.

She took in a deep breath, trying to hide her emotion from her voice. "Steve?"

 _"_ _I'll be back soon, okay?"_ Steve started, but Bethany hadn't been worried about the length of his absence and now, she wanted him to stay away. She needed to calm down before he came back. He'd be able to see right through her, and the last thing she wanted to do was relive her nightmare through telling the story. _"I'm just… I'm at the Tower with Theo right now and he doesn't want me to leave just yet."_

"Stark Tower?" Bethany asked, trying to sound as strong and normal as she could.

 _"_ _Yeah-Beth, are you okay?"_

Closing her eyes, she quickly tried to collect herself. He could already tell that something was up. "Just sleepy," she attempted, knowing that to be a lie. She really didn't want to sleep ever again, for fear of repeating that dream. "Listen, take your time, okay? Natasha already told me that Theo is still recovering from the explosion. Mentally. So, I understand why you need to be with him right now. Stay the night if you like."

" _Wait, are you sure?"_ Steve asked, and she could tell that he was alarmed by the idea. And while she didn't necessarily want to spend the night without him, she was hoping that she would be able to recover by tomorrow. Plus, Natasha _had_ told her about Theo, and she felt bad knowing that she was causing the little boy so much trouble. If Steve being with him helped, she couldn't take that away from him.

"Yeah, Tasha and I are going to watch some chick flicks," Bethany offered, looking to the red head for approval. Natasha, however, was sizing Bethany up. She knew something was wrong. A silent judgement was on her face, and that put Bethany off even more than before. The Natasha she knew wouldn't have even blinked at Bethany lying. Obviously things had changed. "Just-just stay with him, okay? I want him to get better."

 _"_ _Um, alright then,"_ Steve allowed, before taking a moment and speaking again. _"Beth? You sure you're okay?"_

"Mmm-hmm, just recovering," She replied, still trying to calm her heartbeat and breathing.

 _"_ _I'll be back later tonight,"_ He began and Bethany knew that she was failing at trying to cover her emotional distress. " _And then if you_ really _are fine, I'll go back to the Tower._ _Sounds_ _good?"_

"Yeah, sure," Bethany said, knowing that there wasn't really anything else she could say. "I'll see you later," she quickly added before hanging up. "What? What's that look for?" She snapped at Natasha.

"You're lying to him," She pointed out.

"So?" Bethany asked, running her hands through her hair. "Why do you care so much?"

"I care because I've seen what lying does to you two," Natasha explained. "Bethany, trust me. You _don't_ want to get in the habit of lying to him. Whatever it is, you _can_ tell him."

Bethany just clenched her jaw, still feeling the icky tingle all over her body, and the slickness between her legs that _Loki_ put there. "I need to take a shower," she mumbled.

"You just did," Natasha added.

"Yeah, well I'm not as clean as I thought I was," Bethany added before slipping into the bathroom and harshly closing the door. With her back pressed against it, she let out a series of deep breaths, trying to keep her tears at bay.

As soon as fear disappeared, she felt angry. Despite confirmation that Loki was gone, was dead and that he did her no more harm, she didn't have the opportunity to get revenge on him. That man had told her to kill Steve. And she almost did before Tony knocked her out. But now… now she wanted the privilege to kill Loki. Especially after that dream.

Starting the water, she hopped into the shower before it warmed up. The cool feeling was uncomfortable, but she ignored it. She picked up the bar of hotel soap and began to rub it against her arm before it was even wet. She _needed_ to get the feeling off, and if that meant removing her skin, that's what it meant.

Filled with anger, she harshly rubbed the bar all over her body, using all her strength. She continued, over and over again, reaching every area she could until the bar of soap was gone and her skin was red, both with irritation and blood. In the process of cleaning her skin, she had torn open some of her scabs. But she didn't care. She just keep scrubbing as the red swirled down her body, mixing with the water, swirling down the water drain.

* * *

She felt _weird_. She felt _unnatural_. Her mind was hazy and she searched hard for her name. Luckily, someone had supplied it to her. _Jen._

That was all she knew. That and the fact that something was not right. Something was not _normal_. She didn't feel cold, per se. It was actually quite hot. She was sure she was sweating. But there was something cold pulsing through her veins. It felt like ice. Not ice water, but _ice_. Sharply hitting every nerve in her body. _Pain_? She asked herself. It _should_ hurt. It didn't. It just felt, once again, _weird_. But then again, she wasn't sure if she'd remember what normal felt like.

She tried to open her eyes, to get an understanding of what was around her. Nothing. It felt like they were taped down. She tried to open her mouth. The same result. _Is this what life is_? She caught herself wondering. Everything was a blank slate. She couldn't remember what she looked like. What she sounded like. Maybe this was all there was to life.

But she could _hear_. So obviously there was something more than just a black and motionless experience. "We'll only know when she wakes up how successful the wiping was," a voice said. It was fuzzy, as if received through a bad reception.

 _Wiping_? She wondered. "And what about Paracelsus? Did it take?"

 _Paracelsus?_ "Her body is accepting it. The only question is whether or not she'll be able to control it. And what it'll do to her mind."

"Isn't that why we wiped her?"

Whatever this was, Jen had a feeling it wasn't good. Every word only made her more nervous. She decided that this _wasn't_ what normal felt like.

But she also knew that whatever was happening, there was a chance she wouldn't be able to control anything, just like she couldn't control her eyes or lips. She felt like someone else's puppet, and right now, she was shoved into a box, not of any use to anyone. And all things considered, that deal was looking more and more appealing. Because when the puppet master decided to pull her out of her confinement, she could very well be forced to do another's bidding.

* * *

 ****A/N: Seems like a lot of people liked the smut. Question for consideration: Should I make an effort to write it more often?**

 **Jo: Courage isn't the issue, it's what her reaction will be.**

 **IrelandLover: He tells her everything in the next chapter, and I feel like we get a little of every emotion from the both of them.**

 **KnowInsight: Haha, the smut ;) That seems to be the general consensus. Ironically, it's not very fun to write because it demands the upmost concentration, and I seem to lack that recently. But there will be more to come ;)**

 **sarahmichellegellarfan1: Yay! That was the goal :)**

 **fallingforthecaptain: Huh, it wasn't _supposed_ to be sad, but I can understand how it would come across as that way. She'll know soon enough! And thanks about the video :) I spent a whole night (I mean sat down at 6 and stopped at 4 in the morning) trying to get all the pairings together and time it to the music. But I'm very happy with it!**

 **FeliciaFelicis: I'm glad that the smut made you blush! Isn't that the ultimate goal for the writer? LOL. We saw Theo here and we'll see more of him in chapter 6.**

 **droolee: Haha, did you enjoy it because of the smut? ;) No judgement there! I definitely will write more if that's what people want! It does take me a little more time because I get distracted and well... Let's just say I've written smut chapters in public and I worked myself up so much and had to spend the rest of the day like that. At home, it's fine. But in public? Haha... They say that the danger of getting caught only makes it more exciting and appartently that's true, and my only experience was that one smut writing scene during a lecture. Sidenote: I got an A in that class, and a smile on my face everytime my prof brought up what we learned when I was writing. But basically, I try to wait until I'm alone to write those scenes and they are far and few between. But I agree. I definitely want to write more!**


	5. When I Am Broken

****A/N: THIS IS THE ONE HUNDREDTH CHAPTER FOR THIS SERIES. INSANITY.**

Chapter 5- When I Am **Broken**

 _"My fears are safe here, held in your hands. When I am broken, you put me back together again. All that I once was, all I could be. When I've forgotten, baby you remind me." _

_~Believing, Charles Esten, Lennon & Maisy Stella_

* * *

As soon as Theo fell asleep, Steve booked it to the hotel. Natasha had called him repeatedly, saying that Bethany had locked herself in the bathroom hours ago and hadn't said a word. Steve was a little shocked that Natasha didn't just break open the door, but the red headed woman admitted that this _wasn't_ her problem. Steve knew she was right, but he wished she was wrong.

"I'm here," Steve announced as he entered the room. "She still in there."

"Yup," Natasha said, popping the 'p'. "Look, whoever is in there, it isn't the Bethany we had a week ago _or_ two years ago."

Steve looked at the closed bathroom door before looking to Natasha. "She was fine when I left… all things considered."

"She woke up from a dream and she… I don't know, Steve. But _don't_ let her lie to you. That's not going to help anything. _Push_ her until she tells you."

Steve and Natasha's eyes focused on each other's before Steve bowed his head. "Thanks Romanoff."

"Hey, it goes both ways," Natasha began, confusing him a little. "You _need_ to tell her the truth. It's not helping the situation. At _all_. We've been hoping she'll remember, but she's almost healed all the way and she hasn't remembered anything. Steve, she admitted that she doesn't know if she _wants_ to remember. Do _not_ give her a choice."

Steve's jaw clenched, but he nodded again, opening the hotel door for Natasha to leave. Closing the door again, Steve looked at the bathroom. Walking over, he knocked softly. "Beth, it's me. Are you okay?" No response. He tried again. "Bethany, can you open the door, please? Love?"

Again, nothing. Steve began to worry. What if she passed out? What if she fell over and hit her head? What if, what if, what if? "Stark," he said a little more strictly, knowing that it was the only way to clearly state how serious he was. "Open the door, or I'll break it down."

He waited ten seconds before doing as he promised. When the door was broken down, he spotted Bethany sitting in the corner of the bathroom, hugging her knees. Her hair was almost dry, but frizzed up from the humidity of the room. Steve slowly moved over and sat beside her, studying her face. It was blank.

He took in a deep breath. "Can you please say something?"

"Steve, I don't want to talk," she replied, moving to stand up. Her white towel fell down her body as she moved to lean against the countertop. Steve's eyes focused on the towel, frowning when he saw that it was soaked with red. His gaze jumped back up to Bethany, looking at her back. The blood had dried, but Steve could tell that it had been heavily bleeding.

"What happened to your back?" He asked, moving to stand behind her.

Bethany peered over her shoulder, trying to see what he was talking about. He turned her around so that her back faced the mirror, giving her a better view. "Huh," she let out easily. "I cleaned too thoroughly apparently."

He was alarmed at how relaxed she seemed, watching in shock as she walked out of the bathroom. "Wait, that's it? Why were you scrubbing so hard? And why did you get back in the shower? Hey, talk to me," Steve insisted, grabbing her wrist.

"What do you want me to say?" She asked, facing him.

"The truth would be nice," Steve began. "I know you're hiding something from me."

"Yeah, and so are you," Bethany reminded him.

He was taken back at this. "This is different."

"How?" Bethany asked, challenging him.

"For starters, we agreed on this," Steve began. "And I'm doing this so you don't get hurt."

"Yeah, well have you considered that's why I'm hiding something too?" Bethany replied. "I don't want to hurt you Steve, and if that means keeping something from you-"

"But _that_ hurts, Beth," Steve interrupted. "I'd rather you hurt me by telling the truth than hurt me by lying to me."

Bethany studied him carefully, her face looking stubborn. "Fine," she allowed.

"Wait, really?" Steve asked, surprised she gave in so soon.

"If that's what you want," Bethany stated, lacking energy.

Steve nodded, reaching a hand out to cup her face for a moment. "Let's go back to the bathroom. Let me clean the dried blood off your back and bandage it up and you can tell me then."

"Alright," she replied with the same tone. Steve went to their duffel bag and pulled out the kit the hospital had given them. Bethany was already in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet, her back to him. Steve unrolled a new facecloth and started to run the water, carefully dabbing the abused skin.

"So what's going on?" Steve asked patiently. "Was it a nightmare?"

"Yeah," Bethany breathed. "We were in your SSR room, and the lights were dim and there was a Peggy Lee song on. Not _The Way You Look Tonight_ , but something else… _Someone Else is Taking My Place_? I don't know, but that's… that's really not important. Every nerve was tingling and… it was _so_ good. And then someone came in the room."

"Who was it?" Steve asked, stilling his movements as familiarity came over her words.

"It was you," She revealed, her voice quiet but tone strong. "And then I looked at the man under me and… It was-"

"Loki," Steve finished.

"Yeah," Bethany replied, confusion in her voice as she looked over her shoulder at him. "Have I told you this before? Have I had this dream?"

"No, but I have," Steve confessed. It had been months ago, when Bethany was still pregnant. Before SHIELD fell. Bethany had been on the Lemurian Star and Steve had spent most of the night touching the cold side of the bed where she should have been. The other half was spent with this nightmare, walking in on Bethany and Loki. He had instantly forgotten who the other man was then, but now he did.

The room fell silent as Steve mulled this over. It _had_ to be a coincidence. But the details were precise. The Peggy Lee song, but _Someone Else is Taking My Place_? He hadn't paid mind to the song until now. It frightened him what that could mean. Steve tried to push away the horrible feeling as he pulled out the long gauze and began to tape it to Bethany's split skin.

"I told you what I was hiding," Bethany spoke up. "It's your turn."

Steve paused for a moment before speaking. "Are you sure you want to know?"

"You'll have to tell me sooner than later. And we agreed; one week. Honestly Steve… I'm terrified to know. But not knowing is equally as scary. I don't know if I'll get the courage to ask again, so you should just tell me before I refuse to know in the future."

Finishing up on her back, Steve reached for the housecoat hanging behind the door. Bethany tugged it on and Steve took her hand before leading her back to the bed. As they settled down in the fluffy blankets, Steve took in a deep breath. "I don't know where to start," he admitted.

"Steve-"

"No, no, I got it," He assured. "Alright… In April, we… we found out that there was a mole inside SHIELD." She frowned, opening her mouth to ask a question, but Steve held up a hand. "Please, just… just let me finish, okay?"

"Okay," Bethany allowed.

"Romanoff and I went off to find everything out, figure out what was happening exactly… You, Nick and Hill had to hide in some very secret hideout, pretending to be dead after assassination attempts. Nat and I found out that it was HYDRA. That they had infiltrated their way into SHIELD _years_ ago, and were now going to use a peacekeeping initiative to wipe out anyone who could be a threat to them. It was _millions_ , Beth."

He waited to see any emotion from her face, but she didn't even bat an eye, just taking everything in. "So we stopped them, but to do that, we… we had to break apart SHIELD. We wouldn't know who to trust, so… it's gone. Nick is off somewhere in Europe doing God knows what. Coulson, who the rest of the team thinks is dead, by the way, is the new Head of SHIELD, but he only has a few agents. Last you told me, they're just tracking down some HYDRA groups. Beth, can you…"

"Say something?" She offered. "You want me to say something now?"

"That would be helpful," Steve nodded.

"I-I don't… I don't know what to say," She admitted. "I don't really want to believe you, but why would you lie?"

"That's… that's not even the worst part," Steve said softly. "They-HYDRA- they sent a weapon to kill us. Obviously they failed, but you… you know who the weapon is. The Winter Soldier."

Bethany's back straightened, the first real reaction from Bethany. "What happened?"

"Beth…" Steve took in a ragged breath. "This is going to be really hard to wrap your head around but… we found out that the Winter Soldier killed Howard and Maria. And that… that the Winter Soldier is Bucky. Bucky is alive."

Steve went into a ramble, filling in all the blanks about the past months, adding small details he hadn't added earlier, about Project Insight, Alexander Pierce, Sharon Carter being their undercover neighbour, about Bethany's promotion, about Steve working for SHIELD, about the Avengers. Steve told her about Tony and Extremis, about their wedding and honeymoon. He told her about Kiley and Bucky and how they were off somewhere. He explained how Bucky was the one to pull Bethany and Theo from the building, and that Jen was dating a HYDRA agent.

Through all this, she said nothing. Through all this, her facial expression barely changed. But it _did_. Slowly he could see how heartbroken she was. How _angry_ she was. How _everything_ in her life was different, completely flipped around. When he was confident he told her _everything_ , even some pointless stories that he felt complied to tell as he briefly recounted their lives, he waited for her to say something.

"I just have one question," Bethany whispered.

"Go ahead," Steve encouraged, brows furrowed with worry.

"If SHIELD fell in April, and HYDRA has been out these last few months… if everyone has been living at the Tower, _Avengers_ Tower… why haven't we been _out_ there, looking for HYDRA to put an end to them, permanently?"

Steve took in a deep breath, prepared to tell her. His heart was hammering and he could feel nausea build up in his stomach. He had no idea how Bethany was going to react. "Umm, there's a really good reason for that, actually. His…His name is Jamie."

"Who?" Bethany asked, looking confused.

"He's…" Steve reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone. He flipped through his photo album until he found a photo Clint had taken of Jamie, Steve and Bethany only two weeks prior. In it, Jamie had never looked more like Bethany, his blonde curls sticking wildly.

Letting out a deep breath, Steve handed the phone to Bethany. "He's our son."

He watched as this registered. He could _feel_ the fear running through Bethany's veins. He could _see_ how overwhelmed she was, even though she hadn't moved. Her gaze was on the photo, but he could tell it wasn't focused on the picture. And she wasn't breathing.

"Air," Bethany gasped after a moment, the phone falling from her hand as she scattered off the bed and to the open window. He slowly mirrored her movements, but just as soon as she stood behind him she quickly ran across the room. It all happened so fast, and so randomly that Steve hesitated when she left the room.

By the time he caught up to her, she was already half way down the stairwell. "Beth, wait!" He called out when she opened the door to the ground floor. He knew what was waiting out there. Reporters. And Bethany was in the middle of having a panic attack. In a bathrobe.

Jumping over the railing of the stairs, he stood behind her as soon as she took a step out. There was a moment of nothing. And then there were flashes of lights, microphones being held out and questions being asked. He couldn't comprehend any of them, only words, but they continue to push forward. One glance at Bethany was enough to tell Steve what he already knew; this was only going to make things worse.

"Hey!" Steve yelled loudly, creating an immediate hum of silence. "Back off," he demanded, using as much authority as he could muster. When a photographer in the front row snapped a photo, Steve reached for the camera and threw it against the wall. He was done trying to understand the reasons for their curiosity. He had been through a different brand of hell this week and he was trying to regain a sense of normalcy. He cared little about what they thought of him.

"Back. Off," he repeated slowly as Bethany slipped to the side, down the side alleyway between the hotel and the business establishment next door. This time, none of the reporters followed her, or even looked at her. "Thank you," Steve allowed before following his wife. As soon as he found her deep within the alley, he looked back to see that the bodyguards Pepper had hired to watch the front door had migrated over to the entrance of the alley to give them privacy.

Bethany seemed to mindlessly pace, kicking random objects with her bare feet. Her body was still shaking, but he couldn't tell if it was for lack of air or just anger. But he stood there watching her, in an attempt to show her that he was there for her, unconditionally, but similarly would not hover. That was the last thing he wanted to do. He didn't want to drive her away by being too clingy.

After a few minutes, Bethany slid down to the pavement and pulled her legs to her chest. She looked defeated. The air surrounding them was chilling. The sun was long gone, and the wind whistled around them. The temperature didn't affect him, but he knew that it was too cold to be out in a hotel brand housecoat. Especially for someone whose body didn't hold heat like an average person's body did. He wasn't sure if forcing her back into warmth would really be beneficial at this point. She needed the fresh air, and lots of it. He knew exactly what it was like to need more air and not have any.

All things considered, he thought she was taking everything really well, and he admitted to himself that the truth and the view in front of him clashed. She was sitting against a dirty brick wall, unaware of the even dirtier and above all, _damp_ , concrete beneath her. Taking a step forward, it was confirmed that her shaking was due to not having fully regained her breath. But the fact was that she could have taken it a lot worse. This may have been dramatic, but Bethany lived for theatrics. He could easily have seen her crying and screaming, or throwing herself out the window in a moment of panic.

But there she was, taking active steps to calm herself down. He wasn't sure what would happen _when_ that happened. He hoped that she'd be rational, but immediately reminded himself that this was Bethany. Rationality was not her strong suit. Analyzing every angle _was_ , however. It's why she changed her mind so damn often. She under thought something and ran with her emotions and then later overthought it and did a complete 180. This was something he was all too familiar with.

Slipping out of his pull over, he leaned down next to the overwhelmed blonde and placed it over her shoulders. He whispered her name, seeing if she had any semblance of her surroundings. She turned her head slightly in response, still looking forward, but clearly opening herself up to listen to him.

"Take your time," he instructed, carefully putting his arm around her shoulders to provide her with some of his body heat. He could see the goose bumps on the bare skin of her legs and an alarming redness forming. She didn't flinch, didn't attempt to get some space, which he noted to be a win. He had been nervous that she wouldn't want him to touch her for a long time, since he knew how difficult it was to refrain from the simplest of touches. Ever since he met her, he wanted to touch her impossibly soft skin or shiny, flowing hair. To go back to not being allowed… the idea alone pained him.

"You're so warm," Bethany noted with a whisper, capturing his attention.

"If you're cold, we should go in," Steve began, trying to sound as accommodating and patient as possible. "The last thing we want is another trip to the hospital, this time for hypothermia opposed to burns."

"I'm not cold," she insisted, a distance in her voice. Her body said otherwise, but Steve quickly realized that being cold was a variation of pain. Pain Bethany could no longer feel. If put under the right conditions, she could freeze and not even hear her body's warning signs.

"You're just hot," she added as an afterthought.

"When you feel like your breathing is under control, and that everything isn't closing in on you, can we go back in? Please? A dirty alley is not where I want to have a conversation as important as this."

She nodded, eyes dropping slightly, still impossibly tired. "You know," she started, her voice barely audible. "All things considered, a baby isn't the worst thing."

He could feel his heart flutter with excitement, trying to keep the smile of relief off his face, but failing miserably. "Yeah?" He encouraged, wanting to hear more.

"My entire life, everything I know… it's all gone," she whispered. "You know what that's like."

"I do," Steve nodded. "It's scary. What's your purpose now? How are you supposed to find your place? And do you need to change in order to achieve the answers?"

"The difference is that you didn't have a life to step into. No one was expecting you to be a husband or father. All we… all _SHIELD_ expected from you was for you to be a soldier, and you were already that. And I expected you to just be _you_."

"That's all I want from you as well," Steve promised. "I'm not asking you to wake up tomorrow and do everything you did as a wife and as a mother for Jamie. I understand that it's a lot to step into immediately, not gradually like-"

"Jamie?" Bethany interrupted quickly. "As… as in James?"  
"James Anthony Rogers," Steve confirmed.

Her eyes finally met his and she looked _furious_. "Really, Steve? You named him after the man who killed my brother?"

Steve was taken back at this. He couldn't remember if they had ever discussed this fact before. He was almost sure they hadn't. Whether they did or not, however, Bethany would have committed a rarity and had _been_ rational. She understood that while Bucky and the Winter Soldier were the same person _physically_ , they weren't everyway else, and no one seemed to understand that like Bethany did. But Steve could understand the anger she felt right now. All this information about the Winter Soldier and Bucky was new.

The only response he could come up with was "you named him, actually."

Her eyes widened, obviously unbelieving of his words. "You… you understood that Bucky… Beth, he was under someone else's control," he hurried to defend. "You know what that's like."

She closed her eyes, clearly not wanting to remember. He felt bad for pulling that memory out, especially since it was fresh in her mind currently. "I understand that it's overwhelming, but-"

"So what I'm hearing is that the girl who isn't here anymore was so much better," Bethany concluded, opening her eyes. "How can I even compare?" She asked, anger still laced in her tone. "In your life, in _his_."

 _His_. Steve immediately knew she was referring to Jamie, and the very idea of speaking his name would be like vinegar on her tongue. It burned a hole right through Steve. "I told you," he began patiently. "I don't need you to be anyone but _you_. I would rather have you at your worst than not at all. And we both know that this _isn't_ your worst side."

"But you have more to think about than just yourself," Bethany pointed out. "And… I-I can't be a mother, Steve. I made a living out of killing other people-"

"You already _are_ a mother," Steve interrupted. "Doll, that'll never change. You may have taken away people's lives, but so have I. Okay? And we did something to remedy that. We _made_ life."

"Yeah, well it's not some crazy skill to be able to do it," Bethany mumbled. "It doesn't take much."

"No, but at least we can say it came from love. Not drunken sex, or revenge sex, or from a couple who are unmarried. Jamie came from a committed and loving relationship. We made life the way God intended-"

"Oh, don't get religious on me right now, Rogers," Bethany warned.

"Look," Steve said, bringing a new angle to the conversation. "I will be the first to admit that in the last two and a half years, you changed. Every single day, I saw a different change. But not long after the attack on New York did we lay on the couch and plan our future together. We planned marriage and kids and a house with a big yard. You wanted that. And while you weren't sure on _when_ we should do everything, as soon as you got pregnant, you were happy. _Really_ happy.

"Do you know why I think this?" Steve continued, taking her hand in his and trying to warm it up. "Because you had finally started to entertain an actual future opposed to being stuck in the present. We were going to have a family, something you never thought we would get. We were getting our second chance."

"I told you, a baby isn't the worst thing," Bethany reminded him. "But to wake up and already have one? I got _scared_ when I was thrown into a permanent life like this before and I ruined _everything_. What if I do that again?"

"It's because you're wondering that I know you won't," Steve promised. "I have faith in you. Love and respect. And I don't think you'd hurt Jamie. Which, by the way, I can understand if his name does bother you. It never did before, but I can understand now."

"I guess it makes sense," Bethany began. "I know that at one point in my life, watching the way you and Bucky joked around, he'd name his son after you and you your son after him. Having lost him and got him back… It just makes sense. And as for Anthony… Tony is the reason I had any shred of humanity left in me those years without you. Through the decades, I just kept falling into a bigger hole. McCain had tried to keep me steady, and for the most part, he did a really good job at it. But when he died… Without Tony, I don't know where I'd be."

"Just to let you know, if you wanted to name him after Howard, I would have been okay with that," Steve announced. "For the same reason why you're okay with him being named after Bucky. But you were very adamant on giving him his _own_ name. Not Bucky, not James, but Jamie. _Always_ Jamie."

"I think I'm ready to go back inside," she replied instead.

Steve sighed, but nodded. He had already conquered so many battles in the last hour, he knew he couldn't win them all right then and there. And most of all, he heard Bethany admit that a baby, _their_ baby, was not the worst thing that could happen. Her entire life had crumbled in a matter of seconds and replaced with a completely new one. But at least now he wouldn't have to lie to her about their family.

* * *

They had eaten the majority of their room service in silence. Occasionally there would be a "pass the water pitcher" or "you have some sauce on your chin", but when all the plates were scraped clean, they knew they needed to talk.

"Can I see your phone?" Bethany asked when Steve went to pile the dishes outside the door.

"Yeah, of course," Steve nodded, coming back in. Bethany leaned across the bed towards the nightstand where his phone was resting, the lock screen popping up. "Oh, it's 0518."

"The reason?" Bethany asked, typing in the numbers.

"May 18th," Steve explained. "Our wedding anniversary."

He watched as a small smile pulled at her face and Steve moved to lie beside her. She opened up the photos and began to scroll through them. Photos of them in Ireland, their first Christmas back together and photos of their wedding. "I love the dress," Bethany noted, scrolling in closer.

"I did too," Steve smiled. "You had asked me if I wanted to see you in a 1940's styled dress, but honestly, I just wanted to see you illuminate in a dress that you loved. And you picked this one. And I loved it."

"Was it difficult to get off?" Bethany teased, a sultry look in her eyes.

Steve let out a small chuckle, reaching a hand out to swipe the screen again. Photos of their honeymoon, photos of that Halloween and then finally, photos of her growing baby bump. He watched her carefully, taking in her growing form. Most of the photos were humorous; Steve having drawn faces on her stomach, Bethany wearing old clothes, her stomach on full display, Molly sleeping on the bump.

Every once in a while, Bethany would let out a chuckle. All of the photographed facial expressions were priceless. Finally, they reached photos of Jamie. Bethany seemed to spend longer studying the photos, as if analyzing them all very carefully. She swiped the screen, looking at the multitude of photos. Steve was a proud father, and wanted to document every moment. He was truly grateful for today's technology to allow him to have these moments forever.

"He looks like you," she stated, looking at a photo of Jamie around three months.

"He's changing. It's a turntable more day than not. Usually, he looks like a Stark," he explained. "Even with blue eyes and blonde curls, he looks like Tony and Howard."

"Yeah, I can see that," She nodded. "He has my lips."

"Yes, he does," Steve agreed with a smile. She continued to slide through the photos until she got to the most recent ones.

"He's beautiful," Bethany decided, handing Steve back the phone. "How old is he?"

"Just over five months," he replied, absolutely loving that their son had already found a spot somewhere in Bethany's new heart. "Although he looks a little older. He was a full month premature but has always been bigger than average because of the serum. Both mine and yours is in his system."

"Explains why I was so massive when I was pregnant," Bethany mumbled. "And the boobs. I've been eating fatty foods my entire life, and they haven't made my breasts any bigger. He's breastfed, isn't he?"

"Yeah," Steve admitted sheepishly. "Which… I'm glad you brought that up actually. We had a stock pile of bottles ready, more because of how uncomfortable you got if you didn't breast feed every few hours. Now, it makes sense that it doesn't bother you. Not only has it been a week, but-"

"I can't feel pain," Bethany summarized.

"Exactly," Steve nodded. "Jamie has started eating baby food, but…"

"He still needs milk," Bethany sighed. "Look, I'll use a pump. But… I'm not ready for that closeness."

"That's all I'm asking," he replied honestly.

"What-what now?" She asked after a moment of silence. "I wanted to go back to work after I healed. I figured going back on missions would… I don't know, help me feel like myself. I feel like I'm in someone else's body, and I guess I am."

"I'll leave all that up to you. I know that Bruce wants to do some tests on your blood, to see if the non-aging serum is still in your system. Plus, you need to go back to the hospital for a check-up. Then get your IUD and re-start the lithium for your bi-"

"Those are all medical things," Bethany pointed out. "Yeah, I still took my bipolar meds then, but… None of that will help me feel more like me. And you're probably happy about that, since it's proof that the Other Bethany is still here."

"I want you to feel comfortable," Steve assured. "And yeah, I'm not going to lie, I'm hoping that you'll remember everything, but I want you to feel in control of your life. I know how scary that is for you, not having control. So, what exactly do you want to do?"

"Honestly? Go back to work. But apparently that isn't an option," Bethany reminded him. "I don't know how you aren't bursting with the seams to get out there and _do something_ -"

"I am," Steve insisted softly. He desperately wanted to get out there and do what he did best. "Doll, I want to make sure that there's peace in our world, but I've been preoccupied the last few months and if you want to get out there, my place is at the Tower. At least for a little bit longer, for the boys."

"You're willing to sit out so I can go out?" Bethany asked, a little shocked.

"Someone needs to show Theo that we'll be here while his mom isn't. And Jamie realizes we're gone, but is too young to understand why," Steve explained. "As much as I'm itching to get out there, I know this'll mean more to you. Plus, she-You," he corrected himself, trying to assert that they were one and the same and not two completely different people. "Sat back and let me go out. But I don't want you going out there until we figure out what's going on with your healing."

Bethany nodded slowly, secretly touched. She knew how much fighting the good fight meant to Steve. It was one of the first things she learned about him, and one of the reasons she fell for him. "The Other Bethany… she just gave it all up? The rush? The fulfillment?"

"She-You," He corrected himself again. "Were tired of the betrayal. You didn't know who to trust and something you spent the majority of your life building crumbled to the ground with very little effort. It crushed your soul a little bit. Although, we were talking about you working with the team again, when we finally went out. More than talking. You were training, learning how to fight without depending on your healing."

"Wait, you said that you're the reason SHIELD went down," Bethany began, clearly not having heard the last sentences Steve said. "That you needed SHIELD to fall for HYDRA to fall too. But HYDRA is still out there."

"HYDRA," he started carefully, trying to find the best way to describe the situation. He couldn't get frustrated with her not grasping everything fully or not seeing it as the Other Bethany did. _No, they're the same… But they're not, are they_? Steve thought to himself.

"HYDRA was like termites. And we were like a gust of wind. They gnawed and left so many holes that knocking it down, even such a big building as the Triskelion and even bigger organization such as SHIELD took very little. The real issue was taking the Insight Helicarriers down."

"I don't- I don't want to think about this right now," Bethany admitted with a sigh. "Can we just focus on one thing at a time? The most important thing?"

"That being…" Steve asked, hopeful for the answer.

"Jamie," Bethany replied. "I may not know the kid, but I do know that he should be put first. Theo too. I watched Tony grow up without his dad and… Whether or not I return to who that woman was, I don't want either of those boys hating me the way Tony hated Howard. I'm not ready to be a mother. But I'm already a friend to Theo. And maybe I can be the same for Jamie. Just-just for now. I think one day, even if I don't remember, I'll love him the same way I did before. Because even though I don't feel like this body is mine, or that he's mine… he's yours. And that means just as much."

Steve smiled, leaning forward to kiss her. "You know what? That's the best thing you could've said to me."

"So, I'll ask again," Bethany began, her lips turned up slightly. "What happens now?"

Steve took in a deep breath, taking her hands in his. "We go home."

* * *

 ****A/N: Man, I'm still reeling that this was chapter number 100 for this series. Thank you EVERYONE for your readership and support. I never imagined getting this far, not even CLOSE.**

 **IrelandLover: Eh, she did a little bit of both. What can I say? She goes with her gut instinct and THEN thinks about it.**

 **sarahmichellegellarfan1: Haha, note taken! I had planted the seeds for that dream WAY back in _Wrong for the Right Reasons_ and waited for the perfect moment to connect her and Steve's dream. There's some dark magic being toyed with. Or at least, that was the plan originally. I never know which plots will stay the same and which won't. **

**fallingforthecaptain: We get a little glimpse in chapter 6 of who is looking after Steve- Sam. As for Jen, she's not quite like the Winter Soldier. What they did to her was different, and wiping her mind has its own set of reasons. They'll rescue her soon enough, actually. Not sure exactly when, but it's the next real plot point in the story. As for Kiley and Bucky; I have no plans to write another story right now. I'm working 2 jobs, 6 days a week and am barely getting 8 hours of sleep when my body typically operates on 9. But that's not the only reason; while Bucky and Kiley may seem separate from the plot, they aren't really. Their little adventure does incorporate with the main plot eventually and will help me set up their positions within _Age of Ultron_ and _Civil War_. And I'm pretty sure that if I tried to write a story for solely Bucky and Kiley, I wouldn't be able to finish it or update regularly. **

**kaylyrenn: Aww, you made me blush so hard, my supervisor asked me what was wrong. And yes; normal lifestyle is good every once-in-a-while. I'm glad you've enjoyed everything though! It's been a hell of a long journey and the 100 chapters thus far definitely show for it! But rest easy; chapters should be posted once a week and are typically over 4000 words, so you'll have a weekly dose :) And yes, a happy medium. That's exactly what I'm going for. I want her to be the agent she used to be, but also a mother. Not having to decide which side of the coin she really is. It'll be a journey though, since when isn't it?**

 **Jo: Well, it happened!**

 **FeliciaFelicis: Eh, not really. I don't really know what I'll be doing with the dream. It's more the fact that Steve had it and now Bethany has too. There's a bigger force present, but I don't know when it'll _really_ come into play. Oh, this story will be _pretty long_. Only because I'm packed full with ideas and my ideas need a lot of development to make them realistic. And NOPE; a lot of people loved the smut :P Glad to know that it isn't one of those smut scenes where people are uncomfortable because of how badly its written. That would be a major blow. I've read enough to know what is good and bad, and I've tried to make mine as best as I possibly can. **


	6. Apron Strings

****A/N: You may think this is late. It, however, is perfectly on time considering it's Steve's birthday! This chapter has some ups and downs, but it ends on a positive note, so I guess that's good?**

 **Also, the dream in this chapter. I _had_ this dream. Exactly the same. It was terrifying. I woke up sweating and crying and also sideways on my bed. It was intense.**

Chapter 6- Apron **Strings**

 _"Then I wake up to my apron strings, cold and lonely, for time brings thoughts that only will be quiet when someone clings to my apron strings." _

_~Apron Strings, Everything But the Girl_

* * *

As the elevator for the Tower moved up, Steve realized how exhausted he was. He couldn't remember the last time he got a full night's sleep. Even when the opportunity presented itself, he was too worried to actually rest his mind. He was hoping he would get at least a few hours of undisturbed rest that night, but he knew the chances of that were slim with a nightmare prone Bethany tossing and turning next to him, a crying Jamie waking up around the clock for food and a screaming Theo, trying to ward away the images seared into his mind. But with all of that happening elsewhere in the Tower, he couldn't really complain. He knew that he had it the best out of everyone in the apartment. And that was a terrifying concept.

The nervousness Bethany was feeling was _radiating_ from her. She had, after much humming and hawing, agreed to join Steve at the Tower. The only thing keeping her away seemed to be the idea that her being _with_ Jamie and Theo would only make things worse. Steve knew that this was a possibility, but he also knew the current situation couldn't stand much longer. Something had to change.

However, Steve felt an overwhelming sense of peace to know that Bethany seemed to want to _help_. Whether it was directly of the boys or Steve, she was thinking about someone other than herself, and that was always a good sign. All things considered, Bethany did think that Jamie was beautiful. He was hoping that one smile from his boy to his girl would make her fall head over heels in love with him. He was hoping for love at first sight. Photographs, in Steve's mind, didn't count.

He had once asked Bethany if she believed in love at first sight. She admitted that she believed in infatuation at first sight, but love derived from something deeper. More than just physical attraction. It rooted in emotion and communication. But when Jamie was placed in Bethany's arms for the first time, her hours of pain quickly forgotten, Steve knew that not only did Bethany believe in love at first sight now, but it also existed. He was hoping for the same effect. So, while he promised not to force Bethany into being who she was before, he was going to try with all his might for her to hold him.

"Maybe I should sleep on Tony's floor," Bethany spoke up, eyeing as the lights on the elevator wall rose, getting closer to their level.

"Beth, he's a baby," Steve reminded her. "He has very little expectations from you."

"That's what you say now, but I know better, Steve," Bethany replied stubbornly. "Babies need a _lot_. They can't do anything on their own."

"Is holding him and singing to him really that bad? It's effortless. You've always been more than generous to do both to me after a nightmare or a bad day. I'll do the rest of the work. Feeding him, changing him, baths-"

"Was I a good mom?" She asked nervously and very suddenly.

"Is that what you're afraid of?" Steve returned, turning to look at her as the elevator stopped on their floor.

"I know how to take care of babies," Bethany began, twisting her hands. "It's just… this isn't just anyone's kid. It's yours."

"And yours," Steve added, carefully directing her into the apartment before the elevator doors closed. "And yes. You were- _are_ \- an amazing mom. Much better than I ever expected, to be honest, and let's take a moment to be serious here. I once pictured you tied up in apron strings, baking cookies."

The look on her face said it all, and Steve couldn't help but stifle a laugh. The idea seemed repulsive to her, but Bethany _did_ bake. Even the one in front of him. And she owned an apron. Lots of them, actually. Tony had once bought her an Iron Man styled apron, so naturally, Clint went out and bought her a Captain America one too. She had some that looked like a Santa Clause outfit, a Darth Vader one and a bunch in different patterns. They barely got used, but she owned them nonetheless. And damn, did she ever make good chocolate-chip cookies.

But Steve understood the look on Bethany's face. It wasn't the words. It was the idea. Of her, being a traditional housewife. The Bethany in front of him was still a hard-working SHIELD agent. She hadn't had the proper amount of time to soften up. Even then, it took Bethany a long time to even be okay with the _idea_ of being a housewife. She had been ready to go back out in the field, if only for a little while.

"But the reason why you were such a good mom is for qualities you possess right now," Steve assured, putting the duffel bag down and placing his hands on her shoulders. "I'm going to go check on Jamie. Make yourself at home, okay? Unless… unless, you would like to come with me?"

"I'll wait," Bethany replied with a small smile.

"Okay," Steve nodded, kissing her softly. He wasn't upset by her answer in the slightest. She was there. That was a huge step.

He remembered the moment it hit him that he was going to be a father. Excitement, of course. An overwhelming and slightly questionable sense of pride, yes. But fear? He would be responsible for a human being. He knew he could keep him safe, but he kept questioning what if he couldn't? Or what if he could, but couldn't do anything else? What if he became like Howard and his son like Tony? He had eight months to gear up to the challenge, and even then, anxiety still hit him while he laid in bed at night.

Stepping into the nursery, Steve moved up to Jamie's crib. The little boy was sound asleep, his long lashes casting shadows across his face and his little bow shaped mouth cracked open, just like his mom. His thumb was by his lips, as if he had been sucking at it. His Suzie had gone missing a week ago, right after Bethany's hospitalization, and they had yet to replace it. But apparently Jamie had found his own solution. Steve wasn't concerned about the 'ruining the shape of his mouth' thing since he himself had been a thumb sucker for _years_.

But if Jamie's lips stopped looking like Bethany's, he'd be disappointed. Right now, that was the only thing that made Bethany truly realize that Jamie was her son. She had recognized that Jamie's lips, which looked like a mesh between the two of them for the first little while, were now purely reflecting hers. Reaching into the crib, Steve carefully caressed the silky, tight curls on Jamie's head. _You are beautiful_ , he thought before a loud _bang_ caught his attention. Jamie, however, didn't stir.

Quickly making his way out to the living room, he saw Bethany pinning Jackson up to the wall. "Hey, hey, hey," Steve spoke up, moving to rescue the man. "Doll, Jackson is the Nanny."

"What?" She asked, confused, taking a step away from Jackson, who began to rub the back of his head.

"Who did you think was watching the boys? Tony? Natasha? _Thor_?"

The expression on her face was priceless and would've been hilarious if Steve wasn't more concerned on checking to make sure Jackson was okay. "Sorry, I just…" Bethany began, giving Jackson a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry."

"It's all good," Jackson coughed, trying to clear his throat. "No harm."

"Are you sure?" Steve pressed, his brow furrowed. With everything going on, the last thing he needed was a lawsuit. Although, Jackson didn't seem like the type, he was beginning to understand that people sued everyone for everything.

"Absolutely," the sitter nodded, clearing his throat again, but this time with more force.

"Alright, well thank you again," Steve pressed on. "I would've been lost without you here, so it really means a lot."

"Like I said before, it's my job," Jackson said with a small smile. "Good night you two."

"Good night," Bethany whispered softly, taking a step away to clear the way for Jackson.

"Have a safe trip home," Steve nodded, watching as the man left before turning to Bethany. "Our room is right in there. I'll be there in a minute, I'm just going to take a peek at Theo."

She nodded before slowly moving in the direction of their room. When she was safe in the room, Steve moved over to Theo's room. He peeked his head in the door, seeing the nightlight illuminating Theo's face. He was clutching a Captain America plushie in his sleep, which made Steve feel simultaneously less and more guilty. It was an odd mix, but Steve understood perfectly why he felt that way. Theo still loved him which made him less guilty. But Theo needed him, and he wasn't there for him the way he needed.

Softly closing the door, he walked over to his bedroom, closing the door firmly behind him. Bethany was sifting through their closet, seemingly studying her clothes. Steve picked up the tablet on the bedside table that was used specifically as a baby monitor, showing a video of the sleeping baby with his heart and breathing rate in the corner. Setting it on its stand, Steve walked over to Bethany and put his hands on her shoulders.

"What are you doing?" He asked as she touched a soft peasant shirt she owned.

"Just getting a better idea of who I was," She explained. "Clothes say a lot about a person. It reflects who they were. _Are_."

"And? What do you see?" He asked, curiously.

"Soft things. Soft colours. Comfy things too," she stated, touching a woolen sweater. "It's so different. Everything in my closet before was…"

"Tight, dark and leather?" Steve provided.

"Sexy," Bethany nodded. "Everything in here screams… mom."

"And what? That can't be sexy?" Steve asked critically. "I think it's sexy. Beth, I am ten times more attracted to you knowing that you gave me a son."

"I kinda feel blob-ish," Bethany replied, turning around and wrapping her arms around his waist. "My boobs… they're dragging me down. They're like cow utters."

"No, they're not," Steve promised truthfully. "But we can ease some of that tightness, if you want. The breast pump is in the bedside table."

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea," Bethany nodded.

"I'm going to take a quick shower, but I'll be out soon, okay? You can figure out how it works?" Steve asked, to which he received a pointed look. "Right. You're a genius. A breast pump shouldn't slow you down."

"Go," Bethany encouraged with a little laugh.

Kissing her forehead carefully, Steve went to the master bathroom. He sent a fleeting look to the mirror. His hair was in need of a cut. His eyes looked tired and heavy. And he was due for a shave. In all honesty, he looked pretty awful, but no one had said anything. He wondered if he was overanalyzing his appearance, feeling exhausted and therefore looking it.

Stripping, starting the water and stepping into the shower, he could feel every inch of his body tingle. It felt _amazing_. He closed his eyes, letting the water run around him and enclosing on every part of his body. In all honesty, he didn't want to move. He would be content to stay like that for hours. Somehow, he was able to clear his mind for the first time in… he couldn't even remember how long. He couldn't remember the last time he had been conscious and hadn't been thinking about some pressing issue. To just let go and relish in the feeling of the water was a bliss he didn't soon want to let go of.

But reality did hit him as his bicep touched the cold tile of the shower wall. He had drifted off and when he pulled the shower curtain to the side to look at the clock, he realized he had been standing under the water for almost twenty minutes. Turning off the water, deciding that the rinse off was more than enough, he stepped out of the tub and reached for his towel hanging behind the door. He began to pat himself down, rubbing the towel in his wet hair until it turned damp and then combing through it. It would most likely be a disaster when he woke up, but he cared not. If worst came to worst, ball caps were the greatest invention in the world.

Wrapping the towel around his waist, he proceeded to brush his teeth before heading back into the bedroom. He paused when he saw the bed. The sheets were wrinkled on Bethany's side, her having rested on it previously. On the bedside table sat the pump and a half filled bottle. But Bethany was nowhere in the room.

 _Shit_ , he thought, his heart hammering. He quickly pulled on some clean boxers, a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, thinking that he'd be able to catch up to her. That she couldn't have gone far. But when he heard a soft cooing from Jamie, via the baby monitor, he remembered that he couldn't just get up and leave. Someone had to stay with the boys.

Steve stepped over to the tablet, moving to silence it so he could put his son back to sleep when he noticed that Jamie wasn't in his crib anymore.

 _"Shhh,"_ he heard through the monitor.

He frowned for a moment before making his way over to the nursery. Sitting in the corner was Bethany, cradling Jamie. The only light coming into the room was the glitter of the nightlight and the moonlight in between the cracks of the curtains.

"Beth?" He whispered, realizing that she was feeding him. _Breast_ feeding.

"He started to cry," She explained softly as he made his way over to her. "You were still in the shower so I thought… It's not so bad."

He smiled, watching as she carefully caressed one of his hands, which had an iron clad grip on her thumb. "You didn't have too," he reminded her. "You could've come get me."

"Yeah, I could've," Bethany nodded. "But something about hearing him cry… I wanted to be the one to stop it. It didn't take much effort. I just picked him up and he basically stopped. But I figured I might as well see if he was hungry. Evidently, he was."

"And? How does it feel? How do you feel?"

She looked up at him with a small smile. "Weird," she admitted. "But… Good, at the same time. What he expects of me… it's not a lot. Or at least in this moment. He's even more beautiful in person."

Steve leaned next to the rocking chair, touching Jamie's head softly. Jamie's eyes were glued to Bethany's face, as if he was afraid that she would disappear again. But in that moment, Steve had complete faith that Bethany wasn't just going to disappear on them. Something in Jamie's cries had awaken a part of her, the motherhood part, and she stepped up to the plate. She wasn't the same woman she was two weeks ago, but this was more than Steve expected.

In that moment, Steve decided that even if she never got her memories back, her loving him, him loving her and them both loving Jamie was enough for them to survive. And Bethany did love Steve. And she did love Jamie.

She may not have said as much, but he knew it.

* * *

 _Everything around her felt surreal. Nothing made sense, but at the same time,_ everything _made sense. More than anything, it felt like an out of body experience. There she was, on a stage, waiting. Bethany felt emotionless. She hadn't felt this way in years, not since she started her lithium dosages_ _to treat her_ _bipolar disorder and no emotion was the ultimate goal for recovery. There wasn't anger or confusion. Just_ nothing _._

 _"Are you ready?" Steve's voice echoed, appearing in front of her. A crowd began to form behind him, them waiting expectantly for something. A performance of some sort, but Bethany wasn't exactly sure what the performance_ was _._

 _"Sure," she found herself saying, her voice void of all emotion. Music began to play and Steve handed Bethany a phone. On the screen was a picture of Jamie. She knew what the performance was. Sing a song to the baby. Like she did every day, only this time for everyone to see._

 _So she began to sing. "Dream the sweetest dream, swing from star to star. When you wake I will be here to hold you in my arms."_

 _The words were beautiful, but the melody surrounding them_ _was_ _haunting. All of a sudden, the crowd was gone and the phone disappeared and it was just Bethany and Steve on the stage, the latter looking at her frazzled._

 _"Where's the baby?" He asked her._

 _"He was crying," Bethany began, a small spark of emotion filling her, but not the right one. A sense of_ happiness _. But it wasn't quite that. Contentment. Smugness. Pride. "So I killed him."  
_

* * *

Jackson had left to get his much deserved vacation, so Steve invited Sam over. He hid his request over wanting to properly catch up, but really, he just needed another set of hands, and Sam had a way with people he would never understand. Sam seemed to relate to everyone in a way. He was reasonable and sympathetic. And he typically knew what to say.

"Everyone still asleep?" Sam asked when they settled at the kitchen table, him holding a cup of coffee.

"Theo is awake, he just doesn't want to come out yet," Steve explained with a sigh. "We have a doctor's appointment at noon though, so he'll have to come out sooner or later."

"Well, now that Bethany is home, you can focus on him getting better," Sam said. "Although, the kid needs some serious therapy, Steve. Not that I blame him. We all have issues, but talking about them really does help."

"Yeah," Steve nodded. "I want to get them both into therapy."

"What about you?" Sam asked carefully.

"What about me?" Steve replied, a line forming between his eyes as confusion overcame him.

"It may do you some good," Sam offered. "You saw Bethany like that as well. You almost lost her. And I've talked to Natasha. She said you were in a really bad place. Maybe having someone to talk to, about everything, would help. And by everything, I mean Barnes as well."

"Isn't that what I have you for?" Steve teased with a small smile.

"It only works if you let me help," Sam replied honestly. "There's only so much I can do, man. You're carrying around a lot of baggage, and instead of trying to conquer it, you're avoiding it altogether. One day, everything will catch up-"

Sam was cut off by a loud, panicked cry from Bethany, followed by Jamie's wailing. The two men quickly pushed out of their chairs and ran into the bedroom. Steve's first instinct was to check on Jamie. The howl the little boy was emitting was like nothing he had never heard from him, as if he was in pain. It frightened him, a million thoughts running through his head.

Jumping around the bed and quickly picking him up from the co-sleeper, Steve simultaneously held the baby while also checking his body for any evidence of harm. Steve was both relieved and confused when he found nothing physically wrong with him. That's when he turned to Bethany, to ask her what had happened.

Only, she wasn't on the bed, but in a corner of the room, as far away as she could get from the co-sleeper and curled into a ball. Sam was leaned down next to her, trying to bring a sense of reassurance and calm, but Bethany was too preoccupied with rubbing her eyes with her palms to listen to him. It was as if she was attempting to wipe an image from her eyes, but failing at her mission.

"You're okay," Steve hummed to Jamie as he bounced rhythmically, the baby boy still trying to settle his cries. As of now, the howling had come to a close and was replaced by evenly spaced hiccups instead. Kissing his mop of curls, wild from his sleep, Steve and Sam shared a look.

Moving over closer to Bethany, he quietly asked her if she was okay. "Go away," was her very hushed response.

Sam stood up from his spot, holding out his arms. "This is one of those battles I can't help you with. At least, not now," Sam explained. Steve handed him Jamie, not failing to notice the way Jamie was looking at Bethany, almost like he was afraid. But Steve could tell it wasn't fear of his mother, or what she could do, but more what she may _not_ do. Like hold him or smile at him or God forbid, _love_ him again. Steve began to question one; his imagination and two; Jamie's intelligence.

When Sam and Jamie left the room, the door closing behind them, Steve sat down next to his wife. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what the hell that was," he announced, and meaning every single word.

She looked up at him, eyes red and swollen. "It… it was a dream. A nightmare," she explained, the words slowly floating off her lips, almost getting lost in the air with how quiet they were.

"I've slept beside you for almost three years," Steve pointed out. "And you've had your share of nightmares. Never like that, Bethany. Was it Loki again?"

"No," she whispered. "And that's what scares me. I did it without him."

"Did what?" Steve encouraged. "Doll Face, I need you to open up and tell me what's going on. I have to assume from Jamie and even Theo as he isn't being very open right now. _Please_ tell me. You know I won't get angry or upset."

She said something. Whispered it. It took a while for Steve to even process the words once he did hear it. _"I killed him"_ she said.

"Killed who?" Steve asked, taking one of her hands and holding it tightly.

"The baby," she whispered again. "You asked me where he was and… I told you. He was gone. I killed him. And I didn't care."

Another stab in the heart. But he didn't let himself dwell on his own pain. He knew exactly what to say to her in return. "But you care now. Awake, you care. Right?"

"Well, yeah," She replied, still quietly, but louder than before.

"It was a nightmare," Steve rationalized. "They don't always make sense. We dream our biggest fears, not our future, Beth. You should take your reaction, your gut instinct, and just think about that. It's been less than twenty-four hours and you already know one thing; that you don't want anything to happen to Jamie. Isn't that a start? Isn't that something _good_?"

It was a long moment before she nodded. "I guess that logic is sound… I just… It was scary."

"I know," Steve assured. "But don't think about it as a bad thing. Think about it like… like you know what you want and what you don't want. You don't always do, Beth. And sometimes you make hasty decisions and regret them."

"I wouldn't hurt him," Bethany promised. "I know I fucked up before, but Steve… he's… he's a baby. With fingernails and eyelashes and… intelligence. I can tell just by looking into his eyes. He's smart. I feel like he'd _know_."

"Feeling better?" Was all Steve could say in response. Any reminder of the child that could have lived always made him uneasy, but he forced himself to remember that this Bethany hadn't heard him say that he forgave her a million times. "Look, if I didn't trust you, you wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have left Jamie alone with you. I have so much faith in you, because I _forgive_ you. Forgiving the unforgivable isn't easy, but I know that I would rather do it than not have you."

She gave him a wary smile, wiping away some stray tears with shaking hands. "Thanks," she whispered before sighing. "I'm-I'm not ready to go out yet. I just want to go back to sleep. Hopefully wake up with a better dream."

"Okay," Steve nodded. "That actually sounds like a great idea. Anything you need from me?"

"A kiss would be nice," she admitted lightly, Steve quickly granting her wish.

"With knowing him for a little while, you already feel protective of him. You cherish him. You know you don't want anything bad to happen to him or for him to want anything. That's why you let him sleep in the co-sleeper."

"He wouldn't stop crying when we left the room," Bethany reminded him. "Somehow he knew when we left the room, even deep in slumber."

"Well, you said it yourself. He's smart. My point was… that's how I felt about you when I first met you. And look at what happened. I fell in love with you. Just give yourself the chance to do the same with him."

She nodded again, Steve helping her up. He tucked her in bed, kissed her again and watched her for a moment as she settled in the fluffy sheets. When he opened the door, Molly slipped in, her fat, fuzzy body moving to lie next to Bethany. Theo had a doctor's appointment later, and he was going to ask for a referral for a therapist, something to help Theo overcome his fear and anxiety. Anything to bring that fun-loving kid out.

And in that moment, he was deeply considering getting a referral for his wife too. She was carrying too much baggage and too much scars that she fought so hard to recover from before Jamie was born. Now, she bore those scars again. And she didn't have time to heal them before she became the very thing that helped give her those scars in the first place.

A mother.

* * *

Bethany crawled out of bed around 12:30, still not able to shake her exhaustion but pegging it to oversleeping opposed to under-sleeping. At this point, she knew the only way to shake the feeling was to work up a sweat, hit some punching bags and speed up her heart rate.

Walking into the bathroom, she gave it a once over before she looked at herself. It was clean. And not just _clean_ but Bethany clean. It probably hadn't been used much since the last time she cleaned, or rather the Other Bethany cleaned it. The towels were folded perfectly, except for the long white towel draped over the door, supposedly in effort to dry it. The counter was clear of unnecessary clatter and the sink void of any toothpaste clumps. The icing on the top on the cake was the toothpaste lying parallel to the square sink.

The walls were tan and the lights bright, but calming. A soft yellow opposed to a harsh bluish tone. And the shower. It was _huge_. "The tub is big enough for two," Bethany said quietly to herself, a small smile pulling at her lips. Her tub at the old apartment would have been a cozy fit, but this one would allow both her and Steve to lie comfortably, it was so wide and long. Moving wouldn't be awkward, but an ease. Some kinky ideas started flowing to Bethany's mind. In a word, she approved.

Finally, she turned to the large mirror that was the same length as the countertop. Her face was now completely healed, not even light scars left. Taking a step closer to her reflection, even leaning across the counter to get a better look, she examined what she saw. Her eyebrows were in their classic, perfect arch, not a hair out of place. Her skin was clear from any acne, a soft porcelain shade of pale, except for on her nose where small and light freckles danced over the soft bridge. Her eyes drew the most attention. Her green eyes were usually light and soft, but the colour seemed to pop today in a way that was unnatural. Like the colour of an evergreen tree. There were no bags or signs of exhaustion under her eyes, however, and her lashes seemed darker and longer than she remembered them.

She looked for it, but she couldn't see it. The experience. The torture. The heartbreak. The betrayal. All of those things she saw in the mirror, waiting for Steve to wake up from his sixty-seven year slumber. She couldn't see that darkness that had become not only her friend, but everything she was. It was like in the last two and a half years, she had cleaned herself of that darkness and restored a part of her youth. She wasn't dark and mysterious and sexy. She was light and familiar and _beautiful_.

She knew the years had no effect on her appearance, but there was always that dark change that reminded her of everything. Now, it was like she was pulled straight from 1943. Although, she needed a smile to really make the image complete. Lipstick and finger waves wouldn't even make the difference. It was really just a smile. She _tried_ to smile. She urged herself to move those muscles, but she couldn't.

Bethany wondered if her old attire, the long, dark brown hair, layers of eyeliner and black leather would bring back that experience, the one that made her outside match her inside. Now, her hair was a healthy shade of blonde, going _just_ under her shoulders, but she could tell that the Other Bethany had been wearing it a little shorter. And it was _curly_. She had left it to dry naturally the night before, not by choice, but by circumstance. Usually, she would brush the curls while it was drying or put some kind of anti-frizz in to tame the tight and wild curls, tricks she had learned from her teen years. Well, not the anti-frizz, but definitely the brushing technique.

Pulling open the first drawer, she found a brush and began to pull it through the curls. She kept pulling, over and over again, watching as the tight ringlets lost their form and began to gain volume and frizz wildly. _They look like Jamie's_ , she thought randomly, stilling immediately. Looking at the untouched side, she realized that it was true. The tight curls she had touched delicately the night before resembled the ones she bore. Sighing, she put the brush back into the drawer.

In a small plastic box sat some black elastics and Bethany took one, scraping her hair back into a bun. She couldn't see the curls when she was done, but she knew they were there. She then proceeded to wash her face, brush her teeth and then wash her face again. She couldn't shake the feeling of filth covering her, but she knew showering before her workout was idiotic. Plus, she wasn't really trying to impress anyone. She just needed to rid herself of the ghosts of hands that didn't belong on her body.

 _No_ , Bethany reminded herself firmly. She didn't want to think about her dreams now. Not until she was in the gym and she could take that fear and pain and turn it into something powerful and dangerous. If she thought about it now, she could very well hurt someone and that was the last thing she wanted to do.

Remembering the vanity table beside the closet, Bethany exited the bathroom and then sat on the little stool. She flipped the switch for the lights around the mirror and looked at her extensive collection of makeup. She always had a lot. Different occasions, different undercover missions, different moods… they all called for different makeup and different techniques. From the photos Steve showed her, she typically went for a more natural look, using tans and browns and on occasion, a subtle purple. Her lipstick varied from glosses and almost non-existent pinks to a red lip, but she knew the latter was for Steve.

She picked up a tube of mascara and that was all she applied. She honestly didn't know how to do her makeup. She didn't really know who she was or how she was feeling. She didn't know who to show the world. She had known who she was only twenty-four hours ago. But now… she was surer that Elvis was secretly alive opposed to who she was. It was a daunting concept.

Bethany then moved to get dressed.

Flowers. Silks. Lace. Blouses.

 _Colour_.

The apparel was pretty, that much she could admit. And she honestly believed that they would make her feel good. Happy, even. But she knew that a workout in a cotton peasant blouse covered in little floral prints wouldn't be a good idea. She pulled a white shirt from a hanger and opened the dresser drawer for a sports bra. Pairing those with a pair of yoga pants and some sneakers, she felt ready.

She wasn't, however.

When she opened the bedroom door, on the couch sat a man holding Jamie. It had been so quiet, she assumed she was all alone. She immediately went into spy mode, but remembered the previous night when she accidentally attacked the sitter. What Steve had told her about HYDRA wanting to use Jamie as a weapon and use his DNA to unlock the super soldier serum hadn't sat well with her.

"Umm… hi?" Bethany spoke, drawing the man's attention.

"Hey, look who's awake," the man cheered, raising Jamie's hands in celebration. Bethany looked at the boy, cracking the softest of smiles as he began to laugh as the man shook his hands. "Mommy's up, Jim Jam. This one has been waiting for you," he shared, standing up and walking over to hand her Jamie. She took him but with heavy confusion.

"Oh, I'm Sam," he added after some silence. Jamie reached up to grab Bethany's lips. She turned her head, wincing slightly, trying to free herself, but Jamie's hands just ended up winding themselves' tightly in her shirt instead. "I'm a friend of Steve's. And Jamie's godfather."

Bethany looked down at the blonde baby, his bright blue eyes glued to her unblinking and mouth glistening with drool. "He's baptized?" She asked, knowing that the decision was most likely Steve's.

"Would you like some lunch?" Sam asked with a large smile. His mood was infectious, and Bethany could tell why Steve liked him, but she was keen on being stubborn.

"No, I…I want to go work off some energy," She spoke up, trying to unwind one of Jamie's hands from her shirt. The kid was strong though, and she didn't want to hurt him. "Umm, where's Steve?"

"Theo had a doctor's appointment," Sam explained. "Poor kid hasn't been doing well."

"When they get back, can you tell them I'm at the gym?" She was sure there was a gym in the building. There was in the original design plans, and she couldn't imagine all of the Avengers living under one roof _without_ a place for them to work out. The rundown gym in Brooklyn was nice and all, but it was a little too far and not as private as, well a private gym.

"You're still going?" He asked confused, as if she would've changed her mind. She wondered if she _should_. If it was _expected_ of her. "You don't want to hang with Jamie?"

"You can watch over the little Munchkin, right?" Bethany asked, not understanding the problem. "I mean, wasn't that what you were doing? What? Why are you laughing?"  
It wasn't a laugh per say. It was more like a stifled chuckle. But it irritated her nonetheless. "Nah, it's nothing," Sam replied earnestly. "It's just… that's your and Steve's nickname for him."

That shouldn't have felt like a slap across the face, but for some reason, it did. "Oh," was all she could say. "I… I must have heard Steve call him that, or something," she rationalized, trying to hand Jamie to Sam, but the baby wasn't making this easy.

Jamie instantly began to whine, his grip on Bethany's shirt even tighter than before. The look on his face was of pure horror, clearly terrified that she would leave and never come back. With the circumstances, she couldn't really blame him. "I can't… I can't stay here. In this apartment," Bethany explained with a sigh.

"Alright," Sam began, looking worried now. "Don't do anything you're feeling forced to do. Maybe walk around, go explore the Tower? And take him with you? Get some bonding in? And as soon as it's too much, just bring him back here and you can go off on your own. Okay?"

Bethany's nightmare had overtaken her. The sweet little angel in her arms right now was dead in her dreams, and she was the reason. But there was one thing she could confidently say; she wasn't afraid to be alone with him. Despite not knowing who she was, she knew she was in a sound mind. Steve would have told Sam not to leave her with Jamie if he didn't believe Bethany could handle it. She knew she could. She had been left with Tony and Theo when they were babies, and obviously nothing bad happened then. They were still alive. They were relatively happy. Or at least, their unhappiness wasn't a direct result of something she did. Indirect, maybe. But there wasn't really anything you could have done for that.

Bethany's free hand went behind Jamie and started to rub his back, showing him that he could stay in her arms. "Okay," she said softly. While she still wanted to go punch a bag of some sort, carrying the boy was giving her an overwhelming sense of calm. "Does he have some sort of toy to hold onto opposed to my shirt?"

"Yeah," Sam nodded, turning around and picking up something from the coffee table. He held it out and before Bethany went to grab it, Jamie did. She watched as the baby pulled the toy up to his mouth and began to slobber all over it. Bethany smirked when she realized the toy was a small Hulk plushie.

"I'll be here, mooching off the wifi," Sam announced, moving back to the couch and pulling out his phone.

Bethany looked to Jamie, sharing a quick look before they headed to the elevator. "Should we start at the top or bottom, oh-child-of-mine?"

Jamie gave her a blank look before breaking out into laughter. She tried to stay neutral and be serious but the laughter was loud and wild and uncaring of how silly it sounded. "Your cute, you know that?" Bethany said with a small smile. The tone was taunting, but all in good nature. If anyone was watching over them, they'd think Bethany was the New Woman in Jamie's life—the step mom to be that didn't necessarily like kids.

"Top it is," Bethany decided when Jamie finally stopped. He gave her one of those wide and ugly, but in a way adorable open mouth smiles, his eyes squinted. She could see small white dots, some still under the gum, but trying to break free. The kid was teething.

As the elevator started upwards, Bethany pulled Jamie's top lip up to inspect it more closely. She was surprised he let her. It took her a moment for everything to hit her. He was _real_. Right now he was a small little thing, but one day he'd be taller than her, stronger than her, and most likely smarter than her. "Five months, huh?" Bethany said, slight amusement in her voice. "Oh yeah. I think we'll have some fun, little man."

* * *

 ****A/N: Up next; some answers. _Some_. A little more of my personal life; I quit my job at McDonald's. Two years there and I finally said goodbye. Which hopefully means a calmer lifestyle for me :) Which, in turn, means longer and more dedicated chapters. **

**IrelandLover: Well, Bethany briefly met Thor in New Mexico, so she'd know who he is. I have some ideas for some good scenes with Bethany and Thor, but I'm always hesitant to write him because I don't feel like I have a good grasp on him as a character.**

 **sailorraven34: Her lost memories will continue for a while longer, but I'm planning on making a better version of Bethany from it. So hopefully it'll all work out well :)**

 **Jo: Woo, a favorite? I wrote the entire thing in a notepad while bored at work, so evidentially, that's a good tactic for me.**

 **FelicisFelicia: Right? I cannot believe that I've written that much. I often go back and re-read parts of the story and I'm always amazed at how long it's actually been. I can remember writing the earlier chapters in my sister's room at my dad's old house, _really_ late at night on my tablet. That's when it sinks in how long I've been at this. This will _definitely_ be a long story. I have so many ideas. I've actually planned the plotline _way_ after _Age of Ultron._ I just need to develop it all and that's how this story gets so long :P **


	7. Broken Is Lonely

****A/N: Just a head's up, there will not be an update next week. I'm taking some time off to see my baseball team (hopefully) cream the Blue Jays, possibly finding a future husband and definitely drinking until I run out of alcohol. The idea is that the next chapter will contain some smut for y'all, but I make no promises since there is some plot I need to put before that and I tend to ramble.**

 **Also, I've taken on the awesome task of reading _A Song of Ice and Fire_. I love the show, so I thought "why not?" Turns out, the books are amazing and the fanfiction? AMAZING-ER. Therefore, I've written a total of 509 words in eight days. Oopps. **

Chapter 7- **Broken** Is Lonely

 _"The skies are so gray and the heart you left broken is lonely." _

_~Winter of a Broken Heart, Alison Krauss_

* * *

Theo was silent on the way back to the Tower. He had barely said a word at the appointment, mere 'yes' and 'no'. The doctor had shared a look with Steve which needed no words. So when Steve asked for a referral to a therapist, the doctor gave it to him without a second's hesitation. He had also got one for Bethany, but he wasn't planning on bringing that up to her until he was sure it was what she needed. Her dreams were worrisome, but he had bad dreams himself. Whenever he was idle for too long, they would attack him in full force. It was one of the reasons why he liked to keep busy.

"Do you want some ice cream?" Steve offered, peering up to look at Theo's reflection in the rearview mirror.

"No," the kid said softly before adding more. "Bethany is home, right?"

"Yeah, she got back last night," Steve confirmed. "She should be awake when we get back. Is that okay."

"I guess," he replied.

Steve sighed, looking back to the road. "She's all healed now, kiddo. She looks as good as ever. Isn't that a good thing? Isn't that what you want?"

"Yes," Theo answered, with no emotion in his voice but sadness.

Steve began to wonder if they should insist on Jen coming home. Whether that would be a benefit or not. Steve didn't want it to seem like he was handing a problem back to Jen, but all he wanted was for _everyone_ to be happy. Jamie seemed to return to his normal state, anxiously waiting for Bethany to wake up when he left the Tower with Theo.

"What can I do for you, Theo? Anything you want, you got it," Steve promised, trying to get a smile from the kid.

"I don't know," he mumbled, but Steve didn't believe that.

"Yes, you do. Tell me," Steve encouraged. "If I can do it for you, I'll do it."

"What if it's two things?" Theo asked, a little more emotion in his voice than before.

"Two?!" Steve teased, looking at Theo through the mirror again. This time, Theo gave a small little smile. "I don't know, that seems like an awful lot. But I _guess_ two things is okay. What did you have in mind?"

"I want to use my Iron Man suit," Theo began quietly, afraid of Steve's answer. "So next time I can protect Bethany."

Steve turned into the parking garage of the Tower, the automatic security system letting him in. "That's a lot to ask, bud. You know how Bethany and I feel about that."

"But I just want to learn," he insisted.

"And what was the other thing?" Steve asked, deciding that he would think about his first request a little more carefully, and even consult Bethany about it. He pulled the car into a parking spot, turned off the engine and turned around to look at Theo.

"I want to find my mommy," Theo asked meekly, avoiding Steve's eyes. "I think she's in trouble. I think something bad has happened to her. And I want to save her."

Steve frowned, not at the request, but at the sureness of his voice. "What do you think happened to her?"

"I don't know," Theo whispered. "But she would've come home if she could. I know she would."

Steve sighed, unbuckling his seatbelt and getting out of the car. Pulling open Theo's door, he leaned against the frame of the car. "Alright, I promise to work on _both_ of those things. But you need to do two things in return."

"Okay," Theo agreed, still avoiding Steve's gaze.

"One, you need to start smiling again. That includes talking to us. Talking to _Bethany_. Okay?" He received a small nod. "Okay, and two, I want you to go to that doctor. The therapist. And I want you to tell him everything and answer all his questions. A lot has happened to you in the last few months, and he'll help you push past it. Okay? Hey, look at me."

Theo obliged, nodding softly. "But we'll help mommy?"

"If it takes the whole team, we'll save her. I promise. Now, give me a smile," Steve replied, poking the kid softly. A small smile started pulling at his face. "Not big enough," Steve decided, reaching forward and tickling him. The smile grew big and big and then into laughter, small tears building up at his eyes from laughing too hard.

 _Now comes the hard part_ , he thought to himself.

* * *

Starting at the top and thoroughly examining each level, Jamie and Bethany only stopped when she found the gym. It was like it was meant to be since there was a portable baby crib near the punching bags. Jamie had willingly been placed in the confinement, turning his head so he could watch Bethany peruse her workout through the meshing of the crib.

She had started with some stretches and then lightly started hitting the bag with her fists and legs. Slowly, Bethany began to give it more strength and her movements became faster. Before she knew it, she was building up power that her body hadn't experienced in over a year, and speeds beyond what she usually possessed. She could feel her anger surging through her with every swing, followed by a sense of betrayal with every hit. She could feel her back stretching from all angles. The bag and its hook had been designed for Steve and his strength, which kept it from swinging wildly, but it was getting a workout of its own.

Bethany could hear voices, belonging to different people, some with memories clear as day, and some with memories that she wasn't familiar with. It felt like iced water being poured all over her, a constant stream, a never ending shock. Each voice told her something she didn't want to hear.

 _Erskine's dead,_ Howard whispered.

 _She's a girl_ , Dum Dum Dugan said arrogantly.

 _I thought… I could trust you. You're wrong. You're still that girl_ , Steve spat angrily.

 _You're just going to keep it a secret, then?_ Private Lorraine asked, disapprovingly.

 _DO AS I SAY!_ Fury demanded.

 _The room is back here,_ the thick-accent man from the abortion house said.

 _What if the Winter Soldier did something_ _while_ _you were unconscious?_ Natasha asked. _Injected you with something?_

 _One day, I will be needed and on such day, I will be here. There is still cause to fight_ , Zola hinted.

 _I guess I was wrong_ , Steve's voice echoed hoarsely, as she asked about what. _You not being like Jason._

 _Spangles keeps saying that if we rally the team up again, you won't be with us_ , Tony explained.

 _Something that will make you shine like the goddess you are_ , Loki smiled.

 _Baseball is for boys. Young ladies should not be playing with dirty toys_ , her mother lectured.

 _The idea of forgetting is much better than having to go through coping and dealing with it,_ Clint shared.

 _You're the only one on this team that has a life outside of SHIELD. Someone to go home to,_ Coulson reminded her.

 _Howard's accident wasn't really… an accident. I think Bucky did it_ , Steve spoke softly.

 _Positive,_ Pepper told her.

 _Why doesn't my family want me?_ Theo cried.

 _Offering my sympathies on behalf of all of SHIELD,_ Pierce taunted.

 _When you name something, it gives it meaning_ , a dark Bucky spoke.

 _It's not healing,_ her own voice sounded.

 _Now, make your kill_ , Loki ordered softly.

"NO," Bethany screamed in a moment of panic, laying a forceful punch to the bag before wandering backwards and falling to the ground. She sat there, panting heavily, trying to keep her emotions intact. Moments of memories she didn't remember had flooded to her and away with impossible speed. She barely remembered any of them, only that they were all dark and painful. She wasn't sure if she wanted to get those memories back. They were all of death and doom and despair.

But so was her life.

A loud babbling coming from the crib brought Bethany back to the moment. She sat there for a moment longer before pulling herself up and walking to pick Jamie up. "Life sucks," she informed the baby as she bounced him carefully on her hip. "Don't let Steve tell you otherwise. It sucks. It sucks as a kid, it sucks as a teenager, it sucks as an adult. And then you're old and just want to be a kid again, so that sucks as well. It just all sucks."

His big blue eyes stared at her contently, but Bethany was sure that he had no idea what she was talking about. Although, she had discovered that his intelligence was above average, just by the look in his eyes when she said some things, this was completely new turf for the baby.

"Although, you're lucky," she admitted. "Having Steve as a dad. He'll probably give you the best future you can get. But I can't see him stepping away from his work for too long. I'm amazed he lasted this long. I'm amazed _I_ did. Or the Other Bethany, at least. Feels good to stretch my muscles, to hit _something_. A moving target with a HYDRA logo would be preferred, however."

Again, Jamie didn't seem to grasp what Bethany was saying, but he began to babble once again, trying to join in the conversation. "Yeah, kid. I hear ya," Bethany agreed, playing along. _Kid_ , she thought to herself. It was a nickname she always gave Tony. Even to this day, she used it, despite him looking years older than her. Never did she think she would use it for anyone else. Especially on her own child.

"You know what I like about you?" Bethany continued. "You make things easy. Natural. Last night, when I saw you crying in your crib, I knew what I had to do. And it was _easy_. I still don't feel like a mother, but what I'm doing is enough for you. I can _tell_ it's enough for you. Steve says it's enough, little man. And I think he believes that. I don't. I never did. I've always thought he needed the type of woman who would always be at home and dote on him and the kids while he worked."

Jamie was listening to her carefully, his eyes wide, but once again, Bethany knew that this was not something he could yet understand. But he was listening anyways, filling in her breaks of silence with his own little language. "Yeah. Yeah, I agree," Bethany nodded, pretending to understand him. She had no idea why she was doing it, but just like responding to his cries and breastfeeding him… it felt _natural_. "Doting on Steve is easy. Huh, doesn't Daddy make that easy? He's a great man. Annoying and stubborn, sometimes, yes. His honor and good heart has ruined his life before and probably will again, but it's hard to be mad at him for these things."

His little, chubby and dimpled hand reached up and grabbed her mouth. Again. He seemed to like that. She wondered if it was his way of telling her to shut up. She felt herself kissing his palm lightly and watching as he pulled his hand away. _Coincidence_ , Bethany decided. "You know, I _really_ like you. I could dote on you as well, one day. I mean, I probably am already."

She switched him from one hip to the other, walking with a slight bounce around the room. "I'll make you a deal. I'll continue to do… _this_ , whatever this is. Pseudo-mother, if we will, since I don't think I'm ready to be… the _Other Mother_. I'll do that, _this_ and in return, you don't bite my nipples raw or pee on me when I'm changing your diaper. I can deal with spit up, but not the other two. Deal? Huh-oh my god, what did you do?"

His little hand was waving about, but covered in blood, slick and deeply red. Bethany took hold of his little wrist, taking a closer look while her heartbeat started to raise, beating harder than during her workout. Panic quickly took over as all her sense slipped away from her. "Oh, no. Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit! Steve is going to kill me."

"Why am I killing you?" Bethany heard, looking up to see Steve walking into the gym, a frown deeply etched into his face. "What happened?"

"I-I don't know," Bethany admitted softly, feeling guilt like she hadn't in a really long time. "I turned my back to him for a second, I swear. Steve, I didn't mean…"

"Hey, relax," Steve replied, taking Jamie's hand in his own. Pulling his shirt up and ripping the bottom off, he began to softly wipe away the blood. "Beth, this isn't his," Steve realized, dropping Jamie's hand.

Bethany sighed for a moment before peering over her shoulder and seeing her white t-shirt damp with blood. "Huh," was all that came out of her mouth.

Steve moved around her, ripping the material in two to look at her cuts better. With Steve out of the way, Bethany noticed that Theo was standing awkwardly by the elevator, twisting his hands together nervously. "Okay, that's it. We're going back to the hospital. You need stitches."

"They're fine," Bethany insisted, rolling her eyes. " _I'm_ fine. It doesn't hurt."

"That doesn't mean that there isn't something wrong," Steve whispered. "Let's at least go see Bruce. Maybe there's something he can do."

"Fine," Bethany agreed, just happy that the blood didn't belong to Jamie.

"See, I'm not going to kill you," Steve teased, leaned around her to kiss her cheek. "Now, one foot in front of the other."

"Yes, Captain," Bethany replied, rolling her eyes again, suppressing her smile. He led her to the elevator where Bethany gave Theo a small smile, offering her empty hand to the little boy. He studied it carefully, blood staining some of her skin where her hand touched Jamie's. But after a moment, he took it and the four of them went into the elevator.

"Five dollars," Theo whispered.

"Huh?" Bethany asked, confused but happy he was making some progress. This was the first time she was seeing him since she woke up, but from Steve's stories, she could tell this was an improvement. Albeit, small. But an improvement.

"For the swear jar," Theo said, looking up at her. "Five dollars."

"We have a swear jar. Of course we do," Bethany said unbelieving, giving a chuckle.

"It was your idea," Theo and Steve said at the same time.

"Well, how 'bout that," Bethany shook her head. "Who owes the most money?"  
"Tony," Theo announced. "But Clint is close."

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," Bethany agreed. The elevator opened, Steve leading the group over to Bruce's lab, where the scientist was bent over some vials, studying them closely.

"Banner, you busy?" Steve asked, walking through the opened door, ushering the rest of his family in.

"Not particularly," Bruce replied, looking up and moving his glasses down on his nose a little. "What's going on? What can I help you with?"

"This," Bethany began, turning around to show him her back.

"Huh," the scientist began, moving towards her.

"That's what I said," Bethany added, handing Jamie over to Steve as Bruce led her over to a medical bed.

"Alright, let's take a closer look," Bruce began as Bethany settled onto the bed, turning her head to look at Bruce setting up his computer, the boys— _her_ boys, standing next to him. She tried not to focus on that last part though. The _her_ part.

Bruce handed Steve a pair of scissors, instructing him to cut the sports bra open. Steve did as he asked, expertly balancing Jamie on the other arm. Bethany looked at Theo, the kid looking scared. Bethany held out a hand for him, the kid reluctantly taking it again. She then threw him a wink. She got a small little smile from that.

"Does it hurt at all?" Bruce asked, selecting some options on the glass touch screen before facing her.

"No. I didn't even realize it was bleeding until Steve showed me," Bethany replied honestly.

Bruce nodded, his eyes still on the screen before picking up a syringe. "I'm going to call around, see if I can get in touch with a neuroscientist, if that's okay? Try and find someone who can give us answers?"

"Thank you," Steve replied before Bethany could. She wasn't sure how she felt about that. Pain had its benefits and consequences. And then there was the whole memories thing. That had its benefits and consequences as well.

"Okay, let's see," Bruce nodded, taking a blood sample before scanning it into the system. He squinted, analyzing the results. "Okay, there's some traces of the anti-serum still present. But significantly less than a week ago. At this point, I think we're out of the woods enough to do this."

Bruce held up a small glass bottle, putting a new syringe in it and sucking the contents out. "What is that?" Steve asked carefully.

"Adrenaline," Bethany supplied. "It'll pump my blood enough for the anti-serum to be pumped out, or at least, for the healing element to be pumped to the other parts of my body."

"Exactly," Bruce nodded. "We couldn't do this when she was in critical position, or even yesterday. It would do more harm than help. But now, it's the right time."

"Get closer Theo," Bethany suggested. "Watch them close."

"But-" the boy started, clearly not fond of the idea.

"If you're afraid of what you saw, this _will_ help," Bethany insisted. Slowly, Theo moved forward and watched as Bruce injected the needle. At first, she didn't feel anything. But like a wildfire, she could feel it spreading through her body, her heartrate picking up once again. She tried to keep her body in line, not let it affect her in anyway. This wasn't the first time she had been given adrenaline. She had been held captive many times in her life and voluntarily. SHIELD needed someone to closely infiltrate. Typically, they could get a lot of information when the enemy thought they had the upper hand. After they saw that nothing they did affected her, all types of torture used and abused, some of them resorted to adrenaline. She had learned to deal with it.

"It's always nice when your experiments work," Bruce said sheepishly, indicating that her back was closing up.

"What about her memories?" Steve asked suddenly.

Bruce sighed, taking off his glasses and cleaning them against his lab coat before placing them on the workbench in front of him. "I don't know, Steve. Her mind always heals differently. It's not a lost cause. They could come back. Now, later. Or maybe even never. It's hard to say."

"Is it done?" Bethany asked, trying to keep herself from shaking too much.

"Almost," Bruce nodded.

"I'm hungry," Theo said to fill the silence.

Bethany chuckled, squeezing his hand. "How about you go back to our floor and when I'm done here, I'll make some grilled cheese?"

"That's a good idea," Steve said as Theo nodded eagerly.

"Okay, you three head down. I'll be there soon," she spoke, watching as Steve looked unsure. "I'm not going anywhere. I just want to talk to Bruce for a few minutes."

It was silent for a few seconds before Steve sighed, nodded and left with the kids, leaving Bethany and Bruce alone. "Okay, it's all healed," Bruce informed her, Bethany sitting up, holding the front of her shirt and sports bra in place. Bruce looked around the lab quickly before swooping down and picking up a sweater and handing it to her.

"Thanks," Bethany said, slipping into it before pulling the ripped and ruined clothes off of her. "Umm, so about those memories… Tell me honestly. I'm indifferent. Do you think they'll come back?"

Bruce sighed, picking up his glasses and sliding them on. "I already told you, I don't know. And by indifferent… you mean you don't know whether or not you want them back?"

"I don't know what I want," Bethany replied. "I have an idea, but I feel like those memories will change it. I know that when they come back, I'll probably be happy. But right now… I don't know."

"Well, you know your brain. You know your body," Bruce reminded her. "We have your full medical file here, if you want to take a closer look towards what we've learned, but it all comes down to the facts that we have. Your regenerative blood should keep you healthy and sane, but it doesn't."

"Bipolar disorder," Bethany murmured, gaining a nod from the scientist.

"Most scientist that have studied on you have agreed that it's because of the serum," Bruce explained. "Some believed that if you stopped healing, you would gain back your sanity. Ideally, it makes sense. Everyone needs a weak spot. You haven't had an attack in years, though. Which is promising, but you've also been watching yourself carefully. Maybe it's gone. Maybe it's still with you. Maybe we'll never know for sure."

"Changing the genetic code was always dangerous," Bethany started, letting her mind wander and her voice dictate what she was thinking. "To this day, Steve is the only one I know of that hasn't had any negative effects to it."

She looked at the man for a moment, realizing that it had been a long time since she saw him _relaxed._ He looked at ease and obviously comfortable with his life. The enormous shadow of the Hulk still loomed over him, but she had never seen him like this, with a sense of peace with everything, or at least a possibility of it. The last time she saw him was in a diner, on a mission for SHIELD. He had been antsy then, trying to avoid everything and everyone.

"There was this project," Bethany continued, looking absentmindedly at the glass wall around them. "I can't remember when it started, but SHIELD pulled it out every ten to fifteen years. It was like a super soldier serum, but the original scientist wanted more than soldiers. He wanted heroes. _Super_ heroes. Instead of increasing the human form, he aspired to give people powers. At this time, I was placed on the project as an advisor. Unwillingly."

She unknowingly cracked all the fingers on her hands, thinking back to that time in her life. "I thought that no good could come from this. That yes, God gave us nature and science, let us enhance said nature, we shouldn't be melding like we were. Enhanced speed, agility, intelligence… that was taking what we had and making it better. But giving people unnatural qualities? There _had_ to be ramifications. People didn't listen to me. The Director at the time, the scientists or the applicants. Agents heard of Project Paracelsus and wanted to be a part of it."

"I'm assuming it worked?" Bruce asked calmly, greatly interested in her story.

Bethany nodded slowly. "Oh, it worked. One man, couldn't have been older than thirty… He could control air flow. How thick or thin. Use it to move objects with practice. A woman, a friend of mine, actually. Helen… she could control the earth. Move the ground, cause earthquakes and sinkholes. Another man, a little older than the rest, reaching fifty, could control fire. He could even produce it from his own hands, but it was too painful and left subtle burns. And lastly, a young girl. Her first year at SHIELD. She could control water."

"The four elements," Bruce nodded. "I guess the name fits well."

"Yeah, it was Project 65 before they developed these powers. Quickly, we realized that this wasn't just coincidence. The scientist had developed the serum in four different ways. Using air, earth, water and fire to stabilize it. Or, so we thought."

"What happened?"

Bethany let out a humorless chuckle. "It started off slow. Seeing things, hearing things. Within the week, it had gotten out of control. All four of them were completely gone. Helen had to snap her fingers eight times before taking _one_ step. The older man began crawling on all fours. They had all gone completely mad. And then it got dark, and fast. We couldn't even interact with them, they were in a constant crazed state. We put them in four padded cells, thinking that no harm could come to them. We were wrong. They were so tormented by the voices in their heads that they used the only thing they had to kill themselves; their powers. Suffocation, burning alive, drowning on their own fluids. Helen raised the ground from under her and buried herself alive."

She finally looked to Bruce, watching him carefully before she continued. He looked pensive and Bethany didn't really know what to make of that. "Like I said, every ten to fifteen years, another doctor would come around. Change _something_ about it. Same results. When Fury became Director, it was a little easier to make sure that this didn't happen as often. That more research was put into place before something was done. One failed attempt on his watch. But there was talk of starting it up again."

"So many failed attempts, and they still moved forward?" Bruce asked, frowned whilst crossing his arms.

"With Steve buried deep in the ice, SHIELD needed someone to be more than an agent. To be an icon. To be the hero. The way SHIELD saw it, Erskine's serum was tried and tested before it was successful. Maybe not on Erskine's watch, but that didn't change the fact that it was tested more than once. Even through the years, and you know this better than anyone, the serum has been replicated, or attempted to, at least. No exact variation, _successful_ variation is known."

Bruce thought about her story for a moment longer before coming to a conclusion. "All their DNA was altered and in turn, they suffered mental repercussions. They were given something unnatural, so in turn… You think you're the same way?"

"It's a possibility," Bethany nodded. "I don't know if it's true. To be honest, I don't know what made me think of Paracelsus. Healing is normal, yes. But growing back limbs and being resurrected from the dead? No, those feats belong solely to miracles. Which, by definition, is _unnatural_."

"It's definitely an interesting concept," Bruce agreed. "One we never really studied before."

"New view on life, new frame of mind, new _Bethany_ ," she began. "All that means new ideas. But one thing I know for certain is that Paracelsus always had some sort of… _effect_ on the mind. With different scientists, it was different things. We never knew how to stop it though. We always had steps to deal with it, as a precaution, but they always failed. It was like… right before they died, their minds just completely turned to mush. All sense, everything they ever knew was gone. Irrelevant. Or in some cases, taunting them. The only thing we could think of was to give them a new _mind_."

"One that hadn't gone through the abuse," he whispered, earning a nod from Bethany.

"I guess we'll never find out if it'll work," Bethany shrugged. "SHIELD is gone."

"SHIELD's work is out there, though," Bruce told her. "Out there for anyone to find. At the time, you, Steve, Maria and Natasha thought it was what was best, but looking at it now… anyone can get that information. It may just cause more problems."

"SHIELD was always there to clean up people's messes," Bethany sighed, hopping off the medical bed. "I guess it's now our job to clean up SHIELD's mess."

* * *

Steve was watching Bethany carefully. He was trying to understand what was going through her mind, but she was guarding herself really well. She had made lunch for them all, Sam included, even feeding Jamie. She had this ease to everything that made it look like she had mastered this for years and nothing could stop her groove. But Steve knew his wife better than that. Nothing was ever that easy. Especially when for all intents and purposes, she became a mother only last night.

"Okay," Bethany said after putting Jamie into his bouncer, the baby's eyes fluttering as sleep started to overcome him. "I made the food, so someone else needs to clean up."

"Sounds fair to me," Sam nodded, getting off the barstool at the island and silently volunteering.

"And while you wash the pots, I'll wash my hair," Bethany finished, looking to Steve.

"Everytime I leave you, you get into trouble," Steve began. "Promise me that you won't get into trouble again?"

"You could always join me," she teased lightly and quietly, throwing him a wink.

Steve felt a small smile pull at his lips, watching her carefully. He considered it. Just being under the warm water with her, washing every inch of her porcelain skin laying soft kisses on her body along the way. He craved her, just like he always did. And there was a hungry look in her eyes that also rendered him weak.

"Steve, where's Jackson?" Theo asked suddenly, not having realized that he had interrupted a moment between Bethany and Steve.

"He went to visit his family," Steve replied, eyes still on Bethany, trying to decide what to do. Be the gracious host or the loving husband. Her eyes only seemed to get heavier with desire.

"Is he coming back?" Theo asked next. "He's not leaving too, is he?"

That's when Steve looked back to the little boy. "He's coming back. He's just taking a vacation. Everyone needs a vacation every once in a while. But he'll be back."

"How do you know?" Theo questioned. He wasn't sad or upset, a curious tone lacing all his words.

"I just do," Steve reassured.

"The offer still stands," Bethany informed Steve as she pushed herself off the island and sauntered off into the bathroom. He watched as her hips swayed and he let out a heavy breath of air. _That woman_ , Steve thought to himself, knowing how vulnerable she made him. They may have shared intimate moments, but he still wanted to have her in the most intimate way possible.

Sex was always great. That he couldn't deny. But he was curious on whether it would change now. A part of him, a _huge_ part of him wanted to join her and find out. But the other part was reasonable, and reminded him of why it was important to be responsible. Slipping up just once resulted in Jamie. Bethany may have seemingly accepted Jamie and her role, but he knew that taking that leap again… She wasn't ready for it and neither was he. Next time they had a baby, he wanted it to be planned. He wanted them to talk about it and wait until the perfect time.

"Can I watch TV?" Theo asked politely.

"Can I see a smile?" Steve replied back. Theo immediately gave him a wide smile, threatening to split the sides of his lips. Steve chuckled and nodded. "Okay, but not too loud. Jamie is sleeping."

Theo hopped off the barstool and ran into the living room, grabbing the remote. Steve then moved over to help Sam with the dishes. "I don't know man," Sam began with.

"About?" Steve asked as he took one of the pots and began to dry it.

"About Bethany," Sam explained. "I can't tell what's going through her head. And that's never a good thing, especially for a wild card like her."

"I know," Steve sighed. "Trust me, I know. But I saw her earlier with Jamie. There's something there. Real concern and love. But… not like before. I know it's barely been a day, but it's different."

"Keep an eye on her. Not like you weren't gonna, but continue to," Sam suggested. "I don't know what's worse. The dream she had or how she shook it off as if it was nothing. That would mess anyone up."

"Yeah," Steve agreed quietly. "I don't… I don't know. What to say, what to do. I thought that when she found out, I wouldn't be walking on eggshells anymore, but I am."

"Can I give you the hard truth?" Sam offered, turning off the running water. Steve's silence was answer enough. "She has to get back out there. To the field. That's what she remembers, that's what she needs to do again. She needs to feel like she's-"

"In control," Steve finished, bowing his head slightly. "It'll do us all good to get out there. But then I look around and… I can't leave Theo right now. Not even for a few minutes. He already feels abandoned. And Jamie… he doesn't understand what's happening."

"Talk to her," Sam suggested. "Ask for her opinion. Ask for what's going through her head. Try to get a better feel of what's going on in there."

Steve nodded, taking in a deep breath. "I guess that's my best option."

"And try not to let anything she says offend you," Sam added.

"Right," Steve agreed, taking a moment before following Sam's advice. When he entered the master bedroom, he could hear the water running and a soft hum. Closing the door behind him, he moved over to the bathroom, Bethany's hum turning into actual lyrics.

"Beth?" He said, closing the bathroom door as well. Her head, hair dark and heavy from the water, peered out through the shower curtain.

"Taking me up on my offer?" She questioned, a sly smile on her face.

"Not really," Steve chuckled. "For starters, you still need to go to the doctor."

"Right. Birth control is a must," Bethany sighed. "What's up then?"

"I thought we should talk. About you, about Jamie, about Theo…"

"And you thought the shower was a good place to have that discussion?" Bethany teased, clearly not opposed to the idea.

Steve shrugged. "Theo's watching TV, Jamie is sleeping. We may not get this opportunity again. Trust me, kids keep you busy."

"Well, get in here," Bethany decided. "I promise, I won't try to seduce you. Just two people having a shower together while talking about the woes of being parents."

Steve nodded, pretending to consider it but stripping of his clothes nonetheless. Bethany slipped her head back behind the curtain, Steve pulling it open and stepping inside. She turned around to smile at him, placing her hands on his chest, giving him a once over. "Hey, you said no seduction," he warned, but being unable to keep himself from looking at her wet body and the perfect curves she was graced with.

Bethany chuckled, shaking her head slightly. "I'm just admiring you. You got so… _big_."

"I can actually lift weights now," Steve reminded her. "It has an effect."

"Evidently," Bethany agreed, her hands moving to his biceps. "You'd think after, what? A year and a half of marriage? That me looking at you while you were naked wouldn't bother you so much."

"That, and you being naked all the while," Steve nodded. "Look, I really need to talk to you, Beth."

"Then talk," Bethany encouraged, her hands falling from his body.

"About your dream," Steve started, watching as the playfulness of her body disappeared. "How… how are you holding up? And please, Beth. Tell me honestly."

"I'm still freaked out," Bethany admitted immediately. "That's why when I saw the blood on Jamie's hands… I got really scared. Damn it, Steve. I don't know how he did it. How he got under my skin so quickly and effortlessly."

Steve smiled for a moment. Jamie had found his way into Natasha's heart, something they were all surprised about. The agent knew how to guard her emotions, but it was clear that the baby meant something to her. Her role as his godmother aside, she really loved him. It didn't surprise Steve that he had done the same with this new Bethany. "But you're okay?"

"I don't want to have it again," Bethany stated obviously. "But I feel good. Sitting idle won't do me good. It never has."

"Which brings me to my next topic," Steve nodded. "Do you want to get back out there? Right now? Do you think you're up to it?"

"Oh yeah," Bethany nodded enthusiastically. "As soon as possible. Hitting a punching bag was great, but I need a moving target. I need something to distract me from…"

"From?" Steve asked when she didn't continue.

"Look, I got some flashes while I was in the gym," she admitted freely. "Voices, mostly. Memories, even. But Steve… they weren't good ones. But getting out there has always helped."

"I'll talk to Maria," Steve promised, moving forward to cup her cheek before kissing the top of her head lightly. "You know, you could even go visit Coulson if you wanted. It might do you some good. It might do _him_ some good. Last we heard, things were… tense."

"And the Theo thing?" Bethany asked.

"I-I got him to agree to work on being happier," Steve explained. "He's already working on his side of the bargain, but I also asked him to go to therapy. In return, he wants us to find Jen."

Bethany frowned for a moment. "But I thought she was married to some HYDRA jackass."

"He's under the impression that something happened to her. That she didn't come see him after the explosion and it wasn't because she didn't want to," Steve explained.

He could see the wheels turning in her head as she worked out the equation. "The apartment explosion; it was reported by major news companies I'm assuming?"

"All over the world," Steve nodded.

"Was Theo's name in any of the stories?" Steve thought about it before shaking his head 'no'. "But even then, Jen would have recognized the apartment. She would've known that I was there only for Theo. Steve, maybe he's onto something. I don't care that she left in the first place. She would've tried to reach out, in one way or another. I mean, maybe we're wrong… but what if we're not? What if something bad happened to her?"

Steve watched her carefully, now seeing how sincerely concerned she was. "It's worth looking into," Steve agreed.

"You haven't been already?" Bethany asked. "Keeping a close eye on her?"

"If we had a close eye on her, we would've captured Jacob by now," Steve pointed out. "We lost him one day."

"Well, now I have something to do," Bethany said with a sigh before smiling. "I have my own little mission."

"Yes, you do," Steve nodded, trying to be happy for her but failing. "Just… don't get into trouble. I just got you back."

Bethany threw her arms around him, pushing up on the tips of her toes to kiss him lightly. "I think you're forgetting that I _also_ just got you back. And I can't remember what sex, _real_ sex, is like. I'm under the impression it's amazing. I forgot."

"No, you didn't," Steve teased.

"I did," Bethany promised. "I remember thinking how beautiful and passionate it was, but I don't remember what it felt like. I got a _really_ good idea with all that fun we had before. But I want _more_."

"I do too," Steve replied, his hands resting on her hips and lifting her up and pressing her against the wall. She let out an excited squeal, her eyes leveled with his. "I want you in every single way, in every single room until we can't go any farther with exhaustion."

Lust filled Bethany's eyes first, then shock. She smiled, nonetheless, letting out a chuckle. "Wow, aren't we forward."

"Like you said," Steve began, kissing her again, but this time a little more passionately, pressing his body up against hers. He could feel her nipples pressing up against him and desire stirring up deep within him. "A year and a half of marriage."

"Hmm, maybe this marriage thing isn't too bad," Bethany stated but pouted when Steve put her back down on her feet. "What now?"

"Responsibility," Steve reminded her, tapping her nose and earning a roll of her eyes, but a smile making its way on her face again.

* * *

She wasn't sure if wearing masks was normal, but she had a feeling it wasn't. She also had a feeling that reaching out to touch a bowl of water and spontaneously freezing it wasn't normal either. But she could have been wrong. Very wrong. She didn't know much. She knew her name. But that's because they kept telling her.

"Good Jennifer," one of the masked men nodded, writing something on a clipboard.

Her eyes flickered around the room. There was six men. She was the only woman and she looked back down her body for the eight time as confirmation that _yes_ she was different than them. But breast and a vagina were hardly the same as the ability to turn water into ice.

Despite being around people almost constantly, having someone watching her carefully and always taking notes, she felt _lonely_. She felt like there was something they were keeping her from. Or maybe _someone_. She didn't really know. But she was lonely.

"How do we get her to produce it out of nothing?" A man asked. Jen hated the man. He hated his voice and how anxious he was. Like nothing was ever good for him. He kept pushing her to do more and argued with the other men.

"That was never tested before," the man with the clipboard said, his tone bored and annoyed. "Charinski, you need to settle down. She's doing good. We should celebrate her making it this far."

 _This far_? Jen asked herself. She didn't like how that sounded. She could only assume that they had done something to give her this… _ability?_ It would be the perfect explanation towards the icy feeling that had been running through her veins earlier. And all they had asked from her, besides asking about her past—which was non-existent—was to move water, to freeze water and to turn it into thin air.

She knew she could manipulate water like they were manipulating her. And it was easy, like second nature. She could just hold a hand out and the desired effect took place. But all that success didn't help her remember more about her. Or about who _they_ were. Or where she was. And she didn't have the nerve to even ask.

She hadn't even said a word yet. She had no idea what her own voice sounded like. She responded to their questions with nods or shakes of her head, or shrugs. Sometimes facial expressions. But she hadn't said a word. And she wasn't sure if she ever would.

"We lost our edge," the annoying man, _Charinski_ , snapped. "Bethany is back home-"

"You were _invited_ here," the man with the clipboard said sharply. "We can _un_ invite you just as easily."

"I brought her here in the first place. This was all my idea."

"She'll be ready when she's ready," the first man promised. "Now, Jennifer. Can you turn the ice back into water please?"

Jen looked around the room, very aware of the way everyone was looking at her. She had turned the water into a solid state, back to liquid and then to gas a million times now. Each and everytime, it was the same thing. She was getting bored, and she even thought about spraying the water at one of the men, but considered otherwise. There was more of them than her.

She reached out her hand and did as she was asked, but couldn't help but think about that the man had just said. _She'll be ready when she's ready._

 _Ready for what?_ Jen asked herself, watching as the water rippled in the bowl. _Ready for what?_

* * *

 ****A/N: So now you have a little idea of what's happening to Jen. Ideally, I would like to expand it more in the future, even after Jen's storyline comes to a close. I'd love to hear what everyone thinks about it, however.**

 **IrelandLover: Next chapter has some bonding. It's the only part of the chapter I've written thusfar, and they briefly touch on his growth. Haha, yes. Two years of going "Hi there, what can I get for you today?" Somehow, I miss it. Although, I do not miss the customers. People are RUDE.**

 **sailorraven34: Yeah, the dream... I keep dreaming that I _am_ Bethany, so I feel like she's becoming her own person within my conscious, which is crazy when you think about it, but that dream is definitely something she would have. **

**BerMH: Welcome to the crazy ride! I'm not a stranger to Theo's struggle for "attention", although that isn't exactly the proper word. He'll get his happy ending soon enough :)**

 **Jo: It actually wasn't a bad place to work at all. Compared to a breakfast restaurant, party store and Wal Mart... best minimum wage job I've had. I quit the other ones as soon as I could, but stayed at McD's until I knew it was time to leave. I'll miss it though! Theo is on his way to recovery :) Therapy will help him, as well as Steve's promises to him. The kid really just needs his mom, and he knows that.**

 **sarahmichellegellarfan1: She will! It'll be more "fun" than "aw", if that even makes sense, but I'm hoping that this chapter gave you an idea of where I'm going.**

 **FeliciaFelicis: But of course I did! My sister and I actually threw a party. We made themed cupcakes and watched the movies, with my hair and makeup in prime 1940's style, although that's almost what they look like everyday anyways. It was just a little more extreme with the star spangled bow I had wrapped around my finger waves. It was fun.**

 **Yes, that dream... Despite the darkness I've written in here thusfar, I think that was the worst and the most extreme. Bethany never felt happy about killing in her other dreams. She was indifferent. I could _not_ make up any aspect of the dream by myself. Although, I guess my subconscious did? I swear, my brain never rests, always working up some sort of story. Ironically, I fell right back to sleep. I instantly knew that it wasn't me in the dream, even if I had it. Once I had some water and opened a window, I fell asleep like a cat. I have LOTS of ideas for _Civil War._ Whatever they decide to throw at me, I'm prepared. And if Steve "dies", I'm prepared for that two. I'm prepared for every situation and am eagerly awaiting how it'll all play out. I'm excited about the Steve vs Tony dynamic and how that'll play out with Bethany. I personally feel like Bethany would side with Tony. I feel like that's the type of person she is. I won't spill what'll happen if that's the case, but I have no intentions on completely destroying their relationship. Maybe a lovers' spat. We'll see, but I have high hopes for it. Bethany will do a lot of growing between the two movies and stop being so... spoiled? Selfish? Conceited? All of the above, most likely. She'll be mature and most likely, the sensible one. For a nice change :P Someone needs to be the voice of reason, and I have a feeling that Steve won't exactly be _all_ right. **


	8. The Strings of My Heart

****A/N: Good news is, I finally got a laptop that doesn't take thirty minutes to properly work and then erases all of my stuff... The bad news is, there was a week of basically writing nothing. So chapter 9 isn't a guaranteed thing. Fingers crossed. I'm busy trying to find a co-op placement and while I found a place I really like, I'm one out of a sea of potentials.**

 **QUESTION: Anyone with a Mac that updates on here ever have problems copying and pasting the story through safari? I got it to work with chrome, but I'm curious.**

Chapter 8- The **Strings** of My Heart

 _"I just want you to tell me, strum the strings of my heart."_

 _~ Tell Me, Aubrey Peeples_

* * *

Bethany was silently judging Tony as he went about his work. She had looked over his blueprints a few minutes earlier and knew one thing for sure; he was too much like his father. His ideas were brilliant, but they would cause a lot of problems in the long run. Both men were talented when it came to engineering and mechanics, but Bethany's brain worked differently when it came to those things. She saw the blueprints differently than they did.

"Stop making that face," Tony spoke, not even raising his eyes away from his work.

"I'm doing nothing," Bethany defended herself, but a smile grew on her face.

"Yes. You're doing that thing you always do," Tony replied, looking up. "The one where you have a better idea but you don't say anything."

"Hey, Howard's pride was always damaged when I told him when he was wrong," Bethany explained. "How are you any different?"

"One; I'm not wrong," Tony stated strongly. "Your idea may be _better_ but it doesn't make mine wrong. And two; I'm not like my dad."

"Yes, you are," Bethany disagreed lazily. "Look, you're channelling too much energy through the barrel. It'll overheat."

"It's made to withstand extreme temperatures," Tony reminded her.

"Yeah, but the person using it isn't. It'll burn their fingers straight off. A pair of gloves might help, but it'll still hurt."

"Ah, but not if the person can't feel pain and heals," Tony pointed out.

"Wait, it's for me?" Bethany asked confused. "Why do I need a flamethrower-type of weapon?"  
"Firstly, it's called Hakan," Tony began with. "Secondly, we all have some sort of weapon we use that's our _trade_ mark. So yeah, you're going to use this."

"Healing isn't trademark enough?" Bethany asked, confused.

"Not since the entire world found out that you were hospitalized for a week and almost died," Tony reminded her.

"There's a good chance my entire outfit will catch on fire," Bethany stated plainly.

"Look, just trust me, okay?" Tony said exasperatedly. "I have this all thought out. In case you didn't notice, I'm not some irresponsible kid anymore. Just look around you and see what _I_ have created."

Bethany didn't need to follow his instructions to know he was right. "Yeah, I know how much you've grown, kid."

"Do you?" Tony asked softly.

Taking in a deep breath, she nodded. "There was a time when you weren't a team member. But now… not only are you part of a team, but you're advocating it."

"You mean paying for it," Tony supplied.

Bethany chuckled, pushing some hair out of her face. "Yeah. The point is, I'm not blind. Kid, I look around and I know that not only has every _thing_ changed, but every _one_. You're more responsible. And good for you. Really."

"You did the most growing."

" _Did,_ " Bethany repeated. "I'm not that girl who did all the growing."

"That may be so, but in the last three days that you've been at the Tower, you're different than the girl who woke up from Loki's influence."

"I don't really have a choice. It's not just about me anymore. And it was for a long time," Bethany replied before sighing. "I don't know my place, though. And that's scary. I feel like I'm trapped in someone else's body. A body that's experienced so much and... _done_ so much. I-I created another human being. But despite seeing myself in Jamie… I just can't shake the feeling that I'm intruding on someone else's life."

"Make it your own," Tony suggested.

"I can't do that," Bethany sighed. "I want to run away and kick HYDRA's ass, and find Nick and… just have everything the way it was. But Theo has been through enough. Jamie has been through enough. And so has Steve. I can't do that to them. I was selfish once and I regretted it. I can't do that again. I don't know if I'd get another chance with Steve. I'm still amazed he forgave me in the first place."

"I know what you did," Tony reminded her carefully, eyes still on his work. "But Steve would forgive you again and again. He knows he'd rather be miserable with you than without you. And that's the truth. When he lost his entire life, you were still here. And that, combined with the love and understanding he has… He'll always forgive you. But you can't take advantage of that."

"Wow," Bethany breathed, amazed. "I think you're more mature than me."

"Not quite, but living with a bunch of people who take everything way too seriously? It catches up. But I've known this about you and Steve for a long time."

"But… what do I do?" Bethany asked. "Tony, I'm living the life that I ran away from before because I was _scared_ -"

"You were scared of doing it alone," Tony reminded her, finally looking up. "You were scared of messing the kid up. You've been home for five days. If you haven't messed up by now, I don't think you will."

"You're overestimating my sanity," Bethany pointed out.

"Maybe," Tony agreed. "But I've seen you with Jamie. You'd protect him from anything. Not because he's yours. But because he's Steve. You wouldn't mess that up. More importantly, you won't mess _him_ up. If anyone is going to corrupt the kid, it's me."

"But-"

"Right now, at this very moment, what do you feel?" Tony asked, putting down the tool in his hand and shoving it into his pocket.

Bethany sighed, thinking about it. But her answer was almost immediate. "I miss Steve," she admitted. "It's only been over an hour since I last saw him, but I still miss him."

"Because you love him," Tony continued, watching as Bethany seemed to cringe. "Look, I was there when you told him for the first time. We all were. It was sincere, but it was almost like you thought you might not get another chance to tell him. And to _not_ tell him, to watch him slip away once again with him not knowing how you felt, that seemed to be even worse."

"Saying… saying it makes it permanent," Bethany reminded him. "You can try to take it back, but… you really can't."

"You're married," Tony added. "That's pretty permanent."

"Not in today's society," Bethany replied calmly.

"No, but in Steve's mind? Yeah. Even if he was mad at you and never wanted to see you again, or fell out of love with you? He wouldn't divorce you. He has a duty to you. And he takes it seriously. He'd stay with you, because it's what he thinks is _right_."

Bethany knew he was right. While this wasn't the life she wanted for herself in the now, it was one she hoped she'd get with Steve one day. Those years of waiting, all she wanted was for them to find him and for her to be able to tell him she was sorry, and prove to him that she meant it. And all she wanted from him was his forgiveness and understanding. She knew that Steve could have decided he didn't want to give their relationship a second chance, and for that, she would have to understand and give him her blessing no matter how painful. But, she wanted to be with him again. To have that chance of a happily-ever-after with a family. For a long time, her desire for that grew and grew. And then one day, when she thought all hope was lost, that idea just slipped away and she grew comfortable with the life she had.

But she _did_ love him. She loved how he had a way of treating her like an equal, a Queen and a damsel in distress all at the same time. She loved that small little embarrassed or flattered smile he had, one that used to exist with pink cheeks, but had since grown more confident and _daring_. She had loved his soft kisses and wandering hands, almost as if he was unsure, but loved how he was now even more when he would grab her and kiss her hard. She loved his laugh, and the little bump on his nose. She loved how he was so serious, but at the same time could tease and taunt her like a young boy with a crush. She loved how he knew her strengths and her weaknesses, and seemed to know what she was feeling and thinking without having to ask most of the time. And even when he _did_ ask, he knew how to fix the problem. What she loved the most was that he seemed content with who she was now, even if it wasn't who she was before.

But telling him that scared her. It may have been over seventy years since Jason, but she told him she loved him. And she thought she meant it. He had played with her heart, as if it was an instrument, strumming it so violently, as if he had intentions of breaking it. Her feelings for him were not nearly as powerful as her feelings for Steve, but he had found a way to use them against her. Steve wouldn't do that, she knew. But it was still a struggle. Not only did she have to be sure, but she wanted to say it when she just felt an overwhelming desire to do it. Even keeping this to herself was no longer an option.

Bethany heard small cooing from the baby monitor, looking down at the tablet and seeing Jamie starting to wake from his nap. "Duty calls," Tony spoke up before reaching across the table to gather her attention. "Do you want those memories back? Or are you totally content with being how you are now?"

"I'm not so sure," Bethany whispered truthfully. "I want them back for Steve and Jamie. But not for myself. But I don't think it's up to me whether I remember."

"Well maybe not, but maybe you're holding yourself back," Tony replied, looking back down at his work and their conversation seemingly ending. Bethany picked up the tablet and slowly made her way back to the apartment, his words echoing through her head.

A new reason to get her memories back was Tony. He seemed so different, so mature and sure of himself. He had grown more in the last two years then he did his entire childhood. Experience had finally gotten to him and he realized that it was time for him to stop being careless and foolish and become someone that Howard and Maria would have been proud of.

"Alright, I'm here," Bethany assured Jamie when he started to cry, her pulling him to her arms. His little face found comfort in the crook of her neck and she rubbed his back lightly. The little kid was super light in her arms, but at the same time, was a huge weight. She wanted to own up to the responsibility, to prove more to herself than anyone else that she could do this.

She and Natasha had gone to the hospital for her check-up while Steve stayed at the apartment to watch over the kids two days ago. While there, she got her IUD implanted, telling Natasha all of her worries and fears. Natasha had proposed that she looked at this entire experience like a mission.

"Some agents get really deep in their covers and have a hard time distinguishing what they really feel opposed to how their cover feels. Just look at this as a mission. You're Jamie's mom and Steve's wife. And the goal is to make _yourself_ believe in that."

She _did_ like the idea. Because it was at moments with Jamie in her arms that she _wanted_ to be the type of mother he needed. The type of mother she had wanted growing up. But she still felt like she was trying to take over someone else's place and that made her uneasy. She was connecting with the boy, but she was also hesitant to do even more.

Bethany put the tablet down on the changing table and turned it off, moving to the living room when she heard the elevator door open. Steve and Theo's footsteps trailed into the room until she saw them, offering a small smile. "How'd it go?" She asked, unsure.

"Okay," Theo supplied quietly. "He asked a lot of questions."

"That's his job," Steve reminded Theo, moving next to Bethany and kissing the top of her head lightly.

"But I didn't want to answer them all," Theo protested.

"Did you?" Bethany asked, curiously.

"Some," he admitted. "Some were too scary to say out loud."

"He has another appointment on Thursday," Steve explained.

Bethany frowned, moving to put Jamie down in the exersaucer. "Thursday is Thanksgiving."

"If he's okay with it, so am I," Steve shrugged, watching as Theo sat down in front of Jamie and started to play with the toys on the exersaucer, Jamie's little blue eyes widening with amazement at the sounds and movements, watching Theo's every move as if he was capable of magic.

Steve laid down across the couch, patting on the cushion for Bethany to follow him. Lying with him so they could both watch the boys, he wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed the side of her face. One of Bethany's hands intertwined with the one draped across her body and she smiled softly to herself. "He gave Theo some medication," Steve whispered. "Something to help him settle better. I'm not really comfortable with it, but if it'll help…"

"We're doing the right thing, right?" Bethany asked softly.

"I hope so," Steve admitted. "How's that program you started on?"  
Bethany had done some digging and found an old SHIELD program that was used to track wanted people. It wasn't like the current systems that multiple agencies around the world had, using present facial recognition to find who they were looking for. Bethany knew that if something really _did_ happen to Jen, she could have been away from cameras for weeks, making facial recognition pointless. If she wasn't on the streets, then she was nothing more than a ghost.

The program had been experimental, and barely worked, but Bethany was working to restore it. Since they had a time and place where Jen had been seen, back in France before the explosion, they had a starting point. Ideally, the program would follow Jen's every movement from that day until the day she seemingly disappeared. It was flawed since not all cameras would have a memory bank and it would have to scan thousands of camera feeds, but Bethany had been able to get the program to cooperate.

"It'll take time," Bethany sighed. "Did you go in?"

"No, I waited outside," Steve replied. "I was debating whether or not…"

"Whether or not…?" Bethany teased, trying to get him to finish.

"With everything going on, we shouldn't be leaving them," Steve explained. "Obviously, if it was for Avengers things, it would make sense. But this is personal."

"Steve, just tell me," Bethany pleaded.

"I want to take you out. On a date," he explained, and Bethany could feel a smile pulling at her lips. "I figured you don't have any memories of _real_ dates-"

"Picnics in your room on the base don't count? Or that one time that you took me to a café in London, just the two of us?" Bethany joked.

Steve let out a soft chuckle, it rumbling in his chest and vibrating against Bethany's back, making her feel even more happy than she was before. Her smile didn't grow, but she felt light, as if she was floating. "They count. But I had something a little different in mind," he explained. "And I thought that if we, you know, held off on any real intimacy until then, we could get a hotel room and-"

"Yes," Bethany hummed, feeling her stomach flutter with excitement. Something Bethany was becoming increasingly educated in was how hard it was to have sex or even find the time to have sex with two kids. At night, they were both just too tired to do anything more than kiss each other lightly and hold each other tightly.

Steve's chuckle was louder this time. "I just don't know when the right time will be," he explained. "I don't want to leave them when we were gone for so long."

"I understand," Bethany reassured. "But it's one night, right?"

"I guess," Steve nodded, kissing her temple again. They laid there in silence, watching over the boys. In that moment, they couldn't tell that Theo was fighting some inner demons and memories. It was almost impossible to tell that the kid was anything but happy. Everytime Jamie would let out a loud and sudden burst of giggles, Theo would smile, proud that he got the baby to do just that.

Steve had pulled Bethany even closer to his body, and she could feel every outline of his body pressed against her. That tingle that had started to grow in her body earlier only increased. She felt happy. No. More than happy. She had never felt like this before in her life. The pleasure, she decided, was similar to pleasure during sex. There was no proper way to describe it, just _knowing_ that everything was good. It affected her entire being, her place tight in Steve's arms, watching the little boy she helped raise and the little baby she helped create. She couldn't keep a smile off her face or a tear from welling up in her eyes.

She felt it well up inside of her, grow and grow until she thought she was about to burst. Her happiness couldn't be contained. She felt safe, _really_ safe for the first time in years. Bethany didn't want to trade this moment for anything, and if her lost memories were filled with moments like this, she wanted them back. She knew there was pain and heartache, but compared to this, it was _nothing_.

"Steve?" She whispered, feeling her happiness bubble over.

"Yeah?" He asked casually.

Keeping her eyes on the boys, but not missing a beat, she said it. "I love you."

She could feel a smile pull at his lips from where his face rested against her own. He pulled her impossibly closer, urging her to look at him. Brushing away a stray tear with his thumb before kissing her softly. It wasn't much of a kiss, barely lasting any time, but it was all she needed to feel his own happiness. "I love you too," he promised her.

* * *

Kiley could tell that Bucky's frustration had reached an ultimate high. They had been in Germany for a few days, and he had yet to remember anything. At night, he would lie in bed uncomfortable, the skin melded to the metal of his arm burning, but no memories had surfaced, good or bad. Instead of smiling and regaining a piece of his old self, she could see all his progress slip away with each passing second. Patience was not his cup of tea to begin with, but with the frustration that kept building, his words became more forceful, along with his actions. But despite her encouragement and suggestions that they move on and return another day. He didn't want to leave. Not until he remembered _something._

They kept returning to the same place, the place indicated on the pamphlet from the museum. Kiley wasn't exactly sure what had happened there, but Bucky had been driven to a huge tree that stood strong, as if it could give him the answers of the world. By now, Kiley was half expecting Bucky to punch the tree until the bark splintered, and eventually, it all fell down. She asked him what was so special about the spot, but he gruffly stated that he didn't know. She would patiently—okay, impatiently—wait for him, but every day, the result was the same. Every day, he remembered nothing.

She was trying to enjoy the history that surrounded her. She had a cousin who had majored in history, remembering that she had mentioned multiple times that there was nothing like German history. It was complex, compelling and chaotic. From what Kiley learned in school, popular culture and society, Germany was the villains. Her cousin said that they were also the victims. That the Nazis may have been Germans, but the Germans weren't all Nazis. That the end of the war had left Berlin a rotting and suffering carcass.

Kiley couldn't help but see the similarities between the man in front of her and the country around her. Both villains. Both victims. Both celebrating the success of the Nazis and both suffering from the effects. And both left with nothing but emptiness. Left nothing but a shell of what it or he used to be. Something _great_ turned into something _horrible_. Kiley just hoped Bucky would rise like Germany had. Not holding the same power they used to, but having _something_.

Kiley was grateful that she brought a book. _"You Starks are hard to kill,"_ she read, wincing. That one line was a foreshadow like no other. GRRM was a cruel man. But one thing he knew for sure; Bethany Stark was hard to kill. Tony Stark was too, apparently, since he seemed to always have a death warrant on his head.

Bethany's recovery was highly televised, but clearly not by choice. Whoever they replaced her with wasn't very good, and she felt a little guilty at that, but knew that both Bethany and Steve would be happy that she was with Bucky. One clip that kept playing over and over again showed Steve shoving a reporter who got too close to his wife. A lot of people thought it was out of character. Kiley knew better, however. She knew Steve would do anything to protect Bethany, and their privacy, even if she didn't want, need or ask for it.

Although, she could tell something was off. Both Bethany and Steve seemed… different. As much as she wanted to know, she had gone too far to turn back now. She couldn't just abandon Bucky, especially right now when each day was darker than the day before.

She re-read the line. _"You Starks are hard to kill."_ The novel was gripping and being an avid fan of the show, she knew what was coming. But boredom took route. They had been there, at that stupid tree, for four hours already. And if she was hungry, so was Bucky.

She remembered that restaurant they had passed every single day. Usually, Kiley tried to stay away from red meat. She wasn't on a diet, per se. She just wanted to eat healthy. Kiley and Steve would swap recipes for healthy food and tips on better living, all while Bethany would be sitting there, judging them, while eating a pound of bacon. The couple didn't need to eat well in order to look good or feel good, since they were lucky bitches and could survive on a diet of purely soda and chip, but Steve was determined to give Jamie and Theo a well-balanced diet.

"Why don't we take a break?" Kiley chanced, earning a glare from Bucky, unsurprisingly. "Get something to eat, maybe drink? Do something… _fun_? It'll help. You'll come back tomorrow with a fresh mind, a _relaxed_ one. You know I'm right."

Throughout her entire speech, he didn't stop glaring at her. She just sat there patiently, waiting for Bucky's face to soften when he realized she was right. It took longer than she thought, but he finally sighed and nodded. "Great!" She celebrated, jumping up from her spot. "What if we did something crazy? Splurge a little and got a hotel room? Get all fancied up and hit a bar tonight?"

It had been a really long time since she partied. And she wasn't exactly counting the Halloween party at the Tower. Yeah, it had been fun. What made it even better was a drunk Bethany singing to Steve like he was the only one in the room and poor Steve trying to get her to act… Well, not drunk. But she wanted to go out where she didn't have to think about anything but drinking.

"Would that make you happy?" Bucky asked her quietly.

"Well, yeah," She nodded, wondering whether or not that would be the selling point. He had been acting odd around her lately, but she pegged it to where they were and their little journey. But he seemed to be looking for her approval. Except when it came to being at that stupid tree every day. Although, he always gave her the option of going or not. She always said yes, for fear that something would happen, and that being something _bad_.

"Okay," he agreed with a nod.

"Fantastic," Kiley celebrated. "I saw this awesome looking hotel a few block back. Let's see if they have any rooms open. And for one night, let's not worry about money. We'll worry about everything tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," Bucky agreed, solemnly. Steve couldn't get drunk. And neither could Bethany when she had her regeneration thing. But Kiley wasn't sure if the same thing applied to Bucky. She hoped not. She hadn't seen him smile lately, and she was itching for it.

* * *

Bethany was typing away at her laptop, giving it commands that Steve couldn't understand. He pulled her hair to one side and laid a soft kiss to the column before resting his chin on her shoulder. "How's it going?"

"It's going," She replied with a sigh. "Not much I can do to speed it up, though. It's at three days after the explosion. If something _has_ happened to Jen… it might be too late."

"Don't think that way," Steve encouraged. "Theo and Jamie are both napping. How about I find someone to watch over them and we go down to the gym?"

A smile tugged on her lips, obviously pleased with the idea. "It would keep us out of trouble," she concluded, trouble meaning sex. Now that Steve had the idea of waiting until their fancy date night in her head, she wanted to wait. Waiting was… hard. Extremely hard, actually. They never really had to back in the forties. Their first kiss was their first time. They kind of fast-forwarded through the stages of a relationship, and she didn't really want to do that again. She wanted him. And bad. He was wearing a sweater over a shirt that was a little too tight, and his shorts were resting perfectly on his hips. There was something so different about him that made him so much more attractive than before. She caught herself wondering if it was because he was a dad now. _A DILF,_ she chuckled to herself.

"Look, I'm okay with you going out there, back on the field," Steve said seriously, slipping onto the barstool beside her and taking one of her hands. "I know now that asking you to stop fighting is… unfair. You've been doing it longer than me and I don't know if saying goodbye is a real option. I understand this. But Doll… I can't…" His head dropped momentarily, emotion welling up in his features. He looked ragged all of a sudden, as if re-living his worse fears. She had seen him like this before, after her bad call of judgement, followed by Bucky's death.

"I can't lose you," he said after a deep breath. He had looked up at her, his brows furrowed lightly, looking to be on the edge of breaking down completely. "I can't do that again, Beth."

That tugged at the heartstrings. She felt bad, _guilty_ , for putting him through that pain. She could relate. She had lost him. The weight of the blame, guilt and everything that had been left unsaid… it had driven her to depths of darkness she didn't know she possessed. "Steve… I don't do it purposely," she reminded him.

He left out a little chuckle, but no smile split his face. "I know you don't," he replied. "Just as I don't… But…"

"I know," she promised him. "I know. The way I see it, we need to stop being apart. Every time we aren't together, something happens. We aren't with the other to protect the other. I need you and you need me."

Steve nodded, leaning in to kiss her softly, resting his forehead against hers when their lips broke apart. "That means you not going on a mission anytime soon," Steve reminded her. "We can't leave the boys. Not yet."

"I know," Bethany sighed. "When we find Jen. That's when we'll go out, okay? That way, we're helping Theo by being away from him."

Steve smiled at her suddenly, shaking his head slightly as an overwhelming amount of realization hit him regarding how much he loved her. "I don't know why I was worried," he explained to her. "I shouldn't have been worried. About you. About us. About us and the boys."

"I mean, I'm trying," she promised with a sigh. "I know that it isn't just about me anymore. And it's scary... but it's also exciting. For years, I wanted this and when I decided that you weren't coming back… I just… Did a 360. It's not something I wanted when I fell asleep. And it's not exactly something I would want for myself right now. But I'm not _completely_ upset. I've always loved Theo. And you. And I adore Jamie, Steve. The way he looks at me..."

Steve kissed the top of her head before setting out to find someone to keep an ear out for the boys while Bethany changed into her workout clothes. He found Tony on the communal living floor, lying belly down on the couch. Catching his attention, he waited until Tony sat up.

"Can you just lounge around our floor for a few hours and keep an ear out for the boys? As soon as they wake up, Beth and I will come back, but I want to get a workout in while they're asleep," Steve explained.

"What's the goal?" Tony asked, instead of answering. "Bruce said she's not starting the anti-serum. Getting her back into training…"

"If she wants to get back out there, that's up to her," Steve replied. "And I have a feeling… no, I _know_ that's what she wants to do. And I can't judge her for that. For me to ever expect that… We all knew her staying at home and being solely a mom…"

"It wouldn't last forever," Tony nodded. "She _can_ do both, you know. For someone like her, it doesn't have to be an either or choice. She can give both her all."

"I know," Steve assured quietly as Tony got off the couch. "She needs help though. She'll give all her time to others and have nothing for herself."

"We're all here," Tony reminded him. "I don't mind watching them for a bit. None of us do. We talk behind your back, do a little gossip, and we don't complain about giving you an extra hand." Steve knew that was true, since if Tony _had_ minded, or anyone else had said something, Tony would've made it abundantly clear though a series of sarcastic comments. "An extra hand," Tony stressed. "I'm not raising them for you. You shouldn't even be raising Theo."

Steve nodded, knowing full well that Bethany didn't want someone else raising any kid of theirs since she knew how important a healthy connection between parents and children was. And so did Tony. Steve knew what it was like not to have a father in his life and he didn't want his own children to suffer through that. He didn't want someone else to raise his kids. But he couldn't let the world go to crap either.

"Just an extra hand," Steve assured. "Hey and… Tony?" Steve added when the mechanic started towards the elevator. "Thanks. For today. For yesterday. For tomorrow. Just thanks."

"I don't do it for you," Tony reminded him. "I do it for her. I do it for him."

Steve nodded, not taking any offense towards that. While they were on good terms, whenever things got bad, they had a habit of taking their frustration out on the other. Tony would accuse Steve of living in the past while Steve would accuse Tony of living in the future only. But they were getting there.

When they got back to Steve and Bethany's floor, the blond was ready, pulling her hair up into a pony tail. "Don't give them sugar," Bethany warned.

"Hey, I learned from the best," Tony pointed out, sauntering towards the couch.

"Exactly," Bethany stated strictly. "I was fun Aunt Bethany, not Boring Aunt Bethany. No sugar."

"Yeah, yeah," Tony mumbled, flopping onto the couch, facedown.

Bethany met Steve's gaze and joined him in the elevator, hitting the floor for the gym. "He once told me he wanted me to be his mom," Bethany began when the elevator doors closed. "I told him that if I was his mom, I wouldn't be fun. That it would be bedtime at eight opposed to eleven and fruits instead of chips."

"What made him want you to be his mom?" Steve asked suddenly.

"Nothing in particular," Bethany replied as the elevator opened to the gym. "Every kid wants a carefree parent. Although, the ones that have that want strict parents a lot of the time. Alright, so I'm dying to hit a moving target."

"Marital abuse," Steve stated, receiving a hit from Bethany. "See what I mean? Abuse, nothing but abuse from you."

"Stop," Bethany said, rolling her eyes, but a small smile on her face. "Little ol' me couldn't even leave a mark on you."

Ducking under the ropes for the boxing ring, Bethany cracked all her fingers, a seductive look on her face, one that Steve knew all too well. It wasn't one of desire. It was one of mischief. Steve let out a deep breath of air, unzipping his hoodie, ready to face her in his sport shorts and Under Armour shirt.

"Looking good," Bethany spoke when Steve took his place in the ring.

"Don't distract me," Steve warned, knowing her tactics all too well. "This won't end well for you. I'm not going easy on you."

"I wouldn't expect you to," Bethany replied, a smirk gracing her features. Steve took a moment to scan over her body, and immediately regretted it as Bethany used his moment of weakness to knock him over. Landing on his back with a small groan, Bethany raised an eyebrow. "Get your head in the game, Rogers."

He moved to grab her, but she was out of his reach. Every time he tried to retaliate, he would miss. Every time he tried to get a hold of her, she would slip away. Even though he promised not to go easy on her, he was suddenly confused where her agility and strength and speed had come from. Never before had she completely avoided him like she was now. And when her leg or fist made contact with him, it was enough to elicit a sound of pain.

He hadn't even touched her, but she was painting like she was in pain. Leaning over, hands on her knees as her breathing came out in shallow breaths, a trembling hand went out in the universal sign for needing a moment. He said nothing, recovering from the latest blow, watching as she took in a deep and shaky breath. Bethany stood up straight, stumbling back for a moment, eyes watering slightly.

"Every punch," Bethany began, gasping for air between her words. "I… I hear something. Someone. Things I remember, things I don't. All of it… all of it is filled with pain and-"

"Hey," Steve interrupted, reaching a hand out to rest on her arm. "Doll, it's okay. Just relax, okay?"

Bethany nodded, sniffing and building up her strength. "I hear you… and you're mad at me. And I hear Howard and he's disappointed. I hear my victims and I hear my wrongs. And it fills me with so much power and pain, but…"

"You don't need to tell me," Steve promised. "If you need to stop-"

"No," Bethany said immediately. "No. We keep going."

"Beth-" Steve began, knowing that she needed to get a grasp on herself before they could move forward.

"Hit me," She all but begged. He didn't even flinch. He stood his ground. "Hit me!" She demanded, laying a hard pound against his chest. He still didn't flinch. "Damn it, Steve!"

"I'm not hitting you because you want to feel something, whether emotionally or physically," Steve replied, knowing that she no longer wanted to spar. That wasn't what this was anymore. When they were in the ring, testing their strength, their power, their speed, they let punches meet and kicks push. But never with intention of actually _hurting_ one another. In the long run, this would only keep the other from getting hurt.

Steve could see realization hit Bethany harder than he ever could and it seemed to be enough for her to get what she desired. She slowly stumbled to the ground, her chest still heaving, but looking like she was slowly pulling herself together. Steve watched her from his place for a minute before sitting across from her, reaching out to push some hair that fell from her ponytail.

"I wanna talk about it," She spoke up suddenly, her hand reaching for the one by her face. She took it in hers and held it tight.

"About the memories?" Steve asked.

"No," Bethany shook her head. "About Bucky."

"Oh," Steve let out, slightly taken back. "What-What about Bucky?"

Bethany looked up at him, letting out a tired sigh. "The Bucky I remember loved you. Even when he should've been a complete ass to me, even when you were mad at me… he still treated me good. For me to get upset about Jamie's name because… Bucky wouldn't have killed Howard. He just wouldn't."

"No, he wouldn't," Steve agreed with a soft voice. "They turned him into monster. But he's still in there. Somewhere."

"How do you know that?" Bethany asked, genuinely curious.

"The same way he knew that you were going through something and that you needed help, not avoidance. The same way he knew that I still loved you even after everything. I just know, Bethany."

"But you have no idea where he is?" Bethany questioned.

Steve shook his head. "Somewhere in Europe, I think. Right now, I have to let him do this. He's with someone I trust will have his best interest at heart. You and her… You and Kiley were close."

She didn't say anything for a while before she looked at him in confusion. "Why didn't you go after him though? Why aren't _you_ the one that's helping him?"

Steve almost laughed. For a while, he forgot how different this Bethany was compared to the Other Bethany. "Because of you," he began. "You told me that what was best was not to hover. That it had to be his decision and that I would only pressure him into being who I wanted him to be. That, and the fact that I had a responsibility to Jamie first."

Her brows furrowed slightly. "That's idiotic," Bethany decided. This time, Steve did laugh.

* * *

 ****A/N: Hopefully it doesn't seem like I just cut it off. But that's basically what I did. I had plans to add more, but at this point, I just wanted to get this out here. Life has been hectic. And I only have a month left of summer. How depressing.**

 **fallingforthecaptain: Aww, well I hope your feeling better. I agree. Bethany needs to go to therapy at some point, no matter what. So does Steve, for that matter.**

 **FeliciaFelicis: Hey, better Bethany than Jamie. Especially since she heals and can't even feel pain right now. I currently have a pixie style hair cut, but for about a year and a bit it was just above my shoulders/under my chin so it's always been prime finger wave length. I'm also a huge fan of red lipstick, so I have a very classy style, but I feel like I can pull it off well. It just pairs well with who I am. I could NOT make that dream up, but it was perfect. So, I am happy myself for having it. It scared me for a while, and I still can't listen to that song, but I feel like I had it for a purpose. Very, very excited for _Civil War,_ especially after _Ant-Man_. I'll be weaving that movie in here as well. **


	9. Broken Glass

****A/N: WE ARE IGNORING SPELLING ERRORS/GRAMMAR MISTAKES. I wanted to get this out this week, but didn't have enough time to send it to my lovely betas. Therefore, it'll be riddled with mistakes. I do have plans to go through the entire story at one point and fix everything that hadn't been editted before, but that was my summer project before I got hired full time. Now it's a future mission of mine. Nothing irritates me more than grammar errors.**

Chapter 9- Broken Glass

 _"Because we dance, that doesn't mean we're in love. Like broken glass, this love will never last. Like broken glass, this love will never last."_

 _~Broken Glass, Inner Circle_

* * *

 _"You can't avoid her forever," Bucky reminded Steve. They were currently at the SSR base, looking at the map marked with the HYDRA bases. Bethany was a few ways away talking to the Colonel. The last few weeks had been hell for Steve. What seemed to make matters worse was the fact that Bethany hardly seemed to react to it. She seemed completely fine, going about her day as usual. Well, minus the flirting and kissing she exchanged with Steve. But from an outsider, she looked like a typical girl._

 _Of course, Bucky wasn't an outsider. Neither was Steve, but he was so blind by betrayal and heartbreak that he couldn't see what he did. Not that Bucky blamed him. He wanted to hate the blonde, but he just_ couldn't _. And it wasn't just because he could tell that something was wrong despite her very convincing mask. It was because even if Steve hated her now, he hadn't before, and he wouldn't forever. No matter how hard the Captain tried._

 _"Yes, I can," Steve stated stubbornly. He was glaring at her from his place at the table, fists clenched and face filled with anger. "Once this war is over, I'll never have to see her again."_

 _"I know you," Bucky reminded his friend. "You love her."_

 _"Love_ d _," Steve stressed. "I don't anymore."_

 _"No, you_ think _you don't," Bucky replied._

 _Steve turned his gaze to his friend this time. "I don't want to have this conversation again, okay Buck? I can't… I can't handle it. It's too much."_

 _Bucky sighed softly, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I know, Steve. And you know I wouldn't be defending her unless I thought something was wrong. It was only earlier that day that you were saying that there was something off."_

 _"Yeah," Steve snapped, surprised he even had to say this. "Because she was going to an aborti-"_

 _"I know," Bucky interrupted, looking around to see if he caught anyone's attention. "But even now… Don't you think there's something different about her?"_

 _"She looks proud," Steve all but spat._

 _Bucky nodded, agreeing. She_ did _look awfully proud of herself. "The Bethany I know, the one that you fell in love for and by default, I learned to love… that isn't her."_

 _"She's not my responsibility anymore," Steve replied, but Bucky could tell that it wasn't as confident and final as the soldier was hoping it to sound._

 _"You can't avoid her forever," Bucky repeated, his tone soft. "You need to talk to her. I'm not saying today. But you do. Steve, do you know how close you were to spending your entire life with her? Feelings like that don't change overnight, no matter what people do. Hate is a slow process. You're fighting your feelings for her. You hate yourself for not hating her more than you actually hate her."_

 _"You've said that before," Steve pointed out, looking like he was nearing an emotional breaking point._

 _"I've never known you to back down, Rogers," Bucky began. "It seems like you're giving up really easy. I'm not saying forgive her. At least not today. But you need to ask yourself if being miserable without her is worse than being miserable with her. And if there_ is _something wrong with her, then maybe living happily ever after could still happen. It could, Steve."_

 _Bucky said no more, watching as Bethany finished talking to Phillips and started towards the tunnels to the lab. She looked amazing, her hair in perfect soft waves, bouncing with every step. She was barely wearing any makeup, letting her natural beauty shine, except for a dark red pout. On her jaw dropping curves, she wore a tight blue dress. Bucky knew this wasn't making Steve's life any better. The Captain probably still had lustful feelings for her. He opened himself up to her in a way he never did with another woman, and probably assumed he wouldn't ever again._

 _"It's her loss," Bucky concluded. "I'm not on her side. Don't ever think that. But I do know that the Steve that was head-over-heels in love with her not too long ago would've been grateful for what I'm saying right now. And you know that too."_

* * *

Out of all the places in Germany to remember _anything_ , it was a crummy bar that Kiley had picked out for them. He was eight drinks in, and it seemed to only fuel the memories. He wondered if he'd continue to remember them, or if they'd fade away like a dream did throughout the day.

Kiley was only on her fourth drink, but was having four times more fun than he was. There were too many people around. The entire building smelled. Of what, he wasn't sure, but it just plain _smelled_. And the music was too loud. It was a live band, and while they were singing in English, the words weren't formed correctly from the language barrier. He wanted to go home.

 _Home_ , he repeated, wondering where that was exactly. At the hotel? Their crappy car? Brooklyn? The last one seemed to be the most comfortable of the options. And he caught himself longing for it. But he knew he couldn't go back now. He didn't even know if he ever would again.

But he continued to sit there, watching as men of all shape and size came over to flirt with Kiley. He seemed to be invisible, and he figured that was a good thing. That was at least a skill he picked up from his training that would come in handy in his every day life. She would casually talk to them, smile and laughing, but never returning the flirting. For a moment, he caught himself thinking how out of character that was until he realized he was thinking about Bethany.

Bethany had _always_ been a flirt. Even when she was with Steve, she didn't stop. She never let anything go anywhere, but it was just a natural part of her personality that she couldn't shake. Steve had been bothered by it, but never said anything.

"Oh, I _love_ this song!" Kiley declared, so loud that the band actually heard her statement, the lead singer letting out a hearty laugh.

"Well, come on up pretty girl," He suggested in his thick accent.

Kiley's face broke up into a smile, as if all her dreams were coming true. She looked to Bucky for approval, however, and he rewarded her with a small smile. He watched as she sauntered up to the stage, smiling like a fool and fearing _nothing_. The smile on his face now wasn't forced. Seeing her up there, the purple-pink stage lights shining on her long curly, blonde hair like magic and a smile that could kill.

 _"Well, that's all right mama, that's all right for you,"_ Kiley began, making many of the men she had talked to earlier hoot and holler. Bucky had heard her sing before, but never like this. Her voice was as light as a lark, and he could hear her Southern tang ringing clear through all her words.

 _"I'm leaving town, baby. I'm leaving town for sure. Well, then you won't be bothered with me hangin' 'round your door,"_ She continued to sing as the band's singer joined.

Bucky chuckled under his breath as he watched her sway and dance in her spot. On the stage was _no_ trace of the woman he left New York with. It was a free spirit, having known no pain, no suffering and no oppression. The idea was powerful and Bucky suddenly grew fonder for the woman.

He got it now. It was so much more than what he used to think about the situation, about women. About _Kiley_. Looking at her for the first time, he didn't see her beauty. He didn't hear the beautiful voice. He didn't see _her_. But now, watching her, really looking at her and knowing that she was beautiful, knowing that her voice was full of singing doves and larks and knowing that she was so much more than all of that… He understood it all now. He understood how Steve could and would continually forgive, protect and love his wife. It was more than just _love_. These women… they were everything to the childhood friends. _Kiley_ was everything.

He loved that she knew him, understood every aspect and helped him find the true self hidden deep through years of torture and brainwashing and lies, no matter how hard the challenge. She knew everything and accepted him as a friend, as a confident, as an equal. It was more than just understanding, but the fact that she healed the hurt others had caused him. She had found him broken, used and unable to take any more of the pressures his past was forcing on him and she was able to take the pieces and put him back together again. He needed the right kind of attention, of friendship, of _love_ to get to where he was now, able to not only love who he was becoming, but another person.

Bucky loved her more than he had ever loved anyone else. It wasn't like all the flings he thought he loved, filled with passion and lust, but with a deeper need of just _having_ her. He ached when she wasn't around, and even when she was, his fingers itched to touch her hair. However, he didn't want to ruin the friendship they created, a friendship that brought him back from the dead and filled him with promise of a better day. She had taught him how to carry on, if that's what he wanted. And when he wanted to find out about his past, she didn't let him go off on his own. He couldn't live without her, and couldn't risk ever losing her. If the only way he could be with her was through friendship, he'd have to make it work.

Then there was the fact that he believed she deserved someone with only goodness filling every inch of their soul. Someone who could love her, protect her and promise to be his best every day and actually fulfill that. Bucky couldn't. He couldn't promise control of his nightmares, control of his emotions and in general control of his self and that was terrifying. Knowing that it was possible he could hurt her, just a slip of the moment, having her pinned up against the wall, his arm around her neck like he had done to Bethany all those months ago.

Before, he thought he couldn't love someone else until he loved himself. But he loved her _despite_ not loving himself. And now, with her on that stage with no cares and throwing giant smiles in Bucky's direction, her eyes filled with wonder… It was the best feeling Bucky had experienced in months. In anything but blurred memories. It may have even been the best he felt in his entire life.

All he wanted was to go back in time and change his fate, to somehow bring him to this moment in time, but a better man, a man that was worthy of her.

As the song ended, she hopped off the stage, receiving applause from everyone in the bar. "Thank you," she laughed as she tried to make her way to Bucky. "Did you see that?"

She threw herself towards him, the force jolting the table and Bucky's drink scattering to the floor, broken glass scattering close to Kiley's feet. She didn't seem to notice however as she held him in an excited hug. Bucky didn't hesitate to hold onto her tightly. "You were amazing," he said honestly.

"I've always wanted to have a rock star moment," she admitted, her smile not faltering for a moment. "Although, I guess a country star moment is more appropriate considering where I'm from."

"You were amazing," he repeated, smiling down at her proudly.

"Come and dance with me? Please?" She begged, a brilliant smile on her face.

"Sure," he replied, not having the ability to say no. _Goddamnit,_ he thought to himself as she smiled widely at his approval. _This isn't going to end well_.

* * *

 _"What's the matter with your feel right? Don't you feel right, baby? Hey, oh, yeah. Get it from the main vine, alright,_ " Bethany sang along with the stereo, holding a whisk up to her face and dancing around the kitchen. Jamie was on the island tucked inside his bouncer, laughing at Bethany's antics, while Theo sat beside him smiling lightly as he coloured in a turkey.

Steve was leaning against the wall to the kitchen, his presence not yet known, but unable to keep his smile off his face. It was Thanksgiving and Bethany had volunteered to make some of the dishes for the night and was currently working on her cheese sauce, something he remembered her eating straight from the pot the year before.

It was baffling to think that just a year prior, Bethany had been pregnant. Time seemed to be flying and he wished it would slow down. " _Come and get your love, come and get your now…"_ Bethany sang moving close to Jamie, dropping the whisk and grabbing his little hands and moving them in dancing motions, making the baby laugh even more. Steve raised a hand to his lips to keep his laughter at bay, not wanting to ruin this moment.

 _"Lalalalalalalalalalalala,"_ Bethany sang along, shaking her head in front of Jamie like a fool, even fully catching Theo's attention. Steve let his laughter slip, his wife looking over to him with a bright smile. "The boys and I decided that happy music makes people happy. And we're being happy, right Theo?"

"Right," Theo nodded dutifully, working on his colouring with a passion.

Steve's smile dropped a little as he moved over to take his wife's hands to start dancing with her. Theo's trip to the therapist had been… emotional. But the doctor suggested colouring as a therapeutic experience and to try and lift the moral surrounding Theo. The little kid really had no problem in speaking what was on his mind. And Steve could already tell the Theo was happier, but his dreams kept him up at night. He spent the night before cuddled between Steve and Bethany after a bad dream. Not that Steve minded, he just knew that the kid was too young to have those types of dreams.

"I'm impressed," Bethany said as the song changed and Steve adjusted their melody.

"With?" Steve asked, confusion clear in his brow.

"Your dancing," Bethany explained, snaking one arm around his neck. "Like a real Casanova."

Steve had completely forgot about that. About how the Bethany who patiently taught him to dance was somewhere lost in darkness. It was hard having her right there, in his arms and knowing that she wasn't who he kept thinking she was. "I-I had a great teacher," Steve replied softly.

"You're amazing, actually," Bethany complimented as they sauntered around the kitchen casually. "I've had a lot of men step on my toes. Not that I would notice now."

Steve chuckled. "That would have been a benefit when I was first learning."

"I bet I didn't mind," Bethany added.

"No, you didn't," Steve agreed, thinking about how many times he accidentally trotted on her toes before he mastered the art. "But I'm glad I'm better now."

"I wish you asked me to dance back then," Bethany admitted. Steve was a little taken back, since the Other Bethany hadn't even said that to him. "Not that this isn't… you know… But… I wanted you to ask me. I knew how much it meant to you, but I really wanted you to ask me. I guess I was crushing back then and I didn't know it."

Steve smiled, thinking about that. He liked the idea that she wanted to be in his arms. That she wanted him to tell her how he felt. That she had wanted him like he wanted her, even if she didn't know that then. "You always had more than enough dance partners," Steve reminded her.

"None of them were you," Bethany replied, making Steve's heart soar. "Bucky told me that I should have asked you. But I told him that if you wanted to dance, you'd have to ask me."

"You never told me this," Steve admitted to her, their dance movements less on cue to the music and more to their own melody. "I wanted to take you dancing. Then you had to go and break your foot around people."

"Yeah, and then I ruined everything when we actually had a chance…" She said quietly, looking down.

"I forgive you," Steve whispered.

"You shouldn't," Bethany replied softly.

Steve kissed the top of her head, using one hand to crane her head up so she would look at him. "That's what love is. Some days, I wake up and… I don't _want_ to forgive you. But I almost lost you. More than once. And I know you're different. I know you regret it. And that's all I really wanted, Beth. You didn't… you didn't seem to regret it then. Or even realize that what you did was wrong. I know you wouldn't make that mistake twice. And I love you too damn much."

"I love you too," Bethany whispered with a small smile. "Probably even more now then I did then."

"You know what really helped?" Steve began. "Waking up, sixty-some years later and seeing that you had taken the years hard."

"Gee, thanks," Bethany rolled her eyes.

"All I mean is that… it helped to see that you felt guilty. That you learned. And that you didn't move on. Because you couldn't move on. I could tell you were different, and not just wearing a mask," Steve explained.

"Yeah," Bethany breathed, looking over to where the boys were. Theo was still happily colouring the turkey in and Jamie had taken interest in his hands. "I wish I knew then what I know now."

"You were sick," Steve reminded her.

"I hate using that as an explanation. I still made those decisions. I can't blame being bipolar on every bad decision I've made. I could, but I won't. I won't, Steve."

This _was_ something he knew about her, but he didn't know what to say. He settled with leaning down to kiss her again.

* * *

Clint helped himself to the leftovers in the Rogers' fridge. They had made more than enough food for Thanksgiving, and since he hadn't been there, he decided that this food was his by right. He knew Bethany wouldn't mind, and Steve probably wouldn't say anything either. But he knew that both Tony and Thor were in love with Bethany's gravy and cheese sauce and had their hopes set on having both those and what was left of the turkey. _Finder's keepers, losers' weepers_ , he thought with a smug smile as he put the plate into the microwave.

He had been reluctant to go back to the Tower. What he really wanted to do was stay with his family. But he knew that he had a job to do, and while they hadn't really been fulltime Avengers, that was changing, and _soon_. Thor had been going on for months on how they needed to find Loki's sceptre and while Clint could personally go the rest of his life without being in an one-hundred-foot radius of that thing, he knew that Thor had a point. Better in their hands than in someone else's. Then there was the whole HYDRA thing too. Steve had been pushing for that when he wasn't sleep deprived or worrying about something else. He and Natasha had gathered a lot of intel on quick little missions and Maria was doing her thing as well. The prospect of going back out was exciting.

"Clint," Steve said in a loud whisper, gathering the archer's attention. "Come see this," Steve added with a smile.

Steve's head popped back into his bedroom, where Clint followed, despite the microwave signalling that it was finished. As soon as he made his way into the room, he chuckled. Both Jamie and Bethany were on their stomachs, head facing them, mouths hung open in their slumber.

"Don't they look alike?" Steve asked, reaching down to move a stray piece of Bethany's back with the rest.

"Yeah, they do," Clint agreed. It _had_ to be the lips. Jamie had clearly inherited those from his mother, but with them pursed in the same way as Bethany's, they were identical. He definitely had Bethany's curls as well. "Proud husband and father, eh Rogers?"

"I've waited a long time for this," Steve breathed.

Clint nodded slowly, watching the solider opposed to the sleeping Rogers. Clint had been there when Bethany saw Steve for the first time in sixty some years. He had stood beside her, telling her everything was going to be okay, all well Bethany had told Steve the same thing. They had come a long way in a short time, but Clint knew that it was longer for Steve. Even longer for Bethany. It had been a long time coming.

Ever since Bethany and Steve brought Jamie home, he missed his own family even more. Not to say he didn't every day anyways, but he could see a family working with his crazy life when he was around them. Clint had been very close to telling everyone about his wife and kids before the explosion happened. Then he was reminded that keeping them a secret kept them safe. And if that meant missing them, then that's what it meant. At least with the Rogers, Steve's healing was increased, Bethany's healing was on steroids and little Jamie seemed to have a good variant of the two, but no one really wanted to give that a test run. Theo was the only one who was normal. And it made him think of his own two kids, Lila and Cooper. Theo was struggling enough; he didn't want that for his own kids.

"How's Bethany's tracker coming along?" Clint asked as Steve led him back out into the kitchen, closing the bedroom door behind him.

"It's… coming," Steve filled in. "We don't know how long ago Jen seemingly dropped off the face of the Earth, so we don't really know how much longer it'll be."

"But as soon as you find it-"

"We'll head out," Steve nodded, watching Clint as he took his plate out of the microwave. "Theo's been in therapy for a little over a week now, and while it's helping… I can just tell he needs his faith restored. He doesn't seem to understand why anyone would do what they did. To kids, they know good and bad. But they don't know _why_. Theo is under the impression that Jen is bad because she's not around."

"The kid could be right," Clint reminded Steve, taking a big spoonful of his food.

"He could," Steve nodded. "But he could be wrong. We won't know until we find her. And even then… Beth, Maria and I were talking about what happens then. We can't just let her waltz around free without knowing that she's one; sane and two; not working for HYDRA."

"But at the same time, you don't want to treat her like a prisoner," Clint added. "That won't be good for her _or_ Theo."

Steve nodded in agreement before sighing. "Was it always this hard?"

"Kids change everything," Clint said with his mouth full.

"Beth and I want to go out. Get a night alone together. We haven't had one since we returned to the Tower," Steve explained. "But we know we can't leave Theo and Jamie. Theo has been crawling into bed with us almost every night and Jamie refuses to sleep in his own crib now. If he can't look at Bethany while he's falling asleep, he'll just cry and cry until she comes. I think it's getting on her nerves."

"She seems fine around him."

Steve sighed, and Clint knew it was more than just that. Nothing was ever that simple. Especially when it came to Bethany Stark. "She loves him. She says that everyday. They have a connection, but it isn't the same. And she's not in the right mentality to be a mother twenty-four hours a day. It took eight months to get her there, and now it's only been, what? Almost three weeks? To redo all that building?"

"Tough break," Clint sympathized.

"I'm worried," Steve admitted. "I trust her with him, one hundred percent. I don't trust her with herself, though. I feel like she thinks I expect certain things from her. And maybe I do. I don't know how to go about it all."

"Any progress on her memories?" Clint wondered, spooning some more food into his mouth and savoring the taste of Bethany's cheese sauce.

Steve shook his head. "I think she's avoiding them. She's admitted to getting little pieces here and there, typically when she's throwing punches and kicks. When her blood is pumping. But the only thing she remembers is the bad. She doesn't want to relive it. I want her to go to therapy, I just don't know how to go about asking her."

"When the time comes, you'll know," Clint promised. "But she definitely needs a night out. I'd watch them. Recruit Nat. I'm sure we'd find a way to get the boys to sleep. When does Jackson come back?"

"I talked to him this morning and he was thinking next week some time. Not that I blame him for wanting to be away longer," Steve shared.

"Pick a night," Clint suggested. "She needs it. _You_ need it. It's not going to be long before we set out again. We've known this for a while. You may not be free with a family, but it's a different type of not being free when we're working."

"There's nothing free about being alone," Steve replied honestly. "I hate being alone. I always have."

"Well, it's a good thing your wife can't die," Natasha voiced as she came into the apartment. "I left Theo with Tony. They're messing around with the Iron Boy suit."

Clint watched as Steve cringed at the name and the idea, but he knew that there was only so much he could do. "Any news from Nick?"

"No, why?" Natasha asked Steve, leaning against the island.

"I just assumed we would have heard something from him by now," Steve replied.

Clint chuckled. "Well, you know what they say about assuming."

"I _did_ hear from Maria," Natasha said, ignoring Clint. "She's complied a list of buildings with strange occurrences or purchases. Most of them in remote locations, but if some of these places _are_ HYDRA, they're getting sloppy."

"I don't want to go in all guns a-blazing if it's just a normal work place," Steve said. "People are still skeptical of us after the whole Triskelion thing. The last thing we need is more distrust."

"Clint and I can head out and scout. Do a closer inspection. Maria also has some contacts that can confirm some of the places for us. A lot of former SHIELD agents have agreed to go undercover to get information."

"No," Steve said strongly. "That's a terrible idea. They could get caught, or fed us false information."

"Sometimes the risks outweigh the benefits," Clint reminded Steve. "But it can just be Nat and I. I don't mind. Keep us busy. It's been a while since we've done anything like that. It would be fun."

"Use your ballroom dancing technique?" Steve asked critically.

"Where do you think these buildings are?" Natasha joked. "It'll be sitting on park benches, or delivering some packages." The redhead turned to Clint then with a smile on her face. "Bobbi was undercover for HYDRA. She said it wasn't hard to get in the door. Not as hard as she thought it would be. If the time comes-"

"You shouldn't follow Bobbi Morses' lead," Clint lectured. "We do what Cap wants. We just need to find out if the place is suspicious or not. And with Stark's tech, it'll be pretty easy. If there's any type of gamma radiation or anything like that, we know it's something risky. Especially if they aren't registered by the government. And something is telling me that they aren't."

"They're trying to rebrand," Steve disagreed. "Bethany was saying that some of her old SHIELD contacts would hear of what HYDRA was doing now. Ideally, it's the same. Science. That's what it always was. But HYDRA wants to use it to oppress. Which is why they became Nazi supporters. If we were supporting that, they'd be on our side."

The room grew quiet as they all absorbed that. Clint quickly finished what was left on his place, and Steve barely let the plate sit for two seconds before he picked it up and put it in the dishwasher.

"What do you think they're doing?" Natasha finally asked. "HYDRA. What science are they doing? They can't still being trying to replicate the super soldier serum, are they?"

"Just over a year ago, Bethany was away for weeks at a time tracking down rogue science divisions who were doing similar things. At this point, anything to enhance the body that uses science and medicine? It's like the serum. Schmidt wanted to harness the power of the Gods. He had the Tesseract then, but who knows what they have now."

"Knowledge," Clint replied. "Information. SHIELD had been working on a lot of things over the years. Bethany couldn't even tell you all of them, and she had always been involved one way or another. Super strength, speed, powers… Everyone wants the upper hand."

"Isn't that why we were recruited?" Natasha asked. "We were assets because we were freaks. Some naturally, others through science. But we wouldn't have been good to SHIELD if we were normal. Using a vial of fluids to make the ordinary person special… It would've have changed the power SHIELD held. Or HYDRA."

"But you need to know that you're giving the power to the right person," Steve voiced. "Power can make people greedy. I've seen that."

Natasha opened her mouth to reply, but Jamie's cries filled the room. Steve didn't hesitate to walk over to the bedroom to check up on things, leaving Clint and Natasha alone.

"How are they?" She asked quietly.

Clint sighed, running a hand through his hair. "They got tall," he replied with a small smile before adding one more thing. "Laura's pregnant."

* * *

When Bucky finally made peace that Germany wouldn't magically give him his memories back, they started for Poland. Kiley could tell that there was something… different about Bucky. He seemed to be shying away from her, as if she was made of glass and inn just the slightest breath, she would go crashing down, with no way to repair the damage. She didn't push him, though. The last thing she needed was to push his boundaries.

They're radio wasn't in the best shape. Stations would come through, but with that annoying buzz you got when you put your phone too close to the speakers. It wasn't worth it at all. Therefore, they had stopped by a store and picked up a bunch of cassettes that had been on sale. Kiley didn't even know they still had those. She probably had some in an old box in her closet, but the fact that a store would have them was awesome.

She felt no shame as she popped in the Aqua cassette. Upbeat and slightly childish songs was exactly what they needed to lift up the mood. She sang along, watching Bucky's expressions as they started towards Poland. He had been looking at her a lot, as if she had the answers to a test written on her skin. It irritated her at first, but it had been days.

"Did you at least have fun?" Kiley asked during a musical interlude. "I mean, it wasn't all bad, was it?"

"No," Bucky agreed, but he had very little enthusiasm in his voice. "It just… wasn't what I was expecting."

Sighing, Kiley reached out to turn down the volume. "When we left, we knew that it wouldn't just… come back to you all at once."

"I know," Bucky replied softly. "But I couldn't help but…"

"But you're remembering, of what you _are_ remembering, things that happened before the fall, right?"

"Yeah," Bucky nodded.

Kiley gave her own nod in response. That was a good sign. At least, she hoped that was a good sign. He had remembered something vague about his childhood, failing a test in grade 5 and something involving Steve and Bethany. He had been remembering a _lot_ about Bethany. Kiley tried not to get jealous at that, but for some reason, the blonde retriggered his memories.

But nothing of his time as the Winter Soldier. Those experiences came to him in his sleep. But because they were dreams, nightmares actually, Bucky refused to believe that they just _could_ be his past. His reality. And from the way Bucky would scream, cry and sometimes get a little violent, Kiley couldn't really blame him for that. However, she knew that it was important for Bucky to remember everything. Even the things he didn't want to remember. And then, ultimately, he would have to make a decision about who he wanted to be.

Kiley couldn't help but wonder what Steve would do if Bucky decided to be the Winter Soldier. She could imagine the captain refusing to accept that as fact and fighting until his death to get his friend back. And while Steve was busy with Avenging and having a family, Kiley was taking it upon herself to do this for him. So she guessed she would be fighting to help Bucky until she died.

She caught herself wondering if she'd be okay with that. Spending the rest of her days with Bucky. On his good days, it would be a pleasure. Even his a-okay days would be enjoyable. But his bad days… It wasn't that it was a burden. She just didn't always know what to do when he was suffering, and that hurt her.

"Any idea of what we'll do for Christmas?" Kiley decided to ask. "It's coming up in a few weeks. I bet there's snow in New York by now."

Spending their nights in the car was now becoming a problem because of the temperature. They couldn't keep the car running through the night, so they had been stopping at crappy little inns with a single bed. Kiley was more than willing to find a way to fit them both on the uncomfortable mattress, but Bucky always took the floor, claiming he had slept on worse provisions. Kiley remembered Steve complaining about his mattress once, saying it was _too_ comfortable and the only reason he didn't sleep on the floor or the couch was because Bethany was in the bed. She smiled to herself, thinking about how dorky and adorable that was.

"I-Uhh," Bucky began, obviously unsure. "I haven't celebrated a Christmas in a long time."

Kiley nodded understandingly. It would have been Christmas 1943. "Maybe us celebrating will bring back some old memories," she said encouragingly.

The car was quiet for a while, the only thing they could hear was the sound of cassette moving in the dash and the music floating through the air. Kiley had gotten lost in thought, thinking about the different ways they could celebrate while on the road when Bucky told her she had to go back.

"Back? Back where?" She asked, wondering if she missed the exit. "Is there an alternate exit somewhere?"

"No, back to the United States," Bucky said seriously, his voice filled with authority.

Kiley's brows pulled together in a frown. "Why?"

"Because your family is there," Bucky explained. "You won't be with them during Christmas, all because of me."

She let a small breath of air escape her as she pulled over and parked the car on the side of the road. Turning off the music, she turned to face him. "It's okay, Bucky."

"No, it's not," he disagreed. "I've already pulled apart so many families. I can't do it to someone I… to you."

The blonde opened her mouth to say something before snapping it close and rethinking her sentence. She honestly _did_ want to be with her family for the Christmas holiday. But she would probably have spent the holiday in New York anyways. She would be working up until Christmas Eve, and it just made sense to stay there. She figured she'd crash Bethany and Steve's Christmas, and mooch some food off of them.

"Christmas is a time to be with family," Kiley allowed. "But my family isn't just my mom and dad anymore. Okay? I see Bethany and Steve and everyone else at the Tower as my family. I see _you_ as my family. My parents will have each other. Bethany and Steve will have each other. Jane and Thor, Tony and Pepper… and you'll have me, and I'll have you. Understand?"

He looked skeptical to accept this. He had the same stubborn will that Steve had. Although, she decided that the Starks were probably more stubborn than both Steve and Bucky combined and she had a lot of experience with dealing with them. She would not only get Bucky to crave and accept this as fact, but she would get him to _love_ the idea.

But suddenly, Kiley was _very_ excited for Christmas.

* * *

Steve's stomach was twisting as he finished packing their bag. They would only be gone for a night, and not even far. They had a reservation at the hotel a few blocks away. If they were needed, he could be there in less than five minutes. He didn't know why he was so nervous. But he was.

He looked up to Bethany, who was relaxing on the bed. Seeing the exhaustion written on her face, he almost asked her one more time if she was sure that she was up for their night. He had planned a fancy dinner in the hotel's restaurant, with slow dancing and then up to the bedroom, with hopes of staying up _really_ late. But every time he told her that they could postpone, she would disagree. There wouldn't be a better time to do it than now. They had a feeling that they would find out Jen's last location within the week, and Theo had been doing really good in therapy. The doctor even suggested letting the kid go back to school as an experiment. Bethany was hesitant since she said that a human being shouldn't be an experiment. She and Steve had a good laugh at that after a moment passed, however, knowing that the only reason they had this life was a series of experiments, ones more serious than going to school.

"Stop," Bethany scolded. At first, he thought she was telling him to stop worrying, since he was sure that it was obvious. But instead, she was waging her finger at Jamie who was comfortably getting fed in Bethany's arms. "Hey, no. Stop."

"What's he doing?" Steve asked, crawling to sit next to her.

"He's probably not doing it on purpose," Bethany reasoned to begin with. "But his teeth are kinda… digging into me. I mean, it doesn't hurt. No, it's not pain that I'm feeling."

"You never complained before," Steve teased, kissing her temple. A huge smile, mostly brought on by amused shock, spread across her face.

"Steve!" She exclaimed laughing, catching his sexual innuendo. "Oh my god, where is my sweet Steve Rogers who drew me black and white roses because he couldn't get any during the war?"

"He's still here," Steve promised. "But it's fun to see you react like that."

"Yeah, well I'm getting all worked up and we haven't even left yet," Bethany admitted, her fingers playing with Jamie's curls lightly. "Is it weird that I'm nervous?"

The way she bit into her bottom lip softly, Steve could tell that she was serious and it shocked him a little. She had _never_ been shy when it came to sex. Bethany had been more than willing to let Steve try whatever he wanted to try, and had always been supportive. But Steve couldn't help but marvel in the idea that for the first time, he'd been going into the situation being the confident one.

"We don't have to do this," Steve voiced nonetheless. He wasn't going to force her into anything.

"No, I want to," Bethany promised. "I'm just… I don't know what to expect. That's not true, actually. I expect it to be amazing."

"I'll try to deliver," Steve replied honestly, but with a small smile. "I'm looking forward to this, actually. I don't think you realize how much your body has changed. What you react to isn't the same as it was before."

"I have a good idea of what you mean," She replied with a smirk. "But if I don't like something, I'll just kick you."

"What is with you and wanting to kick me lately?" Steve teased.

"The power," Bethany whispered seriously. "Steve, the power is… addicting."

He nodded, knowing exactly what she was referring to. They had been in the gym everyday, Bethany spending the majority of her time testing her limits. Apparently, she had none. There was speculation that it had to do with Jamie's blood in her system. Bethany's punches were impossibly stronger and her stamina had increased tenfold. Bruce's only explanation was that Jamie's blood was still in her system, quite possibly forever, and it was making her tap into the variant of the super soldier serum Steve had received.

But that just confirmed what they assumed about Jamie. He wasn't going to be normal. It was both a blessing and a curse.

"It's okay to love the power," Steve assured her. "Just don't let it-"

"Consume me," Bethany finished. "I know, I know. You've told me a million times by now."

"Not that many times," Steve disagreed.

"Half a million times, then," Bethany settled for, handing Jamie to Steve as he unlatched himself from her. "Everything packed?"

Steve picked up a baby facecloth and laid it on his shoulder, burping Jamie lightly. "I think so," he nodded.

"Toothbrushes? My makeup bag? Clothes?" Steve nodded faithfully to each one, so she threw him a curveball with one eyebrow raised in amusement. "Condoms?"

Steve opened his mouth to say 'yes' before he frowned. "No, actually."

"That's an important one," Bethany chuckled, fixing her bra and shirt, reaching into the bedside table for the condoms and getting up to add them to the bag.

Steve looked at Jamie, watching as the boy's wide eyes were all but glued to Bethany. The connection they had developed only grew in the past few days. She provided him with everything that Jamie needed, but it still wasn't the same. It was amusing though. "What?" Bethany asked, clearly to Jamie with the tone she was using. "I fed you. I changed you. He burped you. What now?"

She wasn't angry or annoyed, but she sounded a little exasperated. "He thinks you're beautiful," Steve explained. "That has to be it."

Bethany frowned, turning to the full length mirror. "I look like a slob."

In truth, she did a little bit. Her hair hadn't been washing in four days, pulled back into a messy ponytail and she was in sweatpants and one of Steve's shirts. Their plan was to get ready at the hotel, since he knew that Bethany did like getting dressed up on occasion and that it should be uninterrupted.

"No matter," Steve assured. "Still beautiful."

* * *

 ****A/N: Big plans for the next chapter. Oh yes, BIG BIG plans. Also, I saw _Ant-Man_ for the second time. If I had nothing to do for the next month, I'd write out the entire story up until that movie, but I work fulltime. And secured a position for this fall to, it looks like. Yay. **

**Irelandlover: Yay for unpredictability! To be honest, I typically have an idea of what I'm going to write and I change my mind about five or six times. However, I don't typically regret my decisions, so that's good. But basically, even I don't know what'll happen for sure. Also, I'm glad Bethany is real to you! That's the ultimate goal for me.**

 **KnowInsight: Oh yeah she does. I'm waiting for the perfect moment. And trust me, it'll be perfect. I really want some _Civil War_ information before I do that, but I know that I can't drag it out that long. It'll happen soon. Overall, I know that if I don't rush while writing, the quality of the chapters will be better. However, I do like to have weekly goals. I'm a very straightforward girl. I set goals and I like to make them. So missing a week is always a bummer for me. **

**fallingforthecaptain: Your icon makes me smile as I sit here with my Captain America sweater on top of my Captain Hook t-shirt. Although, I'll always be a Jefferson lover. Not even because of Sebastian Stan, but just cause I loved his story the most. I bet I killed your Bucky feelings a little bit in this chapter, didn't I? Haha.**

 **Jo: Oh yeah. Steve definitely needs counciling, but I'm saving that for later.**

 **sarahmichellegellarfan1: There was supposed to be smut! And in this one too! I write too much. And I drag out the chapters. It'll be in the next chapter. Actually, they'll be more than one ;) It's basically gonna be all sex to make up for the wait.**

 **FeliciaFelicis: To be honest, I haven't even made a final decision about Jen. I like the idea I have now, but she _was_ suppose to die. In the very first draft (the one where she actually dated Steve for a little bit... I know, right? So different now), Jen became a lesbian and died in the explosion that Bethany was in, leaving Theo an orphan that the Rogers adopted. I mean, it was less cliche that it sounds. I actually have no issues with that storyline. But the HYDRA boyfriend was too good to pass up. I'm a BIG fan of Lauren Becall's hair. That's how I've always pictured Bethany's during the forties. Also, I've developed the scene I had in mind for Ant-Man (both the flashback and the current ones) and honestly? I cannot wait. I have such a long time, but Hank and Bethany will relate to each other on a lot of levels, but still have that odd hatred for each other (because yes, Bethany will not be happy with his stupid ass decisions). **


	10. Anyone Else's Strings

****A/N: WARNING. THIS CHAPTER IS BASICALLY ALL SMUT. So if you're at work, or in public, or watching TV with your parents while reading fanfiction, you've been warned. You're welcome ;) Oh god, so much smut. I don't know how I did it, but I did it.**

 **This chapter is dedicated to my lovely betas who got this 10,000+ word monster edited and back to me in three days.**

Chapter 10- Anyone Else's **Strings**

 _"I would do anything and that's what scares me so bad. Don't want to live my life alone. Don't want to go back to what I had. Don't want to sped my life without all those special things. Don't want to walk around being tied to anyone else's strings." _

_~Strings, Blink 182_

* * *

Their restaurant reservation was at eight, so Bethany had more than enough time to get ready. She had laid out her game plan to Steve, telling him how long she'd be in the shower, how long it would take her to do her hair and makeup and how long they had in between all of that to fool around. "But you can't set me back," she had warned. It had been said playfully, but he knew that she meant it seriously.

Steve had taken the liberty to make a playlist for the night, selecting all _Postmodern Jukebox_ songs. It had been a better discovery than microwavable popcorn. He could enjoy new songs, _current_ songs, without the melodies and voices he despised. He didn't know he could enjoy a vulgar song like _Wiggle_ as much as he did.

Something odd that Steve had noticed was that Bethany knew the songs. The majority of them all came out, both cover and original, after the entire New York debacle. It was both reassuring and hurtful. One, her memories could be slowly seeping back and he'd get his wife back. But on the other hand, she remembered songs but not their wedding, or the birth of their son.

Bethany had been in the shower for a good ten minutes already, so Steve decided that it was a good time to start shaving. She would be less than pleased if he was trying to shave while she was finishing her makeup. The music got louder and the air got thicker as he entered the bathroom, pulling off his t-shirt so he wouldn't get it wet. Bethany was singing along, and when Steve chanced a look, he could see her shadow against the shower curtain dancing around to the song. He chuckled to himself as she wiggled to the melody, but soon felt a stirring inside of him. He could see her full curves and the small peaks of her breasts. Her body always made him weak. But he could almost—well, as of the last year or so—control himself. But it had been a while, and he knew that tonight was the night.

"Enjoying the view?" Bethany teased as her head popped around the corner. It made his heart skip a beat, unaware that she had noticed his leering. He quickly reminded himself that this was his wife, and he had seen her much more intimately over the years.

"Uhh, yeah," Steve admitted, a shy smile on his face. "Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you."

"Hop in," Bethany encouraged. "I'll help you shave."

"Don't you have a schedule to keep to?" Steve joked, gathering his shaving supplies.

"It benefits me too, since I need help shaving," She explained, taking his supplies and moving to lay them along the edge of the tub as he began to strip the rest of his clothes.

"Help shaving with what?" Steve asked, frowning slightly. It was when she pulled the shower curtain open for him that he realized. " _Ohh."_

"I usually wax," Bethany added, looking down at her mound.

"I don't mind," Steve told her quickly. "Honestly, Beth. You don't have to."

She scoffed, but had a smile on her face otherwise. "Why do you assume its for you? God, Steve, not everything revolves around you."

Steve made a little contented sound, putting his hands on Bethany's shoulders and switching their places so he could get wet. He closed his eyes and savored the heat for a moment, opening his eyes to see Bethany taking him in. "Enjoying the view?" Steve teased her.

"Very much so," Bethany promised with a satisfied smirk on her face. "I want to do something. We don't have enough time for repayments now, so just let me do this because I want to."

"Okay…" Steve said, unsure of what she was talking about until she lowered herself down in front of him and began to run her hands up and down his legs. He could feel her breath tickling him softly, and he immediately began to feel his desire welling up in him. Steve closed his eyes just as Bethany's soft hands took a hold of him.

* * *

 _The very last thing Steve thought he'd find when he returned to his room that night was a very naked Bethany draped across his bed, with only a thin sheet covering her. For a moment, he didn't know what to do. He even forgot how to breathe. Their experience the night before had been majorly in the dark, but tonight there was a dim light from the candles on his desk casting shadows across the room._

 _"Close the door," Bethany's voice tempted him. It was filled with want but he could tell she was enjoying this. His lack of knowledge. Swallowing thickly, Steve did as she asked, making sure it was tightly shut and locked before turning back to look at her. "Is this not okay?"_

 _"Uhh…" Was all that came out. In a way, he wanted to say no. He wanted to insist that the night before was a one-night experience, at least until marriage. He wanted to show her that they didn't need to be sexually active to be together. That this wasn't all he wanted from her. In fact, he had worked hard those past months on being her friend trying to show her that she was worth so much more._

 _But he wanted her. And more than that, he could tell she wanted him. Knowing this, that she wanted him in the most intimate way, just made him want her even more. He had practiced control continually through his life. But seeing her, with desire and lust clouding her green eyes, because she wanted him…_

 _She sat up, holding the sheet to her chest, but he could tell that it was for his sake, not hers. "Steve, if you don't want this-"_

 _"I do," he said suddenly, even surprising himself. "I do," he repeated softer, moving to sit on the edge of the bed._

 _"But?" Bethany asked, a small smile gracing her face. "I know there's a but coming."_

 _Steve bowed his head for a moment, his hair slipping from his coif before looking up at her. "This isn't how I thought it would be."_

 _Her face softened, a hand carefully touching his bicep. "I know that. I know you're not like the other men I've… Steve, I know you're different. If you don't want to, we don't have to. And I won't tempt or push you past how I typically behave."_

 _Steve chuckled at that, knowing that even when trying to be well-mannered, it was hard to conceal her personality. "It's war, Steve. Anything could happen. We could die, or never see each other again. Each night could be the last. And while I would be content with last night being it… I want to live it again. I've never felt so protected and loved before. Not even my own father made me feel as safe as I felt while being in your arms."_

 _He smiled at that. It warmed his heart that everything he felt for her, his undying need to protect her and his ever faithful love was evident. "I'm glad," he admitted. "Look, last night… was the best night of my life. You were worth the wait. Not that there were other opportunities-"_

 _"Oh, hush up," Bethany interrupted, moving closer to him. "If you remember, those USO girls spent a few days on the base. I heard them talk. And it wasn't just because of your body. Although, it doesn't hurt. It made me feel new heights of pleasure."_

 _The blanket had slipped down her chest a little. It still covered her nipples, but he could see the pale pink that surrounded them. "Okay," Steve found himself saying. In his mind, Bethany was it. There wouldn't be another after her. She was his first and only. They had already done it once. They could do it again. He didn't understand how something so beautiful and fulfilling would ever be a bad thing. Especially between them._

 _"Okay what?" Bethany asked, confused._

 _He moved a hand up to her lips, touching the bottom one with his thumb. He could feel a sharp blow of air slip from her body, the dark desire in her eyes returning. "Okay," he said again, but this time he knew that she understood. She gave him a bright smile, watching as it turned into a sexy smirk._

 _"Well, what are you waiting for?" Bethany all but purred._

 _"Instructions…" Steve replied truthfully. A giggle came from Bethany, but as always, he knew she wasn't laughing at him in the way people had his entire life. It came from admiration. It was one of the things he loved about her the most._

 _"No," she announced, lying down on the bed._

 _"No?" Steve asked, confused._

 _"Do what you will," Bethany explained, gesturing a hand to her body. "I'll let you know what I like and don't like, but I want you to explore me. And then, in turn, I'll explore you. We know each other pretty well, but not like this. This is still brand new territory. Plus, I don't want to give you instructions. I want you to do what feels right."_

 _While he was a little nervous, he was also excited. She had given him some instructions and encouragement the night before, but he could tell that she wanted to see what he would do. "And if you don't like something-"_

 _"I'll tell you," Bethany assured. "But don't shy away from it. Anything that comes to mind, anything that feels right. Do it. Don't worry about what I might say or do in return. Just do it."_

 _Again, that made him nervous, but also excited. She was giving him an opportunity to do whatever he wanted, and to do it without fear. He couldn't promise he would follow through on everything, but he could promise to try. "But first," she began. "Take off your clothes. Let's even the playing field."_

 _Steve stilled for a moment before hesitantly doing what she asked of him. He felt embarrassed, despite her having seen him more than once. He started thinking about what he wanted to do first. What he wanted to touch, kiss, suck, massage. As each piece of clothing was shed, a sheepish idea floated to his head, not entirely sure if it was proper bedroom manner, but wanting to do it anyways. And with each idea, the harder he got._

 _When he turned to her, she was eyeing him with hunger. Her lips were wet and parted and he didn't miss how one thumb was grazing over her nipple lightly. "Whatever I want?" He asked quietly, still unsure._

 _"Even if you think it's wrong," Bethany nodded. "Steve, I trust you. I trust that if I want you to stop, you will. And this will be fun, if you stop trying to overthink it."_

 _She was right. He knew she was right. So with her reassurance he slowly peeled the blanket off her body and sat beside her. He took in her full appearance, starting with her hair, to her eyes, down her freckled nose. Then came her perfect bow shaped lips, down her neck to her chest and looking across the sides to see the round mounds and the excitement that had settled there. Continuing his discovery, he took in her flat stomach, and her deep bellybutton, downwards towards her full hips to a carefully trimmed core. His gaze lingered there for a moment before finishing his journey at the tips of her feet._

 _"Is it always…" He began, not sure how to finish it. But he gestured to the short hair between her legs._

 _"I had a partner who didn't like the hair," she started slowly, watching him carefully. "It was a fleeting romance, but I learned to keep it looking trimmed and clean. If I get really bored, I'll rid it all together."_

 _He winced, not wanting to know how much that would hurt, or how difficult it was. The curls were very thin, and a very light shade of brown. They were almost non-existent however. It would take very little and she'd be bare. He had planned on starting there, but decided to start at her breasts._

 _Steve moved a shaky hand to cup the outside of her breast. He looked up at her, but she just waited, curious to what he would do. "What's going through your mind?"_

 _"Does it hurt? To squeeze?" Steve asked after a moment of weighing the breast._

 _"Why don't you find out?" Bethany returned and Steve took that as a sign to go ahead. He squeezed the entire breast. He got no reaction from Bethany, so he tried again but with more force. He got no response from her until the mound slipped from his hand and his fingers tweaked her nipple. She had bit her lip, trying to keep her smile hidden, but he saw it._

 _So this time, he squeezed her nipple. First, lightly. Then a little harder. He kept going until a small whimper came from her. He felt a sense of accomplishment. But he wanted more. So this time, he squeezed and twisted it, holding it like that until her hips moved upwards and she let out a jagged breath. He released it, moving to do the same to the other. Same response._

 _Dipping his head, following his instincts and his wants, he placed a kiss on the erect nipple. Bethany let out a happy hum, one of her hands moved to intertwine itself in his hair. Taking this as encouragement, he deepened the kiss, sucking on it lightly. He could feel her shifting on the bed, and the longer and harder he sucked, even lightly nipping it, the louder her whimpers became, until they finally grew into a moan._

 _He moved his body to lay atop of hers, making sure not to place too much weight on her petite frame. Bethany encouraged this position as she placed her leg around his waist, holding him close to her. He let out a deep groan, feeling how slick and ready she was and he had barely even started. He wondered who would hold out longer, him or her. She had more experience, but something was telling him that by her whimpers and her wet core, he had the upper hand._

 _Steve took another chance and lightly pressed his teeth against her nipple. Her reaction was immediate. The cry she let out almost made him pull away all together, but her actions encouraged him as she pressed her hips against his. What Steve_ really _wanted to do was slip into her and get lost in pleasure. He was hard and dripping, every little movement and wiggle of her body made him ache a little more._

 _He dragged his lips up her neck and chin to capture her own lips. She hungrily responded to his kisses, her hands moving out of his hair and across the expanse of his back. Her touches were feather light, a huge contrast compared to the harshness of her kisses. But Steve was setting the pace on which their lips moved, and Bethany was just responding in turn._

 _He felt one of his hands move down her side, across her bottom and hold her leg firmly against him. It felt so_ natural _. He barely had to think about it. Bethany had let out a strangled moan of approval as her core was pressed firmly against him. He could feel her arousal spreading across his tip and stomach and he dug his fingers into her flesh at the sudden rush of pleasure._

 _Bethany broke the kiss by turning her head, gasping for air as she did so. Steve studied her for a moment, looking at the crazed look shining in her green eyes. Bethany's lips were swollen and red, her smile lazy, but filled with contentment. But despite her lustful appearance and heaving chest, not to mention the small whimpers she let out as Steve pulled her leg up higher, she seemed at ease._

 _"What next?" Bethany breathed, sliding her hips slightly, coating more of his skin with her arousal. This time, Steve let out the moan, his head falling in the crook of her neck for a moment. Bethany let out a small chuckle, followed by a hum of happiness._

 _"I wanted to explore more of you," Steve explained after he lifted his head. "But I don't know if I can hold on."_

 _"It'll be better if you do," Bethany said in a sing-songy voice._

 _He nodded, knowing that she was probably right, and gathered all the strength he had. He unwound her leg from his hip, pulling them apart and sitting up. She sat up slightly, her weight on her elbows as she took in his erection with a small shudder. If possible, her look of desire increased tenfold._

 _He hesitated for a moment before pulling her legs up onto his shoulders. Bethany squealed as he did it in one quick movement, falling onto her back and raising her hands above her head. Her knees folded at his shoulders and Steve looked at her core carefully._

 _He touched the outer lip, moving it aside carefully, as if it was the most precious thing in the world. Steve carefully ran a finger down the inner fold, watching as her deep arousal seemed to flow out of her with little difficulty. It made his heart both clench and soar to see her dripping like this, all from his work. He didn't know why he had been so nervous earlier. This was the ultimate encouragement._

 _"Mmmmm," Bethany let out, closing her eyes and biting her lip softly. He could tell that while she was enjoying the soft touches, she hadn't reached a painful level of desperation. He wanted to drive her so wild with emotion that she was all but begging for release. And he would give it to her, willingly._

 _Using both hands, he pulled her folds back, taking in how swollen and glistening they were. Thick parts of her want gathered in specific areas, but the entire area was coated with desire. Steve licked his lips, having an odd urge to run his tongue up and down the slit. He had heard his team talk about this, and he had always tried to tune it out. It seemed… gross to him. But now… now he was thinking that it wasn't gross at all. In fact, he was_ hungry _for her._

 _Taking in a deep breath, he decided that this was something he'd have to try another day, after paying a_ little _more attention to what the men were saying. Discreetly, of course. Instead, he brushed his thumb from the bottom of the slit and all the way to the top. "Yes," Bethany whispered when he lightly touched the top of the bud. Steve smiled, circling it softly. Bethany let out another hum of approval and he shifted her slightly. Using one hand to hold her folds open entirely, he exposed the bud completely to him. He watched as it seemed to pulse lightly. He was drawn to its colour, its shape and when he touched it, the reaction he got from it._

 _Her hips jolted, legs quivered and she let out a strangled whimper. Her breathing tensed while her fists clenched and Steve knew he had found a weakness. Again, he had heard of this spot, one of the many a woman seemed to have, but he never assumed that one touch could drive Bethany so crazy._

 _"More," Bethany whispered, her voice dripping with desperation._

 _Steve dipped his thumb lower to collect some of her wetness before rubbing it against the bud again, up and down, up and down. He kept a slow pace until Bethany begged for him to go faster. So he did. Faster. And faster. His eyes were everywhere, taking in all about her. The way her lips were parted, the rise and fall of her breasts, the arch of her back and the way her core was pulsing with a passion._

 _"Ahhhh,"Bethany moaned. "Steve, I…I'm… Oh, shit."_

 _Her swearing didn't even bother him in that moment watching as her entire body began to react as she reached her peak. She seemed to become a million times more beautiful in that moment than she had been before, and he always thought that she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Possibly, in all of time._

 _Her curls were spread across the pillow like a halo, her smile angelic as well. Steve slowed his movements as her hips began to shake erratically, her bud becoming too sensitive. "You're so beautiful," Steve mused as she slowly fell from her high, her eyes lazy. His hands were covered in her juices, which were also running down her thighs. He would have to carefully clean her up, not to mention clean his sheets. But not yet. He wasn't done with her yet._

 _Bethany seemed to read his mind as one of her hands reached under the pillow and pulled out a condom. Steve reached out for it, but captured her entire hand, leaning down to kiss the top of her hand before taking the condom from her._

 _He watched her carefully as he took the rubber out of the package and rolled it onto himself. Steve had been so entranced in Bethany's every sound and move that he hadn't realized just how erect he was. Just rolling the rubber on drew little hisses from him. Bethany just continued to smile, her eyes still in a post-orgasm haze._

 _Steve gave her a small smile, lowering her legs down to around his waist and leading his hips moving forward slightly. Bethany let out a grateful cry when he pressed his tip against her. He could feel her heat and it was intoxicating. Bethany reached out, silently asking for his hands. He indulged her, intertwining their fingers as he rolled his hips forward, letting himself be swallowed by her heat. Bethany threw her head back as a cry of pleasure escaped her lips._

 _Steve let out a groan, letting the pleasure take over all of him. Bethany pulled herself up, wrapping her legs around him and connecting their lips as she set their pace, Steve unable to move by the sheer gratification he felt from just being inside her. Soon, his hips started to meet hers, his hands untwining from hers as they moved down to cup her behind, trying to push himself deeper. He was rewarded by a lust filled gasp as Bethany broke the kiss, her head falling to the crook of his neck._

 _Even as the desire to go fast, to pound himself into oblivion came over him, he kept a steady pace. He didn't want to chance hurting her, not when everything was so perfect. Her hips had created an interesting rhythm, moving back and forth as well as in small circles. Her arousal was coating his hips, the only sounds in the room being their harsh breathing, occasional sounds of delight and the sweet slick sounds of their hips meeting. Bethany's breath was hot against his neck, her lips briefly touching his skin during some of the deeper thrusts. Both their hearts were hammering, their skin covered in sweat and their hair damp. But Steve didn't feel exhausted, or exerted. He felt alive and full of energy._

 _"Yes," Bethany whispered, her fingers digging into his biceps. "Oh, God Steve."_

 _He tilted his head to kiss her temple before pushing them back so he hovered over her. He could push further into her now, and their trusts seemed more natural. One of his hands trailed to her hip while the other cupped her face as he kissed her again. Pushing in and tilting his hips a little, he let out a strangled moan from the back of his throat as her walls began to clench, first at a random pace, but then they grew stronger with a harmonizing rhythm. Her undoing was when Steve's lips left hers and moved to a soft spot on her neck, sucking on the skin._

 _This time, her mouth opened to express the bliss that overtook her, but nothing came out, so overwhelmed with what was happening. Steve tried to hold on a little longer, but his own release hit him quicker than he thought possible and lasting longer than it ever had. He had no control over his movements anymore. Bethany's own hips were moving irregularly as she enjoyed the aftershocks of her orgasm and Steve's were clumsy as they met hers. His fingers were digging into her thigh, a little harder than he intended to, but having very little control over how he controlled himself._

 _His strength gave out for a moment, as he fell on top of her. She didn't object as she wrapped her arms around him tightly, cradling his head against her neck. Steve let a lazy smile pull at his lips, feeling safe in her arms._

 _"Amazing," Steve was able to voice after he regained his strength. He held his head up, looking at her content smile._

 _"Yes, you were," Bethany teased lightly, giving him a small push so that he laid on his back, with one of her legs draped over his stomach, her head resting on his shoulder._

 _Steve couldn't help but smile. He felt an immense amount of happiness throughout his entire system. It was coursing through his veins, and he could see how addicting this feeling could be. He never wanted to be torn from this moment. Steve remembered that outside his bedroom, men and women alike were trying to win a war. He pulled Bethany closer to him, taking in the smell of her hair._

 _"Did you just smell me?" Bethany teased lightly, laying a small kiss on his chest._

 _He didn't answer her, just taking in how utterly perfect she was. Her smooth skin, rosy nipples, toned legs… And he couldn't help but repeat to himself that she was his._ She's mine _, he thought to himself._

 _He hadn't realized that he had said it aloud, however. Not until Bethany chuckled. "Yours, huh?" He felt embarrassed suddenly. Bethany was strong. For the most part, she was fairly independent. She had always told men that she wasn't anyone's girl. Oh, but did he ever want her to be his and only his._

 _"Yeah, okay," she allowed. "I'll be yours."_

 _That shocked him to the core, moving his head to look at her face. "Really?"_

 _"Well, here's the thing Steve," Bethany began. "You're inexperienced. But letting anyone else have me… I'm pretty sure it can't get any better. Which is crazy, because there's only room for improvement with you. And I can't wait. There's absolutely no one else I'd rather be with like this. If I had to tie myself to someone..."_

 _Steve gave her a watery smile, leaning down to kiss her. "I love you so much."_

 _"I know," she whispered lightly. "And that's why being with you is so great. You loved me before getting into bed with me. Not_ to _get into bed."_

 _She looked a little sad then, and Steve knew she hadn't been given the best of luck when it came to love and men before. "Hey, I won't do that to you."_

 _"I know. Steve, believe me, I know," Bethany smiled, moving to straddle him. She moved her wild curls to one side, biting her lip carefully before bending down to kiss him._

* * *

Steve let out a strangled groan as he reached his end, watching as Bethany greedily took everything he gave with a sly smile on her face. One of his hands was on the shower wall while the other was tangled in her damp curls. She let him slip from her lips before standing up slowly, wrapping her arms around his waist.

Steve reached out and wiped some cum off her lips before shaking his head with a smile. "What?" Bethany asked, her sexy smile making him ache for her again.

"I can't believe I used to think you were an angel," Steve explained, to which Bethany feigned insult. "Nothing close to an angel after that."

"You liked it," Bethany reminded him, tapping his chest lightly.

Steve hummed, bending his head to kiss her. Her arms wrapped around his neck in response and Steve let his hand run down her back and down around her ass. He dipped a finger farther and felt how wet she had become. She let out a small moan in response but pulled apart.

"No," she warned. "We'll be late for our reservation."

"Oh, come on," Steve tested, pulling her closer to him. "We can be quick about it."

He was already starting to get hard again, and Bethany gave him an amused but disappointed shake of her head. "I want you inside of me," Bethany promised, making him twitch in response. "But… I would rather wait for when we _don't_ have to be quick about it."

"We can call down and let them know that we'll be late," Steve tested her, leaning down to kiss her sweet spot. Her breath quivered. He knew he had her as he sucked on it hungrily. This spot had always been a weakness of hers, pulling her into the heights of pleasure.

"Damn it," Bethany breathed. "No."

Steve broke away, leaning his forehead against her shoulder. By her tone, she wasn't angry. She was amused. "But-"

"Steve, I'd rather be aroused and waiting, building up the anticipation and enjoy release when it finally comes than having to take another shower after we have sex. Because if I said yes, we wouldn't be having it in the shower. It would be on the bed. Speaking of, did you change the sheets?"

Steve sighed, realizing that this was a lost battle. "Yes, I changed the sheets," he replied dutifully. Bethany was uncomfortable with the idea of leaving the sheets covered in sweat for the maids, and he had even enlisted Natasha's help of slipping into their hotel room during their wedding to prepare the bed for them so that he wouldn't have to when the time came.

"Good. Now, be a good boy and stay still while I shave you," Bethany instructed.

* * *

Steve had been banished to the bedroom while Bethany finished getting ready. She stated it was so that she would be able to surprise him, but he figured it was because she couldn't risk him distracting her. When she was shaving him, he was running his hands all across her body and kissed every place he could while she blow dried her hair. He was trying to get her to cave, but Bethany was adamant on waiting. In truth, he liked the the fact that she wanted to wait. He just liked teasing her. She had always done that to him and it was a nice change.

He chuckled to himself as he fixed his tie. Natasha had just sent him a photo of Jamie sleeping soundly in Thor's arms, drooling over the demi-god's forearm. Seeing his face looking so much like Bethany's, but still seeing himself in their son… it was surreal. However, there was _one_ very specific difference. Bethany never drooled when she slept, no matter how wide open her mouth was. _No,_ Steve thought for a second. She drooled that night she drank too much. He would've been amused if he hadn't been so annoyed with her actions that night.

"Beth, we'll be late," Steve called out as he fixed the watch Bethany got him and pulled on his jacket.

"Okay, I'm coming," Bethany replied, opening the bathroom door. "Oh, ow," she whispered as she tripped over her foot on her way out. "Weird how people say 'ow' when something doesn't necessarily hurt, huh?"

Steve's mouth dropped a little as he took her in. She hadn't looked that good in… well, a _really_ long time. She had a smoky eye going on, her lips with a pale shimmer and cheeks rosy. Her hair was all pulled to one side, a white flower securing the hair back as it tumbled in sexy waves on the other side. He recognized the way her hair fell. It wasn't just curls, it was 1940s finger waves, the type that always made him smile.

"You like?" Bethany asked, her voice a little unsure as he looked down her body. It was framed by a silk navy blue dress, a heavy slit showing one leg and the neck plunging _very_ low. A thin strip of material around her neck held the dress up. The dress was dangerous, and Bethany had a body to kill, making Steve forget himself for a moment. On the bottom of a thin chain along her neck hung a small diamond, one that matched her earrings, her bracelet and wedding rings.

"Shit," Steve swore under his breath, unable to help himself. He was rewarded with a bright smile from Bethany, along with a small chuckle.

"I take it you approve," Bethany teased, sauntering over to him and reaching out to play with his tie.

"Yes," Steve said, swallowing hard, placing his hands on her waist. "How? How are you so…"

"That's what I think when I look at you, handsome," Bethany replied honestly. Steve took one of her hands and kissed the top of it before looking at her rings. When he showed them to her, unsure one night when they were lying in bed relaxing, he wasn't sure how she would react. She loved them, however. She had accepted that they were married, and that seemed to be very little of her concern. The ring was just the cherry on top of the sundae in her book.

"You're perfect," Steve whispered to her, truth laced in his words. "And you're mine. I still can't believe that."

Bethany laughed, flashing him a brilliant smile. "Let's go, Captain. I'm starving."

* * *

 _Bethany took a sip of her drink before sending Steve a sultry wink. She was teasing him. She had been all night. He could tell that she wasn't doing it to toy with his emotions, but doing it because she was trying to get him to stop blushing shyly every time a woman looked over at him. She claimed she was doing this for his benefit. Maybe she was. But he didn't have eyes for anyone else._  
 _"I have it on good authority that Phillips is already fast asleep," Howard announced as he slipped into the chair next to his sister. "Which means curfew? Out the window."_

 _"The city has a curfew," Bethany pointed out, pushing her heavy finger wave away from her eye. "Plus, you can't drink as you did last time. I don't think Steve is willing to carry you back like a tearful bride again."_

 _"No thank you," Steve confirmed, finishing the last of his beer. "You're not exactly… pleasant when you're drunk, Howard."_

 _Bethany let out a loud chuckle, clearly agreeing with him. "You flirt with_ everything _," Bethany explained._

 _"So I've been told," Howard replied, rolling his eyes. "Hey, Bucky is no better."_

 _"I only flirt with things with boobs," Bucky defended himself._

 _"No, you don't," Steve and Bethany said at the same time, sharing a small smile with each other._

 _"This is great," Bethany said after a moment of silence. "Sucks that this all because of a war, but… this is great. Too bad Peggy couldn't make it."_

 _"She could," Howard announced, taking a sip of his drink. "She said she'd rather get farther in her work than be up all night partying."_

 _"She takes offense when men ask her to dance and treat her like a piece of meat, but then gets all defensive when they treat her like glass," Bethany explained. "She has really high standards."_

 _"Whereas you don't?" Howard asked._

 _Bethany scoffed, giving him a gentle push. "I do. But if someone asks me to dance, who am I to say no?"_

 _Steve received a look from Bucky at that. His friend had been spending every waking moment trying to get Steve to ask her to dance. Bucky in turn told Steve that he had brought the subject up to the beautiful blonde. "She said she's not going to ask you. She knows what it means to you and if you want to dance with her then you have to ask. Which sounds fair enough to me, Steve."_

 _Steve agreed. It did sound fair. And he wanted to be the one to ask her anyways. But it made him uneasy since she said 'yes' to dancing with_ everyone _. If they asked, she went. He was positive that if the Red Skull himself asked her to dance, she'd say 'yes'._

 _"I'll stop when I find the right guy," Bethany reasoned. "But how am I supposed to find the right guy if I just stay in my room and go to bed early? Or just sit at a table and be a good girl?"_

 _"She has a point," Bucky agreed._

 _"That's how most girls find a guy," Howard pointed out, to which Bethany rolled her eyes._

 _"And am I like most girls?"_

 _"No," Steve replied quickly, earning him a sweet smile from the girl. "More drinks anyone?"_

 _"You picking up the tab, Rogers?" Howard asked curiously._

 _"I thought you were," Steve asked with a moment of panic when he realized how much he had already drank._

 _"I will," Bethany volunteered. "I should start paying my share, knowing how much I've mooched off you three lately."_

 _"Ha," Bucky let out a loud laugh. "That's an understatement."_

 _"Hush up, Barnes," Bethany replied with an amused shake of her hand as she got out of her chair. "I'll help you, Steve."_

 _He nodded, holding out his hand when she got close. The ground was littered with broken glasses and alcohol. The last thing he wanted was for her to fall, cut something and heal in front of everyone. "Thank you, kind sir," Bethany replied with a sweet giggle._

 _"My pleasure, fair lady," he said in turn, leading her to the bar._

 _"What'll it be this time?" The bartender asked._

 _"Um," Bethany began, counting the drinks on her hand. "Another round for Steve and Bucky, Hurricane for Howard, Bronx for me, heavy on the gin and… six shots of whiskey?"_

 _"Coming right up ma'am," the man said as he went to gather the drinks._

 _"Six shots of whiskey?" Steve asked, one eyebrow raised slightly in amusement._

 _"Two for me, two for you and two for the lightweights," Bethany explained, making Steve laugh. He felt an overwhelming amount of love surge up in him and he almost said it out loud. He was happy that someone came up and interrupted him or else he would be regretting everything he had ever done to lead him to that moment._

 _"Sorry to interrupt," a soldier began, smiling flirtatiously at Bethany. "Would you give me this dance? If your boyfriend doesn't mind."_

 _Steve wanted to say that he did mind, but quickly remembered he had no right to say no. "Oh, no. We're… we're…" Bethany trailed off, looking to Steve. "We're not a couple. But Steve? Do you mind?"_

 _He opened his mouth, but hesitated for a moment. "N-no. No, go ahead."_

 _"Okay," Bethany nodded, placing a hand on his arm for a moment. "I won't be long."_

 _Steve watched as the soldier led Bethany to the dance floor, putting his hand on her waist and taking the other in his hand as they started to sway to the music. He sighed, watching with some jealously._

 _It_ did _make him happy to see her ask for his permission, as if it mattered. "Sir?" The bartender said after a few minutes had passed. "Your drinks?"  
"Right, thanks," Steve nodded. "Just-"_

 _"Put it on the tab, I know," the bartender replied. "I know you four are good for it."_

 _Steve nodded once, taking the tray that the drinks were on and carefully bringing it over to the table. "For the love of God, Rogers, stop torturing yourself," Howard said as he grabbed his drink._

 _"Huh?" Steve asked, looking down at the man. He hadn't realized that he had been staring at Bethany and her dance partner._

 _"Isn't it painful?" Bucky agreed as Steve sat down. "Steve, she isn't going to give you a chance until you_ take one _yourself."_

 _"I know, I know," Steve whispered. "I just…"_

 _"You don't want her to crush you," Howard finished. "Look, when our parents died, I let Bethany be who she wanted to be. As long as she wasn't out all night or didn't let her grades slip or wasn't putting herself in harm's way, she could do what she wanted to do."_

 _"And she became the world's biggest flirt?" Bucky asked._

 _"She became too smart for her own good," Howard replied. "She quickly realized that she could affect men the way they affected her. She quickly realized that her sweet smile could get her what she wanted. She's beautiful. Even as her brother, I know this. I see the way men look at her. I wish I stopped her before her reputation became what it is, but she's doing well all things considered."_

 _"Her reputation is unfair," Steve defended her._

 _"Steve, she earned that reputation fair and square," Howard pointed out. "You've only seen a very… demure version of a flirtatious Bethany. She's changed. Or at least is changing. But…"_

 _"She has it in her to crush me?" Steve asked, wincing a little._

 _Howard sighed. "I don't think she'd do it intentionally," he offered._

 _"Well, this way, I don't get hurt," Steve stated before taking a hearty drink of his beer, turning his gaze to Bethany._

 _"Ah, shit, not again," Bucky voiced as the soldier leaned down to kiss Bethany, to which Bethany tried to push away._

 _"Who's turn is it?" Howard asked, knowing that more than once, men had gone farther than Bethany wanted and sometimes she needed a helping hand._

 _"All of us," Steve stated quickly, watching the scene unfold. Bethany had successfully pulled her head away, telling him to stop, only having the soldier hold her closer and roam her body forcefully._

 _"Stop," he heard her say strictly, trying to free herself. All three men got up, pushing their way towards her._

 _"She said to stop," Steve said loudly, taking his place behind Bethany._

 _"I can handle this Steve," Bethany assured him._

 _"Hey, buddy, leave us alone," the soldier said with an air of arrogance._

 _"You shouldn't have to," Steve reminded Bethany._

 _Howard took a step in, his cocky smile coming into play. "Listen, my sister gets-"_

 _"Watch how you end that sentence, Howard," Bethany snapped._

 _"Just let the girl go," Bucky added._

 _The soldier looked at the three men and then back to Bethany before letting her go. "She isn't worth it anyways."_

 _That's when Steve's fist went flying. "Steve!" Bethany called out, taking a grip of his arm. "Hey, it's fine. It's fine, let's just go."_

 _"No, it's not," Steve replied, watching as the man got up off the ground, touching his bleeding and broken nose._

 _"Please," Bethany breathed, and he looked over to her. He sighed and nodded when he saw the look in her eyes. "Yeah? Okay, let's go."_

 _Steve followed Bethany as she led him outside to get some fresh air, Bucky and Howard heading back to the table to finish their drinks. "Beth, I'm sorry."_

 _"Sorry?" She asked with a chuckle, running her hands up and down her bare arms as the brisk air met her skin. "Steve, don't apologize. I should've been more careful. I was giving him the wrong idea."_

 _Steve began to unbuckle his jacket before undoing the buttons. "Turn around," he instructed. She gave him a soft smile, following his instructions and slipping her arms into the jacket. "Better?"_

 _"You're a doll, you know that?" Bethany asked when she turned around, picking a hair that had flown across her face away and back into place. "I promise I'll be better. I don't realize what I'm doing until… well, until you punch a guy in the face."_

 _"They shouldn't assume, Beth," Steve stated strongly. "You may be in the wrong, but so are they."_

 _She nodded, leaning in to hug him. "I'm lucky to have someone like you. My self value seems to rise a little bit more every time I see you."_

 _He raised a shaky hand up to her head and cradled it for a moment. Being so close to her was addicting and he couldn't help but imagine holding her like this with music playing and their bodies swaying._

* * *

Their bodies were pressed close together, probably closer than what was generally accepted at a fancy place like this, but Steve didn't care. He wanted her close, impossibly close. They were dancing along to a song that Steve didn't know, but Bethany did evidently. It was a live band, continuously playing romantic songs with a beautiful rhythm. The lights were dimmed and the drapes in the restaurant were heavy red velvet ones. Everything was perfect. _She_ was perfect.

"People are staring," Steve noticed after a moment.

"Let them," Bethany replied, laying her head against his chest.

"I don't like them staring at you," Steve stated. "Especially in this dress. I liked this dress in the privacy of our room, but not so much anymore."

"Let them stare," Bethany repeated. "It doesn't matter if they're looking. I'm only looking at you."

Steve looked down to see that she was telling him the truth. He gave her a soft kiss, smiling down at her. "I remember being so afraid of asking you to dance. You said 'yes' to everyone, and I wanted to make sure it meant as much to you as it did to me."  
"I wanted you to ask me," Bethany admitted after a moment. "I knew that you would probably be clumsy and shy about it, but you would be the only man I ever dance with who wouldn't have an ulterior motive. Want to hear a little secret?"

"Yes," Steve said with a smile.

"Sometimes, dancing is a metaphor for sex," she whispered. Steve laughed, kissing her again. "I couldn't help what I dreamt about."

"No, me neither," Steve replied. "I always felt guilty about it. And I really didn't know what to expect, even in my dreams."

"I always felt… conflicted," Bethany admitted. "I never knew what it meant. Those… Those years without you…" Her voice got quiet and Steve could feel guilt seeping into his pores. "I dreamt about you. All the time. And those dreams… sometimes I'd wake up and pretend that it was real. That you were just getting us food or were called away by Phillips."

"Hey," Steve began, stopping their dancing so he could cradle her chin. He studied her eyes for a moment before kissing her again. "I'm sorry."

Bethany gave him a watery chuckle. "For what? Protecting your country? The world? I needed those years, Steve. It made me who I am now. I didn't deserve you then. I like to think I'm getting closer to that goal."

"Hmmm," Steve mused, fingering one of her waves. "Doll Face, you've done me wrong more than once, and I keep coming back. That's because you have so much more to offer than you think."

"You mean sex?" Bethany asked with a wince on her face.

Steve face fell and he lead Bethany back to their table, a snug little booth tucked away from everyone else. They had been informed that it was for celebrities and politicians who wanted privacy. "Okay," Steve began as they sat close to each other, Steve holding her hands. "Let's say you were horrible in bed. Let's say you were hideous. Let's say you smelled…"

He got a small, unsure smile from her on the last one. "Steve…"

"None of that would matter," Steve continued. "Yes, it's a fantastic benefit. But I never cared about those. They're just added bonuses. To begin with, you're brilliant. Not just with science and math, but you're sarcastic and witty. And you know how to make me smile. I love the way you start to mumble to yourself when you're thinking, and how despite the fact that you _can_ take care of yourself, you've always let me anyways. Even when we weren't together."

"Steve," she whispered, her eyes watering, but he couldn't tell if it was from sadness or happiness.

"Beth, I've loved you before all your mistakes and I always will after. You've already crushed me. And I know it can only get better," Steve whispered, a hand moving to her knee before he bent his head down to kiss her.

He took advantage of the booth being out of view and deepened the kiss, moving a hand to her neck and slipping his tongue into her mouth. Bethany's hands moved to his jacket, gripping it tightly as she met and returned everything he was giving. They had never kissed like this in public. Not even when he would come back from a dangerous mission. Yes, they would cling onto the other and not hold what they were feeling. But none of them were like this one.

"Stop," Bethany breathed with a chuckle. "Stop. Our food hasn't come yet. And I heard your stomach growling earlier."

Steve closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath and putting a little bit of distance between them. "No, you're right. You're right. I… I've missed this. We haven't had this in… a _really_ long time."

"What? Like a few months?" Bethany teased. "'Cause to me…"

"Never," Steve realized after a moment. "We never… went out dancing. Before."

"No," Bethany agreed. "Better late than never."

* * *

"They were nice," Steve said, talking about the elderly couple they encountered in the elevator that were there for their honeymoon. Steve closed the door to their hotel room, shrugging off his jacket. "Maybe we'll be like that one day. Beth?"

When he turned around, she quickly pushed him up against the door, kissing him hungrily. He didn't let shock overcome him. He moved his lips to the same rhythm as her, his hands trying to touch everything at once. She moaned as she tried to get the tie off his neck.

Steve moved his hand to cup her ass, pulling her up so their necks wouldn't have to strain as much. With her feet off the ground and legs now wrapped around his waist, he moved them away from the door and towards the bed. He carefully laid them on the bed, but that was the only careful thing about what was happening. Their kisses were strong and powerful and needy.

"Ugh, this stupid thing," Bethany moaned when they broke apart. She had loosened the knot on the tie enough and was now trying to pull it over his head.

"I got it, I got it, I got it," Steve insisted as it got stuck on his ears. While he took it off, Bethany got to work on unbuttoning his shirt. When both of their tasks were done, Steve looked at her for a moment. The lust was heavy in her eyes. He had a feeling that no matter how hard he would try to keep their pace slow, Bethany needed to get the thick desire out of her system.

He smiled to himself for a moment, remembering something very specific about the urgency they were about to have. "Hey, remember a certain deal I made about calling you pet names?"

"Yeah…?" Bethany said, unsure at first, but a knowing smile on her lips.

"Yeah," was all Steve said before he bent his head back down to kiss her as she pushed his shirt off his wide shoulders and hungrily ripped the shirt he had on underneath in two. That only fed the hunger Steve was craving, him pulling her thighs up higher around his waist, his hands gripping her under the silk of her dress.

His fingers were digging deep into her skin, but Bethany couldn't feel the pain. There wouldn't even be a mark in the morning. All she could feel right then and there was a growing sense of pleasure. His lips moved to her neck, sucking and biting the tender skin while her hands moved to his bare back, her nails marking him.

Bethany let out a loud moan, one that she should have been embarrassed about but absolutely didn't care, and Steve could tell. She wanted him to know how much she needed him and he knew. Did he ever know.

The lines she was dragging up and down his back were painful enough for Steve to let out a hiss, but he couldn't deny the shockwave of pleasure that was surging through him with every ounce of pain. "Now, Steve. Please," Bethany whined.

Steve laughed against her skin. "I thought you didn't want it to be rushed."

"Do you… think I… care now?" She asked in between heavy breaths, her hips grinding against him in an attempt to get any sort of friction.

Steve moved his head up to look at her, studying her dress. "How do I get this off?"

"Pull it over my head..?" Bethany said, as if it was the stupidest thing he has ever asked, and he had to admit, it probably was. As he pulled the dress over her head, he touched as much skin as he could. Underneath the navy blue silk, she was wearing a black lace set, accentuating her curves. His hands pawed at her round breasts, giving them a tentative squeeze as Bethany let out a wanton-like moan.

"Pants," Bethany breathed, placing a hand on Steve's chest and pushing him up a little so she could sit. As he stood in front of her, her skilled hands went to his belt, working to free him from the dress pants as he pulled the flower and bobby pins out of her hair. He wanted to run his hands through the waves, cradle her head as they kissed passionately and played with them when it was all said and done.

Steve wiggled his pants off, grunting as they got stuck on his dress shoes and impatiently trying to heel them off. Struggling to get the second one off, he heard a whimper from Bethany, looking down at his wife to see one hand in between her thighs, running up and down then back up and circling. He could see how wet she was even with her thong on. He felt a heavy pulse run through him.

Without even caring if the shoes would be ruined, he forcefully pulled his foot out and leaned down to take a hold of Bethany's hips. Pressing his fingertips into her skin, he lifted her up and tossed her into the center of the bed, head in the direction of the backboard, before crawling over to her.

Steve pressed his erection against her, watching as she threw her head back in delight. Her legs automatically moved to wrap around him, grinding herself against him urgently. They both still had their undergarments on, but from the sweet moans and whines coming from Bethany, this was all she wanted right now.

Steve was aching, and despite needing to be in her, the outer thrusts with her lips moving along his jawline was intoxicating. Steve's hands moved down her body and pulled down her thong. Pulling his hips away from hers, she cried out in protest, sending him a hateful glare that was more adorable than threatening.

He rewarded her by bending down, pulling her lips apart and placing an open kiss to her clit. A strangled cry came from the blonde as he sucked and lightly dug his teeth into flesh surrounding her nub. "Oh… ohmyGodSteve," she let out in one gasp. Steve placed one arm across her hips, keeping them from moving on their own accord as he continued to do this. He could feel her arousal all over his chin. He wanted to coat his aching erection with it, and bury himself deep within her, so deep that they wouldn't be able to tell where one ended and the other began.

Bethany's legs began to twitch, and with the way Steve knew her, her toes were clenching. Looking up at her, her appearance only egged him on. Both of her hands were forcefully grabbing her breasts, twisting, pulling and squeezing, while her head was thrown to the side, mouth opened as her breathing increased and eyes looking down at him. That was when he couldn't take it any longer. Sitting up, he pulled his boxers down and threw them across the room as Bethany unclasped her bra, which had been sitting around her stomach.

Bethany's hands fumbled to the box of condoms on the bedside table, in a hurry to continue. Steve didn't leave her waiting for long, but as he put the rubber on, she pushed him onto his back and straddled him. With the condom in place and Bethany hovering over Steve's body, he took a hold of her waist with plans to slowly lower her onto him.

But Bethany had other plans as she took a hold of him and quickly slid down, taking him in one swift movement. Her heat was immediate and Steve almost let himself go in that moment. "Steve," Bethany breathed, placing a hand down on his chest as the other took a firm grasp on her nipple, pulling it with such a force that milk began to come out.

Steve's hands moved around her hips, clenching at the soft, supple flesh of her ass, feeling Bethany clamp around him. "Beth," he whispered, egging her on. But instead of starting their pace, Bethany began to circle her hips, grinding her clit against him. Her walls clenched again, in erratic patterns.

Moving his hands back to her hips, he powerfully lifted her up against his shaft, his head on the edge of being free before he thrust his hips up into her. The force made Bethany lose her balance, her face ending up in the crook of his neck. "Fuck me," she whispered into his ear. "Please Steve."

She sounded so desperate, and knowing that only he could do what she wanted filled him with so much power as he flipped them around and began thrusting into her. Steve let out grunts as Bethany's moans turned into cries. She was _begging_ for more, for her finish. He grew thankful that they brought their own sheets as Bethany's arousal was dripping everywhere. He captured her lips, swallowing her sounds of pleasure as he pushed them farther and farther into euphoria.

Bethany could feel her entire body tingling as Steve's fingers brushed up and down her arm as they kissed slowly. She was exhausted, ready for bed, but not ready for the night to end. She had lost count of how many times she had come. She wasn't even sure if she would have been able to count. Even if her mind wasn't so muddled that the only words she seemed to know were Steve's name and 'yes', she had back-to-back orgasms and she didn't know if that was one or two.

She hummed quietly as Steve's lips left hers and kissed her nose lightly. "What's going through your head, beautiful?"

"Orgasms," Bethany replied honestly, laughing a little. Steve joined in with her, leaning down to kiss her softly again. "Are you as tired as I am?"

"Yes," Steve answered. "We must be getting old. We used to be able to do this for hours."

"Getting old," Bethany mused. "I hope so Steve. I might cherish this more than sex."

"Really?" Steve asked, his fingers slowing their leisurely pattern.

"Mmmm," Bethany hummed. "The after sex glow, being in your arms. Knowing that this is enough…"

"Say it," Steve whispered against her forehead before kissing it softly.

"I love you," Bethany replied faithfully with a smile on her face.

Steve moved down to kiss her again, their lips moving together slowly. Bethany's fingers were trailing down the crevices of his chest. That warm tingly feeling in the pit of her stomach ignited again, but this time it wasn't fueled by arousal. She was just… happy.

When Steve's phone began to vibrate on the bedside table, Bethany told him to ignore it, too entrapped in her bliss to even care. "No," Steve whispered, pulling apart. "It could be about the boys."

 _The boys_ , Bethany thought to herself as Steve answered the phone. She had forgotten about them all together. It had just been her and Steve, like it always was before. Without the war, or SHIELD, or anything to interrupt their moment. She had forgotten that they had two little boys.

"Okay," Steve replied into the phone. "We'll be there soon. Thanks Romanoff."

"Can't they wait until morning?" Bethany asked as Steve hung up.

He sighed and shook his head. "It wasn't the boys. The computer. It found Jen."

* * *

 ****A/N: PSA- Teach your kids not to swing their legs. I spent the entire Marvel Universe Live show with a little kid kicking me. That's five months after spending the entire Disney on Ice show with another little kid kicking me. Same seats. Different kids. My little sister thinks it's hilarious. It is not. This concludes the PSA.**

 **IrelandLover: Haha yeah, I love when babies look at you like you're the most incredible thing in the world and you're just like "I'm just eating a donut..."**

 **sarahmichellegellarfan1: Was this worth the wait? *wiggles eyebrows***

 **Jo: Haha, yeah both Clint and Natasha are really comfortable in Bethany and Steve's apartment. Like my brother's best friend who comes into the house and makes himself food before my brother is even home from hockey :P**

 **fallingforthecaptain: A little hiatus from Bucky and Kiley, but don't worry, they'll be back soon.**

 **FeliciaFelicis: Haha yup! Basically, in that version, Bethany and Steve never dated during the war. Steve had always loved her, however. When he woke up, he decided to take a step in getting over Bethany and started to date Jen. But clearly patience isn't my strong suit cause they just jumped into bed at the first chance they had. _Once Upon a Time_? :) I watch it with my youngest sister. I make sure I have a show to watch with every member of my family so that I always have something to bond with them. HAHA, I didn't write that sentence with intentions to sound like Fury. Apparently we just like to question stupid ass decisions.**


	11. I've Been Broken and I've Been Bruised

****A/N: Gear up. I promise this one is a good one.**

 **Also; It's Bethany's 95th Birthday! Wooooo!**

Chapter 11- I've Been **Broken** and I've Been Bruised

 _" I_ _'ve been broken and I_ _'ve been bruised. Al I had, I had to lose. No more singing them worn out blues, been singing them way too long._ _"_

 _~Everything I_ _'ll Ever Need, Hayden Panettiere & Jonathan Jackson_

* * *

Despite the fact that it was almost one in the morning, the entire team was gathered in the Rogers' living room, looking at the evidence they had in front of them and trying to create a soundproof plan. Bethany was on her eighth cup of coffee, and even though caffeine didn't have much effect on her, she was hoping the placebo effect would kick in.

In truth, she just needed a quick power nap. There was a time in her life that she would go on missions for days and only get a forty-minute period of sleep before she set out for another five-day mission. She was rusty. She knew that. It had been almost a decade since she had been on missions like that. There was a chance that she could get a quick nap when they were on the quinjet.

"We can't all go," Natasha said, looking over the blueprints for the building.

"Why not? All guns-a-blazing," Clint replied, looking way too excited.

Bethany shook her head. "No. We want to get Jen, without hurting her. We want to get information, so we can't kill anyone. And we need to backup their hard drive, so we can't blow up anything."

"Agreed," Steve said, rubbing his chin in thought. "We can't go in with intentions to kill and destroy, but we do need everyone _because_ of that. They'll be retaliating. They _will_ give the kill order."

Bethany shook her head. "It wouldn't be in their best interest to kill any of us. Yes, they'll try to maim us, but they're a science division. They'll find a way to use us to their benefit."

"So what do we do?" Tony asked. "I have stun guns in the dozens, but who knows how advanced their weaponry is. Or their security system."

"We don't have the time to create a huge plan," Bethany decided. "We should pair up. Divide and conquer. And each team should have their own battle plan. Find Jen, download the hard drive, capture the scientists. Someone has to get into their labs and find out what the hell is going on. I mean, it's registered as a campaign office, but the electrical bills? There's definitely some sort of experiment going on in those walls."

"Not to mention some of the stuff shipped there," Natasha added. "You'd think an organization that spent _decades_ on the down low would know how to be subtle."

"Well, they weren't on our radars until now," Steve reminded them.

"And before, they were just putting the supplies under SHIELD's name, so why would we have noticed anything," Bethany replied, bitterness laced in her voice. "We can't all go," she remembered after a moment. "Someone needs to stay with the boys."

"They're good," Tony said with a wave of his hands.

"They can't stay here alon-" Steve began only for Tony to interrupt.

"Pepper is here. She'll keep an ear out."

"I have nothing against Pepper," Steve began. "But she can't protect them if something happens."

"I've been working on a lot of things lately," Tony announced in his usual flare. "I've stopped making so many suits, and instead… droids. A legion of robots, controlled by JARVIS. They're not designed to replace us, but they can protect and serve. And Theo knows how to use the Iron Boy suit. They'll be fine."

"I don't want him using it for actual combat!" Steve yelled.

Bethany shushed him, putting a hand on Steve's arm. "We won't be gone long. I trust Tony."

"Nat and I will get everyone in and be the get away car," Clint decided when there was a moment of silence. "We'll make sure no one gets in or gets out."

Steve nodded. "Beth and I will find Jen. Tony and Thor, it's up to you to get any information that you can. Knock the men out, but don't kill them. Understand?"

"Yeah, _dad_ ," Tony grumbled while Thor nodded respectfully.

"Same goes for you, Barton. Romanoff," Steve warned.

"You'd think we blew up a giant organization before," Natasha said before stopping with a glint of amusement in her eyes. "Oh wait. We did. Maybe we should be telling you to behave, Rogers."

Bethany rolled her eyes, finishing the rest of her coffee. "We meet at the jet in ten minutes."  
"Aye aye," Clint said with a mock salute as the room dispersed, leaving Steve and Bethany.

"You ready for this?" He asked, putting comforting hands on her shoulders.

"You have _no_ idea," Bethany replied with a smirk. "You got some of your anger out by tearing down HYDRA's hiding place. I need an outlet too."

"Alright," Steve nodded. "I'll wait for Pepper to come. Tony has your suit in his lab."

Bethany leaned in for a tired hug before she left. All she wanted was to fall asleep in Steve's arms, all the troubles in their life gone. It had been so easy to forget _everything_. And forgetting everything was just so much simpler than remembering.

"Umm, kid?" Bethany called out as she stepped into the lab. "I'm here for my suit. It better not match Steve's."

She had whispered the last part but Tony had appeared from behind a table with an offended face. "Do _not_ insult my taste in style."

Bethany rolled her eyes, making a gesture to tell him to hurry up. He pulled out a long, clear rectangular box from a cabinet and put it on one of the tables. "Red?" Bethany asked, moving forward with her arms crossed.

"I cannot stress how badly you need a _thing_ ," Tony said, receiving an eyebrow raise from his aunt. "Cap's got the shield, Thor the hammer, me just being bad ass. Red for-"

"Blood?" Bethany supplied. "Although, it will be easier to hide the stains, so good idea. This is very _Oops_ _… I Did It Again_."

"Yeah, that's kinda where I got the idea," Tony admitted. "But no. Not blood. The suit is fitted with heat reflectors, and what not. It's fire resistant, which is good because when it's all done, you'll be able to actually produce fire from the suit. Natasha wanted electrical shocks running through her suit, so I came up with this for you."

"Not bad," Bethany mused. "As long as it fits."

"Yeah, I don't know," Tony said, scratching the back of his head. "I used one of your old SHIELD suits, but that was pre-Jamie so… if you show boob-age, don't take offense if I don't come near you."

Bethany gave an amused scoff before collecting the suit, the boots and a few weapons before heading back up to the apartment. Pepper was on the couch, casually flipping through the channels as Steve came out of their bedroom in his suit. She stopped for a moment, panic arising in her. The suit fit the image, and it was how Steve was known through the years, but a surge of worry fled through her veins.

Bethany shoved that panic away and quickly made her way to the bedroom. Steve closed the door behind them, watching her carefully as she started to take off her clothes and then slip her jumpsuit on. It _was_ a little tight. It fit snuggly around her hips, definitely not the most comfortable thing to be fighting in, but it was one mission. She could handle it.

When she got to the zipper, she struggled when trying to pull it over her cleavage. "Ugh, I should've used the pump beforehand," she whispered to herself, worried that two wet stains would appear.

"Here," Steve offered, helping in pulling it up. He successfully got it to her neck, but Bethany pulled it down a little, flashing some of her breasts.

"It's easier to breathe," She explained, sitting down to put her boots on. "Where's the shield?"

"Under the bed," Steve said, pulling it out.

"How long has it been under there?" Bethany asked, moving to put the other boot on.

"I bring it almost everywhere I go," Steve explained, resting it on his lap as he sat on the bed.

Bethany had no response to that. In truth, she thought that was slightly terrifying. Handy, of course, but Steve had so much paranoia and mistrust in the world that he needed his security blanket 24/7. Although, thinking about it, she was glad she could heal. She wasn't sure how she had been able to go without it before, even if it did mean healing. It was a difference that the Other Bethany and her had that she would never understand.

Pulling her hair into a high ponytail, Bethany looked at herself quickly in the full length mirror. She smiled for a moment, feeling more like herself than she had since she woke up. Even more like herself than she did when she was in Steve's arms. This Bethany didn't need someone else to make her feel better. She had herself.

"I'm certain I've told you this before," Bethany began, turning to look at Steve. "If something happens to me-"

"Keep going forward, keep fighting," Steve filled in, his tone not happy with the words, but obviously they were ones he was taught to remember.

"I'll be fine," Bethany stressed. "My healing abilities are back, and I can't feel pain. It'll be fine. I'll be fine. Let's just get Jen back."

* * *

They quickly learned that subtly wasn't their strong suit. Steve, Bethany, Clint and Natasha were trained to go in and out and hardly raise a red flag. Thor and Tony were not. They were very into explosions and announcing their arrival. The giant quinjet didn't help either. Even with the cloaking device, it would've been impossible to hide their landing.

The HYDRA building was located in a populous city. The only place to land the quinjet and not crush any cars—or people—was to land on the roof. They had all been expecting alarms to go off, but the quinjet was surrounded by HYDRA agents, all clad in black with protective helmets, guns aimed and ready to fire.

Natasha had taken control, shooting them all with the quinjet's laser, a smug smirk on her face as she did it. For the first time in months, she looked like she was at complete ease, something that was alarming to Steve, but he checked his own emotions and realized that he felt the same way. By the look of it, they all felt at ease. That was a scary concept.

The teams had broken up, assigned to their own tasks. It was agreed that they wouldn't kill anyone that they needed. From where they stood, people could turn into HYDRA supporters, but not back. Not everyone would be able to fit into a jail cell. Steve wasn't comfortable with killing people, but if it meant keeping the world safe, and more importantly, his _family_ , he wouldn't think twice. The scientists and doctors were to be sedated and picked up by some connections Clint had for safe keeping.

"Well, this is going well," Bethany mused as the two of them made their way to a holding facility located inside the building. It was most likely where they were holding Jen.

Steve looked up at the red alarm lights, which were lighting up the halls to the same tune as the loud ring. "I was wrong to think it would be as smooth as a SHIELD mission."

"Yes, you were," Bethany agreed with a chuckle. "Tony and Thor aren't exactly spy material. And we were stupid not to find a way to turn off the alarms."

"This isn't horrible though," Steve replied as they ran through the halls. "Which way?"

"Left," Bethany instructed. "Wait, hold on."

Steve slowed as she walked up to a panel on the wall. "What are you doing?"

She opened the panel door, pulling a knife from her boot and quickly cutting one blue wire in a sea of colourful ones. The alarms seized, the regular florescent lights returning and the alarm halting with a very noticeable _hiss_. She gave him a quick smile before beginning her jog again. "Right here," she announced as they came upon a door. "I can disable the codes and get it to open, or we can do it the old fashion way."

Steve took that as his cue, hitting his shield against the middle of the two sliding doors, creating a dent large enough for his hand to fit. As he began to pull the two doors apart, Bethany gave him a sexy smile, winking at him. "What are you doing later?"

He would've rolled his eyes, but he was too busy using all his strength to pull the doors apart, his face screwed up and emitting a small grunt. "Go," he instructed when he opened it enough for her to fit. She did as he asked, and as he was able to give it his all so he could slip in, the doors opened all the way. Going in, he saw Bethany's hand on a red button, being the source to his questions. "Looks like no one is home," Steve mused, looking around the dark lab.

"Secret base will always have more secrets," Bethany replied, wandering around the lab, eyes on the look out before her leg went out and kicked the wall violently. It creaked, giving Steve encouragement.

He walked up next to her, and the two began to pull the wall back, slipping in and looking at everything in front of them. The room was fairly dark, but there was a door at the back, a harsh light slipping from under the bottom. "Jackpot," Bethany hummed.

Steve quickly raised his shield to cover them both when bullets started raining their way. Soldiers and scientists had been hiding in hopes that they wouldn't be discovered. Bethany leaned down and started to crawl by the island lab tables, taking out her gun and peering it around the corner. He heard a loud yelp come from the direction of the bullets. He threw his shield as he quickly bounded down behind the table for protection. His hand shot up when the shield came back to him and he moved into battle.

Jumping over the table, he began hitting anyone he saw, ducking behind the shield when the time called for it. He could hear Bethany making small grunts every once in a while, but he couldn't see where she was. That made him nervous, even though he logically knew that she would ultimately be okay. It was only when her grunting stopped that he threw his shield hard around the room, only catching it when everyone was on the ground.

"Beth?" He asked, putting his shield down for a moment so he could kneel next to her. She was on her back, her eyes opened, but unconscious.

 _Dead_ , Steve corrected himself, looking at the deep concave dent on her skull. She had proved in training that she could fight without getting hurt, but it was always more effective since she would be closer to the target. Steve could see the bone developing under the skin and knew she needed a minute or two before she would be on her feet.

Taking a moment, he pulled her suit zipper up a little more, feeling a little bit better. Clint had made a joke about her being MILF, and if Natasha didn't hit Clint over the head, Steve would have.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw something move, but by the time he turned around, the man already had Steve's shield in his hands. Standing up slowly, with his hands held up in a mock moment of surrender, he summoned his shield back to him using the new magnetic band Tony had added to the vibranium his father had molded.

The shield, however, came with the man. His iron tight grip on the rare metal surprised Steve for a moment. He didn't have a gun with him, only the shield. He tried to fling the man back, and while his grip loosened for a moment, he didn't falter.

He was sure they looked like two kids fighting over a toy, but when another man stood up behind Steve with a gun held to his head, the situation instantly became less comedic. Before he could even think about what to do, he heard a loud gunshot, the man behind him falling before the man holding the shield was attacked by Bethany.

She had jumped onto his back and began to pull his hair. He had let go of the shield as he stumbled back, trying to get her off. Steve reached down swiftly for a knife by his foot, throwing it through the room towards the man's heart. When the man's legs gave out, Bethany tumbled forward in a graceful somersault, landing in front of Steve.

She pulled him forward roughly, giving him a quick kiss, with something in her eyes that Steve couldn't place before walking around him and into the room with the bright florescent lights. Bethany fingered the glass window to the side of the room, not being able to see out or in of it, broke it by throwing the heel of her boot through it with such a force that Steve didn't know she had.

"She's in there," Bethany announced after looking into the room. Steve nodded, looking at the door for the room. It wasn't as impressive as the other door, so it took him no time to break it open. When they stepped into the room, the lights were harsh. Steve had to shield his eyes for a moment, but Bethany didn't halt for a minute.

"Jen?" She asked, sitting next to a bed. Steve watched as Jen looked at Bethany with confusion written in her eyes.

"Who are you?" Jen asked, her eyes wide and voice small.

"Captain and Mrs. America," Bethany mumbled, her fingers working on the leather ties holding her arms to the bed. Steve moved over to free her legs, resting his shield against her bed.

"What?" Jen asked, fear in her voice.

"Look, we're gonna get you out of here. Bring you home. _Help you_ ," Bethany promised, taking a step back when Jen was untied from the bed. "But we need to hurry."

Jen stood up, warily looking at the couple as Steve grabbed his shield and took his place next to Bethany. "Jen, just come with us," Steve whispered softly. "We know nothing makes sense right now, but we can help you. Give you your life back."

 _"Cap, Beth. Hard drive is backed up, time to go,_ _"_ Tony said through their earpieces.

 _"Yeah, we_ _'re all good out here too,_ _"_ Clint reported.

Bethany reached out and took Jen's hand. Jen's eyes widened for a moment, looking down to where Bethany's hand met her wrist. The way she was looking at it alarmed Steve and when he looked down, he caught his breath. "Beth," he whispered.

"What?" Bethany asked, completely unaware that her arm was freezing. The cold was running up slowly, but making more ground with every second.

"I'm sorry," Jen cried, as if she couldn't control it, and with Bethany's wrist now frozen tight around Jen, it was clear that she wouldn't be able to stop whatever it was that she was doing.

Steve's heart hammered, but by the look on Bethany's face, she was thinking and _hard_. "Cut it off," Bethany said sharply, turning quickly to look at Steve.

"What?" Steve asked, unsure of what she was asking. The freezing had reached just under her elbow.

"You heard me, Steve. Cut it off now," Bethany demanded, seriousness in her eyes.

"What?" Jen asked, looking more frightened than he ever thought possible.

"DO IT!" Bethany yelled, watching as it froze her elbow. "STOP STOPPING STEVE."

She moved so that her arm was straight and Steve forcefully brought his shield down on the flesh once, twice and finally a third time before the limb was free from her body. Bethany didn't titter for a moment. Jen did. She fell to the ground, Bethany's frozen arm breaking into little crystallized pieces and finally freeing her wrist, but it mattered very little now. Bethany's arm bleed freely and he could tell that there was a good chance that the loss of blood would take effect.

"Wrap her in the blanket," Bethany instructed, nodding her head to the bed. "You should be safe in your padded suit, but I don't want to risk it."

Steve nodded once before heading to work. Bethany leaned down and looked at Jen for a moment, a crease folding between her eyebrows before she shot up. "Beth?" He called out as she left the room.

 _"Just give me a minute, Steve,_ _"_ she said through the earpiece. " _Get Jen out. I_ _'ll follow you._ _"_

He shook his head, swearing under his breath. He didn't like the idea of her going off on her own. When she did that, things often turned south. Nonetheless, he followed her instructions, wrapping the unconscious Jen in the sheet before lifting her into his arms. With his shield now secured onto his arm, defending Jen's head from any harm that could come her way, he set out. Bethany was hunched over a computer, typing wildly with one hand, her eyes reading the words on the screen in an impossible speed. Steve saw that she hadn't done anything to stop the bleeding from where her arm was, but that the bone was starting to grow back, the muscle and skin following closely behind. The pale colour of her skin was alarming.

"Steve, _go_ ," she stressed, her eyes not leaving the screen for a moment. "Get the quinjet in the air."

"Beth, what are you doing?" Steve asked, worry in his voice. "I'm not leaving you. Especially not now. Not like this."

"Steve, just trust me, okay? Don't worry, I'll get out, I'll go home. You, me and Munchkin will live happily ever after, just as we've always wanted, but you need to get out and get the quinjet in the air. _Don_ _'t_ come back for me until I tell you to."

"Beth-" Steve began again, this time with strength in his voice.

"Steve, if you care an ounce for me, for Jen, for Munchkin and for Theo, you need to leave. I'm doing this for us. All of us. Go. _Now_."

The urgency in her voice scared Steve. She was serious. There was no room for argument. And despite not liking leaving her, he did, feeling something wrapped tightly around him pulling her to him. Every step was a struggle, but her words echoed through his head. He didn't let his emotions weigh him still.

The trip back to the quinjet was easy. No one tried to stop him. The hall was littered with unconscious guards, and from what he could hear happening over the earpiece, Clint's contacts had arrived and were taking the HYDRA scientists into custody. They also had Jacob. Steve had let out a soft growl at the news of that. That man had caused enough pain in Steve's life that he gave very little regards to what happened to the man, as long as he was locked up somewhere, the key thrown away and never found.

Reaching the quinjet, Steve climbed up the ramp and laid Jen down on the bed. "Where's Bethany?" Tony asked as Steve began to strap Jen onto the bed, pulling the straps tight. It wasn't just about her falling off the bed. What had happened in that room proved that those weeks with HYDRA had done something to her. She had no idea who they were. She could be capable of anything.

"Get this thing in the air," Steve ordered.

"Where's Bethany?" Tony asked again, his voice louder.

"Do as I say," Steve snapped.

Tony opened his mouth again, his face hard. "We're not leav-"

"Do you really think I _want_ to leave her?!" Steve asked, taking a step closer to Tony. They were face to face, Tony's suit giving him the extra height. "Get this thing in the air, Stark."

"I got it," Clint grumbled, moving to take the controls. Neither Steve nor Tony moved from their stance, both staring each other down.

"Boys," Natasha warned. "Play nice."

"Where am I taking this thing?" Clint asked over his shoulder.

"Just hover above the building," Steve said, eyes still on Tony. "If I know her like I know I do, she's going to blow up the building."

"We can do that from outside the building!" Tony yelled.

Steve clenched his jaw. "I'm not questioning her. I trust her. This is what she needs to do."

"She's gonna get herself killed. Again," Tony said, moving to the drop door and pressing the emergency open button.

"Stark!" Steve yelled over the wind.

Tony looked over his shoulder, the mask to his helmet sliding down. He was about to take off when a huge explosion erupted from under them. The quinjet jolted from the pressure. Steve pulled his helmet off his head as Tony zoomed into the fire and debris, but Steve directed Clint to land the quinjet in the first clear spot before running out the door, looking around the scene.

Flames erupted from the building. He didn't even think about all the people in the building who were unconscious when he left. They were probably dead or dying now. But he was looking for Bethany in the debris, smoke and fire.

 _"Anyone see her?_ _"_ Tony asked. His tone was steady, but Steve could tell he was worried. _I trust her_ , Steve repeated to himself. He had originally said it without thinking, but he knew that he wouldn't have left her unless he had faith in her. _Why is it always her?_ He wondered.

But ultimately, he knew why. Because she would rather unnecessarily sacrifice herself to tie loose ends completely than to risk anyone else getting hurt. _For Munchkin_ , she had said.

His heart hammered so hard in his chest that he felt nauseous. He needed her, whole, in his arms. Tony was flying above the building, scanning for a soft spot. _"I ain_ _'t dead yet,_ _"_ he heard Bethany's voice through the earpiece. The static distorted her voice a little, but he finally felt better now.

"Beth? Where are you?" Steve asked, a small worried smile pulling at his lips.

 _"Coming for ya,_ _"_ Bethany promised.

 _"Tell me where you are and I_ _'ll get you,_ _"_ Tony said.

They heard her voice again, but the static was too intense for them to make out any words. A huge part of the wall fell through, Bethany's earpiece going completely dead. "Beth?" Steve breathed, that uncomfortable worry creeping up on him again. Another wall fell, the fire and smoke increasing. But this time, he could see something. _Someone_.

He couldn't recognize her. Her entire body was black with ash, and there were full parts of her body missing. Most of her jumpsuit had been charred and he could see right through her. But she walked straight, as if she was completely fine. He could barely move for a moment, taking in her damaged body. Her arm was still re-growing, but it wasn't bleeding anymore. There was no blood. Only a charred and black body. With every step, more skin healed. And a smile grew on her face.

Somehow, a blanket ended up in his hands, a heavy wool one. He figured Natasha had given it to him, but he was too busy watching Bethany's every step. When she finally got close enough he opened up the blanket and wrapped her body in it. Everything but her arm was now healed, but only her wrist-down was missing.

Steve pressed his lips against the top of her hair. It smelt burnt, the golden strands now grey with ash and the tips frayed and black from the flames. The elastic must have snapped or melted, her wild hair flowing freely. "What were you doing?" He asked her softly as he heard Tony land next to them.

"I sent HYDRA a message," Bethany explained. "No one threatens my son. _No one_."

He reached out and touched her cheek softly, some of the ash wiping off and revealing her soft, pale skin. "You're crazy," Steve decided.

"Took you long enough to notice," she chuckled, kissing him softly. "By the way, with that helmet hair? I'm so hot for you right now."

* * *

Bethany and Steve watched as Tony and Bruce worked together to strap Jen down to an observation table. They had tried to feed her an IV to keep her under, but every single time, the needle froze and broke. The look on Bethany's face told Steve that she knew what had happened, and by the glances she was sharing with Bruce, he figured he had an idea as well. He just hoped they got enough information from HYDRA to start tearing them down, and most importantly, help Jen.

Now, the blonde had an oxygen mask on her face. "JARVIS will monitor her," Tony promised. "We probably won't be able to do any testing while she's awake so…"

"We have to test her without her permission," Bethany summarized, sighing.

"It's for her own good, Bethany," Bruce reminded her.

"You took Jamie's blood," Bethany said, some resentment in her voice. "You knew how we felt about that but you did it anyways. A little boy. A _baby_. I'd rather die over and over again opposed to anyone touching him again."

"Beth," Steve whispered. "If he had told me, I would have given him permission."

The look in her eyes when she looked up to him showed pure betrayal, but it quickly disappeared. "Keep us updated. And more importantly, keep the lab on secure mode. Theo can't get in here, or look in here. I don't want him knowing anything until we have answers. But for now, we need to sleep. That includes you two."

"I got some sleep," Bruce promised. "I'll stay with Jen. Keep an eye on her."

"I'll keep him company," Natasha spoke up. Steve frowned. He thought that both Natasha and Clint retired for the night, but the redhead was here now, two coffees in her hands.

"Okay," Bethany nodded. "Get some sleep kid. And Tony? Thanks. For you know… worrying about me. Even when you didn't have to."

Tony sighed, rolling his eyes before pulling his aunt into his arms. "Stop getting yourself into these situations."

Bethany chuckled. "I'll work on it."

Tony bid them all goodnight, Steve taking his wife's hand and the two of them making their way to their apartment. Bethany had slipped into the shower to wash off the remainder of the ash on her body. Steve had thanked a very tired Pepper, checking the time and seeing that it was close to four am. Peeking into Theo's room and seeing him sleeping soundly, Steve had pinned a note to his door to tell him not to wake them up and to try and feed himself.

He then made his way to Jamie's room. Touching his clenched hand softly, he regretted it as he began to stir, waking up. Steve shushed him, picking him up and rocking him. Right now, he wanted Jamie in the co-sleeper anyways. He just hoped that he would sleep. His fussing indicated that he needed a feeding.

Picking a bottle from the fridge and going to the bed, Steve fed, burped and rocked Jamie back to sleep and changed into his pajamas before Bethany came out of the bathroom. Her hair was wet and hanging around her face and she was completely naked. She tiredly walked over to the dresser and pulled out a pair of Steve's boxers and a black tank top before walking over and looking at Jamie for a minute. She didn't dare touch him, just studied him carefully, a small smile tugging at her lips. She then moved over to close the bedroom door and turn off the lights before crawling over Steve's body and curling up next to him.

"Your hair still smells," Steve said softly, taking in the burnt scent.

"The ends are burned. Some pretty bad," Bethany whispered. "It's going to have to be cut. And _short_. Good thing my hair grows faster than the average human. Along with human limbs."

When she said the last part, her now completely healed hand moved up his body slowly, Steve reaching up to take it in his and kissing it softly. "What a crazy day, huh?" Steve replied quietly.

She hummed and they were quiet for a few minutes. Right before Steve was about to fall asleep, he heard her voice again. "Sorry?" Steve asked, not having been paying attention.

"I remember," she repeated softly.

His body stiffed. He looked down at her. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness and he could see her clearly. Her eyes were closed, but there was a smile on her face. "You… How much?"

"Everything," she replied, her smile growing, but her eyes remaining closed. Steve wanted to celebrate. To kiss her, to hold her, to hear from her all the memories that had been lost through those months, but his exhaustion overtook him.

But they would have tomorrow.

* * *

 ****A/N: I figured 11 chapters and 12 weeks (readership wise) was long enough. Plot wise, it was about three weeks since the explosion.**

 **IrelandLover: Haha, well I'm happy someone was embarrassed cause it sure isn't Steve anymore ;) Just another day being married to Bethany Stark ;)**

 **Jo: I agree, they needed time together before all the shit goes down.**

 **sarahmichellegellarfan1: Haha, glad to hear it!**

 **FeliciaFelicis: Yeah, I may have gone a little overboard. But absolutely no regrets! It's okay, it's coming back soon :) I'll be ready in my _I'm Hooked_ Captain Hook shirt LOL. **

**JAllen1447: Oh, very much for that last chapter especially. _It's All Coming Back to Me Now_ is pretty spot on for the story as well. **


	12. That String Around My Finger

Chapter 12- The **String** Around My Finger

 _"Got the string around my finger. What a world, what a life, I'm in love."_

 _~I've Got the World on a String, Frank Sinatra_

* * *

Steve's eyes fluttered open. He blinked a few times, frowning softly. Typically, he was the first one awake, but today he could hear a soft suckling sound. Turning his head, he smiled watching as Bethany was feeding Jamie. By the small smile on her face while she cradled Jamie close to her, he knew that nothing had changed overnight. She remembered. He could just tell by the connection, the undying love Bethany was showing Jamie. Jamie had once again managed to wrap Bethany around his itty bitty little finger.

"So beautiful," Steve murmured, half his face pressed into the pillow.

"Good morning Sleeping Beauty," Bethany chuckled, looking down at him. "You're adorable with your hair like that."

"Like what?" Steve yawned.

"Standing straight up," Bethany explained, one of her hands moving to run through his hair. "Hey Steve?"

"Yeah, Doll Face?" He mumbled, his eyes falling closed. Her hand was softly massaging him and it was lulling him back to sleep. He understood how Jamie fell asleep in Bethany's embrace so quickly compared to Steve's.

"I love you," she told him.

His eyes opened again, turning his head a little to get a better look at her. "I missed you."

"I didn't go anywhere. Not really," Bethany reminded him, pulling up her knees as Jamie finished. She carefully burped him before laying him to rest across her legs. "I was here the whole time."

"It was different though," Steve whispered. "How do you feel?"

"Like I'm finally comfortable in this body," Bethany replied with a small smile, nodding as she spoke. "But… that other side of me… It was nice to have that back again. Perceptions are different. I have a fresh outlook on life now. I know what's important. Jamie. You. This family. And by default, Theo too. But I also know that staying home and playing house… I _can_ do it all."

"I know you can," Steve replied softly, returning her smile. He hadn't see her this confident and happy in a long time. She looked so comfortable with her life, a life that typically offered no comfort.

"And more importantly, I actually _want_ to," Bethany replied. "Obviously, Jamie's safety comes first. Huh, Munchkin?" She tickled his stomach softly, giggling when Jamie let out a loud squeal of delight, his arms and legs flaring about. Steve couldn't help but laugh. "I'm hoping with the information we collected that we can find out what their plans are for Jamie. Find a way to stop them before they even start. But don't worry. I want to be a mom first. This, right here, it means everything to me."

Steve smiled, feeling proud of his wife. "What was the message you sent to HYDRA?" Steve asked, sitting up and touching Jamie's curls softly. "It didn't look like you were writing a love letter."

"Ha," Bethany replied before shaking her head. "No, I sent out a virus through their system. Any files they try to open from here on out will be sent to us. Should help us build up their file, since most of our information is speculation and seventy years old."

"That's… that's not really a message," Steve pointed out.

"Oh, no. I did. I sent a giant-" She covered Jamie's ears. "FUCK YOU from the Avengers. Every time those files are sent to us? The 'A' logo will appear on their screen before it goes black. I figured that they'd know we'd be coming for them."

Jamie's hands went to Bethany's as he shook his head, trying to free himself. Bethany allowed him to take control of her hands as he threw them away in that baby-like manner. "Hey, look at me?" Steve asked.

She did as he asked, a curious smile on her face. He leaned forward and kissed her softly, but with more passion than they shared the night before. "It's weird," Bethany whispered. "I feel so different from who I was yesterday. I wanted you because… because you're sexy and I love you but now… it's the same reasons but different?"

Steve lifted an eyebrow at her, smirking but kissing her again. "I believe you," he promised.

"It's gotta be all the emotion behind it now," Bethany decided.

"Why didn't you say something earlier? Why did you wait until we were in bed?"

Bethany put her arms under Jamie's armpits and raised him up so she could kiss him and have him lie against her chest. Her hand roamed up and down his back in a soothing way and Steve chuckled as he could tell that Jamie was fighting his desire to sleep.

"After I got hit in the head, everything came rushing back," Bethany explained. "And then I saw you getting attacked… I knew you could take care of them yourself, but an overwhelming desire to protect you overcame me. Then after that, I knew that if I told you, you'd get distracted so…"

Steve chuckled. "Yeah, I probably would have. But then after that?"

"I just wanted to tell you," She admitted softly. "I didn't need everyone to know. Just for the night, it would be for us to know. And this morning, the way that Jamie was looking at me, I could tell he knew too. Our son is… so brilliant, Steve."

Steve watched as Jamie's eyes fluttered, a yawn coming from his mouth. "He's beautiful too. Just like his mother. Look at those curls."

"Look at mine," Bethany chuckled. "I need it cut. Today."

In the light, he could tell that she was right. The blonde ends were now black and frayed. In some places it was just the very tips, but the shortest strand was frayed above her ear. "God Beth," he whispered, swallowing hard. "You were trapped in there. You must have been terrified."

"I couldn't feel the pain. It was… it was hot. But comforting. I wanted to fall asleep. That was probably my brain telling my body that I couldn't take this conscious, even if I couldn't feel it. Then I started to lose oxygen. Not being able to breathe… I don't know. It didn't hurt, it was just scary. I could see my skin melting off the bone, but when a wall fell over, the flames and the water mane pipe broke so… That's how I got out. But I wasn't afraid that I wouldn't. Not for a moment. I felt… at peace, actually."

Cupping her face, he kissed her again. "I don't want to leave this bed."

"Neither do I," Bethany chuckled against his lips. "Neither does Jamie. But we have to deal with everything that happened. We need to help Jen, look through those HYDRA files. And I want to go question Jacob and all the scientists that we got."

Steve nodded. "I would like to take a quick shower before all that."

"Okay. I'll go put Jamie down in his crib and make breakfast. Tell Theo that I'm back to my old self. Call a meeting with everyone."

"You may want to tie your hair up," Steve suggested, touching the shortest of the blackened pieces.

"And find a hair salon who can do serious damage control," Bethany said, adding it to her mental list. "I was thinking… I could pull off a pixie cut, right? It would only be for a little while. I figure two months and it'll be shoulder length."

"I never realized that your hair grew that fast," Steve admitted.

"The shorter it is, the faster it grows," Bethany replied. "That's why I kept my brown hair so long. I wouldn't have to do my roots as much. Anyways, go take your shower, Mister. We have a busy day ahead of us."  
Steve sighed but did as she said. Before he closed the bathroom door, he watched as she tied her hair up into a bun, some of her burnt hair still noticeable, but solving the majority of her problem. He smiled, his heart soaring, knowing that he had his wife back. He would always love her, no matter who she decided to be, which he knew could very well be his downfall, but she would always be worth it.

He honestly would've been happy if she never remembered. He would have had her, and that would always be enough. But knowing that she remembered… it filled him with an amazing emotion, so similar to the day Jamie was born. When his son, his blond haired wisped baby with a scrunched up face was placed into his arms. That's exactly what he felt like now.

Steve wanted to celebrate. To cry. To make love to his wife to show her just how much she meant to him. But right now, he had orders. And that's why he was taking a shower opposed to doing anything else.

When Bethany stepped out of the bedroom, she saw Theo sitting on the ground, colouring in a colouring book. Her heart broke for a moment, remembering everything the little boy had been through. Part of her wished that she had never agreed to watch over him all those years ago. Then she wouldn't have introduced them to her life and the hell it brought.

"Hey Theo," Bethany voiced, deciding to place the sleeping Jamie into his swing instead of his crib. She didn't want to be away from him unless necessary, especially since she had a feeling that would be a lot very soon.

"Hey," Theo said, picking up a red crayon and scribbling on the paper. Bethany sat across from him, watching him for a few moments. "How was your date?"  
"It was good," Bethany replied, smiling. "I had a lot of fun. So did Steve."

"Did he do all the gentleman-y stuff?" Theo asked, dropping his crayon and looking up at her. "Hold open the door, pull out your chair and call you pretty?"  
Bethany frowned with a smile on her face for a moment before laughing. "Yeah, he did. Why are you asking?"

"'Cause when Momma would come home from dates, she would complain when guys didn't do that," Theo announced. "And said that they weren't marriage material."  
"Yeah, but Steve and I are already married, remember?" Bethany teased, reaching out to tickle his stomach for a second.

Theo swatted her hand away laughing. "Oh yeah. I remember. But you don't."

Their laughter settled for a moment but Bethany reached out and pulled Theo into her lap. "Actually… Last night, Steve and I got called to do a mission. And… I got hit in the head. And… I remember everything."

Theo looked up at her, smiling wide. "Really?"

"Really, really," Bethany confirmed as the boy threw his arms around her neck. "Theo, I'm so sorry for everything that's happened. Steve and I are trying to help you the best we can. We know that you may never be the same, but I just want you to love life again, okay? I want to dance to music with you, and have you drag Steve around museums excitedly. We love you. And we want you to be happy. What can we do?"

"I want my Momma," Theo said softly, looking up at her. "I know that she did something bad, but she's still my Momma and I love her."

"I know, little one," Bethany sighed, cradling his head to her chest. "And I promise you, we'll get her back. No matter how hard it is or how long it takes. We'll get her back."

"I believe you," he said softly. "Jackson FaceTimed me this morning. He's coming back today."

"Oh, that's convenient," Bethany nodded. "But I want to spend as much time as I can with you and Jamie. My boys."

Jamie smiled at her, a _real_ smile and part of Bethany didn't want to deal with all the hell on her to do list today, because so far, it was perfect.

* * *

Steve had watched Bethany dote and fawn over Jamie and Theo all morning. She was emotional and happy, and took on the appearance of a true mother. Watching her then was like she had never done anything else but be a mother in her life, her actions and words so natural. She had changed into a pair of dark skinny jeans and a blue plaid flannel shirt, and then a thick scarf wrapped around her neck. Clint had made a comment about her looking very suburban and while Steve wasn't quite sure what that meant, he had an idea and couldn't agree more.

But the second they stepped into Bruce's lab, leaving the boys under Jackson's care, everything changed. She was still wearing the same things but she seemed to become a different person. He could see the hard-headed agent that he had returned to two years ago, the one he had worked with at SHIELD for almost a year, running missions side by side. This was a business side of Bethany and the switch from mother to that had been instant.

Everyone had agreed to meet in Bruce's lab at two. There was a lot of work to catch up on, and the sooner they knew the whole story, the sooner they could get started on the next step. "So I came up with some ideas of how to find out what they did to Jen," Tony began, waltzing into the room with a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos in his hand.

"Well, we have HYDRA's files, so once we go through them, we should be able to find _something_ ," Clint supplied.

"That's not necessary," Bethany added, everyone looking over to her. "I know what's wrong with her. So does Banner."

"Bruce?" Natasha asked softly, her brows furrowed as she looked at the scientist.

Bruce looked like a deer in headlights for a moment, taking off his glasses and cleaning them on his lab coat. "I had an idea, but I wasn't sure if I was right."

"Beth? What's wrong with her?" Steve asked, leaning against a lab table, Tony's crunching seemingly echoing through the room.

"JARVIS, you have all the HYDRA files we've collected, correct?"

 _"That is correct, Mrs. Rogers. Shall I pull them up?"_

"No," Bethany replied. "Only the files with Jen's name, or the keyword Project Paracelsus."

" _As you wish_ ," JARVIS spoke before holographic images of files started to flash throughout the room.

"Project Paracelsus?" Clint asked. "What is that?"

"Wasn't he a scientist?" Tony questioned, his eyes following the holographic screens.

"Amongst other things," Bethany confirmed. "There was a theory that he supported called Aristotelian, which is the belief of the four elements. Fire, water, air and earth. At the time, there was some sort of mythical story circulating through SHIELD about four fairies who had these four powers and conquered evil. I've looked for it on the web as recent as eight years ago, but I couldn't find anything on it. That's beside the point, however."

"So this was SHIELD's?" Steve asked, disapproval clear in his voice.

"It was," Bethany confirmed. "The project started in the sixties, I _think_. It was to give ordinary people the same powers as these mythological creatures. The formula was consistent. The way they processed them wasn't. The element they were given had part of the element within them."

"Did it work?" Thor questioned, mirroring Steve's disappointment.

"Yes, actually. It worked even better than anyone assumed it would," Bethany continued. "The powers weren't the problem. Or maybe they were… The entire experiment altered their brains. They became so psychologically impaired that they ended up using their powers to kill themselves."  
"Jesus," Clint breathed.

"I tried to shut it down. But scientists… if you can't get it the first time, you can't just give up, right? I knew that altering the formula in anyway… that wasn't going to change anything. It was the stress on the brain that was causing the suicides. We tried to stop them, but the voices they heard, the things they started to do… They just used their powers to end their suffering when we wouldn't. When we _couldn't_."

"And now that stuff is running through Jen's blood," Steve said softly with an annoyed sigh and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Yeah," Bethany agreed softly, reaching out and zooming in on a holographic screen. "The thing is… she didn't know who we are. And according to these records, they injected her weeks ago… She shouldn't have lasted this long."

"Well, isn't that a good thing?" Clint asked, looking confused. "Why do you look like this is a bad thing?"

"They wiped her," Bethany said, her gaze still on the screen. "They took away all her memories, started her new. They took away the stress."

"But wiping a memory… doesn't that create more stress?" Bruce asked. "The mind can only handle so much. Wiping her doesn't necessarily take away-"

"No, but it takes away the mental illness that always accompanied the transformation," Bethany interrupted. "The real question is what'll happen when she gets her memories back."

"They were turning her into a weapon," Steve reminded her, opening his eyes. "HYDRA planned to use her, turn her into..."

The room got quiet, Tony slowly guiding a chip to his mouth before a loud crunch sounded. "She didn't attack," Bethany pointed out. "It was too early for them to fully condition her. It could take months, years even."

 _"I've found something that would be of interest to you,"_ JARVIS spoke out suddenly. _"Shall I play it?"_

"Go for it J," Tony replied. They all watched as all the holographic screens disappeared and were replaced by a giant video feed.

"Jacob," Bethany growled, taking a step forward towards the screen. It was security footage from inside the lab, Jacob and one of the scientist they took into custody overlooking Jen as she slept.

 _"It works,"_ Jacob spoke with happiness in his voice. " _The experiment was successful. It's been two weeks and she's been stable. It's time that we sent her out into the field."_

 _"You're getting way ahead of yourself,"_ the scientist said with a sigh. " _We may not get another chance like this again. We need to make sure that she's perfect. That nothing can ruin her. That nothing can help her remember. Any little thing right now could change everything. We can't send her out to people she knows, her son in particular."_

" _They're vulnerable right now."_

 _"So is she!"_ The scientist exclaimed. _"Look, you went against HYDRA's wants. You placed a bomb in a civilian apartment. You knew that Bethany Rogers would return. We're trying to rebuild our image. You almost killed Jen's son."_

Steve's jaw clenched. He had been placing all his pain and anger onto HYDRA and now hearing that it was Jacob solely, the man who was supposed to be Theo's step-father… it was infuriating. _"We don't know how much longer we'll have this opportunity. To get the baby. And then get to them. Finally crush them all!"_

Everyone in the room was fuming. Tony had abandoned his Doritos and followed everyone else's position in the room, which was arms crossed tightly. _"How many…"_ the scientist sighed, looking like he was ready to kill Jacob for his impatience.

 _"That's not the plan. How many times do we need to tell you?! Yes, we're planning on using Jennifer to get the child, but not now. When we had the upper hand, when we could have snatched him straight from his mother's womb, that was one thing. But now… what are we going to do with a baby? A baby that's already made connections? No. We're waiting. Until we get the executive order. And from what I can tell, that won't be until the kid is older._ Much _older. When we can turn him against his parents, his friends. When we can brainwash him like we've done so many others, and turn him into the ultimate weapon. Jennifer will be ready by then. She'll be so far gone, that they won't be able to get her back."_

 _"We lost someone before,"_ Jacob reminded him. _"We brainwashed and used him for years, and we don't even know where he is now."_

 _"We've learned from our mistakes,"_ the scientist pointed out. _"We know what we did wrong and what we did right."_

 _"So, we're not doing anything for years?"_ Jacob asked, his annoyance clear in his stance and tone.

 _"Unless we get an order from HQ, no,"_ the scientist said, his voice fading as they left the room.

The screen faded out and the room was silent. They could all hear the steady rise and fall of Jen's chest as she laid unconscious and unaware of everything she had gone through.

"Well, shit," Clint provided, breaking the silence.

Steve reached out to grab Bethany's hand. At first, it laid limp in his, her face hard. He could see the gears turning in her head. Slowly, her fingers closed around his hand, giving it a squeeze before she looked at him. The only emotion he could see was anger.

"I'm going to kill him," she told him.

"He's worth more to us alive than dead," Natasha reminded her.

Bethany shook her head, jaw set. "No," she snapped furiously. "He's worth _nothing_. The scientist, yes. But Jacob? What can he tell us? That he wanted to kill Theo? That he wants to take a _child_ from his-"

"HYDRA wants Jamie," Clint reminded her.

"It matters not," Thor intervened. "We need to focus on the matter at hand, not meaningless drabble. We must retrieve Loki's sceptre before-"

"Wait, I'm sorry," Bethany began, her anger now turning to him. "Are you saying that Theo's life and my _son's_ life means nothing?"

"All I meant was that once we have the sceptre, everything will be solved," Thor explained.

Steve shook his head, disagreeing with his friend. "No. I don't think it'll be that simple. Look what they did to Jen. This was science. They don't need the sceptre to do this. They could just do this to someone else."

"I get that getting the sceptre is important," Bethany added. "But it comes second in my book." She shook her head, obviously not okay with the direction the conversation was going. "Look, I have to get my hair cut. It would be nice if we could start thinking up ideas on how to help Jen, and find out what else is going on within HYDRA."

"Will do," Clint nodded.

"I'll come with you," Natasha volunteered. "That is, if you boys can promise to work." Her single raised brow and smug smirk said enough.

Steve wanted to laugh, but after everything he had just heard, he didn't have it in him. Every time he got a little win, something had to come out of nowhere and tear him down. "Hey," Bethany said lightly, giving his hand a squeeze. He forgot that they were intertwined. "I'll meet you in the lobby, Natasha. I'll be quick."

The redhead gave her a single nod before leaving, Bethany pulling Steve out the lab and away from prying eyes. "Listen," she began, her voice light. "We knew they wanted Jamie. We've known this for a long time. But now we know that they don't want him now."

"You heard the scientist. They may change their minds," Steve protested, but Bethany pushed up on her tip toes and kissed him silent for a moment. She didn't smile, but he understood what she wanted; him to _listen_.

"Honey, we have so much on them now," Bethany continued. "If they change their minds, there's a chance we'll know. Even more, we'll be ready. But… I like the idea of being able to enjoy Jamie's childhood without being overprotective."

"I doubt you'll stop," Steve said seriously, placing his hands on her hips lightly. "Beth…"

"Steve, I'm worried," she admitted. "Okay? He's my little boy. I can't… I _won't_ lose him. And I won't let someone else you love be taken by HYDRA, you have my word. But… they're stupid. I mean, what do they expect? That a teenage Jamie will be easy to capture? It'll be like getting us both."

"We'll have time to prepare him," Steve summarized.

"He's just a baby now," Bethany continued. "He can't sit up. Nor feed himself. But when he's older… I don't know Steve. But if they plan on only taking him years from now…"

"They have long term plans," Steve concluded.

Bethany sighed, shaking her head and forcing herself to smile. "Promise me something?"

"Yeah, anything," he agreed instantly.

"Next time, when I'm dead or dying or missing or whatever… Make me second on your to-do list, Steve," Bethany told him, her hands moving to rest on his biceps. "I don't need protection. I can take care of myself. Steve, Theo and Jamie needed you, and you stayed at my bedside for a week…"

"Beth, I… I couldn't leave you," he whispered, ashamed of himself. "I felt that if I walked away, I'd never get you back."

"Jamie should _always_ be our number one priority," Bethany stressed. "And while Theo is in our care, in our hearts, our number one as well. When you were hurt, I stayed with the kids because they needed me. No matter how much I wanted to be with you. I didn't need you when I was in the coma. I don't remember anything from then."

"Beth, you don't understand-"

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Really Steve? I don't understa-" She trailed off, taking a step back from him. "Steve, I waited seventy years for you. I thought you were gone."

"And how long did you spend mourning me before you started to live your life again?" Steve asked cautiously, knowing it was a time she wasn't proud of.

"The difference is…" Bethany began, swallowing hard and sighing. "Jamie needs someone to take care of him. And if I'm gone, and you willingly let someone else take care of him, I swear to God Steve, I _will_ come back to haunt you."

He pulled her into his arms, kissing her forehead. "I'm sorry," he offered. "I'm not proud of it."

"Repeat after me," Bethany started, looking up at him as she wrapped her arms around his waist. "Jamie comes first."

"Jamie comes first," Steve repeated. "I do love him. And Theo. But I love you so much, Doll. I can't lose you. I've lost everything else."

"But if you lose me, at least you'll still have him," Bethany reminded him, laying her head against his chest. He held her for a moment, cherishing how good she felt in his arms. How _natural_ this was.

"Are you mad?" Steve whispered.

"No," she mumbled against his chest. "I'm irritated, yes. But I know where you're coming from. I get it. You're right. I was useless for months. Howard and Peggy forced me back into the real world. But I didn't have a baby to take care of. And yes, that's my fault. I know but…"

"That's not the point," Steve replied. "We've both made mistakes."

"Yes," Bethany agreed. "But let's stop. Help the guys. Try to find some answers. I'll look over the notes later tonight. But don't spend all afternoon in that lab. Jackson may be back, but-"

"You don't want Jackson raising our children," Steve finished.

"I love you," she offered with a shrug of her shoulders. "You infuriate me sometimes though, you know that?"

Steve chuckled, kissing her softly.

* * *

Natasha ran her hand through her shorter locks, smiling at the reflection before thanking her hairstylist and moving over to Bethany's chair. The hairdresser was still chopping away, trying to get all the burnt pieces and have it still look nice.

"Looking good," she offered. As of now, Bethany's hair was cut into a short bob, but it was clear that it would have to be shorter.

"You too," Bethany replied with a yawn.

"Baby wake you up this morning?" Natasha asked with a chuckle. "Or was it Steve?"

The hairstylist tried to hide her amused smile, but Bethany didn't hold back her laughter. "No, I didn't sleep much. Thinking too much. When Jamie woke up, Steve was still fast asleep."

"Thinking about..?" Natasha asked.

"My wedding. Jamie's birth. SHIELD. Everything since New York," Bethany replied. Natasha nodded. After Steve and Bethany had left the lab that morning, leaving her and Bruce to watch over Jen, they quickly realized that Bethany was talking like she had before. After the recent visit to the lab, it was clear that the Old Bethany was back.

There was a difference though. She had seen the SHIELD agent in Bethany, same as the mother. She only ever saw one or the other, but now she could see both. It was a nice balance. "Any plans for Christmas?" Bethany questioned suddenly.

"Not that I know of," Natasha shrugged. "Thinking about heading off with Clint. I know he'll go home for Christmas."

Bethany nodded, lifting her phone up to her gaze to read a message briefly. "Steve and I had talked about going to Disney World for Christmas this year. Or at least, right after Christmas. Time has certainly crept up on us."

"A lot of shit has happened," Natasha nodded.

"I miss Kiley," Bethany sighed. "She would plan the entire trip without me having to even get dressed. And she wouldn't do it as an employee. She'd do it because she was a good person."

"Yeah, but she's off being an even better person," Natasha pointed out.

Bethany's eyes met Natasha's for a brief moment. They spoke no words, but they understood the hidden concern. Kiley being with Bucky was a risk. If he acted out, she would be so close that she could get hurt. Then there was the fact that HYDRA _was_ looking for him. When he got his apartment, Natasha and Bethany had worked so that all his information would remain hidden.

"She'll be fine," Bethany said suddenly, but there was a good chance that she was trying to convince herself opposed to Natasha. Her phone buzzed again and Bethany looked at the screen. This time, Natasha looked as well, smiling at the picture Steve had sent her. Jamie was in his swing, clutching his Hulk toy to him, with a huge smile on his face. His lips were wet with drool, but he didn't have a care in the world.

"It's not just me, right?" Bethany asked with a chuckle. "He's the cutest baby in the world, right?"

Natasha chuckled lightly. "Yeah, he's pretty darn cute. You're lucky."

"Yeah," Bethany breathed softly, smiling as she continued to look at the photo. Natasha's eyes drifted to the Hulk toy. She was slightly sleep deprived, having spent the entire night and morning talking to Bruce. She hadn't told him much of her life, but she had wanted to. She wanted to share her life stories with him so that he would tell her in turn.

"I want another one," Bethany admitted after a moment. "I mean, not now. Definitely not now. But… I do."

"Bethany, you hated being pregnant," Natasha reminded her. "You were bloated, and uncomfortable. You had to go to the bathroom every five seconds and were always hungry. You'd wake up in the middle of the night with leg pain and your emotions were… uncontrollable."

"Yeah, but look what all that got me," Bethany said, lifting her phone up slightly. "I feel like I got a pretty good deal."

"It's too soon," Natasha pointed out. "You don't need two babies crying in the middle of the night."

"No, I do not," Bethany nodded with a chuckle. "I'm not saying now. But one day. When we can focus solely on our family."

"At least you have a life planned out for afterwards," Natasha replied, watching as Bethany's hair turned into a full pixie cut, the hairstylist focusing hard on making it look chic and clean. "No one else really knows what to do next. How do you settle down after everything we've been through?"

"It's not easy," Bethany sighed, looking up at her reflection. "Well, at least I can pull off a pixie."

* * *

Steve bounced Jamie lightly, trying to get him to stop crying. He had been fine, smiling happily and playing with Steve. Jackson had recruited Theo to help him unpack his stuff, and Steve was grateful. He had noticed how Jamie's crying seemed to affect Theo in a negative way, and right now, Jamie would not stop howling.

He had changed his diaper, tried to feed him. He sang to him and played a recording of Bethany doing the same thing. He had turned on _Frozen_ , hoping that Olaf would calm his tears as he had done early that week, but he continued to cry.

"What's wrong?" He heard Bethany's voice. She was kicking off her boots, rushing over to them, still wearing her winter hat and jacket.

"He just won't stop crying," Steve explained as she took the baby into her arms.

"Hey, Munchkin, it's okay," Bethany promised, kissing his forehead and bouncing him softly. One of her hands went to his lips, looking at his gums for a moment. "Can you get one of the cold teething rings, please?"

Steve nodded, immediately setting forth. He felt like a failure for not thinking about doing this. Jamie had been crying for almost twenty minutes. Quickly getting the teething ring, he handed it to Bethany and she placed it between Jamie's lips. The boy's cry continued, but softened a little as his own chubby hand moved to grab the ring and steady it by his mouth.

"There, that's better, isn't it?" Bethany asked as Jamie's crying stopped. He was still making sounds of discomfort and hiccupping lightly, gnawing on the ring. His face was red and swollen from his tears, but Bethany kissed his head lightly, whispering soft words to him and rubbing his back.

She lowered herself onto the couch, holding Jamie in a sitting position as he greedily sucked and gnawed on the ring. "Where's Theo?"

"He and Jackson are unpacking his bags," Steve explained, sitting beside her. "And I heard something about a sleepover. I think it's Jackson's attempt to give us some alone time."

Bethany let out a soft chuckle, rolling her eyes. "Duty before desire. We have homework tonight."

Steve pulled the collar of her jacket to the side, lowering his lips to her neck and kissing it softly. "After the homework. To reward ourselves. Plus, in a way, sex is a duty."

Bethany rolled her eyes again, but he knew she was amused. "Oh, okay. Whatever you say, husband."

Steve's hand moved up her back, to her neck and to the bottom of her hat. Steve pulled it off her head, looking at her new hair cut. It was extremely short, but she was so beautiful that she didn't need long hair. Without the thick curls surrounding her face, he could see it all. "You look beautiful," he whispered, running his hand through the short locks.

"Thanks," Bethany replied, mimicking his whisper. "It'll do for now. It's nice to have something different."

"Still feel like it's your body?" Steve asked, knowing that she had only felt like herself recently, and he didn't want her to lose that self-assuredness that she had recently achieved.

She nodded, yawning. "I feel older," she admitted.

"You look older," Steve nodded. "More twenty-five opposed to twenty-three."

Bethany scoffed and laughed at him. "I'll grow it out, but I like it for now."

"Me too," Steve assured, kissing her lips softly.

* * *

Somehow, Steve ended up on the couch close to ten at night, waiting for Bethany to finish with her laptop. He had watched her for almost an hour, studying the information that they got from HYDRA. Steve had read what he understood, but Bethany had plans to read it all. It helped that she understood.

Steve's hand brushed against the floor. Molly had curled up on the floor, his hands carefully running up and down the feline's back. His hand brushed against something hard under the couch, making him frown. He took a hold of the object, realizing it was a book. Molly got up and moved when Steve gave her a slight push so he could get the book out. As he brought it to his eye view, he realized it was that sex positions book that he got before he and Bethany got married.

He sighed, remembering how embarrassed he was then. He wasn't as embarrassed anymore though. He didn't see the purpose of being embarrassed anymore. Steve opened the book, looking at it with interest. He studied the pictures and the descriptions, letting out soft 'hmms' every once in a while. Steve could feel himself hardening, but it wasn't to the point where he needed relief.

"What are you doing?" Bethany asked with an amused tone, hovering over him.

"Nothing," Steve replied softly, opening his arms. Bethany laid on top of him, back to his chest, taking the book from his hand and raising it above them.

Bethany opened to a random page, reading the directions to the Waterfall position. "Interesting," she mused.

Steve moved a hand onto her stomach, moving his thumb up and down her soft skin as she read the description to him. "'The blood will rush to your other head too'. That's hilarious. I love that."

Steve tilted his head to kiss her neck softly, watching as she turned the page. "Doggy Style," she announced, moving her head to the side so that Steve had more skin to kiss. Without her hair on her neck, it made it a whole lot easier. She flipped the page again. "Squat Thrusters. I can't tell you why I like this one, but I do."

"Hmmm," Steve hummed, his lips busy on her neck, his hand moving down her stomach a little more and touching the band of her pajama pants.

"Oh, Wheelbarrow could be fun," She announced. _Now_ he was getting hard. Hearing how excited she was getting over positions they had never tried, obviously opened to doing something new. They didn't _need_ to spice up their sex life, but it wouldn't hurt.

"This one," she said excitedly. "The Face Sitter. I like this one."

"Of course you do," Steve murmured against her neck, his hand slipping into the band of her pajama pants.

"The X-Rated," Bethany continued, letting out a soft moan when Steve slipped his hand further into her pants. She opened her legs a little, Steve taking advantage of the extra room. His fingers started to run up and down her folds lightly, barely touching them. "I'm not entirely sure how you manage the Ape without hurting yourself."

Her hips shifted up, pressing against his fingers firmly. He felt a build up of arousal by her entrance and he swirled the tip of his middle finger in it softly before moving it up to her clit. "Balancing Act is even worse," Bethany chuckled. "Mmmm, although what you're doing right now is pretty amazing."

His lips latched on her neck again, sucking her skin softly, his tongue licking her before he lightly dug his teeth in. Bethany moaned softly, her mouth falling open. "The Bridge," she breathed. "Or the Doub-Double Decker."

Her breathing was getting strained as his finger moved faster against her. "Yes?" Steve teased lightly, his breath hot on her neck before moving to suck at it again.

"The Crouching Tiger…" Bethany continued. "The Cross…"

Steve's free hand moved up her top and grabbed her bare breast, pulling at her nipple. "Shit," Bethany whispered, the book slipping out of her hand and into the side of the couch. Both of her hands moved up, resting them on his shoulders. She started moving her hips against his hand, also creating friction against his growing erection.

"What if we tried a new position every month?" Bethany asked, swallowing hard. "Pick a random page and try it."

Steve hummed his approval against her neck, sitting up. Bethany's body followed what Steve's did, her turning her head so she could kiss him as continued to massage her folds. Her shifting against his cock was making him needy. He moved his hand faster against her, listening to the slick sounds and her labored breathing. Her hips were moving erratically and he could feel her body tense up suddenly. She was on the edge. All he needed now was to bury himself deep within her, thrusting in and out, watching as her eyes glazed over when she finally reached her peak.

A soft cry from Jamie's room had them both stilling for a moment, both of them panting lightly. Bethany threw her head over Steve's shoulder, her lips against his neck. "So close," she moaned, clearly disappointed. She tilted Steve's head while she raised her own, pecking him softly, and pulling his hand out of her pants. "Duty calls," she spoke with a light chuckle.

* * *

 ****A/N:**

 **ReKon13: I got the e-mail of your comment when you posted it, but when I looked up the reviews on the site, it was gone! I thought you deleted it, until I saw it recently. Fanfiction doing fanfiction things. But haha, yes. Steve doesn't exactly have a saintly wife, going around and shaking her stuff ;)**

 **FeliciaFelicis: I actually wrote that before the trailer come on, as God as my witness! LOL. Jen has a journey to go through while in Avengers Tower, that much I know for certain! Don't worry, I always understand your thoughts ;) See, here in Canada, we get things when the States does. Which is basically first. And you know, awesome health care ;) My parents got it for me in Vegas. They bought me that one and one that says "Once Upon A Time" in beautiful script.**

 **IrelandLover: Yes, she does!**

 **JAllen1447: Oh my god, do NOT apologize at ALL. I love knowing that people think about my story and Steve and Bethany during their everyday life. Nothing makes me feel like all my hard work is for a good reason like that. I can almost listen to any song and relate it to them, their story is so complicated and... detailed. LOL. My imagination is just... wild. And I take inspiration from it :)**

 **sarahmichellegellarfan1: Haha, yes. "Finally".**

 **Jo: You'll find out soon enough ;)**

 **BerMH: I'm trying to achieve "normal", but normal for them will never actually be normal for everyone. But hopefully the next few months will be easier for them, but still entertaining for readers :)**


	13. Waitin' On A Broken Heart

Chapter 13- Waitin' On A **Broken** Heart

 _"'Cause there's love that's new and all the rest, but the love that's gone, baby, hurts the best. Have you been waitin' on a broken heart? Did you see the end from the very start? I saw it too, but I never knew that you were only waitin' on a broken heart."_

 _~Waitin', Caitlin Rose_

* * *

Bucky didn't know where they were. Kiley did, as she typically knew things beyond his knowledge, but he didn't care today. Today, they weren't walking around a foreign town, seemingly familiar but having no tangible memories to support its familiarity. Bucky had been getting restless, with no new memories surfacing despite the déjà vu feeling surrounding him. Not only that, but he was trying to understand his new feelings for Kiley. He knew he wasn't exactly acting normal, or at least as normal as he had been. She had questioned him more than once, asking if he was okay, but every time he waved it off and gave her a small smile to try and convince her of this. He wasn't going to tell her. He didn't think he would ever tell her.

He was stuttering all the time now, often looking down at his feet. However, he wasn't ashamed of this, not in the least. When he was like this, it was hard to remember the killing machine HYDRA had turned him into. He would rather be shy and awkward than powerful and strong any day. He felt at peace like this. When he was like this, he wasn't worried about accidentally hurting someone. Or _purposely_ either for that manner.

However, he could use a hint of the other man now as he tried to uphold his promise to Kiley. The night before, some thieves had tried to break into their car when they were getting some hot chocolate. Bucky and Kiley had walked back up as they pried the passenger door open, but Bucky had immediately sprung into action. Kiley had stood there, holding both of their drinks, watching in shock. When one of the men got too close to her, she threw the hot beverage at his face and kicked him where it counted, doing this all with a straight face. She hadn't shown that she was afraid until they had got in the car and drove off. Bucky had been immensely proud, not to mention amused, but Kiley had only reminded him on his promise.

Bucky had promised to teach her how to hold her own. She had been smart on her feet, but Bucky had been close. If the man had got back up, or had avoided her aim, and she was alone… He refused to think about it. This was just a random act of violence and thievery. If it had been HYDRA, they would have been prepared, and they wouldn't have fallen so easily. It could have easily been someone he had made an enemy of. There were so many possibilities, and he was dragging Kiley into dangerous territory.

Which is why they were at a gym, in the middle of the day, Bucky teaching Kiley how to fight. They were getting stares, probably having to do with Bucky's metal arm on display, but Bucky kept urging Kiley to ignore them. The red painted star on his upper arm was almost washed all the way off, thanks to Kiley rubbing it aggressively through the weeks.

He felt odd. He had never been out of cryofreeze this long. His arm had never been used so much without being updated or worked on, and it was causing him some grief. He felt like he was having an out of body experience, but then again, he figured that technically this was more himself than he knew.

"No, turn to your side," Bucky commented, taking a hold of her hips and turning them slightly. He focused on his breathing and heart rate, remembering that this was important. Making sure that she could take care of herself was more important than the way he felt.

"Can I ask why?" Kiley asked, but allowed him to fix her stance.

"Smaller target," Bucky explained. "You don't have the strength to withstand heavy forces. If someone throws a punch at you, you'll fall right over and don't try to argue with me."

"Okay, but I'm already small," Kiley reminded her. "I'm like an elf."

"Well, now you'll be smaller," Bucky pointed out. "Okay, your fist is good-"

"I told you, I know how to punch," Kiley said, sounding annoyed. "My dad taught me. That and how to shoot a gun."

"But how many people have you punched? How many people have you shot?" He questioned, but her silence was answer enough. "I know you want to learn the cool things, but you need to master the basics first. No one just wakes up and miraculously knows how… to.. do…"

Kiley attempted to hide her amused laughter as Bucky realized that one morning he _had_ woken up and knew how to fight. He had woken up one morning and was a killing machine. Everything was like a reflex, no actual memories of learning the techniques he displayed. "That's not the point," Bucky said after shaking his head.

"I get it," She promised, tossing him a brilliant smile. "Baby steps. Although, sometimes children dance before they walk."

"Kiley, learn how to throw an amazing punch and then we'll work on everything else," Bucky stated, leaving no room for argument.

"Okay," She agreed, throwing a punch onto the heavy bag. "Ow, shit. That thing is hard."

"So is a human being," Bucky reminded her, letting his hands slip from her waist and taking a step back, he reached out for a pair of red boxing gloves. "See why these are important now?"

"Yes," She grumbled, holding her hands out as Bucky started to put them on for her. He had bought them the night before, used, but still in great shape, and tried to get her to wear them. She had fought about it, reminding him that in real life, an attacker wouldn't stop for her to put on a pair of boxing gloves.

"Like I said earlier, it's idiotic to hurt yourself while training. But if you break a knuckle or two during an actual fight…" He received an eye roll, but he knew she was only playing with him.

"Now that I have these giant clown shoes on my hands," Kiley said, waving them about. "You'll have to fix my hair when it falls in my face. How's your braiding?"

His heart stopped for a moment. She wanted him to braid her hair. It was a simple enough idea. It meant nothing except no stray hairs in her face. But he could remember a hazy vision of Steve braiding Bethany's hair. His large fingers worked in perfect harmony, moving golden strands over golden strands, a look of concentration in his eyes, his tongue sticking out of his mouth slightly. When he was done, she would turn around in his arms and he would kiss her, the concentration in Steve's eyes fading to love.

All Bucky could do was swallow hard, and nod. He received an odd look from Kiley before she turned her attention back to the punching bag.

* * *

Steve closed the dresser drawer, sighing. He had finished the last of the chores on Bethany's list. It was quite extensive and it had taken them both two days to finally go through it all, but they did it. It would've taken less time, they both knew, if they didn't have two kids to take care of while also dealing with their Avengers duties.

Natasha and Clint had been gone for three days already, scouting more HYDRA facilities, while Bruce was constantly in the lab, running tests on Jen. Tony was on tech duty, trying to add the finishing touches to Bethany's suit, while also trying to establish a good and safe place to put Jen, where she wouldn't be able to hurt herself, or escape. Thor had been less than helpful, only going on and on about Loki's sceptre, so they sent him off to Dr. Selvig, hoping that they would be able to ease some of Thor's rambling.

With Bethany's memories back, and Jackson returning to the Tower, they had settled into a good place. Bethany had seen Theo calling someone on the landline, and picked up another phone and heard Jen's voicemail. He was trying to call his mother. Steve had found Bethany fuming over Jen's body. It had taken almost an hour to get her to calm down, and remind her that this wasn't _entirely_ Jen's fault.

But despite that, the kid was slowly coming out of his bubble. Jackson being back helped a lot. The babysitter was giving his full time and attention to the kid, and with his counselling, he was having less nightmares. He had only crawled into their bed once that week, opposed to three or four times like he generally had. Jackson had even convinced Theo to go back to school. Classes were ending in two weeks for Christmas vacation, so they knew that the course load would be light, and then they would have a few weeks to help Theo get caught up so that he could pass his class and move on with his friends.

"All done," Steve announced under his breath, turning to look at Molly on the bed. The cat raised her head for a moment, her eyes seemingly glaring at him, before lowering her head and going back to sleep. "Alrighty, then."

"Steve!" Bethany called out excitedly from the living room. He quickly made his way over, smiling at what he saw. Bethany and Jamie were on the ground in the living room, both in a sitting position. But what made the image so much more beautiful was that Jamie wasn't relying on Bethany for support to stay up. He was sitting by himself.

"Well, look at you, Mr. Grown Up," Steve teased as he laid on his stomach in front of Jamie. "Oh, my God. You're so big now."

"It's crazy to think that only seven months ago, he was still inside of me. Safe from harm," Bethany said, her smile fading at the last part.

"Hey, no, stop it," Steve warned. "We agreed to stop thinking that way."

"I want to go and question Jacob and that scientist… what was his name?" Bethany asked, insistently switching from mom-mode to agent. "Dr. Lynch? And that Mr. Ashley guy, too. JARVIS found some interesting recordings of him and Jacob."

"Whenever you want," Steve promised her. "But knowing you, if you're bringing this up at all, you have a plan of action already."

"Maybe," Bethany began as Steve caught Jamie from falling forward and turned him to look at his mother before moving behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. Bethany circled her legs in a makeshift pen around Jamie, tapping his nose lightly. "Christmas is coming. We have to go to D.C. anyways. It could be Peggy's last Christmas. I'd never forgive myself if we missed that. More importantly, she wouldn't forget, amidst everything and would come back and haunt our asses."

"No, that sounds like a really good idea," Steve replied, kissing her neck softly. "Makes our trip to Washington a little less…"

"Depressing?" Bethany offered. "That's what I thought. Take the jet right after Theo leaves for school, do our interrogation, see Peggy and be back before Jackson picks Theo up for Christmas vacation. It works really well."

"Speaking of Christmas," Steve began. "What can I get you, my love?"

"Fresh out of ideas?" Bethany laughed, leaning back against him.

"I decided to let Theo and Jamie have the good ideas," Steve explained.

"Oh, such a gentleman," Bethany teased, reaching out to tickle Jamie's foot for a moment, the baby letting out a loud squeal. "You know, the best present you could give me Steve is just _being_ here on Christmas. I don't need anything else."

"I specifically remember a curly haired, red lipped sass mouth telling me that Christmas was her favourite holiday back in 1943, and if I ruined it, she'd ruin me."

"I was only teasing," Bethany said seriously, but with mischief in her eyes when she looked back at him. "Plus, it wasn't Christmas."

"It was Christmas Eve," they said together, Steve nodding.

"Why is that?" He asked her, moving a hand to play with the little blond curl by her ear.

Bethany sighed, pulling Jamie into her arms. "Christmas Eve was the one time of the year when my mom was… a mom. A _good_ mom. Not even Christmas day. Just Christmas Eve. Every time it came, I wondered if she'd stay like that. Every year, I was disappointed. But those are the only really happy memories I have of being a kid. Even during the Depression, Christmas Eve was… amazing. I got a new dress every single year. I may have wanted to go out and play with Howard, but a new dress… Anything new back then was…"

"I know," Steve whispered, looking down at his son. He was happy he could provide Jamie with clean and _whole_ clothes, and that he would have the luxury of always having that. Nothing would ever need to be too big or too small. They wouldn't have to patch up trousers with mix matched pieces of fabric, or take special care of where they stepped.

"I forget about that a lot," Bethany said softly. "Being dirty almost _all_ the time. We were lucky, my family. We lost a lot, but not as much as everyone else. My mother had her own workload, and my father was able to get a second job but... Have I ever told you that the real reason the state let Howard be my guardian, even though he wasn't technically of age was because the orphanages were too full? And if Howard refused to care for me, I would've been left on the street. Tony complains that he wasn't a good father, and maybe he wasn't. But he was an amazing brother."

"You miss him," Steve whispered. "I miss him too. Him and that stupid, cocky smile of his."

This drew laughter from her, and the mood seemed to lighten. Jamie looked up at his parents, his blue eyes wide before he started babbling, reaching a hand out and making grabbing motions. "Socks," Bethany said suddenly.

"Sorry?"

"Socks," she repeated. "If you really must get me something, socks."

"If I get you socks, I'll never hear the end of it from anyone," Steve sighed. "Plus, your gift to me will probably be amazing, since you never seem to fail with those."

"Oh, it's good," Bethany assured with a smile. "It will knock _your_ socks off."

"Hardy-har-har," Steve replied, rolling his eyes.

"I don't know Steve. If you honestly don't know what to get me, after all this time together, then…"

"I'll think of something," Steve said with a sigh.

"Ask Tasha," Bethany said with a shrug. "She always has good ideas. Also, can you see if you can convince Bruce to wear the Santa suit?"

Steve snorted. "I can try, but we'll have better luck getting Thor into it."

"I know, but they don't make them that big," Bethany explained with a heavy sigh. "Look, chances are, I won't be able to give Theo his mom for Christmas. I was hoping a visit from Santa would help him. Man Steve, it kills me that he's missing her so much, and she's in the very same building."

"We agreed that we can't tell him until we help her," Steve reminded her, receiving a series of 'I know's from Bethany. "We'll help her."

"We can't make promises like that," Bethany sighed. "No matter how much we want to. But once Tony secures that cell, we'll be able to wake her up and see what she knows. From what I can tell of her file, they had only wiped her. They hadn't programmed anything."

"She's not a computer," Steve whispered. "Neither was he."

"He's fine," Bethany promised him. "Chances are, he and Kiley are somewhere in Europe, drinking hot chocolate and watching the snow fall. Maybe they're even falling in love."

Steve smiled slightly, kissing her again. "Wouldn't that be something? She'd be good for him. She's surrounded by innocence."

"You haven't seen her completely wasted. Girls' night, Steve? I cannot tell you what a shock it is, or was, every single time. But I do know what you're talking about. She's very… angelic looking. Lark-like voice. My only concern is… Never mind."

"No, you already started," Steve insisted.

She sighed, running her fingers through Jamie's curls before answering. "What if he… corrupts her? And I'm not saying that Bucky is corrupt, he's just… confused. He's lost. For him, he can only go up. Kiley? She can only fall down. See what I mean?"

"Like you and me?" Steve asked lightly, not meaning to insult her.

"Yeah," she responded, with very little emotion. "Exactly like you and me."

"Well, we worked out," Steve pointed out, pulling her closer to him and kissing her temple.

"We're _working_ out," Bethany corrected.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Steve asked, growing annoyed.

"Only that anything could happen," Bethany replied. "You know this. I know this. The entire damn world knows it, Steve. We fight. A _lot_. We have different… values. I've changed a lot for you. And I don't regret it, at all. But there are some things you can't change. We're working today, but who knows what could happen a year from now? With lives like ours? Something could change _everything_ and no matter how hard we try-"

"Beth, I don't care if you hate me, and I hate you," Steve began strongly. "I will _never_ agree to a divorce."

"Well, that seems a little hasty," Bethany said before rolling her eyes. "If we both hate each other, why be miserable together?"

"Because I'm miserable without you too."

"But if you hate me, maybe you wouldn't be," She pointed out before shaking her head. "Steve, I don't want a divorce. I love you. I've lived too long without you, I have no intentions of leaving you, ever. But all I'm saying is that anything could happen. August 1944, what were your plans for us? And be honest."

Steve sighed, thinking for a moment before answering. "I knew that you wouldn't accept a proposal, but I also knew that when the war ended, and it would have been ending soon, that I wouldn't want us to go our separate ways. I was planning on asking you to move to New York. You had grown up there, you could move back. And if you said no… I would have moved to California to be with you."

Bethany nodded slowly. "And would you say that you thought nothing would change your mind?"

"Yes," Steve allowed. "Beth, I didn't get the choice anyways."

"Oh… Yeah, I can totally picture you coming to me as the news spread across the world that the war was _finally_ over and ask me to move to New York. Steve we were barely talking. And when you _did_ look at me, it was out of spite and hate. You know I take full credit for that and will never expect you to completely forgive me, but…"

"But you just proved your point," Steve said with a sigh. "Well, don't do that again and we won't have that problem."

He meant it as a joke, but Bethany thought it was anything but funny. She said nothing in return, just playing lightly with Jamie, but no smile pulled at her face. "Beth, I'm sorry," he said lightly, kissing her neck.

She pulled away from him, getting up and taking Jamie with her, heading to their bedroom. The door closed firmly behind them and Steve sighed, lying down on the ground, covering his face with his hands. He knew he made a mistake. Bethany didn't like to talk about that one, colossal mistake in her life, but did to show Steve that she wasn't going to forget about it. He knew that she thought about it every single day, and she would occasionally dream of it. Back then, it was her ticket to freedom. But now, it was keeping her prisoner.

Their child's life, or lack of, was not a joke, and Bethany's reaction was not overreacting. Steve was making light of something she regrets every single moment of her life, and insinuating that she could do it again. She wouldn't. He knew that. By the way she loved Jamie, even when she didn't remember their relationship, the way she looked at Jamie, held him and gave him all of her, he knew that she wouldn't do it again. She _couldn't_.

Getting up, he moved to the door, knocking his knuckle against it softly. When he got no response, he opened the door a crack, seeing Bethany on the bed, holding Jamie like he was still a newborn. "Go away," she whispered, her voice hoarse. She was crying.

"Please talk to me," Steve begged, moving to sit on the bed.

Bethany didn't look at him, just watched Jamie carefully. "I can't believe you even…" She breathed, swallowing hard.

"I know," Steve whispered, his heart aching a little. "Beth, it was stupid. I take it back."

She laughed, but with no humor. "You think?"

"What do I have to do?" He asked her, reaching out and placing a soft hand on her leg. "Tell me, I'll do anything."

She reached up and wiped a tear off her cheek, turning her gaze to him. Every single time she cried, her experience showed in her eyes. He could see each and every single heartache and heartbreak. "It's nothing you can do physically," she told him. "Having Jamie… It's amazing because he's just… He's like…"

"I know," Steve promised her, knowing that there were no words for having a son.

"He's my heart, Steve," Bethany explained. "If I lose him… I lose myself. If I had to pick between my life and his, always it would be his. I'd pick his life over yours too."

"Good," Steve nodded.

"But…" she choked up as she tried to continue. "The more I love him, the guiltier I feel for a child I never loved, and never got the opportunity to. I know I don't deserve this. You do, and because you chose me, I know that I have to give it to you. And I'm more than happy to do it. But… it hurts. A _lot._ I broke my own heart, Steve. I once told you that you were waiting on a broken heart by being with me, do you remember that?"

"Vividly," Steve sighed.

"Well, apparently I was too," She breathed, trying to collect herself. "I don't deserve more. But I want more."

"More… more what?" Steve asked, moving his hand up and taking hers in his. She was no longer mad at him. She was mad at herself, and while that wasn't better, at least he could help her this way.

"Babies," she whispered, looking down at Jamie. "I hated being pregnant, I know. But… looking back, it was magical. I always had you with me. I was never alone. And I know that now is definitely not the time. But I still want it. I'd give the missions up, the thrill, all again, you know I would."

"I know," Steve nodded.

"That's something that I love, but I'd give it up in an instant to have more children," she sighed.

"Despite what you think," Steve started, moving close to her, and pulling her close, careful not to squish Jamie. "You do deserve this. Not in the most traditional sense, but you've more than made up for your mistakes. You've seen so long beating yourself up. We'll have more kids, okay? As many as you want. Even if I'm old and gray and you're still young, and you want more, I'll give you as many as I can. If children will make you happy, Beth-"

"Do you think the guilt will build up and get worse?" She asked meekly, pulling away from him and letting Jamie sit in her lap. He hadn't been complaining, but it was clear that he liked this better.

"I can't tell you," Steve replied honestly. "I wish that I could, but I can't. I wish I could answer all of your questions. But right now, all I can do is make you feel better."

Bethany gave him a soft smile, but it was Jamie who dragged it into a full grin as he opened his little arms and wrapped Bethany, to the best of his ability, within them, pressing his body against hers. "Are you hugging Momma?" Bethany asked, wrapping her own arms around him. "Huh, little Munchkin?"

Steve reached to his bedside table and picked his phone off it, quickly snapping a photo. Molly had gotten up from her spot on Steve's pillow and was making her way over to crawl onto Steve's lap. "I feel better," she told him, pressing her lips to Jamie's hair, the little boy looking up to her when her lips moved away.

"All of our mistakes brought us here, right now," Steve reminded Bethany.

"I know," she said before swallowing.

"We have some Christmas presents to wrap," Steve began. "Why don't I go find a good record and we can start on those?"

"Sounds perfectly," Bethany breathed, rolling her eyes when Steve leaned in for a kiss, but giving it to him anyways.

* * *

When Theo's bedtime rolled around, Steve and Bethany realized that for the first time since Jamie was born, and probably before that, they weren't exhausted come seven thirty. Popping some popcorn and a bottle of champagne, they curled onto the couch and started to watch _Holiday Inn_.

"I love Marjorie Reynolds' hair like that," Bethany spoke, her head on a pillow on Steve's lap.

"You hate Victory Rolls," Steve said, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"But those aren't… you know, _in your face_. Plus, she can pull them off. I never could. But I'm not complaining, I always loved my waves."

"I did too," Steve whispered, running a hand through her short hair. She looked beautiful with it short, there was no arguing. It somehow made her seem more mature, and motherly. But he missed playing with her curls. He missed braiding it. Bethany didn't even call him into the bathroom, asking him to flat iron the back of her hair anymore. She just got out of the shower and let it dry naturally.

"It's just hair, Steve. It'll grow back," Bethany reminded him. "Do you know how many times I was burnt to a crisp in my life?"

"I'd rather not think about it," Steve replied, cringing at just the idea.

"The point is, I've never had to cut it this short. Not once," Bethany explained. "But I don't mind it like this. It's convenient for now. Okay, no. Marjorie Reynolds is now on my top five list."

Steve rolled his eyes, thinking back to when he first told Bethany of his top five most beautiful girls in the world. "I stand in my answers."

"You know what I noticed? That Hedy Lamarr is just a more… made up version of Vivien Leigh. If Lamarr wore less makeup, she and Leigh would look like twins."

Steve thought about it for a moment before nodding. "You're right. Okay, I'll take Lamarr off my list then and add Gene Tierney. Happy?"

"I wanted you to add Judy Garland," Bethany reminded him.

"But you said that Gene Tierney was prettier than you," Steve added.

"Well, she is. _Was_ ," Bethany corrected herself before laughing for a moment.

Steve smiled, intertwining their fingers. "What's so funny?"

"True or false, your ideal picture of beauty will now and always be the Old Hollywood glamour style."

"True, I guess," Steve allowed.

"But you hate when I wear pounds of makeup," Bethany continued, to which Steve nodded. "I barely wear any makeup now compared to then."

"But it's so… classy," Steve explained. "And sexy."

"Yes," Bethany allowed. "I always felt sexy with a peek-a-boo wave like Veronica Lake, but with the fullness of Rita Hayworth. And the red lips? Classic. I still like doing a red lip now and then. I felt… Like everyone wanted me. And that always made me feel like I had power."

It was silent for a moment, both of their attentions on the classic movie before Steve spoke up. "You're still sexy," he reassured. "Not in the same way, but you certainly are desirable."

She smiled up at him, a hand snaking up his neck, pulling him down and meeting him halfway for a kiss. "Thanks," she said against his lips.

"Do you want to finish the movie?" Steve asked as she sat up, positioning herself on his lap.

"Not really," Bethany said with a cocky smile on her face, kissing him again, this time sucking on his bottom lip for a moment before moving to straddle him. "We'll have to be quiet."

"That's not an issue for me," Steve reminded her, the bridge of his nose trailing down her chin and placing a kiss on the soft skin under her ear. His hands moved up her back, letting himself get lost in everything about her.

"I can be quiet," Bethany said, letting out a happy sigh. "When I want to be. I always thought you _liked_ me being loud."

"I always thought someone would walk in on us," Steve said against her skin.

"Trust me Steve, if people got close enough to have the _ability_ to walk in on us, they would've heard and knew _not_ to," Bethany replied, tilting her head as Steve's lips began to wander downwards. She gripped his biceps, feeling them flex as she began to move her hips in circles, slowly and tenderly.

Steve's teeth grazed her sweet spot as he started to harden, a soft groan slipping from him and tickling her neck. Tightening his arms around her, he quickly moved so that she laid on the couch, his body hovering hers. She laughed, Steve smiling but giving her a firm "shhhh" before kissing her softly. Her hands began to wander, slipping into his sweater and her fingernails lightly moving across his back.

"Should we try the first of those positions, my love?" Bethany asked, biting her lip softly when he pulled back. "Flip to a random page and have our try at it?"

Steve opened his mouth to approve her idea when they heard soft steps coming from the elevator. Steve looked over his shoulder, watching as Bruce walked in, his gaze on a tablet in his hands. "Do you have a moment?"  
Steve and Bethany shared a look before looking back at Banner who was finally raising his gaze. "Oh," he let out when he saw their position, Steve on top of her, Bethany's legs opened, one hanging off the couch and the other hooked over Steve's leg. "I didn't mean too-"

"It's okay," Bethany said, surprising Steve. They hadn't fooled around long enough to be too far gone, but he knew that there was a good chance that the moment was lost, gone permanently after Bruce said what he came to say.

"If you're sure," Bruce said looking at Steve.

"Yeah," Steve sighed, sitting up and freeing Bethany. He crossed his legs in a feeble attempt to keep his modesty.

"What's up?" Bethany asked as she crossed her legs under her, and grabbed the remote to mute the TV.

Bruce moved over and handed her the tablet. "I've finished the tests," he explained, sitting on the table across from the couch as Bethany scrolled down the page and reviewed the results.

"Conclusive towards what I know," Bethany replied. "But her genes were altered like mine and Steve's. Like yours, Bruce."

"Reversing this will be hard," Bruce nodded.

"That's if she _wants_ to reverse it," Bethany sighed. "I'm not doing anything to her until I can talk to her. See what she wants. And I think we can all agree that that's right."

Both men nodded. "From what you've said, she doesn't have full capabilities of controlling her… anomaly," Bruce added.

"Just the same way like I can't help my healing," Bethany said under her breath. "She didn't want to turn me to ice. You could tell from the look in her eyes that she was shocked."

"Scared," Steve corrected. "She was scared."

"We have the footage of her freezing water, turning it to gas," Bruce reminded them.

"But that was _water_ ," Steve added. "Not a person. We're just lucky it was Beth. Anyone else… that could have had lasting effects."

"We need to wake her up soon," Bethany said with a sigh.

"Tony said that the cell is almost complete," Bruce informed her, accepting the tablet back.

"Ugh," Bethany moaned. "Don't call it that. It makes her sound like a prisoner."

"She may very well be," Steve reminded her softly. "If she wakes up and she doesn't want to be here… we can't just let her go. And I'd rather her be here than in a governmental cell in D.C."

"I… I guess that's true," Bethany allowed. "But I don't want her to feel that way. I want her to know that we're trying to help her. From everything we've learned from the HYDRA files, they hadn't started to brainwash her. From what I'm gathering, they wanted her to get comfortable with her… ability."

"Make sure they could use her as a weapon before fully investing themselves, maybe?" Bruce suggested. "I can't imagine the brainwashing process to be easy."

"No," Bethany replied, sharing a quick look at Steve. "If they sent her here, there's a lot that could break the wall they built. It would have had to be extensive and long."

"And as long as they had Jen, they would hold back on moving on Jamie," Steve summarized, placing a hand on the small of Bethany's back, rubbing it softly.

"But at least we have a lot of info on them now," Bruce reminded the couple. "We'll get them before they get us, don't worry. No one will take that little guy from you without the Big Guy coming out."

Bethany gave him a tight lipped smile, showing her appreciation, but knowing that she would be worried no matter what. "Thanks for keeping us up to date," Steve replied, standing up, offering to walk Bruce out. Bethany stayed on the couch, taking in a deep breath and thinking about everything that had happened recently.

When Steve came back over, he turned off the TV and offered his hand to Bethany. She took it and they walked hand-in-hand to the bedroom. Without saying anything, they brushed their teeth and changed into their pajamas before crawling into bed. They were laying side by side, letting their thoughts wander.

"At what point do we tell Theo? At what point do we go out? At what point do we stop telling ourselves that nothing bad will happen?" Bethany asked the darkness. Steve reached out and took her hand, their fingers intertwining. He had no answers for her and was out of words of comfort. Everything he could say, he had said. Everything he once believed was on shaky ground. Good didn't always win. HYDRA was better equipped and had more numbers. They had the upper hand of operating in secret and having SHIELD's secrets. In every light, they were the underdogs of the situation.

But then again, that wasn't anything new to Steve.

* * *

 ****A/N: So the next chapter has the Rogers family going to D.C. to visit Peggy and a certain HYDRA agent. It's all written, just waiting for the finishing touches :) Anyone see the new promo art for _Civil War_? Love that Sharon Carter is on it. I'm a HUGE Sharon fan. Honestly, I always thought the exchanges between Peggy and Steve were cute, but I want Steve with Sharon. I like how they operated in the comics, and I love Emily van Camp. For everyone who "hates" her just because of Peggy, you need a reality check. Peggy's character is heavily based off of Sharon from the comics, and Steve and Sharon actually had a relationship/life together. Even if they don't portray them as anything BUT friends in the movie, I'm very excited for Sharon. She's not just a love interest, she is honestly an amazing character. Anyways, my rant is over, but yeah. Love Sharon. **

**IrelandLover: Haha yeah. No. The way I see it, Steve is always embarrassed because he was taught that all of that was saved for marriage. Well, he's married. He has a son. He knows that there's no reason to be embarrassed about the way he thinks about his wife, nor what they do in their spare time. He's a very confident person in every other aspect of his life. Why not in marriage?**

 **BerMH: Their life is getting more like how they've always lived in with the SSR and SHIELD, so yes. Very normal for them. It'll be fun to play with that, and also develop them and see how they feel about this "normal" compared to, how you put it, a Norman Rockwell painting.**

 **Jo: Yeah, Jen doesn't have the best luck, does she?**

 **SarahMichelleGellarFan1: Haha, that scene came to me very late at night when my mind was wandering. I wasn't gonna put it in, but I was having a hard time closing the chapter on an un-awkward tone, so smut to the rescue!**

 **FeliciaFelicis: Jen's power definitely has the ability to make her either a villain or hero. OH MY GOD, if that makes you a pervert, I don't even want to know what I am... Although I'll wear it proudly considering I have no shame and neither should you :P Yes, I've always wanted to write Steve and Bethany in new positions but Steve is very... vanilla. I don't really think that he would come up with these positions, so... Haha, things will get interesting ;) I get 99% of my fangirl stuff from RedBubble, so check that out. Not sure if they ship to the UK, but I don't see why they wouldn't :) They have everything! Oh man, I haven't heard the wait til Christmas thing since I got my credit card about three years ago. Certainly freeing! Use that baby at least once a week since online shopping is a gift from God.**


	14. A Memory With Strings

Chapter 14- Memory With **Strings**

 _"From the wrinkles on my forehead to the mud upon my shoe. Everything's a memory with string that tie to you. In my dream I'm often running, to the place that's out of you. Of every kind of memory with strings that tie to you."_

 _~Strings That Tie to You, Jon Brion_

* * *

When Bethany and Steve had made plans to spend the day in D.C., Steve had assumed they would leave the baby at home. They were going to visit a sick, old friend and then interrogate members of HYDRA. It wasn't a place for a six month old. But Bethany wouldn't hear any of it. She insisted on bringing Jamie with them.

It wasn't that she didn't trust Jackson. She did and so did Steve. Tony was also continually working on making Avengers Tower the safest place on the planet. There was no way another HYDRA member would be able to worm their way into the building. After a lot of digging Bethany finally admitted that she wanted Peggy to see Jamie and this may be the only chance they could get.

"I just… I don't know. You knew. Bucky knew. Howard knew. And her. Peggy knew," Bethany explained, dressing Jamie for the trip. "And…"

"I get it," Steve sighed, leaning in to kiss her forehead. "You just want to show her that you're happy, I'm happy and that Jamie is happy."

"Is that wrong?" Bethany asked, wincing lightly.

"No," Steve replied. "As long as it's not bragging."

She smiled, rolling her eyes. "No... not entirely, anyways."

But Steve had been right. They should have left Jamie at home. They were only in the air for twenty seconds when Jamie started to cry. And refused to stop. Whenever Steve would hold him, he would howl. Whenever Bethany would hold him, he would wail. If Bethany tried to sing, he would drown her out with his own sounds. If Steve tried to play with his plushies with him, Jamie would grab them and throw them away. He was six months old and he was having a temper tantrum that could rival a temper tantrum of the terrible twos. He had even gone as far as to bite Steve at one point.

Steve was grateful that Bethany decided to call upon the private pilot opposed to fly the jet herself. It was a two-person job. Although, he felt really bad for the pilot, noting that he would have to give him a hefty tip.

"I don't know what's wrong," Bethany said exasperatedly for the fifth time. The flight was only an hour, but it felt like it had been hour _s_.

"I don't know," Steve replied, trying to rub soothing circles on Jamie's back. He had always been good. Even as a newborn. He would wake them up every hour and a half to be fed, and he wouldn't take long to fall back to sleep. Even on his worst days, they knew they were good in comparison. If this was what Jamie was like when Steve had been by Bethany's hospital bed, Jackson deserved longer vacation time, that much he knew for certain.

As soon as the jet landed, Jamie's crying had turned into whimpers and hiccups, his tantrum dying down. "So apparently, he hates flying," Bethany summarized as Jamie let out a yawn and placed his head in the curve of her neck.

"I guess he has more Rogers in him than we thought," Steve replied, opening up the stroller. He took his time setting it up, snapping the baby car seat into place and making sure all of Tony's advancements were working properly before stepping back to help Bethany bundle him in his snowsuit, mittens and hat. When he was snug in his stroller, a thick blanket laying on top of him, they began to quickly dress themselves before he got too hot and started to complain again.

"Now he's tired," Steve said before letting out a heavy sigh, watching as Jamie's long lashes began to close.

"I wouldn't expect anything else after that show," Bethany said softly, her exhaustion loud and clear through her words.

"Here," Steve began, leaning out and fixing her scarf to cover more of her neck.

"Thanks," Bethany replied, tugging on the last of her winter clothes, a hat, and motioning for them to leave. It wasn't nearly as cold as New York City was, but Bethany's body lost heat quicker than the average persons' and Steve was _not_ fond of the cold, since it brought back some pretty terrible memories. As for Jamie, they would rather him fuss and be warm than having the same condition as Bethany and freezing.

The journey to Peggy's retirement home wasn't long, and as Steve went to speak to the receptionist, Bethany began to take layers off herself and Jamie, who was cranky from being woken up prematurely. "I know, I know," Bethany mumbled as Jamie whined. She picked him up, bouncing him rhythmically as Steve came back up.

"She said that Peggy is having a good day, so it's good that we came," Steve explained, carefully pushing Jamie's curls into place.

"Is Sharon coming?" Bethany asked, wincing as Jamie let out an unhappy squeal, his arms going on to Steve.

Taking the baby in his arms, Steve shrugged. "She didn't say. But aren't we seeing her later today?"

"Yeah, I just didn't want her to miss a good day. Things go from great to horrible pretty quick. Especially as time passes," Bethany sighed before shaking her head and looking around at everyone lounging in the lobby. "I always feel like I cheated life by still being young. It makes me… uncomfortable."

"We got married here," Steve reminded her.

"I know, I just… I don't like the gazes I get, that's all," Bethany explained. "Let's just go. I want Peggy to remember everything, not like last time you were here."

When Steve had gone to D.C. a few months ago to take Bethany's place in a series of meetings with the government, he didn't hesitate to drop by and speak to Peggy. He had left heartbroken each time as Peggy had _no_ memory of him. She had been completely gone, lost.

As they made their way to Peggy's room, Jamie kept squirming in Steve's arms, but he kept him secure in his arms, giving him soft hushes to try and soothe him. "He had to pick today to act like Tony, didn't he?" Steve asked, watching as Jamie's fingers tried to reach up and grab Steve's hair, no doubt to pull it.

"Maybe his teeth are bothering him," Bethany suggested before lightly knocking on Peggy's door and sticking her head in. "Pegs?"

"What did you do to your hair?" Came Peggy's voice, filled with age and exhaustion.

"She stepped too close to the fire," Steve explained as they moved into the room. "Hi Peggy."

She looked so small in her bed, completely unrecognizable to her former self. Her hair was thinner than it was last time he saw her, and she looked to be struggling to just keep her head up, even as it was propped against a pile of pillows. "I didn't step too close, I was trapped," Bethany corrected, acting as if Peggy was the same as she had been back in 1940. Steve figured it was because Bethany had watched Peggy age. Steve was still always in shock.

"I see you brought me a present," Peggy said, her eyes trailed on Jamie.

"He's not particularly happy today," Steve explained, moving to Peggy's bedside and carefully sitting on the edge so she could see the baby.

"He looks like you," Peggy said softly, her wrinkled and weak hand moving out to touch Jamie's foot carefully.

"He has Beth's curls," Steve added, feeling Bethany's hand on his shoulder, taking her spot next to him. "And lips."

"And Howard's mischievous glint," Peggy added. Bethany craned her head around Steve's body to look at her son.

"Oh yeah!" She agreed. " _That_ 's why he looks like him."

"That doesn't concern me at all," Steve grumbled, sitting Jamie on the bed and watching as the infant looked around his new surroundings, making baby-like garbles.

"So, how you doing Pegs?" Bethany asked.

"Oh, you know. Craving something new and never getting it," Peggy replied, smiling tiredly. "Barely get out of bed some days. Part of me wonders why I'm still holding on."

Steve closed his eyes for a moment, swallowing. "Don't say that Peggy."

"I've got nothing left to stay here for," Peggy explained, still smiling softly. "I told myself I wouldn't give up until they found you. They found you. You're married and you have a son. You have a family. You're living your life. There's nothing left for me to regret."

"Does your fading memory scare you?" Bethany asked suddenly. "I just… I recently lost some memories. I forgot about Jamie. Our marriage. And I'm terrified of losing them again."

"It's not always so bad," Peggy replied with a weak shrug. "If the memories are lost, I don't know that I've lost them. It's when I remember that the panic sets in. But when they fade again, I have a sense of… peace. It's not the way I want to go, not remembering my life, but it's the hand I was dealt. But the memories… those are the ones that are connected to the pain and the fear."  
The word 'sorry' would never be enough. Steve could tell Peggy over and over that he was sorry that she was suffering like this, but at the end of the day, the words wouldn't have any effect. And often, she wouldn't remember them.

"What brings you to D.C. anyways?" Peggy asked, her smile growing for a moment when Jamie let out a laughing squeal, randomly pleased by his own musing.

"Well, you, for one," Steve promised. "We wanted to see you. Wanted you to see Jamie."

"Jamie," Peggy mused. "Very fitting."

"We also have some business to do," Bethany added. "We captured some HYDRA agents that were participating in illegal human experimentation."

"Exciting," Peggy nodded. "How is your work coming along?"

"It's…" Bethany paused, sharing a look with Steve. "Not coming along as fast as we'd hope, but it's coming. The idea is to end HYDRA before they make any real moves."

"They've been in the news a lot," Peggy nodded. "So has SHIELD."

"They keep saying that things HYDRA is doing is SHIELD," Bethany confirmed. "SHIELD is… nothing but a ghost at this point. Some agents are still out there. But everything we made it out to be? It's gone. And I don't think it'll ever come back. But there's enough little SHIELD groups scattered here and there to stop whatever HYDRA's plans are."

"Our plan is to stop them permanently," Steve explained. "As well as stop any other global disturbances. We want Jamie to be safe, as well as everyone else."

"Something Bethany knows very well has been a long challenge," Peggy added.

"It didn't help that I took a break," Bethany sighed, looking to Jamie who was studying his hands like they were the most interesting thing in the world. "Not that I regret it."

"I understand," Peggy promised. "There's only so much you can do for others before you do something for yourself."

* * *

Kiley was standing in the corner, clutching her sweater to her. They had found an extremely cheap inn and since the weather was getting so low, they decided they deserved a night in a warm hotel room opposed to in the uncomfortably cold car. The room had a double bed and a pull out couch, which Bucky quickly stated he would take. She had crawled under the sheets of her bed with a smile, feeling safe and warm.

But now, she was terrified. Bucky was on his bed, thrashing wildly and crying violently. She wanted to wake him up, but she knew that it could just make everything so much worse. He could hurt himself, or even her. Conscious, she trusted him completely. He didn't scare her, even when he got that dark look in his eyes. But unconscious, he was unpredictable. He had the ability to crush her, beat her, _kill_ her even. And the only one who would know what he had done would be the two of them, lost in the middle of nowhere.

She felt guilty for standing there like a coward. Kiley had promised Bucky to be there for him, to always help him, and here she was, standing against the wall and trying not to cry. She had never seen him this bad. The way his body was convulsing, it was as if he was being tortured and she couldn't just watch any longer.

Looking around the room, she decided that she would throw a pillow at him, with the hopes of it waking him up. While the idea and execution wasn't going to win her the Nobel Prize, and was very dangerous, she couldn't watch him suffer any longer.

Carefully moving across the room, she picked up the pillow from her bed, clutching it to her chest for a moment while she gathered her courage. Letting out a quick breath she tossed it in his general direction, and missing all together. Bucky had the other pillow from the bed. Taking that new built up courage, she tiptoed over to pick up the pillow. She was hovering above him for a moment before she ducked down and grabbed the pillow. Before she could step away to toss it at him again, his eyes flashed open and faster than Kiley thought was humanly possible, he had her pinned against her bed.

She let out a squeak of surprise as his hands pushed against her shoulders. His face was barely an inch away from hers, and there was no recognition in his eyes. His breathing was heavy and he had trails of sweat running down his face and neck. Her eyes were wide as she stared back at him, waiting for him to remember where he was and who she was, but she felt something… _odd_ stir within her. His lips were parted slightly, and she could see how pink they were with the few strays of light dancing through the blinds from the streetlight just outside their room.

"Bucky?" She attempted, her voice as soft as a feather.

As he let out a deep breath, he pulled himself away from her, stumbling to the pull out couch and sitting on it. He rested his elbows on his knees and buried his head in between, his shoulders shaking. "Hey, it's okay," she tried after sitting up and leaning out to touch his arm.

He flinched at her touch but relaxed after a moment, giving Kiley the motivation to sit beside him and place a hand on his bare back. She could feel his muscles clenching with every breath he took, but she dare not say anything until he calmed down. She let her hand dance around his back, hoping to soothe him, and soon enough his breathing started to slow.

"I'm sorry," Bucky whispered.

"You didn't do anything," Kiley replied honestly.

"I scared you," Bucky continued, as if she said nothing. "I could have killed you. Did I… Did I hurt you?"

"No," She promised when he looked up at her.

"Are you sure?" He asked, raising his metal hand to her face lightly, hesitating before cupping it.

"You didn't hurt me," Kiley promised, her hand resting on his lower back. "You scared me, but only because I was worried about you."  
"I could have hurt you," Bucky said, seemingly not concerned about her worry for him. "You shouldn't… you shouldn't be here."

Despite his words and the fear in his eyes at being so close to her, he didn't move away. If anything he got closer to her, his other hand, the one with flesh, moving to touch her waist softly. "But I am here," she reminded him. "And I'm not leaving you. No matter what. Okay?"

His brows furrowed, his worry evident, but he only nodded. "I don't want you to leave," he whispered.

"And I'm not going to," She repeated. "Me leaving is the last thing you need to worry about. Do… do you want to talk about it? The dreams?"

"No," he said so softly that his lips barely moved. "I don't want to relive it."

"How can I drown the dreams for you?" Kiley asked when his metal hand fell and landed softly in his lap. "What can I do to help you sleep?"

He looked at the window, the blinds making it impossible to see outside, but he seemed intent on watching the shadows and slivers of light dance into the room. "Sing to me?" He asked softly.

Kiley was taken back at that but nodded nonetheless. "Yeah, yes. Of course," she stumbled. "Lie down."

Bucky did as she instructed, picking up the pillow she had previously thrown at him and placing it next to his own. Kiley took his hint and laid down beside him on her side, and pushing some of his hair out of his face. _He'll need a cut soon_ , she thought to herself, wondering if he'd let her do it.

"What song do you want?" She asked when he closed his eyes.

"A song that always makes you happy," Bucky said softly. "Something that brings back a happy memory for you."

Kiley took a moment to think it over before remembering a song that she had heard a few years ago while clicking random youtube videos and had ultimately fallen in love with. It became what she wanted in her life.

 _"Run away with me. Let me be your ride out of town, let me be the place that you hide. We can make our lives on the go. Run away with me,"_ Kiley began, smiling as she sang the words, realizing in a way, in a _lot_ of ways, she was getting what she wanted when she heard the song originally. The circumstances weren't exactly desirable, but nonetheless she was getting it.

 _"I'm not trying to make you a wife here, I'm not trying to tie you down. I'm just saying there may be a life here- a new one as soon as we run, just as soon as we run,"_ she continued, her eyes on Bucky's face. He wasn't asleep, she knew this. But he was visibly taking comfort from her words.

 _"Say the word and I'm already there…"_ Kiley sang, her voice getting quieter with every word and her eyes heavier. _"Run away with me…"_

* * *

It felt eerily comforting to be in an intelligence building again. All around her were agents and security systems. It was business, all day, every day. And she felt like she was home.

"They haven't told us much," Sharon explained as she led the three of them to where they were holding the HYDRA agents. "We've had a lot of agencies in here, trying to use whatever they could to crack them, but there's only so much we can do considering we have to abide the law."

"What? Playing Aqua for thirty hours straight hasn't cracked them?" Bethany joked.

"SHIELD definitely had some… successful tactics," Sharon agreed with a soft smile. "But also a lot of corruption."

"You will not hear us arguing that," Steve replied, looking down to Jamie who was sleeping in his arms. "Beth, I don't want to bring him in with us."

"I can watch him," Sharon promised. "I always took good care of Molly, didn't I?"

Bethany chuckled, nodding. "He'll be fine with her," she told Steve, although she knew he still had some apprehensions. "Although, good luck if he wakes up. He's not a happy camper today."

"Well, lucky for me, you'll be on the other side of this wall," Sharon announced as they came to a stop.

"Wait, you're holding all of the capture HYDRA agents in one area?" Steve asked, his disapproval clear.

"They're all in isolation," Sharon explained. "Having a concentrated area is easier than separating them. Plus, we're getting someone new every single day, thanks to all the SHIELD agents that are still out there working. I know there's risk in this, but it's better than our alternative."

"How is the CIA regarding that?" Bethany asked, leaning against the wall.

"Mixed views," Sharon nodded. "Although they let me in quite easily. Proving myself, as always, will be a challenge, but it'll always be one I'll welcome. Makes it all the more worth it."

Bethany smiled, letting out a small chuckle. "You sound like your Aunt. As much as you think your male co-workers are asses, you should have seen and heard them right after the war, where it was expected that women just start popping out babies."

"Oh, I've heard the stories," Sharon replied with a smile of her own. "How was she? When you saw her?"

Bethany and Steve shared a sad look before Steve sighed and replied. "She's withering away into nothing. She seems to be accepting this though."

"She's lived a full life," Sharon reminded him. "She says there's nothing holding her back anymore. And as much as I don't want to lose her, I don't want her suffering anymore."

"Well, you're always welcome in our family," Bethany promised. "Stop being such a stranger. I know work is important to you. But so is living your own life. Peggy wouldn't want you to waste it all away on work. Even she knew when to slow down."

"I'm not ready to slow down," Sharon insisted. "I mean, how long were you not ready to slow down?"

"Touché," Bethany replied before chuckling. "Okay, we better get started."

"Right," Steve nodded before handing Jamie to Sharon. He made sounds in his sleep during the exchange, but let out a long sigh before stilling in his sleep. Steve watched his son for a moment, Bethany moving a hand to his arm.

"Steve, he'll be okay," she promised him. He only gave her a nod before Sharon instructed the guard to let them in.

Sharon had handed Bethany a tablet with all the information on the prisoners, including their cell number. The rooms they had them in were indeed isolated. Bright and harsh lights hung from the ceiling down the long hallway, but besides that, everything else was black. Two rows, one on each side of the hallway, of cells stretched out far. Each had a thick heavy door with a thumb print pad as substitute from a door handle.

"They have Jacob in eighty-three," Bethany said as the door behind them closed.

"Beth," Steve began as she started forward. "I don't like leaving him on the other-"

"Steve, I trust Sharon," Bethany replied quickly, her pace never slowing for a moment. "If I wasn't comfortable, do you think I would leave him? No."

"Fine," he grumbled.

"I know you're worried," Bethany sighed. "But all our worries are in _here_ , not out there."

"Fine," he repeated, earning a scoff from his wife. The rest of the walk was spent in silence.

"Here," Bethany announced, arriving in front of cell eighty-three. She placed her thumb on the scanner, her print having been long ago embedded in their system, since before Steve woke up. She was one of the few SHIELD members to have that privilege then, and now.

When the door opened up, the room was all white, the lights above Jacob's bed and small open bathroom very harsh. Jacob sat on the bed, his hands covering his eyes, trying to get some sort of relief from the bright light. Steve and Bethany stepped into the cell, the door closing behind them. Steve reached out and touched the force field wall in front of them, pulling back at the sharp tingle it emitted. The soft _buzz_ had been enough to gather Jacob's attention. For a moment he looked confused. And then he looked scared. But just as quick, he looked excited, and that emotion stayed on his face for the entire visit.

"Well, well, well," he said, getting off his bed and walking to stand in front of the force field. "What do I owe this visit? I'm sorry the place isn't nicer, I wasn't expecting visitors. I would have made a spread, a little cheese and cracker-"

"Cut the crap, Charinski," Steve spat.

"Ohh, short tempered today, I see," Jacob smiled, seemingly proud of himself. "Although I can't really blame you. I'd be cranky too if I had your life. And how are you today, Mrs. Rogers?"

Bethany gave him a fake smile. "I'll be a whole lot better once I rip your eyes from their sockets."

He didn't flinch, just continued to look amused. "Oh, but I don't think my wife would like that. She loves my eyes, you see."

"Oh really?" Bethany asked. "Because… well, I was under the impression that you and your freaky Dr. Frankenstein took away her memories."

"Caught onto that, did you?" Jacob asked, crossing his arms. "Honestly, I like her a whole lot better this way. She doesn't know right from wrong. A blank slate. You can basically tell her anything and she'll believe you too. No apprehension, no suspicion. You should look into that, Captain."

Bethany wrapped her hand around Steve's wrist when he went to move forward. Her hold couldn't actually hold him back, but it helped him remember and calm down. However, Jacob didn't fail to notice this, his smile getting bigger. He was getting to Steve, it was obvious. But Bethany knew how to play this game, and she was _good_ at it.

"A very interesting way to suppress the mental reactions with Paracelsus," Bethany continued, nodding and putting on a thoughtful façade. "Takes away all the pressure the brain had been through during the procedure. Yes, it puts more… stress on it, but at the same time, she's unaware of all of this. An odd type of placebo effect, wouldn't you agree?"

"All I know is that it worked," Jacob replied. "Have you seen her in action?"

"Yeah," Bethany nodded. "Almost turned me into an ice sculpture. Why did you pick ice? Wouldn't fire be better? Air? Earth?"

"They were saving fire," Jacob explained. "And they had yet to stabilize air and earth. At least ice was an easier process. Plus, we wanted to turn her into a cold hearted killer. Emphasises on 'cold'."

"Saving fire for…?" Bethany asked, narrowing her eyes slightly. Jacob's smile only grew, his eyes full of knowledge. "For me? Why do people keep assuming I'm meant to control fire?"

"Your reputation will never die," Jacob explained. "And neither will you. And never will a strong fire. You're the Phoenix. HYDRA wants to make you one of them."

"And the only way to turn me into one of you would be to wipe my memories," Bethany concluded. "Jen wouldn't have joined you either. You had no choice but to wipe her memories. You didn't care whether or not a mental illness progressed, did you?"

"Oh no, I did," Jacob replied. "I had… sorry, _have_ a lot riding on her. I needed her to stay sane. I needed her to learn how to control her ability. And I wanted to strike as soon as we could. Initially I wanted to wait," he admitted. "Wait until she was awake and could control her newfound abilities. But then I wanted to strike right after that. It was clear that you were all weak. Your guards were down."

"But not anymore," Steve replied. "You missed your shot."

"Oh no," Jacob disagreed. "We'll get it again."

"So you're still after a baby?" Bethany asked. "HYDRA still wants my son?"

"He's… unique," Jacob explained. "You know that. You both have been through genetic modifications that have completely baffled science for seventy years. One could even say you two are the epitome of _perfect_. So then, what does that make your son? Can you blame us for wanting to see his potential?"

"Oh, you'll find out," Bethany confirmed. "Just not the way you want."

"What, you think locking a hundred of us up will change anything? Our motto may be lame, but it's true. More than that, people are _interested_ in our work now. It's all science and innovation. We want to branch out and welcome other parties, unlike SHIELD who kept the goodies mainly to themselves."

"Because no one else could be trusted," Steve said between his teeth, his jaw and fists clenched.

"Ha, you got that right," Jacob nodded. "Ah, but I worry not. Everything will fall into place. You'll see."

"You're right," Bethany allowed, a confident smirk on her face. "Everything _will_ fall into place. But I'll make damn sure that HYDRA doesn't get a single hair from Jamie's head. And I will kill anyone who gets in my way. The only reason you're still alive is because we're merciful and have decided your more useful to us alive. But not for long."

"I'm not an idiot," Jacob stated. "I know how this game works. I was a SHIELD agent, once upon a time."

Bethany shook her head. "You were never a SHIELD agent. And no one is better at this game than me. The game of life and death? Of truth and lies? I will win, like I always do. And I'll have you begging for mercy-"

"I will not beg-"

"You _will_ ," Bethany said strongly, with so much passion in her voice that a chill ran up Steve's spine. "But before I do that, I'm going to make you regret even sparing Jen a glance. This I promise you."

Jacob had no response, and with that, Bethany led Steve out the door.

* * *

Bruce watched as Bethany and Steve talked in hush voices in the corner. He was trying not to eavesdrop, but it was too tempting. By their tones, he knew they weren't talking of love, but were arguing about something. Bethany seemingly won after eight minutes had passed by, but she wore no smile of success.

"She's secure in there?" She asked, stepping beside the control panel on the room Tony designed for Jen.

"According to Tony," Bruce nodded. "He has JARVIS keeping a constant watch on her. If she gets too violent or dangerous, he will emit a harmless gas that will knock her out."

"Hopefully it won't come to that," Bethany sighed. "Will she be awake soon?"

"As soon as I hit this button," he began, pointing to a key on the control panel that would keep her asleep. "She'll wake up. She'll be very groggy, however."

Bethany reached out and pressed the button, shocking Bruce. "I want five minutes with her."

"Wait, what?" Bruce asked, looking to Steve who only crossed his arms and shook his head lightly in defeat.

"She won't hurt me," Bethany spoke passionately. "If you need to put her down, I'll have at least thirty seconds after she falls asleep to get out, considering my regeneration will keep me awake longer than her. But I want five minutes. Uninterrupted."

Bruce and Steve shared a look before he nodded. "Go ahead."

Watching Bethany place her hand against the scanner, the door opened for her. Steve took his place beside Bruce, nervously watching as Jen started to wake up. "I can't decide if I like her better like that or not," Steve admitted.

"Who? Bethany?" Bruce asked, confused.

"She drives me insane," Steve said with a sigh. "When she wants something, she makes sure she gets it. Fighting with her is futile."

"You get your way on occasion, just remember that," Bruce said with a small smile. "She can take care of herself."

"I know," Steve said with a sigh. "But I can't help but worry. I wish I could say because it's for fear of Jamie having to grow up without his mother, but it's for selfish reasons."

"No one blames you Steve," Bruce promised.

 _"Where am I ?"_ Jen's voice rang through the speaker. It was filled with sleep and confusion. She sounded terrified and weak. She sounded _broken_.

 _"Safe_ ," Bethany offered, but said no more about her location. _"Do you know who I am?"_ Jen shook her head, looking towards Bruce and Steve, but both men knew that all she could see was her own reflection. _"Do you know who you are?"_

Jen was staring intently at her reflection and Bethany followed her gaze. Jen's blonde hair was in a haphazard mess, her skin looking as pale as the snow outside and her eyes wide. _"Jennifer,"_ Jen replied in the softest of whispers.

 _"But do you know who you are?"_ Bethany asked again, looking for more than a name. Jen's breathing started to increase, her fear taking over. " _Hey, relax. It's okay,"_ Bethany promised her. _"You'll remember soon enough. My name is Bethany. My colleagues and I took you away from a HYDRA facility where they were experimenting on you, illegally, and to our knowledge, without your consent. Does any of this sound familiar?"_

 _"I…"_ Jen began, looking to Bethany and studying her. _"I've heard the name 'HYDRA' before."_

Bethany nodded. " _Okay. And… do you have any opinions on them?"_

Bruce could feel Steve tensing beside him, but inside the room, Bethany looked calm. She had done this hundreds of times. She knew how to get people to trust her, even when they shouldn't necessarily. "She's good," Bruce spoke his mind.

 _"I… Where is he?"_ Jen asked in a panic.

" _Who?"_ Bethany encouraged.

 _"The… the man. The_ men _,"_ Jen elaborated.

 _"Do you want me to get them?"_ Bethany tested.

" _No!"_ Jen said quickly. " _No… I… They scare me."_

Bethany looked to the mirror, to where Steve was standing. Even though she couldn't see him, she seemed to be drawing strength from him. _"They won't hurt you,"_ Bethany promised Jen. _"We're here to keep you safe. To help you get better. To remember."_

 _"I can't remember,"_ Jen gasped, her breathing heaving again.

 _"Jen,"_ Bethany began, reaching out to touch her softly.

 _"I CAN'T REMEMBER!"_ Jen yelled, her panic setting in. _"WHAT DID THEY DO TO ME? HELP ME!"_

Bethany took a step away, watching as her hand started to turn to ice, starting where she had been touching Jen. Steve's hand quickly moved to the gas button before moving to the scanner and opening the door. Jen hadn't even fallen unconscious when Steve had picked Bethany up bridal style and carried her out of the room.

"Steve, I'm okay," Bethany stated, struggling to get out of his arms when the door closed behind them.

"Let's see," Bruce said, taking Bethany's hand in his own. Three fingers had turned to ice, but it wasn't growing any farther than that. "Incredible."

"Steve, put me down," Bethany said strictly, but Steve didn't budge.

"Any ideas besides cutting them off?" Steve asked, looking to Bruce.

"Hot water?" Bruce suggested.

"Steve," Bethany repeated, this time gathering his attention. "My fingers are frozen, I'm not dying. Please put me down."

Steve hesitantly did as she asked as Bruce checked in on Jen, who was passed out on her bed. "Alright, let's go test out my theory," Bruce suggested, the three of them going to the elevator.

"You're not going in there again," Steve decided, earning an eye roll from Bethany.

"Yes, I am. Steve, stop overreacting, _please_ ," Bethany stressed. "Did I ever forbid you from going back out on raids during the war? Or your missions with SHIELD when you were hurt? No."

"No, but you did hit me and yell at me more than once," Steve reminded her.

"That may be true, but I didn't forbid it," Bethany pointed. "Oh, no. Not our floor," she said as she realized that's where the elevator was going. "Theo is there."

"My floor it is then," Bruce nodded, quickly pressing the button to his floor before they passed it. As the doors opened up, Bethany chuckled.

"Oh Bruce, your floor looks like a frat house threw a party in here," Bethany explained, the three of them moving to his kitchen. Bethany and Steve sat themselves at his table as Bruce went to boil some water.

"I… Yeah, I spend a lot of my time in my lab or crashing on the couch on the communal floor," Bruce explained.

"So… shouldn't your place be spotless?" Bethany teased.

Bruce chuckled. "You'd think."

"You know, Theo would love to help you clean up if you gave him a few bucks," Steve reminded Bruce. The kid had been desperate to save up his money as of late, and Bethany and Steve didn't question why, only told him that if he helped around the Tower, they would give him a corresponding allowance.

"What? He isn't making enough money with the swear jar?" Bruce asked, taking out a giant bowl.

"Tony has been spending most of his time working on tech, so Theo has been losing his month haul from him," Bethany explained.

"What? The Thanksgiving loot wasn't enough?" Bruce asked, raising his brows for a moment.

Steve sighed, lowering his head and thinking back to Thanksgiving dinner. It hadn't been his finest moment as he and Tony got into a heated debate that quickly turned into an argument. He had been ashamed when Bethany had sent Steve to their bedroom and Tony to Jamie's to cool down like they were children. Tony had said more than his fair share of swear words, and Bethany had thrown her own in when they wouldn't stop fighting.

"Not my finest moment," Steve replied honestly.

"I really wish you two wouldn't fight so much," Bethany sighed. "You're grown men, not children. And certainly not my children."

"We lost more respect for him than you, if it's any consolation," Bruce offered. "You were only trying to get him to simmer down."

"I shouldn't have lost my temper so fast," Steve sighed.

"You were tired and stressed," Bethany reminded him. "Just… don't do it again."

"Is that an order?" Steve asked, amused.

"Yes," Bethany replied seriously. The kettle began to sing and Bruce poured the steaming water into the bowl before picking up a towel to wrap around it and bringing it over to Bethany. As soon as he placed it on the table, Bethany put her hands into the water.

"Still no pain?" Bruce asked, but as she didn't flinch with the boiling water, he had his answer.

"Nope," Bethany replied. "I should be more concerned, I know, but it's just… such a relief right now. Pain is the only thing I ever fear about getting hurt. And now that I don't have it… It'll make right now easier."

"I'd like to do some brain scans," Bruce continued. "Get a head start on figuring this all out."

"For sure," Bethany nodded.

"My concern is…" Steve began. "Pain is what tells you that something is wrong. You heal, yes, but sometimes, you don't heal right away. Sometimes there's issues."

"It's a good thing I have you to tell me when those issues arise," Bethany reminded him, taking her fingers out of the bowl. The digits were raw and red, but she wiggled them freely. "There. All good. And much tidier than severing them."

"Any plans for Christmas, Bruce?" Steve asked politely.

"Not any that I know about," he admitted, taking off his glasses and taking a seat at the table.

"Well, the more at our place the merrier," Bethany promised him. "We're taking the boys out to get a Christmas tree in a few days, and then we'll do all the decorating with the millions of Christmas decorations Steve bought last year. No invitation needed, just pop in if you want."

"Thank you," Bruce replied with a heartfelt smile.

"I ordered stockings for everyone," Bethany added. "So if you do intend on staying around, Theo will probably wake you up at the crack of dawn."

"Sounds great," Bruce nodded.

"We actually have a favor to ask of you," Steve continued. "Theo… he's been missing his mom. It's been four months. All he wants is his mother."

"He even wrote to Santa asking him to bring her home," Bethany sighed. "I just… She's here. Physically, she's close, but… she couldn't be farther any other way. Part of me wants to tell him that she's in the building, but he's too young to understand everything."

"He's smarter than you think," Bruce defended the little boy.

"After everything he's been through the last four months, would you want to burden him with this?" Steve asked.

"No, you're right," Bruce granted. "What can I do to help?"

Bethany and Steve shared a look, neither smiling, but both seemingly nervous about his reply. "Would you… wear a Santa suit and visit on Christmas Eve?"


	15. Your Beaten and Broken

****A/N: This chapter will probably get you in the Christmas mood prematurely.**

Chapter 15- Your Beaten and **Broken**

 _"So call on your angels, your beaten and broken. It's time that we mended so they don't fade with the season. Let our mercy be the gifts we lay from Brooklyn to Broadway and celebrate each and every day of this New York City Christmas. Yeah, I'm sending you a very Merry Christmas, and a prayer for peace on earth within our time." _

_~New York City Christmas, Rob Thomas_

* * *

The mall was hectic, although they hadn't expected anything else. They were done with their Christmas shopping; it just came to Christmas _clothes_. Bethany needed three outfits, one for Christmas Eve, day and for the charity event that she had agreed to sing at. Steve needed three outfits to correspond with Bethany's. Jamie needed four outfits, three for those days and one as a backup he would inevitably need.

When Theo had all but begged not to go clothes shopping, they decided to go while Theo was at school in an attempt to beat the last minute Christmas rush, but it was still packed. Jamie was having another cranky day, the couple taking turns bouncing him while the other changed. The movements were the only thing that seemed to be soothing him.

"Steve, hurry up," Bethany begged.

"Okay, okay," Steve replied, coming out of the changing room in a blue button up and some black dress pants. "What do we think?"

"It's a little tight," Bethany chuckled, watching as his shirt stretched across his shoulders. She turned to the sales lady before asking for the next size up. "Stop growing, would ya?"

Steve looked in the mirror, surveying what she was talking about. "I'll try," he offered. "But honestly, it's better than swimming in the smallest size."

"That is true," Bethany agreed before thanking the sales lady when she returned with the next size. "And change quicker this time!" She teased when Steve ducked back into the change room.

Bethany looked down at Jamie, his face screwed up in a look of annoyance. "You stop growing too," she told him.

She looked around the store. A lot of people were casually looking at her. She had spotted more than one person taking their phone out to snap a photo or two. She kept her calm, but it bothered her so much. "All I want for Christmas is normal," she said under her breath. The change room down swung open, Steve coming out with his arms out slightly.

"Better?" He asked her.

"Much," Bethany nodded, smiling. "Mmm, you look good Rogers. Blue is your colour."

Steve smiled, ducking his head down a little to kiss her lightly. "So we're getting these?"

"Turn around," Bethany instructed, looking at his pants. "The waist is a little big, isn't it?"

"Nothing a belt won't fix," Steve promised.

She nodded in agreement. "Okay. Yeah, we'll get that. Okay, we have your three outfits, time to move on."

"Explain to me why we picked my outfits out first?" Steve asked, undoing the buttons at his wrist. "Wouldn't it be easier to match my clothes to yours than the other way around?"

"It'll help me narrow my choices," Bethany explained. Steve nodded, looking to Jamie for a moment before going to change back into his clothes. Bethany decided to try and put Jamie back into his stroller. He continued to whine, but she considered it a win that he wasn't crying.

"All ready?" Steve asked, his clothes on his arm.

"Yeah," Bethany nodded. Steve started pushing the stroller to the register, taking out his wallet and exchanging pleasantries with the cashier. Bethany reached her hand into the stroller and Jamie wrapped his hand around one of her fingers. She gave him a small smile, looking up to see Steve reading a message on his phone, his face pinking. "What?"

"Huh?" Steve asked, quickly slipping his phone into his pocket. "Oh, nothing. Just… Romanoff was talking about your Christmas present."

"Oh," Bethany nodded, gesturing towards where the cashier was handing Steve his bags. As they made their way to the next store, Bethany smiled. "So Natasha knows?"

"Yeah, it was her idea," Steve admitted, scratching the back of his neck.

"What is it?" Bethany asked, clutching Steve's arm as they walked.

Steve looked down at her wide and excited smile. "You're worse than Theo."

"Just tell me," Bethany egged on. "I'll tell you what I got you."

Steve shook his head. "Nope. I want to be surprised on Christmas day. And I will not tell you what I got you, it's a surprise."

"Oh, come on!" Bethany continued. "Just a hint?"

Steve sighed, thinking it over. "One hint and that's it. You drop it until Christmas, got it?" Her gigantic smile was answer enough. "Pink."

"…Pink?" Bethany asked, her smile falling and her brows pulling up into a frown. "Shoes? Did you buy me shoes? Oh, look! Wigs!"

"What?" Steve asked, his head whipping around to see a store with wigs in it. "What? You want a wig?"

"I miss my curls," Bethany explained.

"It wouldn't be your curls though," Steve reminded her.

"I still miss them," Bethany pouted, her gaze on the long line of parents with their children waiting to sit on Santa's lap. "Apparently school isn't as important as children making sure they tell Santa all the things they want for Christmas. Once upon a time, it was one gift and something small. Now, it's three things. All big things. IPads and iPods, laptops and televisions."

"What happened to socks?" Steve asked, which was the same thing he said when he and Bethany were wrapping the gifts for Theo from Santa.

"Face it Steve, we're from a whole 'nother world," Bethany said with a sigh. "Oh, here. I want to go in here."

Steve trailed Bethany as she walked around the store, holding whatever she handed to him and giving her opinions here and there. "I _love_ this," Bethany stressed, touching a strapless light turquoise beaded gown. "It doesn't match any of your stuff."

"Try it on anyways," Steve encouraged. "It can always spend some time in the closet if you like it."

Bethany sighed, looking at the price tag. "No, it's okay."

"Hey, what-are you…" Steve raised his hand to under her chin and guiding her eyes up to look at him. "Are you worrying about money? I've never known you to worry about money. We have money."

"Yeah, and not having to pay rent or anything is fantastic," Bethany agreed. "But we don't have an income either. I know we have millions in the bank, but some of that is for Jamie, some for Theo-"

"And some for your scholarship program? Or whatever it is," Steve said. "We have money. Try on the dress."

"I'm not worried about money," Bethany added, picking up her size and handing it to Steve. "I'm just thinking about our future. Because from the way it's going, we won't be picking up a paycheck anytime soon."

"Buy the damn dress, Bethany," Steve said with a smile. "If I'm not worried about money, neither should you. Unless you're planning on buying a mansion on some tropical island."

"Not a mansion," Bethany said, looking at another dress. "Just a nice house in Upstate New York, away from pondering eyes and the forces of evil. Just you and me and our family and that's it."

"Hmmm," Steve hummed, smiling. "You thought this out."

"I don't like people staring," Bethany explained, looking over her shoulder where she could feel someone staring at them. "I just miss my privacy."

"Even when you had privacy, you didn't," Steve pointed out. "SHIELD knew your every movement."

"Alright, I think I'm ready," was Bethany's only reply as they made their way to the dressing rooms. Steve picked Jamie out of the stroller and rocked him as Bethany tried out dress after dress. When she finally came out in the turquoise dress, the look on her face said everything.

"Wow," Steve chuckled.

"Wow is right," Bethany said, cupping her boobs. "My body is a small and my boobs are an extra extra large."

"So is that a 'no'?" Steve asked, his gaze on the surplus of boobs.

"My face is up here," Bethany stated, pointing to her face.

"Sorry," Steve said, putting a hand up in surrender and looking up at her face. "You look good."

"I look like a hooker," Bethany replied. "A high-end hooker, maybe, but a hooker."

"Please stop saying that word," Steve begged.

"Which word?" Bethany asked, a smirk on her face. "'Hooker'?" Steve cringed which only made Bethany laugh, her hands moving to hold the top in place as she laughed wholeheartedly.

* * *

Bethany let out a long yawn, leaning her head back against the headrest. The drive wasn't that long, but with the heavy snow falling and Jamie's whining from the back seat, it was draining her.

"Are we almost there?" Theo asked, clearly just as tired of the car ride as Bethany.

"Soon," Steve said again, his voice filled with annoyance, but he looked to his wife for a moment. "Are we almost there?"  
"I was going to ask you honestly," Bethany sighed, looking out the front window. "You can see, right?"

"Yeah," Steve promised. "Relax, I can see perfectly. And I have great reflexes. And your nephew designed this car. Doll, we're safe."

"Right," Bethany nodded, but it didn't cut the edge. She didn't particularly hate driving, but with the heavy snow and the distractions in the car, specifically Jamie's whining, Bethany couldn't shake the uneasiness.

"We're not going to get into an accident," Steve whispered under his breath.

"It's December 17th, Steve," Bethany whispered.

"And?" Steve asked, looking at her for a moment. Her hands were clenched in her lap, her toes tapping with nerves. She had been acting odd all day, and so had Tony now that he thought back to it. He and Bethany even shared a hug that morning, lasting longer than they typically did. "Oh. Oh, Beth… Howard."

She let out a deep breath, looking to him with a sad smile. "Twenty-three years. But at least I know why he died now. I wonder if he knows."

"Who?" Steve asked, moving his hand over to take a hold of hers and squeezing it.

"Bucky," she whispered. "I wonder if he remembers that. Or if he remembers that it was Howard. I sincerely hope he doesn't."

"Me too," Steve agreed before seeing a sign for the Christmas tree farm. "Look, Theo. We're here."

"Finally!" Theo declared, his excitement making both Bethany and Steve chuckle. After parking and taking Jamie out of his car seat, they went over to the lodge to talk to the owners.

"Hey, why are you so moody lately?" Bethany asked Jamie as he babbled to Bethany, but with a frown on his face. "You haven't been very fun to be around."

"Is he on the naughty list?" Theo asked Bethany, his hat falling in front of his eyes.

Bethany chuckled and reached out with one hand to fix it. "He's not being naughty, just grumpy."

"I thought those were the same things," Theo said, a pensive look on his face.

"Not really. Not at Jamie's age," Bethany explained.

"But he's biting and pulling people's hair a lot," Theo reminded her.

Bethany nodded, but continued to defend Jamie's actions. "He's biting because he's teething and it helps with the pain and he's pulling hair because he's learning how to grab things, and grab _attention."_

"But if I was biting and pulling hair, I'd be grounded," Theo said confused.

Bethany laughed, shaking her head. "You're old enough to understand that it's wrong. Jamie doesn't understand the concept of a bathroom."

"Okay, you ready?" Steve asked when he came back from talking to the owner. "We need to get on a trailer trolley for about five minutes to the farm and then we cut down the one we like the best."

"The _biggest_ one!" Theo declared. He had always had a small tree since Jen's apartment was small, and he wanted a giant one this year.

"It needs to fit in the apartment," Bethany reminded Theo. What she wasn't telling him was that Pepper had ordered a huge tree for the communal living floor which was to be set up on Christmas Eve, after Theo went to sleep. For now, they just needed a tree for the kid to decorate and a place to put the presents under. Come Christmas Eve, they were planning on taking all the ornaments off the littler tree and putting it on the taller one, as well as moving the stockings. Bethany _loved_ the idea.

"But it can still be nice and fat!" Theo continued, jumping up and down.

Steve chuckled, pulling Theo up into his arms as they started towards the owner to be lead to the trailer. "As fat as you want, Theo."

"It needs to fit on the car," Bethany said with a sing-song voice.

"Here," the owner said to Steve after they pulled themselves onto the trolley attached to the trailer. Steve took the saw and carefully put it under the bench he was sitting on. "How big a tree ya looking at?"

"Big!" Theo announced.

"Big enough that we'll need another hand?" The owner asked.

"Oh, it's okay," Steve assured him. "I can handle it."

* * *

Steve wrapped his arms around Bethany's waist, pressing his chest to her back and kissing her neck. She laughed lightly, the two swaying back and forth. The room had a pleasant feel to it, the TV set up to look like a fire place, but the lights in the room dimmed. The Christmas Tree's lights shone beautifully, and there were soft flickers of light coming from the candles Bethany lit.

In the record player, some old Christmas songs played as Theo danced around the Christmas tree, hanging up as many ornaments as he could. Bethany had wound silver ribbon around the tree in lieu of garland—since cats like to eat the garland—and had made a beautiful giant bow to hang on top instead of an angel or star.

"Looking good," Bethany encouraged Theo.

"We're making cookies after, right?" Theo asked, a giant smile on his face.

"It's already past your bedtime," Steve replied sternly. "Jamie is already fast asleep, and will probably be awake soon for a feeding. Which means after this, bed."

"Fine," Theo grumbled but continued to happily hang up the ornaments.

"Any plans tonight, Mrs. Rogers?" Steve whispered into her ear, and then kissing down her neck.

"Careful, Captain," Bethany warned. "Don't start something you can't finish."

"I said I was sorry," Steve reminded her, thinking back to the night before when he had got her all worked up and when she stepped away for five minutes to help Theo fall back to sleep after a dream, Steve had fallen asleep.

"I know," Bethany chuckled. "And I guess I've done that to you more than once before. But not tonight. After Theo is asleep, I need to go back down. Talk to… you know. And Tony. Tony and I need to talk."

"About Howard? Did you talk earlier?" Steve asked politely.

"Not really," Bethany replied. "But I mean… I may have lost my brother, but he lost both of his parents. And at that point of my life, I was living in constant grief. Losing Howard didn't… it didn't really change how I acted. Tony was sad and depressed for about a week and then after that, he realized that sex and money and power helped that grief. But they were still his parents."

"You don't mourn your parents," Steve reminded her. "I've never known you to mourn your parents."

"I did once," Bethany promised. "I mourned my dad longer than my mom. It's not that I wanted her dead. I never wished it. Sometimes I wished she would just go away, but I never wanted her dead. But then I realized that life without my parents wasn't that bad. Howard took care of me, and let me be who I wanted to be. Never once did he tell me I had to marry anyone. He couldn't care less what I did, as long as I wasn't hurting anyone, including myself. He got a little vocal those last few months with Jason. And he told me to stop partying and lusting myself and focus on work, which I did. He let me be my own person, at least when it mattered."

"But you still need to talk to him."

"I just need to see how he's holding up," Bethany explained. "Every year it's different. He works a lot on this day. Keeps him occupied. I don't blame him, since that's what I did. It was when I started working that grieving became easier."

"When do you want to go?" Steve asked, watching as Theo paced around the tree, surveying it.

"As soon as he goes to bed," Bethany explained. "And not that I don't want you there but-"

"Got it," Steve nodded. "I'll stay here."

"And don't stay up," Bethany continued. "I don't know how long I'll be."

"I think I'm done," Theo declared. "I can't reach up on top."

Steve smiled, kissing Bethany's cheek before moving to scoop Theo up into his arms. "There's an easy solution to that."

"Careful," Bethany said seriously, but chuckling as Steve maneuvered Theo around like an airplane. She sat back on the couch, watching the two of them, making small talk here and there. She hummed to the Christmas music and ran her fingers through Molly's fur as she thought.

She was planning on keeping her promise to Kiley. She was going to sing in a few nights' time to everyone with basic cable, raising money for multiple charities. She and Steve were planning on making a considerable donation, and while they had bickered about the amount, she knew that it was their duty to give since they had so much. They knew what Christmas was like with very little, and they also knew that they wouldn't want that for any child.

Pepper had asked her if she was nervous. In truth, she wasn't. She knew she should be, since she despised singing in public so much, but she wasn't nervous about what people would think. She could honestly care less if people hated her voice or loved it. The only people whose opinion really mattered loved to hear her sing.

Her singing voice had been one of the only things her mother approved of. She would sing for her mother's approval, because as a little girl desperate for love, that was the only time she really got it. But she grew to hate it over time because she associated it with her. She would sing for Howard, when he asked her too. Sometimes she would sing along to music, but it wasn't until the war that she started to sing just to sing again. And now, it was the easiest way to get Steve, Jamie, Theo _and_ Tony to sleep—although the latter wouldn't admit to that.

She had chosen _A New York Christmas_ because of how the words related to her. There was so much truth in them, so much soul. She could sing a crowd pleaser like _Santa Baby_ or _Santa Clause is Coming to Town_. Or a religious melody such as _Mary, Did You Know?_ or _Hark! The Harold Angels Sing_. But she had always been a fan of the songs that were brutally honest about Christmas. It was so highly marketed, commercialized and profitable now, it was nice to hear a song that reminded you of something besides candy canes and reindeer.

 _Crowd around the big tree, all you strangers who know me._ There was nothing more haunting than this line, yet so equally beautiful. This was her life now. She was constantly surrounded by strangers who knew her, and knew way more about her life than she ever wanted anyone too. She had never wanted to be famous. Bethany may have thrived on attention, but she had always been happy with the occasional person knowing that she was Howard Stark's little sister. They had been photographed time and time again before and during the war, but she could live her life without people knowing who she was.

 _Bring your compassion, your understand. Lord, how we need it on this New York City Christmas_. Bethany had always loved New York. It was a hub of life, of electricity, of innovation. It had been where she grew up, and where she inevitably returned. To be in New York City during Christmas was a wish of so many people. The lights, the decoration, the _life._ But that was only the top layer of New York City on Christmas. Anyone who lived there would know, and would understand that there was so much pain, loss and sadness throughout the city as people became selfish and greedy during a time of giving.

 _And a prayer for peace on earth within our time_. _That_ was the ultimate goal. Peace within their time. Every generation's goal was for peace. But peace meant something different to everyone. But Bethany knew what peace was. It was the day when her husband, her nephew, and all her friends could hang up their respectful weapons, take a step back and realise that their jobs were done. That there was nothing else to do.

 _And a prayer for peace on earth, it's not too late…_

* * *

It was close to midnight when Tony and Bethany moved from Jen's level to the communal living floor. Bethany began making hot chocolate without even asking Tony, decorating it just as she had when he was growing up. The day was almost over. It was almost December 18th. But as every year, just because the hand struck midnight, it didn't miraculously change anything.

"The only thing HYDRA taught her was how to control her powers, but she isn't doing the best job of that," Tony spoke softly, accepting his mug and taking a sip.

"She's scared," Bethany reminded him. "She's terrified. And nothing we say helps her. It was like she wasn't aware of not remembering anything before. And now she's aware and can't control her emotions."

"Maybe Bruce should talk to her," Tony suggested. "Teach her his relaxing mumbo-jumbo."

"If she freezes Banner, that'll only bring out the Hulk. We can't take that chance. He has a good grip on it, but certain things are beyond his control. It's going to take time."

"And you're annoyed because we don't have any," Tony stated.

"I'm not… I'm not annoyed," Bethany explained. "But I just want one thing in my life to be easy. Is that too hard to ask?"

"Evidently," Tony said before taking a gulp of his drink. "Ah, that's hot. Look, the way I see it, as long as Theo doesn't find out about Queen Elsa, we don't have a problem."

"Explain to me how that isn't a problem?" Bethany asked, leaning against the bar. "There's very little he knows, except that his mother left him and that he _thinks_ she's in danger. He hasn't seen her in _months_ and she doesn't even know who he is."

"Maybe you should show her," Tony suggested. "Help remind her of her past."

"That's not a bad idea," Bethany sighed. "I don't know what to do, kid. I honestly don't. And I'm tired of not knowing what to do. No, actually. I'm just tired. I'm not as young as I used to be."

"Which is ironic, 'cause you are," Tony pointed out.

"I just… As much as I love science and medicine and the future, not to mention going out in the field and kicking ass… I wouldn't be upset if that all came to a close tomorrow. You know? Get to be normal for once? I can't remember what normal feels like."

"Being normal is vastly overrated," Tony promised.

"Kid, you can't tell me you want to do this, be Iron Man, for the rest of your life," Bethany said softly, wrapping her hands around her mug but not lifting it to her lips.

Tony sighed, shifting on his bar stool. "I feel like I don't have a choice. That the world will never be ready for me, for any of us, to step down."

"They can't expect us to do this forever," Bethany added. "I mean, physically, I could. I could go on and on, but I don't. For now, it's okay. For next week, it's okay. But I'm not missing school plays and baseball games because some egotistical supervillain decided that it would be fun to wreak havoc on a small city."

"But if you stop, if any of us stop…"

Bethany shook her head. "I like that millions of people can sleep easy knowing that we're around. But for once, I want it to be me. To be Steve. Theo. It's like a pattern, Tony. One night I'll have a nightmare, and then Steve and then Theo. On and on. And throwing a baby into the mix, one who can barely sleep through the night because he's always hungry… sleep is a sacred thing."

"And yet you're still awake," Tony pointed out.

"I might be awake, but at least I'm at ease," Bethany realized. "How am I at ease? I'm unsure of everything. I _fear_ everything."

"We won't be fighting for the rest of our lives," Tony promised. "I told you before that we wouldn't and I intend to stick to that promise."

"You have one life, kid," Bethany whispered. "You spend so much of your time working… Don't waste it like your father did. Enjoy it."

"I'll enjoy it when there's peace," Tony told her. "Things… things need to change. I can advance the weaponry as much as I please, but it's not going to end the issue of us being needed. Now and in the future. Someone will always need to fight this fight, _our_ fight, but why does it have to be us?"

"Because we can't trust anyone else to the job," Bethany reminded him.

"What if we could?" Tony questioned.

"Then we'll back down. Relax. Live normal lives," Bethany said with a shrug. "It's a nice idea, Tony. But that doesn't mean it'll happen. I just… I need to accept it. I feel like Steve has. Once upon a time, all he wanted was to settle down with a family, and despite him saying that he will when the time comes…"

"You don't think he will," Tony finished for her.

"He spent the majority of his life wanting to make a difference. And now he has the ability to do that. I've always known that he would never back down from a fight, not if it meant defending what is right. It's one of the things I love most about him. It's also one of the things I hate about him."  
"What do you think would have happened if you two had gotten married in '44? Had the baby, and he made his way home. Would he have settled down?" Tony asked curiously.

Bethany was silent for a moment before shaking her head. "I don't think so. Even if I asked him to, _begged_ him to. And if he did, he would always be trying to find a way back in. And I can't… I can't hold that against him, Tony."

"Kind of seems unfair, don't you think? You give up your life, give him kids and he just… never comes home?"

"Oh, he would come home," Bethany corrected.

"Yeah, to put more kids in you," Tony said, clearly annoyed.

"No," Bethany said softly. "He would come home because he loves us. But it wouldn't make much difference because he would _leave_. Every time."

"You're certain about that?" Tony questioned carefully.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I don't think he knows this. Not for certain. I think he really believes that someday we'll get that perfect ending. But I don't think that's an option for us. Not now. Maybe it was before, but not anymore. But I tell him that's what I want, one day. That I believe it'll happen for us."

"But why? I mean, if you don't believe-"

"Because I want _him_ to believe in it," Bethany stressed. "I want him to want it. To _really_ want it. Even if it won't happen, I need him to believe in it. It's the only thing that makes all this worth it. Marriage and children. When Steve proposed and I said 'yes', all I could think about was that this was my second chance. That he forgave me, _truly_ , forgave me and that I would be spending the rest of my life with him. Steve was the one who brought up babies and houses with backyards in neighbourhoods with nice schools."

"But everything's different now," Tony stated.

"Everything is different now," Bethany nodded. "I don't want to stop fighting unless Steve is done fighting too. But I know that it's possible that it won't ever happen. And it's not just us anymore. It's not just our lives we're fucking up. And as much as I love Jamie, I can't help but feel like we should have waited. We should have been more careful."

"That kid is the best thing that's ever happened to you," Tony replied strongly. "You may _think_ that it's Steve, but it's not. You could go on without him, because you have Jamie. You know that, Steve knows that. You will always find the will to carry on because you have that little boy. You may wake up one day and realize that this _life_ … it's not what's best for Jamie. And you'll pick him up and walk away. And you'll be okay with doing it because you have _him_."

"I'm not taking Jamie away from his father," Bethany said shaking her head. "That's definitely not what's best for him. I don't want him hating me _or_ Steve."

"That's not the point Bethany," Tony continued.

"You know, I resent that," she decided. "I _love_ Steve. You make it sound like I would be okay if he wasn't here anymore."

"I'm not saying that," Tony disagreed. "But you won't be like you were. You'd be sad, heartbroken _maybe_ , but you'd still have Jamie. And that's all you'd need to help you heal. Steve's hurt, you know you need to take care of Jamie. You're hurt? He's by your side while Jamie is crying endlessly, clearly for his parents."

Bethany let out a soft sigh, bowing her head. "My first instinct is to defend him. He thought I was dying. He honestly thought he was going to lose me. But… I know what he did was wrong. And I know he'd probably do it again."

Tony nodded slowly, reaching out to take her hand. "You're one of the only people in this world I give a damn about. You've always been one of my favorite people, and I always knew that if I was neck deep in shit, you'd come rescue me. You've tried to give me happiness throughout my entire life, and while some of the methods were unconventional, it didn't change the intent. The majority of my life, I've only seen you unhappy. But _now_ , even on a bad day, you're a million times happier than you were then."

"And you think it's because of Jamie?" Bethany asked, trying to push back her tears.

"I think it's because for the first time in a _long_ time you have something legitimate to live for," Tony explained. "You lost it when Steve went under, a little more when dad died and on and on as everyone you knew slowly slipped from you. You had very little reason to live, but you did it anyway because life gave you no choice. But now you have something to live for. I'd just hate to see that taken from you all because Steve was a dick."

Bethany couldn't help but chuckle, moving a hand up to her face to wipe away a stray tear. "I don't want to lose anyone else. But… I know I will. But most importantly… I can't lose myself. Not again."

Tony got off his bar stool, moving to the other end of the bar and pouring himself some scotch. "You can have it. The cheesy white-picket fence with the big backyard and a swing set, an ugly but practical family size van in your front lawn. I mean, it's simple right? We just need there to be complete peace, all the time. So much peace, Steve will only be able to pick a fight with you."

"You say that like it's simple," Bethany said with a sigh.

"It could be," Tony said, taking a sip of his alcohol. "We could do it."

"Even if we get peace today, it'll never stick," Bethany pointed out. "It's the fundamental truth of our society. Not to mention, our history."

"But what if someone was always there to keep the peace?" Tony asked. "Someone who didn't have anything else to do _but_ keep the peace. Someone who is replaceable, but still valuable? Someone who was expendable?"

Bethany raised her mug to her lips and took a quick sip. "Some _one_ or some _thing_?"

"It's called the Ultron Project."

* * *

When Bethany woke up on Christmas Eve morning, Steve wasn't in bed with her. It was only four thirty, which was too early for him to be up for the day. Getting out of the bed and pulling on a cardigan, she walked into the living room. Steve was standing next to the Christmas tree, looking out the window and down into the streets of New York.

"Hey," Bethany said quietly, placing a hand on his arm. "What are you doing out of bed already?"

"I… I didn't want to wake you," was his response.

"Well, when the bed gets cold, I wake up," she replied, giving his arm a tentative squeeze. "You didn't answer my question."

"I just…" he sighed, bowing his head. "I just needed some air. Some… space."

"Do you want me to go back to bed?" Bethany asked, pulling her cardigan closer to her.

"Do what you want," Steve whispered.

"Hey, no," Bethany said strongly, taking a grip of him and forcing him to look at her. "That's not how this works. If there's something on you mind, you tell me. Was it an old one? Or a new one?"

Steve didn't respond at first, but when Bethany patiently waited, he felt like he had no choice. "An old one. It was just a dream."

"But we both know that it wasn't," Bethany whispered. "Do you want to tell me?"

Steve sighed, walking around her and going to sit on the couch. Bethany kept her place, her arms wrapped around her as she tried to be as patient as she could. "It was the one with the Red Skull."

Bethany nodded slowly, taking a few steps closer. "He's gone Steve."

"I know," he said as he swallowed hard. "Doesn't change where my mind wanders at night."

"You know, I remember the first time you had that dream," Bethany said as she finally took the last steps and sat on the table in front of Steve, taking his hands in hers. "You wandered around the base for hours. You ended up in front of my room. Remember?"

"I didn't mean to go there," Steve replied honestly. "I just ended up there. And you let me in."

"Well I wasn't going to leave you in an emotional wreak outside my door," Bethany answered.

"We stayed up all night talking," Steve whispered, a small smile on his face.

"Until you finally fell asleep," Bethany added.

"And you went and got Bucky," Steve continued.

"I figured that he would have understood better than I could have," Bethany explained. "That was before we were together. And yet you still ended up at my room."

"I loved you," Steve told her, looking up at her finally. "You were the only person I wanted to be around. I kept walking and walking, but when I stopped in front of your room, I couldn't leave."

"But now, you wake up and leave the bed," Bethany whispered.

"I told you, I didn't want to wake you," Steve replied. "It's been weeks since you've slept properly."

"I'm awake now anyways," Bethany pointed out. "Babe, I don't want you to feel like your nightmares are a burden to me. I thought you knew that by now."

"Yeah, yeah…" Steve agreed with a sigh. "I'm sorry. I just… I saw you lying there, so beautiful and so peaceful and I couldn't bring myself to ruin that."

Bethany got up and moved to straddle him, wrapping him tightly in her arms. She rested her cheek against his shoulder as his arms circled around her. "Steve, wake me up. Even if it's every hour, every single night. Please. Wake me up. I wake you up."

"Yeah, you wake me up with your leg kicking," Steve whispered. "And then I wake you up so you don't have to sleep through it anymore. And then you kick me some more."

"I don't mean to kick you," Bethany chuckled. "But regardless on who wakes up first, they should wake the other. Deal?" He was silent and Bethany moved her hand to his arm and squeezed it hard, earning a firm 'ow' from her husband. "Steve Rogers, answer me. Do we have a deal?"  
"Yes," Steve said, wincing. "Ow, Beth. Stop. I agreed."

"Do you intend on keeping it?" Bethany tested.

"Yes!" Steve promised and Bethany released her hold. "You're a violent little vixen, aren't you?"

Bethany sat up, smiling down at him. "It's hard to give a leader orders. Sometimes you need persuasion."

"I like the persuasions that include you being naked," Steve replied seriously, earning him an eye roll from Bethany.

"Well, I like taking orders from you while you're naked, but that doesn't happen much," She replied before shaking her head. "Stop. You're already sexy in that shirt and those pants and your hair all sexed up. I'm already half horny, I'm too tired to go full-"

"Alright, alright," Steve allowed chuckling under his breath.

"You ready to go back to bed?" Bethany asked softly. "Think you'll be able to fall back to sleep?"

"Maybe," Steve replied. "But if not, I'll just watch you sleep."

"Okay, but if you're still awake at seven, can you start on the list of things to do today?" Bethany begged, standing up and taking his hands to pull him up as well. "Like you said, I haven't been sleeping well and an extra hour of sleep, especially knowing that the chores are being done, that would-"

He silenced her with a kiss, leaning his forehead against hers. "Yes, I'll get a head start on the list. But you owe me."

"Oh, I think I can think of a few things," Bethany flirted, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Steve's hands moved to her hips and he pulled her up. As she wrapped her legs around his waist, he carried her to their bedroom. "You know, I was just thinking you doing some of the chores that are typically mine, right?"

"Lies," Bethany declared. "I taught you better than that."

"The way I see it, I'll get great sex no matter what," Steve explained, closing their door. "But you doing, say… the laundry when I'm supposed to…"

"And you said _I_ was the vixen," Bethany teased, letting out a squeal as Steve dropped her on the bed. "Although, well played. Considering every time we _try_ to make beautiful, sweet love, we get interrupted."

"That hasn't gone unnoticed," Steve promised, crawling into bed and pulling her to lay her head on his chest. "Trust me, I'm well aware of this. But I can promise that when we finally have time and privacy, you're mind will be blown."

"Aren't we cocky," Bethany teased, pressing her lips against his chest.

"I've learnt from the best," Steve reminded her before silence overcame them and Bethany fell back asleep. Steve, however, spent the rest of the night watching Bethany sleep comfortably as sleep avoided him completely.

* * *

Bethany's obsession with making sure that Christmas, and even more importantly, Christmas Eve, was perfection was overwhelming to everyone who still remained in the Tower. Natasha had left with Clint, and as per usual, no one asked much in regards to that. Jackson had left that morning to join his family for Christmas, Maria arriving in his place, although she already expressed that she wasn't going to babysit, but had plans to down an entire bottle of rum.

Opposed to Thor going to spend Christmas with Jane, he had invited her to the Tower, so she got to enjoy Bethany's running around like a chicken with no head. Everyone was relaxing on the communal floor, unaware of what was happening a few floors underneath them. Pepper was the only one who was really helping Bethany and feeding her madness. Steve was attempting to help, but Bethany was living by the "if you can't do it right" motto, so he felt safer keeping an eye on the boys.

"Okay, okay, I think I'm done," Bethany said, looking down at her list, and tapping her foot. "Oh, shit. I'm forgetting something."

"That's a dollar!" Theo's voice chimed.

"Doll," Steve said carefully, taking a step up behind her. "You're not changed."

Bethany looked down at her sweatpants and tank top before chuckling. "And I probably smell a little."

"Maybe a little," Steve teased, kissing her softly. "We all need to change. Hey, everything will be perfect, okay?"

"What if it isn't?" Bethany asked softly.

"Why is this so important to you?" Steve questioned, pulling her into a hug.

Bethany sighed, shaking her head softly. "No particular reason. I mean, Jamie won't remember his first Christmas, I know that. And this may be a good Christmas for Theo, but not the best because of the whole… you know… And it's not our first Christmas either, not as friends or a couple or anything but…"

"We're all good?" Pepper asked as she came into the apartment, apparently having finished her own list.

Bethany nodded, Steve giving Pepper a small smile. "Do you think you can take the boys upstairs for an hour so that Bethany can get ready and I can make sure she doesn't cause bodily harm to herself?"

"Very funny," Bethany said with no humour in her voice.

"No problem. Just let JARVIS know when they can come back down so you can fuss over them," Pepper replied with her kind smile. As she collected the boys, Bethany pressing a kiss to Jamie's head before they left, Steve led Bethany to their bedroom.

"Sex time?" Bethany asked, although it was clear that it was honestly the last thing she wanted or needed right now.

"No," Steve assured her, hands on her shoulders and directing her in the direction of the bathroom. "You need to shower. Shave your armpits, wash your feet, condition your hair, all that girly stuff. And while you do your hair and makeup, I can paint your nails and whatnot. Help you _relax_."

Bethany let out a deep breath, watching Steve through the mirror as he started the shower and started to take his clothes off. "Now get your bum in here, Mrs. Rogers before I drag you in here."

"Why is that a bad thing?" Bethany asked confused before doing what he said.

While she got ready, Steve did his best to make her smile. When her laughter rang through the room, it was a victory. By the time he was painting her toenails as she worked on her makeup, she looked carefree.

"What are the plans? Red dress or white dress?" Steve asked, carefully brushing the brush against her nail.

"I regret getting white now," Bethany admitted. "With Jamie? I should have gotten a spare."

"You could always change into your charity dress," Steve joked, laughing when Bethany rolled her eyes. "Beth, you were amazing that night. And you looked gorgeous. And we raised a lot of money for charity."

"Yeah, no. All that is great," Bethany nodded. "People telling me to put out an album? Not so much."

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to," Steve promised her. "I vote for white tonight, red tomorrow. You'll be wearing your dress longer tomorrow, and not to mention, you'll be cooking."

"So what I'm _really_ hearing is that we'll be drinking white wine tonight and red tomorrow," Bethany teased.

When the hour was up, and Pepper brought the boys back downstairs, Bethany and Steve looked like brand new people. Bethany had fussed over Steve's hair almost as long as she fussed over her own, and had spent a good five minutes begging him to leave the stubble on his face and just _go with it_.

Since her hair was still growing out, not yet touching her chin but significantly longer than a few weeks ago, she had skillfully styled it back, the long pieces at the front secured at the back of her head by an elegant barrette. It looked as if she had just pulled back her long hair into a bun opposed to having only a fraction of it. But despite the difficult hairstyle, Bethany had still spent around the same time on Steve's hair.

To match her white dress and red suede pumps, Steve was donning a burgundy shirt and a pair of dark wash jeans. He didn't wear red often, simply because it was such a dramatic colour, but Bethany had reminded him that his uniform was dramatic in itself and that it was Christmas. No one would think twice if he wore red.

They worked as a team to get Theo and Jamie in their clothes, and by three, they were all ready to enjoy the night's festivities. Bethany secured Jamie in his bouncer before she and Steve started to take out the appetizers and drinks. Theo was in charge of the music for the night, as well as keeping Jamie in a good mood. If he succeeded (although they had every intention of doing this regardless of how the night progressed), they would allow him to open one of the gifts under the tree. He had been eyeing the one from Tony all week, trying to kick it up to shake, but the box being too heavy and too big for the little boy to take hold of it.

"Okay, I texted Maria," Steve announced, as Bethany ran her hands down the bodice of her dress, smiling at the stiffness of the skirt. "They're heading down now. Doll, the floor looks great. The boys look great. The food looks great. And you, my love, look amazing. Tonight will be perfect, I promise."

* * *

Bethany had to give Theo credit. He was extremely patient. It was close to ten, yet he hadn't nagged any of them regarding his promised present yet. Jamie had fallen asleep in Steve's arms almost an hour ago, and despite the noise in the room, he was sleeping soundly. Bruce had slipped away, claiming a headache, but was really gone to put the Santa suit on.

"Alright kid," Bethany said, nudging Theo as he yawned. "Santa will be here soon. Go get ready for bed."

"But…" Theo said softly, his eyes on Tony's gift.

"Go get ready and _then_ you can open it," Bethany promised. Theo quickly hopped off the couch as the adults began to clean up the area. Steve expertly balanced Jamie as he helped them load the empty dishes into the dishwasher.

"Bruce says he ready when you are," Tony said quietly, pocketing his phone. "And also that he's itchy."

A loud _bang_ sounded from Theo's room, everyone turning in the direction of the door, a "I'm okay" sounding from within. "So excited he's falling over," Jane said with a smile. "I remember Christmas at that age."

"I'm ready!" Theo announced, running over to the Christmas tree and moving to rip the paper off the box.

"He didn't brush his teeth," Bethany told Steve as everyone moved closer to watch Theo open his gift.

"He's excited," Steve reminded her.

"Wow!" Theo announced when he pulled the paper off the front, looking inside a translucent box. "It's a car!"

Tony and Thor moved over to help Theo unwrap the rest of the gift and pull it out from the box, Bethany and Steve watching from the couch. Tony had built Theo one of those electric cars for kids, painting it hot rod red, and with the Avengers' logo on the doors. Unlike the ones they could buy from Toys'R'Us, Tony had fitted this car with an arc reactor so that it wouldn't crap out after a few uses. Tony had even gone so far as to build one for himself and clear out an entire floor in the Tower so that he and Theo could race or play bumper cars.

"Alright, you've opened the gift," Bethany announced. "It's time for bed."

"Awww," Theo moaned, but a long yawn caught the end of it. Steve handed Bethany Jamie before scooping Theo into his arms, but before he could bring him into his bedroom, the elevator opened and Bruce, dressed in the Santa suit, emerged.

"Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas!" Bruce cheered, deepening his voice as much as he could.

"Santa!" Theo said with a large smile before it dropped. "Oh no, I'm not sleeping!"

"Santa, what are you doing here?" Maria asked, trying to hide her smirk.

Bruce walked into the room, dragging a huge black bag behind him, letting it fall a few steps short of where Steve and Theo were. Taking Theo's hands, he smiled to him. "Merry Christmas, Theo."

"Merry Christmas, Santa," Theo said, a soft smile on his face.

"I wanted to come and visit you before you fell asleep to tell you something important, but after I tell you, you have to go to sleep so I can do my work," Bruce explained.

"I promise!" Theo nodded vigorously. Steve let Theo down and Bruce sat beside Bethany on the couch, pulling Theo into his lap.

"We'll leave you to it," Pepper said with a soft smile. "Merry Christmas, Santa."

As the rest of the guests left, Steve sat on the table across from the couch, taking Bethany's hand as they waited for Bruce to begin a very practiced speech.

"As you know, Theo," Bruce began. "I get letters from all the kids all over the world and I make sure to read every single one of them carefully. But it's seldom that I get a letter from an adult with a Christmas wish."

"An adult?" Theo asked, confused.

"Yes," Bruce nodded. "You see, I got a letter from a grown up asking me to come here today and deliver it to you, in _person_." Bruce dug into one of the pockets of the Santa suit and pulled a letter out, handing it to Theo.

The little boy seemed to know what would be inside and slowly opened the envelope, staring at the paper for a moment. "Would you like me to read it?" Bethany asked him, the boy nodding, his eyes full of tears.

As the paper was passed to her, she took in a deep breath. "My dearest Theo. Merry Christmas. I had wished to be with you on this day, but my luck was cut short and I will never forgive myself for missing this time, or any of the time. My days apart from you have been painful, and I've thought of you every single waking moment, and dream about you while I sleep. I have made mistakes through the months, and it is because of this that I am not with you at this very moment. My true Christmas wish was to be with you, watching you open your gifts. I will not get this wish this year, but I will make sure I'll get it next year.

"I hope you understand that I love you very much. I left in an attempt to help someone else that I loved and ran into trouble along the way. I am safe right now, but cannot return to you just quite yet. Do not worry about me. I know not to worry about you. I _will_ see you again one day and I will spend every day trying to make my absence up to you. Once again, Merry Christmas, my love. Merry Christmas. Love, Momma."

* * *

 ****A/N: So guess who started working on the _Age of Ultron_ script? I still have some things to play out before that happens, but the plot will be moving along a little faster from hereon out. Of course, some fluff will be thrown in here and there, but there's a lot I need to set up before I start Ultron, and I guess I figured I'd be done it by now? I get... distracted. A lot. I apologize. The next few chapters may be the same as this one (9000+) just so we can get there faster chapter-wise. **

**Bethany and Steve's vision from Wanda... I have ideas. I'd love to hear other people's? Steve's is difficult, and I've played it in my head over and over again.**

 **IrelandLover: Figured it would be a cute thing to throw into the story, considering the rest of his family knows how to pilot planes!**

 **FeliciaFelicis: There's a really intense face-flushing scene coming up! I went a little out of my comfort zones (and Steve's too!) but I'm happy with the result :)**

 **Jo: I haven't decided how Theo will react, and I'm the one writing it! I've been putting it off for a while, but I'll have to write it eventually!**


	16. A Balloon On A Broken String

****A/N: So umm... trying new things are good right? So I tried a new thing. And by default, so did Steve and Bethany. 'Cause I wanted to try non-vanilla smut writing. I tried to start small, and this is what happened. If it's awful, I can't say anything but "I tried".**

Chapter 16- A Balloon On A Broken **String**

 _"I'm a balloon on a broken string. I'm not attached to anyone or anything. I'm  a balloon on a broken string. I don't belong to anyone or anything. And I know I look shiny and bouncy but I'm all empty inside."_

 _~Balloon On A Broken String, The Boy Least Likely To_

* * *

Bucky watched Kiley sleeping with caution. It was the first time in days that she had seized her shaking and crying and he was grateful for that. It was his fault that she was suffering. He knew that. It _killed_ him that someone as lively and innocent as Kiley was now in torment over a series of events that were his fault.

Their Christmas had been amazing. They had bought each other little knick knacks, things from gas stations typically. She had drunk a little too much as well, and had been hilariously entertaining. Not only that, but the way she flirted when she was drunk was enough to make the strongest man blush. But Bucky didn't want to spend their night in their dumpy hotel room. It was Christmas, and they needed to celebrate properly. So they had put on their best clothes, taken some shots and found a street party to join.

Kiley had pulled Bucky deep into the crowd, wrapped her arms around his neck and danced. It had been fantastic, and he couldn't stop smiling. It was on their way home that everything went to hell. They had got lost and decided to cut through an alley where they were cornered by a group of men.

Feeling like a cornered animal, like a trapped prisoner, Bucky went into action. He felt his fear rushing through his veins, his anger towards HYDRA pulsing with every breath and he attacked without hesitation. It was only when all the attackers were on the ground that Bucky was brought back to the moment. Kiley was sobbing, standing a few feet away from him and looking at the bodies on the ground, each one bent in an unnatural manner, blood pooling around them. He had killed them. All of them. Without even meaning to. And to make matters worse, in front of Kiley.

He had hoped that she would forget it all the next day. She had more than enough alcohol in her system to make this reality, but when she woke up the next day, it was evident that the image was branded into her memory forever. They had packed up immediately and left, for fear that the police would track them to the crime.

He didn't blame her for being distant lately. She seemed to shy away from him and no longer talked to him like she had before. He had been afraid of physically hurting her, but instead, he had scarred her in other ways. But unlike physical wounds, these ones wouldn't heal quite as fast. To make matters worse, he didn't even know how to help her. The only thing he could think of that would help would be sending her home, but he didn't know how to bring it up.

That was until earlier that day, a little more than a week later. They had spent New Year's Eve in a dumpy hotel room, but after midnight, they took a walk. It took a lot of prompting on Bucky's part, but he finally got her out of bed. They had found a small restaurant that was filled with people celebrating 2015, and Bucky had left her alone for three minutes to go to the bathroom. When he came back, she was holding a small cylinder, turning it slowly in her hands, little _clacking_ sounds coming. Out of all the noise in the restaurant, those little _clacks_ seemed to be the loudest.

"What are those?" He asked her when he slid into the seat across from her.

"Anxiety meds," Kiley reported, her voice quiet and void of any emotion. The bottle shook in her hands.

"Where did you get them?"

"They were on the ground," she whispered. "I need them."

"But… they're someone else's," Bucky reminded her, trying to take the bottle away from her.

"They have more repeats," She protested. "I need them. I need them. I need them."

"Okay, okay," Bucky said softly, watching as she took one, while her body continued to shake. She didn't even take a sip of her water to wash it down, she was that desperate to get it in her system. As soon as they returned to their hotel room, Kiley had taken another one and fell asleep. Bucky had counted how many were in the bottle; twenty-four.

Everything had been so perfect. Christmas night, all he wanted was to kiss her. See how she reacted and then blame it on the atmosphere if she didn't feel the same way. He wanted to take a chance, to show her what she meant to him, but now all he could do was beat himself up for even thinking that taking her with him was a good idea. If she had been back in America, she would have been surrounded by her loved ones, eating turkey and ham instead of a turkey and ham sandwich, and would have woken up the next day slightly hung over, but smiling from the amazing night.

And now she was lost, like a balloon on a broken string.

He had ruined everything.

But then again, was that anything new?

* * *

Thor, Tony and Jackson had taken Theo away from the Tower for the day for tobogganing and ice skating. Bethany knew that it was their attempt to give Bethany and Steve some much needed time alone, but they had too much on their plates. Natasha had returned without Clint, but instantly dragged Steve off on a small mission. Bethany had agreed to sit it out, knowing that Steve and Natasha made a good team and that she was perfectly happy staying home and taking care of Jamie. It was the bigger assignments she wanted in on. She could do without the intel gathering field work. So far, they had been out six times.

Christmas had been perfect. After Theo had gone to bed, the entire team worked to set up the giant Christmas tree in the communal living area and decorate it to match the smaller tree before hiding it and then moving the stockings to the top floor as well. Theo had been at first worried that everything was gone, and even shed a few tears, but seeing him upset for even a few minutes was worth the amazed smile on his face when he saw the giant tree.

Theo had got the hottest toys, a few clothing items and a lot of candy. He had bought Bethany a picture frame, with his own money, and put a picture of him and Jamie in it. The sentiment and thought he put in it touched her and she would have been happy with that alone. Jackson had told them that he had taken care of Jamie's gift to them, which ended up being a cast of the baby's hands and feet in heart shaped molds.

Bethany had bought Steve private swing dance lessons, to which Steve both laughed at, but honestly appreciated it and couldn't wait for his first lesson. Bethany had opened a box from him, with a green sweater in it. She had acted surprised and claimed she loved it, and honestly, she _did_ love it, but remembered what he had said about her gift being pink.

When they were alone, Steve had presented her with another gift, this time, the gift indeed being pink. A smooth, pink vibrator that had Bethany laughing so hard that she began to cry. Steve had laughed with her, reminding her that she told him to ask Natasha what to get her. _That_ had been her idea. Natasha sat him down in front of a computer and Steve had spent a good hour narrowing down his options. He had settled for a rechargeable one, with a smooth curve. In all honesty, it looked like a telephone handset, which was the ultimate selling point since if someone stumbled upon it, it would look harmless.

They hadn't had a chance to use it yet, but it was charged and ready to go. Whenever the chance for sex would arise, they agreed it would have to be a quickie. Neither minded, but both were anticipating seeing what all the rave was about. For now, Bethany was in Bruce's lab, the two of them looking over her brain scans as Jamie slept in her arms. "Look at the nociceptors," Bruce instructed. "They look…"

"Unnatural," Bethany finished. "Which would make sense since it's what creates the preconception of pain. I mean, I've already told you that for now, no pain is not a bad thing. I mean, I wish I didn't feel pain all through my pregnancy with Jamie, not to mention labor."

"The only thing is, pain is a necessary part of life," Bruce explained. "While you're healing, it's not an issue. But while pregnant, you don't heal the same way. If something was wrong, you wouldn't necessarily know."

"I guess that's true," Bethany sighed.

"Why? Have you and Steve discussed more kids?" Bruce asked casually, flipping to another scan.

"No," Bethany answered before correcting herself. "Well yes. I know it's not the right time. But when I was pregnant with Jamie, it wasn't the right time either. But this time, I'd like it to be planned. It's not the right time. But a painless pregnancy is the goal. Not to mention a painless _labor_."

"Will it ever be the right time?" Bruce asked honestly.

"That seems to be the ultimate question," Bethany said before letting out a deep breath. "Okay, so the real question _here_ is what to do. I may not want to experience pain now, but in certain circumstances…"

"If I can cut into your head and scan your brain with my own two eyes, I'll be able to see, ideally, what is different," Bruce explained, cleaning his glasses before slipping them back on.

"Sounds reasonable enough," Bethany nodded. "Can this wait until Steve gets back though? I'd rather this not happen with Jamie in my care."

Bruce let out a soft chuckle, nodding as he closed the files and started to clean up his station. "I had plans to go see Jen today. Will you be joining me?"

"I would love to," Bethany responded. "But I have a lot to do. The apartment is a mess and I have a bunch of files that Maria wants me to look over. Also, Jamie is out of clean clothes, so laundry is a must."

"Do you miss it?" Bruce asked as Bethany moved to the door. She stopped at the doorframe turning around and cocking an eyebrow in confusion. "Life beyond marriage and kids?"

Bethany looked down at Jamie before smiling. "I'd say I miss sleeping, but I didn't get much then anyways. It keeps life interesting, and that's coming from a top agent of SHIELD who was sent out to capture the top assassins, collect alien artifacts and track down the jolly green giant."

Bruce offered her a soft smile, looking at Jamie sleeping in her arms. "We're all really happy for you. When I met you, all those years ago, we were all about science and innovation. Years later, I'm still the same, but you… You have something much more important."

Bethany smiled shyly. "So children are more important than science?"

"I never thought much about children before," Bruce explained, taking his glasses off again and putting them on the table. "I figured it would happen when it happened, but I never thought more about it than that. And now…" Bethany nodded, signalling that she understood.

"I'm sorry Bruce," Bethany said softly. "I should've told you sooner that gamma radiation wasn't the way to go-"

"Hey, you warned me," Bruce interrupted. "I don't blame you. I made my own decisions, my own mistakes. I just keep hoping that my decisions and mistakes will give me what your decisions and mistakes have given you. I'm accepting who I am, and right now, I'm happy. Not as happy as I could be, but much happier than I was."

"Good," Bethany said with an honest smile before leaving.

* * *

Bethany was scrubbing the bathroom floor when she heard Steve's footsteps. "I swear, Rogers, if you're tracking mud on my clean floors…" She turned around and smiled when she saw his socked feet and brought her gaze up. "You know, that uniform looks much better with boots."

"I was afraid I'd get in trouble if I kept them on, and evidently, I would," Steve explained, leaning against the doorframe. "Where's the baby?"

"Sleeping," Bethany explained, going back to her scrubbing. "He's catching up on sleep considering he spent all of last night throwing a fit."

"And Theo?"

"Tony sent me a text. They're going to a movie," Bethany explained, wiping her brow. "How was your operation?"

"All's well that ends well," Steve replied. "Natasha was… It was supposed to be simple. She made it difficult. As if she wanted it to be that way."

"She's bored. Maria has a bunch of stuff lined up for her, however."

Steve nodded, reaching a leg out to tap her shoulder and gather her attention. "And you still want to sit out on the small stuff?"

"It's not worth leaving," Bethany rationalized. "When the entire team is needed, I'll be there, decked in red and ready to kick some serious ass, but until then, I'll be at home, cooking and cleaning. Never thought this would be my life, or that I would actually enjoy it, but I do."

"How long has Jamie been out?" Steve asked, starting to undo this uniform.

"About an hour or so," Bethany replied. "He's out like a light, though."

"Perfect," Steve nodded, disappearing into the bedroom. Bethany shrugged before turning back to her scrubbing, pushing a stray hair out of her face with her forearm. When he came back into the bathroom, she didn't spare him a look, her list of things to do echoing in her mind with every brush.

He settled behind her, his hands on her ankles, but moving up to her hips. Bethany froze as his hands moved higher and his arms wrapped around her center, pulling her flush against him, sitting her in his lap. "Steve-" She tried, but he kept his movements focused as one hand moved up to cup her breast, the other to cup her core.

"Shhh," Steve instructed, his breath hot in her ear. "There are very specific things that I want to do to you, and you to me, and none of it includes you cleaning the floors."

"Does it involve me _on_ the floor?" Bethany asked slowly, a grin growing on her face. "Or me on _you_ and _you_ on the floor?"

"Hmm," Steve hummed, clenching both of his hands, drawing a sharp intake from her. "Apparently we have the same thoughts."

"Well, great minds think alike," She reminded him before gasping from his wet kiss on her neck. "I could probably get off just like this."

"Do you like this shirt in particular?" Steve asked her against the column of her neck. She shook her head softly, tilting it to the side so that his lips could have free reign. Steve took the plain white tank top in his hands and ripped into pieces letting them fall around them.

"The bra, however, was expensive," Bethany told him quickly.

"I know," Steve assured, his hands cupping the light blue fabric before finding the frontal clasp. "I bought this for you, remember?"

She tilted her head back onto his shoulder, closing her eyes as he began to fondle her breasts, softly squeezing the flesh before harshly twisting her nipples, then forcefully kneading her breasts and placing feather light touches to her perked buds. Through it all, Steve would whisper how beautiful she was, how much he loved her and for her just to lay back and relax. He had very specific ideas of how this would progress.

"Just let me do all the work," Steve whispered. "Don't try to get me to adjust to your own desperate pace. Let me be in charge."

"Okay," Bethany said, her throat dry. She would not argue with him. While she was heavily aroused, she was currently thriving on adrenaline. To lie back and let Steve do all the work seemed like a pretty good deal to her. It wasn't like this was some strange man who could perform odd and forceful tasks on her, not listening when she firmly told him to stop. This was Steve. He knew her body just as well as she did, and the only time she really ever had to tell him to stop was when she was pregnant and would go from wet to dry within a few thrusts with absolutely no explanation to why she was no longer aroused.

Bethany shifted a little in his lap, feeling her arousal dripping onto her underwear, but Steve showed no signs of being ready to move forward. Her breasts were swollen, flushed and leaking, but Steve kept working his magic on her. She could feel his own desire hard against her, which only made her core ache even more.

Bethany let out a soft whimper when he twisted both nipples hard, but one of his hands moved away. She didn't think about much than the loss of contact until she heard a soft _buzzzzzzzzz_ begin, slow and steady. "Take off your pants," Steve whispered into her ear, his voice deep.

She followed his instructions, moaning quietly when she saw the long, thick string of arousal trailing as she slipped her underwear off and pushed them to her ankles. Steve placed his hands on her thighs, pulling them wide open. Bethany smiled excitedly as Steve lowered the tip of the vibrator to her center, dipping it in her slickness before trailing it up against her clit. The reaction was immediate.

Bethany laughed, throwing her head back, unable to keep herself from smiling. "Oh my god, you have no idea how ama-oh shit…"

Steve kissed the side of her head before moving the vibrator in a circular motion, intensifying her pleasure. He kept his pace, listening to her small moans for minutes before he hit the next pattern. The vibrations quickly turned to a pulse, which made Bethany jolt. "Yes," Bethany whispered.

Steve took a grip on her wrist, moving it so that she had control of the vibrator, watching at the circular pace she set against her swollen and sensitive nub. Her breathing slightly labored, her whimpers spewing out at random. Steve took one of her nipples in between his fingers while the other hand went pass the vibrator and pushed into her with two fingers. Curving his fingers up and finding an all too familiar spot, he massaged it as Bethany's hips began to move slowly, encouraging Steve to start thrusting.

He dug his teeth into her neck, sucking as he felt her clenching around his fingers. Her orgasm was building, and he could feel her getting closer and closer. One of her hands moved up and behind Steve's head to grab his hair. It was all too much for Steve and he didn't want to wait any longer. He pulled his fingers out, absolutely dripping with her juices. Bethany let out a sound of disappointment, but Steve slipped away from her, Bethany lying on the ground in front of him.

When he disappeared to get the vibrator, he had also slipped out of his uniform and the garments he wore under it. The only thing he had on now were his boxers, but as he pushed them off his hips and down to his feet, Bethany let out a deep and desperate groan. She cherished every moment, looking at his cock, hard and dripping, the ridges from his veins making her drool, all until it was masked by a condom. She felt herself pout for a moment until she remembered what this meant. She pressed the vibrator against her even more, knowing that she wouldn't last that much longer, especially with his hard and sculptured body hovering above her.

Steve moved down onto his knees, taking a hold of her ankles and pulling her forward. Taking a firm grip of her hips, Steve pushed himself into her, relishing in the loud sound of approval that came from her. She couldn't keep her eyes off of him and he couldn't take his eyes off her. Bethany's smile was dangerously close to splitting her face and her eyes were shining with fulfillment. It didn't take long before she hit her peak, her hands going weak and if it wasn't for Steve catching the vibrator and holding it in place, she would have lost her climb all together.

Steve kept thrusting into her, not letting her get a moment to recover. He turned off the vibrator, however, and put it on the counter before slipping out of her for a moment, flipping Bethany onto her stomach and then pulling her onto all fours. He wrapped his body on top of her, carefully asking her if this was okay. They agreed to try new positions, and he remembered this one from his kama sutra book.

"Do it before I pass out," Bethany breathed, her heart pounding hard in her chest. Steve pulled himself back onto his knees, touching each of her cheeks for a moment before finding his way back inside of her. Bethany's groan was a little off putting, causing Steve to pause.

"Doll?" He checked, barely containing his own groan. He was buried so deep in her, deeper than he ever had been before, which seemed impossible but his hips were pressed flushed against her ass.

"No, it's okay," She panted, swallowing hard. "It just… Oh god, it just feels different. Keep going, though. No, it feels good."

He took this as encouragement, and assumed that something that felt _this_ amazing for him couldn't be anything less for her. Steve pulled out before sliding back in slowly, eliciting a harsh groan from Bethany. He bent his body over hers as he continued the slow pace, placing kisses on her back. "So good," Steve murmured into her skin. "Beth?"

"Mmmm," Bethany hummed. "Steve, if you want to go faster, go faster. It doesn't hurt."

Steve followed her instructions, but continued to place the feather light kisses on her back. His pace slowly built faster and faster, their moans, panting and the echo from their bodies slapping together filling the room. Steve pulled himself straight again, giving a hard thrust. Bethany jolted forward slightly, but let out a chuckle. "Again," she said, looking over her shoulder, a huge smile on her face.

He gave her three hard pumps, watching as she continued to giggle. "What?" Steve asked, taking in a deep breath.

"Your balls are hitting my clit and it's fabulous," Bethany admitted, her smile contagious.

"I have you on your hands and knees, and yet you're still adorable," Steve said, shaking his head but pumping into her hard again, this time noticing what Bethany was talking about. Her laughter only encouraged him to thrust deep and hard, hands on her hips to keep her in place and combined with the sweet sounds escaping from his wife and her all but begging him to come, to finish the race _now_ and not hold back was his undoing.

Bethany crawled away from him, moving to rest against the bathroom tub, Steve joining her after he took the condom off and cleaned himself. He threw an arm around her shoulders and she leaned against him. "Well, that was… interesting," Bethany said with a laugh.

"How you doing?" Steve asked, turning to start the tub and reaching for the face cloth on the corner of the tub's ledge.

"I'm gonna need to start cleaning the floor again," Bethany said, jolting as Steve laid the wet facecloth against her thigh.

"Let me clean you," he explained.

"No, I'll just hop into the bathtub," she countered before getting up on shaky legs and getting into the tub. She put the stopper in place and adjusted the temperature of the water before resting against the back.

Steve handed her the vibrator with a cheeky smile. "It's waterproof, you know."

Bethany laughed as she took it, but placed it on the edge. "I'm too tired. You did good, Captain."

He leaned over the tub's ledge and kissed her softly. "Yeah?"

"Hey, next time you wanna doggy it up, just do it," Bethany said, her eyes heavy.

Kissing her forehead, he pushed up against the tub, taking the facecloth and quickly cleaning his body from the sweat he built up before cleaning up the mess in the bathroom as best he could. "I'll clean the floor properly later," Steve promised, turning off the faucet and chuckling when he saw that Bethany was falling asleep. "Well, that's always a good sign."

* * *

Bethany kept in close contact with Coulson at all times. He had certain information about HYDRA that they didn't have and vice versa. It was nice to have ears elsewhere, and information from people who were currently out in the field. Not only that, but Coulson's friendship had always meant a lot to her and she wasn't willing to lose it.

However, it had been a while since she actually saw him. The last time she visited the new SHIELD HQ, which was actually an old one, was the day that Theo was left at their doorsteps. It was on that day that she decided she didn't need her old life now that she had Jamie. She had been content with her motherhood role. But after losing her memory and having been a part of that one assignment, it reawakened something in her. She didn't want her old life… just a little piece. Every once in a while.

But when Coulson called her and asked her to come to the SHIELD headquarters as soon as possible, she didn't hesitate. Coulson hadn't given much detail, but both Bethany and Steve knew that he wouldn't ask for her to come unless it was important.

"Come with me," Bethany said as she began to get dressed; dark washed jeggings, knee high black leather boots, a blue tank top and a slouchy black leather jacket.

"Someone needs to stay here and take care of the kids," Steve reminded her, cradling Jamie to his body. "Go. He asked for you, not me."

"We hired Jackson for a reason," Bethany pointed out. "And trust me, Phil will _not_ be upset that you're with me. Please?"

Steve sighed, bouncing Jamie lightly, trying to get him to fall back to sleep. "It'll only draw more questions. Go."

And so she went. Alone.

The atmosphere in the base, however, was haunting. People didn't seem happy to see her, not even Bobbi Morse, who had been one of her favorite people to run missions with a decade ago. It only made her nervous as to why she was actually summoned.

"For the last time, Koenig, she doesn't need a lanyard," Coulson said as he ushered Bethany into his office and closing the door.

"You know, I don't mind posing for a photo," Bethany chuckled, making herself at home by jumping up to sit on Coulson's desk.

"If we give you a lanyard, you'll be here more often," Coulson explained.

"Oh, and you don't want me here, is that it?" Bethany chuckled.

"Not that your company isn't welcomed," he began, sitting in the chair in front of his desk, usually reserved for visitors. "But it's your turn to settle down and let your family be first."

"Well, until HYDRA is stopped, and Steve can't find anything else to pick a fight with, it'll be a long time coming," Bethany said with a sigh. "I can't just sit back and let him have all the fun. I tried. Whenever we're apart, something happens. We protect each other. And I know that me helping them, helping you… well, an extra pair of hands is always a benefit."

"What about your son?"

Bethany let out a deep sigh. "He's okay. He's happy. I'm raising him, Phil. Steve says that as much as he'd like me to be a full time mom, he knows it's unrealistic. A lot of moms work now anyways. And I'm not away from Jamie forty hours a week. More like ten. Maybe fifteen. And before you ask, I want to be a full time mom. Just not in a world like this."

Coulson gave her a small smile but it quickly faded. "Listen, I called you here for a reason. I need you to accompany me on a home visit."

"A…" Bethany began before sighing. "Someone died? Oh man, Phil. I'm so sorry."

"So am I," he nodded. "Listen, I thought his mother would take it better if you were with me."

"Why?" Bethany asked, dreading the answer.

"It was Antoine Triplett," Coulson answered. "Being a legacy, his grandfather being one of Steve's Howling Commandos, I just thought it would be easier if you brought his remains."

"He… wow," Bethany breathed. "He… He was a good agent. And an even better man. His grandfather would have been proud. God, Steve's team meant the world to him. Not only are they gone, but their legacies are fading too. I wanted Steve to come with me. Here. I wish he did."

"I thought about asking you to bring him," Coulson added. "But the thing is… you knew Trip."

"Yeah," Bethany whispered. "Yeah, I'll… I'll do it. Can we go today?"

"We have some missions to run," Coulson explained. "But give us two hours to get the ball rolling and then you and I can head out."

"Anything I can help with?" Bethany asked.

"I don't want to drag you back in when you've almost freed yourself completely," Coulson replied.

"I'm married to Captain America," Bethany reminded him. "My nephew is Iron Man, my son's godparents Black Widow and Falcon. I live in a building with the Incredible Hulk, a demigod and an expert marksman. I'll never free myself completely."

"I could use you in _here_ more than out there," Coulson began, standing up and going to his filing cabinet and taking out some old SSR files, dropping them in her lap. "Any information you can give us would be great. Anything you need from us, help yourself. Your information is in our system already, so you have full access."

"Thank you," Bethany nodded, moving to sit in Coulson's desk chair and pulling a pen so she could add some notes to the files. "I can't help you with a lot of this. These were my bad years. The years where getting out of bed was the ultimate success for me. Or the years that Howard had me training all day, every day. No actual fieldwork. I never did any fieldwork for the SSR anyways."

"No, but you did for SHIELD," Coulson reminded her, heading towards the door. "A lot of the earlier missions were yours. Any other agent that participated is dead. Except for Agent Carter, but she won't be much help to us."

Bethany nodded, flipping a page. "Let me know when you're ready Phil."

* * *

Somehow, Bethany ended up in Mrs. Triplett's kitchen making tea. She didn't question this turn of events, or even complain about it. She had just lost her son, and Bethany could only imagine how life shattering that was. She lived in a constant fear of losing her son, and she refused to even think about her life without Jamie.

"Okay, here we go," Bethany said softly as she brought the tea service into the living room. As the three of them made their respective cups, Bethany looked around Mrs. Triplett's living room. She had seen the photo when they walked in. Right away, as if it was on fire. The photo of the Howling Commandos.

She could tell this grieving mother stories of her father, of her son for _hours_. How both men made her smile. How the both of them could effortlessly tease her, as if she was their little sister. How both men were honorable and faithful and damn good at their jobs.

She couldn't pretend that the photo wasn't there any longer. Putting her cup down, she walked over to the photo, ignoring the looks she was getting from Mrs. Triplett and Coulson. All six of the men were holding guns, Bucky looking the most war torn out of the group. None of them were smiling, but there was a soft hint of one on Jim's face which only made Bethany chuckle to herself. She had never run missions with them, all except that one time where she needed to activate a device in the mountains. But Peggy had joined them on occasions, which had always made her a little jealous. Bethany's talents and skills were elsewhere.

But that didn't mean she didn't have countless memories with them. They always liked to tease her, to tease her _and_ Steve. It was nothing she couldn't handle, and she would only throw the teasing back to them.

 _"Stop it," Bethany chuckled, trying to kick Gabe away. She was adding some improvements to Steve's bike, but she had been there for less than two minutes before Steve's entire team crowded around her and pestered her with questions._

 _"Not until you tell us," Jim threw back with a wicked smile._

 _"Why don't you boys just ask Steve?" Bethany replied in turn. "And let me do my job?"_

 _"We did," Dum Dum added. "Multiple times. He won't say a thing. He just blushes and that just makes us more curious."_

 _"The guy has been sweet on you for a year," James explained. "But refused to make a move. We just want to know who made the first move."_

 _Bethany sighed, pulling herself up from underneath the bike. "You know, this is considered harassment."_

 _"Well, you know how to get us to stop," Dum Dum pointed out._

 _Bethany looked to Bucky, who had been quiet this entire time. "Back me up here."_

 _Bucky put his hands up in mock surrender. "Steve won't say anything in respect for you. The cards are in your hands."_

 _"Look, we kissed," Bethany said simply with a shrug. "I realized that I wanted more than friendship. End of story."_

 _"Must have been some kiss," Jim replied, amusement laced in his voice._

 _"You know what, Jim?" Bethany began. "It was. Now, will you fellas let me get back to work?"_

 _"Hold on, you didn't answer who made the first move," Dum Dum reminded her. "See, I have money on it being you."_

 _"Why doesn't that surprise me," Bethany mumbled, letting out a heavy sigh. "After I embarrassed myself with the yelling and screaming, and Steve took me away-"_

 _"Carried," Jim corrected._

 _"Dragged, more like it," Bucky inputted._

 _"Do you want me to finish the story or not?" Bethany asked plainly, to which silence fell over them. "We got to talking. He was comforting me, trying to make me feel better, and not completely embarrassed and ashamed and… I don't know."_

 _"Yes you do," James prodded. "You were there, were you not?"_

 _"But I don't know if I kissed him or if he kissed me," Bethany admitted. "And it didn't matter. It_ doesn't _matter. But yes, it was a really good kiss, not because it was expertly executed or done suavely, but because…" She trailed off, shaking her head. "No, you know what? It's private."_

 _"Aw, come on," Dum Dum groaned. "We had to watch him make lovey dovey eyes over you for months, heard him go on and on about you almost every single waking moment-"_

 _"I get it," Bethany assured._

 _"You make it sound like he's obsessed with her," Bucky scoffed. "He doesn't talk about you every moment of the day."_

 _Bethany raised her eyebrows for moment, nodding. She hadn't even thought that it sounded obsessive until Bucky brought it up, she just thought it was sweet. "He just can't stop thinking about you," James offered politely. "You're always on his mind."_

 _"He spends a good majority of his day strategizing plans so we can all go home," Bethany reminded them all. "And he's very focused when it comes to that, you all know that. Now, go away. I have to work, and guess what? So do you. 'Cause I want to go home. I have a beautiful house in California with a pool and some servants. Not to mention, I miss good food. Scat."_

 _She ducked underneath the bike again as the men dispersed, but when she felt a hand on her ankle, she aggressively kicked it. "I said 'stop'," Bethany protested, making contact with a shoulder._

 _"Okay, ow," Steve replied, no actual hurt in his voice, only a light chuckle._

 _"Steve," Bethany said, shooting out from under the bike. "I thought you were someone else."_

 _"Hate to be who you thought it was," Steve replied, sitting in front of her. "Am I distracting you?"_

 _"Hmmm," Bethany thought, a finger on her lips. "Let me see… Working on your bike, or getting some much deserved loving? That's a real toss up."_

 _"Much deserved, huh?" Steve said with a slight frown. "What's wrong, your day not going well?"_

 _Bethany put her screwdriver down, letting out a soft sigh. "Your team was trying to pry some information out of me."_

 _"Aw, Beth. I told them not to bother you about it," Steve promised._

 _"From what I understand, they don't take you seriously when you're blushing," Bethany told him with a teasing tone. "I told them enough to get them to go away. And not that I didn't doubt your… what's the word? Gentlemanliness, but you didn't go around telling everyone you know that you got some, and that just makes me like you even more."_

 _Steve ducked his head for a moment before taking her hand and giving it a squeeze. "That's no one's business but yours and mine."_

 _"How was your meeting with the Colonel?" Bethany asked, moving back to work on the bike._

 _"It was actually about you," Steve confessed._

 _"Me?" Bethany asked, a deep frown on her face. "What did I do?"_

 _"Spent the night in my room. Three days this week," Steve said quietly._

 _"Wait, he knows about that? How does he know about that?" Bethany asked, crawling back up._

 _"He didn't, but… it's not exactly a secret that we're… together now," Steve replied carefully, still not sure what word to use. "Apparently it's his business though, since romances are looked down on here."_

 _Bethany reached out and fixed Steve's tie before crossing her arms. "They can't do anything about it."_

 _"They could separate us if we get… problematic," Steve explained._

 _Bethany shook her head. "I doubt it. I know that the SSR are bringing in new scientists to basically take over my research, but I'm still here because it's written in Howard's contract, as sad as that is. Where Howard goes, I go. And where we go, so does the innovations and weapons. And where that is, you are. Therefore…"_

 _Steve smiled, reaching out to play with one of her curls. "I like it when you ramble."_

 _"You should have seen me drunk," Bethany chuckled. "I'd ask questions and answer them all in the same breath."_

 _"I wish I could have seen that," Steve admitted._

 _"Go on," Bethany said after a moment of silence._

 _"With?"_

 _Bethany rolled her eyes but wound her arms around his neck. "I don't believe I got my good morning kiss, Captain."_

 _"Wait, right here?" Steve asked, looking around the area where dozens of men were working, including her brother._

 _"Right here," Bethany replied leaning forward and kissing him softly. "Unless… you're embarrassed to be seen kissing me."_

 _"Are you out of your mind?" Steve asked._

 _"Well, then. Give me a smooch and show these fellas to stay away," Bethany teased, tapping her lips. "Right on the kisser."_

 _Steve looked nervous, his face pinking. "Uh…"_

 _Bethany couldn't help but giggle at him, reaching out to take a firm grip on his tie. "I_ do _have to work, so that you can take this bike out on your next raid."_

 _"We're not heading out until Thursday, if that helps?" Steve offered, letting her pull him forward._

 _"Either kiss me now, or I'm gonna straddle you and not think twice about it," Bethany replied with a smirk._

 _"You're real desperate for a kiss," Steve replied nervously._

 _"You have no idea," Bethany responded before their lips touched again, this time lasting longer. One of her hands rested on the back of his neck while the other held onto his tie. When they broke apart, Steve's entire face was red. "Look, no one even noticed," Bethany reported, looking around the room._

 _Steve shyly followed her gaze, but felt his stomach drop when Howard was staring at him with his arms crossed. "Your brother…"_

 _"Couldn't be happier," Bethany replied. "Don't let him scare you. He's five foot eight. He thinks you're good for me. Which is true. Honestly, he's probably more afraid of me corrupting you than the other way around."_

 _"Hey, how come we weren't allowed to distract you?" Gabe protested as the entire group made their way back over._

 _Bethany rolled her eyes, letting go of her hold on Steve. "Because your distraction isn't nearly as satisfying," she replied, tossing Steve a wink, only increasing his blush._

 _"That colour looks better on Bethany," Bucky teased Steve as he took his place by his side._

 _"Stop it," Bethany said sternly, not wanting to discourage Steve. "Don't listen to him, he's just jealous."_

 _"Damn straight," Bucky replied with a laugh as Bethany reached inside her trousers and handed Steve a handkerchief._

 _"We should let you work," Steve said, wiping the lipstick off his lips._

 _"Oh come on, this girl puts all the other men in here to shame with how fast she works her magic," Dum Dum spoke up._

 _"I feel like there's a sexual innuendo in there somewhere," Jim added._

 _"Don't," Steve said strictly, but Bethany didn't let that falter her for a moment._

 _"You boys have no idea," She replied with a flirtatious tone, earning her laughter from all of the men, except Steve. But as she nudged him with her foot, he gave her a small smile. "Cheer up, Steve. They didn't mean anything."_

 _Steve received a bunch of 'ooohhhs' from his team, all of them reaching out a hand to shake Steve until he was laughing, watching as Bethany ducked back under the bike to finish her work._

* * *

 ****A/N: There was a little bit of everything in that chapter :) Also, need honest opinions. Stick to vanilla? Or no? I'm about to write another smut scene (sometime this weekend) so it'll be nice to hear what people want!**

 **Jordan Lynn 7: Thanks!**

 **Jo: Slowly but surely!**

 **HerooftheDay: Thank you so much! I'm working on the revised script for Ultron right now, and it's slowly becoming what you want, but at the same time, there's certain things that will be the same. I always try my best to write Bethany into the movie with her own storyline and struggles so that it'll ultimately change at least one important aspect of the script. I agree with you; Steve's vision was pretty tame. I was actually writing out the first draft of Steve's vision when you posted your review. While it'll still focus on the aspects of home, it'll be darker. Tony won't be saying that Steve walked away without it affecting him. It'll shake him up quite a bit. Soon, Steve and Bethany will realize that their happiness isn't exactly what the other one wants. It'll be a fun aspect to explore.**

 **NewYorkLghts: YES, Aaron Tveit. Love, love, LOVE him. His voice is so soothing. I agree with you; in one of the comics, it's shown that the only way to torture Steve is to torture Bucky. I'll definitely have to find a way to work that into the outline I have set up already. Great idea! And yes, two lose both Steve and Jamie, and probably Tony too would _really_ break Bethany.**

 **fallingforthecaptain: Hope that you're on the road to recovery! *Awkward laughing* Hahaha, yeah about Kiley and Bucky...**

 **sarahmichellegellarfan1: Thanks :)**

 **BerMH: I've started to draft Steve's vision and I actually included something along the lines as that, but it's nice to know that I'm not the only person with that idea!**

 **FeliciaFelicis: It's not "ages" away! Haha, I promise. I'm getting there. I'm ball parking chapter 22? Maybe 23? And yeah... see what I meant about the smut?**


	17. Are You Broken?

****A/N: I meant to post this last night, but I got distracted by _Heroes Reborn._ In case you haven't connected the pieces with Hayden Panettiere being Bethany's face claim, and Bethany's regenerative power... I'm a HUGE _Heroes_ fan. Like, if you think I'm a big _Marvel_ fan, it doesn't even compare. Sure, my love calmed down within the last few years, but I still know almost EVERYTHING about _Heroes._ Fun fact: Hayden's character on _Heroes_ , Claire Bennet, was actually one of my least favorite characters. Give me psychotic Elle Bishop any day, thank you! **

Chapter 17- Are You Broken?

 _"Are bleeding?/ Are you waiting? Are you wishing? Are you wanting all that she can't give?/ Are you bruised? Are you broken?/ Are you hurting? Are you healing? Are you hoping for life to live?/ Does it help you to know/ Well, so am I."_

 _~I Am The One, J. Robert Spencer & Aaron Tveit_

* * *

Normal wasn't exactly a word that existed in Steve and Bethany's lives, but somehow, they had achieved their own brand of normal. The morning was dedicated to chores and making sure that both Theo and Jamie had time to bond with them. Afternoons were dedicated to training and time in the lab while Theo was at school and Jamie was napping. In the evenings, they cooked dinner together, sitting around the kitchen table like a real family, and then it was homework, bath and bed. After both boys were asleep, Steve and Bethany finished any loose ends from the day as well as made Theo's lunch, and if they were lucky, had some time alone. While that didn't always mean sex, it always meant a good make out session.

Bethany had yet to be called out on a mission and wasn't complaining about it. When Steve would leave with certain members of the group, she and Bruce would typically hang around together, either talking about Jen or science. Bruce had finally made his way into Jen's confinement and Bethany had watched behind the double sided mirror as Bruce approached her. She had marveled at the way he had moved towards her, slowly but not like Jen was a wild animal. His voice was soothing for her and she sat and listened to him. He sat and listened to her. Bruce knew what to say and what to do and just how to assure her that everything would be okay. Her memory hadn't returned yet, but she understood what was happening.

He got her to agree to let him run some tests to understand the changes she was going through, and ensured her that the high security was more for her safety than everyone else's. Bethany was worried that her mental health would deteriorate, but Tony kept assuring her that JARVIS was monitoring her 24/7. If she ever became a risk to herself, JARVIS would make sure that the sleeping gas was administered and that they could help her immediately.

But the most critical thing that Bruce did was getting her to agree to master her newfound abilities. It wasn't so they could use her as a weapon, but so that if she chose to live a normal life, this wouldn't hinder her everyday life. He made her no promises of taking them away from her, but helping her master them as he taught himself to control the Hulk.

"Sounds like you don't even need our help," Bethany pointed out when Bruce came to report his findings and conversations of the day with Jen to them. It was close to nine, but both Steve and Bethany were in their pajamas, ready for the day to be over. Both Theo and Jamie threw fits at bath time and while Bethany joked that having kids was harder than any mission they ever ran, it wasn't exactly untrue.

"I'm trying to show her that we trust her," Bruce continued. "I know from experience that in order to show someone that they aren't a feral creature, someone needs to trust them. In order to do that, I have to let her out of that room. If we trust her, she'll start to trust herself. Her walls will break down, and she'll probably start to remember."

"I don't necessarily disagree," Steve began. "But we can't have her running around here on her own free will. Especially with Jamie, not to mention Theo being here."

"Well, how much time were you considering letting her roam?" Bethany asked confused. "A few hours with Theo at school, and us being with Jamie… Is that not enough?"

Bruce hesitated for a moment before collecting the right words. "I don't want her to think we have limited trust. For us to give her a deadline. While we'll keep a close eye on her, she needs to return to that room on her own terms."

"I mean, that makes sense, but-" Steve began, running his hand through his hair.

"We could go away," Bethany suggested. "Before… well, _everything_ happened, we had talked about going to Disney World for Christmas. Just because it isn't Christmas anymore doesn't mean it's a bad idea."

"We can't take Theo out of school anymore," Steve whispered. "He's already behind as it is."

"Honestly, I don't think Theo will benefit being rushed to finish this year," Bethany replied, turning her attention solely to Steve. "Babe, his teachers keep calling. He's distracted in class, distant during recess. And he has reason to be that way. We're trying to catch him up, but he won't be caught up by the end of the year."

"So what? We just pull him out and hope that next year will be better?" Steve asked, clearly not agreeing. "Let all his friends move forward while he stays back?"

"No, that's not what I'm suggesting," Bethany promised. "Steve, I know how important school is. You know that I do. But there are options we should consider. Pulling him out of school this year, but not letting him slip behind. Hire a homeschool teacher, and let him learn at his own pace. With one-on-one time, he'll catch up by the end of the school year, and if not then, he can keep going through the summer. At the rate he's going now, he won't move forward next year. I'm not going to have him be held back because of _our_ mistakes."

Steve sighed, one of his hands scratching his stubble, which he was reluctantly not shaving at Bethany's insistence. Every time he tried, he didn't last longer than a few days, but he was willing to wait a few more days since Bethany had some not safe for work ideas that involved a beard in a certain area.

"It's not a horrible idea," Steve agreed. "He'd need to agree with it."

"Steve, he's protesting going to school every day," Bethany reminded him softly. "Dr. F keeps saying that Theo hates going to school, and he never did before the explosion. It's our responsibility to make sure that Theo is happy."

"We'll need to find a teacher we trust," Steve said as his way of agreeing.

"And we'll find one," Bethany promised. "Not everyone in this world is HYDRA in disguise. And who knows? Maybe a week at the Happiest Place on Earth will be good for him. For everyone. But you need to promise to be fully there. I can't have you running off and leaving me at an amusement park with two boys. For one week, you're not Captain America. You're just Steve Rogers."

Steve let out a long breath of air but nodded. "Can she wait a week or two?" Steve asked to Bruce.

"Yeah," he replied. "She's being patient for now. I still have some tests I'd like to run, and with her permission, I'll feel a lot better about doing them. I'll need Bethany's input, however."

"Yeah, whatever you need," Bethany assured. "Has she said anything about keeping the powers or not?"

"She's afraid that she'll hurt someone," Bruce explained. "But once we get her in control of them… Personally, if she can control them, I feel like she should keep them. She'll be safer this way, from HYDRA, from anyone, really. Theo will be safer too."

"Assuming he goes home with her," Bethany mumbled before clarifying her thoughts. "Look, as much as Theo misses her, there's a lot that needs to be remedied before I'll feel comfortable with it. While he's safe with us _now_ , we can't always promise that safety. It could change in the hour."

"It'll be a decision the four of us will make," Steve promised, taking Bethany's hand in his own. "Until then, we should probably look into seeing if we can nullify her and Jacob's marriage. Any claim he has to Theo…"

"He's safe with the CIA for now," Bethany replied tiredly. "Jacob is my last concern right now, to be honest. We still need to find the rest of them. I don't like the files we've been getting from the intel missions you've been running. Jen isn't the first person HYDRA has been experimenting on. And it's not even the same experiments."

"Jen's experiment may have been forced, but that doesn't mean everyone else's is," Steve reminded her. "All three of us have agreed to experimentation for something we believed in, whether it was for science or warfare. It's not so crazy for other people to do the same."

"No, do we trust HYDRA to be _ethical_ with their experimentations?" Bethany asked. "Bruce and I tested on our _selves._ If Dr. Erskine didn't have absolute faith that the serum wasn't ready, you wouldn't have gone in that pod to begin with. And yeah, it wasn't exactly the most comforting thing to experience, but would you say it was unethical?"

"No," Steve said immediately.

"I don't think HYDRA knows when enough is enough. They've never known. And yes, they seem to be making _amazing_ advancements in science and weaponry. They've always been a step ahead-"

"Because they aren't afraid of being unethical," Bruce summarized.

"SHIELD did the same things," Steve reminded them both sternly. "They experimented."

"Yeah but not to the same degree," Bethany protested. "Look, my little day trip last week? I visited a group of SHIELD agents I worked very closely with," she explained to Bruce. "They had information to give as well as take. I trust them. But they only confirmed what we know. This one doctor thought nothing of kidnapping a woman and dissecting her until she was dead so that he could gain the immortality that she possessed."

"Wait, what?" Steve asked, raising his voice. "Why didn't you say anything! Beth-"

"One, it wasn't relevant until now and two, keep your voice down, the boys are sleeping," She snapped. "They were willing to kill, that's my point. For their own benefit."

"How is it any different than SHIELD's conducting the Project Paracelsus experimentation?" Bruce asked cautiously.

"Because we didn't kidnap these people," Bethany explained. "People _volunteered_. What a lot of outsiders don't understand about SHIELD is that it _is_ your life. People give up the options of having a family because of the passion and loyalty they had for the organization."

"Right, which is how HYDRA festered within," Bruce stated, earning a hard glare from Bethany.

"The point is, these were agents that went through the training, and understood what they were doing. And when asked why they were doing this, they all just wanted to make the world a better place. The way a lot of agents saw it was that even if they died, they died trying to solve the crimes of the world. Steve agreed to give his body and mind up to the SSR, and we hadn't successfully executed the Super Soldier program yet."

"Okay, I see your point," Bruce promised. "But we drifted from why I was here."

"Jen," Bethany stated. "Getting her to trust you."

"We'll start working on our plans tomorrow," Steve promised.

Bruce nodded. "That's all I require," he promised before getting up. "She needs to start trusting someone else too. It can't just be me."

"Well, we'll be away," Bethany reminded him. "Ask Tasha or Clint. Not that I don't trust Tony or Thor, but they can be a little… overbearing."

Bruce chuckled in agreement before excusing himself for the night. The apartment was quiet before Bethany got off the couch and moved to the kitchen. "You want some hot chocolate?"

Steve followed her, narrowing his eyes. "You're not tired anymore?"

"No, I am," She assured, moving to boil some water. "But there's something I need to tell you, and I don't think you'll necessarily be happy with what I have to say."

Steve cautiously sat at the island and trained his eyes to her. "And hot chocolate will make the situation better?"  
"Probably not," Bethany admitted, taking out two mugs, the hot chocolate mix and some milk. "But I have to tell you anyways."

"Okay," Steve nodded, leaning forward.

"I told you about Coulson," She began. "How he died and we brought him back."

"Experimentation," Steve nodded. "You didn't have permission."

"Well, I mean… he was dead," Bethany reminded him. "Coulson had been the one… in charge of the experiment that we implemented. He had advised for the experiment to be stopped because it was too dangerous. Like Paracelsus, the changes in the DNA were so harmful to the mind that all sanity was lost in the volunteers."

"And you did it anyways?" Steve asked, the tone in his voice incredulous. "Bethany, that puts you on the same level as HYDRA!"

"Shhh," She reminded him, her eyes wide. "Look, I didn't know all of that when it was happening. Nick did, obviously. The transformation was so… severe, that Coulson…"

"What?" Steve asked, not willing to wait. His disgust was clear. "Coulson what?"  
"He wanted to die," Bethany said carefully. "So we… adjusted his memories. It was the only way-"

"Beth-"

"No," She interrupted. "We might have done wrong then, but Coulson is grateful to be alive. I didn't ask if he would have it any differently, but… Steve, that project was made as a precaution-"

"Death is a natural thing," Steve reminded her. "You can't resurrect everyone-"

"Death isn't natural when you're turned to stone and crumble into pieces!" Bethany cried, thinking about Trip. "That's not natural Steve. Car accidents, those aren't natural. Falling from buildings, fires, being victim of murders… None of that is natural! And we weren't planning on doing any of that anyways, it was for a fallen Avenger, okay Steve? It was for you and Tony and everyone else!"

Steve was silent at that, not even bothering to tell Bethany to keep her voice down, but she lowered it as she continued. "If you had died in that battle, the battle of New York? Steve, I would have done _anything_ to bring you back. I had you in my life for a few weeks, and we were just making things right. I couldn't…" She swallowed hard, trying to keep her tears at bay. "I couldn't lose you again."

"So you would've…" Steve began, but trailed off.

"I don't know," Bethany said with a heavy sigh. "Yes? Probably? Does that make me a bad person? To just have one good thing in my life? I'm _terrified_ of losing you again, Steve. I lost myself last time."

"It'd be different this time," Steve whispered. "You'd have Jamie."

"And that's just magically going to make it all okay?" Bethany asked. "Steve… I'd have a piece of you and a constant reminder that you were once again robbed of your life. Every time you put that suit on and pick up that shield, it physically _hurts_ , but I let you go anyways. You can't know that it wouldn't be different."

"But Beth… you wouldn't have to be so miserable," Steve whispered. "I'd want you to move on. I'd want you to be happy, that's all I have ever wanted."

She quickly wiped away a tear before it fell. "There are a lot of reasons why I didn't move on before. But the biggest reason is because I love you. I might not have said it then, and hell, I know I didn't show it. But the _idea_ of moving on felt wrong. And no one really pushed me. Not at first anyways. They all believed that you'd come back. And even just a little bit of that faith was enough. And I know they all thought the chances of you wanting to try again with me were slim. But that _small_ chance? That was enough."

"It was almost seventy years Bethany," Steve reminded her, getting up and walking over to her, placing a hand on her face and wiping a tear away with his thumb. "Moving on… it's natural. I couldn't hold it against you, living your life."

"It's not that simple, Steve," Bethany breathed. "I couldn't even admit to you, let alone myself that I loved you. You, of all people. It wasn't some horrible human being who I would have been ashamed of loving. It was _you_. How do you replace the perfect man?"

"I'm not perfect," Steve whispered, pulling her into a hug.

"You're perfect to me," she sniffed. "Every day… I wait for all of this to disappear. For you to walk out the door. For all this to be a really long, and very detailed dream."

"This is real," He promised her, kissing her forehead softly. "And I'm not leaving."

"Every day, you do," She said, holding back her sobs. "You put that suit on and-"

"It's my job," He reminded her. "Just as it was yours."

"You can't lose me and I can't lose you," Bethany said, looking up to him. "Would I have put you through hell if it meant bringing you back to life? Probably. Even if it meant you being furious with me. At least you'd be alive. That's always what's been important to me. If you woke up and wanted nothing to do with me… At least you'd be alive."

"No more tears," Steve ordered, cupping her jaw. "I'm not going anywhere. And while I don't necessarily agree with what happened to Coulson… I understand where you're coming from."

"We're not HYDRA Steve," She whispered. "We wanted to recreate life for second chances. To keep the world safe. Not to destroy peace, like HYDRA."

"I know," He promised with a sigh.

"Do you?" She asked.

He was silent for a moment before nodding. "Reluctantly."

* * *

Natasha and Bethany had been working on reading and organizing some intel for over an hour. While their conversation strayed at some parts, they were mainly focused on making sure all the information they had was sound and up-to-date.

So when Natasha asked Bethany what it was like to be in love, Bethany chocked on her spit. Not only was the question foreign in their conversation, but it was such an innocent and truly curious question, and coming from Natasha, Bethany knew that she had thought long and hard before asking it.

"Are-are you asking out of curiosity, or because you think that… that you may be in love?" Bethany asked after taking a hefty sip of her water.

Natasha refused to meet Bethany's eyes, but her walls were down. She was about to be open and honest with Bethany, something that didn't happen often. Typically, it was Bethany being open with Natasha, not the other way around. "I don't think I'm in love. I think that I could be. In the future. And I just… I want to know what it's like. So I'll know."

"I don't think it's uniform," Bethany replied honestly. "It's not the same for everyone, and I think that's what makes it so special."

"But the generalization of it," Natasha continued. "I've never really… I've never really had anything like it. Or at least that I know of. Lust and love are two different things."

"Yes, that's true," Bethany agreed. "I don't know… It's the best and the worst thing that can happen to you. While you have it, it's amazing. It feels like… As cheesy as it sounds, that you've found the missing piece. You feel relaxed and at ease, and… _whole_."

"No sweaty palms or restless nights?" Natasha asked, a hint of humor in her voice at how love was always shown.

"It depends on the person," Bethany agreed. "I think that's more for crushes though. Loving someone… it's different. Just trust me on that. A crush can turn into love, yes. But the length it takes to go from point A to point B is an uphill battle. And when you finally get to the top, sweaty palms isn't the trouble."

"How did you know that you loved Steve?"

Bethany smiled to herself, looking at her wedding ring for a moment. "My entire life, all I wanted to do was what _I_ wanted to do. As a child, for a brief while, I wanted my parents' approval, but not for long. And I always wanted Howard's approval, but I always got it, no matter what. Steve was the first person that I felt I needed to earn approval from, and I wanted it so much. I may not have told him then, that I loved him, but I knew what I felt for him was enough to give him the power to destroy me."

"But you did that to him instead," Natasha added softly, no judgement in her voice.

Bethany sighed, looking back up to her friend. "What people seem to forget is that the reason I didn't tell Steve is because I didn't want to be a mother, but at the same time, I still wanted to be with him. I don't think that guilt would have eaten away at me for a long time, I was so… _relieved_. And when he found out, I was just so… I wasn't heartbroken like I should have been. But then again, there was a lot wrong with me back then."

"But… how will I know?" Natasha pressed on.

"You'll just know," Bethany promised. "But love… isn't always at first sight. It needs time to grow. You may not love them today, or tomorrow, or a year from now. But that can all change in a blink of an eye."

" _Mrs. Rogers, Mr. Stark and Dr. Banner would like to see you in Mr. Stark_ _'s lab when you have a moment,_ _"_ JARVIS' voice spoke rhythmically.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure Tony didn't say in a moment," Bethany teased, knowing her nephew all too well. "You'll be good here?"

"Yeah, of course. I'll get Clint to come up and help me," she assured. "Oh and… this is just between the two of us, right?"

"Your secret is safe with me," Bethany promised before leaving Natasha's floor and making her way up to Tony's lab. Along the way, she checked the camera in Jamie's room. When she had left, he had been sleeping, Jackson keeping an ear out for him as Steve spent some time in the training facility. Now, however, Steve was in the rocking chair, Jamie on his lap, as he read the baby a story. When she walked into Tony's lab, she couldn't hide the smile on her face.

"Uh oh, she's happy," Bruce teased.

"And that's worse than me being angry?" Bethany threw back with a laugh.

"We hate to ruin a perfectly good mood," Bruce explained.

Bethany's smile fell and her brows drew together. "Why? What's wrong?"

"Nothing… yet," Tony began, playing around with the screens in front of him. "But the team has been going out and about lately, nothing too crazy, but we did all go out last week to bust some serious HYDRA ass."

Bethany looked to Bruce. The two of them had been hesitant about joining the rest of the team, but they weren't entirely sure what they would be up against and having the entire team there seemed like a good idea. Bethany hadn't dreaded it in the slightest, but Bruce had and for very obvious reasons.

"Okay," Bethany spoke slowly, waiting for Tony to continue.

Instead, Bruce picked up the conversation. "A fear of mine is… Look, I don't want anyone to get hurt."

"We can't control the Hulk," Tony continued. "While he's on our side, and hasn't turned on us yet, or have done anything to hurt civilians, it's always a possibility."

"You know how long I've been working to reverse the effects of the gamma radiation," Bruce added. "And while it's hopeful for me to see options, for you finding a solution may not come in time. We need a back-up plan."

"A worst case measure," Tony clarified. "Something, some _one_ to calm the Hulk down long enough for him to shrink down."

Bethany nodded. "No, that sounds legit. We need to lower the heart rate enough for Bruce to return to normal. Wha-What were you thinking?"

"Well, we already have some design options ready," Tony replied, flipping a screen around for Bethany to see. "We've run all the variables, and have agreed that this one, right here, is our best option."

"Hulkbuster," Bethany read. "Subtle."

"That's not its name," Bruce insisted. "It's just… we need time to think of a better one."

Bethany looked over the plans before shaking her head. "No. No. Tony, no."

"Beth-"

"You are not getting into a metal suit, no matter how big, and fighting something animalistic. No offense, Bruce."

"None taken," Bruce replied sheepishly.

"Someone has to do it," Tony reminded her. "And no one knows the operations of the suit better than I do."

"And no one knows how to irritate someone like you do," Bethany pointed out. "This metal is strong, yes. But not strong enough."

"The suit is big enough that he won't be able to destroy the whole thing with one go," Tony reported, pacing around the room slowly before quietly adding "theoretically".

"Your mother is rolling around in her grave right now," Bethany sighed.

"Look, this is the strongest metal I can get. If you happen to have vibranium lying around, I'd use that, but I know you don't," Tony explained. "I'm not putting anyone else in that suit. Including you. The Hulkbuster suit will attach straight onto the already existing Iron Man suit."

"Okay, but that will take time," Bethany noted. "By then, you could already-"

"That's why we've made sure to implement precautions," Tony promised. "Using the same metal, we'll use a cage to trap the Hulk. Now, it probably won't keep him in there for long, but long enough for me to get ready. And hopefully get civilians out of the way."

"Why did you call me?" Bethany asked softly, knowing that Tony had done his research and that she wouldn't be able to argue against his work. She knew why this was important, she just wished it wasn't her nephew in the suit.

"I don't know," Tony said with a shrug. "We don't really need you to do anything. But I guess running it by another mind, seeing if there were any flaws…"

"It's connected to the satellite station?" Bethany asked curiously.

"Yes," Bruce answered.

She nodded to herself before looking to the boys and giving them a small shrug. "No. It's a good plan. And it's all sound. I may not like you being in the suit, kid, but… I don't have any say in that. Just one last question; how much of that metal do you have?"

"A lot," Tony promised. "Why?"

"I want you to insulate one of the rooms on the bottom floor with the material. A safe room, if you will. Old school technology with a modern flare, but enough so that next time New York is in peril, Jamie can be there and be safe. At the end of the day, having the Iron Legion protecting the Tower won't change it being in rubble from destruction by forces they can't prevent."

"Will this help you focus more on missions?" Tony asked seriously.

"I was focused! I didn't get shot once, nor cut," Bethany protested. "Was my mind in the gutter at the more boring parts? Of course. But I was focused on what was happening. Will you do it, or not?"  
"There's more than enough empty floors in this Tower," Tony said as his way of agreeing.

"Thanks kid," Bethany breathed, bringing him in for a hug. "The last thing I want to worry about during a world-saving mission is Jamie's safety, you know that. Listen, if there's anything you need help with, you know where I am."

"Will do," Tony promised. "But I'll remember to knock."

"Yes please," Bethany breathed before leaving the lab, thinking back to about a week ago when Tony walked in on what was a few clothing pieces away from being kitchen countertop sex. While Steve had been embarrassed, Bethany had been mortified. It was an unspoken agreement that sex would now only take place in the bedroom or bathroom.

On her way back to her floor, Maria brought her to a stop. "Something wrong?" Bethany asked with a frown as Maria led her to one of the smaller rooms of the Tower.

"Not wrong, per se," Maria began, sitting down. "I just thought that it would be a good time to discuss the grant you want to sponsor for female scientists."

"What about it?" Bethany asked, taking her own seat. "I mean, I haven't changed my mind. It's a good idea. Most scientists fighting for grants are in a pool of males and females. And males are chosen more than females. Encouraged more than females."

"No, I agree," Maria assured. "However, it would be a good idea to use the good publicity you have right now and get the message out."

"Well, I counted on Kiley to do all that, to be honest. I don't have the time nor the energy to do-"

"Pepper has already agreed to sponsor the grant," Maria interrupted. "Stark Industries will do all the advertisement and help you in any way that they can, and if it's a success, Pepper wants to make this an annual grant, under your name, of course. All they need to know is what you're looking for."

"Bright young minds, with sound ideas," Bethany admitted with a shrug. "Everyone has a different idea on making the future a better place. I say put the word out, and have the deadline be in six months. After that, I'll spend some time looking into their work with some other scientists from Stark Industries and slowly narrow it down. In about a year and a half from now, let's say, we'll have a winner. That's not too long right?"

"It's long, but this way you'll have the opportunity to do this right," Maria allowed. "Would you give your input and assist the finalists?"

"As many people as I can," Bethany said. "Look, what we're sorely missing in this world is opportunities for women advancement. Yes, things are better than when I was trying to make a difference in this world, but why not give another opportunity? Even if I don't choose someone, that's no reason to not help them in any way I can."

"Well said," Maria nodded. "Okay, I'll get a team ready to start this. I'm assuming thorough security clearance checks?"

"Please and thank you," Bethany nodded before getting up again and making her way to see her family.

As soon as she walked in the door, she could hear Steve's voice speaking rhythmically. "I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them Sam-I-Am."

Bethany laughed under her breath and quickly made her way to Jamie's room, leaning against the doorframe. Jamie wasn't exactly listening to the story, his stubby little fingers pointing to the pages and babbling, occasionally looking up to Steve, as if waiting for him to respond.

Steve looked up at her and smile. "Get over here, beautiful."

"There's nowhere for me to sit," Bethany replied looking at Jamie and putting on the light and playful voice she used with him, but walked over to them nonetheless. "Is Daddy reading you a story? Huh, Munchkin? Is Daddy reading you a story."

Jamie's arms moved up, gesturing for her to take him in her arms, and she followed his instructions. Bethany placed a kiss on Jamie's cheek before sitting down on Steve's lap, holding Jamie so that he could safely stand on her thighs. He hadn't yet mastered how to stand on his own two feet, but with enough support, he understood what he was supposed to do.

"Crawling before walking," Bethany told him sternly before bringing him closer so that she could place a dozen kisses on his face. "Don't grow up too quickly. I need my baby boy."

"When the time is right, we'll have another one," Steve mumbled against her neck before pressing his lips firmly against the column.

"And when will that be?" Bethany asked calmly. "With everything… I don't know when that'll be. Everything seems to be getting more hectic opposed to calm."

"Thor wants to keep running more missions," Steve said with a sigh. "I keep trying to tell him that we can't leave Jamie and Theo for too long but-"

"He doesn't understand," Bethany finished. "It's okay. You can go out more, if you want. We're okay. Trust me Steve, if I think you're not home enough, I'll be vocal about it."

"But that's the point, Beth. I don't want you to have to be vocal about it. I don't want it to be a problem."

"Well, I'm giving you permission to go out more," Bethany said with a sigh. "The sooner we do everything, the sooner we can move onto the next step of our lives. I really want another baby Steve."

She could feel his smile against her neck. "I love hearing that," he whispered. "We'll be ready this time."

Bethany hummed in approval, giving Jamie a grin when he began to babble animatedly. "I'm happy until then," Bethany promised Steve.

* * *

One of Bucky's fingers craned around the edge of the curtains, pulling it open slightly again. At first, he thought it was a coincidence. But it had been a solid week now and they had moved through twenty-nine cities. They were being followed.

He didn't know who it was. Undercover cops looking for the people who murdered those men in the alleyway, possibly. HYDRA agents looking to take him back to their base, more likely. It didn't matter who it was though. Bucky could escape them. He could slip out the back and run, run, keep running until he was free from them. There was only one issue; Kiley.

Those pills she found had quickly ran out. Bucky then learned that the skills it took to be an assassin were similar to the skills it took to steal. He had broken into a pharmacy and raided their shelves until he took bottles similar to the one Kiley had found. He didn't know if it was the right stuff, but she had been appreciative. She stopped shaking all the time, but there were new issues at hand. She could barely go a few hours before popping a pill, using alcohol to wash it down.

It was impossible to hold a conversation with her. He would leave the car or the hotel room to wander the city, to do what they had come to do, but would fail in remembering anything and end up returning to her, worse off than when he left. And now with someone following them, Bucky knew that Kiley wasn't safe with him.

He couldn't send her back to America. She wouldn't be able to get there. He had one idea, and while he didn't feel good doing it, it was one hundred percent for the best. He had even gone to a local library and done his research. There was no other option.

So that night, he packed their belongings and together, they drove for about an hour until Bucky arrived at the destination of his desire. He got lost along the way multiple times, but when he pulled up into their parking lot, he knew they were in the right place.

Kiley was fast asleep. Bucky took her bag out of the trunk and made sure that Kiley's passport was right on top, with a note in it for them to call Stark Industries. Picking it up, and then moving to pick up the sleeping Kiley, he brought her into the building. It was the middle of the night, and no one saw him come in, so he gently placed Kiley on a couch and placed her passport on her lap. Looking down at her, his heart clenched.

Her long and dark eyelashes were casting shadows against her porcelain skin. Her pale blond hair fell in wild ringlets around her, the length reaching her hips. Kiley's chest rose and fell lightly, but other than that, she looked like she was forever asleep, never to wake up.

Bowing his head down, he placed a kiss on her forehead and whispered "I'm sorry" before he quickly left the building. As he got back into the car, he drove away from the Paracelsus Recovery Center hoping that Kiley would get the help she needed.

And that Bucky could get the help he needed.

* * *

 ****A/N: When I googled Recovery Centers in Switzerland, the Paracelsus was the first one to appear and it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. It's not related to Project Paracelsus, but will definitely make Steve and Bethany question a lot.**

 **Also, could everyone do me a huge favor? A negative review was left on _Sorry Ever After_ that has REALLY hurt me. My anger, frustration and heartbreak have been making me shake uncontrollably for almost half an hour. What really upsets me is that it's the first review when you click the review button, and that bothers me. A LOT. I know I said I would never beg for reviews, but if you could take a couple of minutes to leave something positive on _Sorry Ever After_ (yes, _Sorry Ever After,_ not this story), I would be so grateful. I hate that the first thing I see when I look back on something I was so proud of is negative. A sea of fantastic reviews doesn't drown out a negative one, but it helps me feel like this wasn't a waste of time. I love writing this story, and knowing people are still reading, but I literally feel like someone has insulted my child. **

**newyorklghts: Appreciate your words :) I don't have any plans to write a Bucky/Kiley story any time soon, but if I did, I'd name it _Beauty and the Beast_. The main song from that movie is my favorite song of all time and I think the song describes them well :)**

 **Jo: I am so behind on AoS that I only watched Trip's death when I was writing that chapter, so I decided to throw it in.**

 **ACBD: Haha, well then, that's reassuring!**

 **sarahmichellegellarfan1: Oh, I'm glad you think so :)**

 **FeliciaFelicis: I had only JUST watched that episode when I was writing that chapter, so I figured it would make sense that Bethany would be there for Trip's mother considering who she is. I like to think that the Howling Commandos took care of Bethany in little ways throughout the years, after Peggy told the men how Steve spent his last moments and how he wouldn't want them to hate on her, but watch after her for him.**

 **Guest: Well, here it is! :D**  
 **BerMH: I have written in, and it's along the same lines. Not exactly the same, a little tamer I think, but the circumstances they're in, it makes sense. But your words have given me confidence to continue to explore this new sexual relationship in the future!**


	18. Pull the Strings

****A/N: Hey everyone. I had to take a break from writing for a lot of different reasons. Don't worry, I have no intentions on abandoning this story. This chapter, this whole damn story to be honest, is dedicated to those who took the time out of their day to read my last author's note and follow through. I will write this story always, but whether or not it gets posted is always a different story. It's not a threat, it's just the truth. It's hard to share something like this. I don't even let my friends or family read my writing. A really good review makes me want to write more. Five really good reviews makes me want to _share_ more. Just thought I would share that before the chapter.**

Chapter 18- Pull the **Strings**

 _"Distance don't mean a thing. I come when you pull the strings. The strings of my heart. Wherever you are. Just pull, tug, tease I'll keep coming back. Ohh, it's true. I keep coming back. That's what I do I retrace my tracks, to you."_

 _~Keep Coming Back, Charles Esten_

* * *

When Steve walked into the apartment, he couldn't help but shake his head and smile. He could hear Benny Goodman's _Sing, Sing, Sing_ playing from the record player. Carefully walking through the apartment, not wanting to make a sound, he peered around the wall to the kitchen and leaned against it.

Bethany was preparing something for dinner, a red and white polka dotted apron tied around her body, her hips and feet moving in time to the song. Jamie was strapped into his high chair, his little legs moving, not quite in time to the beat, but enough for Steve to know it was his way of dancing, a giant smile on his face as he babbled loudly to the Hulk plushie in his hands.

Steve had been attending his swing dance lessons for about five weeks now. At first, he had a hard time trying to relax and have fun. He was overthinking everything. But every time he thought about the huge smile on Bethany's face when she would swing with Bucky or James or any member of his team, even mere strangers… it was worth it.

However, every time she would ask how the lessons were going, he would lie and say he wasn't ready to show her. That he wanted everything to be perfect, and that was the truth. But what she didn't know was that he was a lot better than he let on. He had rhythm and was able to pick up the more complex moves with little difficulty. He could have confidently shown her two weeks ago, but he had been waiting for a spontaneous moment. This was it.

Sweeping up behind her, he wrapped his arms around her waist, smiling as she jolted a little from the surprise. "Would you care to dance, Miss. Stark?"

"Oh, I don't know," She teased him. "I don't know if my husband would like that."

"Husband?" Steve smirked, playing along. "I think he'll make an exception, don't you, _Mrs. Rogers_?"

"Maybe just this once," Bethany agreed, but before she could turn around, he had already spun her out and in like he had seen men do hundreds of times. The smile on her face was infectious as they began their dance. He knew that Bethany was rusty, the last time she danced like this being sometime in 1944, but she didn't miss a step.

By the time the song was done, both Bethany and Steve were laughing, clutching each other as Steve swung her around in his arms. "Oh God, I love you," Bethany declared, kissing him.

"I love hearing you say that," he murmured against her lips, smiling when they heard Jamie laughing. "Oh, I've wanted to do that with you for a long time."

"Mmm," Bethany replied, resting her head on his chest as her feet took their spot back on the ground. "Now I can't tell whose Christmas gift was better."

"Both gifts for both of us," Steve agreed, knowing that he loved to see her at the heights of pleasure with a touch of a button.

Bethany let out a groan, but smiling up at him. "Theo will be home soon."

"And why is that a bad thing?" Steve asked, kissing her forehead.

"Because I want you to make sweet, sweet love to me," she explained, pressing up on her toes and kissing his nose lightly.

"Maybe tonight," Steve whispered.

Bethany nodded stepping away from him as Theo came into the apartment, Jackson trailing behind. "I'm all done with schooolllll," Theo sang, skipping into the room and jumping up on the couch with intentions to turn on the TV.

Bethany rolled her eyes with a smile, moving back to finish with dinner while Steve turned off the record player. It had been agreed by all of them that Theo would be homeschooled starting in two weeks. They would leave for Disney World in two days, and Jen would get to roam the Tower, heavily supervised, of course. Jackson was going to use the week off to fly back home and visit his parents. Everything was set and ready to go. So naturally, they were all expecting something to happen.

About an hour later, they found out what it was. Pepper came into the kitchen while Steve and Bethany were cleaning the dishes and told them that Kiley had been admitted to a rehab facility in Switzerland two days ago, and the news had slowly made its way up the grapevine in Stark Industries until it reached her.

Steve and Bethany slowly lowered themselves onto the bar stools by the island, waiting for Pepper to continue. "I personally contacted the facility, and they said she was left in the lobby. No one saw who brought her in, but they have security footage if we're interested."

"Is her being there justified?" Bethany asked. "Kiley doesn't strike me to be the type of girl to take drugs. I mean, she may enjoy her booze, but drugs?"

"They've run some tests and found dozens of anxiety medication bottles in her bag. All of which had no label, un-prescribed," Pepper explained. "When she woke up, she had an breakdown and they sedated her for the majority of yesterday, but today they agreed that she needs the anxiety pills. Just…"

"Not as much as she was taking," Steve summarized with a sigh.

"What she needed was regulated use and a therapist," Pepper agreed. "I've agreed that Stark Industries would foot the bill and they've told us that they'll start treatment as soon as possible."

Bethany sighed rubbing her forehead. "You said Switzerland?"

"Yes," Pepper nodded. "The umm… Oh, Paracelsus Rehabilitation Center."

Bethany and Steve looked at each other, a look of disbelief on their faces. "It has to be a coincidence," she reasoned.

"Doesn't matter, we have to go," Steve told her. "She can't stay there, even if it is a coincidence. She should be here, with her family, getting the help she needs."

"Agreed," Bethany added. "Did you call her family?"

"I did," Pepper nodded. "I offered them the jet. They'll leave tomorrow morning."

"Might as well join them," Bethany replied with a sigh.

"I wonder what happened to her," Pepper spoke softly. "She's been gone for months. No word, nothing."

"She was doing us a favor," Steve explained vaguely. "This is on our hands. We'll foot the bill."

"No," Pepper said strictly. "You two may have millions, but I know you want to save it for your future, as well as your kids. Plus, we take care of our employees."

"Your health care plan is the best in the world," Bethany agreed. "Alright, we'll set out tomorrow morning to pick up her parents. Then we'll come back tomorrow night and then set out for Florida…"

"We can postpone the trip," Steve reminded her softly.

"No," Bethany disagreed. "No. So we'll be tired for a day or two. Theo is excited. We'll just suck it up. Thank you, Pepper."

"Of course," Pepper nodded. "If you need anything at all, you know where to find me."

"Good night, Pepper," Bethany said, giving her a tired smile. "Oh God, Steve…"  
"I know," Steve sighed, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Hey, Baby Doll. It's okay."

"We know it was Bucky who dropped her off," Bethany said quietly, following Steve as he took her hand and led her to the bedroom so they could get some privacy. Jackson, Theo and Jamie were having a Disney marathon in preparation. The current movie was Frozen, which was clearly Jamie's favorite. He typically didn't take enjoyment out of TV, but he had a fascination over Olaf and the movie would keep him preoccupied until the credits.

Steve sighed as they sat on the bed. "Which means Bucky is somewhere off in Europe."

"Well, he did the right thing, dropping her off," Bethany reminded him. "Look, I know you want to go after him, but maybe he's okay. He was in the right mind to do what was right for her."

"Yes, but what happened?" Steve asked exasperatedly, getting up to pace. "Something had to happen to make her… so…"

"We'll just have to ask Kiley," Bethany reasoned. "And maybe we'll find out where Bucky is. Steve… You promised me. A week of just being Steve-"

"Yes, but I would still go after Bucky," he reminded her.

Bethany looked down into her lap and nodded. "I know."

He stopped his pacing, looking down at his wife. "But I did promise you a week."

"No," Bethany said with a sigh, shaking her head. "No, Steve. If you want to go after him, I'm not going to stop you. Not again."

Steve sat down next to her, taking her hands and kissing them softly. "No, Doll Face. I'm not going to abandon you while you're with two children in Disney World."

"But you'll be thinking about him the entire time," Bethany fought. "No-"

"I'll talk to Sam," Steve reasoned. "He's already agreed to help, and I trust him."

"I know you do," Bethany said with a small smile, thinking about when they agreed to name Sam Jamie's godfather. They had only known him for a little while, but his dedication and faith in the couple was priceless and irreplaceable to them.

"We're going on vacation," Steve promised, leaning down to kiss her softly. "I promise not to get too distracted. But I know you, you'll be checking in on Kiley. Not that I blame you."

"I feel like we ruined her life," Bethany sighed.

"It was her decision to go," Steve said softly, but it was clear in his voice that he felt guilty as well.

* * *

Despite trying to make conversation with Kiley's parents, Bethany and Steve knew that their desire to be by themselves was justified, which is how they ended up sitting alone at the back of the jet. Steve had his arms wrapped around Bethany's body as she sat sideways in his lap, looking out the window.

"You're quiet," Steve whispered, kissing her temple. "What's on your mind?"

"My dream from last night," Bethany said with a distant smile. "I don't want to let it slip through my fingers it was… it was really nice, Steve."

"Share it with me?" He pleaded softly, one of his fingers moving up to her chin to touch the end of a short curl before securing it around her again.

"You and I were relaxing in bed but… it wasn't our bed. I have a feeling it was somewhere in the country, not the city. But everything was very… calm. So unlike now, where even when we're relaxing, our minds are always somewhere else. But that wasn't the best part," she began. "I was pregnant, and we were talking about names. _Girl_ names. Just talking about them. And it was one of those few dreams where nothing weird happened. It felt so… _real_."

Steve wanted to give her a smile, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. What she just described sounded so… _perfect_. But not only was it something they may not ever get, Steve wasn't sure if that's what he wanted. He knew Bethany did. With every day, she wanted that a little more. Despite her agreeing to participate in their little raiding parties, and actually enjoying her time while doing it, he could tell that she needed that a little less with every passing day. She was doing it not necessarily because it _needed_ to be done, but because the people she loved were doing it.

"You've been bringing up getting pregnant again a lot recently," Steve voiced. "And not that I… Beth, there's nothing more fulfilling to me than hearing you say that. I just don't want you to get upset if it doesn't happen for a while. We both know that having another baby right now will only make our lives unnecessarily complicated."

"I know," Bethany whispered. "Don't worry, I'm painfully aware of that. HYDRA, Jen, Theo, and now Kiley and Bucky…"

"Singular people isn't keeping us from having kids," Steve disagreed. "It's just HYDRA. And everything the Chitauri left. Doll, once that's done…"

"What if it isn't? Ever? What if it never ends?" She asked exasperatedly. While she wasn't crying, it was clear from her expression that she wanted to. "When can we live our lives, our only obstacles being ones _we_ put in place? And if that's never, are we really going to let it control our lives?"  
"Beth…" Steve sighed. He didn't know the answer to any of those questions. "Let's just take it one step at a time, okay? We're working on the HYDRA situation, and we'll continue to until we feel like it's under control. Thor's right though, we need that sceptre. They're still using it."

"And when we get it? What then?" Bethany pushed.

"I-maybe," Steve stuttered. "I don't… Beth, I don't know when that'll be. Jamie is only seven months old. Do we really want another crying baby in eight to nine months? You'd be breast feeding him while you were pregnant, and maybe even keep feeding him after the new baby was born. It's too soon."

"Steve, I'm tired of waiting," Bethany admitted softly. "I've spent more of my life waiting than anything else. And you know I don't blame you for that. You didn't ask me to wait, but I held onto that small chance that you were still alive and that I could show you that I was different, and _hoped_ that you'd believe me. But every day we wait for something together…"

"If you found me within a week, after I crashed that plane," Steve began after a moment of silence passed. "And I forgave you and you showed me that you were different, all of that, and we got married…"

"We'd have kids," Bethany summarized. "More than one… But no," she disagreed suddenly. "Steve, I would have pushed for us to wait then because I didn't know what I know now. If the last year has taught me anything is that you don't always get a chance to do what you planned to do later."

Steve closed his eyes for a moment, but stayed firm in his belief. "Beth, we're not ready for another baby. We'll talk about it after we find the sceptre, or end HYDRA or something happens for a change that un-complicates our lives, but until then…"

"Fine," Bethany reluctantly agreed.

"Don't be mad," Steve said with a frustrated sigh. "You know all I want is to make you happy, but I don't think that will make you happy right now. And it won't make me happy either. It'll just make our lives-"

"I said 'fine'," Bethany snapped before collecting her cool. "I don't want to fight. Especially over this. This isn't something we should fight over. I can wait, Steve. I'll always wait for you, but I just…"

"You don't want to wait too long," Steve finished. "I know. And you're right. We shouldn't fight over this. But don't you think we should wait until we both agree for this?"

"Yes," Bethany allowed. "But that doesn't mean I have to like it."

The stubborn way she was accepting this reminded Steve of a little girl and he couldn't help but offer her the smallest of smiles. "I love you…"

"Yeah, yeah, I love you too," she grumbled, but only laid her head against his chest.

* * *

The woman sitting in the bed was not Kiley Collins. She didn't even resemble the strong, caring yet fierce woman who had been such a good friend to Bethany, and more importantly, to the very lost and confused Bucky Barnes. Nothing about her appearance screamed those words; 'strong', 'caring' or 'fierce'. Nor 'friend'.

It almost was like she had been brainwashed. The familiar aspect to her, perfect posture, stunning smile or joyous gleam in her eyes no longer existed. She looked to be permanently slouched in her place, eyes wild, but filled with such darkness from seeing horrors. The look in her eyes explained the absent smile on her face. Yet Bethany recognized that look all too well.

She had worn it herself, once before. A time where Steve had been lost, found and waiting to be woken up. After he breathed his first breath and spoke his first words to her. That look vanished a little more every single day. It felt like it had been a lifetime since that day, but she knew that the look in Kiley's eyes was one she could still find in her own. It wasn't as easy to find as before, nor did it return as often, but looking at Kiley now… No, she didn't see Kiley Collins. She saw Agent Bethany Stark.

Other than that haunting look within her eyes, her features told their own stories. She was thinner, paler and more frantic. Her hands were shaking, whether from the horrors no doubtingly running through her thoughts or the drugs her body told her she needed, it was an instant clue that she would not heal as Bethany had.

"Kiley?" Bethany said softly, taking a step towards her. But Kiley's gaze was hazed over,

just like her parent's had told them. Steve and Bethany had given the family their time alone, waiting for their own moment to find out what happened. They had been outside of Kiley's room for over an hour, filling out forms and payment fees while they waited.

Bethany and Steve looked at each other, wondering if asking her what had happened

and where Bucky went would be a good idea. It felt like awful timing, but if Bucky was in trouble, they needed to know. They were on their way to helping Kiley, they needed to take the same steps for Bucky.

"Kiley?" Bethany asked again, walking carefully towards her bed. No response. Kiley didn't even seem to see Bethany or Steve. She was in her own little world. Bethany looked back to her husband, both of them at a loss for words.

"C'mon," Steve said quietly, gesturing for Bethany. She walked back towards the door, taking his outstretched hand. "We knew this could happen."

The long journey didn't seem like a waste, despite the fact that in actuality, it was. They went. They saw her. They were showing her family that they were sorry and would do everything to help Kiley. But right now, Kiley couldn't help them.

"She looked awful," Bethany whispered to Steve when they started down the hallway.

"She'll get better," Steve replied, his volume matching hers. "She's getting the help she needs."

"What happened?" Bethany asked, not to Steve in particular. "I mean, Bucky dropped her off. That much we know. And I don't think he would have hurt her, do you?"

"I don't know," Steve admitted softly, the words killing him softly. "The old Bucky? Not a chance. But we don't know what this one is capable of. But from what I saw on those tapes?"

"It was clear he cared for her," Bethany finished with a nod. "Whether he was the old Bucky, the Winter Soldier or someone new."

"Yeah, and then he just left," Steve said with a sigh. "What if he's in trouble?"

"We need to trust that he'll come to us if he needs help," Bethany reminded him, pulling him to a stop and placing her free hand on his chest. "I know you're worried. You have every reason to be. You want him back, and so do I. But there was a reason he left. He needed to find some answers, and if he hasn't found them, then we have to respect his decision for being out there. When Kiley is better, we can talk to her. Until then-"

"Beth, I'm not just going to trust that everything is okay," Steve interrupted, his tone soft despite his growing worry. "We did that before and look what happened to Kiley. To Jen. We can't do that again."

"Okay, then what do you suggest? Because while Jamie won't know the difference if we don't go to Disney, Theo will. I'm not breaking his heart _again_."

"No, I agree," Steve nodded. "This will be good for all of us. Plus, if we want to help Jen, we need a week away from the Tower anyways."

"Then what do you suggest?" Bethany asked, the concern clear in all of her features.

"I'll talk to Sam," Steve started, using his free hand to cup her face. "We'll see if we can get any leads. He's agreed to help. If he still feels the same way-"

"It'll be a load off," Bethany nodded. "Honestly, what would we do without Sam in our lives?"

"Laugh a lot less and fight a lot more," Steve replied instantly, making Bethany laugh.

"You're right about that," Bethany agreed. "He's a good guy."

"He's the best," Steve nodded. "Alright, let's go say good bye to Mr. and Mrs. Collins and take care of everything else that needs to be taken care of and then head home to our boys."

"Regardless of whether or not she's any better by next week, after Disney, I'm coming back to check on her," Bethany began as they started down the hall again. "I just… I feel guilty. I'm the one who paired them up."

"You didn't know this would happen," Steve reminded her. "You can't blame yourself."

"Well, neither can you then," Bethany replied, giving him a knowing smirk.

* * *

Natasha couldn't help it. She felt uneasy with Jen getting to freely reign around the Tower. Well, not freely per se. Bruce was always with her, but the distance he allowed her to have was unnerving to Natasha. Bruce trusted Jen, and Natasha trusted Bruce, but that didn't mean that Natasha trusted Jen in any way.

Which was why Natasha hadn't left the two of them since Steve and Bethany left with the boys two days ago. Sometimes, all Jen would do was sit on a couch and look at a wall, or read a book, sometimes even watch TV. Every night, Jen would return to her cell on her own free will and they would all go their separate ways. But during the day, Bruce didn't leave Jen's side and Natasha didn't leave Bruce's.

"I don't think I've ever seen you this on guard before," Bruce informed Natasha as they sat at the bar, watching as Jen was reading a book on the couch.

"No?" Natasha asked with her customary smirk. "Not even when we first met?"

Bruce gave an awkward chuckle, nodding. "Okay, maybe you were on guard then."

"Possibly," Natasha agreed with a smile. "It's not you. I'm-I'm not on guard because of you. I'm just worried that she'll…"

"I think we need to give her the same trust and respect that we got," Bruce explained. "SHIELD could have done so much to us, kept us locked up. But instead, they trusted us. Not enough to just let us go off completely on our own, but it's no different than what we're doing for Jen right now."

"No, I guess not," Natasha allowed. "How do you think she's doing?"

"Well, the ultimate goal is to get her to remember how her life was before, right?" Bruce began, taking off his glasses and putting them on the bar. "But for now, we just need to let her trust us, and in return, trust herself. As much as you are on guard, she is too."

Natasha took that into consideration. Everything that Bruce was saying made sense, but that didn't mean that it was any easier trusting Jen. But she would be a hypocrite if she refused to trust Jen. Natasha knew what it was like to be in her position. The only difference was that HYDRA hadn't had the chance to finish Jen's transformation. She had so much potential.

"I just figured you'd be willing to help her more than anyone," Bruce added, speaking the very thoughts on Natasha's mind.

"I guess I'm letting my personal connection cloud my judgement," Natasha explained feebly. "But you're right. I should trust her."

"That's what she needs most," Bruce continued. "If you're willing to trust me, even if you shouldn't, you should trust her. She hasn't turned on us yet."

Natasha nodded softly, giving him a forced smile. "So is this your plan all week? Following her around?"

"When they come back, she'll be back in her room, no matter what happens this week," Bruce reminded Natasha. "So we might as well give her this freedom while we can. Although, I do have some work to do with Tony. I keep putting it off, but-"

"I can watch her," Natasha promised. "Maybe some time alone, just girls, will help her trust me. And I can take care of myself if something _does_ happen."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'll be okay," Natasha nodded with a smile. "We'll call it a favor. And I'll cash one in later. Fair?"

Bruce pretended to think about it. "And what would this favor include?"

"Oh, I'll think of something," Natasha assured. Bruce gave her another awkward chuckle before she moved over to have a quick word with Jen. Natasha watched him silently, thinking back to her conversation with Bethany about love.

She didn't love Bruce. No. But she _could_. She always felt… _relaxed_ when she was with him. Like her past meant nothing to him. And while he didn't know the whole story, she knew that if she told him, he wouldn't care. All Bruce cared about was who people were in the now, because he knew just how much a person's skeletons didn't necessarily explain who they were now.

The one thing that the Red Room had nailed into the young Widow's brain was that relationships of any kind were dangerous. Whether it was friendship or romantic or a child… these people could very well keep her from completing a mission. And Steve and Bethany were both proof that this was right. They could compromise a mission for each other, for their son, for Theo.

The more Natasha watched Steve and Bethany, the more she wanted that. Even if their relationship was flawed, and boy did they ever have their issues, it was the moments when everything was calm that Natasha wanted what they had. The hard parts made the good that much better. She wanted the chance to share her life with someone.

She had always supported Clint and Laura. They loved her like one of the family, and she would always be grateful for their love and support. But she had spent more time with Steve and Bethany, watching them go through the milestones with Jamie, from pregnancy till now. And she had seen them on missions together. Their relationship _during_ the mission never got in the way of the end goal, luckily enough, but the little moments in between of checking up on the other and the worry that filled their eyes when something happened to the other…

Natasha didn't know why anyone would pass up a chance like that.

* * *

Steve flopped on the bed next to Bethany, pulling her to cuddle against him. She hummed happily as he kissed the top of her head, rubbing his thumb against her bare arm. "Tired?" He asked her.

"Not really," Bethany admitted.

"Well then, I guess you were right about bringing condoms," Steve teased her. The last two nights, they had both passed out the second they fell onto the bed. Both of the boys were exhausted, and they assumed this would continue for the rest of the week. Theo had been running around the parks, smiling and jumping, dancing and yelling on the rides. It was obvious that he was having the time of his life, and using all his energy for the day. As for Jamie, the baby was so enthralled with everything in the park that his naps were either forgotten or very short. He would undoubtedly sleep through the night again.

"Well, if we're gonna have sex, I should brush my teeth," Bethany said with a heavy sigh before pulling herself up.

Steve couldn't help but frown lovingly at her. "Really? You're worried about what I'll think of your breath?"

"Well, that," Bethany began, slipping off the bed, digging into the bag and then holding up some sheer teal material. "And also, I brought lingerie."

Steve couldn't help but chuckle, letting his happiness take over him. In that moment, he felt… _normal_. And it was enough for him. It honestly was. He was glad they took this vacation. Both Theo and Jamie were captured by the magic that was Disney World and their joy was contagious. During the day, he didn't think about everything going on back home, or in Europe, or anywhere but where they were now. He was fully focused on the sights and sounds around him. But at night, or first thing in the morning, when it was only his thoughts, he was everywhere. Being there, right now, everything was good. But they couldn't stay on vacation forever. Nor could they turn their backs on the world forever.

Taking out his phone while he waited for his wife, he read the messages Sam sent him assuring that all was good and to just enjoy his vacation. Thor had promised to let Steve know if there was anything that needed his attention, and he trusted him completely. Thor wasn't the kind of person to keep vital information from his team mate, and while he trusted all of them—yes, even Tony—he trusted Thor the most in this situation. There was a chance that everyone else would keep something from him so that he could spend time with his family, no matter how important. All except Thor.

Hearing the toilet flush, Steve got up and closed the door to their room, locking it securely. He now was grateful that Bethany had booked such a big hotel room, so that they could get their privacy. Steve slowly started to pull his clothes off his body, folding them neatly and putting them on the top of the dresser before rummaging through their bag for the condom box. Taking one out, he flung it onto the bed before going to lie next to it, completely naked.

He twiddled his fingers for a few minutes, but somehow his fingers made their way to his flaccid member, which was growing with every passing second as he stroked it gently. They would have to be quiet, something that wasn't typically a problem for Steve, but Bethany was a whole 'nother story. There were a few options; giving her something to bite onto, whether a sock or his shoulder—which would probably only draw sounds from him—or covering her mouth. _Or,_ he thought to himself with a smile, _she could bury her face into the bed._

He knew he was traditional. Missionary was great, and he'd never get tired of it. But their experimentations had been a blast. Some of the positions were… odd, to say the least, but one of them took enjoyment out of every position.

Steve let out a heavy breath of air, letting his pleasures run down his spine as Bethany came from the bathroom. "Mmm, I'm tempted just to watch you," she whispered, giving him an excited smile. Steve would never get over how she could be so adorable while looking so… _mouth watering._

"Please join me," Steve replied with a begging tone, letting his swollen cock fall from his hands.

"I don't know," Bethany said, sauntering over to him, her hips exaggeratingly swaying, one of her hands moving to her bust line and touching the exposed skin softly. "I like to see every pulse and vein, but I can't very well do that if you're in me, now can I?"

She was teasing him. Of course she was. She was Bethany Stark, and she lived to flirt and tease. It was one of the things that allured him to her in the first place, the way she always had that effortless way about her. So carefree and _wonderful_. But Steve wasn't the quiet and meek boy he had been then. No, Bethany Stark was now Bethany Rogers, his wife, and he could play this game almost as well as she could.

"Get your ass over here," Steve told her firmly, but the look on his face was a dead giveaway to his playful mood.

A wide, opened mouth smile tugged at her face. She shook her head back and forth, crossing her arms. "Oh, I don't think so. If you're gonna be like that, then maybe I'll just go put on my pajamas-"

"You're such a tease," Steve moaned, not letting her take one step away, quickly jolting up and grabbing her tightly in his embrace, pulling her down onto the bed and hovering over her. She let out a squeal and a laugh, being as quiet as she could, but not letting their silence ruin the mood. "You're not going anywhere."

"No?" Bethany asked, chuckling, smiling into his kiss when he lowered his lips to hers. "Your beard is so scruffy."

"I was told I wasn't allowed to shave it until my wife told me too," Steve explained, pushing a stray hair away from her face, trailing a finger down her cheek.

"Sounds like a real hard ass," Bethany teased, her finger trailing up and down his sides.

"She can be," Steve replied honestly before sitting up so he could look at her lingerie. "Where did you get this?"

"At the store," Bethany replied, an obvious tone in her voice. "And if you meant when, about two weeks ago when Pepper, Maria and I were looking at the ballroom for the Stark Relief Foundation benefit."

"I like it," Steve told her, his voice husky. The tight, teal bustier accentuated everything in the right way, from her swollen breasts to her thin waist and then the wide curve of her hips. "But then again, I'd like you in a paper bag."

"Well, you know that I think lingerie is a waste of money, not to mention time, but your eyes light up every single time I do wear it, so I thought you deserved a treat for keeping your beard for me. You can, however, shave it first thing in the morning, if it pleases you Captain."

"It does," Steve replied honestly. "But for tonight, let it please _you."_

Bethany's face lit up in delight as her laughter rang beautifully throughout the room. Steve moved down to look at how the lingerie was put together, smiling when he saw that his wife had chosen a crotches pair. "I figured this way, it'll get more time being used," Bethany explained, bringing her feet up to rest on the comforter, her knees bent, and legs spread apart.

She looked so excited, as if she had dreamed about this moment for years. Steve lowered his lips to her knee, slowly, much too slowly for Bethany's liking, making his way down her leg and onto her center. She hummed when his beard left little scratch marks on her otherwise perfect skin, but only felt the pleasure of the entire ordeal. When he reached her inner thigh, her hips wiggled in anticipation. She was absolutely glistening with desire, her folds swollen and red, and he could feel her heat pulsing outwards.

"Who's the tease now?" Bethany whispered, whimpering as he moved his lips a little closer.

"Patience," Steve murmured onto her leg, but his gaze looking as her core clenched and unclenched, her own brand of lubrication flowing from her. Steve quickly moved to lick it up before it fell on the comforter. The sudden movement earned a hearty gasp from Bethany, as well as a quick jolt of her body.

He ignored how sweet she tasted, like a million little lemon drops. All he wanted was to continue to lap at her, and bring her up and up and then off the edge, but he quickly told her to get under the sheets. The comforter was Disney's. The sheets, however, were theirs, since Bethany had highly anticipated this happening.

She did as he instructed, and he climbed down under the sheets. He was surrounded by darkness, but he could feel, smell and taste her, and that alone was enough to drive him mad. This time, he didn't linger. He buried his face to her hot and wet center, first licking the surrounding area clean before flicking his tongue against her.

Her hips shifted against him every once in a while, but what encouraged him the most was her breathing. It was labored and every few breaths, a moan or whimper would escape her. Steve parted his lips, closing them around her clit and sucking firmly before laying the flat of his tongue at the bottom of her slit and dragging it all the way up. Every time he licked her clean, another pulse of arousal would leave her, each batch tasting sweeter and sweeter.

She almost always tasted as sweet as candy. Steve was aware that it changed throughout the month, however. Sometimes it was tarter than usual, or sweeter. But right now, it was the height of sweet. Steve knew what that meant; she was ovulating. Even though they always used a condom, and Bethany's IUD was firm in it's place, this time of the month always made him a little wearier than the rest. It was almost guaranteed that they would conceive a child during this time, more so than the rest. But Steve never let this get in the way of Bethany's pleasure.

It wasn't that he didn't want another baby one day. But it wasn't the time. Not even close.

Pulling his mouth away from her, he ran two fingers up and down her slit before slowly pushing them into her, feeling her walls clench around him. Bethany let out a small strangled sigh when he curled his fingers expertly against her, pressing his lips to her swollen nub again. Steve knew that the power duo was Bethany's quick undoing. Her vibrator was hidden back in the tower, but they quickly learned that vibrations against her clit and something penetrating her, whether slow or fast, was the key to a quick release. She wasn't even disappointed if it lasted a total of two minutes, _that's_ how satisfying the duo was. Bethany had already started her search for a toy with a quicker vibration.

But with the vibrator at the Tower, Steve made do with what he had; his lips and fingers. He built up a speed he knew she liked, waiting until she quickly rode out her orgasm, her entire body reacting, from her legs lifting up and clenching to her hands taking a tight grip on the comforter. And to Steve's amazement, she hadn't made a sound.

When he resurfaced from under the blankets, she had a very content look on her face. She reached out to touch his beard, which was glistening with her juices before raising her arms above her head. "I changed my mind, you're not allowed to shave."

Steve was about to argue, but Bethany held up the condom for him with a tired smile. "I wanted to return the favor with a blow job," she started stretching her spine a little. "But we'll have to rain check that."

"I'll hold you to it," Steve promised, wiping the precum from his tip before rolling the condom on. Bethany had taken Steve's hand and closed her lips around his thumb, sucking the cum from the digit before asking him how he wanted to take her.

"Well, you did do a good job keeping quiet," Steve allowed, taking a hold of her legs and pushing them back so that her knees were by her head. "And as long as you continue to keep quiet…"

He leaned down to kiss her, sucking on her bottom lip as he pushed inside her. Her chest rose, arms quickly wrapping around his neck and deepened the kiss as Steve set the pace. Steve kept his lips on hers, muting any of the grunts she expelled when he thrust too hard. It wasn't just for her sake, but his as well. He would never understand how his wife was always so tight, hot and welcoming, even after all these years. He figured it had to do something with her eternal youth.

Being with her, in that moment, as always, was almost indescribable. No matter how lost he was everywhere else, with her, like this, everything seemed so simple. Her. Just her. Nothing else mattered but Bethany. Once the post-sex haze wore off, everything came rushing back, but making love to this beautiful creature he got to call his always helped to clear his mind. Nothing but them would take prescient in that moment than their pleasures.

Steve moved his lips to her neck for a moment, letting her get some fresh air, but a strangled cry emerged from her. It was obvious that she was trying really hard to keep quiet, but her pleasure blinded her. "Shhh," Steve whispered in her ear before laying a soft kiss onto her neck. Her entire body was coated in a thin sheen of sweat.

"Ughh, Steve," she breathed quietly, but there was desperation in her voice. "I…"

"You what, Baby Doll?" Steve encouraged, rolling his hips into hers with force. Her entire body jolted upwards and Bethany turned her head to the side, a strained sound coming from her closed lips.

Steve wasn't playing fair and he knew that. In a way, he wanted to pull those moans from her, and seeing her trying to keep them quiet was only encouraging him. Ever since their first night together, he loved to hear her expressing what she was feeling, because he knew he was doing something right. There was no difference now, even though he knew what she liked and how she reacted to each little thing. But this… this was fun.

He could tell by the look in her eyes that she was silently cursing him, and it only made him enjoy it all the more. She'd probably be mad at him, in all honesty. Some well-placed kisses and true words about him loving to hear her whimpers would sizzle her anger down. But she always teased him. It was time for a little payback.

Steve continued to roll his hips against hers, making sure to push as far deep as he could, as well as make every third pump hard. One of his hands moved down her stretched leg and found that swollen numb, hidden in its fold, and when he began to flick it quickly, Bethany gritted her teeth together. She looked like she was in pain, but he knew better than that. She was just trying really hard to win this silent game they had unknowingly created.

He could tell she was close, _dangerously_ close. At this point, she would either fall without hitting the peak, or absolutely explode. Steve quickened both the speed of his hand and hips, watching as frustrated tears began to well in her eyes. Bethany moved her arm across her face, digging her teeth into the skin, mumbling her groans into her flesh.

Steve was close too. He could hold on a few more thrusts, but not very many. There was nothing wrong with their vanilla sex, but Steve was quickly learning that he came much faster when they were trying something new. But he refused to let himself go before Bethany hit the jackpot. He knew it was going to be a good one for her, if he could just… hold… on.

 _There_ , he thought, watching as Bethany began to convulse and cry as her walls began to contract and she lost sense of who she was. There was a moment, a quick moment, where she was absolutely still before her body resumed it's shaking. If Steve hadn't been so close before, that would've driven him towards his final moments.

Keeping in mind to withdraw himself as he came, trying to mask his deep groan as the feeling of complete helplessness, but also an ironic amount of self-control over took him. He wasn't sure if that made any sense, but that was the only way he could explain it. When he had once told this to Bethany, she agreed that it made sense. There was a moment where you've gone too far and you're helpless to stop it, but once that moment is over, you're in full control of yourself, which you weren't a moment before.

But as amazing as it always was for him, he knew it was always better for Bethany. Steve took pride in that, and in the knowledge of knowing that no one would ever make her feel like that ever again, except him.

"I hate you, you know," Bethany panted after Steve rolled off of her. "That was a real dick move."

"I'm sorry," Steve mused, kissing the side of her face.

"No, you're not," Bethany scolded, still trying to recover. "You're quite proud of yourself. That was cruel; I would never do that to you."

Despite the fact that Bethany liked to tease him, she hadn't done anything cruel before, that he knew for sure. She never made him super uncomfortable with wandering hands in public, except for that one time she got really drunk at that Halloween party at the Tower, but she was so far gone that night that he didn't really blame her.

"What can I do to make it up to you?" Steve offered as Bethany rolled onto her stomach, Steve taking a moment to help her undo the remaining lingerie.

"Oh, you won't be doing anything," Bethany promised him firmly. "But me? Oh, I'll be doing something. Payback's a bitch, Steve."

"I'm so scared," Steve teased her, freeing her from the material and as she rolled out of it, he took a firm hold on it and threw it away.

"Oh, you should be," Bethany whispered, slipping out of the bed, sauntering her naked body to the bathroom. Right before she closed the door behind her, she stuck her head out with a devious smile on her face. "Oh no, Captain. You won't be doing anything. I'll be the one pulling the strings."

* * *

 ****A/N: I left little responses for everyone who followed my wishes in my last author's note, followed by the customary review dialogue:**

 **TheSparkleQueen: Thank you love :) You sure knew how to put a smile on my face when I was feeling like shit.**

 **Musicofmylife: I'm so glad that the story attracts you the way it does :) I'm glad that in your opinion, you can see this as more than a story, but a film franchise. I love the flashbacks too! I always feel like I rushed through the first movie, and there was so much I could have added, and this is how :) I'll make sure to put more in future chapters!**

 **Guest: Aww thank you! The story is long, that I know, but it's so that I can get that relationship development done RIGHT, so I'm glad that you love it :)**

 **Ash: The review hit a nerve in me that I couldn't shake. What drives me nuts is when I get a negative review with no suggestions and when I take the time to write back to them, they just ignore my response all together. It's not a mean response either. Always, they are well-thought out and accepting of suggestions. It THRILLS me to know that you refresh the page, waiting for me to update. I don't read fanfiction as much as I used to (I use all my spare time to write this one), but I remember the excitement when you see an update from a story you love, so I'm glad I can be that for you. Also, you couldn't have said it better in relation to constructive criticism. While I might not like it, I can take it, and often try to find a way to follow their suggestions, but it doesn't always fit well with the story, or my writing style. This particular review (and has since added another one) was just negative. Although, the second one made me laugh. I'm so over it, by now :)**

 **newyorklghts: Haha right? No, trust me, that's not in the cards at all! Although, I have to admit, that would be an** ** _amazing_** **plot point. But no. This was just so that I could set up the plot for the next two movies, and I couldn't pass up a coincidence like that!**

 **HeroOfTheDay: I've put a lot of thought into how Ultron** ** _and_** **Civil War will go down in terms of arguments. At this point, they both know they can't live without the other. They might not necessarily agree with what the other says/wants, but I feel like they're both starting to see things from both sides and approach it in a more rational way. Kinda like they did in this chapter with the whole baby issue. Bethany might not like that Steve feels that they aren't ready (this'll come into play after Ultron), but she's trying to understand.**

 **Jo: Bucky won't be returning to New York for a LONG time. Originally, Kiley wasn't supposed to even have a drug problem, but I needed a way for her to leave him/him abandon her and my sister agreed that this was a good solution.**

 **anonymouscsifan: Ah Jen. People don't really like her all too much. Not that I blame them, but she makes for good drama! Glad to have you caught up and on board!**

 **sarahmichellegellarfan1: Thanks :)**

 **FeliciaFelicis: I agree; Natasha is often shown as being all business, but you can see her in each movie bearing her emotions a little bit more. I feel like as long as Natasha knows her feelings are safe, she can profess them, you know? Like she trusts Bethany. She trusts Clint and Steve and Nick, but the way she trusts Bethany is different. They're made of the same elements and equations. She watched as Bethany began more** ** _human_** **and now feels like it's not an impossible task to achieve.**


	19. Broken Strings

Chapter 19- **Broken Strings**

 _"I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay. You can't play on broken strings. You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel. I can't tell you something that ain't real. Oh the truth hurts. And lies worse. How can I give anymore?"  
_~Broken Strings, James Morrison feat. Nelly Furtado

* * *

Bethany and Steve had been in Switzerland checking up on Kiley when they got the call. Jen remembered. It was just a quick flash of Theo's picture and she remembered _everything_. They had no idea it would be that easy, but at least it was one less thing on their plate.

Time seemed to be escaping their grasps and neither one of them could remember the last time they had breakfast, lunch and dinner in their own kitchen, all together. Missions were popping up left and right, and they seemed to be close to finding Loki's sceptre, something that was only making Thor insist on being out in the field every single day. But for Steve and Bethany, it wasn't just about that. They had two boys who depended on them, as well as a bunch of friends who were unstable. Kiley was on her way to recovery and while she had broken out of her distant state, she wasn't ready to talk about the details of everything that happened. Every time she tried to, she had a panic attack, and as someone who had her fair share of those, Bethany decided it would be best to make the visits about supporting her, not business. What made their lives even more hectic was the fact that Jamie had started to crawl.

Bethany didn't know what she would have done if she missed it. Every single milestone was a big one. First smile, laugh, roll over. But crawling? Walking? Talking? Those were the money makers of milestones. She and Steve had been looking over some HYDRA documents one night, and because Jamie wouldn't settle down, they let him sit with them as they went over everything. Somehow, all three of them ended up on the floor, Molly sitting within grasping distance of Jamie's stubby little fingers. He was taking a real love to playing with the fur ball, petting and playing with her until Molly got off her fat ass and moved away from him when his petting got too hard.

But this time, when Molly moved a few feet away, staring at Jamie in a taunting way, Jamie took action. They had pictures and videos of Jamie's first independent journey. And while they were happy with his milestone, they quickly learned how disastrous his independence could be. More often than not, he would complain, whine and struggle out of his high chair, exersaucer or bouncer, even people's arms, so he could move on his own. If they weren't busy, they didn't mind letting him roam free—under a careful watch, that is—but when they were trying to get chores done and such, it wasn't convenient at all.

Opposed to hiring a tutor, Jackson volunteered to teach Theo at home. Bethany and Steve agreed to it, only because looking for a trustworthy tutor would take up too much of their time, and anything Jackson was unsure of, he had a building full of intelligent people willing to help. Ultimately, this was to help the boy catch up on what he missed, and in that respect, things were going well. But he was feeling a little too comfortable with everyone now, and would not hesitate to throw a temper tantrum. At first, no one knew what to do. Whether they could punish him or what. He had been like a son to Bethany and Steve for months now, but it still felt weird disciplining someone else's child. And once Theo started to throw a fit, Jamie would join in, but only because he could.

This is why it was so important for Jen to get better. Theo's fits were almost always about his mother and acting out because he felt abandoned and unloved. And as much as Bethany wanted to make Theo her number one priority, too many other things were pulling her attention. This step that Jen made was a start, but they were nowhere near the finish.

The look in Jen's eyes said it all. Guilt. Regret. Pain. Betrayal. Anger. Sadness. Yet, there was no self-pity and Bethany knew what that meant. She blamed herself for it all.

Everyone around her was _broken_. Every single person. Steve, Kiley, Bucky, Tony, Bruce, Natasha, Clint, Thor, Theo and now Jen. And the thing was, the majority of them were expected to keep the world safe. How? Shattering a glass window and taping it up doesn't guarantee it'll stay together. Dressing up scars with makeup and smiles doesn't help the healing process. And tying two ends of a withered piece of string doesn't give it the strength it once had. That's what they were.

All of them.

Broken strings.

They kept telling each other that everything would get better. But it wouldn't be the same. That seemed to be all of their expectations. The _same_. They couldn't be the same as they once were. It was impossible. They would never undo what had been done. Bethany knew that better than all of them.

And Jen? She just wanted her life back. And they couldn't even promise her the one thing that was more important to her than anything else; her son. As much as Bethany wanted to reunite her with Theo, Jen wasn't ready. He wasn't ready. And Bethany wasn't ready. And if Steve or Bruce or anyone else thought that she would just let Jen take Theo and leave the safety of the Tower and go out where HYDRA could take them at any time, they were all crazy. Jen may not be HYDRA. But she had HYDRA all over her, even hardcoded into her DNA.

"I know that you're right," Jen revealed to Bethany, her voice hoarse and a sad smile on her face. "I left him in your care for a reason, and that was because I knew you'd take care of him."

"There's nothing I would love more than to let you see him. No, actually to let _him_ see you," Bethany began with. "But I… I can't do that. Not now."

"I know," Jen nodded.

"You need to repair your relationship with him," Bethany continued. "It's up to him what he wants, and right now, what he wants is his mother. But you didn't just go off with any guy. You went off with a HYDRA agent, got married and became their latest experiment."

"When I remembered…" Jen said with a distant smile on her face. "Natasha… she and I talked for a long time. She was so understanding, and she made me see that my number one priority should be Theo. It wasn't and-"

"Everyone makes mistakes," Bethany interrupted quickly. "I am not a perfect mother. I have made colossal mistakes and I would be a hypocrite to sit here now and put myself on a pedestal. Steve and I had a long journey back from Switzerland and we agreed that what you need to do is focus on yourself."

"Natasha told me I have the ability to change my future," Jen said, her voice cracking a little. "That I have the tools and the opportunities. That I don't have to be what they made me to be."

"You don't," Bethany promised, her passion evident in her voice. "But you should start this journey by knowing what you _do_ want. That way we can help you achieve it. The power you have… it's alright if you don't want to get rid of it. It's alright if you do as well. Ultimately, it is up to you and only you. But you must remember there are people that your decision will impact, and if you hurt them, your selfish decision will haunt you forever."

"My selfish decision already haunts me," Jen admitted softly, thinking about how she left Theo. "I shouldn't have left. I should have listened to you. I know that. But I was so desperate for love."

"I know," Bethany whispered.

"No, I don't think you do," Jen insisted, gathering up her strength to talk to Bethany. "I just… I never thought I'd end up a single mother. Everything was perfect at one point in my life. I had a good husband, a beautiful son and a job I loved. And then things started to fall apart, and I told myself that everything would be okay. I'd get a divorce and meet someone new, someone who would absolutely adore Theo the way he deserves to be adored.

"I saw the way Steve looked at him, and loved him, and I knew that's what I needed to find for Theo. And for me. And I watched you and Steve get married, and I was happy for you. But also jealous. And Jacob was just… there, you know? He was easy. He made me feel special, in a way that no one had for a long time. He made me smile and laugh, and he honestly wanted what was right for Theo. He kept telling me not to leave Theo, but I missed him so much."

Jen wiped away a stray tear, swallowing her emotions so she could continue, Bethany patiently waiting. "I didn't want to believe that the man I had fallen in love with could do the things and _be_ the things you were accusing him of. It didn't make sense to me. That was until I went to him. I started to realize who he was quickly, but I didn't say anything. I was terrified. If he was capable of everything you said he was, what would he do to me? And when Steve came… I wanted Steve to bring me home, but I was so afraid. So I did and said everything that I should have and just…"

"Regretted it ever since?" Bethany offered calmly.

"You asked me what I wanted," Jen said, her voice strong now, no sadness or guilt held in her eyes. "And I know what that is."

"Okay," Bethany encouraged her.

"I want to prove to Theo that he's the only man I need in my life," Jen promised. "And I'll do anything to prove that to him. I've spent so much of his life trying to find a husband and a father for him, but that's going to change. If it happens, it happens. But I'm not going to force it. Not anymore."

Bethany nodded, giving her a weak smile and hoping that for Jen's sake, and more importantly, for Theo's, she would keep this promise.

* * *

Despite their hectic life, there was a semblance of normalcy that they got every day; mealtimes. Bethany tried to cook dinner every night. Sometimes it was just pasta with sauce from a jar. Sometimes they were Pinterest photo-op potentials. Steve would offer to make dinner some nights, but Bethany enjoyed that half hour to an hour every evening. It was her time not to think about being a spy or a superhero. It was just time to be a wife and a mother.

"There's my favorite girl," Steve's voice rang as he came into the house.

"There are my favorite boys," Bethany replied with, looking up from the chopping board. Steve was carrying a sleeping Theo in one arm and using the other arm to push the stroller into the room. "Oh, sleeping boys, I see."

"Yeah, they had a little too much fun at the park," Steve nodded, laying Theo down on the couch and carefully taking the rain boots off his feet. "I took a lot of photos. You should have come with us."

"I wish I did," Bethany told him honestly. "But I had to talk to Jen. And then I was helping Bruce out, and then-"

"You work too much," Steve decided, taking Jamie out of the stroller, the infant's eyes fluttering with exhaustion.

Bethany continued her vegetable chopping as Steve put Jamie in the swing and set it to move slowly. "Isn't that what being a mother is?"

"Yeah, but none of that was being a mother," Steve reminded her.

"In its own weird way, it was," Bethany disagreed, knowing that everything she had done that afternoon was for her boys in the long run. "I'll come with you boys next time, though."

"So?" Steve asked, taking the toys and baby bag out of the stroller. "How was your conversation with Jen?"

Bethany sighed, collecting the chopped veggies in one hand and moving to place them on a skillet before moving back to cut some more. "Well, she knows. She remembers. And she agrees with me. As much as she wants to be there for Theo, she can't right now. She needs to take care of herself to begin with. Although, I'm not completely against letting her phone him. That would probably help both of them."

"I agree," Steve replied. "Dr. F hasn't exactly been helpful with Theo…"

"No, you'd think that a world renowned therapist would be better than this," Bethany agreed with an exasperated sigh, but when she looked up, Steve was holding a bouquet of flowers with an adorable smile on his face. "What are these for?" Bethany asked, mirroring his smile.

Steve thought about it for a moment before shrugging. "For everything you are and everything you aren't. The boys and I thought that we needed to show you how much we appreciate you a little more."

"Well, it's a pleasure," Bethany promised him, wiping the vegetable juice off on her apron and cupping his face. She leaned in to kiss him softly before taking the flowers. "This was really sweet, Steve. I really like it when you do simple things like this. It makes me feel… special."

"Then I'll start doing it more often," Steve whispered, giving her another kiss. "Anything you want me to help with?"

"Well, you got the boys to sleep, so you're already my hero," Bethany teased, going to put the flowers in a vase.

"Actually, I was trying to keep them up so that your dinner wouldn't be wasted, but the more I tried to get their energy levels up, the more tired they got," Steve explained.

"It's okay," Bethany promised. "Dinner for two, and some leftovers. But they'll both probably wake up this evening, and then getting them to fall asleep again will be a pain."

"Agreed," Steve nodded, taking Bethany's place at the cutting board. "You excited for the Stark Relief Benefit tomorrow?"

"Not particularly," Bethany said with a sigh, placing the vase in the middle of their kitchen table and then wrapping her arms around Steve's waist as he continued to chop vegetables. "But I gotta go. Talk to female scientists and generous donors and the works."

"I think we can both agree that it's nice that it's not a huge charity gala this time around, just a cocktail party," Steve sympathized. "Jackson wants to know if the boys are staying here, or if they're coming with us?"

"I'll give Theo the choice, but Jamie is coming," Bethany explained. "And that's not up for discussion."

"Sure thing," Steve allowed, not even questioning her decisions. "I, uh… I talked to Sam today."

"Any word on Bucky?" Bethany asked, pressing a kiss to his back.

"None," Steve said with a sigh. "It's like he just disappeared into thin air. I thought since we knew where he had been at one point, tracing his steps, like we did with Jen, would be easy."

"Yeah, but there's one huge difference. Bucky was trained, _designed_ to be a ghost, Steve. Which is what I've been telling you. If he doesn't want to be found, you won't find him," Bethany explained. "But, I'm not stopping you from doing what you feel you have to do. Just… I hate to see you disappointed, love."

Steve put the knife down, turning around in Bethany's arms and wrapping her into his embrace. "I'm trying."

"I know," Bethany whispered. "I know."

* * *

"Why are you looking up apartments in Brooklyn?" Bethany's voice startled Steve, bringing his attention to what was really on his tablet screen. Steve didn't even know what he was doing until Bethany had snuck up behind him. He was just on autopilot.

"Oh, uh…" Steve began, but was at a lost for an explanation. "I honestly couldn't tell you Beth."

She didn't accept this as an answer, however, taking the tablet out of his hands and sitting across the table from him. "It was your idea to live here Steve, in case you forgot," Bethany said lightly. "You want to move?"

"I-No? I… I don't know, Beth," Steve admitted. "I didn't think I did, but…"

"Here's the evidence," Bethany finished with a whisper. "I'm… I'm not against it, I guess. I mean, I'm weary since it won't be as safe somewhere else, but it would be nice to have a place of our own, again."

"We can't," Steve found himself saying, shaking his head. "We're here for a reason. For a lot of reasons. I don't know. I guess I just don't feel like this is…"

"Home?" Bethany offered, giving him a soft smile.

Steve opened his mouth, drawing in a long breath of air before replying. "Before you got pregnant, we were looking at houses. And I will always be grateful for this home that Tony provided us but I… _I_ wanted to provide for us. Not to live of your nephew. We don't even pay for anything."

"That's not true," Bethany disagreed. "We pay for groceries, and clothes, and anything else the boys need. I mean, yeah, Tony gives us some things on occasions, but those are gifts. He's just happy that he has someone other than himself to buy things for."

"No, Doll Face, that's not… That's not what I meant," Steve sighed, getting up and pacing the kitchen.

"Talk to me Steve," Bethany begged. "What did you mean?"

Steve stopped pacing and looked at her, crossing his arms. " _You_ pay for the groceries and the clothes and anything else anyone in this family needs. I don't. I don't provide for us. And I guess I just… I just wanted to provide for us. Like I should."

Bethany shook her head, taking in a deep breath and standing up. "Honey," she began, cupping his face. "You may not be the breadwinner in this family, but that doesn't mean that you don't provide for us. Okay? You keep us safe, and you make us happy-"

"Do I? Beth? Do I keep you happy?" Steve asked, his face showing desperation.

She leaned up and kissed him softly, looking deeply into his eyes before she continued. "Stop this. Stop doubting yourself. Stop thinking we don't need you. Damn it, Steve. You _know_ how much I need you. So what, the money we spend is the money I have earned through the years? And so what, my bank account grows each and every month from designs I created for Stark Industries over the years. I didn't marry you for money, or because you promised me stability. I've always been the one in the relationship with the most money."

"That doesn't help, Beth," Steve told her truthfully.

Bethany chuckled, kissing him again. "The only thing I want you to provide this family is love. And safety. That's a big thing. If you want to move out of the Tower, that's one thing. But you feeling like you need to pay for everything? And you know, after being together, _loving_ each other as long as we have, money shouldn't be something you're angry about. It's _our_ money. Not mine. Okay?"

"It just doesn't feel like home," Steve whispered. "It's _a_ home, but not _ours_."

"Fair enough," Bethany allowed. "But like you said, it's better for us to live here for now. But an apartment in Brooklyn? That doesn't guarantee that it'll feel like home to you."

"Well, what about you? What's home for you?" Steve asked.

Bethany offered him a little smile. "Babe, I went sixty-seven years feeling like you do. I'm at home when I'm with you. When I'm with Jamie. But Steve, it's okay that you don't feel the same way. Home to you is an actual place. But it was never that to me. It was always who I was with."

"I'm sorry," Steve whispered kissing her passionately, trying to keep his emotions at bay. He knew that she was right. Home _should_ be her and Jamie. Home _should_ be his family. And the fact that she was okay with it not being that for him…

"Don't be sorry," Bethany whispered when she pulled apart from him. "Hey, it's okay. You'll get there one day, okay? For you, you knew that the war ending meant going home. For me? I wasn't sure where I would go next. Back to that house I called home? Maybe. But for you, it was Brooklyn. And that's okay with me. Still is to this day."

"God, I love you," Steve whispered, still feeling broken for not feeling at home with her. Comfortable, yes. Safe, yes. But there was a specific aspect of it all that was missing.

"I love you, too," Bethany promised him. "And Steve? Please don't worry about it, okay? Because when you finally feel at home, I'll be right beside you. Unless you don't want me to-"

"Hush, that's not it," Steve replied seriously. "That's not it at all. Okay? I-I think I just need to create a home I know that I… built?"

Bethany rose her brows in amusement. "Oh, you're planning on building our house?"

"I don't know," Steve admitted with a chuckle. "I wish I could explain what I want but I just… I can't."

"Okay," Bethany nodded softly, giving him one more kiss. "Just remember that when you _do_ figure it out, you can talk to me, okay?"

"Yeah," Steve replied with a nod and a smile before noticing that she was ready for the charity cocktail party. "Wow, you look amazing."

"Oh, why thank you," Bethany teased. "We're leaving soon. You need to start getting ready. I already picked out your clothes, and Jamie is all dressed too, but he's sleeping."

"And Theo?" Steve asked, amused that Bethany had picked out his clothes for him. He was more than capable of doing that himself, but she had been on the ball lately, being the absolute _perfect_ mother.

"Jackson will be up here soon, and he and Theo are going to watch some movies," Bethany replied, playing with Steve's hair, trying to style it without gel or a comb. "Okay, now go get dressed, please."

"Yes, darling," Steve spoke with a small smile, kissing her forehead.

* * *

Neither one of the Rogers' wanted to go to the charity event for the Stark Relief Foundation. With everything that was going on in their lives, any moment of silence and relaxation was desperately needed, but both Steve and Bethany ended up having a blast. Bethany was able to talk to other female scientists about her grant program, all of them agreeing to lend a helping hand to her and mentor the finalist to perfect their theories. Steve was having a blast drinking and joking around with Thor and Sam.

"The only thing is," Bethany began, taking a sip of her water and bouncing Jamie lightly on her knee. "That we've been getting a lot of flack about the transgender community. The question of whether women who were born men can apply since _technically_ they have a man's brain and the other way. I hate saying 'no', but it's a slippery slope. But hey, if they have the best theory, why keep that from helping the world in anyway, right?"

"I agree completely," Jane nodded. "And at the end of the day, you're giving women a chance they might not get elsewhere. Things are changing, but this is a good step."

"I mean, I know what it's like to get the door slammed in your face," Bethany explained. "I had enough spunk and attitude to survive medical school in the forties, but it wasn't worth the harassment. And if I didn't have Howard or Erskine as a shield, I wouldn't have got any respect. In fact, I didn't really, even then," she admitted, thinking about that time when the male scientists of a _lower stature_ told her to get a broom and clean their mess. She had never been more thankful for Dum Dum Dugan teaching her how to throw a proper punch. Colonel Phillips had been too amused to be mad at her.

"Sorry to interrupt," Steve interjected when a moment of silence overcame them. "But I was wondering if you'd like to dance?"

"Always," Bethany replied with a smile, Sam immediately opening his arms for Jamie. The couple made their way onto the dance floor, Bethany's hand slipping into Steve's, while the other made its way onto his shoulder, and his onto her waist.

"Having fun?" Steve asked her, their faces close together.

"Good God, Steve, you reek of alcohol," Bethany laughed. "Clearly I'm not having as much as you. But yes, I'm having a lot more fun than I thought I would."

"Sam was saying that all his leads have been cold," Steve continued.

"Okay, but how many times do I have to tell you this?" Bethany began slowly, only wanting to comfort her husband. "He was _trained_ to be a ghost. He knows how to get around with no one noticing."

"Yeah, I know," Steve sighed. "And that I shouldn't be worried, it's just Bucky being…"

 _Bucky_ , they both finished silently, but knew very well that it wasn't Bucky being Bucky. It was Bucky being the Winter Soldier. "There was a lot of laughing between the three of you though," Bethany encouraged.

Steve smiled in return. "Yeah. I feel… really comfortable around them. Thor and Sam. Not that I don't with everyone else, but them in particular."

"Good," Bethany said with a bright smile. "I like that. That you have people you can trust. For a while, you didn't. You had no one, not even me."

"Things are different now," Steve replied with a soft smile. "We're different now."

"So different," Bethany agreed, looking over to where Sam had gotten up from the table and was pretending to slow dance with Jamie. She laughed, watching the bright smile on her son's face. Thor had also pulled Jane away from the table to dance, leaving only Bruce and Natasha at their table. "It's not just me right? Something between them is… also different?"

Steve followed her direction, watching the two members of the team converse for a few moments before nodding. "They remind me of… well, of us."

Bethany laughed, resting her head against his chest. "You mean with her flirting shamelessly and him looking more awkward than a baby turtle?"

"Wh-Why is a baby turtle awkward?" Steve asked, confused.

"I'm working on five hours of sleep, babe, just accept it," Bethany replied with a chuckle. "But they do, don't they? I don't know, what do you think?"

Steve sighed, thinking it over. "I mean, they both deserve to be happy. Think about it, we all have someone. Well, except for Clint, but I'm convinced he runs off to _someone_. And he's made it very clear that him and Romanoff aren't a package."

"Best not open that can of worms, Steve," Bethany suggested. "He's allowed to have someone, if that _is_ the case."

"Fair enough, but what do _you_ think of Romanoff and Banner as a pair? Are they good together?"

"Hmm," Bethany let out, thinking it over. "In a way, yes."

"But also no?" Steve questioned.

"They're made from the same basics," Bethany began. "They both see themselves as… well, as monsters. And they know that the other won't judge based on the things they've done _while_ they were monsters. They were both _made_ to be that way. But also… if she breaks his heart, it doesn't end well. And if he breaks her heart, it _also_ doesn't end well. It'll be messy."

"But isn't that a good risk to take? If it could end well? I mean, it ended well for us, didn't it?"

Bethany shook her head. "Steve, we're far from the end. We still don't know what can happen. I mean… you have the ability to _ruin_ me. This thing that we have? Love? It's beautiful when it's good, but we both know it can be ugly too. And when things get ugly with Tasha and Bruce?"

Steve winced, understanding her meaning. "Well, let's hope they know what they're doing."

The sounds of Jamie's fussing brought their attention over to where Sam was now approaching him. "Look, I'm totally fine with watching him when he's happy, but when he starts to complain, that's when I hand him back over."

"Aww, what's wrong little man?" Bethany asked, collecting Jamie in her arms and kissing his forehead.

"It's really late," Steve realized, checking his phone. "He's probably ready for bed."

"He's probably desperate for some fresh air too," Bethany added, feeling his flushed skin. "We should walk back to the Tower. It'll be good for all three of us."

"Agreed," Steve nodded, kissing Bethany lightly before they went their separate ways to say good-bye.

The air was slowly starting to get warmer as spring was slowly sneaking up upon them. It was mind-boggling how quickly time seemed to be passing them. The sixty-some years Bethany spent without Steve seemed to last an eternity, but now every day was passing with a blink of an eye. It seemed like just yesterday that Bethany found out she was pregnant, but the little baby in her arms was almost ten months old. They were expecting him to say his first word within the next month or so.

"Guess fresh air was what he really wanted," Steve mused, Jamie seemingly happy and wide awake as they walked down the dimly lit streets.

Spotting an ice cream parlour that was still open, Bethany gestured to it with her head. "Let's get some ice cream."

"You're hungry?" Steve asked. "You barely finished your dinner."

"I know that," Bethany nodded. "But even though you finished my plate for me, and had three servings of dessert, I know that you're still hungry, so let's get some ice cream."

Constant hunger was something that Steve had gotten used to. He would eat as much as he could when he got the chance, but he was never full anymore. He would only complain when it kept him from functioning properly, but when Bethany would suggest he eat at times like this, where Bethany wasn't hungry and Steve hadn't said anything, showed him just how much she cared.

"Just a vanilla cone," Steve ordered, wrapping an arm around Bethany's shoulder and kissing the top of her head for a moment.

"Make it a double scoop," Bethany corrected, giving Steve a knowing smirk. The girl behind the counter nodded, fulfilling the order and handing Steve the cone. Moving to the cash, Steve took a long lick, pulling out his wallet.

Bethany watched as Jamie opened his mouth, sticking out his tongue. "Wait," Bethany said before Steve could pay. "Can we get a really small cone too? And I mean _really_ small."

"Yeah, of course," the girl nodded, moving back to the vanilla bucket and scooping a small scoop and putting it on a baby cone and handing it to Bethany.

"Can he have ice cream?" Steve asked, unsure as he continued to pay.

"He can have a little bit," Bethany nodded, holding the cone close to Jamie's lips. He slowly and curiously moved his face forward, but ultimately looked up to Steve for approval. "Show him what to do."

Steve demonstrated, offering his son a smile as the family took a seat at one of the small tables. Jamie looked up at his mom, Bethany pretending to lick the baby cone and making sounds of approval. Finally, Jamie took the final move and licked the ice cream. At first, he was surprised at the coolness of the snack, but smiled as the flavor hit his tongue. He wrapped his hands around Bethany's, moving the cone to his lips. Most of the ice cream decorated his face, but it was evident that Jamie enjoyed the treat.

"I hate that this isn't it," Bethany sighed. "I hate that when we wake up tomorrow, there's a million things we have to do that aren't just… _this_. You know? I'm terrified that he's going to say his first word and we're not going to be there."

"Just because he _could_ say his word tomorrow doesn't mean he will," Steve reminded her. "My mother said I was a late talker."

"So was I," Bethany said with a sigh. "Tony was too."

"Then you shouldn't worry," Steve said with a shrug. "And if you miss it, why is that a big deal?"

"Wow. Really?" Bethany asked, a little offended. "Steve, when he's older and asks about his firsts, I want to be able to proudly say that I was there. Does it… does it really not matter to you if you're not there."

"Beth, he could say it when he's in his crib, waiting for us to get him, or slip it into his babbling when we're busy. He could say it when he's with Jackson, or anyone else," Steve reminded her. "It's not like you abandoned him."

She knew he had a point. Bethany was making an effort to be around Jamie as often as she could, but it was getting harder as more things found their way onto her plate. "Hey, stop worrying so much," Steve insisted. "Seriously, Doll. You worry _way_ too much. And this is coming from me."

Bethany allowed herself to give a soft chuckle, kissing Jamie's soft curls. "Okay, maybe you're right."

"You take too much on," Steve continued. "And I know that's what you used to do at SHIELD, but things are different now."

"Yeah, I have two boys and a husband keeping me up at night," Bethany replied, throwing him a wink, but knew very well that she _was_ doing a lot. "Okay, maybe, just _maybe_ I'm working overtime. But what do I give up on, Steve? Huh?"

"Yeah," Steve allowed. "Okay. Well, maybe we work on finishing things and not take more things onto our plate? And by 'our', I mean 'you'."

"You could stand to have less on your plate too," Bethany pointed out.

"I think what's _really_ important," Steve stressed, ignoring what Bethany said. "Is that we make memories with Jamie. That he knows we're here for him, no matter what else is happening in the world. And we're doing that. Look at him, Beth. He's happy. And he's more comfortable with us than anyone else."

"That's true," Bethany whispered, not being able to tear her gaze away from the blonde baby. "I just don't want him to be… broken. Like everyone else we know."  
"No parent wants that for their child," Steve reminded her. "And all things considered, I think we're doing a damn good job at giving him a good childhood."

"What happens when it's time for school?" Bethany asked him, worry etched onto her face. "We know HYDRA wants him. How can I willingly let him go when-"

"We'll stop HYDRA before then, okay? And if that means I'm a little more absent, then that's what it means. But he'll go to school and have a normal childhood. Well, as normal as he can with Tony Stark in his life."

"And Thor, two master assassins, the Hulk and Captain America," Bethany teased.

"Don't forget yourself," Steve supplied.

"Nah," Bethany disagreed. "I'll always be just his momma. That's all I want him to know me as. I _don't_ want him to know of what I was. Who I used to be. And I know that it'll come up eventually, but the longer I can keep it from him, the better."

"He won't hate you for it," he promised.

"Why not? I hate myself for it," Bethany said softly. "I wouldn't blame him. I'm not proud of my past. And I've come to terms with that. But the longer he doesn't know, the happier we'll all be. It's not too much to ask for, right? For him to just… know me for being his mother?"

"No," Steve assured her. "But that's not all you are. And I don't think you should forget that."

* * *

 ****A/N:** So important question about the _**SMUT OH ALL THE SEX** _ (did I get your attention? Haha, I did, didn't I?)

I'm honestly not gonna do it if people don't want me to. It makes no difference to me. I'm both excited and fearing it actually, but I feel like the conversation for the couple needs to come up and the answer is IN THE HANDS OF YOU, THE REVIEWERS. But I don't want any "it's up to you" answers. Because I'm fine either way.

We all know that they're slowly breaking out of their vanilla shell. So far, I've got good responses towards this, which is very assuring. But... Anal? Yes? No? I feel like Steve would be HELLA hesitant and then end up loving it..? And I mean, Bethany would be all for it, cause this is Bethany Stark we're talking about. Like I said, I do NOT have a preference either way. I know how some people like that, and some don't. To each their own, really. I feel like this would be the ultimate "I trust you fully" exercise. Not that they need that at this point, but...

Send me a PM or review if you have an opinion! I really don't know if it'll get written, but I'd love to hear your opinions. Thanks :)

 **BerMH: Aww, I'm starting to feel the love! It was just a really bad day mixed with someone playing with some insecurities of mine. People either like Kiley or they don't. No harm, no foul. There's lots of other stuff going on :) Her storyline will be smaller going forward, but I needed her for some very specific things in my story that she has fulfilled and will continue to later on. No family park moments yet, but I'm saving one (in a flashback) for the Ultron plot to lighten things up. Ah yay! My smut isn't a complete fail! Yes, thank you for picking that mistake out! I do have two betas, so I don't read over my own work anymore (which is actually a blessing, love them both), but we're only human!**

 **Cleo9427: Aw, it was only two weeks! I was thinking about doing that regularly (I've been having some bad eye strain that has been giving me headaches because I work 8 hours on a computer), but now I don't want to do that! LOL. I want to update twice a week! Hopefully I'll get some relaxation glasses next week and that'll help? Until then, I'll keep trying to post once a week, but life gets in the way. As for a pregnant Bethany; I agree. They'll have another baby, 'cause I need a little girl in that family! It just won't be right now, despite my desires. I also have answers to your other questions, but I ain't telling you! I know it feels like it'll be forever, but I don't want to spoil all the surprises. And yes! I saw that episode of OTH about a year ago and couldn't help but give myself a face palm at a little blond boy named Jamie being kidnapped (possibly) like my own. I just made a decision on the kidnapping issue a few days ago, but again, you'll have to wait! Sorry! Mostly I say this because I change my mind a lot... so who knows what'll actually be published.**

 **Becki: No, thank YOU :) It makes me so happy to know that you've read it more than once. I re-read it a lot myself, but more so that I can remember things I wrote almost two years ago.**

 **Jo: Haha, just happy that people are reading/reviewing/following/favoriting and letting me do more with my daydreams then just do exactly that, _dreaming._**

 **SarahMichelleGellarFan1: Haha, yes things ARE spicing up, wouldn't you say?**

 **annonymouscsifan: Haha yes, but if you were Steve and you really didn't want a baby, wouldn't you do absolutely everything possible so that you wife, who has big time baby fever, won't get pregnant? ;) Glad that people seem to be liking the new angle the Rogers' are experience in their sex life! LOL. That is a very good description of Jen. She got a divorce when Theo was a baby still and has been a single mom ever since. She just wants SOMEONE, and watching Bethany and Steve probably didn't help her.**

 **FeliciaFelicis: YAY YOU GOT A JOB! Don't worry girl, I've had three different jobs since I started this story, and I know the struggle! I'll patiently await for your reviews :) Also; YAY YOU'RE READING THE STORY AGAIN. That actually makes me very, VERY happy. Ah, but that's typically why I put smut at the end ;) People tend to comment on the very last moments of the chapter and I like to get feedback!**


	20. Broken Things

Chapter 20- **Broken** Things

 _"I am fixing broken things, everyone could use some help. Will you help me fix myself? I am fixing broken things."_

 _~Broken Things, David Byrne_

* * *

There was no better rush than being in a firefight. That was something Bethany learned long ago. The evidence the team collected gave reason for both Bethany and Bruce to join them, and while they were successful in their raids, they hadn't found Loki's sceptre. And while it wasn't what they were looking for, the information they collected from the hideout was still valuable. It wasn't a wasted expedition, or at least in Bethany's opinion. Bruce's sacrifice was a little different than hers, but Bethany had no qualms about joining her friends.

"Feeling good?" Steve asked, coming up beside Bethany as she sifted through files on HYDRA's mainframe.

"Not a drop of blood on my suit," Bethany mumbled, trying to absorb as much information as she could. "Although, not like you could tell in this blood red suit. How's Bruce doing?"

"Romanoff is trying to calm him down," Steve replied, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Barton is keeping an eye on them-"

"From a distance," they said together.

"Exactly. Found anything interesting?" Steve asked, bending down a little to read the screen with her.

"Lots," Bethany confirmed. "Coulson will find use for a lot of this stuff. Once JARVIS finishes copying it to our server, and Thor and Tony finish looking around, we'll be ready to go home."

"Is that where we're going?" Steve asked, leaning on the workbench.

Bethany sighed, turning to face him. "No. No, I have to go see Kiley. You guys can drop me off there and I'll find a way home."

"Nonsense," Steve shook his head. "I'll drop everyone off back at the Tower and then go back and get you."

"Okay, so you're going to go from Sudan to Switzerland to New York and then back to Switzerland?" Bethany asked. "No. Go home, Steve. If anything, I'll ask Tony to pick me up or something. I don't want Jackson alone with Theo too long anyways."

"His attitude isn't as… sour when he's with Jackson," Steve reminded Bethany, both of them knowing that Theo's behaviour was getting out of hand.

"That could change," Bethany replied, letting out a deep sigh. "Steve, what are we going to do?"

"Bruce says that Jen is ready. Not necessarily to move out of the Tower, or into a separate living space, but that she's ready to see her son. She poses no threat to him," Steve explained.

The blonde shook her head, taking a step away from the computer. "Okay, but what about when Theo asks what happened to his mother? Why she's living in a dumpy little living space, a prison really, and why she's… _different._ Because she is, Steve. What then? We tell him the truth?"

"I think we take the chance and hope he doesn't ask anything," Steve replied truthfully, watching as Thor joined them. "Anything?"

"Nothing of interest," Thor answered automatically. "Stark is still looking around, but everything I found was nothing of great value."

"In your opinion," Bethany finished, knowing that certain aspects of technology seemed unimportant to Thor, but were actually huge pieces of unfinished puzzles for the scientific minds of the group. "I'm gonna go join him," she decided, departing from the two.

"You fret too much," Thor informed Steve, clapping him on the back.

"Pardon?" Steve asked, turning to his friend.

Thor offered him a smile, shaking his head in disbelief. "She's not as fragile as you seem to believe she is. She's fierce, that one. And despite having the advantage of immortality, she fought today like she did not."  
"She did that to prove a point," Steve replied honestly. Bethany wanted Steve to worry less about her in battle, especially in the future when she may not have her healing ability. She proved her point, alright.

"Nonetheless," Thor continued. "We'll get a lot more done without you trailing behind her, making sure she isn't-"

"I wasn't following her," Steve injected and then backtracked. At the time, he hadn't thought that he was, but thinking back to it… There was a slight possibility of that.

"You mean well," Thor replied quickly with a chuckle. "And no one judges you for that. However, she is more than able to defend herself. Her experience is decades in the making and you cannot deny her abilities."

"But to me… To me she's…" Steve sighed, starting his sentence again. "You'd protect Jane like I do Beth. Tony protects Pepper like I do Beth."

"But neither of them can protect themselves quite like Bethany can, now do they?" Thor returned, offering Steve a smile. "You're an honorable man, Steve. And you love her. But-"

"I should take a step back," Steve agreed with a sigh. He hadn't always been like that, this he knew. While being agents of SHIELD, they often went on missions together. During that time, Bethany was just another member of the team. Obviously, he checked in on her and it hurt him to see her hurt, but they would split up and meet up after the mission was complete. Somewhere between then and now, that had changed.

It was an agreement between the two of them that when they weren't together, shit seemed to rain on them. Being together, having someone always watching their six, would help them both stay safe. But Steve knew what Thor was referring to. He didn't need to protect Bethany the way he was. Constantly watching his wife was keeping him from doing things elsewhere.

 _"Okay, we're clear. Let's bolt boys,"_ they heard Bethany's voice over the comms.

 _"Nat is still trying to calm Banner down,"_ Clint reported, Steve and Thor looking at each other. It was a worry throughout the entire team not only keeping Bruce _Bruce_ but also returning him to human size after he Hulked out.

"Tell her to be careful," Steve instructed immediately. "We're in no rush."

 _"Speak for yourself, I gotta pee,"_ Bethany announced, earning a chuckle from both Thor and Steve.

"She definitely doesn't need your protection, Rogers," Thor repeated, giving Steve another clap on the back after laughing.

* * *

Bethany didn't even bother to change into civilian clothes. She went straight from the raid to Kiley's room at the Paracelsus Rehab Center with her shoulder length hair pulled into a sorry excuse for a ponytail and dressed in her bright red battle suit. She had removed the guns and other fun toys from her person and had stolen one of the blue cardigans that Steve had left on the quinjet for herself, but she didn't care if people judged her. She hardly thought they would, but if they did, she didn't care.

When she first came into Kiley's room, it was obvious that she was much better than the last time Bethany had been there. That far off look was replaced with a sense of reality, and it looked like she had got more sleep than she did before, but Bethany knew from phone calls with Mrs. Collins that they were giving her medication to help her sleep. Kiley wouldn't even attempt to sleep on her own, just sit in her bed and stare at the wall all night, shaking.

And now, she wasn't shaking either. Her eyes were still red rimmed and raw from tears, and there were dark circles under her eyes, and her hair had clearly not been washed in a few days. But she looked much better, even offering Bethany a small hint of a smile. But that little smile was acknowledgement that Kiley knew Bethany was there and that was something all on its own. Bethany had visited Kiley half a dozen times since she was first admitted, but this was the first time any real progress had been made.

"You're looking good, girl," Bethany said softly, closing the door behind her.

"You're lying," Kiley whispered, but that little smile stayed put on her face. "I look like shit."

"Well, you look amazing compared to the last time I saw you," Bethany promised, taking the seat next to Kiley's bed. "You're on your way."

"To what?" Kiley asked honestly, her voice a little hoarse. "Normal? My old life?"

Bethany's heart clenched, knowing that this was a struggle all of her friends were facing. They questioned what 'normal' and achieving their 'old life' meant. "To recovery," Bethany offered after a moment.

Kiley shook her head, her hands beginning to shake a little. "No. There's no recovery. How can there be recovery? Every time I close my eyes, I see it again and again…"

"See what?" Bethany whispered, taking a hold of Kiley's hand. "They can't help you, _I_ can't help you if you don't tell us what happened, Kiley. Did he hurt you? Did Bucky hurt you?"

"No," Kiley said immediately. "Never. He- he wouldn't hurt me. He…"

Bethany couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. She knew that the possibility that Bucky had hurt Kiley and that's what landed her in the rehab center had been weighing heavily on Steve's mind. Whenever Bethany would bring it up, she could see the personal pain and turmoil that her husband was feeling at the possibility that his best friend wasn't getting better. Steve had let Bucky go, once again, with the hope that he would get better.

"Do you know where he is? Where he went?" Bethany asked slowly.

Kiley shook her head again. "No. Those last few days with him… I didn't know what was going on. You know, when I woke up… I was really angry at him. For leaving me. Here. And he's… out there. Free. And now they're telling me that I'm free to go when I want but-"  
"No, Kiley. They're just giving you the option of moving closer to home," Bethany replied quickly. "And it's up to you. But until that temptation is gone-"

"I don't know if it ever will be," Kiley interrupted. "All I want is to just… have no pain. And when I have enough in me… the pain doesn't seem so bad."

"I know," Bethany whispered.

"Just… seeing them," Kiley continued, her voice getting quieter and her tone shaking as she build up the courage to share her demons. "Ripped into pieces, and the blood… Oh, the blood. He was just protectin' us."

She started to cry softly, trying to fight back the horror that haunted her. "Bucky," Bethany whispered. "He was trying to keep you safe? From who?"

"I don't know," Kiley whispered, her voice breaking. "I don't know if they were random people or… He said something about someone followin' us, but… I didn't care. What if he's in trouble?"

"Sam is out trying to find him," Bethany felt obliged to say. "So far, all our leads have been cold, but honestly, this is what Bucky was trained to do. To lay low. It doesn't worry me. But we're doing our job too, trying to shut down HYDRA. If it was them who were after him, we'll find out."

"What if the nightmares don't go away?" Kiley whispered, looking at Bethany with absolute horror written on her face.

Bethany wanted to tell her that they would, but she knew that there was a very real chance they wouldn't. She and Steve barely got a full night's sleep any given day. One of them waking up in the middle of the night from a nightmare and waking the other up either with their movements or cries was more common than not. They'd hold one another and fall back to sleep, but the dreams themselves hadn't disappeared. Sometimes, as time went on, they got worse.

"I'm not mad at him anymore," Kiley whispered, looking at her nails, the beds completely torn apart by nail biting and picking. "He did the right thing."

"Yeah," Bethany agreed. "Kiley, Steve and I feel so guilty. I hope you know you can ask us for anything."

"It's not your fault," Kiley breathed. "I made the decision to go with him. I wanted to. And I stayed with him, even though he wasn't getting better because… he made me happy. Even when I was furious with him. He barely spoke to me, barely did anything but mope around. But… I loved to be with him."

Bethany felt a small smile pick at her lips. "Do you love him?"

"No," Kiley replied slowly. "But… I think I could. But now I don't even know if I'll see him again."

Bethany had to give her friend credit for not crying. Her voice was shaking, her body trembling, but somehow, Kiley kept her tears at bay. By the look of her red-raw eyes, she had cried all the tears she had. "We'll find him," Bethany promised.

"But if he doesn't want to be found, we won't," Kiley whispered. "I just want to know that he's okay. I keep hoping he'll… he'll come here. Give me that shy smile and keep his distance, as if he was afraid he'd hurt me. He's like a frightened animal. He has the ability to ruin me, but he'll keep his distance anyways."

Bethany tried to offer Kiley a reassuring nod and smile, but Bethany didn't see it the way that Kiley did. Bucky _did_ hurt Kiley. It wasn't intentional but the only reason Kiley was being haunted by body parts and blood was because of Bucky's actions. There were ways to stop attackers without any of that, something Bethany knew very well. She had just returned from a firefight, and she had killed at least a dozen HYDRA agents without spilling any blood, and without using any weapon except her body.

What Bucky had done had been instinct. It had been _rage_. He could have killed those people, whether innocent or actual threats, just like Bethany had. Bucky had the ability to provide quick and clean deaths, often leaving no trace that he had been there but a whisper. The Winter Soldier was violent, but not like this. Bethany didn't know what to make of it. She didn't know what to make of anything anymore.

* * *

When Bethany had returned to the Tower, Thor and Steve were watching _Twelfth Night_. Thor had a giant smile on his face, laughing at the humor wholeheartedly. Jamie was sleeping soundly on Steve's chest, and from the look of the apartment, Theo was sleeping already. The kitchen was a mess from dinner and Bethany couldn't help but let out a frustrated sigh knowing that she'd end up cleaning the mess, even though it wasn't hers.

She offered Steve a tired smile when he made eye contact with her, but neither of them said anything. There was something about Steve's face that told Bethany he was worried about something, but she assumed it wasn't anything out of the normal and she headed to the shower.

All she wanted was to clean the grime and sweat of the day off of her and then crawl into bed and sleep. Not even her growling stomach would interrupt her date with her pillow, and if Theo or Jamie woke up that night, she'd be kicking Steve out of the bed to deal with it. Tomorrow she would wake up and deal with everything that needed to be done, but for now, she was excited just to sleep.

When she stepped out of the shower, her wet hair dripping onto the floor, she wrapped her towel around her body, securing it in place. Wiping some fog off the mirror, she looked at her tired face, void of any makeup. For someone who wasn't aging, she looked like she was. Life was beating her up, pulling her every which way. She loved helping the people she loved, but she wished that none of them needed help.

The bathroom door opened, Steve stepping into the foggy room. "Hi," he whispered, moving up behind her and placing his hands on her bare shoulders, leaning down to place a soft kiss on her wet neck. "How was it?"

"She's better," Bethany replied, leaning back into him, Steve not caring if she was getting his clothes wet. He would be changing into pajamas for the night soon anyways. "She spoke to me. Told me what happened. Bucky didn't hurt her. At least, not physically."

"What do you mean?" Steve pressed on, his nerves alighting.

Bethany sighed, turning around and wrapping her arms around his waist. "They were attacked or something and he went into action. Steve… he ripped them apart. And Kiley was there, watching. Seeing that… I don't blame her for being so… damaged."

"But she was talking today. That's a big step," Steve continued. "Did she… say anything else about him?"

"Nothing that'll benefit us," Bethany said, leaning her head against his chest and closing her eyes. "She said something about the possibility of someone being following them. I feel like if that's true and if someone has found him, we'll get more clues than him just being on the run."

"Agreed," Steve added, wrapping his arms around her back, pressing her tightly to him. They stayed like that for a few moments before Steve lowered his hands farther down to cup her ass, giving it a tentative squeeze.

"What are you doing?" Bethany mumbled into his chest.

"Up for sex?" Steve asked her, pulling the towel up a little and sliding his hand under her to cup her sex.

"Too tired," Bethany mumbled again, not reacting to his touch at all. "Take me to bed please."

"Naked?" Steve asked, an amused smile on his face.

"Too tired to dress," she replied, letting out a yawn.

"That's cruel to me, Bethany. You, naked, in our bed and no sex?" Steve teased, reaching out for the brush on the counter and combing it through her wet hair.

Her reply was instant: "Sleep on the couch then."

Steve worked the brush through her growing hair slowly, building up the courage to say what was on his mind. "Beth, please don't fall asleep yet," he whispered, putting the brush back onto the counter.

"Fine, we can have sex, but make it quick. And we'll need lube. I think there's some in the closet from those less-than pleasant experiences while pregnant."

"No," Steve sighed, putting his hands back on her shoulders and standing her straight.

"What's wrong?" Bethany asked, her brows pulled together.

"I-uh," Steve began, scratching the back of his neck. "Look, we all talked about it and we agreed…"

"Steve?" Bethany asked, not willing to be patient.

He let out a long breath of air. "When we got back, Theo was in a horrible mood. He was throwing a fit and so I made the decision to tell him that you were on your way to pick up Jen."

Whereas Bethany's eyes were heavy with fatigue before, she was wide awake now. "You-you did what?!"

"Shh!" Steve replied instantly.

"Why the hell would you do that?!" She demanded, ignoring him. "Steve! We agreed-"

" _You_. _You_ made the decision Bethany," Steve replied with just as much passion as she was offering. "But we all agree, Bruce, Romanoff, Clint, we've all agreed that Jen is ready. She's not going to hurt him, Bethany! And he needs his mother. He fell asleep waiting for you two to come home."

"You've… you've got to be kidding me," Bethany pleaded.

"Banner talked to Jen after I told Theo, and she says that she's ready. She just wants to see him. She can control her powers now, and JARVIS has been taking extra care to watch her mental health. She's ready, Beth."

Bethany shook her head, unbelieving that this happened while she was away. As soon as Theo woke up, he'd want to see his mother, who was currently living in a cell with a bed and a bedside table with just a book to keep her entertained. One look at her room and he would know she's a prisoner.

"Beth, I'm sorry. But it's the right thing to do," Steve continued. "I know that you don't see it this way, but if you were in Jen's place and you wanted to see Jamie, don't you think I'd let you when I truly believed you were ready? And I believe that she's ready too."

Bethany rubbed her eyes, pushing past Steve to pull on some sweats and a sweater. "What are you doing?" Steve asked her, following Bethany around the room.

"I'm going to bed," she announced, pulling the sheets to their bed back and crawling in.

"You're-you're what?" Steve asked, baffled at her statement.

"The way I see it, nothing I do or say will change anything," Bethany said, her anger clear in her tone. "So why bother? I'll just go to bed and wake up tomorrow and not give my input. Clearly, you all don't value it."

"Stop," Steve pleaded. "You're being unreasonable."

"Maybe, yeah," Bethany allowed. "But can you blame me, Steve? I'm _exhausted_ ," she began, tears starting to well up, her emotions running high. "I get up at six after having four hours of sleep, make breakfast, clean the house, help the science bros, work out with you, help Jen, help Kiley, all while raising two kids. Then at the end of the day, we have sex and go to bed and repeat. So if I'm being unreasonable, then so be it. Just let me sleep, please."

It was silent for a moment before Steve nodded, flicking the bathroom light switch off, the room becoming dark. He stripped to his boxer and crawled in after her, watching her dark figure trying to sleep. "I value your opinion," he spoke up, watching as she stiffened a little, but was clearly still awake. "I do. And I'm trying to help you, trying to take the stress off you as best I can."

"Is that why there's a mess in the kitchen?" Bethany mumbled.

"I'll clean that up first thing this morning," Steve promised.

"Where are they going to meet, Steve? In her room? In our apartment? In the den? Have you given any of that a thought? What happens after?"

"We just go with it," Steve replied. "It's not ideal, but it's time Bethany. They've been apart for seven and a half months. You can barely go seven minutes without worrying about Jamie."

"Good night, Steve," she stressed heavily, and that was that. Steve let out a heavy sigh, but allowed this all to slide. He understood that she was tired, and frustrated. A good night's sleep would probably help calm her, but he knew that she had some valid points.

"Hold on," Bethany said, sitting up in the bed and turning on the bedside table lamp. "Did you try to have sex with me so that you'd tell me afterwards and hope that I'd be in a good mood?" Steve couldn't say anything in response. He hoped she wouldn't realize his plan, but his wife was too clever. "Unbelievable," Bethany muttered, turning off the light and lying back down, giving the comforter a hard tug and wrapping the entirety of it around herself, leaving Steve with just the thin bed sheet.

* * *

Steve assumed that in the morning, Bethany would yell at him. He didn't expect her not to say anything at all. She got up at six and went to the kitchen to start cleaning up the mess Steve made. He quickly followed her, telling her to stop, but Bethany continued to clean. When he tried to talk to her, she said nothing and made no eye contact. He knew he screwed up, but he wasn't going to let Bethany make him feel like he made a mistake, and the thing that made him remember this tenfold was the smile on Theo's face when he woke up.

"Where is she? Where's my momma?" Theo asked, bounding into the kitchen with a bright smile on his face.

Steve offered him a similar smile, picking the boy up in his arms. "She's sleeping right now, but she's here. At the Tower. She didn't want to wake you last night."

"I wanna see her now!" Theo begged, but his smile didn't falter. "Can I please, Bethany?"

Bethany looked up from where she was making pancake batter. "Seeing as my opinion doesn't matter, ask Steve."

 _Ouch_ , Steve thought as Theo asked Steve what that meant. "It means that you need to eat breakfast and get dressed before seeing her. Don't you want to look nice for your mother?"

"I guess," Theo said, his tone dropping a little.

"Why don't you go get dressed while I finish making breakfast, Theo?" Bethany offered, going to pour the batter onto the skillet. Steve put Theo down, watching as the little boy did as he was told.

"Are you still mad at me?" Steve asked, keeping his place at the island.

Bethany didn't even tense, just continued to work her way around the kitchen. "At you? No. But am I still mad? Yes."

"Wai-You're not mad at me?" To say he was confused was an understatement.

"We keep getting upset with each other over a difference of opinion, so even if we win, we lose," Bethany explained. "I'm not happy with what happened, but you're right. It's been too long. For both of them."

"I still should have talked to you. Even if it was just to tell you what I was doing," Steve pressed on. "You have the right to be mad at me."

She finally stopped her fussing and turned to look at him. "That's a matter of opinion. But… Steve, I'm tired of fighting. We fight so much, not just each other, but every damn force in this world. You're the one person I _don't_ want to fight with. Let's just… put this behind us."

"But… you're still mad at something?" Steve asked, taking a few steps closer to her.

"I'm just," she began, trailing off for a moment. "Mad. Steve, I'm just mad. Just let me be mad, okay? I'm not hurting anyone."

"All dreeessseedddd!" Theo sang, running back into the room and pulling himself up onto a barstool.

Steve let it slide that Theo wasn't wearing matching clothes, or that his buttons on his shirt weren't even. He couldn't blame the kid for being so excited. Steve had lost his mother, and if he found out that she was alive and he could see her again, he'd act the same way. He'd tell her all about his life since she left him, all about Bethany and about their son. He was certain that Sarah Rogers would love Bethany, just because of how much Steve loved her.

The sound of Jamie's crying filtered into the room and Steve offered to finish breakfast while Bethany spent some time with their son. She took it with a grateful smile, touching his arm softly as she passed him. Steve finished making breakfast, watching as Theo quickly shoved the pancakes into his mouth without syrup and began a series of painful hiccups.

"Say 'mama'. 'Mama'," Bethany babbled to Jamie, carrying him into the room. "C'mon kid, it's not that hard."

"He'll talk when he's ready," Steve reminded her, quickly digging into his own breakfast so he wouldn't have to keep Theo waiting too long.

"I hope his first word is 'boogers'," Theo announced, Steve almost choking on his pancake.

"I hope it isn't," Bethany said strictly, balancing Jamie on one hip and taking a sip of her orange juice. "Honestly, it doesn't even have to be mama. I just want him to talk. I'm getting worried."

"Beth, just because he was early for everything else doesn't mean he will be now. He's absorbing everything. Maybe he'll be a good listener," Steve explained, shoving some more food into his mouth.

"Can we go now?" Theo begged, bouncing in his seat, watching as Steve finished the last of his pancakes.

Steve looked at Bethany, who finished off her orange juice and nodded. "You two go ahead. I'll call ahead and stay here with Jamie."

"Aww, you don't wanna come see Momma, Bethany?" Theo asked, his smile faltering.

Bethany gave Steve a nervous look before shifting which hip Jamie was resting on while he tried to get out of her arms. "You may have eaten, but Jamie hasn't. He's a growing boy. Plus, I saw her last night. It's okay, really. _Go_ ," she finished, laughing.

Theo waited for no more explanation, heading towards the elevator. "You sure?" Steve asked, moving towards her.

She nodded, but her previous smile was gone. "When I was getting Jamie, Bruce texted me. Jen is in her cell—sorry, her _room_ and she says she's ready. Apparently she spent the entire night working out what she'll tell him."

"And you don't want to be there?" Steve asked, hearing as Theo yelled _hurry up Steve!_ from the elevator.

Bethany let out a deflated chuckle at Theo but shook her head for her husband. "I just want to spend some time with Jamie."

"Alright, fair enough," Steve allowed, leaning down to kiss the top of Jamie's head.

"Good luck," Bethany whispered as Steve gave her a goodbye kiss.

* * *

She couldn't stop her heart from hammering or her hands from shaking. Jen could feel her blood pulsing throughout her body and the butterflies fluttering in her stomach. She could confidently say that she had never been this nervous about anything in her life. Not her first date, not her final exam courses during her last year of nursing school, not her wedding, or labour, or her divorce. Nothing was quite like this.

Jen had spent the entire night trying to decide what to tell her son, but every time she thought she found her story, she pictured Theo's reaction. She had no idea what to expect from her son. She had _abandoned_ him on a busy New York street all so that she could be with someone who didn't even love her.

She _desperately_ wanted to be furious with Jacob. To see him and use her newfound ability to turn anything with a drop of moisture in it to ice. But what pained her the most was that she still loved him. Or at least the idea of him. She had been so lonely, so eager for love that she let herself fall head over heels for the first person who gave her a little bit of love.

Jen wanted to believe that there was a part of Jacob that actually cared for her. That a fraction of his heart belonged to her and only her. He was never cruel or mean around her, not until HYDRA had experimented on her. But even then, she could remember some actual emotion towards her then. She couldn't remember what it was to be precise, but she couldn't help but hope it was concern, and maybe even love.

But he didn't matter now. Not after everything that he did. Not just to her, but he had planted a bomb in her home and destroyed it. Her son, her beautiful and spirited son, could have died. Jen would _never_ run back to Jacob or defend his actions. Her love for him would remain a secret, and she would hate herself every single moment of the day for ever loving him at all.

Natasha had spent the night with Jen. They didn't necessarily talk or anything, but Natasha seemed to understand Jen on a whole new level. They didn't need words. There was this unspoken understanding that gave Jen the courage to do this. She wanted to see Theo, but she was worried of how he'd react.

"You ready?" Natasha asked, watching as Jen looked around her room. Through the night, some more things were brought into it to make it look more like a room and less like a cell. That's exactly what it was however; a cell. And Jen didn't blame them at all for putting her in there. She wasn't as worried about her ability as she should have been, but her own mental state. Despite continual tests run by Bruce saying otherwise, she felt unstable. Like she was about to collapse at any moment. She wanted to be inside that cell just in case she did fall.

But they didn't want Theo to see her in a jail cell, so they had added some odds and ends to make the cell feel a little more like home. Clint had brought whatever had survived the apartment fire to her, and while most of it was still in boxes, she could confidently look her son in the eyes and tell him that this was just a normal room like any other, and that she would paint it and decorate it in the weeks to come.

"No," Jen admitted with a small smile. She didn't think she'd ever truly be ready for this moment, but she knew she had to get it over with. She figured that if Theo broke her heart, at least they were even. And if Theo was able to repair the cracks in her fragile heart, then she'd spend the rest of her life making up the lost time to him.

Natasha looked at her phone before offering Jen a small smirk. "Well, prepare yourself. He's outside."

Jen barely had any time to register that before the door opened and a blonde boy came running into the room, throwing himself at her with a triumphant "MOMMA!" She was in shock at first, a million emotions running through her head as she cradled her son to her chest. Her tears were instant, however, and she felt like everything that had happened in the last year, all the bad stuff that she endured was well worth it for this one moment.

Her boy, her sweet little boy, was in her arms, crying along with her, telling her how much he missed her and loved her. She couldn't do anything but sob. It wasn't just happiness, although she knew that was a major component, but also that the little boy, _her_ little boy, had changed so much in the months she had been gone.

When she left him with Steve and Bethany, she thought that he'd be better off and happier with them. Natasha had been quick to correct her, telling her that after the explosion, all he wanted was his mother. On his arms, she could see scars from where he was burned, barely visible now with time and treatment, but still crushing her soul. While Theo suffered from the pain of burnt skin, Jen had been enduring her own hell at the HYDRA facility, and she'd gladly do it again if it meant Theo's pain lessened.

She had actually _forgotten_ this feeling. The feeling of being a mother. She could tell by the look on Bethany's face and the tone of her voice that she didn't understand how Jen could leave her own son. And now she was reminded full force of the connection she had with Theo, the one that had been severed _months_ before she left, by her own foolishness. She had refused to listen to Steve and Bethany's warnings about Jacob and in the process, lost two friends, her son and herself.

"Momma's here, baby boy," Jen finally got out, needing to reassure him after all his reassurances to her. She would never let him out of her arms again. Not willingly. They'd have to pry him from her. She had never felt so whole in her entire life. Jen had been trying to fill that void with a man, a lover, a husband, and yet she had the missing piece all this time.

She looked up a little to where Steve was standing at the door, a small smile on his face. There was worry locked in his eyes, that she could see clearly, but Jen refused to focus on all the details of his worrying. Right now, all that mattered was that she had her son, and that he still loved her.

"Thank you," Jen sobbed to Steve, knowing that she owed so much to him. When she had first met the soldier, she could tell that he was a gentle soul, someone who had so much love to give. She had let herself dream of the possibility of him filling the hole in her life and heart, up until she understood that what he and Bethany had was a deeper connection than she ever thought possible.

But while it wasn't in the same way, Steve had a permanent part in her life and Theo's. And she would spend the rest of her life in debt to him.

* * *

 ****A/N: I feel like people got the impression I was debating stopping smut altogether? Trust me, I wasn't thinking that, I just wanted to see if exploring uncharted territory was something people wanted?**

 **Cleo9427: Hopefully you got my PM :)**

 **newyorklghts: I was thinking about writing the build up and then writing the actual act on my tumblr for those who wanted to read.**

 **sarahmichellegellarfan1: Thanks love :)**

 **AngelLove1728: Oh boy, that won't be for a while... I haven't even thought about it, that's how long it'll be... Sorry :$**

 **Jo: Haha that's exactly how I feel.**

 **jellybeans: Haha, people keep saying I'm turning them into pervs and I can't help but wonder what it makes me! LOL. I have no remorse for enjoying reading/writing smut. It's basic human nature. Honestly, I feel like my life's purpose is just to have sex, get pregnant and have lots of babies. That's all I want from this life, so I've done a lot of research in case it wasn't obvious...**

 **Cotton Strings: It's not going anywhere! It'll be taking a little break during the Ultron plot, for obvious reasons, but I think I'll fit one or two smut scenes in before everything goes to hell :)**

 **annoymouscsifan: I wrote chapter 19 and 20 so far apart from each other, I didn't even realize that Jen said she wanted time to get better before seeing Theo and when I wrote them actually seeing each other. I'm being very vague with the timeline though, so let's pretend that it's actually been a few week. Next chapter, we'll see exactly how Bethany feels, and I believe she has some valid points. I feel like Steve has always felt like Bethany takes care of them financially more than he does, and she's okay with that because that's always been how it was for her. Yeah, she comes from a time when men were expected to pay (for fair reasons too; women didn't have jobs or didn't have jobs that paid nearly as well), but she knew she had more money than the men in the thousands and didn't care. The only expensive thing she's ever wanted that she wanted a man to pay for were her earrings.**

 **ACBD: I agree, it's nice to have them actually address issues that one can encounter in the real world. It helps remind me, and the readers I hope, that they may have the weight of the world on their shoulders, but they have simple things they need to deal with like money, and groceries, cleaning the house, etc. The ice cream scene was a spur of the moment decision after my mind went wandering (I'm single but have serious baby-fever) and thought about how adorable a baby eating ice cream must be. Then I decided I had to write it. I always expect M rated material to have smut, so I'm not changing that :P**

 **BerMH: And that's exactly what I wanted to know :) Oh trust me, Bethany has something up her sleeve to make up for the incident at Disney. She's just waiting for the perfect time to do it.**

 **FeliciaFelicis: Aw, I didn't mean to make you so sad! If I end up writing something, I'll just post it on my tumblr and anyone who wants to read can read. I just wanted to see how many people would want it vs how many wouldn't. As someone who is continually exhausted, get some rest! It's important for sanity!**


	21. The Strength of Strings

****A/N: Anyone watch _Heroes Reborn? Nashville?_ Anyone else freaking out?! Watching Hayden Panettiere's characters suffer only makes me want to make Bethany suffer. Hayden's acting really inspires me, making it so easy for me to picture Bethany's reactions to things, which is why I use a lot of her storylines from those two shows. **

**Oh my god Claire... Oh my god...**

 **Fun fact: I almost did the same thing to Bethany... except... well, she wouldn't have die. (CLAIRE IS IN THE FUTURE WITH PETER AND SYLAR OKAY LEAVE ME ALONE)**

Chapter 21- The Strength of **Strings**

 _"Hear the strings are bending in harmony, not so far from the breaking on the cosmic range. In my life the piano sings, bring me words that are not the strength of strings."_

 _~Strength of Stings, Gene Clark_

* * *

She wouldn't admit that she was jealous. No. Bethany Rogers wouldn't be jealous over something like this, and yet, here she was. It wasn't that she wasn't happy for Jen and Theo, she just… Okay, she wasn't happy. But it wasn't for the reasons Steve kept bringing up. There were a million things that Bethany had to worry about, and watching Jen and Theo being together all day, laughing and playing while Bethany was working her ass off trying to fix the mess Jen helped make wasn't helping her at all.

The two had barely spent a moment apart since they had been reunited. Jen had told Theo her story, save for a few details, and somehow everyone just seemed to forget that Jen could have the potential to be _dangerous_. She was still spending her nights in her jail-like room, but during the day, she was roaming the Tower with very little real worries. Bethany wanted to welcome Jen back with open arms, but there was something that didn't settle well with her.

"We're _all_ dangerous," Steve reminded Bethany as they showered one night.

"It's different, and you know it," Bethany spat, angrily scrubbing her skin. "I know it's wrong to feel as bitter as I am, but I can't help it Steve! I just want all this shit to be over with-"

"So does she," Steve reminded her sternly.

"But what is she doing all day? Nothing to help me. Any of us."

Steve shook his head. "She's helping Theo. And you know that that's important."

"But she's not even working towards what's next. They can't live in the Tower for the rest of their lives. She'll have to go out and get a job, buy groc-"

"Stop," Steve spoke, his voice gentle, but his tone firm. "Let them both have their fun for now. They need this, just like we needed some time just for you, me and Jamie after everything went down last year. And you can't keep Jamie from Jen forever, Beth. And yes, I've noticed that that's what you're doing."

"Can you blame me?" Bethany asked, her voice small. "Steve, we know that HYDRA wants him. What if this is just some big plan to-"

"But what if it's not?" Steve returned, placing his hands on her shoulders.

"I'm not willing to take the gamble," Bethany replied. "Theo is her son. I truly believe she has the best intentions with him. But Jamie is _ours_. And I don't know what she's capable of. None of us do, not really."

"You're paranoid," Steve sighed. "But I understand why. And I don't fully blame you. But you need to start trusting her a little more."

"She already has free range of the Tower," Bethany mumbled. "That wasn't my idea. That was yours."

"No, it was Clint's," Steve corrected. "And I know how much Clint's seal of approval means to you when it comes to trusting people. Doll, just take a moment to relax. You haven't in weeks, and I'm starting to worry about you."

Letting out a deep breath, she nodded, brushing some wet strands of hair away from her face. "I'm really stressed out Steve. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and I don't think I'm strong enough."

"Then let me help you," Steve whispered, resting his forehead on hers. "We can hold it together. But taking your stress and your worries out on Jen isn't going to solve anything. She's just your scapegoat. You know you can tell me anything, right? Even if it's not completely coherent in your mind, you can tell me."

Bethany ran her fingers through her wet hair, knowing that she had to do what he wanted, since she was pushing so hard for him to open up as well. "I guess I'm just…" she trailed off, trying to recollect her thoughts. "I'm afraid that if I trust her, there's a chance that she'll break that trust. I don't want to get my hopes up so high anymore, and then just watch as everything crumbles. I'd rather be on guard than hurt again."

"That's fair, but you're hurting Jen in the process," Steve reminded her. "When you choose to guard your emotions, you're really good at it. You can still be wary, but show Jen that she's not the enemy. All she wants is her old life back. She can't achieve that if you're putting her on the outs."

"Okay," Bethany said softly, but whether she would listen was another battle on its own. "I can't believe it's been a year. _Over_ a year. And I still feel a little lost."

"SHIELD was your everything for a long time," Steve reminded her. "It's okay that you feel lost because the shadow it casted behind you is gone."

"It's not SHIELD being gone," Bethany explained, gently touching a dark and gruesome looking bruise on Steve's stomach. "It's HYDRA. I kind of thought that we'd be done fighting them by now, but that was foolish thinking, especially considering that we never got rid of them in the first place and let them fester for seventy years."

"As long as HYDRA is out there, I know you'll never be completely happy and at ease," Steve replied. "Which is why it's so important to stop them."

"But what if we can't?" She asked, the worry thick in her tone.

"But what if we can?" He replied, cupping her face. "What I want the most is for Jamie to have a normal childhood. And if I have to die trying-"

"Don't say that," She replied quickly, taking a step away from him, Steve's arms falling to his side.

"It's true," Steve told her, his face showing his determination but also his heartache.

"I know that," Bethany said, twisting her fingers together. "I just don't like hearing it. I don't like having… _confirmation_ of it. I'm trying to be positive," she continued after a quick moment of silence. "I'm just… trying to be happy. I have all the ingredients, but I don't feel like I'm there yet."

"We almost have Loki's sceptre. Everything else falls into place after that. You know that. I know that. It'll change everything, I promise," Steve vowed, pulling her into his arms.

"I don't want promises," Bethany whispered, resting her head against his wet chest. "Promises don't mean anything until they are fulfilled."

"They're supposed to help someone keep hope until they're fulfilled," Steve explained, a hand playing with her soaking wet hair. She didn't offer him a response.

* * *

He had never been so alone.

He thought his life as the Winter Soldier was lonely. He thought that he couldn't possibly be worse after leaving Kiley in Switzerland. He thought he would magically find happiness.

He wouldn't.

He couldn't.

So many days he wanted to stop. To slow down. To just be _free_. But everyday he kept running. He'd get little memories back here and there, but they were mostly painful ones. He dreamt of her now. Her beautiful smile and long, almost white hair. He missed her dove-like voice singing in the shower every morning or how she would always tap her spoon against her cup of tea three times and smile as if it was the best thing to ever happen to her. He missed that she seemed to be his light, so bright and brilliant while he was so dark and dangerous.

Bucky didn't really care anymore if someone was following him. He was tired of running, tired of being afraid. He may have been free from HYDRA's grasps, but he felt so tied down and trapped. This wasn't life. He had no life. He had no purpose. He had _no one_.

Dragging his tired body down the dark street, he tried to forget everything. To just have a moment of clarity. To not have a million demons holding him back.

Looking down a long, dark alley, he felt helpless. There was no light at the end. There was no flicker of hope waiting for him.

And he couldn't help but feel like it wasn't just the alley.

That was his future.

* * *

Bethany had taken what Steve had said to heart. Her animosity towards Jen was highly misplaced. It seemed like everything the woman did _bothered_ Bethany, annoyed her to a new extreme. She couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. There were just a million little factors about the situation that made her blood boil.

But she was _trying._ Jackson had pulled Theo away so they could do some English work, and Bethany decided that she and Jen needed to talk. "I just… need to see him, you know?" Jen asked, looking into her coffee mug. _No, I don't,_ Bethany thought bitterly. "I need to talk to him, to express my feelings. To tell him how hurt I am."

"I don't think he cares," Bethany replied honestly. "Last I saw him, he was pretty smug with what he was and what he has done."

"But I know him in a different way," Jen tried to explain. "I know what he did, but I still have this feeling that I need to talk to him. To somehow… _get over him_."

"You still love him?" Bethany all but growled. Something small inside of her was reminding Bethany that she was just as bad as Jacob once upon a time, but that Steve still loved her. She didn't want to hear it, however. And she was perfectly fine with being unreasonable. She was starting to care very little about everything that wasn't directly about her son.

"Love may be too strong a word," Jen said slowly. "It's hard to shake those memories. I need closure, you know? To say goodbye."

"But you don't always get to say goodbye," Bethany replied quickly. "And nor should you. You shouldn't be anywhere near him. Last time I told you that, you didn't believe me and look what happened. Now you're asking me _again_? You already know what I think."

Now, she wasn't just annoyed. She was fucking _frustrated_. And being unreasonable was the only thing keeping her going, keeping her from crashing. She was _exhausted_ , and despite not being able to feel pain, it felt like she was both continually in emotional pain and also completely numb to it and that really frightened her. But right now, she couldn't focus on anything but how idiotic Jen was being for even _considering_ seeing Jacob again. The possibilities of outcomes were endless and many of them could have the potential to be disastrous.

"Do you… hate me?" Jen asked, looking more broken than Bethany wanted to admit. Like the very idea of Bethany's lost friendship was a difficult concept to accept and overcome.

"No," Bethany found herself saying, despite feeling her blood run hot through her veins. "No, I don't hate you. I'm just really tired and stressed and worried all the time, and it's hard to see you so… Carefree. I feel like I barely spend any time with my family anymore, not doing normal family things anyways, and you're _only_ doing that."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Jen offered. "I can help with cooking or cleaning, or take care of the baby."

"That's why we hired Jackson," Bethany snapped. She wasn't letting Jen anywhere near her son, despite what Steve said. It would be on her own terms and only when she felt confident that she could trust Jen with not just her son, but her son's life. She wasn't willing to take the chance.

"The offer still stands," Jen continued. "I know what it's like to feel like you have more things to do than time to do it."

Emotional stability had been something Bethany had been lacking lately. She continually felt as if she was going to snap. She knew her outbreaks and acts of pushing Steve away in whatever subtle manner she could was starting to become more and more frequent, but she felt as though someone was pushing her down. Pushing Steve away was simply so that she couldn't unnecessarily get mad at him when she was feeling this way. She didn't want to hurt him.

She didn't want to deal with everything. She just wanted a magical solution. But magic wasn't a thing. Or at least, the type of magic she needed. The next best thing was science, but there was only so much that could do.

"You have NO idea how I feel," Bethany replied with an angry snarl. "No matter what you've been through, it doesn't compare to what I've been through. It never will. And I'm the one who has to clean up _your_ mess. Theo may have forgiven you for abandoning him, but I haven't. You left him with us when _I_ needed your support. After we _warned_ you about Jacob and you think that you KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH?"

She was panting now, her anger flowing through her with every breath. It had just been the two of them, but Steve had walked in at some point during her rant. "Beth," he tried, laying a hand on her shoulder.

"No, Steve," Bethany growled, knowing that she couldn't deal with _any_ of this right now. The last thing she wanted was to start an argument with Steve. She was trying _really_ hard to keep things good between them, and she could see this turning bad _fast_ unless she had time to get away. Bethany wasted no time pushing past him and making her way down to their floor and locking herself in their bedroom.

She really wanted to throw something, break something, throw her fist into a mirror and let the pain soothe her anger. But instead, she flopped onto the bed and pulled out her phone. She scrolled through her contact list, trying to find _someone_ who wouldn't bother her. It took her a really long time before she actually pressed the call button, bringing the phone to her ear.

 _"_ _Sound like you're dealing with a lot,"_ Sam said after Bethany told him the whole story, patiently letting her talk, carefully listening as Bethany sobbed through some part of the story and yelled through others.

"What's wrong with me?" She found herself whispering. "Why am I doing this?"

" _There's nothing wrong with you,"_ Sam promised. _"You're dealing with a lot and we all deal with things differently. You feel like if you_ _step back a little from taking_ _care of the house and baby, that you're letting your family down. But you also feel like you can't say no to helping with everything else around you either."_

"I thought I had to choose. And then I thought I could do both," Bethany sniffed, wiping her tears with the back of her hand.

" _And now? What do you want now? What would make you happy now?"_

"I don't know," Bethany replied honestly.

 _"_ _You sound like your husband,"_ Sam offered lightly. " _I once asked him what made him happy and he said he didn't know. He knew that you did and so did that boy of yours, but it wasn't the kind of happy he thought it should be."  
_ "He thought there should be more," Bethany finished, no hostility towards what Steve had said.

 _"_ _Yeah… Or less,"_ Sam explained. _"Sometimes you think you need more, but really, you just need simplicity. And it sounds to me that you don't want to fight anymore. You just want to wash your hands of the entire situation, but you know you can't. That's what's holding you back. That's what's making you feel so helpless. But that rush you get during battle? It gives you something of a time when you weren't so helpless. But after it's done, you feel worse."_

It was scary how spot on Sam was in describing her. A lot of the things he was saying Bethany hadn't even understood about her own feelings until he laid them out so simply. It wasn't just about Jen. There was so much more. But then again, when was anything simple when it came to her own emotions? She thought after all her years she had a handle on her emotions a little bit better.

"I'm scared Sam," Bethany admitted, her voice shaking.

" _Of what?"_ He prompted, his caring and gentle voice lulling the words right out of her.

"I'm scared that I'm going to lose it all together," she admitted.

 _"_ _Lose your family? Lose your friends? Or lose yourself?"_ Sam asked, showing Bethany it was more complicated than she realized.

"All three," she whispered, trying to keep herself from falling apart. Bethany wasn't even sure Sam had heard her until he replied.

 _"_ _What scares you the most?"_

"Losing myself," Bethany replied without a moment's hesitation. "If I lose the other things, I lose myself. If I lose myself, I lose them. And I feel like that'll be that. That I'll lose myself first. This isn't new to me. This feeling I'm facing. But it's the first time that I actually _care_. I know what I'm capable of doing."

 _"_ _Do you think it's your_ _bipolar disorder_ _?"_ Sam asked casually. It was so easy to talk to him. There was no judgement in his tone, and he wasn't overbearing. Not like Steve would be. Or Tony. Any of them, to be honest.

"No?" Bethany tried. "I don't think so. It's not completely the same."

 _"_ _You've been through a lot Bethany,"_ Sam reminded her. _"It could be a lot of things. The important thing is to reach for help. Whether it's bouts of post-traumatic or post-partum, you need to remember that you're not alone, and you're not a failure. Okay? You're strong girl. You just need to remember that."_

"Thanks Sam," Bethany said, letting out a breath of air. "You know, I do feel a little better. I´m not completely where I should be, but… I just need to get through this. I may not know what it'll take to make me happy, but I know what makes me un-happy."

 _"_ _And that's the perfect place to start,"_ Sam agreed, a smile clear through his tone.

* * *

Everything about the dream seemed real. The details his imagination conjured up gave him no time to doubt the realness. There were memories within the dream, thoughts that never really existed within reality, but within his slumber, them being completely natural. There was a subtle breeze keeping the heat from the sunrays feeling pleasant opposed to overbearingly warm. The grass was green with little white and yellow dandelions scattered here and there and the soft chirp of birds singing. Steve was at complete ease. There were no worries or doubts running through his thoughts. He couldn't remember the last time he had been at such ease. There was no notion of danger lingering through his mind. There was nothing but the calm silence.

" _Daddy! Daddy!"_ A little girl's voice called out. Steve turned his head, a playground coming into sight. A jungle gym structure had been built of wood and rope, sand surrounding it like an ocean. There was no one else around except for the little girl, barely seven years old with long, thick blonde curly hair. She had a gap in her smile from missing teeth and her eyes a familiar shade of green. She wore a sundress with pink and yellow flowers, her feet bare, but dirty from the sand, and her little toe nails painted blue.

Steve opened his arms for her without question, pulling the girl up so he could cradle her close. There was no doubt in his mind who the little girl was; it was his daughter. She squealed with delight as Steve spun her around.

 _"_ _Daddy! Daddy! I'm dizzy!"_ She exclaimed through her laughter, an absolutely beautiful sound. He could see his wife in this beautiful girl, but free from any terrors and demons the older woman's features held. This little girl was completely innocent. He had never seen anything so beautiful, and he took pride knowing that something like her could come from something like him and Bethany, two individuals who had long lost their innocence.

 _"_ _Daddy, come watch me!"_ She begged, her smile making his heart ache. Every time she said 'Daddy', he wanted to cry. He was a daddy. He was _her_ daddy _. "I'm big enough to do the monkey bars now!"_

 _"_ _Only if you're careful,"_ Steve instructed, memories of her falling coming to mind from all the times she had fallen before.

 _"_ _I'm a big girl now, Daddy,"_ she exclaimed proudly. Steve didn't miss how she continually said 'Daddy', but not minding one bit.

 _"_ _No, you're my little girl,"_ Steve corrected, kissing her forehead.

 _"_ _I'll always be your little girl, Daddy,"_ she promised, as if this was a conversation they had had often.

Something falling onto his feet woke him up. As Steve jolted up, he felt a feeling of emptiness fill him. That perfect moment was over. It was gone. And it was just a dream.

"Oh, sorry babe, I didn't mean to wake you," Bethany promised. Steve looked to where Bethany had let some laundry fall by his feet. He had laid down on the couch to look over some files from their latest HYDRA raid, but the mumbo jumbo of the report had lulled him to sleep instead.

"S'okay," Steve mumbled while sitting up, but he knew he didn't sound convincing. It really _wasn't_ okay. He was missing that perfect little girl more than he should have, as if she really did exist within his life.

"What? Was it a nightmare? A new one?" Bethany asked, taking a seat beside him, mistaking his lying for fear. When Steve last saw Bethany, he thought she was mad at him. Honestly, he thought they were fighting. But whether they were or not, Bethany seemed uncaring about that now.

"It was a new one," Steve reported, a smile tugging at his lips. He let a soft chuckle slip out before he continued. "It was a good dream. I've never felt that sense of calm and stillness before. And the stillness was… beautiful. I wasn't itching to move. I was comfortable as is. And I felt like I could stay comfortable in that state forever."

"What happened?" Bethany asked, taking his hand and offering him an encouraging smile. She looked excited to hear about it, excited to possibly grab a little bit of that calm and stillness.

He almost lied to her, but knew that she would see right through his lie. But for some reason, Steve wanted to keep this moment to himself. Ultimately, he knew that it wasn't fair to either one of them. "I was at this park," he began. "And there was this girl-"

"A girl?" Bethany asked, clearly agitated. That was happening a lot lately. Her temper was very short, and her emotions would change within a blink of an eye. With everything she was dealing with though, Steve knew he had to support her as best he could.

"No, a little girl," he rushed to explain. "Our daughter, Beth."

"Oh," she replied, all anger flying from her.

"She was so beautiful," Steve continued, his previous smile pulling at his lips again. "So innocent and carefree. I've never felt as light as I did the second I held her in my arms."

Bethany offered a genuine smile and squeeze of his hand. "Your subconscious is trying to tell you something Steve."

"Maybe," Steve agreed. He knew how badly Bethany wanted to be pregnant again, and more importantly, wanted a little girl to join their family. She had nothing against a little boy, but her entire family consisted of males. She wanted a little girl, and after that dream, so did Steve.

But the timing wasn't right. And maybe the timing would never be right, but Steve refused to bring another innocent child into this hell they were living in. He refused to welcome another child to this world and endanger its life just so he could get another moment of that calm and stillness. It wasn't fair to the child. And he knew Bethany knew and felt the same things, but that she was having a hard time accepting this.

"Doll, are we okay?" He found himself asking, seeing something different about her. "Are _you_?"

"Don't change the subject Steve," she said strictly.

"That's not what I was doing," Steve replied honestly. "I'm actually worried about you. What happened with Jen-"

"I've already talked about it," She interrupted, pulling her hand from his and going to gather the laundry she dropped.

Steve furrowed his brows, trying to remember that conversation. She had immediately returned to their apartment and locked herself in their bedroom for privacy. At no point had she talked to him, or to anyone to his knowledge. But then again, he _had_ fallen asleep.

"When-" he began, but Jamie's loud babbling for attention interrupted him.

Clint had bought one of those inflatable pools for Jamie so he could crawl on his own terms without getting into trouble. They had moved a lot of furniture to fit the giant play pen in their apartment, but it was worth the trouble to allow the boy to explore in a safe haven. They had placed all his favourite toys and wooden books into the pen, along with some cogitative learning games. They even put Molly's favourite pillow in there so the feline could keep him company. Jackson had been spending a lot of time tutoring Theo, or keeping his eye on Theo when he was with Jen, so this was the perfect solution to keep everyone happy.

Despite having a large circumference, the edge of the pool wasn't too high. Jamie could pull himself up to stand and just peek his eyes over the edge of the rim. Everyone was speculating if he would start to walk before talk based on how steady he was becoming on his own two feet.

"What's up little man?" Bethany asked, immediately pulling him from the safe haven and kissing his chubby cheek. "Someone needs a diaper change I see…"

Steve watched as Bethany moved to Jamie's room to change his diaper, the conversation falling apart all together. Earlier that day, Tony had suggested that they all go out to a club that night to let off some steam. Steve had originally thought that it wasn't a good idea, but after seeing Bethany today, he felt like it was the best thing for her. She needed to be reminded that her life wasn't all work. When he first met her, she loved to party. Sure, there was going to be a party at the Tower later on that week, but Bethany needed to let go of some of that anger before she completely destroyed Jen.

* * *

It took about twenty minutes for Bethany to actually start enjoying herself. Steve had to credit that to good music, her friends talking about things other than work for the first time in a while and the booze. Tony had ordered a bottle of some really strong alcohol that was basically guaranteed to make anyone drunk just by a single shot. Bethany drank the entire bottle.

She wasn't hammered. The booze was heavy enough on her system that it would take some time to filter out, but as Tony ordered another bottle, it was evident that Bethany would be a little tipsy all night. And Steve was fine with that. Her eyes were sparkling and her laughter hadn't been that sincere in a long time. She wasn't worrying like she had been.

It had taken a lot of work to even get her to agree to leave the Tower and go out for a night, but Steve was glad he insisted on her coming. This was not only good for her, but it was good for all of them. The club had a DJ that did a fair mix between songs and karaoke, and after two bottles of booze, Bethany confidently took the stage, an absolutely trashed Tony Stark following her for their own rendition of 'Bad Reputation'.

It was around two when they all decided to head back to the Tower. Bethany and Steve had thanked Jackson for staying up to watch the boys, and they both dutifully checked to make sure that they were both sleeping soundlessly.

When they made it to their room, Bethany laughed at her reflection in the mirror. Her hair had grown since they left the Tower, a slight frizz taking on the curls as well as some of her eyeliner being smudged. "I look like I just took a walk of shame," she explained, Steve closing their door and securing the lock in place.

"You look absolutely beautiful," Steve said, moving to stand behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. "You had a good time?"

"Yes," She admitted with a bright smile, their eyes meeting in the mirror. "I'm sorry I was a bitch earlier. I'll apologize to Jen later on. I've just been really stressed, and I haven't really been able to understand my own emotions lately. Really, it's just been this week that I've been… bitchy."

"If you tell me not to be worried about you, then I won't be," Steve told her softly. "But when you act like you have been and you haven't opened up to me, it's a little hard to believe you."

"I talked to Sam," Bethany finally explained. "I needed to talk to someone who would treat me differently than you do. And it helped a lot. I'm still angry about some things, and scared about others, but he helped me a lot. And I'll tell you everything, but not tonight, okay? I have other ideas of what to do tonight."

"Mmm, I was hoping you'd say that," Steve admitted with a satisfied smirk. As much as he wanted her to open up to him, he wasn't going to push her. Tonight was about getting her to relax. And while sex couldn't solve everything, it couldn't hurt in this situation either. "Is tonight the night you get revenge for the whole Disney torture thing?"

"No," Bethany said with a heavy sigh. "I'm still working on that. And we'll need both more time and more privacy. No, tonight is up to you. Whatever you want, babe. I just want you, in me, making me forget my own name."

"I can do that," Steve said in a deep tone, lowering his lips to her neck. Tilting her head to the side and moving her arms up so she could wrap them around his head, he worked a slow and tentative pace on her. Steve wanted to elicit wanton moans from her before they took a step further, and Bethany was willing to comply.

She first let out small little breaths of air, satisfied little sounds that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Then her soft breaths turned into whimpers, almost soundless begging for more, his name slipping from between her red-stained lips. Her hips rolled back to press against his crotch, his own desire making its appearance known before the first moan tumbled from her. Steve moved one hand down her body, sliding it in between her legs and cupping her sex. Her dress that night had been thin and short, leaving Steve breathless all night, while also weary of other men lusting after her. But now, he was glad she was wearing it. He could feel how wet she was through both her thong and her dress.

" _Yes_ ," Bethany moaned heavily. Curling his fingers up against her, he pulled the sound from her which he was waiting for before quickly turning her around and kissing her hard. Bethany's hands immediately found his belt, pulling it off of him in record time before pushing his leather jacket off his shoulders and grabbing the material of his shirt tightly in her hands.

Instead of tearing her clothes of off her, Steve's hands roamed her body, trying to touch everything at once. It was sloppy, but immediate. There wasn't soft exploring touches. They needed each other _now_ and they weren't going to pretend like they didn't.

Steve's shirt was quickly pulled over his head, and Bethany had already pushed his jeans off his hips. Their eyes met as their chests heaved, both of their eyes clouded over with intense love and lust. Red was smeared around both their lips from Bethany's lipstick, both of them sharing flirtatious smiles.

"How are you going to take me?" Bethany asked, her fingers playing with the elastic band of his boxers before trailing up the valleys of his muscles.

"I'm going to make love to you," Steve corrected, taking her hands in his, kissing one of them.

"But how?" Bethany asked, seductively biting her lip as the excitement built in her eyes.

"Well," Steve thought, looking at their reflection in the mirror. Her dress framed her ass perfectly. She had this habit of popping her hips while walking in heels, and combined with that dress, that thin and short black dress, it didn't take him long to know he wanted to watch that beautiful round as they both reached the ultimate level of pleasure.

"Let's start by taking _this_ off," Steve instructed, pushing the thin straps of the flapper-styled dress off her shoulders and then watching as it slipped down her body. Her bra wasn't anything fancy, just black to match her thong. Bethany slowly undid the front clasp of the bra, exposing herself to him with a sly smile.

"And now we're even," She whispered cheekily.

"Get over here," Steve replied softly, pulling her into his arms. They quickly wrapped themselves together, their lips pulling and nipping, tongue intertwining. Bethany's breasts were pushed up against him, every little movement raking her nipples against his taut body. As for Steve, he pressed his hips up against her stomach, his cock straining in his boxers.

Steve lead Bethany towards the bed, slowly pushing her down against the duvet. One hand blindly went to his bedside table, searching for a condom. Besides his sketchbook and pencil set, the only thing inside his table was condoms. It was a little embarrassing how many condoms they had stashed away in their bedroom and bathroom, almost all of Bethany's bags containing a few, and one tucked away in Steve's wallet in case of emergencies, but they both knew that having to stop because a condom was too far away or they didn't have any at all was not an option.

"Panties off, on your stomach," Steve panted, giving her one last smooch before taking a step back to slip out of his boxers and roll the condom on. When he looked back at his wife, she had followed his orders perfectly, lying on her stomach at the edge of the bed, her ass up ready in the air and her head resting against the bed.

Steve kneeled onto his knees, spreading her cheeks apart and looking at her wet and swollen hole. Bethany wiggled her hips a little, just the soft pulse of Steve's breath causing sensations to run up and down her spine. Moving his fingers down to separate her pink lips, he let his thumb softly run over her clit. Both Bethany and the little nub flinched under his touch. Steve moved his mouth down to taste the beating pearl, pulling it between his teeth carefully.

"Aahhh," Bethany let out, mumbling her cries within the duvet. One of Steve's hands found his own throbbing member, feeling his hard veins through the condom. His own touch was enough to make him groan from the amazing feeling it gave him.

Getting back onto his feet, he took a hold of Bethany's hips pulling them up so she was more leveled with him. She immediately pulled her knees up onto the bed, letting out an excited whimper. He looked at how perfect her ass was, something he often forgot when her brilliant smile, piercing green eyes or full breasts were distracting him. With her face turned away from him and her breast pressed up against the bed, the only thing he could see was the curve of her back and her perfectly shaped behind.

Taking his erection in his hand, he guided it towards her, pushing his head into her. She let out a strangled cry as his member fought the tightness of her walls. She was so hot and slick, so welcoming and perfect. "Shit," Steve found himself muttering, pushing deep into her, so deep that jolted against the bed and let out a "oof".

Gripping her hips tightly, he set their pace, letting the excitement of the night overtake him. With every second hard, fast thrust, Bethany gurgled a cry into the bedspread, one of her hands clutching the bedspread tightly in her grasps, the other twisting and pulling one of her erect nipples.

He wasted no time picking up the pace, Bethany's moans tangling into a long one at the continual pleasure. He knew how much she loved it when his balls hit her clit. He was finally willing to be rough with her, understanding that she wasn't as fragile as she looked.

Steve's thrusting had him panting hard as sweat started to cover them both. Bethany's cries were more than just ones of pleasure now; she was begging him to let her cum. Pushing her so she was farther on the bed, Steve crawled up on top of her, keeping his pace, but also digging his teeth into her sweet spot. Her mouth fell open as her moans became soundless. Steve wrapped his arms around her torso tightly as she began to convulse, tears of bliss falling from her eyes. Her walls were clenching around him so tightly that Steve's own orgasm hit him within a blink of an eye. He couldn't even hold back his loud "FUCK!" as he fell apart.

Steve's thrusts grew erratic as he fell from his high, feeling his limbs grow tired. Carefully, he laid his body on top of Bethany, carefully kissing her shoulder and arm as she continued to ride out her orgasm. Her smile was wide and eyes hazed over with bliss and satisfaction. Steve couldn't help but smile at her, never understanding how even after the most exhausting love making where she looked and acted like a sex-crazed vixen, she always looked adorable when falling from her high.

"I love you," were her first coherent words, them coming up lazy but with a chuckle in her tone. He repeated his words to her, but she had fallen asleep before she heard them. Steve carefully pulled out of her, getting a wet cloth from the bathroom and cleaning her thighs before tucking her under their sheets and kissing her forehead softly, bidding her good night.

Everything in that moment was perfect, but little did they both know that the next week would change _everything_.

* * *

 ****A/N: Who's excited for the next chapter? I AM! I'm working on it right now (with sponge rollers in my hair, trying to achieve some major 1940's waves).**

 **sarahmichellegellarfan1: =)**

 **BerMH: Haha, it's okay, I totally understood :) Yes, I'm trying to make time go by faster without specifically mentioning the time passing... which I know sounds weird, but it was just easier than planning on a specific timeline.**

 **Jo: More arguing between the two of them, but some making up :)**

 **ACBD: I like that Steve and Bethany are so different, because I honestly wasn't sure who was right. It allowed me to write how I felt about both sides of the argument. Well, there's sex here. And possibly the next chapter. If not the next, then the one after? There'll be a lot of sex between the group finding the sceptre and the rise of Ultron just because there will be a long break where there won't be.**

 **annoymouscsifan: Everyone is all hoping for makeup sex it seems! LOL. Hey, if people want more smut, I will provide!**

 **sailorraven34: Yay! I had a really hard time writing it :)**

 **FeliciaFelicis: Yes, of course! People were allowed to either side with Steve or Bethany, and neither one where wrong nor right. It's all about perception. That's kinda how all their fights are. Most times, they're both right in their own ways. Nothing will go wrong for a while, and even then, I can promise that Jen will not conform to HYDRA. Later on though, Jen is going to have some struggles of her own managing her new life. Your reviews are never lousy :)**


	22. Always Bends When I'm Broken

Chapter 22- Always Bends When I'm **Broken**

 _"You're the kind of friend who always bends when I'm broken, like remember when you took my heart and put it back together again."_

 _~Ultimate, Lindsay Lohan_

* * *

Steve typically woke up before Bethany did. It wasn't just because he needed less sleep than she did, but it was just something he was used to. He had gotten up early all throughout his life. Before Jamie was born, Steve would get up every morning and go for a run, do some push-ups and sit-ups. But now, he had a different morning routine.

Most days, he would lie in bed and wait for Bethany to wake up. Jamie was sleeping through the night now, and even when he woke up, he found ways to occupy himself with until one of his parents woke up. This sometimes allowed Steve to watch Bethany sleep for hours before he would get up for the day. She could sleep the day away and not care.

He was perfectly content just watching the rise and fall of her chest, or the way her brows would furrow slightly in her sleep, as if thinking hard about something. On occasion, he would pull his sketchbook out and draw her. His book was almost completely filled with sketches of her sleeping. The majority of them were of her naked, a thin sheet covering her sometimes. He drew exactly what he saw, and for some reason sketched her more during the mornings after they had sex than all the times they hadn't.

This sketchbook was singularly for Bethany. He had other ones with doodles or sketches of the boys, but this one was dedicated solely for his wife. It wasn't the first one either. He had an entire box filled with sketchbooks in the closet, including the one from the 1940s. He wasn't sure if his skill was improving or his wife was getting more beautiful by the day, but the sketches now had no comparison to the old ones.

"Stop drawing my boobs so big," Bethany mumbled against her pillow, catching Steve's attention.

He looked down at her, her eyes now closed, and then back down to his paper. "I'm just drawing what I see," Steve replied honestly. "They could be flat against your chest and I'd draw them just like that."

"But you know I think they're massive," Bethany said with a long yawn at the end. "And they're hard to get into my jumpsuit. I look like those comic book femme fatales and that's not a good thing. Not all women who breast feed swell up like this."

"You're the one who wants more kids," Steve reminded her softly.

"I thought you did too," Bethany said softly.

Steve sighed, closing the sketch book and putting his stuff back into the drawer of his nightstand. "I do too," he promised, knowing that in the future, that was something he wanted without a doubt. "Are you going to tell me about yesterday?" He began, changing the subject.

"Yes," Bethany replied before sitting up in the bed and pulling the comforter to her chest. Her fingers played with the fabric for a few minutes while she thought about what exactly she wanted to say. "Look, I'm… feeling helpless," she finally admitted. "Like no matter what I do, I can't do it right. If I give up one thing, I'm helpless to the other. Does that make sense?"

"Yes," Steve answered immediately. Even if Steve didn't understand, he didn't want to discourage her right now, especially when she was opening up to him.

"It's been eating at me a lot lately," She continued, looking at him for the first time that morning. "It's not a good feeling."

"I know," Steve replied. "But pushing the people who want to help you away? That's not how to deal with it, Doll."

"I know that," Bethany assured softly with a soft sigh. "But… I feel like it _has_ to be me. And I can't shake that feeling. Talking to Sam really helped though. I'm going to try and let others help me more, but I can't make any promises. I've always liked doing things myself, and that's only intensified lately. But I'll apologize to Jen. She meant well. And I've been a bitch to her lately."

"You really hurt her feelings, Bethany," Steve said quietly, using her full name to show her the seriousness of his tone. When Bethany had pushed past him the day before after yelling at Jen, Steve had done his best to comfort Jen. The woman had put on a brave face, but Steve could tell that Bethany's words had really hurt her.

"I know. I'll make things right," the blonde vowed with a soft smile. "A lot of what I said is true, but I shouldn't have said it. I should be encouraging her recovery. If you could forgive me for what I did, then I should forgive her. And I'm a hypocrite for judging her."

"You can ask for help," Steve replied, not wanting to think or even talk about the past. The morning was going pretty well so far and the last thing he wanted to do was talk about when she broke his heart. "Just because you feel like you need to do it by yourself doesn't mean you have to. Pick the thing you really want to do and let me and everyone else help with the rest. I know it sounds simple, but there has to be one thing you want to do more than the others, right?"

"Jamie," She answered automatically, a tender smile pulling at her lips. "Steve, I need to be with him. He reminds me of the good side of me more than you do, and I didn't think that was possible. I don't want to miss a moment of his life if I don't have to. But I can't do that. I can't spend every waking moment with him, can I?"

"No," he agreed, taking her hand in his. "But you can start by spending more time with him than you are. Maybe it'll help you feel like you have more control of your life? And you know that no one cares if he tags along while you're working. Everyone in this Tower loves him."

"I just don't want to mix him up with business," Bethany explained, running a hand through her hair.

"You can't have everything you want," Steve reminded her, but wishing he could give her that anyways.

"I also want more sex," Bethany reported, but he knew this was her attempt to add humor to their conversation.

"That can be arranged," Steve quickly replied with a smirk.

She let out a quiet chuckle, twiddling her fingers like a shy girl. "We have more sex now than before we had Jamie."

Steve took in a deep breath, thinking that over. "We both ran missions and field ops. Separately most of the time. And now I see you every single day. And it's hard to resist you. But hey, if you want more sex, we can do that. That's not something I'm against at all. We'll just have to get more creative at fitting it into our schedule."

"No matter what else is going on in my life," Bethany continued, this time becoming more serious. "When we have sex, I seem to forget it all for a little while."

"I want nothing more than for you to be happy," Steve told her. "All the time. And if that's gonna make you happy…" He trailed off but already knew that he wouldn't be turning down sex any time soon, especially since things in their sex life were hitting new levels now.

"What about you?" Bethany found herself asking, turning her body more to face him.

Steve chuckled, shaking his head. "Sex with my incredibly attractive and amazing wife will always make me happy."

"That's not entirely what I meant."

Following her real meaning, Steve leaned over to kiss her forehead. "Right now, the main reason why I'm not happy is because I know you aren't completely. I don't matter. You do. And Jamie does."

"And Bucky," Bethany added in a whisper.

"All of our friends," Steve admitted. "But if everyone else is happy, then I don't have reason not to be."

A small smile grew on her face, a softness growing in her eyes. "You're really amazing, you know that? I try to be selfless but I can't. You just _are_."

"You're selfless enough," Steve promised her. "And I need you to be a little selfish so that you can take care of yourself."

Something mischievous sparked in her eyes. "I know we went out last night but… I really want to try my plans out tonight. My revenge plans, I mean."

She had been planning this out for months now and Steve would be lying if he said he wasn't a little afraid of what she would conjure up. However, he promised her he would let her get even. "I'll talk to Jackson. I'm sure he won't mind. He still thinks we're over-paying him."

"We probably are, but it doesn't matter. We need him at weird hours of the day, and he deals with a lot more than he would working anywhere else."

"Do you trust him completely now?" Steve found himself asking.

"Yeah," Bethany replied immediately. "Having a special Iron Legion team just watching over them when we're away isn't because I don't trust Jackson. It's because he wouldn't be able to fight back against a threat. Back to us… Will you listen to me?"

The way she said it, as if completely unsure and timid, made him curious. "What do you mean?"

"You're stronger than me," Bethany explained, but with that same tone in her voice and look on her face. "And you don't like taking authority. But you promised you'd let me get my revenge. Are you going to listen to me?"

"Yes," he told her, wanting to grant her this, especially since she seemed so excited and yet _nervous_ about this.

"No matter what?" She pressed on.

"...Okay, that depends," he replied slowly, now unsure.

"It's nothing bad," Bethany quickly assured. "It's just a little fun."

The words were simple enough, but her tone made him nervous. "Okay, that doesn't sound innocent at all."

Bethany frowned softly. "Well, what are you _not_ okay with me doing?"

"I don't know," Steve admitted, watching as Bethany got out of the bed and pulled their book out from under the bed.

"Just flip through that. You get to pick one thing that's off limits."

"Only one?" Steve asked, taking the book as Bethany pulled some sweats and a t-shirt on.

"I can't feel pain, but what you did to me at Disney was torture. At least I'm going to let you get loud… If you want to."

Steve decided that she had a good point, flipping through the pages for something that made him uneasy. Bethany patiently waited, picking up the tablet that monitored Jamie's room, smiling softly as Jamie babbled up to his Avengers baby mobile.

"This," Steve said suddenly, turning the book so she could see.

"I wasn't thinking about that," Bethany promised, taking the book and tossing it under the bed. "Plus, how is anal sex bad for you? From my understanding, a lot of guys like it… Not that I would know."

"That's not what _that_ is for," Steve explained, feeling uncomfortable just thinking of it.

"We don't have to do that if you don't want to," Bethany assured him, but he sensed a little bit of disappointment in her voice.

"Wait, you _want_ to?" Steve asked, unbelieving of this fact.

"Not tonight. That wasn't my plan."

"But in the future?" Steve pressed on.

Bethany shrugged. "There's a lot of things regarding sex that I've always wanted to try, Steve. I figured you'd never agree to a threesome, but I wouldn't want to share you with a girl, or for another man to touch me, so I guess that's fine, but I was still curious growing up. And we're basically doing everything else. Well, except for what I have planned. I just assumed that one day we'd do it. But if you really don't want to, that's fine. I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable."

"Well…" Steve began, wanting to put a positive spin on the conversation. He wasn't sure if he'd really hate it, but he didn't see what would be so great about it. There was just so much about it that seemed _wrong_ , but that's just who he was. Up until recently, he wasn't willing to venture too far away from what they typically did in the bedroom. It wasn't that the sex was any better now, it was just more _exciting_. "Anything else you wanted to try?"

"Well, BDSM is really big right now, but I blame that on _Fifty Shades_."

"You'd be into that?" Steve asked, realizing there was a lot about sex and Bethany's desires that Steve didn't know.

"I think me not feeling pain would make the experience either really good or really bad," Bethany said with a shrug. "But you know I like it when you get rough. Okay, enough about sex. Jamie has been waiting long enough, don't you think?"

Bethany didn't wait for Steve to answer before she crawled over the bed, including him, unlocking the door and going to see their son. Steve picked up the tablet and watched as Bethany picked Jamie out of his crib. Turning on the sound, he chuckled at the words Bethany continued to repeat.

 _"_ _Can you say 'momma'? 'Mama'? 'Mommy'? No? Not even Bethany?"_ She prompted, laying him on the changing table. _"Come on, Munchkin. I need you to say my name."_

Leaving the sound on, Steve quickly sprung out of bed in search for his sweat pants. He could hear Bethany trying to get him to say other words, cute baby words and some really long scientific ones Steve couldn't even pronounce. When he had pants and a t-shirt on, he joined them in Jamie's room.

Now, Jamie was sitting on Bethany's lap, the two rocking back and forth in the rocking chair. "Okay, well how about this? Where's Mommy's nose? Huh? Do you know where my nose is?"

Steve leaned against the door frame, watching as Jamie looked up at his mother, not fully comprehending her words. "What about Daddy? Jamie, where is Daddy?" Bethany attempted. It took Jamie a few seconds, but he looked around the room, giving Steve a large gapped-tooth smile before reaching his little, dimpled hand out for him.

Steve smiled, quickly walking over to snatch Jamie from Bethany's hands, the baby letting out a loud squeal of laughter. It was little moments like this that made all the bad worth it.

* * *

Bethany was really nervous. But she had made a promise to Steve that she would try and let Jen in a little more. As an expert spy and ex-SHIELD agent, she knew that the best way to analyse someone was when we were on the inside. She didn't need to fully trust Jen, but if she made Jen _think_ that, it would make it easier for Bethany to sense if anything was wrong.

But knowing all that didn't make this any easier. Bethany had got dressed, pulling her hair into a loose bun, a pair of worn in jeans and a pink plaid shirt, an outfit Clint dubbed 'the Soccer Mom'. She had made little sandwiches, and brewed some coffee. She had kicked Steve out of the apartment for the hour and dressed Jamie up in an adorable blue onesie and overall outfit. She checked that the specialized Iron Legion tucked away into a special closet in their apartment were fully operational and that JARVIS had full access to all the cameras in the apartment. Everything was set and ready.

When Jen entered the apartment, she looked anxious towards what would happen, and Bethany couldn't blame her for that. But today, she felt good. She felt like she was in control. She wasn't as helpless as she was before. Whether it was talking to Sam, a night out with her friends, or the amazing sex, Bethany felt strong today. She wouldn't lose her patience today.

Jen's eyes wandered around the apartment, looking at pictures on the walls, her gaze only looking up when she heard Jamie babbling as Bethany carried him in from his room. "I thought… the best thing I could to do apologize was to introduce you to Jamie," Bethany explained, balancing her son on her hip.

Jen gave Jamie a huge smile, walking a little closer. "Why, hello handsome. Don't you look just like your Daddy, huh? He's beautiful, Bethany."

Bethany smiled down at her boy for a moment, his big, wandering eyes finding hers. "I'm really sorry about yesterday. About my whole attitude. I spent seventy years with an organization I thought I could trust, but really just wants me, my husband and my boy for their own gain. Trusting _anyone_ is hard, let alone someone who had been under their influence."

"You make them sound like a drug," Jen said with a light chuckle as the two women moved to the island, Bethany balancing Jamie on her knee.

"In their own way, I guess they are," Bethany admitted.

Jen took a sandwich and held it in her fingers lightly before sighing and looking at Bethany. "I don't remember much. I remember being confused and scared and… _cold_. But that's about it. I'm not losing any sleep over it, and I don't know whether that's a good thing or not."

"Be grateful you're not losing sleep," Bethany summarized. "But how are you? How's everything else?"

Jen took a small bite of her sandwich, waiting until she swallowed to answer. "I really can't complain. Theo has been amazing to me, loving me unconditionally. He wants to move into my room, but I keep telling him to stay here. I don't fully trust myself yet, but I'm content with my life."

"What about Jacob?" Bethany asked, trying to keep an open mind.

"I…" She began, thinking it over for a few moments, Bethany picking up a sandwich and eating it as Jen pulled together her thoughts. "I still feel like I need to talk to him. And I know you disagree, and I respect your opinion. But he did me wrong, and from what Steve told me, he has no regrets. I can't just forget about him when I still have memories of him caring."

"I may not like it, but…" Bethany started, closing her eyes for a few seconds. "We need to process your divorce papers and everything. You two having one last conversation may help."

"I get what you said about closure," Jen rushed to add. "But if I have the opportunity, don't you think I should take it? Wouldn't you have, if you could? With Steve, all those years ago? And maybe have a chance of a happier life?"

She had a _very_ good point. Bethany didn't even know how to reply to that, and was very happy when Steve strode into the room, Jackson on his tail. "Sorry to interrupt ladies, but we have a mission, Beth. The whole team is tagging along. We found Strucker."

The search for Baron von Strucker had gone on longer than anyone anticipated, but they knew that they were getting close after every single raid they participated in. "When are we leaving?" Bethany asked, handing Jamie over to Jackson, touching his head softly, pushing his blond curls away from his eyes.

"As soon as you can get your uniform on," Steve said, waiting at the bedroom door so he could change into his suit. "Jen, Theo is waiting for you down in your room. He wants help with his school work."

"Yeah… Sure," Jen stuttered, quickly getting the picture and leaving the room. Jackson sat down on the couch to play with Jamie and Steve gestured for Bethany to hurry up.

"Where are we going?" Bethany asked as soon as the bedroom door closed behind her. Steve tossed his shield onto the bed, having used it during sparring practice minutes before.

"Sokovia," Steve replied, pulling their suits from the closet and tossing her the red one. "There's snow on the ground there, so bring a jacket. No need you suffering from hypothermia while there."

Bethany offered a small smile as they both dressed in their uniforms, pulling on their boots and the likes. They were about to charge into battle, undoubtedly being outnumbered, and he was worried about her being cold. As Steve tried to pull the strap over his shoulders for his shield, Bethany naturally stepped forward and helped so that it wouldn't twist. "I thought you didn't want her to see Jamie," Steve asked. His tone was a teasing one, but his face was stoic, already in Captain mode.

"I figured the best way to show her that I trust her, is to show her the thing I need the most trust for," She took a moment to repeat that sentence to herself, shaking her head. "That didn't make much sense, but you understand, right?"

"Right," Steve nodded once, Bethany stepping away to pull her hair out of it's sloppy ponytail and into something that would stay put as she was kicking ass. "You said everyone is coming?"

"We're bringing Bruce for back-up, but we're not anticipating a Code Green," Steve explained, picking up his shield and securing it to his back. "We don't have a lot of information about this place. All we know is that Strucker is there and there's a good chance he has the sceptre."

"We're going into this with very little information?" Bethany asked, extremely surprised.

"We can't risk losing him," Steve explained, putting his hands on her shoulders. "You ready?"

"When am I not?" Bethany replied with a small smile. "Let's go kick some HYDRA ass."

* * *

Climbing onto the back of Steve's motorcycle was a no-brainer. Tony had installed similar technology to Bethany's suit as Steve's so that Bethany could call the shield to her if need be. She hadn't argued the logic, and it had been Steve's idea in the first place. So with his shield secured onto her back to protect them from anything that could come that way, Steve protecting their front and Bethany in charge of the sides, they zoomed into battle.

Bruce had been called in within mere minutes, seeing how outnumbered they were. Having the Jolly Green Giant with them, tearing a clear path in front of them was a major benefit. Steve was speeding ahead of everyone, trying to take out as many people as he could, Bethany using her almost perfect aim to hit anyone on their six.

Driving by where Thor was hitting some guards with a giant iron pole, Steve took hold of someone and started pulling him through the snow, tossing him after a good drag before holding out his hand. Bethany knew what that meant, and quickly handed him the shield, watching as he expertly tossed it through the air, the vibranium disk hitting multiple people before Steve caught it, and Bethany reattached it to the strap on her back.

Thor's job was to take out anyone on the high ground, Tony's to find a way into Strucker's facility. Hulk was doing what he did best and the rest of them were just trying to even out their numbers. The entire group, for a moment, all met up, still in battle, before going their own ways, Tony flying up into the sky to try and get to Strucker.

" _Shit!"_ Tony's voice echoed through the comms, having run into some kind of problem.

"Language!" Steve reprimanded instantly, not even thinking about it.

"That's a dollar," Bethany added, thinking about their swear jar.

"JARVIS, what's the view from upstairs?" Steve asked before taking the bike over a long jump, Bethany gripping onto Steve's waist even tighter. 'Upstairs' meant the satellites that Stark Industries had launched within the year for multiple purposes.

 _"_ _The central building is protected by some kind of energy shield. Strucker's technology is well beyond any other HYDRA base we've taken,"_ JARVIS enlightened.

"I mean, great for keeping something safe and keeping us out, but not so great for trying to convince us that there's nothing here worth seeing," Bethany reported, spotting a HYDRA guard high up in a tree and immediately shooting him down.

" _Loki's sceptre must be here,"_ Thor announced.

"Do me a favor and don't let me get near that thing, you hear?" Bethany said to Steve.

 _"_ _Strucker couldn't mount this defense without it. At long last,"_ Thor added, Steve taking his shield once again and throwing it like clockwork.

 _"'_ _At long last' is lasting a little long boys,"_ Natasha retorted after a moment of silence

" _Yeah, I think we've lost the element of surprise,"_ Clint agreed.

"The element of surprise is almost never on our side when the Hulk is involved," Bethany reminded the group, taking a moment to jump off the bike and tackle a HYDRA guard to the ground, giving him a hard punch in a sweet spot, sending him to sleep. Unlatching the shield from her back, she tossed it in the direction of Steve's back, watching it click onto his shoulder strap, opposed to knocking him off the bike. It took a lot of practice to get that move down.

" _Wait a second,"_ Tony called out, sounding surprised. " _No one else is going to deal with the fact that Cap just said 'language'?"_

Bethany couldn't help but chuckle, hearing Steve responding with " _I know. Just slipped out."_

In the distance, Bethany watched as Steve tumbled forward with the bike, throwing it in the direction of a HYDRA transport. "I'm gonna start yelling that out in the bedroom every time you let a swear word slip," Bethany announced, making her way over to him.

" _See Clint? I told you he swears,"_ Natasha replied, a smirk evident in her tone.

It was JARVIS that brought their attention back to the task at hand. " _Sir, the city is taking fire."_

 _"_ _Well, we know Strucker's not going to worry about civilian casualties. Send in the Iron Legion,"_ Tony ordered.

"You scared the crap out of me, jumping off the bike," Steve told his wife when they met in the middle.

"Not a scratch on me," Bethany replied automatically.

"Nice and warm?" He questioned, looking at a small tear in the jacket he made her wear.

"Nice and warm," she replied, giving him a head gesture to start walking with her. "Thor's right. They definitely have the sceptre. We haven't encountered anything quite as… not difficult, that's not the right word."

"Extensive?" Steve offered.

"Yeah, that works," she agreed. "I mean, it wasn't hard."

"Job's not done," Steve reminded her.

"Area is clear," Bethany pointed out. "And if they're sending in another wave of guards, it'll be just as easy to take them out."

"I love how you thought this was easy."

Bethany cringed at the sound and feeling of snow crunching under her boot. "Compared to some things we've been through? New York still takes the crown, I think. Wouldn't you say?"

"Bringing down SHIELD wasn't too fun," Steve thought, holding a hand out to motion for her to stop.

"Okay, but all I really did then was cry and eat-"Bethany began, but Steve shushed her. "What?"

Bethany was literally knocked off her feet when a blue blur brushed past them both. Steve expertly landed on his feet, but Bethany wasn't quick enough, landing on the ground with a loud 'oomph'. "We have an enhanced in the field," Steve notified everyone as he quickly pulled Bethany to her feet.

"Too bad Sam's not here. He'd think we staged this entire thing to annoy him," Bethany huffed, brushing the snow off her suit.

 _"_ _Clint's hit!"_ Natasha's anxious tone filled the comms. Steve and Bethany shared a panicked look, but the couple was too far away from everyone else to even know what direction Natasha and Clint were in.

A new issue surrounded them as more HYDRA guards made their presence known. They could hear Natasha asking for back-up, but they had their own trouble to take care of. A brilliant streak of a blue laser narrowly missed Bethany's face as she tumbled out of it's direction and swiped her leg to knock over a guard, kicking the side of his head to knock him out.

"Stark, we really need to get inside!" Steve pressed, taking down three guards for every one that Bethany did. Sensing something up in the trees, Bethany let her instincts take over and pulled her guns from her holsters and shot each one twice, watching as a man fell from the top branches, landing on the blanket of fresh snow with a sickening crunch. The man looked to be in his thirties. Bethany wondered if he had a family, if he had children…

Killing people was getting harder and harder with everyday. She continually tried to justify it because it would be keeping Jamie safe, but she felt herself sympathizing for their families. Taking in a deep breath, watching as Steve single-handedly took out the rest of the guards in the immediate area. All Bethany could do was stare down at the man's lifeless body, feeling guilt eating her up.

" _Drawbridge is down, people,"_ Tony announced, Steve jogging up to Bethany and taking a hold of her hand to gather her attention.

"Hey, you-"

"Yeah, no, I'm good," Bethany answered before he could finish, shaking her head. She gave the dead man one more glance before she and Steve jogged over to where Thor was. She quickly tried to push all her thoughts on the man away.

"The enhanced?" Thor asked when they were close enough.

"Straight off the A-List," Bethany replied.

"He's a blur," Steve elaborated. Their hands were still intertwined, but neither of them even noticed. "All the new players we've faced, I've never seen this. In fact, I still haven't."

 _"_ _Clint's hit pretty bad, guys,"_ Natasha informed them. _"We're gonna need evac."_

"I can get Barton to the jet. The sooner we're gone the better. You two and Stark secure the sceptre," Thor suggested.

"Copy that," Steve agreed, their eyes drifting to a new wave of guards rushing forward.

"Looks like they're lining up," Thor noted, twirling his hammer in his hand.

"Well, they're excited," Steve agreed, his hand slipping from Bethany's as he braced himself behind his shield. Bethany watched as the hammer and vibranium met, the vibrations causing a shift in the Earth, taking out the guards and transport with very little effort.

"Find the sceptre," Thor stressed before leaving to help Natasha with Clint.

Not missing a beat, Tony spoke up. _"And for gosh sake, watch your language!"_

Steve's shoulders sagged as defeat overcame him. "That's not going away anytime soon."

"No. No, it's not," Bethany agreed with a bright smile, holding out her hand for Steve to take. He wasted no time accepting it in his own.

* * *

 ****A/N: I wrote this chapter on two separate occasions. One, while wearing my Language sweater and two, while in my female Captain America costume.**

 **Cleo9427: I DON'T EVEN KNOW.**

 **FeliciaFelicis: I feel like people are now starting to take Bethany's side over Steve's, which is definitely a change from basically every other fight Steve and Bethany have ever had :P**

 **Jo: I feel like Sam is going to be the glue that holds them together between Ultron and Civil War. Just from what I've played through my head, he's going to be a major part of their lives.**

 **annyomouscsifan: Yeah, Bethany is definitely not emotionally or mentally capable of dealing with everything going on around her right now. Jen is still a wildcard for me. I have ideas, but nothing concrete. I'm in no rush to have her either become a more important part of the story, or leave all together. We'll see what happens.**

 **BerMH: Howard once told Steve that Bethany was so good at pretending she was okay that even Bethany had herself fooled. To Steve, she was stressed and tired, and he was having a hard time seeing things from her point of view, but now he's aware that there's something going on with her that's different. It'll be covered more in the next chapter :)**


	23. I'll String Along With You

Chapter 23- I'll **String** Along With You

 _"For every little fault you have, say I've got three or four. The human little faults you do have, just make me love you more. You may not be an angel, but still I'm sure you'll do. So until the day that one comes along, I'll string along with you." _

_~I'll String Along With You, Louis Armstrong_

* * *

While walking hand-in-hand, Steve was getting slightly annoyed at Bethany's pestering, although it was in that lovable way. He loved the way she was teasing him, with that beautiful smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye. She was happy.

"You just… You make it too easy, Steve," She chuckled as they marched through the snow towards the compound.

"It just slipped!" Steve repeated, unable to hide the smile on his face, watching as she broke out into a fit of giggles.

"Oh, I believe that. And that's why it's so good. 'Language'."

"I don't swear in the bedroom that much," Steve insisted after a moment.

"Uh huh," Bethany replied. "You keep telling yourself that, love."

Steve frowned, trying to think it over. He always noticed when Bethany let a swear word slip. Sometimes, he was certain she did it just to get a reaction out of him. At first, it really bothered him, but now he knew that when she was wrapped in euphoria, she couldn't help what came out of her mouth. But he had to admit, the same thing happened to him. She was a bad influence on him. "It-"

"Just slips," Bethany finished. "Yup. I know. You do it a lot when you go all… what's the word? Feral. When it's romantic and vanilla, you're good."

"There's nothing wrong with vanilla and not swearing," Steve felt compelled to remind her.

"No, I agree," she promised.

A moment of silence overcame them as they made it to the pathway to the compound. "What do you mean feral?" He questioned, brows pulled into a frown.

Bethany stopped walking, Steve following her reaction. She stepped up onto a fallen log and undid the clip of his helmet, pulling it off. "You know I don't mind when you go a little crazy, Steve. I like it when you lose yourself. It's a confidence booster for- are you… wait, are you blushing? Wow, I would have never guessed after last night."

"Bethany-" he started only for her to let out an amused chuckle.

"Ooooh, 'Bethany'. My full name. Gonna throw Elizabeth in there too, for good measure?"

"You're enjoying this."

"Immensely," she confirmed, leaning forward to collect a chaste kiss before hopping off the log, taking his hand and pulling him along again. "I thought I beat the prude out of you. 'Language'. That's…" She finally noticed how her teasing was starting to annoy him a little too much. "Please don't leave me."

"You seem to be in a better mood today," Steve replied with instead. He had no intension of leaving her, and he knew he didn't need to reassure her. She knew.

"Crying and screaming doesn't help me get what I want," Bethany said with a shrug before letting out a deep sigh. "Look, like I said. I'm trying to deal with everything-"

"I talked to Sam," Steve interrupted quickly. While Bethany got the apartment ready for her conversation with Jen, Steve had taken the opportunity to call his friend. If Bethany trusted in the man, Steve was hoping he'd be able to understand what his wife was going through a little more. Sam had a way of understanding people better than they understood themselves.

"Of course you did," Bethany said with a huff.

"I have the right to know that you think something is wrong, Doll. And more importantly, _what_ you think is wrong," Steve reminded her.

"I told you. I'm overwhelmed, Steve. And yeah, maybe it's some kind of depression," Bethany said with a shrug of her shoulders, as if it was nothing, but Steve knew better. "But I felt better after the talk with Sam, a night out on the town and you fucking the brains out of me. I feel more… at ease. I don't want to feel like I'm dealing with everything alone, but I can't help it if I do. And I was pushing you away so I wouldn't yell at you and-"

"Don't do that," Steve interrupted quickly. "Please. I don't mind you yelling at me if it means letting me in. I thought we overcame this obstacle. We were doing so good and then overnight everything changed."

"Something needs to change in our lives, Steve. I can't live like this anymore," Bethany revealed. "I felt really good when we were out. I could let off some steam, but I can't do that every day."

"This week. Do it every day this week. You just spend a week just relaxing, okay?" He pulled her to a stop, cupping her chin. "Hey, okay? That's an order."

"Oh and what if I don't follow orders, Captain?" Bethany questioned, her playful tone making its way back into her voice.

Steve took in a deep breath, thinking that over. "You said you liked feral."

"Oh, you gonna punish me?" She looked excited, but like she doubted Steve would follow through.

"Enough games," was his only response. "Back to work."

"Fine," Bethany mumbled, but she couldn't shake that small smile on her face as they started up the stairs. "I'm thinking Shepard's Pie for dinner, what do you think?"

"Whatever you want," Steve said with a shrug as Natasha's voice broke through the comms.

 _"We're locked down out here."_

"Then get to Banner," Steve replied, raising a hand to his ear to re-establish the connection that he and Bethany had turned off so they could get some privacy. Any communication to them would go through, but no one would hear them. It was Tony's idea after one too many conversations he wished he had missed. "Time for a lullaby."

"We should consider trading in the Tower for this place," Bethany expressed, looking at the stone walls as Steve turned off the connection again. "I've always wanted to live in a castle."

"Any particular reason?"

"I'm sorry, what girl doesn't want to be a Princess?" Bethany pointed out.

Steve took in a deep breath, looking at a fork in their path. "I'm gonna head up here and check things out. You go around the back and we'll meet in the middle?"  
"You betcha," Bethany agreed, pressing up on her toes for a soft kiss.

Steve watched as she sauntered away, her short ponytail swinging from side-to-side. He didn't move from his place until her figure disappeared around a corner. He was completely consumed by her, and right now that wasn't a good thing. And not necessarily because he was supposed to be completing a mission. He had quite literally completed hundreds of assignments, his mind thinking about her smile, her scent, that cute little way she balled her fingers up when she was stretching in the morning.

No. Right now he was completely consumed with worry about her. Just by watching her, listening to her talk, you couldn't guess that she was struggling emotionally. And sure, she had a breakdown the day before, and wasn't exactly Miss. Optimistic the weeks' prior, but the fact that it all changed within a night… No, something was wrong.

Which is why he had called Sam. Bethany was on her bipolar meds, that Steve knew for sure. But when Sam suggested that it could be something more, a different type of depression, Steve was caught off-guard. It never really occurred to him that she could be struggling with something more.

Sam, being a volunteer for the VA was somewhat of an expert on PTSD. Steve knew that Bethany suffered from nightmares at least three times a week, but then again, so did he. And if Bethany had PTSD, wasn't it fair to say that Steve did too?

But even if she had PTSD, Steve knew that wasn't what was causing her to act out. So when Sam brought up post-partum, Steve had a moment of panic.

 _"But she had Jamie almost a year ago," Steve found himself justifying. "And she would never hurt Jamie."_

 _"_ It can take a year to settle in, man _," Sam explained to him. Steve had done his reading on the subject while preparing for Jamie's arrival, and he knew, just as Sam did, that there were different levels to post-partum._

 _"Do you think that's what it is?" Steve asked, his words only coming out as a whisper._

"There's a chance," _Sam confirmed._ "She says she feels helpless. That's a major red flag, Steve."

 _"What do I do?" Steve had asked._

He was still asking himself this now.

Therapy seemed to be the only answer for anything in their life, it seemed. And while Bethany had at one point agreed to therapy, Steve wasn't sure how to bring it up now. The only thing he could think about doing was encouraging Bethany to do the things that made her feel in control. Evidentially, partying and sex helped a great deal.

In a way, it made sense. There was a time when that was a huge chunk of Bethany's life, and that's how she _stayed_ in control. Letting her blow some steam and have some fun this way didn't worry him as much as it might have before. He knew how much Bethany loved him and Jamie. It wasn't just the fact that she _wouldn't_ do anything to ruin that, but she physically couldn't. In his opinion, if anyone were to mess up what they had, it would be him. That was becoming more and more clear every day.

Steve hadn't been wandering around the compound for long before he ran into a HYDRA guard with a gun.

He saw Steve, lifted it, only to quickly change his mind and start running. Steve barely had to move to kick him unconscious, stepping through an arch and seeing a familiar face. "Baron von Strucker," he announced. "HYDRA's number one thug."

"Technically, I'm a thug for SHIELD," Strucker replied with as Steve circled him.

"Well then technically, you're unemployed," Steve enlightened him before standing in place and getting down to business. "Where's Loki's sceptre?"

"Don't worry, I know when I'm beat," Strucker said, seemingly surrendering, but Steve knew better. "You'll mention how I co-operated, I hope."

"I'll put it right under illegal human experimentation," Steve was quick to reply. "How many are there?"

Steve didn't get an answer, or any chance to press further, before an invisible force pushed Steve down the stairs, his shield falling from his grip. He got glimpses of red, different from the last enhanced, where it was a blur of blue. Before Steve got to the end of the stairs, his body came in contact with someone else's, Bethany loud protest of surprise revealing who he was rolling over.

Quickly putting out a hand to stop his tumbling, he looked up the stairs to see a dark woman quickly disappear, but unlike the blur, it didn't seem like speed. It seemed like… _magic._

Steve quickly made his way up the stairs, listening as Bethany's heeled boot clacked behind him. "We have a second enhanced," Steve quickly told the team as he reached the top of the stairs. "Female. Do not engage."

"Little late for that," he heard Bethany say under her breath, a slight groan in her voice, but Steve knew she wasn't hurt.

He quickly turned his attention back to Strucker. "You'll have to be faster than-" Strucker had no chance to finish as Steve kicked his shield up and then towards Strucker, the man falling with a quiet groan of pain.

"Seriously, why isn't Sam here?" Bethany spoke, not missing the chance to put a speed joke into the conversation.

"What do you think that was?" Steve asked her, looking towards the closed door the enhanced slipped behind.

"The reason why HYDRA is beating our ass when it comes to science," Bethany revealed, Steve looking at her finally. Him landing on her did some serious damage to her face, her skin still stitching itself together, blood running down from her forehead onto her cheek. "Having this one," she continued, gesturing to Strucker. "In our grasps will help us understand what the fuck is going on. Oh. I'm sorry. What the _frick."_

"Okay, you know what-" Steve began, unable to hide the smile on his face.

Bethany shook her head, laughing. "Let's hurry up so we can go home."

"Why, so you can brainwash Jamie a little more?" Steve asked, watching as Strucker finally lost his battle with consciousness.

"Is it so bad that I want his first word to be 'momma'?" Bethany questioned seriously as Steve held out a gloved hand to wipe a streak of blood off her face. "If I don't push the word now, it'll be something from Tony's mouth. And how will you feel after his first word is a curse word? The teasing will never end, my love. Call it in."

Steve nodded, wiping the blood on the side of his suit. "Guys, I've got Strucker."

 _"Yeah, I got… something bigger,"_ Tony reported, gaining Bethany's curiosity.

"The sceptre? Please tell me you have it, kid," Bethany pleaded.

There was a moment of silence before Tony replied. " _I got eyes on the prize."_

Bethany let out a deep breath of air, and Steve could see his wife relaxing, as if the weight that was bothering her for the past three years had finally released her. Steve pulled her into his arms, knowing that the sceptre had a part in so many of her fears and nightmares. There was no promise that those nightmares would disappear, but now she could remind herself that _they_ held the sceptre, and no one could use it against her.

"It's all over, Baby Doll," Steve whispered to her, cupping her head as Bethany gripped him tightly. "How do you feel?"

"Free," she said softly, letting out a breath of relief. "I feel free."

* * *

The air in the quinjet was a bubble of mixed emotions. Bethany was expressing happiness, Clint pain and Bruce grief. Steve was still in Captain mode for the most part, Thor occupying himself by studying the sceptre and Natasha hovering by Clint with worry in her eyes. But Tony… there was something about the stiffness of his back that alarmed Bethany. As he made his way to the control panel, Bethany placed a soft hand on his arm, stopping him.

"Hey, kid? You okay?" She asked quietly, burying her own happiness for a moment.

"Huh?" He questioned, not entirely in the present. "Oh, uh yeah. Just… thinking."

Bethany opened her mouth to press further, but Clint began to talk, Tony slipping from her grip to pilot the quinjet. "What's the prognosis Dr. Rogers?"

Bethany moved close to Clint, looking him over before tossing him a sly smile. "No more stealing my chips, and you'll be just fine. Nat, you can give him more pain meds, his system can handle it."

Natasha gave a nod before following instructions, Steve slipping up behind Bethany and pulling her to where they typically sat together in the quinjet. "Hey, you okay?" He asked her, eyeing where the sceptre was resting.

"Yeah. I mean, no one here is going to use it on me, and I'm pretty sure it can't grow legs and come to life, so yeah… I'm good. Like I said earlier, I feel free."

"Good," Steve said before giving her a soft kiss. He took a wipe from the medical kit and started to clean the blood off her face from when he fell on her on the stairs. "Sorry for hurting you."

"Huh?" She asked absently. "Oh, well it's not like it hurt. Or your fault."

"Still," Steve whispered, carefully cleaning up all the dried blood before throwing out the wipe.

"You know," Bethany began, looking up at him with a tinkle of mischief in her eyes, her fingers hooking in his belt and pulling him closer to her. "We could have some real fun later."

"I thought that was already the plan," Steve replied to her, mimicking her hushed voice, a smirk pulling at his lips.

"Well yeah," Bethany allowed, giving her bottom lip a little seductive bite before she continued. "But after the recent turn of events, I was thinking some very particular irresponsible adult fun that could-"

"What was the other enhanced like?" Thor interrupted, seemingly not either seeing or caring about the moment the couple was sharing.

"Red," Bethany replied, not letting go of Steve's belt. "Magical? I-I barely saw her. Or the blur."

"What the A-List?" Thor asked, referring to a statement Bethany had made earlier.

"Oh, uh… Super powers. The best ones," She rushed to explain, trying to find the best words. "Like flight, mind control, invisibility-"

"Immortality?" Thor asked, to which Bethany gave a nod to. "So we qualify? On this list of yours."

"It's not my list," Bethany corrected. "It's just… _a_ list. But you can die. I mean, if Loki is dead… Than can't you die too?"

"It's a bit more challenging to kill a god of Asgard than a mere mortal," Thor pointed out before looking at Clint. "Will Barton be alright?"

"Oh, he's being a big baby," Bethany said, finally letting go of Steve's belt to give a wave of her hand. "So? some of his skin is gone. Been there, done that." She received an alarmed look from Thor, as if he was actually questioning if she was being serious. "I'm kidding," Bethany promised him seriously. "He'll be fine though. We have some very smart friends, Thor."

"Yes, I've noticed," Thor allowed.

"Thor, report on the Hulk?" Natasha called, crouched down in front of Bruce.

"The gates of Hel are filled with the screams of his victims," Thor declared with pride, shaking a fist with purpose, as if this was something to celebrate. The worried glare he received from Natasha and the soft groan from Bruce made him back track. Steve and Bethany were trying their best not to laugh as Thor tried to fix his mistake. "Eh, but not the screams of the dead, of course. No, no. Uh… wounded screams, mainly whimpering, a great deal of complaining and tales of sprained deltoids and uh… and gout."

"Smooth," Bethany chuckled, intertwining her hand with Steve's.

"Hey Banner," Tony began, gathering everyone's attention as he spoke up from the cockpit. "Dr. Cho's on her way in from Seoul, is it okay if she sets up in your lab?"  
"Uh, yeah, she knows her way around," Bruce replied immediately.

Bethany heard her phone buzzing from a storage unit on the quinjet, snatching it into her hand and smiling at the photo Jackson had sent her of Jamie sleeping in his playpen, Molly curled up next to him.

"He looks like you when you sleep," Steve whispered in her ear. "Mouth open."

"I don't drool though," Bethany pointed out.

"No, that's true," Steve allowed.

"It feels good, yeah?" Tony asked, finally taking a step away from the cockpit. Bethany and Steve turned their attention to where Thor was standing over Loki's sceptre, seemingly studying it. "I mean, you've been after this thing since SHIELD collapsed. Not that I haven't enjoyed our little raiding parties, but..."

"No, but this… this brings it to a close," Thor enlightened, his tone light.

"As soon as we find out what else this has been used for," Steve spoke up, his hand giving Bethany's a tentative squeeze. "I don't just mean weapons. Since when is Strucker capable of human enhancement?"

"Well, you don't need a magical stick to create human enhancement, I think we all are very aware of that," Bethany reminded them.

"But none like this," Steve disagreed. "It can't be a coincidence that the enhanced were hidden in the same place the sceptre was."

"By definition, two random occurrences _is_ a coincidence," Bethany felt the need to point out.

"There were two of them," Steve argued lightly.

"Really? You're getting into the specifics now?" Bethany asked with a small smile, enjoying their bantering.

"Banner and I'll give it the once before it goes back to Asgard. Is that cool with you?" Tony asked, holding out a hand so that Thor wouldn't get too frustrated or angry too quickly. "I mean, just a few days until the farewell party. You're staying right?"

"Yes, yes, of course. Victory should be honored with revels," Thor announced.

"Yeah. Who doesn't love revels?" Tony agreed softly. "Cap'n?"

Steve didn't answer right away, gathering his thoughts before filling the silence. "Hopefully this puts an end to the Chitauri and Hydra, so. Yes, revels."

"And since Bethany is a Stark, I know she's up for anything," Tony said, looking to his aunt. "Especially after her Bad Reputation party hardy."

"Oh, I'll be there alright," Bethany replied with a large smile before looking up at Steve and tossing him a wink. "Captain's orders." She was rewarded with a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Perfect," Tony continued, electing to ignore the public display of affection. "You're in charge of the music."

Bethany gave Tony a roll of her eyes, but agreed, turning her attention back to Steve, freeing her hand from his grasp and throwing her arms around his neck. "So, just putting this out there, vacation. Fiji. That'll be a fun place to make a baby."

"Beth," Steve said in a shocked tone, clearly warning her to stop.

"What?" She asked, confused about why his panties were in a bunch. "I'm just saying, if Thor is going back to Asgard, then we should, you know… celebrate with style."

"Being an only child _does_ suck," Tony spoke up before cringing. "Although, ew."

"Tony," Bethany said with a heavy sigh. "We've been married for almost two years. Even before that, you knew-"

"I don't like thinking about it, okay? And also," he continued, pointing a finger towards them. "I didn't need to know about what happens in the bedroom. I was perfectly fine in thinking that it was for reproductive purposes only. And that it was boring."

"And yet, I seem to know a lot about you sex life-" Bethany began, only for Steve to interrupt her.

"Can we drop this?" He begged.

"Not yet," Bethany said quickly.

"How do we shut them up now that they've started?" Natasha joked, getting up from her spot by Bruce and joining the rest of them.

"Out of everybody in this place, Steve and I are the only two people who _shouldn't_ be judged," Bethany argued, ignoring Natasha's comments. "Also, if we were to make a baby, that would be for reproductive purposes, and therefore, it's what you've already known."

"Bethany," Steve said strictly, wanting her to stop all together. It sounded like he was scolding a dog, but Bethany only paid attention to one thing.

"There it is again! My full name."

"Please stop," he said seriously, but his tone softer. "I'm begging you."

A mischievous smile and glint appeared on her face, and Steve could tell she was dying to say something more, but she said nothing, just moving over to Clint and looking him over as if nothing happened. Steve watched her carefully, letting out a ragged breath.

"Relax Steve, this is more like herself than I think you remember," Natasha pointed out. "Isn't that kind of like the girl you first fell in love with?"

She was right, but that terrified him. "I hope it's fleeting," he whispered.

"It might be," Natasha agreed with a casual shrug. "You know how she is, changing every single day. You _did_ tell her that you'd talk about making babies after we found the sceptre."

"I didn't think we'd find it so quickly," Steve admitted.

"Well, I wish you luck Rogers," Natasha said with her usual tone and a smirk.

"What do you think?" Steve asked honestly. "It's too soon, right?"

"It's not really up to me, Steve," Natasha reminded him. "But she's dead set on having another baby. She's a smart cookie. She'll find a way to get what she wants if you're not careful."

With that, Natasha walked away to check on Clint leaving Steve to think that over. He knew that Bethany was capable of getting pretty much whatever she wanted. He was _painfully_ aware of that. If Bethany got desperate enough, she'd stop all birth control on her end and they both knew that just a condom wasn't enough. It may prove effective once every few tries, but the odds were stacked against them.

And not having sex was not an option. It was such a vital part of their relationship. The pillow talk afterwards was so relaxed and intimate. And he continually craved to be so close to her. She was so beautiful and intoxicating, and he couldn't resist her even if he tried.

Letting out a deep breath, he admitted that she was driving him more and more crazy with each passing second, but it was all worth it. "Beth," he spoke up, gathering her attention. Her head snapped into his direction, a brow raised in curiosity. Gesturing with his head for her to meet him in a corner, she followed instructions.

"Yes?" She asked innocently.

"I promise we'll talk about it," Steve began with, earning a heavy sigh from Bethany. "When we have some privacy. Okay? They don't need to know every little detail of our lives. You used to like privacy, remember?  
Bethany rolled her eyes like a teenaged girl. Steve placed his hands on her shoulders, Bethany tilting her head up to look at him. He lowered his lips, placing a soft kiss on her forehead before Bethany wrapped her arms around his waist and let her weight fall onto him. He responded by wrapping her tightly in his grasp. They stayed like that the rest of the ride home, neither one of them saying a word to the other.

* * *

Bruce and Natasha had left with Clint as soon as they arrived at the Tower, Thor trailing not too far behind with the sceptre in tote. Steve and Bethany stayed behind to repack the medical kit as Tony finished up in the cockpit.

"Lab's all set up boss," Maria announced as she strutted into the quinjet, a tablet in her hand.

"Uh, actually, he's the boss," Tony corrected, pointing to Steve as Bethany closed the medical kit, securing it in its spot. "I just pay for everything and design everything and make everyone look cooler."

"What's the word on Strucker?" Steve asked as the two of them started towards the elevator.

"NATO's got him," Maria answered.

"The two enhanced?"

"Wanda and Pietro Maximoff," Hill continued, handing the tablet to Steve. Bethany craning her head, looking at all the information that was collected from the compound. The screen showed two young adults in what looked like a riot. "Twins. Orphaned at ten when a shell collapsed their apartment building. Sokovia's had a rough history. It's nowhere special but it's on the way to everywhere special."

"Their abilities?" Steve pressed on, Bethany trying not to feel sympathy for the Maximoff twins. They were the enemies. But somehow, she related to them in some way. She was orphaned around the same age, with only her brother there for her. It may not have been a traumatic experience like a shell destroying their home and almost taking their own lives, but Bethany and Howard had to work for their success during the Great Depression.

"He's got increased metabolism and improved thermal homeostasis. Her thing is neural electric interfacing, telekinesis, mental manipulation," Maria replied, completely serious. Bethany hit the elevator button as Steve looked to Maria with confusion on his face. "He's fast and she's weird," she offered as explanation, which Steve took with a slight nod. Bethany offered a light chuckle, stepping into the elevator when it arrived.

"Well, they're going to show up again," Steve replied, handing Maria the tablet and stepping in after Bethany.

"Agree," Maria said with a slight nod. "File says they volunteered for Strucker's experiments. It's nuts."

Bethany frowned for a moment, trying to find the right words. She had been uncharacteristically quiet during the entire conversation, but really only wanted to talk about one thing, and Steve had asked for it to be done in privacy. Steve spoke up, saying a similar thing to what she was thinking.

"Right," Steve began, reaching towards the control panel and hitting their floor. What kind of monster would let a German scientist experiment on them to protect their country?"

There was a very small moment of silence while Bethany let out a sigh with a quiet chuckle in it, leaning against the elevator wall, crossing her arms. "We're not at war, Captain," Maria offered.

"They are," Steve replied just as the door closed, getting the last word, as he typically did in situations like this.

"Beautifully done," Bethany offered, speaking up for the first time. He turned around to look at her, an awkward moment of silence settling in the elevator. Bethany sighed, reaching around him to press the halt button of the elevator, the lift coming to a stop. "Did I embarrass you?"

"Yes," Steve replied immediately.

"I'm sorry," Bethany offered sincerely, looking down at her feet. In the moment, she hadn't realized that anything she was doing was wrong. She felt happy and needed to express everything she was thinking. But as Steve held her and she let her thoughts consume her, she realized that while she may not have done anything wrong she so had embarrassed Steve.

"I just… it bothers me. It's not like I was being explicit. I just…" She tried to continue, but knowing that the reason she was trying to give him wasn't the real reason. She had been on Cloud Nine and couldn't help herself. But now she felt like she was ten feet under.

"We've talked about this. Multiple times," Steve whispered to her, taking her hands in his. "It's not the right time to have another baby. Jamie isn't even one yet."

"I'm sorry," Bethany apologized again, but deciding to focus on the baby situation. "But I'm failing to see why this isn't a good time. You said after we get the scepter. Explain to me how it isn't a good time now."

"It just isn't."

"So that's it? That's Steve Rogers' final word on the situation?" Bethany asked fiercely. "It's not even open for debate?"

"Bethany…" Steve said, letting out a soft sigh. "I just want to be sure this time. And I don't think that getting pregnant when you're feeling so helpless and confused is going to help the situation. You were happy and carefree about an hour ago, and now you seem… deflated. Don't you want to make sure that you're the strongest that you can be before we bring another baby into this world?"

Bethany swallowed hard, looking down at her feet for a moment. He continually made sense, but she couldn't hide the desire for a little baby girl. "I guess that's fair," she finally agreed.

"I'm happy that you want more kids," Steve told her, squeezing her hands.

"I don't think I believe you," she replied stubbornly. He sighed, saying her name, only for her to cut him off. "I did something Steve."

"Did-did what?" Steve asked in a panic. Bethany reached her hand out to let the elevator continue on its route. "Bethany?"

She said nothing, waiting for the elevator doors to open on their floor, and leading him inside. Jackson was sitting on the couch reading a book, casting a glance at them, but minding his own business. Steve followed Bethany into their bedroom and sat on the bed while Bethany looked for something in their closet. She finally re-emerged handing him a pink onesie.

"I bought this a few weeks ago. I was just looking for new booties for Jamie and I saw this and just…" She let out a sigh as Steve held the tiny onesie in his big hands, one finger tracing the third 'L' in 'Daddy's Little Lady'. "I'm scared that something will happen before I get to see you with a little girl. _Our_ little girl. But that's not it. And I'm… not rational and you're right. I shouldn't have another baby with the headspace I'm in right now."

"That's just one reason in an ocean of millions," Steve promised. "It's not just about you." He was quiet before he let out a small chuckle. "It's so small."

"Jamie was never that small," Bethany replied with, resting her head on his shoulder. "But I hope she will be."

"Sam was supposed to pop by for the party," Steve spoke up. "But I'm going to ask him to come earlier. I'm really worried about you. And it can very well be normal, hormonal and emotional mood swings, but wouldn't you rather know for sure?"

"Sam isn't a professional," Bethany reminded him.

"No, but Dr. F was and he didn't seem to help Theo very much, now did he? Look, a ten-minute phone call with Sam helped you a lot. Imagine a ten-minute conversation face-to-face."

Bethany nodded, admitting that it was a good idea. "I love you, Steve," she whispered, laying a hand on his thigh.

"And you know I love you," Steve replied, cupping her chin and giving her a deep kiss. She let out a surprised moan as Steve pulled her up to straddle him. "I'm glad you want more kids. I'll give you another baby. But not today. Not this month. What's the rush? We have time."

"Do we?" Bethany asked, a crease in between her eyebrows. She shifted unintentionally, the caress against his crotch making Steve muffle a groan.

"Can we just have sex?" Steve whispered, his hands roaming up and down her back. "Protected sex? Normal sex? Just you and me and absolutely no surprises?"

"Sounds boring," Bethany teased lightly. "It's more fun when we're irresponsible."

"It won't be boring," Steve promised, a hand moving to the back of her neck, controlling her head's motion. He forced her down and quickly captured her lips, carefully pulling at her lower lip. He deepened the kiss, keeping it slow and sensual, and Bethany could quickly feel her nerves coming to life. He was trying to sell her on 'boring' and it was working.

"In order for it to be _really_ boring," Bethany said, pulling away breathless. "You'll need to ask Jackson to leave."

"Hmmm, you're right," Steve allowed, quickly moving his hands to her hips and holding them tight as he abruptly stood up. Bethany let out a surprised squeal followed by laughter as she quickly wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Well, that certainly wasn't boring. Already breaking your own rules, soldier," Bethany flirted, biting her bottom lip for good measure.

"Let me have my fun before I surrender myself to you completely tonight," Steve replied before stealing a quick kiss.

"Sex twice in one day? Three times if you count this morning! We're on a roll," Bethany said with a chuckle.

"Oh, so what we're doing tonight qualifies as sex," Steve said, only a little bit of teasing in his voice. She could tell he was apprehensive about what she had in store, but she had a feeling he would like it. Maybe not _during_ but as an afterthought, probably.

Maybe.

"I'm gonna go check on Jamie," Bethany announced with a shake of her head. "You excuse Jackson and start taking that suit off."

"Yes ma'am," He replied in his best soldier voice, letting her slip down, planting her feet back on the ground.

Tossing a quick 'hello' to Jackson she made her way to Jamie's nursery. She smiled down at him as he slept in his crib, his fingers mere inches from his mouth, as if he had been sucking on them earlier. His curls were a matted mess, in definite need of a hair cut. Bethany just hadn't had the heart to cut them again. He had already had two haircuts since he was born, and each time a little part of her heart sank. His curls only became waves when the length was shortened and Bethany adored his curls. She knew Steve did too. They were her curls, that they both knew for certain.

"Hey Munchkin," Bethany whispered, lowering herself so she could be level with his sleeping face through the bars of the crib. She was more than grateful that his speedy growth and metabolism hadn't robbed him of baby fat. His cheeks were full and his fingers and feet dimpled. He was utterly perfect and everything to her.

Steve was right. Jamie wasn't even a year old. She should be spending all the time she had with him, not splitting it between him and another baby. There was the chance that Bethany really wanted another baby because she, in a lot of ways, wasn't _allowed_. You always want what you can't have, and Bethany was not unfamiliar with that concept. She flip-flopped her decisions time and time again. It was just who she was.

"Just because I want a little girl doesn't mean I love you any less," Bethany whispered to Jamie, hearing Steve doing something in the living room but not paying any attention to it. "You'll still be my special little boy, Jamie. My little blessing."

She let out a sigh, reaching a finger through the crib bars to touch his little hand softly. His skin was so soft, no sign of dry skin or eczema like a lot of babies got. She knew it was because of his altered genes and once again felt herself wondering if that was a good or a bad thing.

"You coming?" Bethany heard Steve speak from the door. He had slipped out of most of his uniform like she had requested, standing there in the tight Under Armour shirt and his pants, but he had also slipped out of his boots and taken off his gloves.

Catching one more glimpse of her sleeping son, she stood up and made her way out, closing the door behind her. She frowned when she saw that there was a bed sheet draped over the couch. "What's this for? I thought we were doing boring."

Steve let out a fake laugh at the way she stressed the word boring. "Beth, we do _interesting_ things in the bed, so why are we defining the bed as boring?"

"You really want to have sex on the couch?" Bethany asked, almost not believing him. He replied by pulling a condom out of his pant's pocket and holding it between two fingers. "Really?"

"Why do you sound so surprised? We've done things on the couch before," Steve reminded her, tossing the condom onto the couch, it landing on one of the cushions.

"Remember when sex was spontaneous?" Bethany asked walking over to the couch and touching the sheet. "When we just couldn't wait to get our hands on each other? And now we're laying out sheets and planning what we'll do."

"What happened early this morning was spontaneous," Steve pointed out. "And who cares how it starts? Doesn't it only matter how it ends?"

Bethany let out a soft chuckle, nodding her head. "Yeah, and the way we get to the end."

"Exactly," Steve replied, walking up to her. "Now, take this suit off and let's have some fun."

"It's supposed to be boring," Bethany said in a sing-song voice, doing as he asked. She hated how form-fitting the suit was, but it had its purpose. It wasn't just too look good, it actually made fighting a lot easier, which she knew from experience that new SHIELD agents had never understood until they pulled on their first jumpsuit.

"Let me rephrase this then," Steve offered. "We'll do it old school."

"Missionary on the couch?" Bethany asked with a slight frown, kicking her boots off.

"Hey, we had some fun without it being missionary," Steve reminded her, pulling the elastic out from her ponytail as Bethany worked on getting the tight material off her body. Her hair fell around her face as she finally stood before him in just her undergarments.

"That's true," Bethany agreed with a nod. "But-" She had no time to continue as Steve pulled her into his arms and quickly kissed her.

"Stop talking," he mumbled against her lips, starting a long and sensual kiss. They stood there, Bethany's legs against the couch, for minutes, just slowly kissing. Steve's hands slowly moved down her body, tickling her sides before grabbing her hips. The way he held onto her, with such ferocity and passion, as if unaware of his strength and believing it was the softest of touches made Bethany turn weak.

Her hands grabbed his biceps, but only with what little strength she still possessed and more to help keep herself upright than anything else. Bethany was forced to pull away from the kiss to catch her breath, but Steve's lung capacity was much better than hers and he slowly pulled kisses down her chin and towards the curve of her neck.

He was right. This was definitely fun and _not_ boring. But it was definitely like they used to be, keeping it simple, but none of it disappointing in the slightest. Bethany's weightless fingers moved down his body, slipping into the waist of his pants, teasing his upper thigh for a moment before his own hands left her hips and expertly pushed them down, along with his boxers, his lips still attached to her neck.

His teeth scraped across her neck softly when Bethany took him in her hand, stroking him softly. Steve pulled a few inches away, letting a hot breath of air out of his mouth before pressing a soft kiss on the red spot. While one hand moved down to touch his swollen sack, the other slipped up the skin tight shirt, her fingers tracing the crevices of his muscles.

Bethany twisted her body to the side, Steve's following as if they were doing a dance and she was the lead. Slowly, she pushed him down onto the couch, reaching behind her body and unclasping her bra. Steve took a hold of her hips, trying to get her to straddle him, but she only got down on her knees instead.

Giving Steve the same treatment on his thighs that he did on her neck, softly and slowly dragging her lips up his muscled limb, she looked up at him when her lips got as far up his leg as they could. Parting her lips, she let out a gentle blow against his testicles, flicking her tongue out against it in a tauntingly slow manner before her tongue moved up his straining member and sucked against the tight skin.

Steve's head fell back against the couch for a moment, only looking back up when Bethany pulled away. His fingers quickly worked to hook in her thong. The cool air against her throbbing and wet center made her let out a soft sigh of delight. She could feel a long strain of arousal trailing down as Steve pulled the thong down her legs, it pooling by her feet. Bethany and Steve's eyes met, Bethany's bottom lip in between her teeth. He reached a hand out to cup her mound, the feeling sending tingles through her. One of his thick fingers curled up, finding itself in her warmth.

A strangled moan fell from her lips as she arched her back slightly. Steve used this to his advantage, pulling her to straddle his lap. His finger slipped out of her, pulling up across her clit before he held his wet digit out for her. Their eyes locked, Bethany closed her lips around the entirety of his finger, giving it a long and hard suck before Steve pulled it from her mouth, a subtle _pop_ sounding. Easing back a little, Bethany picked up the condom and handed it to Steve, hopefully showing him that if he wanted to wait for children, she was going to respect that.

It didn't take long for Steve to roll it onto himself, Bethany first working to take the tight shirt off of Steve's body before lifting her hips, teasing herself with his tip before leisurely lowering herself onto him. As she sunk all the way down, they both wrapped the other in their arms, needing to be impossibly close. Bethany's breath already started to pick up as he stretched her, penetrating deep and making her walls contract. The feeling of being whole was overwhelming.

Their foreheads met, eyes still locked as Bethany began to circle her hips, letting out the softest of whimpers when her clit met friction. Their lips joined together, Bethany's already feeling desperate beyond belief. She pulled her hips up a little, starting a pattern.

She could feel the intimacy pulsing through her veins. Steve's hands held her hips, helping her keep the pace as she began to lose herself. It was too quick, that she knew, and she wanted to cry. She was completely overwhelmed. But Steve helped her through it, keeping her close in his arms, his strength keeping her safe.

"Shh, it's okay Doll," Steve whispered to her.

"It's too much," she panted, just trying to edge herself over.

"Just relax," Steve replied, kissing her sweet spot. "Come on, Doll Face. Just relax and let it wash over you."

One of his hands moved in between their bodies, finding her clit through her swollen lips and applying the softest of touches to it. From the need to come Bethany was feeling, it was like there had been hours of foreplay when it had only been minutes. She could feel herself getting closer and closer, but it seemed to grow and never take over her.

Steve could sense that she was becoming desperate, needing that release and reciprocated by picking up the pattern a little bit, lowering his lips to one of her breasts, laying soft and long kisses all around her peaked nipple, only letting his tongue dance over it when Bethany would let out a distressed whimper.

It had been a while since they had made love like this. Bethany had convinced herself that this was boring in comparison to the new waters they had explored, but the quick desperation that attacked her reminded her why she loved sex with Steve so much.

She could feel the love pouring from him to her.

* * *

 ****A/N: Felt like we needed some good ol' smut to balance everything out. Also, they'll be two more smut scenes before Ultron emerges since there will be a lot of chapters with none.**

 **Question about Bucky...: How do you think he should be written? Like I'm writing him now, or should there be some changes? Just asking for reference :)**

 **FeliciaFelicis: I'm excited too! I've been planning things out for over a year now, so I'm so excited to let people finally see what's been brewing!**

 **Jo: Thank you kindly :)**

 **annoymouscsifan: Get something new in the next chapter, but she good ol' classic smut here to even it all out :)**

 **BerMH: I thought that it was about time! It's been over 50 chapters since the Winter Soldier plot, which is CRAZY when you think about it, but it's true! Finding a place for Jamie was a little bit of a struggle, but that's really why I introduced Jackson, and Jen will have a role in this too as well.**


	24. Not Broken Anymore

****A/N: Approach this chapter with caution. I tried something new... again. Smut-wise, of course.**

 **ALSO, has anyone with an Apple product been victim to an e-mail virus that will NOT stop harassing you? My sister's phone keeps sending me things, even though I blocked her, and then my e-mail address sends it to my other e-mail addresses and it's just a mess. I don't even open it. If anyone knows how to fix this, please help!**

Chapter 24- Not **Broken** Anymore

 _"But I can't stop thinking how you just keep making sense of all that was broken before. And I won't keep faking 'cause I'm done with taking. 'Cause with you I'm not broken anymore."_

~Blue October, Not Broken Anymore

* * *

Three minutes later Bethany was still taking deep breaths. She hadn't moved from her spot on Steve's lap, and Steve had thought that she had fallen asleep until she let out a soft moan when he started to play with her hair. "Don't let me fall asleep," she mumbled against his neck.

Steve loved when sex wore Bethany out like this. It was a reminder that he had done it right, their love making affecting her entire body and mind. "Sleep if you want to," Steve encouraged.

"No, we've been bad friends," she reminded him, pulling herself up so that she could look at his face. Her skin still shone from the mix of sweat and tears. "We should go check up on Clint, don't you think?"

"Yes," Steve said after a moment of hesitation. "Yeah, you're right. We should go check on him."

 _"Sorry to interrupt,"_ JARVIS' voice spoke up. Bethany winced as she could hear Jamie starting to whine before a cry erupted, upset that he had been woken up. _"Mr. Stark is requesting to see you in his lab, ma'am."  
_ "'Requesting'?" Bethany asked, pulling herself off of Steve, feeling empty. She needed a quick shower. "Tell him I need a few minutes."

 _"Yes, ma'am,"_ JARVIS replied.

"We both need showers," Bethany said to Steve. "Jamie hates baths, let's see how he likes showers."

"Sounds good," Steve nodded, watching as Bethany scurried off into Jamie's room. Steve threw their uniforms onto the couch and then used the bed sheet to wrap everything up. Throwing it on their bed and heading to the shower to start the water, Bethany came in with a naked Jamie in tow.

They all got into the tub, watching as Jamie reached his hands out trying to catch the falling water in his hands. While in the tub, he usually threw a fit, unless someone was in there with him, and then he liked to tap his hands against the water, splashing and laughing. In the shower, he only seemed to get frustrated when he couldn't play with it the same way. At one point, he leaned forward, holding out his tongue, trying to taste it that way, giving Bethany a big gapped tooth grin at his new discovery.

Bethany smiled at him, kissing his temple. "You like that? Huh? He's such a happy baby, isn't he?"

"Yes, he is," Steve said with a smile.

 _"Sorry to interrupt, but Mr. Stark is insisting on your attendance,"_ JARVIS spoke, Bethany letting out a soft sigh.

"Okay, I'm coming," Bethany announced, handing Jamie over to Steve before rinsing off her body quickly and getting out of the shower. She could hear Steve talking to Jamie, followed by the boy's squeal of laughter as she pulled out a dress and comb through her damp hair before making her way up to Tony's lab.

"Well look who decided to show up," Tony spoke as Bethany walked into the lab, earning an eye roll from her.

"I don't like being 'requested' that way when I'm spending time with my family," Bethany stressed.

"I _am_ family," Tony reminded her. "Why wasn't I invited?"

"Jamie, Steve and I were taking a shower," Bethany said with a fake smile on her face. "Do you really want us to invite you next time?"  
"Ew, no," Tony said with a shake of his head.

"Changing the subject," Bruce suggested, slipping his glasses onto his face. "Starting with why we called you up here?"

"Yeah, that'd be a good place to start," Bethany replied, reaching out and placing her hands against the worktable. "I'm gonna guess it has something to do with the sceptre?"

The two men looked at the object in question, the blue gem glowing brightly. "Remember when I told you about the Ultron Project?" Tony asked looking back at her.

"And I remember a series of failed experiments following it," Bethany said with a nod. She looked at both men and then the sceptre, raising an eyebrow. "Wait, you think _that'll_ help?"

She gestured at the sceptre as if it was a piece of shit, having every reason to hate the thing. Loki almost made her kill Steve. She received the order, and if it wasn't for Tony's fist making a large indent in her skull, she would have seen it through.

Bethany waited patiently as Tony showed her two large holographic balls in the middle of the room, the yellow one being JARVIS' mainframe. The other one was blue, but not as tight and clean as JARVIS. They had a lot of similarities, but when Bethany stepped closer, she knew that it resembled a brain more than it resembled JARVIS' mainframe.

"The gem is protecting something _inside_ ," Tony began to explain as Bethany studied the ball. "This. This… intelligence."

"And you think it'll help you figure out how to make Ultron?" Bethany asked before realization dawned over her. "Artificial intelligence. You want to use _this_ and see if you can complete the project, don't you?"

"I hear judgment in your voice," Tony said with a frown. "This is a great idea, Bethany!"

"Great? Tony, this thing nearly destroyed my life. Nothing good can come from it," she stated seriously. "What the hell are you thinking?"  
"I'm thinking it could work," Tony said strongly. "I'm thinking that this is what you need! What we all need! We know it isn't over. We know that one day, it'll be the end game. And it'll be us against an army again, but this time, we'll be prepared. Steve will never stop fighting until he believes that the fight is over, and you'll never stop fighting until he does."

"What if it doesn't work?" Bethany replied, her voice breaking once. She knew very well that this could solve a lot of their problems. That it could very well be the key to a normal life, having a benefit like Ultron doing their jobs for them.

"What if it does?" Banner asked softly. "Bethany, we both know that when it comes to science, you need to experiment. Mistakes are made every single day. We're both very aware of that. But every day, advancements are made too. If this _does_ work, imagine what life would be like? There would be no reason for anyone of us to ever suit up again, not unless we wanted to."

Bethany let out a sigh, something catching her gaze. Looking through the glass walls, Bethany could see Steve and Jamie visiting Clint in Bruce's lab, Clint looking healthy and completely healed. The two men were talking, but Jamie was looking at her. Unsure if he could actually see her from the distance, Bethany raised her hand, smiled and gave him a little wave. The boy responded with his beautiful smile and his arms and legs kicking with excitement. Bethany closed her eyes, knowing that both Bruce and Tony had a point. Even just trying this out was worth it if it meant a normal life for Jamie, or at least as normal as it could be. But nonetheless a life where he had a mother and father, and they weren't constantly running off to save the world. A life where they could focus on him and only him.

"What do you want me to do?" She asked in a small whisper before opening her eyes.

"Nothing really," Bruce explained. "We just felt like we needed to tell you."

"Tell me?" Bethany asked with a slight frown, turning to Bruce. "Not everyone else?"

The two men looked at each other, making Bethany groan. "If we bring this up for the team to hear, don't you think we'll get some disagreements? Not everyone sees things like we do. They see all the mistakes and not necessarily the benefits. They're not scientists."

Tony had a point, but Bethany didn't like having to lie to Steve about something so big, something that could change their lives. "Tony…"

"He's right, Bethany," Bruce interrupted. "They'll shut this down. We won't even have the chance to see if this will work. It may not, but shouldn't we try anyways?"

Looking back over to Bruce's lab, Steve was now playing with Jamie, the two of them smiling and laughing. A small smile crept on her face before she nodded. She had no choice, not in her mind anyways. "I won't say anything."

* * *

Jen hovered by the door, unsure if she should be interrupting Bethany. She was talking to a woman scientist that had been brought in to help Clint, but their conversation was left at an awkward moment. She needed to tell Bethany how sorry she was. That she really thought that she'd have to earn Theo's forgiveness and trust, but she couldn't have been more wrong. She really needed to earn Bethany's forgiveness and trust. Theo had been all too willing to welcome her into his life.

"Umm, Bethany?" She finally spoke up. Bethany turned to look at her. "Sorry, can we… can we talk?"

Bethany sucked in a breath, looking to the female scientist. "I'll only be a few minutes, Helen. You can keep looking over these and tell me which applicants speak out to you."

"Of course," Helen allowed, doing as Bethany suggested, the blonde getting up and pulling Jen into a separate room.

"If that was important, I can wait," Jen assured quickly.

"No, Helen was just helping me pick out the first round of finalists for my scholarship project," Bethany explained.

"That seems pretty important to me."

"It's important, but she doesn't need me hovering over her. What's up?" Bethany pressed on.

"It's about earlier," Jen explained. "I just… Look, letting me see Jamie meant a lot to me. But I know that just because you let me see him doesn't mean I'm forgiven."

Bethany let out a long sigh, sitting down on the coffee table. Despite Bethany not aging, the woman changed a lot since Jen knew her. She constantly looked tired, and there was worry constantly in her eyes. But the Bethany Jen first met was a cold and dark woman. When Bethany had moved into that apartment, Jen had thought she was a nineteen-year-old girl and had wondered what had happened in her life to turn her into such a hard woman.

Despite Bethany looking worn out and worried everyday, it was obvious that she was much happier this way. "I'm trying, Jen. And I know that this is important to you, and I'm not saying it's not important to me, but right now, you're healthy. You have your son and your new-found abilities are under control. Your mental health is sound and the only reasons why you're still here is to protect you and Theo from HYDRA and to make sure that nothing happens to you as a result of what they've done. But I have other things to focus on right now."

Jen tried not to let that hurt her feelings. Bethany wasn't saying it maliciously, and from the way her eyes were sunken in, she believed what Bethany was saying was true. "Repairing our relationship is important, yes," Bethany continued, pushing a stray hair away from her face. "But compared to everything else I'm dealing with…"

"My life seems perfect in comparison," Jen finished. "I understand."

"Jen, I want to fix our relationship. But right now isn't the time. I've been dealing with a lot, and before I fix any relationship with anyone else, I need to fix myself first, and that's never been easy for me."

"And that's what's important," Jen replied with a soft nod. "Especially with that little boy of yours."

"Yeah," Bethany whispered, a hint of a smile taking over her face. "I want you to know that if you feel like you're losing yourself, even for a moment, I want to know."

It felt good hearing that. Bruce had told Jen that they were expecting her to have some sort of mental breakdown, but she felt completely fine. And for some reason, that seemed to alarm everyone even more. Everyone seemed to be walking on eggshells around her. Even Bethany had been until her huge breakdown, but Jen was starting to realize that the eggshell walking was for Bethany's benefit, not Jen's.

"And if there's anything that I can do, just let me know," Jen said with a soft smile, turning to leave before Bethany called out her name.

"You might have heard that we're throwing a party on Saturday to celebrate the team's success and everything," Bethany brought up. Jen had heard it in passing, and it was like being in high school all over again, hearing girls talk about it around Jen, but never being invited. She had always tried to find reasons on why she wasn't invited, but it never helped her feel any better.

"You can come, if you want," Bethany continued. "There'll be music and plenty of people. And Tony's throwing it, so it's bound to be a success. Everyone will be there; it wouldn't be right if you weren't too."

"I mean, you don't have to ask me out of obligation," Jen said quietly, but secretly relishing in her invitation.

"I'm not," Bethany assured with a smile. "Even Jackson is going to be there, and he's on the payroll. He isn't even going as a babysitter, although he did agree to take the boys down for bed when the time called for it. But no obligation."

Jen nodded slowly, a smile growing on her face. "Yeah. Okay, I'll be there."

Bethany offered her a tired smile in return, but it was obvious that her smile was genuine.

* * *

Steve had thought that they would postpone their plans for the night. Bethany had spent the majority of the afternoon and evening with Helen Cho, picking out the most promising applicants for her scholarship program and had only finally returned to their apartment near seven, when Steve had already eaten dinner and cleaned up. He understood why she wanted to get some work done while Cho was around, and Steve was more than supportive. He thought she was amazing for doing this project. When she came down, he warmed up some Shepard's pie for her and talked to her softly about her day while Jamie sat in his high chair, babbling to himself.

They barely saw Theo anymore, the little boy electing to spend all his free time with his mom. Jen would make dinner for the two of them plus Jackson in Jackson's kitchen every night. They both missed the little boy's company, but they were happy that Theo was happy with his mother.

"That all sounds great, Doll," Steve told her as Bethany went on and on about some of the projects. He didn't understand the nitty-gritty details and the scientific words, but he could understand the ramifications of the projects and the excitement in her eyes. "You look tired, if you just want to sleep after this, that's fine. We can postpone our plans for the night."

"Oh no," Bethany said as she finished off her plate, setting her fork down. "You're not getting out of this that easily."

"It doesn't sound like I'm going to have much fun," Steve said with a sigh.

Bethany sighed, reaching across the table for his hand. "Do you want to know what I'm going to do? Will that make it easier?"

Steve took in a breath of air through his nose before letting it out. "Yeah, that'd be nice."

"Okay," Bethany replied quietly, offering him a small smile. "You're going to be on the bed, not allowed to move. No touching me, no touching you. I'm the one who does all the work."

Steve frowned for a moment, thinking that through. "That doesn't sound that bad," he admitted. "Why would that be good for you and not for me?"

Typically, Steve was the one doing all the foreplay and setting the pace for them. He didn't see it as a nuisance, he loved being in control, and Bethany never really complained. "Because I'm not going to be as giving as you are," Bethany explained. "After all, it is payback."

"I mean, that doesn't sound too bad," Steve allowed.

"Natasha and Clint said they'd watch over Jamie since Theo is having a sleepover in Jackson's floor," Bethany added. "But they said they aren't covering the night shift, even if he is sleeping through till morning."

"Fair enough," Steve nodded, pulling Jamie out of his high chair and kissing his full cheek. "Are you going to be busy tomorrow?"

"No, Cho and I got through most of the applicants," Bethany said, pushing her chair out and moving to put her dishes in the dishwasher. "So I should be full-time mom tomorrow. Which is good, since we have a bunch of chores we've been slacking on."

"Yes ma'am," Steve said with a nod, standing up, holding Jamie so he could look out at the world. "Before we start, I want to show you something Jamie learned today."

"Oh?" Bethany asked, turning to look at them, a giant smile on her face. She moved forward, tickling the baby's stomach for a moment, earning a loud squeal of laughter from the baby. "Did you learn something new, baby boy?"

Steve led her to the living room, placing Jamie so his feet were on the ground, his little hands wrapped around one of Steve's fingers. "Stand over there," Steve said gesturing with his head to the corner. She followed instructions, sitting on her knees, an encouraging smile on her face. "Okay, ready Jamie? Let's go see Mommy."

"Come here Munchkin," Bethany chimed along, holding her arms open for him. Steve waited as Jamie raised one of his legs and tentatively moved it forward. Slowly, he took one step after the other, but relying on Steve to keep him upright and balanced. Finally, Jamie got close enough to Bethany that Steve pulled his fingers out of the infant's hands and Jamie fell forward into Bethany's arms.

"Yay!" Bethany cheered, holding him tight in her arms and kissing his face a bunch of times, Jamie laughing at her celebration. "Oh Steve, he's so perfect. I didn't think I could love anyone more than I love you, but…"

"I know," Steve said with a small smile, reaching a hand out to touch Jamie's soft curls. It was moments like right now that made everything so worth it.

* * *

The look in her eyes was hard to describe. Bethany had the type of eyes that typically betrayed the front she put up. Steve could see if she was hurt or sad, or overwhelmingly happy. But right now, he couldn't tell for sure. He wanted to say she was nervous. He had seen that look pass through her eyes when she was pregnant with Jamie, but never like now.

There was, however, no look of regret or reconsideration present anywhere on her. This was something she wanted to do. He could tell that it would bring her great pleasure to fulfill this dream of hers, and if it was unpleasant for Steve, they wouldn't do it again. But he had to at least give it a try. Whatever she had up her sleeve was worth the experiment.

"What if you don't listen to me?" Bethany asked, covering all questions now opposed to later. "I mean, that's grounds for punishment, right?"

"Punishment?" Steve repeated, his brows lifting up for good measure.

"It needs to be something good. Something that will convince you to behave," Bethany nodded.

Typically, when they were fighting, Steve's punishment was either her yelling at him, or the silent treatment. But this was different. This was a punishment to keep him in line. He wasn't going to deny saying he didn't know how this usually went. He was quite well versed in different sexual practices. Steve felt that being well-researched and knowledgeable about how to please his wife was just as required as a woman doing so for her husband. But when he joked earlier about punishment to her, he wasn't even serious about it. The idea of it being the other way around scared him a little.

"You're not spanking me," Steve said bluntly.

Bethany offered him a smirk. "That's not what I had in mind at all. But it needs to be something unpleasant for you. And something you'll actually follow out on doing. Although, you never know. You could like spanking."

"I highly doubt it," Steve replied quickly.

"If you don't listen, you need to fill my every want and desire for an entire day. And I add a day every time you don't. And those desires will be a lot of you eating me out, and absolutely nothing in return for you. Just your hand. Deal?"

It wasn't much of a threat, but Bethany knew how much Steve loved to have Bethany doing the pumping. Even if it was his own hand, she would still watch, giving him her silent approval. "I'll listen to you," Steve promised. "I told you I would."

"I trust you," Bethany replied. "Do you trust me?"

Steve took in a breath, but nodding. "Yeah. I'm in your hands. What's first?"

"Take off your clothes," Bethany instructed. She stressed 'now' when Steve stood there, dumbfounded for a moment. She stood there, watching as he took off each piece of clothing until he was standing in front of her naked, and she was still completely dressed. "Now, on the bed," she instructed.

When he was settled on the bed, she pulled some rope out from under the bed. "Hands up," she instructed, him offering them to her. She bound them tight, neither of them giving any emotion of their faces. "Now, you promised to listen, so no breaking the hold," Bethany reminded him, placing his hands on his stomach. "And if you even try to move them, they go behind your back, understood?"

"Yes ma'am," Steve said politely. "Are you… planning on getting undressed?"

"Not right now," Bethany replied with a shrug, as if she couldn't be bothered. "You're not allowed to move on the bed either. Can I trust you to follow orders, Captain?"

"Yes," Steve nodded. Bethany gave him a rewarding smile, her eyes trailing down his body slowly, taking him in. The glimmer in her eyes was setting him on fire, already turning him on. He cleared his throat as it tightened when she casted a longing look at his crotch.

She then looked back at his face, offered him a tight smile and walked towards her vanity. "Umm, Beth? What are you doing?" Steve asked, shimmying in his spot to sit higher up.

"I'm going to do my hair and makeup," Bethany said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Wait… _now_?" Steve asked, shocked at her.

"Yeah, why not?" Bethany replied as if it was nothing. She plugged in her hot rollers and curling iron, turning some smooth jazz on and starting to prime her face. Steve didn't dare move from his spot on the bed. At this point, he just wanted to see what would happen and why she was so adamant on assuring that he wouldn't move. It was a challenge he would face head on.

She kept up small chitter-chatter as she rolled her hair and applied her makeup, asking about totally innocent things as Steve sat on the bed, only wearing the ropes around his wrists, as she talked about whether or not they should get a new carpet for their living room and whether Tony was finally going to ask Pepper to marry him.

Her shoulder length hair fell from the rollers into soft waves, the front part falling in front of her eyes like Veronica Lake's, but with much more volume. Her lips were painted a red burgundy and her eyes were lined with black and Steve knew _exactly_ what she was doing. She had traded in her modern mom look for her old carefree one.

Unplugging the hot hair tools, she got up and went to their closet. Steve could see her looking through the lingerie that she hung up onto hangers.

She seemed to debate which one she wanted to wear, taking two out, both of them being black. One was a bodysuit lace piece and the other was also lace, but in a baby doll shape. "What do you think?" She asked him, holding them both up.

"I like the one of the right better," Steve said, gesturing with his head to the baby doll one.

"And why's that?" She pressed on. "Because it's more innocent looking?"

"If anything, it isn't," Steve disagreed. "The one on the left covers the majority of your upper body. Covers small pieces of your breasts and then your sides and back."

She looked at the baby doll lingerie and nodded. "You're right."

Bethany put the other piece away, hanging the lingerie up on the back of her vanity table chair. She finally started to undress herself, at a leisurely pace. She wasn't making a grand show of it, but was looking at herself in the vanity mirror, letting her fingers move across her body softly.

When she was finally naked, she pumped some lotion onto her hand and raised a leg, slathering her leg in the cream and rubbing it in, more seductively than Steve thought possible. She wasn't casting him careful or teasing looks, which made him realize that it didn't look like this was all for his benefit, but hers. Pumping more cream onto her hands, she moisturized her backside, arms, stomach and then her breasts. She spent the most amount of time on that area, massaging herself, carefully and tentatively pulling at her nipples. At one point, her head tilted backwards and she let out a quiet moan. Seeing her like that was setting his blood on fire. His heart started to beat heavily inside his chest and he could feel himself starting to get hard.

He jolted forward before stopping, remembering that he wasn't allowed to move, but that he _really_ wanted to be the one with the exploring hands. Letting out a frustrated breath of air, he settled back down, watching as his wife pulled the panties off the neck of the hanger, looking at it for a moment before throwing it over her shoulder, deciding not to bother. She pulled the material onto her body, securing the piece together at the bust and looking at her reflection.

Fluffing her hair and pouting her lips out, she moved to stand beside the bed, getting on both knees and pulling something out from under the bed. First was the little black box she kept her vibrator in and then the second was a little paper bag. She placed them in between Steve's legs before heading back to her vanity and picking up her handheld mirror.

"What's in the bag?" Steve asked, eyeing it with suspicion.

"Oh, nothing for you," Bethany promised with a wave of her hand. She settled at the opposite side of the bed, by his feet. She placed the mirror beside her before opening the black box and taking the vibrator out and placing it beside the mirror. She grabbed the bag and pulled the first thing out, an egg bullet. "I just thought that I'd add some more excitement to this experience. Well, for me," Bethany explained matter-of-factly.

Steve opened his mouth to say something when she pulled nipple clamps out of the bag. "I'm not saying I'm going to use them all," Bethany continued, pulling out what Steve recognized as anal beads. "I just wanted to be prepared."

His mouth began to dry as she laid these object beside her, pushing the empty bag and box off the bed. She reached over to grab two pillows, placing them behind her before spreading her legs. Her core was already pink and glimmering. "Wha-What are you doing?" Steve asked, swallowing the lump caught in his throat.

Bethany placed the mirror up in a certain angle, touching her center and smiling at the mirror. "I'm going to play with myself and you're going to watch," Bethany said with a shrug.

"This is your idea of revenge?" Steve asked, trying to sound as if it was ridiculous, but it only came out as a whisper.

"This is how I'll torture you," Bethany explained with a sweet shrug that defied her current image. "You'll see me hit the heights of pleasure over and over again, and you'll just lie there. Hard. Needy. _Desperate_ for me."

"T-that's it?" Steve found himself asking, but again, the words didn't come out as strong as he wanted them to. And by the look on Bethany's face, she knew that this would _definitely_ be a special type of torture for Steve. There was also the part where he wasn't allowed to move, and he wanted to prove to them both that he could stay still.

"That's it," Bethany replied with an innocent smile before turning her gaze to the mirror. Her fingers started to trail on her inner legs, raking lines with her nails before they ghosted over her slit. Bethany let out a low and quiet moan, eyes never leaving the reflection of the mirror. Two fingers moved up and down, Bethany keeping her breathing even. Her fingers moved up to circle her clit, first lightly and slow and then quickening her pace and adding pressure.

Steve was in awe, watching as she moved her hand, her core contracting on occasion from the pleasure. For some reason, he was shocked that she knew how to work her body like this, but then realized that if _he_ knew how to bring her to pleasure, then of course she did. When her pace picked up and Bethany began to let out whimpers and small 'oh God's, Steve became perfectly erected. Watching porn, or even just sex scenes in shows, always felt weird because it wasn't his wife, even though Bethany was right beside him every single time, showing that she was okay with it. But this… Steve really wanted some friction, to let the pleasure roll over him.

The need only increased when she picked up her pink vibrator, but instead of turning it on, she slipped it in deep inside her, a moan falling from her lips. In return, Steve couldn't hold his groan back, but Bethany didn't even look at him. She was too focused on the mirror, showing her what her body was capable of. With two fingers pressing against her clit, moving in a circular motion and the other hand gripping the end of the vibrator, as she slowly moved it. Her lip was pulled up into her teeth as she quickened her pace, her hips rocking into it.

Steve's breathing was heavier than Bethany's was, eyes wide and not blinking. His mouth was extremely dry and every time he moved his hands a little, with the automatic reaction to needing to lessen some of the strain, he groaned, remembering that he wasn't allowed to. It only got worse when Bethany picked up the egg bullet, turned it on and pressed it against her clit. She reacted immediately, letting out a loud and long groan, her mouth staying open as she momentarily forgot to breath.

Bethany's hands began to get erratic as her orgasm quickly built up. Sound after sound was echoing off the walls from her lips, and Steve wasn't sure if she was putting on a show, or if it was _really_ that good. He watched, unable to breath at this point, as a full body orgasm washed over her body, her cries filling the room.

The room fell quiet for a minute when her orgasm came to an end, but little aftershocks making her body jolt as she collected her breath and sanity. She finally looked at him, having given him no attention as she worked her body. "You're sweating," she whispered, a tired smirk on her face. Steve opened his mouth to reply, but he couldn't. Nothing came to mind and nothing came out. "Had enough?"

She waited a few seconds for an answer, but when he didn't say anything, she gathered her strength and crawled over to him. Her wet and hot core brushed against his erection, Steve finally finding his voice, yelling 'shit' without even thinking.

"Language, Captain," Bethany teased, raising a seductive eyebrow. She rested her body on his stomach, her arousal coating his abs. She took a hold of his hands, raising them up and around her body before she laid down on him. Her face hovered above his, her nose touching his. Steve was trying to stifle his groans so that she wouldn't see how much she was affecting him, but he knew it was no use.

Her eyes were filled with mischief, that same twinkle that Howard's had all the time, the only difference being that hers were green. She lowered her lips to his, giving him a sweet kiss, pulling away despite Steve trying to keep her lips on his. Moving her lips down his face, she started to kiss his neck, the tip of her tongue dragging up and down, lips closing and sucking, teeth nipping… It wasn't where he wanted her lips, but it was doing wonders to him. She than began to move her hips against his body, her moans vibrating against his neck as she grinded her clit against his rock hard body.

Her breathing quickened faster than before, her moans becoming desperate whimpers. Steve was helpless to do anything to help her along, but she evidentially didn't need his help as another orgasm quickly overtook her. When she fell from her high, she laid still against his body and Steve had to crane his head to make sure that she wasn't asleep. He needed friction, attention, _release_.

This was her idea of torture for him, and she couldn't have been more right. He had watched her bring herself to heights he thought only he had the ability to get her to, all while not letting him allow himself to do the same. But he didn't _want_ the same. After all of that, he needed to be buried deep in her, his lips tasting as much as he could, just wanting to reach that end, even if it wasn't as pleasurable as it could be. He just _needed_ that. And _now_.

"Beth, I need you," he gasped, thinking about sliding in and out of her, her tight and wet center bringing him to immediate release.

She brought her head up, looking at him with a sly smile. "Do you now?"

"I let you come," Steve strangled to say.

"Yeah," Bethany allowed. "And it was _amazing_ , and I wanted to moan. To _scream._ And I wasn't allowed to, was I?"

"Beth," he said slowly. "I'm begging you."

"Would you get on your knees and beg?" Bethany asked, her smile growing. "Will you continue to beg as you devour my cunt? Huh?"

Steve swallowed hard, nodding slowly. "If that's what will make us even."

Bethany thought about it for a moment, slipping out from his tied arms, opening her bedside table and taking out her pocket knife, cutting the ropes binding his wrists together. Steve quickly shot up, pinning Bethany under him and plunging into her, an inhuman sound coming from him. It felt so _good_ , just being buried deep within her, his body holding her in place, regaining his lost control.

Bethany looked shocked at his actions, and had let out a loud cry of protest as he quickly pushed into her. "Steve," she gasped, horror on her face as Steve relished just how perfect it felt inside of her. "Condom."

Steve swore again, realization quickly washing over him. This time, Bethany didn't tease him.

* * *

 ****A/N: If I failed, merely tell me just to stick to what I can do already. My feelings won't be hurt, I promise!**

 **Cleo9427: Nah, his first word will have a lot of impact on things.**

 **FeliciaFelicis: The party scene will be a chapter and a bit! I have so many ideas :)**

 **Jo: I've been boiling up ideas on "language" for months! My sisters and I yell it whenever anyone swears.**

 **annonymouscsifan: WHAT? OH MY GOD! I'M SO FLATTERED. That's actually amazing :) Well, I hope she continues to like it. _Sorry Ever After_ is the best out of the three, and I'm completely fine with that. **


	25. Tie Me To Your Apron Strings

****A/N: So with the trailer for _Civil War_ out, I was able to make a lot of decisions on the tone of the plot and... THE TITLE FOR THE NEXT STORY. It's going to be called 'Through the Storm', and if you want a sense of the tone of the story, listen to the Jonas Brothers feat. Miley Cyrus' 'Before the Storm'. It'll give you a taste of what to expect. This is will be one of the biggest obstacles for them to overcome, and a lot of things will be questioned in their lives and their relationship.**

 **Super short chapter. The shortest I've ever posted. Making it any longer would have made it forced, however.**

Chapter 25- Tie Me To Your Apron **Strings**

 _"Please take me back tonight where I belong. I thought that I was right but I was wrong tears away from day to day. Bring back all those happy hours when you kissed me for e upon your knee. T ie me to your apron strings again, I know there's room."_

 _~Tie Me To Your Apron Strings Again, Eddy Arnold_

* * *

Natasha and Clint had returned Jamie to their apartment late the night before. All three of the Rogers were exhausted, each having an amazing night of sleep. Morning came way too soon, Jamie's frustrated cries piercing through the baby monitor, Bethany pulling herself out of bed before Steve could even consider it. She couldn't help but giggle under her breath as she casted him a gaze, his hair standing up and mouth hanging open with exhaustion. She had never seen him like that before, and it made her giddy to think that she had a hand in that.

She had time to dress Jamie and feed him breakfast and even brush her own teeth, Jamie balanced on her hip before Steve finally stirred. Bethany sat at her vanity, Jamie on her lap, watching as Steve moaned and groaned, struggling to get out of the bed through the mirror.

"There's no rush," Bethany promised him. "Sleep all morning if you want."

Steve let out a long and loud yawn, stretching his arms. "Already wasted too much time," he said, his voice quiet.

"It's only 9:30," Bethany said with a frown.

"Exactly," came his stubborn response.

"Did you hate it?" Bethany asked, as she handed Jamie his little baby brush, picking up her own and combing her hair. Jamie looked at his mother before following her movements on his own head. Slowly, the baby was starting to do things for himself, and he seemed to love the newfound freedom.

"No," Steve admitted, clearly thinking back to the night before. "Seeing you like that... I like to know I'm the only one who can bring you to those highs."

"I know," Bethany said with a chuckle. "That's why I did that."

"I'm not going to lie, you saw how much I... _enjoyed_ your little show," Steve began. "But it was torturous in its own way. Consider us even."

"You're not just saying that right?" Bethany pressed on, putting down her brush. Jamie mimicked her actions, craning his head up to see what she would do next.

"No, I'm not," Steve promised, pushing off the bed and moving to kiss her softly. "And I wouldn't lie especially since you reminded me about the condom."

"I'm not planning on tricking you into having kids," Bethany quickly assured.

"I know," Steve promised. "But it was nice to know that even when I'm not thinking clearly, you are."

"I wasn't thinking that clearly, but I knew that we'd fight if I didn't speak up. I want you to be happy when I get pregnant again."

"Hey," he began, cupping her chin. "I would be happy. We'd be having a baby, Beth. Me not wanting a kid now doesn't mean I wouldn't be happy if it happened. I loved seeing you pregnant. Now, can I make you breakfast? French toast maybe?"

"I'm getting rewarded?" Bethany asked with a huge smile.

"Me making you food shouldn't be a reward. I want to help out more. Let me help out more," Steve begged, a concerned look in his eyes.

"Well, I'm not turning away food," Bethany said, her smile now threatening to split her face. "Hey, umm… Are we going to do that again?"  
Steve seemed to think it over tentatively before letting out a heavy sigh. "Can I get back to you on that?"

"Yeah, of course," Bethany nodded, narrowly dodging her head from Jamie's hands, which were wildly moving up and down as he babbled to himself. "And there's always those other toys to play with, if the moment ever calls for them."

"I was worried that there would be something in that bag for me that I wouldn't like," Steve admitted, scratching the back of his head.

"Well, I considered that but-" her voice broke off as a loud _crack_ sounded, followed by Jamie's piercing howls. Bethany froze after she turned her head, not able to comprehend what to do. Jamie was stronger than the average child, and his force had been brought down against a handheld mirror, the surface cracking and a shard catching his hand, slicing it open. The only thing she could do as Jamie cried and blood trickled down his hand was repeatedly say "oh my God".

Steve quickly pulled Jamie into his arms, rushing to the bathroom, yelling at her to follow him. At first, she didn't hear him, not reacting at all, but when he yelled her name one more time, this time with his Captain's voice, Bethany jolted back to reality, quickly joining them in the bathroom. Steve had Jamie's hand under the running water, and despite Jamie's continuous crying, the red soon became pink and then the water clear as all the blood was washed away, the slice stitching itself back together.

Bethany wanted to cry, but she couldn't quite pinpoint if it was for gratitude or knowing what this could entail. Jamie's face was red and scrunched up, mouth wide open as he let his cries be known to the world. Steve, knowing that Bethany could comfort him better than he could, placed Jamie in his mother's arms.

"Stop your crying," Bethany whispered, kissing the top of Jamie's head. "You're okay. You're okay."

But even the words weren't comforting to Bethany, so she had no idea how they could be comforting for him.

Carrying their laundry basket filled with sheets into the living room, Steve caught the end of Bethany's phone conversation with Kiley. "Alright, well you let me know then. Okay, bye."

"Everything okay?" Steve asked as she hung up, while placing the basket on the coffee table.

"She said not to visit her this week," Bethany said, her voice a little distant with thought. "I don't know if that's a red flag or not. She said I should spend the time with little worries focused on things here."

"Did she sound okay?" Steve asked in return.

Bethany thought about it for a moment before nodding, slipping her phone into her back pocket before joining him. She pulled a sheet out of the basket and the two of them began to fold it. "Yeah, she sounded fine, actually. But that only worries me even more. She was adamant that I stayed here. Did you call her?"

"I did, yes," Steve revealed. "I just told her that if she needs anything to call me instead of you, since you're so stressed out lately."

"You didn't have to do that," Bethany mumbled.

"No, you're right. I didn't. But I did anyways because I'm worried about you," Steve explained. "I'm your husband, it's my job to take care of you. I just want you to feel more at peace, and if I can take some of your worries away from you, I'm gonna do it."

Silence fell over them as they finished folding all the sheets in the basket before Bethany stepped up onto the couch and placed her hands on Steve's shoulders. "Thank you," she said seriously.

"Of course," Steve replied honestly, placing his hands on her hips. "Beth, I want you to be happy and healthy. Let me help you."

"You are," she promised him with a shy smile.

"Is there anything else I can help you with?" He offered.

She nodded, reaching into her sweater pocket and pulling out a long list. "Groceries? Please? I have some things around here that I need to deal with, and you know how much I hate using the service to order our groceries."

Letting out a long and teasing sigh, Steve took the list from her fingers. "Do you want me to take Jamie off your hands too?"

"No, I've got him, but maybe check up on Theo and Jen? I bet she's dying to get some fresh air, and this would be a good chance to do it? Maybe take Clint or Thor with you too?"

"I'll ask around," Steve nodded, placing his hands on Bethany's waist, lifting her up and placing her on the ground. "And no standing on the couch."

"You're no fun," Bethany teased, turning to walk away, Steve grabbing his opportunity and laying a firm slap against her ass. She jumped, turning back to him with a wide and shocked smile. "I stand corrected," she backtracked with a chuckle in her voice.

"Sam is supposed to come sometime later today," Steve revealed as Bethany picked Jamie up from his play pen, the little boy's hands gripping onto his Hulk toy. "But he has to leave Saturday night."

"Before the party?" Bethany asked with a frown.

"During," Steve corrected, folding the grocery list and shoving it into his back pocket. "Some family thing he has to do Sunday morning."

"Fair enough," Bethany nodded, taking her phone out of her back pocket when it vibrated. "I've been summoned to the lab. And told to also bring food."

"There's a big Tupperware of fruit in the fridge," Steve suggested, picking up the laundry basket. "Last I saw them, they were both stuffing their faces with Dr. Pepper and Doritos."

Following his instructions, Bethany took out the fruit, said a brief goodbye to Steve before heading up, Jamie babbling nonsense to her the entire time. "Any luck?" Bethany asked when she entered the lab, smelling a faint burning odor. "What's burning?"

"Nothing… Anymore," Tony claimed. "Food?" Bethany placed the Tupperware on a clear surface and pulled the lid off. "Ew, fruit?"

"Yes, fruit," Bethany scolded, picking up a blueberry and holding it out for Jamie. He opened his mouth for her, moving his neck forward to close his lips around it, giving Bethany his huge gapped-tooth smile and a laugh when he tasted it. To Steve's pleasure, Jamie loved fruits. Getting him to eat healthy was not an issue. They barely had to force or chide him into eating anything. He was always excited to try new things. Blueberries seemed to be his favorite out of everything, however.

"If the baby can eat it, and _enjoy_ it, so can you," Bethany stated plainly. "Any progress?"

"Depends on how you define 'progress'," Bruce replied honestly.

"I… I define it the normal way?" Bethany questioned. "Why? What's going on?"

"Well, we figured out some ways to integrate the intelligence into the program, we just haven't had any success. And every time we're about to reach a success, the entire program crashes and wipes itself," Bruce explains. "Almost like it refuses to do this."

"Like it's consciously making the decision?" Bethany asked.

"No," Tony began, in that voice he used a lot before mocking Steve's intelligence.

"It's artificial intelligence," Bethany pointed out. "Theoretically, it should be aware of what's going on, right? Shouldn't that be a red flag?"

"Once we integrate it, we'll be able to control it," Tony said with a shrug. "We just need to force it in there."

"Have you never seen _The_ _Incredibles_?" Bethany found herself asking, Jamie taking a hold of Bethany's shirt and pulling it. She took this as a cue to give him another blueberry, which she did. "They tried to control that giant robot thingy, but it took on a mind of its own. Or _Short Circuit_!"

"Johnny Five was a good guy," Bruce pointed out.

"Yeah, with homicidal tendencies," Bethany mumbled.

"That's not going to happen," Tony said with a wave of his hand. "JARVIS is keeping a close eye on everything. Stop being so negative all the time."

"It's called being realistic and prepared," Bethany corrected, spotting Cho outside the lab, gesturing for her attention. "Keep me up-to-date. And eat the damn fruit."

"Yes _mom_ ," Tony replied. Bethany only rolled her eyes, taking a handful of blueberries with her and meeting Helen outside.

"Have you seen this profile?" Helen excitedly began, holding the tablet open for Bethany. "Teagan Madyzee?"

"Doesn't ring a bell," Bethany said, offering the berries for Jamie, the boy's chubby little fingers taking one. "What's her idea?"

"She has ideas to modify your blood and DNA so that it can be adapted to heal and re-create vital organs. If she succeeds, compared with my regeneration cradle? We could offer so much to this world. I can only recreate tissue. This would be giving cancer patients and amputees so much more."

All while she was talking, Bethany was quickly reading the summary of Teagan Madyzee's proposal. When SHIELD fell, a lot of her medical files were leaked, and even when Tony worked to seal them, a lot got out for sale on the black market. While Bethany didn't think this was the case with the information and ideas that Teagan was proposing, what really stuck out Bethany was how Teagan theorized some ways to isolate the serum in her system, and possibly allow Bethany to age while still having her regeneration.

"We should definitely talk to her," Bethany nodded. "These are all theories, but her proposal is all things I've never seen before. But just because her idea benefits us the most, doesn't mean we throw the money at her."

"Understood," Cho nodded. "But I would love to work with her. Like I said, the regeneration cradle can only print tissue. She could open the door to so much more."

"You don't have to read through all of those, by the way. Take a break." Bethany told Helen, Jamie taking another blueberry.

"This is taking a break," Cho said with a slight frown. "Don't you like to read over scientific proposal for breaks?"

"No, not really," Bethany replied, Helen shrugging before walking away. "Alrighty then. Look at you, eating all those blueberries Jamie."

The baby looked up at her, his blue eyes looking up to her. They all assumed that Jamie's eyes would be blue, but now that the steel baby blue color had cleared up, his irises were the same color as Steve's, a beautiful crystal blue. "What about Momma? Can Momma have one?" Bethany asked, opening her mouth for a moment. Jamie took a blueberry and popped it into Bethany's mouth, the mom trapping his fingers between her lips for a moment. Jamie pulled them out, laughing like it was the funniest thing that ever happened.

"You're so silly," Bethany said, kissing his nose softly.

* * *

Now that Bethany had introduced Jen to Jamie, both Steve and Bethany thought it would be good for Theo and Jen to spend time in their apartment. Jen had been working on some plans with Pepper, before the redhead went on a work trip, on creating a temporary home for Jen and Theo to stay at until Jen finally got back on her feet. Bethany was still wary about Jen being around her son, but the woman kept her respectful distance, and with Steve, Clint, Natasha, Thor and Sam also in the apartment, she knew that Jamie was safe.

Jamie had some odd fascination with Sam that no one could understand. All the man had to do was look at Jamie and the baby would break out into a fit of giggles. Bethany and Steve had made the decision a few weeks ago that if anything were to happen to them, they'd want to leave Jamie with Sam. His loyalty and good heart made him an easy candidate, but compared to everyone else, he was the one who could best take care of Jamie. They weren't sure if Tony would step up to the responsibility, and it would just be a burden for everyone else. Seeing that Jamie was so enraptured with him only made Bethany rest a little easier.

"It's nice that the men are doing the cooking," Natasha said, sliding into the chair beside Bethany. Steve and Thor were working in the kitchen, Thor mostly just tasting everything that Steve was making.

"Yeah. He's trying to make life easier for me, even though I actually don't mind cooking," Bethany said with a chuckle, picking up her glass filled with gin and taking a sip. "But I don't mind seeing him in that apron."

Natasha chuckled. "It is a comical thing to see. So what's going on with you? How you feeling today?"

Bethany looked over to where Sam was playing with Jamie, the baby's face red from laughing so much. "It's weird. It's like the worst emotional rollercoaster, but it's not just anger and happiness. It's… being alone and helpless even if you're not."

"I know what that's like," Natasha replied honestly.

"I know you do," Bethany offered lightly. "How do you overcome that?"

"I still struggle," Natasha admitted with a light shrug. "Being on the battlefield, running a mission… all that helps. That scares you though, doesn't it? That the only way to feel _normal_ is not be?"

Bethany took in a shaky breath, taking a heavy sip of her drink. For a moment, she could feel it taking a toll on her brain, but it quickly passed. "It's different now. I can't… _kill_. I see these people and I can't help but wonder about their life and their stories. Becoming a mother was the worst thing that could have ever happened to the agent in me. How can I recapture that feeling of being in control when I can't even complete a mission with no feelings?"

"You just need to find something here that helps you feel like you're continually in control and maybe it'll help you?" Natasha suggested.

Bethany smiled, thinking back to the night before. "I have some ideas."

"Oh, well that sounds promising," Natasha teased, her signature smirk gracing her features. "Are we still going to get our nails done tomorrow?"

"Of course," Bethany said after another sip. "If there's anything I learned from the 1940's styles is that red lipstick and nails will never go out of style."

"I'll drink to that," Natasha replied, lifting her glass up to touch Bethany's.

"So I think your son needs a break from laughing," Sam said, Bethany taking Jamie into her arms after she finished off her drink. "I mean, I get it. I'm a funny guy. But you'd think I was funny looking or something."

"Geesh, talk about being the last to know," Bethany teased with a wink. Sam laid a soft punch to Bethany's arm before being called over by Steve.

"Are you planning on just alienating her forever?" Natasha asked casually, looking over to where Clint, Theo and Jen were sitting by the window, looking at the cars below.

"She's in my apartment isn't she?" Bethany replied honestly. "You understand why I'm… skeptical, right?"

"Well," Natasha began, looking to her lap for a moment before continuing. "Not everyone who was behind enemy lines is the enemy."

Bethany sighed, seeing her mistake. "I'll give you that. But isn't everyone a little nervous when _accepting_ someone back over?"

"Yeah, but you also need to treat them-"

"Tasha, I've been through all the variables," Bethany interrupted. "If it was just me and Steve, yes. I would be a whole lot more accepting. But it's not. It's my son. And those enemy lines were an organization that has threatened my son's life."

"You're right," Natasha said after a moment. "She knows that, though. I think she's really trying to give you space in order to earn your trust."

"Can we talk about something less depressing?" Bethany begged, wincing as Jamie lifted a hand up to touch her face. "Jamie, what are you doing?"

"Well, do you know what the men are doing with the sceptre? Or is that a depressing subject as well?"

Bethany shifted Jamie's position on her lap, one hand matting down his curls against his head. They only stayed down for a moment before springing up. "Just… running some tests. Seeing what they can do with it," Bethany offered. The look that Natasha gave her made Bethany's stomach flop. Her lie wasn't convincing enough. She was really losing her touch. She couldn't lie, she could barely flip like she used to, and she couldn't kill without feeling guilty.

Jamie babbled in her lap, looking up at her with those big beautiful blue eyes. He was intently telling her something in his own little language, a smile pulling at Bethany's lips. "Oh, now is that right? And then what happened?" She encouraged.

She was losing her past self. That woman who killed without thought, who could bend her body in ways deemed unnatural, and lie her way out of anything. Motherhood was changing her so much.

Natasha was right. That rush of being on a mission would never be replaced by anything, but as long as Bethany could find alternatives to that feeling, and maintain control over her life… could she really retire?

She didn't get that feeling that she used to get. Bethany would burst into Fury's office, or whoever was the director at the time and demand missions. She needed to fill the void of nothing. And when they had nothing to offer her, she would go to school, pick up a hobby, do anything to pass the time so she didn't have to think about everything she did. Her body and mind needed to constantly be focused on something.

 _I could retire_ , Bethany thought to herself. _I think I could do it this time. I could actually do it._

* * *

 ****A/N: Just wanted you guys to understand Bethany's thoughts a little more before everything goes to shit :)**

 **Cleo9427: "Huge" isn't exactly the word I'd use. I think you'll be surprised how they actually deal with it.**

 **Twifan1987: Haha, yeah and Steve would have no one but himself to blame for that.**

 **Anonymouscsifan: I don't think Bethany will ever admit how much she liked 1) him torturing her in Florida and 2) her torturing him.**

 **Jo: With ease! That part came easy for me! I know Bethany's mind like my own at this point. I know exactly how it'll go down =)**

 **FeliciaFelicis: Jamie was born almost 50 chapters ago! Haha. Almost a year ago too from when I posted that chapter. I was wondering where you were on that. Be honest; grammar and spell is really bad, eh? I went back and edited the first two chapters back in September, but I've been too busy to do the rest. It's my Christmas project however.**

 **Wurlwind: I mean, she has a lot of GOOD legitimate reasons for thinking that Ultron was a good idea, and I won't let her forget them. Yay! I didn't fail with the smut, haha! Glad to know I could provide some good reading material.**

 **ACBD: Yes, he'll be disappointed, but he'll also understand why. You'll see ;) Woo hoo for getting the blood flowing!**


	26. Cry of the Broken

****A/N: *Sigh* So my sister wanted me to give this a chance (I swear it's my sister's idea, I have the text messages to prove it) and see if anyone with a creative bone in their body would make fanart? Honestly, I want Sharon/Steve fanart since I love them more than I actually should, but for some reason she wants to see some fanart and my artistic ability is purely writing. I can't even play an instrument. Anyways, I said I'd put this out here and see if anyone would take the bait.**

Chapter 26- Cry of the **Broken**

 _"I come bolding to your presence. Lord, I bow before your throne. You're my healer, my redeemer, you're my hope, my life, my all. You hear the cry of the broken."_

 _~Cry of the Broken, Hillsong Live_

* * *

"Hey, stop!" Bethany chuckled as Steve wrapped his arms around her, peppering her neck with kisses. "Steve, I'm trying to get ready."

"Five more minutes?" Steve asked, looking at her through the mirror. "But we should take this towel off."

He tried to pull it down, but she held it in place. "It takes me longer to get ready then it does you, and you know this."

"But you're beautiful as is now," Steve insisted. "And the party doesn't start for another hour. That's plenty of time."

"Steve, no," Bethany said firmly, but with a loving smile. Letting out a sigh, he took a step back, holding his hands up in a motion of surrender. His whisper of a smile only made her warm inside. "I have to finish my hair, do my makeup and get dressed. Not to mention get Jamie ready. And you."

"I can dress myself," Steve defended.

"What were you planning on wearing?" Bethany asked, turning around to look at him.

"Dark blue button up and some jeans?" Steve replied, but couldn't help but phrase it as a question. "I've been dressing myself for a long time, Doll."

"Sorry," Bethany said truthfully. "I'm just…"

"Being a controlling wife?" Steve teased. Bethany laughed, shaking her head. "I'll dress Jamie. Now do we have enough time to fool around?"

"You're insatiable," Bethany said with a huge smile. "We're going to run out of condoms."

"Well, I can't help it if my wife is utterly gorgeous and I'm so in love with her," Steve replied, but didn't take a step forward. He didn't want to test her 'no'.

"Go get dressed," Bethany chuckled.

Steve bowed his head in defeat before following her instructions. Finishing up with straightening her shoulder length hair she kept casting glances to Steve changing. She knew he wasn't purposely putting on a show, but his long body and thick muscles were doing all the work for him.

She had lost count of how many times they have had sex in the last few days. Things were really good, and everyone was making an extra effort to make life easier for her. She knew that things couldn't stay like this forever, but it was nice for now.

As Steve did his belt up, Bethany's mind wandered to what he could _do_ with the belt. The options were endless, but she would have to convince him, and it wouldn't be easy. Sometimes, he took the fun out of trying something new by how much convincing he needed and the entire time was spent with him focusing on it instead of just letting everything fall into place.

When he was done, he placed himself behind her on the vanity table bench, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her shoulder lightly. "So I was thinking that since everything is dying down right now, we could do something as a family?"

"We just went on vacation," Bethany reminded Steve.

"I still think that we need more time, just the three of us," Steve explained. "Even if it's just a weekend trip."

Bethany smiled nodding, "No, you're right. Okay. Let's talk about it tomorrow. Now, which shade of lipstick?"

Steve looked at the two that Bethany had picked up, the look on her face an exaggeration, as if this was the biggest decision of their lives. "The dark red," Steve decided over the lighter red. "Wait, give me a kiss first."

Bethany rolled her eyes but couldn't help but smile. Tilting her head, she gave him a soft kiss before wiping the red on her lips. "Go see if our son is awake from his nap."

"Aye, aye Captain," Steve teased her before leaving the room. Bethany finished her makeup, hearing the two boys talking and laughing. Running a hand through her bouncy hair, Bethany went to the closet, weighing out her options. After five minutes of sorting through her options, she settled on two and went to Jamie's room for opinions.

Steve and Jamie, both fully dressed, were sitting on the rocking chair, Steve reading a story to Jamie. "Boys," Bethany said, standing in front of them. Both of them looked up at her with the same look on their faces, making Bethany chuckle. "Which one?"

In her right hand was a white lace and fringed dress and in the left, a red dress with a darker red lace on top of it. "The white," Steve said immediately. "The reds in the dress don't match your red lipstick, and I love that colour on you."

"Lipstick 101, make sure your lipstick matches the red on the rest of you," Bethany said with a nod, remembering these actual lessons from the forties that had been drilled into every woman's head, and evidentially so did some men. "I think I have a red belt that matches," Bethany mumbled to herself, walking back into her room and digging through her closet.

After a few minutes of searching, she found both a deep red belt and pair of pumps. "See, we had plenty of time to fool around," Steve said, leaning against the doorframe, Jamie on his hip.

"I have to go check up on Tony," Bethany explained, finishing off her outfit. "He's been in the lab all day and I just want to make sure that he's okay."

"I can do that," Steve offered, but Bethany shook her head, collecting Jamie into her arms.

"I volunteered you to help get everything set upstairs," Bethany explained. "Clint, Sam and Thor should be up there already. Since Pepper isn't here, I've also volunteered you to make sure that the catering service has everything ready. I'll come and help you after I deal with Tony."

Steve smiled at her, nodding. "You're so sexy."

"Go," Bethany said with a laugh. Splitting up to tackle their own lists, Bethany entered Tony's dim lab, looking around. Someone, probably Bruce, had cleaned up the mess that the days of work had created. "Well, by the look on your face, things didn't go as planned?"

Bruce had already left to get ready for the party, but Tony had squeezed every last second he could trying to figure out how to create Ultron. "No… No, it didn't. I'm sorry."

Bethany was taken aback by that, placing Jamie on a free worktable, holding him still on it. "Kid, you have nothing to be sorry about. You tried. You may not have succeeded, but that's not reason to be sorry."

"Steve's been… on all our asses lately," Tony explained. "Came marching up here a few days ago, yelling at us for taking you for granted and that we should make your life easier." Bethany let out a heavy sigh. She hadn't known that Steve did that, and while it was all in good faith, she was actually annoyed that he did that.

"I've been overwhelmed," Bethany allowed. "But that's not something you needed to solve. It's my own problem."

"Regardless, I wanted to give this to you," Tony explained, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Not just for you, but for _him_."

Jamie was trying to grab one of the screwdrivers just out of his reach, but Bethany just moved him farther away, not wanting him to hurt himself. "Tony-"

"I want him to have a good childhood. To have a mother and a father," Tony explained. "And then there's everyone else. We all need… We need to be prepared. We need to do more. I figured this was a good start for us."

"It was," Bethany nodded. "But just because this didn't work, doesn't mean we won't have another opportunity. And I'll be here to help as much as I can. I mean, I didn't do anything in particular, but-"

"You've done enough," Tony interrupted, looking at Jamie. "I don't need details, but did you and Cap come to terms with the baby issue?"

"He's adamant on waiting, and all his reasons are valid," Bethany explained. "Ultron would have solved most of them. But then he went and brought up how it's not fair to Jamie to take our attention-"

"That's a load of crap," Tony interrupted. "Take it from an only child."

"But it is a well-known fact that some kids get jealous," Bethany pointed out. "Look, as much as I want a little girl to dress up in pink frills, Steve has a lot of good points."

"He needs to retire one day," Tony added.

"I know that," Bethany said softly.

"Does he?" Tony asked. "Do you think he would? That he will?"

With an unsure look on her face, she shook her head slightly. "I don't know. I hope so. But I don't know at all. Let's not do this now, okay? We're supposed to go to a party and have fun, remember?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in ten minutes," Tony assured. "Just want to run some last minute variables. You go ahead."

"Ten minutes," Bethany repeated. "JARVIS, make sure he's leaving in ten."

 _"Yes, ma'am,"_ JARVIS replied dutifully before Bethany pulled Jamie into her arms and left to join the rest of the group. They were moving tables around like a team, Steve talking to one of the caterers.

"How's it going?" Bethany asked when she walked up to Steve, the caterer walking away.

"Everything is going great," Steve promised her. "People should be arriving any moment, we just need to put the music on."

"When did you put this jacket on?" Bethany asked, touching the leather he was donning.

"When you left the apartment," Steve said with a shrug. "What, no good?"

"Nah, you look sexy as hell," Bethany whispered, giving him a wink before handing Jamie to him and going to set up the music. As her carefully constructed playlist began to fill the room, Bethany spotted Steve's shield leaning up against the wall. Apparently the leather wasn't the only thing that Steve grabbed when he came up.

Even inside one of the safest buildings in the world, surrounded by Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Steve felt the need to have his shield near him. He wasn't the only one. Thor's hammer rested on a coffee table, and Natasha had a gun stored under the bar. The latter had Bethany yelling and screaming when she found it a few weeks ago. She couldn't believe Natasha's carelessness with Theo and Jamie, who could now pull himself into a standing position. Either one of them could have easily found it.

Steve had to remind Bethany that it was a precaution to keep them all safe, but Bethany knew that the gun was Natasha's security blanket. The hammer was Thor's. And the shield was her husband's.

Before Steve woke up, Bethany used to assure herself that her gun was by her hip by stroking it before going into battle. As soon as Steve came back though, she stopped doing it. She didn't need the gun as a security blanket. She had Steve. She understood the need to have a security blanket around all the time, but it wasn't a childhood toy or person. They were weapons of mass destruction, and it was utterly heartbreaking. These weapons that they had near them was a sad cry for help. They were all so broken beyond belief that being _safe_ was never really a feeling they had.

Bethany looked over to where Jamie was fussing in Steve's arms, her husband bouncing him softly, trying to coax a smile out of the boy. Bethany could see that Jamie dropped his Hulk plushie and dutifully ran over and picked it up, handing it to the baby, who took it graciously. Unlike Jamie's cry for help, and the easy solution, Bethany didn't know how to answer everyone else's cry.

The cry of the broken.

* * *

Bethany polished off her drink, placing the empty glass on a waiter's server tray before heading over to where Steve and Sam were playing pool with some war veterans. Jamie was in her arms, babbling away, telling her a story in his own language. "Is that so?" She encouraged her little boy, hoping that an actual word would slip through his nonsense. He then broke out into a fit of laughter at something he had said, making her shake her head and chuckle lightly. This boy was too precious to her.

"Careful now," Bethany whispered into Steve's ear as he made his shot. Despite trying to jinx his aim, he didn't even jolt, watching as his ball perfectly made its course, turning to her with a smug smile. "Who's winning?"

"Steve," Sam announced.

"By how much?" Bethany asked, trying to hand Jamie off to his father, but the boy being adamant on staying in her arms. She had tried to pass him to Tony, Jackson, Natasha, Thor… basically everyone so she could have a few minutes with both hands, but he was being particularly clingy today.

"Don't you dare tell her man," Sam warned, making her laugh.

"I feel like I haven't seen you all night," Steve whispered to her, pushing some hair behind her ear.

"I've been busy making the rounds. Listen… Theo isn't exactly having the time of his life," Bethany began, looking over to where Theo was playing on a tablet by Jackson and Jen, the two adults talking while the boy played some games. "Jackson, Jen and I figure that he has another hour or so in him before he gets real bored, so Jackson volunteered to take him down to sleep. Hopefully Jamie will be ready for bed by then."

"Okay," Steve said with a nod before taking his shot.

"I… I told them that the three of them could watch a movie in our living room until we come down," Bethany finished, her face bracing itself for his reaction.

His brows lifted and he nodded. "If that's what you're comfortable with, then I'm not questioning you."

"I'm gonna need a fuck ton of alcohol to mellow me out," Bethany said, Steve quickly moving forward to cover Jamie's ears. "Steve, stop. I'm being serious."

"I know you are," Steve replied softly, dropping his hands.

"I'll turn the Iron Legion on," Bethany continued, thinking of the robots that Tony built specifically to protect their apartment. "And I'll be glancing down at the tablet all night-"

"If you're not going to have any fun, then maybe you shouldn't go through with this," Steve interrupted.

Bethany shook her head, letting out a deep breath. "No. No, this will help me trust Jen in the long run."

"Okay. I'm proud of you," Steve replied softly, leaning down to kiss her softly. His words warmed her core. Reaching out to touch his cheek softly, she whispered that she loved him, earning a smile from him.

"Kudos on the playlist," Tony congratulated as he walked over, clapping Steve on the back and interrupting their moment. Sam caught Steve's attention, reminding him that it was his turn to play. "Got a little bit of everything in here, but I don't want to blow my brains out."

"Well that's… good?" Bethany said, alarmed at his choice of words. "Enjoying yourself?"

"Very much," Tony replied with a nod. "You?"

"Jamie isn't letting me out of his grasps tonight," Bethany explained, looking for a moment to her son, who had rested his head against her shoulder, his eyes growing heavy. "But someone didn't have a very long nap today, so hopefully he'll be out like a light."

"You got Stark in you kid, don't put the name to shame," Tony scolded the baby. "Especially if you're going to take over Stark Industries one day."

"Wait, what?" Bethany asked, even Steve turned away from his game with his arms crossed at Tony's words.

"Well, Pep and I talked it over, and it looks like a Rogers will take over Stark Industries one day. I'm not exactly a father type. My dad wasn't, and neither am I. And unless nature takes over, we're okay with that," Tony explained.

Bethany gave Tony a weak smile, her emotions overwhelming her. "Keeping it in the family then? I have no problem with that, not a single one. And as much as I love ya, kid, I'm not raising Jamie to be like you."

"But nonetheless," Steve continued, putting a hand on Bethany's shoulder. "This means a lot to us, Tony."

"Yeah, well, he's my family too," Tony said, in his typically trying-not-to-show-too-much-emotion tone. "Anyways, keep drinking, dance, eat. Have a blast, break some windows."

He walked away swiftly, Sam sinking the last ball into a pocket and calling it a game. "That was… generous," Bethany mumbled, looking over to Tony.

"He's not even a year old yet and he's already a billionaire," Steve said with a sigh, not entirely happy about it. "I don't want him to grow up cocky and arrogant."

"He won't," Bethany assured.

"How do you know?" Steve asked, his brows furrowed.

"Call it mother's intuition," Bethany said with a shrug. The confident look in her eyes convinced him that she was right. Jamie would grow up to be someone they could continually be proud of, and he would lay down his life to help achieve that.

* * *

"Avenging is your world," Sam said to Steve as they made their way to overlook the entire floor. He had pulled Sam aside to catch up with him. Even though Sam had been there for a few days, Steve had been so swept up in his life that he hadn't been a particularly good host, but Sam hadn't complained about it anyway. "Your world is crazy."

"Be it ever so humble," Steve replied, leaning against the railing. Jamie still hadn't fallen asleep, so Bethany was trying to wear him out by dancing with him. Even from afar, he could hear Jamie's laughter as Bethany dipped down and back up, swirling the two of them around. He couldn't help but smile at this perfection in front of him.

"You still looking for a place in Brooklyn?" Sam asked him.

"No," Steve replied instantly before hesitating. "Yes. I don't know what's best right now, to be honest. Here, logically. We're safe. Jamie is protected. But this isn't the life Beth and I want him to have, you know? Where everything is at his fingertips. Don't get me wrong, I want him to be well provided for-"  
"Just not spoiled," Sam finished.

"We're not paying rent here," Steve continued. "And money isn't an issue right now, but Bethany and I both know that it could be."

"Dude, she's worth millions," Sam reminded him. "And you two aren't exactly dressed in designer clothes and diamond underwear."

Steve chuckled, nodding lightly. "No, but things looked all fine and dandy before the Depression. I don't know, I guess that time is still locked in our brains. Mine more than hers. But there's a lot more."

"Yeah, I get it," Sam promised. "But home is home, you know? And if this doesn't feel like home anymore, you need to start looking for a place that does. Maybe it'll make hanging up the shield easier."

"I know that's what Beth wants," Steve nodded. "And I get why she wants that. And part of me wants to do it, for her. For him. But I can't bring myself to actually… _do_ it. And I don't know if I can."

"Well, I know she wants to have another baby. What then? You're gonna leave her at home with two kids? It's not like you'd be out providing money. You're not making doing this any easier," Sam pointed out.

"Part of me was thinking about enlisting again," Steve revealed. "But I know that I can't do that to her. Be away from her that long. I don't know what to do anymore."

"I'll be here when you need me to, man," Sam promised. "And so will she. If she hasn't left you yet, she won't."

Steve took in a deep breath, watching as she rubbed Jamie's back, slowing their dancing. The kid was finally starting to wind down, the toll of the day taking over him. "I just don't know how much more she can take. Am I being selfish?"

"Nah, man," Sam promised him. Bethany was making her way up to them, rubbing soothing circles on Jamie's back. "You two just have a different perception of your future. But then again, you always have."

"But I used to be in her position and her in mine," Steve pointed out.

"Maybe it keeps you balanced," Sam suggested.

"Everything okay?" Steve asked Bethany as she stopped in front of them.

"After some extensive wearing-out, I finally got him to sleep," Bethany confirmed. "He spat up a little on my dress however." Steve noticed the small little wet area on Bethany's white dress, the colour making it an obvious mark. "I'm gonna go put him down and then change. I'll be back in ten minutes or so."

"Yeah, it's time for me to duck out too," Sam added. "But thanks for the hospitality."

"We weren't exactly the best of hosts," Bethany said with a little cringe.

"Nah, you two were great," Sam assured. "Plus, this little guy's laughter made up for when you weren't."

"He really likes you," Bethany said with a smile.

"We're buds," Sam replied, touching Jamie's foot lightly. "Listen, I'll be back soon. We'll go out bowling or something, have some normal fun. It'll be a blast."  
"Sounds perfect," Steve added with a smile. "Come on, I'll see you out."

The group made their way to the elevators, Bethany stopping at their floor while Sam and Steve went a little farther down to the guest floor that Sam had been staying on. "Normal is good for her," Sam began as he grabbed his bag. "The girl who called me in a panic the other day? I barely saw a trace of her the past few days. Being normal may be vastly overrated, but its it's what she needs. And after all her years of being part of her own private freak show, her wanting some normalcy isn't exactly a mystery, is it?"

"I get what you mean," Steve exhaled. "Our life isn't normal though. And I don't think it'll ever be."

"It doesn't have to _be_ normal," Sam disagreed. "She just needs normal to help keep her balanced. If there can be one day where she doesn't have to worry about HYDRA or SHIELD or you being Captain America, I think that day would be really good for her. That day, she'd be really happy. That's just my own opinion, however. I know that in the end, you'll do what's right for your family. I have complete faith in that."

Steve tried to offer Sam a smile, his friend's words being assuring, but it was really hard to convince himself that they were true. Ideally, that's all that really mattered. But there were so many obstacles that made this increasingly impossible every single day.

"Any news about Kiley?" Sam asked casually.

"If you mean has Bucky seen her yet, no," Steve replied with a sigh. "I really thought that he would at some point, but Beth had a good point. If he really feels like someone is after him, he'll be smart. She's doing better though. They think another month tops, but being back in the real world really scares her."

"Yeah, I know a little of what that's like," Sam said with a nod.

"Me too," Steve agreed. "So does everyone else in this building. We'll all be here for her."

"I have faith that she'll be fine," Sam added. "She's a strong girl. She just needs to be reminded of that."

Steve took in a deep breath, silence overcoming them until they reached the garage level, Sam's rental car parked inside. "Do you ever feel like everything around you, every _one_ is just… damaged?"

"Yeah," Sam responded with a nod. "But what's even scarier is when you're surrounded by everyone who's damaged, and you're the one who is damaged the most."

Nodding slowly, Steve didn't know who that was out of the group. They all had demons, faults, sins dragging them down. But more so, Steve didn't _want_ to know, for fear that it could be him or his wife.

* * *

Having wiped off her lipstick and changed into her red dress and black heels, Bethany made her way back up to the party in a completely different outfit. She wasn't one to make costume changes, but having baby barf on her shoulder for the rest of the night wasn't exactly something she was prepared to do. Before she slipped into the elevator, she made sure that the Iron Legion was set onto red alert opposed to just sleep mode. It didn't make her feel anymore secure, but she knew she had to get over her fears.

She couldn't help but whimper when she saw Steve's backside, his wide and thick shoulders and slender waist. He and Thor were standing next to some Vets, talking about God-knows-what, but Bethany just took a moment to admire her husband.

Thor almost towered over Steve. The demi-God made her neck ache since she was considerably smaller than him, even in heels, and his muscles were insanely large, but his shoulder to hip ratio didn't compare to Steve. More than that, Steve wasn't, for lack of a better word, Hulking-large like Thor was. And without doing anything at all, his physique had her weak in the knees.

"Fuck that man," Bethany said under her breath, making herself move forward, wrapping her arms around his waist. He looked over his shoulder, smiling at her before raising his arm. Bethany tucked herself under it, leaning against him.

The men around her weren't new faces. Bethany had seen them from time to time, all World War Two Vets. Whereas in Washington, Steve would go to the Captain America Exhibit or to see Peggy, in New York, he would go to retirement homes to get a little grip of his past. On occasion, Bethany would join her husband, the old men flirting with her and Bethany replying with kind smiles and laughter, but she didn't need grips of the past like Steve did. It was a comfort to him. It pained her that one day, Steve would wake up and these men would be gone, his past not within his grasp anymore. She hoped by then that he would have moved past this.

"Neither was Omaha Beach, blondie. Stop trying to scare us," one of the men said. Thor looked to Steve for approval for agreeing, pouring all the men something from a little metal flask.

"What is that?" Bethany asked Steve, who was taking a small sip of his drink.

"Something Thor swears will make us drunk. Or, at least tipsy," Steve explained, handing it over to her. Bethany took a whiff of it, cringing at the smell before taking a heavy sip. She could feel it warm her throat, all the way into her stomach and spreading across her body. Within seconds she could already feel it taking over her mind.

"Where have you been hiding this, Thor?" Bethany scolded, taking another sip before handing it back over to Steve.

"You enjoy spirits too much," Thor replied instantly. "If I gave this to you earlier, you would have drunk yourself to the grave."

"You'd be surprised by how much booze this little body could hold," Bethany replied with a raised brow. "I had a reputation of drinking men under the table, even before I found the fountain of youth."

"You being drunk isn't exactly my favorite thing in the world," Steve quickly added, obviously thinking back to Halloween when Steve got a glimpse of what Bethany was like when she was well and truly hammered.

"Ah, but it's one of mine," Bethany replied with a wink, feeling herself getting giddy. That damned blue shirt he was wearing made his eyes pop, but it wasn't just his eyes that were making her weak. It was everything about him. "Can I steal you for a few minutes?"

"Of course," Steve answered with a soft smile, finishing up his drink before parting with the men. Bethany tangled her hand with his and pulled him down the hall into a quiet nook, pushing up onto her toes to give him a kiss. He squeezed her hand as she deepened the kiss, but broke apart from her when Bethany used her other hand to cup his crotch.

"What are you doing?" He said quickly, alarmed at her actions.

"What?" Bethany asked innocently. "No one will notice if we slip out for a few minutes. There's a small utility closet at the end of the hall." She slipped a hand into the pocket of her dress, pulling out a condom with a raised brow. "It'll be fun," she sang quietly.

Steve looked around, searching for any nosy eyes. "I don't know, Beth."

She gave his crotch another stroke, giving him a devilish smile, but her eyes remaining innocent. All strength he had flew out the window, taking her by her waist and pulling her close to him, their lips meeting in a heated kiss. Bethany smiled into it, gripping onto the collar of his shirt after slipping the condom into his breast pocket, blindly pulling him back down the hall, in the direction of the utility closet.

Before they reached the door, Bethany stopped them, gaining a wicked idea and knowing that Steve would object and she would need to do her best to work her magic. Within seconds, she had unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned his jeans and unzipped his zipper. She reached inside his boxers and gripped onto his growing erection, pulling it out and moving his jeans down his hips a little so his zipper wouldn't bring him any unnecessary pain. It was only when Bethany pulled apart from his kiss and got down on her knees did Steve realize that, despite being hidden from the party, they were still very much out in the open.

"Bethany!" He hissed, trying to pull his pants back up, but his wife holding them firm in place with an eyebrow raised.

"No one is around," She promised. "It'll be fun. You'll enjoy it."

The last sentence came out in song, but Steve couldn't help but disagree with her. "A closet is one thing-"His breath caught when she quickly moved forward, dragging her tongue flat along his shaft. His inner dilemma was shining clearly in his eyes and the furrow of his brow, but Bethany took his moment of weakness to begin her magic. Steve was a strong man, much stronger than others, but men were often rendered speechless by something so sweet as a blowjob. Steve wasn't an exception to this.

Bethany laid open mouthed kisses up and down his flesh, her lips making smooching sounds when her lips pulled together. One of Steve's hands went up to rest against the wall, the other tangling itself in her hair. Bethany glanced up at him before her mouth wrapped around his thick member. "Beth," he whispered, but with authority in his voice. The only thing was that Bethany wasn't sure if it was cue for her to continue or to stop. Ultimately, she wouldn't force him to do anything he wasn't comfortable with, but the entire situation was setting her on fire. Her underwear was already soaked and she was using the heel of her foot to rub against her clit.

Sucking in her cheeks to create a sucking feeling, she raised an eyebrow to see how Steve would react. A low moan fell out of his mouth, his hips sliding forward. Bethany fought her gag reflex for a quick moment as he pushed deep inside of her before starting to lightly bob her head. She worked her magic for a few moments, encouraging his member to grow and grow. Steve's hand started to guide her movements, slowing down her pace oppose to quicken it. Bethany tried to smile around his cock, looking up at him filled with amusement. He was holding back so he could fuck her senseless, but wasn't ready to give up the feeling of her warm lips around him.

He pulled her hair back, her lips sliding back until only the head was still in her mouth. She gave the tender flesh a hard suck, Steve unable to keep his groan back as he pulled her off of him. Bethany looked at what her work achieved her, his impressive thick member glistening and standing erect, ready for action. The way his veins pulsed made her heart race and her core tingle. Bethany felt the need to take him back in her mouth, to have him shoot his load into her mouth, but she barely got the chance as Steve's head quickly whipped behind him before quickly pulling Bethany into his arms and pushing her into the utility closet.

"Wha-?" Bethany breathed as the darkness surrounded them.

"Shh," Steve whispered, his breath dancing across her collarbone before he laid a soft kiss to her shoulder. "Someone was coming."

They stayed like that, their bodies pressed together, Steve's erection pressed in between them as he laid soft kisses on her shoulder bone until they heard Natasha's voice. _"Clint, they're not down here."  
"But it's mine and Bethany's jam," _Clint whined _. "And I thought I saw them."_

 _"Just leave them be,"_ Natasha scolded, her voice getting quieter, the sound of her heels clacking becoming lighter as they walked away.

Bethany couldn't help but giggle, looking up at Steve who seemed relieved. "The only one who would have been embarrassed is you, babe. Natasha wouldn't care and Clint would only be amused. And me… well, I wouldn't have been discouraged."

"No, of course you wouldn't," Steve replied, pushing his pants and boxers down his legs, pulling the condom from his breast pocket. "Undies off."

"Yes sir," Bethany said with a mocking salute, slipping her thong off her hips and kicking it to the side when they wrapped around her ankles. "You weren't discouraged either," Bethany said, gesturing down to his crotch, his cock still standing erect, now covered with the latex from the condom.

"Yeah well," Steve began, effortlessly picking Bethany up so that they were level, pushing her against the wall. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and legs loosely around his waist, waiting expectantly for him to finish. "I kept thinking about how good it would feel when I did _this."_

A gasp caught in Bethany's throat as he rammed into her, her breathing instantly picking up before he even set a pace. She arched her back, her head falling back as Steve's lips moved to her chest, kissing the area not covered by her dress. "You were right," Steve allowed, mumbling against her skin.

"About?" Bethany asked, moaning when Steve's big hands held her hips tightly so she'd rest against the wall, his hips slowly moving back.

"This being a good idea," He explained, sliding back into her.

"Okay, but this was supposed to be quick," Bethany replied, wincing when Steve pulled back again.

"Quick? We can do quick," Steve promised before kissing her hard and swiftly picking up the pace, the sudden change making Bethany feel like she was about to explode.

"Steveeeeeeeee," She whined, gripping onto his shirt. It was like a fire was making its way through her body, but the burn wasn't pain. It was sweet, sweet pleasure, every thrust counting. He was _strong_. No one really knew how strong, but she knew that even at moments like this, where he was pounding into her relentlessly, he was only using a fraction of his strength. She couldn't imagine him going any quicker, deeper or harder. She was afraid of what that would do to her, this coming from someone who was in her own right, indestructible.

"Fast enough?" Steve asked, no exhaustion in his voice. Bethany knew that she had an almost insatiable sex drive, so she was more than grateful to have a husband capable of going on for hours.

She attempted to respond, but her brain was so focused on the heights of pleasure that it came out in a garbled mess. At this point, neither one of them were being quiet. Bethany's hips were banging against the wall, which would have left her in a lot of pain if she could feel it. Because she wasn't so soft and delicate, Steve didn't hesitate to add a little more force. Then there was the slick and _slap_ sounds from when their hips met and pulled apart and both of their moans. Bethany was being the loudest of them both, but Steve was only egging her on by kissing her in the right place and tilting his hips a certain way.

She was _so close_ , tittering on the edge for minutes before Steve pressed his thumb against her clit, rubbing against the extremely sensitive nerve at rapid speed. The fire only continued to build and build and when she reached the very tip of the cliff, she let herself express her pleasure, the scream being so quick and loud that it caught in her throat. Steve continued his thrusts, laughing as her face crumbled as she was unable to properly express her level of pleasure and satisfaction.

"You're so perfect," Steve told her as she became limp in his arms, his hips not slowing for a moment. Bethany tried to reply, but it all came out in mumbles, making Steve laugh even harder.

* * *

 ****A/N: I have the updates lined up until January which is super exciting :)**

 **anoynmouscsifan: I'm happy that she's coming off as a good mother :) I have plans if Steve does bite the bullet, and they'll be good, I promise! I've already planted some seeds into the plot just in case!**

 **Cleo9427: Wow, that makes me so happy! I get my thinking about where Bethany will be and what she'll do, but for my readers? I'm actually blushing, that's amazing. And yes, it'll be huge. The very last thing she wants to do is hurt either one of them. And then there's the fact of what does she think is right. I'm really excited to get more info on the movie and figure out where Bethany will be, but even more, to have Bucky and Bethany converse. I have some really good thing I want them to talk about :)**

 **Jo: I'm excited too!**

 **AngelLove1728: It's definitely been something that I've been struggling with. I won't be able to make a decision about Bethany's decision until I've seen the movie a few times :)**

 **FeliciaFelicis: I'm very excited about Civil War. I'm working really hard to drag this plot out as much as I can so that I'll be able to see how everyone is in Civil War and make my story reflect it, but I've been so excited for the new movie that I already have chapters 27-31 ready.**

 **gue343: Funny you should mention that... chapter 27 ;)**


	27. Tangled Strings

Chapter 27- Tangled **Strings**

 _"Beyond us these motions emerge from the dark. Now I'm tied up in circles so I won't fall apart. Tied up and t angled strings on your heart. It's clouded in mystery surrounding your heart. It stumbles to finish before it can start. In silence, through canyons of motion we start. Beyond us these motions emerge from the dark. Now I'm tied up in circles so I won't fall apart."_

 _~Strings On Your Heart, Meat Puppets_

* * *

Bethany had sent Steve down to their apartment to get her a clean pair of undies, something that he did with a smile on his face. After cooling down, getting dressed and kissing a tired Bethany softly, he made his way down, her panties balled up in his hand, dodging people as swiftly as he could. When he finally got to the apartment, he tossed a quick wave to the three people on the couch before ducking into his bedroom. He dropped her thong into the dirty clothes bin and grabbed a new pair. He checked his reflection in the mirror, making sure he didn't look like he had thoroughly fucked his wife. When he left Bethany, it was obvious that she was still falling from her high. Her hair was starting to curl at the ends and some of her makeup was smudged from her sweat and tears.

Putting Bethany's clean pair of underwear into his pants pocket, he decided to go check on Jamie, as well as get some of his diaper wipes so Bethany could clean herself up. Stopping by Jamie's crib, he bent down to look at the sleeping baby's face. He smiled, finally seeing himself in his son. Despite having a good amount of baby fat covering it, it was obvious that he had Steve's jaw. His lips were more Stark dominant, but Jamie had his eyes, a softer version of his nose and Steve's skin tone. But his curls were all Bethany's.

Steve had never seen Bethany with her hair this curly, but she had confirmed that her curls had been wilder as a child and softened as she got older. He could just imagine a younger Bethany, her freckled nose and bright smile all but hidden under her frizz. He wished he had a picture of her from that time, but he had never really seen anything of her childhood. That really wasn't a surprise since cameras weren't as popular back then as they were now, not even in the slightest. But the reason for the lack of photos was Bethany's own vanity when she hit her teen years.

 _"I was an ugly duckling," Bethany had explained as she and Steve had a small picnic inside the base. It was raining outside, which had ruined their plans for a date with just the two of them, but Steve was quick on his feet and found a solution._

 _"You keep saying that, but I don't believe it," Steve replied after he finished off his plate. "You're the most gorgeous woman in the world. Explain to me how it's even possible. What was wrong?"_

 _"My nose was too big, my hair too curly, my teeth not centered and-"_

 _"Don't you think you're being too critical?" Steve interrupted. "And looks aren't everything Bethany."_

 _"I know that," Bethany whispered. "It wasn't like I looked in the mirror and found flaws. My mother did that for me. They just… sunk in. And looks aren't everything, but they are a lot. Women treat you differently now don't they?"_

 _"They treat me like an object," Steve replied honestly. "But before they just brushed me aside. I don't know which is better."_

 _"Do you think I treat you like an object?" Bethany asked curiously. "I don't mean too."_

 _Steve shook his head, reaching out to take her hand. "You've taken the time to actually get to know me. So no. You aren't like other girls, Beth."_

 _"That's not always a good thing," she had said with a sigh._

Bethany peppered Jamie with love. She gave him all the love she never got from either one of her parents. It made his heart ache that she was never told by her parents that she was beautiful or important. All those men she had been with before him would have told her how beautiful she was and how much they wanted her, and in a lot of ways, Steve understood why she gave herself up so easily. He was happy that she learned to respect herself and even happier that she was all his to love unconditionally.

Reaching a hand through the bars of Jamie's crib, Steve touched the little dimpled hand, still not completely believing that this perfect little gift from God was his son. At one point, he didn't think he could love anyone more than he loved Bucky. But then Bethany came along and he learned a new type of love that was just as important to him, but much more powerful. But with Jamie… He could confidently say he loved Jamie on a whole new level. But despite how much he loved his son, he knew that Bethany loved him more.

"Sleep tight Jamie," Steve whispered before getting up to get some baby wipes. He made his way back upstairs, being as sneaky as he was before, and came back to his wife without being stopped.

"What? Did you go off on a mission or something?" Bethany teased, commenting on how long he took. She was still resting up against the wall where he left her, looking like she was about to fall asleep any moment. He knew that he had to get her back out to the party and get her blood pumping again. Her heading to bed early wasn't an option, but he knew that she wouldn't even consider asking. They didn't get to have nights like this very often, so she wouldn't take it for granted.

"I got distracted by our son," Steve explained, kneeling in front of her and pushing her poufy red skirt up her body. "Spread your legs."

She listened to him, letting out small content sighs as he wiped her legs and core clean before taking out her clean underwear and handing them to her. He tossed the wipes into the waste bin tucked in the corner. "I'm hungry. Do you think there's still food out there?"

"Most likely," Steve replied, watching as she pulled the pink lace up her body before flipping the skirt of her dress back down. "If not, we'll order a pizza. Pepperoni on top of the cheese, just the way you like it."

She gave him a smile, taking his hand in hers. "You're perfect."

He leaned forward and kissed her softly before pulling her up. "Okay, people will start to notice that we're gone. Do we have an excuse?"

"We snuck off to get some alone time," Bethany said, leaning her head against his shoulder, wrapping an arm around his waist. Steve reciprocated by tucking her under his arm. "That way if they ask you specifically, you won't have such a hard time lying."

"Smart," Steve replied with a chuckle as they made their way back out to the party. Steve stopped a waiter and took the tray of food in his hand, the two of them settling on a couch and munching down on their snacks.

"Can we still order a pizza?" Bethany asked when every single crumb was gone.

Steve threw his head back and laughed, kissing her cheek. "Yes, Doll. We can still order pizza."

The two of them made the rounds, asking people if they wanted in on the pizza and what kind they wanted. After placing an order, Steve wrapped Bethany in his arms and kissed the top of her head. "Take a look at that," Steve whispered, gesturing to Natasha and Bruce at the bar. "I know you're concerned about what'll happen, since a break up between those two won't be easy on anyone, but don't you think they deserve what we have?"

"Yes," Bethany said with a nod. "But we both know that it's not easy."

"No, but it's worth it, isn't it?" Steve felt the need to ask.

"Some days," Bethany teased, a smirk on her face.

"Oh, you're very funny," Steve said with a roll of his eyes, closing the gap so he could kiss her lightly.

"Tony says we PDA too much," Bethany added when they pulled apart.

"We do," Steve confirmed, moving his hands down to rest on her backside. "But I don't care."

He was rewarded with a bright smile before Bethany looked back over at Natasha and Bruce. "You're right. They deserve to give it a chance, if that's what they want."

"Come on," Steve encouraged. "Maybe they just need a push. We did."

"Oh, I remember," Bethany replied with a sigh, thinking back to when Howard pointed out that she had been stringing him along, treating him like her first boyfriend Jason treated her. All that led to her tackling Howard, Steve pulling her off of him and eventually to the two of them spending their first night together.

Making their way to the bar, arms wrapped around each other and still feeling their deep connection from their romp in the closet, Steve gave Bruce a comforting smile as Natasha sauntered away. "It's nice."

"Wha-wha-what is?" Bruce stuttered, looking alarmed.

"Aw, look at him blush," Bethany teased, her fingers moving slowly up and down Steve's side, not quite tickling him, but sending pleasure up his spine.

"You and Romanoff," Steve explained to Bruce.

"No, we haven't-" Bruce sputtered quickly. "That wasn't-"  
"It's okay," Steve promised with a smile. "Nobody's breaking any by-laws."

"Trust us, we aren't judging," Bethany added with a smile, reaching over the bar and handing Steve a beer before picking up a half full bottle of vodka for herself. As much as he wasn't a fan of her drinking vodka straight, he knew that his worrying would be futile.

"It's just, she's not the most…" He trailed off, searching for the right word. "Open person in the world. But with you she seems very relaxed."

"No, Natasha… she-she likes to flirt," Bruce struggled to answer.

"That may be true," Bethany replied quickly. "But it's usually to get dirt on someone. It's kinda required when you're a female SHIELD agent, as sad as that sounds. And as someone who used to flirt with everyone, even before SHIELD, trust me when I say that she's not just flirting for the sake of flirting."

"Beth and I know all too well that when you care about someone, waiting isn't always the way to go," Steve revealed, looking down at his wife for a moment, thinking about all the time they wasted back in the forties. Steve didn't know that Bethany would let him take that coveted place in her life. He wondered what would have happened differently if he had just kissed her sooner.

"Don't be like this goof and wait seventy years before proposing," Bethany continued.

"Or like this one and wait seventy years before admitting how you feel," Steve said sternly, knowing that Bethany was a better example of waiting too long. He was just happy that it wasn't so long that they missed their chance. "Look, you both deserve a win."

"And she's a fantastic kisser," Bethany said as an afterthought, giving Steve's shirt a little tug, encouraging him to move forward. "In my top five for sure."

"Yeah, that sounds about right," Steve added for good measure as they walked passed Bruce.

"Wait… what?!" They heard Bruce exclaim, making them both chuckle.

"Well that was fun," Bethany said before taking a heavy swig of her vodka. "Shall we dance now? We haven't got a chance all night. Maybe it'll restore some of my energy."

Steve drank half of his beer before he placed his drink down, Bethany following suit. He pulled her to an open spot in the living area, one hand on her waist, the other intertwined with her hand as they started to sway.

"Hold on a minute," Bethany said suddenly, her brows furrowed. "I'm sorry, but exactly _when_ did you kiss Natasha?"

"Oh… crap," Steve muttered, wincing slightly.

"Steve?" She pressed on, the two of them still swaying. "Please tell me it was for good reason. That's what I'm choosing to believe."

"Yea-of course, Doll," He stuttered.

"No, no, no," she said, shaking her head. "Don't 'Doll' me. Explain yourself. And then I'll make the decision on whether or not I have to punch Natasha in the face."

"Don't do that," he pleaded.

"Or the boob. That's not pleasant either," Bethany continued.

"When we were hiding from SHIELD," Steve explained. "Last year. At the mall. Before SHIELD fell. We were hiding in plain sight. I felt _horrible_ about it."

Bethany nodded, collecting her thoughts for a minute. "Let me get this straight, not only have you kept this a secret from me for over a year, but you kissed her when I was pregnant with your son."

"Beth-" He sputtered, but she offered him a smile.

"Relax," Bethany breathed. "I'm only teasing. I trust you. If you were having an affair, the guilt would eat you up alive. You wouldn't have lasted that long."

"I-I honestly wouldn't," Steve promised her. "Please don't punch Natasha."

Bethany threw her head back, laughing. "I won't, but you remember this if I'm ever in that position and I have to kiss someone."

Steve swallowed hard, not liking the idea but accepting it. Bethany closed her eyes, humming along to the soft music. The lights in the room danced off her skin and Steve could see where some of her mascara had smudged under her eyes. He had meant to clean up her face as well, but used all the wipes elsewhere.

Bethany closed her eyes, humming along to the soft music. The lights in the room danced off her skin and Steve could see where some of her mascara had smudged under her eyes. He had meant to clean up her face as well, but used all the wipes elsewhere.

"I love seeing you like this," Steve whispered to her, Bethany's eyes fluttering open.

"Like what?" She inquired, the hand on his shoulder moving to the nape of his neck, playing with the hair that rested there. He secretly loved it when she did that. It was so intimate.

"Relaxed," Steve elaborated. "At ease. And earlier with Jamie… just… _happy_."

Bethany frowned, sensing something more. "What is it? You can tell me, love."

"No, I know," Steve promised, inhaling deeply. "When Natasha and I were at the old SHIELD base in New Jersey when we found Zola… there were these photos on the walls. And the one of you… it was broken, like someone had punched it and the glass had shattered. But you were so happy in it. I never really saw you like that since I woke up and I got a glimpse of that smile tonight when you were dancing with Jamie."

That same smile he had seen earlier returned and she shook her head. "Well I'm very happy Steve. This is what I want for us. For our lives."

"Parties every night?" Steve teased.

"No," She said with a chuckle and rolled her eyes.

"I know what you meant," Steve promised, leaning down to kiss her forehead, the two of them continuing to dance, lost in their own little world.

* * *

"That's what you think," Natasha told Clint with a roll of her eyes. Most of the party had dispersed, the group all gathered together, having a few late night drinks and finishing up what was left of the take out. There were pizza and Thai boxes littered all over the table, along with empty bottles. Everyone was talking, alcohol still fueling them with a good time, except for Cho who looked like she was either falling asleep or actually asleep. Maria, Tony and Rhodey were playing with some cards and Steve and Bethany were carrying along their own quiet conversation until she was pulled into the argument at hand.

"That's what I _know,_ " he corrected. "Back me up here Bethany."

"Choose your side very carefully Bethany," Tony warned before taking a sip of his beer.

"I don't remember what happened," she admitted. She was curled up to Steve's side on the couch, still drinking away. Her speech wasn't slurred or her actions delayed, but she had that familiar fuzzy feeling surrounding her, making her feel _amazing_. It was the next best thing to getting shit-faced drunk. "That was a very long time ago."

"It was last week!" Clint protested. "Natasha said that there was no way-"  
"It was not last week," Bethany disagreed "It was before I was pregnant, you doofus."

"What? No. Wrong, Grandma," Clint said with a shake of his head.

"Yes it was," Steve defended Bethany, his fingers playing with her hair. "I was in the kitchen when all this went down."

"Someone is getting old," Bethany teased, getting him back for his Grandma comment.

"Damn, where has the time gone," Clint mumbled, leaning back on the couch.

"I hear ya," Bethany said with a nod, placing her now empty bottle on the table. "It's been a year since SHIELD fell."

"And the world hasn't fallen to Hell," Tony said, lifting up his beer. "I say we've done a pretty good job. All thanks to my brilliant weapons manufacturing."

"Pretty sure two of the weapons we use that make the most difference aren't yours," Bruce pointed out. "Where would we be without the shield and the hammer?"

"They're ancient," Tony said with a wave of his hand.

"Steve, you mind?" Maria asked, holding up his jacket.

"Go ahead," Steve replied, Maria shrugging on the leather.

"The weapons, or the people wielding them?" Rhodey inquired.

Bethany gasped. "Watch it, none of you will ever look as good as Steve, Thor and I at our age."

"Yes, you should all be at our feet, praising our beauty and wrinkled-free skin," Thor announced with a smile.

"The shield I could have created," Tony defended, still on the topic.

"Oh yes, with all the vibranium you have lying around," Natasha taunted.

"Vibranium isn't the only metal on this Earth, you know," Tony pointed out, growing defensive.

"It's the strongest," Steve reminded him. "Shield aside, you couldn't make Thor's hammer. And that helps us a lot. Unless you have some magic stored up in one of those cabinets in your workshop."

"Yeah, well if I _could_ make a hammer, I would make it so that only _I_ could lift it," Tony declared.

"But it's a trick!" Clint declared.

"No, no. It's much more than that," Thor insisted.

"Ah, 'whoever be he worthy shall have the power!'" Clint mocked, making Bethany break out in laughter. "Whatever man! It's a trick."

"Well please," Thor said, gesturing to his hammer, which was on the table, surrounded by empty boxes and bottled. "Be my guest."

"Oh, this is gonna be good," Bethany declared, kicking off her heels and bringing her feet up so that they were curled beside her. Everyone else in the room agreed with her as Clint got up and confidently strode over to the hammer.

"Clint, you've had a tough week," Tony began. "We won't hold it against you if you can't get it up."

"Oh geesh," Bethany chuckled, shaking her head.

"Y'know I've seen this before, right?" Clint asked Thor, ignoring Tony's comment. He took a hold of the handle, giving it a firm pull before a chuckle slipped from him. "And I still don't know how you do it."

"Smell the silent judgement?" Tony taunted.

Holding his arms open, Clint smiled. "Please, Stark. By all means." The room once again broke out with excited murmurs. "Never one to shrink from an honest challenge."

"No, but wouldn't that make our lives that much easier?" Bethany asked the room.

"Hear hear," Maria agreed, holding up her glass.

"It's physics," Tony declared, taking his spot by the hammer.

"Physics!" Bruce repeated, shaking his head.

Tony took in a deep breath, looking to the hammer and then up to Thor. "Right, so if I lift it, I then rule Asgard?" Tony clarified.

"Yes, of course," Thor encouraged, already knowing that there was no way that Tony would be able to lift the hammer.

"I will be re-instituting Prima Nocta," Tony added.

Bethany cringed, shaking her head. "I have lost so much respect for you."

"You're about to lose more," Steve murmured to her as Tony took grip of the hammer. There was silence for a moment before Tony declared that he would be right back.

"Hand me the tablet?" Bethany requested, Steve leaning forward and picking the tablet off the table. The screen illuminated on a sleeping Jamie's body, Bethany zooming in to watch the rise and fall of his chest.

Steve's lips ghosted over her ears, whispering "he's fine" before laying a sweet kiss to her temple. "You worry too much. And that's coming from me."

Bethany sighed, leaning into him. "I know. But the moment I stop worrying is the moment something will happen."

"Or everything will be fine," Steve offered, leaning towards the coffee table and picking up a bunch of bottles, looking for one that still had alcohol in it. Handing her a gin bottle, he gave her a smirk. "This'll help you."

Letting out a 'humpf' sound, she began to drink the gin, feeling the liquid fall down her throat and warming her every nerve. "Okay, let's try this again," Tony announced, now with a hand from his Iron Man suit on. They all watched silently as he began to pull, trying to use the benefits of the iron hand to lift the hammer, but only failing.

Rhodey got up quickly, disappearing as Tony continued to struggle, making the room both chuckle at Tony's stubbornness in succeeding in this task, but also pitying him. Clearly, he was not worthy, but worthy of what was up to debate. Bethany still didn't understand how the hammer weighed worthiness. Not just the act of providing the strength based off of being worthy, but also the merits behind it.

There was a time when Thor wasn't even worthy of the hammer, so it was something you had to earn. He got it back by sacrificing himself, but everyone else in this room had done the same at one point or another, so it had to be something more. In her opinion, Steve was the worthiest of them all. Worthy of _everything_.

When Rhodey returned, his own iron hand on, the two men tried their luck at lifting the hammer. "Are you even pulling?" Rhodey asked Tony after a few seconds of heavy pulling, both men visibly tired.

"Are you on my team?" Tony returned with.

"Just represent! Pull!" Rhodey commanded.

"Alright, let's go!" Tony pumped up, Bethany shaking her head.

"Give it up boys," Maria spoke up.

"You're just embarrassing yourselves," Natasha agreed. "Soon they'll be no more shred of self-respect that we have for you."

They gave it a few more tries before conceding, looking around the room for any other takers. Bruce got up, rubbing his hands together, studying the hammer before taking a firm grip. The group waited expectantly, watching as he went full out, as if Thor's hammer was Excalibur, and in a lot of ways, it was.

Everyone stayed silent as Bruce grunted and moaned, pretending to be frustrated and angry, seconds away from turning into the Hulk. Bethany couldn't help but offer him a small smile, happy that Bruce was at a point in his life where he could make jokes about the Other Guy.

Bruce looked around the room at the blank faces. "Nah?"

"I swear to God Bruce, if you turn green because of that, I will single-handedly kick your butt to the moon," Bethany declared, her Mama Bear coming out of her, thinking about Jamie only a few floors below them.

"Who's next?" Bruce asked, looking around the room. Cho had woken up from her nap, both her and Maria deciding to give it a shot with all fairness to the others. Both women failed, but it was a whole lot more comforting since the only one to succeed thus far was Thor.

"Your turn Captain," Maria announced as she flopped back in her spot. Steve looked to Thor before getting up, rolling his sleeves up in the process.

"Let's go Steve," Tony encouraged. "No pressure. C'mon Cap."

"This'll dictate what happens tonight," Bethany said as Steve took his place in front of the hammer, looking over to his wife for a moment.

"Okay, gross," Tony pretended to gag.

"You brought up Prima Nocta," Bethany pointed out as Steve took the handle of the hammer, giving it a firm tug. A creaking sound echoed the room as the hammer moved slightly, Bethany's heart soaring as hope pulsed through her. She wasn't sure why she was so invested in seeing if the hammer would be lifted by someone else but Thor. She didn't, however focused on the hammer's movement, miss the look on Thor's face as he registered the movement.

Steve continued to pull for a few seconds longer, taking generally less time than the rest of the group before putting his hands up in calm surrender.

Thor began to laugh, but Bethany could tell there was some nervousness and relief in his tone as he relayed "nothing".

"What does it mean when one jiggles it?" Bethany asked as Steve took his place beside her on the couch. "That you're half worthy? Almost worthy? Was worthy? Will be worthy?" Thor looked just as loss for answers as Bethany was. "The rules of the hammer are confusing and stupid."

Everyone's attention turned to Natasha, Bruce making a fanfare towards her. "Widow?"

"Oh, no no. That's not a question I needed answered," Natasha assured, taking a sip of her beer.

"Doll?" Steve asked, turning to look at Bethany.

Letting out a heavy sigh, arms bringing the tablet to her chest. "I'm with Tasha on this one. I don't need an inanimate object telling me if I'm worthy of it. I'm happy with my guns."

Steve offered her a simple smile, but the look they shared revealed that Bethany's eyes betrayed her a lot. They both knew the reason why she didn't want to try was because she didn't want to know. It didn't matter that the rest of the group couldn't lift the hammer. Bethany knew about her sins, and not knowing and there being a possibility of her being worthy, no matter how small, was better than knowing for sure.

"All deference to the man who wouldn't be king, but it's rigged," Tony announced.

"You bet your ass," Clint was quick to answer.

"Steve," Maria began, pointing to Clint. "He said a bad language word."

Steve's face fell in annoyance, Bethany breaking out into laughter. "Did you tell everyone about that?" He asked Tony.

"The handle's imprinted, right?" Tony said, ignoring the blond. "Like a security code. 'Whosoever is carrying Thor's fingerprints' is, I think, the literal translation?"

Thor slowly got up, moving to his hammer. "Yes, well that's uh, that's a very very interesting theory. I have a simpler one." They all fell silent, waiting for his response, the man swiftly picking up his hammer and tossing it in the air for show. "You are all not worthy."

"Oh!" They all broke out, Steve laughing, Clint blowing a raspberry and Bethany feeling happiness seep into her pores. She hadn't felt this good in a long time.

But with a blink of an eye, everything came crashing down around her as an awful creaking sound, almost like audio feedback, filled the room. Everyone cringed, Bethany instinctively raising her hands to her ears, the tablet falling down to her lap. The screen flickered, but Jamie's image remained, the baby still sleeping soundly.

They could hear a straining of a voice, not quite human, moving closer to them. Everyone turned around and stood as the clacking of metal against the floor brought their attention to a Legionnaire robot, severely broken and mangled came into the room. "No. How could you be worthy? You're all killers."

"Stark," Steve said, saying what they were all thinking with one simple word. That night had been about having fun, celebrating their success, but this? A reminder of who they were? What they had done?

"JARVIS," Tony said quietly to his phone, trying to get matters under control.

"I'm sorry," the robot continued. "I was asleep. Or… I was a dream?" Bethany frowned, focusing on his last sentence in particular. Could robots even do that? Dream? Not in her best knowledge. But he hadn't _been_ dreaming. He _was_ a dream.  
"Reboot," Tony spoke to his phone. "Legionnaire 06's got a buggy suit."

"There was this...terrible noise," the bot continued. Steve's arm had found his way around Bethany's body, and she could hear how deep his breaths were. He was just on guard. He was concerned and that concern was turning into fear. "And I was tangled in-in...strings. Had to kill the other guy. He was a good guy."

Bethany swallowed back her nerves, her heart pounding in her chest. The tablet was on the table in front of her, Jamie still safe and sound. "You killed someone?" Steve pressed on, his arm tightening around her, as if attempting to give her any small assurance. Until her son was in her arms, breathing, crying, laughing, giving every and any indication that he was happy and healthy, she refused to let down her guard.

"Steve," Bethany whispered, unable to hold back his name. She needed to hear it, as if to reassure herself that everything would be okay, but even his name couldn't bring her the comfort she so desperately needed.

What was eating her up even more was that she knew what this bot was. He didn't have to say it, to tell them. She knew it couldn't have been a coincidence. Bethany had been uneasy with the project when the intelligence refused to be uploaded into the database, but she hadn't predicted _this_. It was Ultron.

"Wouldn't've been my first call," Ultron declared. Bethany felt sick, not knowing who Ultron had killed. Jamie may be safe, but there were others in her apartment and possibly people lingering from the party, a waiter or security guard. Everyone had been sent home, but there was always a possibility. She didn't want anymore death on her hands, and this would most certainly be weighing down on her conscious. "But, down in the real world, we're faced with ugly choices."

"Who sent you?" Thor questioned, Ultron quickly playing back a recording of Tony's idea of a suit of armor around the world.

"Ultron," Bruce realized, letting everyone else put a name to the rogue robot.

"In the flesh," Ultron confirmed. "Or no… Not yet. Not this...chrysalis. But I'm ready. I'm on a mission."

Bethany saw Maria take her gun out and prep it, Thor's grip on his hammer even tighter than before. "What mission?" Natasha asked, everyone's mind on what to do to stop Ultron. No doubt everyone had the same goal, but a different way of achieving it. Bethany could see Steve's shield resting up against a wall, but too far in the distance. Looking around her for something to use as a makeshift weapon, she found things that would make a difference if she was fighting something _human_. Something that could _bleed_. Breaking the empty bottles or the poles of lamps, but nothing that would really come in handy.

 _If I get close enough… those wires don't look secure. If I can disconnect the power source, will he fall? Will it all be over?_

Remembering Natasha's question towards Ultron's mission, Ultron's words haunted Bethany. They were words she had sung last Christmas, words she told herself everyday was possible if she had enough faith. Words that they all worked towards every waking day. Words that would make her worry less about Jamie. Words that _should_ have freed her. But she couldn't have been farther from free when Ultron spoke "peace in our time".

* * *

 **Cleo9427: It's coming! I just wrote it, but I'm kinda on my A-game right now. I got something like 6 chapters done last week. Insanity.**

 **FeliciaFelicis:Haha, maybe you should take notes ;) I love reading what you have to say whether small or not large :)**

 **Jo: Well Ultron is here now!**

 **ACBD: Awww thank you :)**

 **anonymouscsifan: Haha, I'm not sure! Something about Steve initiating sex in a public setting sparks a fire within my mind! It may happen! A lot of their issues will be handled before Civil War, but ultimately, handled during the movie plot and afterwards. I really feel like it'll come down to that whole plot. Bethany will want to side with Tony for certain reasons that are selfish, but with Steve for unselfish ones. But that's all I'm going to say ;)**

 **gue343: Oh really? Wow! I'm so flattered! Guess I'm doing my job right! I agree; I think that combat skills-wise, Widow has the advantage, but Bethany has experience, knowledge and the whole healing thing under her belt so it would really come down to circumstances. Natasha could continue to outwit Bethany time and time again, but Bethany could take the kicks, the punches, everything and walk away perfectly fine. I don't see the two ladies ever having a physical fight unless one had to restrain the other. As we're starting to see in the story, Bethany is having a really hard time being a fighter when she has this little boy at home who she loves so much, he's changing the way she sees the world. She'd kill for him, but now she's starting to question things she never considered before. So if Bethany ever had to actually hurt someone she loved? It would do a lot of damage to her emotionally, which I think we can all agree on, she's already pretty damaged that way.**


	28. Everything Is Broken

****A/N: It's a little early, but my awesome betas had it all ready for me, so why not post now? :)**

 **The next update will be on Christmas! It's so close! We don't even have snow where I live... and I live in CANADA. It's actually amazing, to be honest. I'm working on a 1943 Christmas One-Shot of the gang as a special Christmas gift for all of you who celebrate, and a random gift for all of you who don't :) IF I finish it in time. That's still up in the air at the moment.**

Chapter 28- Everything is **Broken**

 _"Take hold of this moment. Let go all of the past. Everything is broken. Nothing ever lasts." _

_~Everything is Broken, Ollabelle_

* * *

The Legionnaire team crashed through the wall behind Ultron, heading straight for the team. Steve reacted quickly at a bot coming straight for him, pushing Bethany down before kicking up the table in front of him, blocking the robot. The Legionnaire robot flew straight at the table, making both it and Steve fly backwards in the process.

He could hear Bethany calling out his name in a panic before he saw her jumping over the couch to check on him. He flipped up, the both of them ducking as the team of rogue Legionnaire robots began to fire at free will. "Go!" He yelled to her, gesturing to a pillar for them to duck behind. The two of them stayed there for a moment, Steve studying the room, deciding what to do. Bethany was clutching the tablet close to her, reminding him of their baby downstairs, as well as their friends.

The tablet fell from her hands, shattering on the ground as Bethany quickly jumped up on an Iron Legion bot who had taken hold of Loki's sceptre. Steve wasn't sure who's great idea it was to have the sceptre on display during the party, but it was clear that they were about to lose it. Despite Bethany catching the robot's foot, it pulled her up opposed to her pulling it down, throwing her into a glass panel, the shards falling around her as the robot flew out the window, sceptre in tow.

Seeing a robot about to attack Bethany, who was still trying to pull herself out of the shattered glass, Steve jumped up onto it, wrapping his arms around his neck, hitting it with his fist. It was making no difference, but angering it, which caused it to fly backwards to the tiled wall over the bar, Steve feeling the ceramic _crunch_ from the impact. His back burned, but he barely had any time to register what was happening as he watched Natasha throw Bethany a gun, Bethany aiming the weapon up towards the robot.

"Wait!" He called out, scared that her aim would be off and the bullet would hit him instead, but her aim was perfect, wedging itself into a soft spot in it's armor. It quickly began to lose altitude as its flight was damaged, it throwing Steve off its body and crashing into the bar. Natasha was leading Bruce deeper into the room so that there would be no chance of him turning green, Bethany quickly helping Steve get up before aiming her gun at the bot one more time and shooting, watching as it crumbled towards the ground.

"Stark!" Steve called out to Tony, trying to see where he went. Everyone else seemed to be under control, but when Tony replied 'one sec' from the air, Steve tried to think of how to get up there.

"Steve," Bethany spoke, interrupting his thoughts, pointing out to where Cho was cowering behind the piano, a robot about to attack her.

Steve made a mad dash for it, throwing it backwards and calling out to Thor who was waiting to smash it with his hammer. Bethany was watching as Tony fell from the air, the bot he had been working on fell silent and still. "There!" Steve pointed out to where Natasha and Bruce needed help. Bethany made a move for it, shooting her gun as if it was the only thing she had ever done in her life, her bullets counting.

"Cap!" He heard Clint call, throwing Steve his shield who quickly caught it before putting all his body weight into throwing it towards where the last Legionnaire robot was still alive and attacking them.

The shield crashed through the robot, the metal pieces crashing down to the floor. There was silence for a moment, Steve watching as Bethany leaned down and picked up the shattered tablet, her entire body shaking.

"That was dramatic!" Ultron declared. The most eerie thing about Ultron was his _voice_. There was emotion in his words, not the plan garble so many electronics had. No, Ultron was more like JARVIS, but even more alive. It was as if he _was_ just that. Alive.

"I'm sorry, I know you mean well," Ultron continued. Steve tried to focus his gaze on the robot, but it was hard when he could see Bethany, across the room, shaking visibly. "You just didn't think it through. You want to protect the world, but you don't want it to change. How is humanity saved if it's not allowed to… evolve? With these?" Ultron bent down and picked up a head of one of the out of service Iron Legion members, crushing its skull as he continued to speak. "These puppets? There's only one path to peace. The Avengers' extinction."

Thor had evidentially had enough, throwing his hammer straight towards the broken and bent body, the body falling dead on the ground. He heard Bethany say 'Jamie' before breaking into a run towards the elevator. Steve regained the use of his legs and senses, picking up his shield and going after her, the elevator doors not closing fast enough for them to miss Ultron's dying voice. " _I had strings, but now I'm free."_

The ride down to their apartment seemed to take years. The shattered tablet remained in Bethany's arms, the screen now blank. Her breath was heavy, and worry was resting on her brow and deep within her eyes. She had blood running down random parts of her body from when she was tossed into the glass panel, but all the cuts were now healed. All except one wedge of glass that had wedged itself deep into her skin.

Reaching forward, Steve withdrew the shard from her arm, Bethany not even feeling it, or noticing. He looked down at the transparent glass, blood smeared at the front, but his gaze fell even further down, through the glass towards her feet. They were bare from when she kicked her heels off, her smooth and soft feet weak and defenseless against the glass shards that littered the floor. Her entire foot was red from blood, leaving a trail with every step, and glass still pressed deep into her skin. But with her attention on their son, and not being able to feel pain, Bethany didn't even seem to care.

When the elevator doors finally opened, there was a moment when the two of them just stood there looking at their home. There were holes in the walls, and burn marks from the beams the Legionnaire were equipped with to serve and protect. Deeper into the apartment, furniture was overturned and their beautiful glass window that took up the entire wall was gone, some broken shards of glass left at the corners, but the entirety of their protection from the outside gone.

The wind howled in, as well as the sounds from the New York City streets, but so were sirens in the apartment that indicated danger, a strange and distorted sound coming from the almost completely destroyed television and sound system. But what was the most piercing sound of all where the two sets of cries that echoed through the room.

"Jamie," Bethany breathed, running into the room and collecting a crying Jamie from Jackson who looked bewildered and like he had actually put up a fair fight. Steve followed her, touching Jamie's head softly, his heart hammering. The baby seemed relatively unharmed, his face red from his screaming, but otherwise completely fine.

"Is everyone okay?" Steve asked, looking to the ground where Jen was holding a sobbing Theo.

"What the hell just happened?" Jackson asked, his eyes wide. The man wasn't one to swear, even if it was just words like 'crap'. But Jackson took the words out of Steve's mouth.

"I don't really know," Steve admitted, looking at two of the four Legionnaire robots that were one the ground, completely frozen. Looking to Jen's face, he could see how she was staring at those frozen bodies, as if unable to justify if what she did was right or wrong.

"You did what was right," Steve quickly assured Jen, leaning down so he could check Theo. "Are you okay?"

"He's just shaken up," Jen whispered.

"And you?" He pressed on.

"I'll be okay," she replied, her voice still quiet. Steve didn't necessarily blame her. Those droids were set up specifically to protect Jamie from HYDRA, and if they were coming after Jen, she may have thought that they have been behind it. Instead, she fought and defended everyone.

"Two got away," Jackson continued, pointing to the window. "Jen took care of those two. What happened? We were just watching a movie and they attacked."

Steve sighed, standing up. Now that Bethany had Jamie in her arms, her heavy breathing had died down, but there was that look in her eyes that told him she knew something. "There was a… glitch." He let out a deep breath, looking around the room again. Everything was destroyed. Their island tabletop was in six pieces, two of the cabinets on the floor, their dishes in broken pieces. The wall was burned in some places, cracked in others and even the floor had damage to it. His eyes drifted to a photo on the fallen bookshelf that had mostly held records. Pieces of the black rounds were smashed, having no chance in their delicate state. But there was one photo on the bookshelf that Steve pulled out of the mess, a black and white framed photo of him and Bucky, the only one he had. The glass still retained its shape, the corner of the frame indented, but otherwise in perfect shape.

He placed the photo on a coffee table that usually held a lamp which was now overturned on the floor. The elevator doors opened, Natasha and Clint coming in. "Everything okay in here?" Clint asked, his face showing business, but there being clear worry in his face. "Oh shit man."

"Yeah," Steve nodded, grateful that no one was hurt, but feeling his heart clench at how ruined his home was. Bethany seemed uncaring about the room however. "Everyone is okay."

"Everyone is doing a sweep of the Tower," Natasha began to explain as Jamie's cries became hiccups. "Making sure that no one needs help, or that Ultron didn't take anything else."

"'Ultron?" Jackson echoed.

"Then everyone is meeting in Stark's lab in half an hour to… I don't know, make sense of this, I guess," Clint supplied.

"We'll be there," Steve nodded, laying a hand on the small of Bethany's back. "We have some things to take care of here."

"Yeah," Clint replied, looking around, his face unbelieving of the damage.

"I'll help," Jackson volunteered, following Natasha and Clint to the elevators, knowing that Jamie wouldn't be leaving Bethany's arms if she had anything to say about it.

Steve looked down to Theo and Jen, both visibly distraught, but Theo's cries having stopped. "You sure you two are okay? No cuts or bruises?"

"We're okay," Theo replied this time, holding onto his mother tighter.

"Bethany, your feet," Jen pointed out. Bethany looked down, seeing the state of her feet for the first time. "Sit, I'll fix them."

"Sit where?" Bethany asked, rubbing Jamie's back in a comforting motion.

Steve looked at the overturned couch before placing it upright. Bethany took a seat while Jen went for the first aid kit, Theo clinging to her for dear life. Steve sat beside Bethany, cupping her chin. "I know you know something, Bethany. What did you do?"

She looked at him, worry filling her eyes. "I didn't think _this_ would happen," she said quietly.

"Obviously," Steve felt the need to say.

"Please don't be mad," Bethany begged, fear in her voice. He wasn't sure if it was fear of what had happened, what could happen or if it was of what he would do.

"Just tell me," he prompted, his hand moving to grab hers, giving it a comforting squeeze.

Bethany took in a deep breath, looking around the apartment for the first time. "We used the sceptre to harness an intelligence that resided inside the gem. It was similar to JARVIS, but more advanced. It was why our Ultron project needed to succeed. He was supposed to wake up and bring peace… Real peace, not the peace he claims is peace. Steve, I didn't-"

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked patiently, Jen coming back over, her and Theo sitting in front of them. Jen took Bethany's foot in her hand, taking out a pair of tweezers from the kit and beginning to pull the glass out of her foot.

"I was afraid that if we said anything, you'd want to shut the program down," Bethany admitted softly. "We all were. But we knew that if there was a small chance that this could work, then we had to try. We _had_ to Steve. It's in our nature to try."

Steve sighed, leaning back on the couch. "And I suppose you did this for a reason?"

"Yes," Bethany replied, shocked that he didn't know why. In all truth, he did. He knew exactly why she did this. Why they _all_ did this. But he needed to hear her say it. "I did it for us. For all of us. So that we could wake up in a world where we felt safe. Where we didn't have to decide whether we want to save the world that day or go to Jamie's softball games. And is that such a bad thing? That I wanted, as Ultron said, 'peace in our time'?"

"No," Steve admitted, Bethany's eyes growing. "Look Doll… I understand why you did this. And I'm upset you kept it from me, yes. But I understand why you did. If I knew and I tried to stop it, and it _worked_?"

"But it didn't," Bethany muttered. "So we should have said something."

"But we had no way of knowing," Steve reminded her. "I'm not upset with you. Or Banner or Stark. I'm disappointed, but I'm not upset."

Bethany moaned. "I'm pretty sure that's worse, Steve."

He offered her a small smile, but was unable to laugh at a time like this. "Well I'm pretty sure you've learned your lesson. Although, after Insight, I thought you would-"

"In my defense, I wanted to tell you about Insight. And I didn't agree with it either Steve," Bethany fought back.

"I know," Steve said, trying to calm her down.

"For the record, I had some worries about this project. I should have stopped it as soon as I felt like something was wrong, but Tony and Bruce were so sure that everything would work out… they assumed the worse that would happen is that the intelligence wouldn't sync to the program."

Steve let out a sigh, not wanting to fight with her and trying his best to just accept what happened and move on. Them fighting wasn't going to solve anything. He understood why she did what she did. In a lot of ways, he couldn't even blame her for doing it. He knew how desperate she was for them just to have normal lives. Ultron would have given them the option to do this.

"Look, we should probably pack a bag or something. We can't sleep with a giant hole in our home."

"Finished," Jen told Bethany using a small container inside the first aid kit to hold the glass shards.

"Thank you," Bethany breathed to Jen, exhaustion clear in her voice again. "For everything Jen. I owe you my son's life."

"Just consider us even," Jen said with a soft smile which Bethany tried to return, but failed miserably. The blonde got up, balancing Jamie on her hip and walked over to the thermostat on the wall. They had never actually used it, JARVIS always adjusting the temperature according to everyone's individual needs. Every room was usually a different temperature depending on what was happening and who was there. But to Steve's surprise, when Bethany flicked a switch on it, a heavy metal door began to close where their window used to be.

"We'll deal with Ultron first and then the apartment, but at least our room is okay," Bethany said with a shrug. They hadn't even seen it yet, but the door was still shut like it had been when he left it. "I'm sorry," Bethany apologized, more emotion in her voice. "I don't want to live like this anymore, and I took a move to change it. Something _needs_ to change."

Steve opened his mouth to respond but found that he couldn't. He didn't know what to say anymore.

* * *

When half an hour had passed, everyone made their way up to Tony's lab. Jen and Theo had opted out, the little boy having fallen asleep from the exertion of emotion, and Jen not willing to leave him. No one blamed her.

"What's the situation up here?" Bethany asked, trying to get Jamie to fall back to sleep, but his eyes were wide open. It was evident that he wasn't falling back to sleep anytime soon.

"I think downstairs is more important," Tony pointed out.

"Everyone is fine," Steve supplied. "Our living room and kitchen aren't in the best shape, but Jen was able to freeze two of the Legionnaire bots. I took the liberty of destroying them so there's no chance of them waking back up when the ice melts."

"So a benefit of Jen's time with HYDRA," Bruce said, his gaze still on a computer.

"I never thought that there would be a day when I was actually grateful for HYDRA," Bethany admitted.

"We're still assessing the damage up here," Natasha offered quietly, looking through some online files that they had. "It doesn't look good."

"Thor headed out to find the Legionnaire, but we haven't heard anything back yet," Maria added, sitting on a chair and picking glass out of her foot. Evidentially Bethany hadn't been the only one to step in glass.

"Can someone please explain to me what happened?" Jackson asked, sounding exasperated.

"When Tony was scanning Loki's sceptre," Bethany took the liberty to explain. "He found something inside the gem. Something we couldn't just create, despite our efforts in the past."

"Artificial intelligence," Bruce explained. "Or something very similar.

"We decided to attempt to upload it to a project that was put on the back burner, called the Ultron Project. It was designed to be a peacekeeping initiative. Obviously, something went… terribly wrong."

"Why didn't we know about this?" Maria asked, Bethany unable to ignore the way Steve crossed his arms in that way that indicated that he was impatient.

"We had three days," Tony stressed, finally turning away from his spot at a work bench, looking at an Iron Legion robot, one that he built that had tried to kill him. "Three days to do this. If we failed, then we failed. If we succeeded, then we succeeded. We didn't think that debating this, on a limited timetable would be beneficial."

"We assumed there would be two outcomes," Bethany added, needing everyone to understand like Steve did. She knew he wasn't too happy with the entire situation, but he was taking it relatively well. She knew that she would have to deal with the full consequences at one point, but even his calmness was punishment enough. It was keeping her on edge. "We didn't anticipate this. If this was even a possibility, do you think I would've agreed to this?"

"All our work is gone," Bruce finally reported, having finished his assessments on the computer. "Ultron cleared out, used the internet as an escape hatch."

"Ultron," Steve muttered, his disapproval burning a hole through her. She felt bad enough already. She could have easily been the cause of her friends' deaths, her husband's, her _child_. She couldn't help but mutter 'I'm getting too old for this' under her breath. She knew that the only one who heard her was Steve.

"He's been in everything," Natasha reported. "Files, surveillance. Probably knows more about us than we know about each other."

"He's in your files, he's in the internet. What if he decides to access something a little more exciting?" Rhodey pointed out.

"Nuclear codes," Maria realized.

"Nuclear codes," Rhodey confirmed. Look, we need to make some calls, assuming we still can."

"Nukes?" Natasha spoke up. "He said he wanted us dead."  
"He didn't say dead," Steve was quick to correct. She could hear it now. His frustration and anger. He had done a hell of a good job keeping it to himself downstairs when he was trying to comfort her. Now they were facing the real problem. "He said extinct."

At Steve's tone, Jamie began to whine. Steve only spoke in that tone around Jamie when either him or Molly had done something wrong, using a firm 'no'. But hearing the tone now, Jamie reacted by whining, trying to gather his parent's attention.

"Shh," Bethany prompted, bouncing him slightly, trying to give him any sort of comfort that she could.

"He also said he killed somebody," Clint pointed out.

"There wasn't anyone else in the building," Maria replied instantly.

"Yes there was," Tony supplied, finally moving from his place by the metal parts and flicking his phone to show a holograph. They all knew what it was, and seeing it was more disturbing than anyone would ever admit.

"What?" Bruce asked quietly, moving over to the broken ball. "This is insane."

"JARVIS was the first line of defense," Steve reasoned, everyone's attention on the broken yellow waves that had once made up a huge member of their team. The glowing gold ball that had been responsible for their safety, their information, their wake-up calls. All of it had been JARVIS. "He would've shut Ultron down, it makes sense."

"No," Bruce disagreed. "Ultron could've assimilated Jarvis. This isn't strategy, this is...rage."

Thor then strode in, in full gear, angrily stalking towards Tony. "Whoa, hey!" Bethany quickly interjected, trying to get Thor to stop, the demi-god only taking a hold of Tony's neck and lifting him up.

"It's going around," Clint remarked towards Bruce's comment on rage.

"Stop it boys," Bethany reprimanded, struggling to keep a firm grip on Jamie who was now wiggling in her arms, trying to get down.

"C'mon, use your words, buddy," Tony urged Thor on.

"I have more than enough words to describe you, Stark," Thor replied, making Bethany grow angry really quick, but luckily Steve took charge before she had a chance.

"Thor! The Legionnaire?"  
Thor threw Tony down, the engineer landing on his feet and tumbling backwards a bit towards Bethany who put a hand on his arm to steady him. "Trail went cold about hundred miles out but it's headed north, and it has the scepter. Now we have to retrieve it, again."

Bethany couldn't help but wince, knowing full well if she had jumped a moment sooner, she could have gotten a firm grip on the robot and would have been able to retrieve that sceptre. She had been the only one watching it during the break out of the fight. That and the tablet, her eyes flashing back and forth. Once the sceptre was gone and the tablet smashed, she focused on the actual fight around her, but those were her two top concerns.

"The genie's out of that bottle," Natasha quickly added,

"The sceptre is the last of our problems right now," Bethany agreed, although it pained her to say it.

"I don't understand," Cho began, finally speaking up for the first time. To be honest, Bethany had forgot that Cho was even there. "You built this program. Why is it trying to kill us?"

It was probably because she was tired. At least, that's what she would say if anyone asked her, but when Tony started laughing randomly, she didn't even judge him. She just stood there, face blank, wondering what it would feel like to be able to laugh at that very moment.

What Helen said _was_ hilarious. And the way she seemed to think she was superior in every sense only made Bethany roll her eyes at her stupid question. Because it _was_ stupid. She had no idea what the science they played with really did. Sure, she could regrow tissue and that was pretty impressive. But there were moments when people should stay quiet, and this was clearly a time when Helen should have kept quiet.

Bruce shook his head at Tony's laughter. Everyone else seemed shocked, but Bethany just switched the arm Jamie was in, trying to get him to settle down. "You think this is funny?" Thor asked Tony.

"No," Tony said with a shrug. "It's probably not, right? Is this very terrible? Is it so...is it so...it is, it's so terrible."

"This could've been avoided if you hadn't played with something you don't understand," Thor chastised, which was the breaking straw for Bethany.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" She asked, unbelieving of his words. She _hated_ when people thought they knew better, _were_ better. It didn't matter if it was true, or if she was a hypocrite for doing the same thing, she came from a time where every single day meant being chastised for something that a man had _no_ idea about.

"No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Tony continued. "It is funny. It's a hoot that you don't get why we need this."

"Tony, maybe this might not be the time," Bruce said warningly, but even Bethany had to agree with Tony. This _was_ the time. If the entire team was going to be thinking and talking about everything they did, judging them, then at least they had the right to explain why they did what they did. Maybe what they did was selfish. They all had their personal reasons. But in the end, they did it for the team as a whole.

"Really?! That's it?" Tony all but yelled at Bruce. "You just roll over, show your belly, every time somebody snarls."

"Only when I've created a murder-bot," Bruce reasoned.

"We didn't. We weren't even close," Tony argued. "Were we close to an interface?"  
"Well, obviously," Bethany replied. It didn't matter what side she was picking or how she felt. Ultron was out for blood. And they had created him.

"Well, you did something right. And you did it right here," Steve spoke up. "The Avengers were supposed to be different than SHIELD."

"This is _not_ the same level as SHIELD," Bethany quickly interjected. "We didn't keep this a secret because we wanted to exclude you. We knew you wouldn't understand, and _refuse_ to understand."

"Anybody remember when I carried a nuke through a wormhole?" Tony supplied, an idea flooding to him.  
"No, it's never come up," Rhodey voiced.  
"Saved New York?" Tony continued.  
"Never heard that."  
"Recall that? A hostile alien army came charging through a hole in space. We're standing three hundred feet below it," he reminded them, painting a very familiar picture for everyone.  
"We're the Avengers. We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but...that up there? That's-that's the end game. How were you guys planning on beating that?"

"Together," Steve replied honestly.  
"We'll lose," Tony said harshly, but it was the truth he believed.

"Then we'll do that together, too," Steve promised, before looking to Bethany, who was still struggling to hold Jamie in her arms. "What's the point in being a team if we don't act like one?" He asked them, but the way he was looking at Bethany made her believe he was talking to her personally. Reaching out and taking Jamie into his arms, his strength keeping Jamie firm more than Bethany's did, he turned to the room. "Thor's right. Ultron's calling us out. And I'd like to find him before he's ready for us. The world's a big place. Let's start making it smaller."

"We should sleep in turns," Bethany advised. She was exhausted and she wouldn't be good to anyone with drool running down her chin as she slept through the entire hunt. "If this is like all the times before, we may go days without sleep. Might as well get what we can."

"Tasha and I will start poking around," Clint offered, Natasha nodding in agreement.

"I'll stay behind too," Bruce added.

"There won't be much until he makes his first moves," Maria reminded them. "If he's being smart, he'll erase anything he doesn't want us to see."

"No," Bethany disagreed. "He wants us to find him. They always do. That's typically their downfall."

"Beth and I will be up close to six anyways for feeding time," Steve continued, putting an arm around Bethany's shoulders. "We can take over then."

Everyone agreed on their jobs and schedules, dreading actually having to do this, especially with the alcohol starting to wear off. This was _not_ how any of them expected their nights to go. Before the team scattered, Bethany felt the need to say one more thing for everyone to consider.

"For the record, Tony's right. If this worked, none of you would be complaining. At least he was trying to do something. It's better than settling for something that's mediocre and accepting death like its no big deal. It doesn't matter what we've been through. None of you are ready for that, no matter how hard you try to convince yourselves."

With that, Bethany made her way to the elevator, not caring to hear any arguments. She would return to her apartment, where everything was broken. But more so than the broken records, dishes and pieces of glass, her happiness and all the hope she had that things could actually change for the best.

 _Everything_ was broken.

* * *

 ****A/N: Next chapter will be pretty basic. And kinda boring. Sorry. But like I said, hopefully I'll have that Christmas One-Shot done :)**

FeliciaFelicis: I know! Snippets are important! Everyone seems to love them, so I'll have to remember to write more in the future. It's definitely Steve's jacket! We don't see her taking it from him, but I needed to find a way to incorporate it into the plot.

Bruce and Natasha- I don't mind it at all. I feel like it was rushed and that's why people are so against it. They both are monsters in their own right, and know that they will have understanding between the two of them because of that. I'm low key rooting for Natasha and Bucky in MCU, but I'm not totally upset about Bruce/Natasha. Him leaving and her being a little heartbroken will lead to a girl's road trip however, so something good is coming :)

There's been twice as much smut in this story than in the first two. _Sorry Ever After_ had 6 scenes and _Wrong_ had 7. This one has 12 already... Oopsies! Smut will come eventually, but not until the whole Ultron thing is out of the way. They're not going to slip away and have sex while their friends are trying to deal with a homicidal robot.

Anonymouscsifan: Bethany is definitely in Mama Bear mode, and her need to protect her son will only increase. A lot will happen in the up-coming chapters.


	29. The Strings

****A/N: Hello everyone!**

 **1) I had every intention to post this on Christmas, but I had an INSANE day (including breaking out into tears because I got my dream record player and spent the majority of the day listening to the Glenn Miller Band the way the Glenn Miller Band should be heard) and time slipped by me.**

 **2) I never got the opportunity to finish that Christmas one-shot I was working on. I was taking care of my younger siblings this week while my parents were in New Orleans, and their planes got delayed and cancelled over and over again, so I had to do a lot of the Christmas preparation for the huge party and dinner we have at my house every year. Needless to say, writing became a very unimportant thing this week.**

Chapter 29- The **Strings**

 _"I got my reasons for leavin'. I got my reasons to stay. But baby if you want, you can make me stop. Yeah, you know what to say. I just want you to tell me. Strum the strings of my heart. 'Cause with our kind of love, we always wind up getting tangled." _

_~Tell Me, Aubrey Peeples_

* * *

The room was eerily quiet. The only sound besides the whispers of their breath was the ceiling fan, a rhythmic _whoosh, whoosh_ filling their ears. Steve and Bethany had barely said two words to each other since they decided that Jamie would sleep in between them, safe from any harm. This situation wasn't like the others. They couldn't rely on the top of line security system, and the first line of defense. They couldn't rely on someone to alert them if anything was out of the ordinary. JARVIS was gone. And along with him, any semblance of security that the couple had built through those past few months. The Tower still stood tall and strong, and despite being one of, if not _the_ safest building in the world without the Intelligence, it didn't change the uneasiness they were both suffering. But that wasn't the only thing on their minds.

"Are you asleep?" Bethany finally asked, turning her head to look at her husband. A moment passed before he finally answered. "Are you mad?" Was her next question. She had already asked him this before, but after the team meeting, she needed reassurance. His silence said a lot to her, and he had barely said anything.

"No," Steve said with a sigh. "I'm… I'm disappointed."

"That we did it? Or that we didn't tell you? Or because _I_ didn't tell you?" Bethany asked, a heavy weight pressing against her soul, knowing that Steve was disappointed at their actions. At her actions.

"About everything," Steve whispered. "Beth, why didn't you say something?"  
"Because we knew… I knew that you wouldn't agree," Bethany admitted freely. "We didn't have time for debates. We did it because we knew this would be our only chance."

Steve was silent, quietly processing this information. "So even though you knew I wouldn't approve, you still went ahead and did it anyways?" He had understood earlier, or so he said. But now wasn't about just calming her down and getting to the bottom of the issue. Now was about understanding every little aspect.

"Just because you're a righteous man, Steve, doesn't mean you're always right," She pointed out. "You heard what Tony said. We need this."

"But in the process, we created an even bigger problem at hand."

"Yes, but if it worked… Steve, imagine if it had worked. If Ultron woke up and immediately went to work on keeping peace. On transforming the world into one that we would actually be proud to raise Jamie in."

"But that's not what happened."

"But that's why I did this. Why we all did this. You may be content spending the rest of your days in that damned suit, but that's not all there is to life. Okay? When I agreed to help, all I could see was our dream. The one where it's us, growing old, with our children in a big, beautiful house and the last thing on our minds is the dangers of the world. Do you remember that dream Steve? What happened to that dream?"

"It's… unrealistic," Steve whispered. "I don't know if we can get that."

Bethany's jaw clenched as she tried to keep back her own disappointment at Steve's words. Because despite the world they lived in now, where everything was getting worse by the minute as opposed to their attempts to make it better, that dream was the only reason she continued to push forward. And she thought that was the reason Steve was fighting as well. "You don't know if we can get it, or you don't want that?"

"What does that mean?" Steve asked, hurt by her words. "Of course I want a home, a real home with you and Jamie. But I also know that with HYDRA, no SHIELD and everything that happened with Jen and Theo this year, not to mention you, Banner and Tony keeping secrets-"

"Don't spin this on us," Bethany snapped. "Steve, I don't really know anymore if you would be okay with settling down. In theory, you think it's nice, but you don't-"

"I want that," Steve promised. "I just… I'm tired of expecting something and getting my hopes up. I'd rather look at this realistically. Besides, I thought you were happy. I thought we had finally found a balance between family and work."

"You know why I fight. You know why I've always fought. But that doesn't change the fact that I want Jamie to grow up without having to worry like we do. For him to live his own life, and not have to live in your impossibly big shadow. I want us to have more kids, and watch them grow up and be individuals, contributing to society."

"Everytime you say you're going to hang up the suit," Steve began, clearly growing frustrated with their conversation. "You put it back on. Every single time. So, I'm sorry if I don't necessarily believe you when you say that you'd give it up permanently."

"Well, neither would you," Bethany spat in return.

"Does that mean you'll help us?" Steve asked. "You'll go after Ultron with us? I'm not going to ask you to stay here if you need to go out there. We've prepared for this. Prepared to leave Jamie here while we right the wrongs, but only if you're doing it for the right reasons."

"I just told you why I'm fighting," Bethany reminded him, but then realized that she hadn't exactly laid it out clearly. "Look, I made a mistake. I _always_ make mistakes. And not ones that only affect myself. They affect others, they hurt others. This is possibly the biggest mistake I've ever made. I'll take full responsibility for my bad judgement."

"Well, that's good to hear," Steve replied, reaching across Jamie and taking Bethany's hand.

"I need to right my wrong," Bethany continued.

"And then? When this is all over? What do we do from then on?" Bethany looked at Steve, her eyes long ago adjusting to the darkness. She could see the worry etched into his face on what was about to happen. For the first time, she could see the weariness taking its toll, but he didn't, for a second, allow that to take control of him.

She knew that Steve loved Jamie. That Steve loved her. God, he loved her. And she loved both her boys in return. But she knew who she married. She knew who Steve was. She knew who she was. They were both fighters. And he was ultimately right. As much as she wanted to be solely a mother and a wife, she knew she couldn't when the rest of her family was out there, fighting the fight that needed to be fought. If Steve put down the shield for good, giving up fighting would be a hell of a lot easier for her. That was the only reason she was able to stay away from the hells of the world right before and after Jamie was born. But all that was changing.

She wasn't sure if they could achieve that normalness they once wanted. That normalness that once seemed so simple. And when SHIELD was still around, it did seem possible. But now, Bethany couldn't disagree with her husband. It didn't mean that she didn't want to raise a family, and actually live their lives together. She wanted that. And she knew that Steve wanted that. But they would never stop fighting. That seemed to be the real issue at hand. No matter how badly she wanted to end it, she knew Steve would never step away, and therefore, she wouldn't either.

"Beth?" Steve asked again. "What happens when this is all over?"

She let out a soft sigh, squeezing his hand. "I don't know. But I do hope we can untangle ourselves from the strings that are weighing us down. The ones that keep bringing us here. The ones that keep us from moving forward. I'm tired, Steve. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of worrying."

"We'll get through this," Steve promised. "We always do."

"Until we don't," Bethany pointed out with a whisper. "What if this time we don't? What if this time, we lose someone?"

Steve sat up, Bethany following him. He quickly brought her into his arms, kissing her temple. She instantly felt better, comforted by his embrace. "We'll get through that too," he vowed. "I'm sorry that this is our life. You deserve better."

"Shhh," Bethany replied, her hands rubbing his smooth back rhythmically. "What I have now? This is more than I ever thought I would get. And I'm grateful. Living on the edge used to be fun. Now, it's a full time job. But I'm grateful for you. For Jamie. For the life we have together, no matter what. But that won't stop me from wanting us to just live happily ever after."

"We'll get through this," Steve repeated, as if unsure of what else to say. "We always do." Bethany nodded softly, pressing a kiss to his neck. She knew if she said anything else, Steve would be able to tell that she wasn't exactly sure if they would.

* * *

Steve was envious of Bethany and Jamie actually getting some sleep. It had taken almost an hour to finally get Jamie to fall back to sleep but as soon as she and Steve finished their conversation, Bethany had slipped into a dreamland. He had spent the rest of the night panicking at every single sound. Whenever he would get out of the bed, shield on his arm, he would just find Molly getting herself into trouble. Checking her paws at one point to see if she had any cuts or glass stuck in them, Steve decided that his sleeplessness was best used in cleaning up the apartment in any way he could, followed by packing a bag for Jamie.

Bethany had been working on a safe house of kinds within the apartment for Jamie. Jackson was acquainted with everything inside it, but since Jamie was growing like a weed, Steve thought it best to pack some new clothes and diapers, along with some of Jamie's favorite toys. Stopping in front of Jamie's picture wall, there was a photo of Bethany holding a newborn Jamie in the hospital, looking exhausted but as beautiful as ever. Steve hovered behind her, a huge smile on his face. He touched Bethany's face softly before taking the photo off the wall and slipping it into the bag. They weren't sure how long they'd be gone for.

"I told you to leave the living room alone," Bethany voice drifted into the room. Steve turned around to see Bethany in the doorframe, Jamie still sleeping in her arms.

"I wanted to clean the mess up somehow," Steve explained, moving to kiss her softly.

"It's all broken," she whispered, looking a little broken herself.

"Things can be replaced," he promised her, leaning down a little to look into her eyes. "We'll rebuild."

"No, it's fine," Bethany said, shaking her head.

"Beth, we can't live in a place that looks like this. Especially with a baby," he pressed on, confused by her words.

"No, it's… it's whatever," she sighed, turning around and going to sit on the couch. Molly jumped up and curled herself into a ball next to Bethany.

"What's wrong?" Steve asked carefully, sitting in the free spot beside her.

"Nothing," Bethany replied, but it was as clear as water that something was wrong, it was even clearer that this was a battle Steve won't be fighting at that moment. Bethany seemed content with just sitting on their couch, surrounded by the disaster around them and Steve wouldn't press her, especially not this early.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" He offered. "Make food, call someone?"

"No, but remind me that I have to call Kiley later. I told her we'd visit her today," Bethany said with a heavy sigh. "What time is it?"

"Almost six," Steve responded. "I guess we should go get ready to relieve the team."

"They won't be leaving," Bethany replied honestly. "Just like you didn't sleep."

"You slept though."

Bethany nodded, giving a soft smile in response. "There were a lot of factors that led to that. A sleeping pill included. I just needed a few minutes, no matter how little, to get my mind off things."

She had got close to four hours of sleep and he had seen her function perfectly on less, but it was clear that she wished she got a little more. "I'm going to get ready then," Steve said, not being able to think of anything else. When he got to the bedroom door, he turned back around to look at Bethany, blindly stroking Molly's fur. He felt bad about their late night conversation. He had been so focused on making her happy and relaxed in their life and with one night, everything was gone. And he had to make it worse by telling her that normal wasn't an achievable goal for them.

Knowing that he would probably suit up at some point today, he pulled on the bottom of his suit, including his boots, but wearing an Underarmour shirt opposed to the top piece. He pulled Bethany's suit out of the closet after making the bed, laying the red material on top of the duvet. In a perfect world, Bethany wouldn't have to put it on ever again, not unless she wanted to.

Shaking his head and flopping onto the bed, Steve didn't even know what was right anymore.

* * *

Bethany refused to put on her uniform until absolutely necessary. For the time being, she would be comfortable in leggings and one of Steve's sweaters. She didn't care if she looked like a mess. That's exactly how she felt. She spent most of her morning getting Jamie comfortable in the safe room she had created for him, and making sure that Jackson and Jen were familiar with everything inside the room.

The relationship between Jen and Bethany seemed to strengthen a million times over night, Bethany knowing full well that if Jen hadn't been there, things would have been much different. Bethany, Steve, the entire team and the security measures put into play weren't there and Jen _was_.

"I mean, it's not ideal," Bethany breathed when she put Jamie down in a fold-up play pen. It was much smaller than the boy was used to and the way he looked up at her in dismay showed how he really felt about the small space. "But right now, it's the safest thing for everyone. Tony is working on a program that Ultron won't be able hack into, so once you close the doors, you'll be safe inside. Maria will be upstairs giving you all updates."

"We'll be fine," Jen promised Bethany. "It's small, but it's homey."

"And there's TV!" Theo added, having already fixated himself in front of the television.

"It's not that I don't trust you. It's that I don't trust Ultron," Bethany explained.

Jen offered Bethany an encouraging smile. "Well as long as you get him, there's nothing to be worried about, right?"

Bethany nodded, admitting to herself that this was a really good way to look at the situation. "Okay, I have to go up and talk to Bruce and Tony. Don't hesitate to call me if he gets too fussy, okay? I'll be able to focus on finding Ultron better if he's down here, but-"

"Go," Jackson stressed.

Bethany sighed, but conceding. Kneeling down, she kissed Jamie softly. "Momma loves you, okay Munchkin?"

Jamie only laughed hysterically, making it even harder for Bethany to leave him, even if she was just going up to meet Tony and Bruce. "What'd I miss?" Bethany asked, flicking on the light to the room, only for both men to make a noise that strictly meant 'turn off the light'.

"Were you two in here all night?" Bethany asked with a sigh.

"No," Tony replied instantly. " _Almost_ all night. We're trying to figure out where it all went wrong."

"Any leads?" Bethany asked, already knowing the answer.

"Nothing," Bruce sighed. "But you were right. We shouldn't have forced the program in-"

"No. I'm as much to blame, don't write me off," Bethany sighed, looking over Bruce's shoulder as he continued to watch videos of Ultron.

"You can read vocal stress patterns, adrenaline spikes," Bruce began.

"No, no. That was in the schematic we launched," Tony said exasperatedly, tossing something from his hand.

"He had a self-constructed learning spiral," Bruce reminded Tony.

"In his language database he was supposed to learn slang, not go insane," Tony stressed.

"You're assuming it did."

"He's a little homicidal for a newborn," Bethany pointed out.

"Look we both know that the guy has anger issues, which is not to point a finger…" Despite his words, Tony was clearly pointing a finger in Bruce's direction.

"Tony," Bethany whispered, shaking her head. That was taking it a step too far.

"We told him to solve the world," Bruce rationalised.

"What if he thinks he is?" Bethany offered. "What if he thinks this is the way to do it? It's not how _we'd_ do it, but our way _was_ Ultron…"

They all fell silent thinking this over. There were a lot more variables than they originally considered. It wasn't just a straight forward good and bad, but then again, when was any of the situations they were in?

* * *

Apparently the entire team had spent the night researching and trying to find Ultron. While that made Steve a little guilty, he knew that no one was judging either one of them. Having a baby changed a _lot_. Jamie was number one on his and Bethany's to-do list and making sure he was safe through the night was a must.

"He's all over the globe," Maria reported to him as they made their way upstairs to join the team. "Robotics labs, weapons facilities, jet propulsion labs. Reports of a metal man, or men, coming in and emptying the place."

"Fatalities?" Steve asked.

"Only when engaged. Mostly guys left in a fugue state going on about old memories, worst fears, and something too fast to see."

"Maximoffs," Steve concluded. "Well, it makes sense he'd go to them, they have someone in common."

"Not anymore," Maria corrected, handing Steve her tablet.

"That's kinda a mixed message," Steve noted, looking at the image of Strucker, dead in his cell, the word 'peace' painted over him in, what he presumed was blood.

"Is it?" Maria questioned. "If it was my mission, world peace, I'd probably take out Strucker too. Ultron could be in any system. He could be pulling planes down from the sky. What if he's just doing what he's supposed to?"

"If I thought Ultron was bringing peace, I'd hang up my shield," Steve said simply, looking at the tablet for another moment.

"Would you?" Maria threw back, clearly challenging his words.

Steve thought hard about what he had said. He had been up most of the night thinking about it after his conversation with Bethany and he still didn't know what his answer should be or what he wanted it to be. He knew what Bethany wanted it to be. But for some reason, Steve couldn't bring himself to feel the same way. He loved his family, that he knew for sure and he would do anything to protect them.

But it was obvious that Steve wasn't ready to give up the shield. Everyone could see it, and Maria was calling him out on it, rightfully. Bethany wanted Ultron to be a success so that there would be peace and Steve could stay at home with them. So he could be safe and they could be happy. But if Steve was at home all the time, not out there fighting, he wouldn't be happy. "Let me know if he leaves anymore messages."

Maria nodded, going down the stairs as Steve went upwards. Steve frowned, hearing Clint's voice linger down the hall. The archer was supposed to be calling old contacts from his time at SHIELD for information. Since he was a little friendlier to people than the women of SHIELD, they all agreed that Clint calling would be better.

"Don't worry about the wolf. Keep the nightlight off," Clint said, Steve stopping at the top of the stairs, looking at the man. "That's a negative, I answer to you. Yes ma'am. Gotta go."

Clint quickly hung up, looking over to Steve and holding up his phone. "Girlfriend."

"Any of your old contacts came through?" Steve questioned.

"Still waiting."

"Wait faster," Steve ordered, pulling out his own phone and reading a text from Bethany. She was just checking in on him. He couldn't help but smile, feeling touched at her words before frowning and looking over his shoulder at Clint. "Girlfriend?" He whispered. He was almost positive that Clint was single. He was always prying into his personal life with Bethany, yet if Clint really did have a girlfriend, there was a lot that the archer was hiding from him.

He hated knowing that there were secrets in the group. It only prompted Bethany to keep more from him. Little secrets that were meant to be surprises like dinner plans or birthday gifts were one thing, but he felt like his team was keeping him from things that could change his life in some way. When Bethany had reminded Steve about the condom when he had been so distracted by her, he really thought that she was done hiding things from him. That's why her keeping him in the dark about Ultron was such a slap to the face.

But between her keeping secrets and him not being willing to retire… it was dangerous to their relationship. He loved her. More than was actually good for him. More than was actually good for all of them.

* * *

"This is a dead end," Bethany whispered, more to herself than anyone else, but she was fully aware that everyone was thinking the same thing. All their information, at least anything that would be of use, was gone. Even trying to dig it out was impossible. Everything was wiped clean, as if it had never existed to begin with.

Natasha was talking with Rhodey, the two of them making sure they shared as much information as they could. "We're getting access tonight on all basic information streams," Natasha reported.

" _Yeah, well you guys are definitely off the pentagon's Christmas list,"_ Rhodey replied.

"Oh, and I was so hoping for a monogramed pen," Bethany joked, rolling her eyes.

 _"Every country with a nuke is fighting a cyber attack,"_ Rhodey revealed. _"War Machine is being deployed to the middle east in case certain people start blaming each other instead of you."_

"Okay, well hold that thought," Tony interjected, coming up behind them. "Let me overnight you a new encryption drive for your suit in case Ultron wants in."

" _Gotcha. Thanks."_

"You hear something, we need to hear it too," Natasha stressed.

 _"Hey, that goes both ways. Watch your six."_

"Stay safe Rhodey," Bethany spoke before the screen went blank. Rubbing her forehead, she saw Steve come into the room, walking over to Thor. It wasn't the time to think about how sexy he was, but the thought filtered through her head anyways.

"Any help from on high?" Steve asked Thor, the two moving closer to the table Bethany and Natasha were at.

"Heimdall is either away from his post or he's been ordered not to answer. But Ultron can't hide forever, we'll find him," Thor promised.

"Well, he's not exactly hiding," Steve offered, handing Thor the tablet.

"What's that?" Bethany asked.

"A message," Steve explained, handing the tablet to Thor who looked at it for a moment before handing it to Tony a little too strongly, the movement acting like a hit to the stomach. Clearly Thor wasn't happy about what was on the screen, and was still blaming Tony for this more than anyone. "Ultron killed Strucker."

Bethany got out of her seat to look at the screen. She wasn't too fond of Baron von Strucker, but she did have a lot she wanted to ask him, and now she would never get the chance. The word 'peace' was written above Strucker's limp body in blood.

"And he did a Banksy at the crime scene, just for us," Tony added.

"This is good," Natasha said with a nod.

"No, that's not good," Bruce disagreed.

"He's showing us his hand. This isn't his pattern. This is a smokescreen," Natasha theorized. "Why send a message when you've just given a speech?"

"Strucker knew something that Ultron wanted us to miss," Steve agreed.

"I bet he… yep," Natasha voiced as she typed away at the computer in front of her. "Everything we had on Strucker has been erased."

"And that's good?" Bruce asked, still confused about what was good and what was bad.

"Well, he won't see us coming, for starters," Bethany offered. "He'll expect us to be lost."

"But aren't we?" Bruce continued. "Lost?"

"Where's your faith," Bethany said with a smug smile.

"I really don't follow," Bruce admitted.

"Kid, did you move all those SHIELD files up to my office?" Bethany asked, an excited smile on her face.

Steve frowned down at her. "You have an office?"

"Oh sweetie," Bethany quietly replied, patting his shoulder for a moment before she led the group to where she had stored all her old SHIELD things. Awards, pictures, newspapers and a War Bonds poster hung up on the walls of her room, huge filing cabinets standing against some of the walls, and boxes piled up in one corner. "I don't come here often. Or at all. But Maria and I agreed that this stuff shouldn't be shredded."

Steve looked around the room for a moment, taking everything in before laying his shield to rest against the wall. Bethany knew that a lot of the boxes were things they didn't really need, but she had a hard time given them away. She had planned on giving most of it to Coulson, but had never got the chance to. She was grateful that her days were busy now.

"And you were judging me for wanting to keep these things around," she taunted Tony, leaning down at the boxes and looking for something in specific. She knew they had something on Strucker. Maria and Bethany had spent months figuring out which SHIELD agents were actually HYDRA in disguise and making sure those files were accessible. Strucker had been at the top of the list. "These boxes here."

Thor and Steve quickly carried the boxes over to the large table in the middle of the room, the team getting to work. "Why keep paper copies when you have electronic?" Tony said in response to her earlier question.

Bethany looked at him blankly for a moment. "For situations exactly like this one. It's an old fashioned concept, but this isn't the first time this has come in handy. Coulson and I learned the hard way. And now all of you have."

"Known associates...Baron Strucker had a lot of friends," Steve mumbled, sorting through the files.

"Well, these people are all horrible," Bruce decided, scanning some of the pages.

"To be fair, so was Strucker," Bethany allowed, taking a section of papers, Tony stopping her.

"Wait. I know that guy. From back in the day," He explained.

"Ulysses Klaue?" She asked, taking a look at it before handing it over to Thor who had his hand out expectantly.

"Yeah, he operates off the African coast," Tony continued. "Black market arms."

Standing right between Tony and Steve, she didn't miss the judging look that Steve threw her nephew. "There are conventions, all right?" Tony defended himself quickly. "You meet people. I didn't sell him anything. He was talking about finding something new, a game changer, it was all very 'Ahab.'"

"This," Thor spoke out, pointing to a mark on the back of Klaue's neck before Bethany could interject.

"Uh, it's a tattoo. I don't think he had it," Tony replied.

"No, those are tattoos," Thor disagreed, pointing to the dark ink above the mark. "This is a brand."

"The internet is still up and running? Scan it through," Bethany suggested.

"Brands?" Natasha said with a wince as Bruce took a photo of the brand before filtering it through their system for answers. "That can never mean anything good."

"Certain cultures, certain generations. But in this circumstance? He earned that by pissing someone off," Bethany guessed. "Not exactly a desirable place for someone to press a hot rod on you."

"Is there _any_ desirable place?" Clint felt obliged to ask.

"It's a word in an African dialect meaning 'thief'. In a much less friendly way," Bruce announced as the results showed up on the screen.

"What dialect?" Steve asked.

"In what way?" Bethany then questioned, trying to run all the variations to thief through her head. _Burglar? Cheat? Defalcator? Embezzler? Kleptomaniac? Larcener? Pilfer? Scrounger?_  
Bruce elected to focus on the issue on hand, trying to sound out the dialect opposed to answering Bethany's question. "Wakanada...? W-Wa-...Wakanda."

"Ugh…" Bethany moaned, her head lolling to the side, hitting Steve's bicep with a sense of defeat and annoyance.

"If this guy got out of Wakanda with some of their trade goods," Tony said quietly, addressing her and Steve only.  
"I thought you said your brother got the last of it?" Steve asked Bethany, looking down at the blonde.

"I wasn't there when he found it, I was still studying with Erskine," Bethany explained, bringing her head up. "But if he thought there was more, he would have done whatever he could to get it, that I will stake my life on."

"I don't follow. What comes out of Wakanda?" Bruce pressed on.

The three of them looked back at Steve's shield, it's paint job perfect and gleaming with purpose. "The strongest metal on earth," Tony answered. "If there's more-"

"We're fucked," Bethany finished for him, knowing that Steve wouldn't use those exact words, but there was no other word that worked as perfectly.

* * *

 ****A/N: Once again, happy holidays everyone :)**

 **FeliciaFelicis: Haha, well they slipped away during Winter Soldier once, but I felt like it had reason.**

 **Jo: Haha thanks! I wanted to make sure that Jen had actual purpose besides being a pain in the ass.**

 **anonymouscsifan: She sure did! And yes, their marriage is a constant work-in-progress!**


	30. The Girl With The Broken Smile

****A/N: Happy New Year's everyone! Hope that everyone is having an amazing night! I have a pretty nasty head cold which means I'll be ringing in the New Year (finally) watching Daredevil and Jessica Jones. Yes... I haven't done that yet. All my free time is spent writing, and I wanted to give these two shows my undivided attention, so I've been waiting for a time like today to finally dive in and enjoy these beautiful gifts from Marvel and Netflix.**

 **Hope you all have a safe night, and an amazing New Year!**

* * *

Chapter 30- The Girl With The **Broken** Smile

 _"I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door. I've had you so many times but somehow I want more. I don't mind spending every day out on your corner in the pouring rain. Look for the girl with the broken smile. Ask her if she wants to stay awhile and she will be loved."_

 _~She Will Be Loved, Maroon 5_

* * *

After doing a lot of digging, the team found Klaue's last dealing being set in a salvage yard off the African Coast. Ultron had done a good job clearing out all their information, but there were things even the intelligence couldn't hide from them. Klaue had just made a deal a few hours ago, so they were confident he was still there and set out immediately. Bethany took two minutes to collect herself and force her way into the quinjet without saying goodbye to Jamie. If she went down, she had a feeling she wouldn't be able to leave and she was adamant on fixing her mistakes. Steve, however, had taken the opportunity to see his son. He was a little less bulletproof when compared to his wife.

"The Maximoffs will be there," Steve told Bethany as they sat in their customary seats on the quinjet.

"And?" She asked him, not understanding his point.

"Just wanted to warn you. So you'd be prepared," Steve explained. "Look, the reports show that the girl is able to really play with your mind. Old memories and fears… I just want you to be on guard Bethany. I know how bad your past has been."

She said nothing for a minute before turning to him with a simple smile on her face. "I'm more worried about my future than my past," Bethany replied. "Nothing that she could pull up from my past can hurt me."

"If you say so," he mumbled quietly, clearly not believing her. But Bethany stood firm in her assessment. This Maximoff couldn't show Bethany anything that she hadn't already seen or dreamed of. Almost every night, she saw herself killing her loved ones, or her loved ones dying and her not being able to do anything about it. She dreamt of Loki and HYDRA and of hearing Steve's static filled voice telling her goodbye as he crashed the Valkyrie into the ocean. Nothing this girl could show her would be able to beat any of that.

"Here," Tony said to her, handing her a bracelet type gadget.

"What is this?" Bethany asked, taking it in her hands.

"The upgraded version of the flame thrower thingy," Tony explained. "Since you hated the old one."

"It was too big," Bethany defended.

"Yeah, so this one is small," Tony concluded. "Same idea on how to activate it. Only use it if you _have_ to though. I have a feeling this place would go up in flames."

"Agreed," Bethany nodded, attaching the device to her uniform. She adjusted it, agreeing with Tony's words. It was much smaller and wouldn't get in her way. She still wasn't sure why she couldn't just use her guns, but Tony was adamant on her having a gimmick. And apparently spontaneous healing wasn't it for him.

By the time they arrived, they had already pulled out building blueprints and created a plan. It was simple enough, but their plans never really went the way they wanted them to. It wouldn't be as easy as they wanted, and if it _was_ they would know that there was something else in the works. They had learned that lesson from Loki.

Since Natasha, Clint and Bethany were spies first, it was agreed that they would hide out in the wings, surrounding Ultron. The idea was to keep him from escaping, but they knew that he could easily slip out through the internet. They had to make sure, however, that Ultron didn't take the vibranium, if that's what Ultron was indeed after.

The Maximoffs were going to make things more difficult, that Bethany knew for certain, but she refused to be afraid of what could happen. Her shaking and dwelling on what could happen wasn't going to get the job done. She needed to remember what it was like to be that dark-haired and heartless agent of SHIELD who had very little to lose.

Banner was staying in the quinjet. Where Ultron was hiding wasn't exactly the most stable place and it was better if the Hulk was just a back-up. Thor, Steve and Tony were ready to be front and center, to take most of the beating if necessary. Bethany interjected at that point, but Steve quickly reminded Bethany that her aim was insanely accurate and even while hiding in the shadows with Clint and Natasha, the three of them would do a lot more harm shooting than being out in the action.

When Bethany had raised her gun at Steve and the Iron Legion robot that held him up above the bar the night before, it had been automatic. She didn't even think about what she was doing, just about aiming and closing in on the shot. On pulling the trigger. But she had been confident enough on her aim the night before that hitting Steve hadn't even occurred to her. There was absolutely no way she'd miss. She needed that same confidence now.

"Just like old times, huh?" Clint whispered to Bethany as the two of them watched Natasha take her spot before they kept moving to their own ones.

"In a way," Bethany agreed. "Still, I'd love to have some of that ruthlessness now."

"What do you mean?" Clint asked, looking around a corner before they stalked forward.

"I used to kill without thinking about it. But now…"

"Good thing we're fighting a robot then," Clint reminded her.

Bethany shook her head, letting out a deep breath. "The Maximoffs. They're just kids, Clint. They may think that they're doing the right thing."

"Does anyone ever think that they're doing the wrong thing? Don't all villains do things because they believe, in their messed up little brains, that it's the right thing for everyone? Or maybe just for them?"  
"What if they're right?" Bethany asked suddenly, Clint stopping in his spot. "What if we're the villains? What if we create more problems than we solve and the world would be better off without us?"

"Well then Ultron should let us retire so we can be with our families, not depriving us and them of that," Clint reasoned. "I understand your… concerns. But right now, we have a job to do-"

"I know Clint," Bethany brushed off, rolling her eyes. "That was my pep talk to you once upon a time, remember?"

"I remember," Clint nodded. "I just needed to know if you did. Now go take your spot. Guard your husband's six."

"Right," Bethany whispered, following Clint words, still trying to dig that old SHIELD agent inside herself out of retirement.

* * *

"You know, it came at great personal cost," Klaue told Ultron. Steve could see the exchange happening, but they had to be careful about when they made their presence known. If the girl, Wanda, was paying close attention, she would be able to sense them. "It's worth billions."

"Now, so are you," Ultron declared. "It's all under your...'dummy holdings'? Finances, so weird. Well I always say, 'keep your friends rich and your enemies rich and wait to find out which is which'."

Ultron had got an upgrade since they last saw him. Now he wasn't some weak bot, not able to fight his own battles. He looked as menacing as he sounded. There's a lot of things that Steve loved technology for. Microwaves and internet were one thing. A murderous metal man was another. But if Ultron had the same idea of peace as the rest of the team, Steve could see how he would be a benefit. However, he wasn't fond of the idea of scaring people into following the rules. It was how society operated and in his opinion, it wasn't the best way. When people committed crimes, they had to be punished, but more so, put away for the safety of everyone else. Steve couldn't care less if these people had books or movies or gross meals that rivaled the hospital meals he choked down whenever he or Bethany landed themselves into a hospital bed. The point was to keep them away from the people who deserved a safe world.

"Stark," Klaue said suddenly, making Steve's heart freeze for a moment thinking that their element of surprise was gone, only for the man to continue when Ultron prompted him. "Tony Stark used to say that. To me. You're one of his?"

"What?! I'm not...! I'm not," Ultron defended quickly. "You think I'm one of Stark's puppets, his hollow men? I mean look at me, do I look like Iron Man?"

Steve was taken aback at how much Ultron sounded like… well, like _Tony_. So many people compared Tony to Howard, time and time again, Steve and Bethany included. It was more than obvious that it irritated Tony. The Howard Stark that Steve knew was a brilliant man and a dear friend, the same man that Bethany knew to be her loving brother. Tony knew someone different however, and always took it as an insult.

It was like Tony's entire life was spent trying to make a name for himself. And he had. But regardless, he couldn't shake his image as Howard Stark's son. Ultron evidentially felt the same way about Tony, who in all sense of the word, was Ultron's father.

"Stark is-" Ultron continued in a rage, accidentally breaking the bottom of Klaue's arm straight off from the rest of his body. "I'm sorry. I'm s...oooh. I'm sure that's gonna be okay, I'm sorry. It's just, I don't understand. Don't compare me with Stark!" Ultron then kicked Klaue down a flight of stairs, Klaue's right hand man going down after him. Steve looked across the platform, seeing Bethany in her place, gun in hand.

"It's a thing with me. Stark is, he's a sickness!" Ultron continued before Steve gave the signal, indicating it was the perfect time. They had eliminated two of the people they had to deal with and everyone was in place.

"Ahh, Junior," Tony voiced as he flew in. "You're gonna break your old man's heart."  
"If I have to," Ultron justified.

"You don't have to break anything," Thor spoke as the three men took their place on the platform across from Ultron and the Twins.

"Clearly you've never made an omelet," Ultron replied.

"He beat me by one second," Tony quickly claimed, making Steve agree to his earlier evaluation. Ultron was a _lot_ like Tony.

"Ah, this is funny, Mr. Stark," the boy, Pietro began. "It's what, comfortable? Like old times?"

"This was never my life," Tony said looking around. This Steve believed. Tony had been victim of someone selling his weapons on the black market and who then tried to kill him with them. This wasn't Tony's style. It wasn't Howard's either, as the man had been accused of something similar after the Second World War.

"You two can still walk away from this," Steve said to the Twins. The last thing he wanted was for two innocent kids to be pulled into Ultron's plans because of what? He promised them freedom? Revenge? Peace? Ultron's idea of all three of those words weren't the standard definition. He had a feeling that they didn't know everything that Ultron was up to. That they had one common goal which led to their alliance that led the Twins to believe that this was a good choice for them.

"Oh we will," Wanda assured him. He didn't like her tone. It was the same one Bethany used when talking lovingly to Jamie, but filled with malice opposed to love. She was babying him.

"I know you've suffered-"He felt obliged to say. He was going to try his hardest to get these kids away from Ultron and to where it was safe. No one wanted to hurt them, which could very well end up being their biggest weapon.

"Blah!" Ultron interrupted Steve, giving a chuckle. "Captain America. God's righteous man, pretending you could live without a war."

Steve's jaw clenched, but not with anger. He was trying to keep his emotions in check. He didn't want anyone to see how in one sentence, Ultron had just shown him _why_ he wasn't willing to hang up the shield. Because he _couldn't live without a war_.

That idea alone was baffling. He fought for peace, for freedom. His image back in the forties showed that the war would soon end and that they would be victorious. Every raid, battle, mission that he had participated in through the years had been with that one goal in mind. But it was true. Steve couldn't live without a war.

Bethany could picture a future where there were no battles. Where it was just him, her and their children, happy and safe. And yes, when he was first pulled from the ice, he truly believed that this could happen for them one day. But after everything that had happened… when he thought of their future, he knew very well that it wouldn't be as simple as Bethany wanted it.

His eyes met Bethany's and even from afar he could see what she was feeling. Hurt. Betrayal. Understanding. Heartbreak. And all of her emotions were justified. Steve had known this for a while now, but he had never been able to explain it to her, let alone himself, the way Ultron had.

"I can't physically throw up in my mouth, but-" Ultron continued.

"If you believe in peace, then let us keep it," Thor interrupted, coming to Steve's rescue.

"I think you're confusing peace with quiet," Ultron supplied.

"Yuh-huh. What's the Vibranium for?" Tony pressed on, having enough of the idle chatter.

"I'm glad you asked that, because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan," With that, Ultron raised his hand outwards and used some sort of magnet to pull Tony forward. Before Steve or Thor could move to help, two of Ultron's robotic minions appeared from nowhere. Steve could see, out of the corner of his eye, Tony being thrown back into the wall before flying forward to attack Ultron, but he was more focused on trying to get the robot to stop trying to kill him. He seemed to anticipate all of Steve's moves, even going so far as to grab Steve by the neck and push him against the rails of the platform. Steve used his angle to hit the bot twice with his shield, slipping from his grasp and kicking him down before noticing Wanda Maximoff waiting anxiously for him.

He went to move forward, but she attacked quickly, a stream of red pushing him back into the robot who was getting back onto its feet. Klaue's men began to attack no one in particular, bullets flying through the air at random. Ducking behind his shield at a series of attacks, he tilted it, sending the bullets back in the direction they came from before throwing his shield towards where he saw Pietro. Before even blinking, the man was gone and Steve was sent backwards with a powerful punch to the jaw.

"Shit," he said under his breath, his shield bouncing off the wall and coming back to him. He quickly caught it, tenderly touching his jaw. His eye caught Bethany up a level, fighting off at least five gun men. He knew she could take care of herself, but he threw his shield in their direction, knocking out three of them before catching his shield again.

One of Ultron's minions came at him, so Steve quickly pressed his shield to the robot's neck, using his strength to hold him in place while Thor swung his hammer, cutting the bot's head off. Jumping over the ledge of the platform, he threw his shield to hit more of Klaue's men, catching it and then using it to knock Pietro back down to the ground. Steve wasn't sure how he ended there in the first place, but they would have better luck if he wasn't running around getting in their way.

"Stay down, kid," Steve ordered before Bethany called his name. Looking at her, he saw her battling off a huge group of men. Jumping up onto a railing and swinging himself up, the two of them quickly outwitted the barely trained men, using a lot of teamwork that they had developed when they did missions for SHIELD together.

 _"Guys? Is this a Code Green?"_ Bruce's voice echoed through the comm.

"Bruce, do _NOT_ engage," Bethany ordered before laying a hand on Steve's shoulder, him quickly scooping her up bridal style before jumping down four floors.

"Thor! Status?" Steve questioned as Bethany slipped out of his arms, aiming her gun upwards, pulling the trigger and watching as a man yelped, falling down and landing beside them.

 _"The girl tried to warp my mind,"_ Thor reported. _"Take special care, I doubt a human could keep her at bay. Fortunately, I am mighty."_

"Modest, isn't he?" Bethany said before ducking as a guard tried to hit her, Steve retailing by hitting the guard with his shield, the man flying back.

"At least he's-" Steve began before he was pushed forward at incredible speed, thrown into stairs. He didn't even get a moment to recover before his vision was hit by red, the feeling powerful and overwhelming. He winced, trying to clear his eyes, his thoughts, hearing Bethany calling his name, but everything turned dark…

 _Everything was quiet. Too quiet. With that eerie feeling that you only got when stuck in a dream. Everything was still and perfect._ Everything _. It couldn't be real, but there it was, right in front of him; a small house, tucked away from civilization. It was yellow with white window trimmings and blue curtains pulled from the sides and secured with a piece of the same blue fabric, letting the sunshine in. The grass was a rich shade of green and there was a garden filled with colours that only existed over the rainbow. There were no weeds within sight. Everything about it was utterly perfect. It was breathtaking. But it was also haunting. There was no sound. Not even the wind or the chirping of a bird. The silence was deafening._

 _Everything in his immediate eye view was perfect, as if being an image an artist casted upon a canvas for generations to admire. But the only thing those generations would see was the painting. They wouldn't see what the artist hadn't drawn, everything that was left unspoken. As soon as Steve looked beyond where the frame would have rested, he saw death. The grass outside the white fence was brown and straw-line, with no life within his gaze. A sound started to drift towards him, breaking the utterly haunting silence. It was a distant hum of a record player playing some song that had been lost in time. But it brought no reassurance or comfort. It brought Steve nothing but more fear. Taking in a deep breath, he pressed forward._

 _The music got louder as he opened the door, slowly, not sure what would be on the other side. But again, everything was still and perfect, as if captured in a painting. Steve turned his head to look at the mirror beside him, nailed to the wall. He was wearing his military uniform, which was perfectly pressed and clean, as if brand new. Steve lifted his hand up to touch his reflection, but the man in the mirror seemed distant. It didn't feel like it was him. How could it be? Just like everyone else around him, he was perfect. There were no scars, no bags, no worry._

 _Shying away from the mirror, he walked further in, seemingly knowing where he was going. To the kitchen. But there was no way that he could know where he was, was there? He had never been to this house before. Or had he?_

 _Unlike the rest of the house, the kitchen looked lived in. A kettle was on the stove, the fire underneath it bright red and hot. A record player was tucked away in a corner, crackling as the needle hit certain curves. A loaf of bread sat on the counter top, in the middle of being sliced with a knife lying beside it, but abandoned._

 _It was all abandoned._

 _He wondered for how long and for what reason. At the table, a stable but rickety looking thing, a newspaper was thrown on top of it. He moved towards it and touched the edge._ GERMANY SURRENDERS _it read._ HEROES TO FINALLY RETURN HOME.

 _The word 'finally' caught him. Surely he hadn't been gone that long? The date on the top of the page showed that the war had been a reality for close to a decade._ No _,_ that's not right, _Steve told himself._

 _"Daddy!" A little girl cried, tearing into the room. "Mommy, Daddy is home!"_

 _He looked down at the little girl who was clinging onto him, a mop of blonde curls sitting on her head. She looked so familiar, but Steve couldn't place where he had seen her before. She had a gap in her smile from a missing tooth, and her eyes were a shade of green that were unforgettable. She wore a pink and yellow patterned sundress and a smile as if he were her hero._

 _Another child came in, this time a little boy, no older than four. He too had a mop of blonde curls on his head, but with wide blue eyes and a smile with lips that were so familiar. He looked down at the little boy as he stared at him in confusion, as if not knowing who he was. But he could see himself in the little boy and it pained him to think that his own son didn't even know who he was._

 _"Welcome home," Bethany's voice trailed to him. She came into the room, her hair up in pin curls like it had never been before, her lipstick as red as blood. She wore a stiff white dress and a green apron on top of it, making the colour of her eyes pop. She looked perfect._ Too _perfect. So perfect that it was unnerving. In her arms was a baby boy._

Home _, he repeated to himself. This was_ home _. A place so foreign and yet so familiar. And these children surrounding him… they were his. And Bethany's. On her finger sat a modest diamond ring._ Home _._

 _But he didn't smile. Panic was setting in. Slowly, a whistle grew, piercing his ears. A flash of a train appearance. Snow. Ice._ Bucky.

 _He blinked hard, tearing himself away from the little girl clinging to him and looking to the sound. It was a train. It was the kettle. Hurrying to take it off the stove, he relaxed a little. When he turned back over to Bethany, she held a champagne bottle in her hands, expertly cradling the baby to her hip, her arm wrapped around him to keep him secure in his place. He winced as the champagne bottle_ popped _and the cork fell to the ground. Another flash hit him. Guns. Bullets. Death._

 _The bubbles fell to the ground, firstly running down the neck of the bottle and then down Bethany's fingers, the white and clear substance turning thicker and darker. Redder. More blood, making a puddle in between him and Bethany._

 _"Go get your uncle," Bethany told her children, placing the smaller one in his arms before softly pressing her lips to his. All he could taste was iron. "You're finally home," she whispered, but there was very little real emotion in her voice, her eyes hollow and lifeless. She was a shell of the woman she should be. Even her smile looked broken. She didn't belong in this house. She belonged behind the fence. He couldn't help but wonder if this was his doing. If he had turned this once lively girl into the walking dead._

 _"Smile!" he heard, a bright flash of light attacking his eyes. Another flash, but this one not brought by the camera but by a flood of memories. Lights blasting from every which direction. Bombs. Screams. Death._

 _When his vision cleared, they were all gone. All the children, Bethany, whoever was behind the camera. But instead of panic rising in him, he was calm. The music no longer frightened him. The atmosphere was no longer suffocating him. There was a sense of peace. But when he blinked again, it was all back._

 _And just outside the house, visible in the distance, the area outside the fence, was the cries of hundreds of men, shouts of their commanders and the loud_ bang _of gunshots. An explosion shook the house. The baby was back in Bethany's arms, crying loudly. The lively children from before were on the ground, not moving, a thin trail of blood falling from their noses._

 _Howard, who dropped a camera, the bulb making a startling_ crack _sound, was hunched over the table, working on something, muttering to himself obsessively. Before Steve stood Bethany as he had known her before. "Don't go," she told him, as the baby's cries started to fade. Just like the other two, blood was trailing from his nose. He was dying._

 _Steve looked back out the window. He could see his team, calling from him, begging for him. Bucky was there, waiting. They were all there. Counting on him. "Don't go," she said again. "Don't leave. Not again. Stay home. Stay with us."_

 _Her lipstick started to run down her face in a thin trail, dripping off her chin and falling to the ground. It no longer resembled blood. It_ was _blood._

 _"I can't," he whispered to her._

 _She hadn't wanted this; a family. She only did it because he asked her to. But he had been at war this entire time, leaving her with them, in a home that didn't feel like home._

 _"Then it's on your hands," she told him, her voice and face void of all emotion. Steve looked at the lifeless children on the floor before looking back up to her, watching as a thin blade from the bread knife danced across her neck, a dark figure behind her controlling the knife._

 _He wasn't being tied back physically, but he couldn't do anything, not even make a sound as blood flowed from her neck, down her perfect white dress, then joined the rest of the blood coating the floor. Her body crumbled to the ground with a_ thwack _but he still didn't move. All he did was stand there and watch as his entire family slipped away from him knowing that he could have stopped it._

* * *

 ****A/N: To everyone who felt that Steve's original vision was too tame, did this meet your expectations?**

 **anonymouscsifan: Steve definitely has some trust issues. Bethany has operated on a need-to-know basis for the majority of her life, and she still believes that sometimes that's the best way to go. First thing next chapter, we'll see what Bethany's vision is. I feel like people will be shocked at what she sees and more importantly, how she reacts to it. It's not a typical Bethany way. There's a change in her after she sees what she sees, and she realizes a lot about her life.**


	31. Cut the Strings

****A/N: After 8 months of working, I'm finally back at school. After one class, I'm already neck deep in reading. Learning about history is amazing, but reading about it can be very... mind-numbing. Anyways, I'm taking two online classes (commute to my school is about an hour and I'm not about wasting two hours of my life to get to class when it's -40 outside), which is more work but also more time at home so YAY. I've got up til 35 written, so I should be okay with updating every week :) Fingers crossed!**

Chapter 31- Cut the **Strings**

 _"You're so close to tellin' me you're leaving, p_ _ackin' up your things and leavin' town._ _If you can walk away the rest is easy, o_ _nce you cut the strings that tie you down. __Just look me in the eye and say it's over._ _Just tell me you don't want me around._ _Once you say goodbye, it's gone forever, o_ _nce you cut the strings that tie you down. __There's no way I can picture me without you._ _I still think of you in your wedding gown._ _If I have to give you up, may God be with you, o_ _nce you cut the strings that tie you down."_

 _~The Strings that Tie You Down, Vince Gill_

* * *

 _Bethany blinked a few times, trying to understand where she was. Not only that, but she had no idea of when and how she got there. She had been somewhere… else. At least, she thought so. But it was as if every thought in her brain was now gone. Even if she had been somewhere else, there was no way back to it since she didn't even know where that place was._

 _It was cold. The wind was brutal against her skin and all she had on was her thin red uniform._ Why? _She asked herself. Out of all the things to be wearing, why would she chose that? She looked around, trying to put a name to the place. She was outside, that was for sure. And she had a feeling that she had been to this place before._ In a dream maybe? _She had no sense of déjà vu. But still, this place had an odd feeling to it. Like she had been there a long time ago. A lifetime ago maybe._

 _Instead of grass, the entire area was covered in weeds, which were thriving so well, as far down as she could see it was all green, yellow and white. There was a small wooden house tucked away in a corner, looking well deserted and like it could tumble down at any moment. No one had been there in decades, but a torn up American flag still flew above the front door. The blue colour had turned almost white and the red was now pink. It looked like it had been through hell and back, a lone soldier waving it proudly whether it was in victory or defeat._

 _There were rocks past the house, however. Lots of rocks. All of them big, most rounded at the top, others flat. She felt herself being called to them, as if they were singing a song that had been written just for her. The closer she got, the more anxiety built up inside of her. They weren't rocks. They were gravestones. And there wasn't just a couple dozen of them, there were_ thousands _._

 _That was when Bethany registered that there was no sound but the wind. No chirping of birds, no hum of air conditioners or the comforting_ vroom _of cars. She was alone. The only life around her was the weeds. Even the sun seemed to be dying, the chill in the air growing more intense and the light in the sky dying down. It wasn't quite dark enough to be night time, or even evening. The sun was high in the sky, and there wasn't a single cloud. The sun had just lost its spark._

 _Stopping in the front row of tombstones, Bethany read the names._ Anthony Walter Stark _and_ Elizabeth Mary Stark _. Her parents. Beside their stones were names of distant family members and family friends. All people that she knew had died when she was younger. Blanc, the white stray cat Bethany had rescued when she was three, only for her mother to throw him out into oncoming traffic. Pamela Coursin, the red-headed little girl with freckles she sat next to in the first grade. She had died of tuberculosis before they graduated to the second grade. Samuel Trady, the annoying and fat boy that pulled her pigtails and called her ugly when she was seven who had died of Scarlet fever. Even her sixth grade teacher, Mrs. Mennie who had gone mysteriously missing one day, only to be found dead in an alley dumpster three weeks later._

 _Bethany felt a chill work its way up her back. This wasn't the wind but the haunting feeling of being surrounded by these people in her life who had died. She knew all the names on the tombstones; and was able to put a face to every single one no matter how much time had passed. She took a few steps to the next row, not knowing why she was torturing herself, but knowing that there was nothing for her behind her. There was only going forward._

 _The second row was even more disturbing than the first. The middle tombstone read_ Abraham Erskine _. There were flowers laid upon his grave, but not fresh. They had turned brown with time, and the petals were crispy instead of soft. She couldn't even tell which kind of flowers the bouquet had been. It scared her to think that no one had paid their respects in such a long time. A man like Erskine deserved continual visitation and remembrance. More so, he shouldn't be buried all the way over here. He should be with his family, a family that had been taken away from him too early._

 _Beside Erskine was the name of a SSR nurse, Marta Allen, who had died while treating the men at the base they were stationed at. She had a simple cut on her finger, a thin slice from a medical form that she had been filling out, that quickly got infected. It got into her bloodstream before they could even do anything about it. Bethany had liked her. It wasn't often that she met a woman so comfortable with their sexuality as Marta Allen was. She made Bethany feel comfortable, even if they had only talked a few times._

 _All the other names were soldiers that she had met who had died. In the far distance, she saw Jason's name. The very same Jason who had made her fall in love with him for sex and then only used her. She hadn't really cared about what happened to him in the future, but it looked like he died in the war. That he hadn't got a future. Bethany didn't even feel a twinge of sadness for that man. She knew she should have. She had loved him once, or at least believed that she had._

 _With every row came another mark in Bethany's past. Daniel McCain who had been her SHIELD trainer, and very first partner. The man who taught her that just because Steve wasn't there anymore didn't mean she had to be weak. That she could be strong too. He gave her strength, a lot of strength, and so much fire that Bethany had become one of the most dangerous people in the world. She convinced people his death didn't affect her, but she had mourned him for years. He treated her with so much respect and admiration, as if she was the one training him and not the other way around. Daniel had loved her; this she always knew. And Bethany thought that if she could learn to love him back, that she could finally get over Steve. But Daniel knew how much Steve meant to Bethany and never acted on his impulses. Bethany could have thrown herself at him, and he still would have firmly told her 'no'. He had a special place in her memories._

 _Howard and Maria's tombs made Bethany sick. Howard had wanted to meet with her that day, to talk to her about something important, but she had brushed him off. In fact, she had blown him off a lot in those last years. She regretted that now. Bethany and Tony hadn't shed a tear at their funerals, but Tony was extremely drunk and broke down after the service. It took all Bethany had to get him to calm down and understand that he had her. That they had_ each other _._

 _Bethany kept moving forward, reading every single tombstone before her heart froze. She wasn't at the last row, but all the names going forward were names she didn't recognize. The row in front of her, however, made her heart jump into her throat._ Anthony Stark, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanoff, James Buchanan Barnes _, it all went on and on, all for people she knew to be alive. Flowers laid on every single grave except for one. Bethany walked all the way down, wondering who hadn't got a bouquet._

 _The gravestone looked heavily beaten, as if someone had angrily thrown rocks at it, kicked it and showed it absolutely no respect. The letters carved into the stone were so crudely down that it took Bethany a minute to realize who it belonged to._

Steven Grant Rogers.

 _There was a brief moment were Bethany couldn't do anything, quickly followed by an uncomfortable pinching sensation in the tip of her nose and a heavy lump building in her throat. She was on the brink of tears, the edge of a breakdown. Not only was Steve dead, but someone had completely disgraced his memory. There were no dates on his stone, as there weren't for any of them, but Bethany hadn't noticed this until then. She needed to know when she lost him. How? And to who? Who had taken the love of her life and trashed his resting place as if he were no better than a piece of trash?_

 _She let her emotions overwhelm her. There was no one to see. She cried and cried, the wind growing stronger as she howled along with it. She was utterly alone. Everyone she knew was dead, long gone, and it was just her left. But the one person she needed the most was Steve. If he was there to hold her and kiss her, she could accept everyone else's death. But then she wouldn't be alone, and that's what was affecting her the most._

 _"I thought you were over him by now," a bored, deep voice startled her. Jolting in her spot on the ground, having collapsed under all the weight of her loneliness, she realized that she wasn't_ completely _alone. Turning her head, a tall man stood above her. He looked so much like Steve, but instead of her husband's stick straight hair, each group of hair curled perfectly._

 _"Jamie?" Bethany's voice shook. She was unsure, but there were certain parts of his features that she couldn't just ignore. Her lips. He had her lips. And her hair. But everything else was Steve's, except a glint to his eyes that made him look like he was up to no good, even if that wasn't the case, an attribute that was Howard's._

 _"Come on, Ma," Jamie said, holding out his hand for her. "It's been years since you even visited him. Let's go home. Forget about him."_

 _"For-" She lost her voice for a moment, her heart pounding. "Forget about him?"  
"Yeah, it was easy enough when he was still alive but not here," Jamie said, as if tired already of talking about his father. _

_"How long? How long has it been?" Was Bethany's next question, turning back to look at Steve's headstone._

 _"I don't know. Fifty maybe sixty-"_

 _"Sixty years?" Bethany yelled, looking at her son, clearly in his twenties. She could feel her heart starting to crack._

 _"Since he died," Jamie said with a heavy sigh. "Momma, let's go. Please. I don't like being here."_

 _"But… he was your father," Bethany whispered, touching the rock, her finger catching on one of the cracks. She felt her skin peel apart before quickly closing up, a lone streak of blood the only thing left to show that there had been any damage at all._

 _Jamie rolled his eyes when Bethany looked up at him. "Momma, he was barely around. It was always about being Captain America, never about being Steve Rogers. Never about us. And by the time he tried to make amends, it was too late. We had moved on."_

 _"Never," Bethany found herself saying, emotion thick in her voice._

 _"Well, you did," Jamie promised, growing bored._

 _"How?" Bethany pressed on, looking at the other rocks. "How did everyone..?"_

 _"Some died in the war," Jamie replied, sitting next to her. "Some of old age. Daddy dearest was one of those people. Look, he only came back to us when we were all that was left. He was too old to fight those last few years anyways, but he did it. He wanted to do that more than be with us. I thought you were okay with that."  
"I just… I forgot," Bethany found herself saying, her voice tired. _

_"We don't need anyone else," Jamie continue. "We've been fine by ourselves. They were all weak anyways. They couldn't last like we could."_

 _"Did you do this?" Bethany squeaked, pointing to the damage at Steve's tomb._

 _Jamie let out a long breath of air before nodding. "To be honest, I didn't think you'd come out here again. And on that small chance that you did, you wouldn't react like this."_

 _"I love him," Bethany stressed, unwilling to make it past tense. She felt empty inside, even with Jamie beside her. But this man was filled with so much hate that Bethany had a hard time thinking that he could have ever been her sweet little boy._

 _"I know you did," Jamie muttered. "And you tried to hold onto him for far too long. But it's been decades, Momma. And you never mentioned him. He ruined our lives. He doesn't deserve your tears or pity. No matter how much you loved him. And we both agreed that being with him was harder than being without him. So we left. We cut the strings and didn't look back."_

 _Her tears fell over the brim of her eyes this time. Jamie's words cut deeper than a knife. "No," she found herself crying. It just wasn't possible. None of it._

 _But she could hear words, words that were very familiar._ "Pretending that you could live without a war." _Yes. Those words. And the look on Steve's face when they were said. There was so much truth. But what she couldn't believe was that Steve, who thrived on making her smile, could let them walk away. That the threat alone wouldn't make him change his ways._

 _"You gave him a million chances, Ma," Jamie continued. "Every time he said things would change and every time nothing did. In the end it didn't matter how much you loved him and how much he loved you. And if we had stayed… I don't know what would have happened. We would have been collateral damage, I guess."_

 _"No," Bethany repeated, this time her voice deep and thick. "I don't believe you."_

 _"You never do," Jamie said with a sigh before getting up and walking away._

 _"And I never will," Bethany whispered to herself, refusing to pull herself together. For who? For what? Her own son hated the man she adored. A son who wasn't aging and would never have a future. Nothing around her had a future. Nothing but the weeds that stretched out as far as she could see, surrounding by a million gravestones, blank, just waiting for names to be etched upon them._

* * *

Gasping as he woke from his nightmare, Steve spent a few seconds lying there, trying to physically and emotionally recover from what he had just seen. It had been so _real_. "Beth," he whispered to himself, trying to make reason to what he had just experienced.

Steve had no way of knowing if that baby Bethany had been pregnant with back in 1944 was a girl or a boy, but after that dream, Steve was having a hard time believing that it could have been a boy. It was a girl. He would have had a daughter. And two sons. Two sons who barely knew him because he was too busy, always at war.

He just left her, with a life she didn't want, while he went off to war time and time again. And at the end…

"Beth," he said again, louder. She had _died_. And he had watched, as if it was a blessing in disguise. "No," he told himself, getting up from his spot. Steve needed to see her, see that she was okay.

"I'm here," her voice called out, raspy and distant, like she was thinking hard about something. He quickly pulled himself together before helping her off the ground. All he could do was look at her, and it seemed like she could only do the same. "We've got to go," she told him after a moment of the two of them just staring.

He wanted to hold her, kiss her, tell her that he loved her, but for some reason, he couldn't. He kept seeing her in that perfectly crisp white dress, pin-curls and red lipstick. He kept seeing that hollow look in her eyes. But catching her chin and forcing her to look at him, that hollow look he was seeing wasn't imaginary. Deep within her eyes, she looked betrayed and lost. She looked _empty._

" _Steve,_ " she stressed. "We have to go."

He nodded, letting her lead the way. She stopped once to hand Steve his helmet, which he apparently took off sometime in his dazed state, before she hurried over to where Clint was struggling with Natasha, the spy looking like she had just walked through hell. Even Thor looked uneasy. Steve slowly let out a breath of air, closing his eyes for a moment. That witch had barely done anything and they were all so utterly… _broken._ They were like her own personal play things.

No one but Clint said anything on their way to the quinjet, the group waiting for Tony to return with Bruce. Clint had given them the rundown, the group absently watching clips from mainstream media showing what the Maximoff girl had down to Bruce. Clint was quick on his feet, making sure that everyone had what they needed, helping Tony when he carried an unconscious Bruce into the quinjet before they took off.

Despite sitting in their customary seats next to each other, Steve had never felt so far away from his wife. He didn't know what she saw, but hoped it wasn't as... _scarring_ as what he had seen. Everything about the nightmare had proved Ultron's words right. And that scared Steve. It was as if nothing could make him retire from war, but at the same time, war followed him, haunting him, everywhere he went. He had only been to two PTSD sessions in his life. The tail-end of Sam's session in DC before the fall of SHIELD and one that Bethany had made him go to at SHIELD, but even then, he refused to believe that he needed help, that the countless times he woke up in the middle of the night, plagued with nightmares, were natural. But after what he had just seen, Bethany probably had a point.

She had died. Right in front of him. He couldn't stop thinking about that. But what was even worse was that she had already been dead during that entire nightmare. Her eyes were empty, her soul dark. She was only living on with hopes of change, but he didn't give it to her. Reaching out, Steve took her hand in his, needing to touch her in some way. Anyway.

After a moment, she looked down at their intertwined hands, as if confused by his touch. Finally, after what seemed like forever, she gave him a tentative squeeze, but never looked at him. For that, he was grateful. That empty look in her eyes… he couldn't see it again.

Closing his eyes and swallowing deeply, Steve thought back to that little girl with the curly blonde hair and green eyes in the flowered dress. He had seen her before, in a dream. Everything about that dream had been perfect and whenever he thought back to it, Steve couldn't help but smile. But now, realizing that the little girl was his past and not his future broke his heart. He couldn't even bring himself to be angry at Bethany for what she had done all those years ago. Steve was accepting his nightmare as fact now. If Bethany had told him about the baby, he would have insisted that they would get married and that she returned home. History could have been different. What if he couldn't stop Red Skull as soon? What if his time off was spent at home, making love to her, filling her with passion and hope only to return to the war time and time again? They had three children in that dream. He hadn't left her once, but three times.

And he knew he would have. Even if Steve was actually given a choice, he would have. And Steve was almost sure that he would continue to. This nightmare wouldn't change anything because it showed Steve exactly who he was. He wouldn't make Bethany blind promises anymore. She needed to know the truth, and hopefully that would protect her from becoming that shell of a woman he had seen. Maybe if he told her and they found a way to make both their wishes work, they could actually be happy. Their relationship could thrive.

But how was that possible when he needed a cause to fight for in order to be happy and she just wanted their family to be enough? He could lose her. He could lose Jamie. He could lose himself.

 _"The news is loving you guys,"_ Maria's voice filled the quinjet. " _Nobody else is. There's been no official call for Banner's arrest, but it's in the air."_

"Stark Relief Foundation?" Tony asked, all of them knowing that the battle between the Hulk and a Hulk-sized Iron Man would have left billions of dollars worth of destruction and more importantly, injured or even killed innocent citizens.

" _Already on the scene. How's the team?_ " Maria continued. Steve could hear her words, but very little was actually filtering through his brain. He just kept thinking about the eerily perfect house, the kids, Bethany and his team outside calling him back to a war that was supposed to be over.

Bucky had been there. He had been alive, calling to Steve. He looked over to the profile of Bethany's face, studying her long lashes, thick lips and perfect nose that was decorated with little pale freckles. Another question came to mind that made his heart clench. If Bethany and Bucky were both calling to him at the same time, asking for help, who would he turn to? His best friend or his wife?

Maria and Tony continued to talk about Ultron and the news, but Steve had never felt his heart take a beating quite like this. It was like a little million heartbreaks attacking him at full force. But there was one thing that Maria said that drew his attention and he could almost hear Bethany's heart shatter.

 _"Let the Rogers' know that everyone here is safe. And that… Jamie said his first word."_

* * *

Jamie knew that something was wrong. For starters, he was in a strange place that was cleverly disguised with toys to make him believe that it was his room, but there was something in particular that was missing that Jamie really wanted to see. He didn't know what the word was, but what he really wanted was his picture wall. Whenever he woke up before his parents or Jackson would scoop him into their arms, he would take comfort in the familiar faces of the people he saw on a daily basis, and some faces he hadn't ever seen in public but had made _her_ happy.

She called herself 'momma'. Sometimes she would say 'mommy' instead. _He_ called her 'Beth' and 'Doll'. But he heard 'momma' the most, so that's what he called her. In his head. Jamie wasn't sure what to call _him_. Momma said 'Steve' a lot. Sometimes 'Daddy'. But everyone else called him 'Cap' or 'Rogers'. Jamie just thought about his face and how he made the baby feel. The goofy smile he would give Jamie when he was trying to cheer him up.

There was a picture of them set up just outside his confinement, and he wanted to hold it. He wanted to touch Momma's face and kiss her. Even if it wasn't actually her and he wouldn't get to hear her bright laugh, he wanted to feel her face. He loved her smile. It was so warm and relaxing. And her voice… her voice had the ability to make him feel like he was safe.

But they were both gone. Momma had looked upset when she left him last, and he couldn't help but feel very sad. He didn't like it when she was sad. It meant that she didn't have that warm and relaxing smile on her face.

Looking up to the man who took care of him when Momma wasn't there, he tried to express his want for the picture. Or for Momma or the guy with the goofy smile. He didn't know a lot, but he knew that those two people were important in his life. They took care of him, kissed him, played with him, fed him. He was the happiest when both of them were there. He didn't know what the word 'love' meant, but he understood the feeling.

"What is it, Jamie?" The man asked, leaning down to pick him up. Jamie was placed on the man's lap, quickly turning his head towards the photo, reaching his hand towards it, making sounds of discontent.

His whines were answered as the photo was handed to him by the little blond boy who liked to play with him. "Do you miss your Momma and Daddy, Jamie?" The kid asked him.

Jamie took the photo, holding it tightly. Momma's eyes were tired, like how she looked in the morning and at night, but she looked very happy. Daddy, using the word that the kid used, also looked very happy, a huge smile on his face. Jamie touched their faces, in dismay that they were cold and flat, not warm and round like when they were with him.

"What is it?" A blonde woman asked him. She looked a little bit like his Momma. She had a nice warm smile and a comforting voice, but she never touched him.

Jamie touched the photo aggressively, trying to stress that he wanted them. He missed them. They hadn't been gone that long, but he _needed_ them. And he needed everyone around him to know what he needed. Looking to each of them, wet streaks falling down his face, he thought about her. _Momma, momma, momma, momma._

Except the last one wasn't to himself. Surprising them all, the word slipped from his lips and mixed along with his cries. "Momma," he continued after the word came out once. "Momma, momma, momma!" Jamie expressed, his cries intensifying as he looked down at her face, feeling the cold and flat surface, wanting her warm arms around him, her soft voice and her comforting smile.

* * *

 ****A/N: How are everyone's feels? I hope you realize that Bethany's vision is very plausible. Steve doesn't abandon his family in the possible future, but he works. It's his biggest fault. Also, yes. I did a Jamie POV. I felt like it was important to get a glimpse from his point of view.**

 **Also, yeah... His first word was 'momma'. But that carries a lot of emotional repercussions.**

 **IrelandLover: Those are all very amazing ideas! I went with something a little more tame, the fear she has for the future opposed to the past. With Natasha and Steve, you can tell that their pasts affect them more than the other characters, which makes sense why they saw their pasts/a version of what could have been. But I've been trying to seal Bethany's worry of the past up. Which leaves the future. She's constantly thinking about her future. In the present, her nightmare is losing a family member or friend, especially Steve or Jamie. But her vision goes beyond losing them. Her vision surrounds Jamie and Steve, her two boys, and the relationship she wants for them not being there while also having to fear about Steve never retiring like she wants desperately. She got her second chance, and it was basically wasted. And ironically, the fear of Jamie never getting a normal life frightens her more than him not getting to live his life like the way she never got to.**

 **anonymouscsifan: It definitely will! Even when he feels like he's got it out of his system, it'll come back to him. It's going to help build the bridge between this story and Civil War.**

 **FeliciaFelicis: She did have a vision too! I wanted Steve and Bethany's visions to be similar, but with two completely different tones and settings. Don't worry about it! I know that I was super busy that week, and if these chapters weren't written weeks in advanced, nothing would have been posted in the last couple weeks.**


	32. Broken Heroes

Chapter 32- **Broken** Heroes

 _"They came to fight for glory in their thousands. Young men with their dreams. They died before the guns for their country. A book of faded pictures, broke dreams. Where are they now? The broken heroes." _

_~Broken Heroes, Saxon_

* * *

 _"Momma, let's go. Forget about him."_

 _Momma._

While Bethany was living her nightmare, Jamie was calling out for her. It was one thing that she missed his first word. It was another that his first word was a call for her. It wasn't just her name mixed in with a bunch of garbles, it was 'Momma' repeated over and over again while her picture was in his hand. He wanted her. He _needed_ her. And where was she? Walking up to Clint's house.

She couldn't even focus on the fact that Clint was about to introduce them to his secret family, or even on Steve's hand squeezing hers tightly with every step they took. She couldn't really think about anything but Jamie and how she should be in that quinjet, heading towards the Tower, not going to Clint's home to hide. She barely even cared about her nightmare anymore. All that really mattered to Bethany was that Jamie had his mother, and that he wouldn't grow up to hate her like he had Steve in that dream. The possibility of her sweet baby boy brutally attacking her own headstone one day broke her heart.

But then again, if her dream was really to come true, she wouldn't be dying any day soon. She had spent the majority of the ride over thinking about her dream. She wasn't upset or scared like her counterparts were. She was unnaturally calm. Bethany wasn't even mad at Steve. It was ridiculous to be made at him when he hadn't even done anything wrong yet… But he would. Oh, she knew that he would. Now more than ever did she know that Steve wouldn't be retiring as willingly as she once hoped.

But she was determined not to leave him. The life that the grown Jamie had talked about, one without Steve… no matter how many times he left them, Bethany couldn't imagine taking their son away from him and teaching Jamie to hate Steve. She would find a way to make it work. For both her boys, and for herself, she would find a way to be happy. So that when Steve did pass away someday, hopefully decades into the future, Jamie would lay the biggest bouquet upon his father's grave and shed a tear. Bethany would make it so that Steve was the hero but also a father and a husband. She could do it, she knew she could. It would take patience and understanding, but she was so tired of being mad at Steve. Especially for this. She knew who he was better than anyone. Bethany didn't want to be angry at him for something he couldn't help. It would be like being angry at him because he had blue eyes. Pointless, tiresome and in the end, Bethany would end up just hurting herself.

"What is this place?" Thor asked, looking at the house in front of them.

"A safe house," Tony answered, but his tone was a bit off.

"Let's hope," Clint replied.

It had been almost a year since the last time Bethany had been here. Clint had offered to let her and Steve take a newborn Jamie to his place so that they could work out all their issues away from the distractions their world had brought them. However, when they had been there last, there were no pictures on the walls, no toys tucked away in corners, no visible signs of a feminine touch.

"Honey? I'm home," Clint called out as he led the group into the living room.

Bethany had never met Laura Barton before, despite Clint telling her of his family years ago in order to get Bethany to relax about her upcoming nuptials with Steve. She had been afraid about their future. She still was, to be frank.

Laura had a soft looking face and beautiful brown hair, but what caught Bethany off-guard the most was the roundness of her stomach. Instantly, Bethany felt envy build up inside her. Even after her nightmare, she wanted another baby. In her opinion, another child would only strengthen her reason to stop fighting and make her relationship with Steve indestructible.

"Hi," Laura said, a huge loving smile on her face.

"Company," Clint explained. "Sorry, didn't call ahead."

"Hey," Laura whispered, kissing Clint and the two holding each other in a sweet embrace. It was touching and Bethany finally found the strength to give Steve's hand a comforting squeeze, resting her head against his arm. He'd have questions about this later, she knew that for sure, but she wasn't going to dwell on that.

"This is an agent of some kind," Tony declared passionately.

"Everyone, this is Laura," Clint offered, introducing her to them.

"I know all your names," Laura said lightly, her tone and smile making Bethany feel unnaturally at-home. There was something about Laura, something that she couldn't explain, that made her feel comfortable. Like a mother's hug. Or at least, what Bethany assumed a mother's hug would be like.

Little footsteps against wood caught Clint's attention. "Oooh, incoming."

Bethany felt her heart skip a beat as Clint's children ran into the room, Clint holding them close as they exchanged friendly words. Bethany didn't miss the confused and surprised look on her husband's face, but Bethany could feel her heart calling for her son.

"These are… smaller agents," Tony decided.

"Did you bring Auntie Nat?" Clint's daughter, Lila, asked.

This was the first time since Wanda's play on Natasha's mind that she had reacted or said anything. "Why don't you hug her and find out?"

Watching the agent scoop Lila up into her arms and hug the little girl, she didn't miss the small smile on her husband's face from the exchange, but it quickly fell as if some painful memory washed over him. She had been so preoccupied about what she had seen, she hadn't even thought about Steve.

"Sorry for barging in on you," Steve offered Laura politely.

"Yeah, we woulda called ahead, but we were busy having no idea that you existed," Tony added.

With one arm wrapped around Laura and the other around his son, Cooper, Bethany had never seen Clint this happy before. She took a stronger hold on Steve's hand, desperately needing this happiness, despite everything that was going on. She could not stop thinking about her son. "Yeah, well Fury helped me set this up when I joined. He kept it off SHIELD's files, I'd like to keep it that way. I figure it's a good place to lay low."

"Did you know?" Steve whispered to her, but there was no anger in his tone, just curiosity. Before she could respond, they heard a small _cracking_ sound, looking down to where Thor had just stepped on a little Lego house. Trying to be subtle, the man brushed the Lego pieces under a nearby lounger, giving Steve and Bethany an innocent look.

"I did," she finally whispered back. "But you should understand why I didn't tell you."

To her surprise, he nodded. Hearing a subtle _pop_ , they looked over to where a toaster had just popped. Thor suddenly moved towards the door. Bethany let Steve's hand slip from hers as he went after him, but she followed slowly, waiting in the doorframe. She watched as Thor flew up into the sky, claiming he needed to find answers.

Steve stood in his spot for a few seconds, looking at the surrounding property, before turning around. She saw his shoulders sag as he saw her standing there. "Steve?" She asked lightly, seeing that something was wrong.

Instead of giving her an answer, he turned around and walked out onto the front yard. Bethany looked back at the group, Tony having watched the entire exchange. He gave her an eyebrow raise, prompting her to run after him. "Hey, what was that about?" She called out, grabbing his wrist, holding him in his spot.

"Nothing," Steve replied, but it was clearly a lie.

"Steve," Bethany said strictly. "Don't do that to me. Not now. What's going on?"

He looked at his feet, blindly taking both of her hands in his and giving them a squeeze. "I'm sorry."

"Why? What happened?" She pressed on. "What did she show you? Is that why you're acting like this? I want to know, Steve."

He looked at her, and she saw something horrible in his eyes. She couldn't quite put her finger on what it was, but he looked traumatized. "I can't lose you, Beth. Especially not if there's something that I can do."

Letting out a quiet sigh, Bethany used her head to gesture towards the quinjet. "Let's get out of our uniforms and talk, okay? In private? And Steve, I'm not going anywhere. Trust me on that, leaving you isn't going to solve anything."

Her words didn't seem to comfort him, but they walked towards the quinjet anyways, closing the door behind them. Steve stood in a corner while Bethany went to their seats, pulling open the cabinet underneath them. She pulled out a pair of jeans and a belt for Steve and a green and white flower printed maxi dress for herself.

Steve slowly took off his uniform, taking extra care and attention when folding his things, a clear sign that he was avoiding talking to her. Bethany waited patiently for him to finish, and when everything was done and both of them were in civilian clothes, they sat together, his hands in hers. "Steve, what is it?"

"Can you tell me what you saw first?" He asked quietly. "I promise I'll tell you, I just-"

"Yes," Bethany replied, giving him a soft smile. "If it'll help you, I will."

As Bethany relayed her nightmare to her husband, not leaving out any details as to gain his trust, she watched his eyes only grow more and more worried. "Steve, I'm not leaving," Bethany vowed. "If that taught me anything it's that I won't be happy without you. No matter what you do. I'd rather die right now than let Jamie feel bitter towards you. Or go a day without you when I could be with you. I think… I think I saw what I saw though because I'm afraid of being alone. But even more so, I'm afraid of Jamie not getting to live the life I want him to. I think that witch knew that nothing from my past could scare me. The only thing that scares me is what the future could hold."

"Yeah, and me not being able to give it up being a horrible fate for you," Steve whispered.

"I'm not going to lie, babe, it does hurt," Bethany replied softly. "But asking you not to fight is like asking me not to love Jamie the way I do."

"Beth, you want to stop fighting because of Jamie."

"And I continue to for him. And for you," Bethany reminded him. "I do it because I love you both. And I might love the fight a little bit, yes. But I could do without it. You can't."

"But I _should_ ," Steve stressed. "When we got married, I told you that I didn't need anything else. That I didn't need a home because I know it was where you were. Those were in my vows, Bethany."

"So?" Bethany asked. "Everyone needs a little more than just love."

"Beth, I saw our life if you had told me about the baby," he quickly sputtered out, catching her off guard. "There was this perfect house, and everything inside the fence was lively and healthy… everything else was dead. And inside… it was you and our family. A girl, a beautiful girl and two little boys."

"And?" Bethany whispered when he stopped. "It sounds to me like that wasn't a nightmare, but the best of dreams."

"No," Steve breathed. "War was raging outside the fence, and you asked me to stay and I-I couldn't. And instead of just being able to leave you, you all died. While I stood there watching, not doing anything. All because I was returning to war."

Bethany looked down, trying to make sense of his dream. Bethany had more than one dream in her life where in the moment, it made sense, but as soon as she woke up, little pieces of it were missing. But this dream… it was Steve's way of understanding that war was number one in his mind. And the scary part was that he could very well let his family go if it meant fighting.

In a lot of ways, their dreams were connected. While his may have been in the past and hers in the future, they were both things that _could_ have or _may_ happen, but in both, Steve had chosen to fight over her and their family. "It scares me, Doll," Steve whispered, looking to her with worry trapped in his eyes. "How do I stop this? That's not what I want. To lose you because-"  
"Shhh," Bethany interrupted, moving to cup his face. "Steve, notice that I'm not upset?"  
"Yeah," he realized after a moment, two creases between his eyes forming. "Why? Why aren't you upset?"

She offered him a simple smile. "Because this gives us the opportunity to fix what needs to be fixed before it's too late. If anything, I kept telling myself in that unconsciousness how much I _loved_ you. And Jamie even acknowledged that me loving you never changed. I know it's scary. But I have faith that we can do this. I just… I know now that it's possible. Because leaving you isn't an option for me anymore."

"It was before?" Steve asked alarmed.

"No," Bethany promised. "Steve, I'd rather be miserable with you than without you, how many times do I need to tell you that? I just… I think we need to focus on what we can do to make it so that our future isn't as bleak as our nightmares."

"You were so quiet earlier," Steve began. "I thought… I don't know, that you wouldn't take everything so… easily."

"Shocked me too," Bethany admitted with a laugh. "But then I found out that my son was calling for me. I don't want him to grow up bitter and despising you. And in order to make sure that doesn't happen, I can't be mad at you. I may be a little heartbroken, but nothing a little glue won't fix. Ultron was trying to break us, Steve. Broken heroes, truly broken heroes, aren't good to anyone. And he did a hell of a good job. But I'm not letting a 'what if' keep me from giving Jamie the life he deserves."

"When did you become so mature?" Steve asked her softly, attempting to tease her, but still recovering emotionally.

"I know, it's about time, huh?" Bethany replied with a soft smile. "I told you. I'm tired of being angry at you. Being angry at things won't make a difference. What I saw was supposed to make me… I don't know… bitter? Scared? Mad at you? But it's only made me want to get home to Jamie even more. Which means we all need to piece ourselves back together and end all of this."

She leaned in and kissed the spot between his eyebrows, smoothing out the crease. "Feel better?" She asked him.

"Getting there," he admitted, taking a hold of her face and giving her a deep kiss, sighing when they broke apart, resting his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry that I can't-"

"Shh," She interrupted, shaking her head against his. "One thing at a time. We deal with Ultron and then we do everything else afterwards, okay?"

"Okay," Steve allowed reluctantly.

Bethany offered him one more smile before getting out of her chair and moving to the cockpit. Steve followed her, watching as Bethany turned on the communication array. Her strong front was crumbling as she made the necessary actions, waiting for someone at the Tower to pick up.

"You sure this will help and not hurt?" Steve whispered to her, his large hands gripping at her shoulders.

"No," Bethany admitted. "But he's calling for me, Steve. I can't just ignore that."

Steve didn't argue with her, only bending down to place a kiss on the top of Bethany's head. They waited until Theo's bright face appeared on the screen, the little boy undoubtedly having been playing with the tablet.

 _"You guys are in big trouble,"_ Theo reported, turning the camera so that it was focused on the TV which was on the news.

There was so much destruction and all the blame was on them. Not _specifically_ them. People were blaming the Hulk, mostly. Some people Tony as well, even though he was clearly doing his best to keep the damage to a minimum and keep civilians out of it. But people were wondering where the rest of the team were, and why they weren't helping in any way possible.

" _Theo,"_ Jen scolded, taking the tablet away from her son. _"Umm… how's it going?"_

"I need to see Jamie," Bethany explained.

Jen nodded, getting up and taking the tablet with her. The couple could hear Jen cooing to Jamie, before she set the tablet up inside his crib so he could see it. When he looked at the screen, a huge gapped tooth smile overtook him, along with a happy squeal. Bethany almost began to cry, especially when his little hands clapped together in excitement.

"Hi there, Munchkin," Bethany spoke, raising a hand up to her shoulder where Steve's hand was resting, giving it a tight squeeze. He had taken some of her strength earlier. She needed it back now.

Jamie's hands moved to touch the screen, sounding displeased that they were trapped behind the glass, but Bethany continued to talk to him, to get his mind off them not really being there. "Oh, baby boy. Momma misses you so much."

"You being a good boy, Jamie?" Steve pressed on when he heard Bethany's voice crack.

 _"Who is that, Jamie?"_ Jackson asked Jamie. The little boy looked up to his babysitter with an open mouth before looking back to the tablet, pointing to it.

 _"Momma, momma, momma,"_ he babbled on.

Bethany couldn't keep her tears at bay now. She wasn't sure if they were of happiness or sadness, although she was sure that they were both. She couldn't be prouder of her little boy but the circumstances surrounding it all were breaking her heart. Steve changed their positions so that he was on the chair, Bethany sideways in his lap. His broad hands roamed her back, making little hushing sounds as she sobbed. Jamie kept pointing to her, his smile now a frown as he watched her cry.

"Why don't you sing him a song?" Steve whispered to her.

 _"That'd be fantastic actually,"_ Jackson's voice said, picking up Steve's words. _"He had a rough night, barely got any sleep."_

Sniffing and fighting back her pain, Bethany started singing the only song she could remember, a song that seemed to be written for her, especially in that moment. _"I'm just an angel that's fallen from grace. In a weak moment, I doubted my faith. I danced with the devil and I'm so ashamed. He never mentioned that I'd have to pay."_

Jamie, as if on cue, brought himself into a lying down position, still looking at the screen, but knowing that Bethany singing to him like that meant bedtime. There were moments when Bethany was singing upbeat songs that Jamie even prepared himself to sleep, sometimes when he wasn't even tired. His intelligence was above average; everyone knew that by the way the baby played with his toy blocks or any baby developmental game. He understood that his Momma singing him a lullaby meant she wanted him to sleep. Whether he listened to it or not was another thing.

 _"Beautiful fiction he made me believe. Love and affection from him would come cheap,"_ Bethany sang, feeling her own tears starting to slow, but her emotions were still as strong as ever. _"I'm in the rain and now I'm on the run. I want to go home, I don't know what I've done."_

Oh, did she ever want to go home. She wanted to scoop her baby boy up into her arms, cradle him and sing. Sing words that weren't filtered through a tablet. _"'Cause I'm a fallen angel, finding my way back home."_

* * *

The couple had taken a little walk around Clint's property, both of them trying to clear their heads and push back their emotions enough to make sense of what to do next. It was as clear as day that Bethany just wanted to fly the quinjet to the Tower and never leave Jamie's side again, but Steve knew that his wife would stay until they figured out their next move, and would ultimately join them if her presence was needed.

"We can't go after him until everyone's brains are clear," Bethany explained, her hands scrunching up the skirt of her dress as the long material continually caught under her feet as she moved forward.

"Then we need to figure out his plan," Steve continued. "We know he has the vibranium. What is he using it for?"

"A body?" Bethany supplied. "It makes sense. It would make it impossible for us to destroy him. Or very well close to impossible."

"But that much of it?" Steve asked, thinking back to the rows upon rows of vibranium that Ultron had cleared out.

"He could make an army of indestructible minions," Bethany pointed out. "That would be inconvenient."

"That's putting it lightly," Steve said before letting out a sigh. "But what's his end game? He said he wanted us dead—extinct—why didn't he just kill us when he had the chance? We were all down, unresponsive. He could have ended us and we wouldn't have even felt it."

"That's a scary thought," Bethany whispered, one hand reaching out for his. "What if he's like Loki? Wants to end us on a public setting? Offing us to instill fear? It's a possibility but…I feel like we're missing something."

"What do you think of them? Of the kids?" Steve asked suddenly.

"The Maximoffs?" Bethany clarified. "I think they're lost, Steve. They've only had each other for years, and they crave… revenge. Did you read into them? From what Maria gave you?"

"No, not much," Steve admitted.

"The shell that collapsed their home? That killed their parents? I don't know how it got there, my money's on that fucktard Obadiah Stane and his black market dealings, but that shell was-"

"Stark's," Steve finished with an angry breath of air. "So their hatred towards us is justified."

"In their minds, yes," Bethany allowed. "Losing someone makes you do things you wouldn't do with a sound mind. Sokovia isn't our biggest fan. Collectively, they think that we're the problem with the world. They may actually be right, but with those twins having that mindset, do you blame them for siding with Ultron? Or for volunteering for HYDRA's experiments?"

"So you feel sorry for them," Steve concluded.

"Don't you?" Bethany asked softly. "I mean, I lost my parents when I was young too. All I had was my brother. But we didn't have a good relationship, you know that. And even if we did, I wouldn't have anyone to blame, really. But when you lost Bucky, you were mad at HYDRA. You wanted revenge. Steve… they don't know any better. And yes, you gave them the option, but to them, they're winning. And shit, they're right. They are. But we can't judge them for doing what they have to do when we do what we have to do every day."

They stopped in their place, overlooking the whole of the property. Steve pulled his wife close to him, kissing the top of her head. "I'm not mad that you didn't tell me. I'm surprised that I didn't find out, but I understand why you would keep this a secret."

"You do?" Bethany asked, really confused. "I thought you'd be really upset."

"I mean, I'm upset that Clint didn't trust me with this secret, but I'm not mad at him for keeping it. Or you either. To be honest, I wish I thought of it."

"What, leaving Jamie and I at a tucked away farm, miles away from society while you're away for weeks, sometimes months at a time?" Bethany questioned, no anger in her voice, but it was evident that she didn't like that idea.

"If it meant you and Jamie being safe all the time, then yes," Steve admitted. "Don't you want that?"

"Of course I want Jamie to be safe," Bethany sighed. "It's all I really want, Steve. But it's not _everything_ I want. I want you. I want us. Together, as a family. And Laura might be able to let Clint go, but I'm not her."

"And I don't want you to be," Steve promised her. "I'm just saying that if things were different… as much as I would want to parade my gorgeous wife and beautiful son around, showing the world how lucky I am, I'd rather people not know about you since that means I'd never be the reason for you two being in danger."

"If we could go back, is that what you'd change?" Bethany asked quietly.

Letting out a deep breath, Steve shook his head. "I don't think changing anything would make our situation necessarily better. Standing in front of a door, seeing you on the other side of a house… of a _home_."

 _Welcome home_ , Bethany voice had echoed when he saw her standing in the Barton's home, waiting for him patiently. She had instantly transformed into that soulless woman in his nightmare. She had been so cold and distant then, but now, holding her warm body close to his, overlooking Clint's home, he knew that she wasn't the woman he had seen in his nightmare.

"Is this what you want?" Steve found himself asking, gesturing to the land. "A house like this? Lots of room and land?"

She looked up at him, a small smile pulling her lips. "I want a house with lots of room, and a big yard," Bethany replied. "I don't need the farm, however. I'm a city girl, Rogers."

Steve couldn't help but chuckle, kissing her forehead. "But it would be nice to get away from the noise, right? To hear birds in the morning instead of loud horns? I mean, I grew up in the city too, but this is very…"

"Peaceful," Bethany offered quietly, a fond smile on her face.

"We should probably help," Steve brought up, thinking about the Barton's. Laura was extremely pregnant—something he knew was only going to make Bethany's own baby fever throb—and if they were offering the team a place to hide out at, the least they could do was lend a hand with chores. "Laura could probably use some help with cooking and cleaning. When you were that pregnant, you needed coaxing to get out of bed."

"I don't think I _got_ that pregnant, to be honest," Bethany said with a chuckle, knowing that Laura was on her last few weeks and Jamie was a full month early. "But you're right. Plus, it'll probably get my mind off Jamie. Help me focus on someone else."

"That's my girl," Steve encouraged as the two of them made their way down the hill towards the house. There was a little path way which had been made through constant wear and tear of the grass, and wooden fences around the property. Steve tried to promise himself that he'd give Bethany and Jamie something like this, but he was only breaking his own heart. If he gave them that, he wasn't sure how much he'd be around, and clearly that was of huge importance to Bethany.

"Where'd you two disappear to?" Tony asked as they met by a huge pile of chopped wood that was waiting to be split into smaller pieces.

"I had to call Jamie," Bethany explained instantly and Tony's face registered understanding.

"And?"

"Well, it didn't make me feel any better," Bethany admitted with a sigh. "But I don't know if it made me feel any worse. How's it going in there?"

"Well, Romanoff and Banner scurried off by themselves," Tony revealed. "Whether they'll stay together or break apart, I don't know. Let's just hope they won't do anything stupid."

"They won't," Steve assured quickly, having faith in them. "They wouldn't risk everyone's lives."

"You two support them?" Tony asked, wagging a finger between the two of them before putting his hands on his hips.

"They deserve to be happy," Bethany said softly. "And if they make each other happy, who are we to judge?"

"This could be more dangerous than anything," Tony reminded them.

"What are we supposed to do? Put them on two separate islands with no way back to each other? Hope that with time, they'll forget about each other?" Steve asked.

"I say we give them a chance," Bethany shrugged. "What about Clint? Where's he?"

"Snuck off with the Missus. I always thought he and Widow were fucking," Tony admitted.

"I did too, for a long time," Bethany admitted with a chuckle, wincing as a gust of wind flew through the air. "Gah, it's cold."

"I'll be right back," Steve said, giving Bethany's shoulder a squeeze before jogging off to the quinjet. She didn't need to ask what he was going to do; he was getting her sweater. She couldn't help but give a small smile as he walked away.

"So besides missing Jamie's first word, which I know meant a lot to you, especially since it was you he was referring to," Tony began as Bethany crossed her arms, trying to hold in some warmth. "How are you holding up?"

Bethany let out of a long sigh, looking around the property for a moment before replying. "Better than Bruce. Better than Natasha. Better than Thor, even. I don't know… I guess that little red witch just made me see what I've known for a long time, but have been trying like hell to make sure it never happens."

"Which is?" Tony asked. "You're not super shaken up, so I assume you didn't see Jamie die."

"You know what's worse than that? Him living forever," Bethany replied honestly. "That's not really living. Being stuck in one place. I know that more than anyone. And he was this cruel man, hating his own father for leaving us time and time again. But that's our future. If nothing changes, Tony, _that's_ exactly what my future will be like. It doesn't really matter if I change something by not leaving Steve like I did in my vision. Jamie will still grow up resenting Steve, like you resented Howard. But then again, it must be a Stark family trait to resent your parents."

Tony didn't say anything, as if he was finally at a loss for words. "It sucks," Bethany continued, shaking her head as she lowered her voice. "But every single day, it becomes more and more clear that the future I want, something so natural and _normal_ , is so far away. And I get Steve not being able to give it all up, but I just need him to actually _try_."

"Sometimes even when you try, you fail," Tony reminded her. "That's what I saw. What the little Maximoff brat showed me. Back at the HYDRA base."

"You failing? What, like losing a third grade science project?" Bethany asked, no actual humour in her voice.

"Me failing _us_ ," He explained. "The entire team. All of them were dead, and it was because of me. Because I didn't try harder. And you… you were just hovering over Steve, that lifeless woman I grew up with. You weren't dead, but you weren't living either. And you blamed me for his death, for all of theirs-"

"Tony, I wouldn't do that," Bethany said with a sigh, moving forward to touch his arm softly. "Unless you were the one to do the actual damage, to pull the trigger or detonate the bomb, I would never blame you for their deaths. And I know you would never hurt anyone on our team."

"It could still happen though," Tony reminded her. "I can still fail."

"You must have left your cardigan at the Tower," Steve called out, coming back down and handing her his blue cardigan as a replacement.

"Thanks," she replied softly, tugging it on and holding it close to her, but looking at her nephew. "I get that you're afraid of failure. I know how scary that can be. But constantly dwelling on failure isn't going to make anything better. You were the one who spent months creating Iron Man suits so that you wouldn't fail at protecting the ones you love. I have every reassurance that you not trying hard enough is not the issue. And if you try as hard as you can and fail… well, we can't blame you for that."

Tony looked down at his feet, shaking his head. "You may not, but I will."

All Bethany could do was close her eyes and let out a deep breath knowing very well that she felt the exact same way. Failure wasn't an option, but always seemed to be a very real possibility. The fear of failing seemed to fuel them all, but the more fuel they burned, the higher their chances of failing got. It didn't matter how many times they succeeded. It only took one failure for everything to come crashing down into little pieces that were too small to ever be put back together.

* * *

 **Cleo9427: She deals with everything a lot better than she would have in the past. I feel like she's just accepting heartbreak after heartbreak and is now kind of at a 'why bother to cry'. Obviously she will cry in the future, since she's emotional (like me, I cried over my mom making hot dogs two days in a row once...) but she knows that her vision hasn't happened yet and she can change it, so why dwell on what could change?**

 **Sarahmichellegellarfan1: Thanks :)**

 **Irelandlover: Jamie has the same type of blood anomaly as Bethany, rapid cellular regeneration. However, we don't know what'll happen when he's older. Well, I KNOW ;) Obviously, he's aging however. In Steve's vision, that had three kids, and with Steve being away at war, that would mean they were busy during those times they were together. However, in Bethany's vision, they only have Jamie because she fears a future where she doesn't get what she wants for her family, and we all know she has baby fever. Does that make sense?**

 **MusicofmyLife: Very, very heartbreaking, agreed. Not just because she wanted to be there for his first word, but also because it was a cry for her.**

 **anonymouscsifan: Haha oops! That was a pretty all around heartbreaking chapter, wasn't it? He does isolate them a lot, because he thinks it's the right thing to do. He wants to keep them safe, but the best way to do that is by staying with them, a concept he doesn't fully understand. I'm so ahead of my mandatory classes that I only have to take two history courses this year, both of which aren't close to my concentration, but I feel like they'll be interesting enough!**

 **RealHuntress18: Haha, I didn't mean to make so many people emotional. I believe I wrote this chapter a month ago at an extremely slow day at work, and I just my drab office and the poor weather outside really helped me tap into that inner darkness.**

 **FeliciaFelicis: Wow, you read it more than once? I hadn't thought much of this chapter, but apparently I should be very proud of it :)**


	33. A Brand New Set of Strings

****A/N: A little early, but I just finished watching that Captain America 75 Heroic Years thing and wow... I love him even more than I did before? Also, I had a huge history boner during that documentary and compared with the history of Cap? Aw man, my heart, my soul, my everything is aching, but not necessarily in a bad way. It's sad that I have a super busy school week, because I'd love nothing more than to just write right now.**

 **Anyways, about to watch _Agent Cart_ _er_. I always like to think about where Bethany would be and what she would be doing. Probably crying a lot, or being a bitch, to be honest. **

Chapter 33- A Brand New Set of **Strings**

 _"I'll drive until I find the missing piece. You said I wouldn't get too far on a tank of gas and an empty heart. But I have everything I'll ever need. I got this old guitar and a brand new set of strings."_

 _~New Strings, Miranda Lambert_

* * *

Laura had called Bethany into the house with promises of tea and cookies. Bethany was in the mood for either, but that weird feeling she got earlier when it came to Laura being a motherly figure came back. To her, tea and cookies felt like a mother calling to her children after school, with _milk_ and cookies. Bethany was sane enough to know that Laura wasn't her mother and that she wasn't going to push that role on Laura. Bethany could easily be Laura's grandmother. She just liked that there was someone new in her life that could provide her the comfort only a mother could. It could be her face. Maybe her voice. But there was something about Laura that made Bethany feel at ease.

So while Bethany idly sipped her tea, helping Laura in peeling potatoes for dinner, she let herself feel at home. "I don't know how you do it," Bethany said with a sigh. "Two kids, another on the way, a husband who spends most of his days in a Tower surrounded by freaks of nature and living completely away from society"

"Sometimes, I don't know how I do it either," Laura admitted with a small smile.

"And you just… Let him?" Bethany asked. "I mean, I've had my share of 'I'll just be a mom' and 'oh no, I can do both' over the year, and I still don't know what I'll end up doing in the future, let alone tomorrow. But if Steve gave it up, I could too. But while he's still fighting-"

"But that's how we're different," Laura reminded her. "I was never a spy. I could never have that life. And people know about your kid and may even go after him. Our situations may be similar, but you can't beat yourself up about certain aspects of it."

"Yeah? Like me wanting Steve to retire?" Bethany tested. "Hang up the shield and let someone else pick it up? You've been doing this for years, letting Clint be Hawkeye. I don't know how much longer I can let Steve be Captain America." She scoffed, shaking her head. "'Let'. Like he'd listen to me."

"He might," Laura encouraged.

Bethany knew different though, and after everything that had happened today, she was confident that her asking wasn't going to make an actual difference. "If you asked Clint to stop, would he?"

"As much as I need him, so does everyone else," Laura explained, picking up a potato and beginning to peel it. "We made this decision together. It's not the easiest life, but it's ours. I don't want to ask him to stop. I want him to stop because he feels like it's time."

Bethany let that sink in before nodding. "I don't want to ask Steve to stop either. I want him to make the decision on his own, to wake up one morning and be confident that this is what he wants. I just don't know if he'll ever do it," she explained. "And I can't blame him. I didn't want to give it up either. And I had seventy years' worth of adventures. How can I ask him to give it up so soon?"

Laura offered her a sympathetic smile. "You can't take his decision to heart. I'm proud of Clint. And so are the kids. As much as I want him to be around all the time, I know that a whole world exists outside these four walls."

Bethany couldn't register just how selfless Laura was in regards to this. Bethany had been moping and complaining on and off again about her own family situation whereas Laura had accepted it. She was open for change, but not adamantly insisting on it. That attitude only supported Bethany's early thought about Laura being a mother-like figure. The woman was warm and gentle, and seemed to be everything a mother and a wife should be.

"As much as everything that's happening sucks," Bethany began with. "I'm happy that we got to meet. Clint only told me about you and the kids before Steve and I got married as a way to show me that it can be done. It's a nice thing what you've got going on here."

Laura smiled, looking around the room before nodding. "It needs some work here and there-"

"I meant your family," Bethany rushed to explain.

"Well, that needs some work as well," Laura revealed. "But if it was easy, wouldn't we take it for granted?"

"Yeah," Bethany said softly, looking out the window to where Steve and Tony were cutting wood.

"You know, it's nice to have someone to talk to," Laura said with a light laugh. "Besides the kids and Clint. Or the odd family friend. Having someone who is also a mother and knows a little what it's like to be in my place."

Bethany granted her a smile, nodding. "People can be understanding and lend a hand, but at the end of the day, no one but you really knows what it's like. Your words and emotions don't really explain how you really feel."

"And you feel guilty for complaining because you know that complaining would be selfish," Laura continued.

"But you can't help but feel like you deserve to be selfish," Bethany finished with a sigh.

"Okay, chop chop minions," Clint said as he came down the stairs, his kids following him.

"'Minions'?" Bethany said with a chuckle, as the father and his two kids went out the door, on their way to do some work on the house. "They're so cute."

"Yeah, especially the big one," Laura laughed with a shake of her head. "You want more?"

"Desperately," Bethany breathed. "Steve… I don't know whether he wants more or not. I think he likes the idea but he's approaching it from a very realistic and wary perspective. It seems to be something we argue a lot about now. Before, I felt like we had forever for kids, but lately, I don't feel the same way. I have forever but Steve…"

"You're afraid something will happen," Laura finished, reaching a hand over to comfort Bethany. "I get it. I really do."

"And part of me feels like if we have more kids, it'll make being a mother that much more fulfilling and I won't be caught in messes like this," Bethany continued.

Laura weighted that in her head before sighing. "Or maybe that it'll convince Steve to stay? More to stay for?"

"More to fight for as well," Bethany pointed out, watching as her husband brought his axe up and then down swiftly, splitting the wood with one easy swing.

* * *

Steve brought the axe down, watching as the wood splintered with ease. He stretched his back muscles, looking up to where Clint was with his kids, the little girl sitting on Bethany's lap as his wife braided Lila's hair. She had come out a few minutes earlier, setting up some juice and cups on a table behind them, giving him a small sad smile before she sat with Clint's daughter.

"Thor didn't say where he was going for answers?" Tony asked, gathering Steve's attention.

"Sometimes my teammates don't tell me things," Steve replied, still looking at Clint and his kids. "I was kinda hoping Thor would be the exception."

"Yeah. Give him time," Tony suggested. "We don't know what the Maximoff kid showed him."

Steve had to admit that Tony's words were true. Clearly Natasha wasn't taking what she saw with a grain of salt. Bruce had to actually live his worst nightmare. Steve was still coming to grips with what he saw. Who knew what Thor saw, whether it was past, present or future. Regardless, the Maximoff girl really pulled a number on all of them.

"'Earth's Mightiest Heroes'," Steve said with a light scoff and a shake of his head as he continued to make work. "Pulled us apart like cotton candy."

It was silent for a few seconds before Tony finally asked him the burning question on everyone's mind. "What did you see?"

Steve sighed, putting a log on the cutting stump. "I'm still trying to make sense of it all," he decided on. He really didn't want Tony to know what he saw and how he felt about it. He told his team a lot but nothing related to the intimate moments he had with Bethany. In a sad, twisted way, he felt like his nightmare was something just for the two of them. "Basically, I've realized that I'm not even close to being ready to hang up the shield," he finally revealed. "It's something I've known, but there was… a lot of startling facts that I know to be true."

"Still, you walked away okay," Tony said with a shrug. "I've seen you go really dark before. You're just… quiet."

Steve's jaw clenched as he thought back to the one day where Tony saw the worst of him, yelling at his super pregnant wife for lying to him about the whereabouts of his best friend. That _had_ been a new low for Steve. He had never felt so betrayed than in that moment. He wanted her to feel the pain he felt, and she had. Both emotionally and physically when she went into her labour issues.

"What's scary is I don't even think that's as dark as I can be," Steve admitted softly, looking back to his wife. It pained him to say that, but after what he saw in his vision, he was almost certain that there was a darkness in him that hadn't been untapped yet.

"You know Ultron is trying to tear us apart, right?" Tony pressed on.

"Well, I guess you'd know," Steve replied, trying not to sound bitter, but not succeeding. He pulled up his arms and brought the axe down once again. "Whether you'd tell us is a bit of a question."

"Banner, Beth and I were doing research," Tony quickly defended, taking a few steps forward.

"That would affect the team," Steve reminded Tony, trying to stress this. He thought that he was over all the lies, but he was still upset that the three of them lied to him about something that actually _affected_ his life.

"That would end the team!" Tony yelled, his face tense. "Isn't that the mission? Isn't that the 'why we fight', so we can end the fight, so we get to go home?!"

As Steve picked up a new log, he pulled it into two pieces with his own hands as Tony's words set a fire within him. "Every time someone tries to win a war before it starts, innocent people die," Steve reminded Tony. "Every time."

"I'm sorry," Laura's voice spoke up, walking towards them. "Mr. Stark, uh, Clint said you wouldn't mind, but, our tractor doesn't seem to want to start at all. I thought maybe you might..."

"Yeah, I'll give it a kick," Tony nodded. "Don't take from my pile," he declared before walking in the direction of the barn.

Laura walked back up to the house with her family, but Bethany had lingered around. "I don't think you're wrong," she allowed, stopping in front of him, her arms crossed. Evidentially, she had heard his final words. "It was wrong what we did. You know that I feel that way. But we did it because of what Tony said. Isn't that what it was all about when we started? Back in 1943? To end the war? So everyone could go home?"

Steve brushed his hands off on his jeans, reaching out to cup her face. "Just like you hear me, I hear you," he offered. "I _do_ want to go home with you one day. And stay there. No matter what that red witch showed me. That's something I want. I just don't know if it'll happen. And as much as I could blame the world for this, it has a lot to do with me too."

"You can't stop fighting, just like I can't stop lying, evidently," Bethany mumbled. "We're both unhappy about it, but it's just who we are. But to be fair, I do try _not_ to lie to you. Things just… _happen_."

"When you put it that way, I guess I can't be mad at you for keeping things from me," Steve realized.

Bethany, however, shook her head. "No. No, you should be. I'm pretty sure being open and truthful is an important part of a healthy marriage, and that's what I want. And how can I expect you to walk away from the fight if you can't even expect me to be truthful?"

Steve didn't know what to say, so he merely pulled her into his arms and held her close. They stayed like that for a moment before Bethany looked up at him with a mischievous smile on her face. "My panties are wet. _Very_ wet," she told him. "Watching you in your tight, little shirt, your muscles all tense, and then going and splitting a log with your hands? Sexy as hell."

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he let his hands move down and cup her ass, giving it a tight squeeze before laying his hands flat on her back. "What do you think of Laura?"  
"I like her," Bethany said with a smile. "I really like her Steve. I have friends that I absolutely love, but she understands me in a way the others don't. I want to come over for dinner one night. You, me and Jamie. After all of this is over. Can we?"

"Will it make you happy?" Steve asked her softly, one hand moving up her back and playing with the ends of her hair.

"Yes," She whispered. "Doesn't it make you feel… I don't know… But knowing that Clint is a husband and father too, now you'll have someone to talk to about these things."

"I hadn't thought about it like that," Steve admitted. "But that's a very good point."

"So when this is over?" She pressed on, looking up at him expectantly. She seemed to be fishing for a promise of something in the future. Something concrete to hold on to. The promise of forever wasn't enough anymore. She needed something closer, something to get them through this time. He moved his hands to cup her cheeks, only being able to kiss her passionately as an answer.

"You know, I'm pretty sure this is how I left you two," a familiar voice came from behind them. They broke apart slowly, turning around to see Nick Fury standing there, Tony walking up to the house.

"Nick," Bethany said softly before walking up to him and giving him a tight hug. "It's been so long."

"Too long," Nick agreed with a nod. "Rogers."

"Nick," Steve replied with a nod, taking his place by Bethany's side. "I didn't know you were here too."

"Figured I should come out of hiding to help you out of this mess, since you all helped SHIELD out of our mess," Nick explained. "That, and Mrs. Barton makes one hell of a twice-baked potato."

"Please tell me you come bearing good news," Bethany begged.

"I have some intel," Fury allowed. "A word of warning, it's not complete. I'm still getting notifications as we speak, however. Little bits here and there about Ultron. But to me it seems like the robot from hell isn't really your problem, but those twins."

"The Maximoffs have a very large speed bump," Steve agreed. "But without Ultron, they'd be nothing."

"Without Ultron, they wouldn't have an actual plan," Bethany corrected. "I have a hard time believing that they'd just walk away from Strucker's lab and never force their way into our lives in the future. They didn't have a plan then, but Ultron presented them with one."

"Yeah, one that'll do them more harm than good," Nick continued. "To be honest, I don't think they know exactly what's going on."

"I know they don't," Steve added. "Ultron's plan is bigger than anybody can understand. His motives seem misplaced and he's leaving a lot of clues to what he's doing or going, but the question of his actual end game is still up for debate."

"What happens when this ends?" Bethany asked suddenly. "Will any of us actually kill them? They're just kids. They think they're doing what's right. And in their defence, they're not entirely wrong here."

"All we can really do is hope for the best," Steve replied. "Hope that they'll come to their senses before it gets to that point."

"But this isn't some perfectly scripted Hollywood movie," Bethany argued. "I mean, yes. Our life does seem like that at times but-"

"We just need to get them into custody," Fury interrupted. "What happens next is up to the government."

"Do they even have justification to imprison them?" Bethany questioned. "Technically, they haven't done anything illegal. Except _maybe_ the experimentations, but one could easily argue that they were manipulated into volunteering and that all the blame should fall on Strucker. Although, knowing our luck, we'd get blamed for it somehow."  
"Not only that, but how are we supposed to get the fastest man in the world and someone who can incapacitate you in seconds into custody?" Steve added.

"Well, the guy slowed down long enough for me to knee him where it counts," Bethany revealed, smiling smugly to herself.

"When was this?" Steve asked with a slight frown.

"Right after he and his sister knocked you out… Or whatever we're calling it," she explained. "He came after me, pinned me to the ground and waited for his sister to come. I didn't like how close he was and that sassy and cocky little smirk, so my knee just jolted upwards. The look on his face was priceless."

Steve couldn't help but smile down at her, amused at her tactics. Natasha had always preferred swift movements and cleverly placed hits, but Bethany had always gone for the obvious, not caring if it looked sloppy or awkward. She put her all into one kick or punch and it counted for a lot.

"Let's just all go inside," Fury suggested. "Help Mrs. Barton out with dinner, have everyone settle down and clear their minds and then talk about it. Ultron is moving fast, but we still have time. Everyone needs to be on their A-game and I have a feeling that anything other than the best of the best will lead to failure."

"Yeah, well it's really hard to focus on one issue when we were all just reminded of the biggest issues in our lives," Bethany grumbled.

"We're like a ball of yarn," Steve supplied. "So tangled up in our own lives that the more we try to break free, the tighter the knots get. But in order to face Ultron, we need to free ourselves from that. It's the only way to get everyone to focus."

"So?" Nick asked with a shrug. "All you need is to cut those knots out and have a new set of strings. Place all of those knots into a drawer and untangle them another day. The world is counting on you. All of you. Don't fuck that up just because you all have some 'personal' issues."

The taunting way in which he said those last words irritated Steve. It wasn't just personal issues, it was his entire life, past, present and future. But Steve knew that the job needed to be done. Steve couldn't very well untie those knots until this whole Ultron thing was dealt with. "Listen, why don't you two take a shower, take a nap, do whatever you need to do to freshen up," Fury suggested, starting towards the house. "You won't do anyone any favors if you fall asleep in the middle of the battle."

Bethany couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle, shaking her head as she looked up at Steve. Now _that_ would be one for the books. "He's right," Steve allowed. "A good night's sleep is key to seeing things from a fresh perspective and not focus on all the negatives."

"And who told you that?" Bethany asked with a twinkle in her eyes, trying to hold back her smile.

"Just this girl," Steve teased with a shrug, wrapping an arm around her and leading her towards the house.

* * *

 _Steve massaged his brow as he looked over the battle plans again. The arguing regarding how the team were supposed to successfully complete their raid had gone on all afternoon and well into the evening with very little progress. There were unexpected circumstances regarding hostages and civilians in the area. They couldn't just blow up the HYDRA base when a small town was located a few miles away. The chance of civilian loss of life was too great. And while the population was small, getting everyone out was a huge issue, especially since these people were Nazi sympathizers. While many members of the board were comfortable with letting these people pay the price for their loyalty, Steve wasn't. These were elderly people, women, children and the disabled. To send them to a fiery death was wrong._

 _Everyone else had left one-by-one, leaving just Steve to go over their potential plans and options. He had lost track of the time, but their window was getting smaller by the second. They needed to depart to Lukenwalde before the end of the week, or risk reaching a base that was already abandoned. HYDRA had to be onto their plans by now, surely. Steve knew that if their enemies had continually raided and bombed their 'secret' hideouts, he would want to create new ones and abandon the old. The chances of them getting the new intel were small, and since Steve only knew where the bases were based off on the map he saw when rescuing Bucky, he knew that they would be pretty empty handed and lost if HYDRA did just that._

 _He felt two arms wrapping around his shoulders slowly, the touch delicate and soothing. Steve craned his head to the side, giving Bethany a soft smile. He hadn't seen her since he left her side that morning, the beautiful vixen still coming down from her post-morning orgasm high. Since then, Bethany had tamed her frizzy hair and applied a light layer of makeup to her face. Most women wore heavy makeup, so much that you could see it a mile away. Bethany, however, had started to wear it a lot lighter. Her lips always had that dark red, of course, but her eyes weren't as heavily lined. She was starting to stick out from the other women, but not in a bad way. Bethany didn't need makeup to be beautiful. She just_ was _._

 _"I feel like we were passing trains in the night today," Bethany whispered softly._

 _Steve had been busy with training and meetings all day. Usually, he found an hour or so to sneak off and spend some time with her, but today he didn't even have a moment to entertain that idea. Generally, he would find her in the lab and the two would talk or eat together. Sometimes, they'd sneak off for some afternoon fun. But today had been all work and no play. "Did you have a busy day too?" He asked her, turning his profile, allowing her to take a seat on his lap._

 _"Not exactly, but when I asked Lorraine about your schedule today, she said you were pretty swamped, so I took on some more projects," Bethany explained, her fingers playing with the small hairs at the back of his head. "Everyone else left for the night though. Well, except Howard, but he pretty much lives in there these days."_

 _Steve nodded tiredly, looking past her to see the scattered pieces of paper and maps across the table. "I think I'll be like your brother tonight. I don't see myself leaving anytime soon. Sorry."_

 _Bethany frowned for a moment, not following. "Why are you apologizing?"_

 _"Because I won't be able to join you tonight," he elaborated. They had spent every night together when they were both on the base. Sometimes Steve had business, sometimes Bethany did. But when they were both on the base, they would spend the night in each other's arms. It wasn't even them having sex every night. Just having her curled up next to him was treat enough, the only payment he would ever need for anything in this life._

 _"Oh," Bethany let out, looking for the right words. "Don't be sorry about that. This is your job. And you're just being… well, you're being Steve. We don't have to spend every night together anyways. It's not some rule or anything."_

 _"But I like to spend the nights with you," Steve told her softly, bowing his head for a moment to fight back his embarrassment at telling her this. "When it's just you and me in the dark, it's so much easier to forget everything else. When I'm with you, I feel at peace."_

 _Giving him a soft smile, she leaned forward and gave him a slow and gentle peck on the lips. "I like spending the nights with you as well. I'm not tired. I can stay up with you if you want. Until you feel like you're ready to turn in? I promise I won't distract you, but at least we'll be together."_

 _Steve felt like his heart was soaring, hearing those words from her. "I don't want you to if you're tired. You probably had a long day and I know you like your sleep."_

 _"Some things are better than sleep," Bethany said with a chuckle, her eyes proving that her words were true. "Who knows, maybe I can even help? Give you some ideas, see things from a new perspective?"  
"It couldn't hurt," Steve nodded, looking back at the papers. All of the strategies they had worked on had all been from a military point of view. None of it was particularly creative, and while Steve and the Howling Commandos knew that typically the plan went awry when they arrived at the base, having a plan drawn out really did make a difference in the outcome. _

_Bethany got up from his lap, pulling a chair closer to him and resting in it. "Okay, let's see here," Bethany said, pulling some of the papers to her, Steve quickly filling her in on the situation. "Is there any plan that you like better than the others?"_

 _Steve sighed, pulling a particular piece of paper out from all the others and giving it to her. "I know the civilians are going to try really hard not to budge. They had so much faith in the Nazis that they won't move, won't believe us claiming to bomb a nearby factory."_

 _"It's very cult-like," Bethany agreed. "But when you actually look at German newspapers, radio station reports, books and history, it's easy to see why. They're almost all brainwashed. You could argue that every country does that to an extent to its citizens whether intentional or not, but Hitler took it a step farther. The Treaty of Versailles really crippled them. And Hitler used that to his advantage evidentially. And now the Red Skull is using_ that _to his advantage."_

 _"I just don't want any unnecessary or innocent blood spilled," Steve confessed. "It isn't right. That's not what we're supposed to do."_

 _"Yeah, but this is war. I'm not saying killing the innocent for no good reason is right, but we're fighting for the freedom of the entire world. All I'm trying to say is that if you fail these people, because they won't listen to your warnings, you can't take that personally."_

 _He heard her words, and knew that there was some truth to them all. But Steve knew there was_ always _something else he could do, even if it didn't seem like it at the time. He could save everyone's innocent lives if he tried hard enough. He knew he could. "I just feel helpless," Steve admitted._

 _"I know what you mean," she assured him. "But staying up all night trying to figure this out? Is that your plan? Because I feel like you need a good night's sleep and see this from a fresh perspective, not continually dwell on bad ideas."_

 _"Howard stays up all night," Steve reminded her. "You do as well, sometimes."_

 _"I used to," Bethany corrected. "And the reason why Howard and I could get away with that is because we're night owls. We do our best thinking, working and innovation by moonlight. That's how we operate. But you are most definitely a morning person, Rogers. Take advantage of that. Work is important. Creating flawless plans even more so. But you can't very well expect your tired and strained mind to conjure up a brilliant plan when it's sleep deprived, can you?"  
She had an extremely valid point. He wasn't that tired, to be honest. He could sleep, but Steve didn't desperately need it. But he did feel like he had been staring at those damn papers all day, and for the most part, he had. It was like studying for a test for hours, seeing the words and the diagrams, but not really comprehending it or absorbing the information. Steve needed a break. _

_"Okay, maybe a small nap wouldn't hurt," Steve allowed, earning him a grin from the blonde girl. "But no fooling around. I can't get distracted."_

 _Bethany put on a façade of mock offense before shaking her head. "Don't worry. Let's just go to your room, put on the radio and relax. I'll probably fall asleep for the night, but at least we get to spend some time together today, right? Away from work? I mean, look around. No one is going to judge you for ducking out. They all deserted before you did. And you'll still be here before them all anyways."_

 _She reached out and took his hands in hers, giving them a soft tug as she stood up. He hesitated for a moment before he allowed her to pull him up, the two of them making their way to his room for the night._

* * *

 **Cleo9427: Hope you got my private message regarding my plans ;)**

 **Sarahmichellegellarfan1: Thanks for your continued support!**

 **anonymouscsifan: I have plans in regards for Steve trying. I figured there was two ways I could go: things are amazing or things are awful. I picked the one that I liked better ;)**

 **IrelandLover: I have lots of ideas, but nothing is concrete yet. I do think that people will be surprised with what I HAVE decided on. In my opinion, she has reasons to side which each of them, almost to the point where making a decision is virtually impossible. It's not just about her nephew vs her husband, but which side is the morally right one.** **Either way, it's going to be a really hard time for Bethany, and I'm going to be spending the future chapters building things up.**

 **blackstar: Haha I hear ya there!**


	34. Broken Home

Chapter 34- Broken Home

 _"They would yell, they would scream, they were fighting it out. She would hope, she would pray, she was waiting it out holding onto a dream. While she watches these walls fall down, sharp words like knives, they were cutting her down. Shattered glass ike the past, it's a memory now. Holding onto a dream while she watches these walls fall down. Hey mum, hey dad. When did this end? Where did you lose your happiness? I'm here alone inside of this broken home."_

 _~Broken Home, 5 Seconds of Summer_

* * *

Nick was right. Laura Barton made the best twice baked potatoes Bethany had ever had, and that was saying a lot. The team had spent the majority of the afternoon recovering, taking showers and naps and coming to terms with what had happened or might possibly happen. They all had their own ways of dealing with this, but Bethany found comfort in being with Clint's daughter. Lila had asked Bethany to play a board game with her, and after a lot of coaxing, Steve joined them. While being with Clint's kids was painful because she couldn't even be with her own baby, there was something so innocent about Lila that it was really comforting and overpowered the cons.

Bethany hadn't missed the looks Steve kept throwing at her, none of malice or anger, but that soft expression he used to wear when they first met. She would never be able to explain it exactly, and she knew she would have to ask him about it one day, but for now she was content with not knowing.

She was exhausted. Despite having a quick cat nap, she couldn't bring herself to sleep anymore. She was so stressed about her son that every time she tried to sleep, even if she fell under for a few seconds, she would dream about Jamie and wake up in a panic. Bethany was relying on caffeine and adrenaline at this point and would continue to do so until she was with her son again.

"Ultron took you folks out of play to buy himself time," Nick revealed after dinner. Bethany had assumed as much, considering what Ultron wanted was to kill them. He had the opportunity to when they were out, but clearly he wanted to do it on a public scale, just like Loki had tried to. "My contacts all say he's building something. The amount of vibranium he made off with, I don't think it's just one thing."

"What about Ultron himself?" Steve asked, leaning up against the door frame adjacent to Bethany.

"Ah. He's easy to track, he's everywhere," Nick explained. "Guy's multiplying faster than a Catholic rabbit. Still doesn't help us get an angle on any of his plans though."

"Well, he's smart enough to cover his tracks as best as he can," Bethany added.

"He still going after launch codes?" Tony asked, twirling a dart in his hand.

"Yes, he is, but he's not making any headway," Nick reported.

Bethany frowned, Tony backing up her confusion when he replied with "I cracked the Pentagon's firewall in high school on a dare."

"Yeah, well, I contacted our friends at the NEXUS about that," Nick continued.

"NEXUS?" Steve interrupted.

"Uh, it's the global internet hub based in Oslo, Norway," Bethany explained. "It's the center of everything."

"Every byte of data flows through there, fastest access on earth," Bruce added.

"So what'd they say?" Clint pressed on, weighing a dart in his hand.

"He's fixated on the missiles," Nick revealed, but this wasn't news to them. "But the codes are constantly being changed."

"By whom?" Tony pressed on, a dart narrowly missing his face as it sunk into the cork of the dartboard. Alarmed, he looked accusingly to Clint who only shrugged.

"Careful," Bethany found herself warning.

"Parties unknown," Nick continued.

"We have an ally?" Natasha asked, her exhaustion evident in her voice.

"Ultron's got an enemy. That's not the same thing," Fury reminded the group. "Still, I'd pay folding money to know who it is."

"I might need to visit Oslo," Tony said. "Find our 'unknown'."

Bethany nodded. "He, she or they may know something about Ultron's plan that we don't. Something vital."

"Well, this is good times, boss," Natasha began. "But I was kind of hoping when I saw you, you'd have more than that."  
"I do. I have you," Nick corrected, sounding very confident and hopeful. "Back in the day, I had eyes everywhere, ears everywhere else. You kids had all the tech you could dream of."

It wasn't a secret that Bethany missed those days. It wasn't necessarily the missions, but the security that SHIELD provided her. Now, it was just them. No one else could step in if they fell, whereas at SHIELD, there were always more agents, scientists, technicians and doctors ready to jump in when needed. That was the real flaw of the Avengers. It was just them. No second stringers ready for their chance.

"Here we all are, back on earth, with nothing but our wit, and our will to save the world," Nick continued. "Ultron says the Avengers are the only thing between him and his mission. And whether or not he admits it, his mission is global destruction."

Bethany closed her eyes for a moment, thinking about that curly haired boy back at the Tower, waiting for her. If Ultron wanted global destruction, the extinction of the Avengers, and possibly of the entire human race, Bethany knew that Jamie would survive all of that, just like she would. And he would be left alone in New York while the world around him crumbled into a million pieces. As much as she knew she had to stay with her friends and fight, she couldn't ignore the possibility of Jamie being alone while the rest of the world died, Bethany needing to fight Hell and high water to get back to her son. She was already regretting leaving him.

"All this, laid in a grave," Nick's words continued. "So stand. Outwit the platinum bastard."

"Steve doesn't like that kind of talk," Natasha replied, tossing Steve a soft smirk.

"You know what, Romanoff?" Steve warned, but his inability to be really angry about it keeping it light.

"So what does he want?" Nick pressed on.

"To become better," Steve supplied, pushing off his place from the door frame and taking a firm grip on the back of Bethany's chair, his presence supplying her with some sort of comfort Bethany didn't know she was lacking. "Better than us. He keeps building bodies."

"Person bodies," Tony reminded them. "The human form is inefficient, biologically speaking, we're outmoded. But he keeps coming back to it."

"When you three programmed him to protect the human race, you amazingly failed," Natasha pointed out.

Bethany kept her thoughts to herself. In all terms, Bethany had no actual part in programming Ultron. She knew about the project, yes. And she was invested in its success, of course. But she didn't lift a finger to help them. She couldn't take the unwanted credit for creating a blood thirsty droid ready to take over the world.

"They don't need to be protected," Bruce spoke softly. "They need to evolve. Ultron's going to evolve."

"How?" Fury asked.

"Has anyone been in contact with Helen Cho?" Bruce answered, Bethany immediately cringing.

"Goddamnit," Bethany whispered, her head falling into her hands in despair. On one hand, they knew Ultron's next step. It made sense. Steve had told Bethany at one point that one of Ultron's bots had started to attack Helen, but then stopped. At that point, Bethany just assumed it was because Ultron just wanted to hurt the Avengers, but the destruction of their apartment said otherwise. On the other hand, Ultron's plan was ingenious. He wasn't just going to use the vibranium to upgrade his current body. He wanted to create a human body made out of vibranium, and Helen Cho was just the person to help him with that.

"The good thing is, we know where he'll be," Steve said, mostly to Bethany.

"Hopefully," Bethany nodded. "We should get going before he moves again."

* * *

After a quick brainstorm and a costume change, Steve was ready to go to work. He noticed that Bethany hadn't switched into her body suit, despite him bringing it to her from the quinjet. She held the burgundy material in her hands, twisting it softly, still wearing her maxi dress. Her face revealed that she was stressed, heavily contemplating a million things at once.

"Steve…" She said, moving towards him slowly. "Bruce is going back to the Tower and… I'm going with him. You don't need me as much as I need Jamie and as much as he needs me. Does that make me a bad person?"  
When he had created the battle plan in his mind, he just assumed that Bethany would come with them. Sending Bruce back to the Tower made sense since asking Bruce to Hulk out after the accident seemed like a cruel and unusual punishment, not to mention would make the media have a field day. Steve knew how much Bethany wanted to go home, but she wasn't one to abandon a mission before the job was done. But if she was making this decision, Steve knew he couldn't stop her. This is what she needed to do, just like this was what he needed to do.

"It makes you a good mother," Steve replied truthfully. And isn't that all she wanted to be? A good mother? And that's what Steve wanted her to be too. He'd much rather her be a good mother than a good hero or spy. "No, go. We've got this."

"You sure?" She checked. If he begged, he knew she'd tag along, but he couldn't do that to her. They could do it without her. It would be easier with her, but not impossible.

"Positive," he replied with a small smile.

"Don't do anything stupid," Bethany warned him, her tone indicating that she was one hundred percent serious.

"Same goes for you," he whispered, cupping her face and giving her a soft kiss.

"All ready?" Tony asked, walking up to them.

"I'll take Natasha and Clint," Steve said with a nod.

Tony looked to Bethany, a soft frown on his face. "You going home?" After Bethany let out a soft nod, Tony continued. "All right. Strictly recon. I'll hit the NEXUS, I'll join you as soon as I can."  
Bethany picked up Steve's shield which was resting against a chair and secured it on his back. "If Ultron is really building a body," Steve began.

"He'll be more powerful than any of us," Tony finished. "Maybe all of us. An android designed by a robot."

"You know I really miss the days when the weirdest thing science ever created was me," Steve told them truthfully. He earned a smile from Bethany, it not quite reaching her eyes, enough of a confirmation that she was going to be okay. He worried about her more than he knew he should, but she didn't make it easy on him.

"I'll drop Banner off at the Tower," Nick said as he walked by them.

"I'm going too," Bethany spoke up.

Nick let out a 'hmpf' in acknowledgment. "That's no surprise. Do you mind if I borrow Ms. Hill?"

"She's all yours," Tony promised before turning bitter. "Apparently. What are you gonna do?"

"I don't know," Nick said honestly. "Something dramatic, I hope."

Both Nick and Tony left them to prepare for departure, but Bethany's heavily concerned frown encouraged Steve to sigh before pulling her into his arms. "This may be the hardest decision I've ever made," Bethany revealed. "I don't want to leave you. Every time we separate, something bad happens, Steve."

"Nothing bad is going to happen," Steve tried to assure her, but Bethany could see right through his lies. No one knew what was going to happen. "I have a million reasons to come home in one peace."

"You have two reasons," Bethany mumbled.

"Well, those two reasons mean everything to me," He reminded her, tilting her head up to look into her eyes. The worry danced around in her green irises and all he could do was lay a soft kiss upon her forehead to try and smooth out of the wrinkle that rested there. "Just go home and take care of our son."

"I love you," she whispered, a tremble in her voice. This time, Steve cupped her cheeks and kissed her lips, passionately, enough to make Tony groan if he were still lingering around. That kiss wasn't just for her. It was for him as well. He would use it later to regain some strength. Despite the fight being a vital part of his life, he didn't think he'd be able to breath if Bethany wasn't giving him his strength. She may have given him the muscles and the agility, but the second that she wasn't around, the second that she was in grave danger, it was like he was just that skinny little boy from Brooklyn.

Being in love with her was pure agony. Every good moment made it worth it to stay with her forever, even if those moments were far and few in between. But the agony of them fighting, of them not being together, all of the bad was on occasion, worse than physical pain. Steve had almost lost her in that explosion half a year ago and he had never felt so weak in his entire life. The very idea of her slipping away from him made it so much easier to understand her change in the years without him. As much as he believed Jamie would keep her from turning to that dark woman again, there was no assurance of what would or wouldn't happen. Coming back home wasn't just for him. It was for them both. He wouldn't put his soul mate in that kind of agony again, not if he could help it.

* * *

The ride back to the Tower seemed to last for days. She had called in, only to find that Jamie was sleeping. She reminded herself that him sleeping was better than him crying out for her, but she really needed to see his smile. _Soon,_ she reminded herself, confident that he would reward her with a million smiles when they saw each other again.

"Bethany?" Bruce asked softly, quiet enough that Nick wouldn't be able to hear him.

"Yeah?" She replied, looking over to him. The man looked considerably better from when they picked him up after the Hulk incident, but heavy bags still took place under his eyes. However, Bethany was certain those same bags were present under her own eyes.

"Have you ever thought about… running away?" Bruce asked carefully.

Bethany was shocked at first, her instinct telling her to immediately say no, but then remembering that to this day, that's still what she wanted. Ever since the secret of HYDRA being inside SHIELD came to light, that was all Bethany wanted to do, every single day. She had even asked Steve to run away with her, before the battle at SHIELD. Bethany wanted to run away with her child and husband and live the life they deserved to have as a family. Even now, that's what she really wanted if it meant keeping them safe and together.

"Yes," she finally answered.

"Did you ever ask Steve to run away with you?" Bruce pressed on.

Bethany nodded, slowly looking down at her lap for a second. "It's not something I'm proud of, but yeah. He wasn't too thrilled at the idea, or the fact that I actually asked him to do that."

"Because he probably assumed you were thinking it on some level, or he was thinking it himself, but you actually asking him made it real," Bruce summarized. "Obviously he said 'no.'"

"I knew that he would," Bethany said with a sigh. "I can see the struggle when I ask him to do things that'll make me happy, but a lot of other people will suffer. He always does what he believes is right, which scares me because I know that one day, I'll lose him again because of this."

"A lot of the other members of the team will never stop fighting," Bruce continued, looking to the wall. "But you and I want what we'll never get. Science has been our passion for years, but it's also our downfall. We want to be normal, but we can't."

"Why'd you ask about running away?" Bethany asked softly. "Are you thinking about leaving? I wouldn't blame you Bruce. I'd applaud you, if you did it for the right reasons."

"Natasha and I were talking about it," He revealed. "It just got me thinking."

"You care about her, you don't need to hide that from me," Bethany promised him. "I know what it's like."

"But it's different for you," Bruce reminded her. "You get to have the children and the happy marriage."

Bethany scoffed, shaking her head. "I have it, and I'm grateful for Steve and Jamie. But it only makes my life more difficult. If Jamie wasn't born, I'd be by Steve's side. And our marriage isn't exactly happy. We love each other, but we both know that it takes more than that to be happy. I'm not saying you have it better than me. I know you don't. But my life isn't this big fairy tale with a happy ending. And you know that too."

Silence fell between them, Bethany wondering whether or not Bruce would run away. Not just Bruce, but also Natasha. Bethany knew that she couldn't run away, as much as she wanted to. Going back to the Tower was the only running she really _could_ do. She wasn't going anywhere unless Steve was going with her, and she knew that he would continue the mission until the very end, even if that meant him never returning home.

Bethany closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, trying to push all negative thoughts away. All she needed to focus on now was that Steve would come back to her, and that she was about to be with her son again. If she focused on the negative, she wouldn't be able to cherish the positive.

Bethany could feel the aircraft starting to fall as it came to land. She had sprung up and started running towards the Tower's elevator before the cargo bay door even finished opening. Her heart was pounding wildly as she made her way down to the safe room where her little boy was waiting for her. Bethany couldn't stop her foot from tapping on the ground impatiently. She took in a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves and stop her hands from shaking violently. As the elevator doors opened, however, Bethany froze. She could see the door to the safe room, cracked open just a little. Maria must have disabled the auto lock as the aircraft came close to the Tower in preparation for this.

She could hear the light murmur of the television or maybe even the radio, followed by Jen and Theo's voices. Taking a few shaky steps forward, Bethany could begin to hear the soft babbles that could only belong to her son, which only gave her the strength to push forward confidently.

Pushing through the door weakly, she almost cried when she saw her son. He was sitting on Jackson's lap, holding onto his Hulk plushie, but looking at a picture frame sitting on the table beside the couch. Bethany recognized the frame and knew that it was a picture of her and Steve inside. "Jamie?" She called out, barely a whisper, but loud enough to get everyone's attention, including the little boy. A loud squeal of delight sounded from him, his arms flying up in excitement, his Hulk toy falling to the ground in the process. Letting out a cry of relief, Bethany quickly moved forward to scoop her little boy from Jackson's arms, holding him close to her. Jamie's face tucked itself in the crook of her neck, his wet pink lips lightly pressed against her skin as his little arms clung onto her. Lowering herself onto the couch, afraid that her legs would give out, she cradled him close to her, a comforting hand rubbing his back.

Bethany knew that the only way to make this moment more perfect would be if Steve was there with them, his long, strong arms wrapped around the both of them, making Bethany feel as secure and safe as her own were providing to Jamie. "Momma's home, baby," Bethany whispered, unable to keep the tears at bay. She was flooding with emotion.

"Momma," Jamie repeated, his small voice a mere mumble as it was spoken against her skin, but no less being the most beautiful sound Bethany had ever heard.

* * *

It was quiet in the Tower. Bethany knew that she should head up to see if there was any news, but the time was flying by her, and she kept convincing herself that they would call her up if they needed anything at all. It wasn't until Steve called her that she realized just how much she missed while spending time with her son. She felt a little guilty, but Jamie's little chubby face kept her from feeling full-on shame for her absence.

"Slow down," Bethany prompted into the phone. "I don't follow any of what you're saying."

 _"The cradle is at the Tower, yes?"_ Steve asked, frustration clear in his voice. She wasn't sure if the frustration was directed at her or not, but she knew that he would only continue to grow frustrated when she admitted that she didn't know. _"Wanda believes that Tony is going to use the cradle and the vibranium to create a new version of Ultron."_

Bethany frowned slightly before deciding that she needed to become involved in the situation again. Jamie clung on tightly to her shirt as she made her way to the elevator. "And you trust her?"

 _"She has a point about Ultron not knowing whether he's destroying or fixing the world, Beth,"_ Steve pressed on. _"Tony is the same way."_

She couldn't hold back the scoff. She was getting real tired of Steve's clear disapproval of Tony's methods. The kid made a lot of mistakes, but at least he was _trying_. "Sometimes the only way to solve something is to try again, but this time to fix the mistakes-"

 _"You cannot be serious right now,"_ Steve expressed. _"Bethany, this will only make things worse!"_

"You don't know that!" Bethany insisted. "And if we had it your way, we'd never find anything out. You don't want to try new things because you're so afraid of it not working out. You don't give things a chance-"

 _"That's_ not _true,"_ he stressed. _"Why can't you see that this will just-"_

"Why can't you?" She interrupted, but her voice quiet. "Steve, we made a mistake with Ultron, yes. But if people gave up after a mistake, we wouldn't get anywhere."

The line was quiet, but even with a considerable distance between the two of them, Bethany could feel his disapproval. "I'll go and talk to them," she finally conceded. "But I can't promise anything, Steve."

" _They'll listen to you,"_ he replied softly, seemingly happy that she was willing to do this in order to make him happy.

"I'm not so sure about that," Bethany disagreed when the elevator doors opened. She could see the men in the lab, fussing around what could only be Helen Cho's regeneration cradle. "But I'll see what I can do."

 _"Thank you."_

"I'll see you soon," Bethany replied before hanging up. She was happy to know that Steve was okay. He had mentioned that Ultron had Natasha, but right now, due to the issue with the cradle, that wasn't their first priority, and if it was someone else in Nat's shoes, the redhead would be the first person to remind them all that the cradle should come first, the prisoner second. Getting the prisoner wouldn't necessarily help the mission, but finding a way to destroy Ultron would indeed help getting the prisoner.

And then there was the fact that no one knew where Natasha was. But Bethany believed that Natasha was alive. It was clear that Ultron wanted to kill them all in a public setting. If he had killed her, the entire world would know by now. Natasha was one of the best spies Bethany ever had the pleasure of meeting. They'd find her, in one piece, ready to exact her revenge against Ultron, and everyone was certain of this.

"What's going on in here?" Bethany asked when she entered the lab. Both men stopped, looking like two deer caught in headlights. Obviously them not bringing her into the situation wasn't just to allow her time with her son. They didn't want her to know for fear that she'd stop them.

"I can explain," Tony finally offered, reminding Bethany of a little boy trying to scramble for answers.

"You don't need to explain, it's obvious what you're doing," Bethany said with a roll of her eyes. "I know what you're doing and why you're doing it."  
"Okay, then I'm confused," Tony admitted, both men continuing their work. "Why are you asking?"

"Steve thinks this is a bad idea," Bethany explained.

"Right, but you don't," Tony concluded.

Bethany sighed, looking into the window of the cradle. Jamie, also curious, took a peak but immediately cowered back, burying his face into Bethany's chest. "I don't know what I believe anymore," she admitted. "It's risky, Steve's right about that."

"But if we never take risks-" Bruce began, to which Bethany shook her head.

"I know, I already pointed this out to him," Bethany breathed. "But what is going to make this any different?"

"JARVIS," Tony said matter-of-factly.

Bethany visibly flinched, a brief moment of silence taking over them before she shook her shock away. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Oh, um he was the one protecting the military's nuclear codes," Bruce stumbled to explain as he went about his work, sparing her a brief glance as he maneuvered around. "Ultron was intimidated by JARVIS because of what he's capable of, so JARVIS went into hiding, or at least, as much into hiding as a computer system can get."

"He did everything he had to so Ultron wouldn't find him," Tony continued, picking up where Bruce left off. "But he still had his programming, his protocols."

"Which includes protecting the nuclear codes," Bethany murmured to herself.

"Exactly," Tony nodded. "J did such a good job of burying himself deep, he didn't even realize that he was still in there until I found him and stitched him back together."  
"So we do have an ally," Bethany summarized, thinking towards Natasha's earlier statement. "And you think putting JARVIS, someone we already know and trust into a vibranium body will be, what? The saviour we originally asked for?"  
"Theoretically," Tony allowed.

Bethany looked back down through the window of the cradle, looking at the lifeless body that laid inside. "What's that?" She asked, laying a single finger against the glass, pointing to the yellow jewel on the body's forehead.

"Huh?" Tony asked, looking at to where she was pointing for a moment before shaking his head. "Nothing."

"Well obviously it's not nothing," Bethany said with a roll of her eyes. "Ultron put it there for a reason."

"The sceptre was a casing for something important inside," Bruce theorized. "Maybe Ultron got it out. Maybe that's what it is."

Bethany's eyes shot open, looking between the two men in panic. "I'm sorry, and that doesn't concern anyone?!"

"Bethany, either help us or don't," Tony said with a shrug. "But we're busy working, and I think you already know that nothing you say or do will stop us."

Bethany gave a frustrated roll of her eyes, her jaw clenching in anger as she shifted Jamie from one hip to the other. He was right. She did possess a fair amount of strength, but she wasn't going to force Bruce away from something, not while Jamie was in the room, or even in the proximity. Tony could easily call to his suit if she just went after him and she wouldn't stand a chance.

She was SHIELD's greatest spy once upon a time, for ability like stealth, flexibility, an amazing shot and her willingness to do what needed to be done. But these people around her weren't ordinary people, or fellow spies. They were superheroes, cases Bethany would have been a part of, but would have been back-up. She didn't even need to run the different scenarios through her head to know that this was a battle she couldn't win. But at least she could tell Steve she had at least _tried_. Maybe not that hard, since part of her, a big part, agreed with what they were doing. But the other part was torn because Steve also had a point.

Bethany hated not knowing exactly where she stood in this matter. It didn't help that two people she loved where on polar opposite sides of the situation. But if she _had_ to choose a side, she would side with the scientists for the mere reason that she had been a scientist before anything else, and her curiosity, to consider wondering if whether or not this would be successful, would eat her up.

She looked down at Jamie when he let out an uncomfortable series of whimpers. One glance at him and she knew that he was in a desperate need of a diaper change. The smell quickly followed, Bethany silently leaving the lab, feeling pretty helpless, but also not caring. Knowing that she didn't want to go back down to the safe room, and that she really just needed to be alone with her son, she went down to the apartment.

Bethany kissed the top of Jamie's head as she carefully made her way into her home. She had forgotten just how badly Ultron's bots had ruined her home. Sighing heavily, she decided to change Jamie before she looked around her broken home.

"Here we go little man," Bethany cooed, trying to look and sound happy, as she placed him down on the changing table. "You are one stinky little baby, did you know that?"  
Jamie's lips split open in a big wet smile as he let out a bubbling laugh. "Oh, what?" Bethany played along as she changed him. "You think it's funny that you smell? At least pretend it's not you silly, that's what all the men in this building do. All of them. Although your daddy will at least leave the room subtly." Jamie only continued to smile up at her, as if this was the most entertaining thing in the world. When she secured a new diaper on him, she pulled _him_ up and peppered a million kisses onto his face, his laughter bubbling up again. "There you go, smelling just like new."

Pulling a folded blanket from a shelf, she casually wrapped it around Jamie while still holding him before finally venturing out to see her home. Bethany began rubbing Jamie's back, not for his sake, but for her own. What caught her eyes the most was the scattered records on the ground, many of them shattered. Bending down, she picked up a large shard, reading the name that had clung onto the piece. It was a Glenn Miller tribute vinyl, one that Steve had picked up at a thrift shop when they were still living in D.C. She tried to hold back her emotions, to convince herself that this wasn't something worth crying about, but she couldn't convince herself of that. It wasn't just any old vinyl. None of them were just vinyl. They were all little memories, some irreplaceable, now shattered on her living room floor.

* * *

 _Bethany lifted a hand to the back of her neck, massaging it lightly. She had been craned over paperwork for hours now. Her paperwork didn't take too long to complete, since she was always on top of it, and had now become routine. It was Steve's paperwork that was taking so long to complete. Back during the war, Steve had completed his reports on time but for some reason, he was less than enthusiastic when it came to completing SHIELD's reports._

 _He continually complained that it was too much work, answering repetitive questions and that it was ultimately a waste of time. But Bethany knew that the paperwork needed to be completed and took pity on her husband-to-be, so she told him that he just needed to give her the summary of the situation and she'd answer all the questions she could with the information he gave her. If she left anything blank, Steve would answer it afterwards. Fury couldn't care less if she did it or if Steve did, as long as the work was done and preferably filled out before the deadline._

 _"Someone needs a massage," Steve stated, having just come in from a two-day mission._

 _"You better be referring to me," she teased, rolling her head to try and loosen her neck. Bethany got out of her chair and threw her arms around his neck giving him a kiss with a giant smile on her face._

 _"Hmmm," Steve let out, smiling back at her as his arms wrapped around her waist. She could feel a plastic grocery bag hitting her thigh, but she was too enamoured with the man in front of her to question it. "I was, actually. You looked tense."_

 _"Well, your paperwork keeps piling up," Bethany reported. "And I guess since you're back from another mission, there's more, right?"_

 _"Yeah, sorry," Steve admitted giving her a smile. "But I can think of more than one way to make it up to you."_

 _"Oh yeah?" Bethany asked with a flirtatious smile on her face. "I can too. Starting with your head in between my legs."  
Steve's brows rose up slightly in surprise, but his growing smile indicated that he liked this idea. "I was actually thinking of a romantic dinner to go with that neck massage, but your way sounds a lot more fun."_

 _"Mmmm," she hummed, kissing him softly. "Well I had a lot of spare time on my hands the last two days. My mind wandered a little. And maybe my hands did too."_

 _Bethany could see Steve swallowing hard at the image of that. "You-you…"_

 _"Of course, my imagination isn't as good as the real thing," Bethany teased, moving a hand to push his hair back into his coif, the blond strands silky between her fingers._

 _Steve let out a deep breath of air, shaking his head. "You really are a vixen."_

 _"Shall we get started?" Bethany asked excitedly._

 _"Actually," Steve began, his hands slipping away from her waist. Bethany's arms slipped down, feeling a slight twinge of rejection, but knowing that it was only because he had something else up his sleeve. "I bought something today."_

 _"Oh?" Bethany asked, watching as he brought the plastic bag in between them and opened it._

 _"Look," Steve exclaimed with a huge smile. Bethany reached in and pulled out a vinyl, it's casing having seen better days. "I got it for fifty cents at a yard sale!"_

 _Bethany couldn't help but laugh at his adorable smile and the pride in his voice. "Glenn Miller Band Tribute?"_

 _"I thought it would be fun to listen to at dinner," He explained._

 _Bethany turned the record around and looked at the track listing. "And romantic as hell. Oh,_ In the Mood _!"_

 _This time it was Steve who was laughing at her adorableness. "I know it's one of your favorites."_

 _"Glenn Miller and Benny Goodman have my heart," she reported. "All the other Big Bang conductors suck."_

 _"That's your opinion," Steve reminded her. "So you approve?"_

 _She chuckled again, looking up at him. "You spent fifty cents on this, love. It's not like it's setting us back at all."_

 _Steve laughed in response, shaking his head. "No. No, I mean about my idea."_

 _"Oh," Bethany said as understanding came over her. "So what you're saying is that you want to listen to the Glenn Miller Band Tribute over having sex?"_

 _"Maybe," Steve said, earning a shocked gasp from Bethany. "_ Orrrr _we can listen to it_ while _we have sex."  
A single brow lifted in amusement, Bethany nodding slowly. "Okay, that's not a bad compromise. As long as I don't need to get up to flip the vinyl when it's done."_

 _Steve shook his head, unable to keep his smile off his face. "I do love you, Bethany Stark."_

* * *

 ****A/N: Again, this is a little early, but I just finished writing the Battle of Sokovia and I guess I'm excited :) Shout-out to my betas for being amazing and allowing me to post this now :)**

 **anonymouscsifan: They will... eventually. I actually made a definite (and let me tell you, it's the best decision I've made in regards to this story) decision about when and how that'll happen. And I'm dead set on my plans for the air between the couple between the movies, so you'll just have to wait and see what happens ;)**

 **FeliciaFelicis: Agent Carter played here already :D It was actually... really good? Like I wasn't too excited to watch it, but I was strangely impressed? I'm looking forward to the next episode. I really want to start writing one-shots of Bethany during Agent Carter? I'm just not organized to do that :P**

 **Jo: It's probably online somewhere! You should definitely watch it, it was very enjoyable.  
**


	35. All These Little Strings

****A/N: Hey all my amazing readers :D So, I posted another video on my tumblr page, _Sorry Ever After._ Please check it out if you get the chance. There's also the cover art for the next story, _Through the Storm_ there, and I love it so much, so you should all check it out! I take a lot of pride in it.**

 **Also, I may just end up posting on Tuesdays, since it's really convenient. As long as the betas edit it before Tuesday/on Tuesday, I'll continue to post it then.**

Chapter 35- All These Little **Strings**

 _"And sometimes I get lose in time. Sometimes I fear I'm lost in here. All these little strings holding us together. All these precious things can make them last.  All these little strings keep holding us together. All these precious things, make them last forever." _

_~Strings and Attractor, How to Destroy Angels_

* * *

When she felt like she had finished her path down self-pity, she picked herself up and headed back up to the lab. Jamie was fussing, and she knew he was ready for bed, but she didn't want to let him out of her arms just yet. She would rock him lovingly until he finally drifted off, and hope that nothing would wake him up.

Now, however, Jamie was still trying to stay awake, as if he was scared that if he let Bethany out of his sight even for a moment, she'd be gone forever. On occasion, she was proud that he was so self-aware and perceptive, but at moments like these, she wished he understood less. "I'm not going anywhere," she whispered to him, playing with his curls as the elevator moved up to the lab.

She walked slowly to the lab until she saw Steve, followed by the Maximoff twins just a few steps ahead of her, making their way to the lab. She quickly picked up her pace, remaining only a few feet away from them.

"I'm gonna say this once," Steve announced, the sound of his voice gathering Jamie's attention, his little arm reaching out to him.

"How about nonce?" Tony offered instead.

"Shut it down," Steve commanded, leaving no room for compromise.

"Nope, not gonna happen," Tony replied, not letting the extra company distract him in the slightest.

"You don't know what you're doing," Steve insisted. Bethany could feel her breath catch in her throat when she took a better look at the Maximoff twins. Everything around her seemed to become distant, the sounds becoming mere hums as panic started to rise inside of her. Flashes of seeing them earlier surrounded her. Pietro hovering on top of her, a smug look written all over his face. It had made her sick then, and even now in her memories, the image was overwhelming. That smile, as if he had all the power over her, that mischievous twinkle in his eye… she had seen that look before. It was only now, when adrenaline wasn't clouding her thoughts, that she could pinpoint where she'd seen that look before, hovering over her, knowing that she was powerless.

 _Jason._

She had seen it in his eyes every single time he brought her to his bed.

But it wasn't just Pietro. It was Wanda too, knowing that she could pick any little string in Bethany's mind and unravel it until it incapacitated her. Wanda knew all of Bethany's fears, her happiest moments, her pleasures. And she had the ability to play with all of it, in any way she wanted to.

It was a soft call that brought her back to the present, Jamie's sweet little voice questioning her, a hand reaching up towards her face. Feeling air coming back into her lungs, the extreme situation going on around her took precedence. "You don't know what's in there!" Wanda insisted.

"This isn't a game!" Steve insisted, the air in the room getting thick again, but this time Bethany refused to lose her focus again.

"Enough!" Bethany begged, panting as she held onto Jamie closer. Her command had been followed, but not by her doing. A blue flash zipped around the room, causing sparks of electricity, humming from the computers and a light breeze of smoke.

"No, no," Pietro said as he came to a stop, everyone looking at him in shock. "Go on. You were saying?"  
A shot of a gun filled the air, along with glass breaking and Pietro falling to the next level, his sister calling out to him. The sound startled Jamie, the infant immediately breaking out into a series of loud cries. Tony said something, but Bethany couldn´t hear over her son's cries.

"Shhh," she whispered to Jamie, rocking him, but the situation only got worse as Steve tossed his shield across the room to stop Tony. The man immediately reacted, his Iron Man arm flying towards him and shooting Steve back.

"Stop it!" Bethany shouted to them, placing a hand over one of Jamie's ears. Bruce decided to make it worse, taking Wanda into his arms and holding her close. Everyone in the room continued to fight against each other, Bethany ducking and narrowly missing a blast coming from Tony that was directed towards Steve.

"Watch it!" Steve cried, lunging forward towards Tony as Bethany crotched on the ground, clutching onto the still crying baby. The two men came towards each other before being flung back. It was like a nightmare coming to life for Bethany, watching her husband and her nephew fighting each other, and not just with words, but with actual physical contact in an effort to maim the other enough so that they could get their way.

"Stop," Bethany said again, but her voice was too quiet under all the noise to be heard by anyone. But once again, everyone came to a halt by someone else's actions; Thor appearing seemingly from nowhere and jumping onto the cradle.

"Wait!" Bruce called out as Thor raised his hammer, calling on lightning. Bethany's hand moved to cover Jamie's eyes opposed to his ears, the bright light from the lightning filling the room. Suddenly, the back of Steve's shield was covering her view, protecting her and Jamie from what could happen at any moment. She looked up to him, one of Steve's arms wrapped around his family to protect them.

The room got quiet for a moment before she could hear the breaking of metal and glass, Steve taking a closer hold of her and Jamie, ducking his head over the shield to see what was happening, but she could tell from the look on his face that he wasn't even considering leaving their side. If it was just Bethany there, it would be a different story, but Jamie was vulnerable to anything that could happen. Even if no one was trying to hurt him, accidents happened and they already had a close call with a repulsor beam.

Jamie was still crying, his lips right next to Bethany's ears. Moving her hand to rub his back in a soothing motion, she dared to look over the shield to see what was going on. Her jaw fell open when she saw the man who had previously been in the cradle standing tall and looking like he was out for blood.

A long breath of air fell from her lips, fear overtaking her body. She could feel the hand on her arm tightening, but whether Steve was trying to comfort her or he too was feeling fear, she wasn't sure. Suddenly, the man and Thor flew from her sight and into the next room, the shattering of more glass only feeding Jamie's cries.

Steve and Bethany got up from their places, craning their heads to get a glimpse of the situation. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Wanda moving towards them, a raised hand with red dancing through her fingertips gesturing towards Jamie.

"NO," Bethany said strongly, one of her legs moving out to intertwine with Wanda's legs to bring her down, but her brother caught her and was about to get retaliation when Steve grabbed Pietro's arm.

"Stop this," Steve ordered, his voice leaving no room for argument. Another crash from the other room caught all their attention, Bethany nodding at Steve to go, the man jumping up to the next level.

"I only meant to get him to stop crying," Wanda told Bethany quietly, only making Bethany take an impossibly closer hold of her son.

"You don't even think about him," Bethany spat, kissing Jamie's forehead and promising him that everything was okay. His cries were getting softer as silence filled the room.

"Kind of hard not to think about him when he's making all that noise," Pietro stated with a smug attitude.

"Watch what you say, this is our turf," Clint warned the twins, placing a hand on Bethany's arm and guiding her up to see what was happening.

"Shhh, Munchkin," Bethany whispered, not knowing if going up towards that _thing_ was the best idea, not with her son in tow. Jamie's eyes were opening now, his little fist rubbing at them stubbornly as his crying stilled and his hiccups began.

Everyone was standing in the communal living area, staring in awe at the newly born man in front of them. Bethany naturally rooted herself beside Steve, knowing that Jamie would be safest between her and him. The man, who had been floating mere seconds before, landed next to Thor, but made no move to attack.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "That was… odd. Thank you."

There was a moment of silence as the man and Thor shared a look before the man produced a cape from nowhere, clearly mimicking the look the demi-god wore.

"Thor," Steve said, interrupting the uncomfortable silence. "You helped create this?"

"I've had a vision," Thor enlightened them. "A whirlpool that sucks in all hope of life and at its center is _that_."

"What, the gem?" Bruce asked, taking two careful steps forward.

"It's the Mind Stone," Thor continued. "It's one of the six Infinity Stones, the greatest power in the universe, unparalleled in its destructive capabilities."

Steve's words echoed Bethany's own thoughts. "Then why would you bring it-"

"Because Stark is right," Thor rushed to explain.

"Oh, it's definitely the end times," Bruce commented, knowing that Thor and Tony never agreed on anything.

"The Avengers cannot defeat Ultron," Thor added.

"Not alone," the man agreed.

"Why does your 'vision' sound like JARVIS?" Steve asked as the man started to walk forward slowly.

"We reconfigured Jarvis' matrix to create something new," Tony explained.

"I think I've had my fill of new," Steve shared.

"You think I'm a child of Ultron," The man stated, now standing right next to Bethany, his eyes flickering down to Jamie. Bethany watched her son's reaction, the little boy looking up at him in awe before reaching out a curious hand, but not being able to reach him.

"You're not?"

"I'm not Ultron," the man promised. Bethany couldn't help but hear how sad he sounded. "I'm not JARVIS. I am… I _am_."

They were all quiet as they absorbed this. There was relief about him not having any immediate ties to Ultron, but the entire reason Tony and Bruce wanted to input JARVIS into the body was so that they could have someone they trusted. Now, all they had was a wild card.

"I looked in your head and saw annihilation," Wanda broke the silence, taking a few steps forward.

"Look again," the man prompted.

Clint let out a laugh that sounded more like a scoff. "Yeah, her seal of approval means jack to me."

"Their powers, the horrors in our head, Ultron himself," Thor began to explain. "They all came from the Mind Stone, and they're nothing compared to what it can unleash. But with it on our side-"

"Is it?" Steve interrupted before turning to face the man. "Are you? On our side?"

"I don't think it's that simple," the man replied.

"Enlighten us then," Bethany spoke up for the first time. "I think we've suffered enough anticipation, wouldn't you?"

"I am on the side of life," the man tried to explain, looking back over to Jamie, as if Jamie was the very thing he wanted to protect. "Ultron isn't. He will end it all."

"Then why hasn't he already?" Bethany asked, knowing that's what everyone was thinking.

"Yeah, what's he waiting for?" Tony added.

"You," the man said as if it was that simple.

"Where?" Thor asked.

"Sokovia," Clint answered. "He's got Nat there too."

Bruce started walking towards the man, slowly and cautiously like he always did, but with a shadow of the monster inside of him just right behind him, reminding them all of his power. "If we're wrong about you... if you're the monster that Ultron made you to be…"

"What will you do?" The man questioned, no one able to really give an answer. "I don't want to kill Ultron. He's unique. And he's in pain."

Bethany wasn't able to suppress her scoff and the roll of her eyes, knowing that Ultron's pain couldn't compare to the pain they had all felt by his hand. "But that pain will roll over the earth, so he must be destroyed," the man continued, ignoring Bethany. "Every form he's built, every trace of his presence on the net, we have to act now. And not one of us can do it without the others."

Those last words were directed at Bethany, as if he knew of Bethany's desire to stay at the Tower. But how could he know? And would he really hold that against her? This man had no idea what it was to love, to be a parent. And if Bethany _had_ to fight, she would, but that didn't mean that this man, simply stating she needed to be there was going to make it any easier. And Jamie resting his head on her shoulder, finally ready to sleep, his little fist clutching her shirt, only made it worse.

"Maybe I am a monster," the man continued. "I don't think I'd know if I were one. I'm not what you are and not what you intended. So there may be no way to make you trust me. But we need to go."

Through the past few days, Bethany had been shocked more than she wanted. Not only by her friends or by science, but also by herself. But this, the man swiping up Thor's hammer as if it was a piece of paper, took the cake. The entire room just stared, unable to move as the man offered the hammer for Thor to take.

Thor looked absolutely speechless, accepting the hammer as the man walked away from them. "Right," the blond finally said, awkwardly trying not to let the fact that someone else could wield his hammer get to him. "Well done," Thor offered Tony, clapping him on the shoulder as the demi-god followed the man out of the room.

"Three minutes," Steve announced, taking the reins once again. "Get what you need."

"Make it five, Rogers, or I swear-" Bethany breathed, knowing those two extra minutes were desperately needed.

"Five," Steve replied with a nod, his voice soft and his eyes understanding. If anyone else were asking, he would have refused, but she could see the pity he felt for her, knowing that he would be dragging her back out into the fight.

"You two, come with me," Clint prompted to the twins, the group scattering as they went to prepare.

When they were alone, Steve pulled her into his arms, kissing her deeply. "Now's not the time for 'I-told-you-so'," he told her, a little smile on his face, referring to everything that just happened.

"I was going to wait until all this was over before abusing my bragging rights," Bethany teased before getting emotional. "I don't want to, Steve."

"I know," he whispered. "But we need to listen to him. To… 'The Vision'. And if he says it'll take all of us, we need to trust him. You know that you'll be coming home to Jamie no matter what happens, so I need you there. You'll always be there for him, so I need you there for me."  
Letting out a ragged breath, she fought back her need to cry. "Tell me we're coming home together. Please Steve."

He attempted to give her a comforting smile, but even Steve knew it wasn't good enough. "I told you, Beth. I have two amazing reasons to come home to. I'm not going to give that up if I don't have to."

She nodded, breathing in deeply to try and keep her tears at bay. "Okay."

"We don't have time to waste," Steve told her sternly, trying to keep his mind on the mission on hand.

"This isn't wasting time," Bethany whispered, knowing being in his arms would never be a waste of time.

He leaned down to kiss her again, giving her butt a quick squeeze. "Okay, now let me have some time with our son, and you go get ready."

Bethany looked at Jamie, who was seconds away from sleeping. She placed a soft kiss on the side of his head before handing him to Steve and turning around. Taking in a deep breath, she pressed herself to move to what they referred to as the locker room. Wanda, Pietro and Clint were already in there, the three of them prepping themselves for battle.

"You," Bethany said towards Wanda, not slowing down as she went to her station, three of her suits hung up on hangers. She pulled a random one and began to pull it on under her skirt. "If you ever try to mess with my head again, or my son's, or my husband's, you'll regret everything you've ever done, got it?"  
When Bethany looked over to Wanda, the woman didn't reply to her, but the look on her face showed that she _did_ understand what Bethany was saying and would be careful. "Be nice," Pietro said, not as a taunt, but very much the attitude of a tired father, as if he even knew what that could ever be like.

"And you," Bethany began, this time towards Pietro as she took the entirety of her maxi dress off to pull the rest of her suit on. Pietro's eyes fell to Bethany's chest, her bra leaving very little to the imagination. Bethany used his moment of weakness to grab his chin pulling his eyes up to hers. "If you so much as _think_ of me in any sexual way, and I know you have and probably continue to because you're a weak boy and you all do, I'll personally remove your dick. Got it?"  
Any semblance of smugness fell from Pietro's face when he realized she was serious. This was her own security of keeping herself strong while on this mission. She couldn't deal with him even sending her one smug smile, knowing it would only remind her of Jason and her weakness. "Got it," he said with a hard swallow when Bethany let go of his chin, finishing to pull her suit on, zipping it all the way up despite the tight fit.

"Good," Bethany said with an honest smile, sitting down and pulling her boots from her locker. "Now, look. I don't care what you two did in the past. All I care about, from this point on, is what you do in the future. You two only have each other. I get that. I only had my brother at one point. But the rest of us? We have families that we'd like to come home to at the end of the day. So don't mess that up for us, okay?"

"Aren't you being a little harsh?" Clint asked, sitting next to Bethany to lace his own boots.

"Maybe," Bethany admitted, even to the twins. "But trust is an issue, is it not?"

"You can trust us," Wanda spoke up finally. "I know why you have trust issues."

"Then you know exactly why it's hard to trust people I barely know, let alone people I do know who have got into HYDRA's grips," Bethany said, thinking towards Jen who was a few floors down. Bethany hadn't yet properly thanked Jen, but she knew she would have to soon enough.

"We want to fix our mistakes," Pietro told her truthfully.

Bethany stood up and started to take some weapons out of her locker and attached them to her belt or put them in her boot. "Yeah, I know what that's like," she mumbled softly.

* * *

Bruce, Tony and Steve were all by the quinjet, waiting for the rest of the group to be ready, Steve filling them in on what happened on the chase for Ultron. Jamie was still in Steve's arms, the baby now sleeping slightly, his mouth slightly ajar just like his mother's did when she was sleeping. He was so beautiful, it physically hurt Steve to leave him, and to take his mother with him, but Jamie's complete innocence is what reminded Steve that they had to do this. It wasn't just for Jamie, but for all the Jamies of the world, all the people who were innocent and didn't deserve what Ultron was dishing out.

"No way we all get through this," Tony started. "If even one tin soldier is left standing, we've lost. It's gonna be blood on the floor."

"I've got no plans tomorrow night," Steve joked softly, still looking down at Jamie. In all actuality, he didn't have plans, but he would very much like to. For there to be soft candles and the slight crackle from the record player's needle. For an amazing dinner and his family to sit at their table, smiles on their faces as they teased each other.

"Don't let Bethany hear you say that," Bruce pointed out. "I think she already wants to kill you. Or at least she will when she finds out about all you did on that Ultron chase."

Steve let out a heavy sigh with a chuckle caught in it, shaking his head. "Yeah, I could feel her disapproval while I was doing it. She's getting too protective."

"I'll second that," Tony agreed. "Listen, I get first crack at the Big Guy. Iron Man's the one he's waiting for."

"That's true," they all heard, Vision walking by them. "He hates you the most."

"Alright, we've got to go," Steve announced, standing up and going to fetch the rest of the group. He barely got into the Tower when the group made their way up. "It's time to go," Steve told them, but looking at Bethany. Everyone else made their way to the quinjet, but Bethany stopped in front of Steve and Jamie, touching the baby's curls.

"Hey little one," Bethany whispered. "Mama's gotta go… again. But I'll be back. I promise."

"He'll be fine," Steve tried to convince her.

"There's a reason he hasn't come after him," they heard, turning to see Vision standing there. "Ultron wants human extinction, yes. But he knows that with you, with _him_ ," he explained, pointing at the baby. "You're already at the next evolutionary scale. He can't kill you. And he won't waste his time trying."

"But if Ultron was smart, and he is, he isn't going to kill each and every person one by one. He's going to do mass extinction. How can I be sure that-"

"You know what is true, as does Ultron," Vision interrupted Bethany. "He wants to evolve. He wants the world to evolve. You cannot be killed. The baby cannot be killed. Trust in this. Trust in me."

Letting out a sigh, Bethany took Jamie into her arms. "Yeah, that seems to be the real struggle in my life lately. Trust."

"Welcome to my life," Steve said softly, giving her a soft smile. "Bring him down to Jackson, but we've lingered too long. We've got to go."

"I'll be quick," Bethany promised, immediately going to do as Steve asked. Letting out a deep sigh, he made his way back to the quinjet. This was never going to get easier. He knew that Bethany thought it was only a struggle for her, but he never _liked_ leaving his family. He always did what he had to do. Wanda looked at him, and he knew that she understood exactly what he was feeling in that moment.

"It'll just be a moment and then we can take off," Steve told them, the group silently waiting for Bethany to return. She did as she was promised and was quick, marching up to the ramp of the quinjet filled with so much anger and pain that Steve knew it was going to power everything she did, including wanting to single-handedly destroy Ultron.

"I'm flying," she said, her voice strong, stronger than he had heard it in a long time. He watched as she slid into the pilot's seat and immediately took off, the group quickly holding onto something to keep themselves from falling over.

"Any words, Cap?" Tony asked when they leveled out in the sky.

Steve sighed, nodding. "Ultron knows we're coming. Odds are, we'll be riding into heavy fire. And that's what we signed up for. But the people of Sokovia, they didn't. So our priority is getting them out. All they want is to live their lives in peace and that's not going to happen today. But we can do our best to protect them. And we can get the job done."

He could see Bethany's head slightly turned, so she could clearly hear what he had to say. _All they want is to live their lives in peace and that's not going to happen today_. Steve knew in particular that those words struck a chord in her. "We find out what Ultron's been building. We find Romanoff and we clear the field. Keep the fight between us," he ordered, knowing that they needed to contain the fight as best they could. After New York, they had suffered a lot of flack about the damage and the amount of hurt civilians. Steve had done his best then, and would continue to now, to keep people out of the fight, but he knew that he couldn't do it alone.

"Ultron thinks we're monsters and are what's wrong with the world," Steve continued, his voice lowering a little. Everyone in that quinjet had a resume of reasons why this could be true. But they had an equally, maybe even a longer list of reasons why it wasn't true. "This isn't just about beating him. It's about whether he's right. I don't think he is. But unless we do this, and we're successful, it's up in the air."

"He's been doing his best to tear us apart," Bethany began, her back still turned to them, but the entire group looking at her. "He wants to convince us that we're all broken pieces in the game and that we can't do anything. Not just stop him, but _anything_. But I guess… He's right. We're all broken. But at the same time, you can't break what's already broken, can you? I don't think he can bring us down any farther than we've already been. And that's why we can do this."

Steve slowly walked to her, taking the co-pilot's seat and taking her free hand. He offered her no words of comfort because he couldn't think of anything that would comfort her in any way. Instead, he stayed by her side while he turned in the seat and began to devise a battle plan.

* * *

 ****A/N: Don't forget to check out the tumblr page! Link in my bio :)**

 **anonymouscsifan: I'm hoping the wait won't be completely unbearable! Hey, I will never complain regarding the length of a review! The long ones always make me super excited :) Well, I didn't exactly have Steve being green with envy/ just purely angry, but it might happen in the future with another man... Okay spoiler, it will.**

 **Jo: Well here's the answer to your question!**

 **FeliciaFelicis: Aw, yay! I was hoping their reunion would be a good one. I really do want to write a short Agent Carter story. There wouldn't be much plot to it, since Bethany is kinda super depressed and unsociable, but this season has a lot of opportunities for Bethany I feel, so I may get around to it eventually. I had ideas for the first season as well, but I'd have to go back and re-watch the entire thing to figure everything out. Right now, I'm kinda obsessed with Degrassi though, and there's so much for me to watch, so that may take a while.**


	36. The Broken City

****A/N: Wow. That Super Bowl trailer... Wow. So, I've decided that after the release of the movie, I'm going to put up a poll, asking people which side they think Bethany should take. I'm not necessarily going to pick which side has the most votes, I just want to see what people think. To be honest, I don't even know. I thought I did, but it's really difficult. I'm just curious to what everyone else thinks :)**

Chapter 36- The **Broken** City

 _"My city sleeps by the side of a freeway, the city scraps. And winter time she wore a yellow coat. Now there's nothin' on her back if a building falls you wouldn't care to notice unless you were in it. Then no one cares about climbin' stairs, nothin' at the top no more. Outside trippin' in the broken city. Outside trippin' in the broken city, I watch a building crack. Outside trippin' in the broken city."_

 _~Broken City, Audioslave_

* * *

 _Since the Rogers family was technically considered as 'celebrities', they weren't encouraged to travel around the park unattended. While at first, Bethany wasn't too fond of the idea of a park cast member following them around all day, it did have serious perks. They may not have had privacy with Gary, the sixty-year old man who was accompanying them, but they did with the public on a majority. Secret tunnels, cutting the lines and one-on-one time with the costume characters were the selling point to the extra fee to cover their family vacation._

 _Steve and Gary seemed to hit it off right away, and Gary kept Theo occupied by giving him all the dirt on the Disney secrets, including showing him all the Hidden Mickey Mouse heads. The boy couldn't seem to stop bouncing up and down excitedly throughout the day. Jamie was mostly calm, awarding his parents with small smiles through the day, but he was pretty crabby on that day in particular._

 _"He won't nap," Bethany told Steve, rocking the baby back and forth. They had stopped for lunch, but Bethany had yet to take a bite of her meal, giving all her focus to Jamie. She had fed and changed him, but his sour attitude hadn't evened out._

 _"Let me try," Steve offered, wiping his mouth with a napkin, holding out his arms. Reluctantly, Bethany handed their son to Steve, taking a seat next to him. "Eat," Steve encouraged. "I've got this."_

 _"Maybe I should bring him back to the hotel room," Bethany suggested, taking a bite of her now cold macaroni and cheese meal. It was designed for kids, but Bethany loved the taste too much to care. She'd get a churro or jalapeño and cheese pretzel later if she was still hungry._

 _"And miss Mickey Mouse?" Theo cried, apparently having heard their conversation, not being lost on his own with Gary like they thought he was. "You can't, Bethany."_

 _"Theo, no one is going to be having a good time if Jamie is screaming while we see Mickey," Bethany pointed out, quickly finishing off her small portion of mac and cheese. "It's better to get him down for a real nap now then when he's really in a bad mood."_

 _"It's not a bad idea," Steve agreed, rubbing Jamie's back._

 _"Okay, it's settled," Bethany said with a nod. "I'll take him back to the hotel room and maybe meet back up with you two this evening?"_

 _"No," Steve said, moving closer to her on the bench they were sharing. "I'll take him back to the hotel room, you and Theo go see Mickey Mouse and have fun."_

 _Bethany's eyes fluttered in shock, a moment of speechlessness overwhelming her. "Are you sure? I've done this all with Tony before, it's fine."_

 _"Hey, we're a team," Steve reminded her. "You waited outside while Theo and I did all the rides Jamie can't do. Plus, this just gives us a reason to come back in the future, maybe when Jamie is old enough to understand all of this."_

 _"Thanks Steve," she whispered. The thought of him taking care of Jamie while she and Theo roamed the park hadn't even crossed her mind once. "Only if you're sure."_

 _"I'm positive," he promised her, kissing her forehead lightly._

* * *

Steve watched as Bethany loaded her gun, unclicked the safety, pretended to aim and then reverse the entire procedure, over and over again. This was something she used to do during their SHIELD days, so long ago, that Steve was wondering if she ever did it after they got married. Even Clint was watching as Bethany did this, the line between his eyes deep in thought. He couldn't read anything from her face. It was completely blank, absolutely no emotion showed on her face. Steve didn't know what she was thinking, but it seemed to be repetitive as she continued to load her gun, prepare it, only to undo her work.

"Hey," he finally said, his voice barely a whisper. She didn't seem to hear what he said, so he repeated it, laying a hand over the gun to stop her movements. She looked up at him, still showing absolutely no emotion on her face. "Stay close to me."

"I don't need protecting," She reminded him quietly, attempting to pull the gun from his grasp, but he only tightened his hold.

"I know you don't," Steve said before sighing. He wanted her close for his own selfish reasons. "It doesn't change the fact that I want you to stay close to me. To be close to me. We're a team, right?"

Finally, emotion flooded her face with a smile. "Yeah, we are."

"Good," Steve whispered, placing her gun on her lap and intertwining their fingers. "Just stay close to me. It's not for your sake, it's for mine."

Bethany took a moment before nodding. "Fine, but you better not get hurt or die, because it'll distract me and I have a job to do, Rogers."

Steve blinked, not believing the words coming from her until her eyes met his. She was kidding, but only to hide how much she was hurting. "Come here," he whispered, pulling her onto his lap. Clint immediately jumped into the pilot's seat, Bethany no longer needing it as a distraction. Bethany had clearly jumped into the pilot's seat earlier so they could quickly leave the Tower while she had the strength to do so.

"I forbid you to stop breathing," Bethany whispered.

"Forbid me, huh?" Steve asked, rubbing her thigh slowly.

"Yes," she replied stubbornly. "I'll bring you back, just to kill you myself."

"I believe that," he whispered, a soft smile on his face before it fell as a thought came over him. "Things are going to change after this. Everything that's come to light… things won't be the same."

"I know," Bethany replied softly. "Just promise me one thing? Don't give me a reason to take Jamie and leave. I don't want to do that. But I also don't want there to be a reason for me to do that."

No one knew what would happen afterwards, but good or bad, everything would be different. Just one thing was certain; Steve wasn't retiring. She knew this, and she wasn't asking him to give it up. Steve wasn't sure if she would actually ask this of him and fully expect him to do it. But at the same time, Steve needed to give her exactly what she was asking; a reason to stay. It was heartbreaking that love wasn't a strong enough reason, but if she was working all the time and he was at home, he would feel exactly how she felt.

"I promise," he told her honestly. "We'll find a compromise somehow."

"I don't need a compromise," Bethany whispered. "I need a husband who isn't always rushing to fight a battle he doesn't need to fight."

"Alright, we're close," Tony announced, the group looking up to him, fully dressed in his Iron Man suit. "I'll fly on down, see if I can get a good view of things."

"Stay safe kid," Bethany called out as the bay door opened, the mask to Tony's suit falling down.

"Always do," Tony's voice filtered through the helmet before he jetted off.

"Yeah, right," Bethany muttered before pulling herself off Steve's lap, securing her gun on her belt before taking her hair out of its ponytail and making it tighter. "We'll drop Bruce and Thor off near the old HYDRA base before we go into the heart of the city," she declared, taking leadership.

"Use your abilities to influence the people to leave," Steve told the twins. "Evacuation is a priority. We can't have causalities like New York again."

"How far are we getting them to go?" Bethany asked suddenly. "How far is safe enough?"

"As far as possible," Steve said with a sigh. "There's no way of knowing until we have a clue of what's going on with Ultron's plan."

"Alright, hold on," Clint announced, gearing the plane down for landing.

"Good luck you guys," Bruce offered before he and Thor exited the quinjet.

"You too," Bethany whispered to them as the quinjet door closed, looking back to Steve who stood up from his spot.

"You can do this," Steve reminded her, putting his hands on her shoulders.

"I know," She replied, no fear or worry laced in her voice despite the look in her eyes.

"Just one last time, Beth," Steve promised her. "I won't ask you to do this again. And you shouldn't feel like you're obligated to do this anymore. You do it because you _want_ to."

"It's been a year of-" Bethany tried, but Steve covered her mouth.

"I know, but this time, it'll be different. I promise you, okay? And this is a promise I intend to keep, not dance around. I can't keep getting angry at you for not being truthful if I can't keep my promises."

Bethany opened her lips to say something, but Clint interrupted as the quinjet landed once again. "Okay kiddies, it's time to kick some ass."

Steve waited for Bethany to say what was on her mind, but she only gave "let's go" as an answer. Steve snatched up his helmet and followed the rest of the team out of the quinjet bay door. He began to pull his helmet on, stopping when he saw a giant graffiti'd wall, the Captain America helmet painted onto the wall with the eyes painted red. The word 'fašista' was painted across the face, easily translated into 'fascist'.

"That's uncalled for," he could hear Bethany mutter, her arms crossed as she studied the graffiti. Steve threw his helmet back, unable to bring himself to wear the 'A' on his head, being the image that these people clearly associated him with.

Moving to stand beside Bethany, he was unable to tear his eyes from the wall. It physically pained him that this was how people saw him. All he wanted was to do what was right for the good and the innocent and somewhere in between the beginning and now, people truly believed he lost sight of that. Maybe he had.

"Not bad," he heard Clint comment before he and twins started off towards the city.

"Shake it off," Bethany said softly, pulling at Steve's wrist. "We can deal with this tomorrow. Today, prove them wrong."

Steve looked down at her, taking comfort from her face. It wasn't anything in particular. Her features were hard, and her eyes were filled with worry and anger, but even these features were comforting enough to encourage him to move on. "Let's go," he finally decided, the two of them running into the city.

* * *

Bethany had stayed close to Steve, just like he requested. They worked hard to get people as far away from the city as possible. Time was imminent and the people were slow-moving. Steve understood the need for people to grab important things like wallets, passports, medication. But when families were coming out of their homes with full bags packed, it only made anxiety bubble inside of him.

"Come on, let's go," he heard Bethany's voice as she pushed a family out of their house, each member carrying two large bags. He didn't ignore that Bethany came out holding a large aluminum baseball bat.

Steve gestured for the family to hurry up, raising an eyebrow towards the bat. "I'm borrowing it," Bethany explained. "I need a big metal rod. Like a staff. That could work. But this will suffice for now."

Steve wasn't sure how to react, so he continued to lead people towards the bridge that would get them as far away from Sokovia as possible. "Come on, come on," Steve encouraged the crowd. There was a traffic jam trying to get out of the city, but there wasn't a way to move the cars forward without people getting unnecessarily hurt. "Leave it," Steve snapped at a man whose bag broke open, his belongings falling out.

"Steve," Bethany said, her lack of approval at his tone shining clear. She bent over and helped the man collect what looked like odds and ends into a big t-shirt before quickly ushering the man to the other side. Steve continued to work to get people away, but when Bethany met up with him again, she wasn't letting him slip. "They're leaving their homes, a place where memories were made. Just because all of our shit is broken in our apartment doesn't mean they have to completely abandon all of theirs."

Steve blinked, unable to do anything for a moment as he registered all of that, Bethany going back to work. These people's safety meant more to him than their memories, but he could understand why Bethany was focusing on that. Steve didn't have to find a reason to get people to hurry up, however, when hundreds of Ultron's bots began to attack, emerging from the ground, some flying in the sky.

People screamed in panic as the bots showed no mercy. "Go, go!" Steve encouraged the people, some of them trying to run in the wrong direction. He ducked as a blast came near his head before using his shield to fight back. He could see Bethany using the bat she borrowed to aggressively hit the bots, sending them flying away, some even breaking as a result of her own personal force or from being forced into the concrete.

As Steve forced a bot across a car and pulled its arm off, he realized that these things were very easy to take apart, and disable. The real problem was how many of them they were. The team was _greatly_ outnumbered, and had to deal with not only turning these things off and stopping Ultron all together, but also with getting these people to safety. Their fight or flight instincts had kicked in, but they were all running.

Another issue arose when the ground began to rumble, a thin curtain of smoke drifting up around the perimeter. It took a few seconds before Steve registered that the ground was breaking, and the heart of the city was moving upwards. He could see Bethany near the edge of the line of destruction, swinging the bat around violently, smashing three bots against the pavement and the thick poles of the bridge.

He quickly moved towards the edge, destroying another bot along the way, but taking a hold of her elbow when he reached her. She looked annoyed that he had come to her rescue, but he wasn't holding onto her so she wouldn't fall over the edge. By God, he knew his wife was smart enough, strong enough and fast enough to not fall over that edge. He was holding onto her because he needed _some_ grip on reality.

The city was _flying_. How? He wasn't sure. Why? All he knew was that it had something to do with Ultron's plan. "Do you see?" Ultron's menacing voice echoed all over the city. "The inevitability. You rise, only to fall."

He could feel Bethany looking at him, but he was too busy watching as the ground under him got farther and farther away, citizens looking up as their home flew away. Just a few minutes ago, they were wondering how far away was safe enough, and now the line was clearly drawn. They wouldn't be able to get the remaining inhabitants of the city as far away as possible now. Their job had just gotten a whole lot more difficult.

"You, Avengers, are my meteor, my swift and terrible sword and the Earth will crack with the weight of your failure," Ultron continued to taunt. "Purge me from your computers, turn my own flesh again me. It means nothing. When the dust settles the only thing living in this world will be metal."

Steve, feeling a bot attempting to sneak up on him, threw his arm back, feeling and hearing the contact as the bot fell dead. "Go," Bethany whispered suddenly, the ground breaking under them as the city rose higher. "Go, go."

They ran, Steve's hand still on her elbow, towards the middle of the bridge, only separating as a new fleet of bots came at them. Steve used his shield to the best of his advantage, flailing his arms and legs when necessary.

"Ah shit," He heard Bethany say, her bat bending under the pressure of a bot. He didn't even get the opportunity to reach out to help her when she activated the wristlet she was wearing, fire spurting from her suit and covering the bot, which immediately began to short circuit.

 _"The vibranium core has got a magnetic field,"_ Friday, Tony's new operating system, explained to them. _"That's what's keeping the rock together."_

 _"If it drops?"_ Tony asked, Steve rushing forward to attack some bots that were trying to land on the city.

 _"Right now the impact would kill thousands. Once it gets high enough… global extinction."_

 _Global extinction_. Steve _prayed_ that Friday's calculations were incorrect, but he had a feeling that she was always accurate in her calculations. If they failed, they didn't just fail the people of Sokovia, they failed the entire world. Billions of people would die, including the team, and the Earth would be nothing but rubble and metal.

 _And Beth. And Jamie_ , Steve thought in a panic. No matter what happened, those two would rise from the ashes and have to live on. It wouldn't just be everyone dead, a moment of panic and then complete darkness. They'd have to deal with the aftermath, Jamie buried in the remains of the Tower, alone while Bethany would have to fight her way back to him, singlehandedly. It didn't matter if the Vision believed that Ultron had no intentions of killing Bethany or Jamie since he knew he couldn't. The Intelligence wouldn't be helping Bethany, it would only make her life harder. And maybe one day, he would find a way to end both of their lives and have exactly what he wanted; an age of Ultron.

Steve let out a loud moan as a bot flew at him, flying him through the sky and throwing him down on a car. _"Cap, you got incoming,"_ Tony rushed to tell him.

"Incoming already came in," Steve informed him, feeling all his muscles tense up in pain, trying to pull his leg out of the heavy indent of the car before hearing a loud crash. Looking backwards, he fought back a sigh as more of Ultron's minions attacked the city. "Stark, you worry about bringing the city back down safely," Steve ordered as he got off the car. "The rest of us have one job; tear these things apart. You get hurt, hurt 'em back. You get killed… walk it off."

"Your pep talk skills are getting worse, Rogers," Bethany told him as he joined her, her voice laboured as she now had a large, heavy pole in her arms, exactly like she wanted. She used it to get a wider range to hit the bots, causing a lot more damage. He wasn't sure where she found it, but he was glad she did. "Any bright ideas on where to send the civilians babe?"

Steve found it humorous that a time like this, she could put on a brave front, make jokes and use terms of endearment, but he couldn't dwell on this for too long as they both fought to get bots off of citizens and away from the core. "The middle. The edges of this rock are crumbling."

"Buildings are _also_ crumbling," Bethany reminded him, grunting as she laid a heavy kick to a bot's chest, sending him flying back to a metal pole of the bridge and shattering into broken pieces.

"You asked a question, I gave you an answer," Steve replied in a huff, wincing as a bot got too close for comfort before disabling it.

"They're running around like chickens with no heads!" Bethany reminded him. "We have to do-"

"If we leave the bridge, there's a higher chance of more bots-"

"I'll leave, you stay here," Bethany suggested, finally looking to him as she finished fighting off one horde of bots.

Steve didn't get time to say anything before he heard panicked screams from the end of the bridge. A considerable amount of concrete had crumbled, leaving the end of the bridge with cars, still filled with passengers, now tilting off of it. "I got this!" Bethany yelled to him, using the thin pole in her hand to viciously and swiftly break all the bots around him

She _did_ have things under control. He never really had to doubt that. She was strong, and he often undetermined her, but she was strong. She didn't need him to take care of her. She could confidently control the situation. Now, it was time for him to do the same.

* * *

As Steve ran off to help the people on the bridge, she tried not to think about how easy it could be for him to slip off the edge and fall to his doom. She felt nauseous with just the very idea of it, and knew she couldn't get distracted for a moment. If any of her team members fell, she couldn't let it get to her. They needed to finish the mission. That was imperative. It was a matter of life and death on the biggest scale Bethany had ever seen.

Loki had wanted to rule Earth as a King. HYDRA wanted control of the people to manipulate world peace. But Ultron wanted the entire world to himself, believing that only the harmony of himself and his little metal offspring were the way to go about it. This was eons more serious than the other two situations, where they had SHIELD to back them up. Or, at least part of SHIELD in regards to HYDRA.

But for now, they needed to focus on putting down as many bots down as they possibly could, all while protecting the citizens. For some reason, that was taking precedence in her mind. They had nowhere to run to. Everything around them was crumbling into pieces, and not small dust-like particles, but large chunks of buildings meant to kill or seriously injure. Steve was right. The edges of the city were falling down to the hole that had once been part of the city of Sokovia, but was now a giant crater. It wasn't safe there. But the middle of the city was just as dangerous, with apartment buildings and skyscrapers threatening to crash as their foundations cracked with every waking second.

 _The smaller buildings may have a stronger foundation,_ Bethany thought as she continued to wave her pole around, using her suit's fire ability whenever she could. Shutting down the bots wasn't too hard, since they weren't made to last that long. Ultron had focused on quantity over quality.

 _But if the bigger buildings fall on them, that doesn't help matters,_ Bethany continued to brainstorm. If there was a big open park, that would be the best option, but she had a pretty good feeling that there was no such thing in the now broken city.

Letting out a loud grunt as she disabled the last bot in the hoard, she could feel exhaustion already taking over. She knew that if she could feel pain, her lungs would be burning, every single muscle aching. This wouldn't have bothered her two years ago, but Bethany didn't work her body like she used to.

Taking in a deep breath, she looked to the edge of the bridge, watching as Steve summoned a bot to him using his shield, throwing him off the edge yelling "You didn't finish!"

As Thor landed beside Steve, the two pushed forward. "Did you see that?" Steve asked her, the group trying to find the next place to defend.

"No," Bethany admitted.

"Good, you'd kill me if you did," Steve replied before pointing. "Over there."

Bethany looked on as Natasha fought off a squadron of bots singlehandedly, and the three quickly went to help her. Bethany took it upon herself to get closer to Natasha, watching her friend's back, knowing Thor had Steve's.

"Good to see a friendly face," Natasha panted as Bethany quickly jabbed a bot that was sneaking up on the ex-agent of SHIELD.

"Oh, what? Bruce's green mug wasn't good enough for you?" Bethany teased, seeing the Hulk in the distance.

"Just like the-"

"I swear, if you say 'good old days' Natasha," Bethany warned, ducking as a robot came flying at her, before stabbing it with the end of her pole. For someone who got her fortune making weaponry with her brother, she was amazed at how much she was loving something she found on the ground. It was a lot more useful than her gun and was doing more damage than any of the cool gadgets she had on her suit.

 _"Alright, we're all clear here,"_ Clint announced.

 _"We are not clear! We are very not clear!"_ Bethany heard Steve protesting, the man's voice very laboured.

Steve's words were true. Bethany wasn't sure how many more of these minions Ultron had left, but they had already shut down a good chunk of them. What they needed was a kill switch. During the Chitauri attack, they had all fallen dead when the portal was shut. They had to deal with the bigger issue in order to end the smaller ones. But Bethany knew that shutting down the main Ultron wasn't going to shut them all down. A little piece of the Intelligence lived within each of his children, and as long as one of them survived, they were ultimately doomed. This seemed like a battle that didn't have a solution. Their problems only continued to grow and knowing her luck, Bethany had a feeling that it was going to get worse before it got better… if it could even get better.

Bethany could hear Steve call out to Natasha, the familiar _whoosh_ of his shield sounding close to her ears as he passed his weapon to the redhead. Bethany rose her pole to stab through one bot, another grabbing her legs and pulling her down before entrapping her in a cage made of his body. Bethany's hands went to the robot's neck, grabbing at some of the wires. The bot's own two hands clenched around Bethany's neck, but she didn't let the lack of air bother her as she continued to yank at the wires until a satisfying _snap_ echoed and the bot fell dead.

Kicking it off of her, Steve's hand swiftly reached out to help her out, but him not sticking around for long as he immediately moved to collect his shield from Natasha, finishing off the bot she was dealing with.

"Here," Bethany said to Natasha, pulling an extra ear piece out of her pack and handing it to her. "To keep you in the loop."

"Thanks," she said with a nod. "I'm gonna loop around, see if there's any more robots. This wave may be done, but more are coming. Might as well get rid of as many as we can."

"Agreed," Bethany voiced, watching as Natasha began to backtrack. "I'm gonna talk to the Twins. They'll know where the civilians can go to be safe until we find a way to get them off."

"We need a solution to the problem, not a band-aid," Steve reminded her, following the blonde as she made her way to the miracle twins.

"Call this Plan B," Bethany offered. "And this thing is not going down as smoothly as it's going up."

"You call this smooth?" Steve asked, bewildered.

"What now?" Wanda questioned, walking up to Bethany as Pietro disappeared once again.

"We were going to ask you," Bethany replied. "You know this city. Where can the people go to stay safe? Is there a stable community building or open area or something? Something that's easy to access so getting people off will be easier than them all being scattered?"

"Town Hall, maybe," Wanda answered. "There's first aid kits there, and it's not too far from the broken perimeter. It's big enough to fit the people still on here, it just comes to getting them all there."

Bethany looked up to Steve. "Well, we have _a_ solution to _a_ problem."

"I guess I can't complain," Steve decided, Wanda taking a step outwards to tell a scared family to go to town hall and gather as many people as they could. The three of them started leading people to the building, the air slowly getting thinner. The swallow breathing didn't bother Bethany as much as the thickness of the air in regards to vision. It was hard to see anything, a layer of grey appearing as they started to rise into the clouds. When Howard told a six-year-old Bethany that she could reach the clouds one day, she had a feeling this hadn't been what he was referring to.

* * *

 ****A/N:** **Please remember to check out my tumblr page if you have a moment! :)**

 **thatcrazyginger: I sent you a message because my reply was really long, and I'm hoping to hear back from you! :) The only way I can change how things are presented are by advice and help :)**

 **CldKfe: And have her get flustered? Him embarrassed? Bethany possessive? I'll make it happen, just tell me which one!**

 **Felicafelicis: In a bad way..? Or a good way? Bethany is hot. She knows that. I mean, of course she does, especially if you look at her past. She's a regular MILF now, and boys have a weak spot for that apparently. Not sure why, but all the more power for mothers! Yeah, Jamie is kinda adorable. He's brilliant, which I've subtly tried to show the readers. He's off to do amazing things. I just need to figure out what those things are.** **While everyone wants/thinks that their child is perfect, Steve and Bethany's son has the genetic code to be just that. As long as he's pointed in the right direction, everything will be good :) Think about it; he has Steve's artistic ability and mind for tactics, his mother's smarts and both of their enhanced health. And he's adorable.**

 **anonymouscsifan: They will be definitely spending some quality family time together!**

 **Jo: Not entirely sure what you meant in the last sentence, but thanks anyways!**

 **bluuMi: Okay... now I'm convinced my future plot points have been leaked ;D I've been trying to find a place to put this for a while now, but the right time never came up. It'll happen in the future however!**


	37. I've Got No Strings

****A/N: How's everyone holding up? It snowed more than 50 cm in my hometown yesterday and it looks like another few cm are coming down right now. Also, it was colder here than the North Pole on my birthday. We basically broke two records, coldest day and most snowfall in the spand of a few days.** **Good thing I have the week off from school, because no WAY would I be busing an hour to class in that mess. I'm just looking forward to the end of April, when school is over, I have no work and I'll be off in Florida. And then, of course, they'll only be a week until _Civil War_!**

Chapter 37- I've Got No **Strings**

 _" I've got no strings to hold me down, to make me fret or make me frown. I had strings but now I'm free. There are no strings on me. Hi-ho the me-ri-o, that's the only way to go. I want the world to know nothing ever worries me. Hi-ho the me-ri-o, I'm as happy as can be."_

 _~I've Got No Strings, P_ _inocchio_

* * *

Steve watched as Bethany helped a little girl find her parents, giving the brunette a small smile before joining him again. The girl had run up to Bethany a few minutes prior, bawling her eyes out, and clutching to the woman's leg. Bethany let down her hard demeanour in order to give this girl reassurance and comfort while they found her parents, but now that the girl was reunited with her family, Bethany's face was hard again.

"Avengers," Steve said over the comms. "We're leading the civilians to the town hall. Try to meet us there."

"The air, Steve," Bethany reminded him as they, plus Wanda who was on their trail, walked to a small opening beside the town hall.

"I know," Steve nodded as Natasha met them from the opposite side. "We can't do anything about that until Stark figures something out."

"Is that my jacket?" Natasha asked, pointing to the red leather one Wanda was sporting. The look on Wanda's face showed just how awkward she felt at the situation, and Steve couldn't really blame her. Less than twenty-four hours ago, she was the enemy.

"She's with us," Steve promised Natasha, coming to their new teammate's defense.

"That still doesn't explain the jacket," Natasha replied, Clint coming up behind her.

"That's definitely not important right now," Bethany reminded her friend.

"Fighting these robots is getting us nowhere," Steve said, bringing the conversation back to what really mattered.

"The air's getting thin," Clint spoke up. "We go much higher, people start dropping."

"Us included," Bethany pointed out to the team. "Then we're really screwed. But we've got the people contained, so at least if they drop, it'll be in one area opposed to all over the place."

"There are people in the city still hiding," Wanda said quietly, looking to Bethany and Steve, using her ability.

"Root them out," Steve ordered, Wanda giving a nod before moving. "Barton-"

"I got her six," Clint promised as Wanda walked by him. Natasha gave him a confused look, to which he replied with "What?" Natasha needed a very long fill-in of everything that happened while she was Ultron's prisoner.

"And us?" Natasha asked him, walking towards Steve and Bethany.

"We fight robots," Steve replied, as if it was the simplest thing in the word. Natasha replied by taking out her electric batons, ready for anything.

"Today?" Pietro asked, zooming to them with an Ultron hand in his grip. "You fight robots today? Or is next month better for you?"

He tossed Steve the arm before zooming off again. Steve turned to look at Bethany, his wife looking less than impressed at Pietro's antics. "Go ahead, I'll be right behind you," Steve said to Natasha, the redhead nodding.

"Steve-" Bethany began, sounding exasperated.

Steve shook his head, dropping the bot's arm and putting his hands on her shoulders. "I'm just checking in."

Bethany shook her head, but more with annoyance. "Steve, we're losing time. There's still some people that need to-"

"Okay," he interrupted, deciding that she was right. "Let's go."

They stalked off, seeing some people that were coming from the heart of the city that Wanda had rooted out. "Just get in there," Bethany instructed, some of the citizens having a hard time seeing as the air fogged up with every passing second.

Steve put a comforting hand on a woman's back, steadying her as the lack of air seemed to be getting to her. "The next wave's gonna hit any minute," Steve said, regarding the Ultron bots. "What have you got, Stark?"

 _"Well, nothing great,"_ Tony admitted sadly. Steve looked up to Bethany, who was intently helping a young family find the right way. _"Maybe a way to blow up the city. That'll keep it from impacting the surface if you guys can get clear."_

"I asked for a solution, not an escape plan," Steve replied strongly, not liking Tony's idea at all. He was actually suggesting that he let innocent people suffer for their mistakes while the team made a swift getaway.

 _"Impact radius is getting bigger every second. We're going to have to make a choice,"_ Tony informed him.

Finally, as all the people seemed to make their way into the town hall, Bethany looked up at Steve. He knew she heard what Tony had said, and Steve knew that what he was about to say to her, she wasn't going to like. He didn't like it much either, but he knew that Bethany couldn't stay here much longer. She needed to get into the quinjet and make her way back to the Tower. Either way, Bethany would survive this. He didn't want her to be there when they all bit the dust, if it came to that.

"No," Bethany said when she walked up to him. "You asked me not to leave you, and I made you a promise. I'm not leaving."

"I'm not putting you through the unnecessary pain of watching your friends die," Steve told her strictly.

"It's not going to come to that," Bethany said after a hard swallow. There was no indication in her eyes of pain or sadness. She was covering up her emotions so well, it was frightening. "I've never known you to give up when there's still a fighting chance. Even then. You're stubborn and stupid and make bad choices after bad choices. Don't be a reasonable and responsible dipshit now."

Steve was taken aback by her choice of words but couldn't help but smile at her. Her attitude and unwillingness to quit was more than what he expected. And more than anything, she was pushing him, giving him a reason to prove her wrong. And he certainly didn't want to die a reasonable and responsible dipshit.

"Look, if worse comes to worse, I want to remember not leaving you," Bethany told him, her tone a little softer than before. "I want to spend every last second, fighting, with you by my side. I know that I can't convince you to leave with me, not while there's people still on this rock, but don't try and convince me to leave."

Steve let out a heavy breath of air, reaching out to touch her face softly. It was only when his hand touched her soft cheek that her façade cracked just a little, Bethany looking like she was on the edge of breaking down. "I don't want to say goodbye," he finally admitted to her softly, keeping his emotions at bay as best he could.

 _"Well, you don't have to,"_ a familiar voice chimed through the comms. Wind started to blow in their faces wildly and the ground started rumbling as a helicarrier broke through the clouds, very easily being the most beautiful thing Steve had ever seen in his entire life.

 _"Nice, right?"_ Nick continued. _"I pulled her out of mothballs with a couple of old friends. She's dusty, but she'll do."_

"Fury, you son of a bitch," Steve said cheekily, unable to keep a chuckle silent. Bethany threw her head back in laughter, Steve looking at her bright smile. He was wrong before. _That_ was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his entire life.

 _"Oooh, you kiss your mother with that mouth?"_ Fury teased him.

Bethany's hand intertwined with Steve's as they heard the ex-SHIELD team deploying the life boats. They were going to get everyone off the rock, blow it up, and then they would only have Ultron to deal with. That would be a whole other issue, but they were slowly crossing off their to-do list. Pietro zoomed over to watch with the Rogers, Natasha walking over with a smug smile on her face.

Steve squeezed Bethany's hand tightly, thinking about how close they were to getting to go home and be with Jamie. The job wasn't done, but things were looking up. "This is SHIELD?" Pietro asked.

"What it was supposed to be," Bethany informed him. "We got a little lost along the way."

"This is not so bad," Pietro decided.

"Standing here isn't doing anything to help the situation," Bethany reminded her team.

"Right," Steve said with a nod, watching as the lifeboats got closer to the rock and ready to be filled with civilians. "Let's load them up!"

* * *

Bethany carried a little boy to the lifeboats, handing him to a sobbing mother who had got separated from him. She was so thankful to have her boy in her arms again, sobbing, she couldn't even offer Bethany a quick 'thanks'. But Bethany knew the mother's gratitude because she knew that if it was her that had been separated from Jamie, she would be reacting the same way, too overcome with emotion to do anything but cry and hold her son.

 _"Thor, I got a plan!"_ Tony's voice came through the comms, Bethany physically feeling the heavy weight that had rested on her shoulders lift.

 _"We're out of time,"_ Thor replied. _"They're coming for the core."_

As Tony instructed Rhodey to get the rest of the people safely aboard the helicarrier, Steve and Bethany met up, Steve carrying a little girl in his arms since the mother's arms were already full with two children, the children's father nowhere in sight. Bethany couldn't help but smile, watching as he carefully put the little girl onto the helicarrier, tapping her toes lightly before Steve turned to his wife. _"Avengers, time to work for a living,"_ Tony instructed.

"Where's the core?" Bethany asked as she and Steve worked in pace together.

"The center of the city," Steve replied. "It's a long walk."

Bethany nodded, looking at a motorcycle that had been abandoned earlier. Pulling it off the ground, she straddled it and checked the engine. It purred to life, literal music to her ears. "Hop on, I'm driving."

Steve looked unsure for only a brief second before smirking and throwing his leg over the bike and gripping her hips. Bethany had to remind herself that they were working and that his hands gripping her hips tightly shouldn't be sparking a fire inside her, but she couldn't help it. It wasn't even a gradual build, but an immediate spark. She wanted him hovering over her, thrusting in and out, his face focused on his movements and breath laboured.

"That one there," Steve said, reminding Bethany how to get the bike to leap forward. She knew how to work this bike, but she was so momentarily blinded by her imagination that she had drawn a blank. She said nothing as she followed his instructions, the bike soaring to life, making their way to the middle of the city.

She tried to remind herself that it hadn't been that long since they had been together, but the last few days were hard on both of them, and having his hands touching her like that was making it hard to focus. But as they pulled up to the center of the city, Bethany was quickly reminded that they had to get through this before she could even think about their post-win celebrations… assuming that they would _have_ a win.

Immediately eyeing an Ultron bot, Steve sprang into action, turning to look at Bethany after it was disabled. His hair was almost all standing up and his face was covered in ash, but he still looked _so damn good_. He walked back over, offering her his hand. She stared at it for a moment before taking it and climbing off the bike.

"We can do this," Steve informed her, the two of them making their way to the center, where most of the team was waiting.

"I know," Bethany replied confidently. "You may have doubted us, but I didn't."

"That's-that's not entirely true," Steve told her, offering her a small smirk. "But we're not out of this yet. And if I go down-"

Bethany didn't let him finish, taking a hold of the leather shoulder straps for his shield to attack, pulling him forward for a kiss. She didn't hold anything back, pushing past his lips so she could taste everything that he was. Her movements were strong, but slow, and evoking the ultimate passion. When she broke away from him, Steve didn't move for a moment, still looking to be caught up in the kiss. Opening his eyes, he cleared his throat to bring his attention back to the matter at hand. "Well, that's a good incentive not to," Steve finally said, in regards to his previous statement that had been interrupted.

"That was the point," Bethany said with a smirk and a wink before taking the final steps and joining the team, Steve on her trail.

"Romanoff?" Tony asked, his arms up on red alert. "You and Banner better not be playing 'hide the zucchini'."

"Okay, ow…" Bethany mumbled. "That would not end well."

 _"Relax, Shellhead,"_ Natasha replied, with absolutely no care to Tony's statement. _"Not all of us can fly."_

"'Hide the zucchini'?" Steve whispered into Bethany's ear.

"Like 'hide the pickle'," Bethany offered, Steve still looking lost. "Sex, Steve. It's a euphuism."

Realization overcame Steve's face as Natasha pulled up. "What's the drill?" The redhead asked.

"This is the drill," Tony said, pointing to a mysterious metal contraption that Bethany assumed was part of Ultron's evil plan. "If Ultron gets a hand on the core, we lose."

The Hulk came smashing forward, taking a bunch of bots down along the way. Bethany watched as a new and improved Ultron appeared in the sky, in all his vibranium-plated glory. "Is that the best you can do?!" Thor yelled, taunting the metal man.

"Oh for fuck's sake," Bethany said with a sigh, her words only becoming completely justified as Ultron rose a single hand and summoned a horde of bots, all in harmony.

"You had to ask," Steve said, sounding annoyed, frustrated and very much like an old man who needed a long nap, which Bethany realized was probably true.

"This is the best I can do," Ultron informed the group. "This is exactly what I wanted. All of you against all of me. How can you possibly hope to stop me?"

"Well, like the old man said," Tony began, looking to Steve for a moment, Steve looking back in curiosity. "'Together'."

The Hulk took this moment to let out the longest and loudest of roars, the Ultron bots immediately springing into action. Bethany had abandoned her long metal staff earlier when helping civilians, but knew that her suit was filled with goodies. Guns were attached to her hips and outer thigh, a long knife sheathed inside her boot, a few Stark Industry toys from when weapons were their main manufacture inside her utility belt, and her suit's ability to produce fire.

Bethany quickly found that her knife was the handiest, only having to cut the wires at the back of the bots' head to disable them completely. She added a few fancy moves she had learned from her time at SHIELD, and utilized her suit's fire power whenever she had a clear shot. Bethany could confidently say she hadn't moved this fast in years, the need to keep every single bot away from that core taking over all of her senses. She was so focused on her speed and precision that she didn't even notice Tony, the Vision and Thor slip away with Ultron until it seemed like all the remaining bots were flying away in a panic.

"Alright," Bethany said, panting and swallowing the dryness in her throat. "Good job, team."

"We gotta move out," Steve instructed. "Even I can tell the air is getting thin. You guys get to the boats… I'll sweep for stragglers, be right behind you."

"I'm coming with you," Bethany added, Steve not questioning her decision for a minute.

"What about the core?" Clint asked. Bethany agreed that the chances of a rogue Ultron bot coming back to finish Ultron's plans was almost a one hundred percent guarantee.

"I'll protect it," Wanda declared, looking to Clint. "It's my job."

Clint nodded, giving his trustworthy seal of approval to the red twin before calling for Nat to follow him.

"Come on," Steve said to his wife, the two of them running off into the city, their eyes open for any civilians. "Almost home free," he reminded her.

"We should take a vacation," Bethany decided, kicking open a door and looking in for anyone before quickly moving on. "I know it seems like we do that a lot but-"

"No, I agree," Steve replied, mimicking Bethany's previous actions. "But maybe something a little more… secluded than Disney World? A private island? Just us?"

"And Jamie," Bethany added, Steve helping Bethany climb a terrace so she could see if anyone was around.

"Maybe," Steve said as Bethany jumped back down into his arms. "Or maybe we hire a sitter for a few days."

"Ha, like I'm ever leaving him again," Bethany disagreed, slipping out of his arms before they jogged off to the next closed building, Steve breaking the door down with his shield.

"Just think about it," Steve asked of her before spotting some people.

Bethany did think about it, as they collected the rest of the people hiding within the city. The idea of having some time alone with Steve, uninterrupted time, was very _, very_ tempting. They didn't get that very often. Something always came up, even before Jamie was born. Even during their honeymoon, Bethany and Steve got calls from SHIELD operatives with questions. Even Fury tried to get Steve to come home, just for a day, to complete a mission. Steve had almost considered it too, before he realized how angry the very idea made Bethany. She couldn't really remember the last time it was just them, no distractions at all.

But as a baby in his mother's arms started to cry, Bethany knew that their alone time would have to be postponed. She wasn't willing to leave Jamie even for a few days just yet. Maybe in a few months or in a year. But right now, their son would be joining them. Bethany knew Steve wouldn't be upset about this, but she completely understood why he wanted it to be just them.

"Is that the last of them?" Thor asked as they finally finished rounding up the group.

"Yeah," Steve nodded. "Everyone else is on the carrier."

 _"You know, if this works,"_ Tony's voice rang through the comms. _"We maybe don't walk away."_

"Maybe not," Thor replied.

Bethany shook her head, letting out a breath. "You all have no faith," she threw her two companions a teasing smile, both of them knowing that in almost every other circumstance; Bethany had been a Negative Nellie. But for some reason, today, things were different. Bethany didn't _want_ to believe things would end badly. They had come this far, everything just crumbling apart seemed like a cruel twist of fate.

"What now?" Thor asked the married couple.

Steve looked at Bethany before sighing and taking her hand. "Assuming Stark's plan on blowing this rock up works, we go home."

Bethany's lips tugged up slowly, carefully spreading into a happy grin. "And then?" Bethany asked.

Steve looked around, spotting Clint making his way back onto the rock in search of something. "Then we all decide what we want. Not for the team, but for ourselves. Everything is different now."

Bethany opened her mouth to reply, but spotted the quinjet making its way towards them, guns aimed at them. "Get down!" She yelled, as bullets began to rain down on them. Steve pulled Bethany behind a statue, his shield hovering over her as he covered as many angles as he could. She felt a moment of overwhelming gratitude overcome her. He didn't need to protect her like that. They both knew she'd do exactly as Steve said earlier; walk it off. But in that moment, Bethany was hit with the realization that Steve would always protect her, even when he didn't need to.

As the gun moved past them, they quickly tried to look at its future path, but debris and dust clouded their vision. When the quinjet pulled up into the sky and the mess settled back down, they could see a blue figure standing by Clint before falling off. "Get to the church," Steve reminded Thor, the man immediately using his hammer to hoist himself up. Steve attached his shield to his back as Bethany got a running start towards Clint, and who was undoubtedly Pietro.

Clint was hovering over the man, looking up at the couple as they quickly approached. Bethany looked at the heavy crimson staining his shirt in multiple places. She immediately bent down, putting two fingers by his neck, searching for a pulse, no matter how small. Bethany ran the facts through her head. _Increase metabolism and improved thermal homeostasis_. Theoretically, these could contribute to him surviving the bullets. But finding no heartbeat, Bethany found her heart falling a little.

"He's gone," Bethany whispered, looking up to Clint. The man looked utterly broken hearted, obviously overwhelmed by the information. Even Bethany had to admit that she felt sadden by this. She hadn't particularly liked the boy, but she couldn't help but think of his sister, his _twin_ sister. They only had each other and their bond was visible. She couldn't even begin to comprehend the pain she would be going through, and Bethany took first place when it came to mourning the death of a loved one.

"Is there anything that can be done?" Steve asked her quietly as Clint moved to pick up a little boy resting nearby, the soldier picking up the lifeless man.

"Maybe," Bethany whispered, so only Steve could hear, the two of them making their way to the carrier. Bethany was twisting her fingers together, trying to piece together what she could do to bring the man back to life. His enhanced genetics would help in a quick healing process of the mind and body if she could do _something_ , but it was all speculation. She'd have to talk to Fury, to Cho, to Banner and a certain female scientist who applied for the Stark grant, Teagan Madyzee.

Steve carefully laid Pietro down on the carrier as Bethany stayed by the edge, looking in the distance for any stragglers. She was confident they had got everyone. Looking around the carrier, she saw many families, bleeding, crying, all looking at their home for one last time. She saw Clint lying down to take a rest and Steve moving towards her. Thor was in the church, Tony and Rhodey off somewhere in the room. The Vision could take care of himself, and so could the Hulk. But both Wanda and Natasha were nowhere to be seen.

"What's wrong?" Steve asked, stepping next to her.

"Wanda and Nat?" Bethany questioned, looking up to her husband.

"Romanoff?" Steve said through the comms, getting no immediate response. "Natasha?"  
 _"I'm on the helicarrier,"_ her voice finally rang through.

"Just Wanda," Bethany whispered.

 _"Her comm shorted out,"_ Tony's voice informed her. _"Some kind of energy surge."_

Steve took a few steps forward, stepping off the platform and looking around. "Steve," Bethany began, about to convince him not to chance it. That they'd send the Vision, Thor, or someone in an Iron Suit to root her out of the city. She didn't get the chance to answer as the city suddenly slipped away from them.

Bethany yelled Steve's name in panic as the man slipped from her vision for a moment before he jumped up onto the lifeboat. Bethany dropped to the ground where he was, clinging onto him as her fear slipped from her body. She had almost lost him… _again._ She was really beginning to not like Steve's chances with heights. It tended to end with him falling.

"I'm fine," he promised her, gripping her tightly into his arms, the both of them watching the city fall. "I'm fine," he whispered again, trying to convince her. She could feel his heartbeat pounding in his chest, and Bethany was quickly reminded that just because Steve was in her arms, the citizens of Sokovia all safe in the air, the battle wasn't over. If Tony and Thor couldn't get the city to explode, _millions_ of people would die. Maybe even _billions_. Their friends may be almost halfway around the world, but the impact was supposed to create human extinction.

"Kid?" Bethany found herself saying, her heart beginning to pound just as hard as Steve's.

 _"LITTLE BUSY!"_ Was his response, his voice strained as he went about his work.

Steve and Bethany stayed where they were, clinging onto each other as they watched the city continue to fall, before, in a blinding light, the city burst into huge fragments, falling into a hole of what used to be the city of Sokovia.

 _"Okay, now what?"_ Tony asked, Bethany's only response being a weary laugh, as tears of success gathered in her eyes. She looked to Steve, both of them smiling at each other before their lips met in a kiss, just as passionate as the one they had shared outside the church. For a brief moment, Bethany forgot where she was, just wrapped in the moment.

When the Allies won the war, Bethany had been too heartbroken to celebrate. When Loki and his army of aliens attacked, Bethany and Steve had only just been reintroduced to each other. When the Triskelion fell, Steve had immediately gone to the hospital and Bethany had been _very_ pregnant. They didn't get to celebrate properly in any of those circumstances. Things would be _very_ different this time around.

 _"Rogers, I need to see you,"_ Fury's voice spoke, the couple breaking from their kiss as they were brought back to the present.

"Which Rogers?" Bethany replied, her and Steve looking at each other with lust-filled eyes and goofy grins on their faces.

 _"Stark-"_ Fury began, Bethany in too good of a mood to not mess with her former boss.

"Which Stark?" She replied with.

 _"Oh, for fuck sake's Bethany, just get your ass on this helicarrier deck,"_ Fury snapped before the line went dead.

"Back to business, I guess," Steve said, standing up and pulling her up with him.

Bethany nodded, looking around the lifeboat, which was steadily moving towards the helicarrier. "Agent Wilmore?" Bethany called out to a familiar man, him immediately moving towards her.

"Yes, Agent Rogers?" He replied, his respect for her evident in his voice.

"Make sure the dead and the injured are carried off this boat first," Bethany instructed him. "And make sure Pietro Maximoff is immediately brought to a freezer, with orders not to be touched until my order is given. He's the man in blue by Agent Barton."

"Of course," Agent Wilmore said with a nod before moving to inform the rest of the team.

"What are you up to?" Steve asked her, a small line in between his eyebrows, indicating his confusion.

"Well, the best way to preserve a body is to put it in ice, something you very well know," Bethany told him. "If there _is_ something we can do to help him, having his body being all rotten won't be beneficial."

"Right," Steve said with a nod. "And what should I do, boss lady?"

She couldn't help but smile up at him. Steve didn't take orders from many people, but he was asking to take orders from her and that meant a lot to Bethany. "We're not going home until we get all this sorted out," Bethany decided. "Our job isn't done until there's nothing we can do. All these people lost their homes today. We need to figure out where they'll go. I'm assuming the Stark Relief Foundation will be meeting us soon enough, but there's still a lot to do."

"Where do you think we should start?" Steve asked.

"After everyone is off of here, we should probably separate people by their needs," Bethany explained. "A lot of people need medical attention, but besides that, these people are hungry and scared. Maybe make sure that shock blankets are distributed and that everyone has something to eat? Then we can work on all the smaller details. Just use your best judgment."

"Understood," Steve said with a nod as the life boat finally reached the carrier. Steve immediately jumped to take over, telling everyone to remain seated while Bethany quickly made her way deep into the helicarrier, towards where she had a good feeling Nick Fury would be waiting for her.

One thing in particular made Bethany feel more at ease than she had all week, the Vision's voice echoing through the comms, informing them that the last Ultron bot was dead. _I had strings but now I'm free,_ Bethany thought, thinking towards how Ultron had believed he was originally meant to be a Stark puppet, and in a way he was. But by breaking free, he had in a way enslaved them all.

 _There are no strings on me._

* * *

 ****A/N: I've been getting a lot of questions about Pietro. There's a lot of reasons why I kept the story the same, and one of them being Wanda's emotions and how she'll be portrayed in Civil War. Bethany is literally going to be surrounded by women who have lost men in their lives, Kiley, Natasha, Wanda, and I'm using that to my advantage. But I'm not denying the possibility of him returning in the future.**

 **adela: Updates every single week :) And to be honest, I'm excited about what is to come too.**

 **Jo: Haha, no that's fine :) And yes, it was pretty great. There was a party going on in my house of about 15 people and I didn't even need to tell them to shut up, they just did and then all freaked out when it was done.**

 **anonymouscsifan: Ah, well I'm glad to make your day! I can't imagine other authors post as often as I do, but if I didn't write so much, I'd go insane! Yes, I killed him off. I have my reasons, but I'm completely aware that Marvel may bring him back, so I'm making the necessary precautions. Don't worry, that's all going to come in the future. I think this story has made a lot of people question Steve, but as like between every movie plot, I always do character development. It'll be good, I promise. I've been looking forward to writing this :)  
**

 **AngelLove1728: I know, I am too! Like, I'm so excited but I also don't want to make the decision! I've thought about every single angle and there is only one aspect that is a definite through all my options. Whichever decision I make, it'll be good, I promise. And yes, my sister agrees with you; she thinks she should side with Tony because of the drama, but I also don't want Steve and Bethany to fight. *sigh***

 **FeliciaFelicis: Haha, don't worry. I realized I have 10 more chapters to write until Civil War and I need to fill those 10 chapters with enough shit so that I can actually set the plot up to match Civil War. Fingers crossed!**

 **CldKfe: Okay, let me see how I can work this all out to fit both my storyline and Marvel's predetermined one :)**


	38. The Dead and Broken

Chapter 38- The Dead and **Broken**

 _"Can you see me, through the smoke and the fear?_ _Understanding all I wanted to hear;_ _One lonely voice._ _One simple choice._ _From within the light a greater darkness, s_ _leepless nights and tortured days._ _I'm living for the dead and broken. __And through the ashes I have spoken._ _All the strength I have was stolen._ _But through the ashes I have spoken."_

 _~The Dead and Broken, Devil You Know_

* * *

After pushing her way through the crowds of lost citizens, Bethany found Nick exactly where she assumed he would be. He seemed to fill this role so well, even after a year, that Bethany found herself briefly thinking that everything was back to normal. Everything in that moment _felt_ normal, but she knew otherwise. This wasn't just any old day at SHIELD. Or at least, what SHIELD used to be.

"Rogers," Fury greeted as she walked up to him. "It's nice to see you in one piece."

"Yeah, well not all of us were so lucky," Bethany began, jumping straight to business. "Pietro Maximoff is dead. He took it upon himself to steal my gimmick and become a human shield. I've already ordered for him to be untouched when he gets to the cold room, make sure of that as soon as possible, you put him in cryofreeze."

"And what exactly are you planning on doing with him then?" Fury asked, his leather jacket spreading open as he placed his hands on his hips.

"He and his sister didn't need to fight with us, but them doing that? They saved us all, more than once," Bethany explained. "They are both Avengers in my book. And what do we do with fallen Avengers?"

Fury shook his head, clearly annoyed. "Look, GH 325-"

"No, I agree," Bethany quickly assured. "But there's other options. We don't have them right now, but if his body is properly preserved, we have all the time in the world. He'll be able to survive the freezing; his body won't do what normal human bodies do. He's enough like Steve, enough like Bucky and enough like me that if we do find a way-"

"Alright," Fury interrupted, raising a hand. "I'll take care of it, but you take care of Romanoff."

Bethany frowned, looking around the room for the ex-agent, and not finding her. "What's wrong with her?"

"Banner dropped her off and made off with the quinjet. Romanoff tried to get him to come back, but he dropped the radars, turned off the communications array. Everything."

"He's… running away?" Bethany asked, a little shocked at this, but quickly remembering her discussion with him about wanting to run away from the fight. She had made it clear that she wanted to run with Steve and Jamie, and part of her thought that if Bruce ran, he wouldn't be going alone. Natasha probably thought the same thing."

"You know I ain't good with the whole sympathy thing," Fury offered. "And if anyone knows what it's like for someone you have feelings for to get into a flying transport over an ocean and make the conscious decision to leave and possibly never come back, it's you."

Bethany couldn't help but give an exasperated laugh. "Yeah, but I'm not exactly a good role model when it comes to _coping_ with that. Listen, I'll tell you what you should do though. Give her work. Give her something to do besides drowning in her misery and emotions. Assuming that's what she's doing, I mean. This is the Black Widow we're talking about. But it took Howard _years_ to figure out that he needed to force me to keep busy. Why the hell did you think I stayed with SHIELD for so long?"

"And here I thought you liked the work," Nick teased.

"Maybe," Bethany joked. "But seventy years, Nick."

"Keep her busy," Nick nodded. "Can do. There isn't a shortage of things to do here."

"No, there isn't," Bethany agreed, looking around the room. "Listen, I need to find Wanda. I need to talk to her about her brother before she picks it out of someone's mind."

"Good idea," Fury nodded.

"And I have another one," Bethany began. "I think we should set one of the auditoriums up as a theatre for the children. Something comforting, while the parents deal with finding arrangements, insurance, aid, whatever it is they need."

"That's actually not a bad idea," Fury agreed before going off to talk to some techs.

Bethany spent a good twenty minutes trying to find Wanda on the helicarrier before she finally found her, standing in a corner with the survivors, looking lost. "Wanda?" Bethany asked, walking up to the girl, watching as she jumped in shock. "Hey, it's just me," she tried to assure her.

Wanda looked utterly broken to pieces, streaks of her makeup running down her face. "I don't-I don't know what to do."

Bethany nodded before putting a comforting hand on Wanda's arm. "I want to talk to you for a minute," Bethany whispered. "Will you come with me?"  
Wanda didn't respond, but followed Bethany as she led the girl to her old room on the helicarrier. Most of the room had been cleaned out, only some extra jumpsuits and basic clothes were still in the drawers, just as Bethany had left them. The women took a seat on the bed and Bethany took a moment to gather her thoughts.

"I'm sorry about your brother," Bethany whispered. "He died a hero, and that won't be forgotten by any of us. The both of you helped today to solve an issue that never should have happened in the first place, and we'll never be able to thank either of you properly. Because of your actions today, you two _are_ Avengers, whether you like it or not. But I just want you to know that I'm going to try my very best to bring your brother back. If you want that, however. Sometimes people aren't the same when you do that."

Wanda looked up at Bethany, shock registering in her eyes. "You can do that?" She questioned.

"Maybe," Bethany admitted. "I can't promise anything, and it could take years. It may not work, or he could become someone _very_ different. But we live in a world where the impossible is happening every single day. I know what it's like to loose someone you love. It's happened to me over and over. I understand, to an extent, the pain you feel. But I just want you to know that you aren't alone in this world okay?"

"But I am," Wanda whispered. "I don't have anyone."

"You have me," Bethany corrected. "You have the entire team. And I know that you hate us. But we're really not as bad as you think. Just… look deep. See what we truly are opposed to what everyone believes we are."

Wanda looked unsure for a few moments before taking in a deep breath. Her eyes began to glow as she started to search through Bethany's life. Bethany could feel memories being pulled out and analyzed, reliving the moments. There was pain, there was love, there was fear, there was laughter. She could see the bad and the good side of her. She remembered what it was like to hold Jamie for the first time, Tony, being with Steve for the first time. Her entire life, ninety plus years of memories and feelings and emotions were overwhelming her. It felt like a blink of an eye, but when Wanda finally stopped her search, Bethany saw the clock on the bedside table. It had been almost an hour.

"I've hated you for so long," Wanda whispered. "Because of your name. Your family. Because of the things I thought you did. It was misplaced. I blamed you for things that weren't your fault."

"Well, there are a lot of things that were my fault," Bethany allowed. "But it's not like I was doing them because I wanted to be evil."

"You were alone too," Wanda whispered.

"Not really, I always had someone," Bethany replied.

"But no one understood you," Wanda pointed out.

"They do now," Bethany pointed out. "And that's all that matters. Listen, I know you lost a lot today. But take it from someone who knows. The best thing to do is to help others. But I want you to know that you can ask me, Steve, and Clint anything, okay? We were there when your brother passed, and we'll do whatever we can to help you through this. We've all felt loss and pain."

Wanda was quiet for a moment before she broke down. "I have nowhere to go," she sobbed.

"That's not true," Bethany reassured firmly. "You can come back to the Tower with us while you decide what you want to do. I would offer you my couch, but my living room is a little trashed right now."

"Thank you," Wanda said truthfully.

"I mean it," Bethany assured, pulling the shaken girl into her arms. "A lot of people out there need our support right now. Do you feel up to it, or do you want to stay here for a little longer?"

It was quiet until Wanda pulled away from Bethany, giving her a nod. "They need our help."

"I'll let you in on a little secret," Bethany offered. "They always do."

* * *

Steve had been looking for Bethany for almost an hour. He wasn't making a big deal out of it just using the comms or asking around. Fury had told him that she was talking to Wanda, but he was still looking around to see when she would be done. He wanted to call home and check on everyone at the Tower, but he knew that he should wait for Bethany to join him.

Dealing with all the citizens would take some time, but they were getting help from relief groups. The helicarrier was still in the air, everyone agreeing that things needed to be under control before they could land and let everyone be introduced to their new life. Bethany's idea about letting the children watch a movie was brilliant, as everything seemed to be going smoothly, all things considered.

Tony was on the phone with Pepper, trying to get some things sorted out. This situation was much different than New York. New York had a lot of destruction, yes. But in this case they literally blew up the city. There was nothing left to repair. Not only that, but the press was already having a field day. It had already been a long day, and they all knew it was only going to get longer. At least now they knew that the danger was gone. All they had to deal with now was the aftermath, which Steve had to admit, was always his least favorite part of the job.

"Do you know if there's any coffee around?" Bethany asked, walking up next to him. "I'm finally starting to crash."

"Yeah," Steve said, leading her over to a refreshment station, the two standing in line. "How's Wanda doing?"

Bethany let out a long breath of air as a response. "That bad, huh?" Steve replied.

"Maybe," Bethany said. "I think she's okay for now, but who knows what'll happen later. You heard about Banner?"

"I did," Steve said with a nod. "I tried to talk to Romanoff, but she said Fury gave her strict orders, which begs the question why she's following them since she's no longer an agent of SHIELD, or Fury's employee."

"She needs to keep herself busy," Bethany explained. "I know from experience. I only started to move past my self-pity when I was keeping busy."

"But wasn't that two, three years later?" Steve asked. "It's barely been two hours."

"You have a point," Bethany allowed. "But so do I. Just trust me on this one Steve."

Steve nodded, agreeing that she had a _lot_ more experience on this then he did, not to mention that she also knew Natasha in a way that he didn't. When Bethany reached the coffee, she poured herself a huge cup before looking to her husband. "So give me an update, what have I missed?"  
"We're still trying to get everything sorted out," Steve explained. "Most of the injuries have been dealt with. A few people who needed more attention have been flown out with their families, but representatives from the Stark Relief Fund will be meeting with them at the hospital. As for here, people are arranging with some family members to stay with them. Although a lot of them will end up staying on the carrier until they figure something out. It's cheaper than us having to pay for hotel fees for everyone."

"Agreed," Bethany said with a nod. "What can I do to help?"

"Well, in about ten minutes, you can head down to the infirmary to give a hand there, but right now, we find somewhere quiet and call home," Steve said relieved, a grateful and tired smile pulling at Bethany's lips.

Steve swiped a tablet from a table before the couple found a private room. Sitting next to each other, Steve balancing the tablet in one hand and his other gripping onto Bethany's hand, they waited until the call went through, Jen answering the call. _"Hi, you guys._ _"_

"Hi Jen," Bethany said softly, offering a weary smile. "How's everything over there?"

 _"Guaranteed less hectic than over there,_ _"_ She replied. _"Everyone else is sleeping. Although, Jamie has been looking like he_ _'s ready to wake up any moment now. Just needs some more time. You guys coming home soon?_ _"_

"We have some things to settle here first," Steve explained. "But we should be back by tomorrow at the very latest."

 _"The news is crucifying you,_ _"_ Jen added after a moment of silence.

"We have a lot to confess to, a lot to explain," Bethany agreed. "We've gained the trust of the people of Sokovia, but I can understand people's skepticism."

 _"Oh, there he is,_ _"_ Jen said, responding to a soft murmur, moving over to Jamie's crib. _"Hey, little one. Look, your Mommy and Daddy want to say_ _'hi_ _'._ _"_

"Hi Munchkin," Bethany said, smiling when Jen turned the tablet so they could see their son. His curls were wild and his cheeks rosy pink like they always were when he first woke up. The boy's little fist moved up to his eyes, rubbing the sleep out. He was still half asleep, not fully processing everything yet.

"We're coming home soon," Steve added. "And then things… things will be different."

He could feel Bethany's gaze on his face, as if silently questioning his words. Steve hadn't worked everything out yet, but he knew that he couldn't keep doing this to his family. He had to give them something more so he could convince them that they were important to him. They _were_. Despite what Wanda showed him, he loved his family more than he thought could be humanly possible, and he would walk barefoot around the world to rescue them if need be. Steve would work with his inability to let go of the fight, but in the meantime, he had to bring some change to the family. And based on the general feeling of the team, they weren't the only ones who would be changing their lives.

* * *

When every immediate thing that needed to be dealt with was finished, the team made their way back home. Everyone but Tony and Steve were sleeping, giving them the ability to talk one-on-one. While they were often on opposite sides of an argument, Steve knew that when he and Tony worked together, they made a good team. They could overcome their differences to work together, and ultimately knew that they both had Bethany and Jamie's best interests in mind. It was something that connected them.

They were sitting together in the cockpit, Steve occupying the co-pilot seat as Tony lazily rested in the pilot's seat, the borrowed SHIELD quinjet on autopilot. "We can keep an eye and ear out for Banner, but ultimately I think we should respect his decision. Even if the Other Guy made it, whenever he isn't purely smashing things, I truly believe that Bruce is in control," Steve offered.

"You have a point there," Tony said with a nod. "And it's not like anything bad will happen to him. He's more than capable of taking care of himself. I think we can agree that Barton won't be staying with us any longer."

Steve looked back towards Clint, who had agreed to join them back at the Tower so they could work out what to do next. "That's a safe assumption."

"And you?" Tony asked, gathering Steve's attention. But by the tone of Tony's voice and the look in his eyes, Steve knew Tony already knew the answer.

"I love your aunt, you know that," Steve began with. "I know she doesn't want this life. She feels obliged to be in it. And I don't want her joining the fight again unless she's one hundred percent sure. But I… I can't do it. Not now."

"You have every reason to," Tony reminded Steve.

The Captain nodded, looking towards his sleeping wife. "I know that. But I'm still searching for something more by being a part of this. But I don't expect her to be a part of this just because I am."

"She _will_ be, because you are," Tony stressed. "She'll always have one foot in because of you."

"I can't give it up Tony. Not yet," Steve whispered. "I'd do everything in my power to keep her happy, but this… this I can't do. I can't walk away just yet."

"I can," Tony said suddenly, shocking Steve. Their gazes met, Tony's face one-hundred percent serious. "I don't know. I feel like it's time for me to retire. I'm tired, Cap. I can always tap back in, but right now, I feel this is what's best."

Steve nodded slowly, confused about how Tony was retiring before he was. But it had nothing to do with age, or experience. In actuality, it had to do with the desire to do this. A year ago, Tony was calling the team together. Now, he was ready to walk away. Almost like the past year was what Tony needed in order to convince himself that he deserved a calm life. Steve couldn't help but wonder if in a year, he would feel like Tony did. He wasn't going to lie, the thought was nice. It wasn't like Steve _wanted_ to need the fight. Nothing sounded better than he and Bethany getting to live a calm and normal life, raising children and not worrying about anything more then the children.

"You guys don't have to leave the Tower," Tony added. "I can just go back to California, or find somewhere to live-"

"No, it's fine," Steve quickly interrupted. "It's your Tower. And if we stay there, you'll still be involved somehow, and I don't want to do that to you."

"You mean like you're doing to Bethany?" Tony asked before lifting his hands up. "I'm sorry, I'll put it to rest."

"It's time for a change anyways," Steve continued. "Our apartment is trashed. I feel like it would be good for everyone."

"What do you have in mind?" Tony asked.

Steve sighed, shaking his head. "I don't know. I really don't. Maybe we can talk to Nick and see if there's any old SHIELD buildings we could use as headquarters."

"Really? Going to go crawling back to Nick to solve your problems?"

Steve held back his frustrated scoff. "Tony, SHIELD had their downfalls, but they had a lot of perks. Like people actually being there when you can't. There's strength in numbers. I wouldn't have to suit up at the smallest disturbance."

"Then do that," Tony said, as if it was the simplest thing. "This is the perfect opportunity to redesign the Avengers, however you want to. Take the best of this past year and pair it up with the best that SHIELD was. We can figure out the nitty gritty details with everyone else, but you're right. It's time for change."

Steve nodded before getting up and sitting in his customary seat beside his wife. He was exhausted, but he wasn't ready to sleep just yet. There was too much running through his mind. But Tony was right. This was the chance to make the Avengers something they could all be proud of. Steve didn't want the world to purely rely on him. He wanted a team of people to back him up, to learn the ropes, and make it so it would be easier for Steve to leave when it came to it.

Banner was gone. Clint was undoubtedly going to leave. Who knew what Thor would do? Bethany was ready to retire from fighting. That left only two people from the original team, and even then, Steve wasn't sure what Natasha would do. If she had it her way, she'd be with Banner. This only made Steve feel like he had to stay around even more, and he wasn't fond of this responsibility.

Bethany's head shifted from one side to the other, her forehead resting against his arm. Steve reached out and touched a stray tendril, wrapping the curl around his finger. He knew what he had to do, he just hoped that Bethany would support him and that they could figure out the next steps of their life together in perfect unison.

* * *

Steve, Bethany and Jamie, who was in his mother's arms, stood at the door of their apartment looking at the mess in front of them. Bethany kept reminding herself that this wasn't such a big mess in comparison to what she saw the city of Sovokia become, so she couldn't really complain that much. Still, it was heartbreaking to see her home looking like this.

"I guess we can start cleaning it up tomorrow," Steve said finally, but neither one moved from their spot.

"No," Bethany found herself saying. "No, it's okay. We'll just…"

"What? Leave it?" Steve asked.

She couldn't explain why she didn't want to clean up the mess, but she felt that maybe it was because she didn't want to actually cope with the fact that so much of her past was shattered. "Just leave it. I don't know what'll happen, but cleaning this up is the last thing on my mind right now, babe."

"Alright," Steve agreed after a moment. "Do you want me to warm up a casserole?"

"Yeah, that sounds great," Bethany nodded before they went to their kitchen. It was a mess as well, but Steve was able to pull out two casseroles from the freezer and clear some broken dishes away while they waited for their meal to be ready.

"I had an interesting talk with Tony on the ride back," Steve informed her before sitting across from her, smiling as Jamie was babbling up to his mother. "He wants to retire."

Bethany's head snapped up in surprise. "He said that?"

"Yeah," Steve nodded. "We were talking about what we'll do next."

"Well, we can't stay here," Bethany summarized immediately.

"That's what I said," Steve replied. "But then there's also the question of who'll be with us. Me. Since I don't expect you to rejoin the team."

"That's a good point," Bethany said, letting out a huff of air that blew her stray hair out of her face. "I'm going to say something that's not going to make you happy, but what if it's time to dismantle? You could become a cop or a firefighter or something."

"The world still needs the Avengers, even if they don't like us too much right now," Steve began calmly. "You know that our work isn't done yet."

Bethany looked down at Jamie, giving him a sad little smile when he said 'momma' but then looking back up at him. "I know. You can't do it alone, though Steve. You and Natasha made a good team at SHIELD, but you had back-up. You had hundreds of SHIELD operatives to help you if need be."

"Well, I was thinking…" Steve began before letting out a heavy sigh. "All those people that were on the helicarrier today, the old agents of SHIELD. Do you think they'd come back to work if given the opportunity?"

"What, like make this New Avengers team into a SHIELD-like environment?" Bethany asked humourless before she realized Steve was being serious. "Really?"

"It could work," Steve told her. "And we could train agents to become a new generation of Avengers. Beth, it _could work_."

Bethany looked back down at Jamie as she thought it through. Steve could tell that she wasn't completely against the idea, but that this was the exact opposite of what she wanted their future to be. She wanted to go forward, not backwards. "Let's see what the team says."

Bethany placed Jamie so he was sitting on the table in between his parents. His sleep schedule was very messed up right now, but both Bethany and Steve were hoping that their son would fall asleep soon. Both of them were ready to have a good night's sleep but knew that they couldn't think about it until Jamie was ready to sleep.

"You can sleep," Bethany told him. "I took a nap on the quinjet."

"No, we'll sleep together," Steve told her, taking a hold of Jamie's foot and playing with it absentmindedly. "The sooner we can all get on the same schedule, the better."

Jamie held his hand out to Bethany, opening and closing it as if trying to grab something. "Momma," he said softly.

Bethany smiled, taking Jamie's hand in her own and placing a big sloppy kiss on it. "What's up, little man?"

"Now that he knows he can say it, do you think he'll stop?" Steve asked.

"Why would he stop?" Bethany asked confused.

"I didn't mean it like that," Steve replied before yawning.

"Are you sure you don't want to sleep?"

Steve shook his head, but placed his forehead against the table. "I need to eat and possibly shower before I sleep," he mumbled. Jamie reached out and intertwined his fingers into his hair, not necessarily pulling it, but just holding onto Steve.

While the family silently waited for their casserole to warm up, Bethany thought about what would happen with the team next. Change was inevitable and Bethany was grateful. Things had worked pretty well that last year, but things could change. Be improved. Really, they needed more people on their side. More people to work with tech and development, on relief, more people as back-up. Maybe not the same size as SHIELD, especially because of everything that went down, but having an extra hundred people around to help would be extremely beneficial. They had already cleared which SHIELD agents were clear and which ones weren't. If they sent out notices, they might be able to quickly assemble a staff.

And despite their team getting smaller, they had options of rebuilding. They knew people who could and would join the team if they were asked. Immediately, Bethany knew Sam would jump at this chance. The Vision really didn't have any purpose in life but this. Wanda didn't have anything else in her life, she might join.

Bethany looked down at her jumpsuit, excited to take it off. She wanted to shove it down the garbage compactor. Steve had basically promised her that this would be the last mission if that's what she wanted. That's what she wanted. She had no desire to do this anymore. Being an Avenger was a lot different than being an agent of SHIELD. One thing was her life. The other was taking away her life. This wasn't what she needed. Looking in front of her, seeing her son bending down to look at Steve's seemingly-sleeping face, she knew this was it.

She was retiring from field work. Sure, she'd been involved in little ways, but she wasn't interested in suiting up. Not even if the world was in a crisis. From this day on, she wanted to be a normal mother. Albeit, one that didn't age, could heal any wound and had an above average intelligence, but a normal mother nonetheless.

"Is Daddy sleeping?" Bethany whispered to Jamie. The boy looked up at his mother, his big blue eyes holding so much wonder in them, she felt her heart clench. She saw Steve peak a single eye open, but closing it as soon as Jamie turned his curly blond head to look at him again. "Why don't you give Daddy a good night kiss, Jamie?"  
Jamie looked back to his mom, a single finger pulling up to his lips which were parted, as if asking her if that was right. "Like this," Bethany said leaning over to kiss Jamie's lips softly. "Just like that."

A grin split Jamie's face, clapping his hands together haphazardly as his legs kicked a little. He was excited from her kiss, and couldn't help but relay the sweet gesture onto Steve's cheek. Bethany watched as Steve tried to maintain his sleeping composure, but the smallest of smiles tugged at his lips. "Come here," Bethany told Jamie before pulling him up into her arms. "Are you happy we're home?" She asked him before kissing the top of his head. "I'm happy we're home."

The look in Jamie's eyes when he looked up at her only made her fall more in love with him.

* * *

After they ate, Bethany and Steve waited until Jamie settled back down again before putting him in his co-sleeper, something that they thought they wouldn't have to use again since Jamie started to sleep through the night. But now they were going through a new struggle, and that helped them in trying to regain their sense of safety.

The couple moved into the bathroom, both of their movements slow as their exhaustion overcame them. Steve and Bethany weakly pushed their uniforms off their bodies before kicking them into a corner. Bethany leaned against the counter, studying her tired face closely in the mirror. "I know I'm old, but I'm starting to look it."

Steve leaned on top of her, resting his chin on the top of her head. "No, you're beautiful. But you're tired. You're stressed. Not that I blame you."

"Hmm," Bethany hummed, closing her eyes for a moment before carefully moving to stand straight, Steve getting the hint and allowing her freedom. They stood facing each other, Bethany sniffing twice before meeting Steve's eye.

"I was… really scared," Bethany finally let herself admit, feeling her strength from earlier fully dissolve. "I thought I was going to lose you again."

"Well, you did forbid me from leaving you," Steve reminded her, trying to get a laugh, even a smile, out of her, but all it did was make her tears fall down her face. "Hey, stop that," Steve whispered, pulling her into his arms. "You can cry when you actually lose me, but I'm right here."

"Kiss me?" Bethany whispered, looking up at him. He didn't keep her waiting, meeting her lips with a soft passion. He could feel in the way that she clutched onto his shirt how much she needed this. Steve had been amazed at how well she kept herself together, even when he was accepting his impending death before Nick showed up. He hadn't seen her that strong since the SHIELD days. It was like she pushed away everything, packing it deep enough so that even when she was thinking about everything, she could still do her job.

Steve pulled her closer, his hands moving down her body before grabbing her firm ass in his hands, pressing his fingertips into her skin. That was all it took to kick their kisses up a notch, Bethany's hands slipping up his undershirt, feeling his back before slipping her hands down his pants and grabbing his own ass tightly.

Taking a firm hand on her hips, he lifted her up to the countertop, Bethany's hands moving to the edge of Steve's shirt, tugging it firmly. Their lips broke apart as his shirt was pulled off his body, Bethany's eyes flickering down to look at him for a moment, but the most desire in her eyes were only when she met his own gaze. Steve took a rough hold of Bethany's jaw, harder than he initially intended, keeping their intense gaze for a moment longer before hungrily pulling her into another soul-crushing kiss.

Her legs wrapped around his waist tightly, grinding her hips against his body to relieve some tension, one hand on the back of his neck, playing with the little blonde hairs, and the other hand digging into his bicep. Steve unclipped her bra, one hand working its way between them so he could take her breast into his hand, closing his fist around the supple skin. Bethany's lips broke apart from his, her head falling back as a loud sigh of relief echoed through the room.

As exhausted as they were before, another wind hit them both. It was as if their systems were filled with adrenaline. Steve's lips moved down Bethany's neck, down the valley of her breasts, across her belly button until he reached the brand of her thong. Now on his knees, he looked up at her sitting on the countertop. Her breasts were swollen and flushed with arousal, her hair falling out of its bun.

Hooking his fingers around the thin band, he gave them a firm yank, and with the help of Bethany raising her hips up, pulled her thong off of her. Placing his hands on her knees, he spread her thighs apart, baring her wet core to the air. Steve began to place open mouth kisses on Bethany's thighs, closing his lips with a loud _smack_ each time. Bethany's fingers tangled into Steve's hair, not pulling at the roots, but massaging his scalp.

Steve didn't miss Bethany slouching her hips forward, eager for him to reach her swollen and wet lips. He smirked before looking up at her, but her expression was one of complete innocence. "Eager, are we?" He teased her.  
"After the week we had, aren't you?" She replied cheekily.

Steve admitted that she had a point, diving right into her center enthusiastically. A loud wanton moan slipped from Bethany as Steve spared no time giving Bethany her favorite treatments. Dipping his tongue into her cunt for a quick second, he pulled it flat against her lips until he began to circle her clit using just the tip. He teased it until Bethany's hips started to squirm and then he pulled her lips apart to expose her clit and began to suck on it. Her legs locked around his head, her moans drowning out as her thighs covered his ears.

Steve brought her to the very tip of her orgasm, feeling her clit beginning to throb uncontrollably and her legs starting to lightly spaz before pulling away. One of her hands moved towards his face to wipe away her glistening arousal coating various areas of his lips and jaw. He was surprised that she didn't look disappointed in him pulling away, but he figured it was because Bethany knew something better was coming up. She just needed to be patient.

Unwrapping her legs from his neck, she pulled her leg up so that her foot rested against his shoulder, giving him a firm kick. Steve quickly stood up as he took a step back, walking up against the wall. Bethany hopped off the counter, her eyes refusing to leave his. "I can't believe I ever thought you were innocent," Steve mused as her hand palmed his covered erection.

"So you keep saying," Bethany began, watching as Steve kept his calm even as Bethany pulled him out of his boxers. "But I think I'm more innocent now then I was back then. You're the one who is no longer innocent."

Steve considered that as Bethany moved down onto her knees, maintaining their eye contact. Blindly, she moved forward, her lips stretching around his erection, smoothly sliding the hard flesh deep into her mouth. A strained groan sounded from Steve's throat as her hands started to slide up and down his thighs, starting to bob her head softly. He maintained his eye contact with her, trying to keep a cool composure and not show her how much he was enjoying this. He had a lot more planned and didn't want to get too worked up just yet.

Bethany pulled away from him, his cock staying straight in the air. He watched as Bethany dragged her fingers across her pussy, her thick and glistening arousal shining on her hand before she wrapped it around him and began to pump him expertly. Continuing her hand movements, she moved her mouth to his hips, her tongue dancing across his skin until her lips touched his balls. Steve's breath caught in his throat as she began to lightly suck on the sack, the combination with her hand movements being deadly.

Steve waited until the very last moment before using his knee to nudge her away carefully. Bethany, with a satisfied smirk on her face, sat on the ground, her elbows resting on the floor as she looked up at him. Steve held a hand out for her and Bethany eyed it curiously before letting him help her up. "Up against the wall," Steve told her softly, but his tone sending shivers down her spine. Bethany took her place against the wall, closing the bathroom door to help muffle any of their cries of ecstasy from waking up their sleeping baby.

Steve went to the medicine cabinet, taking out a condom from the almost empty box. Taking a moment to prep himself, he looked at Bethany through the mirror. She was standing against the wall, looking at him obediently. This was definitely a surprise to him. Bethany wasn't one to be submissive. She would, however, let him take over, but it was always because of the heat of the moment. She could only go so far before she started to slow down and Steve knew he had to take over. It was something both of them knew, a familiar pattern. But Steve wondered whether or not Bethany would let him be in complete control, just like she had been not too long ago. Steve had enjoyed her personal brand of torture, but he wouldn't let her know just how much. But if Steve liked it, he couldn't see why Bethany wouldn't. In fact, he was certain she would _love_ it.

* * *

 ****A/N:**

 **Jo: I saw Deadpool opening night with my dad, same as we do for every Marvel movie. I agree, it was amazing.**

 **Adela: Yay, I'm glad you're enjoying it!**

 **Musicjunkie1996: That was honestly my intention when I first started this, but I'm a full season behind on AoS and my life is too hectic for me to catch up. I lost interest, not because of lack of storyline, but because I had other things in my life that were more important and in order to catch up, I'd need to have a lot less on my plate. Unfortunately, that's not going to happen like ever it seems. Adulthood isn't all it's cracked up to be.**

 **Anonymouscsifan: I have a very specific idea of when she'll get pregnant, and honestly? I'm hoping people will be surprised about it. I don't want them to expect it to come! :) Baby #2 will come eventually!**

 **FeliciaFelicis: Yeah, it was only when I was writing this scene that I noticed how Steve was watching it falling and that really got to me for some reason. I have 7 weeks of school left (and 13 assignments to do during that time) and then there's a month until Civil War!**


	39. Without Strings

****A/N: Lil' bit of smut to start ya off, so be careful if you're in public ;)**

Chapter 39- Without **Strings**

 _"How can there be a you and me, without strings? __You can call me old-fashioned, 'cause I sure am._ _And when I tell you I love you, well I sure do._ _I don't play games, I say what I mean."_

~Without Strings, Sammy Kershaw

* * *

When Steve told Bethany to get on her hands and knees, the look on her face said everything. Despite the fact that only a second ago, she looked like she was ready to be obedient, she was clearly challenging that now. In their relationship, Bethany was basically in charge of their sex life. At this very moment, Steve knew that wasn't changing now.

"You get on the floor," She replied with attitude, crossing her arms over her chest. Steve, however, didn't follow her instructions. Instead, he moved his body so that she was trapped against the wall, looking down at her with a challenging expression. "Is that supposed to scare me?" Bethany asked, not missing a beat.

"You can do whatever you want now, but we both know you'll have a moment of vulnerability where you'll do whatever I ask of you."

Bethany actually _laughed_ at that. "Just fuck me you goof."

Steve followed her instructions this time, lifting her body up so that their heads were at the same height, slowly pushing himself into her. Bethany let out a soft moan as she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck loosely. Steve set the pace, making sure to tilt his hips so he would hit all the right spots.

"You think you're in control," Bethany began, her breathing starting to hitch. "But you know very well that I am, since if I don't want something, we don't do it."

She had a point there. And Steve wasn't one to turn down sex if Bethany was offering. But she had turned him down more than once in the past. He didn't take it personally; she just wasn't in the mood. "Would you let me be fully in charge though? In the future?"

She thought about it carefully, Steve moving his thumb to brush aggressively against her clit. Her thighs squeezed against his body as a new level of pleasure rushed over her. He had her in that moment where the only thing that matter was that he _never stopped_. "Yes," she whispered, closing her eyes.

"Yes to letting me be in charge?" Steve asked, needing to clarify. He continued to thrust up into her, taking more pleasure in seeing her completely enthralled in what he was doing to her more so than what it was doing to him.

"Yes," Bethany whimpered, her head falling onto his shoulder. "Not today, but soon."

Steve smiled, lowering his head to her sweet spot and sinking his teeth into it as he picked up the pace. A deep moan rumbled in Bethany's throat, her nails digging into his back and scratching whatever she could reach. Steve was finally starting to feel his own pleasure, but after three minutes of his quick thrusting and only a slight quiver of Bethany's core and legs, Steve knew she wasn't coming this way, and Steve would always hold back until the very last moment, letting Bethany enjoy herself until the very end.

"Floor?" Steve asked her quickly, knowing that she needed a new angle.

"Floor," Bethany agreed breathlessly. For two people who were gracious when on the battlefield, they couldn't have looked any less uncoordinated as they moved to the ground. Steve's arm moved out to catch himself on the edge of the porcelain tub, but his strength only making the tub give out and a huge piece of it being crushed under his arm. In all the excitement, Bethany also hit her head _hard_ , earning a firm "ow" from her before the two started to break out into laughter from their display.

"Shhh, Jamie," Bethany prompted after a minute of their laughter. Bethany was under him, her legs still wrapped around his body, waiting for them to continue. When Steve regained his composure, he slipped out of her, Bethany allowing her body to be manipulated however Steve wanted. She ended up, after all her teasing, on her elbows and knees, her ass bared and head against the floor. Ironically though, she didn't feel like she wasn't in control at all. She barely ever set the pace for them and she secretly loved when they were like this. It made Steve feel as vulnerable as she usually did.

Steve knew that this position was usually better for him than for Bethany, so he dug into the bathroom drawer and pulled out the small waterproof vibrator they left there for whenever they were up to some shower fun. He watched as Bethany's ass clenched as she heard the buzzing began. Steve moved to separate her lips, pressing the tip of it against her bare clit. Her fists clenched tightly for a quick second before they loosened, her breathing slowing as she let the tingles fill her body.

"Can you hold it?" Steve asked Bethany, to which she immediately replied by taking a hold of it. Steve didn't miss how she began to twirl the device in a circular motion as his large hands touched her skin, massaging it firmly before guiding himself to her and sliding in.

Steve felt a grunt get stuck in his throat as she enveloped him, her core wet, hot and so very welcoming. Her silky walls began to clench and release when Bethany moved her hips forward and backwards. It had barely been a minute since she pressed the vibrator to her clit and she was already close to her finish. It wasn't just the vibrations, and Steve knew that. Whenever she had a vibrator pressed to her clit and she thrust her hips, it was mere seconds before her body would tense up and Steve would have to take over to help her ride out her orgasm. This was no different.

He clutched her hips tightly, not just thrusting towards her, but also pulling close and then back again, over and over. Steve could see just how hard Bethany was trying to keep quiet so she wouldn't wake the baby up. The amazing feeling of her throbbing around him filled him to the brim with pleasure, watching, listening and _feeling_ Bethany's orgasm only to have a moment's rest before another one overwhelmed her. Steve kept pushing both of them, thrusting in hard, wanting to get another one out of her before he'd have to give in himself. This time, however, when Bethany finally fell from her high, the vibrator fell out of her hands as her muscles gave out and began to make a loud buzzing and clacking sound against the tile floor. Steve didn't let it stop him, pressing forward until he reached the peak and fell.

Steve breathed hard as he slowly made patterns on his wife's back, reaching to turn off the vibrator with one hand. Bethany's legs were quivering and it was clear by the smile on her face, her cheek pressed against the tiles, that she was completely satisfied and would be unable to move for a while. Chances were that she'd fall asleep quickly. Steve pulled himself away from her, cleaning himself up quickly before getting a soft washcloth and running it under some warm water. He leaned down to start cleaning Bethany's thigh and core, listening to soft little moans escape her, her eyes closed, but a content smile on her face still.

* * *

Bethany woke up in the bed, and for the first time in months could actually feel _pain_. Her body was sore everywhere, but she couldn't help but smile when she felt an all-too-familiar ache between her legs. Despite barely being able to move, Bethany couldn't help but smile. Feeling pain was _nice_. And then there was memories of what happened in the bathroom a few hours prior.

Turning her head both ways, she learned that both Steve and Jamie were already up for the day. Pushing herself up to sit, pulling the blanket up to cover her bare body, she felt the pull of her muscles. While it was comforting to feel pain again, Bethany couldn't help but wonder why. And whether or not this was permanent. She wasn't sure which answer would make her feel more comfortable.

"Steve?" She called out, twisting her back, a satisfying _crack_ sounding.

"In the living room," he replied dutifully. Bethany groaned lightly while getting out of the bed, pulling Steve's blue button up out of the hamper before slipping on a clean pair of underwear. Waddling into the living room, her entire body responding with a burn, she took the elastic off her wrist and pulled her hair up into a messy bun.

"What are you doing?" She asked, the words coming out with more anger than Bethany had originally intended. Jamie was strapped into his giant bouncer, his little legs bending and straightening as he bounced up and down.

Steve looked back at her, a broken record in one hand, a packing box right beside him. "I'm cleaning up the mess," he explained, confused as to why she didn't understand.

"I told you not to," Bethany replied, crossing her arms.

"Beth, we can't just leave the apartment like this," Steve began. "And don't you want Molly to be allowed back up here, and not be afraid that she'll cut her paw or something?"  
"Steve, I-" Bethany attempted to express, but couldn't finish. She didn't know how.  
Steve pulled himself off the ground and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Bethany, I know that this is hard for you. But I'm writing down all the names of the records so we can rebuild our library."

"It's not just about the records, Steve," Bethany breathed. "It's… why clean it up if everything will just fall apart again?"

Steve couldn't respond initially. He was shocked at her confession, and had to admit that she had a point. Every time they had their life together, everything crashed and burned. "We pick up because we'd never move forward if we don't. We have to clean up this mess. Even if we have plans to leave. We need to clean up this because it's _our_ life we need to clean up."

She bowed her head for a moment in defeat. When she looked back up, she nodded unwillingly. "I know you're right, I'm just…"

"Tired," Steve supplied. "I know. I'm tired too. We need to figure out this entire Avengers' stuff, but then hopefully we'll get to relax for a few days."

"I hurt," Bethany finally admitted, sounding very much like a little kid. "Steve, my body is in agony right now."

Steve frowned, looking at the truth in her eyes. He moved her so she was sitting on the couch before leaning in front of her, his hands on her thighs. "You're feeling pain?"

"Yeah," Bethany replied, a hint of a laugh in her voice. "I'm aching. Everywhere. I don't know why, but I am. It sucks, but it's also comforting."

"You should go see Bruc-" Steve began before realization overcame him. "Bruce is gone."

Bethany nodded, having already thought about that earlier. "And with him, all his research. Ultron cleared it all out. I'm back to square one with the added twist of being able to feel pain."  
"I don't know if that's a good thing," Steve admitted, knowing how Bethany felt about pain. It was the only thing that kept her together when he was gone, and despite the fact that it really wasn't a healthy output of emotion, it held something more to her.

"I could use an Advil," Bethany said with a soft smile. "We'll figure everything else out in the future. Basically just like everything else on our to-do list."

"As long as you continue to tell me about-"

"I will," Bethany assured, putting her hands on top of his. "I think I'm too tired to be or feel something that I'm not."

"That's comforting to hear," Steve admitted with a chuckle. "Tony called down earlier. We're meeting the team at noon to discuss the future. Apparently he has some ideas."

"Wouldn't surprise me if he was up and awake all night," Bethany replied. "That kid used to not care what anyone thought, but now it's all he cares about. He cares about how we perceive him and what he does to help us. He's always taking care of us, to the best of his abilities, anyways."

"He reminds you of Howard, doesn't he?" Steve asked softly. She nodded, her words betraying her. "Are you hungry? Jamie and I already ate, but I can make you something."

"No, I'll just pour myself a bowl of cereal. Check the news. Oh shit, Kiley," Bethany realized. "I was supposed to see her."

"I'm one hundred percent sure that she understands," Steve pointed out.

"I'm worried about her, babe," Bethany explained. "She's been in rehab for months. The doctors have cleared her, but she says she's not ready to leave yet. She claims that it's because she's nervous she'll give into temptation, but I feel like it's only going to get harder."

"It wouldn't be right to pull the paycheques and force her out, if that's what you're thinking," Steve quickly added.

"I wasn't thinking that," Bethany promised. Her attention turned to Jamie when he began to babble, his jumps getting higher. "We never did take that shower last night," Bethany remembered. "Can I jump in quickly after breakfast?"

"Of course," Steve nodded. "Jamie and I had one earlier. But you'll have to take it in Jamie's bathroom. Our bathtub is a little… destroyed. I didn't hurt you, did I? I mean, if you can feel pain-"

"Hey," Bethany interrupted, putting her hands on Steve's cheeks. "Last night was _amazing_. If you want to do a thorough check of my body, you won't find any bruises. I'm just achy, but it's already starting to wear off."

"I thought last night was amazing too," Steve admitted sheepishly. "I've never felt so close to you than last night which is weird because-"

"It wasn't very romantic," Bethany finished with a laugh.

"No, it really wasn't," Steve agreed cheekily, leaning forward to kiss her softly.

* * *

The entire team, including Jamie, Pepper, Jen, Theo and Jackson sat around a boardroom table. Both Natasha and Tony looked like they hadn't got a wink of sleep, and Wanda looked like she would never sleep again. Bethany felt a little guilty about getting a fantastic night of sleep after some mind-blowing sex. She hadn't asked Steve if he had slept well, but she just assumed he had since she immediately fell asleep. Still, while she slept, he moved her to their bed, made breakfast for him and Jamie and also took a shower. While one his own, Steve could do that in ten minutes, with Jamie in tow, it would have at least taken an extra hour.

"I don't feel comfortable operating from the Tower if you want out," Steve repeated for the second time.

"So you keep saying," Tony said with a roll of his eyes. "But that's not what I meant by you can operate out of Stark property. There's an old Stark Industries building in Upstate New York."

"We haven't used it in years," Pepper continued, bringing up the property on a computer. "Not only will the building and storage be beneficial for you, but the property is big."

"The best part is that it's not even in my name," Tony continued, looking towards his aunt.

"Wait, it's in mine?" Bethany asked, frowning. "How? Why?"

"You can't really question anything that Howard Stark did," Pepper explained. "Every single day, more and more notes and letters, parts of his Last Will and Testament and investments are being brought before me, all of them blowing my mind more than the last. Despite his Will stating that Tony was his inheritor-"

"Which, Bethany actually forged, because he left it to her," Tony pointed out.

Bethany tilted her head while rolling her eyes. "I said I was sorry about that."

"Well, a lot of property was left in Bethany's name," Pepper explained. "And, according to the office of his lawyer, there's letters to be delivered to you at certain points in your life."

"What, getting married and having a baby wasn't one of those points? Especially in that order?" Bethany teased before bringing her attention back to the conversation at hand. "So the proposal is that we recycle it for our purpose."

"The lab is a little outdated," Tony explained, leaning forward. "Not to mention the tech. But it's much easier than starting from scratch. The property is already in your name and it's not too far."

"I've already talked with a few of ex-SHIELD agents from yesterday," Maria began. "They all miss what we did. If we offer them a job, like Steve is suggesting, this can immediately be lifted off the ground."

"I have to return home," Thor began. "There's some mysteries I need to sort out. And I've been gone too long. We all have to return eventually."

"Well, I'll take this moment to hand in my resignation," Clint said with a quirk of a smile. "Laura only has two hands and with three kids, she'll need some help."

Expressions of confusion and surprise filtered the room for those who were unaware of Clint's secret family. "Anyone else stepping out?" Bethany asked. "We won't judge you. Trust me, if you can find the will to step away, we won't try to stop you."

"This is the purpose of my life," The Vision spoke up. "I don't think I could change it even if I tried."

"I turned myself into… _this,_ " Wanda began, her voice meek. "I have nothing left but this."

Bethany nodded, giving Wanda a soft smile. "That leaves you, Nat."

Natasha looked at the blonde, almost shocked that Bethany was even asking. "Oh, I'm not done just about yet."

"And we all agree about transforming the Stark Industries building into an Avengers facility?" Steve asked, looking around the room.

"It seems like the best idea," Natasha agreed. "I can get in contact with some of my old SHIELD contacts. See who's up to the task."

"Great, we're going to need at least a team of five for every department," Maria began.

"What about us?" Jen asked suddenly. "I mean… My apartment is kinda… destroyed. And I'm still nervous about HYDRA."

"You can stay here as long as you need," Pepper promised. "Tony is working on getting FRIDAY uploaded to the Tower. She's not as advanced as JARVIS was, but we'll make do."

"I'm a little skeptic about creating new bots to protect the Tower after the past week," Tony added. "But the thing we should remember is that Ultron only got _in_ the building because that's where he was built. Anything from the outside has no chance."

"Theoretically," Bethany added. "You banked a lot of the Tower's safety on JARVIS. And you don't need to stay at the Tower, Jen. If HYDRA is still a concern, we'll find a safe place for you and Theo. I mean, we're all going to need a new place to live."

"You could add boarding rooms to the facility," Clint suggested.

"Hmm, just want I've always dreamed of doing," Bethany began sarcastically. "Raising my child in a boarding room in an intelligence and private world-security facility."

"We'll figure something out," Steve whispered to her before speaking louder to the room. "These are just little details. Once we get started, we're good to go."

"Can I just point something out?" Clint began, sitting straight in his chair. "Cap, Widow, Vision and Wanda. You four are going to take on the evils of the world. You're losing a few big guns."

"He's right," Tony nodded. "I mean, you four are great, but let's be real here. Things are going to be different without certain members. Not naming names—me—but it's the truth."

"Well, no offense kid, but you're easily replaceable," Bethany pointed out. "Rhodey seemed more than comfortable with coming to our rescue yesterday."

"Rhodey is a member of the United States military," Tony pointed out. "They won't make it easy for you to take their War Machine. Even if it's for the Avengers, they're pretty possessive, in case you haven't noticed."

"Oh, I've noticed," Bethany said with a roll of her eyes. "Howard went through hell to make sure Steve's stuff didn't become theirs after he went missing. They were and still are to this day, under the impression that he belongs to them. You'd think 'the land of the free' wouldn't try and strip someone of their rights."

"If we propose this to the military, they'd be getting an inside access to what we're doing," Natasha pointed out. "They shouldn't turn that down, especially everything Bethany and Steve went through regarding General Talbot."

Bethany made a sound of disgust at the mention of Talbot. "We ask Rhodey _and_ whoever claims ownership of the suit," Steve reasoned. "Replacing the Hulk won't be as easy."

"It'll basically be impossible," Bethany corrected. "What about Sam? I know you don't want to ask him, but you should."

"I know I should," Steve said with a sigh. "I just hate dragging people into this mess if I don't have to."

"Sam's already been dragged in," Natasha pointed out.

"He doesn't see it that way, Steve," Bethany promised him, looking down at Jamie who had been patiently sitting in her lap, playing with his Hulk toy in silence. "But I like when Sam's around. No offense to everyone else, but he can keep Jamie laughing for hours and he's great to talk to."

"So it's settled," Maria replied before Steve could interject. "I think we should head out to the facility. Make note of what we need to do to get the place ready as soon as humanly possible. Work out all the little details later."

Bethany let out a heavy sigh, but nodded. This was definitely not what she wanted to do right now. She was tired and achy, and just wanted to spend a day with her family. But she knew full well that the job wasn't done until cleanup was finished, and this plan that they were about to set into motion _was_ part of the cleanup. Bethany just wondered when exactly the cleanup would end. This didn't seem like a project that would be finished overnight, and even after the facility was ready and a full staff was operating, there was still a lot of clean up to do.

No one had even asked Bethany if she'd be joining the team. They all just assumed she wouldn't be suiting up, and Bethany was hoping that this time, she could commit to her decision to not rejoin the Avengers. She went back and forth so many times before that Bethany knew that no matter how much she didn't want to suit up now, that could change depending on the circumstances, or even her mood.

But even on the off chance that Bethany never had to go out to fight again, she knew she'd still be involved in her own little way. Whether it was by giving advice or filling in when one of the scientists was sick, she knew she couldn't duck out altogether, especially not when she had to be so close to everything due to Steve.

Looking at her husband though, Bethany decided that it was worth it just so that she could be with him.

* * *

After a very long inspection of the old Stark Industries' main building, the group moved to the huge storage area beside the facility. Everyone assumed it would be filled with goodies, which is why Maria suggested they save it for last. If they got all the boring things out of the way first, it would make exploring the storage area a huge treat. There was a lot of work to be done on the main building, but Pepper was already working on getting all the necessary arrangements made so that they could start working on it tomorrow.

They brought Jamie along, Bethany not ready to part with her son just yet. She had made a pit stop in a bathroom to change his diaper as the group headed out to the storage area. Walking outside, the baby on her hip and his diaper bag hanging off her shoulder, she spotted Steve a few feet out, his arms crossed as he looked into the distance.

"Something wrong, babe?" Bethany asked as she came up beside him.

"Hmm?" He hummed, turning his head to look at her.

"Something on your mind?" Bethany said, putting a hand on his arm.

Steve looked back out at the distance for a moment, staying quiet. "No, I'm just… enjoying the silence. The calm. You know, while it lasts."

"Right," Bethany replied, but she wasn't entirely sure that's what he was thinking about. "Anything else?"

"This is all yours?" Steve asked, gesturing to the surrounding land.

Bethany nodded. "According to Pepper and Tony."

"How much more land do you think Howard left you?" Steve asked, looking at Jamie for a moment before taking his son into his arms.

Bethany readjusted the strap of the diaper bag now that her hands were empty. "I'm not sure, but we could probably find out. Why?"

"You know how we were thinking about money? How we really don't _need_ to worry about it, but we were anyways because we know what it's like for it to just disappear?" Steve began. "If we have all this land, it's reassuring, right? Because the value of land will always be more reliable than the dollar."

"'It's the only thing in the world worth working for, worth fighting for, worth dying for. Because it's the only thing that lasts'," Bethany quoted. "That's what you're worried about? Money?"

"We live lavish lives," Steve pointed out. "We could live on much simpler terms if we lived away from the madness and if you didn't have such expensive tastes-"

"Says the man with fifteen leather jackets," Bethany replied strongly, giving him a teasing poke and a smile.

"You have just as many, if not more," Steve reminded her.

"I've had much more time to collect them," Bethany fought back. "Look, the whole money thing… yes, we should be careful. We never know if we'll have to rescue someone with some ransom or when there'll be another Black Tuesday. But I think we'll be okay. Don't you? Isn't money the last thing we need to worry about now?"

Steve sighed, wrapping his free arm around Bethany. "I'm thinking about HYDRA. I know us finding the sceptre was a good sign, but do you really think they're gone?"

"I want to say 'yes' for my own selfish reasons," Bethany replied. "But I don't. Which is scary. Not just for us, but for the world. When I was pregnant with Jamie, all I wanted was for him to grow up in a world where he didn't have to think or worry about these things. It's crazy to think that we're farther from that now than we were before. All because of HYDRA."

"We never got a moment to really talk about it," Steve continued. "Are you okay with this? This entire plan? What you said about raising Jamie here-"

"Steve, I want to be with you," Bethany interrupted. "Okay? I love you. We'll make this work, make something happen for us. It's not ideal, but as long as we're together, I don't see why any of this is a bad thing."

Steve smiled, looking touched at her words. A hand rose to cup her cheek lovingly. "I love you so much."

"I know," Bethany teased, giving him a wink. "Now can we go to see the fun?"

"Not quite yet," Steve replied quickly, earning a confused look from Bethany. "I don't want us making all the decisions right now."

"Steve, you're not," Bethany promised. "I would leave if this wasn't what I want. You're not keeping me here. I know that you would never force me to do what you want. And trust me, I would never do something that I don't want to do. You should know that by now."

Steve couldn't help but let out a shy chuckle, admitting to himself that this was true. "I know how much you want us to be a family though."

"And at least one parent in a family works," Bethany explained. "I may not like your profession, but I know that you do. And I did once upon a time. I'm just… I'm tired of being frustrated at what I don't have and not grateful for what I do have."

"But you'll be open and honest with me? I promise to listen to you in return and find a way-"Steve began before Bethany quieted him with a kiss. "Is that a 'yes' or your clever way of trying to change the subject?"

"Both," Bethany admitted. "Look, if Wanda's work on my mind did anything, it showed me how much I don't want everything to go about its own course. That could end up with everyone in pain. As much work as we've put into our relationship, I think we need to put more. So that it becomes less work and more natural."

"That sounds nice," Steve whispered before sighing. "Okay, let's go join the group."

"Yes!" Bethany let out excitedly as they made their way to the storage unit, about to uncover some great secrets of the past.

* * *

 **Reviews:**

 **Jo: Haha, yeah it was pretty amazing. I'm going to see it again tonight.**

 **anonymouscsifan: I don't want people to think Steve is the bad guy. Honestly, it's unfair for Bethany to expect Steve to only be a father and husband. What a boring life that would be. But they find a way to balance what they both want, and that's what really matters here.**

 **AngelLove1728: Hmmm... maybe not a cameo, but maybe a brief mention? Perhaps Bethany mentioning a merc she knew a few years back who got her so riled up from being so annoying that she almost blew her cover? Yeah, that could work ;) I will be putting Jessica Jones, Daredevil and Spiderman cameo/mentions into future chapters however :)**

 **FeliciaFelicis: I figured that Bethany knows what it's like to feel hopeless and utterly lost. She knows what grieving is like and what it's like to lose part of herself. Not to mention a beloved sibling who helped raise you and took care of you through thick and thin. Also, Howard and Pietro are both a little cocky, arrogant and womanizers, so there's that as well. I haven't seen one single trailer at the theatres yet, and I go A LOT. My friend went to see a comedy and they played it, so I went to see that same one AND THEY DIDN'T PLAY IT. I swear, the movie theatres know. They just do. It'll sneak up on me. I've got two assignments due every week until school is done (and big assignments at that) and then heavy exams between then and the week before May (which, I'll be soaking up the sun in Florida, so that'll make my life go faster). Needless to say, I'm kinda hoping it feels long so that I can finish those assignments on time.**

 **musicjunkie1996: I hear ya. Third year is basically just readings and assignments 24/7 and when I'm not doing that, I just want to sleep. Yeah, I plan on adding some Ant-Man to the story, with a nice little flashback to coincide with the flashback we saw in the movie itself. Howard and Peggy were in it, so obviously Bethany would be there too. She'll be 100% bitch mode, which I'm excited about.**

 **ACBD: Haha we'll see ;) They'll definitely be having a conversation about kids soon enough.**


	40. Time Mends a Broken Heart

****A/N: Ahhh! That trailer! OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. I liked that they made it purely about the Civil War plot and not the subplot. This trailer is helping me get a really good idea of what to write in the future.**

 **I'm gonna be real here; before that trailer, I was putting Bethany on Team Iron Man. After that trailer? I DON'T KNOW OKAY. I can honestly seeing it going either way. I guess I'll have to watch the entire movie (a million times) before making a decision/post a poll because I seriously don't know.**

 **I mean, as a Captain America fan, I'm Team Cap all the way. BUTTTT I do understand where Tony is coming from. That being said, I also get where Steve is coming from. The way I see it, despite Bethany wanting Steve to stop being Captain America (okay, and maybe not permanently but let's admit that she'd probably benefit from the Sokovia Accords since Steve would be home a LOT more), she also is like Steve in the way that if something is going South, she can't turn her back. She WANTS to. But she knows that people she loves and innocent civilians will get hurt. Bethany also isn't one to follow the rules all the time, in case you didn't notice.**

 **But then there's the fact that Tony is her blood. They understand each other on a level no one else does.**

 **But then there's the fact that she completely and totally in love with Steve. They also have a connection that is, in my opinion, pretty damn unbreakable.**

 **Her future without Steve will most likely be with her past, which we know she hated.**

 **If she picks Tony's side, there's a chance she'll never get the opportunity to have a future with Steve.**

 **But Steve would most likely forgive Bethany more than Tony would.**

 **My sister's solution: She's Switzerland.**

 **But I feel like she really does need to pick a side. So the week the movie comes out, I'm going to post a poll and use the results to help me form an ACTUAL opinion.**

 **Okay, I'm done. Enjoy the chapter.**

Chapter 40- Time Mends a **Broken** Heart

 _"I'm living in another time, another place. I knew you then. It used to be a different world. And now I start to live again. A sight of heaven in a grain of sand. Leading me on, taking me by the hand. Time mends a broken heart, time mends a broken heart. Love tears it all apart, but time mends a broken heart."_

 _~Time Mends a Broken Heart, Bonnie Tyler_

* * *

Inside the old Stark Industries storage unit, there was lots of prototypes and blueprints, old film reels and data banks. But in one dusty area of the storage area were boxes with Bethany's name on them, as if they have been patiently waiting for her through all these years. The majority of the group was doing inventory, trying to figure out what everything was, but Bethany, Steve and Jamie took their place in a corner going through the boxes.

Bethany's entire past seemed to be locked away in those boxes. There were little dresses and ragdolls from her childhood and very old scrapbooks that Bethany didn't think existed anymore. She had burned most of her childhood photos one day when she was feeling particularly unhappy as a teenager and it wasn't until Bethany's fifth birthday that she realized how much she wished she had them to remind her of her past, especially if she was going to live for eternity. She never said anything to anyone, especially not Howard, but somehow he had kept everything for her.

Bethany touched the crumbling scrapbook carefully, looking over to Tony. Their eyes met for a moment before Tony turned away, picking up a small object and studying it. Bethany sighed, opening the book and looking at the first picture, a black and white shot of Howard and Bethany as very young children. Howard had kept all this stuff for her, gave her a hand, left her his company and fortune… And he had left Tony so little. If it wasn't for Bethany ensuring that the company was given to Tony, he'd have nothing.

She hated that Howard was such a horrible father, but he was the best brother she could have ever asked for. She knew that this was no excuse to how he treated his son and Bethany felt bad for Tony, but she still loved her big brother.

"Look at your hair," Steve mused, looking at the photos with her. "It looks just like Jamie's."

Steve wasn't wrong. While Bethany had curly blonde hair to this day, her hair as a young girl was wild and free. Her curls were tight and frizzy and had a life of their own. Bethany's mother had tried to brush it into conformability, using a lot of braids and ribbons through the years. Her mother would rake the wood comb through her knots until Bethany was crying from the pain, begging her mother to stop. Howard was always there for her afterwards, making sure to find some way to make the little girl laugh. It always made getting her hair done worth it.

"You were a beautiful little girl," Steve stated suddenly, very confused. "You said you were an ugly duckling. Bethany, you were adorable."

Bethany didn't know how to reply to that. She had grown up so uncomfortable with her entire appearance, mostly because of her mother's constant attempts to tear Bethany's self-confidence down. Farther into the scrapbook, however, Bethany found a picture that would show Steve just how much of an awkward girl she was.

Even in the black and white filter, it was evident how unhealthy her skin was as a young teenager. Her hair was still curly and frizzy, but lying limp by her face. Her arms seem to long and skin taut against her bone in a sickly way. More than anything, she looked sad, trying to smile for the photo, but not doing a very good job of it.

"I still would have had a crush on you," Steve promised her lightly.

Bethany smiled softly to him, taking Jamie from him when he called out to his mother. "About what Jen said this morning…"

"What about it?" Steve asked, taking the scrapbook from Bethany's lap, continuing to look at the photos as she bounced Jamie on her lap.

"Look, I'm not an idiot," Bethany began in a hurry. "She's part of the reason why Jamie is with us now and was in good hands while we were doing what we do for a living. But a few weeks ago, we were being super cautious. Just because she hasn't snapped yet doesn't mean she won't."

"And it doesn't mean that she will either," Steve reminded her.

"No, but the statistics are against her," Bethany explained.

Steve sighed, closing the scrapbook to give Bethany his full attention. "None of us in this room fit into the typical statistics. She's still apprehensive, not just about HYDRA, but herself. I know that. You know that. And she knows that. But we trusted her with our son's life. It seems silly not to trust her with her own son's life."

"Steve…" Bethany whispered, her face showing just how worried she was. It wasn't that she didn't trust Jen. She was still afraid of what Jen could possibly do in the future. But Bethany didn't want to fuck up Theo's life anymore than it already was. "We said we'd let Theo make the decision."

Steve's harsh worried frown softened up as he reached a hand out for hers. "We'll talk to Theo. Ask him what he wants. But then we need to respect his wishes. Doll Face, it's not like Jen is moving to another state. She may end up staying at the Tower or even here with us. He'll still be close and we'll still be able to interject if anything suspicious happens. Okay?"

Bethany looked down at their intertwined fingers, knowing that ultimately Steve was right, but that didn't make her feel any better. "I just like…"

"Control," Steve quickly finished, giving her an innocent smile. "Baby, I know that. Trust me, I know exactly what control means to you. But you can't control everything."

Bethany let out an exasperated chuckle, shaking her head. "Yeah, I know that all-too-well."

"It's okay to want control. It's normal. It's human nature." Steve promised her, giving her hand a squeeze.

* * *

Construction on the Avengers' Facility began the next day. Pepper and Maria were able to get an amazing team on site, all of which gave input towards what they should do with the building designs. The majority of the stuff in the storage unit was to stay there, including the big pile of things that were Bethany's.

It was clear that Steve and Bethany weren't going to stay at the Tower any longer, so bringing the boxes there seemed futile. While Bethany and Steve hadn't talked much about where they were going to live after the Facility was completed, they knew it would be somewhere on the property they just inherited. Bethany clearly wasn't thrilled with the idea, since it seemed like a massive step down in their living situation, but she hadn't complained about it. Steve could see the little gears working inside her head, however, trying to conjure up a plan. Little did she know that Steve also had one, and one he knew Bethany would like.

However, Steve's plans weren't anywhere close to being exposed since she decided that she had to visit Kiley. Steve took Jamie to the property to both supervise the starting of the construction and to spend some quality time with his son. They were far enough from the Facility that Steve could barely see it and what he could see was almost completely covered by trees.

He smiled, looking down at Jamie who was sitting in the grass, pulling a handful of weeds out and studying it like it was the most amazing thing. That's when it hit Steve. Jamie had never been exposed to grass like this before. He had lived such a sheltered life. In a little more than a month, Jamie would turn one and so much had been taken from him already. Steve sat down beside Jamie, catching Jamie's little fist before the baby put the grass and dirt into his mouth.

"No, you don't want to do that," Steve scolded. Jamie made a sound of displeasure as Steve uncurled Jamie's fingers, the baby clearly fighting him with all he had, but ultimately not being as strong as his father. "That tastes gross and is bad for you."

Jamie looked down at the grass, running his fingers through it and smiling at the sensation. Steve felt an overwhelming feeling of happiness and safety at seeing Jamie like this. The only way the moment could be better was if Bethany was there, but something made Steve glad that this moment was just for him and Jamie.

"We don't spend a lot of alone time together," Steve began slowly, knowing that Jamie wouldn't really understand anything that he was saying, but that it needed to be said anyways. "Your Momma is always the first one to do anything for you. Because she loves you. Not that I don't. I do. So much."

Steve sighed, trying to collect his thoughts. "You know, when your mother told me that we were having you, I was so happy. And when I found out that I was going to have a little boy? Nothing will ever be able to replace that kind of fulfillment and happiness. I know that me deciding to work and be away from you and your mother makes it seem like I regret this. That this family isn't what I want anymore… But it is. I'd be lost without your mom. Lost without you."

Jamie looked up at his dad, his big blue eyes filled with wonder before holding out a hand filled with grass towards his father. Steve accepted it graciously before pulling Jamie into his arms. "What scares me the most is that I'd be lost without the fight too," he admitted. "I don't know for sure, but it… it gives me control over something. I mean, when your mom wants control, she meddles. She lies. She does things she'll regret later. But me? I know that going out there and changing things, I'm controlling it. And I'm good at it. But I don't want you to ever think that you aren't enough for me. I love you so much. It hurts to even think about something out there that could hurt you. I just… I don't want you to ever think that I don't love you. I do. And I'm going to show you and your mom just how committed I am to our little family even if I'm not giving up the fight just yet. But I will. Okay, Munchkin? I will."

All he got in response was a string of babbles followed by an eruption of laughter from Jamie at something he said in his own language. All Steve could do was kiss the mop of blond curls and hold the most precious thing to him in the world closer to him.

* * *

Kiley picked up the remote and muted the television before looking at Bethany. "You guys really messed up this time, didn't you?"

"Oh yeah," Bethany nodded. "You know what's weird? May used to be my favorite month, but it seems like a lot of shitty things happen during May."

"Didn't you get married in May?" Kiley asked with a frown.

"May 18th," Bethany nodded. "But I mean, an alien invasion, bringing down SHIELD, destroying an entire city… Can that really compete with the anniversary of my marriage?"

"I'd think it would," Kiley said with a chuckle.

"Yeah…" Bethany finally agreed. "I guess you're right. I wonder what next May will bring."

"Well, the year you got married, May was a good month," Kiley theorized. "So just make sure something along those lines happen. And didn't the SHIELD thing happen in April?"

"Huh, I guess you have a point," Bethany replied with a chuckle. "Umm… so is there any update on when you're getting out of this place? I mean, there's some serious perks, but your freedom is a little non-existent. I think I'd go crazy in here… Okay, bad choice of words, but I think you get what I'm saying."

Kiley broke out into a fit of laughter at Bethany's words but collected herself quickly. "I'm just… I'm not ready."

"You've been in here for months," Bethany reminded her friend. "And you're so much better than you were when we first found you. If you're expecting to be one hundred percent better, I hate to tell you this, but things will never be like they were before. But things can be better. You just need to move past this. And I get that you're afraid of caving and making a mistake, but you know that I'll be there for you, right? Just like you've been here for me this last year. When I was going through pre-eclampsia, it was _you_ that was there for me. It'll just get harder the longer you're here."

"It's… it's not exactly that," Kiley struggled to get out. "If I leave… I don't know. I guess I keep hoping that he'll come back. If I leave, I lose all hope of him coming back for me."

Bethany had a moment of shock rush over her before she could recover. "Kiley… I think we both know that he's not coming back here. He wouldn't risk it. He doesn't want anyone to find him."

"I know," Kiley whispered with a hint of a smile, but Bethany could tell she was still broken inside. But rehab couldn't fix a broken heart. "I was just hoping. I… I have feelings for him. And I don't know if we'd ever have a future, but I'd like to see him again. And I want him to see me as I am now, not remembering me being hopped up on drugs."

"Steve hasn't given up hope on finding Bucky. And not just him in general, but his best friend. There's no reason why you have to give up either. But you do need to start living again. Trust me, I know what it's like to stop living for a guy. It's not the solution to _anything_. And I've got two girls back in New York who are freshly mourning guys, and I need all the help I can get."

"I'll need more context towards that," Kiley said, her tone showing that it was a conversation they would have for later. "And the thing is… I don't think I'm ready for work right now. And as much as I love my parents, I _cannot_ go and spend any more time with them. I need some serious space. My mom will just hover."

"Well, what if you just worked part time? I've told you all about the Avengers' Facility. I've already accepted that I'll be involved in a lot of the transformation, even though everyone doesn't expect me to. I'd love to have some help. Just… something to help you get back into the groove."

"You know, that doesn't sound all that terrible," Kiley agreed. "Is that really what you want to do? You just finished telling me how this entire experience made you realize what you really want."

"I want to be a mother, first and foremost," Bethany began to explain. "I'm not suiting up. I'm just… filing papers. Filling in the gaps from all the information that Ultron wiped. Making sure the entire staff is a good fit. But maybe twice a week, and with Jamie by my side. The other five days would be just for him."

"What about Steve?" Kiley asked. "How do you feel about him doing this?"

Bethany let out a deep huff, thinking this over quickly. "As much as I want him to stop, I would never actually ask him and _expect_ him to. I love him too much to ask him to give something up that he clearly loves. And the thing is… I loved it once too. I didn't want to give it up. I did because of Jamie. But just because I'm giving it up, doesn't mean that he does. I'm just afraid of losing him again."

"Do you think he'll ever give it up?" Kiley asked.

Bethany didn't need long to respond. She immediately knew the answer. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. But I think what scares him the most is he doesn't know when. And I think Steve is more afraid of the answer than I am."

* * *

Little sticky hands grabbing at Bethany's face was what woke her up. "Oh, okay ow, Jamie," she mumbled as his fingers tangled into her hair. "Momma's up, Momma's up," she promised him, opening her eyes.

She let out a long yawn while taking a hold of Jamie's wrists and carefully moving them away from her so she could sit up. "How'd you get in here? I thought you slept in your own bed."

"Well, it _is_ Mother's Day," Steve reminded her, pulling a gift bag from the closet. "I thought waking up to your son would be a good way to start the day."

"I thought we said no gifts," Bethany said, pointing to the red gift bag as Jamie crawled up into her lap, resting his head against her chest.

"We said no buying gifts," Steve corrected, putting the bag next to her while taking his spot on the bed. "But we didn't say anything about homemade gifts."

Bethany narrowed her eyes, pretending to be critical before eagerly digging into the bag. She pulled out a white frame, and a blue and white polka dotted piece of paper inside, the same size as Jamie's little hand. Bethany smiled at the present, knowing that a permanent reminder of how small his hand was during her first Mother's Day would be with her forever.

"Thank you," Bethany said, leaning over to kiss Steve before lifting Jamie up so she could collect a kiss from him too.

"I thought that I could do the same thing every year. So that eventually there'll be a line of photos on the wall, each handprint getting bigger and bigger."

"I love that," Bethany whispered. "Thank you. That's really thoughtful Steve."

"Listen, I don't want to pressure you into hurrying up, but I do have plans for us today so you can't stay in bed all morning," Steve began, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

Bethany looked at the clock, seeing that Steve had allowed her to sleep in until nine. He was always an early riser but knew that Bethany was not. Nine was still, even after almost being an entire year into motherhood, considered early in her book. But Pepper had let it slip that Steve was taking her out for lunch. If he wanted her up now, clearly it wasn't just any normal place.

"You know, it's tradition for mothers to have breakfast in bed," Bethany teased, watching as Jamie put his little hand up against the glass of the frame, measuring his hand to the paper one.

"What I have planned is much better," Steve promised, getting off the bed. "I'm going to take a quick shower. There's some waffles on the island if you're hungry."

"Okay," Bethany replied as Steve made his way to the bathroom. "Is that your itty bitty hand, Munchkin?"

Jamie looked up at his mother, that amazing look of awe all over his face. Bethany loved when he looked like that. It was as if everything was magical to him. She never wanted this phase to wear off.

Pulling him closer to her, she got out of the bed, snatching the Hulk toy that was resting on Steve's pillow with her along the way and went into the kitchen. A pile of waffles sat on the island, but she really wasn't feeling up to it. Slipping Jamie into his high chair, she went to the fridge, pulling out a bunch of avocados and the freshly washed fruit they kept in a giant container since Jamie loved berries so much. Bethany tried to bite back a smile when she saw that inside the fridge, there was a bunch of sandwiches and a giant container with Bethany's favorite pasta salad.

"A picnic lunch, Bug-a-Boo?" Bethany asked Jamie as she brought fruits over to the island, taking the cutting board out from the island drawer, as well as a knife. Laying the two down, Bethany dug her hand into the bowl of berries, laying some on the food tray in front of Jamie. The baby's dimpled hand reached for a berry, squeezing it in his fist while laughing, earning an amused smile from his mother before he began to lick the remnants of the berry off his hand.

Almost the entire room was in brown boxes. They had spent yesterday afternoon packing what they could sooner rather than later. They still had to do the bedrooms, but they agreed that they'd have to do that later on when they were just about to move. But besides some food in the fridge and cupboards and enough plates and utensils for the essentials, everything else in their apartment was packed away and ready for their next adventure.

Bethany began to cut some avocado slices, knowing that eating avocado alone was a not-so-common habit, but that ultimately it was just another quirk of hers and as long as her cravings were settled, there was nothing anyone could say to her about it. "Do you know what Daddy is up to? Huh?"

Hearing a buzz from the door, Bethany ate another slice of the avocado before going to answer the door. "Pepper, good morning," Bethany replied, letting the woman in. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Firstly, Happy Mother's Day," Pepper said with a smile before handing Bethany a tablet. "And secondly, here's all the information you requested."

"How big are the rooms they're building?" Bethany asked as they walked back into the kitchen.

"Not as big as you'll like. Typically made for two roommates. Your room and Jamie's would be the same size," She explained as she slipped onto a barstool. "It'll be cozy, but is that really a bad thing?"  
"I guess not," Bethany said with a sigh. "I just figured the next time we'd move it'd be to a real house or a penthouse suite or something. But I know it could be worse. Anyways, what's up? Anything interesting?"

"Flying out to Switzerland to see Kiley today," Pepper enlightened. "Get the rest of her things packed up, papers signed, all of that and then she's spending a week with her folks so that they can get the guarantee they need that she's better. And then she'll move into the Tower until the Facility is ready."

"Which will be when?" Bethany asked, eating some more.

"Just before the end of the month," Pepper replied.

"That's fast," Bethany mused.

Pepper shrugged, moving to play with Jamie's hair a little. "Having money helps. Good morning Steve," she greeted as Steve came into the room, fully dressed but his hair wet from his shower.

"Momma's turn," Bethany said, grabbing Jamie's foot, ready to take a shower.

As Bethany left the room, Pepper looked towards Steve with a giant smile. "She's going to love the surprise."

* * *

Steve could tell by the look on Bethany's face that she was less than thrilled to be where they were; a few miles out from where the Facility was, where he took Jamie a few days prior. Far enough that they could barely see the building but close enough that they were still in the safety proximity. Tony's team was installing the alarm systems that day and the reach was pretty far, which made Bethany very happy. However, Steve could see that the idea of being near the Facility during the last few weeks when they wouldn't be living there made her upset. She wanted to stay as far away as she could if she had a choice before it began their entire lives.

"Sit," Steve told her politely after he laid the giant blanket on the grass. Jamie had already taken his spot in the middle of the blanket, right next to the basket. Bethany did so unwillingly, immediately digging into the picnic basket. "Isn't this place beautiful? All the trees, the lake in the distance-"

"The loud sounds of the construction on the Facility? Oh yeah, so beautiful," Bethany mumbled before taking out a tuna sandwich and taking a huge bite. Steve could see the brief moment of pleasure light up her eyes when she realized that Steve mixed the tuna with guacamole opposed to mayo, but it disappeared quickly.

"They're not that loud," Steve told her quickly and it was true. They could barely hear anything. A soft echo, but that was all. "And that'll be over by the end of the month. Then think how nice this place could be. I was thinking that it would be _our_ place. It's so peaceful."

He watched as Bethany looked around them, studying the area. "It is nice," Bethany offered after a long moment of silence.

A smile split Steve's face. "You know; I was really hoping you'd say that."

"And why's that?" Bethany asked as she finished off her sandwich, moving to take the small containers in the picnic basket that were specifically meant for Jamie.

"Well, because of this," Steve said, digging into the basket and pulling out his sketchbook. Bethany waited patiently as Steve flipped open to a page with a sticky note attached to it, flashing it to her. There was a moment when Bethany couldn't even move. She couldn't believe her eyes. Her heart stopped for a few long seconds before it started to hammer.

"W-What's this?" She asked, her voice dry as she took the sketchbook in her hand. In pencil, both grey and coloured, were lines that made up a design for a house. Balcony at the front, a beautiful porch with wicker chairs, a garden…

"It's up to you," Steve told her, his voice completely serious. "It's up to you whether or not we do this, but you're right. We shouldn't be okay with Jamie growing up in the Facility boarding rooms. It's time for us to have a home of our own. Not just a home, but a _house_. Some place that's just ours. It's close enough to the Facility that I could come home for lunch, but far enough that you don't need to see it."

Bethany finally tore her gaze from the sketching to look at her husband, tears welled up into her eyes. "Steve…"

"Look, after everything we just went through, I need to show you and Jamie that I'm committed to you both. To this family," Steve explained taking both of Bethany's hands in his own. "This is something I want for us. And I know you want it too, but I'm not making any final decisions without _you_. We're in this together."

Bethany pulled her hands from Steve's so she could throw her arms around him and hold him close to her. "You have no idea how much this means to me Steve," Bethany whispered, finally letting her tears fall.

"No, I think I do," Steve laughed, kissing her temple. "So is that a yes? Are we building a house?"

"We're building a house," Bethany sobbed, a laugh bubbling out of her as they fell backwards, Steve flat on his back and Bethany on top of him. "Oh, I love you so much Steve."

"I love you too," Steve promised her, the two of them kissing passionately. They only pulled away when they both felt Jamie crawl up next to them, putting his dimpled hand on Bethany's back and pulling himself to a standing position.

"Do you want in on some of this love, Baby Boy?" Bethany asked with a chuckle, wrapping an arm around his waist and kissing his forehead. "We're going to get a house, Jamie! With a play structure in the backyard and a big play room and a huge bathtub. Oh, I'm so excited!"

Steve laughed as Bethany sat back up, Steve leaning up on his elbows. "Good surprise?"

"You'll never be able to top this one, Rogers," Bethany claimed, taking Jamie's hands and swinging them slowly. "I don't think today could get any better."

Only twenty minutes later, Jamie took his first steps on the ground that would soon become their home. Bethany had never felt so complete in her entire life.

* * *

 ****A/N: Typically, when I give the Rogers some goodness, I add some bad to even it all out. You'll be happy to know that I actually have no plans on having them fight until _Civil War,_ since no matter what side Bethany picks, they'll still argue about the situation. There _might_ be a disagreement at Thanksgiving or Christmas when Mr. Stark picks an argument with Captain Rogers, but that's not set in stone. **

**Jo: They'll be having a beach day soon enough ;) Keep an eye out- I may have casually mentioned Wade in a very clever and hilarious way... Or at least I think so :P**

 **anonymouscsifan: No, he isn't the bad guy at all. They just want different things. Steve doesn't want to leave his family. That couldn't be farther than what he wants. He just wants to be able to have both in his life. Bethany has definitely done a 180. She's completely different from what we first saw of her, but it's been how many chapters, words and years in the making? It didn't happen overnight. It was gradual. She's going to start doing a little more changing, but accepting of Steve being Captain America. Not a complete acceptance, but she'll find herself happy in their life and know that she realistically couldn't ask for more. As soon as her entire family is happy, that's enough.**


	41. A Fragile Thing Hangin' On A String

****A/N: Before we get started (hehehe), I'd like to note that this is one of my favorite songs. It's incredible. But I have a love affair with Chris Carmack's voice so maybe I'm biased.**

Chapter 41- A Fragile Thing Hangin' On A **String**

 _"Well the heart; it's a fragile thing hangin' on a string. It don't take much. And a soul; it's a little bit stronger. It takes a little longer to use it up. But when, when it all comes down, 'cause it's gonna come down, you're gonna look around and wonder how you got to where you're standing right now. Dancin' on the Devil's stove, playin' with the fire below. Pushin' your luck, dippin' your toe in the water. It's a pedal down to race the train. Chasing down a hurricane. A bullet in a spinnin' revolver."_

 _~Spinnin' Revolver, Chris Carmack_

* * *

"Yeah, I really like that," Bethany murmured to their contractor and designer, the two helping Bethany create her dream house. All of Steve's input had already been inserted and Bethany had loved all of it; now it was just about the little details that Bethany wanted to include. "But can we make it bigger?"

"The room, or the whole house?" The contractor, Michael, asked. Steve already knew the answer; the house. It seemed to be a constant with her. Steve had assumed that they'd build a quaint little house but Bethany had made it clear that she wanted it to be _big_. Her reasons weren't just for material value. She didn't want this grand mansion. She just wanted a bunch of decent sized bedrooms for visitors, and in the future, children. She hadn't included that last part, but Steve knew this was a fact.

"The whole house," Bethany replied. "I know I keep saying that, I just want the rooms to be a good size and I want a lot of them. Maybe five, including the master bedroom?"

Michael and the designer, Adam, looked at each other quickly before nodding, fixing the size of the home on the computer. "Lots to decorate, Mrs. Rogers," Adam commented. "We'll be busy the next few months."

"There's a few things that I want to pick out myself," Bethany explained. "A few trips to the wonderful IKEA, but like you said, a lot to decorate. I've always had my houses pre-furnished and just picked out odds and ends every few years."

"New beds, new couches, washing machines," Steve replied, teasing Bethany with the last one.

"Well, your place now is really nice. Homey," Adam said, looking around the room. "I'm assuming you want the same feeling?"

Bethany nodded. "Warm, soft colours, lots of large windows and enough walls for all my photographs."

"Sounds like a challenge, but I'm ready," Adam said with a smile. "I have a feeling you'll be less picky than some of the socialites I deal with however."

"I can guarantee it," Bethany offered with a chuckle. The four continued to draft over the plans for another hour before Michael and Adam left. Bethany continued to look over the drafts, smiling to herself. Steve couldn't believe how happy she was. He assumed she would be, but it seemed like she hadn't stopped smiling in days. He was glad that he was the one to put that smile on her face. She seemed to care a whole lot less about the Avengers' Facility and Steve still being a part of the team—and therefore her too. Steve had provided her with what she really wanted and more importantly, _needed_. She had a definite promise of a future that wouldn't be completely intertwined with Steve being Captain America.

Steve began to play with the ends of Bethany's hair as she continued to jot down notes of other things she wanted to include or change now that she was thinking more about it. Slowly, his fingers moved higher and higher until they were massaging her scalp. Bethany let out a soft hum, but looked at Steve when his fingers stilled. "What? What's wrong?"

"When we were having sex in the bathroom," Steve began, holding his hands in his lap. "Didn't you hit your head really hard?"

"Yeah?" Bethany asked, not following. Steve reached out and pinched her skin. "Hey! Ow! What was that for, you big jerk?!"

Despite her words, she wasn't completely upset and it confirmed Steve's question. "That actually hurt? Like _real_ pain, not just out of obligation?"  
"It really hurt," Bethany nodded. "Why, you think me hitting my head and feeling pain are related?"  
"Maybe," Steve said with a shrug. "Think about it Doll. Cognitive recalibration. Didn't Bruce say that something was either covering or stabbing a specific part in your brain that enabled pain?"

"Something along those lines," Bethany replied. "I guess it makes sense. Maybe hitting it… loosened it? Uncovered it? Science is so weird sometimes."

Steve rose his brows, a soft smile on his face while looking down at his body to prove his point—he was well aware about how weird science could be. "You happy with your designs?"  
"I am," Bethany said with a nod, looking at the designs. "What about you? What do you think? You like it, right? Please tell me you-"

"Yes Doll," Steve rushed to assure her. "I love it. And how happy it makes you. Really, all I want from the house is a balcony so we can watch the sunset together and a porch so we can watch Jamie play in the front yard."

"Wow, you aren't difficult to build a house for at all," Bethany teased, reaching out to touch his cheek. "Until the house is ready, I'm completely fine with any living arrangement. Whether it's in a hotel or in a dorm room in the Facility, or a close by apartment, I care not."

"Good, because you heard what Michael said," Steve encouraged, pulling Bethany's chair closer to his, earning a soft giggle from her. "The earliest the house will be done is the end of July, assuming nothing goes wrong. We already hired a huge team. Which, by the way, we're okay with the money, right?"

"Yes," Bethany nodded. "Look, the house building money is coming straight from a savings account dedicated solely for this reason. Plus, didn't we agree not to worry about money?"

"Yeah, but didn't we also agree to pay for people's paychecks?" Steve asked, still not sure where that money was going to come from.

"Stark Industries lawyers are digging into those letters and bonds that Howard left me," Bethany explained. "But I technically still own a share of Stark Industries and with savings… I don't think we need to worry. Maybe just be more aware of our finances?"

"You know I would if-" Steve began but Bethany shook her head and chuckled.

"I'll be more aware, I know you still aren't completely understanding of money in this time," Bethany promised. "Oh, it's almost four. Are you ready to talk to Theo and Jen? And then Jackson?"

"I feel like it'll be an easy conversation with all three of them," Steve promised.

Bethany nodded, cleaning up the designs and placing them on a box of packed DVDs. Steve and Bethany had agreed that they really didn't need Jackson anymore. All the work Bethany was planning on doing, she could do it with Jamie in her arms or in some kind of travel crib. Besides the Ultron fiasco, Jackson hadn't really watched Jamie all that much. He was mostly there to help take care of Theo, not to mention be his homeschool instructor. Depending on Theo's decision, Jackson could very well be out of a job.

"I'm gonna go wake Jamie up," Bethany sighed, only for Steve to grab her wrist when she tried to walk away.

"Umm, isn't the first law of sleeping babies to _not_ wake them up?" Steve asked, chuckling.

"He's been sleeping all afternoon. If we let him sleep any longer, he'll be up all night and that's really not what I want," Bethany explained. "Dealing with a whiney Jamie now opposed to one who won't sleep later is much more desirable in my opinion."

"I'll deal with him tonight," Steve suggested. "Let the boy sleep."

Bethany sat back down into her seat, a moment of complete silence washing over her. "I'm tired," she realized, looking towards her husband with exhaustion in her eyes.

Steve chuckled, kissing her lightly. "You've been really busy lately."

"So have you," Bethany pointed out.

"But I don't need as much sleep as you do," Steve replied as the doorbell buzzed. "I got it."

Bethany took in a deep breath of air as Theo came in, telling Steve that Jen would be down in a few minutes, she was just taking some muffins out of the oven. "That's actually okay, since we need to talk to you alone first," Steve explained to Theo as the entire group moved to the living room, sitting on the couch. Theo plopped in between Steve and Bethany, but Steve put his arm on the back of the couch, his palm open. Bethany smiled, taking a hint, and placing her hand inside of his.

"Is there something wrong?" Theo asked, looking to Bethany.

"Not at all," Bethany promised. "We just need to talk about some things."

"Exactly," Steve continued. "Bethany and I both promised that when the time came, it would be your decision, not ours. It's your life, we just want to make sure that you get to make the most of it, while also not having to suffer anymore pain."

"Whatever you decide, we'll support you," Bethany added. "So if you want to stay with your mom, we'll do everything in our power to make sure that you two are safe and taken care of. But if you want to stay with us, that's fine too. We don't know what your mom wants to do in terms of living arrangements, but we wanted to ask you what you wanted before she makes a decision."

The couple waited patiently as Theo twisted his hands together, as if he was afraid of what Bethany and Steve would think of his decision. Either way, they'd be happy for him. All they really wanted was what was best for him, and now that they knew Jen was in a good place and willing to be there for her son, they were comfortable with letting the mother and son live their lives without the Rogers telling them what they could and couldn't do.

"I really missed my Mom," Theo finally admitted quietly. "I don't want to leave her ever again."

Steve and Bethany smiled softly to each other. They had a feeling that this would be his decision. Steve wished that he had an hour to be with his mother again so he could tell her about his life since she passed, and more importantly, about his family which he wished she was still apart of. And despite the fact that Bethany didn't wish for her mom, she wished she had had a _better_ relationship with her mother.

"Then why do you seem sad?" Bethany pressed on.

"Because I'll miss you too," Theo explained, leaning against Bethany, giving her a half hug.

Bethany returned the gesture, kissing the top of Theo's head. "You may end up living with us anyways, Theo, so it's not like this is goodbye forever."

Bethany and Steve had also talked about Jen and Theo staying in their house. They wanted to make the basement half a gym and half a living space. They had a feeling at one point in their future, Sam or Jen or Kiley would end up living with them. They wanted a separate space for them to have for everyone's sake.

"Anyone hungry?" Jen asked as she stumbled into the apartment, her hands full with a tray of muffins. Steve immediately jumped into action, rescuing the muffins from falling on the ground.

"Positively starving," Steve replied, placing the muffins on the table in front of them.

"Wow," Jen said, sitting down on the chair across from the couch. "You two work fast. Almost everything is packed and ready to go. I thought your house wouldn't be done for months?"  
"It won't, but we're moving into a Facility dorm room, just so we won't have to deal with the commute. It'll make our lives easier," Bethany explained. "But we asked you here to find out what'll make _your_ life easier. Have you made a decision? About staying versus leaving?"

Jen wrung her hands together in her lap, much like Theo had done earlier when tasked with a similar question. Steve eagerly took a muffin, his appetite never completely sated. "This may sound like an odd question, but will Jackson be following you to the Facility?"

Steve stopped his muffin halfway to his mouth, looking at his wife in awe. "Pardon?"

"We were going to talk to him after," Bethany supplied, giving her husband a warning look. "Wh-Why do you ask?"

"He and Theo get along really well and I don't really want to take that from him," Jen explained, her tone showing that it was the truth, but her eyes saying there was something more. Bethany couldn't exactly blame Jen for having feelings for Jackson. The man had already shown that he loved Theo and wouldn't run away at the first sign of trouble. Plus, his dark caramel colored skin and dreamy brown eyes was enough to make any woman swoon.

"Well," Bethany began slowly. "Steve and I both feel like we don't need Jackson to watch over Jamie anymore. I mean, yes. We'll need a sitter once in a while, but we don't need a Nanny. I can take care of Jamie when Steve is working. We were going to offer to keep paying Jackson, since he's still helping Theo with school. It's really up to where you want to stay."

"We've already talked to Maria," Steve picked up where Bethany left off. "The dorms will be purely for employees, but they'll need some nurses. If you want, you can join us there. And if you decide to learn how to use your abilities for good, we can help you. You can have a future there, if that's what you want."

" _But_ ," Bethany stressed quickly. "It doesn't have to be permanent. You can leave whenever you feel like our lifestyle is too overwhelming and you need a dose of normalcy."

Jen laughed, running a hand through her blonde strands. "I think that's the best choice for us right now. It can always change, but for now, this is what makes the most sense for everyone."

"Well then, it's settled," Bethany declared with a clap of her hands and a giant smile. "We'll talk to Jackson later today. If he's still willing to stick around after we tell him our plans, like I said, we'll still continue to pay him. It'll make it a lot easier when I need a break to just call him over immediately."

"Breaks?" Steve teased, taking another muffin to eat.

"Like showering or impromptu naps," Bethany offered. "They've been known to happen when you're not around you know. The world doesn't stop just because you aren't around."  
Her words were harsh, but Steve could tell she was just teasing him and there was no actual harm in them. In fact, Steve knew that Bethany could deal with Jamie in the shower or hold off her often required naps until Jamie also needed one. The breaks were mostly the two of them sneaking off to have some alone time, but neither one of them were going to say that aloud.

* * *

Bethany leaned against the workbench, waiting for Tony to look up at her, but he continued to gaze down at his work. "Can't sleep?" He asked her, despite his lack of attention.

"What else is new?" Bethany asked, rubbing her eyes. She had slept for a total of twenty minutes before she woke from a nightmare. She had laid in bed for three hours before she decided she needed to do something productive and knew that Tony would be down in the lab, as he always was.

"You want to talk about it, or just tinker?" Tony asked her, earning a smile from the blonde. Things with Tony could be so simple. Steve would push her to talk, but to be fair, lately she had also been pushing Steve to talk to her about his dreams.

"Just tinker," Bethany answered with a sigh, Tony showing her his blueprints before she started to work with him. "Can you not tell Steve I was down here? If he asks or whatever."

"More secrets?" Tony asked, not disapproving, but clearly questioning whether this was what Bethany wanted.

"He wants me to see a therapist," Bethany explained. "He has for a long time. And I probably should. I just… I don't want to tell some stranger things that are hard for me to even admit to myself. That and I feel like they'd just tell me I am being overemotional."

"I think it's against their oath to brush something off as just overemotional," Tony mumbled as he tightened a bolt. "Plus, you have bipolar disorder. Even on your meds, you react to emotion much different than you should. Sometimes you overact, sometimes you overreact."

"I was under the impression that doing that was just human nature," she replied, her eyes feeling heavy but her brain still going a mile a minute. "That it was normal."

"What's the worse you ever got?" Tony asked suddenly, stopping his tinkering. "With the bipolar stuff?"

Bethany stopped her own tinkering to think hard about that. "It was a few years after Steve was missing and I woke up one morning feeling amazing. I was laughing and smiling and acting normal. Well, not _normal_. I was really happy. _Too_ happy. But as I was walking down the street and I saw a little kid with a spray painted garbage tin lid that looked like Steve's shield… I went crazy. I started having a full out narcotic breakdown in the middle of the street. I was like that for about a week. My happy stages never lasted long, and ironically, me being happy was bad in the eyes of your father since he knew what would follow. And in between those two, I was so overcome with grief that I couldn't be reasoned with. It wasn't until the eighties that I started to get a grip on things. And then when Steve came back, it was like he was the magical answer."

"But you still have bipolar disorder," Tony pointed out.

"Every time I feel emotion, it's scary," Bethany realized. "A surge of happiness or sadness. Because I know that I can have an episode at any point. I've made sure to be diligent with my meds and more than that, take more than I need. I've found a healthy dose to control my emotions and for my body. I've even gone off and on with no dangerous side effects or episodes. It's still there though. Whenever they do a scan of my brain, it's still there, haunting me. Teasing me. As if it's waiting for the perfect moment to come out."

"Do you think it will?" Tony asked quietly.

Bethany looked down at the blueprints in front of her. Everything had a way of seeming so simple when you were building things. Even the impossible always seemed easy to her. But her life? That was a different story. "I think there's a bigger chance of me getting depressed again, to be honest. And my bipolar disorder only feeds into that emotion. But that's not why I'm losing sleep."

"Maximoff? Her tinkering with your mind?"

"No," Bethany replied. "It wasn't even Loki. I was in a black room, all alone. I could hear voices, people insulting me, but I couldn't see them or feel them. It was like I was… trapped in my own mind." Bethany picked up her tinkering, only for the tool to slip from one hand and cut her other hand open. "Oh, shit," she hissed as the pain flashed briefly over her. Tony handed her a greasy towel, which Bethany used to clean the blood as the two watched her skin stitch together. "You always forget what pain is like until you experience it again. You remember that you _were_ in pain, but you forget exactly what it feels like."

"So this whole feeling pain thing again…" Tony began, leaning against the workbench.

"Steve thinks it's from when I hit my head a few days back," Bethany said with a sigh. "Who knows if he's right, but the point is that I can feel pain again. It's an odd relief, to be honest. But feeling pain again just reminds me that about half a year ago, I wanted to age. Now that the pain is back and I know that suiting up isn't what I want, I realize that I'm screwed. Ultron buried Bruce's research deep enough that we may never get it back and Bruce is off making flower headbands and dancing the hula…"

"Romanoff thinks we should find him," Tony added. "It would at least solve your problem."

"But not his," Bethany sighed. "I don't want to drag him back here if all he wants is to get away. Find himself maybe? Or just know that he won't hurt the ones he loves. Or at least more than he already has."

"Is him being away from Natasha really creating less hurt though?" Tony asked, doubt written all over his face.

"No," Bethany quickly agreed. "But Bruce is a smart man. He was doing what he thought was best. It sucks for Natasha, trust me, I know what it's like for the man you love to crash a plane into water with no intentions of returning, but we need to respect Bruce's decision. I respected Steve's. I was never upset about his decision… that I can remember. I knew that if he thought it was what was best, then I had to trust in him."

"But your aging?" Tony pressed on. "If Bruce is gone-"

"I can wait a few years," Bethany interrupted. "Until either he's back or someone else, or even me, has found a new solution. I'm not totally against looking young and attractive when my kids graduate high school. I just don't ever want to look like we're the same age. I can afford to wait ten years at the most. A lot can happen in ten years."

Tony offered his aunt a smile before the two of them resumed their tinkering, not saying one more word about emotions.

* * *

When Bethany snuck back up to her bedroom, Steve was tossing and turning in the bed. She spent a few seconds watching over him worriedly. She could see a thin sheen of sweat glistening over him, courtesy of the New York street lights leaking through their blinds. He was mumbling and she knew that she had to wake him up. He always woke her up, saving her from her nightmares. And while she always appreciated him tearing her away from whatever was haunting her, part of her was always left wondering when she would have woken up naturally and if she would have found a solution to her dream while she was still sleeping.

Sitting on the little sliver of bed left on Steve's side of the bed, she placed her small hand on the middle of his chest. His heart was pounding wildly inside its cage. "Steve, wake up," she said in a normal voice first. When he continued on, she placed both hands on his arms, giving them a firm squeeze and shake, repeating her words louder. It took three tries until Steve jolted awake, Bethany narrowly dodging his head hitting hers.

She sat there patiently as his shoulders heaved as he replayed his nightmare over and over again. Bethany knew Steve all-too-well; her best chance of getting him to talk was to wait until he recovered from the initial impact. "Sorry," Steve mumbled suddenly, making Bethany flinch in confusion.

"You're sorry?" Bethany asked, her brows furrowed. "About what?"  
"I woke you," Steve explained, taking a hold of her hands. His flesh was hot and clammy. Whatever he had dreamt of had taken a full body hold on him. Nightmares were common between the two of them. Bethany couldn't remember the last time either one of them had gone a full week without having one. Even back during the war, Steve had nightmares up to five times a week.

"Actually, you didn't," Bethany admitted, knowing she needed to make Steve feel better. "I had a nightmare too. I snuck out to get some fresh air. To tinker. To work things out in my own messed up way."

"What a pair we make," Steve said, trying to add humour to the situation, but still reliving the memories of his dream. "What did you dream off?"

"A black room," Bethany began slowly. "I was all alone, but I could hear people taunting me, their words bouncing off the room. I had never felt so alone as I was in that moment. You?"

Steve sighed, leaning back against the wooden frame of the bed. Bethany waited patiently for him to open up; she knew he would. It was just a matter of time. His fingers found hers, even though he was looking at the ceiling. Bethany gave him a comforting squeeze, trying to show him that she was there for him.

"Uh… HYDRA was torturing me," Steve began, clearing his voice when it began to cloud. "For information. I wouldn't give them anything, so they brought you in. You told me not to give them anything because you'd just heal. That your pain would keep the world safe. So I didn't say anything." Steve looked down at their intertwined hands, as if he didn't have the courage to look at her. "So they kept torturing you in front of me. You cried and screamed and died, but you kept telling me not to say anything. That's when they brought Bucky in."

This wasn't the first time that Steve dreamt that HYDRA had tortured Bucky to get information from Steve. He dreamt it during the war and it only seemed to return full force when Steve learned that HYDRA really _had_ tortured Bucky to the point that they made him their weapon. "Did you tell them?" Bethany whispered. "Did you get that far?"

"He told me not to," Steve whispered back. "So I didn't. He was dying and I knew that he wouldn't heal like you. It felt so real Bethany."

"They usually do," she replied softly. "That's what makes them so scary. The fact that they seem real or could be real."

"Come here," Steve whispered, pulling at her softly. Bethany crawled over Steve onto her side of the bed, curling up beside him under the heavy blankets.

"What did HYDRA want?" Bethany asked curiously. "Were they looking for something in particular?"

"I can't remember," he replied truthfully. They laid there, silent for minutes on end. Despite the fact that Bethany was exhausted and it was well after midnight by now, she wouldn't sleep until Steve did. He needed her awake right now. Bethany traced the protruding veins on his arms before kissing his neck. "Do you think he's okay?" Steve asked, his voice breaking the silence startling her.

"I don't know," Bethany admitted, knowing that Steve was talking about Bucky. "It seems to me like he can take care of himself. And I feel like if someone found him, like HYDRA, wouldn't they be dangling that in front of your face?"

"Maybe," Steve replied. "It kills me. Not knowing. If he's alive, if he's dead. If he's better, if he's worse."

"I hear ya," Bethany said with chuckle, causing Steve to look down at her in confusion. "Oh, come on Rogers. I went almost seventy years wondering whether you were alive. Even after everyone told me that it wasn't possible and that I needed to start living my life again, I knew I had to see your body in order to believe _anything_. And do you know how many times I told people that? And people kept telling me that anyone could learn to love again and it wasn't necessarily a once-in-a-lifetime type of thing."

"And you told them it wasn't just that," Steve finished, knowing that Bethany's depressed state in his absence had a lot more to do with guilt than a pining heart… although, her inability to let go of him at all only made her love him more in Steve's opinion.

"It sucked," Bethany replied. "After ten years, people had no more sympathy for me. Hell, after two years of moaning and groaning, they had lost all patience with me. But I was feeling everything in a much more intense way than they were. Love, lost and guilt are all very powerful emotions. The only one who really understood that I wasn't going to get better overnight was Peggy."

* * *

 _Peggy flopped onto the bed next to Bethany's at the Stark's California home. Peggy was in town for business and had yet to have a proper conversation with Bethany that didn't revolve around Bernard Stark, Howard's newest exotic pet addition. The two of them had watched Jarvis try to wrangle the flamingo into his exhibit until Bethany finally lost her patience and went out to do it herself. Her lack of fear of getting attacked by the "beast" as Jarvis referred to him, was the key to getting it to follow her instructions._

 _"Any plans tonight?" Peggy asked Bethany as the agent kicked her heels off her feet. Bethany had been reading a book, but all the words and sentences had a way of blurring together. Her ability to actually absorb information had been less than stellar lately. She blamed it all on her inability to sleep through the time. While a year ago she could sleep for_ days _, now it was as if she would never sleep again._

 _Howard suggested Bethany follow him home to California so she could see some new scenery and hopefully get some much needed sunshine. While Bethany had to admit that being in California was easier than being in New York and she spent a lot less time crying, she had no desire to ever go out and do something. She wasn't in the mood to deal with people. Her patience was wearing thin and she would much rather live in her own mind._

 _"More of this, I guess," Bethany replied, gesturing to her book._

 _"Weren't you on that page when I saw you earlier?" Peggy voiced._

 _Bethany closed the book, putting it on her bedside table. "Aren't you observant. I keep re-reading the sentences but not grasping what they're saying."_

 _"You sound like you need to get out of this bubble," Peggy explained. "I think you're bored."_

 _"I know I am," Bethany said with a sigh. "But I don't feel like doing anything."_

 _"You're allowed to miss him," Peggy added, knowing she was swimming into dangerous waters by bringing up Steve. "I miss him too. Not as much as you, evidently and understandably. But your life doesn't need to stop just because his did."_

 _"But did it? Did his?" Bethany asked, looking to her friend. Bethany could feel her protective mask breaking, her façade of not feeling anything crumbling. But she didn't care. She knew she was safe with Peggy. "If I knew he was really gone, I could move on."_

 _"Could you?" Peggy asked, obviously not believing her._

 _"Maybe," Bethany whispered. "I don't know. What I do know is not knowing? It's killing me. Slowly. Everyday. I can't stop thinking about him. About whether or not he wondered where we were, if we were coming after him. Or about that moment he realized that we're not."_

 _"I thought Howard was still searching for him," Peggy offered lightly. Bethany knew Peggy gave up hope long ago, but she wouldn't say that to the blonde's face._

 _"He is," Bethany sighed. "But with a smaller team and shorter expeditions. His body is still out there, Pegs. With those temperatures, it would have frozen, which means he wouldn't… rot."_

 _The last word was hard for her to say. Even thinking about Steve Rogers, the perfect specimen_ rotting _was disturbing. "Are you afraid that one day, he'll return and you'll be with someone else?"_

 _Bethany's eyes showed just how much that thought had occurred to her. "It's not that I want to fall for someone else. But what if that_ did _happen? I didn't plan to fall for Steve. Things would have been much simpler if we had stayed friends. It could happen again. I don't even know what would happen if Steve came back. He has every right to hate me and never want to see me again."_

 _"Based on his last words, his last_ thoughts _, I'm completely certain that he would want to see you," Peggy assured her quietly, placing a comforting hand on Bethany's arm. "You still can't keep living like this. You can mourn him, think about him every moment of the day, but you're going to go mad with only your brother for company."_

 _"And Edwin and Ana," Bethany added stubbornly._

 _"And Bernard too?" Peggy offered, earning a soft chuckle from Bethany. It was quick, but it was a win in Peggy's book. "Look, I have to go out for work tonight. I need some backup. Someone I know who can take care of herself and knows how to blend in. Would you consider joining me? I think that being faced with a problem other than Steve would be beneficial to you. And then you can go back to moping and being as pathetic as you want."_

 _"Tell me how you really feel," Bethany joked, but there was little energy in her voice. "I'm afraid that if I stop thinking about him for a moment, I'll forget about him completely. And he deserves to have someone think about him at all times."_

 _"That last part may be true," Peggy granted. "But you'll never forget him completely. It's completely and utterly impossible. You loved him too much."_

 _"I never told him that though," Bethany spurted, trying to keep her emotions in check. She did not want to cry. Not anymore._

 _"He knew," Peggy promised. "Even after everything. Bethany, he knew you weren't yourself, he was just too hurt and stubborn to fully let himself know this. I'm sure if he had more time he would have fought like hell to get you well again."_

 _"I'm not sick," Bethany insisted. She hated when people tried to insist that there was something wrong with her. She was emotional; since when was that a sickness._

 _"You made decisions in a moment of weakness," Peggy said calmly. "In a moment of panic. It wasn't you. You've told me that before; that you would change your decision."_

 _"I-I don't want to talk about this," Bethany almost shouted as her breathing increased, her memories flooding over her. The pain and the blood after she visited the abortion house. How dirty she felt on her way back to the base. How_ right _her decision had seemed in that moment. The look on Steve's face when he confronted her about knowing._

 _"Okay, okay," Peggy began quickly, trying to calm the blonde. "You don't need to put on a happy face and try to return to normal if you don't want to. You take your time. The world may not wait, but it's the best thing to do for yourself right now. Just consider about coming with me? I think it'll do you some good. And more importantly,_ me _. I need someone I can trust."_

 _Bethany let out a dry laugh at that. "And you trust me?"_

 _Peggy blinked for a moment before taking Bethany's hand and squeezing it firmly. "With my life."_

* * *

 ****A/N: I think the next chapter also has a flashback in it? I wrote them so far apart that it actually slipped my mind, but we're just letting it happen :P**

 **The idea wasn't to let this story get as long as the last (it had 60 chapters...) but it may end up being around the same length. I still have a bunch of stuff to write, and the end of the Ultron plot (like as in the end of the movie) comes in at chapter 45 and I still have Ant-Man to put in and while that'll probably be two-three chapters tops, there's so much development and... There's just a lot. And I'd like to start the Civil War plot really early on in the next story so please just hang on, okay?**

 **adela: I've definitely flip-flopped with it, that's for sure. Honestly, it depends what ends up happening in the film.**

 **Jo: I technically have the Age of Ultron plot to finish off, but after that, Ant-Man will come into play. Let's just say Bethany has a little history with Hank Pym and I'm not going to let the opportunity slide away.**

 **anonymouscsifan: He technically still has one more movie to complete under his contract, and I remember in one very small interview he let it slip that he had one movie than all fans thought he had. No one seemed to notice that but me, but I wonder if he's already signed something on the DL?**

 **newyorklights: I definitely agree that Bethany will see the merit in both sides, but I still feel like she needs to either pick a side or sympathize more with one side or the other. We'll see what happens in the movie!**

 **AngelLove1728: I've been prepared for that possibility LITERALLY since I started this fanfiction back in 2014. I'm prepared. And while I don't want him to die, it would actually be a really good plot for me to write. I'm even prepared if Tony dies (no one has seemed to question this possibility. He was supposed to star in one more movie after Age of Ultron, which everyone assumed would be part 1 or 2 of Infinity Wars, but then put him in Civil War.) and believe me when I say, damn it'll make for a good story. I don't want anyone to die, but if they do, I've got it covered. Trust me :)**

 **Cleo9427: Yeah, I'd like to think if there was a terrorist attack that the Avengers wouldn't wait until a motion is passed before coming to save me. I get the need for the government or whatever to have some sense of control, but sometimes you need to act and deal with the consequences later in order to actually save lives. The bad guys are still going to go out there and do bad things. They would probably use the Accords to their advantage.**

 **FeliciaFelicis: See, my sister basically had the same idea, but when I reminded her that my chapters are 4000+ words, the movie will probably take 20 chapters to write and that I'm working full time this summer and then back to the balancing of school, work and finding a new co-op placement for NEXT year, writing is going to take a backseat priority. So yeah, definitely not going to have enough time to write the same thing twice :P I figure I have to make a decision at some point and live with it, but it's difficult! I watched the last one in the tunnels of my school and I'm pretty sure a bunch of guys were wondering why I was smiling like crazy, trying to keep myself from dancing in my spot.  
**


	42. I've Been Broken

****A/N: This is a little late, but that's because my betas are allowed to have lives :) Also, expecting them to have a chapter corrected a week is insanity. Writing a chapter for a week is insanity too, but here I've been doing that for 3 stories...**

Chapter 42-I've Been **Broken**

 _" I've been broken, God knows all the stories I could tell. My guitar's so sick of me feeling sorry for myself. Same ol' heartache, you again. Did you come to party? Do me in? But I don't wanna write a sad song. I don't wanna sing a sad song. No, I don't wanna be a sad song tonight. No, not tonight."_

 _~Sad Song, Laura Benanti_

* * *

Somewhere between two and six, both Bethany and Steve slept. It was enough for Steve, but when Bethany woke up with a startle at 6:15, he knew she needed more sleep. And an easy day. She seemed to have no intentions of falling back to sleep however. After she told him about the new nightmare she had, the two just laid in each other's arms, talking softly. It was only around seven when they could hear Jamie through the baby monitor that Steve smiled in realization; it was their second wedding anniversary.

"I can't believe it's been two years already," Steve said to Bethany, bringing Jamie to their room and placing him on the sheets next to her.

"I can't believe we've had Jamie for almost a year," Bethany admitted. "Let alone us being married for two. To be honest, I didn't think we'd get this far."  
"What?" Steve asked, a chuckle finding its way into his words, but he was positive it was because he didn't know how else to react.

When he was sitting on the bed, Bethany shrugged. "I don't know. I thought I'd have mess it up by now. I mean, I've made mistakes, but-"

"Wait, you thought I'd leave you?" Steve interrupted.

"Well, I know I didn't want to leave you," Bethany explained. "I mean, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. And the worst by default, because you make my life very difficult, Rogers. I never really thought that you'd leave… I don't know. I guess I was just being pessimistic. Like I always am, to be honest. But, living with you is a lot less painful than living without you, so I guess you're stuck with me."

"Damn," Steve said, pretending to sound disappointed. Bethany laughed, shaking her head. "Since today is special, how about no Avengers' things today? No planning the future or worrying about the world. Just you, me and Jamie."

"What do you have in mind?" Bethany asked, sitting up straighter in the bed.

Steve thought about it for a minute, watching as Jamie started to play with Bethany's fingers, taking great interest in her wedding rings. "How about going to the beach? We take the jet off somewhere warm? Maybe pick up some sand castle buckets and shovels and just… be normal for a day?"

The bright smile on Bethany's face showed Steve just how excited she was at the concept. "Can we do presents now?" Bethany asked, tapping Jamie's nose softly with a finger, making the baby break out into a fit of laughter. "I'm really excited for you to see what I got you."

"Of course," Steve said, getting up to go to the closet. He took both of the gifts down, handing Bethany hers and keeping his own as he climbed back on the bed.

"You first," She encouraged, a giant smile on her face. Steve looked down at the box, wrapped in a baby blue paper with a white ribbon weaved around it, a card tucked into the band of the material. He plucked the card and took it out of the envelope, looking at the simple Hallmark card reading 'For my Husband as we celebrate our Anniversary. For all we've shared together, for all that's yet to be…' and inside 'I love you more than ever- you mean the world to me. Happy Anniversary'. It was a very simple looking card, but on the inside, on the completely blank side, Bethany curly scrawl filled it entirely.

 _My love. Every day, I find myself being driven absolutely crazy by your antics, but every day, I also find myself falling more in love with you. You are everything to me. You don't have my heart because you are it, and I intend to spend the rest of eternity loving you. I am a better person and I can wake up every morning and can actually live with myself because of you. We've created so many memories together, both good and bad, and I can't wait to create more (and commemorate them) with you and our son._

 _Forever and always truly yours,_

 _Beth_

Steve couldn't help but smile, looking over to his wife. She hadn't been watching him as he read her touching words, but had been playing with Jamie. "That's beautiful, Doll," he whispered to her, her head looking up towards him, her blonde curls bouncing with the movement. The light was starting to pour in through the blinds, making her blonde hair turn gold. She looked so beautiful in that moment, glowing, smiling and holding their adorable baby boy, Steve wanted to do just as the card suggested; commemorate it.

"Open it!" Bethany pressed on, giving him a light shove, really excited for him to see what she got him.

He started to unwrap the gift, first the bow, then the wrapping paper and then finally the box. Steve didn't move for a moment while he looked at the contents before picking up the polaroid camera and looking to his wife. "To commemorate our future," she explained. "You know how much I love pictures and I thought this would be perfect for you because you have an eye for beauty. You can't always sit and sketch and I figured… I don't know, you'd like this more than your camera phone- which don't get me wrong! Is convenient but-"

"Stop," Steve interrupted, capturing her chin and giving her a smile. "I love it. No explanation needed."

"You sure? Because I mean, we could always return-"

"Return my gift? Nuh-uh," Steve said shaking his head. "This is such a well-thought out and thoughtful gift. One that we can enjoy together, and isn't that the point about today? Celebrating _us._ Us being together?"  
"Yeah," she replied softly, a warm flush starting to take over her. Bethany had already set the camera up for use so Steve rose it carefully and took a snap of Bethany and Jamie.

"Okay, while we wait for this to clear up," Steve said, taking a hold of the dispensed photo and holding it carefully. "You open your gift."

"Okay," she agreed with a giant smile. When it came to opening gifts, Bethany always reminded Steve of a little kid. Her entire face would light up and the knowledge of getting a gift seemed to delight her. In that moment Bethany, her curls wild with sleep and face bare, made it very easy for him to see her as a little girl, opening a rare gift during the Great Depression. Bethany had once told Steve that Howard would give her random gifts. Sometimes it was little weed-flowers, pieces from cars or other types of technology and when Howard started to get a pay, dresses and records, books and tools. Howard always took such great care of his little sister, it pained Steve to think that one day, they just started to fall apart. Somehow though, Steve refused to believe that Howard stopped taking care of her or even caring about her more than anything else in the world. It was as if Howard only had the capacity to love one person in the entire world, and that was saved just for Bethany.

Bethany's smile grew when she opened the gift. It had two aspects to it; a collection of vinyl's that had been destroyed in the entire Ultron fiasco which were 1930s, forties and fifties collectibles, which at this point took a lot of online surfing to find, and a dress. Howard always bought Bethany dresses, at least one per year. Tony had picked up that tradition somewhere along the line. Now Steve was prepared to do the same.

"Some of them aren't the same as what we had before," Steve explained, taking a Greatest Hits Benny Goodman record out of the box. "But this has all your favorite Goodman songs from _Let's Dance_ to _Avalon_ and two Peggy Lee songs. I figured you'd appreciate it."

"I do," Bethany promised, kissing him quickly before looking at the backs of all the records to read all the songs on the ten records, noting songs she really liked, before pulling out the flowy summer dress. The colours and print caught Steve's attention a month ago when he and Jamie were running errands, and he had to turn back to the store to buy it. Paparazzi had been following him the entire day, and Steve had been nervous that Bethany would find out about the gift before she opened it. Everything seemed to work out perfectly.

"Are you going to try this on too?" Bethany teased, showing him the dress. "You said the best gifts are the ones we can share. The records I get, but the dress?"  
"Well, I get to enjoy seeing you in it," Steve explained before a wicked smile split his face. "And enjoy taking you out of it."

"And wash it, dry it, hang it up for me on the weeks you do laundry," Bethany added with a chuckle, kissing him again. "I love it. I love you."

"I'll never get tired of you saying that," Steve told her softly, capturing her face softly and kissing her slowly as the last of the polaroid cleared up, showing a perfect capture of Steve's not-so-perfect, but perfect-for-him family.

* * *

Bethany was walking slowly behind Jamie, trying to steer him away from trouble. She wanted to encourage his new-found motor skills and let him exercise his little legs as much as possible. The baby seemed to love his freedom and would often just walk around in circles for absolutely no purpose but to walk. Right now, they were on the communal living space, since it was ironically, the safest place for him to wander with all the open spaces.

"Your nephew might be the most annoying person in the world," Steve declared as he walked into the room, Bethany catching Jamie's hands and steering him away from the electrical outlet he was no doubt eyeing. All the dangers in their apartment had been baby-proofed, but all the moving boxes were a lot more dangerous.

"Oh, I doubt that," Bethany said with a chuckle. "I knew a mercenary back in my SHIELD days who literally made jokes about everything and swore way too much, even for my tastes. I don't know what happened to him. He just sort of disappeared from the face of the Earth one day, as if he was sucked into another universe. Anyways, what did Tony do? Or say?"

"He says we can only take the Stark Industries Jet if he can tag along," Steve explained, reaching out to twirl some of Bethany's hair around his finger so it could gain its shape back.

"Oh, well that's not the end of the world," Bethany said with a shrug, once again steering Jamie in a new direction, his parents on his tail.

"But that means we don't get our special family alone time," Steve explained.

"Technically, Tony is _still_ family," Bethany pointed out with a giggle. "Listen, let's extend the invitation to everyone. The entire gang is in need of a little vacation time. Plus," she added when Steve's face clearly showed how much he didn't like her idea. She turned around, wrapping her arms around his waist and pulling him close to her. "That means you and I can _really_ get some alone time with someone around to watch the baby."

Steve's face lit up at her suggestion but quickly broke away from her embrace to catch Jamie before he reached the standing lamp in the corner. "Oh, no you don't," Steve told him as he lightly threw the boy into the air and caught him, Jamie's laughter filling every inch of the room.

"Careful," Bethany warned lightly, not being able to keep her smile to herself. "You boys be careful. I'm going to see who else wants to join us."

"'Careful', she says," Steve cooed to Jamie as Bethany turned to leave. "She's the one who jumps off buildings for show."

"Hey, we both do that!" Bethany defended herself before the elevator doors closed. She shook her head in amusement before looking at the numerous floor options in front of her. If Tony was coming, no doubt the invitation was already extended to Pepper. Clint had already left to return to his family, Bruce was still MIA and Thor was visiting Jane briefly before he left, leaving very little people still in the building.

"Might as well start at the top," Bethany whispered to herself, hitting Natasha's floor. She hadn't seen much of the redhead and what she had, she had been very quiet and solemn. Bethany hadn't really had much time to talk to Natasha and truthfully, she felt bad. Out of everyone Natasha knew, Bethany understood what she was going through the most. Natasha had opened herself up to Bruce in such an intimate way and he just left her. Bethany knew a little of what that was like. And what had Bethany spent her time doing? Building a better, happier future for herself.

Bethany waited at Natasha's door for three minutes, waiting for the woman to answer before Bethany decided to take matters into her own hands. After a few minutes of trying to get the control panel off from the wall, she began to work the wires until the door to Natasha's apartment broke open. The thing that told Bethany that this wasn't invading Natasha's privacy was knowing that Nat would do the same if Bethany had locked herself away.

She spotted the agent sitting on her couch which was positioned to look out at the New York skyline, hugging her knees to her body. Bethany took a spot next to Natasha, who hadn't moved but no doubt was aware of Bethany's presence. They said nothing for a few minutes and Bethany was grateful for the silence so that she could collect her thoughts.

"I can hear those gears turning," Natasha said, breaking the silence. "What's up?"

"I want to offer to talk," Bethany began, still looking out the window. "But then I remember when people wanted me to talk to them and all I wanted to do was just be alone. But… I guess I just want you to know that I'm here if you'd like to talk."

Natasha didn't react at first, but when Bethany looked at her, she could see that the woman was working something out in her complex brain. "Am I being silly?"

Bethany laughed, not from the humor of the situation or her words, but just knowing that she had felt the same way before. "You shouldn't ever feel silly for what you're feeling. I don't know what that is exactly. I'm not sure what the deal between you two was, but... I don't need to know. Listen, we're going to the beach today. Not entirely sure where, but we're boarding the Stark Industries Jet and going to have a fun day in the sun. You're welcome to join us. But if you want to stay here, that's fine too. Trust me, you can't be more pathetic than I was. You've left the apartment. You're working on plans to help build a better future. You're involved. But I just don't want you to feel like you're alone."

"I'm good," Natasha said quietly. "I think I just need one more day to gather myself. And tomorrow… tomorrow I'll be good."

"You're so much stronger than I ever was or could ever be," Bethany revealed to her friend, giving her a soft smile. She could never just pick herself up and go back to normal, or an attempt at normal. Even now, Bethany knew that if something happened to Steve… Ideally, she'd want to pick herself up and be strong for Jamie, but she didn't forget what it is like for her. Some people had the strength to push through their pain of losing someone, but Bethany wasn't one of those people. Or at least, not when it came to Steve. She could handle physical pain easily - minus when she was pregnant, but that was because the pain had been constant and insistent and not only temporary. But maybe that was it. Bethany could deal with pain in short bursts. Ten minutes of pain was fine all because she knew it would be over soon. But if she lost Steve again, she would be brave for Jamie because ultimately, she couldn't let him lose both of his parents. But she would be weak. She would be pitiful. She'd crawl back into that ashamed little hole she resided in for _years._

* * *

 _Bethany pulled her hair into a ponytail as her blonde curls stuck to her neck. She was missing the New York weather more than she was willing to admit. Or maybe it was the London weather. She missed the rain. And the cloudy days. She missed the humidity. Humidity and heat made even the easiest of tasks draining. And hauling a huge box filled with movie reels up into her room definitely was a two-person task. Jarvis had caught her dragging the box up from the garage and offered to help but she turned him down—maybe a little too forcefully too. Jarvis wasn't one to take Bethany's 'no's as a final word, but the tone and probably the fierce look in her eyes told him today wasn't the day to mess with her._

 _She had set up the projector earlier. That task seemed to be easy. Maybe it was because this morning, her mind was set on this. But now, she was loosing her courage. But she was starting to forget what he looked like. She had that one single photo of him, framed on her vanity, of his gaunt and shallow face. But she was forgetting his height. His strength. His commanding presence. His_ smile _. His_ laughter _._ Him.

 _She had spent a year trying to escape him. She had spent another one trying to remember him. And finally, that very morning, she realized that seeing him again, face pixeled and grey, couldn't possibly hurt her anymore than forgetting him, piece-by-piece._

 _Bethany wiped her nose with the back of her arm, sniffing. She couldn't let him see her cry. Even if he couldn't actually look back and see her through the video, she couldn't show him how utterly weak and disappointing she was. That her life was completely pointless, that she was dying inside, starting the day she let him down. He couldn't know that. She couldn't tell him that. She just couldn't bring herself to disappoint him again._

 _Bethany secured the reel and flicked the lights off before letting the picture flicker to life. She crawled into her bed, gathering her sheets around her, gripping them tightly in her fingers, as if it was the only thing she had in this world. And while she knew that wasn't true, it felt like it. As if now that Steve was gone, she had no one._

 _As soon as his image appeared dancing onto the screen, his bright smile shining through the damaged image, she couldn't hold herself together anymore. This was a bad idea. Seeing him again, happy… It was a horrible idea. But she couldn't bring herself to turn away, to stop the reel. What hurt the most was that she took that happiness from him. It wasn't just losing someone she loved. It was_ hurting _the one she loved and never getting the opportunity to earn his forgiveness. She didn't deserve it, but knowing Steve, he'd give it to her. He was just that kind of man._

 _"I'm sorry," she whispered to the screen, her voice breaking as her cries began to grow. She was falling apart, right in front of him. She was in permanent agony over him, but in this moment, she felt as if someone was ripping her into two equal pieces._

 _She didn't want to live the rest of her life mourning after Steve, but she knew that moving on would take courage she didn't have. Learning to love again would be impossible. She didn't want to open herself up again. She didn't want to go back to that old girl, because she had been selfish and immature. But at the same time, she wished she wasn't constantly in pain. Constantly longing after something that would never be. It seemed silly. But she could not forget Steve. She would never be able to let him go._

 _Bethany's eyes were puffy, red and raw when Ana Jarvis entered the room. Bethany didn't even notice until the slender woman flicked the switch and the movie reel fell dead. The woman seemed to stop part of Bethany's self-inflicted torture, but at the same time, Bethany wanted_ more _. She hadn't yet heard him laugh. Watch him take command. See a glimpse of him and her, together. But then again, Bethany wasn't sure if she could handle that._

 _"Don't cry, Lamb," Ana said to Bethany as she crawled into the bed next to her and pulled her into her arms. Bethany seemed to collapse into them, clinging onto her as she had earlier done with the blankets._

 _Ana always called Bethany 'Lamb' and the blonde had never bothered to question it but she figured it was because Ana was constantly worried about Bethany, as a mother would be about her daughter. It made Bethany wonder if her own mother would comfort her the way Ana was if she was in her place. What her mother would have thought of Steve. She knew that she would have loved him. Her father too. And it probably would have been the first time in Bethany's whole life where her mother was actually proud of her daughter, and would grieve along with Bethany._

 _"No, you can cry," Ana seemed to change her mind. "You pretend you're okay all the time, but we all know you aren't. There's no need to pretend. We all know you miss him. You need him. That you wonder what could have been."_

 _"I feel lost," Bethany sobbed into the woman's shoulder. "Everything I do, it seems wrong. A smile seems forced even if its genuine. I want to be happy, but it seems impossible."_

 _"You'll discover something one day that'll make you happy again," Ana promised. "Maybe not the same kind of happy as before, but happy none-the-less. There's nothing more painful than losing a loved one. It's the greatest pain in the world."_

 _"I don't know what's worse," Bethany began, finally pulling away from the woman. "Talking about him or not. It seems like they both hurt. Remembering and forgetting. I can smile and pretend, just as you say, but as soon as I'm alone, I feel… I feel hopeless. And the only way I can get peace isn't an option."_

 _"Death isn't an option, Lamb," Ana reminded Bethany firmly. "It won't solve anything."_

 _"It would take away my pain," Bethany whispered._

 _Ana shook her head, offering the broken girl a soft smile. "And take you away from a future that could be brighter than your past. My Lamb, you have so much to look forward to. And it may be harder for you than for anyone else, that is for sure, but you know you have me. And Mr. Jarvis. And your brother. He may not be here as often as you like, but you know he'd drop anything if you even whispered for him."_

 _A smile, so soft and small that it looked like a grimace pulled at Bethany's lips. Just as she had earlier revealed, it felt forced despite it being real. Ana was right. Howard would drop anything, no matter what it was, if Bethany even_ thought _about it. Especially now. Everyone assumed that Bethany would have recovered by now. Howard had hired so many doctors to look after her, but Bethany had refused help from everyone. She didn't need help. And more importantly, she didn't want it._

 _"No more hurting yourself, okay?" Ana requested. "You may heal but it's not going to solve anything. And it hurts us all to see you like that."_

 _"This is who I am now," Bethany reminded Ana. "This is who I need to be."_

 _"Who you need to be isn't what the world is forcing upon you. It's what you_ want _to be," Ana pressed on. "And you just told me you didn't want to be unhappy anymore. Come. Let's get you cleaned up. And then we can take small steps to finding out who you want to be. And if you cry, you cry. Don't shut yourself up here. You'll only hurt yourself more by pushing everyone away."_

* * *

 **DrNo: Yup! Now that he can actually lift weights and exercise, his muscles are bound to react to that. I was personally hoping that Marvel would have mentioned something in regards to Steve's aging by now, but for the mean time, I have him aging at a normal speed. It makes Bethany not aging a little more dramatic.**

 **endlessgray: See, that's my struggle. I like that there would be a lot of drama if Bethany sided with Tony but at the same time, I don't know if I'll necessarily need MORE drama with everything that'll be happening. The story will definitely take on a darker tone, especially if someone dies at some point, but it'll start really happy so the fall will be that much more impacting.**

 **anonymouscsifan: I have absolutely no plans for Jen to start dating again. She's going to start to understand what HYDRA did to her when they move into the Facility though, but no plans on her dating. She made a promise to Theo and to Bethany. She wants to focus on her son for now.**

 **Adela: Ah, but if Tony dies, think about how much that'll be fun for me to write! I'm gonna basically follow whatever happens in _Civil War_ , so it's all in their hands. I'm just editting the story so that Bethany can live within it. Ant-Man story should come in soon. I'm working on chapter 46 right now, but I feel like it'll come in before 50.**

 **Jo: Yeah, Bipolar Disorder definitely is a complicated thing to understand, so I wanted the readers to know that even when she seemingly is doing good (and hasn't had an attack since _Sorry Ever After,_ it still comes into her day-to-day life and how she feels things.**

 **Scandalous: I kinda want to, but I wouldn't know who to write as the third to be honest! I also can't really see Steve going for it, and as we've noticed, Bethany is a very jealous person.**


	43. See My Strings, Tied to An Angel

Chapter 43- See My **Strings** , Tied to An Angel

 _"Falling free, unashamed. Couldn't be tied and tamed. Lost my wings, drawn to danger, unforgiven now I'm bound. Found and freed, tethered to hope and need. See my strings, tied to an angel. Made in heaven, freedom calls sea of wonder. This could be the first one. First enthrals then draws me under. Drowning and undone."_

 _~Strings, Roddy Frame_

* * *

Along with the Rogers clan and Tony, Jen, Theo and Jackson tagged along for their beach day. In a startling turn of events, Wanda had also accepted the invitation to join them. Bethany had offered out of obligation and honestly didn't have a preference whether she came or not, but she had been under the impression that the lone twin would have preferred to stay at the Tower. But when the witch's eyes lit up at the idea of leaving the Tower, Bethany realized that Wanda felt a little trapped behind enemy lines.

Wanda and Tony hadn't really made peace. Wanda still blamed Tony for the death of her parents, even though Tony had nothing to do with it and had stopped the mass production of weapons years ago. Tony let the woman think what she wanted to, not even teasing her. He knew that she couldn't handle being teased right now. But apparently Wanda liked being around Jamie. She said there was something soothing about Jamie's memories. The worst thing that had ever happened to Jamie was when his parents weren't around, but what quickly followed that memory was him reuniting with them and the happiness that followed. Bethany was just happy that Wanda had found some non-destructive way to mourn her brother.

On the flight to the chosen exotic location, a secret Tony was dead-set on keeping, Wanda and Bethany talked about Pietro's possible future. Bethany didn't want to give the girl false hope about reviving her brother. Bethany had already talked to Helen Cho and Jane Foster, two women who were part of the science grant she was awarding to a woman scientist with great potential. Since they already had an applicant who was close to narrowing down a possible path to human revival, Cho agreed to work closely with her these coming months and if everything seemed to be going in a positive direction, they would award Teagan Madyzee the full grant. While there were a lot of interesting other ideas pitched, right now, they all agreed this was something they sorely needed and most importantly, needed to be kept in the right hands.

However, since Pietro's body was in cryofreeze, he wasn't going to be buried. "You can still get a headstone," Bethany reminded Wanda. "Maybe a piece of what used to be Sokovia? Have it engraved and lay it wherever you want? Not all soldiers get to choose their final resting place to also be where people go to remember them. I feel like a funeral, or just some place for you go to talk to him will help you heal."

Wanda let out a long breath of air. Bethany had been careful to not disturb the woman's emotions. If she let out an accidental surge of energy, the plane could crash. But Wanda only looked down to Jamie, who was sleeping in Bethany's arms. The baby hated flying, but Wanda worked some of her magic and was able to get the boy to sleep, which meant that they didn't have to hear him cry for the foreseeable future.

"I don't know," Wanda finally whispered. "I feel like if I do that, I'm admitting to myself that he's really gone. And I know that you told me not to have definite hope in regards to bringing him back, but if I tell myself that he'll come back eventually, it hurts less."

Bethany nodded, looking over to Steve. There was a time when she would tell herself that Steve was coming back to her and her pain would ease just a little. But when that happened, her guilt would intensify because she spent those sixty odd years wondering what would happen if he _did_ return. It was understandable if he didn't want to forgive her.

"Well, if you change your mind, it's never too late," Bethany promised her with a soft smile. "Are you looking forward to moving into the Avengers Facility? Or are you going to look for an apartment or something away?"

Some of the agents, doctors and scientists were considering living away from the Facility while working there. No one could really blame them. No one really wanted to be _at_ work when the day was done. But the apartments the Facility was offering were free and newly renovated. It all just depended on what people preferred. Bethany was just happy that she was going to get a little of both. Her house, which would be starting construction in two days, was close enough to the Facility that it was a quick walk over, or a quicker drive. But at the same time, when they were at their house, they wouldn't be at work. It was all just perfect, in Bethany's opinion.

"Might as well stay at the Facility," Wanda replied with a shrug. Bethany left the conversation at that. Wanda seemed so lost right now without her brother. She just wanted to make sure that the girl was on her way to a better place. Looking over to Steve who was sitting at the far end of the jet, he offered her a small smile. He had been watching and no doubt listening to the conversation.

When Wanda turned her attention to the sky, Bethany used this as an opportunity to go back over to her husband. "I'll keep an eye on her," Steve whispered as he wrapped an arm around Bethany. "I know you're worried."

"I'm worried about all of them," Bethany corrected.

Steve couldn't help but chuckle, kissing Bethany's temple. "You're such a mom now."

Bethany giggled when she realized that Steve was right. "Mama Avenger," Bethany joked, rolling her eyes. "I talked to Nat earlier. She seems… well, she's in a good place I think. I don't know what to make of it. She and Bruce weren't technically a couple, but she obviously trusted him and feels betrayed. Or is missing him. I'm not sure. She doesn't make it easy for people to understand what she's feeling."

"Do you think I should talk to her?" Steve questioned. "Or would I just make things worse?"

"I feel like Nat is mature enough to know when she needs to talk to someone or not," Bethany explained. "She'll come to us when she's ready. As long as she's making an effort to live her life, that's a good sign. I know how destructive pushing that back can be."

Steve looked down to his lap, obviously feeling a little guilty. He knew what he did was the right thing, but it still hurt him to know that she had punished herself so much. "Hey, stop," Bethany said suddenly. "That wasn't your fault. It was mine. I was being weak, stupid and selfish. If I could go back, I'd try a little harder. I don't know how successful I'd be, but I kind of just admitted defeat immediately."

Steve blew out a heavy breath of air, looking for the right way to bring this up. He did. Often. But Bethany always shook it off. "Every time I suit up," Steve began slowly, his voice quiet. "The thing I'm scared about dying the most is knowing how it would impact you. I don't want you to revert back to that. I want you to be strong. I don't want you to suffer."

"You think I don't want that?" Bethany asked, a little shocked. "Of course I want that, Steve. I wouldn't choose to be weak. And it wouldn't just be me anymore. Before, I was living for nothing. I felt like I didn't have a purpose. And then SHIELD came along and it completely took over my life. But now? I have a baby to look after. He'd be my motivation. But that doesn't mean I'd be able to be strong."

"I just don't want you to be sad," Steve whispered. "Especially because of me."

Bethany gave him a tight-lipped smile showing that she wasn't happy, but trying to be supportive. "The same goes for you, Steve."

The group had set up a half tent that was meant for a day at the beach while Tony went off to get some food. He returned with an actual cart full of sandwiches, soda drinks and chips. Bethany was going to declare that they had enough food for the entire beach until Steve's face lit up with happiness and stated "oh great, I'm starved."

Tony frowned with his mouth filled with a ham sandwich in regards to Bethany slathering sunscreen all over Jamie. The baby was making sounds of displeasure, clearly not enjoying the feeling of the cool and thick lotion. "Why are you doing that? He has your healing ability."

"There're a lot of reasons," Bethany stated, having already thought long and hard about this herself. "To start with, we don't know the extent of everything and he's too young for me to be comfortable with undergoing all those tests and be comfortable with it. Secondly, I don't want him to think he's different from any other kid-"

"Except for the fact that he could regrow his limbs," Tony supplied.

Bethany gave Tony a frustrated and pointed look, handing the sunscreen over to Jen so she could do the same for Theo. Steve took Jamie from Bethany's arms, securing the baby against him as he continued to eat. "You got some fruit, right?" Bethany asked, digging into the cart as Steve finished off his third sandwich.

"I _can_ follow instructions, I just choose not to," Tony stated as Bethany pulled out a container of boxed fruit and moved to feed Jamie after handing Steve another sandwich.

"It's hot," Theo complained, his face already red from the heat. Bethany had dressed Jamie in a little bucket hat to keep the sun off his face, but he was already starting to get a little red from the extreme heat.

"Finish eating your sandwich and then we can go swimming," Bethany instructed automatically before looking to Jen for approval. She didn't mean to mother another woman's son, but she had become so accustomed to it in the last few months that she did it without thinking.

Jen offered Bethany a small smile and while Bethany didn't know how to take it, Jen didn't say anything against the suggestion. Bethany returned to feeding Jamie, the baby eagerly opening his mouth every time he finished what was in his mouth. His legs were kicking freely against Steve, as if he had the compulsive need to move them. It seemed that since he learned how to walk, he didn't want to stop doing it.

When everyone was done eating, except Steve, but he accepted that twelve sandwiches were enough for now, they walked down to the edge of the ocean, everyone quickly letting some cool water lower their temperatures before they all went about their separate things. Bethany, Steve and Jamie decided to walk along the beach for a while, the baby holding onto his parents' hands as he slowly walked along the sand. Every once in awhile, he would let his toes wiggle in the sand, laughing and looking up to his parents for approval.

"He's so sheltered, Steve," Bethany realized after a moment.

"What do you mean?" Steve asked, the line between his brows deep in questioning.

Bethany sighed, letting Jamie's hand escape hers as the baby decided he wanted to sit in the sand and play with it. "Okay, so sure. Most babies aren't exposed to sand until they're around Jamie's age. But he's never met another baby, Steve. We've holed him up in the Tower for almost his entire life."

"We did that for his safety," Steve reminded her, watching as Jamie tried to grab the sand, the fine particles falling from between his fingers.

"I don't want him to be homeschooled, Steve," Bethany whispered, looking out into the distance to where Jen, Jackson, Wanda and Theo were hanging out. "Theo doesn't have very many friends or any at all. Not since he left school. I want Jamie to meet people. To make friends his own age. To learn how to share."

"He's not even one," Steve spoke calmly. "We have time. Bring him to a Mommy and Me class. Or I'll bring him even, if it really means that much to you."

"I just want to give him a sense of what it means to be normal," Bethany whispered. "I don't want him to be pretentious and…"

"Like Tony?" Steve offered, the couple looking over to where Tony was sun tanning where they set up the sun tent.

"Kinda," Bethany allowed.

"We've been given a huge responsibility," Steve reminded her, looking down at Jamie to assure he was still happily playing. "We get to decide his future. What we teach him and expose him to will determine who he becomes, whether it's good or bad. He's old enough now that interaction and exploration is important. So let's do it."

"Steve," She sighed, but didn't finish her thought. But Steve understood all the emotion and concern in her breath.

"My job is important," Steve allowed. "But so is this. So is he. I'll make time. I'll make sure it works. I promise."

"Please stop making so many promises," Bethany whispered, looking down, avoiding his gaze. "They're not worth anything until you start making good on them."

She didn't say that to make him upset, he knew that. But their entire future was built on both big and little promises that Steve had made to Bethany and she was right. They weren't worth anything. Not with their lives. His promises could only serve as assurances. Until the construction on their house was complete, Steve words were just that; words. The finished house would be the result of a bunch of old promises and more importantly, would show Bethany that his new promises would have merit.

* * *

Since Bethany hadn't slept well the night before, she ended up falling asleep when Jamie took a quick nap. Everyone else had scattered. Steve didn't ask where they were going, he only told them he'd see them all later that night at the hotel they were staying at. He made frequent trips down to the water to dip Jamie's hat in it so that his head would stay cool. The mom and son were cuddled together, Jamie's curls sticking to his face, the little boy very sweaty from the heat. Bethany, however, didn't seem to be bothered by the heat at all.

When Jamie finally woke up, Steve adjusted Jamie's hat after brushing some of his curls away from his face. Jamie sat up, watching Bethany sleep for a moment before looking up at his father with that beautiful shine of wonder in his eyes. "Momma," he spoke softly, placing a hand on Bethany's arm.

Steve smiled, nodding to his son. Something that Steve loved about Jamie's first word was the _way_ he said it. As if he was questioning it, even if he wasn't. And then there was the fact that it didn't come out a 'mom-ma' but 'mum-ma'. "Shhh, she's sleepy," Steve told his son, pulling him into his arms, balancing Jamie's feet against his leg. Jamie's chubby hands started to wipe at his face, little moans of distress slipping from his lips. "I know, it's hot," Steve agreed, deciding to bring Jamie into the water. Earlier, they had let Jamie dip his feet into the ocean to cool down his body, but now Steve was going to go deeper.

Carrying the boy into the water, Steve waited until he was chest-deep until he slipped Jamie into the ocean water, keeping a tight hold on his body and only letting half of Jamie's body into the water. Jamie immediately broke out into laughter, his legs kicking in the water.

"You like that?" Steve asked with a smile. "You hate bath time but you love swimming?"

Getting Jamie to take a bath was barely ever a treat. Some nights, when he was too tired, he would allow his parents to bathe him. Every other bath night was met with aggressive splashing and cries of displeasure, trying to pull himself out of the tub. Sometimes he just got sponge baths to avoid the mess. Sometimes, Bethany or Steve would end up hopping in the tub to keep him in line. Jamie didn't mind being in the shower too often, but usually if they were bringing him in the shower, he wasn't the one getting washed.

"So it's just soap you don't like?" Steve teased the baby.

The two of them played in the water for a little, Steve enjoying how much Jamie seemed to be enjoying himself. Earlier, Jamie had helped Bethany, Steve, Jackson and Theo build a sand castle—and by 'helped', it really just meant he was throwing sand and laughing, followed by him sitting on the finished product. The entire time, he was smiling brightly, that beautiful gap-toothed smile where his lips were wet with drool and his eyes were scrunched together. When Jamie was smiling, it was hard to focus on anything else.

"Aw, he's so cute!" A girl's voice rang. Steve tilted his head, watching as a group of girls, around twenty, moved over to them. "Look at that smile."

Jamie continued to smile, throwing his head back so he could look at his dad's face. "Yeah, he's something special."

"He's _soooooo_ adorable," Another girl chimed in, a flirtatious smile on her face. "He must get that from his Daddy."

"I-uhh," Steve stuttered, feeling a blush take over his face. Suddenly, he was surrounded by the girls, them equally cooing at Jamie _and_ Steve. He tried to diffuse their aggressive flirtatious remarks by mentioning Bethany as much as he could, but the girls just continued on. One girl had even reached out and touched Steve's arm. He was almost sure someone had touched his butt. Jamie seemed to be loving the attention, doing whatever he could to get the girls to laugh.

"Just got a call from Maria," Bethany's voice interrupted, a great amount of frustration laced in her voice. Steve felt his shoulders sagged as relief washed over him. "Final death count from Sokovia is one-hundred and seventy-six. Seventy-seven if you count Pietro, which I do."

Bethany crossed her arms, looking at the pack of girls. "Do you mind?" Bethany asked, a fake smile plastered on her face. The girls slowly dispersed and Steve caught a 'what a bitch' from one girl, but he knew Bethany could care less what a bunch of young girls thought of her.

Her arms, however, didn't uncross. "What? Are you mad at me? Are you _jealous_?"

"They're young and perky and-"

"Stop," Steve interrupted, placing a hand on Bethany's shoulder. "For starters, it's our anniversary. And that means something to me. And then there's the fact that I wasn't even paying attention to their looks. And even if I was, they can't compare to you. No one can."

Bethany was visibly fighting back a smile. "Mumma," Jamie spoke up, raising his hand up, trying to reach her face. Bethany took the baby from Steve, kissing his nose.

"What do we think, Jamie? Is Mumma being silly right now?" Bethany asked her baby, bouncing him lightly in the water.

"Tell her 'yes', Jamie," Steve instructed, but Steve really wasn't expecting for Jamie to look up at his father and repeat the word.

Bethany laughed, bringing him close to her and placing a dozen kisses on Jamie's cheek. Steve reached out and pulled his family into his embrace. "Aww, you're growing up too quickly, Jamie."

"Jamie, can you say 'Daddy'?" Steve tested, repeating the sentence twice but only getting a blank look from the baby, followed by a fit of unexplained laughter. "I guess not."

"He's stubborn," Bethany reminded Steve.

"He gets that from you," they both said before laughing, Steve cupping Bethany's face and leaning down to kiss her softly.

"Did Maria really call?" Steve asked, taking on a more serious tone.

"Yeah," Bethany said with a sigh. "That's the final death count. One-hundred and seventy-seven."

Steve blew a heavy breath of air, mulling that over. "That's… that's a lot," Steve struggled to speak.

"It would have been more if we hadn't interfere," Bethany reminded him. "We saved so many others, Steve. We're helping them build their futures. We can't beat ourselves up for that, Steve."

"It still shouldn't have happened," Steve reminded her.

"Yeah, but we can't change that now," Bethany pointed out. "Look, I figured you'd want to know. I didn't mean for it to come out as harsh as it did I just…" She sighed, looking to where the girls had migrated to another hunky man. "Look, you're ridiculously sexy Steve-no, stop laughing, why are you laughing at me?"

"I'm sorry, please continue. I want to see where you're going with this," Steve insisted, but she didn't miss the slight pinking of his cheeks. Bethany barely went a day without telling him that he was attractive, but for some reason, today it was different.

"Not if you're going to judge me," Bethany told him seriously.

"I won't," he promised.

Bethany looked around for a moment, taking in the different groups in the water. "You tell me I'm beautiful, and I know you aren't lying," she finally settled on, looking up to him. "And I feel it sometimes. But sometimes I look at all those young, attractive girls drooling over you and I feel fat, old and ugly."

"Bethany… You're what? One-hundred and twenty pounds? If that. You have the appearance and body of a twenty-year-old and you look incredible in a bikini," Steve assured her, his hand moving to the curve of her hip. "Much better than anyone out here, and that's not just my biased opinion, okay? You're thin, fit and your curves are deadly. I don't like you being self-conscious. What's changed from 1943?"

"About seventy years and a baby," Bethany pointed out.

"The only thing about your appearance that's changed," Steve began, pulling her closer to him. "Is the experience in your eyes and your boobs, but they've only got better."

Bethany rolled her eyes at that, but looking down at Jamie since she knew he was the reason for that. They were starting to return to normal size thanks to Jamie now preferring to hold a fork or a bottle, making their use less and less common. "Come on," Steve suggested, holding out his hand for her. "Let's go enjoy what's left of the day."

* * *

Steve had rented a motorcycle and after dropping Jamie off with Jackson and Jen, he and Bethany decided to roam the city. The sun had set an hour ago, setting a calm, romantic tone, but sex was the last thing on either of their minds. They were enjoying the lights, their drive, their soft touches. They had stopped for ice cream, the two of them flirting and teasing each other like a new couple would. They found a live band and sat and listened to them for a while before Steve got up and offered his hand and the two of them danced for a while. It was nice, being together, with no interruptions. They didn't worry about the rest of the world. For the night, it was just them.

"Well, it's almost midnight," Steve said, looking at his watch. It had been the gift Bethany gave him a year ago.

They were cuddling together on the almost now abandoned beach, watching as the waves drew in and out in a rhythmic motion. "You okay with letting our anniversary go by without sex?" Bethany teased, pulling herself closer to him.

"Absolutely," Steve whispered, kissing the crown of her head. "In moments like this, I don't need sex for us to feel close."

"Mmm," Bethany hummed, completely agreeing. "Although, we could have sex right here."

"Ha," Steve began sarcastically. "That's exactly what we need in the tabloids right now."

"I don't think it could get worse than what they're saying now," Bethany reminded him. "Okay, let's talk us."

"Isn't that what we were doing?" Steve asked, his brows pulled together in confusion.

"I meant what our next year is going to hold," Bethany offered. "I feel like we should agree on a plan. I mean, you like order and plans, right? I just think that if we agree on a course of action-"

"It'll suck all the romance from our life?"

"M-maybe," Bethany said with a laugh. "I'm not suggesting we plan out every single time we have sex for the next year. I'm suggesting that we merely discuss other things."

Steve sighed, knowing what 'other things' entailed. "I know what I said about having another baby before the Ultron fiasco. I just feel like with the Avengers Facility, it isn't a good time."

"T-that's not all I wanted to talk about," Bethany promised. "But I do feel like it's never going to be a good time, Steve. Everything in the world could be perfect and you'll still have apprehensions."

"I want more kids," Steve assured her. "I just think that we'd be irresponsible to willingly try for a baby right now. Imagine if you were pregnant when Ultron attacked. Or we had a newborn. It wouldn't have ended well, Doll."

"I know," She insisted, a little too aggressively, clearly frustrated that Steve was right.

"Beth… I need you to tell me whether or not you're really okay with this whole Avengers Facility thing," Steve said with a sigh.

"Why?" Bethany asked, looking up at him. "Babe, that's not going to change anything though, is it? If I said yes, I know it wouldn't change anything."

"Can you please answer the question?"

Bethany rested her head back against his chest, closing her eyes and thinking about it carefully. "I'm okay with it," she promised him. "I know it'll make you happy, and if you stay home all day with me, I'd probably go insane."

"But what about you? Will _you_ be happy?"

"Yeah," Bethany replied. "Listen, I'll have you, I'll have Jamie, I'll have my friends close. If I complained about how great my life is, I'd be a selfish human being. But can you blame me for worrying about your safety? I don't want anything to happen to you, Steve."

"Nothing will-"

"You can't actually assure that!" Bethany said a little too loudly, but her emotion pressing her on. "Steve, what you do? It's so dangerous. I _know._ How many times have you seen me get hurt on the job? Or even die? And okay, I'm not as big, strong or tough as you, but still, Steve."

"I know," Steve whispered. "You're allowed to worry. I just want to make sure that you aren't… unhappy."

"I'm happy," Bethany promised with a soft smile. "We're going to have our own home. Our son is happy. And we're in a good place. I'm happy."

* * *

 ****A/N: There's a 90% chance there will be no chapter next week, just simply because apparently I am incapable of writing smut. I set up the scene two weeks ago and haven't been able to finish it. Chapter 45 is down and 46 is half way done, but 44 needs another 1700 words and something actually EXCITING to happen in it so until my smut muses come back to me I'm not sure when that'll be unfortunately.**

 **anonymouscsifan: Haha, yes I had multiple requests to include Deadpool, so I found a subtle way to include him :) Three years sounds about right for me! It was April 2012 to the best of my recollection.**

 **Jo: He's almost a year old now! He's big for his age though and is smarter than most babies because of his genes.**

 **Scandalous: Haha, he definitely would be good at that!**

 **MariaM95: You actually aren't the only one! A lot of people want her to! I find certain weeks, I get a bunch of people wanting her to be on Steve's side and the next on Tony's.**

 **greenscar: Haha was it awesome? I personally like chapter 45 but 44 isn't finished yet so it'll be a while until I actually get to write that. Bethany knows that Steve would never cheat on her, but she doesn't like women disrespecting her and their relationship by flirting with him. Fair enough, if you ask me.**

 **HellCat: Steve and Natasha will have a talk together soon enough :)**

 **123go: Hopefully there will be another baby soonish ;) I know exactly when, I'm just trying to sort out the chapters and timeline :D**


	44. Cast Aside These Broken Hearts

****A/N: Wait, what's THIS? A CHAPTER? DESPITE ME SAYING THERE WASN'T GOING TO BE? You'll see that I gave up on the smut and that the chapter is super short in response. And my betas are amazing and sent it back to me in record time. Also, I got my tickets for Civil War today (finally, but the first person in my town to get them so yay!) and Hayden Panettiere is back on Nashville feeding my feels. So here you go :)**

Chapter 44- Cast Aside These **Broken** Hearts

 _"Take my hand, I'll show you something. I can't keep these feelings that I feel inside. I've changed my mind. Oh tonight, oh tonight. I feel, I feel alive. If these dreams take us nowhere then darling that's alright. We can make a new start, cast aside these broken hearts. Love songs were never meant for us. But tonight feels different, yes it does."_

 _~Tonight Feels Different, Riley Smith_

* * *

With the final death count in regards to Sokovia in, Maria and Bethany headed to D.C. to do some business. They had a lot of contracts and deals to settle with multiple government bodies, including a very long discussion with the President. Bethany didn't really want to be involved in all the processions, but she knew that someone from the team needed to be present to defend their side of the story. They didn't exactly trust Thor to be their voice, nor Tony. Natasha had been their voice for the fall of SHIELD, so they agreed that she was off the hook. Bruce was still MIA, but even if he wasn't, he wasn't on good terms with the government as it was. Clint was back at the farm, patiently waiting for Laura to give birth, although Laura had admitted to Bethany that she was less than patient at this point and was ready for it to be over. Bethany sympathized with her completely, remembering her own pregnancy and how it was actually a blessing that Jamie was born a month early. Since Vision was new to the team, and he wasn't even considered human, it was agreed by all that he shouldn't step near Washington until they figured out everything they could. For similar reasons, including being a HYDRA experiment, Wanda wouldn't be going.

All of that left Bethany and Steve. And in all fairness, Steve had gone to Washington the last time, even though they had specifically requested for Bethany to go. She had just given birth however, so Steve had faithfully taken her place. Steve had offered to go, but Bethany knew that it was only fair that she'd go this time. She had a relationship already established with most of the politicians, even though they weren't always good ones. She knew how to work most of them in the most professional manner.

This benefit hadn't made the visit any easier. Bethany hated what she was wearing, but Pepper picked out what she called a 'power outfit' but really just made Bethany feel ridiculously unattractive. But Pepper reminded Bethany that it was what she said that mattered, not how she looked. Even Steve had said "it's not _that_ horrible," which confirmed Bethany's observations.

Their program was officially approved, despite the fact that they would have operated anyways. However, Bethany knew it would make Steve feel a little better knowing that the government, as of now, approved of what they were going to be doing. All things said however, they had a lot of concerns, especially due to Sokovia. Maria and Bethany had sweet-talked their way out of everything they could to end an overall successful day. It was long and tiresome and Bethany couldn't wait to just hop on the quinjet and go home to her family. They were going to move into the Facility the next day and Bethany knew it was going to be just as exhausting.

Maria had one more stop in regards to borrowing Rhodey from the army for the team, so Bethany excused herself to do her own errands. It had been months since she had seen either Peggy or Sharon Carter, so since she was in Washington, it only made sense that she spent a few extra hours in town to check in on her former best friend and someone she could very easily see becoming her future best friend, if they spent more time together.

Visiting Peggy was becoming too painful for both Steve and Bethany. Her memory was slipping away with each and every day, and Bethany wanted to spend as much time with Peggy as she could. Some days, Peggy would call Bethany to talk. Sometimes Steve. The couple liked those days, since it meant that Peggy's memory was with her. But Sharon had told Bethany that some days, Peggy didn't even know who she was.

"Look at his little duck waddle," Bethany mused, showing Peggy a video of Jamie walking around the apartment, his big diapered behind seemingly shaking as he took his steps.

"Oh, and look at those curls," Peggy chuckled. Today, Peggy was doing good. She had a giant smile on her face when Bethany came in and asked how Steve was doing. A nurse had told her that if Bethany had come an hour earlier, it would have been a completely different story.

"Despite the curls and the lips, he's all Steve," Bethany said proudly.

"How are you two? I saw the news about that place… what was it again?"

"Sokovia," Bethany replied. "And yeah, we're actually doing really good. I'm sure you don't want to hear all the lovey-dovey details."

"Look around," Peggy said with a chuckle. "It's better than the boring six walls around me."

Bethany frowned, looking around the room. "I'm sorry, six?"

"We're in a cube," Peggy laughed, a memory sparkling in her eyes. "Now spill."

"I don't know if there is something to spill," Bethany admitted. "We have a house being built for us in a semi-secluded area. It's not exactly the suburban dream Steve and I had a few years ago, but I'm really looking forward to it. It has a swimming pool, fire pit, beautiful balcony looking out over the property."

"Wow, you really went all out," Peggy replied softly. "You both deserve it."

"Thanks," Bethany whispered as Sharon popped her head into the room.

"Bethany, it's so good to see you," Sharon exclaimed as the two blondes met for a hug.

"You look good," Bethany noted when they pulled apart.

"You look…" Sharon began before eyeing Bethany's clothes and trailing off.

Bethany moaned, rolling her eyes. "Pepper thought the outfit I picked out originally was too sexy, even though it was completely conservative. Boobs weren't on display and the skirt wasn't too tight, but apparently it was still alluring. So she came up with this, since she knew I wanted the politicians to take me seriously."

"Yeah, but you might have gotten more if you dressed a little provocatively," Sharon said with a wink before carefully moving to sit by her aunt's side and attend to her.

* * *

The two women slid into a booth at a burger joint, Bethany shaking her head with amusement. "Still searching for that perfect cheeseburger?" Bethany teased.

"Not everyone can settle with a McDonald's burger and be happy," Sharon replied with a smirk.

"You sound like Steve," Bethany chuckled. "So what? I like their food. Sue me. Just because it isn't the healthiest of options doesn't make it taste any less good. It probably makes it taste better, let's be real."

"Steve and I beg to differ apparently," Sharon teased, opening the menu the waitress had handed them.

"If we ate the way he wants to eat, it would be all health super foods and nothing else," Bethany explained. "And you know how much I enjoy my junk food. Luckily, Jamie loves fruit and vegetables at least. Okay, enough husband and baby talk. Steve told me to take the night to relax, and I plan to do that."

"And that means no family talk?" Sharon teased.

"I don't get out very often," Bethany explained. "And even when I do, it's with Steve. It's nice to just be Bethany for one night, you know?"

"Not exactly," Sharon replied honestly. "But we can talk about work, if that's better? What were you in Washington for? Or am I not allowed to know?"

"No, that's part of the reason why I wanted to talk to you," Bethany admitted. "We're… reorganizing the Avengers. Making it a little more like SHIELD, but with the original values and focusing more on the bigger goal of saving people. Since I know that those things are important to you, I thought I might as well offer you a place. If you say no, I get it. But the job will never be off the table in the future."

Sharon closed her menu, Bethany slowly opening her own while Sharon mulled the option over. "I like where I am now," Sharon began. "It's not like SHIELD and I feel underappreciated sometimes, but I feel like great things are in store for me. Plus, if you ever need someone on the inside to be on your side, you can always count on me. I can get you meetings or convince some colleagues if need be."

Bethany nodded softly, giving the blonde a smile. "Like I said, the offer will always be on the table. But I'm glad that everything is working out for you."

"Did you get a lot of people to join so far?" Sharon asked as Bethany just decided to pick fries. She wasn't in the mood for burgers.

"According to Maria, yes," Bethany said with a nod. "I've been really busy lately, so me helping her wasn't exactly all that helpful, but everything seems to be going on pace for success."

"Are you going to be working there? Be an agent, or an Avenger?" Sharon asked curiously.

Bethany let out a soft sigh, closing her menu. "I'm going to be helping, but not as an official employee. I don't want to be sucked into that fully again. Popping in to help with recruits on occasion, give tips in the lab. It will give me more time to come have the occasional dinner with you."

"Ooh, sounds fun," Sharon said excitedly.

"You'll need to come see the new house too," Bethany continued. "Beautiful pool to have parties in. I wish it was ready for the Fourth of July, but looks like it won't be until August. But we'll have some end of the summer parties. If, you know, you aren't busy working all the time."

"And you definitely need to come here as well," Sharon insisted. "Aunt Peggy is lonely. The doctors say that she still has some time, but I'd hate for her to pass away feeling lonely and abandoned. I'm there as often as possible, but with work-"

"I know Steve wants to visit her soon," Bethany promised. "It's just… it's especially hard for him. If Pegs is having a bad day when I visit, she almost always knows exactly who I am. But for Steve, it's not the same. But he wants to."

"I think we have a year left, tops," Sharon confided. "So, don't let him wait too long."

Bethany looked down at her menu again, thinking that over. Their entire life seemed to be dictated by waiting. This was just another thing to add to the list.

* * *

"Well, I'm glad you at least had a good evening," Steve said as he dried his hands with the towel before hanging it back up and crawling into bed next to Bethany. "You definitely deserved a night away."

"What do you think of Sharon?" Bethany asked randomly, her fingers playing with the duvet.

"I don't really know her that well," Steve admitted.

"We were neighbours," she reminded him, laying her hands flat against the sheet. "We played Scrabble with her, and Wii bowling."

"But she was undercover," Steve reminded her, turning onto his side to face her. "I don't know how much that was her or just her cover."

"You should get to know her," Bethany pressed on. "I think you'd like her. You two are cut from the same cloth, in a way."

"Why does it seem like my wife is trying to hook me up with someone?" Steve asked slowly.

Bethany chuckled, turning on her side to mimic his position. "I'm not. I'm too possessive and jealous to share you anyways. I just really like her and I'd like to spend more time with her. I've known her since she was a little girl, but she's never really questioned me. She's always accepted who I am and that's really nice. I like knowing someone will always accept me."

Steve opened his mouth and Bethany knew fully well that he was about to state that he would always accept her, but he knew that the statement wasn't necessarily true. "You offered her a job, right?"

"Yeah, she turned it down. For now," Bethany replied. "Although, it could be very beneficial having someone like her on their side. She'll help us if we need anything, that I'm positive about. How was your day?"

"Pretty good," Steve nodded. "Got most of the stuff shipped out to the Facility. I tried to get Jamie to say Daddy today, but still no luck."

Bethany chuckled, curling up to her husband. "Babe, just because he said 'yes' when you told him to doesn't mean he'll do that for every other word," Bethany informed him.

"I can dream, can't I?" Steve asked, kissing her forehead. "Our last night here. You excited for our next adventure?"  
"I am, actually," she replied, her fingers drawing lines on his stomach. "Moving onto our fourth home together. And the fifth. I'm more excited for the fifth."

Steve's laughter rumbled in his chest. "I am too. This is going to be good for us. Having a place of our own, building a sense of normalcy, even if it won't always be like that. By the way, are we bringing this bed with us? Tony wants to know."

"We have our mattress from the apartment in Washington," Bethany reminded him. "All that furniture is being shipped to the Facility and then we can pick what we want to keep or give away. But when we move into the house, everything will be new. I have my eyes set on this giant bed. It'll cost us a small fortune to have them ship it from Europe, but it's beautiful Steve. I saw it and immediately was lost in dreams about all the stuff we could do in that bed."

"I had to awkwardly explain to Tony why our tub is shattered," Steve added sheepishly. "I almost added that he's lucky it was just the bathtub."

"Wanna have some fun?" Bethany asked, pulling her head off his chest to look at him, her eyes laced with desire. "Maybe break the bedframe to show Tony just _how_ lucky he was that it was just the tub."

"And the bedframe," Steve added, holding onto her hips tightly before flipping them over so he would hover over her.

"Mmm, this is just what I need after the day I had," Bethany mumbled as Steve leaned down to kiss the column of her neck, one of his hands moving down her hip and grabbing her upper thigh tightly, holding it to his body so his hips could press up against hers.

"I think you need a massage," Steve whispered against her ear, sending shivers up and down her spine. "You're so tense. Let me turn your body into goo."

Bethany smiled at his words, but more importantly, his _tone_. He was almost begging her to let him kiss every part of her body and work her body until it forgot how to move. Like she would ever need convincing for that. "I think I have some massage oils in the bathroom still," Bethany added, knowing that it was her responsibility to pack up the closets and bathrooms, and she had only finish half of each. The pressure of Steve's body disappeared as he went to the bathroom, rummaging through the cabinets, coming back with his arms full of more than just massage oils. He placed them on his pillow, not giving Bethany the chance to look at the collection as he quickly pulled off his shirt and laid it over them.

He looked at her, a deep sense of arousal in his eyes, before resuming his position, kissing her neck slowly, moving down her collarbone and back up, Bethany barely noticing as Steve pulled the little shorts she was wearing off her hips until his fingers brushed against her bare core softly, letting the tip of his nail drag across her clit. Her body arched towards his and he continued to slowly and softly work every single one of her nerves before moving off of her. The absence of his body made hers feel abandoned and cold, but he leaned down towards her ear and quietly told her to flip over. She followed his instructions, feeling him gently settle on her legs in a sitting position.

Bethany closed her eyes as she waited for Steve to rub the oils through his hands, warming them up before placing them on the flat of her back and working them deeply into her muscles. He didn't shy away from using strength to massage her in the least, it giving her a twinge of pain but followed by an amazing wave of relief. He grabbed her shoulders, gripping at the tightness and slowly working it out, moving down farther and farther. He massaged every square area of her back, turning Bethany into a weak pile of jello, her muscles so thoroughly worked through.

"Relaxed?" Steve whispered in a sultry tone.

"Very," she mumbled, a small grin on her face. "My body is in that waking up mode where reality hasn't set in yet."

Steve hands moved down her body farther, working at her legs. He separated them and Bethany's smile grew when she realized what Steve was doing. His body adjusted and she could feel his breath against her inner thigh, moving upwards in a languish speed. Her body let out a sigh of relief when his lips softly closed upon her swollen cunt, his kisses being light like a butterfly. It was as if he was softly tickling her, excitement working its way up into her body, reminding it of its ability to move. It was going to be one wild night.

* * *

Bethany had woken up feeling completely relaxed and distressed. Steve had worked her body into complete exhaustion, but there were no knots or worries pinned to her body. But as soon as they started packing the last of their stuff into the moving truck, Bethany became tense once again. Steve couldn't really blame her for being so overprotective and controlling, so he was casually trying to massage her shoulders throughout the day, but she was starting to shrug him off.

"Wow," Bethany whispered when their apartment was empty. All the furniture they were leaving behind had been hauled off anyways since Pepper was planning on redoing the entire floor. After the Ultron bots had their way with the walls and windows and Bethany and Steve had their way with the bathroom, it was decided that the entire room needed to be revamped. There was absolutely nothing left in its wake now.

Bethany was holding Jamie, who was sleeping against her shoulder softly, her hand rubbing soft circles on his back. Steve wrapped his arm around his family, kissing Bethany's forehead. "It looks so big now," Steve agreed.

"I guess we had a lot more stuff than we thought," Bethany whispered. "This is harder than I assumed it was going to be. Apartments have always been so easy to say goodbye to. Leaving them was second-nature. But this? This was our home. Where we started our family."

"It's always going to be here," Steve reminded her. "But now we'll be moving on into our own house. Be able to start new memories there. The house will mean more than this place."

"Yeah," Bethany said quietly, looking at the bare walls where her framed photos used to be. They were now packed tightly in multiple boxes where they'd stay until their house was finished being built. It was weird knowing she wouldn't see them for a few months. That she couldn't just walk into the living room to see Howard with his infamous smug smile on his face.

It was hard to know that she couldn't just go down or up a few floors to see her nephew anymore either. When Tony had originally offered Bethany and Steve a place at the Tower, they had been hesitant. The selling point, especially after the rise of HYDRA, was the safety they would get there. But at the same time, they really wanted a place of their own. Now that they were getting that, Bethany couldn't help but feel sad. Of course she was excited to finally have a place for her family that was just theirs, but she would miss not seeing Tony everyday. She had taken living in the Tower for granted. She had already pestered him about him and Pepper promising to come see them on every holiday, but it was clear that things would change in the next year. People drifted apart. It was a natural part of life. And just because you were family didn't exclude you from that. Bethany just didn't want Tony to drift from her life the way Howard did.

"Change is always scary," Steve began. "And I know it really scares you, but you're excited for what's to come right?"

"Yeah," Bethany nodded. "I'm also terrified, but I know this is right. Not just for you, me or Jamie but for everyone. I don't know, maybe Tony will finally marry Pepper. Maybe everyone will finally just… find themselves. The past year was an adventure, but this change is desperately needed."

"I agree," Steve replied. "But we can come back and visit Tony whenever you want. Even if he makes the decision to move to California again."

"Trust me, you wouldn't be able to keep me from visiting Tony no matter how hard you tried," Bethany teased, nudging him with her hip before sighing. "I guess we should go."

"I'll go get Molly," Steve replied, picking up the cat carrier and going to Jamie's room. Molly was sleeping by the window, her head pressed up against the glass, soaking in the sun. She wasn't too pleased when Steve took her from the warmth and placed her in her carrier, but it was finally time to move on. Looking around Jamie's room for a minute, it felt like the year had flown by. Bethany was right. This was very much a huge part of their life, their beginning as a family. He had so many memories of Jamie in that room, no matter how small. They were all important to him, like the day he realized just how much he looked like Bethany when he slept or just how much poop could come out of someone that tiny. It was hard saying goodbye to the Tower. The two apartments he and Bethany had shared beforehand were easy to leave. Yes, there were memories laced inside their walls, but none like the Tower held.

Everything was changing, and despite the future being exciting, it was also uncertain. No one knew what it would hold. But Steve was damn well sure of two things. One; he wasn't going to let his family fall apart and two; he wasn't going to let the world go to hell.

He just hoped he'd never have to pick one over the other.

* * *

 **musicjunkie1996: He will soon! I really want their next pregnancy to be planned to help them take some kind of control over their life and future together :)**

 **Jo: I know exactly when he'll get a sibling ;)**

 **Sarahmichellegellarfan1: I will be in the next story! I'm really looking forward to that.  
**

 **anonymouscsifan: Haha Steve is very hot! I started on some new meds and it's just killed my ability to write smut for now :P I'm okay with that since it's been helping me deal with life :P I'm definitely not wearing makeup to the movie because it won't be perfect when I leave the theatre, that's for sure.**


	45. My Strings of Love

****A/N: "KATIE. TEAM CAP. SWEET CHOICE. FOR A SWEET GIRL. SWEET." - Paul Rudd.**

 **I was very excited with this. 'Cause he actually said my name. Also, he's Mike from _Friends_ and I'm obsessed with _Friends_ so... **

Chapter 45- My **Strings** of Love

 _"_ _Tender out the way she hunts my mind. She was only mine one night in time. Chasing after the dreams she've left behind. No one compare to how she shines. She signs her name on my guitar. Spanish kisses on my heart. We dance flamenco in the dark. We're on my strings of love." _

_~Strings of Love, George Benson_

* * *

Bethany had spent longer deciding on what to wear that day than was altogether necessary. She didn't know whether to wear civilian clothes or her uniform. And then there was the option of dressing like a mom, or dressing like a super spy. And if she ended up on her uniform, should she pick her Avengers uniform, or the new uniforms that were given to each of the new Avengers Facility employees? She stood in front of the closet for almost twenty minutes, feeling like a fool for not knowing what to do. It wasn't just clothes. It was what life to take on.

"Have you moved?" Steve asked, walking out of their bathroom, a towel secured around his waist. Bethany pushed aside how amazing he looked, all his muscles taunt and glistening from the shower, his damp hair falling in front of his face.

"No," Bethany admitted. "Can you pick out something for me? Please?"

Steve, seeing her desperation, placed his hands on her shoulders and leaned in to kiss her forehead. "Of course. Sit down."

Bethany backtracked and sat on the bed, crossing her arms. They had been living at the Avengers Facility for a week so far. Originally, Bethany hadn't wanted to take any of her clothes out of the box. She told herself that she was comfortable living like she was in a hotel until they moved into their house, but after a long talk with Steve, she decided that the essentials did need to be unpacked.

Bethany waited patiently as Steve pulled some things out, even picking out her underwear, bra, socks and shoes. "This good?" Steve asked, holding the outfit up to his body. Bethany chuckled, imagining him wearing it.

"It's perfect," she breathed. Steve had paired a sleek black leather jacket with a pair of straight legged blue jeans, but giving the look a softer tone with a loose fitting blush pink blouse and a pair of pink heels that matched. "You're amazing."

"You _can_ be too, if you want to," Steve reminded her, cupping her face lightly. "If you were to walk around here in yoga gear, or even your pajamas, people would still admire you. Now, are you going to get Jamie dressed or am I? Because I don't know how much longer he'll wait patiently in his crib."

Bethany turned her head to the tablet that showed Jamie keeping himself busy in his crib, not having cried out for his parents yet. It was as if he _knew_ they would come for him soon, so crying for them would be pointless. "I will," Bethany promised.

Steve had disappeared back into the bathroom, most likely to shave, while Bethany quickly got ready. Looking in the mirror of her vanity, she applied minimal makeup and just pulled her hand through her soft waves before slipping her rings on and going to her son.

"Hey, Baby Boy," She said happily, catching Jamie's gaze. His smile split up his face, his body bouncing excitedly. "Good morning, Cutie Pie. How did you sleep, huh?"

Jamie's arms reached up and Bethany pulled him to her, kissing his little face a bunch of times. "Today is a big day, Jamie. Mama's a little worried, but I know you'll be with me, keeping me in line. Isn't that right?"

Jamie's room was fairly boring right now, but Bethany wasn't interested in decorating it for only a few months of him living in it. Putting him down on the change table, she took off his pajamas, changing his diaper and then raising him up to her. "You're very adorable, has anyone ever told you that?" Jamie rewarded her with one of his big opened mouth smiles. "Oh, they have, have they? Was it me? Was it Mommy? Huh?"

Taking the soft baby brush from the table, she sat down at the rocking chair, balancing Jamie on her lap. She handed him a book, opening it so he could look at the pictures as Bethany brushed his knotted curls. "No, Mumma," Jamie cried, raising his hand up to stop her movements. 'No' had slipped out of his lips a few days earlier, giving him the ability to construct opinions. 'No, Mumma' had been a constant every time Bethany tried to brush his hair. His beautiful curls would always knot at night, but despite being careful, Jamie always asked her to stop.

"No, Jamie, I have to," Bethany pressed on, kissing him softly, trying to work around his complaints and hands trying to stop her. She _really_ didn't want to cut his hair. Steve opposed it more than her. But she knew that she would have to soon enough.

"Okay, good enough," She declared, putting Jamie down on his feet and the baby taking off to the corner where his stuffed animals were waiting for him.

"Oh, the simplicity of being a child," Steve said, leaning up against the doorframe. Jamie turned his head to see Steve, giving him a bright smile before attending to his stuffed toys again.

Steve was fully dressed in his Captain America uniform, and while Bethany assumed he'd be wearing it for the first day with the team, she wished he was wearing something like she was; a little of both worlds. "He fought me brushing his hair again," Bethany said with a sigh.

"I can tell," Steve chuckled, looking at a particularly knotty patch at the back of his head. Jamie then turned back around, clutching a stuffed toy to him and walked over to Steve, who crotched down for his son. "What cha got there?" Steve asked softly with a little smile, Jamie adorably holding out his Captain America plush toy. Tony had bought Jamie the entire Avengers set. There was even one of Bethany, but the manufacturers had elected to give the doll brown hair instead of blonde.

Bethany couldn't help but smile softly, placing a hand over her heart at Jamie's gesture. "Is that me?" Steve teased, pointing to the toy. Jamie only threw his head back in a dramatic laugh, Steve taking the toy and the baby going back over to his pile.

Steve looked at the toy and then back over to Bethany. Neither of them could really say anything in regards to this. It was absolutely adorable, neither of them could deny that. But the thing that was keeping Bethany from reacting further was the fear that Jamie would start to think of Steve as _only_ Captain America. Yes, she was aware that she was probably worrying for nothing, but that was kind of her life now.

"Come on, bug," Bethany began quietly, moving to swoop his body up in a dramatic movement, to which he replied with that beautiful laugh of his. "Time to get dressed."

Bethany had put the onesie and t-shirts in the bottom rows of his dresser to encourage Jamie to start making decisions. Picking what to wear or which toy to take with him on trips was the biggest decision he had to make right now, but Bethany wanted to encourage this decision making on a daily basis. Some days, it took all of Bethany's effort to get him to focus on picking an outfit. The day before, Bethany had caved and picked something out for him.

But today was different. Once Bethany opened up the drawers, Jamie was eagerly trying to get out of her arms, and once he was, he seemed to be digging through the piles of clothes—he had a lot, but Bethany couldn't resist the urge to buy them with some of those cute little outfits—in search for something particular. Bethany could see Steve move closer out of the corner of her eye, his curiosity getting the best of him. They waited as he finally pulled out a onesie, holding it out to Bethany, his tongue poking out of his lips a little. "What is that?" Bethany asked, utilizing her baby mouth as she looked at the onesie.

Her breath escaped her as she looked at graphics on the blue fabric; a white star and red and white stripes. Looking up at Steve, she could see just how touched he was at the idea that his son wanted to be like him. "Come here, Jamie," Steve whispered, moving to sit on the floor and pulling Jamie close to him, kissing his mop of curls.

"Here," Bethany said with little emotion, handing Steve the onesie. She wanted to be happy. Obviously this was the cutest thing that Jamie had ever done, and was certifying that Steve was important to the baby. But it was only solidifying her fears. Steve dressed Jamie patiently, Jamie holding the Captain America plush as Steve snapped the buttons close.

"Okay, ready for breakfast?" Steve asked, holding his hand out for Bethany. She looked at it for a moment, his hands encased in his leather fingerless gloves. He was dressed in almost full Captain America garb and they were about to sit down at breakfast.

"I…" She began, fully prepared to say 'want this to be our life', but she refrained from it. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm starved," she finished with a smile.

* * *

They weren't particularly at a place or surrounded by people who loved children. However, it seemed all Bethany's old SHIELD friends or associates swarmed Jamie. Most of them would mention Jamie's outfit, to which Bethany would honestly tell them that he picked it out after seeing Steve wear it. Bethany hadn't even purchased the onesie. It had been a gift from the baby shower. Even Kiley fussed over Jamie for a few minutes and it was _not_ a secret that Kiley was not fond of children.

Bethany had subtly been keeping an eye on Kiley the last few days and she knew Steve had been too. They both felt guilty for what had happened to her, but Bethany more so than Steve. She was the one who set Kiley up with Bucky, thinking that it would be good for _him_. She could explicitly remember telling Kiley that she wouldn't get hurt. Paying for her hospital bills, offering her a job where she basically made her own hours and work schedule and paying her way more than what she would earn was supposed to make Bethany feel less guilty. It wasn't working.

But all things considered, Kiley seemed to be doing good. Yes, there was something different, which Steve and her had discussed at length the night before. Bethany didn't want to call it an 'argument'. It was more like a heated discussion where they got a little frustrated with one another. Bethany was expecting Kiley to be less… _herself_. Steve was expecting her to be _more_. At the end of the day, they both realized that Kiley had to do what was best for her, and if this new personality was what was best for her right now, they couldn't really say otherwise.

But the discussion really began because Kiley had cut her hair. Her previous long, luxurious curls were now a sleek long bob. It really suited her and gave her the ultimate impression of a business woman, but it had been alarming. Her hair had been a huge part of her carefree personality. But Bethany recognized that this meant that Kiley was turning over a new leaf. It was amazing what a simple change in hair style could do to someone, she knew that first hand.

Thor was leaving soon. He had his goodbyes with everyone so far, he was just conducting some last minute business. Bethany knew she'd miss him. They didn't always get along, especially where Tony was concerned, but Thor had been an amazing friend to Steve, and she wouldn't be able to repay him. They were cut from the same cloth and Thor, despite being stronger and taller than Steve, respected him immensely. In fact, Bethany was sure that next to her, Thor respected Steve the most. And even then, some days he probably respected Steve more than she did. It really depended on what Steve did that day to irritate her.

She took a mental note that this could be the reason why she wanted Steve and Sharon to be friends. Sure, Sharon didn't have the bulging muscles, thick accent and a mystical hammer. But they both had beautiful blond locks, a charming smile and the deepest respect for Steve Rogers. But then again, Sam would be around a lot more now since he was part of the team, and Bethany realized that Sam would be willing to lay down his life for Steve, even if he didn't necessarily agree with what Steve was fighting for. And Rhodey had always treated Steve with respect. In fact, the entire team seemed not only willing, but _eager_ to let Steve lead them. He wasn't the type of guy to fight for the leader position… he just _took it_. Because people _let him_. Even when he wasn't trying.

But in a way, that was very similar to her own situation. Bethany wasn't assuming the role as a head position of the Facility. She offered to help around, give advice and support Maria with all the shit she would undoubtedly have to deal with in the coming months. Bethany knew changing diapers all day would only drive her bat shit crazy and that she'd have to get out and exercise her brain a little. But ever since she solidified that she was willing to help, people had been coming to her left and right about the stupidest of things that Bethany certainly didn't need to give input on. They just naturally flocked to her as their head.

Through all her years at SHIELD, she never really wanted to be Director. Sure, she coveted the power and wanted to know all the dirty little secrets, but she didn't want to deal with everything the Director had to deal with. She was hoping to convince Nick to take his rightful place at the top of the Facility while he was visiting, but she wasn't sure what he would say. A year ago, it would have been a clear and obvious 'yes'. A lot had changed in that past year though. Anything could happen. Steve seemed to do a good job convincing him the night before, and Nick was even lending a very valuable hand with getting the rest of the Facility set up that day, but they wouldn't know until they had it in writing.

Bethany had made it her new mission to work twice a week and three days at the end of the month, emergencies not included. Other than that, she was off the clock and if she decided to roam the Facility, she wouldn't be working.

Tony had driven over to pick up one last box they had found in the storage unit that he wanted to play around with, and of course say goodbye to Thor and his life as an Avenger. Bethany knew that Tony retiring would be the same as her retiring. As soon as something big enough came along, they'd both put on the suit and save the world. But for the time being, Bethany was happy that Tony would just be enjoying his life. Maybe even finally propose to Pepper. She was going to harass him on that until he finally did.

As the group, Jamie's fingers wounded up in Bethany's hair, moved around the Facility, she realized just how much potential the next year had. The past one hadn't been perfect. It had been _far_ from perfect. But it held some pretty amazing moments that she wouldn't trade for anything. This was a new adventure, a little of so many past experiences. All the good ones were present in the Facility. How could something like that go wrong?

"The rules have changed," Steve insisted as they walked down the ramp to the Facility.

"We're dealing with something new," Tony agreed.

"Well, the Vision's artificial intelligence," Steve elaborated.

"A machine," Tony offered as Bethany rolled her eyes. She couldn't believe they were still talking about this. Okay, Tony? Yes. But Steve? In her book, he was worthy. He jiggled the freaking hammer, and while Thor still couldn't confirm what that meant, Steve was technically not worth right now to wield Mjolnir. But again… _it was a hammer_. And for some reason, the men were getting all bent up and out of shape about it.

"So it doesn't count," Steve continued, trying to build their argument.

"No," Tony agreed. "It's not, like, a person lifting the hammer."

"Right. Different rules for us."

"Nice guy, but artificial," Tony concluded with.

"Thank you," Steve stressed.

"I guess I should just be happy you two agree on something," Bethany voiced, trying to detangle her hair from Jamie's fingers.

"If he can wield the hammer, he can keep the Mind Stone," Thor spoke up. Bethany had completely forgotten about the Mind Stone, but apparently it was a big deal. She wasn't too comfortable with the thing that gave Loki and Wanda their mind-invading powers being plastered on some guy's head, but she really couldn't do anything about it. "It's safe with the Vision. And these days, safe is in short supply."

Bethany didn't like the sound of that, but it was true. Their life was built upon that premise. It wasn't new information, just sorely unwanted.

"But if you put the hammer in an elevator…" Steve began slowly, earning another eye roll from his wife.

"It would still go up," Tony agreed.

"Elevator's not worthy," Steve summarized, completely missing the look Bethany was giving them, shaking her head in both amusement and disapproval.

"I'm going to miss these little talks of ours," Thor offered after being the only one to see Bethany's reactions.

"Not if you don't leave," Tony reminded him. Out of all the people asking Thor to stay, Bethany always assumed it would be Tony.

"I have no choice," Thor insisted. "The Mind Stone is the fourth of the Infinity Stones to show up in the last few years. That's not a coincidence. Someone has been playing an intricate game and has made pawns of us. Once all these pieces are in position..."

"Triple Yahtzee?" Tony supplied as they stepped out onto the green grass of the exterior of the Facility.

"And you think you can find the answer before this puppet master steps out of his hiding spot?" Bethany asked, knowing that she couldn't focus on this entire Infinity Stone situation right now. It was bigger than her and if Thor was planning on taking care of it, she just needed to focus on making sure that Jamie's next word wasn't an inappropriate one.

"I do. Besides this one," Thor promised, laying a flat hand on Tony's chest for a moment. "There's nothing that can't be explained."

Thor stepped forward, giving them a firm nod and offering Jamie a kind smile before raising his hammer to the sky. They watched as a rainbow of colours danced down from the Heavens before Thor disappeared, a Celtic symbol being left in his place. Jamie had jolted back in surprise, obviously completely baffled at what just happened before he broke out into cries.

"Should have seen that coming," Bethany offered the two men, taking a few steps away so she could calm the baby down before saying goodbye to her nephew.

Understanding her actions, Steve and Tony began walking towards the road, Tony summoning his car after making a comment about Thor's regard for lawn maintenance. "I'm gonna miss him though. And you're gonna miss me. There's gonna be a lot of manful tears."

"I will miss you, Tony," Steve stressed sincerely. The two hadn't always seen eye-to-eye, but they had become great friends. Steve knew that he'd be seeing Tony again soon, since Jamie's birthday was only a few weeks away, but it was more than just not seeing Tony everyday. Working with him that at first had been a nuisance, had turned into a pleasure. They had found a dynamic that had worked. Most importantly, he was going to miss the fact that when Bethany couldn't sleep, Tony was only a few floors away, waiting for her with some blueprints and a wrench. Steve knew that he couldn't always help ease her mind, but knowing that Tony could… it meant the world to him.

"Yeah? Well, it's time for me to tap out. Maybe I should take a page out of Barton's book and build Pepper a farm. Hope nobody blows it up," Tony joked lightly.

"The simple life," Steve replied softly, not being able to picture Tony and Pepper living on a farm. They were both city people. They wouldn't be able to last very long.

"You know, she'll wait seventy more years for you to be ready," Tony began quietly, looking over to where Bethany was still trying to settle Jamie. "Don't take advantage of that. Not to mention, Jamie won't wait. Take it from someone who had an absent dad, it's not a happy life, no matter how good the mother is. And she's as good as it gets."

"I know," Steve promised. "I just… I can't step out yet. I'm not there. And truth be told, I don't think she is either. I think we need this."

"That I agree with. Gives her a little of both. Better than what we had before. She needed SHIELD. You took that from her," Tony granted, watching as Bethany finally started to make her way over.

"To be fair, that wasn't completely my fault," Steve defended himself with a hand raised slightly.

"I respectfully disagree," Bethany offered before smiling. "I'm not sure what we're talking about, but-"

"Oh, is that how it's gonna be now? Everything I say, you'll disagree?" Steve teased, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and bringing her close.

"Yes," Jamie offered, looking up to his dad softly.

"Took the word right out of my mouth," Bethany praised her baby before kissing Steve lightly and handing Jamie over to him. "Don't be a stranger, kid," Bethany insisted, pulling Tony into a tight hug.

"Oh, I'll be back soon enough. I'd be a bad Uncle if I missed Jamie's first birthday," Tony reminded them as they broke apart.

"Don't get into too much trouble Tony," Bethany whispered softly.

"Same goes for you three," Tony said, pointing a finger to the family before looking at Bethany seriously. "You gonna be okay here? You know I'm always just a quick drive away."

Bethany looked back at Steve and Jamie, slipping her hand into Steve's and nodding while a smile grew. "I wouldn't have agreed to this if I wasn't. It's not… ideal. Normal. But neither are we. I got everything I need. The world is safe for now. As long as my boys are happy…"

"I'm home," Steve told her softly. Around them, it sounded like they were right back at Fort Lehigh, the soldiers all fighting for that coveted position as the first candidate for Erskine's serum. But it wasn't just that military air around them, or a sense of purpose and fulfillment that Steve got from being there. "Wherever you are, I'm home. But this? What we've built here? This is where we belong. Not forever, but for now? We need this as much as it needs us."

"Okay, enough mush for me," Tony declared, reaching out to take Jamie's hand and give it a little fist bump before getting in his car and leaving. They watched until the orange car disappeared before Bethany looked to Steve with a huge smile on her face. "So, I have a plan," she began excitedly.

"A plan, huh?" Steve teased, the two beginning a soft pace back to the Facility.

"It's a good plan, I promise. I put a lot of thought into it and we both come out winners. Trust me, you'll approve."

"Okay, let's hear it then," Steve encouraged.

"One year," she replied, Steve repeating the word out of confusion. "One year, we enjoy this. What we have. I won't complain about you working too much, you won't complain about me working too much. The only one who complains is Jamie. And we listen to him. No one else's voice is louder than his."

"And then after the year is up?" Steve questioned.

Bethany stopped walking, Steve following suit. "Steve, I'm painfully aware that I won't get normal. I can hope and dream and plot, but I won't. And I'm coming to terms with that. But I don't think we should compromise our dream just because it won't be perfect."  
"I'm not following," Steve admitted.  
Looking around for a moment, she let out a deep sigh. "I want more kids. I want a daughter. I want another boy. I want a family. A big one. All I have is Tony, and you don't have any blood family left. We need lots of family around us. When we were in SHIELD, we had very little qualms about all of that. But after it fell, that's when we started to have our doubts. This? What we've created now? It's the best of SHIELD and the Avengers. So why isn't it possible for this to happen?"

"Kids?" Steve repeated, keeping his face neutral to see where she was going with her plan.  
"One year. We talk about it one year from now," Bethany offered, hope laced in her tone. "That'll be long enough for us to determine if it's a good idea. And in one year from now, we'll have spent enough time with this team of ours to know where it stands."

"And if everything is good?" Steve asked carefully.

"Then you knock me up, in the most delightful of ways, and you take _one_ step back from this," Bethany requested and when Steve reacted to her words, she continued to press on. "Just _one_. That's not hard is it? Just… let go of control a little? Think about handing the reins over to someone else? Just sit back on some assignments? Spend more time with us, Steve. I want kids, but I can't do this all alone."

"And then after that?" Steve inquired.

"You're not against it?" Bethany asked, surprise written all over her face.  
"What you're asking… It's reasonable," he replied.

"I know, I told you it was a good plan," Bethany chuckled. "I've been thinking about this a lot lately."

"What happens in two years from now?"  
She smiled, loving that he was thinking that far in advance. "Ideally, we have a baby. And by then, you've taken _two_ steps back. Slowly walk away. Going cold turkey isn't going to benefit anyone. And then, one day, you'll be free of this, and you'll be _happy_."

Steve looked down suddenly, remorse written on his face. "What if Ultron was right?" "Well, he was," Bethany reasoned. "You keep fighting because that's who you are. You were trained to fight a war. I helped make you that way. I'm not blind to that. But people change. A few years ago, I was in your shoes and you in mine. You wanted kids and I wanted to fight."

"I thought having kids…"

"Honestly Steve, if you were hoping Jamie would fill that void? The one you tried to fill when you were working for SHIELD? That's not right, but not uncommon. People have kids for that reason. To fill the missing piece of the puzzle. I'm not mad. Jamie is a gift I get to enjoy every single day."

"But the void isn't…" Steve began slowly.

"No. It's not filled completely," Bethany agreed. "I know. You think I don't? I miss it too. For a long time, it was my entire life. Walking away for Jamie? It wasn't easy. I'll always have one foot in, and there's nothing wrong with that. As long as you have one foot out…"  
"But when do we cut our losses?"  
"The way I see it, as long as we're together, with our kids? That's not losing. One step at a time. And as Jamie grows and we have more kids, stepping away…"

"Will be easier?" He supplied.

"Maybe," She said with a shrug, a look of desperation on her face. She _really_ wanted this. She was willing to wait a year before bringing up the topic of pregnancy again because she knew that it would allow Steve to settle into his new life. She was making this plan on the premise that this life they were building was for the long run and things wouldn't change once again the next spring, since that had been a kind of ritual by now.

"How do you do it?" Steve asked suddenly. "You make stepping away look so easy. I know what this job meant to you. It was your life, your identity."

"I know that one of us needs to be there for him," Bethany explained, looking at Jamie while she spoke. "And you're not ready to be that one yet. And it would've been nice to know that before Munchkin came into our lives, but I don't hold a grudge. You gave me the best gift anyone ever could. I love Jamie. He has completely changed my entire life and who I am. I mean, I didn't think that I would be the one trying to convince you to have more kids, but he's completely changed everything in my life. It's okay that it's not the same for you. I know you love him. And I think he knows that too, babe."

"You were right though," Steve whispered, reaching out to tuck a curl behind Bethany's ear. "Back during the war. When you weren't ready and you… You knew."

"I've never doubted that you'd be a good father," Bethany was quick to assure. "Steve, if I was assured that you would have been there, and that I could still continue with my work-"

"It would've ended different?" Steve asked, but unable to actually wrap his head around the situation.

"It would have ended with a baby without a father. And without a mother," Bethany replied. "Steve, you would have made the same decisions. Even if we got married and I had already given birth, I know you would have."

"Without a mother?" Steve repeated curiously.  
Bethany looked down for a moment while she built up her courage. "I was a different person then. I can't make promises about something I may or may not have done. I don't know what would have happened. I would have had that baby right around the same time you crashed that plane though. I wouldn't have been in the right frame of mind to even think about taking care of a baby."

"What do you want? In the long run," Steve asked, already knowing the answer, but needing to hear her words.

"You," Bethany said simply with a shrug. "A life with you. And if this is how we get it, then this is how we get it. Like I said, it's not normal or ideal, but… it's _our_ life, and I love it. I can't ask for more than the people I love being healthy and happy and safe."

"I thought you'd leave," he said suddenly, thinking back to everything that happened after Wanda had her fun with their minds. "I thought you'd take a look at our life and where it was going and just pick up and leave."

"Steve," she began after a long sigh. "I thought my biggest fear was reverting back to my old self. Seeing myself killing everyone I love. But instead, I saw that my biggest fear it's living forever while watching everyone else on this planet disappear. Jamie being in my vision… Wanda told me that it was a truth I've known for a long time, and no amount of brain play would have taken that truth away from me. Because her visions were meant to show us the truth of our fears. And he told me that you left. And you will. And you'll come back. Until the day you don't. But why would I spend that time without you? Why waste what time I have with you?"

"So, I can take comfort in you not leaving because I'll die?" Steve teased her lightly.

"Steve, I'd rather be mad at you and be _with_ you than not at all. Oh, and… I love you. That's, you know, a huge selling factor," Bethany replied with a smile.

Pulling his family in for a tight hug, he just soaked in the moment. The weather was beautiful. The sun was shining and there was a light breeze to keep the heat from affecting anyone. He could hear the sounds of people training outside and soft babbles from Jamie. "Okay," he finally said, Bethany looking up to him. "Your plan. It's good. It's well thought out, and I've already told you. I want more kids. It's just not the time. But what you have all worked out? A year."

Steve didn't think he had ever seen Bethany so happy before.

* * *

 ****A/N: Yay, finally at the end of the _Age of Ultron_ plot. I'm currently working on the Ant-Man incorporation and obviously getting geared up for _Civil War_. All the new clips I've seen has inspired lots of ideas :) I'm seeing the movie May 5th, so I still have some time to go before then. **

**anonymouscsifan: Something Chris Evans said in an interview about Bucky choosing his old family (aka Bucky) over his new family got me really thinking about the plot in a new way. It'll be good though, I promise. No matter what I choose, I feel like it'll continually keep people on edge.**

 **Jo: I had FULL intentions on finishing that smut (which I assume is what you're talking about with the teasing) but weeks went by and I wasn't feeling it. It was either I just ended it or it wouldn't be published until a few weeks from now :P**

 **Kat: A big enough number that Bethany (nor I) know for sure. But she can count on one hand how many men have made the experience something special, and that's really all that matters to her :)**


	46. Mend Your Broken Heart

****A/N: I will be away next week on vacation, so I'm not anticipating posting a chapter. BUT the next update will be the week I see _Civil War_ so that's kind amazing/weird/exciting. Feel free to contact me if you want someone to talk to about the movie, but for obvious reasons, I'll be MIA next week as I scream on rollercoasters and bake in the sun. **

**Oh, and I also just finished my last assignment for class, so that's exciting.**

Chapter 46- Mend Your **Broken** Heart

 _"I want to stand right by your side when the goin' gets tough. I want to mend your broken heart till you say the hurt is gone. I want to stay with you always so you won't be alone. I want to do everything for you."_

 _~I Want To Do (Everything For You), Nazareth_

* * *

Jamie wasn't all too pleased with being in his exersaucer, making it clear with his whining, but he wasn't crying. Whenever Bethany would look at him, however, his face showed just how displeased he was with the situation. He didn't want to be confined when he now had the ability to roam freely on his own two little legs. But Steve was busy training the team, Jackson had taken Jen and Theo to the museum as an 'educational field trip' and Bethany had promised she'd help Maria with some paperwork. She gave Jamie another half hour before she would have to let him out of the exersaucer to stretch his legs. Even in his sleep, he would kick his legs and his arms would swing from side to side. Steve kept telling her that he just needed to get used to the surge of energy and the compulsive _need_ to move. It was something he dealt with after his transformation and Jamie was probably dealing with similar things.

Most nights, Steve didn't move too much when Bethany was next to him. But when he had been banished to the couch on the odd nights during her pregnancy or slept alone while Bethany was away on missions, Steve noticed that he moved a lot more. Sometimes he'd wake up in the middle of the night on the floor or on the bed sideways. But never when Bethany was with him. It was like he was self-consciously aware that his movements would be disruptive to her.

"There's a lot going on in a little neighborhood called Hell's Kitchen," Maria reported, handing Bethany a file, drawing her attention back to the topic at hand. "Enough to raise the suspicions about evolved humans living there. Or it's just really prone to bad things happening."

"Nothing in the past has brought it on our radar?" Bethany asked, flipping it open to a series of newspaper articles that had been printed from the web.

"Not in particular," Maria said with a shake of her head. "It was relatively untouched during the Battle of New York, but it seemed like a lot of criminal activity struck up in the last year or so. You may remember the Wilson Fisk scandal?"

"Briefly," Bethany said, reading the reports on a man in a mask who was dubbed as 'Daredevil'. "I've been here before, actually. More than once. SHIELD had me go there for some dealings. It's a sketchy neighbourhood, which could explain the criminal activity."

"Agreed," Maria allowed. "But people are actually doing things now." Maria reached forward and flipped one of the tabs in the folder, showing her multiple twitter feeds and text messages that had been pulled from individuals' phones. "These people either live in Hell's Kitchen, or were in the area at the time of their messages. All regarding people possessing unnatural abilities."

"Well, they aren't the only ones," Bethany said with a sigh. "People all over the world are rising up to be superheroes lately. Even some with no extraordinary abilities to keep them safe. Paper copies?" Bethany added with a curve of her brow.

"Ultron has made me precautious," Maria answered with her smug smile. "But this is all in our databanks if you want to study it at your place."

Bethany rubbed the side of her face, letting out a heavy breath of air while looking at the profiles of some of the so-called 'superheroes' that were in Hell's Kitchen. Many of them were ordinary people, no name or costume to hide their faces, but the Daredevil in particular was a confusing one. "No lead on who this man is?"

"We could look into it," Maria began. "But he's solving more problems than causing. I don't think we need him on our radar. He doesn't seem like the type to cause problems."  
"Maybe not, but are we not recruiting candidates to become the New Avengers? To have a bigger team?"

"You know Steve believes that if this gets too big, it'll be hard to control people," Maria pointed out.

"We're not controlling anyone. They're free to leave whenever they please. But yes, I do agree that it can be dangerous. Good people do bad things all the time, you never know what could happen. I don't know, I just feel like we either let everyone, all the people in this folder, do what they want, or we dig dirt up on all of them. There's no in the middle. There's no gray area. It's black and white."

Maria was quiet before letting out a soft breath of air and nodding. "What's your expert opinion?"  
Bethany opened her mouth to speak, but it was a few long seconds before anything came out. "I feel like if someone wanted to join us, they'd march right up to our front door and show us what they've got. But people aren't so willing to do that. A lot of people are happy with Bruce Banner being the weirdest thing in this world."

"And the crazy thing is that he's not," Maria added softly.

"No, he's not," Bethany agreed. "There might come a day when we'll need their help, but we can't be selfish. These people are protecting their towns, cities, remote areas and fighting crime that is way above our focus. They're keeping the smaller population safe and that's just as important."

"Meaning, you'll talk to Steve about it," Maria said with a chuckle, earning her a smile from Bethany.

"As much as people believe that I'm in charge of all this," she said, gesturing to all the files and information packets on the table. "I'm not. It's a group decision, not just mine. Not just Steve's either."

"Which causes a lot of debate, issues, and slower processes," Maria added.

"It's like the Senate in _Star Wars,_ " Bethany began, only for Maria to interrupt.

"Not just in general?"

Bethany shook her head. "That's the whole point of the fall, though, right? In the movies, the power is given to the Chancellor _because_ it takes so long for the Senate to agree on anything. It's their very downfall in the end, but at least when one person was making the decisions, they could actually get things done."

"Yeah, war," Maria reminded her.

"All I'm trying to say is that this way takes a long time, but one person making quick decisions doesn't always work either," Bethany finished before Jamie decided that he was ready to get some freedom, letting a loud wail and swinging his legs back and forth wildly.

* * *

Bethany was making dinner when Steve came home, Sam following him and declaring that it smelled amazing in the apartment, basically inviting himself over for dinner. Bethany didn't mind at all. She always made more than enough food, knowing that _someone_ would eat the leftovers if Steve didn't just decide to eat it all that night. Her day had been pretty slow and she had to force herself not to help out around the Facility. It wasn't that motherhood was boring her, it was that Jamie was a pretty well-behaved baby on most days. He wasn't too fond of being confined to a small space, but he could keep himself busy for up to an hour, something Bethany knew was rare.

"How's Jen holding up?" Steve asked as the men took a seat at the island. It wasn't as big or glamourous as the one at the Tower, or the one that would soon be installed in their house, but it would do in the meantime.

"I'm more worried about Kiley than Jen, to be honest," Bethany stressed, continuing her preparation of the Caesar salad.

"Aren't they running tests on Jen this week though?" Sam asked, a little confused.

"Basic things, really," Bethany explained. "Most of it she already knows and the rest is just a bunch of 'what-ifs'. Although one scientist apparently thought that if Jen could freeze her own body, it would be a good thing. Then I pointed out that breaking ice is a whole lot easier than breaking bone, and she'd break into a million little pieces. Jen called me today saying that this guy, Kevin Ruel, thought of a new brilliant, but really not that brilliant idea. If she breaks while she's ice, she can melt and maneuver as water."

She watched as Steve's eyes popped open in shock. "But… what if she just… dies?"

Bethany pointed the knife she was using to herself. "That's what I'm saying. The thing about some of these scientists is that they forget that these are real people, with real lives. It would be a cool experiment if it didn't have such deadly consequences."

"Has she decided if she wants to keep them or forget about them yet?" Sam asked, before looking down at his legs. Bethany had been keeping a watchful eye on Jamie as he played with some of his toys, but he had apparently decided that Steve and Sam were more important than his toys. "Hey little dude."

Bethany smiled as Sam picked the baby up and sat him on his lap, the boy reaching out eagerly for one of the vegetables on the cutting board, but it being just out of his reach. "I don't think she'll ever make a decision," Steve admitted, helping his son out and giving him a cucumber.

"I don't necessarily agree, but she's not making a decision anytime soon. The tests make her feel safe," Bethany said with a shrug. "We're not in any position to take that from her."

"And what's going on with Kiley?" Steve asked, changing the subject.

Bethany sighed, placing the knife in the sink and leaning against the countertop. "She's very distant. She seems lonely, but every time I try to talk to her, she's not at all there. If I was acting like that, I know I'd want to be left alone, so I've been trying to give her space, but I don't know. She's always been very vocal about what's going on in her life. This entire PTSD, anxiety, drug and alcohol addiction thing… I need to stop expecting to see her as she used to be and start to accept her as she is now."

"It's not that easy, is it?" Steve spoke lightly. It was meant to tease Bethany from all the times she insisted that him going after Bucky wouldn't do anyone any good since Steve was still expecting his best friend and not necessarily the man he had become as of late. But despite trying to be humorous, he failed because of how serious the topic was to both of them.

"I can give it a shot," Sam suggested. "I'm pretty good at that sort of thing."

"You are," Bethany said with a nod, knowing that the one person she'd want with her while going through a panic attack would be Sam. "Could you?"

"Well, I mean if you're gonna feed me more than once a week, I might as well repay you, right?" He joked, earning a soft chuckle from Bethany. "But I'm more than happy to. She's a nice girl. Also, your food is better than that crap they serve in the cafeteria."

"There's a reason why the apartments have kitchens," Bethany pointed out.

"But that would mean going grocery shopping," Sam retorted.

Bethany laughed, shaking her head. "Would you like me to go grocery shopping for you Sam?"

"Then I'd _really_ owe you," Sam announced, making them all laugh, including Jamie, but it was clear that he was only laughing so he wouldn't be left out.

"Oh! I forgot to tell you Steve. They were able to get another team of construction workers out, so the house will be having twice as many people. Now, that doesn't mean that it'll get built quicker since certain things need setting time, but at least they can focus on more than one area of the house at any given time."

Bethany was counting on the house to be ready for her birthday so she could throw a party and invite everyone she knew that was still on her good side. But she still had Jamie and Steve's birthday's to plan before she could think about hers. "What are we supposed to do for Jamie's birthday?"

"It's his first birthday, he won't remember it," Sam pointed out.

"I still want it to be special," Bethany pouted slightly. "I wanted a nice barbeque with the family and some friends, but-"

"Then let's do that," Steve said with a shrug. "No buts. We can find a secluded space, set up some picnic tables, some music. What's wrong with that?"

"It'd have to be at the Facility," Bethany explained. "I'm just being picky, forget I said anything-"

"We could do it at the Tower if you want," Steve suggested lightly. "Tony would be more than happy."

"No, no," Bethany replied, shaking her head. "We can do it here. Sorry, I was just complaining and feeling sorry for myself. Here is fine. I can be happy with here."

"You sure?" Steve stressed, raising his brows for emphasis.

"I am," Bethany promised. "Like you said, Sam. It's his first birthday. The only thing he'll remember is going to be from the photos we take." She shook her head as she looked over at her son. "Ugh, how are you turning one, Munchkin?"

Jamie just looked up at his mother, his lips wet with drool and gave her that adorable gapped-tooth smile she loved where his eyes scrunched up excitedly. A year ago, he had been inside of her. A year ago, they had been _one_. She had been excited for the pregnancy to end, but also afraid of what the future would hold. She continued to worry about the future, Jamie's in particular, but there was something very exciting about Jamie's first birthday. It was less of an accomplishment for Jamie and more for Steve and Bethany. They had succeeded the first year of having a baby, something she had been nervous about time and time again. Something she knew Steve had struggled with too. But another year had passed. And their baby boy was turning one.

* * *

Bethany was busy organizing the food table when Tony and Pepper arrived, Pepper carrying the cake Bethany had ordered from a bakery in the city. "Anything I can help with?" Pepper asked with a smile after they exchanged their pleasantries.

Bethany looked around the area she and Kiley had set up. "You can ask Kiley if she needs any help with the streamers and balloons, but I think she already got things under control."

The redhead looked at Kiley who was currently obsessing over balloon placement and decided to help her out anyways. "So, uh, where's Steve?" Tony asked, leaning against the table.

Bethany picked a strawberry up from the arrangement and handed it to Jamie, who was in his playpen, walking around in circles. He took a second from his wandering to eat the fruit before continuing. She sighed, tossing the top of the strawberry in the trash, looking to her nephew. "He's on a mission," she told him, trying to hide her emotion.

They were quiet for a minute before Tony laughed, but there was no humour in his tone. "Wow. He's just like dad."

"Tony, that's not fair," Bethany breathed for a moment. "The call was sent out. People were in trouble. What did you expect him to do? Me to say? 'No Steve, you can't, it's your son's first birthday? Just let all those people down?'"

"Don't act like you're not disappointed."

"Of course I am!" Bethany stressed, lowering her voice. "But I'm not heartless. It's not like he's off at a strip club, Tony. He's saving people. He's being a hero. A good man. As much as I want Steve to be here with us I also fell in love him because he was a good man. I married him full well knowing that it's important for him to save lives. I'd be a hypocrite to expect him to be all of that with his family and not with anyone else."

"I'm not trying to get you worked up," Tony promised. "I'm just worried about you."

"I'm fine," She insisted, rearranging some flowers while she gathered her breath. "No one is ever one-hundred percent happy with their lives. Everyone has to deal with stuff they don't like or want. Do I worry? Of course. And obviously I'm upset that he's missing this, but I don't appreciate you coming here and accusing him of being a bad father."

"I wasn't doing that-"

Bethany's hands clenched in frustration. "Kinda seems like it, kid. Please… Please, just respect the life Steve and I have chosen for ourselves. And trust that I'll know when I'm not happy and Jamie's not happy and things need to change. As much as I want to be with Steve, if Jamie or I are suffering, I expect Steve to understand and make a difference. Now, can you please just help me focus on Jamie and not on his father or godparents not being here? Please?"

Tony looked at his feet for a moment, but his sunglasses covered whether it was out of contemplation or embarrassment. "Do you need any help with anything?" He finally offered.

"Can you watch Jamie while I pick some things up from the apartment?" Bethany asked softly.

"Yeah," Tony nodded.

Bethany leaned down to kiss Jamie's forehead softly before moving to leave, but her pride stopped her and she turned back around. "He won't be gone all day. Yeah, he left before Jamie was awake, but he said he'd be back tonight. He'll make a memory with Jamie on his first birthday. That's all that's really important, right?"

"What if, in ten years from now, the kid looks at pictures of his first birthday and wonders where his dad is?" Tony asked. "And let's say Steve isn't around anymore. Those will mean something to him."

Bethany let out an exasperated breath, raising her hands out, trying to find answers. "I'll photoshop him in or say he was the one taking the photos. Just-just don't, okay, Tony? Please, just support me today. I need it. I'm pretending I'm strong, but when Steve isn't around, it's really hard. I feel like there's only half of me, so _please-"_

Tony walked towards her, pulling her in for a hug. "I won't say another word," he promised.

"I appreciate you being worried about me and Jamie," she whispered. "But you don't need to worry about us. I do enough of that already."

"I just don't want you to feel like you're alone," Tony replied honestly.

"I don't," Bethany said, pulling apart so she could smile. "Right now, in fact, I feel like I never get a moment alone. Between Jamie, Steve and everyone at the Facility, I never feel alone. I'm good, kid. Now, please just watch him while I get some stuff from the loft?"

"Sure," Tony nodded as Bethany scattered off. She had a box filled with gifts for Jamie. It was an absolutely beautiful day. Bethany was worried that the rain they were expecting tomorrow would come early and they'd have to have the party inside. Steve was supposed to barbeque burgers for all the people helping them celebrate Jamie's first birthday, but it looked like she would have to take the reins on that one. Since the Avengers made up the most of the party guests, they were going to be a small crowd so it shouldn't be too many people to cook for, but Bethany was really hoping that Steve would end up returning home earlier.

* * *

Steve had told Bethany that he'd text her on their way back to the Facility, but he wasn't planning on keeping that promise. He had even asked the team not to text her. He wanted it to be a surprise that their mission went off without a hitch and he'd be back in time for dinner. He didn't intentionally want to lie to her, but he wanted to see the look on her face when he surprised her. He knew she would be ecstatic, and not at all upset that he hadn't said anything.

Steve hated that he almost missed Jamie's birthday. It really was a huge achievement, not necessarily for the baby, but for the entire family. A year ago, Bethany had been in the hospital, trying to birth him into the world and Steve had felt helpless, unable to do anything but watch. In a lot of ways, Steve still felt this way when it came to Jamie, but the baby was starting to accept him dressing and feeding him opposed to only Bethany, which made him feel very fulfilled. Looking back at the past year, Steve knew that he and Bethany were ready to have another baby. They could do it again, easily. Jamie hadn't been such a difficult baby and raising a child was less work than saving the world on a weekly basis. But that was the entire reason why they would wait—he was busy saving the world on a weekly basis.

"Twenty minutes," Natasha informed Steve, sitting beside him.

"Good, it'll give me time to shower before I have to cook the burgers," Steve smiled softly. He had been looking forward to that. Sam had showed Steve some tips and he had practiced for hours the night before. "You're coming right?"

"You think I'd miss it?" Natasha asked, but by looking into her eyes, Steve was glad that he did.

"You've been sitting out on a lot of social things lately," Steve explained. "I get it. I do. I know what it's like to open yourself up to someone and have them betray you because they think what they're doing is what's best for everyone, even if it isn't."

"I've already talked to Bethany-"

"She's worried about you," Steve interrupted. "Okay? We both are. We don't expect you to go back to normal overnight. You're allowed to be sad, we just want you to know that you have us, whether it's to talk or just to have a few drinks."

"I know I have people to talk to," Natasha replied. "But I don't want to. Mostly because I can't put my emotions into words. But it's not just that, I just don't feel like reliving it. I'm just trying to move on the only way I know how to."

"Did you love him?" Steve asked suddenly.

"I think I could have," Natasha answered honestly. "I loved him, but I don't think I was _in_ love with him. Not yet anyways. Not now. I do miss him though. And miss-"

"What could have been?" Steve questioned, giving her a small smile when Natasha nodded. "Yeah, I know what that's like."

"Yeah, but everything worked out perfectly for you."

Steve laughed. "'Perfectly'? Not even close. And yes, things worked out, but it took time. A _lot_ of time. And whose to say it won't work out for you? I _really_ didn't think things would work out between Beth and I, but our son turned one today. A son who was born in wedlock, of all things."

"We couldn't have that though. Kids," Natasha explained shyly. "It was never really something I thought I'd need after I graduated from the Red Room, but now… things are different. My life is different from what they told me it was going to be. Don't get me wrong, it's better. But I guess seeing Clint with his family and now you and Bethany with Jamie and planning your future… Things don't seem so clear anymore."

"Well, you're always welcome in our family," Steve assured her. "We made you Jamie's godmother for a variety of reasons. And by default, that makes you part of our family. And anything you want to do with your life, you know Beth and I will support you. We'll help you do whatever you want to do since we know you'd do the same for us."

"Thanks Rogers," Natasha replied softly, smiling kindly. It was a smile that screamed that Natasha trusted Steve. He knew that she did, but she often wore a mask that made understanding what she was thinking or feeling really hard, and nothing bugged Steve quite like not knowing what someone was thinking.

* * *

Bethany chuckled, taking a sip of her wine as she and Pepper watched Tony and Jamie play. The baby kept squeezing her nephew's nose and laughing at the funny faces he was making in response. "I didn't think I'd ever see him with a baby in his hands," Bethany admitted to Pepper.

The redhead chuckled, nodding. "Jamie sure has Tony wrapped around his little finger."

"Yeah, he seems to have done that to a lot of people," Bethany replied. "Any talk about you two settling down?"

Pepper put her empty wine glass down, pouring herself some more booze before taking a hefty sip. "That's not exactly a conversation that Tony approaches lightly. I always figured one day I'd get married and _maybe_ have kids. But when I fell in love with Tony, things changed, you know? Being with him is enough for me right now."

"You know, I thought the same thing about Steve," Bethany said with a laugh. "But I was more like Tony and Steve was adamant on marriage and children. To him, it's a vital part of life. I'm grateful he convinced me of that. The past year has been amazing. Scary, for sure. But I wouldn't trade it for anything."

"That's reassuring to hear," a voice whispered in her ear, followed by two strong arms wrapping around her waist.

"Steve!" Bethany exclaimed excitedly, turning in Steve's arms and giving him a tight hug. "You're back!"

"Sorry I didn't say anything, I wanted to surprise you," Steve replied, kissing her softly. "Hi, Pepper. How you doing?"

"I'm doing great," Pepper smiled. "I'll give you two a moment."

"Thanks, Pep," Bethany grinned, hugging Steve closer to her. "Oh, I'm so happy you're here! I was afraid I'd have to grill the burgers."

Steve held her close, lifting her so her feet hovered over the ground for a moment before placing her back down. "I wouldn't miss the chance to try my new frilling skills. I would like to shower and change however. That's what the rest of the team is doing."

"That's fine with me, but maybe you should spend some time with the birthday boy before that?" Bethany teased, looking over to where Tony and Jamie were still playing. Steve eagerly moved to the boys, scooping his son into his arms and tossing him in the air lightly, Jamie's laugh capturing everyone's attention.

Bethany clasped her hands together, resting them against her chin as she felt pride swell up inside her. The rest of the night was Bethany's definition of perfect. She only felt her happiness swell up even more when Steve had changed out of his outfit and while she wouldn't admit that to anyone, it really concerned her. It was confusing. She could not put her pride of Steve and him being Captain America into words. It might not always seem like she was proud of him, but she helped make him that way and she was immensely proud of what he had become and accomplished. But seeing him dressed in a pair of jeans and a blue t-shirt, holding his son as he cooked food for their friends, it made her even more proud. Steve seemed to only identify himself as Captain America some days, but Bethany was proud to identify him as a family man first.

Theo blew out the candles on Jamie's cake since the baby just kept laughing whenever Bethany would try to show him what to do and he eat precisely two bites before he decided he'd rather wear the cake than eat it. Which, unfortunately for Jamie, meant that after gifts, pleasantries and goodbyes, it was bath time. Despite filling the tub with bubbles and a bunch of floating toys, as soon as Jamie saw or heard the running water, he began to cry as usual.

"The tub isn't big enough for me," Steve reminded Bethany, knowing that in order to get all the icing staining off of Jamie, he'd need a deep scrub.

"This is outrageous," Bethany said, shaking her head lightly, trying to keep Jamie's squirming body in her arms. "He's one and still freaks out over a bath but is fine with swimming pools and oceans. We shouldn't have to get in the bath with him every time we need to wash him."

"Any brilliant ideas to condition him?" Steve asked, turning the running water off when the tub was filled.

Bethany breathed in deeply before exhaling and nodding. "I have an idea. Go get the tablet."

Steve followed her instructions as she took the still squirming Jamie's clothes and diaper off. The bathrooms in the Facility were almost half the size of the bathroom they had at the Tower, but Bethany kept reminding herself that it was temporary. The dorm-like rooms in the Facility weren't exactly meant for a family of three at bath time. Bethany instructed Steve to sit the tablet up on the toilet seat which was _way_ too close to the tub for Bethany's liking. After searching up some videos on YouTube and making a playlist, Bethany let Jamie watch some of his favourite Disney movie songs until he was distracted enough so that plopping him in the tub was effortless. Steve and Bethany backed away for a few seconds, watching carefully to gauge how he'd react and high-fiving each other in success.

"You, my darling Doll Face, are a genius," Steve congratulated her, pulling her into his arms and kissing the crown of her head.

"Well, why thank you Captain," Bethany replied, wrapping her arms around his waist and holding him close to her. "I'm really happy you made it back this afternoon," she whispered.

"I am too," Steve whispered back. "I'd say I wouldn't have missed it for the world, but the world really dictates whether or not I miss anything."

"Tony was upset," Bethany confined as the song changed from _Under the Sea_ to _I Just Can't Wait to be King_. "I defended you. He doesn't see things in the perspective of Iron Man when it comes to this. He sees it as the little boy whose father missed his birthdays because he was working. Babe, I'm really proud of you though, you know that right? I know how much we mean to you and that the last thing you wanted to do today was go out on a mission, but that it's your duty and you knew people needed your help. I'm not upset. I'm immensely proud."

Steve tilted Bethany's head up so he could look into those beautiful green eyes of hers. "I can't tell you how good it feels to hear you say that."

Jamie's laughter caught their attention and they both smiled as he splashed around in time with the music. "Our little boy is one, Steve," Bethany said softly. "Our beautiful, baby boy. Soon he'll be a toddler. Then a kid. Then a teenager-"

"But for _now_ , he's our baby boy," Steve interrupted, kissing her one more time before breaking apart to start ridding Jamie of the blue and green icing stains all over his body.

* * *

 ****A/N: See ya all in two weeks :D**

 **anonymouscsifan: There will be small time hops for sure. I'm not planning on writing every single day. The thing with doing the _Civil War_ plot is that I need the script/movie in front of me while I write, and Marvel takes forever to release their movies on DVD. So whenever they do that, I'll start on actually writing out the revised script. I made the Facility Bethany's property specifically because I wasn't sure what would happen in _Civil War_ with the Facility but I knew that I would be PISSED if Tony was all "we'll it's technically mine" so I made sure it was hers so I can avoid that. **


	47. Strings Must Create

****A/N: Tomorrow is the night! I get to see Civil War :D Finally! Maybe I'll post the next chapter quicker and add my opinions of the movie.**

Chapter 47- **Strings** Must Create

 _"These strings must relate to you the sadness that I feel. These strings must create for you a love that is so real. So listen while they sing to you the bluest melody. These strings want to talk to you for me." _

_~ Strings, Wynn Stewart_

* * *

Bethany's foot was tapping against the tile floor in a rapid motion as her nerves got the better of her. Javan Ikra looked up at Bethany, giving her a soft smile. "Bethany, relax. He's in perfect health."

Bethany let out a deep breath and stopped her tapping, moving a hand out to smooth Jamie's curls. "I know, sorry. I can't help it sometimes."

The doctor gave Bethany a reassuring grin. "Well, it was good of you to make sure his vaccines are up-to-date. Although, I'm sure Jamie doesn't agree on that."

Jamie's face was still a little red from the intense crying he had participated in a few minutes earlier. "Even if he can't get sick, he's still a carrier. I want to start bringing him to Mommy and Me classes, so he needed to have all of that up-to-date. And then there's my fear that he might lose the healing ability."

"For now, he's in absolute perfect health," Javan promised. "He's long for his age, but he's the perfect weight."

"Even though he eats like a teenage boy," Bethany added with a chuckle, moving to redress Jamie in his onesie. "Is having another check-up next month too soon?"

"Bethany, pop in whenever you need," Javan insisted. "I can always spare a few moments to look him over, but all of his work has come back with flying colours. I think what you really need to worry about is whether or not you'll have another perfect child."

Bethany picked up her son, kissing his temple softly as his fingers intertwined in her hair. "Am I interrupting anything?" Jen asked, popping her head in.

"Not at all," Bethany assured, watching as the blonde came in with a tablet, dressed in her nurse outfit.

"Just some scans for you to look over, Javan," Jen said softly, handing the doctor the tablet before moving over to Bethany and Jamie. "Everything alright?"

"Perfect health," Bethany smiled. "What about you? How has your health been holding up with all the experiments and tests?"

"Good," Jen nodded. "Nothing has been overwhelming. I'm leaning towards keeping the powers just as a safety net, but I want to be able to control them better than I do now. Although they want me to start therapy."

"It's only because of past results with the experiment," Javan reminded Jen. "We don't want you to have a mental breakdown if we can detect it and stop it before it's too late."

"I know, and I appreciate that," Jen said with a soft smile.

"What about Theo? I haven't seen him around much lately. He'd be starting summer vacation soon enough, right?" Bethany questioned.

"It all depends if he finishes his school stuff on time," Jen said with a sigh. "His own therapist, Dr. F, has been insisting on a lot of one-on-one time with Theo, even though Theo hates going."

"We can always find another therapist," Bethany suggested. "Is Jackson staying around for the summer?"

"He'll head back for a little vacation time in August, but he wants to keep Theo learning in fun, creative ways throughout the summer to help him be prepared for next year. I want him to start going to public school."

"And how are things between you and Jackson?" Bethany asked, a smirk on her face. "I couldn't help but notice that you two are close."

Jen looked over her shoulder at Javan, who was busy reading the tablet she had brought in. When she looked back over at Bethany, she was wearing a shy smile. "We're just friends, Bethany. I meant what I said about not focusing on men right now. It's all about Theo and our well-being."

Bethany nodded, a little disappointed because she had to admit that Jen and Jackson would make a cute couple. And while she agreed that Jen shouldn't be focusing on her love life after everything that went down in the past, Jackson would be good for her. Theo loved him, and Jackson loved the kid in return. He was an amazing man and very trustworthy. "Well, if you do start to feel something for him, go for it. I mean, obviously I like the man. I let him take care of both of our sons. If there was ever a man you should have another relationship with, it would be a man like Jackson."

Jen gave Bethany a wary smile, looking back over to Javan before declaring she had to get back to work. When she left, Javan followed, telling Bethany to stay in the room as long as she needed. Considering Bethany technically owned the building, people often let her do whatever the hell she wanted to do and whenever she wanted to do it, but stay in a medical examination room was not something she wanted to do longer than she had to.

"That was weird, wasn't it?" Bethany said to Jamie, kissing the top of his head as they left the room. "What would you like to do? Go out and play, watch a movie, do some drawing? Maybe go see Daddy?"

Jamie's face lit up at the mention of his dad, something that he had been doing more and more lately. Steve was finally feeling like Jamie wanted him around as much, if not more, than he wanted Bethany around. She wasn't jealous at all. She was glad the two boys had developed this strong bond finally. She knew it meant a lot to Steve, and for her own personal gain, it would make his time away from home shorter. Jamie was merely a baby who really just needed _someone_ to do things for him. Before he had wanted Bethany doing those tasks. Now he wanted his mother and father around as often as possible.

"Okay, let's go see Daddy," Bethany replied with a laugh. "You're cute, you know that? You should say 'Daddy' and make his entire year, baby boy."

When they reached the training area, Bethany stood by the door and waited for a good moment to interrupt. Steve had confined in Bethany that the team all had their attributes, but working together was something they desperately needed to improve. Wanda's powers were incredible, but everyone could tell that she was holding back because she was afraid of what she was capable of. Bethany made a mental note that she and Jen should really get to know each other since they were both in the same boat.

Jamie started loudly squealing, calling out to Steve in his own little language, his hand outstretched in his direction. Since the room was mostly empty, his loud voice echoed off the walls, catching everyone's attention, stopping their training techniques.

"Uhh, let's take lunch," Steve suggested to the team, jogging over to his family, taking Jamie into his arms. "Hey."

He leaned down to kiss Bethany softly after she replied to his greeting. "Perfect bill of health."

"I had no doubts," Steve said, wrapping an arm around Bethany as they started off towards the living quarters.

"I got a call from Laura Barton today," Bethany spoke up. "She's invited us to go visit them at the end of the week. I told her we'd be there, but I was just going to double check with you."

"Seeing them really means something to you, doesn't it?" Steve asked.

"It's another family," Bethany explained. "We don't have friends with family. Well, except Jen but it's not exactly the same. It's important to me. And I like Laura. I feel like she can adequately prepare me for the future of being a mother and a wife of an Avenger."

"Okay, well then I guess we're going to see the Barton's this weekend," he told her with a smile. "Now, what should we do for lunch?"

* * *

Jamie's jealousy of Bethany holding the baby Nathaniel Barton was evident and worried Bethany a little bit. She had only been holding the adorable bundle for five minutes before Jamie aggressively started demanding her attention, no matter how busy Steve tried to keep him. Bethany handed the baby back to his mother and scooped Jamie up into her arms. He immediately fell silent and took an iron grip hold on her. Bethany tried not to let her disappointment show as she kissed Jamie's head and bounced him lightly on her lap, but it left a bitter taste in her mouth. She wanted another baby, and even if it was going to be a year or two from now, she wanted Jamie to be happy about it, not jealous and upset by Bethany having to split her attention.

"How's everything going at the Facility?" Clint asked as he handed Steve a beer and sat down next to Laura.

"So far so good," Steve replied with a nod. "Still have a lot of kinks to work out, but it's nice to have a large group of people to rely on. It's like SHIELD, but I trust the system a lot more."

"Yes, yes, we know," Bethany teased. "You didn't like SHIELD's system."

"I like to know what's going on," Steve explained. "You didn't care but you also knew everything that was going on."

"That is true," Bethany said with a chuckle. "So how's having three kids?"

"Very little sleep," Laura replied honestly. "This little one doesn't like to sleep. But the kids have been helpful most days. It's nice having Clint home too."

"You liking retirement Clint?" Bethany asked, wincing as Jamie accidently pulled her hair.

"I thought it would include more sleeping," Clint admitted. "It's weird. I'm still busy but just in a different way."

"I know what you mean," Bethany promised. "After Jamie was born, I was as busy as I was when I worked for SHIELD, but it was busy by being at home. Home is associated with relaxing and with a baby, it's hard to wrap your head around the fact that your resting place is now your workplace. Although, I bet for Laura, after the third time around, it's not that weird."

"It's like clockwork at this point," Laura agreed.

"How's Nat holding up?" Clint asked suddenly. "I keep in contact with her, but you know Nat. She never wants to burden people."

"She's doing good," Steve replied softly. "She's not the same, but after everything that went down, it's understandable. But she's working, she laughs when things are funny."

"She eats with us for dinner once a week," Bethany added. "She works all day and usually eats dinner with _someone_ , so she's only alone at nighttime. Whenever I try to bring up Bruce, she basically shuts me down, and I have to respect that. She'll talk when she's ready."

"She's welcome here whenever," Laura reminded them. "If you ever feel like she needs to get away from work, just send her to us."

"To be honest, I feel like she's been trying to stay away from us a little bit," Steve admitted. "I think she has a hard time being around a family right now, not knowing if she'll ever get one."

"Is that something that she wants?" Bethany asked truthfully. "I mean, I can't see her being a mother. To be fair, I was her a few years ago, but could you see Natasha adopting children and settling down?"

They all replied 'no' instantly before the room fell silent for a few moments. "But she can if she wants to," Steve spoke up. "If that's something she wants, then she should go for it."

"Agreed," Bethany said lightly. "But she may not want that either. I think, minus missing Bruce, she's happy with the set up right now. I feel like everyone is. It's been going a lot more smoothly than I thought it would."

"Nick still lingering around?" Clint asked, taking a sip of his beer.

"The man is like a ghost," Bethany said with a shake of her head. "He comes and leaves as he pleases. For someone who is supposed to make my life easier at the Facility when it comes to workload, it's like he's never around. And I think I know why," Bethany added, looking at Steve with an eyebrow raised.

"I told him I was fine with him being at the Facility and making decisions, but that this isn't SHIELD and he can't keep secrets whenever he damn well pleases," Steve argued.

Clint laughed, shaking his head. "Oh, I wish I could have seen his face when you told him that. The ex-Director of SHIELD being talked down to. I bet it was priceless."

"I wish you just kept your mouth shut," Bethany told Steve truthfully.

"So you've said," Steve sighed.

"I've been balancing things, but having someone around who thinks similar to the way I do helps keep me happy at the apartment and not obsessing over what's going on at the Facility."

"Dessert anyone?" Laura asked suddenly, getting off the couch and handing Clint the baby as she clearly tried to avoid a fight brewing. The thing was, Bethany and Steve hadn't been fighting. Disagreeing, yes. But their disagreeing never amounted to them getting angry or yelling at the other. They either agreed to disagree or one of them would change their opinion on the situation. It had been a little over a month since the Ultron fiasco, and it was like neither one of them had the energy to actually fight, or the desire to.

Steve reached out and took Bethany's hand, giving it a tight squeeze. She smiled at him and he smiled back at her, and that was everything. No fighting, just acceptance.

* * *

When Bethany had mentioned that she was having a difficult time staying home with Jamie, her mind focused on what was going on at the Facility, she hadn't really told anyone how much it really bothered her. She _hated_ when she was trying to bond with her son and her mind would wander to whether or not certain things were getting done, and more importantly, whether or not they were getting done the way she wanted them to be done. If she told anyone, she would be admitting that she didn't fully trust the team.

That really wasn't the issue. She trusted them, she just… liked control. That was _not_ a new concept. But she was constantly worrying about working when all she wanted was to spend time with Jamie, which basically led to her coming up with an idea that could be completely idiotic. _Or_ it would be genius. Her heart was pounding as she was trying to debate over whether or not she should do this. Steve wouldn't agree but she felt like after Ultron, she'd have to tell him.

"You-you want to do _what_?!" Steve demanded before taking in some deep breaths and repeating the question with a calm tone.

"I want to develop an artificial intelligence to be my eyes and ears at the Facility. Not like Ultron, but like JARVIS. With a holographic body. Both of us know how great JARVIS was. He was helpful and resourceful. The only difference is that this intelligence will be created by me and have my decision making process. At the end of the day, it'll send me a report and-"

"Only if it's just like JARVIS," Steve interrupted. "It can't have any prospects of war or freedom or-"

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Bethany said as she jumped into Steve's arms kissing him.

He chuckled, wrapping his arms around her waist. "I didn't think this would make you so happy."

"I just want to be able to spend time with Jamie without worrying about what's going on outside. I'll get the plans from Tony and make some small adjustments," Bethany promised.

So she had spent almost every free moment of her day working on the AI. She would set Jamie up in the living room with a variety of toys and activities while she would sit at the couch, working away. Jamie would usually pick a specific toy and crawl up onto the couch and sit beside Bethany, his head leaning against her arm, watching cartoons on the TV. This wasn't exactly what Bethany wanted Jamie to do all day, but she knew that once she set up the intelligence, she was free to take Jamie outside for picnic lunches or finally go out to Mommy and Me classes.

The Computerized Holographic Response Intelligence System, or CHRIS, took a little over a week to set up. Since Bethany wanted it to be a hologram, she also had to ensure that the pod that would screen the body could move throughout the Facility, but would fall dead as soon as it reached the boarders of the Facility building. All of the Avengers agreed that this would be for the best. Vision would monitor CHRIS to make sure that everything was safe and not going to hell, and as soon as Bethany finished the program, Sam applauded her for CHRIS' body—the intelligence took on the appearance of Kerry Washington.

So after a week of monitoring CHRIS carefully, the intelligence sending Bethany daily updates on everything going on in the building and Bethany agreeing with all the decisions or suggestions CHRIS implemented, Bethany finally enrolled herself and Jamie in some Mommy and Me classes. On their first day, Bethany had woken up at five, her nerves getting the best of her. She could go up against aliens, HYDRA and an army of robots, but the fear of interacting with a group of mothers didn't allow her to swallow up her nerves.

"Why are you doing it then?" Steve asked Bethany as he got dressed for the day, watching as Bethany obsessed over which outfit to wear that day.

"Because I want Jamie to interact with children his age," Bethany said with a sigh. "I just… I'm not exactly looking forward to what the mothers will think of me."

"Do you want me to take the day off?" Steve asked, halting doing up his suit. "Take him? Or go with you? Just so that you feel like you can go by yourself next time?"

"Would you?" Bethany asked softly, her desperation showing in her eyes. "I want them to like me. If I didn't care, I could do it because I could kick their asses if I had an issue, but I want them to like me and actually make friends so I don't change my mind about taking Jamie there every week."

"Let me just call the team and let them know I'll be gone for the day," Steve allowed, giving her a smile. Bethany clasped her hands together as she smiled, watching as Steve left the room. She turned back to her closet, looking over her options. It was like the first day at the Facility all over again, except this time, Bethany was trying to decide what kind of mother she wanted to appear as.

There was something appealing about showing up looking hot, like she just stepped out of a fashion magazine, but she knew that it would be better to relate to the mothers if she dressed down. She settled on a pair of worn-in jeans and a pink and white plaid top. She even went as far as to pick out an outfit for Steve. Bethany had already picked out a cute outfit for Jamie the night before. This was yet another milestone that meant the world to her. She didn't want Jamie to grow up sheltered and alone.

Despite her nerves for Mommy and Me class, the mothers welcomed Bethany into their circle, even inviting her over to their place a few times. Every time, she got a little nervous, just because she had a hard time trusting anyone that wasn't already in her circle, but they were curious about her life. Mostly, they were amazed at how much she could juggle. It helped that Jamie, besides his aversion to bath time, was a typically good baby. He wasn't even too fond of nap time, but Bethany had learned that he would nap in the afternoon, just when he wanted to and _where_ he wanted to. The other day, he fell asleep on the floor, cuddled up to Molly.

Jamie had blended in with the other babies easily. At first, he looked confused at them all, but quickly found out that they were fun to play with. He loved playing with the building blocks. The cutest thing he did was when he noticed a little girl trying to reach a toy on the shelf, just out of her arm length. Jamie had stood up, walked over, picked up the toy and handed it to her, looking to his mother for approval.

The approval by the other moms had been just as exciting for Bethany. She didn't tend to have friends that didn't mesh in with her superhero/super spy life. Even Jen, who was just a neighbour, now qualified as part of that life. She was making connections away from the Avengers and that was very fulfilling. Bethany had been in a dark place a few months ago, feeling helpless and lost even when she had no reason to be. She had friends and a loving husband, but now that she had experienced life away from the Avengers and the work that followed that life, she felt like an entirely different woman. They wanted to talk about trashy celebrities and cute things their babies did. And, much to Bethany's amusement, how attractive her husband was. That seemed to be a popular topic with the women.

After the class one day, Bethany took Jamie out for ice cream, deciding that she wasn't ready to return to the Facility just yet. While at the parlour, Bethany eyed an elderly couple in the corner, both with oxygen tanks and canes, but eating their ice cream slowly and having conversation nonetheless. She couldn't help but smile. Getting old was something that scared a lot of people because it meant dying eventually. Bethany would admit that she _was_ afraid of getting old because of the change, but there was something so mysterious and exciting about the life that could be ahead of her. Growing old with Steve by her side.

* * *

"Happy Birthday," Bethany whispered to Steve as he woke up on the Fourth of July. He gave her a soft smile, rubbing his eyes as Bethany drew circles on his arm with her fingernail.

"Thanks Doll," he replied, pulling her closer to him and taking a whiff of her hair. When Bethany had asked Steve what he wanted to do for his ninety-seventh birthday, he really had no idea. What appealed to him the most was just doing what they did for Jamie's birthday—have close friends over for a barbeque and beers. But since it was also America's birthday, he understood that a lot of their friends were working on keeping the festivities safe or participating in them themselves. They decided that they'd have a joint birthday party the next month, after the house was done, when Bethany turned ninety-five. That day, Steve was just going to spend some time with his family.

"Jamie is still sound asleep," Bethany informed him after Steve yawned, trying to shake his sleep off.

"That's because someone let him take a nap at five yesterday," Steve replied, a small smile tempting his face.

"Guilty as charged," Bethany supplied. "Not complaining too much however, since it means we can lie here a little longer. Any idea of things you'd like to do today?"

"Picnic lunch?" Steve offered. "Maybe a movie for the three of us. I'd like to see the fireworks tonight though, if you don't mind."

"Not at all," Bethany promised. "It's your special day. Whatever you want."

Steve let out a deep breath, letting it soak in that it was his birthday. Ninety-seven. It didn't seem right. Technically, he was only thirty today. Or at least, that's how many years he had been awake, his heart and brain functioning. It all continued to seem so surreal to him. This life. What was really becoming hard to understand was that Bethany no longer seemed like a piece of his old life. She _was_ his new life. Every part of his new life had her in it. She was there in the 1940s, but he considered her more a part of this new generation than the old. He felt that he was losing his past a little each and every day. When he had mentioned that to Sam, his friend had told him that this wasn't necessarily a bad thing. That he needed to accept his life as it was and make the best of it. Dwelling on the past wouldn't change anything. In a way, Steve knew he was right, but his past was _who_ he was and _where_ he came from. It was hard to let go of that.

He wondered where Bucky was. They hadn't been able to find him, only catching cold trails here and there. Bethany continued to remind him that cold trails were good things because that meant that he was still alive and that no one else had found him. It scared him to think that other people, people having bad intentions, were after his friend. He felt obligated to find him before anyone else did. But even now Kiley was taking Bethany's side about letting Bucky be.

Steve still hadn't got the full story on Bucky and Kiley's adventure, but one thing was certain—Kiley had feelings for Bucky. The issue was that Steve couldn't tell most days whether it was positive or negative feelings. It was like they rotated on a daily basis. But one thing remained certain and that was that Kiley kept telling Steve that Bucky needed his freedom to figure out who he was. That even though she wasn't trying to force him to be anything, she unintentionally did. He needed to be away from people and just discover himself before he could make a reappearance. Steve had a hard time hearing this, but it seemed to be the consensus all around.

"What are you thinking about?" Bethany asked softly.

Steve ran his fingers through her curls, feeling the silky strands slip between his digits. "Bucky," he answered truthfully. When three minutes had passed and Bethany didn't say anything in return, he continued. "He's still my friend, Doll."  
"I know," Bethany replied. "But you may not still be his. That's a hard truth, but you need to be prepared for a future where you and him are not friends."

"I can't accept that," Steve quickly argued back, but his voice was quiet.

Bethany turned her head to look at him and he could see the worry in her eyes. She wasn't saying these things to hurt him, but to protect him. He knew she had nothing but the best intentions, but Steve had a hard time accepting a future where his best friend was the enemy. "You don't even know if you can have a relationship with him because we still don't know who he is. _He_ doesn't even know who he is."

"Kiley said he had made a lot of progress," Steve pointed out.

Bethany sighed, looking down for a moment before gathering the strength to meet his hopeful eyes again. "The human brain is an amazing organ, but it can only go through so much trauma before real damage is left behind. Any progress could be lost with a simple memory. A word. A blink of an eye. A _trigger_. You don't understand what it's like to have your brain feel like it doesn't belong to you. Sometimes, you can see, feel and hear all the stupid things you're doing, thinking and saying and _know_ that it isn't the right thing to do, but you keep doing it anyways because it isn't your brain. You don't understand that like I do. And Bucky's brain has gone through a lot more than mine has."

The sound of Jamie stirring, the crinkling of his crib and his call out for his mother ended the conversation just as quickly as it began. Bethany pulled the covers off of her, but decided there needed to be one more thing said. "Babe, I _want_ everything between you and Bucky to be good again. I want him in our lives, happy and healthy. But I also don't want you to get your hopes crushed again. It's so hard for me to watch you get destroyed emotionally because there's nothing I can do to fix it."

With that, she crawled out of the bed and made her way to Jamie's room, Steve lying in bed and letting her words float around his head. He knew that he could possibly just end up getting his heart broken again but he couldn't give up on Bucky. He never had before and he never would in the future.

* * *

For lunch, the family sat in what would soon be their backyard, on a huge blanket and a ginormous spread of food. They had some soft jazz music playing as the family of three ate, talked and played. The house still had some ways to go, but the best part of the situation was that it was actually starting to resemble a house. Bethany sat watching as Steve pretended to chase Jamie around the yard, Jamie falling every few seconds, but getting up and continuing his trek, a goofy smile on his face.

Jamie finally ran over to Bethany, Steve a few steps behind him, the baby collapsing into his mother's arm. "Aw, you tired out?" Bethany asked as Jamie's little chest heaved in exhaustion.

Steve sat beside them, picking up the polaroid camera and snapping a quick photo, waiting as the photo cleared up. "Tony called," Steve said to Bethany as she shifted Jamie in her arms, trying to get the baby to fall asleep. "Wanted to wish me happy birthday."

"That's it?" Bethany asked, patting down Jamie's curls, watching as his blond lashes fluttered.

"I believe his exact words were 'Happy Birthday Old Timer. Don't break your hip when you climb out of the bathtub,'" Steve replied. "That's how he's convincing himself I broke the bathtub at the Tower."

Bethany chuckled, knowing that Tony had an easy time thinking about everyone else's sex lives except for Steve and Bethany's. Although, Bethany knew that if Tony wasn't related to her, he'd be _very_ curious. It was just in his nature. It was in hers too. "Let him believe what he will. Less embarrassing, don't you feel?"

"Probably about the same, to be honest," Steve replied with a soft laugh before looking around. "It's coming along nicely."

"They're saying about another month to finish everything," Bethany explained. "They start putting the pool in next week. It's all coming together."

"Which means we should probably go shopping for furniture soon," Steve pointed out.

She nodded, softly encouraging Jamie to fall asleep before replying. "We'll need a full day at IKEA. It's up to you when you want to go, but on Tuesday, Tony will be here so we can connect the Facility's security system to the house."

"Maybe on Saturday?" Steve suggested. "Unless something comes up."

"What if something _does_ come up?" Bethany asked curiously, avoiding Steve's gaze at first but ultimately meeting it when he didn't reply quick enough.

"Then we'll reschedule," Steve said with a sigh. "Bethany, you know I can't back out of a mission if-"

"Did I say anything?" She interrupted harshly, Jamie stirring in her arms. Gathering her patience, she backtracked. "Babe, I'm not angry. It's just… difficult for me to wrap my head around you working five days a week at the Facility and then on our weekend, you may possibly have to step away. That's all, okay. You're at work more now than you have in our entire relationship, that's all."

"I see your point," Steve offered. "But I'm also working nine to five, five days a week. You can't tell me that that's not being normal."

Bethany bowed her head to try and hide her smile. She knew he had a point. In fact, she was kinda fond of the system they had built and the schedule they had. But he had, on two occasions, had to step away for a mission on the weekend, and more than a few times during the middle of the night. "Bad guys don't follow the rules of the weekend. That I know firsthand," Bethany replied. "I'm just excited to get some furniture for our home. That's all."

Bethany looked back down to see that Jamie was sleeping soundly in her arms, his cheeks a sweet rosy red as they always were when he fell asleep and his lips slightly parted and wet. "How's your birthday going so far?" Bethany asked with a sweet smile.

Steve reached out and cupped Bethany's cheek before kissing her softly. "It's amazing. I'm excited for the fireworks tonight," he admitted.

"The ones in the sky, or the ones in our bed?" Bethany asked with a smirk.

Steve let out a laugh, shaking his head in amusement. "Both, apparently."

"You'd think I'd let your birthday go by without some mind blowing birthday sex?" Bethany asked.

"We didn't have sex last year," he pointed out, but Steve already knew why they didn't have sex. Bethany had just had Jamie and they were still working out their issues in regards to trusting each other and feeling the wounds their painful words had caused.

"Yeah, but I feel like we're in a _much_ better place now than we were then."

"Oh, I know we are," Steve assured, leaning forward for another kiss, this one lasting much longer than the previous.

* * *

 ****A/N:**

 **pulchritudo in omia: Glad you caught up :) Haha, yes Steve as a Daddy is instant wet panties for sure. I really want there to be a sense of peace before the Civil War build up to add to the drama so there will be more peaceful times to go around :) the occasional issue, but all around, some good ole family time for the Rogers.**

 **Adela: Thanks girl! I don't want to take my time, but I did feel like I deserved a week off to relax in the sun ;)**

 **Jo: I definitely needed the vacation after the last semester of school. Haha, my sister and I were going gaga at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I basically just smiled and jumped excitedly at Diagon Alley. I definitely didn't look 21, nor did I feel it. I truly felt like I was 8 years old again :)**

 **Anonymouscsifan: Tony does have a point, and it'll cause some strain with her and Tony, along with when Tony finds out that Bethany knew about Bucky being the cause of his parents death and not getting upset/ naming her child after him. Obviously. At one point, they saw things in the same light. They don't as much anymore because Bethany is starting to see things the way Steve does. My trip was amazing! I was happy and smiling the entire time. I barely even thought about the story because I was enjoying myself so much. It was nice to have a week where the only thing that's really expected of me is to go on all the rides my brother and sister want me to, since I'm the official designated ride volunteer-er :)**


	48. Broken in Two, Strung Out On You

****A/N: HEY GUYS!** **So I've seen _Civil War_ twice by now and have plans to go this weekend. I wish there was more Sharon Carter because I LOVE her. People may think she had no reason to be in the movie, but without her, Steve would have been screwed. He wouldn't have known where to find Bucky, what cell he was in or have his suit. Things would have gone differently. Listen, I love her and I love her and Steve together. They made a great couple in the comics and while I feel like Marvel pulled a bit of a Bruce/Natasha by speeding things up a little bit, they HAVE been attracted/flirting with each other for other two years. That kiss was late. Steve liked her LONG before he knew about Peggy and Sharon being related. That's my two cents. **

**I was actually disappointed with the end of the movie...? I was hoping for something a little more dramatic that would make it super fun to write. I mean, it's still gonna be fun. Especially since Steve is a wanted man, so Bethany has two roads put in front of her and frankly, she won't like either one. All-in-all, the movie was great. Spider-Man was the best part hands down, and I never even liked Spider-Man before. Marvel and Tom Holland did an amazing job. They both deserve all the awards.**

 ****My _Civil War_ poll is up. I gave lots of options and you are allowed to pick two of them for voting. Remember, the majority will not necessarily be the storyline I write. I'm just curious as to who people think Bethany Stark/Rogers is. The poll will be up for a while (at least until the DVD comes out) so you can think about it, but I'm really curious as to what people think! Can't wait until the results come in. :D**

 **Also, for the 2 1/2 years I've been writing this story, I've never been at a loss at what to write. I am now. I can't start the _Civil War_ plot until the DVD comes out, so I'm gonna need ideas of things to write from now til then. ****If you have any requests/ideas, please, please, _please_ shoot me a message/send them. I'm desperate for some help.****

Chapter 48- **Broken** in Two, Strung Out On You

 _"A red river of wine won't drown you. No amount of time could wash you away. No holy prayer's gonna save me. This love affair is like a shallow grave. Gimme a shot, strong as you got. Baby, 'cause I don't wanna feel a thing. No, no no no. Broken in two, strung out on you, I gotta numb the fire flowing through my veins. Ooh, sweet novocaine."_

 _~Novocaine, Laura Benanti & Jonathan Jackson _

* * *

Tony and Bethany were eating lunch together before they went to set up the security system in the house. Jamie sat in his highchair, his hands and face covered in food, but enjoying the assortment that Bethany had placed in front of him. Jamie did a lot of things well. He was the only baby at the Mommy and Me classes that could properly fit the shapes into the correct holes, but when eating by himself, he made a mess every single time. Now that the Rogers couple had figured out how to get Jamie to happily take a bath, they didn't mind giving him foods that caused more of a mess.

The nephew and aunt were quiet as they watched the WHIH New Front segment. _"Thanks again to my panel and the UN representatives in Sokovia,"_ Christine Everheart said as the images flashed over the wreckage that was still littering Sokovia's streets. Despite the fact that the entire team was trying to help fix the damage, people were still demanding that they be to be held accountable. Bethany didn't necessarily disagree, but she wasn't exactly sure what they wanted them to do. Some people demanded government intervention. Others demanded for them to be put on trial. They seemed to be resting pretty easy for now, since these things could take years to actually develop. But it felt like Bethany was solely the one to remind the team on a daily basis that they shouldn't just walk away and never look back. That mess was _their_ mess.

" _The issue of more government and transparency when it comes to our super power citizens is going to continue to be a hot button topic, especially in the wake of what we all saw happen in that part of the world,"_ Christine continued. _"Now we revisit a story from a few years back; the case of cyber criminal and self-proclaimed whistleblower Scott Lang-"_

"Ugh, I hate her," Bethany decided, picking up the remote and turning off the television.

"I do too," Tony replied with his mouth full.

"Umm, didn't you sleep with her?" Bethany teased, taking a sip of her water.

"Yeah, so?" Tony asked, earning a teasing slap from his aunt. "Is Steve going to that museum rebranding thing in Washington?"

Bethany reached forward to wipe some hanging food from Jamie's chin with a napkin before replying. "I'm a little surprised that you are up-to-date with Steve, let alone his museum."

"It's all over the news that they have new material," Tony explained.

When they were emptying the storage unit at the Facility, the group had found a bunch of things from the war, everything Steve and Bethany agreed would mostly just sit around collecting dust. Most of the items didn't mean much to them, weapons and blueprints, some of Steve's old war journals and records, but even the things that meant something to them like photos and more video reels, they agreed it was best to donate them. It was hard to share part of their past, but they both understood that their past was the country's history and that it was part of their duty to share that with the world. History was increasingly important.

The biggest advertisement the museum was using to attract visitors was the new footage Bethany and Steve found. Steve hadn't even seen all the footage, but told Bethany that if she was comfortable sending it out, he didn't need to. Bethany was a little nervous because added into that pile of videos was an interview of Bethany in the fifties that had been difficult for her to complete. Both Howard and Peggy had suggested against Bethany doing the interview, but for some stupid reason, she did it anyways. To this day, she knew how stupid it was.

Steve had heard stories of Bethany's time while he was away, but when he watched the reel, as well as the rest of America and anyone else who went to the museum, they would be introduced to who Bethany Stark was during that time, before she built up her strength and became a SHIELD agent no one wanted to mess with.

"Uh, yeah," Bethany said with a nod. "We're all going actually. For the opening if nothing comes up, and then just whenever we have time if not. Go see Peggy Carter, most likely deal with some diplomats. A mini-vacation that is really just all heartbreak and annoyance."

"Still dealing with politicians angrily blaming you for everything?" Tony asked before finishing off his lunch.

"Now and forever," Bethany announced with a fake smile. "Sometimes I feel like they keep pointing their fingers directly at me because 'I should know better.'"

"You should," Tony teased.

"I just…" Bethany began with an exasperated smile on her face. "I thought that asking Rhodey to join the team would help smooth over our relations with the government. I was _very_ wrong, apparently."

"Have they been making demands?" Tony asked curiously.

"They've been asking a lot of us," Bethany replied with a sigh. "It's hard sometimes for everyone, no matter what department, to do their jobs when they keep suggesting this or requesting that."

Tony didn't say anything at first, seemingly studying the wooden lines on the table harder than he should. "Maybe you should listen to them," he finally said, Bethany actually flinching in surprise.

"Seriously? Did you, _Tony Stark_ , seriously just say that?" Bethany asked, unable to register any emotion but surprise. "You basically told the Senate to-" she reached forward and covered Jamie's ears for the rest. "Fuck off when they wanted you to turn your suit in."

"It was just a thought," Tony said lightly before looking at Bethany's plate. "Can you hurry up and finish that so we can get to work and I can return to my Pep?"

* * *

Jamie's new favorite thing to say was the word 'mine'. Bethany wasn't sure when he began to get so possessive over things, but she had good reason to suspect he picked it up at Mommy and Me classes. It wasn't too bad, but he made a point to say 'mine' in front of Mumma and Mawlly, which is how he said Molly. Steve wasn't unquestionably jealous that Jamie had learned how to say the cat's name before his own, but Bethany found it hilarious. Plus, Jamie and Molly had become the best of friends. Or at least, Jamie loved to chase the cat around, cuddling with her and Molly just let it all happen. The look on her face showed displeasure, but Bethany wasn't sure if that was truly reflective of the way she felt.

But Jamie was always more than happy when Steve came home for the day. Because he was a little genius, when the digital clock struck five, he would grab his Captain America toy and stand at the door, waiting for Steve to walk through it. The baby had switched his favorite toy from the Hulk to Captain America in a blink of an eye, carrying the toy almost everywhere he went. It probably helped that Steve left the house wearing the Cap suit and returned in it too. Jamie had one hundred percent began to associate Steve with the suit, which continually worried Bethany, but she tried to push that aside. It _was_ adorable to see him waiting for Steve at the end of the day.

Whenever Steve was out working late or on a mission, it broke Bethany's heart to tell Jamie that he wasn't coming home yet. Jamie always looked confused, going back to check the digital clock and trying to work everything out in his mind. When Jamie would go to bed without Steve being there to tuck him in, Steve made sure to wake him up when he got home to tell the boy that he was back. Their connection was amazing. But Jamie still not saying 'Daddy' annoyed Steve to no end.

"I like this one better," Bethany stressed as she, Steve and Jamie sat on a couch at IKEA. "It's comfier than the other one."

"But the other one is bigger," Steve reminded her. "You said you wanted a big couch."

"But this one is a sectional," She argued. "We can just get a big end piece and push it into the corner."

Steve thought it over before looking at his notebook and crossing out the previous couch he had jotted down, picking up the label to the couch they were on now and writing down the label specifics. The Rogers were just picking out some random items for the house, but their decorator was supposed to take care of all the details.

"Is that everything for today?" Steve asked, flipping the pages and looking at everything. They had picked out new bedframes and mattresses, tables, dressers, mirrors, cabinets. Everything they could possibly need and more. Jamie looked exhausted, his head resting against Bethany's arm, his lashes fighting to stay open.

"Yeah, we can always come back another day," Bethany said seriously, but Steve chose to believe she was joking. The bill was going to be longer than his legs and he wasn't looking forward to having to actually _pay_ for all of that. Bethany had taken charge of all the expenses for the house so Steve really hadn't seen any of the final numbers, but he had a good idea of what they were and that worried him. Bethany was probably shrugging it all off like it was nothing, but it was definitely creating a dent in their savings. It always made Steve worried that he really didn't have an income. Bethany got a nice paycheque every month from Stark Industries for a variety of reasons, but Steve wanted to be the main breadwinner and he wasn't. But he knew that the only way he could do that was if he got a different job. He liked what he was doing and the system they had established, despite the lack of pay. He got something every two weeks, more than he did when he was at the Tower, but it seemed like it disappeared quicker than it appeared.

Before leaving the store, they stopped to get Jamie an ice cream cone, but Steve ended up eating most of it since Jamie fell asleep on Bethany's shoulder. "He's getting heavier every day," Bethany commented quietly as she began to strap him into his car seat.

"That's a good thing," he reminded her, placing a hand on her shoulder as she continued to play with the straps until he was safely strapped in.

"I know," she grumbled, closing the car door and leaning against it. "I'm glad he's growing, it's just… it's bittersweet. That's all."

"I know exactly what you mean," Steve promised before they both moved to take their seats. When they left the parking lot, Bethany asked him about the team. "It's a rag-tag group. Not that we weren't before, but we all have similarities and differences. It takes a while to build that teamwork we had going on before. Plus, and you know I'm not just saying this because they are women, the girls are really struggling."

"They're both dealing with emotional things," Bethany pointed out. "I thought they were doing good though."

"They make stupid little mistakes," Steve explained. "And I know that everyone makes mistakes, but it's a question of whether or not that'll lead to trouble out on the field. So far, so good. I just… I'm not trying to pressure them. I want them to heal on their own terms but I wish that would be quicker. Not just for their sake, but the world at large."

"Happiness isn't easy," Bethany said under her breath. "I seriously wish one of the guys would be unhappy or something so I didn't feel like it was just the girls. I mean, there's Tasha, Wanda, Kiley _and_ Jen going through things. Although, Jen has been doing good."

"Yeah, having a full time job really seems to be helping," Steve agreed. "The other three… well, things are still new. Plus, you did say that this may just be the new normal."

"And it may just happen to be," Bethany nodded. "Sometimes things happen and nothing returns to normal. I know that better than anyone. There's nothing wrong with the new normal as long as it doesn't get in the way of a successful mission. I do think they all need a nice break from work however. Unlike Jen and work actually helping her, the other three need a vacation. And a _lot_ of booze. Well, maybe not Kiley. But Wanda and Natasha for sure."

"Why do I feel like Jamie and I will be kicked out of the apartment so you can have a girls' night?" Steve teased, reaching over to take Bethany's hand.

She rolled her eyes at his words but squeezed his hand anyways. "Maybe not a girls' night, but a girls' weekend. Not now since things are hectic, but soon I should take them away from the Facility for a few days and just be… _girls_."

"As long as you don't do anything stupid, I think that's a good idea," Steve admitted. All the girls would benefit for some away time. He knew that he'd love to have a night with just the guys, but he was often just excited to get home to his family for the night. The girls going away would open up some time for him to invite the guys over for some beers and maybe a baseball game. Plus, he knew that Bethany needed some time to herself every once in awhile, and taking a weekend off being a wife and mother would be the perfect way to make sure that she stayed mentally healthy and very happy. Everyday, she spent almost her entire day either being a mother, a wife or a part of the Facility. Despite CHRIS, which Steve was still getting used to and accepting, Bethany was still actively making decisions with the team and helping in the lab. But the rest of the time, she was spending with Jamie. She deserved a night to let her hair down and have no responsibilities or worries.

* * *

Going to the updated Captain America exhibit was definitely just a publicity stunt, one that Kiley convinced him would be good for everyone. They were still dealing with the aftermath of Sokovia and everyone's opinions on the Avengers, but through it all, it seemed like the world was sympathetic when Steve, Bethany and especially Jamie stepped out into the limelight. They would answer questions the reporters would ask, all of them having been pre-approved by handlers, trying to find the best way to explain the situation without causing more chaos.

The family of three were dressed in their best casual clothes, Bethany selecting all black with a pair of eye popping red heels. The outfit barely exposed any skin, which is what Bethany was going for. She didn't want the tabloids to use this as an opportunity to sexualize her. Despite it being hot outside, she was barely out there and the air conditioning in the museum was cranked all the way. Today was about Steve, and while she was included in the museum, in no way was it dedicated to her. Her involvement in the museum was _because_ of Steve. She didn't want to take away from that.

"What are you most excited for today?" A reporter asked the family with the mic extended as people continued to snap photos. Jamie was looking around everyone in wonder, occasionally using Bethany's hair to hide his face from being overwhelmed by the flashing bulbs.

"Uh," Bethany began with a fake smile, looking to Steve for a second before replying. "Personally, I'm excited to see some old friends that live here. Walking back into my past is never something I enjoy doing, despite this period of my life being an incredible experience. A lot of bad things happened and a lot of good people died during that war, so it's hard to be excited to walk back into that time."

Steve's hand found hers, giving her a squeeze before answering for himself. "I agree with Bethany. The war… it was an incredible experience. I made a lot of friends, memories and met the love of my life, but there is a lot of painful memories associated with it as well, so it is difficult to be back here again, facing them all."

"What is going on with the Sokovia crisis?" One reporter immediately jumped in, ready to get his story. "Are the Avengers calling it quits at what they've done so far to help them?"  
"Absolutely not," Bethany rushed to announce. "We are actively working with officials and multiple government systems to find these people homes and find solutions to situations that are almost impossible to find solutions to."

"It's all about patience, which we understand is frustrating at this time," Steve continued. "We are doing all we can for these people. We are taking the blame on our shoulders and working to make amends."

"How do you understand?" A female reporter piped up. "As we understand, you are living in a safe environment with proper amenities-"

"If you'd remember, a few years before the war, there was this little event called The Great Depression," Bethany interrupted. "I know what it's like to live in dirt and be lucky enough to get a little bit of meat to eat once a week. And we're making sure that these people have a roof over their heads and food on their tables while we help re-establish their lives because we _know_ what it's like to not have that."

The reporters fell silent as Bethany finished her speech. Steve could feel the anger radiating off of her body. Bethany's family was more well-off than the average family during the Depression because her father was able to hold down two jobs, but her parents had died soon after and it was just her and Howard. They didn't have much, but what Steve had was even less. But that really didn't matter. Bethany made a good point. She knew what it was like to live in a world where you weren't sure what tomorrow would bring when it came to food and money. They had both been children, unable to do much but sit there and listen as their stomachs created a sad song with its growls.

"If you excuse us," Steve finally spoke up, gesturing for Bethany to move into the exhibit. He pulled her to a small corner, gaining as much privacy as they could despite being in public. "Are you okay?"

"Fuming," She admitted openly. "I don't like when people point fingers at me when they shouldn't. They think we're just sitting at home all day enjoying life. I don't even want to be here-"

"I know," Steve interrupted. She had made it clear that she did _not_ want to see the newly re-furbished exhibit, but was there for Steve and of course, appearances' sake. Bethany had never been fond of the museum. Steve had basically memorized every corner and crevice of the exhibit, having the ability to read all the plaques and recall every detail in all the photos and videos. In a way, having new things there was exciting for him because it would mean there was more to discover. Not everything in the museum was something he was familiar with. A lot of the stuff were Stark Industries prototype blueprints and tools, and a lot of video reel footage.

"Do you want to duck out?" He offered her. "The press isn't allowed in here while we're here, Kiley made sure of that. You can sneak out and no one will ever know."

He could tell by the look in her eyes that the offer was tempting her, but she sighed and shook her head. "No, I want to be here for you. I know you'd do the same for me. And after this, we'll go back to the hotel and just cuddle for a little while?"

"Sounds good," Steve nodded, kissing her softly. They were in Washington for two days. They had purposely planned to stay there the night since they both figured they would be too emotionally exhausted after the museum to see Peggy and vice versa. But seeing the elderly woman was part of the reason that Steve agreed to visit the museum right now. If it was his choice, he would have pushed it back a little more until the entire Sokovia issue was settled _specifically_ to avoid what happened a few minutes prior.

They stood in that corner for a little bit longer as Bethany collected her bearings before they pressed forward. It was only when they were watching the new video reel that Steve truly discovered what he had been absent from when he was in the ice.

* * *

 _Bethany was part of a study for a new drug that was coined as an 'anti-depressant'. Howard had somehow gotten her into the program, convincing the doctors that his sister was in dire need of the medication. However, because of her rapid cellular regeneration, the dosage that she was on was higher than recommended. She had only been on the drugs for a week, and it was suggested that patients waited a minimum of three weeks before they saw any improvement. It made her tired and her mouth super dry. It also made her irritable and like she was out of control of her own body. She didn't want to take the drug. Her decision to mourn Steve and have a bad attitude was something she was just familiar with now. It was part of her day-to-day life. It didn't matter that it had been over ten years since he disappeared from the world and her life. She was comfortable with how she was and these meds were trying to mess with her._

 _But when she woke up this morning, they had given her the courage to do this interview for a reporter in regards to the war, the SSR and of course, Steve Rogers. Howard and Peggy both begged her not to even consider doing it, since it would just be a painful ride for her, but being the big, bad SHIELD agent that she was, she was under the impression she could take on anything. The reporter told her that if she wasn't up to it that morning, she could just phone him and tell him that. But she hadn't. She had felt confident that morning. Standing in the room, eyeing the camera, she was losing that confidence._

 _"Go ahead and take a seat," the reporter said to her. He had a soft voice, an understanding one. Bethany was surprised she hadn't considered this before, but of course he had to have a calming nature to him. He was a biographer, unearthing the life of a beloved war hero. He was bound to meet people who had deep connections to the man._

 _From what she knew, the biographer had no idea that her relationship with Steve had been so much more than just friendship. Despite the people from the SSR days, it seemed like their relationship had been kept under wraps and Bethany wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. For one thing, she did like her privacy and knowing that what they had was intimate. The entire world didn't know about it. They had created their own stories about Steve Rogers love affairs, all of them fake. None of the depictions of Steve in the radio shows or comic books ever seemed to mirror who he really was as a man, friend and lover. With the world not knowing, it was just another way to avoid a constant heartbreak by just walking down the streets._

 _But then again, what they had was, no matter how flawed, amazing. And part of her felt like the world deserved to know. No. Not the world. They deserved very little at this point. But the way she felt when she was with him… she had wanted to scream it from the rooftops. It was like nothing she ever experienced before. And now he was gone and had left a hole in her world._

 _The biographer served Bethany some tea and she spent a little longer than necessary preparing it. She was avoiding his questions because she didn't want to let her guard down. At the very least, she could answer the bare minimum. No doubt Peggy's answers were flawless, showing Steve for who he truly was. Bethany wanted the world to know how amazing he was, but she wasn't sure if she could do that without crying._

 _"Whenever you're ready," Bethany finally said, having to clear her voice when she realized how tight her throat was._

 _"Okay," the man nodded, starting the camera before announcing the date. "I am here with Bethany Stark, sister to world renowned scientist and inventor, Howard Stark. Miss. Stark, you were a part of the SSR Super Soldier program back during the beginning of the war, is that correct?"_

 _"Yes," Bethany nodded, resting her tea cup on her tea. "I was Dr. Erskine's assistant. I also helped my brother with some of the technological aspects in regards to the Super Soldier experiment."_

 _"Your brother tells me that you are quite the scientist yourself," he continued, creating an easy banter to help Bethany relax a little._

 _"I have the habit of finding things in his experiments that he did wrong, yes," Bethany said with a hint of a smile. "Although I don't think Howard will publicly agree to that."_

 _"Probably not," the reporter said with a laugh. "Your position on the experiment meant that you were friendly with Captain Rogers, is that correct?"_

 _There is was. His name._ Him _. Bethany closed her eyes before nodding, opening her mouth and feeling nothing come out. She took a sip of her tea before trying again. "Uh, we met at a recruitment office in Brooklyn. We-After the experiment's success, we were on the same SSR bases until… well until he…"_

 _"Can you tell me a little bit about who he was as a person?" The reporter asked when he noticed how much she was struggling to get the last of the sentence out._

 _Bethany was unable to fight a fond smile as she thought of him. "There has never been a man like Steve in this world. Caring. So sweet. Innocent. He would blush when you complimented him and just… he wanted to do what was right not for the recognition but just because he was a good man."_

 _"You two were close?"_

 _Bethany's eyes drifted to her tea cup for a moment, watching as the brown liquid moved as she shifted in her spot. "Besides my brother, he was my closest confidant. Some days, he was more so than Howard."_

 _"Did you ever develop feelings beyond friendship for him?"_

 _Bethany's eyes flashed up to him. His face showed no hidden agenda and Bethany knew he was just doing his job. She hadn't meant to look up at him with such anger and hatred, and it was only years after while watching the recording that she saw something in her eyes that everyone else saw but she never had before. There was something wild and fierce hidden behind her eyes, something that threatened anyone who went too far. But still, the reporter did not backtrack._

 _"Yes," Bethany said after she swallowed hard._

 _"Did you love him?"_

 _Those words echoed throughout the room, within her head, making her hands shake slightly, the tea cup shattering on it's saucer and the brown liquid creating waves within the chine._ Did you love him? _Of course she did. She had adored him in a way no other person ever could, and he adored her back. She had had the most perfect man in the world and she threw it all away, and for what? A chance to regain some self-control? Fear of something so innocent and small as a child?_

 _But she couldn't tell this man that she had loved Steve. She hadn't even told that to Steve. He had said it to her time and time again, like a broken record, a prayer, a ritual that_ had _to be completed or else he would perish. And every time she would kiss him softly, smile, change the subject. Never did she tell him that she loved him. Never. It scared her to conjure up those words, put them out there and leave him with the ability to shatter her. Without saying them, she could pretend he meant less to her than he did if he broke up with her. Or at least, she thought that's what would have happened. At first, it was. He had ended their relationship and she had been fine. She missed their nightly sex and the way he could bring her to extremes no one had bothered to try before, but she pushed that aside. It was only when he was gone that it dawned on her that she couldn't push aside her feelings. She had loved him and it_ was _affecting her. Every single day of her life._

 _"Did he love you?" The man finally asked, realizing that Bethany wasn't—couldn't—answer his previous question._

 _"Yes," Bethany said meekly, her gaze still on the tea cup._

 _"Can you tell us of a memory you have of him? A funny story or something interesting to include in the book to give it a human feel?"  
She could conjure up a million memories. His smile when he saw her after he rescued those men that earned his stripes. Or the time she taught Bucky how to do the can-can, Steve smiling and laughing in amusement, as if watching the two of them was the best thing in the world and he never wanted it to end. Or how, after every mission, no matter how tired he was, he would seek her out. And if she was waiting for him in the hangar, he would run to her with a giant smile, wrap her in his arms and kiss her. He didn't care who was watching. He just kissed her hard and held her close, as if she could make everything better. _

_Or the many times she spent with him in the infirmary after a mission went awry. Sometimes she'd sing to him or read if he was doing badly, or even play cards. Three times she had stayed with him all night just because he asked her to. She had happily obeyed and despite being tired herself, stayed up all night to take care of him. Or maybe the time that Howard split his pants in the workshop and her and the entire team of the Howling Commandos made good with their jokes and howled with laughter for ten minutes before settling down. Or there were all the times that Steve would step between her and a no-good guy who was trying to take advantage of her. Every time, she knew she could handle the situation herself, but there was something drawing about him wanting to take care of her._

 _She had endless stories about Steve that showed just what a loving man he was. But she couldn't bring herself to share them. She couldn't bring herself to do anything. She couldn't even bring herself to realize that she had broken into a crying fit, her makeup running down her face as she hyperventilated. She didn't see Howard breaking into the room trying to calm her down or him carrying her outside to get fresh air. She didn't even register that she had passed out until the next morning when she woke up in her bedroom._

* * *

Bethany wasn't surprised that they kept her crying fit in the reel. Howard had paid off the biographer to not use any of Bethany's confessions and keep her relationship with Steve buried. The pay must have been huge considering nothing of Steve and Bethany hit the presses until he defrosted.

Steve hadn't said anything to Bethany after the video and she didn't say anything to him either. She didn't know _what_ to say exactly and she knew that he felt the same way. It wasn't until they were back in their hotel room, Jamie sleeping in his crib and the two of them sitting on the bed that Steve opened his mouth.

"I wish you showed me that before you sent it to them," he admitted, his voice not bitter, but filled with emotion.

"I should have," Bethany agreed. "Part of me hoped you never would see it."

"Why not just keep that reel to yourself then? Burn it?" Steve asked, turning to look at her.

"I-" She began, but took a moment to gather her strength. "Because. Because as much as I never wanted anyone to see me like that, it's a part of my past that is unhealthy for me to hide. I should have showed you before I sent it out, I know. At the time, I just figured that we were giving them more than enough. But I feel like if I had watched it again before then, I would have kept it. In my mind, it wasn't that bad. My breakdown wasn't that bad."

"But it was," Steve said with a sigh. "They had to wrap you up in Howard's coat and tie the arms together in order to get you out of there."  
"I know," Bethany whispered. Steve said nothing in response, but Bethany heard him let out a sharp breath of air and when she built the courage to look over at him, saw that he was crying. "Babe, it's not your fault. I was sick. Depressed. Lonely. I put myself in that situation, not you."

"I hate knowing that you were like that," Steve whispered. "I knew you were bad off, but I never knew how bad."

"Things got better," Bethany promised. "When I found out I had bipolar disorder, things changed a little. I turned into a top asset for SHIELD. I channeled my emotions into-"

"Killing people?" Steve offered.

"Saving people," Bethany corrected. "It made me feel better. I was in a bad place then, but right after that interview, Howard got very serious about treatment. And you know what? I don't care about the world seeing me that way. I just… I just don't care."

"I love you," he said out of nowhere, but his words bringing a smile to Bethany's face.

"I love you more," she promised, reaching a hand out to dry his tears. "My past is my past. As much pain as I was in then, it was all worth it just to have you for a moment now. And I put you through a lot of pain too Steve, don't forget that. I saw you on more than one occasion, looking like shit. And I knew that I had done that to you and felt no remorse. Now I do. But at least you've _always_ showed remorse when it comes to that time in my life. You're such an amazing man. No one else in this world would have forgiven me."

"They would if they loved you as much as I do," Steve spoke softly. "I go through weeks without thinking about that now because _that's_ how happy you've made me."

Bethany tried to smile, leaning in to hold her husband close, not being able to tell him that she could barely go a day without thinking about her mistake and it had been seventy years since she committed it. She had long ago accepted her decision and that nothing she did or said could take her actions back, but she still thought back towards the whole ordeal. She continually wondered if that baby was a boy or a girl. If she would have loved them like she did their father or their brother.

It scared her to think that she really wouldn't have. That girl just wasn't capable of that kind of love back then. But now that things were different, now that _she_ was different, she'd be damned if she couldn't make up for her mistakes and spread her love as much as she possibly could.

* * *

 ****A/N: All my fanfiction e-mails went to spam for some reason last week so I missed out on some reviews. Sorry about that! I replied to them this time though :) Hopefully my fanfiction will STAY in my inbox in the future.**

 **Don't forget to vote in the poll! I'm really curious to what everyone thinks!**

 **tiffy: Yay! I'm glad you liked it! I'm sometimes up late writing fanfiction and always regret it when I wake up for work the next day, but I do it all the same :)**

 **empress01: I'm considering writing a threesome as either Steve or Bethany's dream since I can't actually see either one of them agreeing to it. But dreams take on a life of their own.**

 **ACBD: It only took me one time around watching it to figure out where Bethany is gonna go, whereas it's always taken me a few times to decide. Bethany will obviously be happy that he LITERALLY put down the shield, but after everything, they'll have a lot to repair anyways. Like the fact that Steve basically played a huge role in ripping her life in two once again. Fun stuff.**

 **aanonymouscsifan: Everything is gonna be a blast to write, that's for sure! I can't wait until the movie comes out on DVD and I can start working on the actual plot/script.**

 **Jo: Haha yeah it was epic :)**

 **pulchritudo in omnia: I like to balance out the bad times with some relaxation and happiness. It's all about finding a good balance. Some people just like day-to-day life and fluff and others like only drama and plot. I like to throw a little of both into the story at balanced intervals to keep everyone as happy as can be :) I've also pretty much thought of a great way to include Bethany in _Civil War_. I've played out all the ways she would view the Accords and there are reasons to sign and reasons not to. Mostly, she'd want Steve to sign because then he could do what he loves with getting arrested. But then also, she wants him to retire. It's gonna be fun to write, that's for sure!**

 **MariaM95: I agree. It's hard to actually see where Bethany would go. Even as her mind and creator, it's a difficult decision. The chapter that they are discussing the Accords and what they should do, it'll be Bethany's POV and it's going to be a lot of stuff going on. She'll consider everything from every direction. Obviously she doesn't want to chose between Steve and Tony, but she picks the thing that's most logical to her. And what she thinks is best for her family. Ah, but if Bethany is with Jamie the entire time, that'd be a pretty boring story, wouldn't it ;) I've already decided EXACTLY where Bethany will be during that airport battle scene.**

 **Adela: I had a great vacation! Sunny every day and free food and booze. What more could a girl ask for? I'm excited to start writing it, that's for sure!**


	49. From the Bitter Strings

Chapter 49- From the Bitter **Strings**

 _"So that I am falling asleep, exhaust in my eyes. Well, those angry hands they know they're damned. If I should die before I wake make no mistake. Well, I'm dying anyway. And this time that we have will soon end. They're waiting in silence for you. And I heard you tell all your friends that you couldn't wait 'til it's through. Well, we're through. Who's saving us now f rom the bitter strings of the jealous sound?"_

 _~Bitter Strings, The Jealous Sound_

* * *

Bethany tilted her head back, her mouth falling open as Steve's hips moved rhythmically into hers, a wildfire sensation ripping through her body as he tapped into his primal side. He was holding a powerful bullet onto her clit, the vibrations alone blinding her with pleasure beyond normal capacity. She relished in the feeling of his long, thick member making its way inside of her and pulling out, focusing particularly on curving towards one powerful spot. She was close. She had been for a while. She was holding back, trying to push herself to that moment where she just couldn't wait any longer and the waves of orgasm overwhelmed her with no warning. That's what she wanted. That's what she _needed._

One of Bethany's hands was gripping onto Steve's wrist, her fingernails drawing blood but neither of them even noticing. Her other hand was gripping her breast, pulling and twisting her nipple. She was watching his face, his brows pulled together in concentration, his eyes often looking down to where they were connected and occasionally drifting up to look at her. He'd smile when they made eye contact, a goofy, proud grin that would make her laugh if she wasn't busy remembering how to breath. His mouth was falling open now, as if he was going breathless from the gratification. Seeing him then, his enjoyment clear on his face and the way his hips were becoming senseless, his abs taunt and heaving from his heavy breathing and his bulging cock working its wonders on her, her eyes went momentarily blind as her peak hit her like a bullet. It wasn't until Steve himself had collapsed on her, spent, that she was able to gain a sense of where she was and who she was again.

"Well," Bethany breathed heavily as they curled up together, both sweating and gasping for air. "When I told the group I was coming home to change my shoes this isn't what I had in mind."

Steve laughed, kissing the top of her head. "They're probably wondering where you went."

"Probably," Bethany hummed, kissing his chest lightly. "I interrupted Daddy-Jamie Day, huh?"

"He's napping anyways," Steve reminded her. Steve had taken the day off to take care of Jamie while Bethany dealt with a bunch of issues on the Facility that no one was comfortable with letting CHRIS handle. The Intelligence didn't seem to care either way since she did not have feelings and promptly generated a list and schedule for Bethany to abide to. Luckily enough, Bethany was breezing through her timetable and was almost done for the day. She credited that to the fact that Steve was taking care of Jamie opposed to the baby being on her hip all day.

"And how's it going?" Bethany asked, knowing full well that she'd have to pull herself back together soon and deal with the remaining issues.

"Pretty good," Steve nodded. "It's nice spending time with just him and I. He still hasn't said it."

"Yeah, but you mean the world to him," Bethany promised before finally deciding she needed to get back to work. She crawled out of the bed, going for a vaginal wipe before beginning to pull on her clothes. "I still think he doesn't know what to call you. I mean, the team is here almost every night, and they all call you Cap or Rogers the entire time."

"I guess I need to stress Daddy a little more," Steve summarized, sitting up in the bed.

Bethany looked in the mirror, tousling her hair a little and wiping the smudged mascara off from under her eyes. "How do I look?" She asked her husband, turning for him to see.

"Thoroughly fucked," Steve said with satisfaction written all over his face. Bethany moved over, trying to hide her smile, and placed a slap onto his bare arm.

"I'll be back around six," she promised him, leaving the bedroom. She grabbed a banana from the kitchen before pulling out her phone and leaving the apartment. She had been in the main communications deck with the security team, dealing with some issues about connecting the security to their house from the Facility when the heel on her shoe caught a table edge and broke off.

Finishing her banana, she assured herself that she was still on schedule before she arrived at the communications deck. "Sorry," Bethany apologized to the group. "Steve needed some help with Jamie," she said smoothly.

The men seemed to buy it, but the women on the team gave her a knowing smirk. Bethany tried to conceal her happiness from the post-orgasmic haze, but it was difficult. About thirty minutes into their work, an alarm sounded suddenly.

"What's going on down there Sam?" One of the men asked, knowing that Sam was on patrol duty, especially while they were working out their security issues.

 _"I had a sensor trip but I'm not seeing anything,"_ Sam's voice replied. _"Wait a second…"_

The group waited patiently as Sam dealt with the issue. "Try getting the video feed back up," Bethany suggested. They had to disable it earlier in order to establish a connection with the house's system.

 _"Located the breach. Bringing him in,"_ Sam's voice informed them as they worked to bring the video feed back to life. _"The breach is an adult male who has some sort of shrinking tech."_

Bethany perked up, her mind wandering for a second before she took a place by the speaker. "His name wouldn't happen to be… Ant-Man, is it?" She asked, cringing, not wanting to know the answer.

 _"How'd you know?"_ Was Sam's reply as the video feed came to life.

"Shit," Bethany said, pushing out of her chair and picking up a spare comm, placing it in her ear as she made her way through the Facility. She was on the opposite side of the building towards where they were, but Bethany pushed her legs as fast as they could. When she finally pushed out the door into the field, Sam was standing there, apparently finished with the battle. _"It's really important to me that Cap never finds out about this,"_ Sam's voice rang as she walked towards him.

"What did he want?" She asked when she reached him.

"Some kind of tech," Sam replied. "Said he was going to return it, but I don't know if he made out with it or not."

"Well, let's find out, shall we?" Bethany asked, the two of them heading towards the storage unit. Bethany called up to the communications deck to tell them to get someone down there immediately to replace the storage unit's door, since during the battle, it had been destroyed.

Bethany needed a whole of three minutes looking through the storage facility until she figured out what was stolen. "What he'd take?" Sam asked, watching her curiously.

"An old signal decoy from the eighties," Bethany said, placing a hand on her hip.

"How'd you figure that out so quickly?"

"Because I know exactly who this Ant-Man was," Bethany explained. "He worked for SHIELD before it fell. Was a real pain in my ass, but he did come up with some pretty amazing tech. Although, Hank is too old for this now, you'd think."

"Hank? No, he said his name was Scott," Sam informed her.

"Interesting," Bethany mumbled, tapping her fingers against the frame of the shelf. "Looks like I have a little mission to embark on. You're free to go."

"You're… you're not gonna tell Cap, are you?" Sam asked slowly.

Bethany smirked, her features not relaying what she was really thinking. "We'll see," she declared before sauntering off.

* * *

 _Bethany wasn't one to feel bad for people, especially people she didn't like. And frankly, she hated Hank Pym. He had this self-righteous attitude about him and while anyone could argue that Howard had the same attitude, Howard had earned that title in her book. Yes, the Pym Particle was a huge scientific advancement, Bethany wouldn't deny that. But he was greedy when it came to the Particle. He refused to share it. Part of the benefit of science was sharing your discoveries with the world… Or at least with the people who were on the same side as you. But he insisted on keeping it to himself. The world needed this power and if people were going to volunteer for this process, that was their decision to make, not Hank's._

 _But for some damn reason, Bethany felt bad for Hank. Maybe it was because he lost Janet. Or more likely because_ how _he had_ _lost Janet. She hadn't really known her, but she had to admire any woman who was willing to step up to the same level as the men and prove how badass they could be. Janet died in the line of duty, making her own decisions about what needed to be done and saving the world in the process. Hank had become even more bitter since then, undoubtedly feeling guilty about her demise. Still, it didn't give him the right to be a pompous asshole._

 _Bethany had been called to the Triskelion by Howard earlier that day for a defense meeting. She wasn't sure_ why _he wanted her there, but he insisted on the importance of her presence. So far, it had just been her, Howard, Peggy and the fuck-face Mitchell Carson. He had shifty eyes and every time he opened his mouth, Bethany wanted to punch out every single one of his teeth. He thought he had a higher rank than her, and while he probably did, she wasn't going to take orders from him_ ever _._

 _Howard had explained to her that her involvement on the latest plans was important to him. He wanted her to be aware of everything that was going on and supply her opinion. Her only real opinion was that Carson should be fired, but Howard had given her a pointed look with her suggestion, cluing her in that he was serious about this issue. He was secretly trying to give her more responsibility than just being a spy and top assassin, but she seemed to mature as slow as a turtle could move. She was supposed to be sixty-nine but she was still acting like a twenty-year-old. A dark twenty-year-old, but none the less, her maturity was still at the same level._

 _All of Howard's hair had turned white and he had many lines on his face. Peggy's hair was a soft grey, still in its usual waves, but holding the same age as the wrinkles on her face. Even Carson was showing his age and experience. Bethany, however, looked like she just graduated from University, a Rookie SHIELD agent, waiting for her first assignment. All except her eyes, where her experience laid, haunting anyone looking for it._

 _"Stark!" Hank Pym called out as he staggered into the room, filled with purpose._

 _"He doesn't seem happy," Howard stated before standing up. "You're supposed to be in Moscow."_

 _"I took a detour," Hank announced, aggressively placing a vial on the table. "Through your defense lab."_

 _"Tell me that isn't what I think it is," Peggy snapped, picking the vial up, her disapproval clear in her tone and facial features._

 _"That depends if you think it's a poor attempt to replicate my work," Hank replied. "Even for this group, that takes nerve."_

 _"We're scientists," Bethany supplied, not agreeing with Peggy's disapproval. "We actively work with science. When we see something we like and people don't share, we do our own research. You of all people should understand that Pym."_

 _"Watch it," Hank snapped at her, on the edge of his feet. Bethany sat comfortably in her chair, crossing her arms in amusement._

 _"You were instructed to go to Russia," Carson reminded him. "May I remind you, Dr. Pym, that you're a soldier…"_

 _"I'm a scientist."_

 _"Then act like one," Howard demanded. "Beth is right. The Pym Particle is the most revolutionary science ever developed. Help us put it to good use."_

 _"I let you turn me into your errand boy and now you try and steal my research?" Hank argued back._

 _"We didn't steal anything; we did our own research. Patent the idea if you're so protective of it," Bethany fought._

 _"If only you'd protect Janet with such ferocity, Dr. Pym," Carson stated. Peggy, Howard and Bethany all knew what an idiotic thing that was for Carson to say and none of them were surprised when Hank punched him. Peggy caught his arm when it was clear he was going in for a second punch._

 _"Easy, Hank," She requested, holding his arm firmly in her grip until it was clear that he wasn't going to attack again._

 _"You mention my wife again and I'll show you ferocity," Hank threatened, causing Carson to look up to Howard._

 _"Don't look at me. You said it."_

 _"I formally tender my resignation," Hank stated._

 _"We don't accept it," Howard spoke. "Formally. Hank, we need you. The Pym Particle is a miracle. Please. Don't let your past determine the future."_

 _"As long as I am alive, nobody will ever get that formula," Hank said, then turning and leaving._

 _"Well, there's a very easy way to remedy that situation," Bethany replied frankly. "Killing someone wasn't something she'd shy away from if it meant getting what SHIELD needed."_

 _"We shouldn't let him leave the building," Carson snapped._

 _"You've already lied to him," Peggy reminded him. "Now you want to go to war with him?"_

 _"Yes," Carson replied. "Our scientists haven't come close to replicating his work."_

 _"He just kicked your ass, full-sized," Howard responded. "You really want to find out what it's like when you can't see him coming? I've known Hank Pym for a long time. He's no security risk. Unless we make him one."_

 _They all sat there in silence for a moment before Bethany looked at Carson. "I really don't like you," she stated firmly before getting out of her chair and going after Hank. "Pym, wait up!"_

 _"I don't want to hear about it Stark," Hank said, not stopping his pace, but Bethany easily caught up to him._

 _"Look, Carson is an ass. We all know it," Bethany supplied. "Look, I know you're going through a tough time right now, but you can't just take away the formula that could potentially save the world one day."_

 _"Just watch me."_

 _Bethany reached out and took a firm grip of his arm, keeping him from going forward. "Don't let your anger and pain now affect what the future holds. Losing someone you love… it's a battle that you never really get over. But Janet wouldn't want you to do this."_

 _"You know nothing," he snapped, but Bethany knew all too-well._

 _"Really? Because the way I see it, you and I have a lot more in common than you realize," Bethany replied. "The man I… He sacrificed himself to save the world. Nothing I could do or say would have changed his mind. But one thing I know for_ damn _sure is that he wouldn't want his death to go down in vain. That if I had an opportunity to save the world, he'd want me to take it."_

 _"The Pym Particle is dangerous!" Hank stressed. "And you and your brother are just meddling into something you don't understand!"_

 _"Then help us! Help us understand it! We can fix everything that's wrong with it, find a way to prevent anyone else from dying the way Janet did," Bethany pleaded. "Just don't walk away. Don't take the easy way out just because you don't want to relive your pain and get hurt again,_ maybe _. Maybe not. You don't know until you try."_

 _"I've already made up my mind," Hank said with his jaw set._

 _Bethany shook her head slowly, disappointment welling up inside her. "You disgust me," she spat, but she wasn't just saying it to Hank. She was saying it to herself. To whom she was decades earlier. She turned on her heel and made her way back to the boardroom, never giving a second thought to Hank Pym and his stupidity._

* * *

Bethany wasn't fond of the idea of spending her night at Hank Pym's house opposed to with her family, but as she had told Steve, it was business. Business that only Bethany could conduct. None of that was not true, but Bethany hadn't given Steve the specifics. Partly because of Sam's embarrassing ass-kicking and partly because she didn't really know _what_ to say to him. She was still trying to put the pieces together. She basically told him that an old SHIELD employee had stolen something from the storage unit. _That_ however, got him nervous. Now he was worried about security and whether or not this old employee was a part of HYDRA. Bethany had a good feeling that Hank wasn't HYDRA, just a pain in her ass. She had left in a hurry, instructing him not to abandon Jamie to take care of his worries. That they could deal with it all tomorrow as a power couple.

She knocked on Hank's door, her fingers tapping against each other as she waited for it to open. She could see a light on and despite the fact that it was late, she was going to keep knocking at Hank's door until he opened it. She was about to lay a few more knocks on the door when it opened. She saw Hank's face, immediately dropping and trying to close the door as fast as he could. Bethany was quicker, jamming her foot to stop the door.

"What? Are you afraid I'm gonna kick your ass?" Bethany teased.

"I'm not letting you in, Stark," Hank snapped.

"Then come on out, because I'm not leaving until we talk," Bethany replied seriously. "I'll stay here all day, following you like a shadow until you talk to me."

Hank seemed to contemplate her words, as if questioning whether or not she would keep her promise. Something told him that she would, so he stepped out onto the porch and closed the door. "What do you want, Stark?"

"Well, for one, the signal decoy," Bethany explained, crossing her arms. "And two, answers."

"The signal decoy is mine," Hank reminded her angrily.

"Then why was it collecting dust on my property for twenty-five years?" Bethany countered.

"I built it! You and your brother were always trying to steal my-"

"If you built it, you could have built another one," Bethany interrupted. "Look, you can have it. I don't care. We have higher tech than that now. What I _do_ care about is _why_ you need it. Because from what I can understand, the only reason you'd steal it from an intelligence organization is for saving-the-world reasons. And the fact that even though you basically swore no one would ever put the Ant-Man suit on again, a guy named Scott appeared at the Avengers Facility, in a fully functioning suit."

"I don't have to explain anything to you," was Hank's response to which Bethany rolled her eyes.

"We can do this tango all night, but I would much rather get back to my family," Bethany stated. "I'm not… upset or angry. I'm confused. Last we spoke, you made it clear how you felt about using the Pym Particle in the future. And it's kinda my job to help save the world. The team would be more than happy to help-"

"I don't need help from your costumed heroes," Hank stressed. "We have the situation under control."

"Fine," Bethany allowed, letting out a sigh. "You know what Pym? All I've ever done to make you mad at me was do my job. And you? All you've ever done to make me mad at you is _not_ do your job and just be a self-righteous ass." There were a few moments of silence as their eye contact did not break. "Whatever, Hank. Do what you want. As long as you don't endanger the world or piss me off anymore than you already have, because trust me, I _will_ kick your ass."

"I don't doubt that," Hank replied. "Like I said, I have it under control."

"Yeah, good luck with that," Bethany mumbled, turning to leave. Her skin itched by how far she came just to get _nothing_ out of Hank. To be honest, she wasn't sure what he would say and she felt really idiotic that she didn't see the outcome coming from a mile away. She was hoping that age would mellow him out. Or that he would be happy for her happiness. But no. He was as stubborn and fuck-face as the last time she saw him.

Except now, she didn't feel sorry for him.

* * *

Bethany did her best to make her way into the apartment as quietly as possible. She succeeded in closing the doors quietly and maneuvering around a Molly who was trying to brush up against her excitedly. When she slipped into the bedroom and stripped of her clothes though, Steve's voice startled her.

"Should I be suiting up?" He asked before he turned on the bedside lamp.

Bethany jumped looking around the newly lighted room and picking up the shirt Steve had left at the bottom of the bed for her. "He doesn't want our help."

"Who is this guy exactly?" Steve asked as she tossed her clothes into the hamper.

Bethany waited until she was in the bed, curling up to his body before she replied. "He worked for SHIELD until the nineties. He _really_ hated me and Howard for a bunch of lame ass reasons. The reasons behind him quitting were just a bunch of lame and selfish ones, so we parted on bad terms. I never liked him, but him having the signal decoy isn't something we need to worry about."

"But is the reason he needs it worrisome?" Steve reached out and turned off the light, the room falling dark and the couple holding each other closely.

"I have no idea," Bethany confessed. "I hope not. I'd like to say that if it _was_ something to worry about, he would have accepted our help, but I'm really doubting that."

"I don't like just sitting here and waiti-"

"So then stay on guard," Bethany interrupted. "That's what you do often anyways, babe. You wait until an emergency call comes in. If one does, you and the team set out."

"It's easier to stop something before it starts," Steve reminded her. "And how do you know that he isn't a HYDRA supporter?"

"I don't for sure," Bethany allowed. "But from what I can tell, he's not. I could be wrong, but him taking the signal decoy isn't a big issue. It's not like he took plans for anything big. This was tech he made himself."

"So you're seriously telling me just to go to bed? To not worry about this and wake up tomorrow feeling like it's just a normal day?" Steve questioned.

"Yeah," Bethany stressed. "You know, I told you about this. I didn't have to, but I did because I knew that me being honest was important not just to you, but us as a couple. But you don't make me want to tell you things in the future if you're just going to stress over them."

"I'm just trying to do my job."

"Steve…" Bethany breathed deeply, closing her eyes. "Please just go to bed. It's almost midnight and you and I both have to work tomorrow. I have a bunch of things on my list I didn't get done so I could make a useless journey to see Pym. I need to get it done or else everything will just pile up."

"Can't you just do it next week then?"

"I mean, we move into our house at the beginning of next week and then I have that two-day meeting in Germany at the end of the week, remember?"

Steve groaned. "I forgot about that. Why are you doing that again? Why can't Maria or someone else? I mean, you'll spend what? One, two nights at our house before packing up and going away for a few days?"  
"Because I volunteered," Bethany replied. "Everyone else is working all the time. It's only fair that I'm the one who does the boring meetings no one wants to go to. By the way, Jackson said not to hesitate to ask him to watch over Jamie if you need to go away on a mission during those days. Personally, I think you could afford to loosen the leash on the team for _one_ mission."

"Maybe one day," Steve whispered. "Do you need me to watch over him tomorrow while you get your list done? I have training with the team, but we can make it work."

"It'd be really helpful, if you don't mind," Bethany replied. "Thank you."

"Hey, we're a team," Steve promised, kissing her head. "We're _the_ team. And by the way, you do work the same as everyone else here. Being a mother is a full-time job. And so is being a father, which is why I'm grateful for you taking care of Jamie while I work. Let me do the same for you. We'll set up a nice area for him in the corner with some toys. It'll be great."

"I love you," Bethany whispered, reaching up to kiss him lightly. "Good night, Steve."

* * *

 ****A/N: If you haven't voted in the poll yet, please do! As of now, there is a tie between two of the options. It's really interesting to see what you guys think Bethany will do. I'm happy to say that I think what I'm going to write will make everyone VERY happy :)**

 **pulchritudo in omnia: I actually haven't decided when Jamie is going to say Daddy. I haven't even figured out in what context yet. I have ideas, but nothing concrete. But I do want it to a long-awaited event, so at least I have time to settle on a way before I write it. Steve has been going out of his way to spend more time with Jamie, which will be shown in future chapters as well :) I have up to 51 already written. Thanks for the ideas! I really want Wanda to start leaning on both Steve and Bethany for support and a family feeling, so I'll have to start building that up soon :)**

 **Adela: I'll see what I can do :)**

 **IrelandLover: Bethany will definitely take Sharon's place with the kiss, but I'm not writing Sharon out of it cause I love that girl more than I love myself. Your ideas are pretty similar to my own, but I've thought it out a LOT so everything has a reason and fits in perfectly :)**

 **anonymouscsifan: Yeah, I really felt like it was time for Steve to FULLY understand what she was like without him so he'll have that every time he goes out on a mission and especially during Civil War decisions. It'll just add more to both of their plates. I definitely want to keep Tony and Pepper's relationship the same with the movie sine it actually works out in my benefit with the story.**

 **.2016: Well, there was a little bit of smut in here, but there's basically a chapter full of smut coming up in 52.**

 **ACBD: The entire time, I wanted Bethany to go through the change to really show how people CAN change. I've always wanted her to be like Elastic-Girl from _The Incredibles._ Bethany will understand what Steve is doing for sure, but will have her own set of opinions and thoughts about everything that's going on. Bethany is going to be fully aware that if Steve doesn't sign the Accords/ doesn't retire for not signing them, her life will be VERY different and it's all about whether or not she's willing to change her life again, etc. There's going to be a LOT going on :)**

 **Jo: I'm really sad that they used Cap's series to develop Widow opposed to Sharon. Really, Widow could have been developed in someone else's movie or in her own. Sharon really won't get that chance. It's really disappointing to me as a fan of her. People didn't get to see her as I do. It's really tough.**

 **lenabui98: You're not the only one hoping! :)**

 **musicjunkie1996: I'm really excited for everyone to read what I'm going to write. I want to try and make it really complex so people can really understand everyone's take on the situation, especially Bethany's since she's the one who has the most to lose out of everyone.**

 **Sgt. Pepperony: Bethany will definitely have mixed feelings about the entire situation. Not just Steve over Tony or vice versa or to sign or not to sign, but what it'll make of her life and Jamie's future. She has a lot to consider but once she makes a decision, she's going to stick to it and it'll cause lots of drama.**


	50. Broken Wings

Chapter 50- Broken Wings

 _"Baby, don't understand why we can't just hold on to each other's hands? This time might bee the last I fear unless I make it all too clear I need you so, oh. Take these broken wings and learn to fly again, learn to live so free. When we hear the voices sing the book of love will open up and let us in. Take these broken wings."_

 _~Broken Wings, Mr. Mister_

* * *

Bethany couldn't believe that it was real. That she, Steve and Jamie were moving into a house. _Their_ house. The three of them got up early that Sunday before their friends would get together to help them move all their boxes and unwrap all their new furniture. Setting up a new house could take weeks, but the walls were all painted and waiting for Bethany's photos to be mounted onto them. With the large team they had, they were hoping to get the entire house finished in three days, leaving Bethany with just enough time to enjoy her completely finished house for one night before leaving for Germany. Steve had turned the entire activity into a training opportunity for the team, even setting them up with the mission of getting it all done before Bethany had to leave. It was definitely a more exciting mission than what they usually had to finish, so they were all looking forward to it.

But before their house was filled with people and things, the family wanted to take an hour to themselves, wandering around the empty house and just enjoying the quiet. Every step, every little whisper seemed to echo against the walls of the big house. The sun was shining through the huge picture windows and Molly was exploring every corner and step.

"This is our new home, Munchkin," Bethany whispered, feeling like if she spoke in her normal tone, it would be too loud. "We're home."

Bethany put Jamie down, the baby immediately dashing out to chase Molly around the empty house. "We did it," Steve breathed, pulling her close to him.

"We did it," She whispered back, the two of them basking in the fact that they had made it this far. To want, to _dream_ for this moment, where they had their own family and their own house and to actually get it were two different things. It wasn't quite what they had dreamed up all those years ago, but neither of them cared. What they had around them at that moment was perfect, and neither of them could think of a single thing they wanted to change. Right then and there, they felt like their future would be amazing and filled with happiness. With more children. With a free and safe world. In that moment, everything felt possible.

Throughout the day, Bethany supervised the entire team. She alone was telling people where things went and only asked for Steve's opinion when she could see the creative cogs turning in his head. Having people who could fly and lift up heavy things like they were a baseball made the entire process a lot easier than anyone originally anticipated. Since they had a huge balcony attached to the master suite, they had the huge mattress Bethany had ordered flown up and through the double doors. Romanoff had her classic smug smirk on her face after the mattress had been set onto the bedframe, knowing full well that despite the huge mattress, Bethany and Steve would still only use a fraction of it. Bethany just liked the idea of them having more room on the bed to fill with children.

Bethany had set a basket filled with Jamie's favorite toys up in the living room corner, along with her laptop which was playing a selection of children's shows. She didn't want to keep him cradled up in a play pen all day, but took active steps to make sure he didn't get out of the house or up and down the stairs. Someone was always down there watching him as well, but he minded his own business. Every once in a while, he would get up and go to the front window, watching the team with curiosity before finally wandering back to his corner.

At one point, he had elected it was time to nap. He had taken all the toys out of the basket and placed Molly inside it before he curled up next to her. He had happily napped for two hours in the basket, his fingers curled into Molly's fur. "We're almost done for the day," Steve whispered into Bethany's ear as she watched Jamie sleeping. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing her back flushed to his chest.

"I think we did good," Bethany replied. "It looks good."

"I got you something," he announced, pulling away from her to walk over to a box and pull a frame out. "I thought you could add this to your collection."

Bethany took the silver frame, a small smile pulling at her lips. In the frame, there were multiple spots for photos, all of them from a different place and time. When Steve had found a picture of a small Bethany with pigtails and her big brother having his arm securely around her shoulder, as if protecting her proudly from the world, he knew he had to slip it into his pocket so they could frame it openly in their new home. He had gone even farther, digging deep and far and finding a rare picture of himself as a child, a picture of Tony as a kid and then of course, of Jamie. She touched the glass of the frame delicately, her face reading exactly what she was thinking.

"I love it," She whispered, tracing the golden letters that read FAMILY at the bottom. Steve unhooked the hammer from his belt and dug into one of his pockets for a nail.

"I thought it could go here," Steve replied, pointing to the sidewall of the stairs that Bethany had requested specifically so she could show off her photos. He placed the nail right in the middle, looking back to her for assurance.

"It's perfect," she agreed with a smile, watching as he made work and then stepped back to allow her to place the frame upon the wall. Stepping back and into Steve's embrace, they held each other as they looked at the photos. Everything was perfect.

* * *

When their house was finished, Bethany feeling accomplished for actually being able to put her entire home together faster than most building reality shows, Steve, Jamie and Bethany locked themselves in their house for the night. Sam was all up for them having an amazing house-warming party, but Bethany had put her foot down. She was tired and she had to get up the next morning and go to Germany. She really just wanted to spend her first night in her house with her two boys.

Steve had cooked them burgers on their new barbeque with Bethany's pasta salad as their side dish. Then, after twenty minutes had passed as Steve insisted, they went into their new pool. Jamie looked adorable in his floaties, but Steve kept a firm grip on Jamie's waist as they waded in the pool. Bethany only slipped her feet into the water. The water wasn't properly heated yet, but Steve had claimed it was comfortable for him and Jamie hadn't expressed a sense of complaint. She enjoyed watching her two boys interact, especially in their own home. Jamie loved placing his hands on Steve's head and giving it a firm push, Steve playing along and ducking his head under the water for a quick moment before coming up and shaking the water from his head. The baby would throw his head back, his beautiful laughter dancing into the air. Everything just seemed too perfect to be true.

Both Bethany and Steve assumed that to warm their new house, they'd have sex that night, but for some reason, with Jamie in his pajamas and his blond hair being curlier than ever before due to the recent humidity, clinging onto Bethany's neck as he fell asleep, they decided to welcome him into their bed for the night. It was definitely big enough. It had to be custom-made in order to reach the proportions Bethany had in mind.

They laid in bed, Steve holding a copy of _Daisy Miller_ while they both read silently, curled up together. Jamie was sleeping soundly on Bethany's chest, her hand rubbing soothing circles on his back. "I'm done with this page," she whispered to Steve, waiting for him to finish before he turned the page. Instead of turning it however, he put the book down on his chest. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Steve said softly, a hint of exasperation in his voice. "There's absolutely nothing wrong. Everything is perfect. I haven't felt this peaceful and at ease… well, ever."

"I know," she replied, a smile pulling at her lips. "Do you think this is temporary?"

"I guess we'll find out soon enough, since it's back to reality tomorrow. Especially with you going away for work," Steve spoke softly so he wouldn't wake Jamie. "But I'll tell you one thing for sure Bethany… this right here? It's going to make it damn harder to get out of bed tomorrow and go to work. Was that your plan all along?"

"Maybe...?" Bethany offered before chuckling. "I wanted to tempt you with something more than what we've had. And yes, giving you a sense of peace as a seduction technique was part of my plan, but you know that I'll support you no matter what you chose to do. Hell Steve, I think I proved that within the last few months."

"You definitely have," Steve nodded. "I don't doubt you in anyway. I know I say this a lot, but you've changed so much Bethany. I've always loved you, but this new version of yourself is just…"

"You make me want to be the best version of myself," Bethany breathed. "I know what the worst version of myself is. I don't ever want to be like that again. I've got a second chance and now I want to make it all worth it."

"I just want you to be happy Beth," Steve whispered. "That's all I really want in this world."

Bethany knew that he wanted other things as well and so did she for that matter, but really what they had right then and there, it was amazing. "I am happy," she promised him. She had never been this happy before in her life. She had so much more than she ever thought she would have. And really, it was just the perfect amount of blessings to make all the bad worth it. Not everything in their life was perfect, but they had time to make it that way. They had the time to help their friends find their ways, find peace in their world as well as the greater world. They had time for kids and perfect family moments. Time was never something Bethany had been short of through the years, but now time seemed to mean something. It wasn't just the years passing her by. This was a life she never thought she deserved, but here she was, with it, and no longer feeling like she didn't deserve it. She felt like she had earned this right in life. She had put up with all the hell and high water that had been thrown at her, and so had Steve. Bethany had mended fences, corrected her old ways, learned how to love and be loved and earned the right to claim a happy life.

And more importantly, she _had_ it.

* * *

Leaving her family that morning had been difficult. It wasn't just temporarily saying goodbye, but it was the fact that she wasn't even leaving to do something enjoyable. If she was escaping for a girls' night, that would be one thing. But going to Germany to convince its politicians of the Avengers capability and ability to accept the responsibility of their actions as well as save the world was not her idea of a good time. A lot of countries held doubt in the Avengers, especially after Sokovia. The media, particularly Christine Everhart, was doing a damn good job at trying to place sole blame on the team, (to be fair, Ultron was their fault, but they had done the best they could do to save the country and its people) and trying to convince the world that they should pay for all the reparations needed.

That really peeved Bethany. The world seemed to think that they were made of money, and while she wouldn't say they weren't well off, that really didn't matter. They _saved_ the world. They had paid a price, lost an Avenger, and risked their lives to correct their mistakes and save the world from falling under Ultron's destruction. The ruin of one small country compared to the whole world seemed like an acceptable sacrifice in her opinion. Plus, it wasn't like the team was just sitting back and drinking beers, completely ignorant of what happened. They had all participated in helping these people rebuild their lives. Yes, they wouldn't be the same, but for people to expect that after tragedy, they were being idiotic. After the Second World War, re-building was what _everyone_ was doing. It was a natural part of life, of getting over the experience. But it seemed like all people could do when tragedy struck was focus on it opposed to try to repair their lives. It irritated her so much.

Of course, Christine Everhart got her hands on the cost of the Rogers' house and had used it against them on the news that morning. Bethany had watched it while on the jet over to Germany and fought the urge to throw her tablet at the television screen. She was in her mid-nineties and she never had a house to herself. They always belonged to someone else, whether her parents, Howard or SHIELD. She felt like she had the right to use all that money that would have accumulated over the years in a savings account to build her dream house. Could they have donated that money to the survivors of the Sokovia Battle? Of course. Had she and Steve had that conversation more than once? Yes. But even Wanda agreed that they deserved a win. All these people, who were currently housed _somewhere_ due to the Avengers generosity, shouldn't expect them not to have a home just to give it to someone else. Bethany had made sure, due to all her guilt, that every single family affected had a place to call home, even if it was temporary, and had hired hundreds of sponsors to help these families rebuild their lives.

The meetings and Germany had been painful, and Bethany still had another full day to go. Her German was rusty, but she understood what the men and women said to each other when they thought she couldn't understand. She was regretting coming alone. She should have brought _someone_ with her. She had made a mental note that the Avengers Facility needed a team of lawyers who could deal with all this without her. She _hated_ politics. She hadn't minded it when she was younger, it just being a natural part of society. But she had lived through enough to realize how flawed every single system truly was. It was why she hated it so much. All she wanted to do was get back to her hotel room and relax. When she was changing into some professional attire before her meeting began, Bethany had found a vibrator wrapped in her pajamas. She hadn't packed it and couldn't help but smile knowing that Steve must have. He was trying to take care of her and making sure she was happy even though they were so far away. She was only gone for a night, but his gesture was not going to go unnoticed. It was sweet and she knew that after her day, she deserved an orgasm or two.

She hadn't had solo play in what felt like _forever._ She really didn't need it when Steve was basically able and willing whenever. Even if he was clearly too tired, she would just wait since it was worth it. She was a little hesitant about it not being as enjoyable as it was with him, but at the same time, it was going to be an interesting exploration. Steve knew how to work her body in ways even she didn't understand. It was like he had studied her every breath and gasp through the years and committed them to memory. Bethany was always just focusing on how amazing everything felt to even really pay attention to the specifics.

She had the option of taking a cab back to her hotel, but after being stuffed up all day, she decided to walk. The hotel wasn't close, but she needed the fresh air to clear her thoughts and help her body relax. Germany had offered the Avengers a _huge_ donation if they committed to saving the country before all others in time of emergency. Bethany had been shocked at the proposition, especially since she hadn't come to them to ask for donations. Many governments had offered the team something, probably to ensure that the team was committed to their safety, but no one had bluntly spoke their expectations. Bethany wasn't sure whether or not she felt offended or if she admired them. Germany had come a long way through the years to build back the world's trust. Their dark history was actual events that Bethany had lived through. She had grown up with the knowledge that Germany was the villain, especially after the Great War. She hadn't really been surprised when they rose once again during the Second World War to claim their greatness back, but it only showed the children born after the Great War what their parents had been telling them through the years.

After the war, however, the SSR was despatched to Berlin for a variety of reasons. Chaos had captured the country, Russian troops basically pillaging and raping the entire city. In their view, they felt like they were exacting revenge because of what the German troops had done to their own people. The Howling Commandos had packed their bags to help bring a sense of peace to the ruined city and Peggy had convinced Howard to let Bethany come. Bethany was deep into her depression, barely leaving her room and Peggy thought that it would do her some good to help others. Howard had been skeptical and while Bethany really didn't do anything during the trip, not good or bad, it was years later that Bethany realized what she really saw during that time. The Allies were in charge of the narrative of that time since they were the winners. The fall of Berlin and the aftermath was lost from so many historical text books. They taught about the bombing raids in Britain but not the raids on Germany, which by the extent of the damage, Bethany could tell were a lot worse. It had smelled and almost every building was damaged in one way or another. Women were being raped daily, even willingly allowing it for their safety from the opposing side or for some food. Survival sex. Bethany couldn't even imagine having to give into that and she was the type of woman who said 'yes' to sex just because she didn't know what would happen if she actually said 'no'. But it had never been for money or food. She did it because why not?

But her memories of the city made her not want to visit Germany through her years. She always hated when she had missions in Germany. She had only agreed to doing this because no one else wanted to do it and she knew it had to be done. She was about twenty minutes away from her hotel room when the city fell completely dark, save for the street lights. The German politicians had almost insisted she take a cab, but Bethany wasn't worried about her safety. She had done far more dangerous things than walk alone at night in a foreign city, which she reminded them that the proof of that was basically why they were meeting that day.

However, a dark shadow had caught her attention, it moving by the corner of her eyes. She turned her head down a dark alley, seeing nothing there, but still feeling like something or some _one_ was watching her. She shook her head, taking a few more steps forward before the feeling of paranoia fully hit her. Bethany had a variety of actions she could participate in, but the most idiotic one seemed to be the one she wanted to do the most. She ventured into the alley, on red alert. She could still feel the eyes on her, but she couldn't see anything. She didn't dare say anything. If it was a threat to her, they would come out soon enough. If not, she'd turn around and go about her night.

She was almost at the end of the alleyway when she felt a soft breath on her neck. She whipped around, using her elbow to land a decent jab to the attacker's face. He stumbled back and Bethany saw a flash of metal before a death grip took a hold of her neck before throwing her against the brick wall _hard_. Her head swam for a moment, her vision trying to clear up, but she didn't need it to make out her attacker. It was Bucky. Or, from the recent turn of events, the Winter Soldier.

Kiley had told both her and Steve that Bucky had reverted back into the Winter Soldier when they were close to being killed and that some nights, he would disappear for hours only to come back looking tired, guilty and like he was carrying a deep, dark secret. The knowledge of Bucky turning into a fighter when danger arose was common sense for her. But to know he could turn randomly… that was scary.

His mind had gone through so much abuse through HYDRA brainwashing that he didn't get to chose when he was Bucky and when he was the Winter Soldier. And right now, he was the Winter Soldier. Something must have triggered him. It was clear that he wanted to fight her. Possibly kill her. For what reason, she wasn't sure. But she knew one thing for certain; he was going to keep fighting her until she was dead. She was _pretty sure_ that she could give him a run for his money. Despite not having a good fight in the past few months, it was like riding a bicycle at some points. Especially when danger was on her tail. Her body could easily snap back into its old ways. But after the day she had and the night she had planned, she really did want to spend the next five to ten minutes going back and forth. It wasn't like her life was actually in danger. Did he know that if he killed her, she would just come back? Would he leave her, or take her to some kind of HYDRA or government base?

When she pulled herself up, he had already strode forward, his metal hand taking another firm grip on her neck. This time, his fist closed tightly, Bethany struggling to breath. With his hand not leaving her neck, he harshly threw her against the wall, using his height to keep her feet from the ground. Bethany, her fight or flight sense kicking in, threw her leg around his outstretched arm, laying a hard kick to his face while also throwing her other leg up, her knee meeting his crotch. Pain flashed in his eyes as his grip loosen and he stepped back. Bethany used his moment of weakness to kick his stomach with both legs and freeing herself. She gasped for air as her hands took a grip on her neck.

"Bucky," she said aloud, hoping the name would capture some kind of recognition within him. When his eyes met her, she knew that he was in complete Winter Soldier mode. He wasn't going to stop until his mission was done and Bethany really didn't want to hurt him. Even if he had the ability to heal like Steve did, she would rather have her neck broken than even harming her husband's childhood best friend.

So when the Winter Soldier pulled himself up from the ground, that's exactly what she let him do.

* * *

 ****A/N: So I wrote that last scene before I saw the movie and new about those magic words. But I'll have Bucky and Bethany discuss it when they next see each other because YES, they will see each other.**

 **Cleo9427: I've 100 percent have decided what Bethany will do during the movie, but the polls have been keeping me on my toes. Honestly, I feel like everyone will both like and dislike what I write. It'll be good, but will annoy people. But in that good way ;) I'm hoping that I can write _Civil War_ really close to the beginning of the next story. I have to wait a little longer before I start, sadly.**

 **RealHuntress18: No matter what happens in the story, Bethany will end up heartbroken, feeling betrayed and hurt. But she'll do what she feels is good for Jamie. She'll do her damnedest to make sure that the events don't affect him in any way.**

 **Empress01: Yes! The next story, _Through the Storm,_ will feature _Civil War_ and the aftermath of it.**

 **Adela: I very much enjoyed writing Bethany and Hank. I personally cannot stand Hank Pym, so it was fun to write Bethany's hatred for him.**

 **Jo: I didn't include the Ant-Man end battle scene because it didn't seem relevant to me or my story. Bethany knows it happened, so does Steve, but they decided not to dig into it, mostly because Bethany just doesn't want to do with Hank Pym anymore than she already had to.**

 **anonymouscsifan: Scott and Peter provided the best comedic relief, but Sam and Bucky need their own TV show now. Just the two of them competing for Steve's approval. It would actually do really well :P**

 **pulchritudo in omnia: Woah, I'm not sure what flatters me more; that my smut is to die for or that Bethany is literally the best. Probably the smut since I'm always surprised when people like my smut :P**


	51. Stitch My Wings And Pull the Strings

****A/N: Sorry this is a little late. I've actually had plans after work lately and this is the first time I've had a chance to sit down to prepare and post this.**

Chapter 51- Stitch My Wings And Pull the **Strings**

 _"I wanna fly. Can you take me far away. Gimmie a star to reach for. Tell me what it takes and I'll go so high. I'll go so high. My feet won't touch the ground. Stitch my wings and pull the strings. I bought these dreams that all fall down."_

 _~Wings, Macklemore_

* * *

When Bethany returned from Germany, she had full intentions on telling Steve about her run-in with the Winter Soldier. It wasn't a conversation she was looking forward to and had spent every waking moment going over how she should tell him and how he could react. But when she saw his smiling face, cradling a sleeping Jamie in his arms, she just couldn't do it. She promised herself she would the next day, but suddenly it was her birthday and she was still carrying around her dark little secret.

She knew that the best case scenario was just to let him carry out his mission and then deal with whatever came afterwards. She knew she wasn't a match for him. Hell yes, she could give him a run for his money, but she would always lose. She was lucky that he hadn't captured her and dragged her to some kind of HYDRA facility or worse… if that was even possible. It was as if his orders, or whatever kind of brain waves he was currently on, told him just to kill her. There was no memory of her regenerative powers and when she woke up after her neck healed, he was nowhere in sight. But even as she pressed some shoulders back into place, Bethany didn't feel bad for herself. In reality, she didn't even feel bad for Steve at that moment. She really felt bad for Bucky. The fact that he could remember who she is at any moment and carry that guilt with him made her sick. She didn't want him to blame himself for hurting her. Sure, he was the weapon, but it was HYDRA who had pulled the trigger.

Holding the secret was becoming a painful task. She hated that she was lying to Steve and she felt like she needed to tell _someone._ She had been attacked and no one knew about it. Bethany knew she'd have to tell him or her guilt would eventually eat her up. But when she woke up on her birthday, Jamie sitting by her feet and Steve playing with him quietly, she knew she couldn't ruin the moment. That's how it had been during that week. Everything had been so perfect that Bethany was afraid to ruin it. But she couldn't fully digest her happiness and the experience because she was always thinking about her secret.

"Okay, spill," Natasha said when they were driving into the city for some spa time. It was partly a birthday gift from Steve and partly a way to get her out of the house. Despite the fact that the party was technically for the both of them, Steve insisted on getting everything ready. Everyone else had stayed behind to help their Captain set everything up, but getting their nails and hair done had always been something Natasha and Bethany did together. It was nice to get a little lady pampering in between missions.

"What?" Bethany asked, playing innocent.

"Steve may not see that you're keeping a secret, but I sure do," Natasha revealed. "You've been distant as hell lately. What's going on?"

Bethany sighed. She had been waiting to tell someone, but she always assumed she'd just tell Steve first. And then possibly Kiley. They sure weren't too sure on how to talk about him with her. "When I was in Germany… I ran into Bucky. Well, no. I ran into the Winter Soldier."

"And you haven't told Steve."

"I want to!" Bethany promised quickly. "But I just can't bring myself to do it. I feel like I'll be breaking his heart… again. And as much as I want, no _need_ to tell him and be honest, when I break his heart, it's worse than when he breaks mine."

"Yeah, but it breaks his heart when you lie to him," Natasha reminded her. "I thought you didn't want to lie to him anymore, Bethany."

"I don't want to," Bethany agreed. "I wish I didn't have to tell him at all. There's no easy way of telling the man you love that his childhood best friend attacked and killed you in a dirty alley in a foreign country with his bare hands."

"I'll give you that," Natasha decided with a simple shrug. "You still need to tell him."

"I know," Bethany whispered. "I'm trying Nat. Things have been so good. I'm afraid that I'll ruin them. One way or another. If I had just called him right after to tell him, things probably would have been easier, but I figured I needed time to think about how to break the news to him in the right way and here we are now and I still don't know what to say."

"The truth," Natasha replied. "Just as it is. No fancy words or meanings. Just tell him. You both know that it isn't always him in there. Just look at what happened with Kiley. One threat and he went full-blown Winter Soldier. Kiley is lucky he didn't turn on her too."

"I'd never be able to forgive myself," Bethany added. "Do you think I should tell him when we get back? Right before the party? Or is that a bad idea? I just don't want him to be mad at me, or HYDRA or anyone. I want him to enjoy tonight and I feel like if I tell him, he won't be capable of that."

"Listen, wait until tomorrow," Natasha suggested. "And by eight tomorrow night, if you still haven't told him, I will. Which will be even worse, so that assures both of us that you'll actually tell him."

"Smart," Bethany replied. "Trust me Nat, I don't want to lie to him. It's been eating at me, and usually secrets don't do that."

"You two have built your relationship and life together, repaired it so well since the last secret that it makes sense," her friend allowed. "You used to keep secrets daily, but now you don't want to. But I get it. You don't want to hurt him. You don't want to see the hurt in his eyes. But he needs to know. Especially because he believes that Bucky is getting better. Even if he doesn't know for sure, he believes that because he has to. It's the only way he can distance himself."

"I know," Bethany replied softly. "And I was reassuring him of that too. But now… if he's having lapses, that'll make him even more determined to find him and help him."

"Why are you so against that?"

Bethany parked the car and leaned against her seat, trying to gather her thoughts. "Because if Bucky wanted our help, he'd find us. He knows I'm willing to help no matter what and he's got to know that Steve would do anything for him by now. Whether or not his memories have returned, he knows that much. I feel like we need to respect his decision. And after what just happened, I'm worried. What if he hurts Steve? What if he hurts _Jamie_? Is him being with us safe? And how far will Steve go to find him? I think it'll hurt more than it'll help."

"But you do want to help him," Natasha stressed.

"Well, yeah," Bethany replied. "Listen, Bucky and I were friends during the war too. Nothing special, but we were connected through Steve. He loved him just as much as I do. Steve would do anything for us, but we'd do anything for him. Bucky belongs in our life, being an uncle to our son. But it's not that easy. And I feel like Steve hasn't fully accepted the difficulty behind it all. He believes that if Bucky just comes back, everything will be okay. But it won't. That man has a lot of demons to face, more than you or I. It's not something that can be easily overcome."

"Still, you have to admire Steve's faith and loyalty," Natasha added as she unbuckled her seatbelt.

"It's one of the reasons why I love him so much," Bethany promised, following Natasha's lead. They got out of the car to enjoy their pampering, but Bethany couldn't help but silently add _but it's the thing that will most likely destroy us_ _all_ _._

* * *

Their friends didn't leave the house until well after mid-night and Steve and Bethany spent another hour cleaning up, but Steve was happy with how the day had gone. He never knew how Bethany would react to another birthday. She was now ninety-five years old but still looked like she was in her early to mid-twenties. She hadn't really said anything in regards to her not aging lately. After Bruce disappeared, they did talk about how now any formula towards her non-aging was gone. Ultron had wiped Bruce's research away and she was back at square one. But since then, she seemingly had accepted her fate for a little bit longer. Something Steve knew for sure was that Bethany enjoyed her young, attractive body. She wasn't exactly begging to have wrinkles and being saggy, but she liked the idea of celebrating another birthday and actually feeling herself age. Birthdays felt senseless if you weren't aging. They were just another day to mark your life.

After he finished washing up in the bathroom, he made his way into the bedroom. He had assumed that Bethany would already be curled up in bed, either sleeping or on her way to sleeping. Instead, she was sitting at the edge of the bed, her shoulders hunched slightly as she was deep in thought. He could sense sadness in her, which made him frown. He thought he had done a good job with the party. He got all her favorite food, people and music. They had all partied in the pool and the deck, played card games and laughed. Bethany looked like she enjoyed herself through the night, but now it was clear that she was unhappy.

"Doll?" Steve asked, tilting his head a little to get a view of her eyes. She didn't look up at him at first, but when she finally did, he could see a lot of fear in her eyes. "Hey, what's going on?"

"I- I have something to tell you," She whispered, her voice wavering. "Something… something happened in Germany."

"Okay," Steve said patiently, crossing his arms as he waited. He didn't want to pressure her since she seemed so nervous about telling him.

"I…" She trailed off before taking a deep and brave breath before re-starting. "I was attacked in an alley."

Steve opened his mouth, but no words came out at first. He struggled to get his mind around what she had said. When she returned from Germany, she had looked like an angel, so perfect and pure. He knew that she wasn't, but she still looked like it. Looking at her now, she looked like she was close to crying. "Beth… they-they didn't… force themselves-"

"No," She quickly promised him, getting off the bed and moving to place her hands on his shoulders. She was trying to comfort him in a moment when he knew he should comfort her. "No, it wasn't like that. He-he snapped my neck and left me for dead. I woke up later and he was gone, but that's it."

"That you know of," Steve whispered, cringing as thoughts about some man violating her body when she couldn't defend herself or protest filled his head.

"No," Bethany said strictly. "He didn't. Steve… I know who it was."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He pressed on.

"Because you know who it was too, and I was afraid to tell you," Bethany replied, her last words drifting off into a whisper. "I just- I didn't want to keep it from you, but the idea of you knowing that Bucky is… Steve, I just kept hoping it'd all be a dream and I could tell you he was better."

Steve had been living off the reassurance that Bucky was doing well. But knowing that his best friend had killed his wife in some dark alley in Germany meant that he was worse off than when she last saw him. Bucky hadn't posed a threat then. Bethany had felt like he was getting well enough that Kiley being with him wasn't a bad thing. That he wouldn't hurt her. But he had inadvertently hurt Kiley and purposely hurt Bethany. He wasn't better at all, but worse.

"I'm _so sorry_ , Steve," Bethany rushed to say. "I didn't want to keep it from you but I also didn't want to hurt you. I just… I didn't know which one was worse."

"I-I'm not angry at you," Steve said quietly and he truly wasn't. He, like Bethany, wished that it had never happened so she wouldn't have had to say anything but at the same time, he was happy she didn't lie to him any longer. He could understand why she didn't say anything at first. And at the very least, she actually came clean whereas often, he would find out some other way. He hated when he discovered things that way. He preferred when she told him the truth and let him into her thoughts and life. It made them one. And whether good or bad, he was happy when she let him in.

But of course, he was heartbroken by the fact that Bucky was suffering and that Bethany had suffered as result of that. He wanted everyone in his life to be happy and healthy and it felt like it was an impossible mission. He wanted Bucky to be a part of their family. It was how it was supposed to be but fate had thrown them a curveball. Bucky was in the world but he wasn't in their lives.

"I have to find him," Steve decided, but Bethany gripped his arms before he could move.

"Steve, I know how much he means to you, and I agree, he needs help, but we can't help him right now. He's making it near impossible to track him. And we have Jamie's health and safety to worry about."

"He'd never hurt Jamie," Steve promised but he then realized that he would have thought the same about himself or Bethany and he did that anyways. "He's my friend."

"I care about him too Steve," Bethany replied. "But we can't make hasty decisions. We have a duty to keep this world safe. Just… come to bed with me, okay? Let's go to sleep and wake up and just figure out how to get through the next little while. But you can't help someone who doesn't want help. Especially someone who has gone through what he has."

"We helped Kiley and Jen," Steve reminded her. "Jen was under HYDRA's control, same as Bucky. And look at her now."

"Jen being under their thumb was much different than Bucky," Bethany stressed. "Yes, they messed with her genes and wiped her memories. But it was only over a short period of time and they didn't send her out on dozens of kill missions. She's in therapy and taking anti-depressants and is still trying to adjust to life again. Bucky… he's gone through all that and more a hundred times over. It's not going to be easy. We need to respect what he wants. And right now, he wants to be out there on his own."

"But what if HYDRA found him again?"

"I wouldn't be standing in front of you. He would have dragged me to a HYDRA facility. He had no idea that I possessed a healing ability. It was as if he was sent out with a kill mission but had no background information. He just knew that he needed to kill me."

Steve cringed at her words. He could picture it so clearly; Steve knew it would haunt his sleep. Things had been going so well in their lives, it was hard to remember that not everything was perfect. In fact, their lives still had a lot of flaws. Of course Steve thought about Bucky every single day, but it was easier pretending that he was getting better and that one day he'd come back to him. He wasn't angry with Bethany for keeping it from him. In the past, he might have been. But this time, Steve could see in her eyes that she hadn't kept it a secret for her own personal reasons.

"I- uh," Steve began, letting out a deep breath and scratching the back of his neck. "I need some fresh air. I'm going to take a walk."

"Let me come with you," Bethany practically begged, her desperation in her eyes.

"No," he disagreed lightly. "You should get some rest. I just need to be alone with my thoughts right now." He looked at the sadness in her eyes and made sure he added one last thing. "I'm not upset with you, okay Beth? Don't worry."

"I'm not worried about that," Bethany corrected. "I'm worried about you. I don't want you to do something you'll regret."

"I'm just going for a walk," He promised her, leaning down to kiss her forehead softly. His lips lingered as Bethany's fingertips drew comforting lines up and down his arms. Steve had a lot to think about and even though he wasn't upset with Bethany, he needed to be away from her to understand what he owed to Bucky versus what he owed to his family. Either way, he'd let one of them down by his actions. But Bucky needed help _now_. His family didn't. It was a hard line to cross.

* * *

After Kiley had left the Paracelsus rehab facility, she found herself struggling with her depression and anxiety in her everyday life. She was so sheltered in the facility and even though they did prepare her for when she had to leave, she still felt like the effects of her traumatic experience were weighing heavy on her mind. Secretly, she visited a doctor who suggested that despite her former dependence on anti-depressants, that she take a small daily dosage to help take off the edge while she continued to adjust. She was seeing a therapist multiple times a week, both at the Avengers Facility and in the city, but she felt that she really needed the meds to help the time in between. She personally didn't feel like she was addicted to them. While she had technically been diagnosed as such, she knew that she needed them _because_ of her depression.

However, when she expressed this concern to her doctor, they talked about what was okay and what wasn't. And really what caused the issue in the first place was Kiley freely giving herself dosages based on how much she _felt_ she needed. She had been taking a heavy dosage every day, but sometimes those pills could take up to a month to kick in. Now that Kiley knew that, she didn't feel like she needed five or six a day just to get through it. But just in case, the doctor agreed only to give her the prescription if she gave control of the pills to a friend.

Kiley hadn't talked much to her friends, family or co-workers about her struggle, so when she was told this, she had a huge decision to make in regards of whose life she wanted to impose on. She knew that Bethany would accept the responsibility without a second's doubt, but Kiley also knew that her friend had discovered this amazing balance of perfection and the idea of Kiley tipping the scale would break her heart. Bethany had worked hard to create that balance. Kiley lived across the hall from the huge flat the Avengers had claimed as their shared living space. While the Rogers had their own apartment at the compound when they were temporarily living there, Tony Stark had instructed that they build a flat dedicated to the team. It was supposed to help bring them closer together. For convenience's sake, Kiley decided to ask one of the Avengers to help her. She didn't have to think hard about who was the best choice. It was clearly Sam.

It was hard to ask him, since she didn't really know him all that well, but from what she did know of, this task was right up his alley. He had made her confiding in him incredibly easy and immediately agreed to her request, joking that in return, she had to cook breakfast for him every morning. The very first day, Kiley did just that as a response to his teasing, but it easily became a part of their day-to-day lives. It made sense since Kiley needed to take a pill every morning around seven and she hated cooking breakfast for one person. It seemed silly to get multiple pans dirty just for herself. Soon, she was cooking for the entire team, minus the Rogers. Sam would slip her the pill when she was drinking her morning tea and she'd sit at the table with them and talk. For the first time in a long time, she was starting to feel like everything could be okay again.

Sam seemed to go out of his way to make her smile, but after awhile, Kiley realized that that's just who Sam was. He would flirt and tease and work overtime to make sure that everyone around him was comfortable and happy. And when people just _couldn't_ be happy, he understood that, respected it and listened. Whenever she had a nightmare, she could talk to him. One day, she found herself realizing that he was the exact opposite of Bucky.

Sam had asked her if she wanted Bucky to come back and Kiley didn't know how to answer that at first. Bucky had hurt her, and while it wasn´t intentional, it had completely ruined her and her life. As much as she cared about him and wanted to see him happy, she was afraid that if she was around him again, she'd just fall. He wouldn't even necessarily have to do anything to push her down. She'd just fall.

"It makes sense why I like spending time with him," Kiley had admitted to Bethany as they ate lunch together one afternoon. "Because he's Bucky's opposite, I'm drawn to him. I feel safe."

"Sam's a good guy," Bethany agreed. "Don't get me wrong, Bucky is-was…" She shook her head for a moment to clear it. "As long as you're feeling better. I worry about you, you know."

"You worry about a lot," Kiley reminded her.

"That is very true. It's just second nature at this point I guess," Bethany allowed. "I used to not worry about anything and now I basically worry about everything. No wonder I'm always desperate for a vacation. I asked Steve if he wanted to go away next weekend, but he convinced me that us taking a vacation every few months just makes us look bad to the media after the Sokovia thing."

"The media is still eating you up about that, huh?" Kiley asked, taking a sip of her iced tea.

"And citizens," Bethany sighed. "Not that I blame them, but no matter what we do, they keep thinking we walked away and never looked back. Like we're not trying to take responsibility. Sokovia is one thing, but D.C. and New York too? We were doing our jobs."

"We live in a world where people will pick you apart no matter what," Kiley replied.

"Unfortunately," Bethany nodded before looking out her back window. "You coming over tonight? I'm still trying to convince Wanda to join us, but I think she'll give in. She's a young woman, she really shouldn't be saying no to a girls' night. Plus, the pool and hot tub are calling our names."

"I'll be there," Kiley promised. "You kicking Steve out of the house?"

"No, I told him he could stay if he didn't bother us," Bethany said with a chuckle. "He had a long week and told me he just wants to spend some time with Jamie. I'm not going to punish him for wanting that."

"How goes the fight for another baby?"

Bethany ran a hand through her hair as she took in a deep breath. "We agreed to wait a year. Until the dust settles, I guess. I mean, it was my idea, but it doesn't make waiting any easier. Things are really good right now and I know they won't stay like this forever. That sounds bad, but they never do. Especially in our lives. I'm hoping he'll give in before the year is up, but I promised I wouldn't say anything to him and I won't. I don't want to pressure him into it. I want him to want it and be sure that it's the right thing."

Bethany smirked suddenly, shaking her head. "What?" Kiley asked.

"It's so weird. I never actually thought that I'd _want_ kids. I always assumed I'd get married and we'd have kids just because that's what you did. If Steve never wanted kids, I would have been content living my life like that. But because he did and we got Jamie, now I just want to do it all over again. The pregnancy, the labour. All because the love you have for a child? It's intense."

"I don't want them at all," Kiley laughed. "I can't imagine that changing, but I guess it did for you so it could for me too. Although, hopefully I won't ever have to find out."

"What if it's what your husband wanted?"

Kiley shrugged. "Then he married the wrong person, I guess."

* * *

Steve and Jamie were sitting on the couch watching _Dumbo_ , the baby wrapped tightly in a blanket. In his grasp was his Captain America plushie, which he was starting to take _everywhere_. Steve knew Bethany hated it when he wore his suit in the house, but he did it every day anyways because he loved that Jamie wanted his plushie with him because it reminded him of his dad. Bethany stopped complaining about it, but he could always see that look in her eyes that showed just how frustrated she was. It was getting a little fun tempting her like that, watching as silent rage burned in her eyes for something so trivial as a uniform. His enjoyment only made her more upset.

After Bethany came clean about Bucky, Steve had a lot to think about. He had spent that entire night walking around the compound, making a decision and then changing his mind over and over until the sun began to rise. When he made his way back to the house, passing Jamie's room on his way to the bathroom, he noticed his boy babbling contently to his toy before hugging it close to him. When Steve had stepped into the room, gathering the boy's attention, his smile grew and his arms and legs began to flare excitedly. Every single morning, Steve got the same reaction. Every night when he was coming back from the Facility, Jamie was by the door, waiting for him.

He knew that the first step to helping Bucky was finding him. They had been actively looking for him for a while now, but Steve knew they could work a lot harder. Plus, he had a job to do. That, paired with the fact that he couldn't bring himself to miss his morning or afternoon time with Jamie made it hard for Steve to wrap his head around ever finding time for Bucky. It killed him a little more every single day. He was so busy with his new life it was like he didn't have time for his old one.

The backdoor slid open and Steve craned his head to see Bethany, wrapped in a beach towel, coming into the house to refill a bowl of chips. Steve kissed the top of Jamie's mop of curls before getting off the couch and standing next to her in the kitchen. "Having fun?" He whispered, so not to interrupt Jamie watching the movie.

"What would you say about me going away next weekend?" Bethany asked, turning to face him.

"Huh?"

"Well, the girls… we're all dealing with stuff," Bethany explained. "Most of them are busy thinking about or worrying about boys. I'm just busy worrying. I thought maybe… getting away for a day or two, just us girls would do everyone some good. Wanda, Nat, Kiley, Jen, Maria. Maybe even invite Jane, since I know she's bummed that Thor is gone again. I mean, we talked about it before, but I really think we should do it."

"If you think that's what's best, go for it," he nodded. "I think it'll do you all some good to get away from responsibilities and thinking too much. You should do it."

"Really?" She asked with a small smile.

He leaned down to kiss her softly, his hands taking a hold of her hips. "You're right," he allowed. "You're always worrying. And I know you don't do it on purpose. I worry too. But you worry much more than I do. You've always needed more vacation time than I have anyways. It'll be good for you to get away for a weekend and just focus on yourself."

"Can I make one little request for when I'm gone?" Bethany asked, wincing a little like she already knew what he was going to say.

"It depends…"

"I- uh… Can you watch Jamie? Just you?" Almost every time that Bethany left Jamie, she had asked Steve to watch over him, not a friend or Jackson. Steve was beginning to think it was because she wanted to prove to herself that she and Steve could do it without any help. He really didn't mind, but he knew that if he needed to go out on a mission, he'd have to leave Jamie with someone else. Especially if the female members of the team were too busy getting wasted to avenge.

"Yes," Steve replied easily. If a mission report came in, he'd drop Jamie off with Jackson and deal with the possibly irritated Bethany later. He really didn't think she should be upset at him for doing that, but he wouldn't put it past her either.

"I love you," Bethany replied with a bright smile and a cutesy tone.

"I love you," he replied, leaning down to kiss her again.

* * *

 **lullaby: I feel like once Steve got over the initial embarrassment, it would be :)**

 **Cleo9427: 1. Because it's my job as the writer to keep readers on their toes ;) 2. I feel like everyone will love what I've come up w** **ith so far, but please share your ideas with me! I'd love to hear what others think! 3. Well, Bethany will have some issues that she's upset with, but Steve giving up the shield will make her very happy.**

 **pulchritudo in omnia: Bethany is a fighter and knows how to take care of herself. But she also knows her biggest power is her regeneration. She's accepted the fact that sometimes the quickest way to end a fight is to lose and deal with the consequences afterwards. It's not a sign of her weakness ironically, but her strength. Especially since she knows that she could give Bucky a fair fight, but doesn't want to fight him. In her mind, there was only one way to deal with it.**

 **.2016: THANKS :)**

 **anonymouscsifan: She and Bucky will discuss this next time they meet. And yeah, next time I write Bucky's POV, he's going to feel awful. This isn't the first time the Winter Soldier has attacked Bethany, but even without Steve, she's been such a huge help to him, even after everything he's done. In my opinion, he, like Steve was amazed with her. She was so lively and experienced. She wasn't afraid to be who she was. But he and Bethany were made from the same cloth. But of course, him seeing Steve's affection towards her and the way Bethany responded to Steve and let him into her life showed Bucky that it was something more than just a fling between her and Steve.**

 **Adela: The Steve/Bethany thing during Civil War will be very complex, but amazing, I promise. I'm super excited to write it :)**

 **Jo: In Civil War, Bethany will have a lot of pull on Steve and Tony, trying to convince them to do what they have to do, but not to hurt her family in the process. No matter who she sides with, she still has loyalties to the other side. The entire Avengers team has become her family and she's going to take it harder than anyone else. She is the one with the most to lose.**


	52. Picking Up The Broken Pieces

****A/N: So yes... there was no update last week. Not sure how many of you guys noticed. Work has been very draining- I'm working on two very competitive hiring processes for my department and it's taking up all my time - and when I get home, I just want to sleep. This almost didn't get uploaded today... But it's here. I have 4 chapters ( I think ) already lined up so I can continue to relax during my down time, I just need to force myself to actual upload them :P**

 **BUT THERE'S SMUT HERE. The majority of it is smut. I believe there's smut in chapter 53 too.**

Chapter 52- Picking Up The **Broken** Pieces

 _"_ _Now you only bring me black roses, under your spell. And I'm done trying to be one_ _picking up the broken pieces_ _. And I'm done trying to be the one who says 'I love you dear but I'm leaving'. Now you only bring me black roses and they crumble into dust when they're held. Now you only bring me black roses but I'm not under your spell."_

 _~Black Roses, Clare Bowen_

* * *

"I don't know…" Natasha was the first to say it, but Bethany was fully expecting hesitation from each of the girls when she pitched the idea of getting away for the weekend. She had even liquored them all up—well, all except Kiley. That wasn't a road they were ready to travel down yet. While she didn't seem to have an alcohol addiction, no one really wanted to test anything, especially when her recovery was starting to really make a difference.

"Oh come on," Bethany insisted. "You're all young, we're hot and I have a Gold card. It would be so much fun just to cram into a car and ride down the highways with the music blaring, not giving a damn about life. Going shopping and to clubs and just _living._ Not being who we're expected to be in our everyday lives. Leave it all behind just for a few days."

"It could have consequences," Wanda reminded Bethany.

"Okay, you're the youngest," Bethany pointed out. "And I'm the oldest. You let me worry about the consequences. C'mon, I promise nothing bad will happen! It's not like I can get drunk. I'll keep an eye out on all of you. We'll just have fun."

"If this is some way to get us out of our self-pity-" Kiley began, but Bethany quickly interrupted her.

"I was running errands by myself the other day and saw a duck. Do you know what I said? 'There's a duckie. Quack, quack!'" She waited to see the women's responses, nodding as she saw their sympathy. "I need a break. I need out of this motherhood mind frame for just a day or so. You'd all be really doing _me_ a favor."

"That _is_ really sad," Jen allowed.

"It's pathetic," Bethany corrected. "I just… I need a break. I haven't had one in what feels like forever. Please?"  
"You promise you'll be making sure we don't do anything stupid?" Wanda asked.

"I'll make sure no one does anything that I would have done when I was your age," Bethany countered, knowing that her youth was filled of stories with hefty consequences.

"How are we going to get Wanda into clubs?" Kiley asked. "She's underage _and_ doesn't have any valid ID."

"It's like you don't know who I am at all," Bethany replied with flare. "And I won't let her drink more than… what? Four drinks? Or is that too much? I don't know what the drinking age in Sokovia is, it could be like Italy for all I know."

"Umm, Beth?" Steve's voice interrupted as the sliding door opened, Jamie's cries erupting through the backyard.

"Hey, what happened?" Bethany asked with concern, getting out of the hot tub, putting her wine glass on the patio table and wrapping her towel around her tightly before taking Jamie into her arms.

"The end battle in the movie scared him," Steve admitted sheepishly. "I tried to calm him down, but he was calling for you specifically."

"Aww, did you want Momma?" Bethany cooed, bouncing him softly. "Do you want Momma to sing to you? Huh?"  
Jamie's cries began to soften as Bethany started the melody, the entire backyard falling silent and watching carefully as Bethany soothed her son. _"I know you're tired. I see your eyes cry again. I see you fall, and I will down with you. Hold on."_

For people like Wanda and Kiley, they had been introduced to Bethany as a mother. They had been included in the chapter of her life where Bethany's light and love was her son and she filled the label of mother so easily. But despite that, they both knew how different Bethany could be and had been. Her agent side and her mother side were two completely different people, but in an amazing turn of events, she was _strong as both_. Just in different ways. When Kiley would see her working at the compound, it was like she made the shift so easy and natural. Moments ago, she was having a blast with the girls, no doubt thinking about all the fun they could get into when they were away and now she had transitioned back into motherhood with a blink of an eye.

 _"_ _Shine like the rivers that sent you. Baby, we'll run so far away from here. I've loved you so long that I can hardly remember what it was like without you here."_ Jamie's eyes were still glistening, but his crying had ceased. As usual, his hiccupping took the wailing's place, but he was listening to his mother's voice lulling him to peace and sleep.

* * *

Bethany was surprised to see Steve sitting in bed, reading a book when she finally came up the stairs. She and the girls had stayed up five hours after Jamie had fallen asleep and Bethany knew it was better to clean up then opposed to the next morning. "Babe, it's late," Bethany said as she moved to the dresser and pulled out a clean nightgown. "You didn't need to stay up."

"I wanted to," Steve replied, watching as she took off her suit and pulled her tight gown on.

"My hair is a little wet, is that okay?" She asked before crawling into bed.

"Yeah, I just don't like it when it's soaking," he replied, pulling the sheet back for her. He was resting on top of it, the summer air keeping him warm through the night with no blankets, but Bethany still liked to have something, even it was just a thin blanket, wrapped around her.

"Enjoying your book?" She asked as she shimmied over beside him, resting her head against his shoulder.

"It's good," Steve nodded, but closed it and put it on the bedside table.

"Don't stop on my account," Bethany stated, but he shook his head, cupping her cheek and kissing her softly. "Oh, you have ulterior motives."

"Maybe," Steve murmured, Bethany feeling his smile against her lips. "It's been a while."

"It's been two days," Bethany chuckled as Steve's lips moved to kiss her jaw.

"It's after midnight," Steve replied. "Three days."

Bethany couldn't hold her laughter back and Steve used her moment of weakness to maneuver her body downwards. He hovered over her, placing the softest of kisses along her neck and butterfly touches up and down her sides. She closed her eyes, throwing her arms around his neck and playing with the tips of his hair. Bethany shifted her hips a little, trying to get comfortable, Steve taking a quick nip at her skin as a response.

"You enjoyed your Daddy-Jamie night?" Bethany asked quietly, her smile still gracing her face.

"You really want to talk about Jamie right now?" Steve mumbled against her skin lightly.

"Well, there's nothing sexier than you being a good father," Bethany revealed. "Well, okay, watching you workout with no clothes on is pretty damn sexy, but it's a close second."

"He still didn't say it," Steve whispered, halting his kisses and leaning his head in the crook of her neck.

She ran her finger up his cropped hair lightly before letting her hands move downwards to roam his back. "Babe, he will. Give him time."

"I've been spending as much time as possible with him-"

"I know," Bethany quickly intervened. "And he loves it. I know he does. He loves you so much. I'm beginning to think he prefers you over me. Which I'm okay with because I love to see you two together."

"When he was crying, you were the only one who could get him to calm down," Steve reminded her.

"True, but that doesn't mean he loves you any less. He'll say it one day. Now, can we get back to the kissing and the hugging?"

Steve's head rose from her neck, his lips grazing hers. Their kisses were feather light, as if they had never kissed each other before. They were soft and exploring each other, but the lightness of their lips was so different from how their love life had been recently, it truly felt like they were kissing each other for the first time again.

"Wanda says he's biggest fear is not having you or me around," Bethany told Steve when his lips moved to her jaw once more. "He holds us on the same pedestal."

"Is it bad that I like that that's his fear?" Steve asked.

"No, because it solidifies the assumption that he cares about us like we care about him," Bethany promised, kissing his lips softly before nudging him over with her knees and hips, switching their position, giving him a not-so-innocent smile as she grinded her hips against his. "Having kids is rewarding in that way."

"I thought you weren't going to bring up us trying for kids yet," Steve replied, an eyebrow raised to show his humoring mood.

"I said nothing," Bethany reminded him, leaning down to kiss down his neck. "You can interpret it any way you want though."

Steve leaned his head back, smiling in content as Bethany's lips, tongue and teeth played with his skin. Her hands were busy running up and down his arms, gripping onto them every so often and most importantly, the sweet smooth dance of her hips. It was slow, not in a rush at all to start and finish their love making. Sex always seemed rushed between them, even if it didn't need to be. They were just used to _something_ urging them to finish. Usually it was the fear of Jamie interrupting them with his needs. Sometimes it was work.

But tonight, neither of them cared at all. It was nice to take their time exploring each other, finding each other's weaknesses just like it was the first time and enjoying the hitches in their breathing when they touched something right. Bethany sat up on Steve's hips, tugging at the bottom of her nightgown and pulling it off her head. Steve's hands connected with hers and they gripped each other tightly as Steve studied her body.

She was utterly perfect. The serum had etched perfection in every single curve. An artist could not paint anything more perfect than she was, but he knew that she could be severely overweight, covered in wrinkles or her skin marked with ugly scars and burns, truly showing her history with combat, and he would still think she was perfect. Steve wasn't even sure what he would have done if he returned from the ice and she had been her true age. Could he just forget his feelings? Their history? Would he have to? He was lucky that hadn't been laid in front of him.

Bethany leaned forward, their intertwined hands raising above his head as they deepened their kiss. Bethany's erected nipples dragged shuddering marks against his bare skin. He could feel himself harden and the deep arousal and lust starting to swirl within him. Bethany, feeling him against her, began to slip down his body, her hands leaving his as they hooked onto the band of his sleeping pants. She brought them down as she continued her trek down the bed, stripping him to nothing. Her head popped up over the edge, a look of excitement on her face. She held out her hands and Steve took them, an eyebrow raised slightly in curiosity. Bethany pulled him into a sitting position before moving her hands up and down his thighs slowly. Her eyes glanced up at him, connecting with his own eyes as she lowered her mouth. Her lips slipped around the head, her tongue swirling around slowly.

Steve let out a shuddering breath, one of his hands moving to cradle the back of her neck, his thumb moving up and down softly against it. She was taking her sweet time, building up the anticipation. When she first performed oral on him, it felt like it was degrading her to nothing more than a common street whore. It was like only his pleasure was important. But when he saw how much satisfaction she took from it, he realized that she took a different type of pleasure from the experience. Now, he just saw her as a loving partner who was mutually taking pleasure in the act.

Whenever her eyes connected with his, he felt a shudder go up his spine. She would lower herself and then flick her eyes up towards him, looking at his expression before lowering herself even more. Her hands didn't leave his upper thighs once, still moving up and down carefully, only building a stronger lust. He all but fell apart when she started to hollow her cheeks, holding him tightly within her mouth.

The hand on her neck moved up, closing carefully around some hair before giving her a firm tug. She knew what that meant, rising and straddling him carefully. His thick member was wedged between them as she kissed him again, Steve wrapping his arms around her tightly. She was soaked, her centre leaving a trail of wetness on his legs. Carefully, he flipped them so that Bethany laid on her back before reaching for his bedside table. As he took out a condom and rolled it onto himself, he reached farther into the bedside table for the small but powerful bullet Bethany loved. They had originally agreed that sex toys would be something they used every once in a while, but Steve couldn't deny her the extra pleasure. He was physically unable to process the fact of her not getting those strong and steady vibrations on her clit to make the entire experience that much more pleasurable for her.

"Sit against the headboard," Steve instructed. Bethany rose an eyebrow but followed his instructions. Steve shifted her hips downwards a little, spreading her legs wide. He ran the unpowered bullet up and down her bare center, watching as she let out a breath of satisfaction. It took a little bit of maneuvering, but he finally found a comfortable position for both of them so that Bethany could be sitting while he pushed in and out of her. With the position, he always hit something that made her jolt and made her orgasms that much powerful. He wanted to go slow, watch how every single movement affected her body.

He handed her the bullet and she turned it on, spreading her lips even more so that her clit was bare before firmly pressing the toy against it. Her legs quivered at the sensation and Steve knew by now that she needed a few moments to get used to the pulsing before he could even think about touching her. If he ignored that, it became too overwhelming and she'd have to drop the bullet. He waited patiently until her face read that she was taking pleasure from the device but not about to explode before he took a firm grip on her hips and slid into her very, very slowly. She clenched around him, a deep sound of distress slipping through her until she let out a breath and unclenched her muscles. Throwing her head back to bring her body to relaxation, Steve pulled out slowly. At two very separate parts in her body, one half way to the entrance and one at the very rim of it, Bethany let out moans of pleasure. He got the same response when he slipped back into her.

She was wet and tight but he knew that he could get so much more from her. Steve took a harder grab on her thighs, making his thrusts deeper, but not picking up the pace. He wanted to maintain their slow passion. Leaning down, he started kissing her again. Her free hand gripped his arm tightly, her legs wrapping around him. He could feel her hand moving the bullet against the clit. Her breathing would hitch and soft, content moans would echo in her throat, but just as it seemed after long minutes of her pleasure building she was ready to fall, Jamie's cries broke through the baby monitor.

Bethany's head fell against the bedframe and she couldn't help but laugh. "It's been an hour," Bethany mused, turning off the bullet before reaching out to turn the baby monitor off. "I'll go."

"You sure?" Steve asked carefully.

"I won't risk losing my erection," Bethany teased, giving him a wink and a quick kiss. It had happened more times than Steve was willing to admit. Putting his boxers back on and going to take care of their son was a little bit of a mood killer. Bethany was right; whenever she went, she would return just as ready as when she left.

Steve pulled himself off of her, flopping onto the bed as Bethany crawled off. He watched as she walked over to their dresser, picked up the polaroid camera, stood in front of the mirror and took a picture of her bare body. She put the camera down, picked up her house robe and handed Steve the photo before slipping out to take care of Jamie.

Steve could barely register what she had just done, but when he looked down at the photo in his hand, he knew that it was to keep him in the mood. The photo was snapped from the neck down, her breasts swollen with lust, her nipples pink and erect. Her thighs were slightly parted and he could see a trail of her juices running down her supple skin. Steve slipped the condom off and expertly tossed it into the trash bin across the room before taking himself firmly in his grasp. Focusing on the photo, he circled his thumb across his slit, using Bethany's wetness that had been coating the condom as a lubricant and ensuring that he kept himself ready for when she returned. He knew she'd be ready. It was his duty to be as well.

* * *

"What's wrong baby?" Bethany cooed to Jamie as she slipped into his room, collecting him into her arms. His face was red from crying, tear stains down his face. She paced the room slowly, rubbing his back and shushing him. It was clear from his crying that he was upset from a nightmare, not because he needed a diaper change or because he was hungry.

"Did you have a bad dream?" Bethany asked, bouncing him rhythmically. "Huh? I have those too some days, Munchkin. So does your Daddy. But when we wake up, we hold each other and make sure we feel safe. And you, Mr. will _always_ be safe. Okay? Nothing can harm you. You have Earth's Mightiest Heroes keeping you happy and safe. We all love you."

She continued to lull him to sleep with her comforting words and when his lashes fluttered shut and his breathing evened out, she carefully placed him back into his crib before making her way to the bedroom. She tossed the night robe off her body at the front of the door and smiled at Steve from across the bed. She watched him reach into the nightstand, taking out another condom before sitting back against the frame, ready for what was about to come next. Bethany straddled him, biting her lip seductively as she raised her hips, grabbing his member and carefully lowered down onto his body. His hands instinctively gripped her hips but once Bethany started their pace, a tad quicker than before, his right hand raised to her neck, grabbing the hair that rested there and pulling her forcefully down to kiss her.

With the ability to create the pace, Bethany found a rhythm that temporarily made her go blind. The movement of her hips only added to all the pleasure she currently felt. Steve only intensified everything as he pressed the bullet in between them, pushing it against her clit. She broke from their kiss with a gasp, throwing her head back and increasing her tempo. She could feel her blood pulsing, her toes tingling and mind hazing over. She could feel herself, with every thrust, being pushed closer and closer to the edge, hanging over the cliff, waiting for the final push over.

Her thighs began to quiver and her core began to contract strongly. Steve, sensing her end, allowed himself to finally give into his body's need, but just as he was beginning his trail down, Bethany felt herself let go of everything she had built up. It was only when Steve was spent, Bethany stopping her movements and waiting patiently for him to recover that Steve realized what had happened. "You-you didn't-"  
"It just disappeared," Bethany said with a shrug. This wasn't the first time it had happened, but every single time, it bothered Steve more than Bethany. It made Steve feel like he didn't do a good job pleasuring his wife, but Bethany knew that it had nothing to do with him or what he did. It was just something that happened. "It's not you, babe. It happens to almost every woman."

"But you're not every woman," Steve whispered. "You're my wife."

Bethany gave him a soft smile, leaning forward to kiss him softly before getting off of him. Steve watched as she pulled out the vaginal wipes and cleaned herself off before grabbing her nightgown and pulling it on. When she was ready for bed, she crawled back under the sheets, looking at him. "You just going to stay naked, with a condom on, all night?"

She was teasing him, that much he knew. But it was a little discouraging to see her give up so easily. "It's late," Bethany explained to him. "Jamie will be up before we know it and we'll spend all day slugging around, exhausted. Or at least, I know I will. I'm happy. Steve, the build-up pleasure is amazing. Just because there's no end doesn't mean that it wasn't amazing. Okay?"

"Okay," Steve replied, but it sounded like a child accepting the inevitable. Bethany sat back and watched him clean himself before redressing.

"Don't forget to turn the baby monitor back on," Bethany said with a yawn, sliding down in the bed, curling up to her pillow. Steve followed her orders before lying on top of the sheet. Despite their large bed, they both usually slept in the middle, curled up to each other. Steve was always hot, but he would rather be sweaty and curled next to his blonde-haired beauty than on the edge of the bed, enjoying the cool air.

* * *

Around seven, Steve began to stir as usual. Despite his late night, he felt like he was refreshed and ready for the day. Bethany was still sound asleep, her mouth open slightly, her breathing steady. Steve could hear Jamie's soft babblings in his room. This was something that happened every morning. Jamie was always awake before Steve was, quietly waiting for him to pick him up. Steve kissed Bethany's head softly before beginning his daily routine.

Jamie would smile when Steve came into the room, pulling himself up onto his legs and reaching over the bars of his crib for his father. Steve would pick him up, kiss him, wish him good morning before changing him. Then, father and son would go downstairs. Steve would get a small bowl of berries ready, with a sippy cup of milk or juice before they would go in the basement. Jamie had a corner set up in Steve's gym and would sit in his baby chair patiently as Steve did his morning workout, enjoying his snack.

Afterwards, they would go up to take a shower, Steve encouraging Jamie to keep quiet so as not to wake Bethany. When they were done, Steve would wipe Jamie's wet body down before putting him on the bed with Bethany. The baby would quietly watch Bethany sleep, something Steve thought was incredible. He never woke her once, only going as far as to lie down next to her or lay cute little kisses on her head, but always making sure to stay quiet. Whenever Steve would make noise while getting dressed, Jamie would look at him, his face mad as he put his finger to his lips in the universal signal for 'quiet'.

After getting himself and Jamie dressed, they'd head downstairs for breakfast. Sometimes Bethany would meet them there, sometimes they'd go up with a hot cup of coffee to wake her up. It was the same every single day, but it was the things that Jamie did and said that kept it interesting. Like today, for instance, as he rambled on about something, his eyes wide and arms wailing as he explained something that sounded horrific.

Steve leaned forward to kiss his head softly. "Well, everything's fine now," he told his boy before hearing the stairs creak, Bethany coming down the stairs with Molly in her arms. "Good morning Beautiful. Sleep well?"

"I did," she nodded before yawning, Molly jumping from her arms. "You still upset about what happened earlier?"  
"I forgot about it actually," Steve admitted. Bethany sat beside him, putting her hand on his arm.

"Please get it through your thick skull that it's okay," Bethany said lovingly. "Steve, you did everything right. Please stop stressing about it. Okay?"

Steve looked at her, seeing that it really didn't bug her. It bothered him, but she was okay with it. She always was. "I owe you."

She laughed, shaking her head. "No, you don't. Trust me. But if you _do_ want to help me with some chores today, that'd be amazing."

"Your wish is my command," Steve promised before leaning forward to kiss her.

* * *

 ****A/N: The poll has been very successful thusfar! The majority of people believe that Bethany would and should side with Steve, not necessarily because she agrees with the Accords but because they love each other. I'm excited to start writing that, but like I've said before, it'll be a few months before that happens.**

 **Adela: Sorry for making you wait! I'll try to force myself to update oppose to watching junk TV next week ;)**

 **Jo: Bethany is definitely still struggle with secrets, but it's getting easier. And at least this time, Steve understood why she kept it a secret.**

 **anonymouscsifan: Jamie and Steve's connection is going to be very important to what happens in _Civil War_ and afterwards. It adds extra drama for everyone. Kiley and Sam are definitely an interesting duo, but I feel like she needs someone like Sam in her life after everything she went through. He's just full of infectious energy that she could definitely take a dose or two of. **

**Pulchritudo in omnia: They definitely have come a long way since the beginning. It's growth on both of their part and learning how to live together as a couple opposed to individuals. Yes, Bethany kept Steve in the dark for a little while, but now he's starting to understand why she does it just as she's understanding why it's important just to tell him. Most of the girls' weekend stuff will come up in casual conversations and a possible _Civil War_ flashback, but their time together is fairly short. There is Wanda/Bethany development that's important however!**

 **Guest: ... well... I was at work when I read that and instantly went red. I feel like Steve would be VERY uncomfortable with that idea. Bethany would probably go for it... if it wasn't green. That would probably weird her out a lil bit.  
**


	53. Just a Marionette, Pull the String

****A/N: I've received a few worried reviews/PMs regarding the inconsistency of my updates lately. One of my two betas has been a busy, busy bee lately which is why it's been sporadic. Thanks for the concern though! Both my grandmothers are pretty ill right now, but other than that, my life is going well :)**

Chapter 53- Just a Marionette, Pull the **String**

 _"'Look this way, just a little smile,' is what they say. 'You look better on the photograph if you laugh, that's okay'. I'm a marionette, just a marionette, pull the string. I'm a marionette, everybody's pet, just as long as I sing… 'You're so free,' that's what everybody's telling me yet I feel like I'm an outward-bound, pushed around, refugee."_

 _~I'm a Marionette, ABBA_

* * *

Bethany had spent the week getting the girls ready for their time away. They decided to go to Nashville, to listen to some music, drink and maybe get a little drunk. Kiley had gone when she was a little girl falling in love with country music and Jen had always wanted to go. The other ladies didn't care where they went, as long as Bethany was footing the bill. Bethany had invited Jane, but she had plans already for a science convention in Geneva, but Darcy invited herself and had arrived the night before, already drunk and ready to go.

But now that they had their plans and their bags were packed in two convertible cars, Bethany didn't really want to leave. The girls were all excited. Bethany had promised Steve that she'd let Wanda drink two drinks _tops_ a night and keep an eye on all of their friends and she wasn't having second thoughts about all that responsibility. It took a lot of alcohol to even have a glimmer of effect on her so she knew that she'd be ready to be the party-mom the entire time. She didn't want to leave because while she was standing on the stairs to her house, looking at one of the convertibles parked out front, she turned around and saw Jamie and Steve in the doorframe of their house. She had wanted a small vacation, a break from being the mom and wife—and even though she'd be watching over the girls, there were two very different job descriptions when it came to mothering full grown women or a baby. Bethany was confident the women would be easier, no matter how much they drank and partied.

"I don't want to," Bethany moaned to Steve, wrapping her arms around his waist and looking up to him. Jamie's little hand reached out to touch Bethany's lips, his mother placing a soft kiss on his palm.

"It's too late now," Steve chuckled. "You'll have lots of fun. You deserve a little break. It's only two nights. You can call or FaceTime whenever you want and you know what they say; absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"Oh, I know firsthand how much that's true," Bethany teased before sighing. "Okay. Okay, I'll go. But send me lots of pictures, okay? I don't want to miss this adorable little face of his."

"Yes, yes, I will send you lots of things and keep you updated, now will you go and have fun? Please?" Steve begged, kissing the top of her head.

"You better not throw any messy parties while I'm gone," she warned. "Or if you do, clean it up."

"Bethany," Steve said strictly. "I'm a grown-man. Everything will be fine. Now go."

Bethany tilted her head back, waiting for Steve to kiss her. He didn't keep her waiting long, handing her Jamie for a moment so she could hug him tight and give him a soft kiss before grabbing her duffel bag and heading for the car. The boys stayed on the stairs until Bethany got into the car, waving at her as she drove away, up to the compound. The girls were waiting there, clearly ready to get the show on the road.

"These cars are amazing," Darcy called out, jumping into the passenger seat of Bethany's car. Wanda took the back seat while Jen was driving the second car with Natasha by her side and Kiley in the backseat. Bethany had asked Tony for a loan from the Tower's garage, which meant their licence plates read 03STARK and 06STARK, but they were too nice to pass up. Bethany had worked their sound system together so that they could listen to the same music, an epic playlist Bethany had spent the majority of the week working on. She wanted all the songs to be empowering and only sang by women to encourage their female power and strength. Naturally, Shania Twain's _Man, I Feel Like a Woman_ was the first song to be played as they pulled out of the Avengers' Facility.

Driving down the highways, their music loud and proud, each girl singing along with smiles on their faces made Bethany feel like she really _was_ twenty-three. Some days she felt younger than others, but lately she had been feeling like her actual age. It wasn't a very comforting feeling, while having a hot husband and a baby. This relaxation was exactly what she needed.

* * *

With Bethany gone, Steve was using every single possible moment to find ways to stress the word 'Daddy' onto Jamie. Without Bethany or Sam around to laugh at him, it made the entire ordeal easier. He had been spending a _lot_ of time with his son and was realizing how important that really was. Not just in terms of getting Jamie to finally say 'Daddy' but because with every single day, Jamie was growing. In a blink of an eye, he could miss so much. And despite the fact that Jamie was very intelligent, way beyond the average intelligence of a fourteen-month year old, Steve knew that he didn't understand when Steve left. When he was older, he'd understand the concept that Steve was out making the world a safer place for him and everyone else in the world. But now, when Steve left, Bethany reported that Jamie was sad for an hour until she could properly distract him, but that he would walk over to the front window every once in a while and try to see if he was coming.

"What are you drawing there?" Steve asked Jamie. He had set them up with pads of paper and crayons. Jamie could grip the coloured sticks and scribble on the paper, but he was incapable of drawing more than just muddled colours. Steve was using a black crayon to draw Jamie's face, currently trying to capture the innocent expression in his eyes.

Jamie looked up at his dad, holding his red crayon out and babbling softly. "Oh, is that for Daddy?" Steve asked, accepting the crayon, watching as Jamie gave him a toothless and bright smile before picking up a purple crayon and going to town with it. Steve let out a deep breath, just watching his beautiful son _live_. As much as he wanted to retire from the Captain America mantle to spend every waking moment admiring how amazing he was, he knew that going out there and making the world a safe place for Jamie to grow up happily was more important. If he missed a few milestones along the way, it was a sacrifice for the assurance that Jamie could have a long and happy life.

* * *

Bethany settled the girls into a booth before excusing herself to talk to the bartender. She hadn't used her charm and flirtatious ways to get what she wanted from a bartender in _decades_ , but Bethany knew that if the bartender knew straight up the bat that she would tip well, he'd go the extra mile to make the night worth it for them. She and the girls had spent two hours getting ready for their night at the club. Bethany chose a dress that covered everything, but the black fabric clung to her body like a second skin. She paired it with red pumps and red heels, and she felt like she was back at the Stork Club during the war. Eyes had always been on her the entire time, men wanting her and women wanting to be her. That was the kind of attention she craved. Not to be on a magazine or being the spotlight of country's gossip, but in a smaller location. A smaller type of attention.

"Bartender," Bethany called out as she leaned against the bar, smiling at the young boy flirtatiously.

"What can I get for you ma'am?" He asked, leaning across the bar so they could be closer.

"A good time," Bethany replied raising a brow seductively before looking over at the booth the girls were sitting at. "See my friends? Can you make sure that we're kept happy until we leave? They are dying for a good time. I have this," she trailed off, reaching into the small slit serving as a pocket in her dress and pulling out her Gold Card. "And it's in need of some exercise."

"Well, of course," he responded with a smirk. "And what drink does your fancy?"

"Gin and tonic, for starters," Bethany ordered. "Keep them coming. I can handle my liquor better than everyone in this room combined. See the brunette in the black dress?" Bethany asked, gesturing to Wanda. "She has a limit. Only give her half shot drinks, but I'll pay for full."

She finished everyone's order, fighting the urge to wink at him when she was finished. It was an old habit, but the last thing she needed was someone to report it to the tabloids. They used every opportunity they could to make it look like Steve and Bethany were having issues. Kiley suggested they participate in a tabloid spread, showing their happy family life, but neither of them cared enough really. Still, in this case, it was bound to look bad for her.

"Here," Natasha said when she made her way back to the table. "The ball and chain has been trying to FaceTime you for the last five minutes."

"Oh," Bethany replied, taking the phone with a smile. "Thanks, I'll just be a minute."

Bethany quickly texted Steve telling him she was just looking for a quiet place to talk to him. It took her ten minutes to find a good place, but she smiled when his face lit up his screen. _"You look gorgeous,"_ Steve immediately told her.

"Oh, why thank you," Bethany flirted lightly. "Jamie asleep? He should be."

 _"Sound asleep,"_ Steve confirmed. _"Had to read him eight stories before he'd lie down, but he's asleep now. How's your night going?"_

"We just got to the club," Bethany informed him.

 _"Oh, sorry,"_ Steve apologized.

"Nonsense," Bethany assured with a smile. "I know it's a girls' weekend, but I do wish you were here with me. Just like old times. Remember how much fun we used to have?"

 _"I remember watching you flirt and dance with every man in the building and Howard and I trying to keep the men from taking advantage of you,"_ Steve replied, a fond smile on his face despite the words. He wouldn't admit how much he enjoyed jumping to Bethany's rescue whenever the moment arisen. She always told him she could take care of herself, and he knew that she could. But taking care of her… it just felt right.

"Well, I'll be good," Bethany promised him, raising her hand to show him that she was still wearing her wedding bands.

 _"I trust you,"_ Steve replied honestly. _"There's not a doubt in my mind about trusting you to stay faithful."_

"Good," Bethany said softly, no smile on her face right then, too busy thinking about all their other issues with trust. Keeping secrets, lying. All of that had been issues with them, but she had never cheated on Steve and he had never cheated on her. After Steve, other men seemed worthless, and Steve only had eyes for her. Yes, they got jealous when others looked at their spouse with longing, but at the end of the day, they'd be going home together. "Any plans for the night?"

 _"I have some paperwork to catch up on,"_ Steve replied. _"So I'll do that and then head to bed."_

"Oh, and here I thought you'd invite the boys over," Bethany answered truthfully. "Have some beers, say vulgar things…"

 _"I thought about it, but after my day with Jamie, I realized I didn't really want to anymore."_

Bethany smiled at him, very much wanting to kiss him right then. "I love you, babe. But if I don't hang up right now, I might very well just come home tonight."

Steve laughed but nodded. _"Okay. Can you call me when you get back to the hotel?"_

"It'll be late," Bethany replied. "Especially where you are."

 _"I don't care. I just want to know you're safe and sound,"_

Bethany chuckled, nodding. "Alright. Until then."

She hung up before leaning back against the brick wall of the building. Things were different now than they were then. For her to think she could just step back into the shoes of the old club-goer that she used to be was foolish. But all the same, she knew that she needed a night to herself, away from the boys she loved more than anything else in this world. Taking in a deep breath, she made her way back into the club where the girls were laughing and enjoying their drinks.

"And what's so funny?" Bethany asked as she slid into the booth and took a hold of her drink, tossing it back with one quick movement. The women looked in awe at what she had just accomplished but Natasha went on to tell Bethany how a group of men had come over and tried to impress them with their muscles.

Bethany looked at the dance floor, trying to pinpoint the men. She saw a bunch of meatheads and immediately knew it was them. "It could be fun to play with their egos."

"Ah, and here I thought you were the one who was married," Jen teased.

"Oh, I've decided my flirting with the bartender is enough for tonight," Bethany declared. "But I would love to dance with you girls, and take enjoyment out of you lot teasing those meatheads."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Darcy beamed, taking a hold of Bethany's arm from across the table and dragging her to the dance floor.

* * *

The group had to leave after a man got a little too handsy with Natasha and she flipped him over a table. The manager had politely asked them to leave or else they'd have to get the police involved. The entire group was angry since the men should have been the ones asked to leave, but Bethany wasn't interested in getting into even more trouble, so she convinced the girls that it would be fun to take the party back to the hotel room. Lucky enough for her, the girls were close to passing out by the time they got back to the hotel. She made sure each woman was tucked in their bed, a waste bin by their side and some water, crackers and Advil waiting for them in the morning.

Kiley was the only one who wasn't drunk, but it was clear that she was exhausted from all the partying. She switched rooms with Natasha so that she could keep a close watch on Darcy, who had _way_ more than the bartender should have allowed. Bethany was sharing a room with Wanda, since she knew that no matter how little the girl had to drink, someone had to keep a close eye on her, specifically someone who wouldn't get hurt if Wanda randomly started using her powers.

People seemed to have a small fear of Wanda because of her powers. Even Bethany feared her in a way, since Wanda made Bethany live through her worst fear. But she knew the girl would never do that to her again. Everyone made mistakes, Bethany included, and she wasn't going to let Wanda's mistakes get in the way of the girl feeling like she was welcomed in their rag-tag family. The only person who had no fear of Wanda at all seemed to be Vision and Jamie.

"You feeling okay?" Bethany asked the girl as she made sure she was tucked in right.

"Just a little dizzy," Wanda admitted.

"Well, you didn't drink that much," Bethany allowed. "You should be fine in the morning. But you should drink this entire glass of water before you sleep."  
Wanda nodded, sitting up a little so she could drink from the glass. Bethany excused herself and left the hotel room, sliding down the door and leaning against it before dialing Steve's number. She had to wait a few rings until his tired voice picked up. "You did tell me to call," Bethany replied before he could talk about how she woke him.

 _"Mmmm,"_ Steve mumbled. _"How was your night?"_

"Ran into some trouble," Bethany replied with a chuckle. "Natasha didn't like some man touching her ass and threw him into a table. That got us kicked out of the club, but I think it was for the best. All the girls are sleeping or about to."

 _"All but you?"_

"I'm not tired yet," Bethany answered. "I was planning on playing Sudoku until I fell asleep."

 _"Or you can stay up to speak with me,"_ Steve suggested, a yawn slipping through his lips.

Bethany held back her chuckle, smiling to herself. "That sounds great, but you sure you aren't too tired?"

 _"You're not sleeping in my arms tonight, Doll Face,_ " Steve whispered. _"So yes, I'd love to stay up and talk to you until the sun rises, if need be."_

"Have I told you that I love you today?" Bethany teased.

 _"Since it's after midnight, no."_

Bethany laughed out loud this time, a goofy smile upon her face. "Oh, well, I love you Captain Rogers."

 _"And I love you too, you little tease,"_ Steve replied. She could picture the lazy smile on his face, his hair a mess from his sleep.

"Oh, a 'tease'? What did I do now?" She asked, feeling giddy. That boy had a way of turning her to goo.

 _"I'm just picturing you in a really tight dress,"_ Steve explained. _"Maybe your legs crossed tightly together, one foot brushing seductively over the other."_

"Hmmm," Bethany hummed quietly, crossing her legs tightly and brushing one foot against the other just as Steve had said. "What else am I doing to tease you Captain?"

 _"Oooh Bethany, I honestly don't think I can say the words out loud,"_ he replied, his voice husky.

"It's just you and me," Bethany reminded him seductively. "No one else. Just us. Come on, don't be shy."

Personally, Bethany was excited. She could already feel her loins starting to burn with lust already. There were no cameras down this hall, something she had looked for when they checked in. It was something she did automatically when she went somewhere new, all due to her SHIELD training. All the surrounding rooms were under her name and they were the farthest down the hall. If she was quiet enough, she could get off in the hallway, her husband guiding her through the phone and edging her on. That is, if she could convince him to do so. All she could picture right now was the shy and timid boy she first shared her bed with, not the experienced lover he was now.

 _"I-I don't know_ ," Steve whispered.

"Okay, how about I tell you what _I'm_ picturing then?" Bethany purred. She could hear him gulp and she knew she had him. "What are you wearing?"

 _"J-Just my boxers,"_ He replied.

"And is your hand down your boxers, Captain?" Bethany continued. He hesitated, just like she thought he would.

" _No…"_

"And why not?" Bethany teased. She heard some shuffling around on the other side of the line, smiling to herself as she could picture him following her orders.

 _"Because my boxers are off now,"_ Steve finally replied.

"Ooooh, even better," Bethany said before biting her lip for a moment. "Should I do the same?"

 _"Aren't you sharing a room with Wanda?"_ Steve asked suddenly.

"I'm alone," She assured. "Should I also take off my underwear, Captain?"

 _"Yes,"_ he said, his voice strong now. Pressing her ear to her shoulder, her phone wedge between the two, struggling to get her thong out from under her tight dress. She bundled them up and tossed them beside her.

"My dress is _very_ tight," Bethany informed him. "It's not easy to do anything. Especially parting my legs."

 _"You are a little tease_ ," Steve said after he took in a deep breath. _"Shimmy it up over your hips."_

"Done," Bethany replied after she did that. "Now what?"  
 _"Spread your legs, let the cool air touch you,"_ he instructed. Bethany smiled, following his words.

"And then what?" Bethany asked.

 _"You tell me,"_ Steve replied.

"Well, I'd very much like to touch myself," Bethany purred. "So why don't you take a hold of yourself lightly and let me do the same?"

 _"No,"_ Steve said just as she was about to reach down. _"Only touch your thighs. Not that beautiful pussy of yours."_

Bethany's breath caught in her throat at his words. Her muscles involuntarily clenched together tightly and her heartbeat picked up its pace. "O-okay."

 _"Just stroke your thighs softly, don't linger farther,"_ he continued. _"And I'll stroke myself like I wish I was stroking you."_

Bethany's head moved back against the wall, taking in a deep breath of air. He had her overwhelmed at just his words. His voice was husky and filled with longing. He didn't usually talk this way. It was like he knew that the only way that he could bring any affect to her right now was through his voice and his choice of words, and if there was one thing Bethany knew about Steve, it was that he did everything he could to make Bethany enjoy their sex life.

"And what no-" She stopped as she heard Wanda from the bedroom, throwing up heavily. "Uhh, babe? I have to go."

 _"What, right now?"_

"Yeah, sorry," Bethany apologized. "I'll make it up to you when I get home. I'll call you tomorrow?"

 _"Oh-okay, I love you Doll,"_ Steve sighed, clearly upset but accepting her farewell.

"Love you too. Night love." As she hung up, she quickly pulled her dress back on before scanning the card to the room and looking in the bathroom where Wanda was lying over the toilet. Bethany couldn't help but chuckle. "So I should have cut you off earlier then?"

"Obviously," Wanda moaned. "Why is it red?"

"Bloody Mary's," Bethany explained. "You think you need to stay in here longer?"

"Yes," Wanda moaned. Bethany picked up the glass beside the sink and filled it before sitting beside the girl and handing her the water.

"I had my fair share of hangovers, but do you know what? Being pregnant and having morning sickness is actually worse. You don't get the benefit of knowing you had a good time the night before. Well, you had a good time but… never mind," Bethany finished, not wanting to finish her sentence. "Does your head hurt yet?"

"No, but I'm dizzy," Wanda replied. "I can't stand straight."

Bethany chuckled lightly. "You're still drunk, that's why. It's okay. When you wake up, I'll order a nice big tray of bacon and orange juice and you'll be good as new. If you were pregnant, you'd have to do this every single day for months."

"And yet you want another baby," Wanda replied softly, leaning her head against Bethany's shoulder in exhaustion.

Bethany sighed, pulling Wanda into her arms to comfort her. "Well, with hangovers, the best part is what comes before. With a baby, it's what happens after."

"My head hurts now," Wanda mumbled after a few moments of silence.

"I set up a garbage pail by your bed, remember?" Bethany offered.

"No, I don't actually," Wanda replied.

"Let's get you back into bed," the blonde suggested, helping Wanda up and steadying her. Wanda's sipped at her water as they moved over to her bed, placing it on the bedside table after she crawled into the bed. Bethany crawled into the same bed as her after turning off all the lights, rubbing her back softly, in a soothing motion that her mother had only done for her once. It was when she and Howard were really sick before her parents died. Mrs. Stark had rubbed comforting circles on Bethany's back as she struggled to breath through all her coughing, trying to soothe her.

"Girls' night doesn't always need to be like this," Bethany assured Wanda. "Next time, we'll watch a movie and eat more junk food than we should."

"Sounds nice," Wanda whispered. "Like a sleepover?"

"Like a sleepover," Bethany confirmed. "You do know that you are welcome at the house whenever you want, right? It's a place for Steve and I to get away from the job and raise Jamie, but you're part of our family now. You can come over whenever you like. Stay the night if you want to. That's why we built it so big."

Wanda turned around so she could face Bethany. It wasn't clear whether or not Wanda would remember this conversation in the morning, but Bethany would gladly repeat it. Wanda was just a kid. She needed to be told this, just like Natasha had to be assured of her role in their family. "Thank you, Bethany."

"Get some rest," the older woman prompted, touching the girl's long hair for a moment before closing her eyes and drifting to sleep.

* * *

 ****A/N: Cause yeah, of course Natasha would flip a guy over a table if he touched her ass.**

 **IrelandLover: Well, that was my original idea, but I did change it.**

 **lenabui98: I especially love how its the same every morning for them.**

 **ThalicoRules5678: Spidey will be a little bit more involved with the plot, but not by much. He'll interact out of the suit with a few of the characters, that's for sure. And soon! I've already written it :)**

 **anonymouscsifan: Jamie is a smart little bugger. That can heavily be attributed to the serum. I've basically just have been wanting to sleep whenever I can lately, so writing has been a challenge, but there isn't an hour that goes by where I don't think about Bethany and Steve's story! And getting reviews like yours just makes the creative juices flow, so I love each and every one of them :)**

 **wurlwinds: Well, sometimes, the journey is better than the finish line :)**

 **Jo: There will be lots of bonding between the boys! I feel like it's important to show the bonding since Bethany is with Jamie every second of the day basically, it's important to stress that Steve is being an active father, despite everything else.**

 **pulchritudo in omnia: So, I believe we're in August 2015 right about now. One year from Ultron would bring them to May 2016. I love when people tell me that they re-read the stories :D I like to go back and re-read old chapters in order to see how certain characters have grown or still need to evolve.**


	54. One Big, Broken, Messed Up Family

Chapter 54- One Big, **Broken** , Messed Up Family

 _"_ _I know you think that you're out there all alone. You're a crazy orphan without a home. You stand so tall with everything in place. Perfumed and perfect, some left no trace. But we're one big, broken, messed up family."_

 _~Say It Now, Julianna Zobrist_

* * *

Steve was watching Jamie get apple sauce all over his body, knowing full well that letting the baby take full control over it was a dumb idea, but he couldn't help but chuckle. The entire time, the curly-headed baby smiled and laughed at the sticky substance. "Well, isn't this a sight," Bethany said as she came down the stairs.

Steve watched as his exhausted wife stopped at the end of the stairs, leaning against the wall. "Good morning Doll Face," he greeted her softly. She had been tossing and turning all night due to bad dreams. Steve had hoped she could sleep the day away, but if she was out of bed already, he knew that she had given up. Bethany had heavy bags under her eyes, her curls slipping out of the bun she had put them in the night before, holding one of Steve's heavy woolen cardigans around the light summer jumper she wore to bed.

"I hope I didn't keep you up all night," she whispered, her hoarse voice only adding to her image of exhaustion.

"Nah," Steve lied, getting out of his chair and pulling the one next to him out, signaling for her to take it. She did, stopping only once in front of him to give him a soft 'good morning' kiss. "Let me make you breakfast. What would you like?"

"Do we have avocados still?" Bethany asked, taking a hold of Steve's coffee before taking a sip.

"Yeah," Steve nodded, knowing exactly what she wanted. "Toast, egg and avocados coming right up."

"You are a Godsend," Bethany praised as Steve went to work. He kept eyeing Jamie and Bethany, the latter cooing to her son, trying her best to clean him up. Steve wanted to know what exactly kept Bethany up the night before, but he knew by now when she wanted to talk about it and when she didn't. Lately, she had been opening up to him about every bad dream, but it took a few hours sometimes for her to let it settle and remind herself that it wasn't as scary now as it was then.

"I thought we'd invite Wanda for dinner," Bethany said suddenly. "Our girls' weekend only reminded me just how young she really is. I mean, we can't really take on the role of her parents, but I do want to show her that we'll help and support her."

"I invited Theo and Jen over tonight," Steve replied. "Sorry, I thought I told you. It's Theo's first day of school and he said he wanted to tell us all about it."

"Oh, right. I did know that," Bethany whispered. The decision on Theo going back to public school was a difficult one, but ultimately, Theo said he really wanted to. He wanted to make friends again. Jen had enrolled him in a new school that was close to the Facility and Jackson had moved back into the city. He had made enough money while taking care of Theo and Jamie so he was spending his time working on his music, meaning whenever they needed help, he'd come back. He loved both Jamie and Theo, so he didn't mind this new arrangement at all.

They had all become like part of their family. The team, their friends. Their existing family was so small; it was absolutely inevitable. And Bethany wanted to make sure that the people she considered to be part of her family _felt_ it. That they knew they could turn to her for anything and she would fight like hell to get it for them. They were one big, broken, messed up family.

"Can you make a side of scrambled eggs and salsa verde?" Bethany added as an afterthought.

"Someone's hungry," Steve teased, immediately going to fulfill her wishes. "Any big plans for today?"

"Helping Maria with some new recruit trainings," Bethany explained.

"Do you need me to watch Jamie?"

Bethany shook her head when Steve looked over. "No, he's pretty good at those kinds of things. It's the minute I put him in a baby chair that he gets fussy. I don't know how he sits there every morning with you when you work out."  
"I give him food," Steve explained. "It keeps him busy."

"Smart," Bethany congratulated. "I'll have to try that next time we're stuck in meetings."

"I don't mind watching him," Steve stressed. "It's not an inconvenience."

"Steve, you can't properly train when taking care of him," Bethany chuckled. "I know you two love spending time together, but admit it you get more done when he's with me."

"Possibly," Steve admitted.

"Probably," Bethany teased, throwing him a wink before moaning and putting her head down on the table. "Do you think Maria will be mad if I step out of this commitment?"

"No," Steve replied. "Bethany, people know that your first priority is Jamie. Especially Maria. I can go in your place if you'd like. Natasha is perfectly capable of taking care of the team for a day."

"Would you?" Bethany asked as she brought her head up, a sad desperation in her eyes.

"Of course," Steve nodded.

"I love you," She replied. "You're amazing."

"You take care of me when I'm injured. I take care of you when you're tired," Steve told her.

Bethany got out of her seat, wrapping her arms around Steve's waist, pressing her head to his back. "I dreamt about the abortion house again," she whispered.

Steve's shoulders sagged slightly. It killed him that this was still haunting her seventy years later. It was impossible to make peace with it if her self-conscious kept bringing it up. "Were you going willing this time, or forced?"

"Forced," her voice said meekly. Steve wasn't sure which dream was worse. Either way, she felt guilty when she woke up, reminded that this wasn't just a dream. It was a very real part of her past.

"All night?" Steve asked.

"Yes," she replied. "The same dream every time I went back to sleep. Every time I closed my eyes. I guess it's better than having all of my dreams in one night."

"I guess," Steve mumbled, turning off the burner when Bethany's eggs were ready. He turned in her arms, holding her close to him. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," Bethany mumbled against his chest. "It's mine."

"You don't deserve this," Steve promised her. "You made a mistake. You didn't think it was one at the time, but you do now. And it still bothers you. And I'm sorry that it's still haunting you. I really am. I wish I could just take away all your pain. All your nightmares, both when you're asleep and when you're awake."

She looked up at him with a soft smile. "I wish I could do the same for you."

Steve tried to give her a comforting smile, kissing her forehead. The two of them, so broken by the past, by their mistakes and the horrors they've seen, made one whole person when they were together. Steve had accepted his nightmares as a natural part of his life now. So had Bethany. Most nights and mornings were spent with the two of them comforting the other. And the times when they both were traumatized by their dreams, they just held each other until the world told them they had to let go and move on.

* * *

Bethany was grateful that Jamie went down for his nap right after lunch. He had crawled up next to Molly, digging his face into her fur and fell to sleep within seconds. Bethany carried him up to his crib, Molly on Bethany's heels. After lying Jamie down in his bed, she picked Molly up and placed her beside him. Steve was always nervous that Molly would lie on Jamie's face and suffocate him, since cats did that on occasions, but Molly only curled up by Jamie's side and waited until he woke up before moving. It warmed Bethany's heart to see her once attention-hogging cat create a bond with her baby boy.

Moving to her room, she laid down on the bed with a flop and closed her eyes. Her lids were heavy all morning long, her vision hazy from exhaustion. She knew that she needed some sleep. Jamie would probably sleep for an hour or two, but she needed to make up for a full night's sleep. She just couldn't stop thinking about her dream. She had been forced into that abortion house in her dream, but in real life, it was her decision. And despite being seventy years ago, she remembered everything about the experience very, _very_ vividly. This was mostly because her dreams wouldn't let her forget.

She turned around, trying to think about something else. She pulled Steve's pillow close to her. It smelled like his shampoo. She held it closer to her, holding it as if it would keep her from drowning in her emotions. She forced her memories to think about before the abortion house. If she could force herself to think about everything that came before the biggest mistake of her life, maybe she could have a peaceful dream, or even a dreamless sleep.

 _Bethany was waiting in the corner, trying to build her courage up. Getting out of bed that morning was_ _nearly_ _impossible. She had never felt so spineless before in her life. No matter what she decided to do, she felt like her world was crashing to the ground. But once she built up the courage to ask Lorraine for help, that was it. Her mind would be made up. She could do it. When news arrived that Steve and his team were coming back to the base today, Bethany knew that this was her last chance. She was terrified and she had no desire to tell Steve about the baby. Especially since she knew what would happen then. No, this was the right thing for her. For both of them. They couldn't raise a baby. Not now. Not in the middle of a war. They'd be forced to get married. To be saddled with each other for the rest of their lives. Bethany was confident that they were ready for that. There was so_ _much they_ _had left to explore and learn from each other. Steve still thought that Bethany was this perfect angel but she wasn't. If he married her now and found out later how much of a failure she was, she'd ruin his life._

 _"_ _Lorraine," Bethany whispered when the blonde walked by her. She froze, turning to Bethany with a frown on her face._

 _"_ _Did you say something?" She asked._

 _Bethany opened her mouth to reply but found her throat dry. She nodded instead and Lorraine, seeing how distraught Bethany was, took a hold of her arm and brought her to her room. Bethany sat on the bed and Lorraine took the bed across from her, waiting to see what was wrong. "Is it Captain Rogers?" Lorraine asked._

 _Bethany and Lorraine didn't talk much. Bethany knew that they were both similar girls. They were flirtatious and continually used their wit to charm men. Bethany knew that if there was one girl at the base that could help her, it would be Lorraine. Even if the woman had never been in trouble like Bethany was, she would help her._

 _"_ _Sort of," Bethany whispered, letting out a deep sigh. She looked at the heavy door which was shut tightly against its frame. It was just the two of them. "I-I need your help. I'm… I'm…"_

 _"_ _In the family way?" Lorraine supplied, Bethany looking at her with a mix of guilt and horror on her face. "Does Captain Rogers know?"_

 _"_ _No," Bethany said, shaking her head and swallowing deeply._

 _"_ _Don't you think he should know? If you're asking me to help you with what I think you're asking me to do," Lorraine replied._

 _"_ _I-I can't," Bethany stuttered, struggling to keep her body from quivering with her fear._

 _"_ _Because he's not the father?"_

 _"_ _No," Bethany said alarmed. "He-he is."_

 _"_ _Then why aren't you telling him? He'd marry you._ _He is not one of the sore_ _suckers of men out there who get women pregnant and wouldn't live up to the consequences._ _He_ _would."_

 _"_ _I don't want that," Bethany replied. "To get married and have a baby. Not know. I can't. If I do all that now, I'll never have a chance to do everything else I need to do. For_ me _. Who else would look out for what I want more than I do? If I get married and have a baby, it's not about me and my happiness anymore."_

 _"_ _You don't think he'll understand that?"_

 _"_ _No!" Bethany snapped. "He wouldn't. He'd try to convince me to keep it. And I know… he'd succeed. And I'd be forced to live in a life I know I don't want. If I get rid of it before he finds out, we can keep on living our life. And then maybe one day-"_

 _"_ _Bethany, I understand," Lorraine said quietly. "But do you think that you can lie to him for years on end?"_

 _Bethany swallowed deeply again, closing her eyes. She had thought about it before and decided that she could do it. It was a small sacrifice to make if it meant getting to stay with him, the way things were now. "It needs to be tonight," Bethany said, building her strength. "If he sees me tonight, he may notice… he may see the…"_

 _"_ _The bump?" Lorraine supplied, once again. "You can barely see it."_

 _"_ _You can with no clothes on," Bethany said softly. "Please, Lorraine."_

 _"_ _It'll hurt," Lorraine replied. "And it's dangerous. You'll be sore for days. You may not be able to have kids afterwards. You could even die. And then what? What will you say to Captain Rogers? Or me? If you die, do you expect me not to tell anyone why?"_

 _"_ _I'll pay you to keep quiet," Bethany stressed. She knew that her rapid cellular regeneration would keep her from having any complications in the long run. She just had to get through the night and everything would be okay. "Just help me put an end to this before it's too late."_

 _Lorraine looked at her hands before sighing. "I can get you an address. But it might only be after the men arrive back home. Can you wait that long?"_

 _"_ _I don't see what choice I have," Bethany replied. "Just… please, don't tell anyone."_

 _"_ _My lips are sealed," the blonde assured._

* * *

Steve wasn't impressed with the recruits, but he knew that they could go a long way with some proper training. Most of them had background in sciences that Steve couldn't even pronounce, and he knew how helpful that could be. He and Maria had spent the entire day watching the recruits, jotting down notes, giving them instructions and hoping for the best. Not much had developed through the day, but he had done his duty.

When he arrived home, the house was loud. Jen and Bethany were gabbing in the kitchen and Theo was chasing Jamie around the family room. Steve kicked off his shoes, feeling warmth well up. _This_ was how he wanted to come home everyday. Children playing, the smell of dinner wafting through the house. Steve's eyes caught the mirror by the mudroom. Since he wasn't working with the team today, Steve elected just to wear his workout clothes. He had a feeling that when Bethany saw him, not wearing his uniform, she'd be happy.

"Babe?" Steve called out, walking to the kitchen.

Her face lit up when she saw him. "Hi! Good day?"

"Long day," Steve admitted, kissing the top of her head. She still looked tired, but she was putting on a happy face.

"Thanks for what you did," Bethany added. "It may seem small, but it meant a lot."

"Of course," Steve nodded. "Hey Jen, how are you?"

"Doing well," she replied with a smile. "Work has been good, I've been good and Theo has been good. Can't complain."

"We're happy for you," Steve said seriously as Jamie ran into the kitchen, with wild laughs and hugging onto Steve's leg. Steve picked him up, tossing him lightly into the air and kissing his cheek. "Hey Munchkin. Theo, how was school?"

"So much fun!" Theo declared. "I made new friends and we played tagged at recess!"

"Sounds great," Steve congratulated. "Need help with dinner, Beth?"

"Just spaghetti," Bethany shrugged. "The sauce is cooking now, but I was thinking we could wait until six before I started to boil the water?"

"Can I go play on the swing set?" Theo asked, viewing it from the backdoor window.

"Knock yourself out," Bethany said with a smile, the women getting out of their chairs so they could all go outside. Steve made sure that the pool gate was closed before Theo was allowed to play on the giant structure Bethany had picked out. Jamie was too small to enjoy it. He liked the swings and slide some days, but since Steve just came home, he was content sitting on his lap while the adults watched Theo play.

"I'm really glad you invited us over tonight," Jen admitted.

"We've been used to sharing meals with the team," Steve explained. "It's nice having dinner just the three of us, but we like to share it with others too. Away from the work environment."

"Yeah, plus we wanted to know about how Theo's first day went," Bethany added. "Make sure that after last year… well, we wanted to make sure that he was okay with the transition. So far so good. That makes me happy."

"I think him making friends has a lot to do with the fact that he told everyone he lives on the Avengers Facility and that he knows the world's superheroes," Jen teased. "I'm not sure I've thanked you properly for all you've done for him. For me."

"Seeing you both happy is all the thanks we need," Bethany replied honestly. "Plus, we love that little boy. You are happy, right Jen? You'd tell us if you weren't, right?"

"I am," Jen said with a nod and a smile. "I really am. But I-uh… I need to talk to you two about something. I'm not sure how you'll take it, but I wanted to let you know before word got to you, since I feel like it will."

"What's up?" Bethany pressed on.

"I met someone," Jen said shyly. Steve and Bethany looked at each other, their faces mirroring the others. When it came to Jen dating, it had always been a disaster. Bethany had more than enough stories about all of Jen's partners to share with Steve. Their concern on her dating, especially so soon after the entire Jacob fiasco was something they needed to carefully screen. It wasn't that they didn't trust her. It was the fact that Jen trusted men too easily. Jen was only recently able to get her marriage to Jacob annulled. Both Bethany and Steve hoped that she'd stay single for a little longer.

"O-oh?" Bethany asked, trying to mask her concern.

"Listen, it's different this time," Jen explained.

"How so?" Bethany replied. Steve could tell she was trying not to let her disapproval show through, but she was failing. "Why won't this guy ruin your life just like the last? You're still vulnerable. He could walk over you."

"Because 'this guy' is Javan," Jen said.

Steve and Bethany looked at each other again, this time their eyes wide with shock. Javan was the head doctor at the Facility and technically Jen's boss. But work relationships weren't something they looked down upon. What they were shocked about was the fact that 'this guy' was actually a woman. "Oh," was all Bethany could offer.

"We're taking it really slow," Jen began. "We've had dinner together a few times. It's like a high school romance, that's how slow we're going. She knows about my past and we're just working on building trust and understanding."

"Huh," was all Steve could say in response. He had nothing against homosexuality despite his religious roots. He credited it to the fact that he grew up as an outsider and therefore accepted the other outsiders as normal people. He just never assumed that Jen would date another woman.

"Well, she makes you happy?" Bethany asked after a long silence.

"Very," Jen nodded. "She's great with Theo. She respects me at work and at home. And when she asks me about my day, I don't feel like it's a formality. I feel like she really wants to know. And that feels good. To have someone who cares like that. All I've ever wanted was someone to treat me the way she treats me. I was just looking in all the wrong places."

"As long as you're happy, I'm happy," Bethany promised Jen, reaching a hand out for her.

Steve nodded in agreement. "We want you to be happy and if she makes you happy, then that's great. That's really great."

"Like I said, we're taking it slow," Jen continued. "I want Theo to be my first priority, but I didn't plan to have feelings for Javan. They just… they just happened."

"That's usually how it works," Steve replied, looking at his wife. They shared a soft smile together. They hadn't planned on falling for each other. Their lives would probably be a lot easier if they never fell in love. But Steve knew one thing for certain; if he hadn't fallen in love with Bethany, he wouldn't be as happy as he was now.

* * *

After Steve and Bethany gave Jamie his bath, read him three stories and got him to fall asleep, they decided to swim in the pool opposed to going to bed. Bethany was still tired from her lack of sleep, but they hadn't had the opportunity to swim in the pool just the two of them, and the temperature could drop any day now. They had anticipated only having a month, maybe a month and a half with the pool before they had to close it up, but it felt like the time had disappeared in a blink of an eye.

"Surprised about Jen?" Bethany asked Steve as they waded in the shallow end.

"Extremely," he nodded. "But you've always said that Jen's problem was with men."

Bethany chuckled before dunking her head under the water. When she came back up, her hair wet and slicked back she was still smiling. "And here I thought she and Jackson had a thing."

"Me too," Steve admitted. "But I'm glad for them. Speaking about things… Kiley and Sam? Have you noticed-"

"I have," Bethany nodded. "What do you think about it? I mean, she's clearly happy. She's not quite her old self, but we both know that she'll never really be that way again, but it's a _huge_ improvement. And yeah, it could be the anti-depressants she's on, but Sam's a great guy."

"He is," Steve nodded before letting a deep breath out his nose. "I just keep thinking about what'll happen if Bucky comes back. I was under the impression that they had feelings for each other. I was kinda rooting for them."

"I know you were," Bethany said softly, swimming closer to him. "And he deserves to be happy just like she is, Babe. But she's associating fear and her addictions with him right now. She knows she shouldn't, but she can't help it. She's been attending therapy twice a week, so she's still battling issues."

"She told you that?"

Bethany looked nervous, shaking her head. "No, I uh—well, it's part of my job to know things about our employees. I looked into her accounts."

"Beth," Steve reprimanded.

"What?" She asked innocently. "Was it an invasion of privacy? Yes. But I'm not going to use it against her. I'm gonna use it to help her. It's not like I looked into the notes her doctor had. Well, not all of them. Not really."

"Bethany Stark," Steve said under his breath.

"Rogers," She reminded him, kicking his stomach softly. He looked at her small, playful smile and knew he couldn't stay mad at her for long. "Do you think Sam will ask her out? I mean, has he said anything?"  
"Has she?" Steve returned, wanting to know what she'd say before he answered.

Bethany shrugged, the water moving in waves around her. "She said he makes her happy and that his friendship and support is important to her right now. I mean, I don't think she's ready for a boyfriend when she's still mentally and emotionally unstable, but I've been both those things my entire life. Sometimes having someone there for you is what helps create a balance."

Steve nodded slowly, understanding what she meant. Bethany and Steve were often opposites and helped keep the other balanced. If one of them was being negative, the other took it upon themselves to be positive. Usually they found an equal ground that they could live on. Their entire relationship was built on compromises.

"He may have mentioned that he thinks she's attractive," Steve informed her. "But I think he knows what you know. She's not ready. So even if he was thinking about it-"

"He wouldn't until he knew she was ready," Bethany finished. They waded in the water for a little bit longer before Bethany re-started the conversation. "You know, I think they could have made it work. Bucky and Kiley, I mean."

"Yeah?"

She nodded, running a hand through her wet hair. "The old Bucky. Kiley isn't simple-minded, but she is the type of woman to be caught by someone's charms. But she'd also be the first to tell him when he's stepped out of line. She's the Steve and he's the me."

"Pardon?" Steve asked, chuckling. He reached out for her arm, pulling her gently through the water into his arms.

"Well, would you say that I'm more like Kiley is or Bucky was? Confident, savvy, smart,

and for lack of a better word, extremely cocky?"

Steve realized that she was right. Bethany and Bucky could never work together because they were too much of the same person. They would have constantly fought for the power in the relationship. It wasn't like Bethany had all the power in their relationship. Steve definitely had pull and an opinion when it came to things. But in the beginning, Bethany initiated everything. Steve didn't have the courage to do so. He could burst into buildings filled with Nazis and HYDRA soldiers alike with just his shield, but he couldn't bring himself to kiss her in public unless she did it first. She had pulled him out of his shell, slowly but surely. Now, he was an equal power house in the Bethany-Steve dynamic, but it was only because they had that difference in the beginning that they made it this far.

"Do you think they could still have a chance?" Steve asked quietly. "Sam's my friend too, but Bucky…"

"I don't know," Bethany admitted when she realized Steve wasn't going to say anything else. "I guess that depends on them. On whether he gets better and whether she gets better. On whether they find a way to live through their demons separately and together. But for now, if Sam makes Kiley happy, we shouldn't do anything to destroy that."

"Yeah, I know," Steve said quietly. They floated in the water for a few more minutes before Bethany let out a long yawn, signaling it was time for bed.

* * *

 ****A/N: A lot of things has changed since my initial outline of this story. Jen's sexuality has been the same since I first thought about _Sorry Ever After_. It's awesome to actually fulfill that, three stories later. **

**Thanks to all the reviews! I love them, even if I don't reply to all of them. They keep me going!**

 **pulchritudo in omnia: I've been wanting to go to Nashville for YEARS so I thought that if the girls went, then I would be to in a weird way. There will be some Jamie/Wanda interaction in the next chapter and I think everyone will enjoy it! If there's one thing that Bethany hasn't lacked since her parents died, it's her confidence. She is a stark after all. But while she has her confidence, she also, like Howard and Tony, has her extremely vulnerable side, which we have seen time and time again. I want people to understand that being a mom doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your confidence and your ability to be proud of yourself and sexual prowess.**

 **anonymouscsifan: I hadn't even originally planned on Natasha doing that, but as I was picturing the girls dancing, it just happened and I knew that somewhere along the line, Natasha would throw a guy over a table or something. It seems 100% in character to me. Writing has been my escape the past three years, so I'll never really stop it, that I know for sure, but it's definitely becoming a little bit of a 'oh, I'll just do that tomorrow' and I never do until I'm forced to.**


	55. The Strings Bleed With You

Chapter 55- The **Strings** Bleed With You

 _"On the last stage lies a hero with a heart of gold. Now a fallen warrior with wounds too deep to endure the cold. Your strings still weep as you're taken away too soon. As you bleed on the strings now the strings bleed with you."_

 _~Bleeding Strings, Kiuas_

* * *

Bethany slept a lot better the next night, but it was Steve who was plagued by nightmares. Bethany, catching up on her much needed sleep didn't stir and Steve didn't have the heart to wake her up. It wasn't until breakfast the next morning that Bethany found out about Steve's dreams. He had spent his sleeplessness sketching Bethany in her sleep and when she came down for breakfast, four sketches of Bethany sound asleep littered the kitchen table, Steve adding some shading now that he had natural light.

"Those are beautiful Steve," Bethany whispered, sitting down slowly next to him, leaning her head against his arm.

"It helps that you're so beautiful," Steve replied, leaning in for a kiss. "Sleep well?"

"Very, actually," She nodded. "Based on these, however, I'm guessing you didn't? Nightmares? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Just old war dreams," Steve explained, trying to smile to hide the pain. "I've told you all that I can."

"Maybe we should really be thinking about therapy, Babe," Bethany tried patiently. "Kiley reached out for help. Maybe we ought to as well. We've talked about it, but we've never really committed. Will our dreams ever go away, even with therapy? Maybe not. But it'll probably help us heal a lot easier afterwards."

What Steve liked was that she was stressing that it wasn't just him. It was both of them. "We just had two bad days," Steve countered. "We'll be fine tonight. Just wait and see."

Bethany sighed, defeated. It was clear that she wasn't going to do therapy unless Steve did too. It wasn't that he wanted to rob her of that, he just felt like therapy would only open their wounds and make things worse. There was no guarantee that things would get better. But he was pretty sure they would get worse if they were being psychoanalyzed. "You haven't eaten yet?" She asked, dropping the subject.

"No, I wanted to finish these before work," he replied. "I did feed Jamie though."

Bethany looked over at the baby in his highchair, happily eating the assorted foods Steve had laid out for him. "Good morning, Baby. You sleep well?" She ruffled his curls lightly before leaning in to kiss his cheek. Jamie reached one of his dimpled hands out, offering his mother a banana slice. She accepted the musky fruit, kissing his little fingers before getting out of her chair with a smile.

"Pancakes? French toast? Waffles?" Bethany asked Steve as she took a pan out.

"Uh, French toast," Steve mumbled, turning back to his sketching.

They were quiet for a few minutes as Bethany prepared their food. With the bread on the pan, she sat next to Steve again. "Hey," she whispered, putting a hand over his to stop his sketching. "If you need a day off-"

"I'm fine," he interrupted, a little more harshly than he intended it to be. Sighing, he put his pencil down and turned to look at his wife. "I'm fine," he said, nicer this time. "I don't mean to say this in a bad way, but I think what I really need is to go to work. And not watching over recruits like yesterday, but with the team, working on battle plans and team building exercises."

She nodded, her face kind, not taking any offense from his words. "Yeah, of course. I get that," Bethany promised. "Do you want to just leave now?"

"I'll eat first," he told her, giving her a soft smile. "You know that I lo-"

"Yeah, yeah," She chuckled, rolling her eyes. "I love you too. Can you ask Wanda if she wants to come to dinner and let me know? Just so I can make enough for us all."

"Whatever you want," Steve replied, taking a hold of her hand and giving it a soft squeeze. He was abnormally tired and was itching to get to work, but it was wrong to take his frustrations out on her when all she wanted to do was to love and take care of him. She was really becoming the embodiment of a housewife of the 1940s, something Bethany claimed she would never be. And what Steve loved about it was that she was _happy_. He hadn't forced her into this role. She shifted into it because of her love for Jamie. But what was even more amazing for Steve was that despite her being the perfect housewife, he knew that she was so much more. And more importantly, the entire world knew that too. That's what was really important. For Bethany, what terrified her about being a mother and wife was that she wouldn't get the chance to show the world that she was more than just that.

She had been able to showcase all her abilities first. All she had left to master was being a housewife, and she was doing a damn good job at that.

* * *

Despite the fact that Bethany had invited Wanda over for dinner so that she and Steve could talk to her and make sure she felt comfortable and was adjusting to her new world, Wanda spent most of her time with Jamie. He was completely captured by her magic, watching her with his blue eyes wide and his mouth open in wonder. Every once in a while, a smile would split his face, quickly moving back to a wide expression when Wanda would do something new.

"Beth?" Wanda suddenly asked as the two of them were washing dishes after dinner. The nickname came as a surprise to the blonde, but she accepted it all the same. Steve called her 'Beth' more than he did 'Bethany'. And while sometimes Tony would call her 'Beth' since he picked that up from his dad, no one else ever did. It warmed her heart though. It showed that Wanda was comfortable with her, which is really what Bethany had been striving for since Wanda had first joined them on the Compound.

"Yeah?" Bethany encouraged, sensing this was more than a 'pass the dish soap' type of question.

"I need your help with something," Wanda admitted slowly, carefully, as if still deciding if she wanted to ask. "I've been thinking about it for a while now and I just… I really want to do it so I know that I could. That I did. So I feel like I can have more than just this life."

"And what's that?" Bethany asked, turning the tap off so she could give the teenager her full attention.

"I want to finish school," Wanda said shyly. "I've been looking into getting a GED and I really want to try, but I'll need help. School wasn't important after my parents died. But now, I have options. I think it's reckless to let them go. To accept this as all I can be."

Bethany smiled at the girl, nodding thoughtfully. If there was one thing Bethany would never deny a girl, it was an education. She knew the value of it. And hearing Wanda's desire to finish her schooling reminded Bethany how much she wanted the same thing and more when she was her age. She had to fight to get accepted into post-secondary education. She would spend hours reading Howard's textbooks, filling her brain with knowledge society continually told her she shouldn't know. She had even considered cutting her hair and binding her chest, disguising as a boy in order to get the chance she so desperately craved. Luckily, Dr. Erskine came along and accepted her as she was.

Now, Bethany had the opportunity to do something similar. Sure, Wanda asking for help with finishing her education was not quite on the same level as Erskine, but Bethany was helping women in universities get the tools they needed. Next, she wanted to expand to female education across all platforms around the world. She knew that Steve would get behind her idea. All she wanted, all she had ever wanted, was the chance to prove herself. Now that she had done that, it was her chance to offer it to everyone else who needed it.

"Of course I'll help you," Bethany assured. "In any way, money, tutoring. I'll help with it all."

"Thank you," Wanda said softly, her face showing just _how_ grateful she was. "I saw your pictures on the wall. The one of your brother and you after you graduated… I don't know, I guess it inspired me."

"Well, I'm glad," Bethany replied with a smile. "That's not what I set out to do back then, but I'm glad that it is now. It wasn't easy. I made it look easy, but it wasn't. I think that since you have the right and the opportunity to finish your education, no one should hold you from that. Whatever you need, I'll help you."

"Thank you," Wanda said again.

"And you're welcome here always," Bethany continued. "I mean, not just for dinner. There's more than enough rooms here, if that compound starts to feel like a prison." Bethany could see the gratefulness in the teen's eyes. Bethany reached forward, taking the girl into her arms. She often forgot just how young Wanda really was. She lost her family and she needed one. Luckily for Wanda, Bethany had a soft spot when it came to people needing a family.

Wanda's arms slowly rose to wrap around Bethany, as if she was shocked that she had done it in the first place. The little pitter-patter of Jamie's running feet took their attention away from the moment, watching as the blond baby ran up to Wanda, a giant smile on his face. He held out a building block to her. Wanda and Bethany pulled from their embrace, Wanda accepting the building block in her hand. Jamie sat on the ground, looking up at Wanda excitedly. Bethany looked up to see Steve leaning against the wall, arms crossed, looking at his son with a small smile. Steve was supposed to give Jamie a bath, but since the boy was still completely dressed, it was clear Steve was humouring the baby, letting him do what he wanted to do.

Wanda chuckled before kneeling in front of Jamie, using her magic to let the building block float in the air. Jamie laughed, his hands reaching out for it, the block always just out of his grasps. He didn't get frustrated however, just continued to laugh. "Why don't you two go out to the play structure?" Steve suggested to Wanda. "I'll finish the dishes and we'll be right out."

"Sure," Wanda nodded, letting Jamie finally catch the block before pulling him into her arms. Only once both kids were outside did Steve move from his spot against the wall.

"He interrupted a moment," Steve said as he took Wanda's previous spot, the two of them working on finishing the last of the dishes.

"She wants to finish school. Get her GED," Bethany explained. "She asked me to help her. I'm glad she can come to me for things like that. Especially with school. It is important for her to finish it. It opens up possibilities beyond this life. She may be content with it now, but she could change her mind in a few years."

"I think Jamie is in love with her," Steve chuckled.

"He's amazed by her," Bethany corrected. "Are we just putting him to bed when he gets tired?"

"He usually sleeps through the night now, so I don't see why not," Steve shrugged. "But we won't make a habit of it. I know how you want him to have a set schedule."

"He needs a bath tonight," Bethany explained why she was asking. "I don't mind him playing with Wanda a little bit longer, but he needs a bath before he sleeps."

"Yes, Mrs. Rogers," Steve replied seriously, but couldn't help but smile a little. "The pool is still nice. Want to go in for a little dip? Naked?"

He could see the amused smile on Bethany's face as she turned off the tap, finishing with the dishes. "We'll see, Captain." Nonetheless, Bethany pushed up on her toes to kiss him softly. "C'mon, let's go watch our boy."

Steve sat on one of the chairs on the deck and Bethany sat sideways on his lap, wrapping an arm around him. Wanda was using her magic to push Jamie on the baby swing, stopping him midway in the air, changing the speeds and getting claps and laughs of joy from the little boy. Bethany couldn't help but smile. He was such a happy little boy. That's all she wanted in this world, really. She would give him everything he wanted even if it would mean she was left with nothing in return. Being a mother tapped into a place in one's heart that was hard to explain unless you were also a mother.

"What are you thinking about?" Steve whispered into her ear.

"Just… she reminds me so much of…" She drifted off, thinking it over for a moment.

"Of you?" Steve suggested.

She nodded slowly. "I mean, we're different. But there's just so much that makes me think about me when I was her age. Or around her age. She has so much potential. And she is innocent, regardless of what she is capable of. The world can eat her and chew her up. Turn her into… well, me."

"You're perfect," Steve whispered softly.

"But I've made a lot of mistakes," Bethany reminded him. "And yes, they were my mistakes. I made them. Nobody else made me do them. But the world put me down those paths. If I avoided one little mistake, my entire life would have been different."

"And what was that one little mistake?" Steve asked curiously.

Bethany sighed, one hand playing with the ring on Steve's finger. "Sleeping with Jason," she admitted. "If I hadn't then, I wouldn't have started sleeping around, feeling like I was worthless. And if I had been a virgin when we met… well, I don't think that we'd have had sex then. Do you? I mean, Jason had to talk me into sleeping with him."

"Probably not," Steve agreed. "I guess that would have changed a lot of things."

"But not this," Bethany stressed. "This would have been the same. This perfection. We may have got it sooner, but I have to believe that this would have been the same."

"I love you," he told her softly, kissing her cheek.

* * *

After taking a late night swim, they knew that they'd have to wash the chlorine off their bodies. Bethany personally hated the way pool chlorine dried skin and hair how it felt like and Steve wasn't fond of Bethany's hair smelling like chlorine while he tried to fall asleep. Bethany was wrapped in Steve's arms, her back to his chest as the warm water trickled down on them. They were rocking side to side slowly, enjoying the sense of peace and calm surrounding them.

"Your shampoo smells so good," Steve murmured to her. He had leisurely washed her hair, his hands massaging her scalp. Bethany's head had tilted back, her mouth open as soft sighs and moans slipped from her. It had taken all his strength to keep from taking things further. She had already stated when they were in the pool that she wasn't up for sex that night. He knew that he could convince her, but he didn't want to be that man. He wanted to respect her, the way he promised he always would the first time they were intimate.

"Let's go out for dinner on Friday," Steve began. "Somewhere fancy. Anywhere you want. We can get dressed up, go dancing. Call Jackson and ask him to watch over Jamie for us. And if he's busy, maybe Wanda?"

"I'm okay with going out," Bethany agreed. "But let's take Jamie with us. He's well-behaved. I think he'll do good in a fancy restaurant."

"Whatever you want," he whispered, kissing her neck softly.

"Well, that's what I want," She teased him. She turned in his arms to kiss his lips, but the security alarm in the house let out one very short and distinctive beep. Steve sighed, knowing what it was. It was an alarm sent from the Avengers' Facility. Steve would have to suit up, quickly get to the compound, get on the quinjet, and go save the day.

"Damn," he whispered.

"Go," Bethany replied quietly. Her eyes showed her disappointment, but her arms slipped away from his as she stepped back. Steve got out of the shower, quickly moving to dry his body. Bethany followed, but taking her sweet time. While she pulled her pajamas on, he pulled out his suit. While she grabbed her pillow to fluff it, Steve grabbed his shield that was resting against the wall.

"Good night Doll Face," he whispered, kissing her softly when he was ready to go.

"Stay safe, Steve," she replied quietly, reaching out to touch his cheek softly before he disappeared. Bethany pulled the heavy duvet around her, staring up at the ceiling fan. It didn't matter how perfect her day could be, it didn't change the fact that Steve would disappear with just a small beep echoing through her house. He didn't belong to her. Not really. He belonged to the world. And while she loved everything about him, she always feared that he wouldn't return to her again.

Bethany held her phone in her hand as she tried to drift off to sleep, but it was almost impossible when she had no idea where Steve was or what he was facing. Part of her wanted to get dressed and go up to the compound to join in on the headquarters but Jamie was sound asleep and she didn't want to disrupt him. Getting out of her bed, phone clutched in her hand, she grabbed one of Steve's wool cardigans, wrapping it around herself. She picked up the tablet that doubled as a baby monitor before making her way down the stairs. Curling on the couch, she put the electronics down beside her before picking up the remote and turning on the TV to the news channels. She had to flip for a few minutes before she found a coverage. No one really had any idea of what had happened yet, but there were a few civilian cell phone footage reels of multiple explosions in Sweden. Some of the footage showed Steve in action, or other members of the team. Mostly, it was the reporters, repeating the same information or discussing past events that were similar to this one, in which the Avengers intervened.

Molly had jumped up into Bethany's lap, curling herself into a spot and purring away as she drifted off to sleep. Bethany's eyes were heavy with exhaustion and she found herself dozing off here and there. At three, she got off the couch to make some coffee, but she fell asleep at the kitchen table, waiting for it to finish brewing.

* * *

"Hey Beautiful," she heard later, when the sun had begun to rise. She jolted awake, a small crick in her neck, looking up at Steve. Part of his uniform was torn and he had multiple cuts and bruises on his face. He looked tired too, and there was ash covering his skin. His shield was almost completely bare from its paint, but he was there, in one piece.

"Hi," she said softly, getting up from her chair and touching his cheek delicately. "Are you okay? Was it a success?"

"Some more HYDRA extremists," Steve replied tiredly, sitting down at the table. "And I'm fine. Everyone is fine."

"How many casualties?" Bethany asked carefully, moving to the sink and looking under the cupboard. A basic first aid kit was waiting for her.

"Three dead, another twelve in the hospital," Steve sighed as Bethany got out a bowl and filled it with water before grabbing one of Jamie's wash cloths and sitting back at the table.

"Are you really okay?" Bethany asked Steve seriously. "Did anyone look you over at the compound?"

"No, I told them I just wanted to come home and sleep," Steve told her truthfully. "My ribs are a little tender, but I don't think any of them are broken."

"Can you take the suit off so I can patch you up?" Bethany asked politely, already eyeing a large gash on his upper arm. Steve had come a long way since the Battle of New York. Usually he returned from missions with little concern, but from the footage Bethany had seen on TV, his cuts and bruises made sense. She was actually impressed that the casualties had been so small.

After Steve took off his suit, Bethany began to stitch the laceration on his arm before patching it with a gauze. She took care when cleaning his face, giving it the utmost attention. After bandaging a cut, she would kiss it softly. His eyes fell heavy more than once. "Why don't you go lie down?" Bethany offered. While she was tired, she knew he needed rest more than she did.

"I don't think I can walk up the stairs right now to be honest," he replied. "I'm too tired."

"Go rest on the couch," Bethany suggested, helping him up and holding his hand as she led him to the couch. She laid a blanket over his body and kissed him softly before moving to clean up the mess on the table.

"Nice sweater," Steve mumbled after realizing that she was wearing his cardigan.

Bethany chuckled under her breath, cleaning up the table before warming up her coffee. She could hear Jamie's soft gurgling through the baby monitor, waiting for someone to pick him up. As her coffee was warming up, she prepared a small bowl of berries and baby crackers for Jamie to munch on, as well as a baby cup filled with apple juice.

When her coffee was hot again, she poured it into a cup, added some milk before placing it on the table and going up to get her son. When she walked through his door, he looked at her with surprise, but excitement filled his face soon after. Steve was always the one to get him in the morning. "Ahaha, are you happy to see me?" Bethany asked, reaching in to get him, kissing his little face. "Good morning Munchkin. Good morning."

Jamie smiled back at her, his head moving to the crook of her neck for a moment before looking back in his crib, pointing his dimpled hand towards his Captain America plushie. "Mine, mine," he told her, making a grabbing motion. Bethany retrieved his toy, kissing him again when he gripped his toy. As she changed his diaper, he was gabbing to her in his baby mumbles while also playing with his toy. She brushed his curls with his baby comb, stroking the soft strands when she was done.

"You are so precious, Jamie," Bethany whispered to him, kissing the top of his head once more. "Should we go down and see Daddy? Huh? We need to be quiet though because he's sleeping."

Jamie put his finger up to his lips and blew out a harsh 'shhhh' sound, making Bethany laugh. Steve had told her that Jamie did that every morning while Bethany was sleeping but she had never actually seen him do that. "You're so smart, Munchkin," Bethany praised, pulling him to her hip and making their way downstairs.

However, Steve wasn't asleep. He was sitting up on the couch, Bethany's coffee in his hand, watching the news. Jamie's legs kicked excitedly and Bethany placed him down, him running as fast as his little legs would let him towards his dad. "Hey Jamie," Steve said softly, helping him onto the couch. Jamie settled himself on Steve's lap, looking up at his dad while Steve watched the news.

"That coffee was mine," Bethany teased Steve as she took Jamie's bowl to him, sitting beside them. "Also, you were supposed to be sleeping."

Steve only let out a hum, acknowledging her words, but not being able to give her a response. Jamie eagerly took the bowl from Bethany, starting to munch down on his blueberries. "Steve, you shouldn't watch this," Bethany said softly, resting her head on his shoulder. "You shouldn't torture yourself with 'what-ifs'. I know how dangerous that can be."

Once again, Steve didn't say anything, but Bethany knew just to leave it at that. On missions like this, even when it ended on a successful note, he kept running through everything he could do differently next time to save more lives. But on a mission like this, Bethany wasn't sure if they could have saved anymore lives. The casualties were low for the amount of damage the news covered. But even then, the reporters always found _something_ to focus on to show the Avengers in a bad light. Some reporters and stations were nicer than others, that was for sure. They understood that in the end, they saved more than they lost. But the news stations and reporters that were harsher always focused on what they could do better.

This particular station, of course with Christine Everhart, the bitch from the west that seemed to be _asking_ for a house to drop onto of her, was focusing on the amount of damage. But in this case, the damage she was talking about wasn't even the Avengers' fault. They didn't set the bombs. They didn't fund this. But of course, Everhart was focusing on the fact that they should have defused the bombs before they went off.

"I want to tear those fake extensions out of her scalp," Bethany mumbled.

This time, Steve gave her a response. "I don't think she has extensions."

"Well, then I'll pay for her to get extensions and then pull them out," She reasoned. "I hate her so much Steve. We'll never do anything right in her eyes and she'll just continue to drag us down."

The television screen lit up with an old video of Steve during a press conference, donning his Captain America suit. While Everhart continued to speak over Steve's words during the interview, Jamie only paid attention to his father on the screen. He pointed out his arm, one finger gestured towards Steve's image, opened his mouth, and with two very distinct syllables, exclaimed "Daa-dee!"

The word shocked both Steve and Bethany, the baby crawling off of Steve's lap and placing his feet on the floor before waddling up to the television screen and laying his hand flat against Steve's image. Bethany let out the smallest of chuckles, too overwhelmed by the fact that Jamie finally said it. She looked up at Steve, who despite everything, was wearing the softest of smiles, his eyes filled with love and devotion towards his son.

And while Bethany didn't want to take the happy moment away from Steve or herself, she couldn't help but say "you're in your uniform," looking at the television screen, the Captain America suit bright and true to the flag.

* * *

 ****A/N: Because I'm a bitch sometimes and have to ruin things ;)**


	56. A Broken Faith

Chapter 56- A **Broken** Faith

 _" A broken faith to call my own and no one to cast a safe sky over my blue."_

 _~Barzin, Over My Blue_

* * *

The mission had, in all, been a success. However, people had died, buildings had been destroyed and people were already sensitive towards the terrorist attack situation since it was September 11th. Christine Everhart had done an entire segment on it, somehow alluding to the fact that the next 9/11 attack would be the Avengers' fault. Bethany had previously questioned something similar. The threats seemed to be growing, not getting smaller. And as much as they cleaned up one mess, there were always three more to clean up afterwards as a result of the first one. HYDRA's words rang through Steve's head as that sunk it. It was like a neverending cycle that just kept getting worse and worse.

After Steve got a few hours of sleep in, he felt fully refreshed. His muscles weren't sore anymore and he felt like his cuts and bruises had fared well enough to take off his bandages. But when he went to peel one off, Bethany quickly ran over, hitting his hand away from his face. Steve didn't quite heal like Bethany did, but he recuperated much quicker than the average human. His wife scolded him, telling him to keep them on for another few hours and only to take them off when she told him to. To please her, he agreed, but he was confident it was fine.

"Just let me take care of you," Bethany whispered to him, touching his arm softly. "I'm a registered nurse, a doctor and your wife. If I say keep them on, just do it."

"Okay," he agreed, bringing her in for a hug. Her body melted into his and he realized just how tired she was. All her weight was pressed up against his and her breathing was steady, as if ready to fall asleep at any moment. "You okay?"

"I was worried," She admitted. "I'm always worried when you leave. I'm scared that you won't come back. And yes, you always have, but there's something in this universe with the power to make you not come back to me. I'm allowed to be worried."

"You are," Steve nodded. He worried about her well-being and he knew that logically, he didn't really need to. But he couldn't help it. There was always something that could happen that could change everything. And he was going out and tempting fate more often than she was. "Do you want to have a nap? I'm not planning on going to the Compound today, so I can watch after Jamie."

"I just want to hold you for a little bit longer," she mumbled against his shirt. Instead, Steve moved to pick her up, taking her to the couch. He let her curl around him, rubbing her back in soothing circles as she let her exhaustion take over her. He had come home to her sleeping soundly at the table, the television still on. That gave him an indication that instead of sleeping soundly while he was off fighting, she had tried to stay up, her exhaustion winning out on her worry at some point. While he only needed a few hours to gain his strength back, Bethany didn't, she needed a full night's sleep and sometimes even more. They complimented each other in that way.

Jamie was sitting in front of the couch, playing quietly with an arrangement of toys they left in that room. They were all brain games, which Jamie easily mastered the first time he was introduced to them, but he never really seemed to get bored of them. He just continued to play with them until something else called his attention. When Bethany's mouth split open slightly when she was asleep, Steve whispered his son's name.

Jamie's head snapped up in curiosity, his big blue eyes filled with wonder. Steve really didn't have anything he wanted to say to Jamie, he just loved that the baby knew what his name was. And even better, he now knew how to say Daddy. Bethany had assured Steve that he would say it eventually, and while Steve knew that she was right, he had spent countless hours trying to coax the word out of the baby, But Steve knew that Bethany had a point. Maybe it was a coincidence that Jamie had pointed to the television screen and exclaimed 'Daa-dee' while Steve donned his Captain America uniform. But the fact that Jamie carried his Cap toy around nearly everywhere with him showed that the baby knew the importance of the blue, white and red uniform and who wore it.

Jamie got up from his spot and waddled over to the couch looking at Bethany's sleeping face. He raised a single finger to his lips and pushed a harsh shush out of it towards his father, warning him to be quiet. "Momma's tired, huh?" Steve whispered, reaching out to push some of Jamie's curls out of his face. It seemed like Bethany had just trimmed the mop, but his hair seemed to grow at the same speed as Bethany's.

The baby carefully reached out a hand to touch Bethany's face. She didn't stir, her breathing maintaining its steady rhythm. "Let's let her sleep, okay?" Steve suggested, very, very carefully unwrapping Bethany from his embrace. He picked Jamie up, bringing him to the corner of the family room where a kiddie table was set up with paper and crayons. Jamie seldom selected to draw by himself. He hadn't really mastered how to draw yet, let alone how to properly hold the crayons, but Steve couldn't really blame the baby. He was advanced in a lot of things, but he didn't expect his son to be drawing like an art school graduate at one-years-old. But Jamie enjoyed scribbling on a piece of paper if Steve was doodling on his own paper.

As the two settled down, Steve couldn't help but notice how beautiful it was outside. It felt weird on a day like today. Steve may have been immerged in ice during 9/11, but he still felt a deep sense of sadness when he thought about the tragic day. As cliché as it felt and sounded, Steve really did care about the well-being of his nation and all Americans. To think that so many innocent people had lost their lives in an act of hate or fear or revenge or whatever terrorists could say to justify their actions, it made him sick. It was a war on American soil, in all honesty. A war that people were still fighting to this day, in a much different way than the way he knew it to be. People's fear had created caution and in return, hate. Steve had a lot of faith in humanity, but it was hard to grip onto that faith.

Bethany had been the one to tell him about the tragic day. She relayed it with a sense of calm, as if she had repeated the story time and time again. There was no emotion in her voice. No sadness in her eyes. Steve knew that she probably had to give her report to multiple SHIELD officers and agents, but he could tell there was a certain distance that she had created from the event. He wasn't sure why she did that, created boundaries on her emotions of the tragedy, but this wouldn't have been the first time Bethany used that technique to keep herself strong.

* * *

 _Bethany was painting her toenails at the end of their bed in their apartment in Washington. She had convinced Steve to paint her fingernails earlier, going on and on that it was one of the benefits of dating an art school graduate. He relented of course, but Bethany decided she'd do her own toenails after it took almost forty-five minutes for Steve to be happy with Bethany's nails._

 _"Doll? What's the mission code for Australia?" Steve asked, frowning over the forms he had to fill out for SHIELD. With all the technology the organization had, he was convinced there was a better way to relay mission facts than this. He hated filling out paperwork. Always had and always would. Bethany didn't seem to mind it, but he attributed that to the fact that she was just used to it by now. Clerical work was basically all women were allowed to do before the war and no doubt she had been placed in more than one position where she was belittled to do just that._

 _"55589378," She hummed off with ease. She looked up at Steve's perplexed face and she repeated the numbers, slower the second time. "And the mission type would be A780J if it was small scale."_

 _"Right," Steve nodded. "And what about the-"_

 _"159957," Bethany answered before Steve could finish. He asked no questions and finished filling out the form. In some odd turn of events, he had finished the form before Bethany finished her nails._

 _"I hate those things," Steve whispered, closing the laptop and putting it on his bedside table._

 _Bethany chuckled, shaking her head in amusement. "I know you do. You only say that every time you have to fill them out."_

 _"Why do they have to make the forms so long?" Steve asked, exasperated._

 _"Because it just helps the system in being able to pull out facts at a moment's notice," She explained. "Plus those forms aren't that bad. National emergency forms are ridiculous. You didn't even need to fill any out for the New York Alien Attack thing, since you technically weren't registered in SHIELD's system. It took me three days to finish it. I mean, I took breaks, but still. It was intense."_

 _"The longest one you ever did?" Steve asked. Bethany closed her nail polish lid, shimmying up the bed and lying next to him._

 _"No, actually," she replied, looking at her feet and making sure that the paint wouldn't get smudged so soon. "9/11 was worse. The paperwork went on for miles. And most of our stuff was hardcopies back then. SHIELD opened up a whole new department to deal with all of the paperwork they received. It made sense, considering the World Security Council wanted all agents to write a report."_

 _"I'm sorry, 9/11?" Steve asked, his brows furrowed. He felt like he had heard the phrase before but he had no idea what it meant. But by Bethany's comments on the paperwork, he knew it had to be significant._

 _Bethany let out a deep sigh, clearly not wanting to tell Steve. "It was a terrorist attack," she began, but Steve had assumed as much. "Four commercial airline planes were hijacked by terrorists. Two of the planes flew into the World Trade Center's South and North Towers. The buildings were 110-stories high. They collapsed, taking down buildings around them and close to three thousand people died. One of the other planes crashed into the Pentagon, and the passengers of the fourth plane steered the plane away from, what was assumed to be the White House."_

 _Steve sat there, absorbing her words. She re-told the story with a sense of ease. There was very little emotion in her words. But for Steve, hearing this, he felt a multitude of emotions weighing down on him. It only took a moment for people's lives to change and he could only imagine what happened to the people who were in the building, still living, those who saw it, those who lost someone. This was a direct attack on the United States. Less had been done to bring the United States to war in the past. An attack of this degree, with innocent civilians just going about their normal day…_

 _"As soon as SHIELD heard about the first plane crashing, they knew that it wasn't just an air traffic mistake. Hundreds of agents were sent out to help, but many of them didn't get there quick enough, or didn't know what to do. We were drastically unprepared. In a way, it helped us prepare for the New York Battle, but on that day, many of us could just sit and watch. It's scary when you're that helpless. When you are forced to accept that people are going to die and there's nothing you can realistically do to change it. It would be different today, but the Hulk, Iron Man… they wouldn't exist without what happened that day. They were direct results from the attack, just like you were from the war."_

 _"What did you do that day?" Steve found himself asking. He couldn't picture Bethany sitting in a lounger, watching as the building collapsed on her television. She wasn't one to quit so easily._

 _"I was sent out to Florida, actually," Bethany explained. "The President was there. SHIELD wasn't sure what was going to happen realistically. As the day unravelled, it became clear that these attackers had a very specific target. While no attempt was made on the President's life, SHIELD thought it would be best if I was there just in case. Which meant my paperwork ended up being quite extensive because I was a part of all of the discussions."_

 _Bethany ran her hand through her hair, collecting some loose strands and watching as they fell to the ground before she continued. "America changed overnight. We've always had a hard time with trusting people, but now it's like no one has the benefit of the doubt."_

 _Her eyes got distant for a moment before she reached for her phone and checked her messages, done with her story. Bethany was a strong woman but it seemed unnatural for her to seem so distant from it. It was a horrible tragedy and it had changed the future. But it was almost like Bethany had known on that day that she couldn't let it get to her. That she needed to be strong because so many people wouldn't be. In a moment of tragedy, there needed to be someone who could keep it together so that_ something _could get done. Steve had been in that position so many times, he understood the distance she was feeling._

 _It wasn't that she was unsympathetic. She was. He knew she was. She just never let herself be affected because she knew someone had to be strong._

* * *

When Steve first met Eddie Macks, he instantly disliked him. Eddie and Bethany were on good terms, working together in the lab on those few days Bethany actually worked. She had nothing bad to say about the man and had brushed off Steve's insecurity about trusting him. He had passed the background checks, same as everyone else at the compound and was a pleasure to work with. She reasoned that Steve had no actual evidence to dislike the man and that he was just being overprotective and cautious. She didn't state that as if it was a bad thing, however. It was evident in her tone that she was thankful for these qualities in Steve, but in truth there was no reason to be suspicious of Eddie Macks.

But because he continued to have anxiety about the man, his suspicion and worry growing every time he went to the lab to see Bethany, he had asked Maria to run another background check on him. Maria had replied the same way that Bethany had, but agreed to follow up on all his paperwork if it would ease Steve's conscious. Natasha had been in the room when Steve made his request and her lips pulled up in that classic smirk of hers.

"You just don't like him because he flirts with Bethany," the spy stated, as if it was the simplest thing in the world. Before Natasha put it in such simple terms, Steve had been unaware of why he was so unease with Eddie. But now it was clear. He _did_ flirt with Bethany. A lot. And she didn't reject it. In fact, her tone whenever replying to him had the same flirtatious manner to it. It rubbed him the wrong way. They were so comfortable with each other.

Steve had left the room without replying to Natasha, his skin itching as he thought about it. He had no reason to doubt Bethany's faithfulness. She hadn't been with anyone while he was frozen in the ice, and she had no actual reason for doing so. They weren't even on good terms before he went under. But she still cared about him, all those years, and stayed faithful to his memory. As much as he wanted to believe that he could do the same, it was hard to picture a future of just clinging onto her memory, never letting anyone else in.

Bethany was an amazing wife. She cooked dinner, she did the laundry and she raised their baby boy. But what made her even more of an amazing wife was that it wasn't all she was. She was still herself through all of that. She was happy. He knew she was. He had seen her through so much emotion over time. He could successfully see whether or not she was pretending to be happy or when she really was. And Bethany was happy. There was no reason for him to worry about her breaking her marriage vows. More than that, he trusted her. With his son, with his life, with his heart. She had broken his heart once before and he knew that she never would again. Breaking his heart broke hers in the process.

But he also knew just how insanely beautiful his wife was and how she came across as flirty even when she wasn't trying to be. It was both a blessing and a curse. It was her natural setting; to be playful and to tease. She was, after all, Howard Stark's sister. There was a very good chance that Bethany could be leading this man on without even realizing that's what she was doing. Steve's attempts at flirting were so forward and not at all suave that it wasn't unrealistic to believe that Bethany only saw Eddie's flirtation as friendliness.

Steve and Bethany had plans to meet for lunch and have a small picnic with the last of the nice weather before the colder fall weather settled in. Jamie was with Bethany in the lab, most likely dying to be freed of his playpen in exchange for running freely in circles in the grass. He couldn't help but smile to himself as he pictured his curly-haired little boy waddling around, falling on occasion, but getting right back up and continuing with his wandering. He never strayed too far, always choosing to take a hold of Steve or Bethany's hand before exploring further. It wasn't because he was scared, Steve could tell. It was because Jamie wanted to share his new discoveries with his parents. Every curiosity to him, every new rock or flower caused him excitement and he wanted his parents to also see the magical new item.

He was also saying Daa-Dee more freely now. Throughout the day, Bethany would send him cute little videos of Jamie saying the word. Yesterday, Bethany had showed Jamie an old photo of Steve from before the serum, telling the baby that it was his father. Jamie had looked up at his mom, confusion etched deep in his eyes. Sure, the toddler could pick out some similarities, but what really made him know his father was his size. Steve was a giant compared to his son. But after a few moments, seeing that it really was his father, Jamie had smiled, taking the photo in his chubby hands and saying 'Daa-Dee' before laughing.

It made Steve so proud. Every time Jamie said it, he was reminded that he really _was_ a father. It was so surreal most days. When Bethany had first told him she was pregnant, he was ecstatic. He remembered falling to his knees beside her, anxious to be close to the baby growing within her. And then there was the first time they heard his heartbeat, saw an ultrasound, felt him kick. Each event gave Steve an overwhelming reminder of what he was about to become. And now, despite Jamie having been a part of their life for so long, he was still having these moments of realization.

Reaching the lab, Steve opened the door just in time to hear a large _slap_ sound through the room. The noise had startled Jamie, the baby falling in his playpen but Steve's eyes were too focused on where Bethany and Eddie stood. He could tell by Bethany's shoulders that she was tense. And not the stressful tensed, but _angry_. Eddie had a dark red mark forming on his cheek and it quickly became evident to Steve that Bethany had violently brought her hand across Eddie's cheek in an act of rage. As the door clicked behind Steve, Bethany and Eddie looked to the door, seeing him. Eddie quickly looked panicked and embarrassed and made a mad dash through the side door of the lab.

"What was that about?" Steve asked, hearing Jamie's gurgles and reaching into the playpen to pick him up. It was clear from his legs wiggling that he wanted to be set down to explore the lab, but Steve knew he could get himself into a lot of trouble by doing so.

"He kissed me," Bethany replied, venom clear in her voice. "Ick, I feel so dirty and violated."

It took a moment for Steve to fully register her words, but anger quickly filled his body. "He did what?"

"I think he learned his lesson," Bethany said with a sigh, crossing her arms _and_ rolling her eyes. It was clear that she was annoyed. "There'll be a nice bruise on his face tomorrow to remind him not to go around kissing married women."

"Take Jamie," Steve told her after he marched up to her.

Her arms remained crossed, looking at him pointedly. "No," she answered fiercely. "I handled the situation Steve. I don't need you running after him and beating him up."

"You're _my_ wife," he argued. "I need to remind him of that, clearly."

Bethany shook her head. "What just happened is between me and him. I'll talk to him tomorrow, but I don't need you going after him Steve. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."

"You just said you felt violated!" Steve reminded her in fury. "I can't just let that go Bethany!"

"I'm asking you to," Bethany challenged. "You don't need to scare him away, okay? I can handle the situation. I'll talk to him and-"

"You were clearly leading him on!" Steve blurted out, his frustration bubbling over.

Bethany took a step backwards, her face showing she was clearly annoyed with Steve, but it took her a minute to cool down before she replied. "I get that you're angry," she began, her voice portraying as much calm as she could muster up. "But you're not really angry with me, are you? Because I didn't do anything wrong. I did not lead him on. I was being polite, nice, friendly, all things that may come across as flirting, but because I'm happily _married_ , he should have known that it wasn't anything but friendship. I would never accuse you of that, why would you accuse me?"

"Because it's not in my nature," Steve replied.

She let out a humourless laugh, nodding her head. Now he could see that she was hurting. "I'm going to let the insinuation that I'm just a massive flirt who leads everyone on go because I know that you're angry at what just happened. But it's 2015, Steve. I don't need you solving all of my problems for me. I'll talk to him and if he doesn't get the picture, by all means. Talk to him. But until then, you need to understand that I do have a voice. And inside these Compound walls? I have power too."

Steve felt his heart falter a little when he realized that every single thing she was saying was right. He _was_ angry at Eddie, not Bethany. He had just finished telling himself that she was faithful and here he was, going off on her. And really, it was because she wasn't letting him go off on Eddie. Because she wanted to do that, and she had a point. She had to talk to Eddie before Steve could do his part.

"I'm sorry," Steve told her truthfully. "I'm just-"

"I know," Bethany interrupted, giving him a small smile. She was trying to be strong, but he could tell that his words had really cut deep. "All-in-all, I'm happy you're mad. It reminds me just how much you love me. But at the same time, this is for me to deal with first."

"I am sorry," He apologized again. "What I meant was… I don't think you realize just how much attention you get from men."

"Yeah, I do," Bethany chuckled. "Flirtation and charm is a woman's greatest power. One that men fall for time and time again. But I was only talking to him the same way I would with Clint or Sam. And while that may come off as demure flirtation, they know that I love you and you know it's harmless. I guess for someone like Eddie, he just… either didn't know or didn't want to respect it. Listen, I'm starving, so can we just go eat lunch? Put this situation on the backburner and I'll talk to Eddie later about this?"

"Sure," Steve nodded, stepping forward and kissing Bethany's forehead softly. She went about cleaning the lab before they left, which allowed Steve to think about what had just transpired. Despite having been in a really good place with each other and conquering some demons that had made them fight in the past, marriage was something they had to work at everyday. They would have to listen to one another and compromise. If it was easy, it would take away everything that made it so special and worthwhile. Nothing that was achieved easy was ever really worth that much in the end. It was the things you had to fight for that had more meaning at the end of the day.

Something else occurred to Steve about his marriage. Bethany, having kept a level-head during their argument and the occurrence, demonstrated one definite thing to Steve: She was much better at this marriage thing than him.

* * *

 ****A/N: Getting closer to the end of this story! I would like to close it on chapter 60 and then start on _Through the Storm_ :) I'm very excited for that!**

 **lenabui98: But the important thing is that he finally said it :)**

 **pulchritudo in omnia: I mean, he sees Steve in the uniform every single day basically. Babies do have a way of associating colours and shapes with specific things, so it does make sense :) Steve is going to stay married to his work for a while, but he is going to see the effect it has on his family. He wants to be able to break free, he just can't. It's such an important part of his existence.**

 **Jo: She wants to keep their work life and home life separate as much as she can. If you look back towards the beginning of _Wrong for the Right Reasons_ , they both heavily rely on work in order to keep their marriage in tact, but now that they have Jamie, it's not a key piece of their relationship anymore, but Steve is forcing it to be.**

 **Sgt. Pepperony: It will 100% play into _Civil War_. It was basically the point of me making it this way. Along with the current issues, this ongoing disagreement between Steve and Bethany will hit a high during the plot.**

 **harliquin: They definitely use it a lot, I just don't write every time they do ;) Bethany has a corkboard in the kitchen of photos of them with Jamie from the polaroid and a shoe box of just pictures of her and Steve that she'd rather keep private underneath their bed.**

 **anonymouscsifan: I wanted everyone to be as surprised at Bethany and Steve would be! But on the cute side, he does bring his Cap plushie everywhere because he wants to keep his dad close, so I think that's really adorable! Bethany understands what Wanda is going through and wants to help her as much as possible. And of course, Steve wants his team to feel like they can go to him, so they will really do a good job at making Wanda feel like she's important to them.**


	57. Here's My Heart, No Strings Attached

****A/N: Hey guys! Sorry there was no update last week. That was totally and completely on me. I'll be finishing this story on chapter 60, but starting the next story when the _Civil War_ DVD comes out in September, so they'll be some breaks just to fill in the gap :) **

Chapter 57- Here's My Heart, No Strings Attached

 _"_ _Take it from me, it's a lesson to be learned. Even the good guys get burned. Take it from me, see I would give you love. The kind of love that you've only dreamed of. Baby you're not the only one. You don't have to be afraid to fall in love. And I know that you've hurt in the past. But if you want it, here's my heart. No strings attached."_

 _~No Strings Attached, N'SYNC_

* * *

While Bethany wouldn't admit it aloud, she was dreading talking to Eddie about the kiss. Right after it occurred, she could have let her anger motivate her, speaking whatever passed through her mind without caring about the consequences. Really, there were no consequences she _needed_ to worry about. She wouldn't be the one who would get in trouble, no matter what she said. But after eating with Steve and Jamie and having enough time to mull everything over, she wasn't as angry as she had been earlier.

In truth, she was really flattered. What Steve said about her leading him on was a killer move and really hurt, but she knew that he had a point. Sometimes, she just got a _little_ too friendly. She had two settings; nice or mean. There was no in between when it came to people. Either she let them in, teased them and let herself have fun or she was on red alert, fully on guard to defend herself or the ones she loved. She _liked_ Eddie. He made her laugh and gave her this sense of importance in the scientific world, something that she felt that she was sorely lacking since Jamie's conception. She may have _known_ about Ultron, but she certainly didn't lend a hand in making him. She hadn't really done anything to keep up with her old hobby. Having Eddie in the lab with her was reassuring and relaxing.

And of course, she was never going to be upset about someone wanting to kiss her. Logically, it was stupid for her to make a big deal about it because of that. The fact that he _did_ kiss her was a different story, but she liked feeling desired. Sure, Steve did one hell of a job proving that to her, but at the end of the day, he was her husband. She _knew_ that he wanted her. And it wasn't just a random stranger who desired her, but someone who actually got to know her. It was flattering in all aspects.

But she still had to talk to him. If she didn't, Steve would, and Bethany knew very well that Steve wouldn't talk with his lips, but with his fists. Eddie wouldn't be able to go up against him in a fist fight for obvious reasons. And while she liked to give her husband the benefit of the doubt and knew that he was an avid peacemaker, she had also already been down that path more than once in the past. Even before they were together, if anyone kissed her or touched her inappropriately, Steve was onto them before she would fully have registered what was happening. Half the time, she wasn't even that against men fooling around with her. She liked to have fun. Expression of sexuality was both her greatest strength and weakness in life.

Spotting Eddie down the hall, she let out a deep breath before running her hand through her hair. "Alright, you can do this," she whispered to herself, finding the need to give herself a pep talk. It was idiotic really, since she had faced much more formidable foes. Yelling at men was something she had done so often in her life, it really ought to be on her resume under special skills. Bouncing on her feet like a boxer would do before a match, she felt her adrenaline pick up just enough to push her forward.

"Macks!" She called out, the man turning around to meet her call and _immediately_ looking like he would much rather be dead. "I think we need to have a talk," she added as she walked towards him. He watched her carefully, not making a move, very much reflecting a deer in headlights. She stopped next to the door to a room she already knew was empty and grabbed the knob. Pulling the door open, she gestured for him to enter.

At first, he looked unsure of what to do. Bethany could see the gears turning in his head, weighing his options as carefully as possible. He only moved when Bethany made a face that clearly challenged him to test her limits, his feet dragging on the floor much like a child who was in trouble. She entered the room behind him, closing the door and pressing in the lock. She wanted to make sure they had absolute privacy. Upon closer inspection, Bethany could see a red handprint on his face still, which would likely bruise. She felt pride in her strength, but she knew that it wasn't time to gloat.

"I'm married," She began with, strongly. "And I'm _very_ happy being so. If I ever made you think that I was flirting, I'm sorry. I wasn't. I was being friendly. And maybe I don't know where the line is exactly, but I do love my husband. On top of that, it's not like we're in some foreign country, far away from my family. Steve was in the building. My _son_ was in the room. What you did was one hundred percent unacceptable."

"You didn't have to slap me for it," Eddie replied with.

"I'm sorry that my reaction to sexual assault was to smack you," Bethany defended herself.

"It was _not_ sexual assault, but yours _was_ ," Eddie fought back, clearly trying to bring her down along with him.

"You want to notify HR? Go ahead," Bethany said with a fake smile. "I'd be more than willing to give my side of the story, which could very well be backed up by video footage. Would you like to go to the police? Same thing. And on top of that, I have the added benefit of being a senior citizen _and_ a national hero. In no circumstance would you come out of this looking good for complaining that a 90-year-old woman slapped you after you forcibly kissed her while she was talking about acidic gases and dart guns."

Somewhere in her tangent did her arms become crossed for extra effect. She knew she had more strength than the typical woman of her age, but there were so many few times that she could play the age card. She wasn't going to let him feel bad about her slapping him. She felt a little guilty, sure. But it was all because of his actions. The slapping was a consequence. "You take that slap and let it remind you of your thoughtlessness," Bethany continued. "I'm letting you keep your job. I told Steve not to go near you. I'd say that my bitch slap was a pretty good punishment, wouldn't you? Yeah, that's what I thought so too. But if you ever do it again, we'll really have something to deal with," she finished, unlocking the door and opening it.

Eddie watched her go with fury coursing through his veins for a few seconds before darting out. Bethany threw her head back in exasperation, hearing it crack slightly before turning on her heels to go home for the day. She'd probably hear about this throughout the next week, but she wasn't expecting anyone to fight against her actions. Honestly, she could see both Hill and Fury nodding in approval. Hell, Maria would damn well have done the same thing. Probably worse. Bethany already knew that Natasha would have probably broken a few of his bones based on the fact that she threw a guy over a table for merely _touching_ her.

As she walked back to her house, she played with her wedding rings as she thought about all the chores she had to do. Her home life was starting to settle in again. She had to make dinner and do the laundry. Jamie needed a bath. Wanda asked to come over for an hour so Bethany could help her with her homework and she was pretty sure she told Tony she'd Skype with him before she went to bed. Her day hadn't gone exactly how she had planned, but she had to give Eddie some props; he did make it a tad more interesting than it was originally planned out to be.

* * *

Bethany made an effort to have Jen over at least once a month for lunch. She felt like it was necessary to be a part of Jen's life and make sure that everyone was okay for Theo's sake. The little boy seemed to be so happy with his new life that Bethany was making it her mission to keep things like that. By getting together with Jen, she would make sure that things were good with her work and her health, with her new relationship with Javan and of course, with Theo.

"I mean this," Jen said, reaching out to touch her glass, the entire thing immediately cooling. "It's still weird. I can take a cold shower and it doesn´t bug me, and hot temperatures are hard to get used to at first, but it's… it's comforting now that I have control over it. I like having it as a security blanket for anything that may happen."

"But would you ever use it? For fighting? Like with the Avengers?" That had been a constant question that had currently been left with no answer. Jen's powers were a great attribute, but she would need _months_ of training to get her into the right form for battle. They weren't going to pressure her into doing it, but having abilities like hers always seemed wasted if you didn't do something with it.

"I don't want that," Jen explained with a shy smile. "That's not the life I ever wanted for myself, and it's not something that I want now. I don't want people to see me on the streets and fear me or anything. And I don't feel like this is a gift that I'm obligated to use to make the world better, or a curse that would encourage me to find something good to come from it. It's what it is. It's part of me now. I just want to focus on being a mother."

"I understand completely," Bethany assured her, turning to look at Jamie who was contently eating his lunch in his high chair. "For a really long time, I felt like I had to do both of those things; use my healing because it was a gift and then use it to find something good to come from it when I realized I wasn't aging. But children… children change everything."

"They really do," Jen agreed.

"But how are things with Javan?" Bethany asked, a smile splitting her face. "I want to hear all about it."

Jen ducked her head for a moment, a blush taking over her entire face. "Things are really good. She's amazing."

"It's a little weird to me, just because I never in a million years would have thought that you'd be a lesbian."

"Neither would I!" Jen agreed, laughing. "But I don't even know if that's it. I don't know… I guess one day I realized that Javan has all the qualities I've ever wanted from a man and she made me feel good about myself, and why should her being a woman influence the possibility of being with someone who made me feel more like myself than I have in a really long time?"

"She is nice," Bethany nodded. "Brilliant too. What does Theo think?"

"Javan has been over a lot for dinner, but I haven't told him that we're together or anything. We're going extremely slow with all of this because of how damaged I feel over past relationships. I'm hoping he'll accept it. But for now, I just want him to know that he's my number one. Which reminds me—I hope you'll do us a huge favor."

"Depends on what it is," Bethany teased, but was already positive that she'd do it. Whatever Jen would ask, it couldn't be as bad as anything SHIELD had asked of her.

"Well, last year, I didn't throw Theo a party because I told him that I was too busy, and this year he didn't want one because he didn't have any friends. But now that he's in school again and has friends, I thought I could throw him a birthday party."

"Sounds like a good idea, but what do I have to do with it?" Bethany asked, slightly confused.

"The biggest rage with parties now, according to multiple mom-websites and of course, Theo, is superheroes. Theo has already been invited to two different superhero parties this year."

"You want the party to be at the Avengers' Facility," Bethany put together.

"Is it okay? I thought the boys could get a tour, meet the team? Play some games and then just a movie and cake? I know it's a lot to ask-"

"I'm sure I can convince the owner of the building," Bethany teased, winking. "I just asked. She says it's okay."

On Jen's face was the biggest smile Bethany had ever seen. "Thank you."

"Yeah, it'll be fun!" Bethany nodded. "We could make a whole game of it. Give them all superhero names, fake powers, costumes, train them and all. Think they'd be into it?"

"All little boys want to be these days are superheroes," Jen laughed. "I remember when I was younger, they all wanted to be a Jedi."

"This is _slightly_ more realistic," Bethany chuckled.

Despite all the controversy the world had with superheroes, the ones that cherished the Avengers the most were always the kids. To them, the world hadn't stripped away that pure innocence and realization of the bad. They only saw the good that the superheroes did. The kids weren't tainted. And they strived to be like them; all powerful and having the world looking up to them. Bethany remembered when she was a little girl, seeing a flapper walk down the street and being in awe at her sense of independence. There was this air about her that she didn't care what people thought about her and that she would break society's rules with little thought about the consequences. Bethany, a little girl whose mother had basically told her what she _had_ to be since she was old enough to understand, saw this as something to inspire her future. She wanted that independence, since that flapper looked like she was as free as the birds.

If little kids looked at superheroes and had that same sense of freedom and inspiration that Bethany had when she saw that flapper, who was she to say no to them, even if she knew where the path would ideally lead them to. There was no need to crush their dreams yet when there was so much time for them to nurture their dreams and watch them turn into something different altogether. All Bethany wanted to be when she was in her twenties was a doctor, and while over time she accomplished that goal, it wasn't what she did with her life. She became so much more. Her dream wasn't to be a doctor anymore, but the want to help people was still there. Sure, she wasn't helping people as much now as she did when she was a part of SHIELD, but she was helping _someone_ everyday and that was all that mattered.

* * *

The idea of going to yet _another_ Stark fundraiser was absolutely unbearable for Steve. He had a tough week full with missions and he just wanted to spend his Saturday night watching a movie with his family. It wasn't even because he was tired. He felt one hundred percent fine, he just wanted some good, quality time with Bethany and Jamie while he could get it. But Bethany had promised Tony, who had promised Pepper, that they would be there.

Bethany had spent the majority of the afternoon getting ready for the event. She was going the extra mile, and Steve quickly realized it was because it had been a while since she had the opportunity to get all gal'ed up. The last time would have been two months ago on the girls' weekend. He made a mental note to take her out on a date, just the two of them, as soon as possible. Bethany was always beautiful in his opinion, but he understood that sometimes she just needed the opportunity to spend the afternoon working on her hair and makeup in order to feel that way.

"Can you put Jamie in his tux?" Bethany asked as she began to fill in her eyebrows, a new trend Steve really didn't understand, but hadn't said anything.

"I don't think he'll like that too much," Steve admitted, playing with his bow tie a little. In reality, that's how Steve felt. _Why can't these events be cocktail dress and not formal?_ He thought to himself.

"As long as he's put together for the photos, that's all that matters. He can waddle around in his diaper all night after that, as far as I'm concerned."

"What if he doesn't want to wear his diaper either?" Steve asked, clearly joking.

Bethany looked at him seriously, picturing that in her head. "That's when we leave."

"Got it," Steve chuckled, knowing that he could now use that as an escape if the moment came down to it.

When they were all dressed up and ready to go, they climbed into their car and made their way into the city. The benefit was being held at the Stark Tower and Bethany was a little hesitant about seeing what was done with their past apartment. Since the couple no longer needed it to call home, Bethany was sure that Pepper had just made the apartment look like any of the other floors.

"I don't know why you're so anxious about it," Steve admitted, stopping at a red light and looking at Bethany. "You have your dream house."

"We made a lot of memories there, that's why," Bethany explained.

She looked absolutely stunning. She was wearing a pale pink dress and had her hair in soft waves around her face. Her green eyes seem to pop, but what Steve enjoyed the most was the jewelry she was wearing to match her wedding ring. It was as if she decided to match everything around it solely. "Those memories will always be with us," Steve reminded her. "Just because the place is gone doesn't mean the memories are gone with it."

When Bethany didn't respond, Steve knew she agreed with his words, but wasn't quite done with sulking. Making and maintaining memories was _so_ incredibly important to her, something Steve knew since he first saw Bethany's photo wall when he came out of the ice.

When they pulled up by the Tower, paparazzi were already waiting, their bulbs immediately starting to flash when they saw the family pull up. "Careful," Bethany warned Steve as they tried to pull into the garage. There were security members trying to help the car ease their way into the garage, but it was clear that Steve and Bethany's absence from the city and the paparazzi's prying eyes for the last six months was only making their return that much more coveted.

"I have to get out," Steve sighed, realizing the security needed help. "Can you climb over to drive? I'll just meet you inside."

"You'll be okay?" Bethany asked, undoing her seatbelt.

Steve couldn't help but chuckle at her concern. It was truly comedic that she was concerned for his safety against the paparazzi when he had faced so much worse. "I'll be fine," he promised, leaning in to kiss her before quickly undoing his seatbelt and climbing out of the car.

The flashing of the cameras only got worse, but Steve immediately jumped into action, pulling paparazzi who were too close to the car away so that Bethany could safely maneuver the car into the garage. Only once the door was firmly shut did Steve begin to push his way through the crowd, ignoring all of their questions. They ranged from simple inquiries about he and Bethany having another baby to his thoughts on the upcoming Presidential race. Through it all, Steve had learned to block them out. Answer a question, no matter how seemly simple it may be could lead to disastrous results. Kiley had lectured him for almost an hour about how everything he told the press had to be perfectly practiced with all the kinks ironed out so that no rumours could emerge.

Once he was inside the Tower, he went to wait by the door that connected the garage to the Tower. He could still see the paparazzi going wild, trying to get the best shot that would sell. Steve hated that this was part of his life. This was something that Tony enjoyed, but Steve just wanted privacy. But he knew that if he wanted to be a part of Bethany's life, this came with the territory. They may have been completely content with living in their house, secluded from all this madness, but Bethany was close to Tony and this was very much a big part of Tony's world.

Steve helped hold open the door as she carried Jamie inside. The toddler had fallen asleep in the car and had yet to wake up, his head lolling against Bethany's shoulder. Steve attempted to use his body to shield his family away from the cameras as they made their way into the elevator. Once they were up inside the Tower's top floors, they would be safe from prying eyes. Pepper had hired a team of photographers to take pictures of the event in order to bring awareness, but Steve knew that these reporters and photographers were not nearly as pushy and because they were being paid by Stark Industries, were bound to be respectful and considerate.

"What a zoo," Bethany mumbled once the elevator doors closed. Steve reached out to hit the top floor button, the elevator immediately zooming up. "Maybe Kiley is right."

"We're not getting a social media account," Steve quickly interjected. "That doesn't help us maintain our privacy, Beth."

"Maybe not, but we get to decide what goes out to the world," Bethany reminded him. "It's carefully chosen statements or photos. Our fully permission and cooperation goes into it. Unlike random paparazzi shots with unflattering lights and angles."

"That doesn't necessarily mean that they will leave us alone. I think it would just encourage them," Steve explained.

"She's not suggesting that we become the next Kardashians," Bethany added. "She's only suggesting that if we willingly release things on a month-to-month basis, it will appease them enough to not harass us when we do step away from our solitude."

"We shouldn't have to sacrifice any degree of our privacy to appease anyone," Steve disagreed. "They should respect our desire to stay anonymous."

"But they won't," Bethany stressed as the elevator stopped and the doors opened. The party was already in full swing and no one noticed that newcomers had arrived. They stepped out, but by not creating any attention, it allowed them to step aside and finish their conversation. "It doesn't matter what we want, Steve. They'll do what they want. And what they want is to make money. And whether or not we like it, we make them money. All Kiley was suggesting is that if we release our own photos for them to play with, there is a small possibility that they won't be so… aggressive."

"You really believe that?" Steve asked slowly, needing to know her opinion.

"I-I don't know," Bethany admitted. "But wouldn't you rather try opposed to not knowing? We could just start by posting one of our photos from the photo wall, with a small blurb of the importance. Small little family moments? We're already taking photos, so it's not like we would be going out of our way-"

Steve silenced her by cupping her cheek and kissing her softly. When he pulled away, he could see the confusion in her eyes. In reality, Steve always adored when she went on a rant. There was this undeniable passion in her words, even if it was something as simple as her trying to convince him about which _Game of Thrones_ character should take the Iron Throne.

"Okay," he agreed. "You're right. We might as well try. As long as it doesn't escalate into something more."

"Babe, I don't want to do this anymore than you. You know how much I value my privacy. I only exposed myself to the world because I wanted to be with _you_. Up until then, no one knew I was Howard Stark's little sister or what a freak I am. And I was content with that."

"You're not a freak," Steve promised her. He never thought of her rapid cellular regeneration as something that made her a freak. It made her all the more special in his opinion. She was truly one-of-a-kind. "And I know that you like your privacy. But it seems to me that when Kiley suggests we do something, like this, you jump on board immediately."

"Not immediately," Bethany defended herself. "But that is her job, Steve. She knows what she's talking about. Not us. It doesn't matter that I've been awake as society progressed. This entire media frenzy? I never really understood it. And you sure as hell don't. So why not listen to someone who does know?"

"You make a valid point," Steve nodded, a figure moving towards them catching his attention. "Tony."

Bethany turned, smiling at her nephew. It had been a while since she last saw him and despite talking to him on the phone more than once a week, Steve knew that she had missed actually being with him. "Hey Kid," she greeted, opening up one arm to bring him into a hug, trying not to jostle and wake up Jamie.

"Why are you two just standing around, being wallflowers?" Tony asked after he pulled away from Bethany's arm, patting Steve on the back in a friendly manner.

"We had a hard time with the paparazzi," Bethany explained. "We just needed a moment to strategize."

"Oh, shit I'm sorry," Tony offered, truly upset at what had transpired. "I thought I hired enough security. I don't know why you two didn't just fly the quinjet over. You would have landed on the roof and avoided them all together."

"We didn't think it'd be that bad," Steve explained.

"They'll be some interesting shots of Steve tomorrow," Bethany teased, kissing Jamie's head as he started to stir. When he woke up in the morning, he was full of energy, but according to Bethany, whenever Jamie woke up from a nap, he was less than pleasant. "Shhh, go back to sleep baby."

"Why don't you just bring him downstairs?" Tony suggested. "Chill around your apartment until he's ready to socialize."

Bethany and Steve looked at each other, not toying with the offer but confused with his words. "Our apartment?" Steve questioned.

It was Tony's turn to look confused. "Well, yeah. Beth, I told you that you'd always have a home here. And I meant that. Pep and I repaired the apartment. Replaced all the furniture you brought with you. Made copies of some of your photos. It's all there just waiting for the day you need it. I mean, hopefully you just need it for things like this."

Steve held out his arms for Jamie, knowing full well that his wife wanted to pull Tony in for a tight hug. Jamie made some unhappy sounds as he was passed from Bethany to Steve, but his head found the crook in Steve's neck and he continued to focus on sleeping, despite the loud chatter and music. Bethany pulled Tony in for a bear hug, the man clearly not enjoying the over show of emotion by his aunt, but casually patting her on her back in awkwardness.

"Thanks Tony," Steve heard Bethany whisper in his ear. "That means a lot to me."

"We're family," Tony reminded her as they pulled away. "The only family we have left. Now go. Before Mr. Cranky-Pants ruins the fun."

Bethany touched Tony's arm softly before the Rogers made their way back into the elevator. Bethany carefully played with Jamie's hair as he continued to fall back to sleep, humming softly to ease his thoughts. When the elevator doors opened, it was as if they hadn't been gone from their apartment for the last six months. Everything was just as it should be. All the furniture was the same, the photos hung where they once laid. The living room and kitchen didn't look like a battle had been fought within their walls, but like it had been taken directly from an IKEA catalogue. Jamie's room in particular caught Steve's attention. Every detail remained the same and Pepper and Tony had even taken the pencil markings Steve and Bethany made on the wall of Jamie's door to show his height and painted it with black marker.

Steve put Jamie in his crib before wrapping Bethany tightly into his arms. Jamie would probably sleep an hour longer before he was ready to be paraded around the fundraiser, but until then, they had a comfortable and safe place to relax and just _be_.

"He does irritate me a lot, but you really mean a lot to him Doll," Steve whispered, not daring to speak louder while in Jamie's presence.

"He's right. We're the last two Starks standing. My happiness means something to him just like his happiness means something to me."

Steve's hand moved up and down Bethany's back in a soothing motion. He was glad that Bethany had someone like Tony who, at the end of the day, would do anything for her. It made it easier when putting his life on the line. He knew that someone would be watching out for her and Jamie, someone who cared just as much as he did. Tony wouldn't be able to replace him, but he would fight like hell to give both of them the world. Steve knew that if Bethany or Jamie were ever in trouble and Steve wasn't able to get to them on time, he could fully depend on Tony. While the two men had a rough start, Steve could truly admire and respect Tony now. He had proven himself worthy even when he shouldn't have had to.

* * *

When Bethany's science scholarship grant came to an end result, Teagan Madyzee was awarded the full grant. The entire supervisory board was excited to see if her calculations and formulas would prove successful. The young scientist wanted to use Bethany's blood as a base and find a way to separate the healing factor from her DNA so that they could use it on a widespread basis to cure diseases, and of course, use for selfish reasons if one of the Avengers went down. Wanda was the most excited about the upcoming tests since when Teagan felt the formula was complete, they would use it on Pietro's frozen corpse. There was a good chance that it wouldn't work, which all the women had fully accepted. Even Wanda was proving to understand that there was a larger chance that it wouldn't work, but there was an extra spring to her step at the mere possibility of getting her brother back.

In order for Teagan to start her work, Bethany needed to donate blood. A _lot_ of blood. Steve had taken off the day so that he could be with her while they were drawing the blood. He knew that there was nothing to worry about, but he still wanted to be supportive of her. In the long run, Teagan's results may illuminate a way for Bethany to begin aging again, and preferably, while maintaining her healing powers.

Jamie was sleeping soundly in Steve's arms, his face flushed and lips parted as his dream world enveloped him completely. Steve was sitting next to Bethany, one of his hands clutching his wife's as they waited for Teagan to begin drawing Bethany's blood. Steve smiled to himself, thinking back to all those years ago when Bethany had taken blood from him. Evidentially, Bethany was thinking about the same thing.

"Remember when I took blood from you?" She asked, a knowing smile on her face.

"Just like yesterday," Steve admitted, kissing her forehead. That day was the first time that Bethany had seen him completely naked and the first time that Steve had thought about Bethany as more than just a friend. That awkward moment in Steve's life ended up with some pretty damn amazing results.

"You ready?" Teagan asked Bethany shyly. It was evident that Teagan was a little intimidated by Bethany.

"Take as much as you need," Bethany nodded. Bethany didn't watch as Teagan began the process, instead looking at Jamie's sleeping face. "He's been napping a lot lately. I hope he's not sick or something."

"No, he's just becoming more like his mom," Steve theorized.

"He fell asleep in the middle of Mommy and Me yesterday," Bethany reminded him. "He's not usually like that."

"But he has been more active, Beth," Steve prompted. "There's nothing wrong with him sleeping more during the day. It helps us both be more productive."

"That's true," Bethany said softly. Bethany had been able to get a lot more housework done and when she worked at the Facility, she was able to complete everything on her to-do list while taking care of Jamie. Steve would willingly watch over the baby if she asked, but she hadn't had to in a while.

"He's a baby," Steve reminded her. "And while he typically slept through the night, he usually didn't nap very long. Maybe now that he's running around more often, he needs his afternoon nap."

"I can't say I've ever heard of a mother complaining that her baby sleeps too much," Javan, who was helping Teagan out that afternoon, said from the corner where she filled in some paperwork. "Jamie has the same biological build as you, Bethany. He's completely healthy. He's just tired. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Still…" Bethany mumbled. Steve knew that she was paranoid about this, as she usually was about Jamie's health and safety.

"Have you given any more though to our Halloween costumes?" Steve asked, wanting to change the topic at hand. The holiday was coming up soon and the entire Facility was invited to a huge Halloween party. Bethany had been trying to think of a good couple's costume all week.

"I thought of a good one, actually," Bethany nodded. "I'm not sure you'll like it though."

"I don't care that much," Steve admitted. "Whatever makes you happy."

"Well, remember the other day when we were watching _Mary Poppins_?" Bethany began. "And Jamie really liked the scene with the penguins? I thought that we could get him a penguin costume and you and I could be Bert and Mary when they're in the chalk world."

"Why wouldn't I like that idea?" Steve asked, his brows scrunched together in thought. He agreed that the idea was a good one, especially because of Jamie. They had tried to get Jamie to pick a costume for himself, but he had been completely uninterested in doing so.

"Bert's costume isn't the most pleasant thing to look at," Bethany said with a soft shrug.

"No, it's a great idea," Steve assured her. "Have you decided what we're doing that night though? With trick-or-treating?"

"I don't think Jamie should miss out on it, but he wouldn't be out for long. Jackson promised Theo that he would take him out trick-or-treating in the city and told us we could join him until Jamie gets tired. Theo is staying in the city that night with Jackson, but we can just go back here and join the party for a while before Jamie needs to go to bed."

They were starting to see the benefit in having a full time sitter. With Jamie, they couldn't stay out as late partying with their friends anymore, but they had both agreed that it was part of being a parent. If Jamie had a good nap time, like he had been lately, then he could stay up pretty late and still be in a good mood the next day. On those rare occasions, sometimes Steve would get up to work out and Jamie would still be asleep, but he never proved to be a nuisance the following day.

"If you want to stay at the party a little longer, I can always take him home and you can stay," Steve suggested. He felt bad that Bethany spent all day with Jamie and he got to be with their friends. Even if it was work, she missed out on a lot of good times.

"It's okay," She replied with a heartfelt smile. "I don't mind missing out on the tail end of a Halloween party. I have been to a lot of them in my lifetime. Plus, I kinda like the idea of us heading home early and watching a scary movie or two. It's not like we'll have any trick-or-treaters of our own to interrupt the movie every five seconds. Ah man, I'm gonna need a nice big steak after this."

"Your wish is my command," Steve promised her before kissing her temple.

* * *

 ****A/N: BTW, the poll has a clear winner :) People want Bethany to side with Steve, not necessarily because she agrees with the Accords, but because they should stick together. I hear ya. It's always a bummer when they disagree. I'm excited to write that plot, but that still won't be for a little while now. I don't want to rush into the plot line.**

 **But as with every other story, we're going to start the story with a flashforward moment into _Civil War_. I still haven't decided what scene to use for that, so if anyone wants to suggest something, feel free! Right now, I'm thinking about Bethany and Spiderman talking after the airport scene, since it'll give off enough information to keep people interested, but still have a lot of shadows clouding everything :) **

**Cleo9427: Well, we haven't exactly seen the last of Eddie, so it might happen ;)**

 **anonymouscsifan: I agree, Bethany is not any better at their marriage, she just brings different things to the table that Steve personally sees as more valuable... but that's just how he is as a person.**

 **lumin: You mean with someone kissing Steve? Maybe I can work that in :) Bethany would sure as hell not stay calm during that however.**

 **Jo: Jamie sure is adorable :) He likes to see his family smile and laugh, so he does whatever he can to drag those out of them :)**

 **1 guest: MCU or my story-wise? I didn't really mean to put that into place in this story. I feel like their friends respect Steve and Bethany's relationship too much to even entertain it. Like Kiley has openly expressed how attractive she thinks Steve is in the past, but she wouldn't ever act on anything.**


	58. Your Dream Has Been Broken

****A/N: How many of you were actually surprised I updated? Listen, life has been... rough lately. I've been fine, but my family has been sick, my bestie had to get emergency surgery and I've been home alone for two weeks while also working full time. BUT now I'm on vacation until school starts, and my bestie and I are going away next week for some R &R. They'll be no update THIS Thursday, but there may be one next weekend if I finish the next chapter on time. If not, it'll definitely be ready for NEXT Thursday. I have nothing else to do that week BUT write, so I have no excuse unless I'm on my death bed :P **

**As always, the last chapter of this story will immediately follow the first chapter of the next story. Guys, I actually have two more chapters to write and then I'll be starting _Through the Storm_. I'm so excited for that. I have so many ideas, and I can't wait to write the _Civil War_ plot. I'm hoping it won't be too deep into the story (like chapter 30 or something) but I have some things I want to write before that happens since shits about to go down and I still have ideas!**

Chapter 58- Your Dream Has Been **Broken**

 _" Your dream has been broken. Your heart is wide open. You wonder if you still believe. If you'll ever find some peace. You are never ruined, never too far gone. As long as you're still breathing, you can carry on. Hold onto God's promise, let hope become your song. The night is almost over, keep watching for the dawn."_

 _~The Dawn, Julianna Zobrist_

* * *

Steve began to make an effort not to wear his uniform at home. He would leave the top part at the Facility, only donning the pants which had no clear resemblance to the Captain America uniform except for the colour. Bethany hadn't said anything, but he could tell that she was glad with his effort despite her silence. There was this sense of approval when she would see him in his under-armour shirt opposed to the star and stripes. He understood now why she was so concerned before. He didn't want Jamie to purely see his father as just Captain America. Bethany wanted him to be Steve, first and foremost. A father, a friend and a husband. Even though Jamie had called him Daddy outside of is uniform, it didn't change Steve's immediate effort to not wear the uniform at home.

Theo's birthday party was the next day and Bethany had changed an entire section of the Compound into a birthday party heaven. He was slightly annoyed at the use of the Avenger's Facility as a place of celebration, but he was at least happy that Bethany understood why. It was a place of work, and not just a boring government office with beige cubicle walls but a multi-billion-dollar Facility with mass weaponry, technology and could enter red-alert at any moment. The Facility was equipped with a mini-food market, full cafeteria, movie theatre, swimming pool and games room on top of all the work related things they needed, but it was still firstly and foremost a place of serious work.

After Bethany told Steve about her flapper story and how she wanted to give the boys the same type of hope, Steve had relented a little. He remembered being a little boy and the future holding so many options. She continually promised that the boys would stay out of the way if anything serious struck and she'd immediately transport them to the house for the rest of the party. It wasn't just her looking after the children either. Jackson was coming up from the city to celebrate Theo's belated birthday, and of course Jen would be there, with Javan lending a helping hand. And above all, Theo was extremely excited about his party and that's what really mattered.

Walking home from the Compound that day, he could see both Bethany and Jamie from a distance. It looked like Bethany was trying to rake the fallen leaves from their front lawn, but Jamie just kept running around, distracting her. Steve couldn't help but smile to himself. Jamie was such a lively child. He loved to play and run, and Steve and Bethany both knew that one day, his crave for adrenaline and adventure would get him in trouble.

"Daa-dee!" Jamie called out excitedly when Steve got close enough to his family. Jamie's little legs rapidly began to move towards him, Steve pulling him into his arms and throwing him into the air when Jamie reached him. An excited squeal of laughter emerged from Jamie as he soared in the air before Steve caught him again, kissing his cheek.

"Hey Doll," Steve said as he began walking towards his wife. "How was your day?"

"Pretty good," She answered, accepting a soft kiss from him. "Got the last of Theo's party all set up and ready to go. Yours?"

"We were given some new technology today that records our fighting skills and shows what steps we can take to improve it," Steve explained. "We were playing around with that for most of the day."

"Sounds fun," Bethany said truthfully. "You want to help me collect these leaves, please?"

Putting Jamie down, he reached for Bethany's rake as she picked the second one up from the ground. The two talked as they began to rake a giant pile, the forest area around their house contributing to the large amount of leaves covering their lawn. Jamie went around the lawn, chasing some leaves blowing in the wind, collecting ones he liked and giving them to Bethany with a look of pride on his face. She would always give him a soft kiss, thanking him and smiling as he went off to find another. However, at one point, Jamie thought it would be fun to run into the pile of leaves they had raked up, laughing wholeheartedly each and every time. The couple tried to keep their pile growing so they could bag the leaves, but Jamie didn't stop running into the pile, occasionally trying to jump. Finally, they both gave up, watching as Jamie entertained himself.

Steve wrapped an arm around her waist and Bethany curled up into him. He kissed the top of her head lightly, unable to keep the contented smile off his face. This was his family, outside his home. He had a life outside of being Captain America, something that became more and more important to him every day. He never knew that it was possible to love someone as he did his wife and son. It was just this overwhelming feeling that scared him a little, terrified about what would happen if he lost it. But then there was also this feeling, this desire to expand the love. Because as much as it was impossible to believe that he could love anymore than he already did, he knew that it could and _would_ happen. He was experiencing it every single day.

Jamie came out from the leaves, excitedly moving over to Bethany and taking her hand. "Mumma," Jamie began, pulling at her softly. Steve let his arm slip away from her so that Jamie could pull her into the leaf pile, his laughter increasing. Bethany joined in with his laughter to appease him, kissing his head softly. Steve looked at the way Bethany watched their son. He had never really noticed that deep sense of love and admiration Bethany showered Jamie with every time she looked at him. Yes, he knew that those feelings were there, but the tender gaze they shared was so deep and pure, it made his heart ache.

Jamie looked up at Steve, a goofy smile on his face before he called his father over. Steve couldn't contain his happiness in that moment. He wanted to cry. He was just completely overwhelmed at this little wonder that he and Bethany had created and how they could build a bond so strong out of a love that was decades in the making.

Wasting no time, Steve joined his family in the leaves, making memories he knew would last forever.

* * *

The Avengers had been called out on a mission, but they all agreed that it was minor enough that the party could go on as planned. All of Theo's friends were impressed with the Facility and all the cool gadgets Bethany showed them. Javan even let them participate in mild science experiments before they were sent to play in the training room. Bethany and Jen had set up a bunch of obstacles for them to use, and they were all enjoying them immensely, specifically because they felt like real superheroes in their costumes.

Bethany could tell that Jamie wanted to go out and play with the bigger boys. She held him close in her arms, but he would wiggle, whine and reach out towards the kids playing as often as he could. Each time, Bethany would smile at him softly and tell him 'no'. She knew that she would have to put him down for his nap soon if his whining kept up. She knew that he wouldn't be able to keep up with the older kids and would end up falling and getting in the way.

"How's Mommy and Me going?" Jackson asked, holding out his arms, offering to take Jamie.

Bethany graciously accepted his offer and smiled. "Pretty good, actually. I was nervous at first, but Jamie really enjoys playing with the other kids, and it's nice for me to get a couple hours of normalcy, talking about diapers and temper tantrums opposed to bombs and secret organizations."

"I'll bet," Jackson chuckled. "I knew this little one wouldn't have issues making friends."

"Friends is a step, but they all do like playing together, that's for sure. I wanted him to have social skills with children his own age, and that's what he's getting out of it. He smiles, he laughs. And none of the other children have an issue with him at all," Bethany reported proudly, fixing one of his curls. "What about you? How's your life holding up?"

"Pretty good actually," Jackson admitted. "I'm getting a lot of work done, meeting a lot of people and having an actual opportunity to live my life just as I want to and not worry about money."

"I'm glad," Bethany smiled. "Life sure is easier when you don't have to think about money, isn't it?"

"Immensely so," Jackson agreed. "But I do enjoy moments like these, with Theo and Jamie. Seriously, let me know if you ever need me to watch over him. I'd be glad to. I kinda look at him as a little brother."

"Thanks," Bethany replied honestly. "It's nice knowing you have someone you can count on when your entire life is uncertain."

"Bethany," Maria's voice called from behind. Bethany turned her head, frowning when she saw Maria's concerned face. Typically, the ex-agent wore a grim face at work, but something about her furrowed brow concerned Bethany.

"What's wrong?" Bethany asked, taking a few steps closer to her friend. "Is it Steve? Is he hurt?"

"He'll be fine, just a few scratches," Maria waved off. "It's Wanda. Apparently she had some kind of panic attack during the mission. They've been able to calm her down, but she hasn't said anything yet."

Bethany closed her eyes for a moment, wondering what could have set Wanda off. In reality, it could have been absolutely anything. It didn't take much to bring up a bad memory or set off a stringent of thoughts. That was something Bethany was quite familiar with. "Are they close?"

"About ten minutes away," Maria replied. "Steve thought maybe you'd be able to get through to her."

"Maybe," Bethany agreed with a sigh, looking back towards where Jackson was holding Jamie. "But I know someone you will for sure. I'll head up in a minute. You go ahead without me."

Maria gave her a curt nod before going to stand by Jen and Javan. "Do you mind if I step out for a few minutes? The team is about to come back, and I want to welcome them," she lied smoothly. There was no need to broadcast Wanda's troubles when they were supposed to be having a party.

"Yeah, of course," Jen nodded. "I think we have things under control, wouldn't you say?"

Bethany smiled, watching as Javan and Jen shared a smile. "Alright you two lovebirds," Bethany teased before moving over to Jackson. "Steve is coming back, so I thought I'd bring Jamie up to welcome him back."

"Oh, yeah sure," Jackson nodded, handing Bethany her son back. Casting one last look at the party, Bethany began her trek up to the landing platform. Jamie's eyes were starting to flutter as sleep was starting to overtake him, but Bethany needed her boy to be awake. She began bouncing him slightly, making random sounds to try and encourage him to stay awake. It was a complete opposite of her usual sounds and movements, since usually she was trying to get him to sleep.

Her efforts seemed to work a little, keeping him awake, but his eyelashes still fluttered, growing more and more heavy by the second. The quinjet could not have landed any sooner. The loud sound and wind perked Jamie up enough to raise his head off of Bethany's shoulder. Bethany watched as the door lowered and Steve came out first, Wanda in his arms like a frightened child.

Jamie's dimpled little hand reached out in her direction, a new word, 'Wann-a', slipping from his lips. The sound captured the girl's attention, her head turning towards Jamie. The smallest of smiles pulled at Wanda's lips, enough to pull her from her dark reprieve. Bethany kissed the top of Jamie's curls, holding him close to her. She still wasn't sure how she got so lucky with a son so perfect.

Jamie seemed to be picking up a new word every single day. The three of them would be sitting at the dinner table and he would randomly point to the food and declare its name. Bethany knew that before long, he would be putting sentences together on his own terms. When they would play with his miniature farm house, he would accurately connect the animals with the sounds they made. His intelligence was growing each and everyday and Bethany couldn't believe that her baby boy was getting so big.

She had been carving in little ticks of Jamie's height into the side of the kitchen wall, placed him on the scale every week and found that he needed her less and less all the time. He was starting to insist on dressing himself, and while it would take three times as long as when she dressed him, she would sit there patiently and watch as he figured out how to get his chubby little arms through his shirt. He was even beginning to discover how to turn on the television and use Netflix. It was baffling that he was just a little older than a year old and he was already making discoveries worthy of a five-year-old.

* * *

On Halloween, Bethany was anxious to take her baby out trick-o-treating. Jamie wasn't particularly fond of candy. Whenever she tried to treat him, he would take a piece or two, but didn't cry for more. He did love chocolate, however. She was curious towards how he would deal with the whole situation. But she couldn't deny that she wasn't excited to see him in his costume.

Just as she expected, Steve saw the costume she got for him and made a little hissy fit. He was all gung-ho for it before he saw it, but the aggressive yellow and red pinstriped suit was more than a little in-your-face. _"I actually do look like I belong to a barbershop quartet and Nat won't let me forget it,"_ he complained to her.

And while Bethany loved the _Jolly Holiday_ Mary Poppins dress she found for herself, she went on a hunt for a new costume for them to wear to the Compound's Halloween party, so Steve wouldn't be taunted. She went for something a little stronger—a modern Hercules costume, with a Meg one for her so they could match. Steve was _much_ happier, since Natasha wouldn't tease him… well, as much. Natasha seemed to get a real kick out of teasing Steve. He had never had a sister, but he knew that if he did, she would tease him just like Natasha did. While it used to bother him, now he knew that she did it out of love. But that still didn't mean he liked to give her reason to tease him.

"Quack, quack!" Jamie exclaimed, running around the house. Bethany couldn't help but smirk as she continued to prepare dinner. He had been in his costume for a little over an hour, convinced he was a duck, and wanting to play the part. In reality, he was a penguin. But he was close enough.

"Quack, qua-" Jamie's phrase was cut short as he tripped over his own legs, flying forward onto his face. Bethany patiently stood there, watching what he would do. The large padded penguin head stopped his head from hitting the hardwood, but Bethany wasn't sure whether he would pick himself up and continue his waddle-run or start bawling. It was always a toss up.

"You okay?" Bethany asked as Jamie pulled himself up into a sitting position. He looked up at his mom, water brimming his eyes and Bethany knew that it was probably because he was embarrassed. "Oh, did you hurt yourself?" Bethany continued, moving to swipe him into her arms, holding him close. "There's no need to cry, baby boy," she promised, kissing his forehead.

She could tell he was on the cusps of crying, but was determined not to. "You're fine," Bethany reassured him, kissing him one more time before placing him back down. She watched as he stood there for a few minutes before waddling over to the front window. Steve would be coming home any minute now, and Jamie was most likely excited to show his dad his costume.

Taking her phone out from her jean pocket, she snapped a quick photo, smiling at the snapshot. She could see Steve coming up the walkway, spotting Jamie in the window and waving towards him in an adorable manner. Jamie started jumping in his spot excitedly before tearing off towards the door. Steve, knowing that Jamie was behind the door, looked through the window beside the door, opening it carefully to avoid hurting him.

"Daa-dee!" Jamie celebrated when Steve walked in, picking him up into Steve's arms. Bethany couldn't help but chuckle, moving forward to collect a kiss from Steve.

"Good day?" She asked him, touching his arm softly, just wanting to be close to him.

"Even better now," Steve replied, pulling her into him. "Smells delicious, by the way."

"I had some fun with spice rack," Bethany admitted. "We need to eat soon though, since I don't want Jamie to be out too late."

"Are we wearing our costumes out trick-o-treating?" Steve asked as the three slowly made their way to the kitchen.

"I didn't think so," Bethany chuckled.

"Quack, quack!" Jamie exclaimed as Steve put him down.

Steve frowned, looking towards Bethany. "He thinks he's a duck," Bethany explained simply.

"Quack, quack!" Jamie said again, a giant smile on his face.

"And he's a very good duck," Steve replied, getting down on one knee so he could tap Jamie on his nose. "Now, let's eat. I'm starved."

"You're always starved," Bethany replied saucily, Steve giving her a flirtatious wink, Bethany feeling her face flush and core pulse at what he was insinuating with one quick movement.

"Uh-um- you two sit down," Bethany stumbled over her words before quickly turning to the pot on the stove, wanting to recover from her moment of weakness. _Damn that man,_ she thought as she stirred the contents of the pot. _He sure knows how to get me riled up._

* * *

Theo was excited, as anyone at that age ought to be on Halloween night, but he seemed to fulfill the role of a big brother. He took his hand and showed Jamie up the steps to a house, not rushing him at all. Bethany, Steve and Jackson watched from a close distance as Theo instructed Jamie on what to do. Bethany squeezed her husband's hand as the residence of the house open the door, smiling brightly and handing the children their candy. Bethany couldn't help but laugh when Jamie returned to his family with a bright smile on his face, reaching into his bag and showing his parents what he got.

"Did ya get some candy?" Bethany asked, leaning down to look at the treat. "Oooh, a Kit Kat. You love Kit Kats. Let's put it back in the bag and go to the next house, okay?"

Bethany took the candy from Jamie's dimpled hand and placed it back in his small candy bag. Jamie was visibly disappointed and reached back into his bag for the bar. When Bethany repeated her actions, placing the chocolate bar back into the bag. Steve could see the frustration building up on Jamie's face, looking exactly like the frustration he had seen over the years on Bethany's face. Theo, thankfully, intervened, taking Jamie's hand.

"Come on Jamie! Let's go to the next house," he suggested, giving the boy a small tug before the toddler began walking with Theo.

Steve looked at Bethany's face, not as pleased as she was a second ago. He knew it was because the little exchange between Jamie and Bethany was the closest thing they had ever had to a fight. Her baby had disobeyed her, and even it was just in a small way, it was a direct action of free will.

"Lighten up," Steve whispered to her as they followed the boys. "He's a little boy who likes chocolate bars."

"I know," she grumbled. "It still hurt a little bit."

Steve didn't laugh, knowing not to anger his wife, but it was a little hilarious. He didn't firmly believe that Bethany lived just to obey him. Not at all—he wanted her to exercise her free will. But there had been times when she had blatantly disobeyed him and now she was feeling exactly how he had in the past.

Jamie looked so much like Steve, even he could see it. Sure, he had very specific resemblances to Bethany, but overwhelmingly, he resembled the Rogers in him. But with his little display, he could tell that Jamie was starting to have a lot of Bethany's characteristics. It wasn't just his little show of disobedience, but the way he talked sometimes, or ate, or his reactions to certain things… they reminded Steve of his wife so much.

As the two boys continued to trick-o-treat, Bethany was visibly displeased every time Jamie reached into his bag and they had disagreed more than once, but Bethany wanted to look over every piece and make sure that it was okay for him to eat. Not only that, but make sure that it was cut up into pieces that he could safely eat. And then, for her pride, she wanted to assert that she was in charge.

By the time they were driving back up to the Compound, Jamie was undoubtedly angry with his mother. It was actually an amusing thing for Steve, watching as the two were butting heads. The couple had agreed that they would quickly change into their costumes, make a quick appearance at the Halloween party and leave as soon as Jamie showed signs of passing out due to exhaustion. So far, he was still wide awake, but Steve could tell that Bethany was not in the mood to party.

"How do I look?" Steve asked his wife after he changed into his costume. It was a little more revealing than he would have liked, but it was much better than the previous option.

"With your eyes," Bethany mumbled under her breath as she quickly lined her lashes with eyeliner.

"Funny," Steve replied, sitting next to her on her makeup bench. "Jamie is watching TV. I figured if we put him in his crib, he'd fall asleep."

"Maybe we should have then," Bethany said.

Steve sighed, shaking his head. "Why are you in such a bad mood? Because of Jamie?"

Bethany put her eyeliner down, sighing. "Yeah. Is that wrong?"

"Why are you letting this bother you so much?" Steve asked her quietly. "Doll Face, you're fighting with a sixteen-month toddler."

"Because he… I thought he was…"

"Perfect?" Steve offered with a chuckle.

"I mean, he still is, just… not?" Bethany tried to explain. "I don't know Steve. I guess his little act of disobedience just reminded me that he isn't completely perfect. That he'll start to have flaws and stop being such a sweet little boy. That one day, he'll probably go out of his way to make us miserable just because he'll be at that age."

"Maybe," Steve agreed. "The way I see it thought, Doll, is that he's growing up. Every day, he is learning something new, and today, he started to show us that he wants to start being independent. And that means, in return, we'll have to encourage him to do the right things. Be lead down the right paths. He's growing as a baby the same way we're growing as parents. It's exciting, really. You may not see it that way right now, but maybe you will one day."

"Yeah, maybe," Bethany agreed hesitantly before picking up her eyeliner and continuing with her makeup.

* * *

 ****A/N: Still considering ideas on the sneak peak! I'm not making any decisions about it until I sit down to right chapter 1 :)**

 **Cleo9427: I don't want to reveal too much on who's side Bethany is on ;) That's going to be a good chink of the story!**

 **Anonymouscsifan: Haha, no kidding. Eddie won't win. But guys are stupid, let's be real. Having my OC being a Stark AND a Rogers is perfect because it really does show the struggle Bethany will have. Bethany understands the WS/Bucky thing because she was briefly brainwashed by Loki. She remembers what that was like and can't hold it against him. There will be a lot of conversations about where Bucky fits into everyone's lives even before _Civil War_. **

**Jo: I will say one thing- Bethany's decision is what she believes is what's best for herself and Jamie. Ross and Bethany got off on the wrong foot simply because of where they fell on the serum being used post 9/11 and on the Hulk. Bethany didn't want them to try to develop the serum because she knew that out of all the attempts in history (to her knowledge), Steve was the only one to turn out right. There will be lots of flashbacks and everything to show proper development :)**


	59. Loose String, Comin' Up For Air Again

****A/N: I start school again next Wednesday. I'm only working 7 hours a week, right after school, with no early OR late classes, so as long as I'm not overwhelmed with readings/assignments (I'm only taking 4 classes this semester opposed to 5 since I was overwhelmed last semester), this should be like first year where I was updating regularly and generally, HAPPIER when it came to life :) FINGERS CROSSED.**

 **I'll test the waters on updating weekly and let you know. I'm currently working on the final chapter for this story (THE NEXT UPDATE), but since I like to post the last chapter and first chapter for the next story on the same day, it may be two weeks until then. Whenever I finished AND it's all beta'd up, I'll post it!**

Chapter 59- Loose **String** , Comin' Up For Air Again

 _"_ _Said you haven't seen it all. Just keep on searchin' for just one single reason. Half the trouble's in the askin'. And I know you're not the kind to wait around. Takin' chances with no intent to make a killing. Too much livin' is no way to die. Loose string, find the pieces don't fit in._ _Loose string, comin' up for air again_ _and again. Loose string. Loose string."_

 _~Loose String, Son Volt_

* * *

Steve sat down next to Bethany on the couch, handing her the bowl of popcorn he just popped. She curled into him, letting out a soft sigh, but pushed the popcorn back into his hands. "You don't want any?" He asked, brows furrowed in confusion.

"No, my stomach is a little upset," Bethany reasoned, reaching for the remote to play the paused _Little House on the Prairie_ episode, but Steve caught her wrist.

"Are you okay?" He asked concerned.

"If you're worried I'm pregnant, I'm not," Bethany told him with a soft smile.

"I-I wasn't worried," Steve told her. "I was just curious. You don't get sick often, Bethany. And you did get your IUD removed last week. It's a fair assumption."

There was six months left until Steve and Bethany agreed to talk about having another baby, but since things had been going so well, Steve reasoned that if they switched the IUD to birth control pills and condoms, at least it would be easier to start having kids when they decided to.

"I'm not pregnant," Bethany repeated, smiling softly to him. "But I've been fighting nausea today _because_ of the removal of the IUD. Which is normal, okay? And Steve? We haven't had sex since I got it taken out."

"Right," Steve realized. "Can I get you something else then? Tea? Some crackers?"  
"No, your embrace is enough. Now, should we find out what the Ingalls are up to now?" Bethany asked, reaching for the remote again.

"Sure," he replied, waiting as Bethany started the episode. They had been watching one or two episodes every night and Steve had to admit, he loved this time with Bethany. _Little House_ was a fantastic show in his opinion. It was a feel-good family show that was a nice escape for Steve. They could even watch it with Jamie in the room, if he was having a hard time sleeping.

They were halfway through the episode when they heard a soft pitter-patter of footsteps. Both of them turned around to see Jamie waddling towards the couch. "Jamie?" Bethany asked confused, scooping the boy into her arms when he was close enough. "What are you doing awake? How did you get down here?"

Every morning, Steve had seen Jamie hanging and climbing up the bars to his crib. He was starting to climb the stairs too. But he hadn't really thought that the boy would be able to pull himself safely out of the crib and down the stairs without either of them hearing him struggling… since clearly, he did not struggle. It was easy for him to do this.

Jamie said nothing, but laid his head down on Bethany's chest, slipping his thumb into his mouth. Bethany started to rub Jamie's back, not minding letting the boy sleep on her instead of the crib, but Steve paused the television. "Little spider-monkey," Steve said under his breath.

"Yeah, he gets that from you," Bethany reported, not entirely sounding happy about it. "Steve, what if he fell? What if he hurt himself? I know that he would heal, but I still don't like knowing that he could be hur- _ohhhh_."

Steve couldn't help but laugh at her realization. Over the years, he was always worrying about her even when he knew he didn't need to, and she was finally seeing why. "Oh, babe. I'm sorry," she apologized, leaning in to kiss him softly.

"It's okay," Steve promised her. "You haven't done anything in six months, and I trust you won't anytime soon."

"Wow, way to make me sound boring," Bethany replied, rolling her eyes.

"No one would ever use that word to describe you," Steve promised her. "You are full of life and love. Every day, you say or do something that reassures me that I'll never get tired of being with you. But you don't think your life is boring, right?"

"No," Bethany said softly, but Steve could see the truth in her eyes. "Not at all. I like being at home. I like keeping busy by doing normal things."

"Just making sure," Steve explained. "You'd tell me if you started to feel differently, right?"

"Of course," Bethany stressed, sighing. "I've told you this before. Why don't you trust that I will?"

"I trust," Steve ensured. "But I just want to make sure that you're happy, that's all."

"I'm happy," Bethany promised with a huge smile. "But I'll be happier if we figure out a way to make our baby safer."

"His mattress is already as low as it goes, Beth," Steve told her. "The next step is a big boy bed, and I know that you're not ready for that, but he is." Bethany replied with a moan, showing just how displeased she was. "I know, love, but it's safer that way. If he's starting to want to get out of bed and come to us, it's safer to have a bed with a safety guard than having him climbing out of his crib."

"I know," Bethany replied, pouting softly. "We should get some more safety gates too, though. Maybe taller ones too, so he doesn't climb over those. Oh, you're going to be a trouble-maker, aren't you?" Bethany cooed to the toddler, who was already asleep again.

"It's in his genes… On both sides," Steve explained. "I wonder if he'll take to sports."

"Is it even fair for him to do sports?" Bethany asked honestly. "I want him to do everything he wants to do, but will they let him? They know that we're not just extremely flexible, strong, agile, people because of good family genes, but due to gene mutation and development."

"That's not something we'll have to deal with today," Steve reminded her. "Right now, let's just figure out how Walnut Grove is going to get Carrie out of that hole."

Bethany was quiet for a moment before nodding, resting her head on Steve's shoulder. Steve took the remote and pressed play, letting the screen come back to life. Steve knew that wondering about Jamie's future was something they didn't need to think about anytime soon. Planning for certain things was one thing, but worrying about things that were five, ten years into the future was senseless right now. It wasn't going to do them any good.

* * *

Bethany sat at her desk in the Avengers Facility trying to wrap her brain around what she had just heard. "Wait, what?" She pressed, looking to Nick with a blank look on her face. She was positive she had heard him wrong. He most definitely didn't say he was leaving.

"I'm leaving," he repeated, bringing even more shock to Bethany. That _was_ what he said. She was so confused.

"What do you mean you're leaving? Where are you going? Where is this coming from?" Bethany asked, rushing over her words to get all her questions out. She never would have assumed she'd hear this coming from Nick Fury.

"I told you I wasn't staying here permanently," Nick reminded her.

"Yeah, but… everything has been going so well," Bethany added. "Why leave when everything is on the right track?"

"Steve doesn't want this to have SHIELD mentality. I've done what I can do, but if I stay longer-"

"Bull shit," Bethany interrupted. "You don't give a damn about that, I know you. Where are you going?"

Nick nodded, knowing that Bethany could see right through him. "I don't know, to be honest. Every where. Build up my contacts again, help where I can, cause trouble in other places."

"Nick…" Bethany whispered, waiting for him to come clean.

"This world has changed. You know that. When SHIELD was around, we were watching, always keeping an eye out for those who were different. Those that could help us or those who would help us."

"You're going out to recruit?" Bethany asked, still not understanding.

"Not exactly. I'm not planning on rolling out the welcome mat," Nick tried to explain.

"You're taking Maria with you too, aren't you?" Bethany pressed on. Nick looked down for a minute, revealing the answer. "Why? Things have been so good-"

"Yes, they have. And not just for the Avengers, but for you and Steve too."

"Then why are you trying to ruin it?" Bethany asked, emotion welling up inside her. "If you're gone, I'm going to have more responsibility. Steve will too. He's supposed to get used to the idea of pulling out, not diving back in head first."

"I'm not doing it to hurt you," Fury insisted. "This will make you stronger in the end."

"That's a risky assumption you're making. And with _my life_ too, Nick," Bethany almost yelled. Her heart was beating rapidly, a million scenarios running through her thoughts. She had just accepted and started to really love the life she had. Everything was perfect. They had found this perfect balance, the mix-matched little family she had. Now, in a blink of an eye, it was all threatened.

"I'll keep in touch," Nick said before turning and leaving, leaving Bethany sitting in her chair, trying to keep herself together. For some reason, she couldn't bring herself to move. It was as if, if she didn't move at all, time would just stand still and nothing would change. Everything would continue to be absolutely perfect.

"Beth?" she heard from her door. She didn't need to look up to know who it was. Steve walked towards her desk, sitting in the chair in front of her. "Hey, what's up?"

Running a hand through her hair, she looked up into his concerned eyes. "Fury left. He took Maria with him."

"Wait, why?" Steve asked, leaning back in his chair.

"To be honest, I don't know."

Steve frowned, crossing his arms. "He didn't give you a reason."

"Not a legitimate one," Bethany replied, telling the truth. Nick could do what he wanted to do from the Compound. Hell, that's exactly what he did when he was the Director of SHIELD. Granted, he had more contacts to do his dirty work, but his excuse was lame to say the least.

Steve and Bethany sat in silent for a minute before Bethany asked about Jamie. "He's with Sam right now," Steve replied. "Something about God-father-God-son bonding time. I didn't know that was a thing."

"Please tell me he isn't feeding him sugar," Bethany said, wincing a little, thinking about how hard it would be to get him to settle down. They discovered just how crazy and wired he got after eating a lot of sugar after Halloween. It only took four mini chocolate bars and the baby was trying to climb up the walls.

"If he does, Jamie can stay with Sam tonight," Steve teased before sighing. "What are we going to do? Now that Fury and Hill are gone? And did they say for how long?"

"Until we fuck up," Bethany said with a shrug.

"Fury actually said that?"

"Well, no. Not in so many words. But you know him," Bethany replied, watching as Steve realized the truth to her words. "I don't know what we're supposed to do. I don't want to take over their duties, Steve."

"And nor should you," Steve promised her, reaching forward for her hands. "Hey, look at me. We'll figure something out, alright?"

"I don't want you to take over their duties either, Steve," Bethany whispered, feeling small. "But I also don't want to ask you not to. You should do it, if you want to."

"I don't," Steve assured her, giving her a soft smile. Bethany's heart started to flutter when she heard his words, giving her reassurance in their relationship and his priorities. "You know I hate the business side of the Avengers."

Bethany scoffed, rolling her eyes, but unable to keep her smile off her face. "You're horrible."

"Okay, maybe in part, it's because I feel like I don't spend enough time with my adorable son and my beautiful wife as it is and I'm not ready to take on something more, especially if it threatens the harmony we've built."

"I want to cry," Bethany laughed, feeling tears in her eyes. "You couldn't have said that any better than if I wrote it out for you."

"Things have been really good for us, Doll Face," Steve explained. "I've noticed. I've felt it. There's a reason why I agreed for you to get the IUD out. And while I'm not ready to step backwards yet, I have no interest in taking more on. Okay?"

"I love you," Bethany said in response, leaning over the desk to kiss him.

* * *

"Careful," Bethany warned Steve as he moved the mattress from the crib to Jamie's bed frame. He stopped to give her a questioning look, to which she shrugged, silently gesturing 'what'. "I don't care if you're strong, you could hit the pictures on the wall or something."

He finished the task before picking up the safety gate and securing it into place. When the bed was ready, Bethany placed Jamie onto the mattress, giving him a soft smile. "What do you think, baby boy? Do you like your new bed?"

Jamie looked up at his mom curiously before looking to his father for approval. Steve took a seat beside him, placing his hand on Jamie's foot. "You think you'll like this better than your crib?"

"I still think he'll crawl into bed with us now that he knows he can," Bethany replied, stepping over the side gate and sitting beside Jamie with her legs crossed. The three barely fit on the bed, but no one seemed to mind.

"I don't mind him sleeping with us every once in a while," Steve began. "But not every night. We want him to learn to sleep on his own."

"He _can._ He just doesn't want to. He loves us too much. Don't you, Munchkin?" Bethany reached out and tickled his sides lightly, Jamie letting out a loud squeal of laughter. "Have you decided what you want to do for Veteran's Day?"

Steve let out a sigh, shaking his head as he looked down. He had been offered to make a speech again in remembrance of those who lost their lives, but with all the issues in the media circling around the Avengers, Steve didn't want his speech to turn into just another opportunity for the haters to spin it around on them. He still wanted to show his appreciation, but knew that he could fully do that in private, without hundreds of people surrounding him, holding cameras to broadcast it to millions.

"Why don't you just go to the cemetery again? Lay down some flowers. Maybe even go to church? Say a prayer, light a candle… whatever you want to do."

"If I go to church, will you come with me?" Steve asked, looking up at her. Steve knew that Bethany had issues with worship and he wasn't trying to force his beliefs and religion on her. But he wanted to take Jamie to church. To show him that there was the potential for something more than life and for some inexplicable reason, he wanted Bethany to be apart of that, no matter how small.

Bethany gave him a pointed look. "Will it make you happy?"

"Yes," he admitted.

She seemed to consider it for a moment, weighing the pros and cons in her head. Steve couldn't help but smile as she mulled over the options. " _If_ ," she began cautiously. "You make the turkey for Thanksgiving."

The smile didn't disappear on his face, knowing that he was still the winner in this situation. "I thought you wanted to make the turkey."

"Yeah, last year. I was naïve. A fool. I'll make everything else, but you need to take care of the turkey. There's going to be fifteen of us in our house. That's a big turkey. Especially with your appetite."

"Okay," Steve nodded. "You have a deal, Mrs. Rogers. We go to church as a family on the eleventh and I'll make the turkey come Thanksgiving."

"Deal," Bethany said with a huge smile as Jamie stood up on the mattress. "Careful," Bethany warned, reaching out to steady him. They knew, however, that Jamie enjoyed bouncing on the mattress. Typically, he would hold onto the crib bars, but with the safety gate being a little too low for his hands to rest comfortably on, he gripped Steve's shoulders and began to jump up and down ecstatically, his large smile gracing his face as his laughter danced around the room.

"We shouldn't encourage this," Steve said, looking over to his wife.

"I know…" Bethany agreed before a smile split her face. She got onto her knees and began bouncing lightly on the mattress along with her son. "But sometimes, you gotta live a little."

* * *

Steve stood at the door, watching as Bethany rocked back and forth in the rocking chair in Jamie's room. The toddler was sitting on Bethany's lap, holding a book as his mom read it to him. He always insisted on holding the book and turning the pages, looking up to his parents for approval before doing so. He couldn't help but smile at the voices Bethany adopted when she read children's books. Everything was dramatic and over-exaggerated, some of her voices even earning squeals of delight from Jamie. Tonight, they were reading one of Bethany's favorites from Jamie's book shelf, _The Monster at the End of This Book_.

"' _There!_ I, Grover, am nailing this page to the next one so that you will not be able to turn it,'" Bethany read off the page. "'And we will not get any closer to the _Monster_ at the end of this book.'" When Bethany stopped reading, Jamie looked up at Bethany and she nodded before Jamie turned to the next page. During that moment, Bethany looked up at Steve and they shared a tender moment, both feeling a surge of pride and love for their baby boy.

"'ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!'" Bethany continued to read, adopting Grover's exasperation. "'Do you know that every time you turn another page… you not only get us _closer_ to the _Monster_ at the end of this book, but you make a _terrible mess!'"_

Steve continued to watch, laughing along with Jamie at some of Bethany's voices. "'The next page is the end of this book, and there is a _Monster_ at the end of this book. Oh, I am so SCARED!'" Bethany expressed, looking up to Steve to give him a quick wink before continuing. "'Please do not turn the page. _Please, please, please…'_ What do you think, Jamie? Should we turn the page?"

"Yes, Mumma," Jamie nodded, turning the page excitedly.

"'Well, look at that!'" Bethany read on, tickling Jamie's side softly while doing so. "'This is the end of the book, and the only one here is… ME. I, lovable, furry old GROVER am the Monster at the end of this book. And _you_ were so SCARED!"

Jamie laughed, throwing his head back and kicking his legs wildly, as if it was the funniest thing he had ever heard and in all retrospect, it most likely was. After Bethany finished the book, she kissed the crown of his head and whispered for him to get into his big boy bed. She helped him off her lap and put the book back on the shelf before watching as Jamie slowly pulled himself up onto the bed. Steve moved forward to secure the safety gate in place, pull the covers over Jamie's body and leaned down to kiss Jamie's forehead softly.

"Good night, Jamie. Sweet dreams," Steve whispered to him as Bethany turned the light off. The nightlight in the corner sprung to life, filling the room with just enough light to keep Jamie comfortable during the night.

"G'ight Daa-dee," Jamie returned, placing his chubby hand to his mouth and blowing Steve a sloppy and un-practiced kiss. He was maturing in front of Steve's eyes and he barely knew whether to be happy or sad about that. As much as Steve wanted to watch his son grow up, he would always miss those moments when Jamie was a baby and couldn't do anything for himself and relied on his parents' love in order to survive.

"Good night my Munchkin," Bethany wished, leaning down to kiss Jamie's nose. She reached out for Jamie's stuffed Captain America plushie, tucking it under the covers with him. "Don't let the bedbugs bite. I love you."

"G'ight Mumma," Jamie replied, closing his eyes and cuddling into his plushie. Steve wrapped his arm around Bethany's shoulder as he led her out. Molly passed them on their way out, no doubt going to sleep by Jamie's feet. As they went to their room, Bethany's foot hit one of Molly's cat toys, the ball spiraling out of the way.

"I think Molly has more toys laying around the house than Jamie does," Bethany noted lightly.

"We did spoil her before Jamie came along."

"She was our first baby," Bethany teased, flopping onto the bed.

"You tired?" Steve asked her, lying beside her on his side, pushing away some of her wildly untamed curls from her face.

"A little," She admitted. "You?"

"Not particularly," he replied, one of his hands ghosting the spot on her stomach that wasn't covered by her shirt. "Do you want to go to bed? Watch a _Little House_? Or…"

"'Or'?" Bethany prompted, turning to look at him with a small smile. "I like where the or is going."

"I thought you were tired," Steve teased her lightly.

"What a way to wake me up," she winked. Steve leaned forward, cupping her jaw and bringing his face towards hers, kissing her softly, passionately, lovingly. He pulled her into his arms, his hands roaming up and down her back under her shirt. Steve deepened the kiss, feeling his heart flutter in his chest. It was his job to protect this family, his friends, the _world_. But when he kissed Bethany in moments like these, he actually felt _safe_. He didn't need to protect anything but the moment, the absolutely perfect moment of just them.

Bethany fingers began moving up and down his arm, fingernails meeting his skin, and dragging down his biceps lightly. Steve couldn't hold back his shudder, his mind wandering towards where they would be in five minutes, ten, fifteen. It was as if there was magic in her fingernails, perfectly pampered from her latest journey to the spa with Natasha. Knowing that his lung capacity was much better than Bethany's, he broke away from her lips, moved her curls away from her neck and slowly latched onto her smooth skin. A whisper of a sigh slipped through her lips, edging Steve on. He pressed his hips into hers while moving his hand slowly and softly down the side of her hip and leg. A deep frustrated sigh came from Bethany, causing Steve to look up.

"What was that for?" He asked with a slight smile on his face. He knew that her frustration was all from a place of fun.

"You're planning on teasing me, aren't you?" Bethany asked, her green eyes wide and filled with want and need, lust and possession, compassion and pure love.

Steve chuckled lightly, kissing her forehead lightly. "I wasn't planning on it… until now. Thanks for the idea."

"It's cruel and unusual punishment," she argued.

"It's no unusual. Cruel… maybe," he teased her tossing her a wink. "It's always better when I do, admit it."

"Never," Bethany replied, but she was doing a poor job in hiding her excitement. Steve smiled before returning to his place on her neck, starting with slow kisses and casually making them longer and more passionate with each breath. Bethany was wiggling her hips lightly, trying to give her body a taste of what it was craving. Placing his hand on the curve of her hip, he held her against the mattress, enabling her from moving. Another frustrated groan slipped from her.

Steve looked up at her, her face clearly showing her sexual frustration. "I love you," he told her, smiling happily at seeing her become tangled up in lust at his touches. Bethany's hand moved to the back of his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. Her lips and tongue were not gentle with him. She was clearly trying to show him how frustrated and worked up she was, but he saw right through her tricks. He could feel her trying to rub her body against his, but his strength vastly overpowered hers. Steve moved to hover over her, trapping her body underneath his. Using his free hand, he moved it up underneath her shirt and cupped her bare breast. Her legs clenched and squirmed for a moment as he fondled her nipple and squeezed the mound tight.

Feeling her hands taking hold of the edge of his shirt, he allowed her to pull it off his body, breaking their kiss. Right after it slipped over his head, Steve and Bethany's eyes met. This time, Steve didn't see the frustration. There was this brief moment of peace in her eyes, as if she was at complete ease, even though he was purposely trying to work her into a frenzy. Taking his torture to the next step, he decided to even the playing field, gripping the bottom of her shirt and freeing her from it. Her hands rested on his chest for a moment before moving down to his hips as he leaned forward and kiss her collarbone lightly. Bethany moved the tips of her fingers up and down the side of his body, causing Steve to smile against her skin.

"That tickles," he whispered to her.

"Oh, so now you only get to tease me?" Bethany replied softly, this time deliberately tickling his sides. He couldn't help but laugh, more at her than the tickling. Steve pecked her lips softly before returning to kiss every square inch of Bethany's neck and chest. His hand that was holding her hip absent-mindedly moved away. Both of his hands intertwined with hers, bringing them up above their heads as Steve's lips moved further down. "Babe," Bethany whined. "Please just humor me."

He looked up, knowing that she was asking for him to stop avoiding the areas that desperately wanted attention. He nodded softly, kissing her bellybutton softly before slipping off the bed, in between her lips. He took a hold of her sleeping shorts, giving them a firm tug down. She was swollen and glistening with arousal. He kissed the inside of her leg softly, only kissing her center very, very softly. When he moved away, Bethany leaned up on her elbows, confused.

"Just relax a moment," Steve instructed her before opening the bedside table. He released in for the bullet that they hardly ever used because the vibrations were insanely strong. Bethany saw the bullet and smiled, but held a hand out before he could start. "What?"  
"The door," Bethany reminded him. "I'd die if Jamie walked through the door."

Realizing she was right, Steve quickly got up to close the door before returning to his place on the floor. He turned the bullet on, the loud buzzing filling the room. He took a firm grip on the vibrating oval, trying to hush its sound, looking up to his wife. Excitement shone in her eyes, a soft, waiting and expectant smile on her face. With his left hand, Steve spread her lips, baring her clit. He slowly moved the bullet towards her, running it around her lips to tease her a little further before pressing the bullet lightly on her clit.

Bethany gasped as the pleasure overwhelmed her. Bethany had once described the bullet to him as being so painful that it was as if it tickled, filling her entire body with this huge wave of pleasure. It didn't take long before Bethany's legs were clenching, her hands gripping the sheets underneath her, her moans becoming erratic and increasingly louder with every breath. Steve didn't move at all while Bethany rode out her orgasm, keeping the bullet pressed against her sensitive bud. She had barely recovered from her first one when her second one washed over her.

"Steve," she whispered, catching his attention. He looked up, seeing tears in her eyes, completely overwhelmed with how _good_ she felt. "Please, Steve. I need you. I need you now."

Steve turned off the bullet, leaning forward to give her center a sweet parting kiss before removing the rest of his clothes. "Alright," Steve replied, kissing the tip of Bethany's nose.

"I love you," Bethany told him as he took a condom out from the bedside table. Steve paused after opening the wrapper, looking at her. "I know I say it a lot, but… it physically hurts not having you around, not being with you."

She looked tired, but also like a vixen, ready for more and more pleasure. There was both sweat and tears on her face, her curls untamed around her. He reached out to touch her face softly, giving her the smallest of smiles. "I feel the same way, Doll Face."

Bethany turned her head, kissing the palm of Steve's hand before rearranging herself on the bed. With the condom securely in place, he moved to hover over Bethany. Their lips met briefly before Steve took a hold of Bethany's legs, his hands moving to the bend of her knee and lifting her hips off the bed softly. He expertly lowered himself into her, watching as Bethany's breath hitched, her back arching slightly. Steve would never get over how it felt to be inside her; it was honestly the best feeling in the world, being one with her.

* * *

 ****A/N: STILL LOOKING FOR IDEAS ON THE CIVIL WAR FLASHFORWARD! The deleted scenes for the movie ironically changed the ENTIRE tone of the story for me, but don't worry, still lots of drama... and ironically, even more heartbreak!**

 **lenabui98: I know, right? He's going to be saying Mumma and Daddy all through _Civil War_ just to pull at your heartstrings a little more. **

**anonymouscsifan: Haha, well they do spend a lot of time together, so of course Jamie will pick up Bethany's stubbornness. Jamie's brain is developing at an exponential rate, making him being able to fully understanding what's going on around him. It's fun to play with the possibilities of a genius baby :)**

 **Jo: Yes, he's definitely developing his own personality and freedom! Apparently I was quite the firecracker as a toddler, rebelling at the same age as Jamie... Although, I was an only child (literally in my entire family), living in the same house as a first time grandmother and uncle. I got spoiled like CRAZY. Definitely amusing from the outside, but I could only imagine how annoyed my mom was, working a full day at daycare and then coming home to me... probably VERY annoying XD**


	60. Broken String

****A/N: Here we are everyone! The final chapter of this story :) When you finish reading this, head on over to my profile and click on the next story, _Through the Storm_ , where chapter 1 will be awaiting you!**

Chapter 60- **Broken Strings**

 _"_ _Broken lines, broken strings, broken threads, broken springs, broken idols, broken heads, people sleeping in broken beds. Ain't no use jiving. Ain't no use joking. Everything is broken."_

 _~Everything Is Broken, Bob Dylan_

* * *

 _Bethany wasn't sure where Steve was, but she didn't even question why he wasn't in the house. She walked into Jamie's room, well-lit by the sun. Despite the fact that it was late in the morning, Jamie was still sound asleep in his bed, his face flushed and curls wildly spread out, sticking up in places. He looked so sweet and content. Bethany sat on the side of his bed, softly touching his cheek. It was warm under her hand. The toddler didn't flinch, his breath remaining even as he continued to dream away._

 _"_ _He is a beautiful one," a familiar light voice said softly from behind her. Turning her head, Bethany couldn't hide her shock at her guest._

 _"_ _Mother? What are you doing here?"_

 _"_ _I came to visit my grandson, of course," Mrs. Stark replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Your hair looked the same when you were younger. It took me forever to untangle those knots every morning. You hated me for it, but you couldn't very well go around in public with your hair standing up like that."_

 _Bethany could remember that. She remembered her mother pulling a fine tooth comb through her hair every morning and Bethany complaining every_ _time_ _. The more she cried and whined, the harder her mother would pull through the knots. But all things considered, now Bethany understood in a way. While she would use the softest of brushes to soften Jamie's knots and then carefully untangle them, Jamie would often try to wiggle out of her arms._

 _"_ _You didn't need to take a strap to me when I would cry," Bethany replied honestly._

 _"_ _That was what was considered normal back then," her mother rationalized._

 _"_ _I would_ never _do that to Jamie," Bethany snapped. "I love him too much and no matter how angry I am, I would never bring him pain or give him reason to believe that I don't love him."_

 _"_ _Is that would you believe? That I didn't love you?" Mrs. Stark asked, calmly. Her hair was pulled back into her customary bun which always made Bethany see her face as stern, but there was something in her eyes that showed some compassion that Bethany couldn't remember from her childhood._

 _"_ _Momma, you tried to sell me in the Great Depression!" Bethany reminded her. It was something she had barely told anyone, since she was ashamed that her mother would ever do that. "We had the money, and yet you still tried to give me away, as if I was a burden."_

 _"_ _We had the money to give one of our children an amazing life. If someone did buy you, they had enough money to afford you and give you what we couldn't."_

 _"_ _I don't believe that," Bethany disagreed, shaking her head. "If you_ _had_ _loved me, you wouldn't have done everything to make me believe you didn't. And that's affected me for_ years _Momma. You treating me the way you did—it brought me down some very regretful paths."_

 _"_ _I was doing everything I needed to do to get you ready for life, Bethany," Mrs. Stark explained. "And look. Look what's in front of you._ _Everything I was trying to give you_ _. A loving husband, a darling child, a beautiful house… everything I wanted for you, down to you being a housewife. You have it all. You tried to rebel, but you became exactly the type of woman that I wanted you to be. I'm proud of you."_

 _Bethany blinked, trying to register her words. Nothing that she said was untrue. Bethany_ had _tried to rebel and yet because of it, Bethany had made a lot of mistakes in her life. But now, in her perfect little life, everything was exactly what her mother had planned for her. But most importantly, Bethany was shocked that her mother was proud of her. "You-you are?"_

 _"_ _You're right. I wasn't the most loving mother to you. I was hard on you. But you are a wonderful wife and a wonderful mother. You've made a lot of mistakes, but you've done more than enough to fix them. And Jamie is a perfect little boy."_

 _"_ _T-thank you, Momma," Bethany replied honestly, still trying to mull over_ _the fact_ _that she was having a nice moment with her mother._

 _"_ _Although, his name is awful."_

 _Bethany's heart didn't even fall._ This _was more like the mother she knew. "What's wrong with it?" Bethany asked, slightly annoyed._

 _Her mother looked at her with a pointed expression, all_ _the compassion_ _that was in her eyes before gone. "You named him after your brother's murderer, you filthy whore."_

* * *

Bethany woke with a start, letting out a deep breath. She looked over to Steve who was still sound asleep beside her. It was Thanksgiving, and while she should very well go back to sleep and wake up late in the morning to be well rested before she had to cook a feast, she wasn't tired anymore. She had a lot to think about. Her dream had a realistic feeling about it and she needed to ponder over it before she could return to sleep. Slipping out of bed carefully, she pulled her cardigan off the bed post and wrapped it around her. She tip toed to the balcony doors, tossing one more look at Steve's sleeping form before slipping out the doors. It was still dark, but the sun was going to begin its journey to the sky very soon.

She sat in one of the wicker chairs, pulling her legs up and wrapping her cardigan around everything she could. The air was brisk. It was almost December and without the sun, it was really chilly, but Bethany didn't make to move back inside. Her mother had been _furious_ at Jamie's name. In all fairness, so had Bethany when she had lost her memories a year prior. She loved her son and wouldn't change his name, but every once-in-awhile, she wondered whether she should have picked a different name. Naming babies after someone always carried consequences, especially in the life that Steve and Bethany lived. She didn't want to think about how Tony would react when he found out… _If he finds out_ , Bethany reminded herself. Tony was still completely in the dark about Bucky being the reason that his parents were dead. He would no doubt feel betrayed about Bethany's decision to name her son after Howard's killer.

She sat there for a few minutes, thinking about it all when Steve opened the door to the balcony. "You'll catch your death of a cold out here," Steve whispered to her, leaning down to her and putting his hand on her arm.

"I needed some fresh air," she replied softly. "I dreamt about my mom."

"Oh?" Steve asked, his brows raising in curiosity. "The typical dream?"

"It didn't start out like usual," Bethany began to explain. "It was… nice. I mean, she was trying to justify everything she had done to me through the years, but it was really nice to hear her say she was proud of me."

"That's great Beth," Steve encouraged.

"Then she brought up the fact that I named our son after the man who killed her son…" Bethany concluded, looking to Steve. "And then she called me a whore."

"That's… not so great."

"Nope," Bethany said with a sigh. "I can't help but wonder if… well, if Howard would be upset. Or if I clung onto the name 'James' too quickly… It's too late to change his name now… and I know that it means something to you, but-"

"Hey, you don't need to explain," Steve whispered, his thumb rubbing across her hand. "You're right. It does mean something to me. And I wish it wasn't something that meant something so negative to you and your family."

"I know that it wasn't Bucky. That it was what HYDRA did to his mind. You know that I know the difference. I just… I can't help but wonder if my parents would see it the same way. Howard. Maria… and more specifically, _Tony_. He's the only one who could actually find out."

"He won't," Steve promised. "We agreed that he wouldn't find out that the Winter Soldier killed Howard and Maria for his own good."

"Is it? For his own good? Or ours?" Bethany asked, but didn't get an answer as the door was pushed open slightly, Jamie looking up to his parents. "Hey, what are you doing out of bed so early, Munchkin?"

"Monster, Mumma," Jamie whined, Bethany now noticing the wet streaks down his face.

"Aww, baby," Bethany tried to comfort him, pulling her into her arms. "It's okay, there're no monsters here. Only Mumma and Daddy."

"We should go back inside," Steve suggested. Bethany nodded, knowing that it was too cold for her to be sitting out there any longer. She carried Jamie back into their room, holding him tightly and kissing his temple as the family settled in the bed.

"I thought that by reading him that book, it would help him think that monsters aren't scary and bad," Bethany admitted quietly, rubbing Jamie's back as he was tucked safely between his parents. "I guess my strategy was flawed."

"All children dream about scary monsters," Steve reminded her.

"But in our life, monsters… they can be real. I just wanted him to continually think that they are lovable Muppets. I guess I should just stick to _Wacky Wednesday_ next time."

"It was a great idea, Beth," Steve promised her. "But things will scare him. We can't change that. All we can do is show him that we'll protect him no matter what."

"How could he ever doubt that?" Bethany asked quietly, kissing Jamie's curls. "How could he ever doubt that we won't be able to protect him?"  
Steve stayed quiet, but wrapped his arm around Bethany, securing his family safely in his arms.

* * *

Steve's phone started ringing way too early for Bethany's taste. She moaned, turning around in the bed, reaching out to touch Steve's face. "Don't answer it," she mumbled against her arm, barely able to get the words out, pure exhaustion wrapping around her.

"It's probably the Facility," Steve whispered to her, reaching out for his phone anyways. His phone screen was unbelievably bright, the light burning Bethany's eyes, even though they were tightly shut. "I have to go, Bethany," he told her softly after reading the message on his screen.

"No, don't," Bethany moaned, gripping onto his arm tightly. "I don't want you to leave. You keep the bed so warm."

"Babe, there was an attack in Amsterdam. We have to go, it's non-negotiable," he explained, trying to pull himself from her without jostling Jamie.

"Fine," Bethany gave in, pouting as he slipped away from her.

"We shouldn't be too long," Steve promised. "I'll be back with just enough time to start the turkey preparation before dinner, okay?"

"You better," Bethany replied. "I went to Church with you. I even confessed and took communion."

"I know," Steve smiled down at her. "I was very proud of your maturity. And I'll live up to my end of the deal. Now, go back to sleep and I'll see you later, okay?"

"M'kay," Bethany agreed, letting her eyes close and arm wrap tightly around Jamie. She could hear Steve move around the room as quietly as he could, getting ready for his mission. She was starting to feel a little bad about the fact that she had made a fuss about Steve leaving when she knew that there were people who needed him and not just to keep the bed warm.

She had a lot of things to do before dinner that night and without Steve, or really any of the team around to help her, she was going to be running around just like a turkey with no head… pun fully intended. Although Steve had promised her that he'd be back with plenty of time to help her get ready, she still knew that it would cut off at least an hour or two of having multiple helping hands to get the house and table ready.

Bethany groaned to herself for a moment before dragging her body out of bed. She used the extra pillows on the bed to place around Jamie's body so he wouldn't just roll off the bed. Setting up the baby monitor, she took the screen with her into the bathroom, securing it onto the shower tiles that she installed for exactly this purpose. As she stood under the hot water, she couldn't help but close her eyes and tilt her head back. Being in the shower when first waking up was what Bethany had always considered as an odd sensation. It was like her brain was being lulled to sleep while her limbs were being woken up. She could easily spend an hour under the water, not realizing the passing time if she wasn't careful.

Moving slowly, she began to wash her hair. She hadn't wanted to get ready so early in the morning, but her hair was in serious need of a wash, and if she didn't do it now, she'd feel greasy all day. She mentally made a list of all the things she had to do. The first thing she wanted to do, after starting her coffee of course, was to check the news. Steve hadn't given her much detail on what was happening in Amsterdam, but she knew that if the Avengers were being summoned out, it was something extreme.

When she finished in the shower, she dried off her body and hair before pulling on some sweats, a sports bra and one of Steve's sweaters. Jamie was starting to stir, so she decided to sit beside him, rubbing his back until he began rubbing his eyes. She smiled when he sat up in the bed, a confused look on his face and his curls standing every which way. "Where Daa-dee?" He asked her.

"He's working right now, Munchkin. It's just you and me. And Miss. Molly, of course," Bethany told him softly, trying to fix his curls with her hand. "Come on, let's go downstairs and get ready for the day."

Jamie said nothing as she pulled him into her arms, making her way down the stairs and to the kitchen. He clutched onto the sweater, laying his head on her shoulder, but his eyes still open, not willing to go back to sleep. Bethany smiled when she saw that despite his hurry to leave, Steve had set up the coffee maker for her, a little note taped to her mug reading _I'll be home soon Beautiful_ with a perfectly drawn heart next to his name.

"Your Daddy is very cheesy, but very adorable," Bethany informed Jamie, putting the sticky note on the fridge, next to the existing notes he had left her in the past and some of Jamie's scribbles. Slipping Jamie into his highchair, she took out one of the containers in the fridge filled with fruit for Jamie to munch on. He immediately began to dig in, letting Bethany peacefully make her own breakfast.

As she waited for her coffee to brew and egg to boil, she turned her mental to-do list into a visible one. It was _long_. She hadn't started preparing for it at _all_. Sure, she had all the groceries, but she hadn't decorated or started on any of the food. She knew it was idiotic of her to assume that everyone would be there that day, especially since their work hours weren't typically straightforward, but she had foolishly hoped.

When she was settled at the kitchen table, she turned on the TV, her heart falling when she landed on the news. The mess in Amsterdam was _horrific._ Buildings had collapsed and rogue HYDRA agents were raiding the streets. The Avengers' Intel was typically one-step ahead of the disasters, but every once in awhile, the enemy would know how to play their system. It was the main issue with these HYDRA agents having spent years within SHIELD's walls. They knew how to work around all the signals and how to fool the system. She, Fury and Maria had been working on re-working their current system before they left, but now it was basically a free-for-all with everyone at the Facility. Everyone had their ideas and opinions on how they should fix the problems, and it was causing a lot of chaos.

The newsfeed switched to the Avengers quinjet landing, the team immediately going to work. Bethany already knew that Christine Everhart was going to go on a rampage, blaming the Avengers for not being on the scene earlier to avoid the disaster. Pepper had told Bethany that she invited the reporter to the Stark Foundation Christmas Party and that she already RSVP'd that she'd be there. Bethany wasn't sure whether that was a good or bad thing. While she _really_ wanted to punch her for making her life even more difficult and stressful than it already was, she knew that it would just make the situation worse. Steve had even suggested that they skip out on the event, honestly afraid that his wife would take it one step too far. Bethany promised she'd keep her cool, since their presence always brought more awareness and money, but she wasn't sure if she would be able to keep that promise realistically.

"Daa-dee!" Jamie pointed out when Steve's back, donning the Captain America shield popped up on screen.

"That's your Daddy," Bethany nodded, reaching out to touch his cheek softly. She sighed, knowing that despite Steve's promise, he wasn't going to be back anytime soon. She would have to get the dinner and the house ready… all by herself.

* * *

Jamie wasn't used to not being the center of Bethany's world. When she was busy with chores or working, usually _someone_ was around to keep him company and it wasn't usually longer than half an hour. But with the amount of work Bethany had to do, she couldn't take breaks except to feed him or change his diaper. He would follow her around the house and kitchen, crying for her attention, not stopping until she put down the vacuum or ladle. She finally plopped him into a play-pen in front of the TV and started a loop of Disney songs. In order to keep him fully emerged in the music, she had to pump up the volume and pick the songs with the most colourful drawings.

This allowed Bethany to get things done much quicker, but his loud happy squeals and the overbearing music was quickly eating at her nerves as she tried to juggle all her tasks. She was feeling completely overwhelmed and if she was weaker, she would sit down and completely break down. She refused to do that though. She didn't want to feel sorry for herself, not when her house was in one piece and HYDRA soldiers weren't marching around the streets threatening her and Jamie. Sure, her husband and her friends were out there, endangering their lives, but she was pushing those thoughts away.

A steady ringing began in the middle of _Be Our Guest_ and for a brief moment, Bethany thought she was going crazy before she realized it was just her phone. She quickly snatched it before stepping out into the backyard. It was quiet out there, albeit chilly, but she could still see Jamie through the glass doors and hear who was on the other line.

"Steve? Is everything okay?" She asked, after reading the caller ID.

 _"_ _That depends on your definition of 'okay',"_ he replied. She could barely hear him, knowing full well that he was talking while still on the field. The mission wasn't done, and if she knew him well enough, she knew he was calling because he didn't think it was close to over.

"You're not coming home anytime soon, are you?" Bethany asked, trying not to sound deflated by the news.

 _"_ _I'm sorry Beth. Things are… they're pretty bad. We've got all the ex-HYDRA agents, but we're still working on saving the civilians."_

Bethany couldn't hold back her sigh. "I-Things look bad on the news," she told him, although she really wanted to tell him that she was disappointed. She couldn't though. She wouldn't let herself admit to being _that_ selfish. "When do you think you'll be back?"

 _"_ _I don't know,"_ Steve admitted and she could tell by his voice that he was just as disappointed as she was. _"Soon, I hope. But realistically? It's going to be a little longer."_

"What am I supposed to do?" She asked carefully. "Am I still making dinner?"

 _"_ _Yes,"_ Steve confirmed. " _We'll be home for dinner. I know we were all supposed to help, but-"_

"No, it's fine!" Bethany began, trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible. She even went as far as to put a fake smile on her face. "You know what? I've got a bunch of things going and I should be done soon. I'll probably even get a nap in."

 _"_ _Really?"_ Steve asked, sounding extremely surprised. _"Oh, well that's good. I'll keep you updated, okay?"_

"Okay! Love you!" She finished with before hanging up. She leaned against the glass door, sighing. She had only made a dent on her list, but now she was determined to get everything finished before they came home.

* * *

Tony couldn't help but check his phone as he pulled up onto the bumpy road to Bethany's house. He made a mental note to get a company to pave it over before the snow fell, even if Bethany and Steve were comfortable with it. He was not. It was too country-cute with the dirt road for his taste.

He kept himself from sighing when he saw that he didn't have a text from Pepper. He had made an insensitive comment about her mother, who was supposed to be joining them along with her husband for Thanksgiving dinner at the Rogers. No matter how many times he apologized, Pepper wasn't ready to forgive him. He was hoping she'd change her mind and show up, if not for his sake, then for Bethany's. She had agreed to add two more mouths to her table and now she was down _three_.

Parking his car haphazardly on the lawn, he mulled over his options again. All his calls went to voicemail and his texts unread. At this point, he was pretty sure that Pepper had turned off her phone and for her to do that, he knew he had _really_ fucked up. This wasn't an 'it's over' fight. She would have made that clear before she left to pick her parents up from the airport. But he would have to be patient and polite while she cooled down and realize that he was just a shithead who really doesn't know what he's talking about most of the time.

Getting out of the car, he made his way to the front door. For a moment, he hovered in front of the welcome mat. It was weird, visiting Bethany in an actual house. With a garden and fence and _welcome mat_. It was also weird when it occurred to him that social protocol was to knock. Walking right into the house without giving Bethany and Steve the proper time to get ready would be rude… Yet then again, when did that ever stop him?

Turning the knob to the front door, he stepped _over_ the welcome mat, grimacing slightly as the loud children's music attacked his ears. He carefully made his way into the house, ducking under some decorations that hung from the ceiling. It smelt like the perfect mixture of turkey and pumpkin pie, reminding Tony of some better childhood memories. "Umm, Beth?" He called out when he found her in the kitchen. Her head was on the kitchen table, her shoulders slumped and some of her hair in the whipped cream swirls on the pies.

"Beth?" He repeated, poking her this time. She snapped awake, looking around quickly, as if completely confused on how she got to where she was.

"Tony? What are you doing here?" She asked, getting out of her chair and moving to check on Jamie, who was happily watching the Disney sing-a-long songs.

"You said four thirty," Tony reminded her, looking at his watch for re-assurance. "It's four fifty. I know I'm late… but I'm clearly not the only one."

Bethany slumped up against the wall, rubbing her hand over her face and through her hair, frowning when she felt the whipped cream. "Umm, yeah, I guess they're still on their mission."

"The Amsterdam one?" Tony asked, having seen the news earlier.

Bethany hummed in response, pulling her phone out from her apron pocket. "Steve says that they're almost done. Should be home by six. Hey, umm, where's Pep?"

"I sent you a-"

"Text," Bethany finished, nodding, clearly having just found it. "Why isn't she coming though? You just said she wasn't coming. Work issues?"

"Relationship," Tony said with a shrug.

"What the fuck did you do now?" Bethany asked blatantly. Tony was surprised at her words, since she was right in front of Jamie, but he could see how exhausted she was, no doubt for cooking up a feast single-handedly.

"I said something rather… inconsiderate about her mother," Tony replied carefully. Bethany rolled her eyes, picking up the remote to the television and lowering the volume a little. "Three less mouths to feed. At first I thought you'd be grateful, but now…"

"It's fine. With numbers this big, three isn't that many," Bethany said with a shrug. "Steve will just eat their share anyways."

"Yeah, I bet he'll be hungry," Tony mumbled, but knowing that he should have just kept quiet.

"Tony, what do you expect? Did you see the news?"

"I did," he nodded.

"And how hard was it for you not to put the suit on and go help?" Bethany asked, crossing her arms. "He couldn't help it, none of them could. I'm not mad at them for going, just the circumstance. I spent all day slaving away and I smell like turkey fat and have whipped cream in my hair and no doubt hair in my pies. But as long as they come home in one piece, who am I to complain? To be ungrateful? Especially on a day like today."

Tony couldn't help but look at Jamie, who was clutching onto his Captain America Doll. He was getting to the age when he would start to notice Steve's absence. Sure, Thanksgiving to Jamie held no purpose, but Bethany was continually doing tests on his intelligence. She was worried that he was growing at a slightly enhanced rate and while all the tests always just showed that he was on the larger side of the scale for his age physically, and slightly more developed mentally than the average boy his age, she ran those tests monthly. Out of curiosity, Tony had pulled out his baby book. He had been accomplishing the same things as Jamie was at his age, and Tony could remember an abundance of holidays where his dad was not there. He didn't want the same thing for his nephew. And more importantly, for Bethany. She deserved to have normalcy during the holidays, since those were the times that would stick out in her memories through the years.

"Can you just do me a favor and not say anything?" Bethany begged. "I don't need you fighting with Steve for me, especially when I don't want to fight with him in the first place. I'm tired of this same old battle. I always end up looking like the bad guy because I don't want Captain America out there, saving the day. I'm tired of that, I really am. Can you please just watch Jamie for half an hour while I go quickly clean myself up? An hour, tops. And by then, Steve should be here."

Tony really didn't want to say yes. It made him nervous, being alone with Jamie. But he could see the desperation in Bethany's eyes. She just needed one person to help her today, and all she was asking was for him to make sure he didn't get hurt. "Yeah, go ahead."

"Thanks kid," Bethany replied with a wary smile. "There's some cut up fruit in the fridge if he starts to complain that he's hungry. When the timer goes off, the turkey needs to be basted, but should be good after that."

"Uhh, 'basted'? Yeah, I don't know what that is."

"You're a smart cookie," Bethany responded, moving closer to him and patting his chest lightly, in a mocking way. "I'm sure you can figure it out."

"Right," Tony said, mostly to himself as Bethany made her way up the stairs. He stood in the living room for a moment before reality sunk into him. He looked at Jamie, who in return was staring back up at him. "What?"

Jamie broke out into a fit of laughter, falling onto his butt in the process. The laughter halted, followed by a moment of silence before he began to cry. "Uhh…" Tony panicked, not sure what to do. "Hey, shh. You're okay," he attempted, looking around the room, as if the answer was somehow written on the walls. He found a small stuffed toy, and not knowing that it was actually Molly's, picked it up and tried to entertain Jamie with it. When his cries continued, he went to drop the toy, but his sudden movement made the toy hit Jamie's forehead, making him cry even more.

He continued to look around the room, trying to find a solution. He ran to the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets and drawers until he found some leftover Halloween candy stocked away. Grabbing a candy bar, he quickly went to dangle it in front of Jamie's face. "If you stop crying, I'll give you a candy bar."

It took a few seconds for it to register in the toddler's brain, but slowly his cries stopped, replaced by sniffling and wiping his tears away with the back of his hand. "Good boy," Tony replied, handing Jamie the unwrapped chocolate bar. "Alright, now what's this 'basting' thing your mom was talking about?"

After Tony figured out how to baste the turkey and successfully—or somewhat successfully—completed the task, he went to turn off the television, the insistent happy Disney songs starting to give him a massive migraine. He wasn't sure how Bethany could listen to those songs on repeat all day, just to keep Jamie entertained. It would drive him insane.

Jamie made an indignant sound, looking up at his uncle. "Come on, let's do something else while we wait for your parents," Tony suggested, lifting Jamie out of the playpen. As soon as Jamie's feet touched the floor, he darted across the room, heading for the stairs. "Hey, wait, no," Tony replied, chasing after him. "Those are dangerous."

Swooping him back up into his arms, Tony was hit by a foul smell. "Ugh, is that you?" Tony accused the baby. Jamie just popped his thumb into his mouth and began to suck on it eagerly. Tony twisted Jamie around in his arms so he could get a closer smell at the diaper, a clear mistake. "Euck-" Tony exclaimed, cringing. "Okay, let's hope your Mom can change you now, or else we're in for an interesting event."

Carrying Jamie up the stairs, he couldn't help but look at some of the photos on the walls. There were even some of him as a little boy, playing with a brown-haired Bethany. There were photos of his mom and dad, or more recent photos of Bethany while she was pregnant. Tony had to admit, that if he was immortal, he would appreciate photos a lot more than he did now.

"Beth, your child's butt exploded," he said when he saw Bethany's door was open. "Beth?" He called out when she didn't reply. Stepping into the room, he saw Bethany comfortably curled up into a ball on the bed, still wearing her clothes from earlier. It was evident that she laid down for one moment and slipped deep into her dream land.

"And interesting event it is," Tony mumbled under his breath, looking towards Jamie who seemed to smile at him around his thumb.

* * *

Steve ran his hand through his hair, watching as some debris fell from it onto the walkway up to his house. He was a little tired, but he knew he'd be fully refreshed after a nice hot shower. He told the rest of the team to go back to their quarters and sleep. It was clear on all of their faces that they were exhausted… Well, all except Vision, but he couldn't eat the Thanksgiving dinner anyways, so Steve told him it wasn't necessary for him to come to dinner. It would just be a nice, quiet family dinner. Steve was sure that Bethany wouldn't complain about that. The mission had taken much longer than Steve anticipated. He knew that Bethany had been looking forward to them all working together to create their Thanksgiving Day feast. It would help them all fully appreciate all they have to be grateful for.

But the mission had shown the team just how much they had to be thankful for. They were a rag-tag team. They had all lost so much, their homes, their lives, their families. But they all had a place to call home now. A life to live. And they had created their own family as the Avengers. But it didn't make watching innocent people lose all those things and more any easier. Before they arrived, the casualties had been high, but they were able to preserve the remaining lives, and Steve was proud of them. Now, however, it was time for him to return home to be with his wife and son, and be grateful for them.

Wiping his feet on the welcome mat, he opened the door, smiling when he smelt the abundance of food Bethany cooked. He had told the team to join them the next night for a make-shift dinner, since they were guaranteed to have leftovers. "Beth?" He called out, sitting down to take his boots off, knowing that even though he wiped them, they were still muddy from the mission. Placing them neatly against the corner, he called out for Bethany again, stopping when he saw Tony sitting at the dining room table, which was fully set for the feast, just waiting for the food to be brought out.

"Hi Tony. Where's Beth? And Jamie?"

"Sleeping. Both of them," Tony said casually.

"Oh," Steve replied with a soft frown.

"And where's everyone else? I mean, it's almost seven, making everyone late to begin with," Tony added, getting out of his seat.

Steve inhaled deeply, not wanting to get the third degree from Tony. "They were all tired from the mission. It's been a long day."

"Would have been nice to tell Bethany that earlier, don't you think?"

"Tony, you weren't there. We weren't sure how long the mission would take," Steve began to argue. "If I knew, I would have told her."

"Well, I don't want to be there when you tell her that all her hard work was for nothing. From the looks of it, she didn't even have time to put Jamie down for a nap. After I changed his diaper…" Steve could almost see Tony shudder, as if caught in a terrorizing memory. "The kid walked to his bed, crawled in and fell asleep."

Steve felt a little guilty that both Bethany and Jamie had fallen asleep because she had been too busy running around preparing their dinner that day, but he knew that the team _had_ to go to Amsterdam. It was their duty. Bethany understood that. "Tony, I know you think I care more about the shield than them-"

"It's not about that," Tony interrupted. "It's not about you going out on missions when you have a family worrying about you at home. I know what it's like to be out there, Rogers. I remember the duty, the sense that it's what you _owe_ the world, even though they don't give you the same damn thing."  
They were quiet for a few moments, but Steve knew he needed to dig deeper. "Then what? Why are you attacking me?" He asked calmly, trying to go about this rationally. He knew how much it bothered Bethany when the two of them fought and he didn't want to take away anymore happiness from her day if he could help it.

"You weren't here for Jamie's birthday, and now you've missed Thanksgiving," Tony began, trying to mimic Steve's calm tone. Steve knew better and kept quiet, knowing that he didn't _completely_ miss Jamie's birthday, and Thanksgiving technically wasn't over yet. "He's going to start noticing soon. He's probably noticed already, he's too smart for his own good."

Steve knew that Tony was right. Jamie was very aware when Steve was gone and when he was gone longer than a typical work day. It always was heartwarming to see Jamie's giant smile when he returned after being gone for more than a few hours and he always thought positively about it. But now, he had to admit that for once, Tony had a point. If Jamie was excited when he saw his father, that meant he had missed him. And evidently, that meant that he was noticing that he was gone.

"He'll start to wonder why you're always gone. Why he's not good enough to hold your attention. To keep you here. Why you miss holidays and science fairs," Tony rambled on.

"He's not you. And I'm not Howard," Steve reminded Tony. "I make sure that I spent time with him and he knows how much I love him. I don't want him to grow up resenting me like you do your father."

When Steve saw Tony's jaw clenched, he knew he hit a nerve. There was no way to avoid it now.

* * *

Bethany moaned against her pillow, frowning as her senses came back to her. She could hear two people shouting back and forth from downstairs, but it took her a while to actually pinpoint who the voices belonged to. She wanted to shout right back at them when she realized it was Tony and Steve. And while it meant that Steve had returned safe and sound, it also meant that she'd have to step between the two of them _once again_ and pick a side. She hated doing so. She always saw the benefit in both of their arguments but was completely forced to choose Steve or Tony every single time.

Looking at the clock, her heart fell. It was after seven. She had fallen asleep and stayed asleep longer than she had anticipated. She hadn't showered, done her hair or gotten dressed. She looked like a complete mess, but she had to stop the fight between her husband and nephew before the turkey ended up as decoration on the walls. Pulling herself out of the bed, she could see Jamie standing in the doorframe of his room. By the way his curls were standing every which way and the rosiness of his cheeks, she knew he had just woken up from a nap. She felt guilty, realizing she forgot to put him down for one, or at least give him the option of falling asleep since she was playing the loud, colourful Disney music to keep him busy, not to mention, _awake._

"Did Uncle Tony put you down for a nap?" Bethany asked as she moved over to his door and scooped him up into her arms. She pushed some of his curls out of his face, kissing his cheek softly. "That was nice of him. Huh? Wasn't that nice?"  
Jamie's dimpled hand moved to rub his tired eyes, his head resting against her shoulder, clearly still tired. Bethany used her free hand to rub his back soothingly, walking down the stairs slowly, not wanting to alarm the men. She wanted to understand what they were fighting about before she made an appearance. She stood, semi-covered by the shadows, listening in.

"Tony, I'm trying! Okay? I can't do everything! I can't stand back while something like this is happening, you know I can't! And so does Beth!"

"But for how long? How long will this go on, Rogers?" Tony demanded. "When Jamie is five? Ten? Fifteen? How much longer will you expect you will have this 'duty'? It's not going to end Steve, it's _never_ going to end! There will always be-"

"Okay, that's enough," Bethany interrupted, loudly. Both men turned to her, both looking extremely embarrassed. "Tony, I appreciate you putting Jamie down for a nap and watching over him, but that does not give you the right to yell at Steve about matters that aren't your business."

"Beth, you're my family-" Tony attempted.

"And you want me to be happy," Bethany finished. "I know. But I'm happy right now. Not at this exact moment, but Steve and I are living our lives happily. It's not perfect and definitely not your place to intervene. He and I will decide what is right for Jamie."

"So that's it? Your taking his side? Again?"

"No, I do agree with you," Bethany added, surprising both men.

"Wait, what?" Tony stuttered.

Bethany sighed, walking down the steps and putting Jamie down. The baby waddled over to where his toy truck was set up, keeping himself busy as the adults fought. "I don't want Steve to do this forever. I don't want Jamie to grow up having the same relationship you had with Howard. But I have faith that Steve won't put us through that for that long."

Tony was silenced by her words, leaving Bethany to look over to Steve. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, we all are," Steve confirmed. "They were all tired though, so I told them to sleep."

"I guess that's understandable," Bethany mumbled, feeling a little bitter but knowing full well that she shouldn't complain. Tony's phone rang, grabbing his attention.

"Pep?" He greeted when he answered. "Okay. Yeah, I think I'm done here anyway. Okay, bye."

"She forgave you?" Bethany asked, not entirely as enthusiastic as she should. She was too tired and annoyed to even feign excitement.

"Kinda," Tony replied, shoving his hands into his pockets and letting out a deep sigh. "Well, if we're done here, I'll leave."

"Yeah, sure," Bethany muttered, rolling her eyes. "Have a good night kid."

Steve and Bethany were quiet until they heard the front door close and Tony's car pull away. "I thought you'd be the bigger man," Bethany finally said.

"Wait, you're mad at me?" Steve asked, confused. "Beth, I _tried_ to avoid the fight, but he was having none of it! You know how stubborn he is!"

"Yes, and I know how stubborn you are too," Bethany stated firmly. "I hate it when you and Tony fight. Every little disagreement, it's like World War Three! And every time, I'm in the middle! Even when it's over stupid, petty little things! And you both expect me to side with you! And God forbid I have my own opinions on the situation-"  
"Beth, you knew that I was right. I couldn't just sit back and let what happened in Amsterdam happen without stepping in. It was HYDRA, and I have a huge part in the reason why they are openly terrorizing the streets."

"But you do realize that you are not always right, right? And by default, Tony is not always wrong. He makes very good points. And yes, it's wrong for him to judge you just because of what his dad did. But maybe you should actually listen to him and realize that he's trying to keep our family together because we're the only family that he has."

"Are you saying I don't care if our family stays together?" Steve asked.

Bethany exhaled deeply, shaking her head. "No. That's not what I'm saying at all. Steve, I just don't want any more part of your and Tony's bickering. Next time, I'm grabbing Jamie, getting back in the car and not coming back until you two reach a happy middle. Got it?"

"Yes ma'am," Steve replied cautiously.

"Okay," Bethany nodded before looking to the table. "I-I don't know what to do with this. It seems idiotic to sit at the table set for fifteen when there's only three of us."

"We can eat in our room, if you want," Steve suggested lightly. "Watch a Christmas movie?" When Bethany didn't reply, Steve moved forward, putting his hands on her shoulders. "Love, I know how much today meant to you. I'm sorry that you put all this work in for nothing, but please know that I wish it was different. I wish that you got everything you wanted from today and life."

"I know," she replied softly. "I can't complain about what didn't happen today. Every time I wanted to, I remembered that you weren't here because you were helping others who had a lot less than me. That today was a day to be thankful and just because I didn't get _exactly_ what I wanted doesn't mean that I have no reason to be thankful. I'm so thankful. For our health, our son, our house. Dinner in bed, the three of us? That sounds perfect."

Steve smiled at her, giving her a light peck on the lips before looking into her green eyes. She was telling him the truth and she knew that it was evident in her eyes. Steve needed to know for sure that she was happy with their life, and in fact, she was. Lost in each other's eyes, they were both home. Everything was falling into place, everything in their world right once again. And while the journey wasn't perfect, it brought them to that very moment of peace, fading into each other.

* * *

 ****A/N: Anddddd THE END.**

 **lenabui98: Yes, he's absolutely adorable! I try to capture exactly how I see him in the story, but I honestly think I'm not doing him justice, that's how adorable he is to me :)**

 **Jo: Haha, he made it to their bed already ;) Getting him to stay in the bed will most definitely be an issue in the future. Check it out in chapter 1!**

 **Adela: Well, Civil War is here! Yay!**

 **anonymouscsifan: Haha, I'm sure Jamie would think Steve was attacking Bethany LOL. The deleted scenes really show that Steve had intentions on putting down the shield, so at least Bethany can be happy about that. Obviously, she'll be angry with what'll follow (aka Bucky and all that shit), but it helped change how the beginning would start.**

 **chockomon: I'm thinking she'd enjoy that if it was made out of silicone or latex :P She might be weirded out by having someone else but Steve in her bed.**

 **Crafty: Don't worry! I'll be showing the entire story from multiple angles. To one will really be shown as a villain. Especially when it's Bethany's POV, she'll understand why everyone is doing what they are doing, but that doesn't mean that she'll be happy about certain decisions they make :P**


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